Synthesis Weekly – May 12, 2014

MAY 12 2014. ALWAYS FREE. ALWAYS.

GRAD WEEK Madness Do you know where your parents are?

GOODBYE DEAF PILOTS | S.T.A.L.K.E.R. | A TALE OF TWO PARADES

CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATES!

This week at...

GRADUATION WEEKEND:

ACORN PROJECT

On

THURSDAY 5/15, 9:00PM

Main

UPCOMING SHOWS

DROP THEORY & DJ SPENNY

JOY & MADNESS W/ IDEATEAM Friday 5/23

FRIDAY 5/16, 9:00PM

ACHILLES WHEEL AND GRAVY BRAIN Saturday 5/24

TURBULENCE SATURDAY 5/17, 9:00PM

ONE METALLICA TRIBUTE (ENDORSED BY METALLICA) SUNDAY 5/18, 9:00PM

GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! LESSONS, LEAGUES & TOURNAMENTS!

EAT. DRINK. PLAY. ALL AGES UNTIL 10PM

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MONDAY

ANGRY MONDAYS ANGRY ORCHARD SPECIALS HAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-F POOL RATES CUT IN 1/2!

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WEDNESDAY WAFFLE CONE WEDNESDAYS HAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-F

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THURSDAY LIVE JAZZ 8PM

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FRIDAY LIVE MUSIC 8PM

17

SATURDAY LIVE MUSIC 8PM

Volume 20 Issue 38 May 12, 2014

This Week...

Grad Week Madness Find out everything you didn’t even know you needed to know to survive grad week, and do it better than anyone who came before you—whether you’re a parent, a grad, a dog, a window smasher, a fictitious boyfriend, a bong costumer, or miscellaneous.

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

Columns Letter From the Editor

Publisher/Managing Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

PAGE 4

Creative Director

Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

PAGE 5

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz

PAGE 6

PAGE 7

Supertime!

by Logan Kruidenier

PAGE 16

Howl PAGE 17

Unsolicited Advice

Nerd

Accounting Ben Kirby

Director of Operations Karen Potter

Owner

by Anonymous

PAGE 19

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

PAGE 20

Old Crock

by Jaime O'Neill jaimeandkarenoneill@gmail.com

PAGE 21

Kozmik Debris

by Koz McKev

PAGE 18

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

kozmckev@sunset.net

Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Jaime O’Neill, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Jayme Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams

Photography

logankruidenier.tumblr.com

Madbob@madbob.com

Designers

Colin Leiker, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

Contributing Writers

zooey@synthesis.net

Say goodbye to the Deaf Pilots, they’re moving to L.A. where you don’t need the ability to hear to fly a commercial jetliner (I assume).

There are pictures, and words, and delightful snippets with quotation marks around them!

Alex Light Alex@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti

by Zooey Mae

Deaf Pilots Sadness

Entertainment Editor

Deliveries

Comical Ruminations

PAGE 8

Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net

PAGE 22

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 3

PET OF THE WEEK

So phie Here’s what volunteer cat photographer Sue has to say about Sophie: Sophie was adopted by her person as a kitten and was in the same home for 12+ years. She was brought to us through our rehome program as her person moved and could not keep her. Sophie has years ahead of her and while she is on the shy side, she is very affectionate and loves being a lap cat.

2579 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Yung Lean “Yoshi City”

Tanner

Yung Lean - “Yoshi City”

Mike

ScHoolboy Q - “Studio”

Colin

A Tribe Called Quest - “Find a Way”

Dinah

Antsy Pants - “Amazing Kids Doing Amazing Shit”

Howl

Smashing Pumkins - “Cupid de Locke”

Andrea

DMX - “Party”

Becca

Kanye West - “I Am A God”

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

Come Up and See Me Summa Time Greetings! After nearly two weeks of drowning in a neon green sludge, I am finally bright eyed and bushy tailed once again. Nothing like losing the ability to breathe to make health the most exciting thing in the world!

But you don’t care about that (or me), you’re feeling that summertime itch. No, I’m not talking about the discomfort of swamp-crack (ew, why would you even bring that up?), I’m referring to the tease of hot, sunny days, the impending end of the school year, and the promise of ample downtown parking that lurks just over the horizon.

Yes, my friends, the summer will soon be here, and I am getting reeeally excited. There will be the annual exodus of our college population, and all the townies will finally step blinking into the sunlight like little hedgehogs in the springtime (did you know hedgehogs hibernate? Learning!). We will sit at the actual bar stools, we will shop at luxuriously empty grocery stores, we will burst into song as we fill the streets—guzzling from our open containers and passing laws that will only apply to students.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love living in a college town. For one thing there’s the obvious economic boost we get—especially in times like these when there are actual tourist-style visitors in town for graduation—but even more than that, I love that our culture is skewed so young. If it weren’t for the students, we would basically be Oroville, and nobody wants that.

A few years ago I went to Florida, which is a total s-hole (look at me being all parent

friendly!), and I was struck by how profoundly the high ratio of retirees affected the whole vibe of the place. Apart from Miami, the whole state came off as judgey and irritated, and visually worn out in a tacky, threadbare, old couch sort of way (sorry if you’re from there, I don’t mean you). I can’t help but think there’s correlation between the prevailing hopelessness and impending death that drives even young Floridians to the bizarre behavior constantly making news (google “Florida man,” you won’t be disappointed).

I much prefer what we have here: more music, more expression, more tacos. I love the fact that there are so many bike shops and cheap eateries, and that the youthful value on free time over fancy things permeates our community. Around here we don’t work ourselves to death so we can afford designer labels; we don’t care about wearing makeup all the time, or shaving our armpits, or brushing our teeth. Or is that just me?

I’m kidding, I wear nothing but ballgowns and I shop at Sephora and my face cost $500.

But I digress. Summer is sending in its harbingers: heat, parties, and girls in little gauzy dresses. It’s time to plan camping trips, time to reignite rivalries (ahem), and time to write puff pieces! Holy mother of monkeys, I love this time of year.

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

Left, Right, Left, Right, Forward March!

CULTURE WARRIORS SQUARE OFF FOR THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF THE FUTURE Walking this town’s public thoroughfares, there are all sorts of divisions on display. Most strikingly, between the haves and the havenots: those driving convertible 325is and those driving shopping carts full of recyclables.

