ISSUE 3 AUGUST 2011
24 Hour Telephone Banking 334-588-2212
Online Banking www.fnbhartford.com
First National Bank Of Hartford I can help you save money now. People who switched to Allstate saved money and got more protection. Dollar for dollar, nobody protects you like Allstate. So don’t wait! Call me today.
MARK S GOODSON (334) 347 3333 804 BOLLW EEVIL CIR ENTERPRISE a049146@allstate.com
Coverage and savings based on policy features selected and are subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, IL. © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
“Serving this fine community since 1905”
334-588-2211 101 South Third Street Hartford, Al
PAGE 2
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
"If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?" THE OUTDOORS HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD
Appreciate your life Appreciate all that you have, no matter how small. For there will always be someone who dreams of what you have. Coupon Heaven While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's OK, it's in coupon heaven now."
THE INDOORS HAS NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD
“Coupon heaven?" the checker said. "Yes," the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker.
CUSTOM DECKS, SUNROOMS POOL ENCLOSURES, AWNINGS, CARPORTS, PATIO COVERS, SUNROOMS & SEAMLESS GUTTERS
WRITTEN LIFETIME WARRANTY ON ALL ALUMINUM PRODUCTS! FREE ESTIMATES LICENSED/BONDED/INSURED
#1
IN CUSTOMER SERVICE
DECKS UNLIMITED 334-701-9500 Making Dreams Come True In The Wiregrass For Over 10 Years! rlavender320@charter.net
"The main problem with mental notes is the ink fades so fast."
TIME TO P R A Y
Drive-Thru Confessional The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock'n'roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony." "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth." "All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "but I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!" "Yes," replied the elderly priest, "and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof.
Optometrist's Sign "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." ~ Mark Twain Laughs and Lifts suggest getting your health books from Health Concepts.. See their ad on page 11
PAGE 4
LAUGHS & LIFTS
School Essentials‌ At A + prices! Low prices. Everyday. On everything
AUGUST 2011
A Thought For Parents! We as parents should pay close attention to how we raise our children, as they are a reflection of ourselves!
"Clumsy Ad Copy" - For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. - Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. - Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. - Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. - Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
"Husband Chair Feedback"
Walmart
Save money, Live Better.
Cabinets Designed For Living Imagine our beautiful and functional custom designed cabinets in your home. You’ll love the style and affordability.
A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two "husband chairs" in a ladies' clothing store. After 30 minutes and five outfits, the fellow's wife came out of the change room again. He looked at her and immediately said: "That looks good on you. Get that one." "Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when we came in."
AT THE ALTAR "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife. "Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,' and then things really began to happen fast."
Watch Your Step
FREE In Home Estimates Southern Installations Cabinet Shop Dan Barefield Cell 334-726-3459 Office 334-774-9579
A man had strapped his 18 month old son into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently he misstepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). He was bruised and bleeding and had torn his jeans ... but his main concern was, naturally, for his child. His fears were alleviated, though, when from behind, he heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!" Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.
I am Third (Author Unknown) There was a boy who was very popular among others his age. He was an excellent leader in his school groups. One of his friends visited him and saw a homemade plaque in his room with the words, "I Am Third" on it. His friend asked him what it meant and he replied, "It is the motto I try to use in my life. It means "God is first, others are second, and I am Third.'" The driving force in our lives should be trying to please God. Secondly, we should take into consideration the needs and pleasures of others. With our own pleasures subordinated, we will truly be the humble servants of God.
Marriage Alphabet After being married for fifty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He studied her and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K. "She asked, "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,Gorgeous, Hot." She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!" His eye is still swollen, but it will get better.
"If you're ever attacked by a circus, go for the juggler." "The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office." ~Will Rogers
PAGE 6
LAUGHS & LIFTS
DALEVILLE
GARDEN CENTER 693 Hwy. 134 E. Daleville, Al.
I’m Warning You!
