Confirmation MentorGuide 2022-2023
TableofContents ModesofCommunication StartingaConversation ListeningtoYouth HonoringConfidentiality KeepingYouthSafe GettingSupport GivingGifts 1|MentorWelcome 2|CommunicatingwithTeenagers 4|MeetingTogether 5|MarkYourCalendars 6|HelpingYouthMakeaConfirmationDecision 7|ServiceOpportunities 8|AppendixA:ConversationStarters 12|AppendixB:TheBaptismalCovenant 13|ContactInformation
Inservingasamentor,themainthingyouofferisalisteningearandaninterestinyourconfirmand’s questionsandexplorations.Youdon’thavetohavealltheanswers infact,oneofthegreatestgiftsyoucan offerareyourownhonestquestions.
Therearethreemainexpectationsofmentors:
ExperiencedConfirmationMentor &SpiritualDirector
CompletetherequiredPAclearancesandSafeChurchTrainingbeforemeetingwithyouryouthforthe firsttime.Thesearerequiredofallpeoplewhointeractwithchildrenandyouth.Pleasevisit stdavidschurch.org/get-involved/tofillouttheforms. Ifyouhavequestions,pleasecontact receptionist@stdavidschurchorgforinstructionsandassistance Gettogetherwiththeyouthyouarementoringoftenenoughtobuildarelationship Bepresentatappointedtimes. Seepage5formoredetails.
Withhumility,offeryourconfirmandthegreatestgiftyoucangive:yourself wartsandall
Rememberasyourespondtotheinvitationemail,text,orcall,that,forsomeoneatthistenderage,asking someonetobeyourmentortakesALOTofcourage
So,youwereaskedtobeaconfirmationmentor?
Beingaskedtoserveasaconfirmationmentorisagreathonor IntheconfirmationprogramatSt David’s,we encourageourconfirmandstoselectamentorforthemselves inotherwords,nottosimplyasktheirparents totellthemwhotoask.Therefore,beingaskedmeansthatsomehowandsomeway,youhavestoodouttoone oftheyoungpeopleinourcommunityandtheywouldliketogettoknowyoubetter.
Tobeginwith,let’sestablishwhatamentorisnot Amentorisneitherparentnorpeer,socialworkernor savior Rather,amentorisafriend,aconfidant,andapositiveforceinthelifeofayouth
Congratulationsonreceivingthisspecialinvitation,andblessingsasyouconsideryourresponse
TheconfirmationprogramatSt.David’srunsfromSeptemberuntillateMay.Whileyourrelationshipwith yourconfirmandwillbemostintenseduringthesemonths,itislikelythatasweetrelationshipwillformalong theway.Less“formal”thanbeingagodparent,beingaconfirmationmentorisoftenthebeginningofalovely relationship.Itisahappygiftoftheprogramthatyouwilllikelyendupinalong-lastingfriendshipwiththe youngpersonwhohasinvitedyoutosharetheirconfirmationjourney
AmyNoblesDolan
Expectations
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BeingcoolisnotthegoalInstead,strivetobeauthenticDonottrytomakeyourselfintosomething you ’renot.Don’tpretendtoknowalltheanswers.Youthcansmellinauthenticityfromamileaway. The"real"youisthegiftyouoffer.
Youwanttogettogetherwithyourconfirmand.Yousentanicecard.Youwroteanemail.Youleft messagesonhomeandcellphones.Andyet,itwouldseemasiftheyareoblivioustoyoureffortsto reachthemActually,theyprobablyareIt’sagenerationalthing!
StartingaConversation
Regardingsocialmedia:establishyourtermsThismay(ormaynot)beawayyouchooseto communicate.Ifyoudo,itisimportanttoavoidappsthathave"disappearing"messageslikeSnapchat.