But also between white people and slightly pink people; between tweakers and stoners; between hipsters with waxed mustaches and those with big beards.

Today (May 3rd), though, this idyllic hamlet is torn right down the middle by that most powerful of made-up binary oppositions—the one that makes no god damn sense if you really think about it, and yet is so strangely descriptive of a fundamental American reality.

I’m talking, of course, about Left/Right.

The reason Left/Right is having its day— assembled on either side of downtown like opposing football teams—is because there are two simultaneously occurring parades taking place: the Endangered Species Faire (Left) and the Pioneer Day Parade (Right).

I hit the Pioneer Day Parade first. The parade has an interesting, nearly 90-year-history. In its early years it celebrated the area’s founding mythology. But by the 1980s it was taken over by courageous, Cesar Chavez/MLK-like student activists who realized they had to fight. For their right. To Paaarty. This culminated in the 1987 riots—the peak of Chico’s once-legendary nihilistic debauchery—in which oppressed Bros overturned cars, lit shit on fire, and threw bottles at cops.

Now it’s just a sparsely attended parade of weak-ass floats and rolling advertisements. If you give the parade organizers enough money, they display your business on big banners and read your talking points out over the PA. The theme this year is “Celebrating our Everyday Heroes: Military; First Responders; Community Superstars; and their Families!”

Every mainstream institution of authority is involved and on display. Boys wave little Chinese-made American flags. Girls march militaristically, shaking pom-poms. Costcoshopping dads in Oakleys, high-waisted khaki cargo shorts, Hawaiian shirts, and sneakers over tan-colored socks are busy encouraging little Billy to wave to the Firemen. Monster

trucks and big rigs spew fluorocarbons for no discernable reason beyond self-promotion.

Little Miss Silver Sparkle smiles her ultrawhite-toothed smile, doing the parade-wave, etc. etc. It’s All-‘Merican as fuck, is what I’m trying to say. Either that or Chico is on the bleeding-edge of the Normcore fashion movement.

I ask a little girl wearing a t-shirt with a Peace Sign design on it made from pink flowers if she’s wearing it in protest of the parade’s militarism. Her dad mad-dogs me through his mirrored Oakleys.

I walk to the Endangered Species Faire. It’s taking place under the mottled shade of One Mile’s big Valley Oaks. There’s more paisley, but it’s pretty damn wholesome, too. Vegetable starts are free for the taking and there are all sorts of booths related to environmental issues.

Finally, the climax: kids parade around the papier-mâché endangered animals they’ve been working on for months. Each endangered animal is carried on a skewer.

Unless it’s too big. In which case it’s carried by two kids on a bamboo bed, like a Luau pig. The barbecuing motif, I guess, helps dramatize the plight of these rare (or mediumrare) beasts.

Dorky jokes aside, the event is super sweet/ cute/positive/non-sell-outy. In this case it’s no contest. It’s not Left/Right, it’s Left>Right.

Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

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The Merits of Being a Stalker

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At a friend’s behest, I’ve gone back and checked out the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series, which started in 2007, and whose most recent incarnation, Call of Pripyat (pictured), came out in 2010. The S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series is set in a wildly supernatural/science fiction version of the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone in Ukraine, which, for those who don’t know their history, was the site of the world’s first and worst ever nuclear meltdown back in 1986. The premise is simple yet enjoyable: wander around, carefully rationing food and ammo, fighting other scavengers, mutants, psychics, and stranger things while dodging pockets of radiation, leftover ordinance, and space-time anomalies that have a nasty habit of stripping the flesh from your bones.

It’s not dissimilar to the prestigious Fallout series, in that there’s mutants, an open world to explore, and all the gamma rays you can eat, so the two are often compared.

Although Fallout is significantly more popular, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. has a cult following that continues well on to this day. Only a few days ago, S.T.A.L.K.E.R.’s fanbase released what they call the Lost Alpha, a recreation of the overlyambitious levels and engine scrapped from the first game in 2007, modified with graphics better than the most recent game in the series.

Why are these two games so well received in their own ways? Part of it is the sheer scope and imagination of the worlds; twisted nuclear wastelands filled with ruins and danger, what’s not to like? But these games are hardly the only post-apocalyptic games out there.

Mechanically speaking, what makes the games fun? Fun, like funny, is famously hard to pin down, but life as a video game critic would be much, much harder if there weren’t some ways to identify it and how it reaches out to the player.

These games feature huge, open worlds with little linearity or explanation. In Fallout, you could turn a corner and find that a mine made out of a lunchbox, a bottle cap, and about three pounds of gunpowder have taken your legs on a little vacation. In S.T.A.L.K.E.R., you

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

That’s a concept of fun and enjoyment beyond gaming. could wander down a hallway directly into an invisible cloud of acid (with predictable results) or be walking innocently along in the pitch-black night only to find that there’s a crazed mutant doing its best to eat the back of your head. These could be seen as points for criticism; unlike chess, the rules are not concrete, defined, spelled out for you.

Of course, part of the fun of playing something extensive, complex, and volatile is simply learning to navigate this new world. That’s a concept of fun and enjoyment beyond gaming. Learning brings many to the pursuit of trying again, whether for philosophy, dating, sociology, or history. While sitting in class, learning new interpretations of generaleducation-assigned texts might not always intrigue people. However, learning how to navigate a huge, open world filled with unique players and creatures to deal with is a learning experience that the growth in danger and exploration in role-playing games provides.

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz

Chico College Confession #4572 As this issue of Synthesis Weekly comes out on May 12, it’s probable that the thing I’m about to address will have blown over by then. The thing I refer to took place on the Chico College Confessions Facebook page. The general idea behind the page is pretty self explanatory, students write in anonymously with their “confessions,” which for the most part are fairly depressing. A lot of people take to this page to complain about their roommates, lament or brag about sexual conquests, and make their polarized opinions on Greek life known. Last week, the confessions took an upswing for the dramatic when the following listing was posted: “Confession #3524: I was raped twice and almost raped again since I have moved to Chico. I cant help but think they were all my fault because of the multiple occurrences.

