March 2016 | The Pine Needle

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The Pine Needle

“Best Seniors Ever”

Crush Faculty

By James Gilmore Freshman Staff Writer

Over the course of four years the seniors and faculty develop strong relationships that can be seen in both the classroom and on the athletic field. But, they can also develop competitiveness between each other displayed in this year’s historic SeniorFaculty Basketball Game.

The seniors were led by sharpshooters Jeb Bemiss and Sam Cain while the faculty were piloted by Varsity basketball coach Hamill Jones ’00 and heatlh teacher Clarke Miller ’06. With both sides obviously nervous from playing on such an enormous stage, the early moments of the first half were sloppy. Even referees Mr. Richard Hudepohl and Ryan Hansen were off their game, swallowing their whistles and making late calls.

The uniforms of the faculty were odd, to say the least. Mr. Matthew Roy wore a handkerchief for a headband, while Head Varsity Football Coach Lance Clelland took off his sports coat and ran around with a dress shirt and khakis on. Mr. Miller opted for some peculiar-looking shoes. “They’re like court shoes, yeah, like tennis, squash, that kind of thing, ” Mr. Miller said.

By halftime, the score was 17-16 in favor of the seniors. Math teacher Richard Franzese took part in the halftime show by shooting a half court shot while blindfolded. The fans were really excited to watch; unfortunately, the shot missed by a mile.

At the start of the second half, the faculty came out firing with Mr. Jones displaying the array of skills one would expect from a former

college player. With their backs against the wall the seniors turned to Bemiss, who left his duty announcing the game and entered the contest. Three Bemiss triples later and Sean Menges hitting a backboard trey, and the seniors had a comfortable lead.

“We played about as well as we could the second half, made a lot of threes,” said senior coach Nick Sherod ’16.

The game came down to the wire as Mr. Jones tied the game at 45 with 25 seconds left on the clock. Ben Vaeth ’16 took the ball down the court and passed the ball to Bemiss. He looked for a chance to shoot, but religious/English teacher Dontae Buck was playing great defense.

Bemiss passed the ball to Benny Bencks with 3 seconds left on the clock.

Bencks was forced to the baseline and was almost behind the backboard as the clock expired. His shot went up, the crowd went silent for what felt like an eternity, and then chaos ensued.

Throwing the ball over the backboard, he won the game with an amazing floater.

“If that’s the way that they’re going to beat us, I’ll take it, man. Benny’s a great dude, and that was a heck of a shot,” said English Teacher Sherman Horner ’86.

“Probably pretty lucky, it was nice of Jeb to pass it to me, threw it over the backboard and swished it, pretty dope,” said Bencks Mr. Jones said “Both teams just played really hard.” The fans were delighted with how the game played out and it could not have been any better.

Fabian Hillman ’17 captured the whole game with a single word: “exhilarating.”

“He Was With Us All Along” O’Ferrall Named Athletic Director

Photo by Edward Millman ’16

By Boyd Peete Senior Staff Writer

Despite an inauspicious start in 1992 as a volunteer JV baseball coach, Mr. Ren O’Ferrall has been appointed to one of the top administrative jobs in the school, athletic director, what he describes as his “dream job.”

He looks forward to continuing to watch students go through the athletic process.

“It’s not about wins and losses, rather our development as people.” He also believes in empowering coaches.

“From varsity football to seventh grade baseball, all coaches have the ability to make an impact.”

Mr. O’Ferrall, who graduated from St. Christopher’s in 1985, officially began working here as a Lower School PE teacher in 1994 after two years of volunteering. He

moved to the Athletic Office in 2006, where he served as assistant athletic director under former directors Paul Padalino and John Gordon.

Although his predecessors set a good example, Mr. O’Ferrall believes he has learned from his St. Christopher’s career as a whole.

“I’ve taken a little bit from everyone around here for 22 years.”

Mr. O’Ferrall’s peers agree that his diverse job experience has prepared him well. Robin Eldridge, athletic trainer, believes that his different jobs and roles will serve him well in his new role. He has been serving as interim director since John Gordon left at the end of last year.

Mr. Gordon agrees that Mr. O’Ferrall’s experience at St. Christopher’s makes him a tremendous hire,

The dogpile in celebration of the seniors’ victory.

saying that his “connection and depth of understanding the history and traditions associated with the school, the neighborhood and the Virginia Prep League are invaluable and difficult to duplicate.”

He plans to continue coaching golf for the foreseeable future, following last year’s state championship.

He relies on Athletics Coordinator Chuck Robinson to handle the “nuts and bolts” of the job, such as scheduling games and facilities.

Mr. O’Ferrall’s top goal as athletic director is a change in culture. He plans to emphasize inclusivity in the STC athletics program.

“Whether you’re All-State or a role player, you’re all an important part.”

The Pine Needle Editor-in-Chief Alyx McKinnon

Senior Editors

Junior Editor

John Szymendera Max Dodge

Gunther Abbot

Senior Staff Writers

Junior Staff Writers

Jack Holdaway Collin Mistr Nick Sherod Boyd Peete

Ricky Stockel Durk Steed Neil Dwivedi

Sophomore Staff Writers

Freshman Staff Writers

Henry Rodriguez William Rodriguez Will Bird

Parker Krey James Gilmore

Contributors

Photos by Cappy Gilchrist

March 2016

Colin Smith Baylor Fuller Coleman Cox Jack Franko

Staff Photographer Edward Millman

Faculty Advisor

Mrs. Kathleen Thomas

The Pine Needle

March 2016

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Eng-Nugent Pulls the “In China Adopting a Sister” Excuse

By James Gilmore Freshman Staff Writer

Will Eng-Nugent ’19 was willing to go anywhere to get his new sister. That place ended up being China. It was

a long ride for him and his family.

The Eng-Nugents wanted another family member and as the freshman said, “Why not help someone?” On Dec. 6, they received a new child, Lily Grace. They are excited, especially Will, who has been an only child his entire life.

Eng-Nugent was given the opportunity to choose his sister’s name. “I thought Lily just sounded right,” he said.

The adoption process took two years. They got help from their church’s orphan

care fund.

They also used two international agencies, Great Wall China Adoption and the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. The agencies provided a translator and a van driver in China.

At first the Nugent family thought that the process would take 14 months, but a series of delays dragged it out for another 10 months.

Eng-Nugent worried that

Artwork by Baylor Fuller ’19 depicts coach Ross Gitomer and wrestler Joey Prata ’16

Coaches Ready Athletes for College

By Nick Sherod Senior Staff Writer

How ready are you for the next level?

For athletes across the country, it’s a question that they have to face before they reach their respective college campuses.

Many high school coaches are faced with the challenge of preparing their players for college. They draw on their experience as college athletes to help better relate to the select few who want to take it to the next level.

“Knowing the demands of playing college athletics helped me better understand how to relate to kids who want to be serious,” said Head Lacrosse Coach John Burke, who played at Denison University.

According to Head Swim Coach Stuart Ferguson, a swimmer at Auburn University, the mental demand is

the hardest part. An athlete will go from a high school environment where he is clearly the best on the team to the college environment where everyone was the best on their respective high school teams. Recruits compete against each other and the expectation level from the coaches is significantly higher.

“The quality that’s expected is exponentially more,” said Coach Ferguson. “You might do the same workout you did in high school, but what’s expected of you as an athlete and the mental focus you’re expected to bring to each practice– exponentially more.”

So what is the role of the high school coach?

Here at St. Christopher’s, out of a full athletic roster, only a select few have legitimate aspirations of playing a college sport, but many still take the sport seriously while they’re playing in high

school. A typical sports team might consist of a wide range of athletes, from first timers to seasoned veterans.

Because of this disparity, many coaches such as Mr. Burke don’t have one set system that they use from year to year, instead adjusting their approach to the level and ability of the players on the team.

“We will never ask kids to do things they cannot do, but we’ll certainly push kids to do things that they think they might not be able to do,” said Coach Burke.

For Mr. Gitomer, head wrestling coach and former college wrestler at the University of Virginia, his main focus is to make sure his kids learn personal responsibility for their actions. He says that in college you have to learn how to be independent, and without personal responsibility the transition from high school to college is more difficult. “I don’t ever

his trip to China was going to be brutal, but it ended up being better than he expected.

One of the difficulties was understanding the language when the translator wasn’t around. Eng-Nugent does take Chinese, but it was still difficult in the native country.

He was also surprised with the food because it tasted different than American

Chinese style. When they arrived in Beijing, the city was polluted with a lot of smog and a terrible smell. EngNugent said, “I think it was a record day. They might have had to close some schools and tell people to stay home.”

Eng-Nugent had to miss two weeks of school including review week and exams. He made up the exams after returning from China Dec. 25.

Lily was born with a cleft palate which will be fixed by surgery. Despite some difficulty with speech, she is energetic and social. She and her brother are already connected.

Dr. Kristen M. Nugent said it best: “Will wanted to be the first one to hold her.”

want one of my kids to start blaming other people...there’s been something wrong there if that’s their approach.”

A measuring stick for many programs across the country is how successful their individual athletes are at the next level. While there are many successes, how coaches handle the failures of their athletes is something that changes from coach to coach.

Mr. Gitomer got into coaching because he wants to help his kids reach their goals, something he feels he did not do as an athlete.

He wanted to be an AllAmerican and a National Champion, neither of which he accomplished. Due to his desire to help kids reach their potential, he takes full responsibility for kids’ success in college athletics.

“As a coach and teacher you have to take 100 percent responsibility,” said Coach Gitomer. “The easy thing to do is to say is that it’s not my problem once they get into college, but it is. You aren’t just a teacher here, you’re a teacher for life.”

Mr. Ferguson takes responsibility for how much his athletes enjoy college swimming. From his college experience, a lot of athletes use their sport as a way to pay for college, making it more of a job. Mr. Ferguson believes that having fun doing the hard things is what makes the college experience more rewarding.

