Synthesis Weekly Aug 26-Sep 1, 2013

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THURSDAY, August 29, Spm

HIP HOP AT LOST ON MAIN THE ROAST OF G-THIZZ FRIDAY, August 30, Spm

LOST ON MAIN'S REGGAE BACK TO SCHOOL BASH FEATURING DU RASNEBRU SATURDAY, August 31, Spm

SWAMP ZEN

FRI, Sept 6, 9pm ABJA AND THE LIONZ OF KUSH

THURSDAY, Sept 12, 9pm ACOUSTIC SHOWCASE FEATURING: DAVE ELKE, JAHNNY WALLZ, RACHELLE AND BIG MO

3 player teams . Sign up with bartender. Starts at 7PM

8-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up 6PM Starts at 7PM

JAZZ BPM

9-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up at noon Starts at 1 PM


INSIDE THIS WEEK'S ISSUE

synthesis

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IMMACULATE INFECTION

LABOR DAY LIKE LEWIS 'N CLARK BRAH! Hey, pull up your board shorts, pack a floppy hat, leave your flip-flops behind, and save the inner tubes for rolling down hills the way that God intended inner tubes to be used. There's a big fat booze ban on the river this year during the Labor Day weekend but don't worry, drinking on the river was totally dumb anyway.

PUT A FORK IT

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COMICAL RUMINATIONS

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SOMETHING FUNKY THIS WAY COMES

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SEXYTIMES

The Synthesis Funkmaster himself, Jaime O'Neill, gets back from France and immediately snares an interview with Emilio Castillo from Tower of Power. Tower of Power is set to bring down the house at Laxson Auditorium on Thursday August 29th at 7:30pm.

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REVIEWS

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HOWL

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SCENE REPORT

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FINAL INSTALLMENT IV The Round Robin Serial has come to an end (or has it?) with our fourth and final author, Daniel Nauman penning the conclusion with Taylor Davis rocking out an illustration. If you haven't read the previous three chapters of Round Robin Fiction, go to www.synthesisweekly.com!

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net

From my office window here in SOPO, my view may not be the bustling gaiety of a shiny new roundabout, but there's just as much honking and probably twice as much bank robbing. It can have the homey, neighborhood feel of a refugee camp, or it can feel like a commentary on the state of the worldwith Nantucket on one corner and that lady selling the selfproclaimed "finest crack rocks in town'' on another corner. At the foot of our stairs, we have a camera that keeps an eye on the street and helps us determine who can come up to the inner sanctum. It also occasionally catches a guy making a getaway after robbing the TriCounties Bank next door. Those are the exciting days. We witness car crashes in the intersection, hollering hobos, street urchins smoking ganj in the alley by our building (which inadvertently ends up occasionally hotboxing the ladies' room if the window's open). All manner of Chico-Americans pass under my window on any given day. When you work above a sketchy barbershop with a pawnshop next door, your neighbors are a tire shop, a bank, Nantucket, and the 6th Street Youth Center; your view is a collage of the colorful. Speaking of colorful, the Labor Day float is coming up! I get that the Labor Day float isn't really about celebrating "Labor Day" -it's about partying balls until you're sunburned, wasted, and out of beer. I know because I was one of those kids once. Do I begrudge college kids a good time? No way, get your good times on! But if you don't have the testicular fortitude to stay sober on a river, haul out your own trash, and act like a responsible Earthling while floating down a living, wild ecosystem, then maybe keep your ass at the Zoo and get pied in a padded room. I want to see you survive your youthful freedom and grow into adults who will one day also feel disgusted with the annual blatant disrespect to the environment and the waste of taxpayer dollars that it takes to protect you while you're out there with your heads up your asses. Either get over the floating party, or agree to float down a major river sober, haul out what you bring in, and start taking care of each other. Take it upon yourselves to do what your predecessors didn't do: clean up Beercan Beach when you leave. Don't get wasted, start fights, rip off bikinis, or assault each other. Don't let your friends float alone. Respect the situation. And float on.

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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WORD SEARCH

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For 19 years The Synthesis goal has remained to provide a fo ru m fo r entertain ment, music, humor, com munity awareness, opinions, and c hange.

PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett kathy@synmedia.net

MANAGING EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net

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DELIVERIES Joey Mu rphy Jennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Arielle Mullen. Bob Howard. Danny Cohen. Dillon Carroll. Eri ca Koen ig. Howl. Jaime O'Neill, Jen Cartier. Ke nneth Kelly. Koz McKev. Ky Jun kins. Matt O lson. Tommy Diestel

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Devanie Angel "I dropped the toothpaste,· Tom said crestfallenly. 22 hours ago · Like · o6 2 Amy Olson "I can't stay," Tom maintained 22 hours ago· Like • o6 2 Amy Olson fun!

22 hours ago· Like Corey Methvin " I love dogs "Tom hounded ........ .is that one?!?

21 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · o6 3 Amy Olson 'This wind is driving me mad!" Tom Blustered

Amy Olson "l 1 m a woman trapped in a man's body.• Tom announced broadly 21 hours ago· Like · o6 1 Dain Sandoval •1 F'&% sheep" tom said sheepishly. No? I'll show myself out.

21 hours ago · Unlike · o6 5 Ari Cohn ·1 wish I'd never started huffing paint! "Tom fumed.

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Ari Cohn •1 won't eat beef," Tom cowered. 21 hours ago • Like · o6 1 Corey Methvin" im tired of swi mming under water • Tom snorkeled

21 hours ago • Like Corey Methvin "I don't like fru it" Tom said dispearingly ....

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AU GUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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5Y!Juth~!u1e~ August 26 - September 1

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@syn thesis. net The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One

copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (and our law!). All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even

desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesis .net . Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 info@synthesis.net

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IMMACULATE INFECTION Bob Howard madbob@madbob.com

TATTOO 194

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530.592.3074 OPEN EVERYDAY CHICOTATT005TUDIO.CO.M. IJ 'fl U

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BOOTLEG. uy

The world is crazy right now. Egypt is collapsing into chaos. Our government is committing war crimes and spying on its own citizens. The person who exposed the war crimes was just sentenced to thirty-five years in prison; the one who revealed the massive spying apparatus is a fugitive from justice, currently residing in Russia. Dozens of Syrians have been killed in an apparent chemical attack, but no one seems to know who attacked whom, or why. Radiation is leaking out of the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant and into the Pacific Ocean. Suffice to say, things are feeling out of control.

of kids who decided to shoot an Australian college student in the back, for fun.

They are out of control, and honestly-I know this sounds weird-you and I should draw some comfort from this. There is nothing we can do about it. Or rather, there is very little we can do, as individuals, to solve those immense problems.

We have limited time on this planet, and limited energy. It's important to channel that energy into the areas where we can affect positive change.

