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FRIDAY
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VOLUME 21 ISSUE 31 March 30, 2015 For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change. PUBLISHER/ EDITOR IN CHIEF Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net
COVER ART: Matt Loomis
THIS W E E K
Freedom Isn’t Free
RETROSPECTIVES
AT LEAST IT WASN’T, BUT IT COULD BE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
LEAD DESIGNER
Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net
Max Sidman
PAGE 4
Maurice Spencer Teilmann
PAGE 5
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Jacob Sprecher
PAGE 6
DESIGNERS
Bill Fishkin
PAGE 8
DELIVERIES
Matt Hogan
PAGE 10
Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien
Hall of Heroes
PAGE 14
PHOTOGRAPHY
Dain Sandoval
PAGE 16
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/ Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net Jennifer Foti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Jessica Sid Vincent Latham
NERD
Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net
ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby
DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS
NEW STUFF GRAVE CONCERNS
PAGE 17
NO MIDDLE GROUND
PAGE 18
EXOTIC ADVENTURES IN SMALLTOWN,USA
PAGE 19
FROM THE EDGE
PAGE 19
PRODUCTIVITY WASTED
PAGE 20
IMMACULATE INFECTION
PAGE 20
LETTERS FROM DESMOND
PAGE 21
SUPERTIME
PAGE 21
KOZMIC DEBRIS
PAGE 22
Karen Potter
OWNER
Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.
210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net
MORE CONTENT ONLINE AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
by Amy Sandoval
Synthesis was something special. It was created in a time when Chico was stacked with bars, the music scene was thriving on a level we can hardly imagine now, and the Internet was little more than a collection of AOL chatrooms and a place to send electronic mail (and download sexxxxy pics, one line at a time). It was the only public forum for creative writers and weirdos to define their community, express their opinions, and hopefully build up the things they loved. It was a dream—Bill’s dream, made real through hard work, trial and error, and the support of many local businesses—that grew into something awesome.
on. Despite all that, we maintained a readership and revenue base; we survived, ran lean, gave everything we could to keep the dream going and ignored the writing on the wall. But here’s the killer: despite the nostalgia many of us have for the printed word, the business model is obsolete. Advertisers can now reach their target audience cheaper and more effectively through Facebook and other digital avenues. Like it or not, we had to accept it. And we won’t be the last.
So what does that mean? Without the freedom granted by venues like ours, is good, creative writing dead too? Will It’s the creative freedom that made the local entertainment scene further Synthesis so unique. We were dwindle without a paper to promote encouraged to explore our voices and it? I don’t think so. Nobody can stop to cover what we wanted to. In that you from writing, and social media space we sometimes drifted, but other makes it easier than ever to get your times we found new ways of seeing voice heard. If you care about it, write things, and brought a little more about it. If people like it, they’ll follow joy into the world. But that freedom you and share it around. For the most wasn’t free, we could only print and part this means making money writing distribute our work (and, you know, about whatever the hell we want is exist as a company) if the revenue was slipping out of reach, but most of us strong. have already been doing this for the love. So what happened? Well, a few things. Locally, attitudes toward bars and Speaking of, I just want to say how live music venues (and house parties, much I love and appreciate everyone and holidays...) darkened, and several who made this the experience that of them closed without new ones it was—from the people who came being allowed to take their places. before me, the people I’ve been The culture that thrived under the old blessed to work alongside, and model contracted. At the same time, especially to all of you who’ve been the real estate bubble raised rents, kind enough to read. These have been and when the economy went into the best two years of my life, and recession businesses had to tighten I’m so grateful. Follow your favorite their budgets. Finally, tech exploded: writers online to see what they do instead of relying on local print next, start your own blog, share events media for their entertainment and when you see a good one. Freedom is information (and fart jokes), everyone what you make of it. got a smartphone to dick around FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
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BEST OF ON THE TOWN — VIN CE L ATHAM FACEB OOK.COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y
The Vine: Once a Synner… by MAX SIDMAN I got an IM from Fishkin a couple weeks ago. “I wanted to let you know we’re shutting down the weekly at the end of the month.” I stared at the words on the screen for a minute before I could reply, a thousand thoughts and memories rushing through my mind during that hesitation. Slightly dumbfounded by the surprise, the best response I could muster was, “whoa dude.” Sheer eloquence. It doesn’t take much contemplation to understand the move. Times change, media— especially print media—sure ain’t what it used to be. And Bill’s always been one to look ahead toward the next horizon, which is exactly what he’s been doing, pretty much nonstop since the beginning. That rush of thoughts and memories has hung over me since I got his message, and now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I realize that I subconsciously assumed the Synthesis would always just be there. It never once occurred to me that it would go away. But nothing lasts forever, so here I am, bidding farewell to a publication that was always more than a periodical collection of words and images on tabloid newspaper. Love it or hate it— and there were always plenty of
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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
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folks out there on either side of that fence—the Synthesis was an integral part of the Chico fabric, the de facto voice of local artists and musicians, talented young writers and vocal community members, as well as cantankerous commentators, gadflies, and media mongers. (For the record, the latter three types were always my personal favorite variety of Syn writer.) I first walked into the Synthesis’ second story offices—two tiny adjoining single room spaces above what’s now Rawbar—almost 20 years ago. It was a bustling confine, a maze of tightly packed desks and computers teeming with a gang of nicotine and caffeine fueled kids, working practically on top of each other on a never ending six day cycle, making something happen week after week. It was exciting, and I wanted to be a part of it from the moment I laid eyes on it. I could fill countless pages with stories from my time at the Synthesis—surprisingly, I remember a lot of it quite vividly, all the way back to the early days when Bill and I drove to Red Bluff, then later to Paradise, at sunrise on Mondays to pick up tens of thousands of copies of the paper from the printers—but the organization and recollection of those experiences and the people who made them memorable is a herculean mental task that I have neither the time nor the acuity to undertake at this point.
I can say this: It requires very little reflection to recognize the eight years I spent at the Synthesis as deeply formative. In that time I honed my chops as a writer, editor, and manager. I learned how to get maximum impact from minimal resources. I made lifelong friends and a few enemies, gained plenty of fans and my fair share of haters (two groups that were always of equal importance). I learned how, and how not, to manage people and projects and plans and puzzle pieces and bar tabs and Bear Bucks and free music and email and phone calls and calendars and late nights and early mornings and loud noises and fevered egos and young voices and rock stars and lost causes. Invaluable experience, every last bit of it. Fishkin, Matt Hogan, Karen Potter, Daniel Taylor, James Barone, Brian Brophy, DNA, EJ Perez, Corey Bloom, Laney Erokan Footman, Matt Meyer, Rachel Ericsen, Lania Cortez, Gerardo Wackenhut, Mike Kuker, Omar Nabulsi, Maurice Spencer, Kozmic Kev, Jess Bibbo and tons more I’m forgetting here… We—and I mean everyone who had a hand on the Synthesis from its inception to its demise—made some pretty fucking great stuff happen, didn’t we? Thanks for everything.
Top 5 Synthesis Accomplishments by MAURICE SPENCER TEILMANN When I started at Synthesis, Napster was just a loaded gun ready to take down the music industry and the only funny cat videos were on a show hosted by Bob Saget. Nowadays people still read, it’s just they do it on their phones. So fuck it, I’m scrapping the rest of this bullshit intro. Here’s the straight poop on five of my favorite/most memorable/most cringe-worthy things I did during my nine years writing and editing at Synthesis (that I can talk about because the statute of limitations has expired). Since Reddit and Buzzfeed have sent the young public’s appreciation of longform journalism into the toilet, here are some fucking blurbs. Now go sit on a shitter and read this steaming pile of nostalgia. Cesar Chavez was not actually a bandito …When we published a cartoon advertisement for Normal Street Bar celebrating an upcoming Cesar Chavez Day Drinking Holiday. We didn’t look too closely at it, as Thorne the artist sent the graphic at the last possible second and we had to get the hot heaping mess of next week’s issue to the printers on time. Well, this ad not only spelled the farmworker rights hero’s name wrong, it depicted the solemn figure as a mustachioed, sombrero-wearing yahoo, brandishing six-shooters and syrupy drink specials. Insensitive
at the least, racist at worst, we featured it on the inside cover. Keep it classy, Synthesis, keep it classy.
listen to the interview just click HERE (oh that’s right. This is how the internet made print media obsolete).
Frat Bro Porno
Free Shit
…When Shane’s World filmed their College Invasion 6 fuck-flick at a Phi Kappa Tau party, CSUC recoiled in horror… and Synthesis had a field day. We put a question and answer session with a porn actress on the cover the following week, but what really pissed off the CSU Women’s Center was our critique of the nefarious film. As I recall they weren’t as mad that we were giving ink to a sensationalized local story, but that we gave the film a negative review, said the girls were kinda ugly, and that the frat guys couldn’t fuck worth a shit. True to this day!
