Liza Pavlakos

She Has Overcome the Worst Adversities, Including Abuse, Homelessness, Abduction, Disfigurement, & Human Trafficking by Terrorism.

Q: Do you regularly relive or re-experience the events?

LP: Sadly, trauma survivors relive traumatic events, and I am no different. Because my childhood transition into young adulthood was so traumatic, I was diagnosed with complex PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), and it’s so sad to realize that this is all because of the violence I was subjected to by other people against me.

The impact of repressed memories surfaces and that is so debilitating in your journey to trauma healing. I often relive and re-experience events through dreams and nightmares. People with PTSD are known to have a high rate of nightmares, it’s like flashbacks on constant replay. I often wake at 3 am in the morning in a state of extreme terror with my heart pounding.

Even training with my personal trainer in the gym can evoke unpleasant memories. They can creep back into the present, even replacing it. Since the brain registers trauma when my heartbeats hit a certain high, we play music as a therapeutic intervention. It’s called Music Therapy and can benefit those who suffer from PTSD significantly.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy is the most effective treatment for both short and long term symptoms of PTSD, which is why I founded Positive Breakthroughs, a coaching and counselling service because I know how critical it is to receive support. No matter how bad the situation may seem, I believe we have the ability to overcome almost anything as long as we accept them and develop solutions to recover and heal.

Q: Was there a period when you withdrew from genuine friends, family, or other loved ones?

LP: When there is a situation that the body deems unsafe, the part of your brain accountable for memory, emotions, and survival kicks into gear with instinctive and protective measures to safeguard you. What happens when there is no danger deemed and you still find yourself hypervigilant, trauma becomes an invisible factor causing an over reliance on survival instincts. This is referred to as the fawn response, the need to appease and please. People pleasing and co-dependency became a way of life for me.

I was so dependent on my friends, overstepping the mark on more than one occasion. I was the person who threw lavish dinner parties without a second thought. I was the friend who was overcommitted, overcompensated and was overly needy. I was also the friend who unknowingly and unintentionally hurt those around me by overstepping boundaries. We all make mistakes in life, but the key is to acknowledge them and have open conversations to get to the bottom of them.

Childhood and growing up for me had no boundaries. When an uncle molests you, a cousin rapes you, a boyfriend hits you, a stranger kidnaps and abuses you, your boundaries are non-existent. This trauma caused major issues in my life, and it wasn’t until I stepped back and began therapy that I came to understand the ramifications of PTSD and the fawn response. The “people please” response was because I craved love and affection, wanting to be protected and loved, until I realized that what I craved from others was already within me.

Decades of work ensued, healing was gradual, but eventually the needy, fawning Liza metamorphosized into an empowered woman, one with boundaries.

The new Liza did not appeal to everyone. When I became a keynote speaker, most of my closest friends and family left my life. Was it because I was no longer a victim? Was it because I became successful? One thing is clear to me though. Those who left were meant to leave, and the people who truly loved and embraced me throughout my traumatic journey were meant to stay.

Q: Do you avoid certain people, situations, or places?

LP: A central symptom of PTSD is avoidance, but it took me years to realize that I was actively avoiding people, places, and situations. Avoidance is often the result of limiting contact with triggers for anxiety, fear, or traumatic memories, as the result can be high emotions and extreme distress.

I find that when someone makes me uncomfortable, I avoid them at all costs. The same can be said for walking in places where I feel unsafe.

As a keynote speaker, I travel internationally a lot, and I could never understand why I didn’t embrace sightseeing. Even the stunning Mallorca in Spain didn’t interest me. My friends would laugh and say they couldn’t believe I didn’t take in the sights, or why I barely left the hotel I was staying in. It wasn’t until years later when I was diagnosed with complex PTSD that I understood.

Today I just go with what feels right for my mind, body, and spirit. This is Self- Care. Mind you, I am still conscious of my surroundings and acutely aware of those behind, in front and beside me, but progress is being made and let’s face it, life is for living.

Thanks to my kind and patient husband, who truly understands the impact of trauma on me, I have many things to be grateful for.

My family and friends know not to take me to see a movie that involves violence, tension, or murder. The toll it takes on me is simply not worth it. Comedies, romance, and lighthearted films top my list for an enjoyable, uplifting experience.

I’ve learned from experience to stay out of trouble and to make the most of every situation. No matter the challenge or disability I believe we have the power to better ourselves. The power of a positive mindset has the power to change our world.

Q: What do you believe is the greater good of your story?