The internet draws us all together in a way that is totally unique to the history of humankind. We have no experience with this constant, all-encompassing exposure to information as it is being formed. It can be overwhelming. Aside from the major geo-political movements, and the natural or human-made disasters, there are a thousand different social issues to be made aware of, and to worry about. Today I was exposed to stories about bears being tortured for their bile in China, FEMA death camps being staffed in Southern Oregon or Northern California, populationcontrol elitists in positions of power, and a trio

There's not much I can do about any of this. I can grit my teeth, wreck my jaw, tear my hair out and lose years off of my life-but none of that affects any actual change. None of that does anyone any good. I'm not saying it isn't good to be aware of all of these problems, but there's a point where awareness transmutes into obsession. There is a point we can cross where our awareness can become harmful to our psychic well-being.

Look, I'm not trying to get too preachy hereI'm writing this for myself as well as anyone else who might be reading. I get caught up in all this chaos and noise. I find my head buzzing with it often. By focusing my energy on the issues-writing about them, arguing about them, thinking about them-it feels like I could bring about change. It doesn't though; I don't think it does, anyway. I guess it helps organize my own thoughts. I suppose it helps me to understand where I stand.

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The "Monkey Brain" is the part of the brain that chatters. It provides an endless litany of rambling, desperate monologue. The Monkey Brain tries to explain away this chaos; it tries to make sense of nonsense-but the chaos is always there.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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PUT A FORK IN IT Jen Cartier jen.l.cartier@gmail.com

Food Chain Let's talk natural things for a minute (in a grade-school biology sort of way). We'll begin with plants. Bugs and bunnies and squirrels eat plants and their seeds. The bugs may be eaten by birds or fish. Feral cats enjoy birds on the regs, fish get bearclawed, and bunnies and squirrels are eaten by foxes or rabid dogs. But people ... my friends, people can eat it all. So, when the average U.S. consumer goes to a place such as (cough and grumble) Whole Foods, what the hell are we spending our money on? I recently thought I was being frugal at Whole Foods-stopping in for a bottle of cheap red wine, some glutenfree bread, a few salad greens, eggs, brown rice cereal and kombucha. I left with ONE grocery bag, and my whiskey jug of probiotic miracle juice; somehow I managed to spend $71.

Now, there are things they don't tell you. I have worked in different sectors of the food and grocery industry, so I can tell you things-dark things-about where your dollars are actually going.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

"We clean to YOUR specifications!"

Here's how the grocery store food chain works:

If I am a farmer, I likely grow one moneycrop. Let's say, in this case, I'm a sugar cane farmer in El Salvador. I am paid by the bushel. Therefore, I want my sugar cane to produce as much as possible, so I feed it all the best synthetic fertilizers and use all the best chemical pesticides. My kidneys will likely fail from working hard in the heat and being constantly exposed to chemicals. I'll probably die around the age of 21. The bugs will eat me.* I sell my sugar to a manufacturer who processes the raw sugar cane into nice little bleached-out granules that are sold to companies who package up the processed product and make it available in the U.S. market.

A broker then works to market that product to distributors. Distributors market that product to grocery chains. Grocery chains market that product to us. We are, no matter what we do, the last assholes to get fed. And what you're paying for is not the product itself. You're paying the store's power bills, trash pickup, sanitation, toilet paper, T.V. commercials and employee salaries. You're paying for the packaging, marketing, broker commission, manufacturing, and more. Spend more at a fancy health food store and feel better about it? Let's call that an investment in ... ego. Because markets are competitive, pricing remains low. Money trickles down the food chain until the farmer in El Salvador is left in poverty without adequate healthcare, nutrition, or education. But you get cheap sugar! The simple solution? Learn to cook. Buy food that was in the ground yesterday, even last week. I'd rather see my farmer friend driving a Hummer than another product broker driving an Audi. New food campaign: Franny & Lee want a Hummer! ** I can see it now.

* My dear friend Kate Sheehy did a fantastic report on kidney disease in sugar cane workers that appeared on BBC, PRI, and PBS. To find out more, follow this link: http://www.bbc.co.uklnews/magazine-16007129

* * Franny and Lee are from Chico's Grub Farm, and I'm sure they'd prefer NOT to drive a Hummer.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


COMICAL RUMINATIONS Zooey Mae zooeymae@synthesis.net

Pregret Well dear reader, it's that time of year again. If you're a regular reader of the Synthesis, then you're probably noticing the streets are once again aflame with familiar activity. By day this means seeing the hordes of new, incoming Wildcat students leading their parents around by their purse strings and chattering incessantly, while giant SUV's zip around downtown flying the wrong way down the clearly-marked one-way streets. (And here I thought arrows were pretty universal. .. ) By night the streets take on a louder, stickier vibe, where packs of boys in bedazzled button-ups yell charming words like "homo' and "retard" at each other and passersby, while the young ladies in teetering heels clip-clop down the sidewalks like Clydesdales in skirts too short.

If you're not a regular reader of the Synthesis, on the account that you just moved here to attend school, welcome! We're all totally excited to have you here. Don't pay any attention to my poor attitude; I'm probably just bitter because I'm closer to thirty than twenty-five and I still have a year of school left because I dilly-dallied in finishing my scholastic goals and I'm jealous of your youthful ignorance. I only ask that when I apply to your bedazzled t-shirt company as a parttime bedazzler, that you don't hold my past misanthropic musings against me. If I may, I'd like to offer up some unsolicited advice for your time here in Chico. I know you won't listen, but you should. Or not, whatever, I'm just fulfilling a word count. Pregret: I know you think I just misspelled "pregnant;' but I didn't. "Pregret" is the regret you feel preemptively before doing something you know you shouldn't. These things might include going home with some guy you just met at the bars who says things like "irregardless" or "for all intensive

purposes;' or it might be attempting to drive home in spite of all the jello shots you consumed, because you're not that far from your house and you don't want to leave your Jetta downtown . Trust me, just get a cab. Or, do what I did once and hail a hobo with a cart full of empty cans, and ride in that hobo-cart back to your house. Same thing, really. Bike Stuff: Don't be an idiot. Things

that would fall under the idiot umbrella include riding on the sidewalks, riding against traffic, or trying to ride your bike home from the bars when you can hardly walk.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find out what it means to me ... well not me really, because I'm not important, but the people who were here before you. We know that you're really excited about living away from home, making new friends and having that classic "college" experience that you've been looking forward to, but try to be mindful. If you're going to vomit downtown, try to aim for a toilet, or at least the gutter and not the sidewalk. Be polite to bartenders, bouncers ... anyone in the service industry really.

