Step 12 Magazine Sep-Oct 2016

ISSUE NO. 18

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Recovery A Story of Recovery

by David Prentice

Trigger Point Therapy

by Mauvis Miller

Right-Sizing with Humility

by Dr. Judi Hollis

INSIDE:

* Horoscopes * Puzzles * Recovery Resources * Humor Page * Newcomer’s Page

The Lure of the 1-2-3 Waltz

by Kyczy Hawk

InterCoast Colleges

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Not all programs are available at all locations. Please call for more information. Financial aid is available to those who qualify.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 3

Inside This Issue Columns

PROFILE: Scott H. Silverman - 30

Cover Story: Defining Recovery - 6

by Karen Van Den Berg

Right-Sizing with Humility - 8

by Carly Gutner-Davis

Finding Ease with Recovering - 34

by Kristin Wilhite

The Fourth Reality: Grave Incongruence - 36

Dr. Judi Hollis

by Susan Jackson - The Seven Realities of the Addicted Family

Taming Triggers- 10

All Aboard! - 40

by Carol Teitelbaum - It Happens to Boys

Transforming the Codependent Mind - 12 Darlene Lancer on Codependency

Food Therapy - 13

by Lyn P.

Trigger Point Therapy - 42

by Mauvis Miller

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality--Think Truth! - 44

by Roni Askey-Doran

How I Survived My First Year in Recovery - 14

by Michelle Ghirelli

Recovery From Addict-Addiction - 16

by Denise Krochta

What Are You Training For? - 22 Dan Sanfellipo - Unlocked for Life

Uncovering Recovering - 23

by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis

Uncover + Discovery = Recovery - 45

by Nora Slattery

Somebody Else - 46

by Mark Masserant

Recovery from Resentments - 48

by Judy Redman

Promise #11 (The Promises Series) - 49

by Lori Nelson

by Dan Griffin - Real Men, Real Recovery

Travel Sober - 24

The Lure of the 1-2-3 Waltz - 50

by Bob Kocher

Dear Petra Questions and Answers - 26

by Petra Hoffmann - Expert Answers about Hep-C and Addiction

A Story of Recovery - 28

by Kyczy Hawk

From a Broken Home to Broadway - 52

by Elise Maurine Milner

Eat What I Hate, and Complain About It? - 54

by David Prentice

by Suzanne Whang - It’s a WHANGderful Life

Regular Stuff Letter from the Editor - 5 Quotes - 7 Letter from the Publisher - 9 Random Thoughts - 9 Metaphorically Speaking - 11 Newcomers Page - 18 Movie Reviews with Leonard Buschel - 20

Self Assessment Questions - 21 Book Reviews - 27 Puzzles - 32 Resources for Families - 37 Reader Contributions - 38 Recovery Online - 47 We Asked, You Answered - 51 Humor - 55 Recovery Trivia - 57 Horoscopes - 58

Step 12 Magazine NEWS Since January 1, 2016, we have been keeping track of Magazine Sales. We are honored to have donated $324.00. It might not sound like much, but that’s a lot of Subscriptions for a FREE Magazine and it will go far towards helping someone on their Road to Recovery! Thank you!

We chose to donate to New Creation Behavioral Healthcare Foundation because 100% of the donation is used to help people improve their lives through addiction treatment or educational scholarships. No Admin Costs or Salaries are paid from this scholarship fund.

Thank you NCBHF for providing the vehicle that delivers on our message of hope!

To contact NCBHF, go to www.NCBHF.org

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Step 12 Magazine is extremely grateful to all our advertisers and we encourage our readers to support them. We also recommend due diligence when choosing a treatment facility to ensure that it’s the right fit for you.

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Letter from the Editor recovering with flair,

Roni Askey-Doran

Initially, the concept of recovery scared the life out of me... this “life” that I could never lead again. Never.

That’s a long time to not do a thing, especially something you’ve done for so long that you don’t even think about what you’re doing while you do it. Just stopping and changing my entire lifestyle on a pinpoint seemed impossible. Without “it“ how could I be me?

In recovery, I learned that being “me” meant being true to the true me. In reality, I’m not the wild, uninhibited party-girl you think I am. It was my addiction that put me at the forefront of every event, dancing on center stage, loud and proud and unashamed of whatever inevitable catastrophe lay ahead.

Recovery lead me along a lengthy twisting rocky path to someone I had almost forgotten about. Me. The true me is an introvert. I’d rather stick needles in my eyeballs than be at the center of a crowd. While in recovery, I have gleefully discovered that I am at my happiest while alone, undistracted and focused on my passion: writing. I have learned that there are no better drugs than the euphoria of a finished novel, or a brilliant review. I thrive best in my she-cave, left alone to do my own thing.

Recovery has taught me how to reach my goals one step at a time, sometimes one breath at a time, simultaneously showing me how to be patient, understanding and humble.

Recovery has also shown me there are no limits to what I can do, or who I can be, as long as I am always true to the true me. Knowing this, I dance with joy! (Alone.)

Ste[p12 Magazine TM

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Karen VanDenBerg karen@Step12magazine.com 760-898-8354

Editor:

Roni Askey-Doran editor@Step12magazine.com

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 5

Recovery

by Karen Van Den Berg

I had my knees replaced in 2012. Both knees at once. There were two surgeons—one was an expert in “knee replacements” and the other was an expert in “foot reconstruction.” For some odd reason, I chose a foot doctor for my knee issues and, luckily for me, he called in reinforcements.

Leading up to the surgery, I was telling a dear friend about the anticipated procedure, “The surgery is supposed to take a few hours. I’ll be in the hospital for a couple days, and then they’ll take me directly to rehab.” Her response, “Again?” made me laugh out loud. I had to clarify, “PHYSICAL rehab, not rehab-rehab.”

However, there are parallels between the two. When I went to rehab for my alcohol dependence, I was unable to care for myself. I was stymied with even the smallest tasks—bathing, eating, hydrating. I was “cut off at the knees” in terms of functionality. I was consumed with consuming relief in the bottle. By this time, the relief had morphed from emotional comfort to physical necessity. Discomfort was attacking me being on every level.

Entering physical rehab after my knee surgery may have been a different circumstance but the need was very similar.

I was unable to to care for myself by myself. I had difficulty performing simple tasks like dressing, bathing, and relieving myself. However, the recovery I experienced there was a cake-walk (no pun intended) compared to my recovery from alcoholism.

Once the knife pierced my skin and the saw-blade severed my bones, there was no turning back. Recovery was not an option.

Post-surgery, my adjustment to the change was painful. Relearning to walk, sit, stand and climb stairs took determination and persistence. I had to work hard and practice tolerance.

I had to believe that the recommended exercises could and would make things better.

pain would subside and I trusted “them.” I was amazed at my ability to navigate the stairs with a simple cane just ten days after surgery!

I was in rehab-rehab for ninety days—eleven times longer than knee replacement rehab! Emotional and spiritual changes are much more complicated than physical changes (apparently).

The choice to “turn back” would forever be available. It was difficult to fathom a forever without alcohol. The emotional highs and lows in rehab where sometimes gut-wrenching.

The bad habits needed to be broken and replaced with tools that would steer me away from my deadly obsession.

The aches and pains in alcohol rehab required exercises of the spirit and the help of a power beyond my control. Walking through the pain, I trusted that the pain would subside if I followed the direction of experience. And after my ninety days was complete, I left to complete my recovery “at home.”

I was amazed that I was able to drive past the liquor store without stopping after only ninety-days.

The twelve-steps became my therapy, my sponsor and sobersisters became my visiting nurses, and my higher-power assumed the role of my surgeon in this new lease I had on life.

Again, my surgeon called reinforcements—people, places and things that deliver messages and stimulate healing and growth.

Recovery was, and is, about re-learning to function appropriately with and without pain. It’s about learning to accommodate strengths and weaknesses. It’s about asking for help and accepting the help given. Not recovering, whether from surgery or addiction, usually means death—or worse!

Whether recovering from a blow to the head, a bounced check, surgery, or addiction, recovery is about rebounding and adjusting to the unexpected with the help of a power beyond our control--one step, or one day, at a time. Let’s dance!

My recovery from alcoholism didn’t follow knives or sawblades (although I have heard those stories, too). The only physical alteration was the withdrawal of alcohol from my system. A little medication and a lot of hope kept me alive during the process. From there, it seemed I had to re-learn everything except walking, standing, sitting and climbing stairs. I had to learn how to communicate, do laundry, laugh, write, think and feel without the help of alcohol. Where the surgery required a tolerance to physical pain, my recovery from alcohol dependence required a tolerance to emotional pain: grief, anger, sadness, fear.

I was in rehab for eight days after knee-replacement and sent home to complete my recovery with the help and support of physical therapists and visiting nurses. I was assured that the

6 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Famous Quotes about RECOVERY “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” ~ Lyndon B. Johnson “Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” ~ George Santayana “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.” ~ Dalai Lama “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” ~ Jim Rhon “Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe “You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.” ~ Joyce Meyer “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell “Imagination and fiction make up more than three quarters of our real life.” ~ Simone Weil

www.step12magazine.com

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

- Helen Keller

“Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.” ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 7

Experience, Strength, and Hope For People Struggling with Food Obsession

Right-Sizing with Humility

One of the first things we are encouraged to do in recovery is to find a sponsor. Despite that “suggestion,” many of us debate and want to keep operating independently. Our egos think someone will want to help us—to see our potential and be eager to participate. Despite feelings of despair and neediness, we often believe we are so important that someone will gladly and gratefully offer their time, energy, encouragement and support.

Although we know sponsoring helps the sponsor as well, it is crucial for ongoing recovery that we right-size ourselves— physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Humility is the emotional and spiritual quality that allows us to be in a state of surrender. There’s something humbling about approaching a person and asking for their help. We admit that we cannot conquer this beast on our own and we need that person more than they need us. This is crucial—WE need THEM. It is difficult for many of us to ask for that help. I’ve seen some people refuse to ask anyone. I recently led a retreat where folks who considered themselves “old-timers” were surprised when I spoke so adamantly about the need for working with a sponsor.

They had decided that reading the literature and trusting their own judgment was enough to help them survive—they stayed fat. Without humbling themselves to ask for help, some were even sponsoring others.

No one can identify with the humbling experience of asking for help if they are not continuing to do it themselves. It often concerns me when I see therapists minister to others while never undergoing their own therapy. Those in Al-anon know how easy it is to work on other people’s problems, rather than one’s own: it seems easy, but never works. When we experience for ourselves how difficult it is to work on our own problems, we have compassion with anyone who undertakes the difficult task of self-regeneration.

I was a hot-shot therapist when I first came to a place of surrender. I lectured, taught, and loved carrying the message of recovery—I was treating dignitaries and first ladies, thinking I had all the answers. However, for myself I had no answers and no ability to ask for help. I was still fat: I had education and information, ideas and solutions and an extra 70lbs under my belt. In this area, I had to admit I didn’t have a clue. My training dictated I should be able to fix myself—but I could not. This left me hostile and angry with myself while pushy and demanding toward those I tried to treat.

Asking for help exposes our vulnerabilities. In desperation, all the “know-how” we’ve accumulated is rendered useless. We might have all the answers on how to lose weight and, instead

of helping ourselves, we pack on pounds of knowledge. We cannot think ourselves into right action, but the action of asking for help allows us to be teachable on a deeper level than intellect.

As we begin working with our “selected” sponsor and navigating the steps, we learn to be accountable to another human being. We also get to see all the areas in which we’ve been lying to ourselves. We can’t see the deception until we put it out into the open with another person. We learn to humbly admit our mistakes (past and present), take action to right our wrongs, and embrace our humanity. We learn how to walk back into Macy’s and apologize to the sales lady for a bad attitude.

These acts of humility re-focus our purpose and right-size our bodies and psyches. The act of apologizing can help us lose the weight!

Seeking that right-sized body might be the motivation for a change in lifestyle, but it is the process of surrendering that opens us up to all change. Humility is not about denying strengths and unique qualities that are precious and valuable.

Humility is about acknowledging both our strengths and our weaknesses, and doing the best we can. We grow to appreciate that every human being is uniquely flawed and gifted. The ability to immediately admit wrongs is a sign of personal growth, humility, and integrity.

When we become honest with ourselves and concede that operating alone isn’t working, we ask for help and get busy with the work at hand. So please try to openly admit, “I need direction. I don’t know what to do.” That statement signals the beginning of surrender, acceptance, and recovery.

© 2015 Dr. Judi Hollis is a Licensed Family Therapist, author of several books and educational materials, motivational speaker, radio and television expert. Judi would love to hear from you! You can ask Judi questions and access her materials, at www.judihollis.com or call 1-800-8-ENOUGH

8 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Letter from the Publisher Issue 18 marks the completion of three years in circulation for Step 12 Magazine. We’ve experienced some changes on this journey: new name, new editor, new office, new account manager, and lots of new readers!

Like so many of us, I sometimes feel I don’t deserve the gifts of my recovery. I guard against self-sabotage and work diligently to stay on track with our mission of delivering a message of hope.

Yet sometimes I feel overwhelmed with fear (I’m only human).

Almost without fail and exactly when I need it most, it happens: I find a letter in the mail from a reader with two simple words “thank you” and my fear is instantly replaced with gratitude. Timing is everything and in those moments I quote a sober-sister, “Is it odd?

Or is it God?” I want to share that gift so I say THANK YOU! to all our readers, promoters, supporters and sponsors. My Higher Power works through you and I’m grateful to be a person among people. We’re all doing absolutely the best that we can! Our Journey Continues— together!

Respectfully and Enthusiastically,

Karen VanDenBerg

www.step12magazine.com

RandomThoughts What is this God-Shot people speak of?

I think it’s God tossing an unexpected gift in someone’s direction.

If they’re paying attention, they catch it..

SCORE!

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 9

R

Taming Triggers

ecovery from childhood sexual abuse is much like recovering from drugs and alcohol, it must be done one day at a time. The word recovery has this definition: A return to a normal state of mind, health or strength.

Will someone fully recover from being a victim of sexual abuse? The answer is no. I was speaking at a recovery center when a member of the staff said, “I am so happy you and your It Happens to Boys group are here today, I have a Ph.D., a Master’s degree, and I am a Psychologist who has worked on his own issues for many years. However, I got triggered yesterday when a man in my meeting stood behind me and his body brushed against my back when he moved. What is wrong with me?” The answer is nothing. He got triggered.

“Triggers can include a smell, a sight, a touch, a taste, a sound ... “ When an event such as childhood sexual abuse happens, people who have someone they trust to talk with about it do much better than those who keep the secret. What happens during the abuse is the energy moves from amygdala (the part of the brain that holds emotional reactions) to the Hippocampus (the center of emotion, memory, and the autonomic nervous system) and creates a complete memory related to the original event. When the event cannot be shared for a variety of reasons, boys shove the feelings down and act like it is no big deal. Those sensations and emotions are stored up in the amygdala waiting to be set free by a trigger in the environment.

Triggers can include a smell, a sight, a touch, or a taste similar to the original event. These similarities can set the stored memories of the amygdala firing causing the person to feel like the event is happening right now in the present moment rather than as a memory of some past event. The body reacts even though the mind tells us we are not currently a dangerous situation. Does this ever get better? The answer is yes, with work. Men who experience these triggers, combined with the shame of being abused, often turn to drugs and alcohol to numb out the feelings and to make the triggers stop. There are not enough drugs and alcohol to keep them away.

Learning to regulate emotions a key component in healing.

