Sentinel april fools' day 2009

The ¢entinel

St. Luke’s School New Canaan, CT

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April 1st, 2009

St. Luke’s Changes its Historic Name

Mr. Davis’ Generous Offer

Our school’s name and mascot have long been the subjects of contention and concern. Many members of the school community have expressed discomfort about the religiously-charged name and mascot.

After many hours of consideration and discussion, the administration and Board of Trustees have revealed the long-awaited changes. St. Luke’s School will from this day be officially known as K.L.H.T. (Keen Learners’ Hill Top).

The administration and Board of Trustees felt that the name K.L.H.T. would suitably reflect the values of the school, without containing any controversial innuendo. In addition, K.L.H.T. is well known as the former name of another private school in the area, and the administration was eager to snatch up the name as soon as it became free. “We were overjoyed when they changed their name to King because we have had our eyes on the name K.L.H.T. for quite a while,” says Mr. Yavenditti.

There have been some concerns raised about confusion between the new K.L.H.T. and King, but Mr. Bailey reassures worriers, “Who cares if there is confusion? They’re both private schools in Connecticut, right? (he laughs)”

With the new name has come a new mascot as well.

We will now be known in athletic circles as the K.L.H.T. Kittens. Old jerseys for varsity spring sports will be replaced with new jerseys with kittens printed on them.

Spectators at games are encouraged to purr in support of the team. Go Kittens!

It is common knowledge that juniors cannot park on campus after spring break. Now that tennis season has started, the tennis courts must be clear of cars. This means that the junior lot must be taken up by excess cars of faculty and visitors, leaving the juniors hanging from a limb (in other words, not allowed to drive to school). After a sudden change of heart, however, the administration changed their mind on this crucial position.

Headmaster Mr. Davis knows that making alternate parking arrangements is troublesome and conflicts very easily with the busy schedules of both parents and students alike. That’s why he has donated his lawn to the St. Luke’s juniors. “I feel that they deserve parking, too,” said Mr. Davis. “I have plenty of space, and am happy to extend it to their cars.” In addition, the two juniors with the highest GPA will have access to Mr. Davis’s personal two-car garage, which is perfect for bad weather. “I want to encourage high academic performance,” noted Mr. Davis.

11th graders are encouraged to park around Mr. Davis’ home and on the hill in front of it. “If you do park on the hill, please use your emergency brakes; I don’t want your car in my kitchen!” Mr. Davis added.

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School News “Holden” Me Tight

Mr. Lord of the Rings

After the runaway success of the Upper School musical Bye, Bye Birdie, the St. Luke’s drama department has decided to stage a musical adaptation of J.D. Salinger’s controversial novel, Catcher in the Rye. For those unfamiliar with the play, Catcher in the Rye, The Musical! showcases the cheeky misadventures of high school iconoclast Holden Caulfield in his mischievous attempts to find himself in New York City. Along the way, Holden encounters his sister Phoebe, his affectionate old English teacher, Mr. Antolini, and an irritable prostitute. The show features such beloved hits as the romantic ditty “Kiss Me, Caulfield,” the catchy “Holden Me Tight,” the defiant “Everything’s Coming Up Phony,” and the triumphant show-stopper “Don’t Cry For Me Pennsylvania.”

When asked about the decision to present another musical so late in the school year, drama department head Mr. Dale Griffa responded, “Well once we saw how much our audience enjoyed the wacky hormonal antics of American teenagers in our production of Birdie, Catcher in the Rye seemed like the natural next step.” The play is scheduled tentatively for April 30th, May 1st, and May 2nd at 7:00 PM, 7:00 PM, and 3:00 PM respectively. Although tryouts will not be held until next week, Mr. Griffa says students are already lining up to be a part of Catcher in the Rye, The Musical!

“With the attention we’re already getting from students and parents, I can tell this is going to be Saint Luke’s m o s t successful s h o w ever!”

Some know him as the baseball coach. Others know him as a 9th and 11th grade history teacher. One particular

person knows him as her cousin’s fiancé.

Everyone, however, knows him as Mr. Lord, a man of many talents and pursuits, both intellectual and physical

While Mr. Lord can be seen both on the field and in the classroom, he also has an undisclosed secret: until now. On December 19th, 2001, Mr. Lord spotted a ring laying delicately in the grass of an open field in Ridgefield, CT. “It just caught my eye, and I was drawn to it,” he said in an interview with the Gandalf Gazette.

Ever since he gained the power of the ring, the inhabitants of Middle-earth have seen Mr. Lord as a formidable figure of doom and gloom. “We think he’s bent

on world domination,” said a scrawnylooking hobbit. “His power is unending, and we fear he may one day evoke the acting of Orlando Bloom in a medieval action thriller.”

April 1st, 2009

Mr. Lord does not see himself in such a dark light. “With all of this power, I feel I can really help the people of today. I wish people would overcome the stereotype; being a ‘Lord of the Rings’ has taken on a whole new meaning, and I wish to spread peace and good will,” Mr. Lord

emoted.

Mr. Lord declined to comment on what he has done with the ability to be invisible.

Whether you know Mr. Lord as “that guy,” an honorable coach, or teacher, know him as the Lord of the Rings.

Coffeehouse Notice!

Move over, Nick and Connor! Come hear Miley Cyrus in her SLS debut at the next coffeehouse (April 15th during Upper School Lunch)

April 1st, 2009

News & Editorial

Smoke Signals on the Rise

St. Luke’s World Language department is delighted to be able to offer Smoke Signaling as a language for the 2009 – 2010 school year. Taught by Mr. Shee, a self proclaimed expert and frequent user of smoke signals, this class will teach students

how to become proficient in this highly useful form of communication. Students will not only become fluent in the complex system of alphabetical smoke signals created by Polybius, a Greek historian, in 150 BC, but will also learn their intricate history and range of effective uses. With the profits generated from last year’s Rat Pack Fund Raiser, an outdoor classroom has been created behind the Art Building.