…When I convinced companies to send us products for review in exchange for “publicity.” And this was mostly legit, like when I asked the Roland music gear company to send me a Boss distortion pedal so I could light it on fire and throw it out of a moving car; or when we asked to test the Grey Kangaroo alcohol filter, or the portable margarita fun pack…on the clock. Getting fucked up on someone else’s dime was the joie de vivre of the Syn team, and we often excelled at the prospect. And what happens to all those review-albums that get sent to us? As it turns out, Dimple Records in Sacramento just turns those fuckers into cash! (oh that’s right. This is how we helped the music industry become obsolete). But nothing beats the feeling of calling my mom and bragging that I got high and wrote about video games that I got for free AND got paid to do it; that all those hours in front of my Nintendo DID pay off. (Now get out of my room, MOM!) Of course, I did eventually get fired and was unemployed for like three years…
Lou Reed was a Dick …When I got the opportunity to interview American songwriting legend and underground music luminary Lou Reed, and he was a total dick. I mean, a real cockpunch. Every effort I made to ask him smart, toothy questions were rebutted with monosyllabic, crusty retorts. Grandpa Fuckstick was always hard on journalists, and our exchange didn’t sully how much I love his music or admire his prominent role in the shadows of American pop culture, but man… such a ballsack. If you want to
Talkin’ Tacos
cesspool that is On The Town by writing about tacos every week. It was always my goal to erode those stupefying pics of douchebags making duckfaces and throwing fake gang signs with actual, readable content (big up to Raphael di Donato and Corey Bloom’s Slanguage), and getting to interview local arts folks about their upcoming productions while reviewing the embarrassment of riches that is Chico’s Mexican food scene was a personal milestone. Yes, On The Town gets our name out there. But so does giving out blow jobs in a college bar bathroom. So much more that I’d like to mention, like turning Groundhog’s Day into a drinking holiday (full credit to Jeff Shaner), breaking into the under-construction Diamond Hotel after hours, grips of well-spent Duffy’s Bucks, office Edward 40 Hands party, putting my own damn band on the cover; the people I loved, the people I privately obsessed over, the people I both disliked and admired, the awful columns I promoted just to piss off high-and-mighty hipsters. Thanks Synthesis. And thank you for picking it up all these years, dear reader. Now use this last issue to line your birdcages or finish painting your house, ya bunch of culturally bankrupt idjits.
…When I hatched a plan to take more space away from the cultural
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
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Say Hey! FAREWELL AND ADIEU TO YOU FAIR SPANISH LADIES by JACOB SPRECHER Managing Editor from 2008-2010
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I worked at Synthesis for six years. It started innocently enough with delivering papers once a week after graduating college in 2006. Now trace the line from writing album reviews for the weekly and national, to features, to an editorial internship, to being hired as an associate editor, to being promoted to managing editor when Ryan “Daddy” Prado vanished into the Pacific Northwest like a fart in the wind, to quitting, to delivering papers (again), to being rehired as an editor, to quitting (again). As a direct result of those six years, I have more memories than I know what to do with. So let me just get it out of the way right now and say that I love this stupid paper. Contrary to anything I’ve said in the throes of frustration, I truly loved and believed in Synthesis, even when I knew its best days were behind it and that there wasn’t a thing I or anyone else could do to “save” it.
Of course there were some really tough times, too. There were stretches where money was tight as a baboon’s asshole, and let’s just say my Onion-inspired April Fool’s piece on homosexual aliens probing bros at The Bear didn’t go over too well. (I still think it was funny.) But the bad times at Synthesis never outweighed the good—not even close. Putting bands on the cover every week? Running columns like Hot Flashes? Having a boss like Bill Fishkin that allowed you to be yourself in print?? And here’s two words for you: Karen. Potter. The woman is a tireless champion, the paper’s unsung guardian angel. In my opinion, she singlehandedly sustained its existence through the darkest days with her steadfast dedication and attitude while everyone else was ready to blow their brains out. (Thanks, Kron.)
I’ve been feeling incredibly nostalgic since learning the day had finally come. I’ve rewritten this very paragraph about a dozen times because I just don’t know exactly what to say. There was a time I cared so much about this paper that it hurt. I used to get sick to my stomach every Monday morning at the thought of a spelling mistake on the cover (you can imagine how I felt when it actually happened). But when things were right, man, what a special place to work. On any given day, half the fucking office was hungover, the other half planning on being hungover within 24 hours. We cursed, ranted, raved, listened to great music, ate free lunch, played Street Fighter II and drank cheap beer and champagne every single Friday. Oh, and
And for all of Synthesis’ faults—of which there were many and all of which I contributed to—it always had something to say. That something may have been lewd, crude, agitated or absurd, but it was there. More specifically, that something was probably a rad touring band that nobody else in town would feature, a “Back to School” issue anchored by a column titled “School Sucks Die,” or Art Wellersdick expounding upon the romantic qualities of having sex with a cadaver. Or maybe it wasn’t. In any case, I will always take pride in the commitment we made to being tasteless, trashy, hip, shamelessly liberal and generally unprofessional. None of that would have been possible without my fellow office
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MAR 30 2015
we put out a weekly.
freaks: Rene, Eric, Prado, Daniel, Spencer, Dain, R-Dub, James, Hannah. Contributing freaks Bob, Kev, Arielle, Julia, Olivia, Dustin and Dollar Bill, just to name a few. As for the readers? Thank you. For every staggering drunk and scorned try-hard that talked shit out at the bar as if there were no separation between church and state, there were 100 people with something positive to say, and that meant a lot. Not that it was expected, or even deserved. But it never went unnoticed. And even if you never said anything nice and just kept picking the paper up week after week: THANK YOU. It meant the world to people like me to put a paper like Synthesis out in a town like Chico, and that was only possible because it got read. But do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That’s the sound of inevitability. I will miss Synthesis not just for what it was, but for the void it leaves in departing. I sit here now and humbly admire its aspect; like the awfulness of Ahab, the whiteness of the whale. It was the most fun I ever had working anywhere, and along the way I found my voice as a writer, my taste as a music lover, and a network of friends and connections that will no doubt prove to be lifelong. And I got to say FUCK a lot. “And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Goodnight, sweet prince.”
Al Green: Still Wants To Get Next To You BY JAKE SPRECHER • ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPT. 2007
What can you say about Al Green? Well, I can think of a few things, the first being this: Al Green is a living legend. He was a giant in the heyday of soul, rhythm and blues. His name hangs with the big boys, like James Brown, Marvin Gaye, and Sly Stone. The albums Green released during the early 1970s under the guidance of Hi Records guru Willie Mitchell are quite simply among the greatest R&B records ever recorded. The majority of people are merely familiar with Al’s super hits, such as “Let’s Stay Together” and “I’m Still In Love With You,” but it is important to remember that songs like these were gems within masterpiece works. His voice was, and still is, like heaven on earth. A Baptist Reverend since 1979, he is a man of passion, love and soul to the bone. Synthesis had the privilege of catching up with Al in anticipation of his appearance at Gold Country Casino this Tuesday, September 11th. We found out Al still sings what he means and talks what he sings. Man oh man, you’re back out on the road and you’ve been putting out records since 1967 with Back Up Train. That’s 40 years. How’s it feel to still be in the game? Ah, what they was celebratin’ in London and Madrid and Paris is 60 years of rhythm and blues. They was talkin’ about Muddy Waters and Bo Diddley and Willie Nelson and Sarah Vaughan and different other ones; it was kinda like a mix of people they had… And you know you can’t leave out Ella, I mean she’s a-skittin’ and scattin’ but she still sang the songs. And Liza Minnelli’s mom, Judy Garland. On stage… just between you and me,
Jake, she kick yo’ ass [big laughs]. You like, “Oh shoot!” Where does all of your soul and energy come from? You’re 58 years old and still going like you’re 28. See, we have a job to do. We have to carry this ministry that we have of love and happiness. The Ministry of Love and Happiness. Because we were told that there’s a lot of lonely people in the world. Sometimes the people you see that’s with somebody, they feel like they’re by themselves. And I want you to go and tell the lonely people that there’s love in the world. And that’s our job right there. Now, we sang “Love and Happiness,” we sang “Let’s Stay Together,” and we gonna sing “I’m Still In Love With You” after 40 years, because, she say, well [mimicking a female voice], “I gained three pounds,” and I say, “Well darlin’ I didn’t fall in love with your weight, I fell in love with you.” I was hoping you could talk about your musical roots. How was it that you fell in love with singing and performing? I started… I don’t know… I was a little kid in the shop room with a lathe going cuttin’ wood. ‘Cause I was raised up in Michigan, and in Michigan they gonna want you to cut lumber, and know how to fit joints together to make furniture, and they had us doin’ all that stuff and I was singin’ and the lathe was goin’ and I was sanding down my wood and I shut the dag-gum thing off and look around the whole darn class behind and [they] say, “That guy can sing.” That’s the first time I’d ever heard that. I said, “Aww,
come on.” And they was goin’ like, “Naww, that guy can sing.” And I had to think about that a while and finish high school before I got serious about, “Maybe I can sing.” And the rest is history. I suppose so. I met Willie Mitchell in ‘bout ’69, right. Talk about some of the strides you made as an artist with Willie Mitchell. He took you to the next level so to speak, didn’t he? To me, he did. I mean, he kinda discovered the real talent of Al. And refined it. I didn’t know who to sing like; I didn’t know what to sing. So Willie kept telling me, “Sing like Al Green.” I kept feeling like, “I don’t know how Al Green sounds.” He said, “Well, you are Al Green. Can’t you sing like yourself?” I told him, I says, “You see [the] persona of a person outside of the person. But I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about!” I’d be out there trying to sing like Wilson Pickett. And he’d be up there goin’, “No, no, sing like Al Green!” And I’m going like, “How does Al Green sound?” And I couldn’t figure that out so I went outside, got in my Corvette, did donuts in front of the studio, smoked up the wheels [cackles], got mad, went home, called him at 2:30 in the morning and said, “Okay. You wanna try this?” And he started laughin.’ He said, “I’ll meet you down in the studio in 30 minutes.” Between 1972-73 you put out probably your three greatest albums. Let’s Stay Together, Gets Next To You, and Call Me. Do you look back on those years with particular fondness even today?