709-4079 Plants & Flowers Gardening Tools & Products Fish Bait & Tackle
Mon-Wed Thur-Fri 10-6 Saturday 9 -5
"There are no new sins; the old ones are just getting more publicity"
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
Gitty Up-N-Go #2 11641 US HWY. 84 River Falls, AL 334-222-9669
#3 507 Stanley Ave. Andalusia, AL 334-222-4076
#4 1078 Third St. Florala, AL 334-858-5095
#5 500 West Bypass Andalusia, AL 334-222-6473
#6 43641 AL Hwy 55 McKenzie, AL 334-743-1022
#7 23639 AL Hwy 55 Andalusia, AL 334-222-1848
“Find The Pencils”
We have hidden FIVE Pencils like the ones picture here in ads throughout this edition of Laughs& Laughs&Lifts. For a chance to Win Up To $100 in Prizes Find all 5 Pencils & FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS. Submit the name of the 5 business’ where you found the 5 Pencils , along with Your Name, Phone # and Address, to: Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al. 36361 Or email same to LaughsandLifts@live.com with the subject line “Find The Pencils Contest”. NO PHONE CALLS Drawing on August 20th The winner will be notified by phone or email.
AUGUST 2011
A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. “You grew up in a different world,” the student said. “Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy, computers…” Taking advantage of a pause in the student’s litany, the geezer said, “You’re right. We didn’t have those things when we were young; so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??” Curious Chimp Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with an open book in either hand, looking first at one and then at the other. Upon closer examination, he identifies the books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Curious, he asks the chimp, "What's with the books?" The chimp replies, "I'm trying to decide whether I'm my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Music In My Hat While walking to the ninth hole, one psychiatrist said to his colleague, would you believe that yesterday I had a patient who claimed he heard music every time he put on his hat?” “Really? What did you do?” The psychiatrist answered, “I took it away and removed the band.”
One fine evening in Aberdeen‌ Red Adair walked into an Aberdonian pub after two weeks spent putting out a fire in a North Sea oil well. He ordered a pint of heavy and found a table. The man sitting next to him immediately noticed that this rugged-looking elderly fellow was indeed an American and said: "I've been to the States myself, you know. I went there last year." "Oh really..." our oil rig hero said in a rather tired voice. "Aye, I spent a month in California. One night I went to a concert with a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and..." "Surely you must mean KENNY Rogers," Red said, looking at the ceiling. "Aye, that's right. Anyway, he sang a duet with a bonnie lass called Polly Darton." "It's DOLLY PARTON, not Polly Darton." Red was not in the friendliest of moods now. The Scot realized that he was making a fool of himself and tried a change of topic: "Haven't I seen you on TV? You're quite famous, aren't you?" This made old Red cheer up: "Indeed you have. I'm Red Adair!" he said with a grin. "Red Adair?! The REAL Red Adair? So, are you still married to Ginger Rogers?"
Walk-Thru Indoor Exhibit Live, Learn, and Love A Farm Animal
3 miles from downtown Enterprise 231 County Road 540 Call For An Appointment & Directions
www.twobytwofarms.com
90 Days Interest Free
www.RoadmartTire.com
Tires ~ Batteries ~ Brakes ~ Wheels ~ Exhaust Tune-ups Alignments ~ Heating & AC Oil, Lube, & Filters ~ Belts & Hoses
Commercial Location
482 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.
5200 Boll Weevil Cir. 270 Ross Clark Cir Dothan, Al. Enterprise, Al.
1323 Hinton Water Midland City, Al.
2606 Ross Clark Cir. 177 Highway 231 N. Troy, Al. Dothan, Al.
4718 Highway 90 E. Marianna, Fl.
334-774-9345 334-393-0503 334-794-8521 334-983-4511 334-792-1195 334-526-3413 850-526-1950
PAGE 8
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
"Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. " "Living History Museum" Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely coincidental and not intended to bring harm or insult to anyone. Information, stories, helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher. Parrish Publishing
P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 334-379-7603
laughsandlifts@live.com
Marv took his family to visit a living history museum, which included seeing houses and stores that were more than one hundred years old. After they entered an old oneroom schoolhouse Marv pointed to a desk that had an empty hole for an ink bottle. "What do you think this hole was for?" he asked his kids. His twelve-year-old son Martin replied, "It's a Coke can holder."