One activity that can be used to help regulate emotions is a Loving Kindness Meditation: Sitting on a chair with feet flat on the ground (no crossed legs), place the left hand on your chest over the heart area and the right hand on top of the left. Take some slow

by Carol Teitelbaum, MFT

deep breaths and say silently to yourself (or out loud if you feel comfortable in your surroundings), “I want you to be safe, I want you to be protected, I want you to feel peace, I want you to feel loved.” Move your hands (in the same configuration) down to your solar plexus (the center of your torso). Again, take some nice slow deep breaths and repeat, “I want you to feel safe, I want you to feel protected, I want you to feel peace, I want you to feel loved.” Next, place your right hand on your left shoulder and let your left hand remain on your solar plexus. Repeat the mantra, “I want you to be safe, I want you to be protected, I want you to feel peace, I want you to feel loved.” Move your hands back to your heart area (left hand on your chest right hand on top of left). This time, say the words, “I will keep you safe. I will protect you, I will bring peace in our life and I love you.”

After the meditation, you should feel warmth in your chest.

Keep your hands there for a couple of minutes while you breathe deeply and slowly. Raise your hands about an inch from your chest. You may feel the warmth spread across the chest and comfort you as you lift your hands (many people do). The body will begin to relax and you can remind yourself of your present surroundings and bring yourself back to the here and now.

This Loving Kindness Meditation is a great way to start and end your day if you struggle with triggers of childhood sexual abuse. When performing the full mediation is not practical in the heat of a trigger, the memory of the exercise (and feelings of warmth) can often be enough to relieve some of the anxiety and defuse a situation.

© Carol Teitlebaum, MFT is a Psychotherapist in private practice in Rancho Mirage, Calif. She is also the founder of Creative Change Conferences and It Happens to Boys Program.

She offers free group counseling to men and teen boys who have been sexually abused as children, and a yearly conference bringing well known experts in the field of trauma, addiction and recovery together creating a two day healing community. For more information go to CreativeChangeConferences.com or call 760-346-4606

10 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Metaphorically Speaking

By Karen VanDenBerg

Wearing Tires When the tires on my car are brand new, I can maneuver better, stop smoother, and there’s a noticeable cushion between me and the rough hard surface of the road I’m traveling. It is only when I am driving on new tires that I even notice how worn out the old tires actually were.

Day after day, and mile after mile I take for granted that the wheels in motion will carry me to my destination. I pay no attention to the slowly eroding comfort and control of my fresh new tires. In my denial, I cling to the memory of when they were new. I willingly cast aside my resolve to get them rotated, maintained and replaced. But inevitably, I am jolted out of complacency when my journey is abruptly cut short by an unexpected nail, a highway blow-out, or a slow-leak that renders me stuck.

Metaphorically speaking, I feel a little like a wheel and the tire is what carries me; its my essence, my substance—my spiritual connection to the journey. As long as I continue to get the job done, I just go-go-go. On the outside, wear and tear is visible but I never notice it myself. I don’t notice I’m about to blow until I do.

Everyone around me can see when I’m thread-bare and nobody (but me) is surprised or disturbed when I am out of commission for repair. My essence demands replenishment and it’s up to me how far I push it. I can schedule time and resources for maintenance, or I can wait until I’m stopped in my tracks. Either way, there is no avoiding attention to the substance that carries me—the connection to my journey.

Someone pointed out that my tires are looking pretty worn these days. I hadn’t noticed. Now that I am aware, I know I’m not moving along as optimally as possible.

Before I go flat, get stuck, or completely blow, I think I’ll take a walk on the beach, dance without looking and meditate in a hot bath. I believe it will help me maneuver better, stop smoother and enjoy the cushion between me and the road I travel.

Metaphorically Speaking is a regular column in Step 12 Magazine designed to help us connect our spiritual journey to worldly situations. Something to think about.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 11

Darlene Lancer

on

CODEPENDENCY Transforming The Codependent Mind

Codependency is learned—learned inaccurate information that you’re not enough, that you don’t matter, that your feelings are wrong, or that you don’t deserve respect. These are false beliefs that most codependents grow up with. Changing them isn’t easy and is difficult to do on your own, because it’s hard to see others, let alone yourself, through a lens different to the one you grew up with.

Usually, people aren’t conscious of these beliefs.

The 19th century neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot, the father of hypnosis, wrote that if there were a conflict between the will and the unconscious, the unconscious would prevail. This explains what drives codependents’ behavior and why we often fail to carry out our best intentions.

Codependents have many fears and anxieties based upon false ideas about themselves and others. For example, many think making a mistake is unacceptable and shameful. They become anxious about taking risks, trying something new, or expressing opinions, because they’re afraid of failure or looking foolish. They unconsciously believe that they’re unlovable, unlikeable, flawed or inadequate. Even if they are aware, they’re convinced it’s true. As a result, they’re anxious about revealing who they are, and please, control, or impress others so that they’ll be loved and not rejected.

Other codependents withdraw from people, rather than risk abandonment.

The false belief about unworthiness undermines codependents’ self-esteem and security and has serious consequences. They lack confidence and self-trust, live in doubt, and continually second-guess themselves. Many don’t feel worthy of being in a position of authority or having success, or happiness. Those who are convinced they’re bad can end up in relationships with people who are emotionally or physically abusive, which reinforces their low self-esteem. At a conscious level, they may be indignant and think they deserve better, but they try to get the abuser to approve of them. Some believe the abuser “loves” them, which helps them overcome their belief that they’re unlovable.

Similarly, many codependents have repeated relationships with men or women who are emotionally, or physically, unavailable. They don’t feel they deserve to be loved on a consistent basis. The unconscious belief is that “I have to win someone’s love for it to mean anything.” There may be opportunities for a relationship with someone loving and available, but they’re more excited about someone whose love they have to earn.

When you grow up with the message that you shouldn’t feel a certain way or it’s unsafe to express certain feelings, you start to believe it. An example is being told not to get too excited, being punished for anger, having your distress or sadness ignored. Some shaming parents will tell their child not to cry, “or I’ll give you something to cry about.”

As adults, codependents judge and dishonor their feelings.

They hide them—sometimes even from themselves after years of suppression. If they don’t believe that it’s all right, “Christian,” or “spiritual” to feel angry, they may behave passive-aggressively, become depressed, or have physical symptoms, unaware of how angry they are. This is destructive to relationships. Some people withhold sex or have affairs because they’re angry, instead of talking about problems.

Codependents don’t believe they have rights or that their needs matter, especially emotional needs, such as for appreciation, support, kindness, being understood, and loved. Most will put others’ needs ahead of their own, won’t say “no” because they fear others will criticize or leave them, triggering their underlying belief in being unlovable. Self-sacrifice causes codependents to feel unappreciated and resentful. They wonder why they’re unhappy, never thinking it’s because they’re not getting their needs met. Moreover, they’re often not aware of their needs. If they do know, they can’t ask for what they want. Instead, they don’t take steps to meet their needs and expect others to do so—without disclosing them! These hidden expectations contribute to conflict in relationships.

Changing beliefs starts with awareness. You can become aware of your beliefs by paying attention to the way you talk to yourself.

Write down all the negative things you say to yourself.

Often I see clients who are at first unaware of their inner voice, the Inner Critic, but after awhile, they discover it’s controlling their moods and actions. Note the gap between your intentions and actions. Journal about this discrepancy and your interactions with others. Analyze your beliefs motivating your behavior. Ask yourself where your beliefs came from. The most important belief is that you can change.

Your mind is a powerful, creative gift from God. Learn to use it to work for you, not against you.

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and an expert on relationships and codependency. Contact Darlene directly at info@darlenelancer.com or follow her blogs on www.whatiscodependency.com, also on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/darlene.lancer, and on Twitter: @DarleneLancer.

12 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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S

FOOD THERAPY

by Roni Askey-Doran

ugar is my worst enemy. After eating it, I get “high” then I want more sugar. And next time, even more. When I crash, it feels awful. It’s a cycle that’s hard to break. But “hard” is not impossible, and I was determined to find a way.

Unlike identifying specific food allergies, my sugar-addiction took a long time to figure out. When I realized sugar was the culprit, guilty of numerous crimes against my person, I decided to change my life style and eating habits.

Everything lurking in the pantry in a packet, jar, can or bottle was discarded. However, even though it contains fructose, I did not eliminate organic fruit. Without regrets, I broke up with the Supermarket and started dating the Farmer’s Market. Now, I know exactly what I’m eating, and there are no secret ingredients.

Fruit saves me from sweet cravings at any time of the night or day. In fact, to be specific, low-fructose bananas are the bomb!

Learning to sweeten my life without sugar was amazing.

I like sweet things, especially chocolate. Very often, after dinner, my sweet-tooth kicks in and I crave something sweet. Usually, I choose a piece of fresh fruit. Sometimes, I want something more “naughty” than a thick slice of fresh pineapple—as delicious as it is. A brownie? Hell, yeah! I make mine with bananas and coconut oil instead of sugar and butter. As I type, I’m drinking a smoothie made with bananas and organic cacao beans. I get my sugar hit, my chocolate hit and my sweet-tooth is satisfied!

The best thing about eliminating processed sugars from my diet is feeling great. Once a level of inner peace is achieved, it’s doable.

There’s no searching every corner of the house like a desperate addict, looking for a sugary snack to satisfy my insatiable craving. Some of the edge has been taken off my disease. When it comes to what I put in my mouth, I have a lot more control.

Freshly made Chili Popcorn is my favorite movie snack.

Nowadays, I prefer salty home-made snacks, but low-fructose fruits have become the new sweets in my life. There are several great fruits that help me out in the sweetness department: berries, kiwi, grapefruit, pineapples, and avocados, to name a few.

Something else has happened recently, something so vital to my recovery that it also deserves a mention. Whenever I choose fruit, I congratulate myself on a wonderful choice. I look directly at my face in the mirror and compliment myself on my smart decision. The smile that comes back is pretty hard to beat.

The self-esteem boost is amazing. I am both physically and psychologically combating my disease with powerful weapons it can’t easily break through. I’m also beginning to believe that poor self-esteem has a lot more to do with our diseases than we understand. As for that bleak crazy depression skulking around somewhere in the darkest shadows of my messed up mind, well, these days it’s got a whole bunch of large complicated obstacles to get over before it can ruin my day! Happy sugar-free days!

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 13

How I Survived My First Year in Recovery (and the Harsh Truths it Taught Me)

by Michelle Ghirelli

3. “My God turns my darkness into light.”

T

o many people, recovery is synonymous with a fresh start, a second chance, and new opportunities.

However, to me recovery is a constant reminder of how terrible my life had become. My first year in recovery, the year that is supposed to be full of pink clouds and self discovery, was plagued by crippling depression and a mediafrenzied court case.

With everything that I had lost in that first year of recovery: career, friends, money, self-respect, and self-identity, there were many things that I gained from that difficult experience.

Here are the lessons I learned through the worst year of my life: 1. “God doesn’t waste a hurt” One of my dearest friends would constantly tell me this while we were together in treatment (and she continues to remind me of this fact when she sees I need encouragement). There is a reason I went through everything that I did at the time that I did. I could have learned these life lessons many other ways but God decided that this is what was needed for me. Through all of the pain, despair, and depression something good must come out of it—otherwise what was the point? My job is to look for that good and then share it with others.

Like so many people, I came into recovery angry at God and I blamed Him for everything that I was going through.

It took me a while to build a relationship with God but when I did, my world opened up. I was fortunate that God placed the right people in my life at the right time. A friend ask me to attend church with her and my life was forever changed.

Look around at who God has placed in your life. They are not there by accident. He is constantly working his miracles through others. When I was able to establish a relationship with God, my problems did not disappear. However, I found myself better able to handle any situation given to me and practice patience and acceptance. These were things I could not do before.

4. “You can’t move on to your future until you let go of your past.”

The promises tell us, “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” Every time I heard this read out loud it would make me angry. Where are these people that are able to accept every mistake they have ever made? Moreso, how can I be one of them? The answer is actually quite simple. Once I was able to accept myself just as I am today, I was able to accept my past. This acceptance allowed me to move forward and have a chance at a peaceful, happy, and fulfilling life.

There are days when I look back and think about what I have done and how my life would have been different if I hadn’t done them. The difference now is I am able to see the lesson in everything rather than the disappointment.

These are just a few of the hard lessons I learned in my first year of recovery. Eighteen months later and I continue to learn something new about myself, the world, and human nature every single day. I hope to continue to grow and learn because this experience has taught me (above anything anything else) that just when I think I have something figured out … I don’t.

2. “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’”

I am a far different person now because of these experiences.

When you go through something difficult and traumatic you have no choice but to change who you are and your outlook on life—what you can choose is whether or not you are going to change for the better or continue down the same path and continue to get worse. Whenever I find myself thinking I am weak I tell myself that, because I lived through this, I can survive anything.

14 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Social Model Recovery Systems presents… Recovery Happens 2016

Arts and Music Festival Fundraiser

“Hope in Recovery”

Time: 12:00 to 5:00 PM Place: Covina United Methodist Church 437 W. San Bernardino Rd. Covina, CA 91723 Admission: Suggested Donation $10.00

For more info or to RSVP: Anna Lee 626) 332-3145 ext. 270 annal@socialmodel.com Tiffany Fabricius 626) 332-7788 tiffanyf@socialmodel.com

Saturday September 24, 2016

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 15

Recovery From Addict-Addiction

by Denise Krochta

W

hat does recovery look like to someone who loves an addict? Many who love addicts don’t believe they have anything to recover from. To me, this is a dangerous and misplaced concept. Many of us who love addicts become addicted to our addicts—an addiction, I believe, to be worse than most.

So what do we need to recover from? Our lives become totally unmanageable as we focus all our thoughts on curing our addict. We think about making them “do the right thing” or making them see things like we do. Many of us are so focused on our addict that our other loved ones, who have been able to make good choices, become neglected by us.

Our marriages fall apart, we lose our friends and support systems, we sometimes even lose our homes, and often our own sense of being.

I often tell people that my recovery from addict addiction came a long time before my addict found recovery from drugs. These two events should be exclusive from each other.

Sometimes those we love never find recovery. It is important for our families that we don’t wait for someone else to find recovery before we do.

What does addict-recovery look like? We still love our addicts no matter what stage they are in (active addiction, early recovery, long term recovery). The difference is that we can breathe, live, love, and have calm and peace no matter what others are doing. How do we do this? Very carefully and systematically. Recovery is hard work whether it be for an addict or one who loves one. It reminds me of an experience I had in my own early recovery.

To celebrate my son’s first year of sobriety, I attended a Native American sweat ceremony at his request. I have been a

very claustrophobic person all my life. This sweat ceremony was in a small canvas tent with lots of people, hot rocks and steam, and very little fresh air. How was I to get through this?

Lots of patience, focus, tools, meditation, and breathing-tiny baby steps with one foot in front of the other. I was determined to make it through the ceremony. That is how I look at recovery; daily work, focus, meditation, breathing, and patience no matter how long it takes. Hard work yields great rewards.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in my recovery is that looking back and dwelling on the past is extremely counter-productive. Yes, learn the lessons, but don’t blame or use the past as an excuse for current behviors.

For those of us who love addicts, giving up resentments and blame is very freeing. For addicts themselves, I imagine it would be the same. We cannot move forward if we rely on the past for comfort or blame.

Recovery is today. We have today to appreciate and enjoy.

Embrace peace and breathe.

Denise, who has dealt with addicts in her family most of her adult life, moved into crisis mode when she discovered that her teenage son was addicted to prescription drugs along with alcohol and street drugs. Hers is a story of discovery and recovery. Her career in International business took her to places around the globe where meeting people and learning their values and traditions has become an integral part of her life. Websites: www.addictsfamilylifeline.com and www.denisekrochta.com

16 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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RECOVERY HAPPENS 2016

National Recovery Month is a national observance held every September to educate Americans that substance use treatment and mental health services can enable those with a mental and/or substance use disorder to live a healthy and rewarding life. Learn more about National Recovery Month at www.recoverymonth.gov

Friday, September 30, 2016 from 8:00 am to 3:00 pm

Presented and Sponsored by Riverside University Health System - Behavioral Health

Rustin Campus 2085 Rustin Avenue Riverside, CA 92507

and

Treatment and Service Providers from across Riverside County Please Join Us For Commencement of Events and Opening Message at 9:00 am

Learn More about Recovery Month Events in your Area at

www.Samhsa.org

Please Join us for the following events throughout the day.