Yeah, that was… it’s all mixed up together. I mean, Jake, it’s like, all the fun, all the girls—gotta put the girls in there—whooooo man, I’d a-be a whole suite full of women, man. My God they would just be sittin’ round on the floor, all the way around and my daddy said, “Al! Why don’t you pick just one [big laughs] instead of 20!” I’m going like, “One? But dad, they wanted to come in here.” I mean, I didn’t—maaaaaan! I had to learn what that was. Try to keep my head on straight and not lose myself in all this Hi [Records] stuff, and bein’ high, and you can’t do it without gettin’ high, and I’m goin’ like, “Well, I gotta do it the way that I normally am.” So, you know at that time you’re trying different things, and people giving you stuff, and all kind a-old junk like that and you gotta learn how to do better. You gotta learn how to say “No” to that, and get into your rhythm of what the Big Man Upstairs has for you to do. And you can’t follow some of your friends. ‘Cause some of them is stooooned to the gib… And in the midst of all that, Jake, I was born again. Since the late ‘70s you’ve been leading your Baptist congregation, the Full Gospel Tabernacle, in Memphis; do you take the same feelings of enjoyment from singing gospel music as you do pop music? They get better; closer to my roots. And that’s who’s producing the next album, The Roots. They’re fantastic, with Amir on drums and all that… But Jake, I mean, you know, they’re doing a great job and the songs that they’re doing are kinda like, it’s hip-hop music, but I want Al to sing like Al. I won’t change Al, but I
wanna change the music for today’s feel… and they got me in that bag, right. He says, “Hey man, you like the tracks?” I said, “Man, the tracks are bomb.” He says, “The machine’s on so go out there and sing it.” Does it make you feel good to know that the music you put out 30 some-odd years ago is still very relevant to a younger generation? I had little kids in London and I says, “You all are too young, you don’t know nothin’ about this music, the music was made before you was born!” And I asked a little kid, “Where did you get this music from?” She says, “I heard it from my mama! She plays it in the SUV [eruption of laughter].” And I got another generation coming on with the love and happiness. I got a whole ‘nother little culture coming on. What does the future hold for Al Green? Ever-thang. Ever-thang… Sing your love and happiness. People need love, Al. People are lonely, man. People are broke up, families are disjointed, children over here and the parents over there. Sing your love and happiness; sing all of it. So that the people can know. And then, this is closing, in all of your ways, acknowledge. And I always give the Lord his propers when I come on stage. I say, “We wanna thank God for his goodness and mercy for bringing us here safe.” And I sing one verse of “Amazing Grace” and then I’m into “Doombob-doom-boom-bop” [mimicking “I’m Still In Love With You”] and everybody go, “Ohhhhh!” There you go. I’ll see ya, baby!
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
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BY BILL FISHKIN
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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
MAR 30 2015
These last two issues have been an incredible retrospective of the work that was done by so many over the last two decades. I’m proud of what we accomplished on many levels, and I’m proud of all the people that have ever been involved with this newspaper. We’ve made lifelong friends, threw a lot of stones at a lot of glass houses, and have been part of something that had the pleasure of letting many individuals freely express their creativity in a way that’s rare in this world. Over the last two decades this little newspaper started the career of an amazing array of talented people—it’s hard to believe this is it. Business, as it should, requires you to develop a thick skin. This was a hard won trait I had to develop while being the frontman of this organization at a very young age. It’s a lot more common now than it was in 1994 for a 22 year old to follow an idea and create something that others can enjoy along with them. I have
to admit—when we went public with the news of our inevitable demise and the public reaction was a staggering outpouring of unbridled good will, I was taken by surprise. Between Amy’s piece and my own we had well over 1,000 shares on Facebook with what seems to be an uncountable amount of Likes, comments, messages, phone calls and emails. It really has shown me that we’ve added some value to the lives of a lot of readers over the last 21 years. It’s been a fun ride. Time to put this to bed. In a weird way it’s fitting that I’m writing these words after spending two days at the Facebook Developers Conference in San Francisco while sitting in my hotel room at The Clift, taking in the bleeding edge future tech ranging from advancements in AI (hello, Skynet) to advancements in Virtual Reality (hello, Neo). Weird in the sense that the
technology that I’ve been celebrating for the last two days was the same technology that caused the utter demise of this industry. Despite the inspiring and exciting events of the past two days and seeing how these events will help shape the projects I split my time between in a multitude of amazingly positive ways, I can’t help but truly feel the overwhelming bittersweetness of ending this weekly publication. Unfortunately, this is not an elaborate April Fools joke (although it was discussed). This is it. Reality and not virtual. It is with an overall sense of profound appreciation that I write these words. Thank you to everyone who’s ever walked through my door and every advertiser who wrote a check to help support this dream. I’m grateful beyond words to all of you. Cheers.
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
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Spew-o-Matic: The Legend of Esplanada BY BUD MILLER, ALSO KNOWN AS MATT HOGAN ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED DECEMBER 2001
That’s what they called her—Esplanada, like some exotic denizen of a romantic Latin American village. It really was just an appellation dreamed by some smart-aleck students at Chico High School, who, like children everywhere, wasted no chance to harass and demean some unfortunate person whom they considered to be below them in stature. “You know that crazy retarded lady that walks up and down the Esplanade all day? The one that you see wherever you go?” asks someone. “You mean Esplanada?” answers another, “She’s crazy, we should get her!” They all would concur and thus would begin yet another round of harassment, the unfortunate victim being dealt untold suffering, bewildered and annoyed. It wasn’t so much that she was different; most people accept those who are less able bodied, or those who are differently-abled in terms of intelligence. It was just that she was so mobile. She refused to simply stay put, to know her place. She was highly visible, a daily part of the community, and a kind of reminder that there are people who are not so palatable in their demeanor. She didn’t know her place, she traveled around and lived her life—it bothered people, it embarrassed them. One person said, “It’s like you see her wherever you go. She’s always around.” Another person said, “I know. One time I was at Bear Hole and there she was, as big as life. She just doesn’t fit in, man.” She was a pest, a creep, a bad person. She was unsightly to behold and overbearing to be around.