FAMILY MEDICAL CLINIC An Affiliate of Dale Medical Center 1519 Andrews Ave. Ozark, Alabama
OFFICE HOURS Mon. - Fri. 7:30 am - 6 pm Saturday - 8 am -5 pm Sunday 1 - 5 pm ACCEPTING AND WELCOMING NEW PATIENTS YOUR HEALTHCARE NEEDS PROVIDED BY
Rifat Parwaiz, M.D.
Rain Rain Rain A newcomer to Portland (or Seattle) arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next day and it's raining. It also rains the day after that, and the day after that. She goes out to lunch and sees a young kid and, out of despair, asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?" The kid says, "How should I know? I'm only 6."
The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.
"Sons-in-Law and Daughters-In-Law" Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?" "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night." "That's sounds lovely," said the woman. "What about your son?" "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!"
"Morning People" I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake. "Hi!" exclaimed my peppy mother-in-law. She proceeded to rattle on about the busy day she had ahead and all the things that awaited her the rest of the week. "Mom," I interrupted. "It's five in the morning." "Really? What are you doing up so early?"
"It is the daily grind that gives a person polish."
Coffeehouse ~ Arts Center
EXPERIENCED ADVERTISING SALESPERSON NEEDED IMMEDIATELY! Laughs&Lifts is a Family Magazine with Christian Based Content, Clean Jokes, Recipes, Cartoons and Puzzles. Everyone Loves Laughs&Lifts! If this sounds like the job you have been looking for, send your up-to-date resume to LaughsandLifts @live.com
Finally‌ a hearing solution that transforms the way you live your life. Agil is like no other hearing device. It's designed to improve your ability to hear and understand with reduced cognitive effort, even in difficult listening situations. There's no need to avoid crowded restaurants, conference rooms or sporting events. No need to turn up the volume on the TV. With Agil, good hearing comes with less effort.
Professional Hearing Aid Center 913 River Falls Street Andalusia, Al. 334-222-7273
Come in for a FREE hearing test FREE Demonstration FREE Hearing Evaluation
PAGE 10
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
The Hartford Retirement Village "Independent Living In A Caring Enviroment"
Gardening Tips From Sharon Licensed by Alabama Dept. Of Public Health
Services & Features ~Daily Chapel ~3 Delicious Home-cooked meals per day with snacks ~24 hour well trained staff ~In house beauty & barber shops ~Daily activities & social events
A non-profit Organization Owned by the community
334-588-2306
12196 E. Hwy. 52 Hartford, Alabama
DO YOU HAVE A DISABILITY? ARE YOU DISABLED? Have you considered applying for Your Social Security? Are you confused about the process or have you already
Been Denied YOUR Benefits? WE CAN HELP! Faithworkz’ Disability Consultant Representing Clients in Disability Claims FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS!! 406 Ben St, Suite 100 (Near the Ft. Rucker Gate) Ozark, Alabama 36360 Call Or E-Mail Us For A
334-443-3000 FaithWorkzDisabilityConsultant@gmail.com
Ah summer, beautiful summer. I just got back from a visit with family in Indiana and although a neighbor faithfully water my plants and garden you could tell it needs some TLC because of my absence. I pulled weeds and pulled out the dead plants. I combined some survivors from other pots and filled in my spaces and it sure does look better. In just a week my tomato plant took over the peppers and Marigolds while the cucumbers latched onto the tomato stem. But all in all things are going well and I expect a good crop of vegetables soon. Now is the time to look at your gardens and evaluate your success, think about your success and what worked for you. Make a note of the not so success and revise your strategy. Don’t make a mental note ====go get a notebook and jot down your thoughts because by spring your mental note will be stuffed in the back corner of your mind. Get up early one morning and purge your garden of the weeds, dead leaves and blooms. Pull out the casualties and plan what to put there to fill that spot for fall. As you sit in the cool indoor air sipping a cold one contemplating your next planting, don’t forget the animals. Be sure your outdoors pets have plenty of fresh cool water to drink. Fix up a spot for your feathered friends too. Be sure it is not too deep or put a rock in the center of the water bowl so they have a place to stand. In fact, why not plan to have more of the wild things in your back yard next year. If you plan well you can attract songbirds and even butterflies to your back yard. They are a joy to hear and a joy to watch. Happy Planning, Sharon
BOB HOPE ON TURNING 70 'You still chase women, but only downhill.' ON TURNING 80 'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.' ON TURNING 90 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.' ON TURNING 100 'I don't feel old. In fact , I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.' ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.' ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR 'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'. ON GOLF 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.' ON PRESIDENTS 'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.' ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham. ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.' ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.' ON HIS SIX BROTHERS 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.' ON HIS EARLY FAILURES 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.' ON GOING TO HEAVEN 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
Learn The Natural Way To Health Kangen Alkaline Water Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Gluten Free Products Nature’s Sunshine Products Smoothie Bar FRESH Organic Produce Health & Diet Books
1901 Wise Drive off Ross Clark Circle, Dothan, Al. Always Open Online At
GATEWAY REALTY OF OZARK, INC. See This & All Our Listings Online At SellingOzark.com
$141,000
LOCATION • LOCATION This Home Is Maintenance Free And Ready For Its New Owner. Walking Distance To The The Sam Dale Lake. Parks, Schools, And Convenient Shopping Is Near-by. Satellite dish installed.
