Synthesis Weekly – March 16, 2015

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VOLUME 21 ISSUE 29 March 16, 2015 For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR IN CHIEF Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

THIS W E E K

A Special Syn Message

C OLUMNS

PAGE 4

LEAD DESIGNER

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

by Amy Sandoval

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

GRAVE CONCERNS

Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

by Sean Galloway

PAGE 5

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

NO MIDDLE GROUND

by Sylvia Bowersox

DESIGNERS

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

DELIVERIES

IMMACULATE INFECTION

Jennifer Foti

by Bob Howard

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Madbob@madbob.com

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

PAGE 7 PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

PHOTOGRAPHY

by Eli Schwartz

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

pwasted@synthesis.net

PAGE 16

NERD

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS

Taco Tour

HARD ADVICE

PAGE 8

by Henry Huggins PAGE 17

Karen Potter

OWNER

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

HOWL howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

PAGE 18 JERKTIME!

PAGE 19 KOZMIK DEBRIS

by Koz McKev

kozmckev@sunset.net

PAGE 22

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

3

A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM THE SYNTHESIS: Twenty one years ago, when Synthesis

watches—and by that I mean we looked at

entered the Chico scene, it was nothing

our phones—knowing we were living on

more than a wee baby—a wee, foul-

borrowed time.

mouthed baby with a heart made (partly) of gold. Everyone said a jerk baby with a

It’s with a somewhat heavy heart (on

partially gold heart would never make it,

account of the gold, most likely) that we

but against all odds we did. As Chico grew,

make the following announcement:

we grew; in some ways changing, but in spirit staying the same. We continued

We’ve won. We accomplished everything

to care about local issues, and shined a

we set out to do. On March 30th we will

spotlight on the artists and musicians that

be printing our final issue.

made this place great.

We can’t thank you enough for all the

4

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

In recent years we watched as the stars

years of support; for the love and the hate,

of the print media world fell, one by one,

which we’ve fed off of in equal measure.

amazed that our janky little publication

You’re the best community anyone could

was still standing in this increasingly

ask for, and we’re forever grateful to have

digital world. Every week we checked our

been a part of it.

BIL L SAYS

Bill Says This is a tough one—bittersweet.

hit the streets.

We knew it was coming for a long time, and even though we’re fully prepared for it, it’s still sad since it marks the end of a long chapter in my life and the lives of many others who spent considerable amounts of time trying to make this the best publication it could be.

it’s been 21 years now. Chico, you’ve been (mostly) good. Just kidding, you’ve actually been great.

Virtually no one thought this would last. I think the only one who did was Paula—she knew I was crazy enough to pull it off. Odds were against it from the start. I was 22 year old Chico State student in 1994 with zero experience actually running a business.

I started this thing in a spare room in an apartment on 4th Avenue with a Visa card.

There was a great music scene in Chico in the mid-’90s, and with so much going on that no one was talking about I saw it as an opportunity to do the two things I really wanted to do, which were writing and photography. 15 years of writing a weekly column in this paper was at times a daunting task that I often dreaded, but after a 6 year sabbatical from writing in these pages I’m glad to be back to put this thing to rest on our terms.

It took me places I never thought I would go, I’m glad some of you were along the for the ride at various points along the journey.

We were considered DOA the first week we

There will only be two more issues of the Synthesis Weekly.

To my wife and children—I love you all and appreciate every single bit of everything.

Thank you.

To my all of my co-workers ever who stood by and helped make this all happen—thank you.

It’s been a great run, and to anyone and everyone who ever read and enjoyed anything we’ve ever published—thank you.

To the hundreds of writers, artists, bands, musicians, and photographers we’ve had either contribute or featured over the last two decades—thank you.

To the advertisers who supported us—thank you.

None of this could have been possible without all of this.

I’m proud that this was a part of a lot of people’s lives and memories.

There’s been a lot of dedication to this from

a lot of people and I can’t possibly begin to explain just how amazing that feels.

So many people have been a big part of this.

I honestly wouldn’t even know where to begin.

Matt Hogan—I miss you and wish you were still here. Your wisdom and humor and talent can never be replaced.

This newspaper has become roughly 1% of what we do now. Most people don’t realize that we’ve spearheaded social media and online marketing campaigns for companies ranging from Caesar’s Palace to Cirque du Soleil to The Weinstein Company. The vast majority of people under our roof have been focusing on other endeavors (curious? Visit synmedia.net, neighbrhds.com and theia.io) and it’s been a blast growing those entities over the last few years. Lots of people don’t realize that the Life in Chico Facebook page (facebook.com/ChicoCA) and the @ ChicoCalifornia Twitter account (twitter.com/ ChicoCalifornia) belong to us (well, maybe anyway), so despite the fact that we’re literally stopping the presses in two more weeks we’ll still be around digitally care-taking things to a point.

I’ve had close friends and family ask me “Why are you still doing that newspaper? You don’t even work on it anymore,” to which I jokingly reply something along the lines of “Look, it’s like my adult child that still lives at home, as

long as it’s not costing me too much money I don’t mind but I occasionally get irritated when said adult child drinks all my beer and eats my cold pizza,” and then generally follow up with the actual non-joking response of “as long as I have people who love putting it together, people who love contributing to it, people who read it and as long as it can keep its existing ad line I’ll keep it open.”

Over the course of the last 21 years we made a lot of friends (some better than others) and seriously pissed off at least 7 people (maybe 8, I lost count).

We were scapegoated by some despite constantly donating space to countless nonprofits, schools, music, arts and community organizations.

We battled back and forth with the CNR. A lot.

Let’s face it, a nemesis is a good thing. Every superhero needs one. I’m sure they’re gloating at the news that we’re finally stopping the presses. Relish in this now, enjoy it. Pop a bottle. Cheers. Try and evolve, because you’re not far behind.

It’s been fun. Next two weeks we’ll reflect, have some fun with it, hopefully bring back some old voices and take some time to remember.

Thanks for reading and thanks for everything, – @BillFishkin FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

5

LE T T E R F R O M T H E E DI TO R

Outrage Culture I HAZ OPINIONS I’m feeling a lot of feels this week, and rather than get all sappy and wistful, I think I’ll just talk about what I originally had on my mind before all this sad news came along.