LP: My story is about love, rebirth, conviction and finding undeniable strength. My story is of hope and possibilities. We all suffer at one time or another on our life’s journey, but we all have the opportunity to grow. It’s all about the F word. Forgiveness, fortitude, and Forget about what others think about you. It’s about being the best YOU can be and taking control of your destiny.

My story may be a trauma littered minefield, but it’s far from sad. It’s guts and glory peppered with business, success, and the triumph of the human spirit.

Q: Do you have a hard time remembering certain features of the events?

LP: Dissociation is yet another symptom of PTSD when people may lose their sense of time, place, and sense of self. Automatic functions include consciousness, identity, memory, and self-awareness.

Once I was a victim, and during that time I was so numb I couldn’t even feel the pain, but I was able to disassociate in order to survive unspeakable crimes against me.

My imminent book took me more than seven years to write. In order to be precise, I worked hard to trace back all events. Painful, mind-numbing, soul-destroying events. It was like putting together a complicated puzzle. Recalling events, speaking with friends and people, and pulling together medical and legal paperwork, the process expedited memories and now my mind is sharper than ever. I can’t go back and change the events, but what I can change is the way I view the world with positive thoughts, goodness, and kindness.

Q: Is there one single thing that is most important for people to know?

LP: You don’t have to forgive the perpetrator of heinous crimes against you, but by holding on to it, you’re giving them power, and at that point you become powerless. Forgiveness may come with time, but justice must be served. Every perpetrator should face the consequences of their actions.

Seek help to commence healing, and if none is available contact Positive Breakthroughs, my organization of dedicated therapists and coaches. Our subscription model will allow other therapists and coaches internationally to join our business model and help assist others with the healing process.

Q: Do you imagine what path you might have taken had you not experienced the trauma?

LP: I adore cooking, so maybe a chef like my mother. A doctor, or perhaps a teacher, but then aren’t those all the things we do as mothers and fathers?

Every day I count my blessings that I am a keynote speaker encouraging people to grow. I truly love the life I’m living, and if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. You see, compassion comes from pain, empathy from understanding, love from heartbreak and strength from adversity. Even with PTSD I have found purpose in life, trust in myself and my capabilities, success against all odds, and along the way, a better version of myself. We all have the power within us to do the same.

Q: What services/resources/people helped you in your recovery?

LP: My recovery included so many services and resources in- cluding working with some of the psychologists and counsellors. In Australia, we have a 24-hour hotline called Lifeline, a team dedicated to supporting others with depression. I’d call them at 3.00 am after waking from a nightmare and being deep in depression. Family, friends, and my parents, who didn’t always get things right, but who reached out and tried to help. My husband and children, empower and teach me to be a better person every day.

Spirituality was a major resource for me. It has helped me heal in so many ways. For example, meditation fosters calmness, and prayer rewires my brain. Positive psychology and affirmation mean we are able to dream a bigger dream and ask God to guide us to a better pathway. Prayer is a major factor in my life.

Q: What were the barriers to you coming forward?

LP: Presenting myself to the world and speaking about topics that are tough to digest. Some people accepted what I said, others judged me harshly. People would say I was hurting my children simply because I spoke the truth. They’d make snide remarks about the violence revolving around my first-born son’s father, but he is born from love, and I have loved him since I first laid eyes on him. Acknowledging the truth only brings us closer. What people tend to forget is that I am in the business of empowering and giving hope.

Although judgment from others has been my biggest barrier, it’s self-judgement that matters the most, and I couldn’t give a toss about what others think of me.

I don’t want to raise my children in a bubble, these topics are real and raw, and my children must know that horrors exist in this world, but they must have the skill to know how to avoid trouble, how to stay safe and vigilant and most importantly, how to harness love and empathy.

Other barriers include the stigma of a person who has suffered abuse, but we can’t control how people think, victim or otherwise. One more hurdle to jump is being able to name the perpetrators that abused us. Unfortunately, in Australia there is a law that prevents the victim from naming and shaming the predator, so to many, it is our fault, or our story is total fiction.

Q: Do you imagine taking a different path ahead to achieve a personal dream or goal?

LP: The privilege of presenting to corporate organizations and empowering their teams is nothing short of a blessing, however, it would be a dream to see Positive Breakthroughs expand internationally.

This is the legacy I can leave behind. As a keynote speaker, the time will eventually come when ageing or health will slow me down. Along with my book, I can continue to give hope and transform lives long after I’m gone.

It has taken so long to build my keynote speaking business and Positive Breakthroughs and there is still a lot of work to be done, but then again, everything worth building takes time.