334-774-4961 ~ 800-334-7403 RESIDENTIAL ~ COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND ~ MULTI-FAMILY
OZARK
Tire & Service
NEW & USED TIRES, OIL CHANGE, BRAKES, TUNE-UP, ROAD SIDE SERVICE
774-1416 453 SOUTH UNION AVE. OZARK, ALABAMA
PAGE 12
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
MILLS PRODUCE Highway 52 West ~ Malvern, AL 36349
Owners MICHAEL & DAISY MILLS
as motive, LLC DBA County Line Auto
E G A V L A S L A T E M E IN L Y T N C OU RS CA WE BUY SCRAP METAL & JUNK ES WE PAY TOP PRICrt s Pa We Sell Auto 5825 W. CR 36
Ozark, Al.
334-445-9614
For Directions See Map On Back
John D. Rook, MS, LPC, NCC CEO and Primary Therapist 334-774-5300 Clinic 334-774-5305 Fax 334-432-3241 Cell 334-774-5219 Home www.counselingplus.net
258 S. Painter Ave. Ozark, Al. 36360
Call For Your Appointment Today!
Eat Less…Weigh Less…Fe
Passenger ~ Ligh t Truck ~ Mediu m Truck Forestry ~ Farm ~ OTR
24 HOUR ROAD SERVICE 62 Creel Richar dson Dr. P.O. Box 391 Ariton, Al 3631 1
ASHLEY PELHAM S. Linc: 1*2*113 72 Cell: 334-697-03 02 Office: 334-7622715
el Great!
Y SYMMET R TM ic g a M t ie D ell SymmetryDirect.com/rosn 232 7-4 -23 334 ell Mickey Sn Carol Snell 334-701-3124
CP’S Auto Recycling Curtis Peters 850-658-2589 Darrin Spivey 334-790-7718
THEN AND NOW THINGS Tory Wenger 334-774-8436
THE PLUNDER PALACE
Richard Logan Mathews
Buy, Sell & Trade ~ New & Used Furniture & Misc.
334-774-3525
SUEDE-LEATHER-FURS 618 S. UNION AVE.
OZARK, AL. 36360
9 AM - 5 PM Mon ~ Sat 774-8012
DALEVILLE GARDEN CENTE R
getables & Fresh Eg
Ozark, Alabama
CLICKIN AWAY PHOTOGRA PHY
693 Highway 134 East Daleville, Al. 3632 2 Sharon Canaday
709-4079 Plants & Garden Supplies Fresh Ve
76 North Hwy 123
KATRINA FAULK
gs Fish Bait & Tack le
PAGE 14
LAUGHS & LIFTS
Aunt T’s Kitchen Summer Spaghetti Salad
Crowd Pleasing Salads · · · · · · · · ·
Ingredients · · · · · · · · · · · · ·
1 package (16 ounces) thin spaghetti, halved 3 medium tomatoes, diced 3 small zucchini, diced 1 large cucumber, halved, seeded and diced 1 medium green pepper, diced 1 medium sweet red pepper, diced 1 bottle (8 ounces) Italian salad dressing 2 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese 1-1/2 teaspoons sesame seeds 1-1/2 teaspoons poppy seeds 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon celery seed 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
Directions ·
·
Cook spaghetti according to package directions; drain and rinse in cold water. Place in a large bowl; add tomatoes, zucchini, cucumber and peppers. Combine remaining ingredients; pour over salad and toss to coat. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Yield: 16 servings.