Nobody really knows because I always walk around happy as can be. I now live my life getting blacked out drunk multiple times a week and having unprotected sex with various men every weekend. I feel like it is a lot easier to just give men what they want instead of having them take it from me... I’ve

tried to reach out for help but I keep sinking deeper and deeper no matter how hard I try...”

Now, obviously, the author of the post should seek help immediately. There are a variety of outlets both on and off campus for these exact situations. However, the point of contention for me came in the thread of comments that followed. A Chico State student named Weston used the forum as an opportunity to shame the author of the post, spouting such lofty gems as “If you get drunk with sketchy people then you were going to get put in sketchy situations.” I’ve said it before, but chastising the victim of rape for placing themselves in that situation, wearing certain clothing, etc, really is focusing on the wrong end of the dick.

Simply accepting the blanket assumption that rape will happen as an inevitable factor in our society, and oops, boys will be boys and all that jazz, is pathetic. The sheer number of asinine comments spewed by this idiot was staggering.

I almost had to admire his staunch dedication to camp out on the page and argue with the

multitude of people who spoke out against him.

Obviously there are few things more pointless than arguing with strangers on the Internet; personally, it always evokes a real “not my circus, not my monkeys” type of feeling.

However, I felt the astounding cockery of this Weston individual bore mentioning. Now, like I said, most likely by the time you read this, the dust surrounding this thread will have settled.

But should it? Isn’t this kind of laissez-faire attitude about sexual assault exactly the type of behavior we should admonish? I’m sure by the time this is published, other “confessions” will have been posted, and dear Weston will be back to touting his achievements (“registering over 66,000 people to vote!”), and defending us helpless women from the onslaught of unsheathed dicks being brandished about in our direction, the sure result of our low-cut tops or walking alone past curfew. No matter.

And now, dear reader, back to your regularly scheduled lighthearted content! How about Game of Thrones this season?!

Comical Ruminations

by Zooey Mae

zooey@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 7

A DEFINITELY NON-SNARKY GUIDE TO GRAD WEEK

BY AMY OLSON Here we are once again, gentle readers—Chico State graduation week. In past years this grand event has been, well, a bit of a clusterfuss (note: this is the grad week-appropriate language you should immediately implement). As your leader, I feel it’s my duty to bring order to this chaos, therefore I have sacrificed several hours of my fading youth to sort all of you into the proper categories and compile some relevant advice. Join me, as I tell you how to be!

For the Visiting Parents Welcome to Chico! You’re going to love our super safe town full of people in committed relationships. There are so many things to do and places to see, and all while showering your little munchkin with cleverly misspelled gifts of “Congradulations!”

As alluded to above, parents of prior graduates have made a few avoidable mistakes, and I am more than happy to help you gracefully step over them like so many steaming piles of dog doo, as you frolic around our various brunch spots and points of historical interest...

Which brings me to one of the most important subjects:

DOGS!

A lot of people like dogs, and as a consequence of that like, they bring their dogs on trips. Wouldn’t it be cute to see how happy the dog is to see Jimmy in his graduation cap? Yes, it would. But wait! Dogs aren’t allowed at the graduation ceremonies—or at restaurants, or most hotels, or pretty much anywhere. This leads to people leaving their dogs in the car a lot. It’s looking like this week it could get as hot as 100 degrees, and depending on a few variables, it can take as little as 15 minutes for it to hit 140 degrees in that car. Even if you’re parked in the shade with the windows cracked and a bowl of water on the seat, your dog could still die from heat stroke. Which means somebody is probably going to break your window and/ or call the police and report you for animal abuse. I don’t make the rules (or the laws of physics), this is just the way things are.

But there is good news! There are several local providers of pet sitting or boarding services (not to mention slipping $5 to the neighbor kid who really loves dogs), and if you get on the ball early you can avoid the whole situation.

Or, you know, you could just make sure the rental car insurance covers broken windows, and start looking for a replacement dog who looks just like the first dog and is 8

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

willing to answer to the first dog’s name and can also do that adorable thing where he sounds just like he’s saying “I RUV ROO.” (Note: if you are one of our local window-breakers, stop it!

It’s against the law. You should call the police and let them handle the rescue.)

A few places that will watch your dog for you: Wacky Wags Doggie Day Noah’s Ark Pet Sitting Care Center (530) 893-1738 (530) 342-9247 Chico Paws and Claws Sitter For Your Critters (530) 448-9561 (530) 774-4995 Canine Connection Valley Oak Veterinary (530) 345-1912 Center (530) 342-7387 Happy 2B Home In Home Pet Care (530) 570-3443

BRUNCH! You may be a person who likes breakfast, but around here we only do brunch, and as a result, Chico has a plethora of delicious brunching options. On a good weekend, larger parties can expect a half hour to an hour wait for this miracle-meal of champagne and maple syrup, and this is grad week—the population of hungry people with nice clothes to show off just jumped by about a billion. Avoid the mistakes of your predecessors; make reservations, or designate a scout who can go early and put their name on the list.

Mom’s—Right off campus, and they have all the familiar brunchy/lunchy foods you love, plus a few creative options. They also have tons of morning appropriate cocktails, so you can feel good about drinking hard alcohol before noon.

209 Salem St (530) 893-3446

Cafe Coda—On the far end of downtown, serving up a simple menu where all the standards are done up with a bit of a twist.

The wait tends to be long, and sometimes they run out of random things, but they have dollar champagne during happy hour, and the food is very good. I recommend the Athens scramble, or the banana nutella french toast.

Red Tavern—A bit down the Esplanade, but they seldom have any wait (on the average weekend), the back patio is gorgeous and peaceful, and their food is innovative and delicious. Plus you can buy your champagne by the bottle, and who doesn’t love that?

1250 Esplanade (530) 894-3463

Sin of Cortez—A couple miles from downtown, with a bigger focus on coffee than any of the other places.

The service isn’t known for being fast, but the wait time for seating is, and the food is creative and tasty.

2290 Esplanade (530) 879-9200

Roots Catering—Waaay on the edge of town, but their menu is a quick trip around the world. It can be noisy if you like conversation, but if you want to just shut up and eat some really good food that is nothing like any other fare in town, this is the place for you.