During one recent practice, one of Mr. Ferguson’s swimmers told him that he could absolutely not swim well in the upcoming meet. In response,

Coach Ferguson stopped practice and had everyone watch the student swim that distance, something he wasn’t expecting. In Ferguson’s opinion, how athletes handle such unexpected challenges can be a big factor in their enjoyment.

“Wherever you go, there’s gonna be hard mental challenges that you can’t prepare for unless you’re in them,” said Ferguson. “I think the way you get through to them is smiling.”

Most coaches agree that college is all about learning and growing. Mr. Tony Szymendera, head baseball coach, says that most college freshmen come back looking totally different than they did as a high school senior.

When Mr. Szymendera was a high school senior, he weighed 155 pounds. At the end of his freshman year at Haverford College where he played baseball, he was 15 pounds stronger and much more in shape. “You go from being a boy to being a man.”

At the end of the day, most coaches will say that the responsibility falls on the athlete’s shoulders if they want to be successful. If they take advantage of their resources and training, they can gain the most out of their college experience.

“I don’t think it’s our responsibility to have them succeed in college,” said Mr. Burke. “Ultimately it’s gotta be the athlete’s decision if he wants to succeed and play.”

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The Pine Needle

Hale Saves Lives

By John Szymendera Senior Editor

It’s not the average student’s experience to be at a motel that once contained a meth lab, trying to get a man who cut himself with glass to the hospital.

Alec Hale ’16 must be ready for situations like this when on duty as an EMT. In this instance, he responded to a call in the middle of the night and witnessed a mentally unstable man resisting the police, kicking the walls and spitting, before having to be chemically sedated and taken away. “I love the adrenaline rush and the medical profession,” he said.

Hale, a volunteer EMT, spends every eighth night on duty prepared to take calls.

As an EMT basic he provides support to the two (on average) other members of the crew. He helps with things such as splinting, bandaging, oxygen and CPR, all of which are considered basic life support. Hale estimates 80 percent of calls fall into this category rather than advanced life support which he is not qualified to administer.

This work in the EMS

for Hale sprung from his dream of being a firefighter, and took off when he decided to take the EMT basic course the summer going into junior year.

The course involved a workload equivalent to two St. Christopher’s classes and required eight hours a week for 12 weeks. He needed both classroom work and contact with patients to finish.

Old Dominion EMS Alliance recognizing Hale The senior works at for his outstanding contribution.

Tuckahoe Volunteer Rescue on an ambulance that and a $1,000 scholarship for covers two districts rather outstanding contribution by than the usual one. As the a high school senior. Hale driver of the crew, Hale must is interested in the medical get to the call safely, then profession and believes this put out cones and flares to opportunity is preparing him make sure everyone is safe. well if he goes that route, His shift runs from 6 p.m. even if it is something as to 6 a.m. and the number of simple as interacting with calls in a night has ranged people he doesn’t know. from only a couple to 11.

“Touching people is weird, Calls, on average, take about touching random strangers... an hour, but some can be it’s weird for someone who’s shut down by closer ambunever done that,” he said. lances or end early with an Hale is grateful for the advanced life support crew opportunity. “It’s a mastaking over. Hale has had to sive new perspective and manage school on 30 minutes exposes me to so much that I of sleep. wouldn’t have been exposed This work led to an award to.”

Essex: From Rags to Varsity

By Jack Franko Sophomore Contributor

The varsity basketball team has been on a clear path to one of its best seasons since the season began.

Perimeter shooting and strong defense from star players like Nick Sherod ’16 and Alexander Petrie ’17 have the team sitting at 23-5 and headed toward a deep state tournament run.

But for junior forward Jack Essex, his future as a Saints basketball player has been anything but clear.

Most people would throw in the towel after being cut

from ninth grade hoops, but Essex never even considered it. When he didn’t make the team, ninth grade coach Andrew Lawrence asked him to stay on as manager and Essex jumped at the opportunity.

“I liked basketball way too much to quit,” he said.

Essex ramped up his training throughout the next year by running through his neighborhood, playing lacrosse and doing fall SAC. He knew he had to work on his fundamentals, which he believed was the reason he was cut in the first place. It all paid off when he made the cut from the junior varsity squad his sophomore year.

“My expectations were to make the team just because I felt like I put in way too much work to not make it,” Essex said.

On JV, Essex was “more of an energy guy” who didn’t get much playing time until guys ahead of him on the depth chart got hurt. But between joining an AAU team and participating in team camps Essex put in enough work to make the team this year, setting him up for what Coach Hamill Jones thinks could be a senior year in which Essex becomes an important role player.

“I think Jack is one of the most, if not the most,

improved player in our whole program. He’s playing behind three experienced forwards... but we’re hopeful that he’ll continue to work and develop and be able to contribute on the floor next year. That speaks a lot about Jack and how hard he’s worked to put himself in this position,” said Coach Jones.

But that’s next year, and right now the focus is on a state title, which would be the team’s first ever.

In late January, Coach Jones said, “If we can do what we want to do in the Prep League, that should prepare us and hopefully give us the kind of seeding that we want for the state tournament that will put us in a position to make a run.”

Since then, things have gone very well. With their only significant Prep League loss coming recently to St. Anne’s-Belfield, the Saints won their first Prep League title since 2007 and are currently sitting at fourth in the VISAA poll, tied with St. Stephen’s and St. Agnes School.

Essex believes that the Saints are the best team in the city. He said,“If we play to the best of our ability and do what we can every day, I feel like nobody can beat us.”

March 2016

Winter Season Stats and Achievments TRACK AND FIELD Overall Record: 20-2-1

Prep League: 2nd

State: 2nd

New School Records: 55m DASH: Brandon Thomas 6.37 300m DASH: Brandon Thomas 34.40 500m DASH: Sean Menges 1:06.66 4 X 400M RELAY: Sean Menges, J. Hunter Dabney, Joey Cuevas, Brandon Thomas 3:24.18 ALL-PREP: Joey Cuevas (1000m) Zeb Gordon (4 x 800m), Scott McGowan (4 x 800m), Sean Menges (4 x 400m, 4 x 800m) Kannon Noble (4 x 400m) Harrison Rice (Pole Vault) Brandon Thomas (55m*, 4 x 400m) Mac Ukrop (4 x 400m) Jack Workman (4 x 800m) * = Meet Record

ALL-STATE: Brandon Thomas** (55m, 300m, 4 x 400m*) Sean Menges (500m, 4 x 400m*, 4 x 800m) J. Hunter Dabney (4 x 400m*) Joey Cuevas (4 x 400m*, 4 x 800m) Jack Workman (4 x 800m) * = Meet Record ** = Running Event MVP

SWIMMING State Meet: 2nd Prep League: 2nd STATES: 200 Medley Relay: Sean Hogan, Charlie Swanson, Townes West, Will Cox (1:33.45) school and state record 200 Free Relay: Drake Wielar, Townes West, Gareth Mancini, Will Cox (1:26.72) school record 400 Free Relay: Sean Hogan, Drake Wielar, Gareth Mancini, Charlie Swanson (3:08.92) school record 50 Free: Will Cox (21.67) school record 200 IM: Charlie Swanson (1:48.50) school and state record 500 Free: Charlie Swanson (4:31.19) school record

WRESTLING 13-5 Dual Meet Record; State Runner-Up, Prep League Champions VISAA State Champions: Connor Alexander, Joey Prata, Jackson Turley, Tanner Hood, Carter Davis VISAA State Place Winners: Gray Hart (2nd), Bo Williamson (4th), Kameron Miller (3rd), James Armstrong (8th), Pope Whitley (2nd), hJens Ames (3rd) Virginia Prep League Champions: Connor Alexander, Joey Prata, Gray Hart, Bo Williamson, Kameron Miller, Tanner Hood, Pope Whitley, Jens Ames, John McCauley

BASKETBALL Prep League Regular Season Champions Record: 23-5 (10-2 Prep League) Team: PPG (69) RPG (34) APG (12) Individual PPG : Sherod (25.7), Petrie (20.3), Jasper (9.5) All Time Leading Scorer: Nick Sherod Most Wins in School History

The Pine Needle

]5[ Syrian Refugees: Should We Let Them In?

March 2016

Since the fall ISIS attacks on Paris, the world has been on edge over the prospect of welcoming Syrian refugees abroad. Many Syrians are fleeing their homeland because of a gruesome civil war, in which president Bashar al-Assad unleashed chemical weapons on his own people. However, European nations and the United States are hesitant to accept refugees due to their potential connection to the nearby Islamic State. Should our nation, known for giving immigrants an opportunity to succeed, welcome these Syrians or turn them away to protect the American people? This question is at the heart of the discussions the StC community has been having.

Organized by Saints for Social Justice, the program presented differing viewpoints and invited students to discuss possible solutions.

Below are two differing student opinions.

By Alyx McKinnon Editor-in-Chief

In a country almost entirely descendant of immigrants, why is it that our country is so divided over the the Syrian refugee crisis? America’s reputation as the “land of opportunity” will crumble before our eyes if the xenophobic, fear-mongering rhetoric surrounding the refugee crisis blinds us to the fact that these are human beings, with families, aspirations and lives.

Let’s look at the facts: According to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, there were about 14.4 million refugees worldwide in 2014. As of 2015, they estimate there are more than 4.2 million Syrian refugees.

Each year, the president decides upon a ceiling for the number of refugees (for 2016, 85,000). In 2015, the United States accepted about 70,000 refugees, hitting the ceiling as it did in 2013 and 2014. In context, this makes President Obama’s proposed acceptance of 10,000 refugees easily manageable. Ten thousand may even be too small, when countries like England, France and Spain have set higher quotas (not to mention Germany’s massive 800,000 refugees).