Chili Corn Bread Salad Ingredients · 1 package (8-1/2 ounces) corn bread/muffin mix · 1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies, undrained · 1 cup chopped green peppers
AUGUST 2011
· · ·
1 cup chopped green onions 1/8 teaspoon ground cumin 1/8 teaspoon dried oregano Pinch rubbed sage 1 cup mayonnaise 1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream 1 envelope ranch salad dressing mix 2 cans (15 ounces each) pinto beans, rinsed and drained 2 cans (15-1/4 ounces each) whole kernel corn, drained 3 medium tomatoes, chopped 1 cup chopped green onions 10 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
Directions Prepare corn bread batter according to package directions. Stir in chilies, cumin, oregano and sage. Spread in a greased 8-in. square baking pan. Bake at 400° for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool. In a small bowl, combine mayonnaise, sour cream and dressing mix; set aside. Crumble half of the corn bread into a 13-in. x 9-in. dish. Layer with half of the beans, mayonnaise mixture, corn, tomatoes, green pepper, onions, bacon and cheese. Repeat layers (dish will be very full). Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours. Yield: 12 servings. ·
Cashew Pea Salad Ingredients · · · · · · · · · · · · ·
3/4 cup vegetable oil 1/4 cup cider or red wine vinegar 1 garlic clove, minced 2 to 3 teaspoons Dijon mustard 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice 1/4 teaspoon pepper 1/4 teaspoon sugar 2 (10 ounce packages) frozen peas, thawed 4 celery ribs, thinly sliced 1 cup sour cream 8 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
For Reunions, Picnics, BBQ’s & Church Suppers · ·
1 1/2 cup chopped cashews Lettuce leaves and tomato wedges, optional ( Garnish)
· · · · · · · ·
Directions ·
Aunt T’s Kitchen
For dressing, combine the first nine ingredients in a small bowl; mix well. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour. In a large bowl, combine peas, celery and onions. Combine sour cream and 4 tablespoons dressing (refrigerate remaining dressing); mix well. Fold into the pea mixture. Just before serving, stir in bacon and cashews. Yield: 12 -16 servings. Note: Remaining dressing may be served on a tossed salad.
· · · · ·
Festive Potato Salad Ingredients ·
·
·
4 hard-cooked eggs, chopped 1/2 cup chopped peeled cucumber 1/4 cup chopped sweet red pepper 1/4 cup chopped green pepper 1-1/4 cups mayonnaise 1/4 cup sour cream 1/4 cup plain yogurt 1 tablespoon each minced fresh basil, marjoram and dill or 1 teaspoon each dried basil, marjoram and dill weed 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon pepper 4 plum tomatoes, coarsely chopped 1 cup frozen peas, thawed 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
Directions
8 medium red potatoes, cooked and cubed 2 celery ribs with leaves, thinly sliced 2 green onions with tops, chopped
·
In a large bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. In another bowl, combine the mayonnaise, sour cream, yogurt and seasonings. Pour over potato mixture; toss to coat. Gently stir in tomatoes, peas and cheese. Cover and refrigerate until serving. Yield: 14 servings.
Holy Cow Bakery & Coffee Shop Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Hospital Beds Wheelchairs Diabetic Supplies Diabetic Shoes
Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ Ÿ
Home Oxygen Overnight Oximetry CPAP & BiPAP Nebulizers
Toll Free 1-888-968-2727 Local 334-886-9111 .
Locally Owned & Operated
PAGE 16
LAUGHS & LIFTS
CovingtonCasket.com 143 N. Cotton • Andalusia, Alabama• 800-726-5570 Contact our Family Funeral Director for more information.
Madi’s Place
Children’s Apparel & Gifts
new at Madi’s
Mon - Fri 10 - 6 & Sat 10 - 3 110-A Hillcrest Dr. Andalusia, Al.