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

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There are a lot of things I like about our culture right now, especially the push for empowerment and understanding when it comes to race, gender, sexual orientation, cultural heritage, mental illness, disabilities, and body image, etc. Technology has connected us, expanded our experiences, given us all platforms to tell our stories and speak our minds; it’s a great direction if we want a strong and more harmonious society where everyone has the opportunity to be their best. There’s only one dark side to that movement: outrage culture.

Outrage culture is the snowballing of defensive impulses, a kind of mob mentality, where they grow into a destructive force. We all feel the urge to shout someone down when we don’t like what they’re saying (or we don’t like the fact that they’re the one saying it, or we don’t understand it), but it becomes a wicked, torch and pitchfork problem when we create a culture where it’s OK to do so. People get a powerful thrill from piling on when someone shows a vulnerability, and soon start seeking out opportunities to attack. (For a great example, look up the New York Times article “How One Stupid Tweet Blew up Justine Sacco’s Life.”)

I’m not saying it’s wrong to feel whatever you naturally feel, nor am I talking about expressing outrage over a true atrocity, like murder or rape or a grave injustice— that’s what outrage is for. What I’m talking about is applying a filter to decide when something you feel an impulse to express is a reasonable response to what you’re upset by, and whether there would be unintended consequences if you do. People overuse hyperbole, making small things the equivalent of truly heinous things: like being

outraged over jokes, or people not adopting the “right” words or the “right” level of shame.

Outrage culture assigns responsibility to even the slightest (perceived) offense for the greater (and inarguable) evils that do real harm, and won’t accept anything but complete immolation as apology.

Group relationships aren’t so different from individual relationships. We all have parts of ourselves that we feel need to be protected, and the impulse to push back harder than we’re pushed when our sensitive zone is breached. In a strong and harmonious relationship between individuals, however, no one puts words in the other person’s mouth or blows what they said out of proportion; no one bullies the other.

Feelings are expressed honestly, but the tone and wording of their delivery are measured to not be attacking. This is how trust and respect are built.

Here’s the thing: Some people are genuinely assholes. Setting aside all the circumstances outlined above where things are blown up or misinterpreted, now and then you’ll encounter someone who actually is racist, or sexist, or just a troll who wants to upset you.

When they spew hate, you’ll feel threatened and angry. Short of causing you physical harm, they have a right to be an asshole, and you have a right to do with that what you will: turn away and live your life the way you want to, forcing their hate to dissipate into the air with your calm, or you can let them control your emotions and make your life about wrestling with pigs.

Very few things are worth fighting over, let’s keep it civil.

by AMY SANDOVAL amy@synthesis.net

NO MIDDLE GROUN D

When People Say, “I’ll See You in Hell!” It’s Supposed To Be Insulting Or Threatening I Guess, But If I Got To Hell And Saw A Guy I Knew, I’d Probably Think, “Oh Nice!

Maybe This Place Won’t Be So Bad. At Least I Know Mike.”

“Oui. Ziss space is a breezy $4500, monsieur.”

to being a member of.”

“Oh? Right on.”

Ah, Alfonse. What a great guy. I would bet money, if I had any left, that his stiffly pressed suit was taken off of a live, breathing human, and not at all stolen off a rich corpse in a Hollywood mortuary.

“A month.”

“Oh. Oui. Owie.”

by SEAN GALLOWAY

The trim French realtor hawkishly eyed his billboardsized phone with a dozen or so millisecond, sidelong glances, as I grimly took in the bare brick walls of the coffin-sized hovel that he had emerged from the Men’s Wearhouse Fancy Collection™ to show me.

“Yes. Ziss space is incredible,” he cooed at me, as I followed the bare tangle of outlet wires back to the blackened breaker box. “It is over one hundred square feet! Can you believe it?”

Los Angeles is such a great city. For only all of your money, you too can lease a pile of dog turds on which to rest your weary, bankrupt head. I’m moving there in April, and have spent the last few days wiping looks of incredulity off of my face while being shown rentals that cost just above the average yearly income of the Saudi royal family.

“Can we look at the place that costs $8500 a day again, my man? I’m kidding. This place looks great.

Here is all of the money I will ever have. Please let me kill rats in this shithole for at least a year.”

“Oui. Vee must first check your credit, call everyone you’ve ever made eye contact viss, exhume your grandparents corpses for inspection, ond drain all of zee blood from your body and run it sru ziss machine, vhich vill check your True Credit, and is not at all a scheme to steal your hemoglobin for the coven of vampires zat I am not now, nor have I ever admitted

“I’ll get the paperwork together. Thanks Alfonse.

You’ve been grea-”, I started to say, until I realized that he had already clicked his bootheels together and was striding briskly off, toward a particularly vulnerable looking elderly woman emerging from the jewelers across the street.

Tumbleweeds rolled lazily across the ruined pile of rotted lumber from what appeared to have formerly been a hastily erected survivalist shack.

“There might be some spent ammo in there. If so, its gonna be an extra $200 a month. You won’t find amenities like that around here at this price.

This space is amazing. Also, any old nails you find are going to be extra, especially if you find them by stepping on them,” Ozy—Death Valley’s premier realtor—informed me, his alligator skin boots glinting in the last rays of desert sunlight. “We’re only three and a half hours east of LA, too. This is prime. $3700 a month is a steal. You’re basically robbing me here. I should call the authorities, but there’s no way they’ll come out here, haw haw!” he guffawed. I crawled inside and pulled my coat tightly around me.

“The coyotes are real friendly out here too. This is a real hotspot for coyote fuckin’. You’re gonna love it.”

“I already love it, Ozy. These empty shotgun shells are fantastic. I’ll take it.” I slipped on my shades and reclined in my new Rubble/Live/Work space .

Watch yourselves, L.A. There’s a new gun in town.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

7

820 OROVILLE AVE (ACROSS FROM WINCHESTER GOOSE )

We decided we wanted to eat a bunch of tacos and judge them harshly as one of our final features for Synthesis, sort of a legacy of judgement and self indulgence. The best kind are carnitas, so that’s what we ate. The following are our opinions.

Amy: Very crispy carnitas with both grilled and fresh white onions, cilantro, and a dollop of red hot sauce. Served with a wedge of lime, and a lovely, bright orange habanero sauce (if you ask for it). This taco is relatively mild before adding the habanero, the flavors are rich and bright, and the textures are very pronounced. The inclusion of grilled onions adds nice dimension.