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FREE

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FOOD

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GREENS!-10~'1

CONVERGENCE AT

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Oh, and don't try to use "pregret" in any of the papers you write for class; it's not actually a word.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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KEE CALM AND FLOAT ON

BY SARA CALVOSA

Every year oodles of stoodles head to Woodson Bridge to float their biscuits and their beers in some inner tubes. forming flotillas of debauchery and (inevitably for some) doom. In response to reports of escalated alcohol-related issues. including the tragic death of Brett Olson in 2012, Glenn County has issued an alcohol ban on the river during the popular Labor Day weekend. In spite of the outcryings about nanny states and personal responsibility, let's assume that nobody's missing the point. and let's talk instead about what a responsible Labor Day float could look like. I believe that we can put the fun back into fundamentals. And for that. I need my old pal and river-fun guru, Jeff Horn.

What does Jefe's fun float prep look like?

( IGLHOOT) And inner tubes give you armpit rashes. Is there a safe way to tube?

Jeff, we've got a booze ban on our Labor Day float! Yeah, we had a similar situation down here on the American River in Sacramento, and "no more alcohol" is a reasonable response. The stats on people who have drowned while intoxicated are staggering. And if you're in an inner tube, you can't really do a float safely. You have very limited control over your direction and you're at the mercy of the river. The safest way to do any inner tube float really is with a life jacket on. Because if you lose your tubeyou lose your flotation.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

Jeff (I can call him Jeff because he's my BFF; you can call him Mr. Horn) is the lead Outdoor Recreation Planner with the Bureau of Land Management's Motherlode Field Office, and he's been in charge of their whitewater-rafting program for the better part of 20 years. He has 30-plus years of river expervience, having worked most of the commercial rivers in the western United States. and internationally in Costa Rica. He's swiftwater-rescue trained, has taught and instructed, and is an all-around badass. He's the perfect person to help all you party animals out with a rocking safe Labor Day float.

The safest thing you can do, if you're gonna inner tube, is to wear a life jacket. plan ahead, wear proper footwear, and wear a hat so you're not overly taxed by the sun. It's much safer to be in a raft because if you're in a raft. odds are you have paddles and you can control your direction. In an inner tube, you flail around with your arms and kick with your legs and it's tough. The best thing you can do is try to maintain a downstream orientation, where your feet are facing downstream. And never tie yourself to anything or tie anything to your body. That could kill you. Don't tie your rafts together or tie things to your rafts that float. If there's an obstacle, the raft goes one way around an obstacle and the floating thing may go the other way around the obstacle and you'll get stuck. When something obstructs your way in a calm current. what generally happens is it'll drag you down.

I'd get a raft big enough to accommodate the group that I intend on going with, so it's not overcrowded . My ice chest would be secured to the raft (ie: tied to the floor). Cold drinks in plastic bottles (no glass on the river I), good food that's iced down, sunscreen, a hat. and some kind of footwear that isn't going to rip off. (No flip-flops!) I'd still recommend a life jacket; life jackets save people's lives. I wear a life jacket every time I'm on the river. I always bring a small first-aid kit in a dry bag, sunscreen ... a cell phone is a great thing to have in a dry compartment. as well as additional trash bags to pack away your garbage. You put your garbage in the trash bags (Jefe will Chuck Norris roundhouse kick your face if you sink your beer bottles into the river, or leave your trash behind, so don't be an ingrate) and then tuck them back in your dry bag, so if your raft flips over, your trash won't go everywhere. Even a whistle is a great thing to have-I always have a whistle on me. The river can be loud, and if you start yelling on the river nobody will hear you-but if you start blowing a whistle, they'll hear.

SYN TH ESISWEE KLY.COM


What kinds of common injuries do you see that could be easily avoided?

What are some river navigation tips? From a basic river standpoint, a rule of thumb is that if the river turns, you want to be on the inside of the turn. You have more time to react to things and to obstacles that end up on the outside of a river turn. River directions are always associated with going downstream, so if you're facing downstream, "river left" is your left side. When you point in the direction of river left, make sure you're pointing with your correct hand; if you see an obstacle and you want to warn somebody, point in the direction of the safe route, not at the obstacle. Touching the top of your head repeatedly is the signal for asking if somebody is ok, and if the signal is returned then that person is ok. Waving your arms back and forth and crossing your arms is the sign for trouble, and can be followed with a directional signal like "go right" or "go left."

What about floating down the river on air mattresses? Its all the same cons1derat1on as inner tubes. If you get separated from it. you have no flotation and you're at the mercy of the river. They're completely unsuitable for that activity. They are made out of extremely thin vinyl, and vinyl is not an appropriate material to use on the river. Air mattresses are for pools. Keep them in the pool.

~!\~"!: ; cao get P"lled off;, the

mud of a washout, and I'd wash that mud off fairly soon because if you have cuts or scrapes, there's a good chance of them getting infected. (EW!!) You might want to bring extra water in your takeout vehicle specifically for washing off.

Most of the lnJunes we see are related to the shore; that's why footwear is important. You could step on something sharp with bare feet. or slip on a rock. But if you do fall in the river and you're away from your boat, float on your back with your feet pointed downstream and as high up out of the water as you can get them. Never, ever try to walk in moving water. Foot entrapments are the second-leading cause of river death. Don't even stand in moving water that's above your knee. If your foot gets caught underwater, you will more than likely die. The amount of weight pushing against you is phenomenal. Still water weighs 8 pounds per gallon; imagine how many gallons will be pushing your body. It's like trying to stop an elephant. and you won't; you'll lose. Every foot entrapment I've ever seen has been a body recovery. I've seen bodies on the American, the Tuolumne and the Merced rivers, and foot entrapment deaths can happen on rivers anywhere. Strainers (branches and trees) are typically found on the outside bend of the river, and if you do find yourself approaching or caught in a strainer, it's a self-rescue sort of situation. Try to get up and over it-not down and under it. If you see you're floating up on a branch, try to hop your way up and over it. You never know what's underneath; it could be a whole mess. And as for law enforcement officers and additional safety personnel on the river: they're trying to do a job. Respect them and keep in mind that they can absolutely ruin your day if they want to. And keep in mind that if somebody gets into trouble, they have to go get them. It's not fun-they have to go get them, deal with parents, crying people on the shore-and when it comes to performing mouth-to-mouth on a drowning victim, the victim always vomits. They do. If you don't want increased draconian measures, then be proactive and plan ahead to avoid any issues.

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that vomit-in-the-mouth thing.

Canoes are fine if people are qualified to handle them. They're unforgiving if you don't know what you're doing. If they go underwater, you won't be able to get them out they're hard to remove. On a river like the Sac, you can certainly do a canoe trip if you know what you're doing. You have to know how to do proper canoe strokes to manage the craft. and know how to "eddy turn": lean slightly downstream, paddle hard and let the current catch the bottom of the boat to push you downstream, rather than letting it roll you over. With a canoe you need to start early-if you see a bend in the river, start paddling to gain the advantage of being on the inside of a turn.