JT’S CLOSET
Pre-Loved Maternity & Childrens Clothing
222-4037
PIZZA & SUBS ALL YOU CAN EAT!
PIZZA & SALAD LUNCH BUFFET $6.99
THURSDAY NIGHT AYCE $6.99 Spaghetti & Garlic Bread +1 Trip to Salad Bar, Tea Included
AUGUST 2011 Great Is Thy Faithfulness (Author Unknown)
"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23 NASB Thomas Chisholm faced no crises. There were no emergencies or serious illnesses in his family. He had been a successful pastor, salesman, and writer, with little drama in his life. Yet Chisholm didn't take his blessings for granted. When he looked back, he realized just how much God had blessed him. Reflecting on the verses from Lamentations, he recognized that the Lord had been faithful. In 1923, when he was 55, Chisholm wrote a hymn called "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." Through his words, he shared the truths he had experienced about God. Chisholm knew that God never changes, and He's the same in every season and every kind of weather. Along with all of creation, Chisholm had been a witness to God's great faithfulness. He had seen how God was faithful to forgive the sins of even the most vile of sinners. He recognized that the Lord could fill troubled hearts with peace. In every situation, He was by our side, ready to encourage and direct our steps. He was able to meet every need - physical or financial, emotional or spiritual. What is your story? As you look back at your life, can you remember times when it seemed like you were all alone? When you came to a crossroads and didn't know what to do? When you didn't know where to turn? When the future looked bleak and uncertain? When someone you knew faced a crisis? What happened in those situations? Could you recognize the hand of God? Could you realize He was with you, even when you felt all alone? Today, think about the faithfulness of God. Start thanking Him. Praise Him that His mercies are "new every morning." And remember that just as He has been faithful in the past, He will be faithful today and in the days to come. Great is His faithfulness! Meditate on the words to "Great is Thy Faithfulness":
BEST HOT WINGS & MON - THURS 11 AM - 9 PM FRI - SAT 11 AM - 10 PM OVEN BAKED SUBS is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father, 222-7891 / 222-5350 "Great There is no shadow of turning with Thee; IN ANDALUSIA LOCATED IN COVINGTON MALL
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
“We believe that business goes where it’s invited, and stays where it’s well treated.”
BUY HERE- PAY HERE
LOW DOWN PAYMENTS NO CREDIT CHECKS
5579 Andrews Avenue Ozark, Al 36360
"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!" Morning by morning new mercies I see; All I have needed Thy hand hath provided "Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!
334-375-7900 334-375-7923 Fax
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest, Sun, moon and stars in their courses above, Join with all nature in manifold witness To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Buster Beeler
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth, Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide; Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Junction City Auto, Inc. Junctioncityauto@aol.com Member of OIBA Ed Adcock
Kel Slagle
ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL? This quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS. There is no need to cheat. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? * The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? * Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the door. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? * Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional. 4. There is a river that is known to have many crocodiles in it. How do you cross it? * Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability. So... If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you. If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you. If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money.
Really Good Food
Lunch Served Sun-Fri 11-2 Eat In, Take Out, Or Local Delivery
621-0345
209 N. Merrick Ave. Ozark, Alabama
Logan's Cleaners Alterations
774-8012
Fresh Grocery Values Every Day of the Week
P O H S
C&M Discount Grocery & Deli
“You’ll Get More For Your Money” Come Check Our Meat Dept. Specials Wilmer Crews 334-684-3473 334-684-9174
301 Maple Avenue Geneva, Alabama
Second Time Around Get the look for less
New & Consignment
$3 ~ $5 & $10 Racks 124 N. Court Square Ozark, Alabama 334-774-7900
PAGE 18
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
Don’t Panic!
123 South Court Square
Ozark, Alabama
334-774-8436 OLD THINGS, NEW THINGS & EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.