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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
MAR 30 2015
She invaded people’s personal space and she made people feel uncomfortable: She embarrassed them. She was goofy, which isn’t so bad per se, but given her ubiquity, her goofiness made her dreadful. She would wear voluminous thrift store dresses that she thought were pretty, given her childlike perception, but to the average person simply made her even more unsightly. She favored wearing garish and overdone makeup that gave her a clownish appearance. She spoke gibberish and drooled. She was.a mess. Every day she would walk up and down the Esplanade, becoming a regular feature and a fixture on the street. People would honk and wave at her or, given their level of tolerance, make an entirely different, less friendly gesture. Esplanada didn’t mind—she appreciated any and all attention. She would dutifully wave back, no matter what the greeting and then carry on with her business, which seemed to be simply sauntering cheerfully up and down the street, which was her namesake. But one day, love came to Esplanada. She, like so many more before her, found true love, the one true love that floated her boat, that blew up her skirt, that turned her crank. It was just some guy, an ordinary guy who was waiting for a bus back to Oroville. She struck up a conversation with him as he cooled his heels. “You like me?” she asked. “Yes, I like you,” he
replied. They kissed. He, being from Oroville, didn’t know of her reputation. He didn’t know that she wandered all day, every day, up and down the street, annoying and harassing innocent people. He thought that she was just some strange retarded girl, one that he could have his way with. And have his way he did. She had a little studio apartment on South Cherry Street. It was barely big enough to contain her queensize bed. They carried on their romance until the caseworker from County Mental Health found out about the lover boy from Oroville and sent him away. Esplanada was heartbroken and three months pregnant. “I want to keep my baby,” she wailed, somehow grasping that the powers that be would not allow her to care for the coming arrival. She was right. She was considered too incompetent to attend to the needs of an infant and as soon as the baby was born, he was taken away from Esplanada, whose real name was Jean, and placed in a foster home. Esplanada was, of course, heartbroken. It was some time before she renewed her practice of wandering the streets of Chico. Some people wondered what had happened to her. “Maybe they locked her up or something,” one person said. “I heard she had a baby,” said another. She eventually came back to the street and all was forgotten, except from time to time, Esplanada could be heard to explain, “I have a boyfriend and we had a baby, but my boyfriend went back to Oroville and they took my baby away from me.”
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MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY
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SATURDAY SUNDAY
Closed. We need to drink, too!
Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3
Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10
Closed
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Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints 6pm - close $1 Off Pitchers $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos, Corn Dogs, Fries or Tots, Chips & Salsa and Motzerells sticks only $2.50 ALL Day! $3 Sierra and Dom Pints $ 3.50 Kamis ALL DAY!
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings w/ drink purchase 8pm-Close $4.50 Shooter of the Day $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm
Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week! Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
$6.99 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50
Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos! Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
Fried Chicken Sandwich w/fries or salad $6.99
8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99
Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99
Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 J채ger Shots $5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull $5 Imports
12
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
MAR 30 2015
6-close $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase
6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14 FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10pm w/ Purchase
Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm
Closed
Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.
Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm
Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Dom Pints Weekend Blast Off!! 8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm
We open at 12:00pm.
Open 9pm Bartender Specials $15 Bottomless Slushies w/ Souvenir Glass 9-11pm
Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6pm $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm
1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Coke or 3 Olives Any Flavor
CLOSED
10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Free Pool with Purchase! $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans
$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers
Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!
WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.
WED/9PM
HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar
FRI/4-7PM
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DANCE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR DJ SPENNY, JEFF HOWS THE PUB SCOUTS & DJ LOIS
319 MAIN STREET (530) 892-2473
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3 3 7 M A I N S T.
530-343-1745
Fire Grill &
Closed
Go DownLo
BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm.
Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3
CLOSED
$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm
Bar
Closed for Repairs
2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !! MINORS WELCOME!
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Under New Management!
Happy Hour 4 - 7pm
NEW Food Menu
$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!
Progressive Night: 8 - 10pm—$1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close—Up $0.25 per hour til closing $3 Sky Cocktails
MARCH
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am Closed
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BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-10pm
Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks
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Happy Hour 4-8pm Ladies Night! 8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30
Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells
Happy Hour 4 - 8pm
Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells
FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!! 8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas
TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm. Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-10pm
All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day
$3.50 Skyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am
1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm
BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm. MUG CLUB from 4-10pm
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am
Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells
KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!
Go DownLo
1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!
9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day
Select Pints $3
Under New Management!
Happy Hour 4 -7pm
NEW Food Menu Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-7 9-10pm Fire Hour $3.50 Fireball Shots
$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm
Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)
Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5
Power Hour 8-9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9pm-Close $4 Jim Beam $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER
Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!
Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER $4 Jim Beam
$6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. 11am-10pm. LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am
4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8pm-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull
9pm-Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull SoCo Promo 9pm - Close Samples, Specials & Giveaways
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm
Opening at 8pm for ‘80s NIGHT!! 8pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint
Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) Bartender Specials
$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm
$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka
Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree
Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks) $6 DBL Sugar Island 8 - close $5 DBL SoCo Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)
Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!
NCAA
4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz. 8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close
CLOSED
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HAPPY HOUR MONDAY - FRIDAY 12 - 4 PM
$5 SAILOR JERRY DBLS $3 SIERRA & DOMESTIC PINTS
NCAA GAMES
APRIL 4 & 6 134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253
191 E . 2ND ST • 898-0630
TUESDAY $1 WELLS, DRAFTS, DOM. & SIERRA NEVADA 8-10PM PROGRESSIVE 10-2AM UP 25¢ PER HR. UNTIL CLOSE
WEDNESDAY BUCK NIGHT 8PM - CLOSE $1 WELLS/ROLLING ROCK, PALE ALE & DOM. $3 BUTTE PORTER $4 VODKA REDBULL
THURSDAY $1 PALE ALE & DOM. UP 25¢ PER HR. 8PM-CLOSE $4 151 PARTY PUNCH $5 DBL CAPTAIN
no cover friday & sat 9-c lose sugar island rum $5 d bl.
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
13
THE HALL OF THE GODS (END CREDITS) Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy
SICILIAN CAFÉ
Celebrating 30 years !
Farm. Fresh. Italian.
OWNER Bill Fishkin
DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter
MANAGEMENT Amy Sandoval Bill Stolte Chris ‘Scribles’ Schreiber Daniel Taylor Eric Moore Graham Degen Jacob Sprecher James Brone Jason DeFrancesco Jeff Volz Jesse Jackson Jessica Bibbo Kathy Barrett Loretta J. Metcalf Luke Evans Maurice Spencer Teilman Max Sidman Nolan Ford Paula Shaner Rachel Ericsen Ryan Prado Sara Calvosa Stacy Lopez Tanner Ulsh Troy Johnson Eric Wendt
EDITORS Alex Light Amanda Christensen Amy Sandoval Arielle Mullen Brian Brophy Carma Beedle Daina Olseen
Daniel Taylor Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff Eric Wendt Heather Dieli Jake Sprecher Jess Krager Jesse Jackson Laney Erokan Lesley Schapiro Mandy Johnston Matt Meyer Maurice Spencer Teilmann Max Sidman Meagan Franklin Michael Kuker Richard Elsom Sara Calvosa Saranie Pangus Sean Murphy Thalia McCargar Trent Yarosevich Vanessa Hudson
GRAPHIC DESIGN Alan Weibel B. Gleason Becca Sonnenberg Colin Leiker David Loomis Jackson Dylan Hillerman Elias Perez Frank Conrad Jeff Shaner Lania Cortez Liz Watters Megan Greene Melissa ‘Dubs’ Welliver Michaela Warthen Mike Valdez Paige Cloke Rachel Ericsen Rene Stephens (Fulcrum) Rich Silva Ryan Wheaton Tanner Ulsh Zac Acker
IT / NERDSHIT
PHOTOGRAPHY Alyssa Starkey Anthony Dipasqua Brett Wm. Franklin Brittni Zacher Cameron Goehring Cara Fox Carlos Ramierez Cassie Burniston Chantel Young Cindy Aldana
FT. MARK SEXTON BAND
W/ DJ SPENNY
D.C. Ramierez Dain Sandoval Danie Schwartz Gail Jones Griff T Hardy Hannah Booth Harland Spinks Jake Chaknova Jeff Shaner Jessica Sid Jienna Basaldu Josh Whiting Kyle Delmar Lloyd Herrarra Mallory Rose Mary Messina Matt Beier Matt Egenes Matt Henderson Matt Matlock Melissa Welliver Mike Z Myles Stenger Pamela Morgan Peter Moller Rihannon Carman Sarah Rowland Shawn Brown Ted Davis Tom Gentry Vincent Latham Wes Patten
Aaron Bloom Aaron Markus Bill Unger Bob Halpin Broken Molar Cassey Bane D.D. Dallas Oliver Eric Shaner Franklin Geoff Dean Hal J.J. Branch Jeff Shaner Jennifer Foti Jill Barranti Jina Comella Joey Murphy John Faria Los Ramseyos Marlo Paine Marlo Piane Mat Held Matt Eckhardt Molly Roberts Philip Horn Rus Schuyler Dodson Scott Lehman Thomas Bradford Tobias Brooks Wes Jensen
YO MOMMA’S BIG FAT BOOTY
POLYRITHMICS
This Week...