How would you plan your trip? I'd start early, and plan my tnp well. Make sure that people know where I'm going and when I expect to get off the river. Bring plenty of water to keep hydrated, and a good hat to keep from getting overly exposed to the sun. You could bring water toys, water cannons and such, that you can shoot at friends. And I'd wait until after the river to party, crack a cold one and talk about what a fun day we had on the river.

1 ~\1!ili~ 7i~~wh~m·• .t.1&.J1d:?Jf

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always oeed to be cespectt"l;

being a jerk usually doesn't get you what you want anyway. Alcohol and the river is just a bad mi x. I would never drink or do "anything else" on the river, ever. Being on a river trip is about enjoying the experience of free-floating on the river. Every river is different; enjoy your surroundings and the circumstances, and enjoy your friends and party later. Be respectful-to the river and to the others enjoying it.

cont. on page 1 O FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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SEXYTIMES Balls McPhearson balls@synthesis.net

So. what have we learned? That floating the river isn't the same as floating around your backyard paddle pool with a Pale Ale in one hand and a hoagie in the other. Doing an ounce of prep ahead of time can ensure that you're going to have a great time safely, and you'll be prepared in case something unexpected goes down. I'm sure you're thinking, "But Sara, YOLOI Chives are on and stuff!" Hey, I get it you guys, I do. But I don't want this to be your last hurrah; I want you to have so many hurrahs that you'll have a hard time looking your own kids in the eye when they ask you about your funtimes in college. This ain't your mum's house anyway. You should know how to clean up after yourselves; you should get by now that the world isn't your garbage can, that you don't have to be a wastoid to have fun, and if you do have to drink your face off to have fun, then you've got a problem that might need some attention. If you decide that you're too cool for school and you're going to show up anyway to make a statement about the man, or socialism, or the nanny state. I hope you've got the checking account to back up your insolence. because the fines can get expensive! We've included a chart. glommed from the Chico State website. outlining the fines for various violations of the ban. Good luck out there and remember: Labor Day is supposed to be about honoring the societal contributions of workers (people with jobs) and that there will be people on the river doing their jobs to keep you safe. and potentially saving lives. Respect the situation-don't make their jobs any harder on a holiday dedicated to honoring people doing jobsl

WHAT IT CAN COST Violating Alcohol Ban

$380

Minor In Possession

$370

Open Container

$125

Public Intoxication

$250

Urinating In Public

$480

Littering

$1,000

Driving Under the Influence

$1,600

Grand Total

$4, 175 information via Chico State Labor Day Safety Flier

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

What is the correct office etiquette when your boss (whom you like, but not in "that" way) is clearly sporting an erection? Is it proper for one to point out the elephant in the room (or maybe "pickle in the room" might be a better analogy)? Or should one simply begin extolling the virtues of restrictive undergarments in the workplace? -Sheila Mmm, pickles. I do love a tart pickle on a hot day. Sometimes I'll sit at my desk and just lick the juices off of the pickle as if it were an ice cream cone. This practice has disturbed co-workers on occasion and could be seen as harassment of some sort, I'm sure. But I digress. I am assuming your boss is a man, and as such, this is a normal bodily function. Best to just carry on silently. Perhaps offer him a nibble of your pickle? I had a 4-month relationship with a guy about a year ago (actually longer but I don't want to sound pathetic), and 6 months later, I developed HPV. I don't communicate with this guy at all, and really don't want to. For the sake of the other women he will date, do I have to tell him? I had a long sexless gap before I dated him, and have only used condoms since. What an asshole. (Which autocorrect changed to "an Adolf." Lol.) -Anonymous pal Ignoring your jerkface Der FilhrerFone, let's chat about the ol' HPV. You're not gonna like this. HPV, unfortunately, is one of those things you cannot determine from whom you got it or how long ago, unless you were a virgin and have only ever been with one person. If you had partners before this boyfriend, it is possible you got the virus from one of them, and for whatever reason it is choosing to present itself now. Genital human papillomavirus (HPV) is a common virus. Most sexually-active people in the United States will have HPV at some time in their lives. There are more than 40 types of HPV that are passed on through sexual contact. These types can infect the genital areas of men, including the skin on and around the penis or anus. They can also infect the mouth and throat. Most men who get HPV (of any type) never develop any symptoms or health problems.

Currently, there is no HPV test recommended for men. The only approved HPV tests on the market are for screening women for cervical cancer. They are not useful for screening for HPV-related cancers or genital warts in men. More can be researched here: http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/ stdfacthpv-and-men.htm To alert this man would be useless, and possibly incorrect. He may or may not have been the source, and unfortunately there is no 100% surefire method for him to even test for it. Your (and everyone's) best practice going forward is to use condoms, have regular health checkups, and only engage in unprotected sex when in a long-term committed relationship where the occasional viruses and babies are an acceptable risk. I'd like to see you fill some space with an answer as to why you always knock over the trash can in the bathroom. -Tanner Listen, pal. I don't just knock over the trash can in the bathroom as I leave to be some sort of social deviant. I have a very good reason for leaving the trashcan on its sidebacked by science, no less! In a Stanford University study, "The ideal posture for defecation is the squatting position, with the thighs flexed upon the abdomen. In this way the capacity of the abdominal cavity is greatly diminished and intra-abdominal pressure increased, thus encouraging expulsion'.' The reason is because of the puborectalis muscle. This muscle acts as a sling for your rectum and maintains continence. When we sit down on the toilet, the hold on the rectum is loosened, but only partially. In a squatting posture, the hold is completely relaxed, allowing for an easier release of your bowel. Read expert testimonials and buy your own poopin' stool here: http://www.squattypotty. com/ (Or just use a trashcan on its side.) -Balls OUT

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


oow~OWN SundayI September •CH~co_-.

8th

12 to4 p.m. Downtown Chico

Advanced Ticket Packages: $15, $20 & $30 Day of Event Add $4 Tickets Available on line at www.downtownchico.com

STUDENT SPECIALI 3mo. 6mo. I yr.

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Roommate (I only) $194 $339 $549

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

11

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synthesis

please drink responsibly! Mon-Fri happy hour 11-2PM S2.SO Dom & Sierra

MON

Nevada Drafts

3-6PM vS3.SO Dbl Wells 6PM - close SB Dom Pitcher S9 SN Pilcher 2 DOLLAR TUESDAY'

TUE

Food & Drink specials! 11AM-2PM S2 .SO SN &

BPM-Close S3.SO Jim Beam, Captain

11-2PM S2.SO Dom

THU

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12

AUGU ST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 201 3

3-6PM S3.SO Dbl Wells

25 cent wings from

1/2 OFF POOL Pool League, 3 player

halftime 路!ii they掳re gone! MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER S3/4/S/6 SI SHOTS FREE Pool after lOPM

All ages until IOPM Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR S2.2S Everyday!

