FRI, JULY 12, 9PM
MUSIMIANS THURS, JULY 18, 9PM
SIX FEET UNDER SAT, JULY 20, 9PM
BUMPTET SAT, JULY 27, 9PM
3 FINGERS WHISKEY
3 player teams. Sign up with bartender. Starts at 7PM
8-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up 6PM Starts at 7PM
JAZZ BPM
9-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up at noon Starts at 1 PM
synthesis
INSIDE THIS WEEK'S ISSUE
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net
When It Rains It Pours IMMACULATE INFECTION
05
MASTERING THE ART OF FRENCH COOKING WITH THE SYNTHESIS We busted out our aprons and our puffy, fancy chef hats and took to the kitchen to come up with a pretty delightful little Summer BBQ Digest. It's a compendium of sophistication and style, recipes that will wow at any affair-backyard BBQ, summer soiree, we've got you covered! Bon appetit, now you may eat.
MATT'S MEGABYTES
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COMICAL RUMINATIONS
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16 Meteor is on a mission, a course set for Earth and assassination. Will Meteor finally get the right guy and move up the cosmic corporate ladder? Check out Part 3 of Andy Hanson's SciFi serial with a Chico twist! And if you're just now tuning in, check out the Synthesisweekly.com for Parts 1 & 2.
TALES FROM THE CRYPT JAIME O'NEILL MICHELE FRENCH
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syn.the.sis The composition or combination of parts or elements so as to form a whole b: the production of a substance by the union of chemical elements, groups, or simpler compounds or by the degradation of a complex compound c : the combining of often diverse conceptions into a
BADA DING DING DING DING WHOA!
coherent whole; also : the complex so formed
Summer festival season is happening! Resident Festiballer, Amy Olson, maps out your entire summer for partying with fellow outdoor toilet connoisseurs, listening to great music, and doing group yoga with strangers. Now all you have to do is calculate how many vacation days you can cash in.
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I'm already missing those rainy days last week. It felt like earthquake weather, but instead of earthquakes we got a downpour of really eventful national news. The Supreme Court decisions on voting rights, DOMA, and Prop 8; Wendy Davis and the feral feminists in Texas standing up for women's rights in a huge way; the Zimmerman trial, Snowden making moves, Cronuts; it's like a whole Billy Joel song happened in one week. I felt a strange upwelling of American pride pushing out the dregs of my birthday hangover. Speaking of my birthday. Funny thing happened on my way out to dinner. A nicelooking young man from the Eastern Bloc knocked on our door to sell us some proverbial encyclopedias published by a company called SW Advantage. No, you're not getting deja vu-Melissa Daugherty wrote a letter from the editor extolling the virtues of this charming Estonian salesman. And indeed, he was very polite as he deftly extracted information about my family and my children, the school they go to, our neighbors, and the state of their fecundity and educational leanings. He had skills to make mils. I can see how Melissa got sold. And let me tell you, he dropped her name over and over. "Melissa considered it an investment in her children's future!" An investment indeed; $750 for a set of textbooks? Bought from a kid with no business card or cell phone? I've got a Nigerian check ICl like you to cash for me, Melissa.
A teensy tiny bit of research shows that SW Advantage is an old school door-to-door Baptist Bible-selling business-and apparently they're dipping their toes into the colorful world of indentured servitude. These kids are recruited from foreign countries, trained in Nashville, sent out to work 6 days a week (in the field from 6am to 9pm), and made to spend their one day off in sales meetings. They come over here already in debt-owing upwards of a few grand, if they're from foreign countries. They're considered independent agents, so they're on the hook for their own food and living expenses. And this shady-ass company even lobbied to kill a bill in Wisconsin that would "stop [door-to-door sales] companies from putting workers in dangerous and unfair conditions:' The bill was passed, but only applied to salespeople who traveled in groups of two or more. Southwest Advantage doesn't have to adhere to that bill because they send their salespeople out one at time, for extra danger. But hey, don't take it from me-ask SW alum, Rick Perry. You'd buy a textbook from Rick Perry, right? So Melissa, thank you for the reminder to "be nice, would you?" (Otherwise truly, I might have thrown him right into my dungeon.) But I'm not a fan of exploiting people, nor of inferior textbooks. I think we'd be better off handing the kid some cash.
JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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NOW HEAR THIS! STAFF PICKS Sara "America The Beautiful" - Myself In The Car Katya "Delerium " - Stopwatch Hearts (ft. Emily Haines)
WORD PUZZLE This week, for your festival season pleasure, we give you ..... a cipher. Perfect for waiting around for your favorite band to hit the stage.
Amy "Angry American" - Toby Motherfuckin' Keith Michaela "American Dream " - Switchfoot
Hint: T=N
Tanner "Feather" - Nujabes Randy ''The Star Spangled Banner" - Ameri ca Liz The 2nd "God Save The Queen" - John Bull
KJAK VJEPPO FGVJB UEVMJSOI
syn thesis For 19 years Th e Synthesis goal has remained to provide a foru m for entertain ment, music, humo r, com munity awareness, opinio ns, a nd c hange.
PUBLISHER Kath y Barrett kathy@synmedia.net
MANAGING EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Amy O lso n amy@synthesis.net
Kathy "Crescent City" - Lucinda Williams
ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR
Bethany "The Stars & Stripes Forever" - John Phillip Sousa
Meagan Franklin
BOIJUNPTJO ZNPIRUEVM
CROWDSOURCE,
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Michaela Warthen graphics@synthesis .net
DESIGNERS Mike Valdez, Tanner Ulsh grap hics@sy nthesis .net
synthesis facebook pa
ZOTREPIGVM TNPMKEPT TJAKMV
DELIVERIES Joey M urphy Mo lly Ro berts
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
like · Reply · Thursday, June 27 at 5:34pm (19 hours ago) Ile ply Dawn Mateo Me .
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PHOTOGRAPHY Jessica Sid Vincen t Latham
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Arielle M ullen, Bo b Howard, Danny Co hen, Dillon Carroll, Erica Koenig. Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Jen Cart ier, Kenneth Kelly. Koz McKev, Ky Jun kins, Matt Olson, Tommy Diestel
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CALENDAR Bethany Jo hnson calendar@synthesis.net
Tanner Pisenti Captain Ameri,ca
NERD
like · Reply · Thursday, June 27 at 5:12pm (19 hours ago) Ile ply Craig Roberts Our troops of cours,e. BUit all t ime hero? T hat's easy. llonal d Reagan . H,e was a REAL president.
Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis .net
scratch paper
Ben Kirby
like • Reply · l'.J 1 ·Thursday, June 2 7 at 5 :46pm (19 hours ago) - Reply
DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Pott er
OWNER
Noel Barna AMEN !
Bill Fis hkin bill@synthesis .net The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All thin gs published in th ese pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form w ithout th e written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of th e Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers wi ll be prosecuted to th e fullest extent of the law (and our law!). All opinions expressed throughout th e Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartm ent 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and wi ll even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at th e Synthesis. 210 W. 6th St., Chico, Califo rni a, 95928. Email letters@synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters w ith your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.
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Daniel Garcia Burt Reynolds like • Reply · Thursday, June 27 at 5:16pm (19 hours ago) via mobile - Reply Natalie Rossiter T he n urses and doctors that help save lives, i nduding th e men and women who bleed for our country. like • Reply · 8:12am (4 hours ago) - Reply Sirpu1hy Davidian My 5th grade teacher •• •••••• ••. @ like · Reply · Ti'lursday, June 27 at 7:12pm (17 hours ago) Reply
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ACCOUNTING
Word Puzzle created by Bethany Johnson
210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 info@synthesis.net
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IMMACULATE INFECTION Bob Howard madbob@madbob.com
Are You Ready For Some Football? I know the actual opening of football season is a ways off, but that isn't stopping the National Football League from doing their damnedest to turn America's most popular game into a year-round phenomenon. This year featured a higher-profile draft, and there is talk about extending the regular season by a couple of games. There is even a reality show filmed inside an NFL locker room.