A world-renowned keynote speaker, Liza excels at motivating individuals and teams to overcome challenges with a blueprint to become stronger, more resilient, and ultimately greater human beings.

Q: What suggestions do you have to make it safer for victim-survivors to come forward?

LP: Take your time to process what has happened. Speak up about your trauma, as abuse is not just physical and sexual. Trauma can be psychological through childhood bullying, body, and mental health shaming. Know that you’re not alone and there is always someone who cares. Be brave enough to stand up for what is right for you. Don’t be afraid of what others will think. Put yourself first and prepare to do what you have to for healing, and in doing so, create a better life. To be vulnerable and real is strength. To be real you have to be willing to make a stand against the judgment.

Q: What suggestions do you have to teach pre-emptive and preventive strategies to avoid trauma?

LP: The best strategy is to seek help, talk about your situation and get clarity on what you are experiencing, and go with your gut feeling. Seek continuous contact and support from loved ones, and start identifying as a survivor, not a victim.

Never be afraid to share your story. Speak with a doctor or psychologist and make sure you keep a paper trail that can be utilized to support your story.

Preventive strategies would be to avoid dangerous situations. Know your surroundings, be vigilant with who you trust, and most importantly ensure to vocalize that is happening to you at all times. Educating children on abuse would also be a step in the right direction.

She Has Devoted Her Writing Efforts to Fiction & Literary Nonfiction. Meet Author & Photographer,

Andrea Simon

Q: After high school, where did you feel your career path would take you?

AS: When I graduated from high school, I did not have a career path. I only knew that I would go to college. After I completed two years, the guidance counselor contacted me to discuss selecting a major. He asked me what I enjoyed. I answered, “writing and art.” He said, “As a woman, you have two options: teaching or social work.” So, I majored in sociology, which had nothing to do with social work, but was the recommended course of study.

Q: When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

AS: Even as a young child, I made up stories with distinct plots and roles that my friends and I enacted. As I grew, I composed poems and designed greeting cards for my friends and relatives. I also dabbled in short stories and essays. I was always creative and tried to include a visual aspect to my writing. But I never considered writing as a career. It was part of me as a means of expression.

Q: Can you share with our audience about the books you have written? Which is your favorite?

AS: I have written several books, three of which were published and won awards. They include: Bashert: A Granddaughter’s Holocaust Quest, a memoir/history about my trip to my family’s ancestral village in Eastern Europe and the fate of our murdered relatives in the Holocaust; Esfir Is Alive, a historical novel, based on a true story of the only recorded survivor of a massacre of 50,000 Jews; and Floating in the Neversink, a novel-in-stories about a young girl’s coming-of-age in the Catskill Mountains and Brooklyn in the 1950s to 1960s.

It is impossible to choose a favorite. Each book is like my child, reflecting a distinct and significant theme at a particular time. I still feel very “maternal,” and wish them a long and fruitful life, with unrelenting affection and love.

Q: What is your work schedule like when you’re writing?

AS: It all depends on what I am writing. If it involves a lot of research, I may read reference material and take notes. If it is fiction, I normally have a rough outline of my overall theme, plot, and structure. I might write a scene or edit. Whatever the form of writing, I usually begin my day after finishing my breakfast and reading the newspaper. I take my coffee into my study and open the computer file from the previous day. I go over the notes or composed work and then plunge in.

Q: What is the most difficult part of writing a book?

AS: There are so many difficult aspects to writing a book. Of course, the hardest is coming up with a concept or overall arch, an idea or set of circumstances that can sustain a larger work, something that has heft and literary merit. Then comes the perseverance to stick with the project and work at it even when discouraged. This involves a certain amount of self-confidence and resilience, which are often very difficult to sustain.

Q: What important advice would you give a first-time author?

AS: It’s such a cliché to say that to be a writer, one must write. It’s like saying a worker must work, or a doctor must doctor. There is a difference between a writer and an author in that a person can write advertising copy, instructions on a cereal box, a play, a letter to the editor, or just about anything. Normally, this would require a specific assignment and hopefully some monetary reward. But once a writer tackles a long piece, whether it’s a short story, a novel, or a nonfiction subject, he or she becomes an “author,” a professional. If this undertaking is self-motivating, it often means a great deal of rejection and financial sacrifice. I would ask the first-time “writer” if he or she is certain that the ambition is essential, if he or she can put up with sacrifice and debt. I wouldn’t discourage the desire but stress the awareness of potential pitfalls ahead—and emphasize the benefit of maintaining a day job!