3221 Esplanade (530) 680 7980 or (530) 891-4500

265 Humboldt Ave (530) 566-9476

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9

STUFF Most of the time you’re here will likely be spent eating and drinking various things and coordinating the whereabouts of your dog, but now and then you’ll find yourself with a bit of freedom to explore Chico. I, for one, love the cliché touristy stuff, like touring Bidwell Mansion or Sierra Nevada Brewery, walking the campus of Chico State, and checking out the exhibit of old Chico photographs at the Chico Museum. If you’re an early riser, you can rent a bike or enjoy a beautiful walk in Bidwell Park before the day gets too hot, and if you like crowds of smoking teenagers, you can elbow your way through the downtown Thursday Night Market.

Chico also has a lot of great little shops, free concerts in the plaza on Fridays, a lovely farmers market on Saturday mornings, and there is an escalator at the JC Penney.

For the Grads Congradulations, you did it! 4 – 16 years of hard studying and hard living, and you finally get a piece of paper to hang on your wall. There’s only one thing left for you to accomplish: navigating the sweet spot between how you really live, and how you’ve presented your life to your parents.

that you’re never more than a few blocks from a hot mess.

Easily fixed: First, plot a route away from your house that circumnavigates the rougher parts of town, winding through only the nice neighborhoods. Second, plan to leave an extra half hour ahead of time for basically everything.

Let’s start by sorting the issues that are better resolved through mitigation from the ones that are better resolved through avoidance.

Which brings me to your friends. You’re going to want to take a similar approach to navigating them as you do the route to your favorite restaurant: pick the people who look clean and well kept, buzz through your introductions so there’s less time for analysis, and steer clear of the ones who sell you weed.

Things to mitigate: Easily disproven lies like the long-term relationship you made up, the safety of the neighborhood you live in, and any inflated expectations of how respectable your friends are.

Things to avoid altogether: conversations about your giant bong, your parents silently ignoring your giant bong, and having to throw away your giant bong.

The first part takes a little bit of finesse, but I believe in you, college grads! Your parents will immediately ask whether your significant other will be joining you for dinner—they’ve been dying to meet him/her!—so your best bet is to have a good story in your pocket, preferably a simple one that requires no proof or follow up. I suggest something along the lines of: “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to put a damper on the excitement of the weekend, but we split up. We realized we were never going to get married, and it was better to open ourselves up to other prospects.” The beauty in this story is that it reaffirms how mature you’ve become, provides a reason why you don’t want to focus the conversation on it, and avoids the complications that come from hiring a hobo.

You’ve also told your parents not to worry about all the stabbings they keep hearing about, because something something liberal media. The reality of our small town is 10

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

Now for the important stuff: what to do about the bong. You spent a lot of [your parents’] money on it, you have another solid month before your lease is up, during which you’d like to retain its availability for fat rips, and it’s enormous and fragile.

Putting flowers in it has been played since the ‘70s (which your parents were around for), putting it in the closet will work only as long as your parents don’t know how to turn a doorknob, and putting it under the couch cushions will result in breakage and reeking, wet butts.

The only option is to send it off to a boarder/bong sitter. I suggest dressing it as a dog and referencing the list printed in the previous section. The cost is well worth the safety of your precious paraphernalia, and it may learn some well needed obedience during its stay.

Oh, Me I know, I know, you’re not this lying, conniving, party-person I’m painting you as. You’re an academic! A scholar! A full fledged adult who needs desperately to show this to your parents! So what do you really do this week?

First of all, try to pick up the check here and there. Your

parents will probably insist on covering it because this is your special time, but it’s what equals do when dining together.

Don’t do this when you go to Crush with a party of 10 and it’s way beyond your ability to follow through, but get the coffee, or the tacos, or at least insist on paying the tip (c’mon, it’s just the tip).

Second, make some executive decisions. Choose the restaurant, choose the activity, choose the outfit you’re going to wear, not the one your mom laid out on the bed. This shows them you’re ready to lead and you’re not afraid to make other people feel like their opinions don’t mean anything to you.

Third, wake up earlier than them. If they wake up at 7:00, you be up at 6:00 with hot coffee and a newspaper to hand them.

If they wake up at 6:00, you be up at 5:00 with a morning jog and a shower under your belt. If they wake up at 5:00, you stay up all night and make their beds while they’re still sleeping in them, wash the cars, and cook a giant breakfast which you also ate because you didn’t want it to get cold while you were waiting for their lazy bones.

For the Rest of Us Not everyone is graduating or visiting from out of town, and I recognize that this has been an annoying waste of space in what is normally your favorite paper. I feel for you, and I feel for me… but grad week isn’t about us. We just need to wait it out and keep smiling until the summertime sets us free.

Get Ready for Summer Special!

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This Week Only...

BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

Monday, May 12th

Thursday, May 15th

THE MALTESE

What does KG do when he’s not playing in the greatest band in the world, Tenacious D? He calls up his boys in Pageant Dads and sets up the best Monday show at Maltese in years—well, the best since the last Kyle Gass show. This guy’s music is actually really solid, and his band is chock-full of seasoned masters of the art. $15, 8pm.

There’s a growing white supremacist movement in America dedicated to a violent expulsion of all non-Aryans.

Steven Dietz’ play is intended to disturb you into a contemplation of the phenomenon that is the radical right.

This play about the right wing lunatic fringe will focus on a paramilitary group calling itself “The Order,” and the assassinations allegedly connected to them. Thu-Sat, 7:30pm.

Wednesday, May 14th

Friday, May 16th

THE MALTESE

Drop Theory hails from Lake Tahoe, and is bringing high energy funk into Chico’s graduation weekend. These guys have hundreds of shows under the belt, and sound like being at a ‘70s funk show in the ‘80s. The long, psychedelic keyboard solos on their track “Girlfriend Is Better” will have you racing to Lost On Main to close your eyes and shake your booty. Also featuring DJ Spenny. 9pm.

