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Taking Care of Our Ageing Parents by Mae Grace

I remember the time when my family here in Japan including the grandparents would sit together after dinner and talked about future arrangements for their children when they would be old and gray and incapable of fending for themselves. Our constant reply would be, “You are both in the peak of health, please don’t worry yourselves about such things, yet. You are still young”.

Truth was, in private, we were worried then because we all have our full time jobs and even the grandchildren were already starting on their own and having their own life and career to think of ahead of them. There were numerous questions in our minds, countless “what ifs” --- Kaya kaya natin maging care giver sa obaachan at ojiichan? Meron kaya tayong pasensya sa pakikinig sa mga paulit ulit nilang kwento na di man nakakasawa ay naiiba pa ang mga detalye sa bawat pag ulit ng kwento? Are we open to get every phone call at any time of the day even when we know these would be just meaningless chatter and all about their uneventful day or maybe just to complain about a stomach ache? Could we appease them when sleep would not befall them and they would want you to keep them company until they would finally doze o while you would be left exhausted and unproductive at work the next day?

Fast forward twenty years later, here we are, about to live out those ‘what ifs’ and start to walk our talk. And we are left with this nagging question: Are we capable of making our parents a top priority in our life, now that they need us most? How? It is our wish to make their life, especially the last phase of their life as happy, as productive and as meaningful as possible; to find joy and meaning in even mundane tasks like taking them for a morning walk, disinfecting their dentures, prepare hot ‘lugaw’ when they’re not feeling well; to make them feel honored, loved and respected and placed on top of our list of priorities and not just some people who we will remember only during emergency holidays or when work stops because of some pandemic. More importantly, it is our hope to still be able to run in the park, smell some flowers and laugh and laugh until our sides hurt and our eyes water from too much laughter together with our old folks.

I remember a few months back about a conversation I had with my son, Ken. He asked me if I have made up my mind as to where I would want to retire in the future, whether in Japan or in my hometown in the Philippines. I told him that I never gave it any thought as of yet. “Why”? “Well, if you decide to grow old here in Japan, you’d better let me know because I might be the one who will be spoon feeding you and changing your diapers. Did you see my jaw drop? My son, who is only in his twenties, is already mulling over these things that not one of us even dares to think about. I was so touched that I wanted to cry, while at the same time I was feeling so preposterous that I wanted to laugh out loud. So, I just told my son, let’s take it a day at a time! It is not only when we become old that you will take notice of us. Let’s take care of each other today, in the here and now, and let every day be an opportunity to show our love for our family and for those significant people in our lives. Let’s take care of the present, and maybe the future will take care of itself. Ken could only nod his head in agreement. Here’s a big hug! Life is awesome and precious!!!!!!

Mae Grace / Jeepney Press