DELIVERIES
Chris ‘Scribles’ Schreiber Dain Sandoval Sean Mitchell Accounting Ben Kirby Matt Low
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Aaron Berlau
LIFE LESSONS VOL. II TOUR
Aaron Bloom Addy Alan Bennett Alex O’Brein Alexandria Araiza Amanda Jurich Andy Harvey Anita Berkow Anthony Peyton Porter Arielle Mullen Art Wellersdick Athena Aulette Williamson Balls McPhearson Bianca Hernandez Bill Kelvin Billy Buck Naked Bob Howard Bob Waegner Bonnie J. Bailey Boomshot Brad Lambert Brendan McNerney Bret Leuder Bret Renlund Brian Blankenship Brian Gleason Brian Leak Brian Mazzanti Brian Taylor Brianna Medford Brittany Nickels Bronc Buster Brooke Haley Brooke Kimple Bud Miller Buffy Lauer Cameron Ford Carmen Ford Carrie Izant Cayle Hunter Chad Inman Charlene Kapraun Charles H. Peckman V Chauntelle Zschokke Chip Peckham Chris Acosta
Upcoming shows... 04/10
2015 CAMMIES WORLD SHOWCASE
04/11
1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14
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MAR 30 2015
FUNK/R&B/JAM SHOWCASE On
Main
APR
02
APR
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APR
04-05
319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM
04/18 COOLIO
Chris Bender Chris De La Madrid Christopher David Kramer Cody Powers Connell B McDaniel Conor Rowell Corey Bloom Craig Blamer Cricket Mullergue Dain Sandoval Dan O’Brien Dana Hocking Daniel Ambrose Daniel Atkinson Daniel Taylor Daniel Vern Danny Cohen David Boone David Hazard David P Brown David Ryder De Andra Schmidt Derek Feenstra Derf Devin Rinker Dick Steele Dillon Carroll Dirty Jim Preston DNA Don Jost Douglas Rushkoff Dr. Lee Slee Dustin Bennett El Muerto Eli Schwartz Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff Emilie Clark Emily Scott Emily Somple Erica Koenig Erin Lumley Evan Billman Evin Van Outryve Fidel Alejandro Gita Grant Kerber Grant Noblin Gretchen Hogue Guy Starvist Harland Spinks Harry Canyon Hayley Kenny Heather Hafer Howl Ian LaBadie J. Mason Jack Knight Jackie Reardon Jaime O’Neill Jake Somers
Jana Selig Jason Hicks Jason Lamphere Jayme Washburn JD DiGiovanni Jen Cartier Jennifer Elton Jennifer Metzger Jeremy Gerrard Jeremy Votava Jesse Hall Jessica Allen Jessica Pratt Jevvin Kays John Mensch Jon Duenow Jon Williams Jonathan Leroy Altepeter Josh Cotton Joshua Samuelsen Josiah Ostrander Jourdan Ladley Karen Light Karen Sowa Karl Travis Kate Matheny Katie Patterson Kaz! Keith Hayden Keith Stubbs Ken Chandler Kennedy Smith Kenneth Kelly Kim + Kimi Kirt Lind Koz McKev Kristin Hayes Ky Junkins Landon Moblad Laney Erokan Laura Johnson Lord Corey Bloom Lynsie Cameron M. Cameron Newell Marcus Dorin Margot Melcon Marissa Welch Mark Friesen Mark Lore Mark Stemen Mark Thomas Mark Whittaker Mary McMahon Masanghai “Sanni” Youboty Matt Hammons Matt Kiser Matt Matlock Matt Olson Matt St. John
Max Cannon Max Sidman Michael Bone Michele French Mike Kieran Mike Kuker Taran March Mike Rosen-Molina Mike Stark Mike Wright Molly and Bryan Lex Mona Treme Negin Riazi Nick Walker Nicole Seredszun Noah Beery Noah G Prado Nolan Ford Olivia Guevara Omar Nabulsi Patrick Kelly Paul Albert Harper Paul Davis Paul Wigdor Pete Brandy Pete Geniella Peter Kimmich Philip Bole Po Campo Quentin Price Rachel Krampfner Ramey Davis Raphael di Donato Rave Travers Richard Cranium Rick Barnett Rob Reeves Robert Green Robin Bacior Ron Barker RU Sirius Rurik Schtakief Ryan J Prado Ryan Laine Ryan Mungia Sam Hayne Sarah Kirkpatrick Sarah Watson Sean Galloway Sean-Michael Yoder Seth Singletary Seymour Glass Shariel Badal Sheesha McGee Shelby Hast Shmee Sonia Mansfield Spencer Rouse Stacy Forstall Stacy Montemayor Stephanie Bird
Steve Swim Sylvia Bowersox Ted Shred The Becky Sagers The Shug Thorn, Tim & Trevor Tim Hardy Tim Smith Tommy Diestel Ty Gorton Warwick McCallaghan Wendy Jones William Saporito Willow Sharkey Wyatt Nation Zachary Ahern Zooey Mae
INTERNS AND ADS AND OFFICE MANAGERS AND PEOPLE WHOSE TITLES START WITH “FUCK” Aaron Bloom Alan Weibel Alex Woods Alisee Heine Amber Miller Amber Stickerod Amy Heard Andrew Bonnenfant Andrew Framstead Andy Keller Andy Najera Andy Rome Andy Rowe Anthony Gonzalez Archy Ashley Dutra Ashley Shaffer August Germar Azariah Reynolds Ben Holland Bethany Johnson Bill Stolte Brad Hunt Brandon Klein Bri Medford Brian Gleason Brittany Waterstradt Chris Petrillo Chris Segovia Chris Sutton Chris Tauchman Colleen Sullivan Conor McNerney Courtney Black Cyndi Lopez
Dain Sandoval Dallas Oliver Dani K. Dan Cox Dane Koch Daniel Vera Danny O’Mahoney Dave Jackson David P Brown David Schmidig David Watkins Dax Strane Derek Seymore Elizabeth Hiscox Fred Telles Gerardo Wackenhut Graham Degen Greg Bard Haim Lebowitz Hannah Frawley Heidi Ring Hunter Block J.W.M. Jake Bellerjeau Jake Sprecher James Barone Jana Daisy Hale Jared Nobel Jason Defrancesco Jason Hope Jeff Taylor Jeff Volz Jennifer Houston Jennifer Nielsen Jeremiah Kalb Jeremy Golden Jessica Bailey Jessica Fonseca Joe O’Meara Johan Harris John Stewart Jon Duenow Julie Fingar Justin Canter Justin Dawkins Justin Kettenfohen Karin Stephenson Katya Manges Kayo Onoue Kelly Perez Kenny Costca Kevin Jeys Kimber Evans Kristin Hayes Lania Cortez Lanya Laurie Simbro Lisa Rivera Marie Rodriguez Mark Hochberg
Marli Diestel Mary Bailey Mat Held Matt Hogan Matt Kellog Matt Loomis Matt Perdil Matt Wilson Melissa Welliver Michael Kuker Michelle Melrose Michelle Rich Mikey Allen Mitch Beddoe Monica King Nate Gleason Nicholas Smith Nicole Brooks Noah Beery Noel Pearson Paul Swifka Paula Shaner Pete Mickartz Phil Powers Rean Bautista Robert Fox Robin Cripe Ryan Pryomski Ryan Soden Ryan Wheaton Sarah Digness Scott Burkhardt Sean Mitchell Serena Jennings Sharon Ostenford Sol Joye Son of Thomas Stacey Benamati Stacy Forstall Stephanie Crean Stephanie Wood Steve Ford Steven Tim Kerber Tim Smith TJ Renna Tobias Brooks Tom Wiseman Tommy Russo Trish Brogdon Tyler Kohfield Wendy Mann Zoe Tischbein
BEST COVER FEATURE Ganga Giri
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
15
O N T HE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACEB OOK.COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y
404 Not Found by DAIN SANDOVAL I first met Bill&Co around 1998 during one of Chico’s famed St Patricks day celebrations. I had recently moved to Chico and was working at 106.7 Z-Rock as their newest DJ. I think we were doing shots of whisky on the Rileys patio. Or was it the teas at Panama Bar? Or was it the Palmolives (FINISHAS) at U-Bar? No matter, it was like 7am and these Synthesis kids were FUN. They acted and thought like me. They knew how to have a good time. What, we were young, drunk, and didn’t know shit. Didn’t stop us.
the totally stupid Sexytimes with Balls McPhearson, along with occasional reviews and offensive blurbs— but I mainly lurked in the shadows as the Network/ Server Admin for Synthesis/SynMedia.