THE KYLE GASS BAND AND PAGEANT DADS

GOD’S COUNTRY

BLUE ROOM THEATRE

DROP THEORY AND DJ SPENNY

SUNS OF THE PACIFIC AND BLACK STAR SAFARI

Featuring Byron Dunning of The Amblers, Chico’s new group Suns Of The Pacific sounds like how you want taking acid on the beach to feel like... Rolling, steady, heavy, and beautiful. Black Star Safari is a two-piece from Lake Tahoe, almost like The Black Keys? But better, I bet.

Fuck that band. $3, 9pm.

229 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA

t h g i N e e i d La own the night

thursdays

buck11h:3o0upr m 10:30-

Other new and exciting things!

12 Monday

Sierra Nevada Big Room: Marcia Ball 2014. SOLD OUT, 7:30pm

13 Tuesday

Senator: YG ft. DJ Mustard. $22.50 in advance, 8:30pm

15 Thursday

Cafe Coda: Michael Bone & Friends Live! Ft. Lish Bills and Bran Crown. $5, 8pm LaSalles: Music on the patio, featuring Wake. 6-9pm

MONCA: Veterans Art Exhibition, special readings by veterans.

6-8pm

16 Friday

Avenue 9 Gallery: A Tribute To Janice Porter. All sales benefit Janice’s children and Pleasant Valley student art program. 5-8pm Blue Room: God’s Country.

7:30pm Cafe Coda: Heather Michelle And The Make You Mines, Billy Shaddox, Sean Harrasser, Karoline May

EAT. DRINK. PLAY. 229 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA 14

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

LOST ON MAIN

Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day!

Farris. $5, 8pm Chico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Art Reception. 5-7pm City Plaza: Urban Legend.

7-8:30pm LaSalles: The Funkanauts. 9pm Maltese: The Longshots (OR), Lisa Valentine & The Unloveables. $5, 9pm

17 Saturday

1078 Gallery: Slow Train presents The Funkshon. Dance Party Benefit, $10, 9pm-1am

Cafe Coda: Mark Sexton Band (Reno), Wanderers & Wolves, The Muddy Sours, Kyle Williams. $5, 8pm Lost On Main: Turbulence. 9pm Wine Time: Los Caballitos de la Cancion. 7-9pm

18 Sunday

Lost On Main: One Metallica Tribute (Endorsed by Metallica!) 9pm

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS! GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473

Ongoing Events 12 Monday

The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender.

7pm. All ages until 10pm Janet Turner Print Museum: Juried Student Exhibitions. 11-4pm Maltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes. Free, 7-9pm University Art Gallery: 59th Annual Juried Student Exhibition.

9am-5pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

13 Tuesday

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 7pm Israel & Palestine Series: Exploring the issues. 7pm Cafe Flo: Open Mic with Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga.

9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm.

Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10.

7:30-8:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 7-9pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm Janet Turner Print Museum: Juried Student Exhibitions. 11-4pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke.

8:30pm-1am The Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pm

University Art Gallery: 59th Annual Juried Student Exhibition.

9am-5pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

14 Wednesday

Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pm The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Cafe Flo: Live Jazz, 5-7pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz.

8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Janet Turner Print Museum: Juried Student Exhibitions. 11-4pm Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome.

9-10:30am Panamas: Bar Swag Bingo/Trivia Night. 9-11pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl!

Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable.

9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance classes.

Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm University Art Gallery: 59th Annual Juried Student Exhibition.

9am-5pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana.

7-9pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

15 Thursday

Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pm

LIFE IN CHICO

The Beach: DJ Mack Morris.

10:30pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Cafe Flo: Delta Blues Project w.

Porkchop Holder. 7-10pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective.

8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke.

8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Juried Student Exhibitions. 11-4pm LaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panamas: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic performance with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm.

No Cover.

Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:309:30pm

16 Friday

100th Monkey: Acoustic Music Singer Songwriter Showcase.

7:30pm Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pm The Beach: DJ2k & Mack Morris.

9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11am Chico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show.

Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays.

Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour.

4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm

LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz

by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panamas: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $3. 9:30pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

SICILIAN CAFÉ

17 Saturday

Avenue 9 Gallery: Art Guild’s exhibit “Delbert Rupp: Enigma” 12-5pm The Beach: DJ Mah. 9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover.

9pm Chico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show.

Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament.

Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panamas: DJ Eclectic on the patio.

9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

18 Sunday

Chico Art Center: “Contemporary Woman” Juried Art Show.

Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale.

10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

Do you like Life in Chico? So do we! “Like” Life in Chico, CA

facebook.com/ChicoCA

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On The Town 16

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

by logan kruidenier - logankruidenier.tumblr.com

Octopus Wisdom “Hey, can we talk for a second?” Chris gestured her into another room.

Zoey looked up at him, expectant, curious— although, she had an idea of what he was about to say. Sounds of laughter and drinking drifted in from the living room.

“I don’t think I should go with you to Monstro’s tonight,” he said, in serious tones. “I’m pretty tired, getting up hella early… I think I’m just gonna go home.”

She gave him a smile, a nod, and a hug, then found herself alone in the bedroom.

The twenty or so people getting drunk in preparation for the punk show at Monstro’s had drifted into the backyard; things were relatively silent in the house.

Zoey wasn’t surprised at Chris’ sudden departure, not even though he’d been so enthusiastic about the show earlier in the night. She knew he wasn’t really cut out for such sweaty, noisy things; she knew he had only been trying to show his love. The question now was, should she still go herself?

“Well, there can be no doubt that I have a LOT of wisdom.” a little flourish in the air, and return it to his eye. “Hm. In the matter of my wisdom…” The octopus paused, thinking hard. “Well, there can be no doubt that I have a LOT of wisdom.”

With a smile of relief spreading across her face, Zoey related her quandary: the punk show, the house party, Chris leaving. “So, do you think I should still go?”

If Zoey was being honest, she didn’t really care about Gruk’s music, didn’t really love the people she was partying with. “Well, you know what to do then, Zo—just check in with your heart!” she murmured.

A long silence, then the octopus took another great, long slurp of his smoothie. “Hm… Well, as to all that, ah… Yes. Well—you should go.

If you WANT to.” A couple tentacles folded in front of him in a conclusive gesture.

She closed her eyes, felt her way inward.