Dain: El patrón oro of carnitas tacos. IF you do it my way. Oder thusly: Carnitas tacos, no onion, side of habanero. “But I like onion” I know I know, go ahead and get one regular and one my way—just for comparison. Their carnitas tacos come with a two-onion arrangement: grilled with the meat and chopped white on top and it stomps on the pork flavors a bit too much. So while its not a dealbreaker to get with the onion, just try it without to really let the pork shine.

I also enjoy what I call the “pork flight” which is one carnitas, one puerco verde, one al pastor.

Arielle: It’s been explained to me that this is what carnitas “should” taste like.

Partially crispy, fried and flavorful. Served with onions, cilantro and hot sauce.

After eating there was a grease puddle on the plate, which was apparently a good thing. I feel I’m learning a lot about tacos in general and carnitas in particular. In the beauty pageant of carnitas tacos, these would be Miss California. Very predictably good, and everything how (and where) it should be.

Wink.

Tanner: Notably crispy, noticeable but not unreasonable level of spice. Wellsized serving of meat, you’re not getting ripped off here. The only tacos we got that were served on actual plates with actual water glasses. First impression is a 4 out of 5.

Autumn: Hearty portion for a street taco. The carnitas were pretty crunchy, large fried chunks that were very chewy. Chewing meat is still odd and new to me.

Good flavor, even with the simple ingredients. I would definitely recommend the habanero sauce for a nice spicy kick.

8

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

1441 PARK AVE

1205 PARK AVE ( WINDOW AT DUKES LIQUOR )

Amy: They’re so cute! In many ways these are the opposite of the ones from Amigos (aka Taco Island): the carnitas aren’t crispy at all, instead they’re tender with a roasted flavor, and rather than the bright, crunchy onion, cilantro and hot sauce combination, these have a soft, chunky salsa. Oddly, they’re just as good—very rich and almost smoky. Served with a wedge of lime, and free chips and salsa. The lady who owns this place is the nicest lady in the whole world.

Amy: The carnitas are pretty good, half crispy half soft, but because it’s a window and you don’t get salt, their full flavor isn’t there. The lime helps. The hot sauce is slightly sweet, not very spicy. Fresh white onions and cilantro. Overall a fine taco, if a bit on the greasy side. The tortillas got a little steamed from the foil covering, even though it was only on there for a minute. I’d recommend letting the steam vent right away, then salting liberally when you get it home, it makes a huge difference. Or just get the nachos, their carnitas nachos are the best.

Dain: I have loved this place for years and the family that runs it are the sweetest people on the planet. Their enchiladas and other platillos are amazing—but I never used to hold their carnitas tacos in high regard. Their (juicy not crispy) carnitas recipe is better suited for platters—perhaps an egg cracked on top with warm tortillas on the side. However, during our test night, I was really feeling them. Small, juicy and very satisfying with a commanding and earthy pork-forward flavor.

Dain: Longtime favorite. Carnitas tacos are solid—I usually eat about 6. My favorite here, though, are the Burritos. “Carnitas super crazy burrito no arroz no lechuga no cebolla.” $5 Carnitas nachos are also wonderous. No matter your order, it will benefit from a healthy dose of salt.

Arielle: This place was my favorite of the day. The pork has a really strong flavor, and even though it doesn’t have the crispiness of Amigos, I still liked this place better. Served with lime, salsa, and onions, these are the Miss South Carolina of the carnitas game. A real sneaker-upper.

Tanner: These tacos tasted very “pork” as opposed to “carnitas” (though not in a bad way). The sauce on them was smoky and flavorful without being overpowering and overbearing. The tortillas on mine were almost a little bit soggy, which didn’t pair well with the soft and crisp-less pork. First impression 3-½ / 5.

Autumn: Size: three bites. Three delicious bites. The carnitas were so soft and covered in a tasty tango sauce, they basically melted in your mouth like a sweet, sweet, delicious treat. You will want to eat at least 100 of these little suckers.

A great place to peoplewatch and mutter under your breath “There but for the grace of God go I,” and then wonder how long it’s been since I’ve been to an AA meeting.

I COULD step inside Duke’s and throw it all away with a bottle of MadDog or WhiteWolf while I wait for my AHH JESUS IS THAT YOUR DICK? Ohh hey payphones.

Awesome. Nah man I don’t have a quarter.

Arielle: Bland. Really bland. Maybe it’s just how colorful the surrounding area is by comparison, but these tacos were reeeeally bland. Kind of soggy too. These are, hands down, the Miss New Jersey of the carnitas world. Do not recommend.

Tanner: A usual favorite for me, but these tacos are dealt a huge disservice being eaten with a standard order. The onion is a little too bright and there’s just something that isn’t quite right about the salsa. Definitely needed salt, which isn’t supplied because of the location. Despite the lower scoring, these tacos are worth getting, but get them with no toppings, and give a healthy addition of salt and lime before eating.

Autumn: These are the usual street taco size. Carnitas were shredded and fried with a subtle old grease taste. A little bland. Sorry Dukes, you had a tough act to follow.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

9

1441 PARK AVE

905 WALL ST

1295 E 8TH ST

Amy: The carnitas had a good flavor and were partly browned, but not quite as greasy as I’d like (a little dry, even), and were topped with a mild salsa fresca; a hotter sauce came on the side (they also offer a really spicy sauce if you ask for it). Served with lime and free chips and salsa. Overall it was a fine taco, but there just wasn’t a lot going on with it to make it special. I highly, HIGHLY recommend their carnitas omelette, however. It’s amazing. And the Sonoran hot dog. I feel bad for not liking the taco more, I come here a lot and love it.

Amy: Um, why is there Jack cheese on this? And red onions.

OK, I’ll get past that. The carnitas are actually pretty good, partly browned and tender, though we didn’t get any lime so there’s a missing element. The cheese sort of nullifies the flavors of the onion and cilantro. I got the spicy sauce, which is medium-hot. I wasn’t thrilled, but it was fine.

Amy: These were made with soft carnitas that had a nice flavor, topped with onion, cilantro, cheese, and a spicy hot sauce. I liked it, but wasn’t wowed. Cheese just doesn’t belong on this kind of taco for me, I want to taste the meat and the brightness of the other toppings more. I think part of that underwhelm was that it didn’t come with lime, and carnitas need the acid. Plus I’m getting really tired of eating tacos.