Startsomewheresafe.Haveaconversationaboutsomethingneutralandfun,justtofindaplaceto startInAppendixAyouwillfindalonglistofconversationstartersorganizedintocategoriesforease ofreference.Takealookatthembeforeyourfirstmeeting ormaybeforeverymeeting,makingita tradition
Also,considerthevenue;ifyouareinabuildingwhereadultstendtohavemorepowerthanyouth, yourconfirmandmayfinditmoredifficulttospeakfreely.Ifyouareinaplacewhereyouth outnumberadults sayacoffeeshopneartheschool thenyouareontheirterritorywhichmaygive themmoreconfidence
ModesofCommunication
CommunicatingwithTeenagers
Communicatingeffectivelywithteenagersrequiresenteringintotheirframeofreference.Wehave foundthatthebestwaytoreachyouthisviatextmessagesAtyourfirstmeetingwithyour confirmand,pleasediscussthebestwaytogetintouchwitheachother.Parentsandguardianscan supportandencouragecommunicationbutitisimportanttoforgearelationshipdirectlybetween mentorandconfirmand.
Buildingarelationshipwithyourconfirmandmaytakesometime,buteventually,youwillmostlikely findthatconversationflowseasily.Itwillbeeasierwhenyouknowsomethingaboutoneanotherand havemoresharedexperiencesuponwhichtodrawButhowtogetthere?
Forfun,youmightevenjotafewdownonslipsofpaperandhaveyourconfirmandpickone randomly,likecardsinadeckInvitethemtodothesame,iftheyseemtotakeaninterestinwriting theirown.
ComfortmayalsolieinpostureYoumayalreadyknowthatsomeyouthwhoseemmonosyllabicat bestwillchatmorefreelytoyouortooneanotherwhenthey’resittingbesideyou.Youmightfindit easiertohaveaconversationifyouarewalkingsomewhereorseatedsidebysideratherthanfaceto face.
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Afterallwesaidaboveabouthowtodrawoutyouthinconversation,youmayfindyourselfpairedwithayouthwho won’tstoptalking,whowillwanttogoonatlengthaboutsubjectsfarremovedfromyourostensibletopic.Itmaybe thatthereissomethingimportantgoingonandtheydoneedyoutolistenatthattime.Beflexible.Yourtopicorplan maynotbethemostimportantone.Ontheotherhand,theymaybetalkingoutofnervousness,hyperactivity, excitement,orsimplytoavoidthetopicathand Inthatcase,youmayneedtogentlyleadtheconversationbackto whatyouintendedtodiscuss Useyourbestjudgmentaboutwhatismostimportantforyouryouthatthemoment
Manyyouthdonothaveadultsintheirlivesthattrulylistentothem Often,adultsarebusytellingthemhowtoact (orhownotto)andwhattothinkanddo.Thereisabigdifferencebetweeninstructingandtalking.Therefore, listeningisoneofthemostimportantgiftsyouwilloffer.Resisttheurgetogiveanswers,evenifyouareprompted forthem.Invitethemtowonderaboutthequestionstheyhaveaskedbeforeofferingyourperspective.Whilethere maybeanappropriatetimetoshareyourfaithstoryoryourperspectiveonagiventopic,suchsharingshouldalways beinthecontextofdrawingouttheyouth’sthoughts:helpingyouthtelltheirstoryandformulatetheirfaith
Askclarifyingquestionsifyoudon’tunderstandsomething.Insomeways,youwillbelearninganotherlanguageand anotherculture.You’lllearnaboutpeersandteachers,technology,andpopularculturereferencesthatyou’venever heardofbefore.Youdon’tneedtoknowitallbeforeyoustart.You’llcertainlyknowalotmorebythetimeyou’re through!
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ListeningtoYouth
Finally,acceptwhattheyofferanddoyourbesttoreservejudgment Youmightaskiftheyhaveafavoritesongor shortvideocliptosharewithyou.Evenifitisnotsomethingyougravitatetowards,askclarifyingquestionstolearn moreaboutconfirmand'sinterestinit. Beingseenandheardiskey.