In the following years I was brought in to the Synthesis family as an honorary member. We were this collective of misfit toys. I had radio, they had print—it was something of a perfect match of jackassery that resulted in many successful promotions and regrettable mornings after. In 2003 I started producing radio spots for Synthesis/SynMedia clients, and in 2005 I joined the team full time to help with their venture into a national magazine and this new fangled thing called podcasting.
Much like the writers that have been submitting reflections how their time with Synthesis allowed them to hone their skills and graduate to even grander pastures—I have so much gratitude for Scribles and Synthesis for giving me the tools to transform myself from a farting, dysfunctional, newly sober, quasi-geek into a decent (still sober, still farting) IT professional.
I wish I could reflect more on the 1998-2007 years but in all honesty it is a blur; we drank all the things and did all the drugs and thankfully didn’t have Instagram to document it.
Amy and her current crew of writers and volunteers are deserving of a giant ovation. These past two years they have reformed Synthesis to glory and produced some of the greatest content the paper has ever seen—important content and not just dick and fart jokes. Please go to synthesisweekly.com and read through it. They truly are going out on top.
I do know I have met some of the most beautifully talented/high-functioning alcoholic persons ever. Matt Hogan, Max Sidman, Bill, DT, Rene, KPot, Prado, Barone, Jake, JJ, MadBob, Corey, EJ, Zooey Mae, Shaner, Scribles, ‘Dirty’ Jim, Bibbo, Wendt, Mandy, R-Dub, Spencer, Dubs, Lelania, Kelly and I need to stop otherwise I will just wind up name dropping the whole fucking town of Chico. We have ALL been a part of, or had a hand in Synthesis—or is that we all have been touched by the hand of Synthesis? Everyone gets a touch. I suck at writing. This much should be obvious by now. Sure, I did a food column, Unapologetic Omnivore, and 16
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
MAR 30 2015
Scribles taught me what he could, I had to improv the rest. I had no idea how Active Directory, SMB or LDAP worked. I didn’t even know how to make net cable. Now, 10 years and assloads of school later, those things are a giant part of my day at CSU, Chico.
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
Print is fucking dead. The written word and human experience are alive and well. I urge everyone feeling left out in the cold to step up and start creating. Write blogs, take pictures, document shit. Tell the story. You don’t need ad revenue for that. Let’s all raise a beverage and remember the times we shared these past 21 years—it was an extremely rare, perfect alignment of magical fuckery that just could not happen again in today’s world.
G R AV E C ON C ERN S
ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY
I Lift the Weights so Gently, They Never Know How Strong I’m Getting Blue curtains. White robes. Face masks. I ticked off the objects coming into focus in the bright white of the small room. I was either coming to in the middle of a very subdued cult meeting, or I had just woken up in the middle of my hernia surgery. “Nurse, hand me the vice-grips and the chainsaw, and really bear down on this dude’s veins. He has like, a shitload of them.”, spoke one of the masked figures who was hunched over my nether-regions. “You got it, dude,” the nurse replied. So. Surgery it was. “Hi guys,” I said weakly. “I’m really glad you’re not a cult.” They glanced over at me. The thought did briefly cross my mind that they could be a surgical team as well as a cult, but I wasn’t really in a position to investigate, so I only gently pressed the question. “Anyway, I was wondering if you could snap a quick photo of what you’re doing down there and text it to me. Also, I wanted to get your thoughts re: human sacrifice, but maybe we can talk about that later, ha ha. I’m kidding. You guys are doing great work. Keep it up.” They never really answered the human sacrifice question, but they did snap a photo for me, which I will cherish always. Or maybe I’ll burn it, because its the grossest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve spent the few subsequent days since the surgery whining like a baby and eating pain meds like candy on Halloween, while aggressively avoiding writing this column
(read: sleeping), because it’s my Goodbye Column, and I don’t want to say goodbye to you guys. I like you guys. I like-like you guys. Remember when we went to Twin Peaks together? Synthesis has been a major component of the music and art scene in Chico since I was a kid, and having the opportunity to write this column over the past months has been an absolute pleasure. The editorial staff have been consistently fantastic to work with, even as my column titles grew to ever greater lengths—necessitating special print layouts— and the content of my writing has strayed far afield from its original stated purpose (I was supposed to write about being on tour, I think). Thank you, Amy, Arielle, and Emiliano, for your encouragement and patience. Thank you, Synthesis, for twenty-one great years. I’m sad to see you go, but let us remember the immortal words of Special Agent Dale Cooper: “Harry, I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.” Thanks for reading, you guys. Sean
by SEAN GALLOWAY FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
17
BEST OF ON THE TOWN — VIN CE L ATHAM FACEB OOK.COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y
N O M I DDLE G R O U N D
Slavery Still Exists It’s early April, 2004, and the Jewish holiday of Passover is less than a week away. I am standing in the chow line with Rabbi Lieutenant Colonel Mitchell Ackerson, and a group of fellow Jews. We are discussing the Passover story. We are at the point where Moses demands that Pharaoh releases the Hebrews from their bondage.
Community, we used an ancient Torah for the service, and sang Iraqi-Jewish songs. Jews, Christians, and Muslims made up the hundred strong around the tables praying and breaking matzah together. We really believed that we were changing the world with our meal.
Rabbi Ackerson speaks up, “You know, slavery still exists.”
Passover 2015 is coming up in a few days, and soon all over the world Jews will be sitting around tables laden with wine and symbolic food, retelling the Exodus story on multiple nights.
“No, I didn’t,” I answer him. We move on to the last minute details of the coming celebration. For the first time, Jews are going to celebrate Passover in Saddam’s palace in Baghdad. Which means that Jewish personnel, both military and civilian, are coming from all over Iraq for the festivities. But once upon a time, Jews lived here. At one point the Jewish community in Iraq was estimated to be about 160,000 strong. But, due to political changes, forced emigration, and ethnic cleansing, those numbers have dwindled to the double digits. At last count there were 12 Jews living in Baghdad. When the first of the convoys dropped off the Jewish service members in the front of the palace, Lieutenant General Ricardo Sanchez, the Combined Joint Task Force 7 commander, just happened to be passing by. “What’s going on here?” he asked me. It took me a second to find my voice. Having General Sanchez speak directly to me, an Army sergeant, was the equivalent of having the President of the United States, or the Queen of England, address you personally. The whole world stops for a moment. “It’s Passover, General. These Jewish soldiers will be celebrating with us.” “Ah... carry on.” With that he continued down the hall. I don’t remember seeing him at the Seder. The next day the little Jewish community assembled in the palace, and celebrated our freedom from slavery. We were joined by members of the tiny Baghdad Jewish 18
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Fast forward eleven years—slavery still exists.
My favorite will be the first night seder with friends. It will be a wonderful night. I will eat too much and allow myself to take long drafts from the ceremonial glasses of wine. I will hear prayers in Hebrew, and at about hour three of our symbolic meal, my thoughts will turn to going home and how nice it would be to get up and stretch my legs, and do anything but continue to eat. My freedom will come with the traditional final words of the meal, “Next Year in Jerusalem.” Then everyone will slip away, secure in the knowledge that we have done our duty for the year and set a plate for Elijah, eaten the bitter herbs, and even pronounced some of the Hebrew correctly. But remember, slavery still exists. According to The 2014 Global Slavery Index, right now, worldwide, there are an estimated 35.8 million people trapped in slavery. While we are celebrating our freedom from slavery, I would like to take a few moments to remember the people still trapped in slavery’s clutches and honor those who are working to free them. Happy Passover, but never forget: not everyone has made it out, and 35.8 million of God’s children are still in bondage. Let’s celebrate next year knowing that we have made a difference in their lives and in ours.