Mon-Fri 2-6PM Sl.SO PBR or Coors Pints S2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL GAME NIG HT! SI PBR all nigh t All ages until IOPM

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM SI.SO PBR or Coors Pints

S6.SO Pulled pork sand or salad

Chicken Strip Sand only S6.50 before 6 PM DOLLAR DAZE 6-9pm SI Beer Sl Wells S2 Doubles FREE Pool after lOPM

Reuben Sand

w/ fries

or

Full Bar in Back Room

S2 Kami Shooters

salad S6.SO Spm-Close 1/2 off kids

Weds, Fri & Sa! Nights! PBR S2.2S Everyday!

1/2 OFF POOL

items

8 Ball Tournament

Bpm-Close Pitcher Specials S6/S9/S12 FREE Pool after IOPM

Sign-up 6PM. Starts 7PM.

Morgan and Jameson

& Sierra Nevada Drafts

w/ fries

S2 Kami Shooters

teams. Sign up with

2-close S2 .SO wells & Dom Drafts S3.SO Dbl Wells & Kami shots

WING WEDNESDAY! S2 for 3 Wings S2.SO SN Pini All Day

Mon-Fri 2-6PM SI.SO PBR or Coors Pints

bartender. Starts 7PM.

Dom Drafts

WED

FRI SAT SUN

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR S2.2S Everyday!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR S2.2S Everyday!

Mon-Fri 2-6PM SI.SO PBR or Coors Pints S2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL

8-close S3 Soccer Moms SS Smirnoff Blasters

Specials

SS DBL Roaring Vodka

All ages until lOPM

JAZZ NIG HT- Martini

Baby Back Ribs Sl0.99 Philly Cheeses!eak S7.SO 6pm-Close S4 Grad leas S3 All beer pints FREE Pool after !OPM

S3 14oz Slushies S4 20oz Slushies Add shot for Sl

11-2PM S2.SO Dom &

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Mon-Fri 2-6PM SI.SO PBR or Coors Pints

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/

Sierra Nevada Drafts

S2 Kami Shooters

5 flavors to choose from

3-6PM S3.SO Dbl Wells B-Close S2.SO Dom & SN Drafts

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sal Nights!

PBR S2.2S Everyday!

1/2 OFF POOL All ages until IOPM

Bread SB.99 Bpm-Close S4 Jager SS DBL Vodka Red Bull S6 Jager Red Bull

S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls

Fries or Salad & Garlic

S2 Kamikaze shots

FREE Pool after IOPM S3 14oz Slushies S4 20oz Slushies Add shot for Sl 5 flavors to choose from

S4.SO Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls

Open al llAM! Bloody Mary Bar Noon-6PM SB Dom Pitcher S9 SN Pitcher BPM-Close S6 .SO DBL calls

IOAM-2PM SS Bo!!les of Champagne with entree

S4.SO Bloody Mary SS.SO Absolu! Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Bartenders Choice

Full Bar in Back Room

Weds, Fri & Sa! Nights! PBR S2.2S Everyday!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR S2.2S Everyday!

Baby Back Ribs w/Salad, Fries & garlic bread

9 Ball Tournament. Sign-up at noon. Starts

Sl0.99 Bpm-Close S4 Single/S6 Double

!PM.

Jack or Captain S2 Sierra Nevada

All ages until lOPM

FREE Pool after !OPM

FREE POOL 1 hr. with every SB purchase

All ages until lOPM

SS.19 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad

Bloodies S3 Well, S4 Call, SS Top, S6 Goose Mimosas S2/fl!e, SS/pin! S6 Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOPM

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BEAR-E-OKE

OPEN MIC - MUSIC

OPEN MONDAYS

BURGER MADNESS!

MUG NIGHT 7-IUO 40oz beer S2.50 or S3 S3 Fireball Shot

NEW - BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF FOOD MENU! 12-2PM

BEAR WEAR ' 1/2 off while wearing

KARAOKE 9-CLOSE

S3 Tea of !he Day and Bartender Special

Bear Wear.

S5 Dbl Bacardi & Coke S3 Goldschlager S3 Bushmills

Bear Burger with fries

or salad for S5.29. llam-!Opm.

S2 All Day S2 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts S2 Kamis -any fhvor

All 16 oz Teas or AMF S3 All Day

Happy Hour 11-6PM S2.75 select bollles & drafts S216oz Wells

Free Happy Hour Food 4PM until it's gone

Happy Hour 11-6PM select wells, bollles and pints S2.75

S4 Sex On The Beach

S5 WELL COCKTAIL PITC HERS S6 BUD/COORS/PBR PITC HERS S7 SIERRA NEVADA PITC HERS S2 SHOT OF THE NIGHT

Go Downlo

SI CANS OF BUD/BUD LIGHT S2 WELL COCKTAILS

Go Oownlo

S2.50 PINNACLE COCKTAILS S2.50 PINT OF SI ERRA NEVADA HALF OFF ROCK STAR COCKTAILS

S2.50 FIREBALL SHOTS S250 PINTS OF SIERRA NEVADA S5.50 DOUBLE PINNACLE VODKA & RED BULL S3 DOUBLE WELL COCKTAILS

Knighfro ON TAP SI Jello Shots 7-! 0PM S3 Rumpy, Jager and Fireball

HALF OFF ROCKSTAR COCKTAILS S2.50 PINT OF SIERRA NEVADA S3 FEATURED SHOT OF THE NIGHT

S4 World Famous Bloody Joe S5 Premium bloodys

HALF OFF EVERYTHING (EXCEPT RED BULL AND PREMIUM LIQUORS)

S4 Sierra

Nevada

your choice of vodka

MUG CLUB 4-IOPM

NEW - BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF FOOD MENU! 12-2PM

S2 Marqis S3 Cuervo Marqis S2.50 Corona's & Sierra Drafts Mon-Sal 3PM-6PM SI Dom draft, S2 SN draft, S!.50 wells

CLOSED

Progressive Night! 8-IOPM SI Sierra Pale Ale, Domestics, Rolling Rock & well cocktails up IOPM-close 25¢ per hour-close

Mon-Sal free pool 6-8PM

Drink specials!

TRIKE RACES' Post lime @ !Opm.

SMASHED SPELLING BEE

Win T-shirts and Bear

S4 Dbl Jack Daniels

Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-IOPM

Honey Lemonade

BURGER MADNESS'

of one cocktails and

S3 Guiness Drafts,

menu items

S2 Black Bulle S5 Vodka Redbull

S3 all leas S6 Sky Vodka and Redbull BUCK NIG HT 9PM-Close SI WELLS SI TEAS

S3.50 151 party punch S3 Fire Eater Shots S6.50 Apple Cinnamon Cider 8-9PM SI pale ale and dom draft up 25<: per hour until close

KARAOKE 9PM S4 Dbl Gin & Tonic S2 Scotch & Soda S3 Barenjager

Drink specials!

LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR ONLY S4.99! Mon-Sal !Opm - lam.

LGBTO DANCE PARTY

SS Bartender's Choice SS

S5 Dbl Vodka Rocksfar S3 Fireball S4 Dbl Coconut Press

LIVE DJ S4 Dbl Gin & Tonic S3 Cp!n Morgan & Coke

S3

Call To Rent For Private

BURGER MADNESS!

Party

Bear Burger with fries

Go Oownlo

or salad for S5.29. llam-!Opm.

BACARDI PROMO PRIZES AND GIVEAWAYS

Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rockdom draft

Sunrise S3 Glass of Wine

or salad for S5.29. llam-!Opm.

LATE NIG HT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR ONLY S4.99 ! Mon-Sa! !Opm - lam.

Sl well cocktails, Sierra

8-IOPM Two for !he Price

S2 Select Beers S3 Teas

available

Buck Night

8-dose

53 Jose CueNo Silver

Bear Burger with fries

VIP Bollie Service

S3 Tea of the Day S3.50 Sky Vodka Cocktails

S3 Tea of !he Day S4.50 DBL Captain Morgan Cocktails

S5 Vodka Redbull

S3 Tea of !he Day S4.50 DBL Captain plus Bartender Special

S4.50 Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls

Rumpleminz

LIVE JAZZ 4PM TRIVIA 8PM S2.50 Mimosas & Bloody Marys S4 Dbl Cabin Fever (maple whiskey) & Coke

Happy Hour 5-8PM SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by boffle SI off Call liquor and bollled beer

Happy Hour 5-8PM $5 House Martinis $4 Glass of House Wine

S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by boffle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer

Power Hour 8-9PM

Happy Hour 5-8PM

1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9PM-Close S3 Pale Ale Drafts S9.75 Pale Pitchers S4.50 Dbl Bacardi Cck!ls

SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine

Mon-Sa! 3PM-6PM SI Dom draft, S2 SN draft, S!.50 wells, Power Hour 8-9PM

1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9-Close S3 Skyy Cocktails & Pale Ale Drafts S9.75 Pale Pitchers CLOSED

S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by boffle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer

Happy Hour 5-8PM

SS House Martinis S4 Glass of House Wine S3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by boffle SI off Call liquor and bottled beer

CLOSED

Champagne Brunch IOAM-2PM Open All Night

OPEN ALL NIGHT LABOR DAY SUNDAY

$4.50 doubles

ALL NIGHT

Champagne Brunch 10am-2pm Every Sunday with purchase of an entree

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

13


THURSDAY, AUGUST 29rH

FRIDAY, AUGUST JQTH

G-Eazy

Mystic Roots

SENATOR THEATRE

DOWNTOWN CITY PLAZA

Hey; do you like that Dion song from 1961, "Runaround Sue" - or the 1978 cover by Leif Garrett, or the 1980 cover by Racey, or the Gary Glitter cover from 1997- but you were like "Man, wouldn't it be amazing if someone rapped over this?"What if they peppered it with gems like this couplet: "Can't believe I fell for your bull, Chicago. Can't believe you asked me to stay, nah ho:' If you're like "YES. Huge improvement:'Well this is the show for you, my friend. All ages. $15. 8pm

If you're an incoming freshman and have yet to grow out the dreadlocks on your soul, it's time to start drafting your letter home telling your parents you've embraced your true identity as a Rastafarian. A Chico staple since 1996, Mystic Roots has achieved national recognition, both on their own and as Pato Banton's touring band. They're coming out with their third album, and playing their home venue at the concert in the park following a huge Vegas show they played with Ziggy Marley. 7-8:30pm

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21 + The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Dex: Teen Dance Tuesday. $4. Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with 7-lOpm the Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm DownLo: DJ Dancing with DJ Ron Dare DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Last Call Lounge: Karaoke. 8pmShigemi and Friends. 7-9pm The Hub: Salsa Tuesdays. Intermedi12am Maltese: Open Mic Night Comedy. ate lesson 7:15-8:15pm, $8. Beginner Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug lesson 8:15-9pm, $5. Open Dancing starts 9pm, $2. Night 7-11:30pm University Art Gallery: Exhibition LaSalle's: '90s night. 21 + opening for Printmaker Melissa Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. Haviland. Continues through Sept. 20th. llam-4pm 8:30pm- lam Woodstock's: Spelling Bee for the Nick's Night Club: Game Night. 21 + Park Avenue Pub: Hanging by a Grownups. 6:30-7:30pm String Band. 7-9pm The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 9pm lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call Intermediate Bellydance Class with at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts BellySutra. $8. 6- 7pm 6:30pm Cafe Flo: Open Mic SingeriAV H_,I_ Songwriter Night with Aaron Jaqua. ____________ 7-9pm lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Chico Women's Club: Afro CarMic. Singers, songwriters, musicians, ribean Dance with Jeanne Christovocalists, and comedians. All ages. pherson. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:507pm 7pm. Followed by Fit Club. Arrive at 1078 Gallery: Art show opening 7:45pm. Free Class 8-9pm with works by josh Olivera and Jeff

26 MONDAY

27 TUESDAY

28 WEDNESD

14

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

Rindels. 8pm Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with the Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm, then Way Out West Country Showcase, featuring The Blue Merles. 7-9:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Swing Dance Wednesday. 8- lOpm Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazilian Dance with Baba Kahanus. 5:30-7pm. Followed by Yoga Dance. $8-$15. 7: 15pm Dex: Hip Hop Wednesday. $6. 8:30pm DownLo: 8 Ball Tournament. Signups 6pm Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. 9pm. $1. Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am Kalico Kitchen: Karaoke, with prizes! 8-lOpm Maltese:SonsofJefferson,DirtyRotten Snakes in the Grass, Bran Crown, Fera. 21 +. 8pm The Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, classes 7-9pm VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): Laurie Dana. 7-9pm Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus

Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

29 THURSDAY The Bear: DJ Dancing every thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. No Cover.9pm Cafe Flo: Sid Lewis (solo), members ofLow Flying Birds, the Klezbillies, Chico School of Rock. $5-$10. 8-lOpm Dex: Z-Rock Rock Fight! Pageant Dads vs. Forever We Are. All ages. $3. 7:30pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every Thursday. Followed by Mark Sexton Trio. 8pm Downtown Chico: Thursday Night Market. 6-9pm The Graduate: Red Bull Movie Night. lOpm Grana: Live Jazz with John Seid. 5:30-8:30pm Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7-1 Opm. Sign ups start at 6pm The Hub: FAME Thursdays DJ Dancing. 9:30pm-1:30am. 21+.No cover. LaSalle's: Happy Hour on the patio. 6-9pm. Los Caballitos de la Cancun. No cover. Laxson Auditorium: Tower of Power.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