Not only will classes be held in this space; it will also be available for students to use during the weekend and after school hours as an effective method to announce sports results. Experts say that use of smoke signals is on the rise, and

many predict it to become the latest form of AIM, as it does not require wireless, cell phone service, nor cost a significant amount of money – all you need is fire and a blanket! See Mr. Bailey to sign up.

Pollution Club

In the face of the growing popularity of the Environmental Club, dedicated St. Luke’s polluters and avid haters of the environment have responded by creating FOULER (Frequently Obstructing Useless Laws about Environmental Responsibility) club.

Controversial in nature, the club (designed to foul up the efforts of their green-minded rivals) has yet to be approved by the school administration. Nevertheless, they continue to initiate members and have continued their guerilla assault on Mother Nature. “Right now we’re just warming up,” says, the future club president. “We’ve only just begun.”

It seems they’re off to a great start.

As of now, the typical day of a FOULER member begins with eating a meal of hot chocolate and soup using Styrofoam cups, lids, and plastic utensils. These amenities are then tossed out the window, far away from any trash or recycling receptacle. Next, the club members spend their free periods sitting in their or a friend’s car, letting the engine run. Also, to spice up the times in-

The Sentinel Staff Editor George W. Bush Fact Checker Alex Rodriguez Ethics Editor Bernie Madoff Sentinel Staff Intellectuals Paris Hilton

Hannah Montana Faculty Advisor Danielle Steele All photo credits go to many different people who have contributed much to the joy of April Fools day and celebrate the triumph of a successfully completed prank.

between class periods, they often snatch and hide the Environmental Club’s recycling bins.

Future projects include chopping down trees on campus, spilling gasoline in the parking lots, and rerouting the chemistry lab vent into the 2nd floor corridor. All in all, this is a promising beginning for this budding organization.

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Sports Etc. Oh, Canada!

Everyone knows that our athletic director, Mr. Butler, and history teacher Mr. Murphy are from Canada and played collegiate hockey. Fewer people know that they enjoy roaming the Canadian plains searching for moose, making their own brand of Canadian bacon and tapping maple trees.

O v e r the past few years, Murphy and Butler have exerted their influence in the school to “Canadianize” our community: they are lobbying for Canadian bacon and maple syrup to be served at lunch and adopting curling, lacrosse, and hockey as the three main sports of St. Luke’s, while requiring that students sing “The Maple Leaf Forever,” the Canadian national anthem, at all St. Luke’s events. One of the way’s Butler is

shot, but that’s a foul. And those stupid discs don’t bounce for beans. How am I going dribble with that thing” The duo has avoided topic by using the famous Canadian question: “eh?”

“So Mr. Butler, you’re hoping that by next year the school will have converted Pedrick “Stadium” into Butler rink?”

“Eh?” “And you also want to bring in polar bears to avoid carbonomission and make our school more eco-friendly?”

“Eh? What are you talking aboot?”

Anyways that conversation didn’t get very far; but, don’t let that fool you. Conclusively, you can expect this chant at Hockey games next year: “Here we go Beavers, here we go!” St. Luke’s get ready.

Top 10 Pranks for April Fools

1.

Ring Racket- During the day change your friend’s cell phone ring tone to something obnoxious and embarrassing and turn the volume on “high.” Then call him/her while s/he is in class. Remember to hide the phone deep in his/her bag so it takes a long time to find and turn off.

2.

Groggy Glasses- Borrow some Saran Wrap (don’t worry this is not the old saran wrap on toilet prank!) and wrap it around a teacher or friend’s glasses. Makes for some extremely blurry vision!

3.

Time Warp- Switch the classroom clock forward ten minutes and make sure all the other students change their watches and even (if you can figure it out) computer clocks. Convince your teacher that his/her watch is slow and it’s time to be let out of class.

expediting the transition to Canadian sport is by converting the St. Luke’s basketball team to a Varsity Hockey team – so far things are not going well. “Yo, honestly I can’t even understand what that guy is saying half the time,” Zach Taylor, Point guard, turned forward, said on Monday.

“He keeps on telling me to work on my slap

4.

Food Fiasco- Order food from a delivery place (pizza, etc.) under the name of a teacher. Remember you must pay in advance. But give the guy an extra tip to pester and fluster your teacher, as the order is announced on the school PA system.

5.

Switcheroo- Take advantage of the fact that so many students leave their

April 1st, 2009

lockers open and switch the entire contents of two lockers. Preferably switch lockers of two of your friends that have lockers very far from each other.

6.

Parking Prank- If you can somehow borrow or steal your friend’s car keys, use them to move his/her car to a different location in the parking lot. It will take forever for him/her to find the car.

Good luck finding a 2nd spot!

7.

Homework Hassle- Replace your friend’s homework with an old homework or a blank sheet or something completely irrelevant to embarrass your friend in class.

8.

Out of Order- Put official looking “Out of Order” sign on a bathroom, cafeteria drink dispenser, etc. to cause inconvenience to the next person who stops by.

9.

Paper Spin- Tape the toilet paper down so the next person is spinning the roll until they realize to their misfortune.

10.

Tech Tease- Drive your friends crazy by replacing their AIM away messages without their knowledge! Now this is a little complicated, but bear with me. Type out a faulty link (ex. http:/www.youtube. com/watch?q=348dbx). Notice the missing 2nd slash before “www.” Then highlight the link and press Apple + K. Type into the box that appears “aim:goaway?message=” After the = sign, type the message that you want to appear as your friend’s away message!

From all of us at the Sentinel, April Fools!!!!