by SYLVIA BOWERSOX
EXOTI C A DV EN TUR E S IN SMAL LTOW N , USA
FROM THE EDGE
We Get What We Give (And What We Deserve) Although I am/was an editor here at Synthesis, I was pretty much the last person in Chico to find out that we were folding. That’s because I’ve been on a trip to Cuba (for journalistic purposes) for the past month and I didn’t have internet access. It was a shocking and sucky homecoming surprise to say the least. Cuba is pretty much the coolest country I’ve ever been to—and I’ve been a traveler all my life—but the shittiest thing about the little Communist isle has got to be its statecontrolled, hilariously propagandistic media. The main paper, which is thinner than the Synthesis, is made up, essentially, of stories about how much the left-leaning countries of Latin America are livin’ the dream, along with stories about all the nefarious machinations the imperialist oppressors are up to. And, because Cubans don’t have access to a free and open Internet, there isn’t a place, besides the streets, where dissenting views can be expressed and discussed. We do have the internet. And so the demise of Synthesis isn’t an existential blow to free speech in Chico. We weren’t essential (Although sometimes it’s the unessential that’s most essential, if you know what I’m saying.). A lot of the humor writing and opinionating and personal storytelling of the sort that we did can and is being done on Facebook and on ihaveanopiniontoo.blogspot. That wasn’t the case when Bill bravely started this paper 21 years ago, but it’s the case now. That said, I think the best and most interesting local writing (and design) often happened in these pages, right up to the end. Along with some weak writing, too. Sometimes from me. Sorry. I wish I could have given more. Been better. Ultimately, Synthesis was a venue as much as it was a vision, and we were only as good as what we all gave. Sometimes all we had to give were the vapors
left over from busy lives. Sometimes we gave our hearts and souls. I watched it happen; watched writers struggle to tell the deepest truths, to find just the right words, to be just the right sort of asshole. Thanks to everyone for everything you gave. I’m particularly grateful to Amy for the incredible support and latitude she gave every writer, myself included. And to Tanner for making every cover story look like a frameable piece of art. Arielle, you’re awesome. And Julie Garza-Withers: highest honors to you for your piece about your friend, Marc Thompson. (Cue Oscar-speech-get-the-fuck-off-stage-music, I know.) My appreciation, too, to the many people who shared their stories with me for all these Exotic Adventures, from the homeless human beings I snored side by side with at the Torres Shelter, to the Strippers at Centerfolds who grinned and bared it all, to the Festival Hippies and the Tanning Specialists and the Mall Security Personnel and Cat Assassins and Psychic Ghost Hunters and Cos-Playing Nerds and Storage Unit Treasure Hunters and Thieves and Undertakers and MMA fighters and Solid Waste Engineers and Gamblers and Carnies and Gun Nuts and Knights of the Barony of Rivenoak and all the rest. Fuck. I’m really thankful. If we don’t appreciate this totally fantastic human diversity, these strange unexplored corners, they don’t exist for us, our worlds are smaller, and we are less for it. And then, one day, they’re gone.
by EMILIANO GARCIA-SARNOFF
Communication As a child, I could spend all day knocking around the neighborhood, maybe going home to eat, maybe not, but my family didn’t hear from me for hours on end, which was fine with me. Now such a thing is unthinkable. Availability has become a virtue. For my last job my business card had numbers for a land line, a cell phone, and a fax line, in addition to my email address and the company website. In a typical day, I could be contacted in any of those ways, plus instant messaging, the primary intra-company means of communication. In the late 1990s I gave in to a cellular phone. I spent my days incommunicado, cleaning houses, and I wanted a way for my family to be able to contact me. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and it gave my wife and me some peace of mind. I didn’t use it much; I just liked having it. Like most of us, I’ve come to depend on high technology. My work email crashed or exploded or something once, and I felt the repercussions for months. I’d gotten so used to electronic communication that I forgot it’s just electrons swooping around and not nearly as reliable in most cases as paper. If all those words had been transmitted by phone I know I likely wouldn’t have been in any better shape, but I knew my memory was spotty and would’ve taken notes the way I used to do. Losing my email made me feel betrayed. I trusted it. Still, I love email. It’s usually reliable and fast, though I love it mostly because it’s quiet. No phone rings. There may be somebody impatiently waiting for a reply, but I’ll get to
it when I get to it, which brings me to instant messaging. Instant messaging combines the worst of email and the telephone—the message has to be written out one word at a time and I’m expected instantly to reply. I’m obviously online because there’s my name in the sender’s buddy list, so what’s the holdup? I’ve also had some major misunderstandings via email and instant messaging because of a typo, or just because the sender’s emphasis wasn’t the same as mine when I read it. Then there’s text messaging, which I’ve at least come to appreciate. I knew guys whose jobs issued them pagers when they were a novelty. Having a pager meant they were important, and they were proud of having one. I thought it meant mostly that they were always on call and liable to be required to snap to attention at a moment’s notice. I didn’t like that. I think of my cell phone as an electronic leash, and I’m so used to it that I miss it if it’s not nearby. Once I went out without it, and when I realized it wasn’t with me I suddenly felt half-dressed and very far from home. It was wonderful. Now I just leave it at home. Remember, come to anthonypeytonporter.com. You’ll be glad you did.
by ANTHONY PEYTON PORTER FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
19
P R O DUC TIV ITY WAST E D
I M M AC U LAT E I N F E C T I O N
So You’ve Lost a Newspaper Column A GUIDE FOR BEGINNERS Let me just get this out of the way: for good dialogue, check out Tales from the Borderlands, for roguelikers, check out Vagante, for casuals and browser-players, check out Fallen London, for grand strategy, check out all the big titles by Paradox Interactive, for RPGs, check out the soonto-be-released Pillars of Eternity, and for hype, follow me into my subterranean stasis chamber to wait for Witcher 3. There. Video Games. Now then, for those still interested (or those whose eyes glazed over at the above paragraph), let’s talk about my column: It’s about to disappear! In about four hundred words. Now around three hundred and eighty. Now—wait. This strategy isn’t working. Let’s start from the beginning: how the fuck did I get a column? Where am I? Why does it hurt to breathe? All good questions. Suffice to say that it’s not what you know, it’s who you make customized anime characters for on their birthday that really counts. And now, from humble beginnings, to still humble continuations, to an increasingly humble ending. I submitted articles to Synthesis just about every week for a little over a year, making me a regular yet relatively new and alien columnist. For reference, many of these writers hold fancy parties together. I’ve seen the pictures. Nothing escapes me. Except, you know, going to parties. Now here I am, squandering my opportunity to use my primary skill set (an unpleasant amount of knowledge about video games) in order to reminisce about the column that has produced a fragment of what many of the other writers have. Yet still, I am losing 20
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
my column, the first time anybody else ever paid me (enough to pay for approximately two bowls of phở) for my words. Before that, the only person who ever paid for my words was me. Having a column was neat. I could go online and look at it. If I had ever wandered into a coffee shop, I could have picked it up and read it. If the demographic of people who read, understood, and were interested in my articles existed, I’m sure I would have had some minor recognition. Even hypothetically, these things are neat. Although I can’t say I’m terribly proud of the massive achievement that was me yelling at video games (in print!), I can say that it was neat, it was something I enjoyed, and it was something that gave me some outlet into a world not so narrow as a 1680x1050 monitor. It was an achievement for me that, at the very least, somebody wanted to print my articles, even if I never really found anybody who wanted to read them. I will miss it. I will miss leafing through (or more commonly, scrolling through) the Synthesis and seeing my opinions alongside small-time writers with the enormous ambition of being endlessly avant-garde, and the comforting settlement of being crass and maybe a little intoxicated. To my colleagues, and in particular to my editor Amy, I wish good luck and a constructive parting from the paper. To my readers (hi Dad) I wish an easy ending. To myself, I wish I had a better line to end on.
MAR 30 2015
by ELI SCHWARTZ
One Last Time With Feeling! BAD DREAMS, UNDULATING TESTES, MID - LIFE CRISIS AND THE END OF AN ERA
I awoke this morning from a dream that had been going along nicely and then suddenly turned hideous. In the dream I was attending some kind of brunch/art-reception event. I was flirting with a couple of attractive young ladies when an elderly woman stepped out of the bathroom. She was smartly dressed in a pair of white pants and a green and blue flower-print blouse. A stream of urine and liquified feces was running down her right leg and leaving a trail along the tile floor. The clock read 6am and I knew there was no way I was going back to sleep and risk a sequel to that one. Two and a half hours later I am laying in the bathtub, watching my testicles undulate, and wondering why the hell my brain did that to me. Maybe it’s another piece in my unfolding mid-life crisis. I turned 44 a few weeks ago. I’ve been writing for this paper since my middle thirties—for close to a decade. Now it is going away. Synthesis has always been sort of a hot mess, and that’s a big part of the reason I love writing for it. There are no rules save for don’t bad-mouth the advertisers. No one has ever told me what to write about in my column, even when I moved out of Chico and started writing more and more about the mundane daily activities of living on a ten-acre farm. It became sort of an experiment for me; my plan was to keep writing for the paper until they put my column out of its misery, put me out to pasture, and hired on some bright young wit
who was hip and in the know. I expected that to happen years ago—sadly it never did. I’ve never understood the imagined rivalry between Syn and the News & Review. To me the only similarities are the fact that they both come out once a week and they are both printed on paper. It’s like comparing the Eagles to the Dead Boys. Different animals entirely, not even the same species. Bill’s story of how he started this paper—in a college apartment on a credit card—has often served as an inspiration to me, and I hope it does to you too. Take a chance, chase a dream, make something happen. He got a twenty-one year run out of the thing—not bad at all. Opportunity is out there, waiting impatiently for you to mature enough to discover it. Anyway thanks to everyone at Synthesis for giving me this space for all these years. The cash and the Duffy bucks were good too. And thanks to you all for picking this up and giving it a read. It has truly been both an honor and a privilege for me to write this column every week for all these years. I don’t know what else to say. I suppose that’s that. It’s going to feel weird to hit the send button this one last time.