Demolition Derby, NFL Style Myself? I'm not a fan of extending the season. I think the current season is already four games too long. The NFL is starting to resemble a demolition derby. The demolition derby, while maybe the greatest spectacle in sport, is ass-backwards. The cars start out at 100 percent, but have to pound it out through two qualifying rounds to make it to the final. By the time the field is narrowed down to the main event, most of the cars are barely
running. To me, this is how the NFL teams start to look down the stretch as the playoffs loom. Injuries became a greater factor when the league expanded from 12 games to 16, and they will loom even larger if the expected expansion to an 18-game season goes through. On that note, injuries have just about put me off of the game I was raised to love. Seeing my childhood heroes almost all physically crippled, mentally disabled, or prematurely pushing up daisies has given me cause to reconsider what I turn to for "entertainment" purposes. Football is a violent game played by violent men. The most recent case in point is Aaron Hernandez-the tight end for the New England Patriots-who currently seems to be the main suspect in a murder case. Iu like to say this is an isolated incident, but I can't. Gun-play, domestic violence, reckless drunken-driving, drug running, and sexual
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assault-these have become almost routine when the gladiators we worship on the football field are off-schedule and left to their own devices.
Follow the Money These are young men with a lot of money. They make a lot of money because they make even more money for the people up-top, and they make all that money because you and I tune in every Thursday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday to watch them bash into one another and run around with a ball made of pig skin. It's a weird reflection on our collective priorities. The Fourth ofJuly Speaking of collective priorities, Trish and I are excited to celebrate the upcoming Independence Day by hoisting a few cold ones and watching the annual Los Molinas Fourth of July Parade go on by. This is a truly wonderful small-town-America happening. Anyone can enter, and last year's event featured everything from homemade floats, to dancing horses, to an array of antique tractors, to a couple of guys who towed their flag-covered bass boats down the parade's main route. It's a curious tradition and a solid way to celebrate "our way oflife;' whatever the heck that means.
JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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MATT'S MEGABYTES Matt Olson matt@synthesis.net
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The Innovation Within I've been to a lot of technology networking events, so I thought I knew what to expect when I went to the Innovate North State Challenge on June 27th: "Company A has a good idea but not the right team, Company B fails to differentiate itself in a crowded space, but Company C is disrupting a massive market, has defensible IP, and is poised for growth!" I could go that route, but I think I<l be doing you a disservice not to tell you instead about what happened later at the Sierra Nevada bar when, while enjoying an Ovila Abbey Saison (or three), I met a man who challenged my worldview in a profoundly depressing way. I told him why I was there, and how the numerous technical glitches with the AV equipment drove me to drink, but that there was one company [Crop Mobster] that resonated with me. When I told him it was a company that paired surplus farm produce (which ordinarily would be composted) with hungry individuals and hunger-relief agencies, he said, "Well it's not really wasted; it goes into the soil, right? And besides, nobody in America is really hungry. There are tons of social welfare programs, and the poor people in this country are fat-not going hungry. Anybody who's hungry in America wants to be hungry'.' I'll let that sit with you for a second. While I have seen the propaganda that might lead someone to say something like that, it demonstrates a certain myopic ignorance and failure of social intelligence for a wealthy physician to claim that the working poor are not going hungry in this country. The facts show that over 50 million Americans, including almost 17 million children, do not have access to enough food. While I could blame this one individual for his ignorance of the facts, these comments are merely the perfection of the capitalist libertarian ethic that has ascended in recent years. It is a view that holds that poverty is an indication of inferiority; that anyone
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who is poor is either unintelligent or lazy, or both; that the poor are undeserving; that if they really wanted to improve their condition, there are plenty of opportunities and there are no obstacles to social mobility. The ruthless application of this logic leads us to believe that the rich are simply smarter, faster, and better, and the poor are losers who are best served by a spotty patchwork of charity services, if served at all. For those of you who are not shocked and disgusted by this point of view, I have an alternative for you to consider. Perhaps your ego is inflated. Perhaps you are unaware of your privilege. Perhaps the only difference between you and the kid in Mississippi (or Chico, for that matter) who doesn't have enough to eat is a supportive family that told you over and over again that if you just work hard enough, one day you could be President-instead of telling you that you'll never amount to anything, and dragged you down when you tried to break away. I have an Innovation Challenge for you. Challenge yourself to break free from preconceived notions about your fellow humans. Ask more. Repeat less. The innovation we so deeply need in this country is within our own hearts. [editor's note: CropMobster was the Innovate Challenge top innovative product.]
SY NTH ESISWEE KLY.COM
COMICAL RUMINATIONS Zooey Mae zooeymae@synthesis.net
Must Love Fire Well kids, it's that time of year again, when we get inexcusably drunk and spend the day playing with fireworks to distract ourselves from the shortcomings of our families. When I was young we used to go to Ashland, Oregon, every year for July 4th to spend time with my Dad's side of the dysfunct-I mean, family. We<l stop at a fireworks stand (at my brother's insistence) and then my parents would spend the next few days trying to keep him from setting someone's yard on fire. They really tightened up their watchfulness after he did just that-set someone's yard on fire, I mean. We were staying at some friend-of-a-friend's house because they were out of town, and they had never met Spencer, so they didn't realize how much he loved fiery destruction (as any 12-year-old boy does, I'm told). He woke up at the crack of dawn one morning to play with the cherry bombs he<l procured the day before, and became panicked when he lit the fuse, tossed it away, and it rolled under the car in the driveway and into some perfectly manicured shrubbery. It wasn't long before thick clouds of billowing smoke began to form, and minutes later when my Dad walked into the kitchen still rubbing sleep out of his eyes, Spencer came running into the house to grab the fire extinguisher. The neighbors must have spotted either the smoke or the panicked child wielding a fire extinguisher, because not five minutes later, the fire department arrived. Needless to say we were never invited back, but since we didn't really know them,
it wasn't a huge loss. My brother went on to bigger pyro-esque activities, including one traumatic event involving an aerosol can in a campfire. Anyway, 'tis the season, right? If you're like most Americans, chances are that on the 4th you'll be eating some sort of fire-cooked once-alive thing. I probably won't be among the massespartly because I'm dating a vegetarian, and partly because I don't find most animal meats appealing. I find that the guilt usually outweighs the enjoyment, and I really do honestly enjoy the taste of meat substitutes. I like knowing for sure that I won't be stumbling upon any gristle, fat, bones, tendons, or any of the other gross shit that comes along with eating animals. I like the occasional bit of chicken though, mostly because I don't eat cheese (I tolerate lactose fine, it's the molds I'm allergic to) and I've found that when a food is substituting something for meat, it's usually cheese. I know all of this is useless personal information that you don't care about, but what I've been building to is this: Foodbeast is reporting that a recent survey shows that "60% of selfproclaimed vegetarians ate meat yesterday'.' From their website: "A poll conducted by CNN surveyed 10,000 Americans about their eating habits, and roughly 60% of the selfidentified vegetarians reported having eaten meat within the last 24 hours:'
There's no point to me telling you about that really, except to say go fourth (get it?) and eat whatever you want. Happy America, everyone!
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JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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Synthesis Staff Members rounded up some of our best recipes for all your summer B-B-Q'n needs. Giddyup!