She was mildly surprised to feel her feet lift off the ground, her head tilt back, her body floating, face-up now, and drifting towards somewhere… else…

Zoey raised her eyebrows. Wise, maybe, but definitely not helpful, she thought. She turned and walked away, back to where she’d come from… Opened her eyes… Found herself alone in the bedroom again.

When Zoey’s feet touched down again, she was a little confused, and a little delighted, to find herself in front of a very large, VERY wise octopus. He was purple. He was slurping a smoothie, slowly, contentedly. He wore a monocle.

“An interesting creature, to be sure,” she said to herself, “but I think I already knew my answer.” Zoey slipped silently out the house’s front door and rode her bicycle back home, leaving the house party and the punk show for another day.

“Excuse me!” She called. “Excuse me—unless I’m mistaken, you’re very, VERY wise, right?”

Howl howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

He took another slurp of smoothie, then raised a tentacle to grasp his monocle, give it

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17

The Deaf Pilots Say Farewell to the 530

BY HOWL “Oh, here’s Chase, our bassist,” Ryan says, picking up his ringing phone. Derek and I are silent while The Deaf Pilots’ drummer Ryan Fairley tells Chase about the interview he’s missing, and relays Chase’s response: “It totally slipped my mind. Is there anything I should say?” Ryan asks him what he’s most excited about regarding the band’s upcoming move to Los Angeles. “The weather, the women, and the wine,” comes the answer. Fair enough. Singer and guitarist Derek Julian is excited to play a lot more shows and meet a lot more people in the music community. Ryan simply likes the not-knowing. “I’m just looking forward to the unknowable. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, and I’m excited about that.”

The Deaf Pilots formed in 2009, and have rocked the North State with over a hundred shows since. They have two tours under their belts, two EP’s, and a self-titled full-length album they recorded with Scott Barwick at Origami Lounge. After five years of steady growth and solid rock in Chico, they’re taking their smooth blend of classic and modern rock to Los Angeles come July, and hopefully to the world soon after.

Listening to the self-titled album, Derek’s voice is what immediately stands out.

Strong, soaring, and piercing, with tasty vocal harmonies and strikingly simple choruses, his voice is obviously the center-piece in most of the music, with the band’s excellent classic rock riffage focused on providing a solid background framework.

I ask Derek which of their songs holds the most meaning for him, and he describes their song “Edge Of The Earth” for me. “That one has a story to it,” he begins. “There’s a ship stuck out at sea, and sailing straight through this storm is the only way to survive. There’s this great building-of-the-storm feeling in the beginning, and you eventually get to this part in the music where you’re in the eye of the storm… right before it all just rolls over you…” He drifts off, a faraway look in his eyes. “In terms of making a work of art, that song would have to be the one.” Later in the day I listen to the track to see what he means, and I get it. Derek’s “eye-of-the-storm” part is probably one of the most notable parts in 18

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

the album, using calm, crooning guitar voices to create a totally unique, clean atmosphere before the band breaks into a glorious finale of rolling riffage and a pretty dank solo. I didn’t hear anything in the lyrics about a ship, but I got the feeling. Buy the CD off them at one of their upcoming last Chico shows and see what I mean.

“Something I liked most about our time in Chico was the community of friends that we had coming out,” Ryan says, in response to my asking about The Deaf Pilots’ experience living here. “We had a core group of thirty or forty people that would go to the same shows, even if we were playing every week. That was great… A lot of college people, you know. There’s lots of cool places to play here, lots of really cool bands to play with.”

“There was a time in 2012 and 2013 that a lot of people were coming to our shows; we were playing a lot of party gigs, and those were always packed,” Derek adds. “I remember playing a show at Fifth & Hazel, and there were so many people jumping in the house, we could feel the house shaking. It was a hundred-year-old house… we were afraid. Now, a lot of our friends are moving out of town, and we feel like we’ve kinda hit a peak of what we can get done here. It’s time to move on to keep it going.”

“Find more bands to play with, more bands to tour with,” Ryan adds.

“Some of the younger people here kinda half-ass it,” Derek says, grimacing as he remembers some of their less-organized local shows. “I’m excited to be working with more professional-minded people.”

“I always thought that if were gonna keep it together, we were gonna need to move,” Derek tells me. “We’d been talking about different cities we could move to… Portland, Seattle, L.A…. At some point while we were recording the album, we all sat down to talk about what we really wanted from the band. Ryan said he really wanted to be able to play music for a living. I remember I mentioned wanting to know how it feels to play in front of ten thousand people. Chase had

Clean Up Your Dog’s Poop Welcome to Unsolicited Advice, an open column for anyone who wants to tell someone (or everyone) what’s what. Submit 500 words to editorial@synthesis.net I was whimsically visiting an elementary school park this weekend, enjoying the fresh air and getting in a bit of accidental exercise throwing a Frisbee. I noticed a couple families playing at the park, too—one fielding an impromptu softball game, another playing basketball. A couple toddlers wandered around in the grass under the watchful eye of their parents. It was a traditional American afternoon—open air, free entertainment, and encouraging exercise by the populace.

Imagine my surprise and disdain when I spotted not one, but four piles of canine excrement within an approximately 100 feet square area. Again, I’ll note that this is at an elementary school, not a dog park (which still wouldn’t make the excrement acceptable).

At bare minimum, one person with a dog decided to visit the park (good!) but not clean up after their dog evacuated its bowels (bad!) in an area where a hundred children play for several hours each week. something else cool that he wanted, I don’t remember what his was. From there, it felt like L.A. was the place most likely to provide all those things.”

This Friday marks The Deaf Pilots’ second to last show before they move on to bigger and better things, and they’re providing plenty of great reasons to show up: It’s free. The pristine, prolific metal shredders Clouds On Fire are playing, along with the Tahoe-based rock duo Black Star Safari… And there’s going to be a raffle (although they wouldn’t reveal to me what the prizes were).

“Part of my dream is to preserve what was so great about classic rock,” Derek says, as our interview begins to wind down. “Thinking about my impact on music, I’d really like to bring that happiness back to modern rock. That high, positive energy… All those guitar solos, and those really high-pitched wails. I want to bring that back to modern rock.”

See The Deaf Pilots for free at DownLo, alongside Clouds On Fire and Black Star Safari, starting at 8:30pm.