Dain: Don’t go here for tacos. Same reason you don’t go to the steakhouse and order fish; El Rey has perfected so many other things that to order tacos is just, well, idiotic. The Carnitas Omelette is the only thing you ever need to know about this place. Well, and the spicy Sonoran Hot Dog. I will assume the Chiles Rellenos are epic as well. But for fuck’s sake—Carnitas Omelettes. Every. Damn. Day. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Arielle: The flavor was good, but they’d be much better with more salsa or hot sauce. The main issue though? These tacos are super dry. And if there’s one thing we’ve learned from media over the years, it’s that no one likes a dry taco.

10

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

Dain: Fuck this place. Seriously. I’ll say it. What. The paper’s over. La “Cochina” sucks. Who uses red onions on anything (and everything)? Especially in Mexican food. And ohh shredded cheese—really? Crema sure, cotija, go right ahead and get fancy. But shredded jack cheese? I guess if you’re Mr or Mrs Whitefolks America and enjoy bland mediocrity, this is your jam.

Arielle: I guess I was spoiled by all the places before La Cocina who didn’t add cheese to their tacos. So, upon receiving their cheese (and some carnitas, I think?), I was disappointed. The actual flavor of the carnitas was pretty good, although they were definitely much less traditional tasting than the others. Regardless of the strong feelings of Sir Sandoval, I’ll definitely keep coming here. But no more cheese please. No. More. Cheese.

Tanner: Everything is tacos. Have I ever had a life without tacos? What was my first taco like? Will I ever not have a taco again? I got a sandwich today, was that really just a bread taco if nothing else? Is there anything that isn’t tacos?

Captain’s log, March 13. It’s only Amy and I now. We lost the rest of the tasting crew to exhaustion and taco madness. All I can think about right now is a better time, when I still loved tacos. The taste of pork won’t leave my mouth no matter what I do. I awoke from a nightmare of being suffocated by cilantro. I see another taco on the way. If there is any fairness in this world, god will see us through to the end of this taco expedition.

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1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jäger Shots $5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull $5 Imports

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm Jack Daniels Honey Promo 9pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Dom Pints Weekend Blast Off!!

8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

We open at 12:00pm.

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6pm $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Coke or 3 Olives Any Flavor

10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase! $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

Smirnoff Sour 11pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

CLOSED

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

1:30 pm - 4:30 pm | 7:30 pm - 9:30 pm

12

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase

Bartender Specials 9-11pm $15 Bottomless Slushies with Souvenir Glass

St. Patrick’s Day

3 3 7 M A I N S T.

6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm

The Pub Scouts

319 MAIN STREET (530) 892-2473

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3

SHAMROCK FESTIVAL STARTS AT NOON

Closed

530-343-1745

6pm-Close $3.50 All beer pints 3 Olive Red Bull$4/$5 DBL 9pm Red Bull Movie Night

Fire Grill &

Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

Bar

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

Closed for Repairs

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!

MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

Open 11:30 AM Irish + Green Drink Specials

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

NEW Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

Open 2 PM Irish + Green Drink Specials

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am Closed

St Patty’s Day Party Live Music 9PM

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.

MUG CLUB 4-10pm

OPEN 10 A.M. Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4-8pm Ladies Night!

8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm.

Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-10pm LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from 4-10pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Go DownLo

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

$2.50 16oz Wells All Day

Select Pints $3

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8pm-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

NEW Food Menu Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8-9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9pm-Close $4 Jim Beam $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER $4 Jim Beam

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

Smirnoff Sour Promo 11pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

$6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) $6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz.

8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

COME GET YOUR BELLA’S ST. PATTY’S DAY T-SHIRTS!

COME WATCH NCAA BASKETBALL GAMES HERE! 134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

OPEN DAILY AT

1 1 : 3 0

A M

UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

CLOSED

DJ & DANCING F R I DAY & SAT U R DAY AT 9 P M

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

HAPPY HOUR

Sunday

4 P M -7 P M M O N DAY- F R I DAY

SAT U R DAY + S U N DAY 3 P M - 6 P M

NEW MENU

Champagne Brunch 10am-2pm Every Sunday $3 champagne with purchase of an entrée

SPECIALS:

Irish Car Bombs Corned Beef Sandwiches

9pm-Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull SoCo Promo 9pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways

Jack Daniels Honey Promo 9pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) Bartender Specials 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

Opening at 8pm for ‘80s NIGHT!!

8pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

ST. PATTY’S

K I TC H E N O P E N T I L 1 0 P M

177 E 2nd St, Chico (530) 895-8817

9 6 8 E A S T AV E FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

13

SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM/SUBMIT-YOUR- EVENT

THIS W E E K O N LY — B E ST B E TS I N E N T E RTA I N M E N T

Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SICILIAN CAFÉ TUESDAY, MARCH 17TH

SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST

SHAMROCK FESTIVAL

Celebrating 30 years !

Farm.

Fresh.

Italian.

DOWNLO

WOMEN’S HEALTH SPECIALISTS

Did you know that St. Patrick is famous for “chasing the snakes” out of Ireland?

Except in those days, “snakes” was a euphamism for homosexuals and women of power. Symbolically vomit in St. Patrick’s face (and then actually vomit in the street afterwards) by attending Downlo’s Shamrock Festival with Velveteen Habit, Biggs Roller, and more! Noon.

Let’s face it, there’s only so much you can learn by Googling “what’s wrong with my butthole” over and over. Branch out a bit by heading over to 1469 Humboldt Road, Suite 200 for a Sexual Awareness Party. Go find out what’s wrong with your b-hole, then please email me and let me know because I think I have it too. 11am, all ages, free.

SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST

SUNDAY, MARCH 22ND

SOLAR ESTATES, LIGHT THIEVES, SISTERHOODS, CONTROL

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

OLD CHICO PALE BOCK RELEASE PARTY

1078 GALLERY

SIERRA NEVADA BIG ROOM

Fresh off their fantastic performances at the Purple Rain Show, Solar Estates and Sisterhoods are slated to rock your socks at 1078 Gallery. With support by Light Thieves and Control, you don’t want to miss this! Unless you’re attending the Sexual Health Awareness Party because of your b-hole problems. Those might be more pressing. All ages, 7:30pm, $5.