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SYNTH ESISWE EKLY.COM
9YRTHE9I9 IJIOEST continued on page 10 Copyeditrix's Coleslaw
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Bourgeois Swine BurgersT 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1
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by Amy Olson
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BURGER INGREDIENTS: 2 lbs fatty ground pork-grind your own, use Llano Seco, or add some fat to supermarket ground pork (which is usually too lean) Kosher salt Coarse sea salt Black pepper Lawry's Seasoning Salt Morton "Nature's Seasons" seasoning blend Rosemary focaccia Arugula or spring greens Muenster or other white cheese Lemon garlic aioli (recipe follows) BURGER PREPARATION: Preheat the grill with a cast iron pan or griddle on top. 1. Shape four patties (%"thick) and season heavily with kosher salt, pepper and seasoning blends to taste. 2. Cook patties on the hot griddle for 4 minutes on each side for a nice sear. 3. Sprinkle patties with coarse sea salt for some crunch. 4. Serve on rosemary focaccia with a slice of cold muenster, arugula, and a generous amount of lemon garlic aioli. AIOLI INGREDIENTS: 1 egg 1 TBSP lemon juice 'h clove gar lie 'h tsp mustard V2 to% cup non-virgin olive oil salt and pepper AIOLI PREPARATION: 1. Whirl the egg, lemon juice, garlic, and mustard in a blender to combine. 2. With blender running on a low speed, dribble the oil in slowly, allowing each addition to incorporate into the egg mixture before adding more. As more oil is incorporated, you can add the oil more quickly. 3. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve immediately, or cover and chill for up to two days.
Matt Olson's Famous Potato Salad Recipe That
~
He Just Pulled Out Of His Ass One Day INGREDIENTS:
2 pounds Yukon Gold potatoes (about 4 large) - peeled, quartered lengthwise, and cut into half-inch-thick slices 1 cup low-sodium chicken broth 1 cup water Table salt 1 TBSP sugar 2 TBSP white wine vinegar, divided
1 TBSP Dijon mustard 'Ji cup vegetable oil 1 small red onion, finely chopped 6 cornichons, minced (you can use regular pickles if you want, but they're slightly less delicious) 2 TBSP chives ground black pepper
INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Bring potatoes, broth, water, 1 teaspoon salt, sugar, and 1 tablespoon vinegar to a boil in a 12-inch skillet over high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and cook 15-17 minutes until potatoes offer no resistance when pierced with a paring knife. Remove cover, increase heat to high (so cooking liquid will reduce), and cook 2 minutes. 2. Drain potatoes in a colander set over a large bowl, reserving the cooking liquid. Set drained potatoes aside. Pour off and discard all but 'h cup cooking liquid (if 'h cup liquid does not remain, add water to make 'h cup). Whisk remaining tablespoon vinegar, mustard, and oil into cooking liquid. 3. Add 'h cup cooked potatoes to the bowl with the cooking liquid mixture and mash with a potato masher or fork until a thick sauce forms (mixture will be slightly chunky). Add remaining potatoes, onion, cornichons, and chives, folding gently with a rubber spatula to combine. Season to taste with salt and black pepper. Serve warm or at room temperature.
K'Cherry'Q Sauce by Kathy Barrett INGREDIENTS: 3 TBSP canola oil 'h small onion, roughly chopped 1 clove garlic 1'h cups cherries, pitted and chopped 1 TBSP Dijon mustard 1 TBSP tomato paste 1'h TBSP maple syrup
2 tsp white apple cider vinegar 1 tsp chili powder 'h tsp cumin Salt Ketchup - add 'h cup if you want to increase quantity of sauce
INSTRUCTIONS: 1. Heat the canola oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Cook the onion and garlic until softened. Add the cherries and cook 2 minutes or until heated. Add mustard, tomato paste, maple syrup, vinegar, chili powder, and cumin. Stir to combine. Simmer 3 minutes, stirring often. Season to taste with salt. 2. Remove saucepan from heat and transfer mixture to a food processor or blender to puree.
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by Meagan Franklin INGREDIENTS: 1 head of green cabbage 1 head of red cabbage 2 medium carrots 1 large onion 1 bundle fresh parsley 1 bundle fresh green onions 1 cup apple cider vinegar
1 cup sugar 'h cup canola (or vegetable) oil 2 tsp salt 1 tsp white pepper 1 tsp ground mustard powder 2 tsp celery seeds
INSTRUCTIONS: This is a multi-phase recipe. Phase 1: Get an enormous plastic mixing bowl with a lid. The bigger the better! Everything goes in here. Chop up your cabbage as finely as possible. (I only use about % of each head of cabbage and feed the rest to my chickens; if it seems like it'd be Too Much Cabbage to you, just use one head of green.) Slice up your onion in thin, long pieces. Wash your carrots and shred them with the big-sized grater. Sprinkle the salt and white pepper over it all and mix it thoroughly. Put the lid on the bowl and put it in the fridge for at least an hour, up to two hours. This part of the process takes the excess water-bulk out of the cabbage and is Very Important.
Phase 2: Get out a little saucepan and put it on the stove. Into this goes the apple cider vinegar, the sugar, the mustard powder, and the celery seeds. Bring it all to a boil while stirring to dissolve the sugar. Immediately after the boil is reached, turn off the heat and pour it all over the cabbage mixture. Stir it up. Phase 3: Chop up your green onions (about a handful) and your parsley (same amount) and toss those into the bowl. Pour the oil over everything; stir it again. Put it back in the fridge. Phase 4: Let it rock for 3-4 hours. Pull it out and stir it once in a while. It can even go overnight; flavors love to mingle. Phase 5: Serve with tongs or a slotted spoon-because you don't want the slaw to dry out, but you also don't need all that liquid on your plate. Sit back and prepare yourself for the barrage of compliments. This ain't no grody mayo & walnut & raisin coleslaw, no sir. This is the stuff you pile on top of a pulled pork sandwich.
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ON THE TOWN
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
"'
Karen PotterMelon Salad â&#x20AC;˘'
INGREDIENTS: Watermelon (seedless: one small watermelon or 1/2 of a large watermelon) Red onion (4 or 5 thin slices, feel free to use more) Red wine vinaigrette (about 6 TBSP) Feta cheese (about Vi cup) Fresh mint (6 or 7 leaves) INSTRUCTIONS: Thinly slice the red onions, cover with red wine vinaigrette. Set aside. Cut up watermelon into small cubes. (I like to use a platter rather than a bowl to serve, so ingredients are evenly distributed.) Finely chop fresh mint and sprinkle over watermelon. Add crumbled Feta cheese. Use spoon to top with onion vinaigrette dressing. Enjoy!
Bethany's Old Timey Kombuchalixir INGREDIENTS: 1 gallon jar 1 glass or ceramic (non-metal) bowl Cheesecloth (I actually use a birdseye flat cloth diaper, but who wants to hear that?!) plus rubber band 5 bags Green Tea 1 cup sugar Kombucha starter (SCOBY, mushroom, mother, or whatever the heck you want to call it) 1 cup (or more if you, like me, love ginger) chopped, candied ginger 1 qt water, plus approx. 3 qts. (enough to fill the jar) INSTRUCTIONS: Boil water and pour over tea bags in bowl. Let steep for 3-5 minutes covered by cheesecloth. Remove tea bags. Add the sugar and stir to dissolve. Let sit covered by the cheesecloth until room temperature. Once cooled, pour into the jar and add enough water to bring the level up to about an inch away from the top. Float Kombucha starter on top. Leave jar open, cover with cheesecloth, and secure with rubber band. Find the deepest, darkest, most even-temperatured corner of your house and leave the jar there for anywhere from 1 to 2 weeks. That's the brewing part of the process. Remove SCOBY, add ginger, and close lid. Place closed jar in refrigerator for at least 7 days. That's the effervescing part of the process. You CAN skip that step, but don't because it's WAY better sparkly. Once it's done, there will probably be residue on top. Just scrape it off and you'll be fine. Leave the ginger in, though. Serve chilled.