But the fear of terrorists masquerading as refugees to gain access to the U.S. still lingers. However, refugees seeking entrance to the United States are strictly vetted, through written documentation (medical and criminal records, etc.) and interviewed; our vetting process is even stricter than in other countries.

Taking on average an entire 18 to 24 months, the process is split among the National Counterterrorism Center, the FBI’s Terrorist Screening Center, and the Department of State,

Defense and Homeland Security. If a terrorist was trying to enter the United States, there are far easier ways to get in than navigating the refugee application and screening process (like the visa program that gave all of the 9/11 attackers access to the United States), since only a tiny fraction of refugees are given the option of resettlement.

Thanks to the stringent vetting process, a mere fraction of a percent of terrorists has managed to slip through the cracks (less that 0.0001 percent, none of whom have been Syrian). That’s nothing compared to the 785,000 lives we’ve managed to save, especially since many of the terrorists were stopped before they could even act.

Before travelling to the United States, refugees sign a promissory note to pay the United States back for travel expenses; it’s an interestfree loan that refugees begin paying back six months after arrival in the United States. Nine different nonprofit groups (six faith-based) help with the physical resettlement process; volunteers assist refugees in finding homes, furniture, jobs, etc.

Ultimately, refugees will cost the U.S. government little; well integrated refugees have been shown to join the workforce as soon as possible and are even less likely to commit crimes than average citizens.

If nothing else, recognize that these are human beings. Almost all of America’s populace are descendents of once-immigrants, and many of them fled harsh regimes as well (religious persecution, communism, etc.). We’re the world’s melting pot.

Our history of helping those with nowhere else to go put the United States on the map, and staying true to those roots is what would truly make America great again.

By Boyd Peete Senior Staff Writer

Many pundits assert that American apprehension regarding the Syrian Refugee resettlement in our country is Islamophobic. They completely overlook the complexity of this issue and instead simply portray Americans as not being good Samaritans. In fact, America has already given $4.5 billion in aid to the cause.

The truth is that the apprehension is shared by government officials and reinforced by recent events on domestic soil.

Officials within the Obama administration have expressed concerns with their ability to properly vet the incoming Syrian refugees. FBI Director James Comey states, “My concern there [about bringing Syrian refugees into the United States] is that there are certain gaps...in the data available to us.” Department of Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson continues, “[the Syrian refugees are] a population of people that we’re not going to know a whole lot about.”

Furthermore, there are legitimate questions about our refugee vetting process, even without the data gaps our intelligence officials cite. The American vetting system takes five times longer than most European systems, yet this prolonged process is not thorough. Since 2015 14 refugees admitted to America have slipped through this process and been arrested for links to terrorist activity in the Middle East.

These data gaps are especially important, as House Homeland Security Chairman Michael McCaul notes: “The U.S. government has information to indicate that individuals tied to terrorist groups in Syria have

already attempted to gain access to our country through the U.S. refugee program.”

In addition to McCaul’s statement, CNN reported in December that the number of forged refugee passports will likely increase as ISIS has seized Syrian passport printing machines.

This report emphasizes the fact that the FBI needs more resources to properly vet these refugees, safeguarding citizens of the United States.

One pragmatic solution involves providing financial assistance to countries currently accepting refugees. The UN has stated that it is $2.5 billion short of the funds needed to adequately care for refugees in countries surrounding Syria.

Second, we must encourage countries closer to Syria to accept refugees. Five of the wealthiest countries in the Middle East refuse to house any Syrian refugees and their donations pale in comparison to the generosity of America.

Third, America should follow General David Petraeus’ recommendation of establishing safe zones guarded by coalition airpower and a moderate Sunni force in Syria. The long-term goal is to establish stability in the region so refugees will be able to safely return to their homes.

ISIS and other radical Islamic groups are at war with America.

They have explicitly stated that they will infiltrate the Syrian refugees.

Our vetting process leaves America vulnerable. We live in a society that is naive in understanding the gravity of the challenge. If we can muster the courage and resolve that is part of our national heritage to combat ISIS and militant Islam, we can restore peace and goodwill to a region in turmoil.

Colin Smith contributed to this editorial.

Terrence Wilson ’06 Fights for Civil Rights Challenges students: “Are you going to take the easy way out or fight?”

By Nick Sherod Senior Staff Writer

The school yearbook tells many stories. You can find out what your favorite teacher looked like without grey hair, how good our school sports teams were or even how you looked as a lower schooler.

Look back in 2006 Raps and Taps. You’ll see a young and spry Mr. Miller as part of the Prep League Champion football team that beat Russell Wilson and some of your senior counterparts as lower schoolers.

Turn to the senior section and you’ll see something unlike anything that has ever happened before in St. Christopher’s history. You’ll find 10 black students. Flip a few pages over and you’ll see a picture of a student shooting pool under the

Confederate flag. This was the world that Terrence Wilson ’06, who recently returned to speak on campus, was a part of.

“We knew that we were an aberration, we knew that we were outside the norm,” Mr. Wilson said of his diverse class.

Mr. Wilson entered St. Christopher’s as a sixth grader and by the time he was a senior in the Upper School he and some fellow classmates started Men Advocating Diversity and Equality (later Men Advocating Diverse Experiences), simply known

as MADE. “We did some diversity things when I was high school because we felt like it was what we needed to do for us,” said Mr. Wilson.

After St. Christopher’s, Mr. Wilson went on to graduate from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and then furthered his studies at the University of Georgia. He is now a civil rights lawyer in Atlanta.

On his recent return visit here, he toured the school and met with various groups, including Saints for Social Justice (the successor to MADE).

While disappointed that there have

not been more than 10 black students in a single grade since his time as a student, he does see some positives in regards to the direction St. Christopher’s is headed. “St. Chris is on a trajectory where they’re becoming more aware of what it means to be inclusive; but it takes students forcing the issue.”

To close off his visit, Mr. Wilson talked to the entire Upper School about how students could make a difference in the community. “The issues that we face here at St. Chris are the same issues that we face everywhere.”

Mr. Wilson’s message was that students can have an impact; if we want something done, we have the power to get it done. “It just takes work,” he said. Come back in 10 years and maybe the yearbook will portray a different and more diverse landscape of St. Christopher’s.

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The Pine Needle

March 2016

A Walk Under the Pines Down Memory Lane

The Early Years

A Legacy 100 Years in the Making

By Alyx McKinnon Editor-in-Chief

Arguably no other extracurricular has had such an impact on the St. Christopher’s community and the development of its student body as The Pine Needle. On the paper’s 100th anniversary, we hope to peek into its history. Some of the school’s best and brightest took the helm of the paper in their years here, and it’s no coincidence that STC’s most famous alum worked as one of The Pine Needle’s editors.

While Tom Wolfe ’47 primarily covered sports, his role is no less significant as The Pine Needle’s content was largely sports oriented in the first place. In an older profile piece from a 1981 issue, he stresses the importance of the written word: “Writing is the most amazing and important form of communication because it is so flexible. Just look at history: man did not advance until he could write.”

Working on staff teaches a host of life skills.

Mr. Hamill Jones ’00 describes the sense of perfectionism gained through working as editor-in-chief, saying, “I know I gained an appreciation for the value of utilizing everybody’s individual talents to create a good finished product.” Former Editorin-Chief Alex Beale ’13 reflects on the values of teamwork and leadership he learned here, saying, “So much more can be accomplished in an interactive and interdependent teamwork environment.

I had the opportunity to experience both being a leader and a follower.”

Throughout the next four pages, we have assembled samples of The Pine Needle, new and old.

This is the culmination of weeks of research by the staff, spent combing through archived issues kept by school Archivist Alice Flowers (see page 10) and Alumni Director Davis Wrinkle ’81 and interviewing members of the community who still call St. Christopher’s home.

Saints dominating Benedictine as early as 1934

From October 1943 (Volume XXIX, No. 2)

The first issue of The Pine Needle (Volume I, No. 1)

The second issue of The Pine Needle (Volume I, No. 2)

Quoted from a 1924 issue of The Pine Needle: “The above is an architect’s drawing of Chamberlayne Hall, the planned main building for St. Christopher’s.”

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March 2016

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From May 1965 (Volume L, No. 9)

Some typical ads run by The Pine Needle in 1962

From May 1965 (Volume L, No. 9)

1916 to the 1960s

By Henry Rodriguez Sophomore Staff Writer

If one were to compare an issue of The Pine Needle in its early days to a paper from today, one might think they were looking at an entirely different publication. Actually, The Pine Needle is the oldest school paper in Virginia with a name unchanged since its inception. Though its style and format have substantially changed throughout the century of its existence, St. Christopher’s news still flows through this paper.

Small headlines, few pictures and inscrutable font defined The Pine Needle from its birth in 1916 to the late ’60s. Students often submitted drawings and cartoons instead of photographs, especially in times when printer ink was more expensive. The masthead was similar to today’s: old St. Christopher and his staff in the middle of a seal bearing the school’s motto: Initium Sapientiae Timor Domini (Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.)

The Pine Needle was published far more often, at least once a month. In its earliest days, a paper could even come out twice a month; but in later years, this schedule slowed as standards for stories were raised and the definition of “news” changed. Progress was also slowed by new technology, which allowed for cleaner and more modern layout but required more effort to use.

Differing in content as well, sports stood as the central fixture in each issue. Many front pages included brief messages in boxes next to the masthead, with text such as “BEAT BENEDICTINE.” Writers were more unabashedly critical in their evaluation of sports games and in

reviews of plays from Ampersand, or as they were called back then “St. Kit’s Players.” Of course, spelling and grammatical mistakes were far more common, and pictures appeared blurrier due to older printing technologies.

