TRAFFIC by Alma Reyes: The Shadow of Our Smile

TRAFFIC By Alma Reyes

THE SHADOW OF OUR SMILE

There are a lot of acquired Japanese customs that grow inside us who have been living in Japan for many years, at least ve to ten. In the past ve years that I had often made trips back to the Philippines (sometimes, more than twice a year), this awareness had become more striking than ever. It’s no surprise, I’ve begun to conclude, that each time I am in Manila, doing and saying the usual local Filipinos do and say, I’ve started to feel strange when I’m confronted by a typical Filipino trait that I seem to have forgotten because it is not practiced in Japan.

REGARD FOR OTHERS/”KI WO TSUKAU” REGARD FOR OTHERS/”KI WO TSUKAU”

“Ki wo tsukau” or showing extreme regard or concern for others is one Japanese trait that I’ve actually learned to appreciate over the years. Japanese, by nature, are discreet about avoiding situations that provoke: offending others by language or action; making someone wait; causing someone inconvenience; imposing burden; putting someone at risk; or embarrassing someone (at least publicly). Punctuality, for instance, is a globally known virtue of Japanese. Foreigners think it’s stemmed from Japanese being purely precise in time, when actually, the underlying reason is they don’t want to make someone wait for them, which is regarded as impolite. Of course, we cannot say the same thing about the Filipino trait that often finds excuses to be late—perhaps, a spin-offof Filipinos being too understanding and forgiving, so to speak, which sadly tends to be abused.

I was surprised, as well, to notice that many Japanese do not customarily “volunteer” staying at relatives’ or friends’ homes when they travel. They would rather bunk in a hotel than impose a burden on others, even on their families. On the contrary, many Filipinos expect to be accommodated in homes of relatives or friends. If you are the host, saying “no” seems quite hard to do. You would be labeled as “unfriendly, indierent, cold, or detached.”

Have you experienced many times when a Japanese sets a meeting with you, and would give way to choose a place nearest to you or a less troublesome train route so as not to inconvenience you? Filipinos, on the other hand, love to say “Daanan mo nalang ako.” (“Just pass for me”) without feeling a heavy burden caused on the other party. On the other hand, some Filipinos consider making such a request as a gesture of the borrowed Spanish “cariño” trait of affection, or narrowing the gap of indifference.

Other ways that Japanese practice “ki wo tsukau” may be like choosing a restaurant that the other party prefers (and also selecting an inexpensive meal if being treated); handing an o-kaeshi token or reciprocating by action in return for a present or a favor rendered (such as a job or a client introduction, help with a house move, payment for a meal, tour guide of the city, and others); and generally downplaying your priorities to adjust to the other party.

TABOO ABOUT MONEY TABOO ABOUT MONEY

Money talk is considered taboo in Japan. You can hardly hear a Japanese ask someone about the amount of salary one is making, let alone ask someone to pay for your train fare or meal (unless it’s your mother )—quite a stark contrast to the popular Filipino coy approach of “libre mo naman ako” (How about treating me?) without hesitance, even as a tiny joke. Speaking of which, does anyone know where the habit of birthday celebrants being expected to treat meals on their birthdays comes from? In other countries, the practice is quite the opposite. I began to understand why I tend to feel uneasy back home when either I am expected to pay for others’ meals or when others volunteer to pay for mine, since in Japan, the standard custom is each to his own. Only would you experience “free” meals when you are in the company of your boss or someone well above your senior. By the same token, borrowing money from someone is more of the exception than the rule in Japan (unless it is a person of very close anity). I’ve often wondered why Filipinos love to “utang” (loan). Boundaries seem limitless, too. A domestic helper can liberally ask for money from the “employer” to cover costs of their town fiesta, pay for a

relative’s hospital bills, advance for the child’s schooling, and so on. Friends and families, likewise, do so at their own liberty as well, and occasionally neglect to pay their debts. Apparently, the perennial social status gap in Filipino culture tends to allow less privileged folks to exercise the right to receive or be taken cared of; thus, likewise making more privileged citizens to be consistently generous. Indeed, even during the wartime, it was not an uncommon scenario to see a mother ordering her child, “Go to Tia Linda’s sari-sari store and ask for two bottles of milk. Tell her it’s a loan.” Utang and utang ng loob (paying a debt) seem to go hand in hand in day-to-day Filipino life.

I read some articles that hypothesized poverty as the root cause of borrowing money in our country. Statistically speaking, people back home are regarded as “poor”; therefore, they seem to be “forgiven” or accepted for seeking help. Certainly, Catholicism also has influences—the forgiving, compassionate, and giving believer is often viewed as a person with a benevolent heart. Teamed with the “pakikisama” (camaraderie) trait, these “holy” virtues, more than we are willing to admit, are sometimes overrated, abused, and mistreated, unfortunately.

OVERESTIMATED “PASALUBONGS”

The gift-giving omiyage custom (gifts commonly handed out from a trip) in Japan can be quite overwhelming. Train stations, airports, souvenir shops, basements of department stores, and shopping arcades ood with presentably packed boxes of sweets, cookies and delicacies representing the region where they come from. It is such a practical marketing tool that many Japanese pick up these omiyage just before boarding the train or plane. Usually one to two boxes would be adequate for one person or a family, and the receiver, likewise, would expect nothing more. And, the Filipino style? Well, we prefer to splurge on boxes of ramen, chocolates, Hello Kitty, electronic gadgets, fashion brand items, and what-have-you. A huge Winnie the Pooh stuffed toy has become a branded pasalubong (gift) sight in airport check-in lines. I am eternally amazed how Filipinos do not mind lugging enormous balikbayan boxes—sometimes, three boxes per person—and, willing to pay extra baggage fees as long as they can make their loved ones back home happy. Have Filipinos been blinded with material happiness and expectation, on top of spending more than we can afford, perhaps out of pride or embarrassment?

On the other hand, they say that Japanese culture as well is clouded by a million contradictions; just like Filipino culture. The social standards are set so high by moral expectations that deviating from such is literally considered a character mist, consequently being shoved o from job opportunities, social groups, and even family relations. In this regard, the Filipino approach can be more sympathetic, open-minded, and overall, “loving.” Nevertheless, above it all, when that sweet Filipino smile and pure hospitality greets you, everything else beneath its shadow becomes specks of dust.