I hope that your irresponsibility, dog owner, is born out of ignorance, which can be resolved with knowledge. Your dog’s stool impacts the health of your neighbors’ children and dogs. Children fall down a lot, and get cuts and scrapes. They fall down when they’re on the playground. Daily, they grow temporarily filthy and put their fingers in their mouths and noses. Dog feces can transmit various awful things—E. coli and worms can be passed to humans via cuts, scrapes, or mucus membranes like the nose, or ingestion.

Diseases can also be passed to other dogs— and that should matter to you, as a dog lover, right? Dogs can get Giardia from eating other dogs’ poo (which is one reason I don’t blame the dog for crapping in the wrong place—dogs can be pretty stupid).

Which leads to another result of your inaction—economic cost. Buying medication to clear up your dogs’ Giardia can be expensive—not to mention the carpet cleaning you’ll require. We like to keep budgets tight on government spending, and

I hope that your irresponsibility, dog owner, is born out of ignorance, which can be resolved with knowledge. overtime for a janitor just to serve as poop patrol cuts into funding that would be better spent on actual education, not sanitation.

Moreover, if dog waste gets spread via water (either rain or lawn watering) the bacteria inside can contribute to contaminated water systems and lawn discoloration.

I think I’ve made a solid case for justified irritation at irresponsible dog owners, but that’s another concern in itself. You caused that irritation—so let’s imagine all your neighbors are a little more annoyed because there’s dog doo-doo on their lawn from a dog that’s not theirs. The collective neighborhood blood pressure is a little higher; your neighbors are slightly more tense and aggravated. Am I going so far as to claim domestic violence is borne out of your failure to be responsible? No. But it might be enough to tip the balance of a small action—a person yelling instead of asking politely. After all, it was enough to make me write this column.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 19

On The Town

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

Tree Killer GOING TO BATTLE WITH AN ANCIENT WILLOW TREE, AND THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE UNDERLYING THE MODERN DAY FASCINATION WITH SALTY MEAT PRODUCTS. I went to battle the other day with a burly and gnarled old willow tree that was sitting on prime creek-front real estate, choking out the sunlight, and generally being an unkempt and unruly mess. We started with a new brush cutting implement I used to cut away the thicket of blackberry brambles surrounding the beast, and then moved on to the chainsaw.

By day one I had most of the foliage removed from the stump, which had clearly been cut at before. Instead of dying the willow kept sending out new trunks, so the thing I was dealing with was a multi-armed, contorted hunk of heavy, wet wood.

The second day I set fire to the pile of blackberry brambles and let it crawl towards that hacked willow stump. The fire burned away all the remaining brambles, as well as the thatch of broken dried blackberry stems that coated the ground beneath them. It left behind clean, smoldering earth, pocked every couple of feet with leftover blackberry roots. Eventually I should dig each of those out by hand, or expect to be seeing them again.

I’m left with several feet of gray and blackened willow stump.

Soon I will bring out the chainsaw again and hack more of it off, then pile brush and deadfall around what remains before 20

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014

burning it until there is nothing left to burn.

The whole exercise leaves me feeling vindicated for the results of the hard slog, and also feeling like a killer. I don’t know how old that willow is, but it has clearly fought long and hard to establish itself in that spot, and I have deprived it of the right to be. Except that the willow will carry on—Trish asked me to save a bucket of cuttings with the idea of eventually planting them and creating willow sculpture. Willow is one of the easiest plants to clone. You can take a cutting from a willow and essentially stick it in the ground, and it will take root and grow. I’ve even heard that horticulturists will grind up willow and use the paste as a natural hormone. Besides all that, I’m not completely convinced the original willow will die. There are still ominous pockets of root and trunk that look to me as though it may simply be hiding underground and biding its time.

A Little Sanctimony Speaking of killing, I really wish this modern-day fascination with bacon would subside, or that at least people would do the smallest bit of research into the living conditions of factory-farmed hogs. These are smart animals. If you knew a pig, you’d probably enjoy its company. Personalities aside, factory farmed pigs spend their entire lives confined in steel cages no larger than an average pet carrier. It’s animal cruelty on a massive, industrial scale, and you shouldn’t participate in

it simply because “it tastes good.” If we saw someone treating their pets the way we collectively treat the sources of our fast-food bacon and store-bought hams, we’d condemn that person as a malicious and callous individual. So what does that make us?

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

Putting “Small” Back Into “Small-Town Journalism”

I mostly haven’t been reading the Chico News & Review since I quit freelancing stuff to them about a year ago. My lack of interest in that paper increased when they stopped running Anthony Peyton Porter, a writer with a truly interesting cast of mind. There are still good writers working at the N&R (Tom Gascoyne, Ken Smith, Juan-Carlos Selznick, and the occasional piece from Bob Speer) but the self-satisfied clubbiness that has always been a hallmark of the rag has become insufferable since the aforementioned Mr. Speer retired as editor. The content of the paper has grown more predictable. From front to back, the stuff that draws editorial attention feels like it’s already been read before I read it. Puerile rock n’ roll appreciation by aging music nerds, largely uncritical genuflections toward the local drama and arts scene, a weekly reminder that green is good, that beer is good, and that the people at KZFR and the local peaceniks are unquestionably good despite their insular and clique-y self regard. If I’m missing something, someone is sure to let me know.

But I did read a recent issue in which the editor, Melissa Daugherty, wrote a piece about Chico City Councilwoman Mary Goloff.

I wouldn’t know Mary Goloff if she mugged me in broad daylight, but Daugherty’s little tap dance on that rather unfortunate woman was the kind of thing that puts the “small” back in “small town,” a bitchy, snarky, and snide piece largely devoted to expressing resentment about a) the editor’s suspicion that she had been “lied to” by Vice Mayor Mark Sorensen, and b) the editor’s inconclusive and circumstantial suggestions that Mary Goloff is a compendium of addictions that make it impossible for her to serve the people who elected her to office.

Ms. Daugherty knows that, either, but it didn’t keep her from casting “aspersions on Goloff’s asparagus,” to paraphrase the ever-so-brilliant Texas politician, Louie Gohmert.