Today, The Pine Needle is proud of its inclination towards covering controversial issues facing both the St. Christopher’s community and the country at large. The decades leading up to the ’60s saw a host of historic events like World War II, the rise of America as a world power and the Civil Rights Movement.

Students frequently used the paper as a medium for discussion; you would often see articles such as “Should We Teach Communism?”

From its earliest years The Pine Needle has stood proud, tall

and with integrity. As St. Christopher’s and America moved into the second portion of the 20th century and beyond, we began to change who, what and how we covered news important to the students of St. Christopher’s School. But, like the school, the paper’s core values have lasted throughout its 100 years.

[

8]

The Pine Needle

March 2016

A Walk Under the Pines Down Memory Lane

The Later Years 1970s to the Present

By Jack Holdaway Senior Staff Writer

Over the course of three decades, The Pine Needle experienced transformations, digressions and facelifts that shaped it into what it is today.

The early ’70s featured a paper that resembled that of the decades before. The vintage masthead and simple font, staples of the classic Pine Needle, were still used, continuing the style that had become a trademark look. Historical events, like the counterculture movement and the Vietnam War, seeped in.

One story acknowledged the growing drug issues within the school, which degraded the productivity and intelligence of many students. An editorial highlighted the horror of the Vietnam War and called for the student body to speak out against the conflict.

As the ’70s carried on, the classic makeup of The Pine Needle was abandoned, and the paper unveiled a new look. As the decade came to a close, more modern fonts as well as a completely new masthead were introduced. The style adopted by early staff members and continued on for years was now a thing of the past.

The ’80s marked the beginning of a new era for The Pine Needle, but poor writing and a lack of quality editing often plagued the issues. In 1984 a new English teacher by the name of Mr. Key Randolph took over faculty responsibility for the

paper and called for change. At the time, students had more control over the paper and more influence over content that made it to the final version.

He once threw all copies of one issue in the dumpster, after an objectionable image had been added without advisor approval. Mr. Randolph attempted to reverse the trend and steer The Pine Needle “towards the more polished and professional paper that it is today.”

Sports still dominated the majority of the headlines, as each facet of Saints’ athletics was covered by the staff. Issues were slowly released further and further apart.

During the ’90s school funding flooded in and drastically changed the staff’s objectives. With the paper no longer relying on revenue to continue printing, advertisements were cut and subscriptions were no longer necessary, so The Pine Needle became free to the whole school community and more room was available for student writing.

In 1998 sophomore Hamill Jones wrote a feature story on new headmaster and future boss Mr. Charley Stillwell to welcome him to St. Christopher’s. Mr. Jones hinted that perhaps Mr. Stillwell was too young to take over such a position, but the head stuck around for 18 years. A year later the whole school got a glimpse of the newest Wood, as Upper School English Teacher Mr. Jay Wood and his newborn son Frost were highlighted

on the front page. Within months, baby Frost was soaking in his first English lectures as Mr. Wood brought him in for certain periods. You’re never too young to learn Shakespeare.

The late ’90s and early ’00s saw the diversification of student interests affect the quality of the paper. Intensified involvement in sports and clubs meant that staff members struggled to find time during the day to work on The Pine Needle. In 2004, Mrs. Kathleen Thomas, a former journalist for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, was hired to head student publications. New programs like journalism classes and an option to work on the school’s publications after school as a sports credit revived the depth of student involvement.

Three years of dabbling with an online edition brought disappointing viewership, as students and faculty still value the experience of holding a physical paper in their hands.

For the future of The Pine Needle, that’s a good thing to hear.

Still, Mrs. Thomas is concerned that students appreciate the role of newspapers in general in a free and democratic society. Newspaper readership among our demographic is declining.

She said, “I am concerned that if students appreciate the critical importance that newspapers have as the first draft of history and as a watchdog for the public good.”

From December 2006 (Volume XCII, Number 2)

From Minimester 1999 (Volume LXXXV, No. 3)

From May 2009 (Volume XC, Number 5)

o. 1) XXV, N X L e olum 1999 (V mmer u S m Fro

From Fall 2003 (Volume LXXXVIII, No. 1)

From October 1988 (Volume LXXIV , No. 1)

From October 1986 (Volume LXXII , No. 1)

at Would From winter 1995, entitled “Wh ch” Tea n’t Did They Do If They

From Winter 2002 (Volume LXXXVIII, No. 2)

From “Minimester,” 1998 (Volume LXXXIII , No. 2)

From June 1970 From October 1991 (Volume LXXVII , No. 1)

From “Minimester” 1999 (Volume LXXXIV, No. 3)

The Pine Needle

[10] An Archivist Looks Back on School History

By Max Dodge Senior Editor

Composition books crammed with basketball stats going back more than five decades, every Raps and Taps yearbook since its inception in 1926, military uniforms, books written by alumni and enough flammable material to send the fire marshall into conniptions give Alice Flowers’ office a unique flair. The school archivist dwells off the beaten path in an office which, formerly a dormitory, is littered with artifacts of St. Christopher’s history.

Mrs. Flowers, a graduate of St. Catherine’s class of 1961, says she has always been more interested in St. Christopher’s than St. Catherine’s. From her early years, she found ways to participate here from acting in plays to writing for The Pine Needle, where she served as a correspondent reporting on how life at the girls’ school differed from St. Chris. (Her husband and their two sons as well as her brother are all STC alumni.)

This early foray into the world of journalism foreshadowed a future obsession of sorts. During high school she worked as a teen writer for the Richmond TimesDispatch and interned there for several summers. At the University of Mary Wash-

ington she continued as a stringer and to this day is an avid reader of several newspapers.

After graduating with a degree in theatre, Mrs. Flowers taught English, public speaking and directed plays in high schools both in Newport News and Charlottesville and worked as a stringer for the Times-Dispatch.

She received her graduate degree in theatre at the University of Virginia where she was the only female in her classes. When she and her husband moved back to Richmond she first taught in the theatre departments at Virginia Commonwealth University and then at the University of Richmond before accepting the job at St. Christopher’s.

At the time there were no archives and few alumni publications. The school was looking for someone to produce a regular alumni periodical. Mrs. Flowers stepped in to collect and preserve the history of St. Christopher’s.

When she first arrived she played many roles, from editor of STC magazines to photographer at school events and substituting as an English teacher. Her passion manifests itself in her creation of the “Saints in the News” bulletin board in Chamberlayne Hall, where she posts newspaper and magazine articles about the

activities and accomplishments of alumni, students and faculty members. “I wanted to show our boys the variety of careers and interests of our alumni,” said Mrs. Flowers.

Her office complex shows the telltale signs of a selfproclaimed newspaper nut: boxes of newspapers, clippings strewn about and the physical legacy of a school founded more than 100 years ago. The archives are overflowing; oddities include Dr. Chamberlayne’s spectacles, leather football helmets, awards, photographs, medals and more. The rooms exist in a state of apparent chaos, but Mrs. Flowers knows exactly where to find things. Shifting piles to uncover hidden curiosities, she paints a picture of what the school was like in the past.

Her domain also includes the collection of all The Pine Needles, one of the oldest continual school newspapers in the state. The records are surprisingly complete, lacking only about five issues.

Locked away in a fireproof safe is the first edition. Dated March 6, 1916, it is nothing more than illegible handwritten text on a few sheets of lined paper. The Pine Needle, along with other schools, was chosen by The Library of Virginia to be included in The Virginia Newspaper Project, which cataloged, inventoried

and put on microfilm all Virginia newspapers from 1836 to present.

Mrs. Flowers not only loves the past of St. Christopher’s but revels in the present. “I love the life of working at a school,” said Mrs. Flowers. “There is always something going on.”

She thrives on learning and the meticulous research that goes into publications. She was a pivotal contributor to the centennial book St. Christopher’s School Scholars and Gentlemen.

To others the most striking aspect of her personality is her thoroughness and thoughtfulness. Upper School Chaplain Melissa Hollerith calls her the “embodiment of the living history of the school.” She recounts how she “goes above and beyond” to find pictures of and information about alumni and former faculty. When former faculty member and health teacher Jack Bolling

March 2016

Photo by Edward Millman ’16

passed away Mrs. Flowers scoured the archives for days to unearth photos that no one knew existed.

“Going the extra mile” is a common theme when discussing Mrs. Flowers. Journalism teacher Kathleen Thomas said, “ I have had a couple of occasions when I asked her a small research question and she came in on the weekend to find the answer and then called me at home to give it to me. She will always do what is asked and more.”

An STC Scholar Reflects on Pine Needle History

By Jack Holdaway Senior Staff Writer

Nothing can stop Mr. Joe Knox from talking about St. Christopher’s. The former teacher, who is proclaimed by many to be an encyclopedia

of the past 50 years of school history, still had plenty of say about his time spent as faculty member an hour and a half into the interview.

After graduating from Princeton University and serving in the Navy, “Ivy Joe,” a nickname he earned due to his prestigious education, arrived at St. Christopher’s in 1965 when the school boasted only three English masters (the former name for teachers) and a graduating class of roughly 30 boys. Born and raised in Nashville, Mr. Knox felt comfortable in the South and especially liked Richmond. His father was a journalist and a cartoonist

Photo by Kathleen Thomas

for a local paper, so it was inevitable that Mr. Knox would become involved with The Pine Needle.

The English and French teacher’s work on the school publication began in 1968.

All three English teachers helped the students with the paper, primarily to ensure nothing inappropriate was published.

Mr. Knox recalls a period of time when the paper was much more independent than the modern version. There was no official teacher advisor, and the school gave no funds for printing. The paper had to raise money to cover printing costs, so the staff charged students for copies and sold advertisements to local companies. To survive, the staff had to write stories that the community would be willing to pay to read. In essence, The Pine Needle was more like an actual paper.

During his tenure, Mr. Knox saw the paper evolve, usually for the worse.

“As time went on, the years were very irregular.