Ÿ Fenton Glass
Ÿ Collectibles
Ÿ Carnival Glass
Ÿ Furniture
Ÿ Depression Glass
Ÿ Toys
Ÿ Cast Iron
Ÿ Books
MONDAY - THURSDAY 10 AM - 6 PM SATURDAY 10 AM - 2 PM CLOSED ON FRIDAY AND SUNDAY ALL CREDIT CARDS WELCOME
QUALITY PLUS E FRE T REN • Free Truck Rental • New, Clean, Secure • Climate Control Available • Moving and Packing Supplies
2833 Andrews Avenue Ozark, AL www.qualityplusstorage.com
Many, if not most, of us have probably been in physical need at some time. All of us will remain in a spiritual need as long as we are in these bodies made of flesh. Be encouraged today regardless how dark it may seem down the road of life. This just may be a time in your life where you may have too: “Do more with less.” In times like these will we draw closer to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This may also be a time for some to re-evaluate, make a new assessment concerning a budget. Make a list of your real needs, and make a list of your wants, now prioritized your lists, base your decision on available resources. “Income must always be greater than out-going funds.” Proverbs 23:5 says, "Riches certainly make themselves wings." In fact, nothing in this world provides certainty except for our Lord Jesus Christ. He will certainly be with us. He will certainly hear us (Psalm 66:19). If you're pinched and pressured right now, you're in good company. These are uncertain times. But we have a sure and certain hope. We walk by faith; and faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" (Hebrews 11:1, NIV, 1984). You can certainly trust Him with your hopes, your dreams--your very life. Hebrews 13:5-6 "Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you,' so that we may boldly say, 'The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me.'"
CROSSWORD
COUNSELING PLUS “Your Source of Comprehensive Counseling Care With a Christian Option”
Behavioral Problems Academic Problems Marital Problems Depression Anxiety ADHD
John D. Rook, MS,NCC,LPC,DCC
Call for for an an Appointment Appointment Today! Today! Call AllKids Insurance & Military One-Source Provider
334-774-5300 0r 334-774-5219 258 S. Painter Ave. Downtown Ozark *Medicaid & Tricare require a Doctor’s Referral www.counselingplus.net Across 1. Thanksgiving dish 5. Campus military org. 9. Speed 13. "Don't bet ___!" (2 wd) 14. Calyx part 15. "God's Little ___" 16. Indisposed (3 wd) 19. Idiot 20. The real ___ 21. Denials 22. Homebuilder's strip 23. Sneeze response 27. "Desire Under the ___" 31. Cartoon art 32. Schuss, e.g. 33. Dirty 34. Calif. airport (acronym) 35. Beasts of burden 37. ___ cross 38. "Hamlet" has five 40. ___ constrictor 41. Football's ___ Bowl 43. Eye affliction 44. Wall alcoves where light enters (2 wd) 47. At no time, poetically 49. Bit 50. Solicits money while performing music
52. On fire 55. Mugshots (2 wd) 58. Pepsi, e.g. 59. Representative 60. Bad marks 61. Any group derived from a simple aromatic ring 62. Erupt 63. "___ we forget"
Down 1. "___ rang?" 2. "___ and the King of Siam" 3. Calf-length skirt 4. Chest protector 5. Discuss again 6. Kind of column 7. Spotted, to Tweety 8. Ornamental climbing plants 9. Tennis ___ (pl.) 10. Bounce back, in a way 11. Deuce topper 12. "___ Town Too" (1981 hit) 14. Charger 17. French wine region 18. Appear 22. Go for
23. Balls 24. Legislate 25. A mile a minute 26. English exam finale, often 28. Kind of ticket 29. Cat's cry 30. Disparaging remarks 35. Convent superiors 36. Fly high 39. Voluptuous 41. Fairy tale figure 42. Fleet's commander 45. Roll about in mud 46. "Enchanted April" setting 48. Barely get, with "out" 50. Crude dude 51. Hideous 52. Preferred above others 53. "Good going!" 54. Patrilineal clan 55. ___ Victor (acronym) 56. Former measure of U.S. economy (acronym) 57. Undertake, with "out"
$Money$ Is A Lousy Way Of Keeping Score!
"In a Perfect World" A person would feel as good at 50 as he did at 17 and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17. You could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant. Doing what was good for you would be what you enjoyed doing the most. Pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions of dollars. The mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be written for more than you expected. The better food tasted, the less calories it would have. Warranties would be for 13 months and products would fail at 12.