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Real Pagne for my Sham Friends by Sara Calvosa *auto tune this recipe* INGREDIENTS: 1 basket (2 cups) of mixed berries (I used strawberries & blackberries) 1 cup water 1 cup sugar champagne gin INSTRUCTIONS: Combine water and sugar in a saucepan over medium-high heat; stir until sugar is dissolved. Mix berries into saucepan and bring to a boil; boil for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until strawberries are mushy and sauce is thick, about 10 minutes. Strain liquid into a jar and refrigerate. Or keep the chunks. Nobody ever seems to mind berry chunks. Get a champagne glass, ladle in about a tablespoon of berry syrup. Pour a shot of freezing cold gin on top of the syrup. Top off the glass with some champagne and walk around like a gangster.
Susie Safepants' Pineapple Party In Your Mouth INGREDIENTS: 1 pineapple peeled and cored 1 can coconut milk (full fat) 1 Vi cups sugar (I like to use turbinado sugar, as the flavor is stronger and it caramelizes better) 1 TBSP Cinnamon INSTRUCTIONS: Slice pineapple 1/2" thick. Shake the coconut milk thoroughly. In a small bowl place the coconut milk for dipping. In another small bowl, mix together the sugar and cinnamon. Take each slice of pineapple, dip in coconut milk, then dredge in sugar/cinnamon mix. If the sugar gets too wet, consider coating the pineapple using a shaker of sugar/cinnamon instead. Oil the grill to prevent sticking. Grill on medium heat approximately 4-6 minutes on each side, rotating direction every 2-3 minutes for a nice cross-hatch look. Serve warm, accompanied by quality vanilla ice cream if you like. SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
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S3 14oz Slushies S4 20oz Slushies Add shot for SI
11-2PM S2 .50 Dom & Sierra Nevada Drafts
Full Bar in Back Room
5 flavors to choose from
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Weds, Fri & Sal Nights! PBR S2.2S Everyday!
Open al llAM ! Bloody Mary Bar Noon-6PM S8 Dom Pilcher S9 SN Pilcher 8PM-Close S6.50 DBL calls
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls
S3 14oz Slushies S4 20oz Slushies Add shot for SI 5 flavors to choose from
S4.50 Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Mon-Fri 2-6PM SI.SO PBR or Coors Pints S2 Kami Shooters
1/2 OFF POOL All ages until !OPM
Bartenders Choice
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9 Ball Tournament . Sign-up at noon . Starts
! PM . All ages until !OPM
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S4.SO Bloody Mary SS.SO Absolu! Peppar Bloody Marys
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR S2.2S Everyday!
FREE POOL I hr. with every S8 purchase
All ages until !OPM
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Happy Hour 11-6PM select bottles & drafts S2.7S
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BEAR-E-OKE
OPEN MIC - MUSIC
OPEN MON DAYS
S2 Marqis
BURGER MADNESS!
MUG NIGHT 7-IUO 40oz beer S2.50 or S3 S3 Fireball Shot
NEW - BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF FOOD MENU! 12-2PM
S2.SO Corona's
S6 Pulled pork sand w/
Bear Burger with fries
fries or salad
or salad for SS.29. llam-!Opm.
DOLLAR DAZE 6-9pm SI Beer SI Wells S2 Doubles
S2 All Day
CLOSED
53 Cuervo Marqis
BEAR WEAR' 1/2 off while wearing
KARAOKE 9-CLOSE
52 Select Sierra Nevada
Go DownLo
or Dom Drafts
Bear Wear.
52 Kamis -any fhvor
MUG CLUB 4-IOPM
SS Dbl Bacardi & Coke S3 Goldschlager S3 Bushmills
Chicken Strip Sand only S6 before 6 PM
& Sierra Drafts
Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM SI Dom draft, S2 SN draft, SI.SO wells
S3 Tea of the Day and
Progressive Night!
Bartender Special
8-IOPM SI Sierra Pale Ale, Domestics, Rolling Rock & well cocktails
NEW - BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF FOOD MENU' 12-2PM
up !OPM-close 2S¢ per hour-dose
Mon-Sat free pool 6-8PM
Jr Grad Burger
w/ fries
or
salad S3.99
All 16 oz Teas or AMF S3 All Day
Go Downlo
8-Close Pitcher Specials S6/S9/S12
TRIKE RACES! Post lime @ !Opm.
Happy Hour 11-6PM S2.7S select bottles & drafts
!Opm S2 Red Bull Party
S216oz Wells
Drink specials!
Buck Night 8-close
SS House Martinis
Happy Hour S-8PM
S4 Dbl Jack Daniels
Cocktails
Sl well cocktails, Sierra
S4 Glass of House Wine
Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-IOPM
Honey Lemonade S3 Jose Cuervo Silver Sunrise
8-!0PM Two for the Price
Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rockdom draft
of one cocktails and
53 Guiness Drafts,
S3 Glass of Wine
menu items
S2 Black Bulle SS Vodka Redbull
S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer
KARAOKE 9PM
S3 all teas S6 Sky Vodka and Red bull BUCK NIG HT 9PM-Close SI WELLS SI TEAS
S3.SO IS! party punch S3 Fire Eater Shots S6.SO Apple Cinnamon Cider 8-9PM SI pale ale and dom draft
BURGER MADNESS' Bear Burger with fries
S2 Select Beers S3 Teas
S3 Tea of the Day S3.SO Sky Vodka
Wln T-shirts and Bear
FREE Pool after !OPM
Baby Back Ribs SI0.99 Philly Cheesesleak S7 8PM-Close S4 leas
SMASHED SPELLING BEE
or salad for SS.29. llam-!Opm.
S4 Dbl Gin & Tonic S2 Scotch & Soda S3 Barenjager
Starters
S3 All pints S4 Long Island Teas
up 25C per hour until close
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/
Free Happy Hour Food
Fries or Salad & Garlic
4PM until ifs gone
Bread S8.99 8pm-Close S4 Jager SS DBL Vodka Red Bull JO-Close
Happy Hour ll-6PM select wells, bottles and pints S2.7S
Drink specials! VIP Bottle Service available
LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR ONLY S4.99! Mon-Sat !Opm - lam .
LGBTO DANCE PARTY
S3 Tea of the Day S4.SO DBL Captain
SS Dbl Vodka Rockstar S3 Fireball S4 Dbl Coconut Press
Morgan Cocktails
LIVE DJ
S3 Tea of the Day S4.SO DBL Captain plus
SS Vodka Redbull S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Ccktls
Happy Hour S-8PM SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine
S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer
Power Hour 8-9PM
Happy Hour S-8PM
1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9PM-Close S3 Pale Ale Drafts S9.7S Pale Pitchers S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Ccktls
SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine
Jr Grad Burger w/ fries or
134 BROADWAY ST. CHICO CA I530.893.5253
S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer
salad S3.99 Baby Back Ribs with
S4 Sex On The Beach
Salad, Fries & garlic
S4 Sierra Nevada
Bread SI0.99 8pm-Close S4 Single/S6 Double Jack or Captain S2 Sierra Nevada
Knightro ON TAP SI Jello Shots 7-IOPM S3 Rumpy, Jager and Fireball
SS Bartenders Choice SS
S4 World Famous Bloody Joe SS Premium bloodys
Call To Rent For Private
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S4 Dbl Gin & Tonic S3 Cptn Morgan & Coke S3 Rumpleminz
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S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Ccktls
your choice of vodka
BURGER MADNESS'
Party
Bear Burger with fries
Go Oownlo
or salad for SS.29. llam-!Opm.