Activities include Live Music, Drum Circle, Free Food, Inspirational Speaker, Children's Activities, Ping Pong and Volleyball Tournaments, Human Foosball, Dunk Tank, Recovery Walk, Karaoke Idol, Banner Contests, Awards Ceremony, Recovery Countdown and more. If you need a reasonable accommodation, please contact: Richard Bolter, (951) 737-2962 or RBolter@rcmhd.org.

Recovery Happens 2016 Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective · People Recover · Prevention Works · Treatment is Effective

Saturday, September 17, 2016 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.

Cucamonga-Guasti Regional Park 800 N. Archibald Ave. Ontario, CA 91764

For additional information, please contact: Lois Mergener at (909) 386-8262, Lois.Mergener@dbh.sbcounty.gov or 7-1-1 for TTY users.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 17

Newcomer’s Page Still Recovering

It’s been nearly four years since I took my last drink of alcohol, and since that time I have been to literally hundreds of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It’s customary to introduce yourself before you speak at a meeting. I always say, “Hi, I’m Jami and I’m an alcoholic.” Some people introduce themselves differently, but it’s usually something close to that. A handful of times over the years, I have heard people refer to themselves as a “recovered alcoholic.” My first thought is usually that they just don’t get it—no matter how long they have been sober. I’m probably wrong about that in some cases and they may very well stay sober and happy until the day they die. I know that people practice recovery differently, and what works for me doesn’t necessarily work for everyone. Even my husband and I have a different way of approaching the program, and we’re both still sober.

The problem that I have with using the word recovered instead of recovering is that sounds final like it’s done and over and can no longer affect me. I had the chicken pox once: I recovered, and I’ll never chicken pox again. “Recovered” implies that you have been returned to the person you were before, and for me, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

by Jami DeLoe

You see, being a recovering person hasn’t returned me to who I was before alcoholism. It isn’t something that has been completed and no longer affects me. It is something that goes on.

Forever. I will always be in recovery, and I’m good with that, for several reasons.

One: I know that I am not cured of alcoholism. I’ve been given a daily reprieve. I have to remain diligent to not return to where I was when I was actively drinking. I know that if I grow complacent, think that I am recovered and that alcohol no longer poses a risk to me, I’m in danger. While I no longer worry day-today that I am going to relapse, I am very aware that booze is still out there and if I have even one drink, it’s game on. Recovering, rather than recovered, keeps me on my toes.

Two: Recovering means that I am a work in progress and that I have the luxury of continuing to work on myself. I can strengthen those things about me that are positive, and improve the things that challenge me. Believing that I am still recovering fosters my desire for self-awareness. It keeps me engaged in becoming a better person—not just a sober one.

Three: Recovering rather than recovered keeps me right-sized.

As long as I remember that I am not over this alcoholism thing, and that I am no better or worse than every newcomer and oldtimer, I don’t run the risk of self-righteousness or self-loathing.

Those are two things that plagued me when I was drinking, and recovering keeps me away from them.

Lastly, recovering rather than recovered reminds me that I don’t have all of the answers. I still need help no matter how many days I put between me and my last drink. Not having all the answers makes it more comfortable to ask for help. It’s why I have a sponsor and go to meetings. It’s what keeps me part of a huge fellowship of strong and courageous people.

What it boils down to is that recovering, instead of recovered, is what works for me. It may just be semantics, but it puts me in the right mindset to continue on the path of sobriety and recovery.

I find joy and strength and health in the process of recovering.

So, I think I’ll stay right here recovering. Forever.

Newcomer’s Checklist aDon’t Take That First Drink or Drug aMake Plenty of Meetings aCall Sponsor aHang out with People in Recovery aFocus on the Positive aTalk about your Feelings 18 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

aBeware of People, Places, & Things aTake One Day at a Time aAsk Higher Power for Help aStay out of “Your Head” aMove a Muscle, Change a Thought aRead the Literature Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

Please Join Us For This Special Event Save the date

9/24/16

10:00am to 2:00pm

• • • • •

Meet and Greet - Meet with Instructors Great Food and Music Raffle and Prizes Exhibitor Tables with Employers Instructors, Alumni, Clients and all Family Members are Welcome!

CELEBRATE RECOVERY AT AN INTERCOAST CAMPUS LOCATION NEAR YOU

CALL TODAY to reserve your exhibitor table!

Limited booths available.

1.888.718.8282

www.InterCoast.edu Ask about Financial Aid Assistance (Available to those who qualify)

We Offer Job Placement Assistance (For qualified graduates)

For more information about graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed the program and other important information, visit www.intercoast.edu.

Not all programs are available at all locations and not every program is enrolling at this time. Some of the programs listed are available online.

Please contact your nearest campus directly for more information. Financial aid is available to those who qualify.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 19

Being Charlie

by Leonard Lee Buschel

of cinematic wedding planners. It’s a polished film in a genre known for rough edges and makes itself a welcome addition that’s easier to swallow than some of the vodka that lesser-budgeted fare has been cranking out.

There’s trouble in the final reel, however, where some of the character motivation runs a little awry of its intentions. Yet, Robinson handles his role admirably if a little tentatively at first. It’s certainly nice that the means of such a character can take other characters, who are much more used to seedy street life, and whisk them to Malibu Beach houses for revelations and narrative refinements. These flashes of glamour don’t detract from a few painful-to-watch sequences, which are a requisite of the typical grim druggie/rehab oeuvre. This is what makes “Being Charlie” worth watching as well as Robinson who is game for a rougher ride than his fans are used to.

Although it’s ground covered before, there’s a kick to “Being Charlie” that comes not only from it’s star turn

by Nick Robinson (“Jurassic World”) but also from director Rob Reiner’s bold move in taking a partially autobiographical screenplay written by real son Nick.

Drawn on his extensive time in and out of rehabs to rival that of current Hollywood champ titleholder, Lindsey Lohan., Nick Reiner’s account of his rehab stints gives the character of Charlie a real Sheen. Common’s performance, as a staunch drug counselor, is anything but. And he’s so hot.

Charlie isn’t just any rich kid, he’s the son of a gubernatorial candidate and the events depicted take place in the time leading up to the election. Before you can say “Sarah Palin’s daughter had a child out of wedlock,” this set up presents all sorts of complications for the political hopeful father, played by Cary Elwes (looking a little worse for wear after drifting kind of low himself in the intervening years to the point where he took a job in what was sure to be in-an-out of theaters slasher flick called “Saw.”) Here, Elwes is reunited with his “Princess Bride” director and while “Being Charlie” is no “American President” it does provide the suitable cautionary tale for modern day rich kids that it should.

This film has the advantage of a first-rate director blocking scenes and setting up centerpieces with the best Leonard Buschel is the Founder and Director of REEL Recovery Film Festival. See the website at: www.reelrecoveryfilmfestival.org.

Recovering Couples Anonymous 12-Step Program for Couples

Recovering from Dysfunctional Patterns of Communication

www.Recovering-Couples.org

20 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

781-794-1456 (WSO)

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20 IMPORTANT Self-Assessment QUESTIONS For You or a Loved One

One of the oldest and most time tested dependency evaluation tools for chemical dependency has its origins from the Johnson Institute of Minneapolis. Many variations exist, but the basic questions are as follows: 1. Has anyone ever suggested you quit or cut back on your drug/alcohol use? Y / N 2. Has drinking or using affected your reputation? Y / N 3. Have you made promises to control your drinking or using and then broken them? Y / N 4. Have you ever switched to different drinks or drugs or changed your using pattern in an effort to control or reduce your consumption? Y / N 5. Have you ever gotten into financial, legal, or relationship difficulties due to drinking or using? Y / N 6. Have you ever lost time from work because of drinking or using? Y / N 7. Have you ever sneaked or hidden your use? Y / N 8. On occasion, do you feel uncomfortable if alcohol or your drug is not available? Y / N 9. Do you continue drinking or using when friends or family suggest you have had enough? Y / N 10. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed about your drinking or using or what you did while under the influence? Y / N 11. Has your efficiency decreased as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 12. When using or drinking, do you neglect to eat properly?

Y/N 13. Do you use or drink alone? Y / N 14. Do you use or drink more than usual when under pressure, angry, or depressed? Y / N 15. Are you able to drink or use more now without feeling it, compared to when you first started using? Y / N 16. Have you lost interest in other activities or noticed a decrease in your ambition as a result of your drinking or using? Y / N 17. Have you had the shakes or tremors following heavy drinking or using or not using for a period of time Y/ N 18. Do you want to drink or use at a particular time each day?

Y/N 19. Do you go on and off the wagon? Y / N 20. Is drinking or using jeopardizing your job? Y / N Three or more “yes� answers suggest that you should more closely evaluate your drug and or alcohol use. Call for help today!

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 21

UNLOCKED For Life

with

Dan Sanfellipo

What Are You Training For? For much of my life, I was training to be a bad-ass. It wasn’t a conscious decision, like training for a new job or training for a Jiu-jitsu match—I had on-the-job survival training. I learned to be a street-smart tough guy and I practiced and perfected those skills.

My training intensified in the Youth Training School (YTS Chino). The last stop before adult prison, YTS was referred to as “gladiator training school” by its young warriors. We learned by observation, if not by experience, that there were unwritten rules to live by and the written rules were made to be broken. Vocational classes like metal shop, welding, and auto mechanics became fertile ground for harvesting samurai swords. Gnarly weapons born in “shop class” reared their ugly heads during riots. People landed in hospitals, or died at the hands of disgruntled prisoners who excelled at creating or smuggling weapons from otherwise well-intentioned training classes.

It’s difficult to unlearn lessons when they are “experienced” first-hand with a very real impact. As human beings, we tend to practice what we learn. Graduates of YTS often repeat their experiences over and over until they’re either promoted to adult prison, or become incarcerated again as adults. I was learning to be observant.

When I was sixteen, I got out for six months. I played football during that Sophomore year and practiced my “game.” The experience did more to benefit my tough-guy persona than any reading, writing or arithmetic homework. I was filled with cocky arrogance and misdirected aggression which placed me head and shoulder-pads “above” my classmates. My attitude was selfish and self-centered, even by the most rebellious teenager standards. I was learning to take charge.

to rob us. My tough-guy intimidation and my unexpected gun disarmed the situation, and the would-be robbers threw their own wallets on the ground in exchange for their safety. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect my friend to grab the wallets, either.

My training didn’t prepare me for the reality of three unarmed kids acting a lot tougher than they were. I did get the opportunity to live out my fantasy—I made bail. Shortly thereafter, I was arrested for rescuing a “damsel in distress” in Arizona. I was charged with kidnapping a Department of Corrections officer (a.k.a. abusive husband). I narrowly escaped a fifty-to-life case with the help of a private investigator. I was returned to California to face the armed robbery charges and my shortlived “clean-record” era ended with my first walk into the adult prison yard. I was trained for this. I was learning that intentions don’t matter—results do.

Everyone is training for something. We are always preparing ourselves for what comes next on our journey. Today, I am training to fight for my values rather than face more convictions.

It takes practice and support. In the four years since my release, I have traveled internationally, seen success in business ventures, nurtured a long-term loving relationship, won several international Jiu-jitsu competitions and torn down the bad-ass façade. It pays to play and we train for the game.

Written by K.VanDenBerg based on interviews with D. Sanfellipo

It didn’t take long to be locked up again. When I left YTS, my greatest excitement was knowing that my record was clean. I was paroled as an adult. At the ripe age of twenty-one, all my juvenile offenses were sealed and I could be bailed out next time I went to jail. I knew the system and I felt like a winner. I was trained to be a bad boy and I knew I was good at it.

At that point in my life, I was caught up in saving the world.

With the best of intentions and the worst “good-judgment” at my disposal, I caught three counts of armed robbery with a gun.

In my mind, I was protecting my friends from three guys trying © Dan Sanfellipo received his education in the California State Penal system from the age of 13. A trauma survivor, author of the upcoming book “Unlocked for Life” and founder of support and coaching program of the same name, Dan is a practicing member of 12-step recovery and an international competitor in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Dan has dedicated his energy, experience, strength and hope to helping men and women find lasting freedom—from poverty, restriction, stigma, addiction, despair and prison. Dan can be reached at Dan@unlockedforlife.com

22 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Uncovering Recovering

It’s often said recovering is an illusion. Of course it is. You paint a wall—that doesn’t remove what’s underneath. Cover your couch with a new fabric— usually over the old, unwanted, outdated, former fabric. Even a book jacket is simply that; a covering.

And so it is with recovery. Recovering from anything is forever.

It doesn’t negate what happened; who you lost, what you did, what you still would do if you didn’t make a different decision, how you heal. Recovering means covering over and over and over again.

In a way, recovering is a returning. Remembering what happened and remembering why we don’t want to do it that way anymore.

It’s a wound. We dress it, nurse it, treat it tenderly so it doesn’t hurt anymore. But it’s right there, always, underneath whatever we do to put it into a different perspective.

By Lori Nelson

People are proud of their recovering. They share. They care.

They dare. And that’s all good. But all the while, they know what’s underneath. They know that they took the steps to recover whatever needed to be recovered and that they will have to keep taking those steps to keep the cover in correct condition.

They envy those that never needed to. They wish and want and wonder why the road taken turned out to be the wrong road.

Yet if everyone took the right road, who would discover the road not taken? It’s the journey, folks. It’s always the journey.

And there’s nothing like the trip within. Sooner or later, if you live long enough, something will happen that requires recovery.

You’re lucky if it’s later, or if it’s not chronic, but being human means eventually being wrecked on the shore of worthlessness, near the isle of whatever.

Our self-imposed rules ruin the best intentions. We all get the same shot at perfection and we all fail. Perhaps shooting for a less lofty goal would save many from needful recovering. But you know what? Not to keep score or anything, but I think there are more of us than them. You know, the imperfect, flawed, questioning, seekers … searching, asking, believing, choosing … uncovering by recovering. Or recovering by uncovering.

Either way, we win.

Without recovery, we could never know what used to be underneath. We take it apart so we can put it back together again. Just like a puzzle, the pleasure is in the pieces.

Of us.

© Lori Nelson is an author, speaker, educator, and an international “edu-tainer” aboard cruise ships. She occasionally blogs at anotherloristory.blogspot.com.

Find Lori on Facebook. Torture: Broken Foot, Shattered Soul, is available on Amazon, or email Lori at anotherloristory@gmail.com. Lori lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

www.step12magazine.com

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 23

With Bob K Coming to you live from the deck of one of Norwegian Cruise Line’s exquisite ships, I am in awe that I am in this life sober.

The blue-green waters of the Caribbean are vibrant against the flawless colors of the setting sun and I am present-andaccounted-for. With the ocean breeze on my face and the warmth of the fellowship in my heart I feel renewed and alive.

Traveling sober is a huge milestone for many people in recovery.

Some people have years of sobriety in their wake before they feel grounded enough to take flight. There’s nothing wrong with that. For others, traveling and adventure bring pep to their step and wind to their sails—if the cost of sobriety was to remain forever in a safe harbor they might not be willing to ante up. Sober Conferences at Sea are a viable solution for almost anyone in recovery and their friends and families.

D u r i n g a Sober C onference at Sea, there are worldclass speakers sharing their experience strength and hope, workshops providing tools for active recovery, literature meetings, sobriety countdowns, intimate meetings, ballroom meetings, world-class entertainment and fellowshipfellowship-fellowship. The week-long “meeting after the meeting” is always spectacular in an understated way. With the welcome of candor, insight, and Johnny-Go-Lightly, the meetings after the meetings take on lives of their own and there can be no mistake—we are not a glum lot!

On this trip we’ve been to Cozumel-Mexico, Belize CityBelize, and Roatan-Honduras—greeted by excursion guides, storekeepers, unique landscapes and local artisans. We’ve

enjoyed snorkeling, scuba-diving, swimming with nursesharks, and dolphins. We’ve been cave tubing and zip-lining, hiking and shopping. We do it all, and we do it sober.