Students didn’t know a thing on how to make it up,” said

Mr. Knox.

“The Pine Issues were Needle wasn’t more spread just a token to out. For some the pine trees period of time, on campus,” there was no said Mr. Knox. official office, “It was supso the staff pose to needle had to resort the people, to collaboratmake them ing in houses think. I think or teacher there was classrooms. always a lot of The Pine Neeneedling.” dle eventually The former found a home teacher recogin Murrell nizes that with A collection of Mr. Knox’s chapel Bookstore, but new technoltalks the commoogy affecting tion of adjacent Lower School the reliance on traditional recess made it difficult to get journalism, more changes are work done. to come to the school publica“Sometimes I didn’t even tion. However, there is one understand the articles,” Mr. thing, a responsibility to the Knox said. “The paper was school, that he hopes The filled with poorly written Pine Needle will never leave stories about pop culture only in the dust. the seniors could understand, “The Pine Needle is not so advisors didn’t know how just news. It is a record of the to supervise it.” events at the school,” said Despite the fluctuations Mr. Knox. “When you read in The Pine Needle’s quality, it tells you the history of the the former teacher felt that school that has to be underthe paper always stayed true stood by future generations.” to its cause: making readers think.

March 2016

The Pine Needle Ampersand Presents

Winter One Acts

]11[

Reviews by Henry Rodriguez ’18

If you ever get bored with the conventional, formulaic, two-acts-and-concessions traditional style of play, the Ampersand Winter One Acts are for you. Eight one-act plays were directed by a student or teacher from the Saints community. The One Acts played Feb. 4-7 at the Playhouse Theatre in St. Christopher’s Luck Leadership Center. Katie Jennison ’16 introduced each one-act play to the audience. Ampersand’s spring production will be Almost Maine by John Cariani.

DMV Tyrant

Directed by Sarah Wells ’17 Those of us with driver’s licenses or learner’s permits know this scene well­­­­­­­­­– arriving at the DMV to obtain your license, waiting for half an hour in a line to get an audience, and finally meeting an employee who moves to help you with, as Emily Brontë might put it, “vexatious phlegm.” Pierce Walmsley ’16 plays the exasperated everyman, with Maddie Gunter ’16 as an obtuse and unhelpful DMV employee. This one-act was simple and fun, providing an entertaining start for the rest of the show.

Asleep the Snow Came Flying

Directed by Mr. Jim Astrove, St. Catherine’s Middle School teacher What if your sister never said a word? Three sisters; Dawn (Cammie Varner ’18), Mer (Sarah Wells ’17) and Eve (Kathryn LeBey ’16), hold a broken conversation about family together on a couch during a snowstorm– only Dawn won’t speak, so the heart of what they say is conveyed through text. The one-act’s style is unique yet touching, and the sisters reconcile and head out into the snow for snacks.

III Ways

Directed by Mr. Jim Astrove, St. Catherine’s Middle School teacher The sequel to “Asleep the Snow Came Flying,” this one act deals with a mother (Maddie Gunter ’16) at a funeral delivering a eulogy for her husband Bob along with her three daughters, who died in a car crash after leaving the house to get food. A 10-minute soliloquy added greatly to the powerful gravitas of III Ways, which commanded the attention of the audience for its duration.

Fear and Misery of the Third Reich Directed by Nate Smith ’16

The second show of the evening was as different from the first as it could be. Fear and Misery showcased the rise of the Nazi Party and the progression of World War II through the eyes of German citizens. The drama incorporated a collection of short scenes, including citizens waiting at the breadline, a Jewish woman fleeing Germany, and apartment dwellers listening to the arrest of an unknown person through porous floorboards.

A particularly moving scene starts off peacefully, with a mother and her daughter accepting food parcels from soldiers, but escalates when the old woman reveals her husband’s discontent with the regime and her daughter is taken away after trying to stop a beating.

Give Us a Kiss and Show Us Your Knickers Directed by Schuyler Guare ’17

This casual-at-first meeting between a girl’s sister and her boyfriend ended with a surprising twist. Wes (Darren Badley ’19) is warned by his girlfriend’s sister Amy (Lucy Wallace ’17) about her erratic and dangerous tendencies, including her hatred of men and elevation of the Benny Hill Show into a metaphor for the meaning of life. This one act deserves special praise for its excellent script, which used just the right amounts of suspense and foreshadowing to keep the audience on the edge of their seats, yet still shocked when the curtain closed.

The Footsteps of Doves

Directed by Mr. J.D. Jump, St. Christopher’s Technology Specialist A simple choice over a mattress hides a tough question over love and the limits of age. An old couple, George and Harriet (William Jefferson ’16 and Haley Robb ’17), argue over the need to move into single beds as they enter the twilight of their lives. Humorous yet introspective, this play beautifully painted the process of a relationship adapting with age– but as George tells his wife, “times change, people change, but you haven’t changed.”

Funeral Parlor

Directed by Kat Collin ’17 Grief is expressed in many ways. Some do it by crying, some do it by withdrawing, and others do it by... keening? A mourning wife (Katie Jennison ’16) is distracted during the ceremony by irksome funeral goer Marcus (Pierce Walmsley ’16), who won’t let her avoid expressing her grief. Sadness gives way to laughter in this heartwarming short play.

I’m Herbert

Directed by Mr. Maury Hancock, Theatre Director Ampersand finished up strong with this playful, perplexing piece on the light side of the senility brought on by old age. Muriel (Isabelle Andrews ’16) and Herbert (Nate Smith ’16) discuss and argue their past exploits in sex and marriage. Their conversation is made twice as interesting by the couple’s failing memories; they start to forget their spouses’ names, their lovers’ names and even their own. “I’m Herbert” never took itself too seriously, and was a fantastic finish to the Winter One Acts.

[12]

The Pine Needle

March 2016

Meet the Dining Hall Staff Photos by Edward Millman ’16

Kyle Brown

By William Rodriguez Sophomore Staff Writer

To be organized, to be kind and to always be yourself. These are three qualities that Lead Cook Kyle Brown believes are essential to both doing your job and living your life well.

Smiling his toothy grin from behind a friendly visage, the third-in-command of the St Christopher’s cafeteria workforce explains that what’s kept him going is his ability to put a positive spin on things and his love of keeping organized.

After working in the food

industry for many years, Mr. Brown came to work for St. Christopher’s after being offered the job last year by his friend Adam. He began this year, and already the other staff like and accept him.

“Kyle is great at running the kitchen,” said fellow chef Walter Reyes, “and he’s also just a good cook.”

While his job requires him to come in at 10 a.m. to start on the lunch shift, Mr. Brown prefers to start an hour and a half early so he has extra time to prepare. He considers himself the type of person who never wants to see anything out of place. Pointing to a napkin holder, he said, “If even that’s a little bit crooked, I’ll want to see it set straight.”

As the man who decides how to serve the food several days in advance, Mr. Brown uses his kindness and motivational skills to keep the cafeteria running smoothly.

He brushes off the difficulty of the job, saying, “When you’re organized, the work will never be that hard. There’s always a way to keep the work stress-free while keep-

Wendy Ayers

By Boyd Peete Senior Staff Writer

Taking the place of Ms. Georgia Jones, who has moved from her regular shift to afternoon and evening shifts, is an equally skilled cook, Wendy Ayers. Mrs. Ayers began her culinary career as a McDonald’s fry-cook at the age of 16 and honed her skills at The Steward School.

Her co-workers think she has been a terrific addition to the staff. “She’s a person who can keep you laughing all day,” said Kyle Brown. Her sense of humor is only part of her value to the staff. Ms. Jones, who trained her, says that when asked to do something Mrs. Ayers happily complies. Her co-workers all agree that “she helps everyone” and is “kind and good to work with.”

Though she spends most of her time working on desserts, Mrs. Ayers says that

her favorite part of her job is meeting new people. She treasures the rewarding experience when people, “know your name and say ‘hi.’ ” Outside of her job, she enjoys spending time with her family, her son and two grandchildren and playing bingo.

John Powell ing the food tasting good and looking good.”

Mr. Brown’s favorite part of his job is interacting with students, particularly since he and his wife Francine don’t have children.

He’s often called the MVP by the varsity basketball team because he always checks up on the players and leaves food for them after practice. He does have a step grandson, whom he says is a bright and eager student who reminds him of St. Christopher’s boys.

The only part that he really doesn’t like about his job is the amount of chicken.

“I don’t want to deal with eating chicken here or anywhere anymore,” he said. “I’ll just make myself a sandwich at home.”

Mr. Brown’s philosophy of organization reaches to his hobbies as well. He’s devoted to outdoors work and perfecting a beautiful yard, another passion requiring organization and a clear mind. He also had a Christmas party over break, where his family and friends enjoyed food cooked by he and his wife of 10 years. “It’s hard to believe at 48 years old, but me and my wife are total party animals,” he said.

Walter Reyes

By Durk Steed Junior Staff Writer

Lunch is undoubtedly one of the best moments of the day for both student and faculty, but so is turning in your plates after lunch.

Why? Almost everyone looks forward to thanking Mr. Walter Reyes. The former high school athlete and casino kitchen worker can brighten up the worst of days, calling each person out by their name, a testament to the man he is.

This January was Mr. Reyes’s fifth year helping serve students breakfast, lunch and dinner at St. Christopher’s. He joined the staff when Luck Leadership Center was first built and is the lead kitchen utility manager for the cafeteria workers.

He has experience in almost every part of the restaurant and cooking business, working in restaurants such as Burger King, KFC, in a massive casino kitchen in Atlantic City, New Jersey and other school cafeterias

Be it basketball, football, weight lifting, video games or playing the conga and bongo drums, John Powell, affectionately known as John John, has always been a man of varying talents and interests.