Bloody Marys S3 Well S4 Call SS Top shelf S6 Grey Goose
LIVE JAZZ 4PM TRIVIA 8PM S2.50 Mimosas & Bloody Marys S4 Dbl Cabin Fever (maple whiskey) & Coke
Power Hour 8-9PM
1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9-Close S3 Skyy Cocktails & Pale Ale Drafts S9.7S Pale Pitchers
SS Patron S4.99 Grad, Garden/ turkey Burger w/ fries/ salad
Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM SI Dom draft, S2 SN draft, SI.SO wells,
CLOSED
Happy Hour S-8PM SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine
S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer
------------------------
CLOSED
Champagne Brunch
IOAM-2PM Happy Hour prices Iii 8
' $100 FF . iPhone REPAIR & RESTORE Regular Rates $60-$90. No other discounts. Expires7-20-2013
8-lOpm BOGO!
NOON-2pm Buy 1 get 1 half off
Two for the price of one on select cocktails & food
select lunch menu!
Happy Hour Prices Until 8pm Now Open Mondays at 11 :30am!
Champagne Brunch
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FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
13
WEDNESDAY, JULY
<;/liu!, <lJininu in & <TraJilioa of8ouiltRm fltafu
THURSDAY, JULY 4TH
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Chico's 4th of July Celebration
Jake Bellows, Zach Zeller & The Crooked Timbers, Lish Bills & Boy Elephant
ONE MILE RECREATION AREA
CAFE CODA
VISITING THE THURSDAY NIGHT MARKET? STOP BY FOR OUR
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1020 MAIN STREET CHICO '-'•?-) 530.3~5.2233 (G .....
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JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
Maybe waking up at dawn so you can be there right at 7am to carbo-load at a pancake breakfast and then run a 5k sounds like a shitty morning. Maybe you don't care for horseshoes or classic small town Americana. But around noon there is a MOTHERFUCKING PIE EATING CONTEST that only costs $1 to enter. Marie Callender's pies. All you can stuff your piggy face with. For $1. Dude. 7am-3pm
Jake Bellows (formerly of Neva Dinova) is touring to promote his upcoming solo album "New Ocean:' I heard that and I was like, "Who?" And then I was all, "Imma google him:' And then I snagged a free download of his song "I know you'; and I was like "DAAMN, he's pretty good:' Look it up and give it a listen, and then be all like "Sweeeeet:' $5, 8pm All Ages
•••• •••• •••• ••••• •••• •••• ••••••••• •••• ••••• •••• •••• •••• Songwriter Night with Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm Maltese: Open Mic Night - Comedy. Crazy Horse Saloon: All-request Signups@ 8, Starts@ 9. Mug Night karaoke. 21 +. 7-11:30pm DownLo: DJ Dancing with DJ Ron Dare The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with The Hub: Salsa Tuesdays. IntermediCarey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm ate lesson 7:15-8:15pm, $8. Beginners DownLo: Pool League - 3 player lesson 8:15-9pm, $5. Just dancing teams, signup with bartender. 7pm 9pm.$2 Last Call Lounge: Karaoke. 8pmLaSalle's: '90s Night. 21 +. Maltese: Karaoke 9pm-Close. 12am Woodstock's: Spelling Bee For the Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke Grown Ups. 6:30-7:30pm 8:30pm-lam University Box Office: Opening Day Park Avenue Pub: Hanging by a of Series Ticket Sales. A chance to String Band. 7-9pm get season tickets for the upcoming The Tackle Box: Karaoke 9pm series of big name artists. Sam Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call Dex: Hail the Sun, The Speed of @ 4pm on date to reserve a table. Sound in Seawater, Stolas Clouds on 6:30pm Strings. $8. 8pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi & Friends. 7-9pm Dex: Teen Dance Tuesday. 7pm All Ages, llpm 18+ House Show: (20029 College View lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Drive, Redding) Jake Bellows (Neva Intermediate Bellydance class with Dinova/Saddle Creek Records), BellySutra. 6-7pm. $8 Chris Molitor, Zach Zeller & The The Bear: Bear Wear! 1/2 off while Crooked Timbers, Rick Barnett. wearing Bear Wear. Mug Club 6- lOpm. All Ages. 4-lOpm Sierra Nevada Big Room: Larry Cafe Flo: Open Mic Singer-
1 MONDAY
2 TUESDAY
Feather Falls Casino: Dance Club. Dress to impress! 9:30pm. $5 cover includes one drink. Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, classes 7-9pm. VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): Laurie Dana. 7-9pm. Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. Call@ 4pm on date to 1OOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open reserve a table. 8pm. Mic. Singers, songwriters, musicians, 7:30-9:30pm. $20. King's Tavern: DJ Dancing. 9pm. vocalists and comedians. All ages. Maltese: live Music. 9pm. 7pm. The Bear: Trike Races. Wint-shirts Jesus Center: Derelict Voice and Bear Bucks. Post time lOPm. Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am. Mug club 4- lOpm. Monstros: Pyroklast, Badger, PanCafe Flo: Way Out West Country Showcase featuring The Blue Merles ther. All Ages. 8pm 7-9:30pm Dex: Hip Hop Show with Lad, Mikey Crazy Horse Saloon: Swing Dance Stacks, Weezy Brown, and Jarea. $7. 8pm Wednesday. 8- lOpm Chico Women's Club: West African Cafe Coda: Jake Bellows (Neva Dance with Imelda Mata. Live drum- Dinova/Saddle Creek Records), Zach Zeller & The Crooked Timbers, Lish ming. 5:30-7pm. $10. Bills, Boy Elephant. All Ages. $5. Chico Women's Club: Ecstatic Dance. Live music played by the 8pm TranceFormation Band. 7: 15pm. DownLo: 8 Ball Tournament. Signups 6pm. DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective Duffy's: Dance night! DJ Spenny and every Thursday. Followed by Mark Jeff Howse. 9pm. $1. Sexton Trio. 8pm. Carlton, master Jazz guitarist and multi-Grammy winner. Optional full buffet diner served before the show. Doors open 6pm, Show at 7:30pm. $30 (Sold out) Nick's Night Club: Game Night. 21 +
3WEDNESDAY
4 THURSDAY
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St OFF Pops-size Piel Hours: Mon-Wed & Friday 11am-8pm @ Spike 's Bottle Shop 1270 Ea st 1st Avenue 530.864.2760
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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
THURSDAY, JULY 4TH
FRIDAY, JULY
STH
Sprint Cars and Fireworks
Spends Quality PEKING CHINESE RESTAURANT
SILVER DOLLAR SPEEDWAY
Hip Hop artist Spends Quality (of the Bay Area Jazz Hip Hop collective Sonicbloom) is stopping into Chico on his Time Peace tour. Surprisingly smooth and melodic with a steady flow of intelligent lyrics, his music sets a tone of grounded sexy optimism that makes you want to move your butt and be a better person. All Ages, 9pm
Race cars! Zoom zoom! Maybe someone will crash! Yeah! Fireworks go BOOM BOOM BOOM! America! Freedom! Explosions! Yelling! Exclamation points!!!!!!!! You pay $12-$16 for the whole seat but YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE (unless you're under 12, in which case the whole seat is free but YOU'LL STILL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!!!)