Q: What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

AS: I am a very creative person and enjoy photography and art. I used to have a darkroom and was a serious black-and-white practitioner. Lately, I have been taking art courses and am now into abstract painting. No surprise that as a writer/author, I love to read. Before COVID, I enjoyed traveling and visiting friends and family.

Q: Which woman inspires you and why?

AS: This is a tough question to answer as there are so many women I respect. In general, women who have accomplished something significant in the arts or science are on my admirable list. I am awed by women who succeed in heavily masculine professions. On a personal level, I have always been inspired by my grandmothers, both immigrants from Eastern Europe who escaped religious persecution and restarted their lives under difficult conditions.

Q: What would be the title of your autobiography?

AS: I have been working on a book of personal essays for at least thirty years. It contains humorous and serious observations of lived events, including everything from verbal tics to not having a gifted child to shopping for a wig during chemotherapy. I entitled this book, Nobody Sprays Me in Bloomingdale’s, after one of my essays. Though tongue in cheek, the title encapsulates something about me. If I am lucky, it will be my next published book.

Awarded The Presidential Early Career Award For Scientist & Engineers. It’s a Pleasure To Introduce, Professor Of Engineering At Purdue University, Haiyan Wang.

Q: Can you share with our audience a little on your life story and how you became interested in Engineering?

HW: I was born and raised in China and moved to the US for a Ph.D. study in the field of materials science and engineering in 2000. I was fascinated by the field of materials research and its ability to fuel new discoveries and technology innovations and thus decided to pursue my career in materials research. Taking an example, all the integrated circuits that enable versatile personal devices and computing power we have today, are based on silicon, an earth abundant material and a semiconductor, as well as our ability to grow it well in thin layers and dope it with other elements to change its conductivity in different parts of the devices. I am currently focusing on new materials design and processing for microelectronics and photonics, and energy applications.

Q: When did you know you wanted your career to include teaching along with research?

HW: I have always dreamed to be a teacher as many of my teachers throughout my study are my role models. The dream become much closer to me when I joined Los Alamos National Lab as a postdoc research fellow. I got to mentor multiple graduates and undergraduates through research. I very much enjoyed the teaching/learning process with them and thus applied to faculty positions after my postdoc work.

Q: Tell us about some of the patents you hold and how they are used.

HW: I currently hold 12 US patents. One of the earlier ones developed in 2005 was on the designs of multilayer stack for the high quality growth of high temperature superconductors coated conductors for superconducting cables and generators. This patent has been licensed by multiple superconductor companies and generated great industry interests in the field. These superconductors coated conductors are very important components for energy efficient generators, motors and electrical transmission lines that transmit electricity or convert energy without energy loss in electrical resistance.

Q: Can you tell us about the research your currently doing? What do you hope it will accomplish?

HW: My research group is currently working on many research directions in the areas of new ceramic and ceramic-based composite materials for more compactable microelectronic devices, new photonic structures, thin film Li-ion batteries, and efficient fuel cells. Another interesting and fundamental direction is to design and processing ductile ceramics through defect engineering. Usually, ceramics will break into pieces easily under high impacts, i.e., poor toughness, despite the fact that they are very hard, much harder than most of the metals. They behave very different from metallic materials, where metals generate various defects to accommodate the external high impacts, and then deform without breaking into pieces. We are designing ceramics with those defects to mimic “metals” and making them “tough” and unbreakable.

Q: In 2008, you received the Presidential Early Career Award for Scientist and Engineers. Can you tell us more about this along with the presentation of your award?

HW: That was one of my most memorable moments in my career. I was among the top 60 early career scientists and engineers in the U.S. to receive this award. The awardees were selected and recommended from various federal agencies. I was invited to the White House and met with President Bush. Luckily, I was standing right next to him and had a short discussion with him during the group photo session.

Q: During Covid-19 you developed a hybrid plasmonic thin-film. Can you tell us what led to this design and how it’s being used?

HW: The COVID time was challenging for all the researchers as all the labs had restricted access with only one researcher allowed at any given time. We were able to design and process a range of hybrid plasmonic thin films. These are a group of hybrid materials with two or more materials combined as one material. At least one of the phases possesses plasmonic properties and the other phase(s) presents other functionalities. Typical processing methods involve processing one material first, then etch and integrate the second phase in. Our method is to directly grow two materials simultaneously and self-assembled into nanostructured hybrid materials. This poses great challenges to the growth process as the deposition parameters are vastly different for the different phases and finding a common processing window to effectively grow two or more phases requires deep understanding on the self-assembly process, i.e., materials science of self-assembly.