Back on the ship, we’ve been entertained by world-class recovery comedian Mark L. and laughed whole-heartily— with him, and at ourselves. We also brought along two recovery recording artists as part of our Sober Conference entertainment. Whether roaring with laughter or swaying with the music we always knew we were in the company of like-minded people having fun!

A large percentage of Americans have never been on a cruise, yet many people have a mental image that includes freeflowing alcohol, decadent dining, live entertainment, elegant décor, dancing, more alcohol, more dining, and poolside lounging. All of that is true and so much more. On a sober cruise, we don’t miss any of it. We replace the alcohol with another favorite beverage and beefup our s o b e r resolve with daily twelves t e p meetings of AA, NA, Al Anon and others (if needed). We’re all in the same boat. We support each other and practice having fun.

I’m nearing the end of this particular Conference at Sea. In preparation for this article, I find myself reflecting on all the joyful faces, the excited stories of adventurous excursions, the moments of awakening to a deeper level of self-understanding, and many relaxed, carefree intimate conversations filled with laughter, intensity and sometimes tears. The deep sense of satisfaction and gratitude that fulfills me after each conference overshadows the sadness at having it end. But, right here, right now, I am basking in the sounds of a steel drum band on the deck of a ten-story cruise liner, sipping coconut water feeling grateful—sober!

Bob Kocher has spent over 22 years in the travel industry, working as a guide, group planner, agency owner and more. He has led more than 125 groups worldwide. Check out the agency web site www.travelsober.com for updates on travel tips or information on a specific travel destination.

24 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Presents

A Recovery Conference@Sea with Author and Spiritual Teacher Herb K.

December 4-11, 2016

Conference Includes

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Herb K. is an author and spiritual teacher who leads TwelveStep workshops and retreats around the world sharing his insights stemming from his personal experience and traditional wisdom

Costa Maya Mexico

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New Orleans, LA

Roatan Honduras

Harvest Caye Belize

Cozumel, Mexico

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 25

Dear Petra...

Expert answers to your questions about Hep C and Addiction

Pornography Addiction…

Vancouver, Canada Dear Petra: I am a single gay male, and live alone. I find that I often get bored, and that is when I find myself turning to internet porn. I have been watching porn regularly for over 10 years and am aware that this intense “need” is growing, and making me feel somewhat out of control. I also feel that it is affecting my personal and sex life way too much. Can pornography be termed as an addiction?

Dear Porn Lover: I am so glad that you have brought this to the light! Being that pornography is not only extremely addictive, but now is rated as a PUBLIC HEALTH issue, I will take the liberty to elaborate a bit more than usual.

According to The Huffington Post, 90% of young boys and 60% of young girls are being exposed to this 13 billion dollar (Just in North America) industry, starting as young as 11 years old! Pornography, my dear friend is an addiction not unlike a heroin addiction, in that it releases Dopemine in the brain… the same hormone that is released with drug use. Children at 11 years old have yet undeveloped brains, and their critical mind (filter) is just beginning to be developed.

Another huge factor to consider here is that after a time, pornography leads to erectile dysfunction, not to mention that “users” become immune to the human touch. Porn addicts discover that it is almost impossible to have a healthy one on one relationship, as real live sex becomes an issue. My strong suggestion to you is that you seek help, and cure this agonizing addiction, as it will take (in some cases) years to have a normal sex life again. It occurs to me in this moment, that you are more than likely very aware of the damaging effects porn has had on your life…I wish you good luck in your recovery.

New Hepatitis C Treatment?

Columbus, Indiana Dear Petra: I have had hepatitis C for upwards of 20 years.

I’ve not been on treatment and don’t really want to because of all the toxic treatment in the past with a low cure rate. I hear there are more treatments available that have a 90% cure rate, so maybe I will reconsider. Can you advise?

Dear Reconsidering: The new treatments have a much higher success rate...more like over 95% cure rate...and no interferon....a pill or 2 once a day...very little if no side effects. They are mainly Harvoni and Sovaldi, depending on which genotype you have.

Hepatitis C and Sex… Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta Dear Petra: I am Hep C positive and have been for 21 yrs. My liver is in pretty good shape. What kind of risk percentage does having unprotected sex with a partner pose? I know the risks are very minuscule but he is freaking out. Please give me some answers to calm him. I know the risk is extremely low but he does not. Thanks Dear Freaking Out: Thank you for reaching out. You can be secure in telling him that nowhere in the world is Hep C considered to be a sexually transmitted disease. Hep A and B, yes (totally different). Hepatitis C is blood to blood ONLY! Even if there was blood present during sexual contact, the risk is 4%, and that you would require an open wound for both parties. I hope this helps…

What is This Wonder Med Called Oxy? Miami, Florida Dear Petra: So, I have suffered from migraine headaches since I was 16 years old. A few months back I was finally prescribed Oxycontin. I love it and what it does for me. It not only gets rid of my pain, but it makes me feel so great! I keep hearing all these warnings about it though. Should I be concerned?

Dear OxyLover: Without a doubt…I give your question a resounding YES! Any meds, be it painkiller, sleeping pills, antidepressants…are only EVER meant for short term use…

3-6 months, in some cases…a year tops! After that you will build up a tolerance, need a higher dosage or more pills, and they will eventually have the opposite effect. You will get more headaches. They will steal your life, your family, your friends, and more importantly your health and your Soul.

Please research for yourself…there is plenty of info online, and please seek help if you need help to wean off them. Be well…

Hepatitis C is a growing Global Pandemic!

1 in 12 people have viral hepatitis worldwide.

© 2016 Petra aka Petrabilities is a Mental Health Counselor, Clinical Hypnotherapist, Card Reader, Speaker, Author and CEO of #HepCGI . Being an expert in her field and specializing in addictions, Petra is here to answer all your questions and concerns. Please send your questions anonymously via the contact form at www.Petrabilities.com or http://hepcgi.wix.com/hepcgi

26 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

The following book reviews are honest IMPRESSIONS of these newly released titles.

Grab a copy and see if you agree...

These are not “paid” reviews.

Do you have any recommendations for books about recovery? Get in touch! email: editor@step12magazine.com

Kickstart Your Recovery

The Road Less Traveled to Freedom from Addiction

by Taite Adams Earn up to of continuing education and choose from more than challenging workshops.

Pursuing a career in the recovery feld?

Take the next step in

Best-selling author of several selfhelp books, Taite Adams has written yet another inspiring and insightful guidebook for newcomers, family members, and those who have been in recovery for a while. Enlightening and informative, this book touches on all the elements pertinent to recovering from addiction, and includes laughter, going on vacation, and having fun while sober. Kicking an addiction is one of the hardest things someone can go through, but this book helps make sense of the pain and emotional turmoil. Whatever stage of treatment and recovery you are in, Kickstart Your Recovery shares valuable information and great advice, providing renewed hope that this most difficult challenge can be conquered.

Find it here: www.amazon.com/dp/0988987511

I’m Bipolar And I Know It It Works Out!

by Roni Askey-Doran

This is your chance to network with industry professionals, hone your skills and market your services to treatment companies.

MOMENTS OF CHANGE CONFERENCE 2016 Innovations in Integrated Treatment Conference September 26-29 | The Breakers | Palm Beach, Florida For more information and to register, visit FoundationsEvents.com

After successfully tackling her own mental illness with a powerful combination of love, compassion, awareness, and understanding, instead of prescription medications, Roni Askey-Doran describes her personal journey of mental health management, sharing her insights and the lessons she learned along the way. From learning how to look at herself in a mirror without melting, to writing down her darkest secrets, Roni has written a candid account of her rollercoaster ride through Bipolar Disorder. Alternately hilarious and heart-breaking, and always informative, I’m Bipolar And I Know It delivers a well-written how-to-survive-life manual that every one of us could use at some point in our lives.

Find it here: www.amazon.com/dp/0975760068

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 27

InterCoast College Shares

A Story of Recovery

by David Prentice

A Life’s Journey

InterCoast Colleges is a private vocational college that provides career training throughout California. Founded over thirty years ago, InterCoast prepares individuals for new careers and has seen many successful graduates pursue and achieve life-long goals.

InterCoast is proud of its graduates and success stories. David Prentice is a graduate of InterCoast Colleges, Carson campus.

His story of recovery and his journey represent many graduates before him and also those who are yet to follow. InterCoast sat down with Mr. Prentice to discuss his journey as a testament to what can be done when a person chooses to change his life. This is his story….

M

y story begins with being raised by divorced parents who shared custody. My father, suffering from alcohol abuse, created an early childhood belief that associated good times with drinking excessively— even at a young age. My mother was very strict. I honestly believe that if it were not for the relief alcohol gave me, I could have ended up a suicide statistic before I entered my late teens because of her emotional abuse. Alcohol allowed me to feel at ease, comfortable in my own skin. When I was a teenager my mother moved us to Dallas. I naturally sought out companions who drank and used like I did. Drinking at a young age naturally opened the door for the introduction to drugs. Not to mention that summer vacations in Boston with my dad turned into summer long parties as I became his best friend and his drinking buddy.

28 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

After high school, because of my love of history and the desire to get away from both of my parents, I joined the Army. I loved the military and fit in. We worked hard and drank harder. As I came to the end of a decade of military service, alcohol started to catch up with me. When it became time to reenlist I was asked to not submit the paperwork. My commander had watched my downward spiral and wisely suggested that I would be better served not reenlisting. He stated that if I did, I could end up in big trouble due to my drinking.

Life as a civilian was terribly difficult because I had spent the past ten years living in the black and white world of the military. Now I found myself in a world where everything was a shade of gray.

The decision to move to Los Angeles seemed a great idea. A friend and I bought a yacht and I had plenty of money saved from the army. It was a great way to start a new adventure.

Always looking for a new life and feeling confident that I was in control, I had high hopes that I could make it on my own. I did for a while. I started selling boats and became a top salesperson in the boating industry.

Using alcohol and drugs had worked for a while, but eventually I lost everything. I was living only to drink and abuse drugs. I moved into illegal acts without thinking of the repercussions or how these poor decisions would impact my life.

Seeking a change, I found a twelve-step fellowship and did well for a year. I got married, brought a home, had a great job, but eventually relapsed because I decided to put material things in front of “working the steps”. I had a God shaped hole that I was trying to fill with cars, women, etc.

The next years were spent going in and out of rehab, jail, and prison (once for a short stint). To avoid prosecution, I fled the state as a fugitive. Running nowhere and trying to find a life.

Eventually my drinking and using took me to a place where I knew I was going to die. All those years of going in and out of twelve-step programs finally clicked in. I realized that recovery could work and finally I had been beaten into a state of accepting that I needed help to get well. I went to a meeting, got a sponsor, and started working the steps.

When I got to the ninth step of the twelve-step program, I turned myself in to the State of California and was sentenced to four years in prison. I went to prison as a sober member of my twelve-step program and worked all twelve steps every year. I had a sponsor and was honored to sponsor men on the prison yard. I had a pen-pal (in Sydney) who encouraged me to go to school and helped me see that, upon my release, God was going to use me for His purpose. continued on page 31

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A Life’s Journey

continued from page 30

During my prison term, I received an associate’s degree in Biblical studies and I accepted the reality that I could not do this life alone. I knew my life was changing.

When I was released, I planned to continue my education. I knew I would be successful with my studies because I was committed. People tried to tell me that I should go get a job at a fast food place or look for warehouse work to support myself, but I took a leap of faith. Although I knew that this journey would not be easy, I stayed committed.

Very soon after I started school, I noticed life was changing for the better. I had relied on God to get me through prison and now I saw Him blessing me again; all my needs were being met. I was succeeding in school and I was offered a federal work study grant to work at InterCoast Colleges. The school believed in me and I knew that if I put forth my best effort, I would see positive results on my continued journey, and InterCoast would help me launch a career in the recovery field.

“They believed in me and still support me on this journey.”

I completed my clinical rotation requirements at the Midnight Mission in Los Angeles. I knew this was my calling. I wanted to be in the area where I could work at ground zero—skid row. That is where things really changed. I met my amazing wife. She was my trainer and is still my greatest support along with the leadership and management of The Midnight Mission.

I have come full circle. I was named class valedictorian at InterCoast Colleges, Carson campus and I am a success story of the school. They believed in me then and still support me on this journey.

The judge who sentenced me to prison, is the same judge who presented me an award for my achievements and for the work I do to assist others in the recovery and addictions community.

I achieved my goal to become a program manager for the Midnight Mission and then was thoroughly surprised when they promoted me to a director’s position this February.

I am grateful to all those who have touched my life on this journey. From the continued support I receive from InterCoast Colleges, my employer, my clients, my loving wife, and all those that support the cause of recovery.

Above all, I give thanks to God and the twelve steps. Life, for me, is about celebrating recovery. Believe in yourself and all things can happen. Recovery happens and recovery is a beautiful thing!

David Prentice is Associate Director of Strategic Partnerships at The Midnight Mission

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 29

PROFILE: Scott H. Silverman

by Carly Gutner-Davis Three hundred and sixty people die each day from the disease of addiction to drugs and/or alcohol. Scott Silverman is here to make sure your loved one is not one of those three hundred and sixty souls. Silverman himself went through the treatment process thirty-one years ago, after bottoming out in his addiction to drugs and alcohol and becoming suicidal. His addiction took him to the 44th floor of a building he was about to jump off, but today he carries his message of experience, strength, and hope to help the people in your life who suffer from addiction to get the help and treatment they need, in a way that works best for them.

Silverman, who has thirty-one years of continuous sobriety, vows to talk to your beloved addict who is struggling in a direct way. “I’ll tell them the unfiltered truth, and some of what I’ll talk about comes from science and research, but most of it will be my own personal experiences,” says Silverman. “My approach is less clinical and more about life skills and my own life experiences. I share my strength, and hope, and carry the message in a way that works and produces positive results.”

Scott helps addicts to stay alive, and will do everything in his power to get them the help they need in a way that is tailored to their situation and best addresses their needs.

“A lot of talent in the treatment field isn’t being utilized and a lot of phones are not ringing that should be ringing off the hook. We, as a community, need to be less afraid to pick up the phone and make that call. More phones need to be ringing,” Silverman says. “As I field, I can tell you that if we can’t help you, we’ll find someone who will. We want to help and we will do everything in our power to get people the help they need.”

Silverman believes recovery programs are not one-size-fitsall, and that the key to long-lasting sobriety lies in a longterm commitment paired with a solid recovery plan. Since 1993, Silverman has been revered as the founder of Second Chance, a non-profit he began to work with the homeless, formerly incarcerated, unemployed, and at-risk population to help end substance abuse problems and decrease violence.

He now leads the treatment team at Confidential Recovery and is lauded as one of San Diego’s best crisis counselors.

Silverman, a recovering alcoholic who recently celebrated thirty-one years sober, specializes in assisting individuals

30 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

and their families past crises and into the treatment and recovery process.

“In a $37-billion-dollar industry where 95% of people going through treatment relapse, I’m not content to hang my hat on a five percent success rate. If you don’t get help from me, get help from somebody. I want to participate in the burning down or eradicating of the stigma of treatment, and I also want to hold the treatment providers responsible. When our clients come in for treatment, we don’t just give them a list of support meetings in the neighborhood, we give them tools they can use in sobriety.”

Scott believes in the “secret sauce” he uses with his clients, which is what the Confidential Recovery team’s platform is built upon: the idea that one size doesn’t fit all in treatment, and asking clients (after the initial six weeks of treatment) for a two-year commitment to their structured outpatient program. Silverman asserts that the commitment is made after clients have gotten their “initial diagnostic piece and they have a recovery plan and are in treatment. We want to talk with them about what the real recovery plan is and how we’ll maintain the sobriety they’ve just invested in.”

The idea, Silverman says, is to get people to realize that treatment is just the beginning. “Once we remove the anesthesia, the real issue underneath the substance abuse problem needs to be dealt with. That process takes longer than six weeks, which is why we ask for a longer-term commitment to their recovery.”