ARE YOU A DESIGNER HERE IS ACHANCE TO
• •• • • ••• ••• • ••• ••• • ••• • ••• • ••• ••• • ••• • ••• ••• • ••• • ••• • ••• Downtown Chico: Thursday Night Market. 6-9pm. Graduate: Red Bull Movie Night. lOpm. Grana: Live Jazz w/ John Seid 5:308:30pm. Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7 - lOpm. Sign-ups start@ 6pm. Lakeview Restaurant (Oroville): Carey Robinson Jazz. 6-9pm. LaSalle's: Happy Hour on the patio. 6-9pm. 80s, 90s and 2000s DJ. No cover. Maltese: Karaoke 9Pm-Close. Panama's: Eclectic Nights- Buck Night & DJ Eclectic spinning favorites of today and yesterday on the patio. 9pm. Quackers: Karaoke Night with Andy. 9pm-lam. VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic Performance w/ Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No cover. Woodstock's: Open Mic Night. The Hub: FAME Thursdays DJ Dancing. 9:30pm-1:30am. 21 +.No Cover. One Mile Recreation Area: Chico's 47th annual 4th ofJuly Celebration. Pancake Breakfast, SK run, Horseshoe contest, Fife & Drum
9:30pm $5. Kelly's Tavern (Oroville): Karaoke with Mora Sounds. 7 -11 pm 7am-3pm Paradise Grange Hall: Open Mikeful Lakeview Restaurant (Oroville): Carey Robinson Jazz. 6-9pm. in Paradise. Share your talents. 7:30Maltese: Fabulous Friday LGBTQA + lOpm Dance Party. 9pm. Dex: 4th ofJuly Rap Show w/DJ. $5. Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm. 7pm T-Bar: Live music 7-8:30pm Silver Dollar Speedway: Sprint Car Tortilla Flats: Latin Nights. Races and Fireworks. $12-$16, kids Espanol & English DJ dancing with under 12 are free. gates open at Spm, DJ El Kora de Chico. Peking Chinese Restaurant: Hip races 6:30pm, fireworks after dark. Hop artist Spends Quality of Bay area jazz hip hop collective Sonicbloom. All Ages. 9pm lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Cafe Coda: Big Tree Fall Down (Ska Writing Group. 3:30-Spm punk reggae), The Revivers (Early The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris. Jamaican Reggae), Giants in Disguise 9pm-close. $2, $10 VIP. Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with (Rock), Nothing Left. All Ages. $5. Bogg. llam 8pm Crazy Horse Saloon: DJ Hot Rod Dex: DJ Nap and DJ Basssyks (Adin and Mechanical Bull contest. 9pmWhite). $5. 9pm-12am 1:30am Post Office Saloon (Redding): Downtown Plaza: Friday Night Chuck Epperson Jr Band. 8:30Concert Series with Chico Comll:30pm munity Band. Sponsored By Kirk's Jewelry. Free kids art activities hosted Lasalle's: Headline DJ inside and DJ on Patio. by Chico Art Center. 7-8:30pm Sultan's Bistro: Bellydance PerforDuffy's: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm. Surrogate and The Shimmies, mance, teo soloists featured. 6:30Band, Chico Community Concert Band, PIE EATING CONTEST!!!!
5 FRIDAY
7:30pm
6 SATURDAY lOOth Monkey Books & Cafe: Knitting Circle. 2-4pm Cal Skate: Adults Only Skate Night. 9-ll:30pm. $6. 18+ DownLo: Live music with MazAzul. 9pm. 9 Ball Tournament. Signups noon, starts 1pm LaSalle's: 1980NOW! 8pm Park Avenue Pub: Live music with Max Minardi. 6:30-9pm Quackers: Live DJ. 8:30pm- lam Dex: FreakBeatz. $5. 8pm-lam. 18+ Maltese: Folk artist Thomas Fogg's EP release show with Thomas Hatch, Bunnymilk and Rick Barnett. No cover. 21 + starts at 8pm
7 SUNDAY Crazy Horse Saloon: Sunday Funday comedy and popcorn. Maltese: Live Jazz with Bogg. 4-7pm, trivia at 8pm Nick's Night Club: Karaoke. 8pmMidnight. 21 +
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1270 East 1st Ave. Chico • 893-8410 • SplkesBottleShop.com
FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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路 ~the luckiest inan~
路the world The farm road that provided the quickest route to Edie's farmhouse intersected Nord Highway 400 yards south of the meteor's projected impact point. As "luck" would have it, Bob's '98 Lincoln and Frank's speeding Ford Explorer arrived at this intersection almost simultaneously. The intersection brought the two roads together at an acute angle, and when Frank decided to ignore his yield sign, a collision was almost inevitable. Bob instinctively turned away and hit the brakes. His car did a 180 as it left the road, flipped on its right side, and skidded backwards into the shallow irrigation canal that ran parallel to the highway. The initial impact created a curtain of water and mud thirty feet high. This wasn't the first time Frank had played chicken, and he was going eightyfive when the Meteor hit twenty yards behind him. The blast wave crushed the back half of his car and initially increased his speed to 110 miles an hour. The pavement disintegrated in an asphalt wave, and he (and what was left of his Explorer) came to rest after breaking off a telephone pole 200 yards from the meteor's impact point. Bob couldn't see the sky or the ditch. The only light was mud-filtered. That was particularly annoying because he was disoriented and suspended over the passenger side door by a jammed seatbelt and a left foot stuck behind the brake pedal. And his neck hurt. He decided that the best thing to do was to go back to sleep.
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JULY 1- JULY 7, 2013
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Edie had just opened her front door when she saw fire descending from the sky. She later described it as "what the children of Israel must have witnessed when God destroyed Elijah's sacrifice and altar on Mount Carmel:' Seconds later the shock wave hit, and the floor bounced as she was struck in the chest by an invisible fist. She didn't hear anything at the time, but she was deaf for almost half an hour after she picked herself off the floor. The front windows of the house shattered, and the porcelain figurines on the mantle broke when they hit the hearth, but the glass in the picture frames on the piano survived the fall. Edie called 9-1-1 at 11:20. Because the dispatcher notified the volunteer fire department in Nord as well as local first responders, help arrived for both men at about the same time. Bob's injuries were considered minor. He had sustained a mild concussion, sprained neck muscles, and deep bruises on his left shoulder and right hip. He left the hospital under his own power after two days, wearing a neck brace. On the other hand, Frank needed immediate lifesupport and almost died on the way to the hospital in Red Bluff. It might have been better ifhe had. Jane never learned what happened to Frank. She knew him as George, and when he failed to show up, she wrote him off as just another bum who would tell a girl anything just to get
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
into her pants. She kept the wig and donated the faux zebra-skin coat to the Salvation Army Thrift Store, where it was purchased for fifty cents by a homeless woman passing through town on her way to Seattle. A week after being "stood up;' Jane met a recentlydivorced psychology professor in a local bar and married him six weeks later in Reno. The Meteor took grim satisfaction in the fact that the impact hole was twenty feet deep and fifty feet in diameter, and debris-ranging in weight up to a pound-landed 500 yards away. (He had almost exactly calculated the ring of destruction.) Unfortunately for him, not only was The Luckiest Man in the World still alive, but the Meteor had gotten himself into deep trouble with a very senior colleague. The fact that Frank was now a quadriplegic made it impossible for him to participate in a long-term project designed to impeach the President of the United States and to provoke a nuclear exchange between Iran and Israel. The "accident" reduced the probability of the successful implementation of the plan to less than 12%, and it had to be abandoned. As a consequence, the career of one of Frank's very senior colleagues suffered a major setback, and the Meteor found himself-along with his boss and his boss's boss-back in the mailroom with "absolutely no future prospects for advancement'.' (It was obvious that communication between the departments of World Chaos and Human Disillusionment needed improvement, but a 200,000-year history of bureaucratic wrangling prevented any substantive changes in policy regarding future information sharing.)
