Looking after your mental health at Christmas

By Brad Gartland, with an insight from Paige Gorton, Listening Lounge Lead Coordinator at Rochdale and District Mind

Growing up, as with many people, Christmas was the highlight of my year. Travelling to see family, all the social events, no school, the huge Christmas dinner, not to mention the presents under the tree that I’d been waiting weeks for. It seemed like the most perfect time for everyone. Why would anyone find Christmas hard?

As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised how difficult Christmas can be for everyone, and I say everyone because we’re all human. We can all get stressed, can all feel low, and can all overthink, and Christmas can be a time which heightens these emotions. No matter who you are, it’s so important to care for yourself around this time.

The purpose of this article is to help you realise that you’re not alone in how you feel, as well as introducing helpful tips to benefit your mindset. Paige Gorton (Listening Lounge Lead Coordinator at Rochdale and District Mind) has also kindly provided her advice to support yourself and others during this period.

To start, I’ve highlighted some of the reasons why people may find Christmas challenging and how best to overcome these challenges:

When you’re told that Christmas should be one of the happiest times of your year, and you already feel low – Feeling low can be hard enough without being told you ‘should be happy.’ This can result in us putting pressure on ourselves, leading to added stress.

Firstly, we have enough stresses in our life to start putting more on ourselves; remember that it’s okay not to be okay.

So, if you feel down around Christmas, this is completely normal and there are people that feel the same way. Please talk about how you feel, remember these emotions will pass and better days will come.

Not having time for yourself – With so many social events planned, finding time for yourself may be a challenge and these events can become very draining. Scheduling in time for yourself is so important; I can’t stress this enough. But, when you schedule in the time, make this a priority as the biggest relationship is the one with yourself, but it’s also the one that can be most easily forgot.

Once you start to make time for you, this helps to build a positive relationship with yourself, which in turn enables positive relationships to be built with other people. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

A loved one may no longer be with us – This is something very close to my heart and to be quite honest, made me not like Christmas for a few years. The reality of a lost relative/friend can be even more apparent at Christmas and it can make the time of year increasingly challenging. There is no right or wrong way of dealing with this. Some people may like to keep with traditions, and some may want to change completely (I’ve done a mixture of the two). For me, the most important thing is that I’ll always reminisce on the happy memories with my dad.

We may compare our reality to the media’s portrayal of a ‘perfect Christmas’ – Of course, we can all be guilty of comparing our reality to other people’s highlight reel (especially on social media), but this most often leads to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and can make us feel unhappy with our life.

The first step is to understand that someone’s hand-picked highlight reel only shows <1% of their life; and we never truly know what that person is going through behind the scenes. Everyone goes through struggles and hardships, but most people just never post about them.

My advice is to limit your time on social media, spend time on what matters most to you, and be kind to yourself.

What Christmas means to me, and my words of advice - Paige Gorton, Rochdale and District Mind

"I love Christmas, but after losing all my grandparents, this time of year becomes difficult as they’re no longer there for our family events. Instead, reminiscing about the happy times with them brings me comfort.

"We’re often told that Christmas is the season of giving, but we give so much to others we often forget ourselves. Treat yourself to something small for all that you have overcome this year, go out into nature, do something you enjoy, and be kind to yourself.

"Speak to your friends and family and tell them how you’re feeling. Be open and honest; acknowledge when you feel sad and speak about it. You do not know who may be feeling the same!

"If you check in on a loved one and they feel overwhelmed about Christmas, listen to what they have to say, reassure them that you’re there, and discuss with them the possibility of seeking support from mental health organisation’s such as ones described at the end of the article."

Paige is Listening Lounge Lead Coordinator at Rochdale Mind, which provides a safe, comfortable, and confidential space that is open out of normal working hours to support anyone over the age of 18 with their mental health and emotional wellbeing.

If you’d like to attend the Listening Lounge at Mind (3-11 Drake St, Rochdale OL16 1RE), their doors are open: Monday & Wednesday 6.30pm – 9.30pm and Saturday 1.30pm – 4.30pm, and their contact number is 01706 752338.

If you are to take at least one message from myself and Paige’s insight, please talk and be open about how you feel, be kind to everyone you come across as their stress may be heightened at this time and remember to make time for yourself.

Christmas can have many different meanings for so many people and there is no right or wrong way to spend it.

Wishing you a safe and healthy Christmas,

Brad Gartland - Mental Health Editor

Some great avenues of support are also provided below. Please never feel like you’re alone:

ANDY’S MAN CLUB www.andysmanclub.co.uk This is a safe, confidential, and nonjudgemental place where men can come and talk about their problems, every Monday (excluding bank holidays) at 7pm. Find out if there is a club near you.

SAMARITANS (116 123) www.samaritans.org A 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.

WOMEN’S WELLBEING CLUB womenswellbeingclub.co.uk This is a peer-to-peer community support group run for women by volunteers. Our meetings start at between 6pm and 7pm at various venues across the country. Find out if there is a club near you.

SHOUT 85258 This is a free, confidential, 24/7 text messaging support service for anyone who is struggling to cope. To start a conversation, text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258 - their trained Shout Volunteers are here for you, day or night.

ROCHDALE AND DISTRICT MIND (01706 752338) – Mind provide help and support directly to those who need it most. There's a network of around 125 local Minds across England and Wales that offer specialised support and care based on the needs of the communities they support.