by BOB HOWARD Madbob@madbob.com
L ETTERS TO DESMON D
Magic Eye Posters Are Still Cool, Right? Welcome, nerds! This is my last column ever… for Synthesis anyway. I’m sure with my impressive portfolio I’ll immediately be snapped up by one of the greats, like The National Enquirer or Dog Fancy. Actually, if any of you “know a guy” there, hook it up. I could write the shit out of a column about fancy dogs. Anyway, the question is now, what’s the best way to wrap up my eight year writing streak here? Let’s review my options, shall we? Option #1: Briefly discuss the badly written piece in the CNR from last week which lobbed a few ineffectual and thinly veiled insults our way. I’m all for a good scathing retrospective, but if you’re going to go for it, don’t just toss the “aging hipsters” card in an underhanded throw over the plate. I mean, c’mon! You have so much better material to work with! Remember our Ganga Giri cover? That shit was terrible. Instead you brand us (and our readers) “aging hipsters?” Serious side question though, what the fuck is a “hipster?” That word is (almost) as overused and banal as the phrase “that’s so gay.” I saw “hipster” being heavily used a while back (and occasionally still utilized by those who were tragically born without an imagination) in situations where there are feelings of insecurity afoot. Specifically, feelings of not being “cool” enough, or thinking others are acting cooler than they really are. In recent years, though, the rampant overuse has watered it down so much that now it basically just means “white person.” But hey CNR, no need to be insecure! We’re on the brink of fading into obscurity, and now you can resume covering the hard-hitting stuff, like those riveting stories on local council members. Titillating. Option #2: Admonish the denizens of Chico for not better valuing the creative output and endeavors of our town. Truly, if there’s something I hope sticks in your brain pipe after today, it’s the importance of voting with your presence and participation, as well as
with your money. Since our inception 21 years ago, we’ve covered a pretty vast range of material, but the backbone of our publication has always been supporting the local music scene. We’re lucky here in Chico, in that there’s a strong intersection of enthusiasm and creativity, within a relatively safe environment to cultivate original projects. But I think we suffer from the delusion that Chico is a liberal place in which we can tread the proverbial water here, and all our favorite things will survive without our input or engagement. Even if you feel that the only good Synthesis news was regarding our impending collapse, if you live here it’s fairly safe to assume that at some point you’ve enjoyed local music, festivals or art shows. In short, this applies to you. I think with the onrushing of the technological age has come a sense that our world is boundless, which subsequently induced a feeling that our active participation matters less. Our attention is pulled in a seemingly endless number of directions, and we forget that to preserve Chico entities, we have to back them. Whether that’s supporting your favorite local bands by attending their shows, coming to art openings, or (cue eye roll in 3...2...1...), advertising in local print media, it’s important to show up for the things you want to keep around. Option #3: Fill my column space with a Magic Eye Poster-style piece of me riding an eagle and giving you all the middle finger. JK guys. In all seriousness, before I bid you farewell, I’d just like to say thank you. Thank you for reading, and thank you for giving us feedback (whether it was positive or negative), it was always genuinely appreciated. Zooey, out.
by ZOOEY MAE zooeymae@synthesis.net FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
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MARCH 30, 2015 by KOZ MCKEV ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
Initiate appropriate action. You need to express a deep and abiding love. Monday through Tuesday morning the Moon will be in your fifth house along with Jupiter expanding your heart, allowing you to do the things that make you happy. Tuesday afternoon through Thursday focus on clean-up, organization, and service to others. Saturday’s lunar eclipse brings up romance and relationship issues. Some will come to unconventional conclusions. Others will find things effecting their work environment. Avoid rushing to things.
Facing our karma isn’t always evil or pleasant. Running away makes things worse; it’s like putting a kink in a hose and allowing the pressure to build. You have the ability to do conscious good during this week. Tuesday through Thursday your creative energy remains high, and you may have some fun. The full moon eclipse could present health and service challenges. You are looking good and feeling strong with Venus and Mars in Taurus. Keep on honoring your parents and family, they can be a big source of strength during this week.
You have friends in high places. Don’t be distracted from the task at hand. You’ll be tempted to go partying with your friends. Keep things quality and on the down low. Take care of family issues as they come up. Household chores are best dealt with in the middle of the week. Saturday’s full moon eclipse could help you come up with new creative works. Pay close attention to children if you have them. Take time to prepare for the future. Good fortune is with you. Make good karma and it will pay off eventually.
Expect from others only what you can do yourself. Be grateful for those that possess skills that you don’t have. Time can be delegated in many different directions. Allow others to help you when you get overwhelmed with details. You have good friends in your social circle during this time. They can be a valuable resource. Monday looks good for dealing with finances. Tuesday through Thursday is best for catching up with messages and calls. The full moon eclipse will cover a variety of emotions for you. Everything from your career to your mother comes up.
Begin the week with the moon in Leo from Monday through Tuesday morning. You feel optimistic and positive. Higher learning and spiritual growth are easier for you to focus on. Tuesday afternoon through Thursday, focus on finances, food, and finding a voice. The full moon eclipse brings changes to your immediate environment as well as to siblings and neighbors. The weekend looks good for short trips and for dealing with communication issues. Take calculated risks. Find a way to visit a new place. Learn about other cultures and religion.
Learn from your mistakes and move forward. It’s unfortunate that some mistakes can last a lifetime. Much of your ability to make decisions is thwarted due to other people’s power. You can’t own everything. Much is out of your control due to circumstances. The moon will be in Virgo late Tuesday morning through Thursday. Your ability to push ahead is enhanced on these days. The full moon eclipse Friday and Saturday can help you resolve financial and family difficulties. You’ll be able to find your voice and make good choices once again.
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
You are a lover and a peacmaker this week. Keep on doing the good work. Your libido is stronger with Venus and Mars in your eighth house. People are attracted to you because of your ability to create harmony and balance. The full moon eclipse is all about you with the North Node and the full Moon in Libra. Learn to be your own best friend when others fail you. Let go of the things that you can’t control. The weekend looks good for a little getaway or some sort of adventure. Sunday looks good for taking care of material needs.
This time of year can be a serious workout for you. The demands of work, health and the small details of life can be overwhelming. Your love life is getting better with Venus and Mars transiting your seventh house. You can be a better lover in every way. Learn to love what you do and to do what you love. Service work and helping others is part of what you need to do. The full moon eclipse is about karma, secrets, and the parts of your life where you feel isolated. On Sunday afternoon the Moon enters Scorpio and your vitality is restored.
Playful, fun-loving, good times are on your agenda. You are in a place where your heart is open and the good times are rolling. Focus on children, education, love affairs and recreation. Begin the week by being open to higher learning. Tuesday through Thursday, focus on career performance and utilizing your talents and skills. Friday and Saturday the full moon eclipse affects the world of your friends and your ability to plan for the future. Expect good news. This is a good time to socialize and make new friends.
The foundation we build is the legacy that we leave behind. Family and domestic issues count for much during this period. Pay attention to your parents, especially your mother. Your creative abilities are being enhanced by Venus and Mars transiting your fifth house. This is also a good time for checking in with your children. Tuesday afternoon through Thursday is a luckier period for you. The full moon eclipse is likely to effect your work environment. Whatever good talents and abilities you can offer the public will be seen.
Be ready to mobilize. Your work is to gather information, work with your hands, and be involved with your local environment. This is a good time for taking small trips. The people you knew while growing up are more likely to reappear in your life. The beginning of the week is best for negotiation. Tuesday through Thursday, others may help you or hinder you. The full moon eclipse Friday and Saturday is good for higher education, getting published or taking an exotic journey. Keep on doing the things you are passionate about.
Put your best foot forward. Your values need to be emphasized. This is a good period for you to get your finances in order. It’s also a good time to make subtle dietary changes to improve your health. You find your voice while making gains. Tuesday afternoon through Thursday is best for romance as well as negotiations. The full moon lunar eclipse Friday and Saturday will arouse your libido, make you more psychic, and give you something you may not have earned. By the time Sunday afternoon rolls around you’ll have a better vision for moving forward.
Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net 22
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MAR 30 2015