PAGE 20
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
BBQuing It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion: (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
To Advertise Your Covington County Business Call Teresa 334-488-5929 To Advertise Your Coffee County Business Call Ken Smith 334-494-3164 To Advertise Your Business In Other Counties Call Roger 334-379-7603
"I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling."
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
WE BUY SCRAP METAL !
COUNTY LINE METAL SALVAGE
Competative Prices & Honest Weights FOR ALL TYPES SCRAP METAL, JUNK CARS, ALUMINUM CANS, & APPLIANCES
334-445-9614
CALL FOR DIRECTIONS
"Soul Winning Efforts" A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord, my good man?" Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work, the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans." "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?" With the same amount of interest as his previous answer, the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be lookin' for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." The young, determined preacher tried again, asking the farmer, "Are you lost?" "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer. "Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked. This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?" Thinking he had accomplished something, the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow or the next day." Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much, and she'll wanna go all three days."
S&K AUTOMOTIVE TIRES, ENGINES, TUNE-UPS TRANSMISSIONS, BRAKES, OIL CHANGES Serving Your Friends & Neighbors For 17 Years
774-1677
Friendly, Professional Services At Prices That Make Sense! KEITH ALBRITTON 1276 ROY PARKER RD. OZARK, AL ACROSS FROM PEA RIVER ELECTRIC QUICK, QUALITY DRY CLEANING & LAUNDRY SAME DAY SERVICE SUEDE & LEATHER EXPERTS The wedding dress specialists
LOGAN’S DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY 618 South Union Avenue • Ozark Mon-Fri 6 - 5 • Sat 6 -12
774-8012 Visit loganscleaners on facebook
FAITH "Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."
PAGE 22
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST 2011
WORD SEARCH
!
With a Positive Christian Atmosphere and Long-Time Staff, we proudly prepare your little ones for Kindergarten. We also have great Pre-K3 and Pre-K4 curriculums.
1962 Skipperville Rd.
Ozark, Al.
Loma Dempsey Of Enterprise WINS “Find The Eagles” Contest
Apron
Intelligence
Springs
Arrow
Issues
Starve
Aside
Limits
Steep
Award
Lives
Substituted
Loma has won the following: A FREE Oil Change from Roadmart in Ozark. FREE Admission for 4 Children, When accompanied by 2 Adults to McClelland Zoo Critters in Banks. A Free Lunch From Rodeo’s Mexican Restaurant in Enterprise. 6 cupcakes from CupCakes Y’all In Enterprise and Adult-Adolescent Parenting Skills Evaluation from Counseling Plus In Ozark
Laughs& Laughs &Lifts
Mushrooms
Swing
Bunch
Myths
Tasks
Class
Onion
Tennis
Commas
Paste
Those
Great for Soldiers, Prisoners,
Dashed
Place
Thump
Your Out of Area Friends,
Determination
Project
Towel
Or Yourself.
Disarm
Pushes
Trouser
Dunes
Retire
Utterly
$30.00 per year (12 issues)
Erase
Search
Weren't
$40.00 for 2 years (24 issues)
Fills
Seize
Wishes
Send name, address & check to:
Foods
Sentry
Works
Parrish Publishing
Germs
Sings
Wrote
P.O. Box 681
Glory
Snake
Awfully
Subscription
NOW ONLY
Ozark, Al. 36361
OYSTERS On the Half Shell
$4 DZ
Sutton’s Opens For The Season Restaurant & AUGUST 4TH Oyster Bar Thurs & Fri 4:30 - 8 Sat. 5 - 9 3.5 miles North of Ariton On Hwy 51
I had quessed age 19
762-9837
I didn’t know we could choose
PAGE 24
LAUGHS & LIFTS
AUGUST2011 2011 ISSUE 3 AUGUST
"Serving South Alabama, The Wiregrass & The North Florida Panhandle Since 2003" News 8 times a day! Visit us at www.wkni.net for our web Newspaper. Newspaper Studio 334-635-7111 FAX 334-388-2501 Wed mornings 5:45am and 6:45am WTVY Talk of the Town With Eddie Lewis