SATURDAY, AUGUST 31sr

SATURDAY-SUNDAY, SEPT. 1sr-2No

<JlRe <lJininu ill tile <Tratlition

The Butcher Shop

Epic Fest CHICO WOMEN'S CLUB

2500 ESTES RD

SO MUCH METAL!!! Armed for Apocalypse, Blood Cabana, Taunis Year One, Sorin, Cold Blue Mountain, Into the Open Earth, Aberrance, Teeph, Fallon, Io Torus, A Holy Ghost Revival, Astronaut, Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy. If your ears aren't bleeding by the end of the night you're probably long past dead already and should probably be out looking for brains. This incredible lineup starts melting faces at 2pm. Be there or be sitting home sipping cocoa and watching TV with your cats. All ages. $12.

Do you like all the mind bending effects of LSD, but hate the nasty jaw grinding come down? Do you like nonsense that somehow forms an emotional impression on you, living abstract art that can at times leave you feeling both confused and enlightened? Do you like sitting under the stars with fellow theatre lovers enjoying rude comedy and surreal tragedy, interspersed with music, shadow plays, and dances? This unique (and free) theatre experience is not for the lily-livered. Begins at dusk both evenings.

of8outlimt <;/taJu

VISITING THE THURSDAY NIGHT MARKET? STOP BY FOR OUR

•••• •••• •• ••••••••••••••••••• •••••••• ••• • •• • •••• •••• •• •• $25-$42. 7:30pm Lost On Main: The roast of GThizz. $5.21+.9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close. Panama's: Eclectic Nights. Buck night and DJ Eclectic spinning favorites of today and yesterday on the patio. 9pm Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-lam Senator Theatre: G-Eazy. All ages. $15.Spm The Tackle Box: DJ Thomas Young. Spm-lam Turner Print Museum: Exhibition featuring landscape works. Reception with the curator 5:30pm. Continues through Sept 2 lst. VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): Acoustic performance with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover. Woodstock's: Open Mic Night.

Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. l lam. Giants in Disguise, Knights on East, Big Tree Fall Down. All ages. $5. Spm Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions weekly music showcase. 7-lOpm Crazy Horse Saloon: DJ Hot Rod and Mechanical Bull Contest. 9pm1:30am DownLo: Y2 off pool. All ages until lOpm Downtown City Plaza: Friday Night Concert Series with Mystic Roots. 7-8:30pm Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Hub: Chico Baile Latino: Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia and Bachata dance lessons followed by an open social dance.$2-$4. Spm Maltese: Fabulous Friday LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm The Naked Lounge: The Big Bang Extravaganza. Emily Moldy, The Lolos. All ages. lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Peeking Chinese Restaurant: Writing Group. 3:30-Spm BassMint. Weekly electronic dance The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris. 9pm-close. $2, $10 VIP. party featuring local and regional DJs. The Bear: DJ Dancing every thursday, $3.9:30pm Friday, and Saturday night. No Cover. Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm 9pm Sultan's Bistro: Bellydance

30 FRIDAY

Performance. Two soloists featured. 6:30-7:30pm T-Bar: Live Music. 7-8:30pm The Tackle Box: McKenna Faith. $4 Tortilla Flats: Latin Nights. Espanol & English DJ dancing, with DJ El Kora de Chico.

31 SATURDAY

Dancing w/DJ Hot Rod, every Saturday. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups noon, starts at 1pm. Live music mi th MazAzul. 9pm LaSalle's: 1980Now! Spm

FARMER'S MARKET SPECIALI

Lost On Main: Swamp Zen. 21 +. 9pm Maltese: Live DJ Park Avenue Pub: Live Music with

lOOth Monkey Books & Cafe: Knitting Circle. 2-4pm The Bear: DJ Dancing every thursday, Max Minardi. 6:30-9:30pm Friday, and Saturday night. No Cover. Quackers: Live DJ. 8:30pm- lam Scotty's Landing: Music Showcase. 9pm Open Mic hosted by Rich & Kendall. The Butcher Shop: Diabolus Ameri5-9pm canus. Free Theater Festival, Saturday The Tackle Box: 3 Fingers Whiskey. and Sunday. Begins at dusk both evenings. Cal Skate: Adults only skate night. $6. The Butcher Shop: Diabolus Ameri18+.9-llpm canus. Free Theater Festival Saturday Chico Women's Club: Epic Fest! and Sunday. Begins at dusk both

1 SUNDAY

Armed for Apocalypse, Blood Cabana, evenings Taunis Year One, Sorin, Cold Blue LaSalle's: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Bogg! 4-7pm Mountain, Into the Open Earth, Nick's Night Club: Karaoke. SpmAberrance, Teeph, Fallon, Io Torus, midnight. 21 + A Holy Ghost Revival, Astronaut, The Tackle Box: Karaoke. Spm Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy, All ages. $12. 2pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night

arm.

. -~~:~~:;~·· Brmg·m -lliis··c:aiipon.far··~ St OFF Pops-size Pie! Hours: Mon-Wed & Friday

1lam-8pm @Spike's Bottle Shop 1270 East 1st Avenue 530.864.2760

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<Italian. 1020 MAIN STREET CHICO '"••?) 530.3~5.2233 (G'...AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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Gettin' Zoned With Emilio: Tower of Power's Saxist Singer Keeps On Keepin' On by Jamie O'Neill

As for the interviews and the other ancillary stuff, Castillo said, "Some interviews are boring, but I still think it's a privilege that people are interested enough to ask me questions. I should be grateful for that:'

If you were young in the late '60s-living in the Bay Area, smoking some not-very-good street weed, attending the occasional anti-war protest, reading the underground press, and listening to the flood of music issuing out from Bay Area rock bands-you might have thought there was something in the air, what with so many exciting new bands releasing albums faster than any of us could quite keep up with. There was Moby Grape, Big Brother and the Holding Company, Country Joe and the Fish, Sopwith Camel, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Youngbloods, Commander Cody, Santana, and dozens of others; some still well-known, others forgotten. New bands were rehearsing in garages or suburban family rooms from Olema to Oakland-Tower of Power's home base.