Are you upset that we’re now in the final countdown of the last issues of Synthesis ever? Or maybe you’re overjoyed that another fiendish piece of print media has been snuffed out? Whatever you’re lamenting or celebrating, come drown your feelings at the Old Chico Pale Bock Release Party! Feelings are overrated anyway. 6pm, 21+, $5.

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14

SEXUAL HEALTH AWARENESS PARTY

MAR 16 2015

This Week...

On

Main

DOUG STEIN’S 25TH CHICO ANNIVERSARY

Upcoming shows...

03/15

MAR

07

03/19

MOON HOOCH W/ BIG STICKY MESS & SMOKEY THE GROOVE

PIGWAR W/

03/17 ST. PATTY’S DAY

03/21

FT. SWAMP ZEN & ZUHG

EXQUISITE CORPS & BANDMASTER RUCKUS

FUNKANAUTS W/ BLACK STAR SAFARI

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

03/25

PIMPS OF JOYTIME W/ LAFA TAYLOR

03/26

STAY POSITIVE SOUND PRESENTS:

THURSDAY THUNK-ITT

F EATURED EV EN TS

O N G O I N G E V E N TS

16 MONDAY

16 MONDAY

Your Room: Read a book, you dummy. This is why we can’t have nice things.

17 TUESDAY

Downlo: Shamrock Festival: The Devil You Know, Miscreants, Sin Twister, Her Tragic Mistake, Stubblegum, The Velveteen Habit, Biggs Roller. 12pm LaSalles: St. Paddy’s Day with Bradley Relf, Matt McBride, DJ Shenanigans. 3pm-close, 21+ Laxson Auditorium: Southern Troubadours in the Round.

7:30pm, $10-$38 Maltese: St. Patrick’s Day Karaoke. 9pm, 21+ Shenanigans: Paktuckia Plays Irish. 6-8pm, all ages, free Sierra Nevada Big Room: Colin Hay. 7:30pm, all ages Your Living Room: This is the next step. Try reading a book in front of your roommates. Or your cat. (Their judgmental looks are all in your head).

18 WEDNESDAY

KZFR Studio: KZFR Volunteer Orientation. 6pm Your Front Yard: Try timing it so your least-favorite neighbor sees you reading. The neighborhood kids might be mystified as they’ve never seen words printed on paper before, but hang tough.

19 THURSDAY

Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with live music by Bogg. 4-8pm, 21+ Lost On Main: Pigwar, Exquisite Corps, Bandmaster Ruckus. 9pm, 21+

20 FRIDAY

Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm LaSalles: D-Lo. 21+, 9pm Monstro’s Pizza: Sol, West By Swan, Shadow Limb. 8pm, all ages, $5

21 SATURDAY

1078 Gallery: Solar Estates, Light Thieves, Sisterhoods, Control. All ages, 7:30pm, $5 Blue Room Theater: Who’s Afraid of Virgina Woolf. 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with comedy by Steve Swim & Friends.

4-8pm, 21+ Lost On Main: Funkanauts, Black Star Safari. 9pm, 21+

22 SUNDAY

1078 Gallery: Oh MyLanta, In Urgency, Bristol to Memory, Tionesta. 8pm, all ages, $5 Arc Pavillion: 15th Annual Wine, Beer & Food Benefit. 3-6pm, $30, 21+ Downtown Chico: This is it. This is what you’ve been practicing for. Head to your favorite local establishment and read something in front of a business owner, so they can see that people still do it. No, not your phone.

Goddammit, you fucked it up.

Laxson Auditorium: Amy Seiwert’s Imagery: Ballet Company.

7:30pm, all ages, $10-$26 Sierra Nevada Big Room: Old Chico Pale Bock Release Party.

6pm, 21+, $5

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6-7pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:306:30pm DownLo: Open Mic Music Night. Free.

Pool League. 7pm. All ages until 10pm Madison Bear Garden: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Maltese: Open Mic Comedy, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w.

Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

17 TUESDAY

Alternative Energy Systems: Intro to Solar Seminar. 12pm, 6pm, all ages Chico City Plaza: Picnic In The Plaza, 11:30am-1pm, all ages, free Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Caribbean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo.

5:50-7pm.

DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Classes and Dancing, 7-11pm, 21+ LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Madison Bear Garden: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week. Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crimes: On the Trail of Physical Anthropology.” 11am3:00pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

18 WEDNESDAY

Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance.

5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey Robinson and Friends. 6pm-8pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Madison Bear Garden: Trike Races. Post time 10pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Open Mic, 9:30pm-12am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology:

“Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

19 THURSDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm1am Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

20 FRIDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2 DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm.

Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg.

5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance.

6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

21 SATURDAY

The Beach: Live DJ Battle, 9pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night. Line dance lessons, 9-10pm, DJ & dancing, 10pmclose.

DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

22 SUNDAY

Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. $8-$15. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm.

Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

15

O N THE TOW N J ESSI CA SID

N O M I DDLE G R O U N D

Safe, Safe, Not Safe Anymore Today, we’re going to the Ministry of Health and our convoy is going into the Red Zone through the Assassins Gate. It’s 2005. My future husband Jon, the Embassy Health Attaché, is the guy in charge. Even though I’ve been to this ministry a couple of times, I couldn’t get there on my own. Baghdad doesn’t have street signs and we’re always going too fast.

Besides, it’s hard to pay attention when you’re certain someone or something is going to kill you.

The leader of our convoy gives the go ahead and we’re off. My skin starts itching, and even though I’ve filed my nails down they still leave rake marks on my arms.

Our exodus is coming up, I can feel it. Wait for it. Wait for it. We’re still in the Green Zone, still in the Green Zone, but we’re getting closer to the gate, closer, CLOSER. We’re safe... safe... safe and then whoosh we’re through the gate and my entire being screams, we’re not safe anymore.

Despite being surrounded by burly men and women with weapons, and at one point being one of the burly people with a weapon myself, going out into the Red Zone always made me feel like I was on display. I was the target in a carnival game. The game where you pay three dollars and someone gives you five baseballs, and you try to smash that target, which, in this case, would be me.

It’s a very uncomfortable feeling: trying to act normal while the four-year-old in my head has crawled under the bed.

I never lost that feeling. It’s the one that grabs me every time I have to leave my 16

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

house. The one that grabs me every time I have to face a new challenge. My skin starts to itch—with the same someone’s-goingto-get-me sensation. It gets in the way of everything.