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Gift-GivingGuidelines
Yourgiftdoesnothavetobespiritual.Whatyouarehopingtofindisagiftthatismeaningful.
MarkYourCalendar
Pleaseplantomakeyourselfavailableforthefollowingdates:
Inadditiontotheresourcesyouwillfindhere,weencourageyoutotalkwithothermentorsonoccasiontocheckin, tosharetips,ortoprocess.Besuretoaskforhelporadviceifyouneedit:EmilyGivenategiven@stdavidschurch.org or610-688-7947,X216
GivingGifts
Mentorsoftenwonderwhethergivingandreceivinggiftsisappropriateinthementorrelationship,andifso,towhat extent.Hereareafewgeneralthoughts:attheirbest,giftscanbewonderfulexpressionsofheartfeltaffection.Gifts canevokepowerfulemotions Butgiftsoftenimplyexpectationsorconveyconfusingmessages Itisimportantto recognizethatthebearerofagiftisexercisingaformofpower:thepowertoshopforandbuyagift Moreover, givingagifttoanotheroften althoughnotalways placesaburdenupontherecipienttoreciprocate.Itis somethingtotakeintoconsiderationwhenonethinksofgivinganygift.
GettingSupport
Thereisnoneedtogivebirthdayand/orChristmasgifts.Acardoranoteor,evenbetter,anoutingispreferable. Themostappropriatetimetoconsidergivingagiftisfortheconfirmationceremonyitself.St.David’shasgiven aBookofCommonPrayer.Across,icon,orbookareallsuitableconfirmationgifts.OurSt.David’sGiftShop alwayshasappropriateselections.Best,though,arethosegiftsthatgrowoutofsomethingyouhavesharedinthe courseofyourtimetogether,somethingthatcomesfromasignificantconversationoreventthatshowsyouhave beenpayingattention
ConversationstartersonConfirmation
•Whatdoyouthinkyou’regoingtoremember aboutthis10yearsfromnow?
•Whatwouldyouliketodonext?
HelpingYouthMakea ConfirmationDecision
•WhatwouldyousayyoubelieveaboutGod now?Aboutthechurch?Howhasthat changed?
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•WhatdoesitmeantoyoutobeaChristian? WhatdoesitmeantobeanEpiscopalian?
Soyou’vespentmanymonthsgettingtoknow aperson.You’vebeendiligentlylistening actively askingquestions,repeatingfeelings back,providingaconsistent,patient,and empathicsoundingboard.You’veheardtheir seriousdoubtsaboutthevirginbirth,their angeraboutchurchpolitics,ortheirapathy aboutreligion.Orperhaps,toyour amazement,you'veseenateenagergrowand changeinfrontofyoureyesfroma monosyllabicshruggertoatheologian,an activist,orasaint
ByMarch2023,youcoulddiscussthe questionofconfirmationwithyouryouth. Ideally,itwillbeanopenquestionthatwillbe subjecttolivelydiscussion.Rememberthatit isnotyourjobtogetyouthtobeconfirmed Rather,itistheirjobtomakeanindependent decision.Yourjobistohelpprovideasafe spaceinwhichtoexplorethequestion. Belowisalistofquestionsthatmightbe helpfulingettingsuchaconversationstarted, butfeelfreetouseyourownquestionsorjust allowtheconversationtoflownaturallyif conversationstartersareunnecessary.
AnotherwaytoapproachthisisthroughtheBaptismalCovenant (BCPp.416orintheAppendix).Youthwillhavethoughtaboutthe questionsintheBaptismalCovenantduringtheirpreparation;taking alookbackatwhattheythoughtaboutthosequestionsmaybe anotherwaytogettheconversationstarted.
•Whatdidyoulearnaboutyourselfthisyear?
•Whatdoyouseedifferentlynowfromwhen youstartedtheprogram?