Silverman also believes in the power of treating the whole family, and believes that if all members get the help they need, no matter if they do or do not drink or use, the likelihood of success will be greater.

“At the end of the day, I want people to know that they do have options,” says Silverman. “What you’re doing got you here, and your best thinking got you here, so if you keep doing what you’re doing, are you going to get what it is you’re seeking out of life? And if you’re not, what do we need to do to take a look at that. What are some alternative to what you thought were your best decision-making processes?

Let’s take a deep breath and deal with the problem in a way that is proactive instead of reactive.”

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

DRUG, ALCOHOL AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS GO HAND IN HAND. LEARN HOW TREATMENT DOES, TOO.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 31

32 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Solution on Page 56

Puzzles

Across 5. A person incognito or unknown 8. Oblivious to reality 9. An often unspoken virtue associated with a lesson or pledge 12. Repairs of wrong-doing or harm caused 13. Rule 62—Don’t take yourself so damn ___________ 14. Confidently accept knowledge as truth 15. Govern, control a process 17. Imperfect 19. A communication with purpose 20. Soundness of mind or judgment 21. As quickly as possible, timely 23. Regain 24. To administer more of a substance than is safe or effective 25. To feel concern about (someone or something

Down 1. An attitude of one’s self as “no better and no worse” 2. Combined personality traits 3. Emotional, physical, or spiritual wound 4. Current available resources (goods, attitudes) 6. Energy that propels progress towards a goal 7. To intellectually grasp the meaning of something 10. Wholeheartedly and completely 11. Confess or acknowledge 12. To revive after a period of sleep or ignorance 16. The final choice between two or more options 18. An attitude of courageously performing an act or duty without concern 22. Diligent pursuit of something not readily visible 24. A negative outcome

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Solution on Page 56

ADVANCE ALIVE BENEFIT CHANGE CHEER COMMITTED DELIGHT EARNEST ENGAGED ENTHUSIASTIC EUPHORIA FORTUNE GAIN GLEE HAPPINESS HERE INTENT INTENTION JOY JUBILATION LAUGHTER NOW PRESENT PROGRESS REALIZATION RECLAIM RECOVERY RELATIONSHIPS REPAIR RESCUE RESOLVED RESTORE RESUME REWARD SALVAGE STEADFAST STEADY SUCCESS VICTORY

Spot the 12 differences in these pictures Solution on Page 56

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 33

Finding Ease with Recovering

by Kristin Wilhite, HHP Whether recovering from an injury, surgery or a traumatic experience, we must give ourselves adequate time to fully recover. During this time, we must commit to patience, reasonable expectations, a willingness to adapt and surrender to the process. It appears we don’t understand this in our culture. And usually the cause is that people have not been properly informed of these parameters.

It’s important to make adjustments to our daily routine, be aware of our emotional states, phase(s) of progress and be diligent to gently communicate to those around us so they can do their best to support us while we are recovering—even from addiction. We must find compassion and forgiveness for ourselves to move forward and progress. I teach a method of forgiveness that has been proven effective in Health Psychology. It can be done by any one of any faith, and it works!

I truly believe we are here on this planet to learn (and love).

If humans weren’t meant to make mistakes, how would we learn? Our missing links are the tools that it takes to let go!

Unfortunately, we are not taught this in kindergarten or a selfcare class. It’s never too late to learn tools that can teach us to be ‘easy on ourselves.’ All it takes is the willingness to learn and a commitment to implement them.

To get the most out of recovery, we must be willing look at ourselves with honest eyes and a gentle heart. Because much like we cannot truly love someone else unless we love ourselves, the only way we can fully forgive another is to forgive ourselves.

Until we forgive, we suffer. Forgiveness allows us to be freed of the story so we can move on. The reason PTSD exists is because the person with it has not yet learned how to ‘shake off’ the story, and relives it in his/her mind …which recreates the neurological responses from the time of the trauma. With Neuro Linguistics (NLP), we can erase the trauma response and even the memory, if desired. We have tools for relieving the unresolved emotions and changing unwanted behaviors.

All done with the simplicity of a guided meditation. It’s

painless and for some it can even be fun—sounds hard to believe until you have done it.

When we realize that our self-preservation mechanism has grown out of balance, we need to decide where we want to put our focus.

You see, maybe we have had unreasonable expectations or maybe we just didn’t understand, care or whatever, but the fact you are reading this makes me believe there is a part of you that wants a better life. One where you are manifesting your desires and living happily. At each moment, we have the power to choose what action we want to take or what thought we want to think.

Remember that method of forgiveness I referred to earlier? It is an evolved, modern form of the ancient, Hawaiian “Ho’o pono pono” forgiveness process. One key concept of this forgiveness method is that once you cut these energetic chords (the energy you are holding onto bound in your connection with the person, e.g., resentment, anger, etc.), you and the other person are free to move on without the old energy tying you to the old behavior.

I love the phrase “we are all a work of art in progress.”

There is no lack of available tools. Seek new coping skills that encourage self-preservation instead of anger, fear, or self sabotage. Get in the habit of asking yourself, “Is this good for me, my relationship, my family, and my environment?” The answers will guide you..

:

Kristin Wilhite, HHP is the Owner / Founder of www.SustainableHolistic.com DBA Progressive Holistic Living: Providing Professional Holistic Health Care Since 1995.

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ople’s Day ~ 1 ous Pe 0 Oc n e tob dig

34 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 35

Realities of the Addicted Family

by Susan Jackson, LMFT

The Fourth Reality:

Grave Incongruence

G

rave Incongruence is the fourth reality of the family scrimmage.

Grave Incongruence is the extreme distance between our emotional, spiritual and cognitive selves. In the addictive family, grave incongruence is experienced like a grave illness which contributes to the family’s mental (cognitive) and physical pains as a result of the rough and vigorous struggle which progressively annihilates the whole family system. Now that may sound harsh, however it does describe the powerful heartbreaking daily existence within the family. The progression has many highs and lows. The addictive family vacillates between those highs and lows which is brought on by the stress of the disease as they agonize over the addicted family member. It is during the fluctuation of the highs and lows when incongruence is initiated.

Incongruent mental (cognitive), spiritual, and emotional aspects of each family member erodes to a somber state due to incongruence. When the congruent transforms into incongruence as a result of the addiction, serious personal issues may manifest. As the distance between the emotional, spiritual and the cognitive grows farther and farther apart the individual often experiences anguish of the soul. This distorts the cognitive process and creates despair on the emotional well-being of the individual.

Grave incongruence contributes to the increase of the first realty, Pathos. It is Grave Incongruence which is always accompanied by anxiety and depression. The addictive family endures this incongruence to the extreme. Unfortunately the littlest members of the family are the most impacted by this incongruence.

Children are often medicated in early childhood for symptoms of depression, anxiety or ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder), when a less invasive intervention may be all that is warranted.

A close examination of the symptoms developed from Grave Incongruence will

verify a need to resolve specific factors contributing to the negative behaviors often associated with children from addictive homes.

Children suffering from depression, anxiety or ADHD as a result of living in an addictive family would greatly benefit from the identification of the realities that addictive environments produce.

Counselors, therapists, or doctors can educate and assist in resolving the first reality of Pathos, and exposing the second reality of Abstruse, which may eliminate the need for medication. Often medicating a child too soon can exacerbate the Pathos (emotional suffering) condition and force the Abstruse (the secrets, secret) to remain active. I am not suggesting the abolishment of medication interventions. I am only suggesting examining, exploring, and resolving the Pathos experience that was provided by an addictive family system before considering medication. For the addictive family, working diligently to resolve the family Pathos and making congruent all that is incongruent is of vital importance.

Family members have a strong tendency to get lost in each other’s incongruence. Poor boundaries and mixed messages cause intensified emotional and spiritual suffering leading to cognitive confusion, distorted thinking, shame and degradation.

It has been my experience that the addictive family is extremely resilient. This resiliency is a strong indicator that each member of the family can heal. They can recover from the serious realities of the family scrimmage. The family must accept that they need to make dramatic changes in their lives. If change does not happen, each individual will remain trapped in a debilitating addictive environment.

Staying in the complicated havoc of the scrimmage will eventually lead to the fifth reality; the Wrath Experience.

Next time we will explore the several stages of the Wrath Experience. Until then, may serenity absorb you.

“My emotions are over there.

My spiritual identity up in the air.

My cognitive reality I don’t want to share.

When you see me I look like abstract art.

I live outside my heart.”

© Susan Jackson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author, and Clinical Director for New Creation Healthcare Foundation/His House. Susan has contributed to the field of addiction, as distinguished Clinician, Clinical Supervisor, Director, and Author for over 28 years. She began her career working for the City of Chino, as a Gang Interventionist, Domestic Violence Counselor, and Prevention Specialist. Susan’s dedication and experience working with adolescents with substance use disorders, and their afflicted families, led her to Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center, where she became the Family Therapist on the Chemical Dependency Unit.

36 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

Experience The Twelve Steps Through Music!

Working the steps using the Twelve Songs Workbook with the Twelve Songs CD is a great way to experience Recovery Through Music. Each page of the workbook incldes the lyrics, a picture, and a series of questions that relate to the corresponding song (and step).

This is an exciting, fun and affordable new way to enhance spiritual growth no matter what a person is recovering from on their journey

www.SobrietySongs.com

There’s New Life In The Pits

Naranon Family Groups http://www.nar-anon.org/ Alanon Family Groups http://al-anon.org/ CODA for Co-dependents http://coda.org/ NIDA (National Institute on Drug Abuse) http://www.drugabuse.gov/ Drugfree.org http://www.drugfree.org/ Ask The Judge (answers for teens about the law) http://www.askthejudge.info/ TheFix.com https://www.thefix.com/ Addiction Inbox http://addiction-dirkh.blogspot.com/ Pathway to Prevention (teen use and abuse stops here) http://www.pathwaytoprevention.org/ CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) https://www.robertjmeyersphd.com/index.html GRASP (Grief support for those who have lost someone to addiction) http://grasphelp.org/ Camp Mariposa (For children who have addiction in the family) http://www.moyerfoundation.org/campmariposa Recovery Research Institute http://www.recoveryanswers.org/ The McAlister Institute (low cost/no cost treatment services) http://www.mcalisterinc.org/ Resource List from Denise Krochta at Addicts Family Lifeline, Inc.

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 37

CONTRIBUTIONS FROM OUR

FABULOUS READERS THANK YOU THANK YOU

THANK YOU

Please send your submissions to: editor@step12magazine.com. We’d love to hear from you.

The auditorium on Cactus Blvd. was overflowing with music enthusiasts. Musicians from around the world arrive to perform. A variety of instruments and talents always attracted graduates from the surrounding Universities.

The weather on this night in September was perfect, humidity was low and a breeze carried the fragrance of Houghton Lake, causing a serene mystical setting. The guitarist, well known by many of the Alternative Genre listeners, laid down his guitar. A break was much needed after the forty five minute session.

Silence filled the area, a metaphysical stillness enveloped all. Suddenly, a faint yet audible sound was heard. A bird?

An amplified mouse, or squirrel? It was neither, for the sound had a tempo, a progression of notes. The melody was broken into bits that were unknown and irritating.

A few individuals noticed an adolescent, with long hair, sitting, almost hidden behind a tall amplifier. In his hand was a Medieval wooden flute, a recorder. The young mans eyes appeared to be in a mesmerized stare. His focus oblivious to the yells of the audience and the commands of the Security, “Get Off the Stage!!”

The break was over, the `Master of the Guitar` returned, the assembly in unison seemed to express itself with; “Finally! The noises of chirping and elongated peeps will end!” The silence returned, all were appreciative.

A lamp was lit, flickering. A Gothic Torch illuminated the area. Stretched eyes and ears attentively focused on what was to occur. The restlessness of many began to be noticed. Quietly and with unexpected disturbance, Chirps and Peeps harmonized with the shadows that the lamp imaged upon the walls, trees, and foliage. The sound of the

38 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

notes bounced, invading the many cavities and crevices, the `la cavas` of the listeners.

“What is this? What is occurring?” Many exclaimed in loud report.

Amazingly a peace overwhelmed the area. Rhythmically with staccato, a drum added a timing to the dizziness of sound and illumination. An Indian hand percussion instrument known as Tabla, a Brahma worship tool, agreed with the recorder`s peeps, with the sound ‘dupaadada-dupaa-da’ with strategic stealth and accuracy, like a drizzling of raindrops. Vibrations caused the swaying and swirling of many, others humming in a mantra like unison.

A guitar harmoniously joined with an ‘atonement’, moisturizing the calloused ears of the Classical rigidminded with doctorates. The Ambassadors, officials, and representative members of other nations became enchanted by the ‘Ocean of Sound, a Majestic Typhoon of Harmony’.

With a rapturing effect the guitar, recorder, and tabla, increased in accurate timing and crescendos, arpeggios, and solid ‘Hard Rock’ symmetry. Many forms of music were heard, Jazz, Blues, R.&B, even a touch of Blue Grass, echoed into the surrounding forest. Surprisingly the energy decreased into a soft caressing vibration. The tenderness of one synchronistic note “OHM” (OM, AUM,) drifted away, upward into the stars.

The Auditorium was silent, the expressions of all gathered into an amazed panorama of a Spiritual Illumination.

Brother Phil. B.

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

A letter from my FUTURE SELF

Addiction

Good Morning.

by Jessica S

The Devil had me by the ankles Skin on inside out Razor blades picking at my skin Eyes bleeding tears of pain Holding my slit throat, voice taken Pulling the knife from my back.

If you’re reading this, you made it through the night without dying. Congratulations!

You’re a survivor! Another successful spin on the old blue planet.

So now what? Well, what is the main purpose? Procreation? Success? Fame?

Well, how about today to try and keep things simple. Just try to be a better person today than you were yesterday.

You can stay in bed all day if you want, and it really wouldn’t make you any worse, but it certainly wouldn’t make you any better. Chances are, if you go out into the world today, you’ll be in contact with other people.

Here’s a tip: Make it a goal today to cheer someone up today. Even if they don’t know they need cheering up, the opportunity to make someone happy, even in the tiniest way will undoubtedly present itself.

If you can do that just once today, you will make the world a better place and make yourself a better you!

DON’T GO BACK TO BED! -Forever you, Me

Detox

By Norma Russell

Here I am in Detox as all of you can see, Trying to get used to my new family.

I have struggled all my life with the addiction of disease.

I’ve lost my home, my sense of self—hell, I’ve lost my family.

With that being said, I guess you know I’m a liar, It was the drugs I chose with a burning desire.

I spend day after night, and night after day Trying to change my addictive ways.

I’ve been to detox, rehabs, jails and prison too!

I’ve made friends and I’ve made enemies just trying to get a clue I say I am a winner but won something I’ve not No respect for authority. Mad ‘cause I got caught.

It is hard for me to admit I’ve hurt others along the way.

The words don’t come so easy for me—the ones I need to say.

So if you are in this circle, thinking you got it licked, You just might see these walls again trying hard to kick.

So when your demons come a knocking, rapping at your door, You just might be in here one time more.

Some of us belong to this hyper-sensitive group.

Some of us do not and that is why they flew the coop.

It is all part of the process, as we all know So do what you can, offer your services, write it down and let it go www.step12magazine.com

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 39

All Aboard!

by Lyn P. (Sun City, CA.) I’m a retired firefighter/paramedic/RN. I’ve attempted to revive many people who have died via snap endings (read: sudden death, any number of ways). The best medicine for ailments which defy age, which discount community standing and which deny character (read: terminally ill) is compassion, gentle touch, soft talk and prayer—for both the patient and the caregiver(s).

When someone is diagnosed, say, with the common cold, a fractured arm or a respiratory malady, the afflicted immediately takes the first step; one of many suggested by a health care provider.