Q: What’s the greatest fear you’ve had to overcome to get where you are today?

HW: Materials science and engineering as a relatively new and cross-disciplinary area is filled with talented researchers from Chemistry, physics, biology, and nearly all the engineering fields. How to distinguish my research from others and identify critical research topics that are unique and impactful, have been a constant question I am asking throughout my career. Instead of fear, I consider this as the motivation to innovate continuously. Luckily, I am never alone by working with a group of talented graduate students and postdocs in my research group, and many collaborators at Purdue and other institutions, nationally and internationally!

Q: Can you tell our audience one of your most memorable moments your career?

HW: I recall many memorable moments in my career. But the most memorable ones are the Ph.D. graduation ceremonies where I grant the Ph.D. regalia on the shoulder of my Ph.D. students on stage. In the past 16 years, I have graduated 38 Ph.D. students and they are now working as professors in universities, researchers at national labs and senior processing engineers at semiconductor industries, such as Intel, Micron, IBM, Applied Materials. I am so proud of their achievements and witnessing their growth!

Q: What are some of the challenges you feel women face today?

HW: One of the major challenges is simply so few of women in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) field. For instance, there are eight women faculty out of thirty-five faculty members in my home school of Purdue MSE. In the undergraduate classes I am teaching, typically there are 5-8 female students among the total of 30-40 student. The ratio of 1:4.5 is of concern but it is comparably better than many other engineering fields. There are a lot of work we have to do to slowly make the changes. I am hiring 1-2 female Ph.D. candidates each year to ensure my group diversity and gender balance. Another challenge is that the stereotype on “the boys are better than girls in STEM” continues to influence our young generations. My 13-years-old daughter always doubts about her ability in math and science despite she has excellent scores in all her classes. More work is needed to help girls gain their confidence. Such efforts can initiate from every one of us. For all the women in workplace, career-family balance is another major challenge. Because of the extensive periods of childbirth, breast-feeding, and raising family, many of the working women have to quit or temporarily quit jobs at the very early stage of their careers, which influences their long-term career. There shall be effective work and employment policies to protect women in workplace.

Q: What advice would you give to young women who want to succeed in the workplace?

HW: We women engineers and scientists have strength in multi-tasking, soft inter-personal skills, and very detailed thinking. Utilizing the strengths, you will excel! Everyone is made differently. Use your own expertise and strengths to distinguish yourself, among others. Do not let any stereotype influence your career decisions and never limit your own potential! When you are deciding between family and career, do remember that these two are always coupled together and you can make them well balanced! A supportive family is also very key to such balance.

Q: After high school, where did you feel your career path would take you?

HW: I have always wanted to do something impactful and useful to the society. After high school, I had a vague picture of my career working in an engineering field but was not very sure on what exactly I would work on. After my bachelor and graduate studies, the picture became clear, i.e., a scientist in the areas of materials discovery.

She Barely Survived a Deadly Mountain Plane Crash That Took The Lives of 160 Passengers. Making Her Second Chance of Life Count, An Exclusive Interview With Motivational Speaker,

Mercedes Ramirez Johnson

In 1995, Mercedes Ramirez Johnson narrowly survived a commercial airplane crash where about 160 people died, including her parents. As one of only four survivors of this tragedy, she vowed that she would make her second chance at life count… and that she has – not just for herself, but also for the tens of thousands of people who have heard her story and her message.

Mercedes has received national awards for her work, influence, commitment to helping others. People Magazine’s Spanish edition, People en Español, named her one of the country’s top young Hispanic up-and-comers. INROADS, Inc., an international organization dedicated to developing talented minority youth, voted her Alumni of the Year. She was also awarded Volunteer of the Year for Christ Haven for Children, a Texas-based home for neglected children. In memory of her parents, she established a scholarship for minority students at Northwest Missouri State University, where she actively served as an Executive Member of the university’s Foundation Board.

Q: Every year, we’re incredibly lucky to have and celebrate our birthday. For you, it’s also an anniversary of an incredibly sad event that happened on your 21st birthday. Is there something special you do for your birthday that you can share with us?

MRJ: Every year, my birthday is always bittersweet. The reason for this is that I feel a little guilty celebrating my birthday since it’s the anniversary of my parents’ death. But my birthday is also incredibly life-affirming since on that very day in 1995, I was given a second chance to live life with my heart and mind wide open. It has taught me to appreciate the beauty of life, family, friends and fulfilling my dreams, not just for myself but for my family.