SingleEventOpportunity:
St.David’sChurchWorkDay(MayTBA)
Contact:LeslieLewis brantpoint1@msn.com
Contact:LeslieRobertshaw-lrobertshaw@stdavidschurchorg
Contact:AlisonHastings-amchastings@yahoo.com
RedeemedforaCauseandNoMoreSecrets(Anytime)
St.Gabriel’sChurchMittenTreeDelivery&MealPrep(JanuaryTBA)
Engaginginserviceopportunitiescanbeanexcellentwaytoconnectwithyourconfirmandin ameaningfulway HereisacuratedlistofoptionsfromthemanySt David'soutreach partners.
FeminineHygieneProductCollectionandDelivery
Contact:LeslieRoy-lroy456@comcastnet
St.Gabriel’sFeedingMinistryandClothingCloset (Saturdays,9:30am12:30pm)
Contact:LeslieLewis-brantpoint1@msn.com
Casseroles(summer)orsoup(winter)canbemadeatanytimeanddeliveredtothefreezersin St.David'slowerlevelkitchen.Thechurchkitchencanbereservedifyouwouldliketogather inalargergroup.
ProjectEnsonga
ServiceOpportunities
MakeSustainableFeminineHygieneKits
St.John’sFeedingMinistrywithFamilyMinistry (FirstSunday,9:30aminNorristown)
Asafamilyorwithagroupofconfirmands,therecipescanbefound stdavidschurchorg/outreach/communityministries
Contact:LizzyWhite elizabethmhlwhite@gmail.com
Setupsleepingareas,cook,orplaygameswithchildrenstayingatStDavid's
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Contact:VincentDixon vincedixon@mecom
FoodCollectionandDeliverytoSt Mary'sChurch,Chester(Anytime)
OngoingOpportunity:
FamilyPromiseoftheMainline(FormerlyknownasInterfaithHousingNetwork) (3/12 17,5/21 28,7/30 8/6,10/15 22)
Contacts:LeslieRoy lroy456@comcast.net,EileenKraut eileenkraut@yahoo.com
St.John’sFeedingMinistry-CookatHome(Anytime)
Ifyoucouldchangeonethingaboutyourday,whatwoulditbe?
Afewquestionsaregivenundermorethanonecategory.
Whatmakesyoufeelhappy?
Ifyoucouldbuyacarrightnow,whatwouldyoubuy?Why?
Howdidyouhelpanyonetoday?Howdidthatmakeyoufeel?
Ifyouhadonedaytoliveoveragain,whatdaywouldyoupick?Why?
Pretendingisagreatskill.Usingyourimagination,canwemakeupastoryaboutsomethingyousaw,justforfun?
Let’ssayyouweresenttoliveonaspacestationforthreemonthsandyouwereallowedtobringonlythree personalitemswithyouwhatwouldtheybe?
Didyoutellanyone“thankyou?”
Whatdidyouread?Whatareyoureading?Whatwouldyouliketoreadnext?
Whatissomethingfunthatyoulearnedinthelastweekthatyoucansharewithme?
Thefirstgroupofquestionsmaybeeasierwhenyouarefirstgettingtoknowyourmentee Afteryou’veestablished trust,youmayfindthelatterquestionsmoreeffective.
Whatmakesyoufeelloved?
Whatwassomethingyousawoutthewindow?
Imaginea“bestdayever”Whatkindsofthingswouldyoudo?
Haveyoueverseenafallingstar?Didyoumakeawish?Whatwasit?
Whatissomethingyoudoeveryday?
Whatdidyouenjoydoingtoday?
Whatissomethingthatyoulearnedthatyoudidn’tunderstand,andstilldon’tunderstand?
Ifyoucouldchooseavacationspotanywhereintheworld,wherewoulditbe,andwhy?
AppendixA
Whatwouldthetitleofyourautobiographybe?
Besidesgraduating,whatisyournumberonegoalforyourremainingtimeatschool?