At one point, like thousands of other PTSD sufferers, I couldn’t leave my house. I couldn’t get it together enough to make it okay, to make me feel safe enough to go out into the unknown world.

My darling husband got me my service dog Timothy four years ago, and Timothy instantly gave me a reason and the freedom to leave the house. He would alert me when he could sense one of my panic attacks coming on, and he helped me deal with them once they hit.

But for a long time, even with his help, more often than not I lost the battle. I would spend the day watching Top Chef on TV, in between bouts of listlessness and fear, counting the seconds until I could go to bed.

This is the anxiety part of PTSD. The part that just won’t let you feel safe in the world.

According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, as many as 20% of veterans who served in Iraq or Afghanistan have PTSD, and I am one of them. How many other members of Chico society go through this every day?

Things are better now. I can get up, put on make-up, and psych myself into believing that everything is going to be okay. That no one is going to hurt me today.

But sometimes I just don’t believe it.

by SYLVIA BOWERSOX

IM MAC ULATE IN FE CTION

ON T H E TOWN J ESS ICA SID

Lost in the Labrynth A NOBLE EXPERIMENT, THE EXISTENCE OF “PATIENT ADVOCATES” WITHIN THE INSURANCE BUREAUCRACY, AND AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS FOMENTED BY AN IMPENDING BIRTHDAY. Another birthday is coming up and I am gritting my teeth. Last year the universe chipped in to take a good friend of mine as well as my sweet puppy. Rest in peace Dan and Archibald. It’s nice to imagine the two of you playing together, and while I don’t think you met, I’m certain you would have been fast friends. Painful memories on an overcast, slightly drizzly mid-morning here in Los Molinos.

procedure, and with whom our insurance provider will work. I can’t even begin to tally the number of hours I’ve spent calling our insurance company and sorting through lists of provided names, to no avail. The system is painfully tedious, and in spite of the President’s touting of greater technology being used to increase efficiency within the medical system, so far as I can tell we are not even close to there yet.

What am I doing with my life? On the best days I feel like maybe I’m making a tiny little positive impact on my community and on the world around me. On most days I’m hunkering down and gripping, terrorized by the immensity and impartiality of it all. On the worst days I recognize myself for the parasite that I am—needing, consuming, taking, taking, taking… Someday I’ll be dust; I suppose my energy will be released to spin blindly. Hopefully I leave behind a few good memories, only to have them fade away over time.

After running down yet another dead-end lead provided by our insurer, we were finally made aware of the existence of “patient advocates.” A patient advocate is someone within the insurance bureaucracy who understands how to navigate the system’s inherent complexities, and the insurance providers are mandated by law to provide you with one if you should need their services. Nobody at the insurance company seems to be in a great rush to provide patients with this information. Anyway, after learning of their existence, we got a hold of a wonderful patient advocate, and she managed to slice through the red tape we’d been struggling with for months in a matter of two days. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please be aware of and take advantage of this invaluable resource.

A Noble Experiment On a more important note, is it going to cause me any permanent damage if I glue plastic googly eyes onto my head with rubber cement? It’s rhetorical, by the time you read this I will already know the answer to this question. If I am able to, I will report back.

Patient Advocacy Hey, now here is something of genuine value for some: Trish and I have been struggling with our insurance provider for several months now in an effort to find a surgeon who can both perform a specific

I know for many of you that probably isn’t the most interesting bit of information you’ll read today, but man if you find yourself lost in the insurance company labyrinth it can be a genuine game-changer.

by BOB HOWARD Madbob@madbob.com FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

17

O N T HE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACEB OOK.COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y

PR O DU C T I V I T Y WAST E D

Gabe the Patron VALVE’S INNOVATION, RISK, AND FREEDOM OF INFORMATION Nearing a week ago, Gabe Newell, founder, director, and public face of Valve, estimated net worth well over a billion USD, sat down at this year’s Game Developers’ Conference and directed his pitch to a handheld camera, while one guy sitting on an ottoman leaned forward so he could push his microphone closer.

His pitch was mostly things that have already been announced, but he made sure to attempt to present all of Valve’s many experiments as a single, holistic movement for the company. Among these prototypes and new programs are consoles (soon to be available for anywhere between 500 dollars and a cool five grand), virtual reality headsets, specialized haptic feedback controllers, an operating system, a streaming device allowing you to link PCs and televisions, and the anticipated Source 2 game engine, which Valve intends to release for free.

Somewhere along the line, Valve went from being just a game developer, to a market manager, to their current form as an innovator rolling out new content like an empire moving out onto a multi-front war.

They’ve become something like the Google of video game corporations; snaking out into new and strange ideas in an attempt to be just as innovative and disruptive as the scheme that made them rich and famous in the first place. Of course, Google is a massive and infamously successful business who plays with innovation much like a cat plays with a ball of yarn, while Valve takes some risks in attempting to bypass what they call “artificial barriers to accessing content.”

Anyone who’s ever attempted to merge two groups into one can confirm that it is easier to construct barriers than to break them, yet

that seems to be Valve’s goal everywhere it goes. With modular consoles built with PC-grade parts and streaming link devices, Valve wants to blur the strong line between the PC and console gamer—a line which is ironically defended by most of Valve’s consumer base, as their games and online store platform, Steam, have become loadbearing beams in the PC gaming scene. Valve continues to work with and share software between other developers and corporations, whether it is trading design specifications for VR with Oculus or cooperative design with developers like Epic Games, attempting to weaken the exclusivity of innovation or game releases. With releasing software for free, setting up workshops and modding communities for games, and arranging for payments for mods successful enough to be integrated into games (Team Fortress 2’s massive repertoire of community designed content stands as a poster boy), Valve even tries to blur the difference between consumer and producer.

It’s all interesting to watch, from both the gaming and business standpoints, but one never knows how well it will turn out. Will developing extremely expensive, top of the line consoles alienate both console and PC gamers? Will VR remain a money sink as the technology necessary for it to be popular is farther than patience can stand? Will Valve’s diversification turn them into a jack of all trades, master of none? Will everything succeed, and years from now, as we sit down to light candles at our shrine to Lord Gaben, will we wonder what we did without Valve? Either way, it’s probably going to be expensive.

by ELI SCHWARTZ pwasted@synthesis.net

18

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

#gayboyproblems

by ANGEL HURACHA It’s been four years since I traded in my life for textbooks as I left San Diego’s gay mecca area of Hillcrest to a neighborhood about 600 miles up north called Chico. I can still remember my first day here with such clarity. It’s not like I was doing anything of consequence that day, it’s just engraved in my mind.