Heading, one step, one day at a time toward a full, even partial recovery involves numerous diagnostic tests (scans, blood work, x-rays); the trial and error treatment (surgery, scopes, biopsies); the physical and occupational therapy; the medication regimen and cost; the physician appointments and the corollary loss of work and play.

Assuredly, a sudden or long, drawn out illness seriously affects the crux of intimate, familial relationships, drains bank accounts, diminishes self-esteem and threatens job standing, to the core.

On the flip-side, in the course of challenging illnesses, miraculous recoveries frequently transpire. Some people endure life-threatening experience, coming out of it unscathed. They speak of being lovingly enveloped and temporarily bewildered by God’s grace and mercy. They also speak of being positively overwhelmed by the demonstration of love, of instilled hope and of the deep compassion shared by humankind—complete strangers.

Others carry the burden of disbelief and the unbearable discouragement of a dogged physical malady, a radical mental disorder, or both. The fear of the unknown, amid a deluge of unpredictable results, naturally imposes dependence on others, especially loved ones. Again, complete strangers may briefly cross our paths for such a distinct purpose.

On one end of distinct spectrum of life lay the ebb and flow of unexpected tumult. On the other end, welcomed peace and recovery. In between tumult and peace lay the hallmark of personal growth and spiritual care. Whether or not we believe in the One, True, Living God is impertinent. It’s written that He belives in, understands and loves each and every one us, no matter what: No contingencies; No contracts; No kidding.

God is good, all of the time. All of the time, God is good, supplying infinite grace.

Grace abounds in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), too. The program is so far removed from dictates of the courts, of a spouse and of arduous penance, the AA program offers salvation. I attest, my seat in AA redeemed me, while the program saved the likes of this alcoholic.

Working the steps with my encouraging, long-sober sponsor has soothed an irritable and looming pain like a welcomed salve.

This AA salve is universally, globally and locally, freely given.

The mercy of the twelve steps and the twelve traditions rises to meet and greet all alcoholics (drunk or sober) who take that discretionary first step toward recovery and found on the Road to Happy Destiny; no passport required. All aboard!

The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered…(pp.22, 12x12). …But as time passed, we found that with the help of A.A.’s 12 steps, we could lose those fears… [Whatever they may be] (pp. 121, 12x12).

Together we can do what we can’t do alone

40 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 41

Trigger Point Therapy

The holistic approach to relieving pain without medication

T

by Mauvis Miller - LMT, HHP

rigger point therapy is not new. It has been around for many years and is now gaining popularity as more and more people are seeking alternative methods to pain management.

Trigger points are tight muscle tissue and fascia (thin white sheaths that hold and surround our muscle tissue) which cause pain in other areas of the body. For example, a trigger point on your upper back (Trapeziuses) may be the cause of pain in your neck (referral pain). The neck then becomes a satellite trigger point—possibly causing sharp and intense pain or maybe a dull ache in your head.

To treat the head or neck pain, pressure would need to be applied to the trigger point in the upper back—not the neck or head, where the pain has manifested.

Figure 1 illustrates just a fraction of the trigger point connections that exist throughout the body. Wherever pain manifests in the body, trigger point therapy is a viable option for relief without the use of medication.

In this example, applying pressure to the trigger points (black circles) using a thumb or fingertips, the identified pain (red lines or dots) is relieved. The trigger point is the true source of pain which has manifested along the path of corresponding fascia. Your headache might actually be a “pain in the back!”

Trigger point therapy is a holistic approach to pain management that uses the application of a pressure/ release technique on specific areas of the body. This type of massage is interactive—the client uses breath work and helps identify the location and intensity of the discomfort during the treatment. Most clients experience a significant decrease in pain after just one treatment.

How does it work? With the help of the client, a trained therapist can identify the precise trigger point through a process of elimination. Initially, the pain intensifies as the therapist works closer to the trigger point even

Figure 1

though pressure is being applied in a completely different location on the body.

The technician will use the palm of their hand to massage the trigger point area in a circular fashion with medium pressure for about thirty seconds. For the particular exercise illustrated in Figure 1, the client would sit upright or lay in a face up (supine) position.

Next, the therapist will use their thumbs to pinpoint the precise trigger point based on the client’s pain intensity and level of pain tolerance. Once the exact trigger point is located, pressure is applied directly on that spot. The client slowly inhales for four to six seconds while the therapist gradually increases pressure from medium to hard. As the client exhales, the pressure is reduced slowly in synchronized rhythm with the slow breathing.

After four to six cycles of this, the practitioner will massage the area for about two minutes using the palm of their hand to stabilize the trigger point area.

For intense or chronic pain, sufferers can visit practically any Licensed Massage Therapist to receive trigger point therapy. Doing this on a regular basis can naturally and holistically help manage the pain and stress from past or recent injuries. Learning to perform trigger point therapy on yourself for minor aches and pains is an effective and healthy alternative to medication whether prescribed or over the counter. To learn more, go to http://www.triggerpoints.net.

Mauvis Miller is a Plant Based Nutritionist/Plant Based Chef, Holistic Health Practitioner and Licensed Massage Therapist trained and experienced in Chinese Cupping and Trigger Point Therapy. You can reach Mauvis at 619-414-3381

42 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

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LaVita Scientists, especially Dr. Kenneth Blum, their Chief Scientific Officer, have published many articles proposing that even initially during detoxification, Medically Assisted Treatments (MATs) should be substituted with the non-­‐addicting and safe ‘pro-­‐dopamine’ regulator – Synaptamine™. This statement it is backed by extensive scientific peer reviewed published articles in prestigious journals. We now know that addiction or Reward Deficiency Syndrome (RDS) [now featured in SAGE Encyclopedia of Abnormal Psychology 2016] is a brain disorder and is due to genetic vulnerability in at least 100,000 million people in the America. Any treating clinician should embrace the concept that both initiation of substance seeking and continued abuse is due primarily to a hypo-­‐dopaminergic trait (genetic) or environmentally induced state (epigenetic) or a combination of both.

So a major solution must address the low dopamine brain function early on in the recovery process especially when an individual seeks help, clinicians should promote the long-­‐term balancing of dopamine function with the laudable goal of inducing “Dopamine Homeostasis” (regulation). There is continuing excitement concerning the consistent positive effects of Synaptamine™. Almost thirty published studies clearly show major anti-­‐craving effects, enhanced well-­‐being (stress reduction).

Synaptamine™ is not a drug rather it is a natural mixture of precursor amino-­‐acids to neurotransmitters like serotonin, glutamine, and dopamine, inhibitors of the breakdown of brain endorphins and inhibitors of enzymes known to clear or breakdown dopamine in the synapse.

Simply it has been found that Synaptamine ™ has been shown to gently activate (light up) dopamine across the reward circuitry of the brain in abstinent heroin addicts. Studies have revealed that there is an increased recruitment of additional dopamine neurons firing in brain areas involved in reward processing with possible neuroplasticity even in the long-­‐term.

The Synaptamine model, unlike other detoxification models that continue the addiction cycle, by administering either methadone or buprenorphine/naloxone during this critical detoxification period, definitely by-­‐passes this unwanted therapy and starts the individual on a path of victory from the chains of addictive drugs. So what is our secret?

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Through continued additional research, along with fellow neuroscientists and clinicians, we may find new ways to further enhance an optimization of glutaminergic/ dopaminergic systems. With Synaptamine you can induce “dopamine homeostasis”, redeem joy and restore hope!

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As a mom of 5 k ids and a wife of a recovering addict, saying I’m stressed would be an understatement. Since being on Synaptamine, my stress level has decreased and my energy level has really increased. It also has helped with my cravings for carbs and I even noticed weight loss with this product. I was looking for something natural with no side effects to come along because I didn't want to be on medication. My body never reacted well with anything the doctor prescribed. I am so happy I was introduced to Synaptamine! [C. Hendrix]

I am a 56 & in recovery from alcoholism. I agreed to start using Synaptamine on the urging of a friend. I began taking it daily and within the first week noticed that I was able to stay sharp in a demanding job without feeling overwhelmed or taxed. I happened to run out of the product over a weekend … the way I felt after suddenly discontinuing its use only reinforced in my mind the great benefits I had been enjoying during m y daily doses. I won't let that happen again as this has honestly given my recovery a boost that I'm not willing to be without. [Bill G.]

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 43

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality…

Think Truth!

by Dr. Phyllis and Rev. Carrol Davis

M

any people suffer from problems with relationships, marital difficulties, parenting problems, problems at work and difficulties with authority figures. These issues stir up feelings of anger, fear, and sadness resulting in problems with anxiety, procrastination, perfectionism, depression, eating disorders, addictions, obsessive/ compulsive disorders and other mental disorders when left untreated. All of these problems are a result of living life in a fallen world caused by the lies that we believe to be true about ourselves and/or our situation rather than the truth.

Whenever our emotions are “bigger than the event,” the problem is always about our history. The challenges that we face in the here and now usually have their origin in our childhood. The actual event that occurred, or that we perceive occurred, is not the problem. What we believe to be true about ourselves or our situation as a result of the event is the lie that is causing our problems today. Once the belief is established in our unconscious mind, we continue to operate in life as if the belief is true.

Example: A grown woman suffers from marital problems which cause her extreme anxiety and fear. She knows the feeling is bigger than the event and illogical as she has a husband who adores her and a thriving marriage; yet she can not stop the fear and anxiety by reasoning with herself.

Whenever he questions her about what she is doing, she has a panic attack. Unconsciously she curbs the feelings of anxiety by turning to food to eliminate the pain, creating another problem. Many evenings she finds herself in front of the refrigerator looking for something to eat even though she has no hunger. This is called emotional eating. The woman is trying to eat the pain away. The pain is not caused by her hunger or her husband’s questions, but rather by the negative thoughts and lies she believes to be true about herself or her situation, “No matter what I do, it is never good enough.”

Now the grown woman enters OA to deal with her eating disorder because she is unable to stop over-eating. She does fine working her program, attending meetings, meeting with her sponsor, and working the steps. She goes for long periods of time with successful sobriety only to relapse whenever she is in a life situation that triggers the belief, “No matter what I do, it is never good enough.” Why?

matter how hard I try, it is never good enough,” “Something is wrong with me,” “I don’t matter.” Her thoughts connected to the event are “I must have done something wrong,” “Something is wrong with me,” “No matter how hard I try, it is never good enough,” and “I don’t matter.” The lies continue to trouble the now adult mind along with the fears and anxiety that accompany the lies whenever the childhood event of the “discipline” is triggered. What we see, hear, or feel can trigger an unresolved childhood memory creating problems in the here and now until resolved. Our brains remember the lies as if they were true and the now adult operates in life as if the lies were actually true. Seeing something or someone that was present at the time of the event, smelling a smell, or hearing similar words or tone can trigger the unresolved childhood memory.

When we learn to take our thoughts captive, we learn to stop negative head talk and replace it with the truth of God’s word our fear and anxiety are replaced with peace and contentment.

The truth about us and our situations from God’s perspective produces positive feelings and actions. The next time you have feelings and thoughts that overwhelm you, remind yourself that if the feeling is “bigger than the event” it is always about your history. Take your thoughts captive, find the lie you believe about yourself or your situation and change it to the truth of God’s word.

Exploring the underlying issue, we find that the fear and anxiety is actually rooted in a childhood memory of being what her father called “disciplined” when her efforts to clean her room met with his disapproval. While enduring the “discipline” (physical abuse) the child told herself that “No © Rev. Carrol graduated from Furman University, ordained in 1975. Honored in Who’s Who, Dr. Phyllis E. graduated from the Union Institute. Davis & Davis were awarded the Christian Authors Award for “Stop the Violence Seven Stages to Sanctify.” Participants give the book, “Journey of the Soul Cracked Pots and Broken Vessels,” and workshops five star reviews as they journey to resolve challenges of living life in a fallen world. www.thejourneypathwaystohealing.net

44 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

Uncover + Discover = Recovery

by Nora Slattery

“Consider Capturing a Moment”

The idea that recovery means recovering our selves sounds like a simple formula, but it is hard to make the equation work unless you know what you are solving for. It could be recovery equals rebuilding your self-esteem, or reclaiming purpose or finding equilibrium. Or maybe it is what you value outside of yourself, a home, a family, and friendships. Or all of the above. Whatever else we share on this journey, we have all lost something dear—motivation enough to embark on this road to recovery.

There is no magic to this formula. The key is to find and understand the essential elements and life experiences that helps form the person we are at our best, are trying to get back to, or maybe even want to become. One way to unlock those memories entails spending time with pen and paper.

Journal writing is therapeutic, and can certainly help with self-awareness, but where do you even start?

Instead of thinking of the journal as empty sheets of paper, consider them doorways to the past, to times half-forgotten, to emotions that have been locked away, to nurturing times with friends and family. You are at liberty to rediscover those intrinsic moments that make up who you are.

If you are ready to write, here is one way to get started.

Consider capturing a moment. That means reliving a time when something so special happened that is at the core of your being. It could be big, like a wedding or birth, or smaller, like a special vacation or just the best game you ever played.

Or maybe it’s just one tiny moment: that seashell that still sits on your shelf.

Write with all your senses: the smells, the colors, the sounds, the heat of the sun, the cold of the pool, the bittersweet taste of mint or the bite of a carnival hot dog. Become a reporter.

Immerse yourself. Remember things you didn’t even think you knew: the music, your heartbeat, the clothes you wore— or didn’t! You pick the moment. It is your intent that counts: to reclaim from your past the power to make a better future.

So here is my advice. Take your pen and paper to a quiet place, take a deep breath, and breathe again. Get as still as you can and open the door to your thoughts. You will be amazed at what you can uncover and then discover. The result is all yours.

Nora Slattery is a certified Journal to the Self™ instructor. She teaches a workshop created by the Center for Journal Therapy. She is currently working on a memoir in the UCLA Writer’s Program. For workshop information: njslattery@gmail.com.

A Family Business

benchmarktransitions.com

The Benchmark Transitions® Program Benchmark Transitions is a comprehensive, multi-disciplinary approach to residential therapeutic transitional living for young adult men and women offering a full continuum of transitional living services: ®

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(Day Treatment)

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(Outpatient) Living

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Care IOP

Our dual-diagnosis model combines clinical treatment, behavioral health therapy, addiction recovery & aftercare, educational & occupational opportunities, career development and life skills in a structured and nurturing environment that fosters self-discovery and autonomy.

Individualized Treatment with Comprehensive Program Options Recovery by Benchmark® Substance abuse treatment specific to young adults

Benchmark Behavioral Health Specific treatment option for clients without substance use history

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Co-Occurring Diagnosis Individual treatment plans specific to each client’s needs

1.800.474.4848 ext.1 INTRODUCING a new and exciting phase to our program development ... Opening Summer, 2016!

Benchmark Transitions® welcomes two primary residential programs to our family of services. Founded in 1993 by Jayne Longnecker-Harper, Benchmark Transitions continues to be family owned and operated, serving young adults and their families for nearly twenty three years.

Benchmark Transitions® is known for our comprehensive clinical support, life skills, education and vocational guidance. It is with tremendous gratitude that we announce a new and exciting phase to our program development...

Benchmark Transitions® at Wildwood Canyon for young adult men and Benchmark Transitions® at Panorama Ridge for young adult women.

We are thrilled to include a true, primary residential experience for families and our clients, in addition to the structured transitional and extended care services we have always offered.

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 45

From Wannabe to Spinach to Kryptonite to Recovering by mark masserant

Wannabe I always wanted to be somebody else. It originated when I was a young boy; I wished I was my cousin. He lived on a farm with lots of brothers and sisters, and farm animals, too.

Fun and excitement were status quo at his house. All I had was two crummy sisters and a mongrel dog that liked to hug my leg. In second grade, I wished I was the kid that all the girls adored. I don’t know what I would have done with all of them, but that’s who I wanted to be. There’s one in every crowd, and I wanted to be that one.

When the Beatles were unveiled on The Ed Sullivan Show, I was eight. I wanted to be like them, with the mop tops, the girls screaming, and all those Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’s. If only I could be a Beatle… When I played baseball, I wished I was the kid who was the best player, or maybe Mickey Mantle would do.