by Andrew Hanson â&#x20AC;˘ Illustrations by Cheyenne Warthen
Ain't no party like a KZFR party, because the KZFR party had Thor. By Sara "Paisana" Calvosa Picture four heroes walking in slow motion toward the battle of a lifetime. As rain pours down and clouds menace, our heroes stroll with determination past hardcore tennis courts and a fountain, unstoppable. Two adults, a 10-year-old, and a 7-year-old; all wearing flat shoes, ready to put an epic smackdown on a fundraiser bocce ball tournament. Team Boccerazzi showed up to the KZFR Bocce Tournament ready to eat some hot dogs, roll some balls, and chill out in the Racquet Club hot tub. Mission. Aecom plished. Since we couldn't get anybody from the office to play, my rockstar kids stepped up to the plate and rolled their
hearts out. We got creamed-but you know, more hot tub time, suckas! All in all, the event didn't seem well-enough attended to make any money, but everybody was in great spirits despite the rain. The hot dogs were top notch, the beer was frosty, and there were a lot of really friendly faces. It was such good clean fun that even my tech-addicted offspring had a great time. It helped that we played a team that had a guy dressed as Thor. And after the Thors had beaten us, my 7-yearold turned to me and said, "It's ok Mom ... at least Thor didn't smash our balls with that hammer:'
FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA â&#x20AC;˘ SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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The Garbage Fairy by Michele French [captjackafton@hotmail.com] I have a magical effect on children. The day I became Chico's most notorious canner, I went to an art reception in the evening. On the way home (and I DO have a home) I decided to do some canning. I can't seem to help it. There are garbage cans at the curb in front of the house, right behind the PG&E office. People seem to think these are receptacles for general use and they leave lots of stuff that's of great interest to me. Anticipation bubbling in my breast, I eagerly approached the trash can first, reach-extender at the ready. To my left, two figures darted: a mother and daughter, fresh (apparently) from the Thursday Night Farmers' Market. The little girl, about 8 or 9 years old, was holding a frothy, half-finished white drink with a straw sticking out of its bubble top.
believe that, but threw the drink out anyway and skipped off to get into the shiny car her mother was firing up. She threw one last suspicious look at me before they roared off. This was not my first encounter with a snotty child. Some time ago as I was unlocking my P.O. box at the Midtown Station, a squeaky voice behind me demanded, "Is that your shopping cart?" I turned around to see a 6- or 7-yearold girl scowling at me. "Yeah, it's my cart;' I replied grumpily. "ICl like to see some proof;' the determined urchin shot back. In vain I looked to the adult accompanying her, who was smirking a smirk that plainly said, "Atta girl! Give it to that worthless bag lady'.' I was hauling one of those little, wheeled, wire grocery baskets beloved of little old ladies. My brother had bought for me it at Collier's.
rn gotten the lid of the trash can partly open Simplcwhccl Orn1111.i/,111tf /1,td1(1ru11/
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and the girl, without so much as an "excuse me;' pushed up to me and started to toss her drink away. Then she paused and cast an upward glance at me. In a sweet voice she queried, "Do you want this?" My face must have set in a hard expression because she drew away a little. My first thought was, "Who do you think I am, kid? The garbage fairy?" Instead I said aloud (but somewhat curtly), "No. I can't sell it:' She looked at me as if she didn't quite
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JULY 1- JULY 7, 2013
Years ago some old coot wrote a letter to the editor of the Enterprise-Record with the solution to the "homeless vagabond" problem. All those people hanging out on street corners begging for spare change? Get 'em jobs! There were plenty of employment opportunities in want ads in the E-R. Just have those worthless bums take those advertised jobs and-voila!-we'd get the indigent off the streets. Anybody want a babysitter? SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
ON THE TOWN
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Save the Womb Wankers & Wife Spankers by Jaime O'Neill There's a congressman in Texas who recently made an appeal to the conscience of America, urging us all to oppose abortion because, according to him, little fetuses have been shown to have a special fondness for their own genitals-or that area of their body where genitals would be if their genitals had developed yet. The guy's Dicor name is Michael lho,l"\\'\. Burgess, and he's said to er-Se to be an OB/GYN, if that fact helps you :\:'. ~la~\~ make up your mind about him. Or about 1"\ 0-.<;\db how you feel regarding a woman's right to choose, for that matter.
f °'?fY you
didn't have enough of those already. And in the logic of this Texan defender of the unborn, the fact that these potential human beings have taken a serious interest in fondling themselves in utero is an argument for returning to the good old days when men worried they'd grow hair on ' their palms if they played with themselves, and fo\ corvn involuntarilySc~oo \ pregnant worn en practiced l1~V€.0 birth control with coat hang<.c. oY €., ers or Coca iS Cola.
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"D~ v1ls \y~YJrrte(
But the logic of his argument is confusing, especially coming from a rightwinger. I always ews thought that the more conservative among us took a dim view of what used to be called "self abuse;' so I would have figured that the far-right types might be less inclined to want to bring these tiny wombwankers to full term, after which those little pervs are likely to grow up and become salacious sex addicts trying to find uses for their genitals that involve people other than themselves. Anyway, according to Congressman Burgess, those mothers-to-be you see in the supermarket or on the street are all bearing tiny jerk-offs and pud-pullers-as if the world
In other crazypeople-news, there's been a flurry of stories about the Christian fundamentalists who practice wife-spanking as a means of instructing women on knowing their place in the divine scheme of things. The practice is known as Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) and according to one website that extols the practice, this is "a different type of spanking. It is not punishment, nor is it erotic. Instead it is designed for catharsis, to help her [the wife] release whatever pentup emotions and thoughts she has inside:' I tried it on my wife, and boy, did she release some pent-up emotions. I'm sleeping out on the deck until she rounds up those emotions and returns them to wherever they were before they got released.
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Festivals in general are like refugee camps for people running from their day-to-day lives. Tent cities pop up, small communities form, and martial law-complete with pat-downs, checkpoints and curfews-rules your comings and goings. For approximately three days, a person can forget the pressures of their classes or jobs, leave behind their obligations, wipe out all social standing, and poop in a disgusting hole.
~High
Apart from that common thread, there are unique characteristics to each festival that form in the chemistry between performers, featured activities (who am I kidding? It's always yoga), location, and most of all the attendees themselves. Let's go on a little journey together, shall we?
Sierra Music Festival~ July 4-7 路 Quincy, CA highsierramusic.com
HEADLINERS
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Robert Plant presents The Sensational Space Shifters Primus Thievery Corporation 掳 moe. Steel Pulse Leftover Salmon 掳 The Greyboy Allstars 0
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This festival is one that always has a massive Chico contingency, due in no small part to its close proximity. There's also a pretty serious lineup, and it had better be, for the price. When I was young (cue the violins) waaaay back about 15 years ago, $50-$75 would get you camping, recreational substances, and a whole weekend of big name artists. Nowadays the only people who can afford to go to a big festival are those with enough free time to volunteer, or enough money to light their fat-cat cigars and then toss it into the bonfire that is: tickets/camping ($205), parking ($95 for a car, much more for an RV), late night show tickets ($20-$25 each), booze/drugs (God knows what you're into these days, probably some kind of designer bath salt/pep hybrid), and bail money. I'm not kidding about that last part, there are always police sweeps of the campground in Quincy that turn up arrests over giant bags of weed, mushrooms or pills, and yet raging goes forth unabated.
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~California Worldfest~
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July 11-14 路 Grass Valley, CA
Alison Brown Quartet Martha Redbone Roots Project Yemen Blues Delhi 2 Dublin Briga Bruce Hornsby & The Noisemakers Badi Assad Band 0
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worldfest .net
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This one is more broadly "world music" than a lot of socalled world music festivals (cough-sierranevadaworldmusicfestival-cough). The headliners are so exotic that I've never even heard of most of them, but looking into their bios I see they're from all over the globe and are a huge deal, if you're into that sort of thing. And literally it is a huge deal, boasting over a hundred performers on eight stages offering music, dance, and workshops.