Q: What type of injuries did you sustain and how long was your recovery?

MRJ: I was hospitalized for nearly three months after the plane crash. Initially, the doctors in Colombia told my family I had a 2030% chance of survival due to the severity of my injuries. I broke my right femur bone, fractured my lower spine, broke quite a few ribs, and sustained massive internal injuries in my stomach, so I had to undergo many surgeries to repair the fractures, skin grafts, and do some rerouting of my intestinal tract.

Q: Do you still keep in contact with your fellow survivors?

MRJ: No, unfortunately, I lost track of most of the survivors. Occasionally, I see family members of Mauricio Reyes, but I’d love to get reconnected with them all. I know that everyone has accomplished success in their lives, and I consider myself privileged to be a part of such a remarkable group of people who have made the most of their life.

Q: How long did it take before you felt you could fly again?

MRJ: I used a baseball game in St Louis against my favorite team, the Atlanta Braves, as an excuse to board a plane just about a month and being released from the hospital. It was terrifying, but it was under an hour-long, and I knew I needed to start the process of getting over my newfound fear of flying. Every little bump and dip felt frightening, but every flight from that point forward became a little less scary. I’m glad my sister convinced me to take that first flight because the world is too beautiful of a place to not enjoy it with the people I love.

Q: What was your first thought when you learned the flight crew had failed to adequately plan and execute the approach to runway?

MRJ: For months, I was filled with bitterness and anger. I was trying to make sense of it all, trying to figure out what would have led to their numerous mistakes and oversights. I kept wondering why they weren’t more careful and mindful of their responsibilities. But after months of prayer and therapy, I grew to accept it wasn’t because of bad intentions. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life as a jaded negative person; because that’s NOT the type of person I’d like to be WITH, so why would I allow myself to BECOME that? The pilots were two good men who just had a really bad day at work that day. They had friends and family that were devastated by their loss just as much as I was devastated from losing my parents.

Q: When did you realize that you wanted to become a motivational speaker?

MRJ: I would never have pictured myself being a “motivational speaker.” Just the title makes me cringe… it makes me think of smoke machines, thumping music, and crazed audiences willing to pay half of their life savings for some guru to tell them how to live their life. I’m a storyteller; I’m an eternal student — my favorite part of my work is researching my clients’ industries, victories, and problems, then crafting a program that catapults them to working and living with a clearer outlook better tools to succeed.

In 1996, a schoolgirl scout troop invited me to share my story about my plane accident in the basement of a church, which happened just weeks after being released from the hospital. From there, my career as a storyteller blossomed. It’s inspiring to see how it’s turned into such a fulfilling career. It helps give me so much purpose.

Q: Can you share with our audience when and to whom your first speech was given?

MRJ: The first time I openly talked about my plane crash to a group was the girl scout troop, but my first real speech was in Chicago at a collegiate Hispanic leadership conference. It hit close to home because I was a member of this same Hispanic leadership organization throughout my high school and collegiate years. I felt like I was in the audience watching myself. It was emotionally overwhelming, and I had to regain my composure to finish the speech through tears. After that, I realized I had to learn how to give a genuine, emotionally compelling talk while at the same time emotionally removing myself from the talk. It’s too painful not to.

Q: You’ve given many speeches since that terrible accident over 25 years ago. Is there one question that you’ve been asked that is still difficult to answer?

MRJ: The first time someone asked me if I felt guilty that I survived and not everyone else really threw me back. Honestly, at first, I felt insulted because I thought that person was insinuating I could have done something to save others, which I couldn’t. I was knocked unconscious at impact and didn’t wake up in the wreckage until the following day. But instead of guilt, I feel responsible for living a life of kindness, generosity, and adventure. I feel that if I live a FULL life, that it’s a life worth being proud of. Not just for me to feel pride, but for all the people who would were denied that second chance to live out their days.

Q: Tell us what the Second Chance Living concept means and how it has helped those you’ve shared it with.

MRJ: God, the universe, and all the rescue/medical staff that played a role in saving my life are responsible for the second chance at life I was given. Sadly, it took losing my parents, nearly losing my own life, and living through the hell of a plane crash to make me realize that every day on this earth is a precious gift. Each day we wake up, we’ve been given a brand new second chance at life. What an incredible opportunity that is! To wake up with a clean slate and a fresh start to right your wrongs and be the truest version of yourself that day. When we value each day as a new chance, that’s when we can muster the courage and the energy needed to slay the dragons in our way and make our little slice of our worlds better by our actions, our words, and our interactions by being intentional.