This extends to his position on St. Christopher’s Sage Dining staff, where he works as a steward. His job includes a “little bit of everything.” You can often spot Mr. Powell behind the counter washing dishes, one of his main duties, but you’re nearly just as likely to see him cleaning floors or moving boxes of glasses or food around.

Before starting his job here, Mr. Powell worked in recycling and the construction industry for several years. He came to Sage in August 2012. He happily describes it as a good job that “treats me well.” At Sage, his favorite task is preparing food for catering because it’s a team effort and he “likes

when people work together.”

On the job, Mr. Powell knows many student and faculty names and greets them, but his responsibilities don’t allow time for much interaction. He’s called up his dad’s advice more times than he can count: “You take the bitter with the sweet,” meaning that with the good there always comes a little bad.

But Mr. Powell seems to live his life with a lot less bitter than sweet. One of his coworkers remarked that he’s “always smiling and laughing.” On the staff he finds himself surrounded by friends. He has a special bond with Walter Reyes, whom he refers to as a mentor and a surrogate uncle.

Mr. Powell is engaged to be married this July.

His only regret in life is that he chose not to go to college so he could start making money earlier. If he had attended, he might have chosen to be a musician or teach. His advice to kids at St. Christopher’s is: “Dream big, go for your goal. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

such as Hermitage High School’s. He moved to Richmond from New Jersey after meeting his wife at a friend’s wedding here in Richmond.

Mr. John Powell, who works with Mr. Reyes cleaning dishes and doing other tasks around the kitchen describes Mr. Reyes as a truly good person. “He brought me here,” Powell said. “He’s been like an uncle to me.”

After turning in plates and telling Mr. Reyes thank you, it appears as though he knows almost each student’s name. “I want to know everyone by their first name.” Mr. Reyes appreciates that the students are very respectful.

With recipes planned out for meals days in advance, “there is never a dull moment” in the kitchen for the crew—a crew that deserves much more appreciation and gratitude for what they do for everyone, every day. “We’ve got a good crew here, when we have to work we put our heads together and get it done.”

Mr. Reyes “always has something extra to do” and has other tasks in between meals such as unloading the

trucks each day, including the $6,000 shipment they get each Monday to start the week.

Mr. Reyes has always loved cooking, and even after long days in the school’s kitchen he goes home and prepares meals for his family. On weekends he works another job he has always loved: a dry cleaning business for more than 15 years.

Mr. Reyes remembers one unfortunately funny time changing the fryers in the week before Christmas when he accidently turned the wrong valve, spilling grease all over the floors. The mistake caused him extra work that day. “I will never, ever make that mistake again,” he promises.

By Henry Rodriguez Sophomore Staff Writer

March 2016

The Pine Needle

]13[

Georgia Jones

By Parker Krey For someone approaching her 50-year mark at the St. Christopher’s dining hall, Ms. Georgia Jones loves to work. “If you at least continue to be active you can continue to go on as long as possible,” she said.

Ms. Jones has worked for Sage Dining for nine years, but for the 40 years prior, she was with Aramark, which formerly contracted with St. Christopher’s. Three years ago she moved to part-time with a four-hour shift. She loves to work in the line

Jackie Williams

By Alyx McKinnon Editor-In-Chief

Initially quiet and succinct, Jackie Williams’s diligent demeanor might give the guise of having nothing to say. Working in St. Christopher’s Dining Hall for nine years, Mrs. Williams still comes into her job with a smile on her face. “I love it, and I love working with the kids,” she says, “I love everything about ’em.”

While students could afford to keep the tables more clean, she notes the kindness of the students she sees daily. “Y’all have nice manners,” Mrs. Williams says, “I haven’t had one rude to me.”

“She’s a good person to work with,” says fellow staff member Walter Reyes.

“I’ve been working with her for five years… she’s good people.”

Perhaps what’s most beloved to Mrs. Williams about her job, though, is seeing kids grow up before her very eyes. “I’ve seen a lot of y’all grown, and a lot of y’all go

serving food and through this gets to know every boy.

It fills Ms. Jones’s heart with joy to see children go from kindergarten to graduation. “They still come back and talk to me, and it makes me feel good inside. I gotta pat myself on my own back for working here for the longest time,” she said.

One student in particular she always called “Ric Flair” because she thought he looked like the professional wrestler. Even now when he comes back to visit, Ms. Jones still calls him that.

Family is very important to this Hanover County off to college… It’s amazing when they go off to college and come back,” she says.

Mrs. Williams was able to describe even a younger me, saying, “You was short and had that hat on your head when you came up… I can picture it now… with that hat on, with that smile on your face.”

At home, too, Mrs. Williams enjoys watching her children and their children develop. Her grandson Michael is a senior in college. For Christmas, Mrs. Williams looked forward to spending time with her family. “After Christmas,” she says, “I’m gonna sit back and relax.”

Mrs. Williams stays busy always “on the go,” but when she gets a chance to she likes shopping or watching the New England Patriots with her husband of 26 years. She says, “He really got me into football.”

It’s clear despite her quiet nature Mrs. Williams truly treasures each day she spends at St. Christopher’s, and her gratitude is something from which everyone here could learn.

Keri Copeland

By Ricky Stockel Junior Staff Writer

This St. Christopher’s catering coordinator organizes all the events that the dining hall caters. She also assists the chefs and does “a little bit of everything.”

Keri Copeland grew up in Connecticut and is the youngest of five girls. She remembers lots of snow and recalls spending a lot of time in it.

As a girl she took gymnastics lessons and loved fash-

ion, especially dressing up and shopping. Mrs. Copeland loves “the versatility of fashion” and how “there’s always something fresh.”

Mrs. Copeland left Connecticut in 1990 for North Carolina to get a degree in business at Johnson C. Smith University. Her strong passion never left her, however, and she ended up later deciding to go to school for fashion.

After graduating from Johnson C. Smith University in 1994, she returned to Connecticut and worked at Bank

resident. “A lot of people don’t keep in touch with their family,” she said. Ms. Jones tries to keep in contact with her mother, two sisters and brother every day. Even if only just for a few minutes it’s good to keep in contact with your family, she said.

Ms. Jones spends most of her Saturdays and Sundays helping her 89-year-old mother. She enjoys having the summers off from school because it allows her to be with her mother more often.

Ms. Jones said, “You do for older people when they are alive, not while they are not.”

Ms. Jones also enjoys

listening to music.

She likes country and classical, but not much of the new music because she believes there to be too many words that take away from the song. Even if she hears the lyrics sometimes she wishes that she didn’t.

Ms. Jones is loved and appreciated for her sense of humor.

Members of the Sage Dining Staff said, “[She] will make you laugh, even if you don’t want to laugh.”

Ms. Georgia gives stu-

dents this advice: “You do the best you can do whenever, you got to keep a smile on your face the entire time.”

Kim Huntjens Kim Huntjens background may surprise some and confuse others.

Born in Seoul, Korea, Ms. Huntjens was adopted by a couple from the Netherlands, speaks fluent Dutch, and grew up in Richmond and graduated from Godwin High School Her parents moved to Richmond in their early 20s, and she has a brother who is six years older. Her brother was a popular, athletic kid in school, and her mother was a housewife. Her father is a workaholic. He worked at Marriott Inc. and owned a French restaurant in the space now known as Stuzzi’s, before working as an executive chef at Westminster Canterbury.

Her parents split up and her mother, who had never worked outside the home, moved back to the Netherlands, where the government is better structured to help people in her situation.

Ms. Huntjens’ first job was at a restaurant called Daryl’s located where Disco Sports is now. After that she bounced around from jobs such as Buffalo Wild Wings, P.F. Chang’s and even at her

father’s French restaurant, before landing at St. Christopher’s two and a half years ago.

After working as a temp at the International Boys School Conference held at St. Christopher’s in 2013, she applied for a job and has worked here since.

“I enjoy my job, the people, my hours, the benefits I receive, the summers,” she said.

Her father’s passion seems to have rubbed off on her as she knew that she wanted to be a chef since she was 10, and has been working in kitchens since she was 16 after giving up swimming.

“I’ve always been interested in physical labor instead of a desk job,” she said. “I like the freedom of walking around and not being stuck in a cubicle.”

Ms. Huntjens’ job in the cafeteria predominantly

involves working with Candi Gorham to provide catering services and set up the deli bar. She cuts all the deli meat, cheese, fruit and lettuce.

Although she has only gotten to know a couple of students, she has noticed how polite they can be.

“There are definitely students who will see you struggling and give you a hand.”

She has a lot of interests outside of work including video games, traveling, woodworking and hiking.

Her personality is upbeat.

“She’s a happy person,” Ms. Gorham said. “She gets really excited over little things.”

All of her activities seem to involve one thing: physical work and working with her hands. “I’m not a book worm at all,” she said. “I’m definitely more physical than cerebral.”

of America. Mrs. Copeland remained there until 2008 when she decided it wasn’t the job for her and moved to Richmond to be closer to family.

Mrs. Copeland originally wanted to use Richmond as a stepping stone, intending to stay for a year or so. Her ultimate goal was Florida.

She wanted to be an event coordinator or a possible buyer for department stores such as Macy’s and Dillard’s. She actually found a place to live and a job in Florida, but her nerves got the better of her, and she decided to stay with family in

Richmond.

Mrs. Copeland eventually started working at the St. Christopher’s a few years ago. Her favorite part of her job is seeing all the grateful kids every time she makes them food, especially dessert.

When she’s not working, Mrs. Copeland loves shopping, spending time with her sister and traveling. She has been to Canada and several different islands. This summer she plans to travel with her mother and sisters on a European cruise through Greece, Turkey and Italy.

Even though she may not be living her fashion dream,

Mrs. Copeland feels right at home here at St. Christopher’s. Her coworker Kyle Brown said the entire dining staff appreciates all her work. “She brings a lot to the table,” he said.