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JULY 1 - JULY 7, 2013
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northernnights.org ---~
HEADLINERS
HEADLINERS
Polish Ambassador ft. Ayla
Pimps of Joytime
Minnesota
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Kastle
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Nereo
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Vibesquad
Magic Gravy
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HEADLINERS 0
Orgone
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Julian Marley & The Uprising Band
Lyrics Born
Morgan Heritage
SambaDa
Anthony B
A glorious weekend of frat boys shouting "Rastafari" while popping pills and drinking Jager. 12-year-old children of pot growers try to sell you weed, and stuff gets stolen out of your tent, possibly by the 12-year-old children of pot growers. Also you get to sleep on giant river rocks. If you don't bring an air mattress you will regret it profoundly.
- - -Aug. 8-11 · San Francisco, CA
Aug. 18-21 · Squaw Valley, CA
sfoutsidelands.com
squaw.wanderlustfestival.com
HEADLINERS
HEADLINERS
Paul McCartney
Moby (DJ and Acoustic sets) Gramatik
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MC Yogi
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Red Hot Chili Peppers
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Nine Inch Nails
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About a million
If you're tired of music festivals always having yoga on the side, Good News! This is a yoga festival featuring some music! Have you heard of Sianna Sherman, Shiva Rea, and Seanne Corn? If you're crazy into yoga you should pretend you have just so people don't laugh at you. They're among the 63+ yoga teachers available to bend you into a blissed out pretzel while you trance out on Moby.
Phoenix
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Vampire Weekend
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
other DJs
FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
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Outside Lands
~Wanderlust~
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Tarrus Riley & Blak
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This one is pretty funk-centric, with some world and psychedelia on the side. On top of the usual gathering of people for music and yoga workshops, this festival also has a purpose-to raise awareness about overfishing and pollution of the ocean, and to help preserve our rivers and streams. The site is stunning (350 acres of forested watershed) and you can enjoy all the mountain miscellany your little heart desires.
_,,.
River~
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Soil If post-dubstep DJs and redwoods go hand in hand for you, this shindig may be a dream come true. Wow, did that rhyme? I should keep drinking. I am a sucker for a really gorgeous setting. When you're at a long festival staring at the slowly devolving hygiene and personal upkeep of the people around you, it softens the blow to have big trees and water in the background. And, heavy bass sounds great with the acoustic absorbency of a thick mushy forest.
on the
Aug. 1-4 · Humboldt County, CA reggaeontheriver.com ---~
July 26-28 · Soda Springs, CA guitarfishfestival.com ---~
July 19-21 ·Cook's Valley Campground, CA
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~Reggae
~Guitarfish~
--Northern Nights--
Hall & Oates
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Jurassic 5
Pretty Lights
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D'Angelo
Willie Nelson & Family
Young The Giant
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Band of Horses
Jesus, this lineup. And it's not a camping festival, so you don't have to deal with that. Hotels in SF are by no means cheap, but at least you can have a hot shower and the toilets flush. I feel like at this point you should just stop. There are more festivals going on through the fall, but what could you possibly do that would top seeing Paul McCartney and Willie Nelson on the same stage as Vampire Weekend and D'Angelo? Plus at this point you're probably broke, and your boss is getting suspicious about all the sick time you've been taking on Fridays and Mondays. Go Home.
JULY 1- JULY 7, 2013
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ARIES
GEMINI
LEO
LIBRA
SAGITTARIUS
AQUARIUS
Completion of what you started needs to take place. Overcome petty fears by staying informed. You are not your beliefs or the things you own. However, the old adage is true-you are what you eat. During this cycle it is best to pay attention to your feelings. Make your home reflect your favorite mood. Call your parents and let them know that you care. Get to know the meaning of comfort zones. You want to travel,
You're somewhat in a daze and
Keep a good attitude about yourself, as people are depending on you. When in a leadership position you are much more likely to be criticized or ridiculed. Yes, it
The only thing that is for certain is change. The context of your relationship is changing. There is a feeling that you owe others and/or that others owe you. Your ability to control things is only as good as your ability to go with the flow. Sex, birth, and death tend to be hidden in first-world culture, thus people are seldom prepared for the real consequences. A change of heart could lead to a change of mind. Work with your limits, and be honest and open about them.
It's the details and the little things that get to you this week. It's time to get organized and to put everything in its proper place. Take care of any health issues that have gotten you down. Eat foods that help you feel healthier. Be ready to help others. Thursday through Saturday morning look good for creative expression, being with children, and building confidence. Make a list of what you need to get done over the weekend and tackle it one step at a time.
on the road.
You are creating a better life for yourself. You are super concerned with personal finances at this point. You're trying to find a voice for yourself while you put on a new face. You have a good amount of energy and courage at this point. You weave a good story and you pay people comp Iiments. Mercury retrograde makes misunderstandings easier to come by. Things may require triple the effort. Don't give up! This too shall pass. Thursday through early Saturday features a Gemini moon.
TAURUS The week begins strong for you. The moon enters Taurus Monday at 2:43 PM PDT and stays there through Wednesday. What are the things that make you feel secure and comfortable? How do you maintain stability in a rapidly changing world? There are people who don't like you but are not willing to confront you. Be patient, and don't react. Other people's opinions don't determine whether or not you are worth loving. Be loving to friends and neighbors, and paint a pretty picture.
yet you fear all the other maniacs
in the dream space. You may feel isolated due to excess work or not having any work at all. Be confident in serving others and laying low. The best lovers are the most generous people. Sexy has more to do with what you can give rather than what you can get. There is an element of karma that you're dealing with that involves
sages contained in them. Enjoy sleep and the pleasures of the bed.
is the nail that stands up that gets hammered down. Your patient and forgiving nature will take you places. Good friends are more likely to help you. It's hard to stay focused when you wish you could escape. Things at the workplace could be challenging. Don't expect ease. Make a good effort and smile through the frustration.
CANCER
VIRGO
SCORPIO
CAPRICORN
PISCES
You are the flavor of the month, if
Show your lovable side. Be not concerned with losing or winning. Helpful friends show up and the good-times begin to roll. Make room to welcome more people in your life. Take steps to prepare for the future, but leave plans loose for potential change. Take everyday as a new adventure, an opportunity to perform, and a chance to create better relation-
Everyday is a journey. Even if you seldom travel, the environment
Relationship issues are big this week. You begin the week feeling like you need to produce something. As the week progresses you'll see how working with
You are in your element. Water inspires deep emotions, imagination and psychic energy. Get over your limitations and be an overcomer. The wind is in your sails and now it's time to go with the rising tide. Make yourself more available for love and play. The moon will be in Pisces on Thursday and Friday. Love and harmony begin to break through. Be open to things getting better, because they most likely will. Use caution when moving things at home.
not flavor of the year. Our emotional and empathetic natures are able to expand. The future looks bright and bold with the usual elements of uncertainty and random setbacks. Do things to improve yourself and your spiritual life. Long-term creative goals begin to gel. Progress can be seen over the horizon. Late Saturday afternoon through Sunday; the moon will be in Cancer. Your influence is strong and positive. Accept delays as blessings.
the deeds of the last year. Pay attention to dreams and the mes-
ships. Simple flirting could lead to a deep and potentially dangerous relationship. Keep things as light and innocent as possible.
around you changes-from light to dark, the wet season to the dry season, the cool to the hot, as well as growth and decay. Spiritual wisdom is easier for you to come by during this period Open your heart to helping others. This is a good time to travel, as long as you can deal with detours. Saturday afternoon through Sunday look good for advanced studies and travel. You are luckier than usual.
others is very important. Pace yourself so you avoid burnout. Love is hard to walk away from. You find yourself feeling more attractive and playful this week. The weekend looks good for romance, partnership, and working with others. Don't make any big decisions for another two weeks. You'll thank yourselflater.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Troy Dye 7/7/66, Tania Coleman 7/6/66, Lindsay Lohan 7/2/86 Koz McKev is on You Tube, on cable 11 BCN, is heard on 90.lFM KZFR Chico, and also available by appointment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net
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