Q: How has the COVID-19 pandemic impacted you and your family? Have you made use of video conferencing to continue speaking?

MRJ: This is going to make me sound so weird, but I LOVED being home with my sons. These past few years, I went through many changes in losing two sons that were born with a genetic terminal condition, ending my marriage of 21 years, and navigating motherhood of two teenage twin boys. So, quarantine gave me a chance to finally breathe. I had been running nonstop for so many years that this gave me a chance to focus solely on people in my inner circle. It gave me time to grieve, time to heal and celebrate the loves in my life. From March until early summer, all my speaking engagements had been canceled or indefinitely postponed. Then little by little, my clients came back with revamped conference and meeting plans, and my master bathroom has now been permanently transformed into my live virtual keynote studio. I’ll be all dolled up in a suit, full makeup, great lighting, and using all kinds of professional jargon to make myself sound smart — but my client has no idea that it’s all smoke and mirrors in front of my bathtub just a few paces away from my toilet! Although I miss interacting with my clients in person at their amazing events, it’s still a blast to play a role in their endeavors.

I’m looking forward to the day where I can meet and hug my audiences again. In the meantime, my bathroom studio has been a hit which I’m grateful for!

Q: Is there a lesson you’ve learned in your career that you can share with our audience?

MRJ: Without authenticity, gratitude, and drive, there won’t be anything such as long-term success or happiness. When you are REAL, then you’re trusted; you go within yourself to fight for your dreams and experience success by being true to yourself. When you have a grateful heart, you are able to savor the milestones (big and small) along the journey and feel so much more fulfillment in the process. You can forge your own path, set your own goals, and break your own barriers when you have drive; without it, there is no direction, and you feel like the never-ending hamster in the wheel.

Q: What advice would that you give to young women who want to succeed in the workplace?

MRJ: Don’t make yourself small for ANYONE. Not in your personal life, not in your professional life — nowhere. Don’t wait till you meet all the qualifications, have enough confidence in your own abilities to learn as you go.

Speak up!

Quit apologizing!

Don’t ask for a seat at the table. Take it.

Spend your time with people that speak words of goodness and encouragement, with people that bring out the best in you. You don’t have to use money to invest in yourself. Instead, to broaden your perspective and deepen your knowledge base, you should listen to podcasts, watch documentaries, and attend free online classes. Find a hobby of your OWN that brings you joy that doesn’t revolve around your partner or your children.

Buy the shoes, the suit, or the lipstick that makes you walk with a bit more swagger when you’re about to walk into a room or situation that scares you. You’ll feel like you own the room by the time you leave, and you’ll wonder why you were ever intimidated in the first place.

Q: After high school, where did you feel your career path would take you?

MRJ: I majored in International Business in college, so I hoped I would be in a fast-paced career traveling the world. My father used to work for TWA, so as a family, we used to fly around for free, so that was a big reason why I went into International Business was to incorporate my love of traveling, my drive for business, and my knowledge of foreign languages for life.

Q: What was your first job? And how did it shape or impact you? My very first job was in high school when I worked for a family-owned jewelry store. My friend in high school’s parents owned the store, so I worked there as a cleaner. I was surrounded by gorgeous jewels, so my eyes are always sparkling since I inherited a love of jewelry from my parents. It taught me about receiving instruction/constructive criticism in a way that I didn’t take it personal. The first time my boss told me I didn’t clean the display cases well enough, I remember I went down to the basement of the jewelry store and bawled my eyes out since my parents used to have me do chores around the house all the time, so I always consider myself a cleaning and polishing expert. This first job also taught me that I am terrible at time management. I couldn’t handle working there and getting all my homework and studies done to the level I was accustomed to. However, I quit the job after three months.

Q: If we interviewed all your clients … what is “one” common word that comes up when they describe working with you?

MRJ: Real. I’ve had so many clients afterward tell me, “when you were on stage, I felt like you were talking directly to ME.” I’ve been told that they felt like I was a friend who was having a one-on-one conversation with them. There are all kinds of speakers/experts who go on stage and have a certain persona or branding that they stick to, and it feels like an incredibly awesome production, but sometimes people may think, “I wonder what they’re really like.’ Well, when people see me, they get the real me, scars, bumps, limp, and all. That’s just the truth.

Q: What’s the greatest fear you’ve had to overcome to get where you are today?

