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Bitter Sweet Turning by Christine Boisvert Survivor
No one in my family had ever been diagnosed with cancer. Imagine my horror to find out that I would be the first, and breast cancer at that! Thirteen years ago my life was changed forever. When I arrived at the clinic for the mammogram, I was asked to take everything off the top and put on a robe. After the mammogram, (which had horrible outcomes) the clinician asked me to stay in the robe just to be sure that she had clean and clear images. My heart was racing as I waited, and I noticed that all the ladies there with me had light mauve colored robes. So then, why am I given a pink robe to wear? One by one ladies were leaving after their “squish” experience. But I did not leave, no, I was staying. Soon after woman’s voice softly called my name and motioned to me. I went with her and once seated in the little room she took me to she said she needed to try the test again. Now I was scared. I wanted to run out of the waiting area but was told with a much sterner voice this time, to “stay put.” A young gal came out and motioned to me again, as a few more ladies came and left. On this adventure we went to a completely different testing room. “We are going to do an ultrasound just so you don’t have to make 16 Informed People Magazine
another trip here.” I was watching the same visual they could see as the nurse was looking at the screen, I saw a dark shadow. I started to slowly come to the realization that the “pink robe” and having to stay for the second mammogram, and now the ultra sound meant that this was serious. I went home shaking in my boots. The next day the doctor called me. He asked me to come into the office and that I needed to bring my husband with me. I told him I already knew, this would be a team appointment. My doctor said that he needed to speak to both of us when he delivered the news and that he would not tell me any more over the phone. I found out later that he had already made an appointment with a surgeon; it was that fast! What followed was the loss of one breast, chemotherapy, and radiation. I had no immune system left, and extreme hair loss. There would be no going back to work anytime soon, and this was just the beginning. My self-esteem, body image and sexuality took an all time dive in destroying my ability to look at myself, much less love myself ever again. The recovery was very painful, on so many levels. My mind was racing and my body was in
Pink Ribbon
SALUTE
Christine Boisvert
excruciating pain everywhere. Six months later whenever I looked in the mirror an eerie stranger was staring back at me. Once as I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection looking back at me, it had morphed into a stranger who was playing tricks on me, it had turned into a woman I could not identify, someone I did not know. This woman was older than me, she looked exhausted and had no beautiful dark hair, like I used to have. This stranger living in my mirror, like a scene from some horror movie was unrecognizable to me. I had never seen her before.
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