My Personal Story with Depression –
By Angela Arlington
ANGELA ARLINGTON
W
hen I was a child I cried over many things that were out of my control – wars, my neighbors getting a divorce, kids starving in Asia, and other events that still occur every day. I felt like I had no control over anything in my life and when I entered junior high school things became much worse. It started off slowly with me making poor choices in friends and isolating myself at home during the summers. Then it was like a switch went off in me that I couldn’t turn off. I started to do and say things that weren’t like me at all. I wondered why I just said what I said out loud and questioned why I was being so impulsive and attentiondriven. I thought I was crazy and I didn’t want my family to lock me up in an institution, so I hid my behaviors at home as best as I could. At school, I cried all the time, but none of the teachers thought to call my parents. That is, until I threatened to kill myself over an older boy that I liked. He told the school and my parents contacted the first shrink in a long line of shrinks that began my journey of understanding what was really wrong with me. Now, it sounds cut and dry, but it was a bumpy ride over the years as I struggled with my depression. It wasn’t until I was a senior in high school that the doctor I was seeing started me on antidepressants. Over the years, I tried a lot of them before finding one that worked for a while, and after having my son I was finally matched up with one that really worked, with none of the side effects the others had. When I think of depression, I picture a well in an isolated field. I’m inside of it and trying to climb up to escape.
But the stones are slippery and I fall a little at times until I finally feel my hands grasp upon the edge of the top. Pulling myself out of the well has freed me from feeling crazy, but my time in the well was endless. Many times I would feel so close to reaching the top, only to slide halfway down again and again, until I was finally strong enough to stay out of the well. That’s how I measure life now – am I on the edge of the well about to fall back in? Am I next to the well looking down to where I spent so many years of my life? Or am I am playing in the field barely aware that the well exists? I will add that finding a therapist – social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, family counselor, behavior therapist – can be difficult. If you do not “click” with the first person you meet, try again until you do. Signs of a good therapist are that they listen, they ask questions, they try to get you to figure out solutions, they treat you with kindness, they offer ideas to try. A bad therapist, on the other hand, may tell you what you should or should not do, may degrade you in some way, push only meds, cross professional boundaries, won’t respond to emergency calls after hours, make you feel like you are wasting time, or argue with you about your feelings. People feel what they feel and a good therapist stays neutral. Some therapists are great at offering strategies, coping skills, play therapy, cognitive therapy, and even group therapy. If a person seeking help is ever uncomfortable with a therapist, they need to speak up. Communication, verbal and nonverbal is a two-way street. I saw a few male counselors first and then
switched to females. When I started getting help, there were very few females in the field. Now it is closer to bridging the gender gap. Therapy is hard work – it takes commitment and time. One appointment is not going to make the world all better. There are so many types of therapies, coping skills, and medications out there – it can be hard to figure out the best way to have good mental health. People need to know that treating mental illness is not one-size-fits-all. There is no right or wrong way, as long as you attempt to figure out what works best for you. I have to take meds due to my brain not making enough serotonin. I am in recovery because I have positive coping skills, talk to people when I feel stressed out, get sleep, and exercise. Exercise is a big one as it raises endorphin levels in the brain to elevate mood. I am very open about my health conditions, but some people have issues talking about mental health. That is okay! People do not need to know everything about you – share what you feel comfortable with. If you would like to be a part of this Pioneer Parent section or to nominate someone else to be in an upcoming issue of Special Needs Living, Email us at SpecialNeedsLivingIndy@n2pub.com.
May 2021 • Special Needs Living
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