MRJ: My biggest fear after the plane crash has been losing the people I love. Sadly, my youngest set of twin boys were born with a rare genetic terminal disorder (Mucolipidosis Type 2). According to the doctors, they were given a life expectancy of 3-7 years when they were born. Wynn lived to be six years old, and Dorian lived to be ten. Those sweet little angels transformed me into a better human being. They made my two older sons more empathetic and caring. They made their father more appreciative of the little things since little victories were all we had with them. I think God gave me those two earth angels because he knew I could handle it, that I wouldn’t drown myself in all that was “wrong,” and that I’d take the time to relish all that was right. I’m so thankful the Lord entrusted me with those boys for the short time that we had them.

Q: Can you tell us how you manage your work life balance?

MRJ: Work-life balance is a beautiful myth because our brains cannot do more than one thing at a time. Instead of trying to juggle it all, have it all, and do it all; I’ve learned to say no. I’ve learned to focus on one thing at a time. If I’m watching a movie with my sons, I’m going to ignore the email alerts or the phone calls, and I’m going to enjoy that movie with my boys. Suppose I’m prepping for a client’s keynote. In that case, I’m going to lock myself into my room with a sign posted on the door that says “don’t come in here unless you’re bleeding or in need of immediate medical attention” because my sons wouldn’t call their dad and expect him to drop a client meeting to ask what’s for dinner so why would I let them do that me?

Q: What’s one lesson you’ve learned in your career that you can share with our audience?

MRJ: Sometimes your biggest failures or biggest sources of fear can turn into the most rewarding opportunities. You can’t be scared, intimidated, or overwhelmed. You can FEEL scared, intimated, or overwhelmed, but don’t BE those things. You feel it, then release it and get back to the business of being badass.

Q: Can you tell our audience one of the most memorable moments in your career?

MRJ: The first time I spoke in front of a huge audience was life-changing. While I was still a college student, I was asked to speak at the National Catholic Youth Conference. They were anticipating 15,000 attendees. I had to go to my college speech professor and asked him, “how do I craft a speech for 15,000 teenagers?” He patiently coached me through the process. The night before I gave the speech, I had a dream that I was in a lecture hall giving a presentation in class in school, and while I was giving the speech, I was going row by row, making eye contact with all of my classmates. When I got to the 3rd row, I saw my parents sitting there smiling and watching me proudly. In my dream, I said, “Oh my God! What are you guys doing here!” and I wanted to run up and hug them, but they put their fingers over their lips in a gesture to be quiet, and they both waved their hand to signify carry on. I could remember waking up that morning from that dream in tears, but when I hit that stage, I didn’t feel a single once of nervousness because I could feel their love and encouragement with me on that stage.

Q: Which woman inspires you and why?

MRJ: My paternal grandmother was an incredible woman — brave, loving, kind, tenacious in caring for her children, and humble. My mother — she was a joyous person, courageous to come to the United States without knowing a soul, and she took care of her family in Nicaragua financially until the day she died. My mother took a lot of pride in helping people, and I always had so much fun watching how she had this magnetism that drew people to her, made people laugh, and knew how to make people feel loved and welcomed. And my sister, Sylvia. She’s nine years older than I am, and she took on the role of caretaker and comforter for me after our parents died. Amid her own grief, she took care of me, and she’s never stopped caring for me since. I’ll never be able to truly express how much she means to me. I wouldn’t be me without her.

Q: What are some of the challenges you feel women face today?

MRJ: Being a woman isn’t meant for the weak. I don’t need to remind women of the insurmountable expectations we put on ourselves to the mama bears of our family, the school volunteers, and community/ social action leaders, the leaders in the workplace, and rock a swimsuit at the pool. I would still come back as a woman in my next life, just that this time, I would just come back as a woman who didn’t care what other people feel or think of me. How freeing that would be if we all just frolicked around being kind, doing what makes us happy, and making our world a better place with our heads held up high.

Q: What advice would you give to young women who want to succeed in the workplace?

MRJ: Learn as much as you can, find a mentor, hang out with success-minded people, and bring your full self to work. Don’t create a work persona — be your true self.

Q: What is your coaching philosophy for success?

MRJ: Make yourself proud every single day.

Q: How do you know if a client is right for your service?

MRJ: I work with clients that have open hearts and open minds. It’s like being in a relationship — if you meet someone that already knows it all, why would they need to hang out with you? Same with clients — all organizations have blemishes and problems they need to fix. If they are honest enough to address them, then we can roll up our sleeves and be brave enough to fix them.