Perhaps one of the biggest cliche stereotypes is that if you are gay, the answer to all your problems is moving to a big city where you can live a free life in an accepting environment. The sentiment isn’t always formulated so blatantly, but it’s made the rounds.

My approach was the opposite. I did not flock to a liberal university in a free-spirit city, I came here. I left a flashy city that embraced and accepted a culture I was a part of, for a town that acknowledge its existence but mostly stayed stagnant on the matter. No rainbow flags, the gay bars became non existent or quietly turned into a mere few gay nights, and in my eyes the Pride parade was so minuscule that it looked like it was held in a YMCA banquet room with a bowl of spiked punch. Oddly for me, it wasn’t my gravest concern. That would be the sad realization that I couldn’t get a fucking burrito anywhere in town after 2am.

As time went on I realized that looking for genuine intimacy one mattress at a time was no different here than back in my hometown; this was simply a place with less matches to my OkCupid profile. Compatibility and chemistry would not matter, I would be carrying the same wallet sized collage of dick pics as I did anywhere else. There were some differences, sure: I learned what it was like not to be free with my impulses. I once

tried to kiss a guy I was dating at The Bear and he pulled away and cautiously looked around and said “we’re in a straight bar,” it felt like years of suppression came knocking down my throat.

Perhaps this town’s biggest reward to me is the level of acceptance it has blessed me with. Such a confidence it has bestowed upon me that I sometimes feel like my own Ryan Gosling.

I am grateful for the great periods of lust that came my way: Beginning with the stud who sold smoothies, followed by the intellectual high school teacher, that lead to the sci-fi nerd, who introduced me to the artist and coffee connoisseur, which finally landed me with a guy who loves his cat more than he does me.

Please understand that I’m not trying to feed you any Eat, Pray, Fuck revelations. Truth is you’re not going to gain more tolerance or acceptance by moving yourself to enclaves far removed from other Grindr accounts and Tinder profiles.

Sometimes you just have to take notice of the scenery and the benefits thereof. Of course, some rural places are better than others for us gay folks. But the judgement of all smaller, rural communities and the assumption that you will mostly blossom in big cities is not true.

Thus concludes notes from the guy who has no shame admitting that Lana Del Rey’s Born To Die album is the soundtrack of my college career. A guy who likes to write, eat fried chicken, and enjoys Jennifer Aniston romcoms.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

19

HENRY HUGGIN S’ HARD OP IN ION S

H OW L

Final Countdown (You’re A Disappointment).

Inner City Monologue

Well idiots, congratulations! As I’m sure you’ve no doubt heard by now, Synthesis is on its last legs. This means that we’ve now officially entered the final countdown. So listen up, ya bunch of dumb Doras, ol’ Huggins is blamin’ you for this. You know who you are, with your peepy gazers glued to your Twitter feeds and Instagraham crackers. You Twidiots are to blame for this horseshit. Why don’tcha try pickin’ up a goddamn book once in a while?

What’s it like bein’ so empty-headed? I bet if I smacked you upside that ugly melon you call a face, I’d hear your tiny peabrain rattling around in there like a thumbtack in a tin can.

Worse than you non-reading dumb-dumbs are you in-the-closet folks. You’re the bane of my existence. I’ve had it up to my chin whiskers with you fakers. Maybe if you tried reading the damn newspaper (or reading anything, for that matter) in public rather than behind closed doors like some sort of Mrs. Grundy, we wouldn’t be be losing the only publication in town that’ll print ol’ Huggins’ golden opinions.

And boy oh boy, have I got opinions to spare.

So cozy up to this issue of Synthesis, because it’s number three in our final countdown, and I don’t even know how I’m going to manage to squeeze everything I need to tell you into these final weeks. Also, have I told you how terrible you look today? Is that collar even starched? Shame on you! Go apologize to the nearest adult.

Why are they so excited about the letter who anyone decent agrees is the absolute worst vowel?! You already know what Huggins is gonna say. Pipe down, E! There’s no reason to shout! You’re embarrassing yourself. In any case, it would seem that something those knuckleheads are excited about (besides that layabout vowel), is racism. Wouldn’t ya know it, but the tall, shrill one with the teeth managed to incite a riot by letting some of those horribly waspy thoughts past her thinker and out her word hole. Specifically she chose to pick on a young woman for her hairstyle, which gave me the Heebie Jeebies…

The needlin’ I mean, not the hair. The hair was lovely. The snipin’ deb with the teeth and the microphone was not. This new trend in tearing others down is something you kids have just got to stop doing. At the very least you gotta stop doin’ it until you reach a respectable age.

Like me? I’m well past the acceptable age to become curmudgeonly. Every time I indulge in a little truth-tellin’, it’s like slipping into a warm bath. You know, I’m definitely going to miss these ol’ bull sessions we have. But not too much. Now get off my porch. Henry’s dogs are barkin’ and I need to get these puppies into that footbath my second least favorite son got me for Chanukkah. Shalom, dummies.

Have you heard about this applesauce goin’ on over at the E! Network? First of all, why in Sam Hill is the exclamation point necessary?

20

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015

by HENRY HUGGINS

Rain was falling, or, it felt like it should be.

Many gray buildings… thousands of them, towering, seeming to emerge from the overcast weather, then disappear again.

Howl knew they physically stood still, but the skyscrapers were moving regardless, sliding faders on a soundboard, back and forth in lines.

Near the boy who stood gazing out the window could be seen a small brown bird, surveying the city from the window cranny, feathers that were fluffed out for warmth, the gray haze having laid a sparkling mist on his feathers. The small sharp eyes watched the buildings’ movement, back and forth, on tracks dictated by their masters.

Howl felt very much that this city’s gray haze, in this time and place, was his friend: Tokyo, completely overcast in a summer’s dusk. The city held thousands, thousands, thousands, all speaking an alien language, like a gray vapour rising from all their mouths. It enveloped and connected everyone, the boy felt, giving form to the mass consciousness that was all-of-us, finally translated into an overcast mood even the small bird could understand: Shelter from the sun, and a cool mist.