Whataresomeexamplesofkindnessyouhaveexperienced?
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Whatwouldyoudowith$1,000?Why?$1million?Why?
Whatmakesyoufeelproud?
Whatissomethingyousawthatsurprisedyou?
Whatdidyoudothatwascreativetoday?
Howwereyoubravetoday?
Ifyoucouldbeanyactorintheworld,whowouldyoube,andwhy?
Whatwouldyoudoonanunexpecteddayofffromschool?
Ifyourhousewasonfireandyoucouldchooseonlyonethingtosave(besidesfamilymembers),whatwoulditbe? Why?
Let’spretend ifyoucouldgoanywhereintheworldforaday,wherewouldyouliketogo?Why?Withwhom?
ConversationalStarters
What’syourdreamjob?Whatmightbeyourdreamjob10yearsfromnow?
Dreams/Hypotheticals
What’syourfavoriteholiday?Why?
What’syourfavoritesporttowatch?toplay?
What’syourfavoritethingtodoonanunexpecteddayofffromschool?
Haveyouevergrownanything?Ifso,what?
Whatanimalrepresentsyouinthepresentandwhy?(Youcanalsoaskinthepastandfuture.)
What’syourfavoritedessert?Describeatimewhenyouhadthatdessertasachild.
What’syourfavoritetimeofday?Why?
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Whatunusualsuperpowerwouldyouliketohave?(Noflying,invisibility,Xrayvision,orsuperstrength/speed think outsideofthebox)
What’syourfavoriterideatanamusementpark?Why?
What’syourfavoritetradition?
Whatdoyoumostappreciateinlife?
What’syourfavoritecity?Why?
What’syourfavoritetimeofyear winter,spring,summer,orfall?Why?
What’syourfavoritehobby?Howdoesthathobbyreflectyourpersonalityandpassions?
What’syourfavoritefastfoodrestaurant?Why?What’sthemostmemorablethingthathappenedthere?
Whatmoviedoyouthinkeveryoneshouldwatch?
Doyouhaveanyhiddentalents?
Youcanonlychooseonetousefortherestofyourlife,whichdoyouchoose?(TikTok,Snapchat,Instagram,or?)
Doyouliketocook?Ifso,whatdoyouliketomake?Ifnot,whatdoyouwishyoucouldmake?
Wouldyourathermeetyourtravelbackintimetomeetyourancestorsortothefuturetomeetyourdescendants?
Doyoubelongtoanyclubs?Whyorwhynot?
Who’syourfavoritemusicartistorgroup?Whatmakesyougravitatetohim/her/them?
What’sthelastgreatTVshowormovieyouwanted?
Ifyoucouldchooseavacationspotanywhereintheworld,wherewoulditbe,andwhy?
Whenandwhathaveyoucollectedduringyourlife?
What’syourfavoritethingtowear?Why?
What’syourfavoritecandy?Why?
Doyouhaveextendedfamily?Ifso,dotheyliveclosetoyouorfaraway?Howoftendoyouseethem?What’sthe besttimeyoueverspentwiththem?
Activities/Interests
What’syourfavoriteTVshow?Whatdoyoulikebestaboutit?
Describeyourfavoritetoyasachild.
Whodoyouthinkisagreatexampleofasuccessfulperson?
What’syourfavoritemovie?Whatdoyoulikebestaboutit?
Whatsong,album,orartistcouldyoulistentoonrepeat?
Areyouanearlybirdornightowl?
What’sthebestpieceofadviceyou’veeverbeengiven?
Whatdopeopleneveraskyouthatyouwishtheydid?
Ifyoucouldhangoutwithanycartooncharacter,whowouldyouchooseandwhy?
Who’syourfavoriteauthor?Describethelastbookyoureadbythatauthor.
What’syourfavoritefood?Where’syourfavoriteplacetoeatit?
Doyouhaveanymusicalability?Ifso,whatdoyouenjoyaboutit?Ifnot,whatwouldyoulovetolearn?