Being me was never enough. I felt incomplete, insufficient and overlooked. I was certain I was AWOL the most important day of school, when the secrets to life were exposed. Something was missing, but I kept it secret.

Every day for the next sixteen years I was under the influence of something better than reality. I wanted to feel good or nothing at all. That’s who I was.

Eventually, alcohol began taking away more than it was giving. My world was shrinking, but my problems were growing. I hoped it would pass, but it intensified.

Kryptonite At that sacred, ugly place alcoholics call bottom, where we cry out for help to something, to anything, and then to God, I surrendered. I knew my hopeless struggle with alcohol would be my endgame. Desperation opened a door into the unknown; they called it sobriety.

I entered rehab, and then AA meetings. I felt like that wannabe all over again, but shackled to my alcoholic wreckage, with a dreadful headfull of yesterdays and tomorrows. I’d forgotten what it was like to have no power, after alcohol provided it for years. Here I was again: unplugged.

I was thirty-three, acting fifteen, trying to trick the world into giving me its approval. Perhaps if I went to enough meetings, said enough prayers, and made enough coffee, I would regain the power I lost. Then my life would be better. Ultimately, it required more than that for me.

Recovering

Spinach The day everything changed is still vivid; somebody handed me my first beer. That drink was my Big Wow, my moment of enlightenment. It turned me loose, it set me free; it rocked my world. It was history in the making. I wasn’t that square peg trying to fit in a round hole any more. In a hot minute, I got cool, got girlfriends, joined the In Crowd, and Bam! became a Somebody going Somewhere. Before long, I was a hippie doing what hippies do. My life revolved around partying, and I forgot I ever was that nobody going nowhere. I wasn’t him anymore; I was somebody else.

46 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

The turning point in my recovery occurred after I was confronted with my second surrender, activated not by alcohol, long left behind, but by character defects and my ego. I knew my time in AA was running out. However, after attending just the right meeting, I embarked on the Fourth Step Inventory I had avoided The following day, on my way home after taking my Fifth Step, I was thinking if I did this a year ago, I would have had a pretty good year. Now life didn’t have to change to suit me; that’s too much to ask for. But now I knew I could change.

Recovery began here, on the fourth of my …

Four Lives I was that kid who wanted to be somebody else, and the guy who found magic in the bottle, drinking to dream bigger dreams; then, the guy in AA who thought he worked the program. After hitting a brick wall, my real journey through the steps was triggered. I’ve had two lives in AA, but I nearly missed the second one.

When I really tried, I got what I wanted all my life. I am somebody else. I couldn’t have guessed they had that here.

Contact Step 12 Magazine at 760-898-8354

RECOVERY ONLINE Alcohol Addiction Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org Secular Sobriety: www.sossobriety.org Women for Sobriety: www.womenforsobriety.org SMART Recovery: www.smartrecovery.org Drug Addiction/Substance Abuse: Narcotics Anonymous: www.na.org NIDA: www.drugabuse.gov Recovery Program Search Engine: www.recovery.org Sex Addiction Sex Addicts Anonymous: saa-recovery.org Sex Addict Help: sexaddicthelp.com/Links/index.htm Healthy Mind: www.healthymind.com/s-index.html Food Addiction Overeaters Anonymous: www.oa.org ACORN: www.foodaddiction.com Food Addicts: www.foodaddicts.org RFA: www.recoveryfromfoodaddiction.org Gambling Addiction: Gambling Anonymous: www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga Problem Gambling: www.problemgambling.com CCPG: www.calpg.org Other Addictions: Internet Addiction www.addictionrecov.org/ Addictions/index.aspx?AID=43 ReStart: www.netaddictionrecovery Support Groups for Family and Friends Al-anon: www.al-anon.org Al-ateen: www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen Adult Children of Addicts: www.adultchildren.org Gam-Anon: www.gam-anon.org Codependency: Forums: http://www.onlinecoda.net/forums.html https://sites.google.com/site/codacall Mental Health Links SAMHSA: www.samhsa.gov Other Links and Resources http://www.roommatesinsobriety.com Check out Step 12 Magazine on Social Media

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SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 47

Recovery

From Resentments

by Judy Redman, Phd

Recovery? Recovery, from what? Are we referring to recovery from a tortured mind of confusion, shame, guilt, insecurity, and a host of maladaptive, impulse driven behaviors? Not to mention blackout emotions that leave us paralyzed in a vortex of darkness and pain.

Or are we talking about recovering from addiction and its seemingly hopeless state of mind and body? It can be said, for many of us who share the “recovering addict/ alcoholic” label, that these descriptions can be one and the same. Our mental obsessions and the phenomenon of craving may have even paled in comparison to the pain that was created in our own minds.

Unfortunately, we were not able see how we contributed to the infliction of pain and grief. We thought it was everyone else raining ancient pains upon us. We could not conceive that we were the ones generating the phenomena of unhappiness and anguish. Those dark lonely nights of bemoaning people who had harmed us came so frequently that it eventually became our norm.

When those good people in the rooms of recovery shared with us that we were responsible for our own

pain. We cried out “No, no, no!” “You don’t understand how those people have hurt me.” “Yes, but who is hurting you now?” came their replies.

Despite the wise counsel we received, it still took some time before we were capable of grasping the concept that we must do the work that would enable us to let go of our resentments.

Resentment, according to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, is the number one offender, destroying more alcoholics than anything else.

The word resentment comes from the Latin word “sentire” which means, “to feel”, and when you put “re” in front of any word, it means “again”, so the word resent means “to feel again”. In our tortured state we would feel the pains of our past rain upon us on a daily basis. We relived the hurts until they became intertwined with who we were. We were not aware that resentment had the power to kill us or to take us back out. Resentment is a tragic enough excuse to drink or use. In its mildest form, resentment can destroy our spirit, rendering us only a fraction of who we were destined to be.

Thank God sobriety motivated us into right thinking and action. We learned to take direction, and we learned to follow the steps. The inventory that we were able to execute in our forth step, and the wise counsel that we received in our fifth step, empowered us with a desire to let go of our resentments. Little did we know, until that work was accomplished, resentments were something that we were clutching on to. Little did we know, we had the power to let go.

The second greatest gift, given to people who are willing to work a fearless and searching moral inventory, is freedom from resentment. We no longer have to carry our wounded selves around making excuses for drinking/using—anesthetizing the hurts, injustices, pains, and prejudices of our past. We learn that there are no victims in the program. We comprehend that we have a spiritual solution within us, enabling us to let go.

We learn that the gift of forgiveness is freedom. Those of us who have followed those few simple suggested steps are truly blessed! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the rest of humanity were as fortunate as we are?

Dr. Judy Redman is a leading proponent of recovery. She has dedicated much of her personal and professional life to the betterment of the recovering community. She began her career as a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor in 2000. She began teaching AOD Counseling Studies in 2004 and is currently the Director of Education for New Creation College, Costa Mesa. Currently, Dr. Redman is completing her Dissertation; Motivational Interviewing’s Impact on Addiction Counselors.

48 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Dan Griffin on

Real Men, Real Reovery

The Promises Series When I was young and just coming into recovery, I read these words on pages 83 and 84 and saw for the first time what my life could be some day. In the midst of my deep insecurity, shame, fear, and hopelessness, these words were a beacon. I took very seriously the fact that they are called the Promises, not the Maybes or the Might Happens. I went to meetings where men and women talked about how the promises had come true in their life and so I held onto them as a covenant between me and the fellowship. They have come true for me.

And, they will come true for you, too—as long as you are willing to do the work.

when to seek the counsel of others. You realize that there is a wisdom inside of you that connects you to the Universe in a most profound way. Your Higher Power is with you wherever you go and providing you with a divine guidance that nobody can prevent you from accessing. You know how to take into consideration others’ guidance without it defining how you choose to live your life. Panic no longer drives your reaction to life. You no longer doubt every decision you make. You see the path to solutions of problems you never thought you could overcome. You are willing to make mistakes because you know that is how you learn. Failure does not define you.

In fact, there is no such thing as failure if you don’t stop trying.

We greatly appreciate the spiritual principle of progress rather You find yourself speaking, acting, and living spontaneously than perfection. We missed Promise #11 in the last issue, so as though life were effortless. You begin to understand what here it is! it means to wear the world as a loose garment. That is the Promise #11: We will Intuitively Know How to Handle power of this Promise. That is the essence of the Spiritual Situations that Used to Baffle Us Experience that we have been given the opportunity to integrate into the foundation of our recovery.

What a gift when you learn to trust yourself. You know © Dan Griffin, MA is a husband, father, and author and has been on his own journey of recovery since 1994. You can follow Dan at DanGriffin.com

NO MATTER THE ADDICTION, YOU CAN RECOVER. MFI CAN HELP.

Treatment for Alcohol and Drug Addiction Specializing in Suboxone® and Vivitrol anti-addiction medication for long term sobriety, as well as alcohol and opiate detox treatment.

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866.218.4697 OR WWW.MFIRECOVERY.COM www.step12magazine.com

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 49

The Lure of the 1-2-3 Waltz

by Kyczy Hawk

My life in recovery has been full and rich in both grace and challenges. I have raised my family, become married, returned to school, and embarked in not one, but two new professions. I have cared for a brother who was in a severe accident rendering him wheelchair bound and suffering from a traumatic brain injury. I have sat with both my parents as they passed on. I have remained clean and sober through it all.

Life comes at me in big and small ways—challenging me and my identity over and over again. The pleasant and the unpleasant can both disturb me. The voice that says I am not worthy can distract me from the wonderful things that happen to me. The voice that says “that’s what you get” when things are difficult still whispers in my ear. Either way these

feelings, these world views come from a place of unrest. Why am I disturbed, why am I trying to control the uncontrollable?

I may start to eat in an unhealthy way, become extra busy and avoid my feelings. I may become unhappy with silly things like bath mats and table settings; developing a craving for new and more—shopping in an unwise way.

When I feel this way I do what a practiced person in recovery may do; I go back to the steps. When I am well I go deep , but more often I am lured into the 1-2-3 waltz. I just do steps one, two and three. These are useful, it is genuine work to realize that my behavior is harming myself and maybe others. It is wise to note that my outlook and behavior are unmanageable.

It is true that I can’t get myself “sane” and healthy all by myself. The mind that got me here is probably not going to get better by itself. I have to connect with my higher power, talk to someone else, and turn it over. And I do.

Noting that the same issues keep coming up over and over, observing those times my behavior is once again verging on compulsion and obsession, I know there is more work to do. There is something brewing underneath the conduct that requires investigation. My program of recovery has a path for that; it has a process. It is the steps- but ALL of them. Don’t just stop with tip toeing through the first three.

The deal is—if I just do the 1-2-3, I won’t get down to the nitty gritty. I won’t dig deep enough to figure out what the root cause is. I won’t get to the part where I share with my sponsor, find out my shortcomings and work the rest of the amends steps on my actions. I will just turn it over, and it will come back again.

The longer I am around, the more I realize that ALL the steps are for me: not just the first three and last three. I do them ALL. I avoid the lure and get into the work. And if something else comes up I do them again.

Kyczy Hawk is in long term recovery and is enthusiastic about her life in sobriety. She is the “secretary” of the “Yoga Recovery” meetings, Sundays 7am PST on In The Rooms ( http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=144&check=1 ). She is a yoga teacher and author of Yoga and The Twelve Step Path and Life in Bite Sized Morsels.

For more yoga tools, visit her website at: http://yogarecovery.com/additional She is aided and amused by her family who keep her busy and humble.

Are you or someone you love experiencing a family, relationship or addiction crisis?

I can help.

Scott H. Silverman

Call or text now: (619) 993-2738 Yourcrisiscoach.com

Your Crisis Coach

50 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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“What advice would you give your newcomer-self regarding recovery?”

ssed to “You are ble ondage... b ll a be free of ping on.” keep on kee , LA ~ Phyllis “Lighten the f#@k up sister, it ain ’t a contest.” ~ Roni

: stick with “I would say mean it.

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in e not you’re r ’ u o “If y for you, own ery your recov nial; put rst!” in de ecovery fi e r rlen ~ Da

“Because will play my mind me, I ha tricks on my spirit ve to put which is in charge, o best way ften the to make for me be choices.”tter ~ Kristin , San Die go

www.step12magazine.com

“Read Courage to Change oft en, be gentle with yourself, and find a sponsor who you can laugh wit h as you work the steps.” ~ Suzanne W, LA

“Don’t forget to get rid of your entire stash in case your crazy dog finds it and eats it all.” ~ Shaggy

“Sound good if you must, but listen better.” ~ Mark, Dundee, MI

“Keep your life as sim ple as possible, follow directions from your sponsor, get a therap ist, and remember that your brain is still regulatin g. It will take time.” ~ Carol T

“If you relapse and snort coke again, make sure the ice cubes don’t get stuck up your nose, ‘cos that hurts like a mofo!” ~ Flash

“Surrend er and ta day at a ke it one time. Sta y in the here and now !!!” ~ Ma rietta “Be kind to yourself.” ~ Margo, FL

“Don’t fo r that the get best mind-alt drug is t ering he Be hone truth. your tho st in all ughts actions.” and ~ Lily, LA

“You will need to learn to take recommended recovery action not because you think it is a good idea, but because others who have been successful in recovery think it is a good idea.” ~ Bob, Long Beach, CA

life create a new T S U M u o “Y h likeyourself wit d n u o rr su and erwise friends, oth minded NEW nt itself on will prese your addicti er again.” over and ov couver, BC ~ Petra, Van d, read.

“Read, rea ok has o B The Big eed.” what you n YC N , ~ Andrew

“Get o head. ut of your good t There’s no o in the be found re. Lis ten to e aroun veryone d take n you and ~ Geo otice.” rge, S F, CA

“Just don’t drink and do do.” ~ Karen, LA SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 51

From a Broken Home to Broadway

How Alcoholics Led Me to Living My Dreams!

by Elise Maurine Milner

One doesn’t get to choose how one is raised, nor do we choose who raises us. We learn young to cope and survive when we don’t have the best role models. Luckily, I was an independent and strong-willed child, but growing into adulthood amongst a slew of alcoholic role models required me to find extra tools in my spiritual bag of tricks. From a small town in northern Nevada, I grew up with two father-figures and a grandfather who preferred drinks over a healthy family.

After my mother’s second divorce, I was sixteen. At her suggestion, she sent me to an Alateen meeting to find solace in her realization of the devastating pattern our family needed to repair. Some teenagers might have kicked and screamed while defying such a request to spill out painful alcoholic memories in front of a bunch of teenaged strangers. I DID find peace and comfort in those rooms. So much so that I continued to go back every week and, through those meetings, found the strength and independence to move away and start fresh on the East Coast.

As I finished high school and started college, I continued going to Alateen, then Al-Anon where I met lifelong friends and acquired coping skills that I still have thanks to those rooms. Over the years, I also battled food issues and joined Overeaters anonymous. The Twelve Step recovery program is highly responsible for me becoming the person I am today,

but there are things that are beautifully and innately built inside of us, regardless of our childhood circumstances.

I was always a writer, a performer, and always tapped into my creative side, which drove me to be better, stronger, and a survivor. That creative force also made me a naturally happy and optimistic person. Since my early teens I’ve kept journals, written stories and plays and, in high school and college, I performed in my original creations. I spent my twenties in San Francisco and Los Angeles honing my craft in the arts with dreams of my own production company. In 1999, I came to New York City to fill a long-time dream of starting a theatrical company, with zealousness, twenty-three cents in the bank, and a few script ideas. Now, seventeen years later, I have produced ten original Off-Broadway scripts and over 250 performances cumulatively.