By John Szymendera Senior Editor

The Pine Needle

[14]

Sharleen Robinson

By Neil Dwivedi Junior Staff Writer

“Family first.” It’s a phrase we’ve all heard before, but no one embodies it more than Sharleen Robinson. Mrs. Robinson has sacrificed time, money, and more to support her loved ones, including her mother, brother and grandchildren.

As a child, Mrs. Robinson grew up all over Virginia raised by a single parent. She moved from Brunswick

to Lawrenceville to South Hill until she settled in Richmond at age 15.

She described her childhood bluntly, leaving it at “good” and “average.”

Mrs. Robinson began working at 16 and hasn’t stopped since. She began her culinary career at Belgrade Village, a retirement community, where she worked as a chef. She toiled each day of the week, weekends and holidays included.

When Mrs. Robinson saw an ad

John Ernst

By Will Bird Sophomore Staff Writer

Although St. Christopher’s Food Service Director John Ernst has been in the food industry his entire life, he’s relegated to prep boy at home.

The kitchen is controlled by his wife, a second generation Italian American. A Staten Island native, Mr. Ernst admits that when he’s home, grilling is just about all he’s in charge of when it comes to food.

Ever since Mr. Ernst, who is from German descent, started working at a New York deli at age 12, he has been in the food industry.

After a five-year stint as a policeman in Staten Island, he moved to Richmond to work as head chef for a Pasta Luna, then a new restaurant.

After working there for nine years,

he left to be the head chef and owner of Acappella, a restaurant in Church Hill.

After five years there, he grew weary of working the long hours that come with being owner and head chef at a restaurant, Mr. Ernst decided to make a transition to the corporate side of the food industry. The reason for the change was a better way of life, said Mr. Ernst.

Since working at St. Christopher’s, which he considers to be a corporate job, he has had the privilege of designing the menu. His personal favorites are pork, fresh mozzarella, pasta and tiramisu.

While food may consume much of Mr. Ernst’s life, he still makes time for his family, which include his three daughters and two sons.

Two daughters graduated from the

in the paper about Sage, the phrase “Monday-Friday” stood out to her.

She’s been working here since. Mrs. Robinson enjoys her job at St. Christopher’s. “I love it. I love the kids and I love the faculty,” she said.

Her favorite memories while working at St. Christopher’s are the “pancake breakfast with Santa” and graduation. “To watch the little boys, who started across the street get up and up and walk over across the street to get their diploma, it makes me cry,” said Mrs. Robinson. “I feel like they’re my children.”

March 2016

Outside of work, she enjoys spoiling her grandchildren, arts and crafts, and cooking. She loves inventing her own recipes and works part-time at Bon Air Seafood.

Filled with love for the St. Christopher’s community, Mrs. Robinson said, “I have enjoyed my time here, and I love each and every student and faculty member.”

University of Virginia and one son is currently in Germany serving in the military.

As a foodie Mr. Ernst acknowledges that New York provides more opportunities than Richmond to get a good bite to eat, but he still has a list of local restaurants that he would recommend.

When it comes to getting pizza in Richmond, he said Capriccios is the way to go.

J.D. Jump, who has worked in tandem to put on certain school functions with Mr. Ernst for three and a half years said, “He is a really solid guy and when we do events he is always really helpful.”

Adam King

By Nick Sherod Senior Staff Writer

Hilda Sprouse

By Gunther Abbot Junior Editor

Every morning, one dining hall worker braves the dark morning hours from her farm in Rockville.

Sometime before 6 a.m., Mrs. Hilda Sprouse leaves her farm with 48 cows towards to prepare breakfast at St. Christopher’s.

Along with cooking all breakfast, Mrs. Sprouse helps during lunch by filling in where needed. You can often see her at the serving line and preparing food in the back.

One of her coworkers said they all take turns doing different jobs, and this particular week it was Mrs. Sprouse’s job to make the vegetables for lunch.

Her coworker Ms. Keri Copeland describe her funny, helpful and willing to jump in no matter what.

Mrs. Sprouse joined the dining hall staff in September of last year; however, she has been in the private school food industry for 22 years.

It all started with a simple desire that any parent has: to be with her daughter during the work day. She found an opportunity to work as a cook at her daughter’s daycare and has been in the food business ever since.

Some people were born to do certain things.

For Executive Chef and Assistant Director Adam King, cooking is in his blood. Both his grandfather and his dad are also executive chefs.

Mr. King spent the first eight years of his life in Italy where his father was in the military. While he has lived here for most of his life, he still considers Italy his home and visits every two years. “I miss it all the time.”

After high school, Mr. King went straight into the military where he served eight years, stationed at Fort Bragg in North Carolina and Fort

By James Gilmore Freshman Staff Writer

We often take for granted the cookies and drinks we devour at special events. Along those same lines, we never stop and think about the variety of salad toppings in the cafeteria. Catering Manager Candi Gorham is responsible for both.

Ms. Gorham has been dedicated to working here for nine years. Her job responsibilities include making food for such big events as alumni breakfasts and the athletic banquet, or something as simple as setting up coffee. The salad bar can be stressful work to keep stocked when the hot lunch is not the students’ favorite.

The cutting up of vegetables and meats is a boat load of work for one person. “When she is sick we are all

Drum in New York. A lot of people believe that military food is nasty, but Mr. King says that is definitely not the case.

“You learn how to cook there.

They cook everything from scratch… It’s not crappy food like you think it is.”

After finishing his duties, he went on to graduate from Stratford University. From there, he worked at a country club, at a three-star restaurant in New York as a back saute, at Sodexo food services and then Sage Dining Services. He has worked here three years.

“Out of all these years this is the best. It’s almost like the military where they cook a lot from scratch.”

Currently, Mr. King is married

with two kids, a 4 year old and an 8 month old. He has a twin brother and an older sister. Mr. King is a big basketball fan, particularly of the Los Angeles Lakers. He is a Shaquille O’Neal guy over a Kobe Bryant fan.

Coworkers say that Mr. King is a good worker and easy to work with.

Candi Gorham scrambling,” said Ms. Huntjens who described her as very hardworking and reliable and as a person with a good attitude and sense of humor.

Ms. Gorham’s background reflects her work ethic.

She graduated from Franklin Military Academy in Richmond. She is also close to her family. Her grandma, who raised her, was an influential part of her life.

Her career started in retail where she worked for 10 years, most recently for Sears. When she came to St. Christopher’s she started at the bottom, working as the dishwasher, but was soon promoted to take on more responsibilities.

Ms. Gorham said, “It can get overwhelming at times.” She is willing to do it because she loves helping people.

Outside of work Ms. Gorham is devoted to her cat Stella. “I am 100 percent a cat mom,” she said. She loves animals and enjoys watching “Animal Planet” on TV. In her 40-hour work week she is always looking to mix up the offerings with new recipes and to learn new things.

March 2016

The Pine Needle

Brandi Goode

By Henry Rodriguez Sophomore Contributor

Having a baby, taking care of four kids and cooking delicious food for St. Christopher’s students may all be arduous tasks, but Ms. Brandi Goode has fun doing all of them. After returning from maternity leave, the Sage Dining cook, born and raised in Richmond’s Northside, tackles her work with an undiminished zeal.

Ms. Goode considers it her duty to prepare excellent meals. She espouses the belief that Sage Dining “provides a key part” in helping students achieve academic and athletic success. Healthy food, according to her, “nourishes all the way around;” it assists in all aspects of life, from thinking to kicking a ball. Her main role on the staff being a cook, Ms. Goode is in the perfect position to test her philosophy on ever-willing students.

Her hard work extends to life outside of school as well.

Ms. Goode is the mother of four children aged from two months to 10 years. She not only cooks for her family but teaches her kids to cook too, citing both the raw passion she has for her job and the fact that it strengthens the bond her family has. At home, she also takes online business classes when she can.

Even outside of work, Ms. Goode’s life is never dull. She busies herself with arts and crafts, saying “my hands always have to be busy.” She listens to music voraciously as well, though she doesn’t discriminate by genre. Still unable to keep away from the oven, she is an excellent baker.

All these interests might wear out an average person.

However, coworker Kim Huntjens says, “[Brandi is] the funniest person in the kitchen... she always keeps the mood up.” If only we could all tackle our jobs and callings with a fire as strong as hers.

Hamon Shoots for Mars

By Henry Rodriguez Sophomore Staff Writer

Though math teacher Dr. Suzy Hamon has only been with us for a few short months, we may soon witness her departure to the final frontier.

During the beginning of Christmas break, Dr. Hamon was texting a friend whose 7-year-old daughter wanted to be an astronaut. That’s not an uncommon dream for people both young and old, but it was recently made that much closer to reality when on Monday Dec. 13, NASA opened the astronaut application process on the USAjobs.gov website.

After her friend told her about the prime opportunity, Dr. Hamon immediately sent in her resumé. “Why would I not apply to be an astronaut?” she quipped.

She realized she met all the requirements, which include a bachelor’s degree in engineering, biological science, physical science, computer science or mathematics, at least three years of professional experience in any of those subjects and the ability

Radiance Outshines Expectations

By William Rodriguez Sophomore Staff Writer

Though students may have come to the theater with admittedly low expectations following mixed reactions to Radioactive, the all school summer read, the play Radiance manages to out-do in some ways a lackluster script. Directed

by Theater Program Director Rusty Wilson, the play starred seven actors as Marie Curie, her husband Pierre and their real-life associates.

While Radiance attempted and in some parts succeeded in capturing the tumultuous private life of the Curies, it struggled with problems like forced dialogue and unnecessary kissing.

The single long act stretches 90 minutes, without intermission, allowing the actors ample time to go into extremely precise detail about several years of Marie Curie’s intimate private life.