Howl and the bird blinked, bright eyes refocused. One of the roofs was green; a skyscraper with a garden on top. As it slid on its hallucinated track out of the comfort-fog into focus, other roof gardens leapt into focus also. A thought came to the boy’s mind, and with a pen he gave it form:

“You cannot stop Life. It delivers, it expands, spills over itself in a kaleidoscopic pop-up book with so many stories that it takes billions of souls to make all of it conscious; to bring each moment into the illumination of conscious experience.”

The boy set the pen down, returned to his view of the city. Surrounded by millions of Japanese people, he felt them to be very human, very conscious, and very alien. He stood very still on the sidewalk sometimes, and the longer he would stand there, in the midst of the milling thousands (all alive, all capable of love, all blinds drawn up, mystery monitors running full blast), the more he noticed each face as it passed by.

Different races of the Asian people leapt out for recognition. Japanese and Chinese, Korean, European, American. Howl now noticed obvious differences in facial structure between the Japanese and the Chinese that he’d never noticed before.

He turned to his pen and paper once more: “All of us choosing thus to dwell here have, at best, limited visibility. All of us can see only each other, and only the city we live in.

Outside of this overcast city, the world may exist; then again, it may not.”

by HOWL howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

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A special thanks to all the people who purchased my debut novel: Winter Melon.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

21

MARCH 16, 2015

by KOZ MCKEV ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

Take care of social affairs early on in the week. The season of karma comes to an end as spring will be sprung with the sun moving into Aries on Friday at 3:45pm PDT. Venus will move into your second house on Tuesday the 17th. You’re likely to be tempted to spend money on luxuries. Your appetite for all things sensual will increase.

You’re likely to be a little more concerned with economic security. The new moon eclipse on Friday could affect you, as personal karma that you may not understand demands some sort of attention.

You’re hovering between your social life and your spiritual life.

You have a duty to respond to things as they come up. Venus moves into Taurus on Tuesday, heating up spring-like passions on the early side. Social situations and meetings are best scheduled on Wednesday and Thursday, while the moon transits your eleventh house. Karma and your working life are activated by the solar eclipse on Friday. Do things to fortify your health. Things calm down on Sunday when the moon enters serene Taurus. Sew up loose ends and do good.

Get beyond “he said, she said.”

Words are like dust in the breeze as one thought passes into another. Much of this week is about higher learning, public image, and changing the people you hang out with. From responsibility and its privileges you are able to move more freely in your social life. The new moon eclipse links public image with social potential. On Sunday it’s best to lay low and take care of personal business.

Part of this week is learning how to conform to the world’s expectations of you. Seek things to make your future life easier.

We move from gratitude and spiritual expansion to career and public responsibility.

Breathe deeply to get through the first couple of days of the week. On Wednesday and Thursday all the luck and meaningful experiences will be yours. The new moon solar eclipse brings greater career responsibility. Be sure to hone in on your talents and skills over the next several weeks.

The world is watching you and your style. Sunday will be your best day for getting together with friends and planning what you want to do in the weeks ahead.

Working with what you’ve got will eventually pay off. The week begins with a focus on relationships and agreements.

Do what you can to make peace. Passion and transformation are key words this week.

On Wednesday and Thursday you may need to give in to another person’s wishes. The new moon solar eclipse mixes what you owe with what you’ve learned. You’ll need to take risks in order to move forward over the next several weeks. Sunday is good for getting out in public and displaying your many talents and skills.

You feel like a referee in between worlds that are about to fall apart. There are no winners in this game. Let go and quit feeling so responsible.

Learn the link between love and magic. Find unusual and underground ways of manifesting things. You are able to say just the right thing at just the right time. Wednesday and Thursday are good for romance and negotiations. The new moon eclipse brings a deeper understanding of magic and transformation. Be a better listener and less of a talker.

Sunday is good for travel, studies, and exotic experiences.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Wellness means different things to different people. So does wholeness. You are doing things to improve your health.

You are a good team player and enjoy serving others. You may even have been in service to your pets or helping out Aunts and Uncles. On Monday and Tuesday your heart is open and you are more open to playing around and having fun. Wednesday and Thursday finds you busy at work. The new moon solar eclipse sparks romance. You tend to fall for risk-takers. You can’t do justice for others very well until you are just to yourself.

We emerge from our creative selves to become people capable of serving others. We seek the light for comfort during our darkest hour. Venus moves into your seventh house, signaling a passionate love after a long dry period. Can you accept someone else and their sweetness?

Wednesday and Thursday have a good deal of creative potential, as well as being good for working with children. The new moon eclipse bridges your artist-self with your worker-self.

By Sunday the vibe will be right for love, especially that afternoon.

Imagination and memory are serving you well.There continue to be ongoing communication issues, especially on Monday and Tuesday. Be ready to help your family or your parents with their needs. The prospects for travel improve with the new moon eclipse. The higher mind is activated and creative vision is restored. Be ready to have more fun and more love.

Break out of your shell. Pay more attention to your children if you have any. Plan on learning more. On Sunday, attend to practical matters and work with a loved one.

In this cycle we move out of things being just about you.

Family needs become stronger or there may be an urge to move. Your parents may need your help. Or you may need their help about getting information about your family history. Monday and Tuesday can be good financially. On Wednesday and Thursday, gather information and keep the lines of communication open. The new moon eclipse brings emotional sensitivity along with memories of family.

By Sunday you’ll be feeling like it’s safe to go outside and play once more.

One might describe this week as a time of moving from material goods to valuable information. Hindsight is 20/20.

Address issues that may feel stagnant in your partnership.

See where each other’s values lie. The week begins strong with the moon in Aquarius on Monday and Tuesday; you’ll have something to say these days. Finances could improve on Wednesday and Thursday.

The new moon solar eclipse revives your curiosity and gives you more courage. Sunday is best spent at home or with your family.

Monday through Thursday the sun will remain in Pisces. Do what you can to consciously live these days with great form.

Wednesday and Thursday feature the moon in Pisces. You can change the way you’ve been doing things. The new moon solar eclipse is at the very last tip of Pisces and then moves into your second house. How are you supposed to manifest the things you desire? Where do you find a voice? The focus will be on economics and how to use your resources. Good food and good times. You are able to befriend the neighbors.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net 22

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

MAR 16 2015