In 2016, I had a unique idea to pay homage to my Twelve Step family by creating a comedic, spiritual, and light-hearted musical that would equally inspire, entertain, and educate my recovery community and the general populace about the effects of addiction and recovery. Through the power of song and both heavy and comedic dialogue, my latest creation 12 Steps, the Musical, reveals all levels of the journey, from the disdain to the divine! I am excited to bring this original piece to the Off Broadway stage September 19th-25th for its debut performance in New York City. It’s been a long time coming that someone theatrically tackled the Twelve Step program in a such way that it can be universally understood and revered for what it is.

The story follows Graham Chili, a boy from Texas who has just moved to New York City to follow his dreams as a Wall Street stockbroker by day and a cabaret singer by night. Fresh off the bus, and looking to make friends and connect with his new surroundings, he enters a Manhattan Mega church in Times Square in search of the choir practice room. Instead, he erroneously stumbles upon four different twelve step meetings in the basement that divert his attention, inspire his love life, and create new friends and life realizations!

Featuring songs such as Higher Power, Making Amends, and We Are All One, this new toe-tapping, feel good musical is material never before presented in such an ingenious style.

The cast and I are proud and excited to finally bring this show to the stage.

Today I am grateful for the life I was given, and the circumstances in which gave me the drive to not only do what I love, but to share what I do with the world, because and FOR my recovery and I hope to share with YOU, this journey and see you at the show! For more information and tickets, visit www.12StepsMusical.com.

Elise Maurine Milner is a playwright, producer, and a twelve-stepper! Check out her Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/events/519684578218195/

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OCTOBER 10

www.step12magazine.com

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 53

ang h W e n Suzan

What a WHANGderful World!

Eat What I Hate, and Complain About It?

My recovery began while I was in a relationship with a sober alcoholic. It was my unmanageable frustration with his rage that first got me to a twelve-step meeting. I was filled with resentment that his recovery required him to attend frequent AA meetings, so when he suggested that I start going to meetings for codependents, I thought, “Oh, GREAT. Because you’re an addict, you have to go to meetings, and because you’re an addict, now I have to go to meetings? Grrrr.” But since I love to explore many different paths to enlightenment, I decided to check it out.

I absolutely hated my first meeting. I hated all the people sitting there, I thought they were all crazy, and I thought I was above them. I wanted to run screaming out of the room.

I thought of all the ways in which the meeting should be changed. They shouldn’t use the word “God” with a capital “G” and then pretend that these meetings are not affiliated with any particular religion or denomination. Come ON. This program was clearly started by Christians. Otherwise, why wouldn’t they only use non-religious terms, like Universe or Higher Power? They’re certainly not referring to Buddha or Confucius. There are no quotes from the Torah or the Quran.

So I felt like I was being tricked into adopting Christianity as my belief system. I grew up going to Korean Christian church, which felt like hypocritical nonsense to me. So imagine how I felt when at the end of my first meeting, they all got in a circle, held hands, and recited The Lord’s Prayer. AAAAACK!!! I also hated that after the Lord’s Prayer, everybody swung their arms and chanted with a sing-songy lilt, “Keep coming back, it works if you work it, and you’re worth it!!!” Puke. Are we at summer camp?

Even though I hated it, I’m glad I stayed until the end.

I’m also glad I took the advice to try at least six different meetings before deciding if this program was right for me.

Every meeting had a different vibe, different format, different

people, different policies. Eventually I came to realize that it was exactly the right place for me.

I found a wonderful sponsor with a great sense of humor. She gently suggested, “When you go to meetings, just take what you like, and leave the rest.” What a concept! I don’t have to like everything that happens at meetings, and I don’t have to agree with everything I hear. All I have to do is stay open and listen for any nugget of wisdom that can help me in my life. Just be willing to learn a new tool to put in my spiritual toolbox. And every single meeting I’ve been to has provided me with some benefit. My sponsor suggested that whenever I read or hear the word “God,” I can replace it in my mind with whatever I want. The program literature talks about the importance of finding “the God of your understanding,” and that atheists are also welcome. My higher power could be the sun, or a hummingbird, or George Carlin. My sponsor also suggested that when people are reciting the Lord’s Prayer, I could silently say the Serenity Prayer to myself, or chant “Om”. And I don’t have to hold hands in that circle at the end of a meeting. In other words, I can be authentic and stay in the room without doing anything that goes against my beliefs.

As soon as I started doing that, meetings really became joyful for me. Now every time anyone shares at a meeting, something wonderful happens. I either get perspective, understanding, or inspiration. If someone shares something horrific that’s much worse than what I’m experiencing, I get perspective on my own problems and I feel so grateful. If someone shares something very similar to what I’m experiencing, I feel understood and less alone, which is so healing for me. And if the person who’s sharing is really happy and evolved and thriving, I feel inspired and hopeful that I can also get there, because that person is my peer, sitting there next to me.

There are still things about meetings that bug the crap out of me, whether it’s the format or the policies or the literature or the personalities of the people there. But I don’t focus on those things anymore. I can suggest changes to be voted on in a group conscience, if it’s important enough to me. Or I can just let it go.

When I’m at a restaurant, I don’t order food I that I hate, eat it, and complain about it. That would be insane. I take what I like, and leave the rest. Yeah. I gotta remember to do that in all situations.

© Suzanne Whang is best known as the host of HGTV’s #1 show, House Hunters, for almost a decade. She also co-hosted Bloopers with Dick Clark on NBC, and FOX After Breakfast with Tom Bergeron. Suzanne played Polly on NBC’s Las Vegas for four seasons, and she’s a double award-winning stand-up comedian. She’s a published author, keynote speaker, teacher, coach, political activist, and metaphysical minister. Suzanne has a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University, and a Masters in Cognitive Psychology from Brown University.

She’s currently starring in the sitcom From Here On Out (Here TV), recurring on the new DirecTV series Kingdom, and starring in the hilarious upcoming feature film, A Weekend With The Family, in theaters April 1st. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @suzannewhang.

54 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

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Humor Page A word of advice: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

At the end of his weekly visit to the psychiatric hospital to spend time with his brother, who seemed to be improving over the last few weeks, Tom asked the Inpatient Director, ‘How do you determine whether or not a patient should be permanently institutionalized?’

‘Well,’ said the Director, ‘we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask them how they would empty the bathtub.’

Q: What did the apple say to the worm?

A: You’re boring me.

Q: What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us.

Q: What do you call a cow murder mystery?

A: A moo-done-it.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?

A: Of course, houses don’t jump.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?

A: Their horns don’t work.

Q: What would you call a very funny mountain?

A: Hill Arious Q: What can you hold without ever touching it?

A: A conversation.

Q: Have you seen the movie ‘Constipation’?

A: It hasn’t come out yet.

‘Oh, I understand,’ Tom said. ‘A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.’

‘No,’ said the Director. ‘A normal person would pull the plug. Would you like a bed near the window?’

by Ranay Dato

‘Look at this poor old fool,’ thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a large puddle in the road outside a pub. It was chilly out, so he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, ‘So how many have you caught today?’

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

I was having dinner in a restaurant and desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my reliefs to the beat of the music. After a few songs, my stomach started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed everybody staring at me.... That was when I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

www.step12magazine.com

by Ranay Dato

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 55

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Thank You!

Puzzle Solutions from Pages 32 & 33

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The World Health Organization states that 2.5 million deaths per year (almost 4% of all deaths worldwide) are caused by alcohol.

Nazi scientists created a cocktail of cocaine, methamphetamine and oxycodone that could help soldiers march for almost 90 kilometers, carrying heavy equipment, without feeling fatigue.

P HA

L PY HA LOWE E

N!

Straddling the line between fall and winter, plenty and paucity, life and death, Halloween is a time of celebration and superstition. It is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts.

At a 4/20 party in 2013, police confiscated the largest joint ever created. It weighed over 2lb and its estimated worth was around $6000.

The phrase “mind your p’s and q’s” can be traced back to alcohol. In England, pubs served liquor in pint and quart sizes. (They still do.)

If a customer became unruly, it was common for a bartender to tell them to “mind your pints and quarts.”

Over time, the saying was shortened and its usage was expanded.

Health care costs attributed to alcohol abuse are nearly twice those of drug abuse-related costs.

In 1898, during a tuberculosis epidemic, Bayer marketed heroin as a safer alternative to morphine.

Later, they discovered it had severe negative effects on the body, and was highly addictive, forcing them to withdraw heroin as a medicine after only a few months.

Happy Birthday!

STEVE V.

October 14 175,200 hours!

“God bless, take care & keep the faith”

5 September 2016 www.step12magazine.com

SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016 - 57

Sept / Oct

Aries Mar 21 – Apr 19

Taurus Apr 20 – May 20

Gemini May 21 – Jun 20

Cancer Jun 21 –Jul 22

Leo Jul 23 – Aug 22

Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22

2016

SEP- This time of year you focus on home and family life, and you feel especially domestic. It’s a time for making memories with special people. There can be good news or more clarity in your financial life. Work moves along smoothly. Energy levels increase. For some, your intimate life is also picking up, or you have a stronger sense of what you want from your relationships.

OCT- Today is an excellent day in which you should be able to ground your emotions and find a greater amount of stability in your life. As you walk down the street, be conscious of the Earth below you. Plant your feet firmly and realize you’re a living part and product of this great planet. Don’t separate yourself from Mother Nature— you are her child. Respect her.

SEP- Matters concerning higher learning, travel, or legal affairs can reach a turning point around the Full Moon. It’s a great time for solid progress with a home, real estate, or financial matter. An unexpected opportunity for travel may present itself, or new opportunities to further your education could arise. Changes in your family dynamic or home life are necessary, and may be a long time coming.

OCT- It’s time for you to realize you’re the one responsible for cleaning up your own mess, Taurus. If you’ve left your dirty clothes on the floor and the dishes unwashed, you are the one who has to pay the consequences. Take responsibility for your actions. Today is always the best day to do your laundry and clean the mess in the sink. You’ll feel better about yourself and your immediate environment after you do.

SEP- Relationships with siblings, acquaintances, classmates and neighbors improve and can be a source of happiness. Opportunities to find love may come through schools, your neighborhood, the phone, or online. Work can be demanding but also motivating. Conflicts with co-workers may arise, but if you tame impatience and attempt to work independently at your own pace, their likelihood decreases.

OCT- Things will most likely be going your way right now, Gemini. Feel confident about yourself and your decisions. Let your inner glow radiate outward and show people that you have a great deal of love to offer. Practice what you preach. You lose respect when you act contrary to the way in which you insist the people around you act. Feel your power from within as opposed to trying to get it from others.

SEP- It’s a good time to move personal projects and interests ahead. You can count on increased vitality and personal appeal. While you may have been making everyone else happy lately, now it’s necessary to take care of your own needs.

Clashes in values or conflicts over money may be issues, but money matters improve overall. It’s a strong month for making an investment or for clearing some debt.

OCT- Try not to get too wrapped up in the mental side of things. Perhaps you’re trying to work everything through in your mind. You’ll find strong forces trying their hardest to manipulate your thinking. It might be good to step away and do more processing with your heart. Go with your instincts rather than rely so much on your thoughts. Often the solution finds you, rather than the other way around.

SEP- Don’t get discouraged by other people’s failures. Perhaps you need to slow down or select a new route. You have the perseverance and inner drive to accomplish any task you undertake. It’s possible you’ve been so emotional about a certain issue that you’ve taken it too far. Do your best to resist the temptation to overreact and have things swing in the opposite direction.

OCT- There are some loose ends to tie this month. Living arrangements and conditions can be clearer. You may need to watch what you say around the 13th and 29th. You should also guard against hasty or impatient actions, which can make you more accident-prone. Your mental energies are quickened, favoring any task that involves getting your point across effectively!

SEP- You may experience a transformation in your thinking. It’s bound to affect every aspect of your life, Virgo. By questioning, you work through difficult issues that require a constant reshuffling of viewpoints. Feel free to open yourself up to new ways of thinking as you dismiss old ways that no longer serve you. Now is a terrific time to consider a fresh wave of thought. You’ll be exposed to a new way of truth.

OCT- Expect forward movement. Conversations open up, and you stand to make a new connection, or enhance an existing one. Projects gain momentum. Your social life is lively and going well. While the desire to be with friends is strong this month, be careful you don’t over-commit, as you’re likely to feel the weight of your obligations later. Be helpful and involved, but avoid the tendency to forget your own needs.

58 - SEPTEMBER-OCTOBER 2016

Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22

Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

Pisces Feb 19 – Mar 20

Horoscopes SEP- Things should be flowing quite well for you this month, Libra. Take this opportunity and use the energy to its full potential. Center yourself and look at the weeks ahead. Where do you want to be in two months? Where do you want to be in two years? Now is the time to take stock of what you’ve got and plan for future growth. You have a great deal going for you, so don’t waste your time on frivolity.

OCT-Your ambitions are stimulated this month, but you also enjoy contributing to a team or group effort. Your support is rewarded, as others can come to your aid or inform you of an opportunity for personal advancement. With your strong involvement with friends, associates, and career, you need to find a balance when it comes to attention to family, who will remind you of this around the Full Moon.

SEP- This is a time when you are more experimental, spontaneous, and adventurous than usual, and your need to “get away from it all” is strong. Your independence and freedom are especially important to you. You’re clear about goals and personal projects move forward. If you use this period well, you’ll have the courage to make your dreams happen. Energy levels run high and pioneering instincts are strong.

OCT- This month you find you have blinders on. Someone might feel obligated to give you their two cents even if you didn’t ask for it. Be careful not to dismiss this information without giving it consideration. This knowledge comes to you for a reason, and it’s possible that it’s the piece of information you need in order to complete the puzzle. Don’t disregard anything, regardless of how esoteric it seems.

SEP- The first half of the month is rather introspective, and your perceptions are especially keen. You can get very special insight into an intimate relationship and/ or your own intimate needs. You may also begin to look at long-term financial plans from a new and improved perspective. You have all the necessary tools at your disposal to make important changes to spending and borrowing habits this month.

OCT- It’s obvious how much you like to dream. Certainly, this is an important part of your existence. This month it’s important to realize that there comes a time when you must face reality. There will be days you need to bite the bullet and deal with your bills. Take care of annoying errands that you’ve been putting off. Send the letters that have piled up on your desk for days. Stop making excuses.

SEP- Relationship matters figure strongly. Lingering frustrations with a partner or concerning relationships can reach a head around the Full Moon, but ultimately you’re turning over a new leaf and seeing nice improvements to your interactions.

Stimulating friendships and group activities, as well as increasing energy, are featured this month. Do your best to promote mutually beneficial relationships.

OCT- Stop wasting your energy on things that have no relevance. When it comes to issues that require real thinking, be careful of letting someone else take control. You might have a lazy attitude in this department, and it could be tempting to simply let someone else do the thinking for you. This is apt to lead you down the wrong path.

Taking responsibility for yourself means thinking for yourself, so do it.

SEP- There’s likely to be a powerful force at work trying to manipulate the way you think about a certain situation, Aquarius. Be conscious of the source of your facts. It could be that someone is giving you tainted information so you’ll act in a way that is favorable to his or her plan. Others may not be looking out for your best interests, so it’s important that you are. Don’t accept things blindly without question.

OCT-Take some delight in all of your projects this month, Aquarius. You should enjoy a positive mood and pleasurable experiences with others. Let the good times roll.

Your ego and emotions should be acting harmoniously. You have every reason to smile, so keep grinning from ear to ear. You’re able to get a lot accomplished if you so choose. Adjust your compass, check the prevailing winds, and set sail.

SEP- Don’t second-guess yourself. It could be that you’re wavering about a decision that, after you make it, you hesitate to follow through. Once you make up your mind about something, stick with it and move forward. Have confidence in your own mental process. Once you begin to waver, it may be difficult to find the assurance that you need since you’ll inevitably slide down the slippery slope of self-doubt.

OCT- It is the thought of future possibilities, of what you could accomplish if you could work and live with your romantic partner, that propels you to make more effort in your relationship. The alignment of the planets encourages you set down your goals and have a frank discussion about how you can bring them to fruition, together.

At work, ask where the train is headed before you blindly jump aboard.

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