The play begins with the Curie duo mixing pitchblende in an attempt to create a visible sample of their phantom element, radium. It introduces characters such as fellow scientist Paul Langevin and his anti-intellectual wife Jeanne, with part of the story narrated by their colleague Emile (played by St.

Christopher’s own Mr. John Winn).

The first real conflict is introduced with the Nobel Prize committee’s refusal to acknowledge Marie contributions to the discovery of radioactivity, but is rather hastily resolved by a letter from Pierre. However, a carriage crushes his skull, described in gory detail, and Marie is reduced to an emotional wreck. This scene, as well as other parts where props are needed, are performed with hand motions.

The rest of the play takes on a faster pace as Marie develops an intimate, furtive relationship with fellow scientist Paul Langevin.

However, his unstable wife Jeanne discovers their letters and shares them with unscrupulous journalist Terbougie, played by Upper School history teacher Dr. Andy Smith, who is hell-bent on humiliating Marie Curie for being a female scientist.

Marie must ultimately separate from her new lover Paul and suffers the effects of radiation poisoning, but the play manages to end on a high note with a second Nobel Prize awarded Marie for her discovery of radium.

One of the more impressive parts of the play was its ability to condense the events of decades into an hour and a half long act

]15[

seamlessly, with little of it seeming to “jump” over long periods of time. The actors also do a good job of reading their lines with suitable passion and conviction and move to different parts of the stage to give each part of the audience a good view.

However, the play lacked in some aspects. Much of the dialogue was simply “read out” to the audience, with the actors often monologuing in a way resembling a university lecture, especially when using scientific terms that may have gone over the audience’s head. Another aspect that bothered some of the spectators was the large amount of kissing and hugging between the lovers; it seemed to be used as a substitute for dialogue developing Marie and Paul’s love.

Finally, this writer expresses his disappointment at the stereotypical way the play treated journalists in the form of the malevolent Terbougie-- as pointy nosed, annoying and facetious backstabbers who rip apart reputations and lie at their leisure to sell a few papers.

to pass NASA’s physical examination.

“It’s a bit weird,” she admits. Very few other specifics are provided and there are no age or fitness requirements besides 20/20 correctable vision and the ability to fit into the space shuttle. The application will be evaluated and returned in six months.

However, even if the details don’t seem fully fleshed out, Dr. Hamon couldn’t imagine disappointing her friend’s daughter and her own niece. “[My niece] looked at me and said, ‘Suzy could do this.’”

If accepted, Dr. Hamon might join St. Catherine’s graduate Mead McCormick ’05 in the ranks of future spacefaring Saints. “It feels

like a fantasy,” she said.

With luck, Dr. Hamon may one day obtain the dream job of a multitude of children and adults alike: traversing and conquering the cosmos.

VPNs Spell Trouble

By Collin Mistr

instructional technologist, was the first person to notify Senior Staff Writer the school and student body The end of an era: the Up- about the issue. She notes that use of VPN servers vioper School tech department lates the school’s acceptable has finally cracked down on use policy. students bypassing the webUltraSurf, a common VPN filter after years of occurrencclient, is designed to protect es. Students circumvent the the user from other people on filter in a number of ways, the same Internet connection the most common of which is being able to monitor what using VPN client software. they’re browsing on their The purpose of this software computer. Unlike most VPN is to provide an anonymous clients however, Ultrasurf browsing experience for its cannot be disabled once inusers and is mainly targeted stalled, and runs all the time for use on public WiFi neton users’ computers. works.

Monitoring the school VPNs, or Virtual Private network, Ms. Pohanka Networks, were originally noticed a very large amount designed to access remote of bandwidth being used by private networks over the this particular client. Along Internet. Commonly used in corporate environments, they with violating the acceptable use policy, Ms. Pohanka said, allow workers to access pri“This program also poses a vate computers and resourcmajor security risk for the es on their office network computers of the students without actually being there. using it.”

HowThis is ever, true: any with operators more of the people service becomcan easily ing monitor suspiit, just as cious the school of can, to hacksee what ing, Photo by Edward Millman ’16 students the use are doing. of VPNs has shifted As a response to the use of in recent years.

VPNs, the school has begun Today, the most common inflicting repercussions. “At use for VPNs is anonymity. first, I started pulling stuA VPN used for anonymity dents out to ask them about serves the job of forwarding it, but there were so many, all incoming and outgoing we just had to block it,” said connections. At St. ChristoMs. Pohanka. pher’s a VPN prevents the While there are students network from seeing what knowingly using these prosites the user visits; all it grams to bypass the filter, can see is the outgoing and the majority don’t really incoming connection to the understand what they are or VPN server. even know if they’re using Ms. Carey Pohanka, them.

Upper School academic

[ 16 ]

The Oak Needle St. Christopher’s Finest News Source St. Christopher’s School

Richmond, Virginia

Mr. Johns Breaks 2014 Record with 7-Minute Announcement

By John Doe Guest Contributor

Mr. Johns allegedly beat his record for the longest chapel announcement this Monday with a 7-minute long list of names. Although we have several reports of this occurrence, The Pine Needle cannot fully verify that this event took place.

Several students inter-

In Other News...

Mason Lecky to Reach Across the Aisle in Student Council Dispute page A1

DT Badley ’17 Stages Coup, Overthrows Student Council page B8

Johns and Horner Upset for Being Featured in This Oak Needle Headline page Y007 Center for the Study of Boys Rebranded to Center for the S.O.B.’s page XXVII

English Department Annual Book Burning Rescheduled Due to Snow page R2D2

viewed were oblivious, one citing “Monday morning” for their lapse of awareness. Another student said “I just didn’t know what he was saying after about 25 seconds.”

Mr. Johns had previously taken the crown in May of 2014 with a 5-minute presentation of his poem “An Ode to the Block Study Hall.”

St. Catherine’s student newspaper, The Arcadian, has allegedly discovered the line tool within their layout program. These reports come from sources familiar with the matter, who requested not to be named for fear of retribution.

“This next part is off the record,” the source told The Pine Needle. “I saw one of the editors accidentally click the line tool instead of the text box tool.”

The Pine Needle has also obtained what appears to be a draft copy of The Arcadian, complete with crudely drawn lines. Our panel of forensic specialists and layout experts believe they could have been “drawing a line on the paper to see what it looks like.” At this time we can neither confirm or deny the validity of our sources.

We will provide additional details as they become available.

St. Catherine’s Detains Student for Refusing to Remove the Mask He Lives In

Collegiates’s Newspaper Celebrates 100th Reader page n!

Recently discovered documents from Halloween last year show St. Catherine’s campus security detaining a student for refusing to remove the mask he lives in. This occurred after the school tightened its policy against wearing masks during the holiday.

The student was released after given a firm warning to “man up.” The unnamed student, when asked for a comment, said he was “miss represented” and will consider filing a complaint.

Volume XXX

Number 1

Honor Council Update By [REDACTED] [Redacted]

is everything

Mr. Mauck Accidentally Roasts Tour Parent

By Coleman Cox Senior Contributor

okay

The Arcadian Discovers Line Tool

Stillwell, Spears, Roy, Franzese Victims of Recent Budget Cuts page 4-8-15-16-23-42

Students and Faculty Reach Plea Deal: Athletic Center Set to Reopen by 2025 page 6.023 x 10^23

March 2016

CAT Indicted on Drug Trafficking Charges

By Anon Y. Mous Guest Contributor

St. Christopher’s has suspended school for the remainder of the semester after several CAT team members were arrested for leading the second largest cocaine network in the Mid-Atlantic.

The FBI has found 600 kilos of cocaine hidden in the Cen-

ter for the Study of Boys.

One student cynically remarked, “Now I know why there are so many useless rooms down there.”

A ranking member noted that the CAT team attempted to subsidize their low salaries. “Money doesn’t grow on trees, but cocaine does.”

From the 1936 Pine Needle eSports Athlete Pope Whitley ’16 Tests Positive for PEDs Pope Whitley ’16 has been suspended for the upcoming Mario Party 10 tournament due to a recent failed drug test.

“I took a supplement prescribed by my doctor and it turns out there was banned substance in it,” Whitley said

over social media.

“That’s what they all say,” said eSports commissioner Stephanie McCully.

Some are now questioning Whitley’s eSports championship and whether an asterisk should be included with his title.

“It just came out so naturally. I thought it was hilarious at the time.” So he thought. On a recent admissions tour given to prospective eighth-grade parents, Mr. Mauck was rolling through his usual banter about student life. Gradually implemented co-ed classes, faculty-student closeness (and smack talk) and the classic, “half-of-our-a-cappella-group-is-on-the-footballteam” quip all made the cut.

Yet Mr. Mauck’s specialty is his personal engagement with each parent as the tours go on. He recalls having what seemed like a normal chat with eighth-grade parent Phil Stevens-Johnson.

“St. Chris would really be a great choice for your son. It might redeem the cell-phone clip outside the pocket thing you’ve got going on.”

From that point on, Mr. Mauck remembers careening into an avalanche of accurate yet ill-timed remarks. “It’s like a bad case of the giggles.

The more you try to stop it, the worse it gets.” In a snap, Mr. Stevens-Johnson’s combover, New Balance sneakers and golf polo were all grilled by our admissions director.

Some of the other parents even caught the disease.

“It was just so true,” claims local parent Maria Smith. Today, Mr. Mauck has learned from this, and is working to fine-tune his roasts. “I will say, any man who dresses like that is a moving target.”

Mr. Mauck may have a point there, but he also understands the effect his disses can have on those around him. Mr Hudepohl is currently in physical therapy after pulling his abdominals from sheer laughter.

Mr. Szymendera recently weighed in on the situation.

“I’m glad I wasn’t there. I probably would’ve joined in.” As of now, Mr. StevensJohnson says he is “on the fence, if the fence is 1,000 miles from St. Christopher’s School.”