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Haveyouevergrownanything?Ifso,what?
Ifyouhadonedaytoliveoveragain,whatdaywouldyoupick?Why?
What’ssomethingyou’veseenordoneyouwishyoucouldgetoutofyourmind?
Haveyoueverbeeninaplay?Whatpartdidyouplay?
Whenandwhathaveyoucollectedduringyourlife?
Haveyoueverriddeninaboat?Whatwasitlike?
What’syourgreatestachievement?
Sources: https://partnersinhealing.counselinginschools.org/ “101RelationalDiscussionStarters”byTonyAkersinGroupMagazine.
Haveyoueverseenasunrise?Whatwereyoudoing,andhowdiditfeel?
Ifyou’veeverflowninanairplane,describewhatitwaslikethefirsttimeyoutookoffandlanded.
Haveyoueverbeentoaconcert?Whatdidyoulikeanddislikeaboutit?
Haveyoueverreceivedanawardforanything?Ifso,whatwasit,andhowdiditfeeltogetit?
Describethescariestexperienceofyourlife
Haveyoueverbeen“cut”fromateam?Howdidyoucopewiththat?
Describeyourfavoritetoyasachild.
Haveyoueverbuiltanything?Whatwasit?Howdidyoufeelwhenyoufinished?
Describeatimeyoufeltspecial
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Onthethirddayheroseagain.
Heascendedintoheaven,andisseatedattherighthandoftheFather. Hewillcomeagaintojudgethelivingandthedead.
Celebrant:DoyoubelieveinGodtheFather?
TheBaptismalCovenant
People:IbelieveinJesusChrist,hisonlySon,ourLord. HewasconceivedbythepoweroftheHolySpiritandbornoftheVirginMary. HesufferedunderPontiusPilate,wascrucified,died,andwasburied. Hedescendedtothedead.
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Celebrant:DoyoubelieveinJesusChrist,theSonofGod?
Celebrant:Willyoucontinueintheapostles’teachingandfellowship,inthe breakingofbread,andintheprayers?
People:Iwill,withGod’shelp.
Celebrant:WillyouseekandserveChristinallpersons,lovingyourneighboras yourself?
Celebrant:DoyoubelieveinGodtheHolySpirit?
People:Iwill,withGod’shelp.
People:IbelieveintheHolySpirit,theholycatholicChurch, thecommunionofsaints,theforgivenessofsins, theresurrectionofthebody,andthelifeeverlasting.
Celebrant:Willyoupersevereinresistingevil,and,wheneveryoufallintosin, repentandreturntotheLord.
Celebrant:Willyoustriveforjusticeandpeaceamongallpeople,andrespectthe dignityofeveryhumanbeing?
People:Iwill,withGod’shelp.
AppendixB
People:Iwill,withGod’shelp.
People:IbelieveinGod,theFatheralmighty,creatorofheavenandearth.
People:Iwill,withGod’shelp.
Celebrant:WillyouproclaimbywordandexampletheGoodNewsofGodin Christ?
ContactInformation TeachingTeam TheRev.W.FrankAllen Rector fallen@stdavidschurch.org 610.688.7947x217 EmilyGiven ConfirmationCoordinator egiven@stdavidschurch.org 610.688.7947x216 TheRev.ThomasSzczerba,Jr AssociateRector tszczerba@stdavidschurch.org 610.688.7947x303 ElliotVanHoy DirectorofYouthMinistry evanhoy@stdavidschurch.org 610.688.7947x220 DesignTeam JillBonn EmilyGiven AlisonHastings LeslieLewis JonesyLerch ChurchAddress: 763South Valley ForgeRoad Wayne,PA19087 13
empowerthemforyourservice;sustainthemallthedaysoftheirlives.Amen. BCP,page418
stdavidschurch.org/lifeevents/confirmation/
Strengthen,OLord,yourservantswithyourHolySpirit;
