TRAFFIC By Alma Reyes THE SHADOW OF OUR SMILE
There are a lot of acquired Japanese customs that grow inside us who have been living in Japan for many years, at least five to ten. In the past five years that I had often made trips back to the Philippines (sometimes, more than twice a year), this awareness had become more striking than ever. It’s no surprise, I’ve begun to conclude, that each time I am in Manila, doing and saying the usual local Filipinos do and say, I’ve started to feel strange when I’m confronted by a typical Filipino trait that I seem to have forgotten because it is not practiced in Japan. REGARD FOR OTHERS/”KI WO TSUKAU”
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“Ki wo tsukau” or showing extreme regard or concern for others is one Japanese trait that I’ve actually learned to appreciate over the years. Japanese, by nature, are discreet about avoiding situations that provoke: offending others by language or action; making someone wait; causing someone inconvenience; imposing burden; putting someone at risk; or embarrassing someone (at least
publicly). Punctuality, for instance, is a globally known virtue of Japanese. Foreigners think it’s stemmed from Japanese being purely precise in time, when actually, the underlying reason is they don’t want to make someone wait for them, which is regarded as impolite. Of course, we cannot say the same thing about the Filipino trait that often finds excuses to be late—perhaps, a spin-off of Filipinos being too understanding and forgiving, so to speak, which sadly tends to be abused. I was surprised, as well, to notice that many Japanese do not customarily “volunteer” staying at relatives’ or friends’ homes when they travel. They would rather bunk in a hotel than impose a burden on others, even on their families. On the contrary, many Filipinos expect to be accommodated in homes of relatives or friends. If you are the host, saying “no” seems quite hard to do. You would be labeled as “unfriendly, indifferent, cold, or detached.” Have you experienced many times when a Japanese sets a meeting with you, and would give
SEPTEMBER - OCTOBER 2019
way to choose a place nearest to you or a less troublesome train route so as not to inconvenience you? Filipinos, on the other hand, love to say “Daanan mo nalang ako.” (“Just pass for me”) without feeling a heavy burden caused on the other party. On the other hand, some Filipinos consider making such a request as a gesture of the borrowed Spanish “cariño” trait of affection, or narrowing the gap of indifference. Other ways that Japanese practice “ki wo tsukau” may be like choosing a restaurant that the other party prefers (and also selecting an inexpensive meal if being treated); handing an o-kaeshi token or reciprocating by action in return for a present or a favor rendered (such as a job or a client introduction, help with a house move, payment for a meal, tour guide of the city, and others); and generally downplaying your priorities to adjust to the other party. TABOO ABOUT MONEY Money talk is considered taboo in Japan. You can hardly hear a Japanese ask someone about the amount of salary one is making, let alone ask