The column was an extended cheap shot, and if it’s true that Ms. Goloff is struggling with addiction, then it was also exceedingly mean and nasty. Next month, I will celebrate 20 years of sobriety, and I’ve spent more than half the time Ms. Daugherty has been alive around people who are recovering from addictions. Cheap shots at such people ain’t nice.

Throughout the piece, Daugherty makes assumptions and guesses and then draws conclusions. She seems to think she’s doing investigative reporting when she writes about an email she says was sent “anonymously,” though she declares it was “written by Goloff.”

She says it was “fairly indecipherable— basically a half-page-long jumble of letters with occasional words.” (I guess, since guessing is sanctioned, that Ms. Daugherty has never known the connection between, say, cats and keyboards.) She concludes: “I don’t know if Goloff was high on prescription drugs when she wrote the email…but it certainly is troubling.” The implication, of course, is that Goloff is Chico’s version of Toronto’s Rob Ford, conclusive “proof” of her unfitness to serve.

Daugherty’s editorial comment was a chickenshit piece of writing and attitude, whether or not Mary Goloff is addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol.

Old Crock

by Jaime O'Neill jaimeandkarenoneill@gmail.com

I don’t know if that’s true, and I don’t think

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21

MAY 12, 2014

BY KOZ MCKEV

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

For adults, this week may be characterized by an extra active libido, along with a search for deeper meaning.

We begin with Venus and Mars opposite each other in mutual reception. The full moon in Scorpio Wednesday picks up the pace of the passion, along with the sun in Taurus’ sensual nature. Venus conjoins Uranus Thursday afternoon, making the excitement and inspiration for art, beauty, the unconventional, and the shocking all the more likely.

This is the last week of Mars retrograde. Plans will form while the real action begins next week.

Making work your play is one of your missions this week. You are primed for a more mature kind of love with Wednesday’s full moon.

Seek value in everything you learn from a good recipe to a new song. Karma has a way of dealing with all of us.

Your imagination is rich and bubbling with creative ideas.

Be the kind of rebel who is able to embrace the universal angst. The weekend looks good for travel, education, exotic experiences and making good karma. Be happy for what you don’t have as much as you are happy for what you do have.

There is a difference between knowing and feeling. Your feelings count as they activate your emotions and illuminate your dreams.

Knowing has a more clear and certain confidence, like the law of gravity, or a visit to a place you are already familiar with. You have the imagination and creative juice to put your desires in motion. Be practical. Now is not the time to risk things.

It’s easy to be unconscious about what you say or how you act. Habits are tough to break. The full moon affects your health and sense of service to others.

Good friends and good situations need to not be taken lightly. Have you ever noticed how when things are going well it’s easy to go on “cruise control” and ignore how fortunate you are? Be conscious of the things you have to be grateful for this week.

Monday evening through most of Wednesday you’ll have the moon transiting the fifth house of love affairs, creative expression, and playfulness. The full moon links generosity and service.

The weekend looks good for romance, diplomacy, contracts, and meeting people who can help you.

Fear not your own potential.

Opportunities to show your talents and skills are still here with you. Bringing forth beauty in a way the common person can appreciate is part of this weeks scenario. Plan on helping elderly family members, or doing some domestic improvements early in the week. The full moon emphasizes parents, heritage, and personal feelings. Thursday and Friday are your best days to be in your heart. The weekend looks good for organizing, working on health issues, and finding a way to be of service to others.

This week’s theme is live and let live. Take the high road.

Explore the places that you have never been to before.

Be more open to how other people do things. Your libido gets cranked up a notch with Venus and Uranus transiting your eighth house. Mercury in the tenth house brings you new career opportunities.

People at work will see your clever side. The full moon effects neighbors, siblings, cousins, and people in your environment. The weekend looks good for romance, creativity, playfulness, and being with children.

Libra

Scorpio

Saggitarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Monday is your most responsible day with the moon in Libra till 6:07pm PDT. This week is about manifesting your personal desires and initiating activities. The full moon brings your values and finances into the spotlight.

You’re likely to feel extra hungry on Wednesday.

Thursday through Friday is about communication, education and news amongst your peers. The weekend is good for visiting parents or taking care of domestic responsibilities. Let go of the things you can’t control, and welcome help when it is offered to you.

Plan on being your best self this week. You are more able to be a diplomat than usual. Love, partnership and marriage is more on your mind than usual. Nothing is truly fair and very few things are equal. Seek solutions and be willing to hear the other person’s point of view.

The moon will be in Scorpio Monday evening through most of Wednesday. The moon is full in your sign Wednesday. Be ready to rise up with your best abilities.

The weekend looks good for travel, communication and appreciating your environment.

When something is not broken there is no need to fix it. Avoid being overly critical.

When it comes to looking at a problem, be methodical and don’t skip steps when it comes to resolution. The full moon highlights personal karma and secrets. Helping others goes twice as far as it normally does. Thursday and Friday the moon will be in Sagittarius. You are extra conscious about what needs to be done. There is no need to be romantic about your struggles. The weekend gives you the opportunity to affirm your values and acquire a cherished item.

Victory is likely. Keep working toward the prize.

Knowing your weakness is key to overcoming your vulnerability, as well as being able to work towards strengthening that which is deficient. The full moon will amplify your social life and network of friends. It’s a good time to get a vision of the future. The moon will be in Capricorn over the weekend allowing you a positive experience in terms of what you can consciously accomplish. Remain open hearted and be ready to engage in creative works.

What we do on the inside prepares us for what we will accomplish on the outside.

Family issues remain big. The full moon will put you more in the public eye. Career moves could happen rather quickly.

Pay extra attention to things that involve your parents.

Long distance trips and pre weekend parties are likely.

Focus on the things that make you happy. Creative ideas continue to inspire you. Keep working with your hands. Engage in poetry, writing and art. Keep your nose to the grindstone till you manifest your goal.

Curiosity leads to greater knowledge. Ask questions to verify whether or not a rumor is really true. A message of hope or good fortune will come to you early in the week. The full moon inspires foreign correspondence, long distance travel and exotic experiences. Your talents and skills will come in handy by the end of the week. The weekend looks good for attending meetings, parties, as well as for making new friends. Allow your good fortune to spill over to other people. Your generosity will ultimately make you richer.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM MAY 12 2014