Tower of Power was, and remains, a hard-driving rock n' funk consortium that took the hippie ethos, added a dollop of soul sauce, and shook it up real good. They're still playing nearly 200 gigs a year-survivors in a business that takes a heavy toll on its practitioners. Their current tour brings them to Laxson Auditorium this coming Thursday, and is one in a series of gigs celebrating the band's 45-year run. Staying power is just one power Tower of Power has. "I don't take any credit for our longevity;' Castillo said. "People tell me it's amazing what I've done to hold this band together for 45 years. But I didn't do anything. God did it, and I just showed up. I was often getting in the way of keeping it together. God had this plan, and He made sure it happened. I try to honor Him in how I do my work, but I don't kid myself. It ain't me. If I look at my whole career, and how I handled it-we're still here in spite of me'.'

PREVIEW

"We just had a week that was one of the most difficult travel experiences we've ever had. We drove from Long Island to Woodstock, played a concert, then drove back to Manhattan to do a 4:15 [a.m. taping] at Fox News, and then we got on a plane to Seattle for a show there. We were up 36 hours. But we travel, and we see the world. Sometimes it's difficult; sometimes it's glorious'.'

When Emilio Castillo was 11 years old, his family moved from Detroit to Fremont, south of Oakland. It was a hard transition, but he credits music with making it easier. As the singer, sax player, and head man of Tower of Power, Emilio Castillo has been passing on the strength he found in music since the days when he was sneaking into shows to hear Sly and the Family Stone "play that funky music" before Sly became known to a nation of funksters.

"The Bay Area was a hotbed of music;' Castillo told me, "and the proliferation of bands was kind of born in the Bay Area. It was the nature of the time and place. But the Bay Area was always culturally eclectic, and that fed the music. Musicians were coming from all over the country to be in that scene. We were lucky enough to be part of that:'

MUSIC

How did it feel, I wondered, to grow old in a profession so firmly associated with youth? And did he think of himself as a rock n' roll performer?

Tower's powers. A Tower of Power audience might surprise you; there are a lot of young listeners who gravitate to the sound they lay down. "There's a place we play in Denmark;' Castillo said, "and it's always kids in their early to mid-20s, and they're always singing along-in English. They know all our songs. I feel like we're the Beatles when we play there. What makes a great gig is the audience. The energy that comes off the stage is directly proportional to the energy we draw from the audience. Sometimes we play corporate gigs, and the audience is schmoozing about some presentation they just came from, and the ice is tinkling in their glasses. You have to work a little harder on nights like that, and so you just do'.' The Laxson audience is likely to bring some energy-generating juice for the band, making it easier for them to hit what Castillo calls "the Oakland zone'': that aural sweet spot where everyone finds the groove and adheres to it, players and listeners alike. Such moments on stage sustain guys like him, making it possible to put up with the endless hassles of travel and promotional interviews like this one. What was it like to do all that, and for so long?

'Tm in the rock n' roll industry, so in that respect, I'm a rocker. But what we really play is soul music-stuff that moves your soul. As far as aging goes, I look to my peers. I traveled with BB King, and sometimes he looked like he was going to drop dead, but the moment the lights came up on stage, he came alive. And he's still doing it. As long as I'm able to get up there, I'll do it. It might be different if I were in a hair band and had to squeeze into tight pants and jump around like a kid. But I don't:' Does he think about quitting? "The Bible doesn't say nothin' about retirement. Besides, I don't look at what I do as work. We're in the middle of making a new album; we're recording 25 songs, and we're going to pick the best dozen. I want it to be the best album of our career, and it's turning out great. I want to document the band as it is now: the best we've ever been:' I've interviewed a lot of musicians over the past decade, with names big and small. Some were easy, some were difficult, some were boring, and some were interesting. Emilio Castillo spoke with me for half an hour. The time flew by. It was easy. And it was interesting. If this piece isn't interesting, that fault lies with this writer, not with the artist.

The ability to create and sustain a groove is another of the

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REVIEWS-

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

ON THE TOWN

Chromecast by Amy Olson from YouTube (or more nefarious internet sources) on the big screen, while at the same time working in a separate tab on your laptop that isn't being streamed to the TV? Can you see anything from your browserphotos, documents, websites-crystally clear and gigantic, with just the touch of a button? You need this. You might not realize how empty your life is-how awkward and limCan you win any argument by shoving a ited it's been. If you don't believe me, look Wikipedia article in everyone's faces the moment you finish editing it? If not, your around your living room and see the truth that's been staring you in the face. Does the life is pretty much a shambles, but don't Netflix app on your Blu Ray suck? It won't despair! If you have a computer that runs Google Chrome (or a phone, or a tablet), let you browse like the website, and is constantly buffering during the key scenes? Can this magic can be yours for only $35. That's you find that lost episode of Doctor Who less than the cost of Prozac, and you get to brag to your friends about the Chromecast, on some obscure website and just bounce like I'm doing now. it to your TV in an instant from across the room? Can you watch full HD videos

Johnathan Richman at Duffy's Tavern by Gnome DiPlughm

Take 10% of the awkward human relationships you've ever had, throw in five or six socially unaware 45+ year old men with boundary issues, remove anyone you know in a normal or comfortable way, add mild depression at returning to a job you dislike after three months off, throw your back out, and toss it all together in front of Jonathan Richman singing the contagiously lilting tones of"I went dancing at a lesbian bar, oumm oummm;' with his angelically pointed eye-gaze, and you have my beautifully conflicted Sunday evening.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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ON THE

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HOWL

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COMNANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

howl@synthesis.net

The Ballooning Village I flew into an easy landing, sliding off Sabriel's back to land on my feet in the town's square. Where was everybody? Seen from the sky, this place had seemed lively enough-in my imagination, at least. Sabriel gave a huff; hot smoke shot out of her nostrils in black jets. "I know girl, I'm hungry too;' I said. My hand moved to stroke her scaly head, and my eyes roved over the buildings surrounding us. Brick walls, shingle roofs, most all of them two or three stories high ... No one could be seen going into or out of any of them. All the windows in sight were darkened. I started towards the closest building, and gave a yell when something underfoot squished like an overripe fruit, and let out a loud squeal as it burst under my sole. I barely had time to examine the yellow splat I'd made, when another. .. something ... sprung up six inches from the first. Like a yellow-ish peach it was, and almost like a balloon in the way it was inflating itself, up and out from between paving stones. "But what the hell is it?" I whispered, head bent down to the ground.A high-pitched hum came from a hole in its side. "Kind of like a mouth, like it's singing;' I said, "And look! It's got a face! It is singi-" Here I heard Sabriel give a loud grunt behind me. I looked over my shoulder, then turned in a slow circle, jaw dropping. All around my friend and I, filling the whole square, were hundreds of the inflating faces: in yellows, oranges and reds, humming notes high and low. Sabriel stumbled side to side trying to avoid them, wide eyes trying to see all directions at once. The air was filled with a growing cacophony of voices, all singing loudly. It was almost understandable,

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almost like the buzzing of a busy town, but in some strange, musical language I didn't know. The balloon people continued to grow, humming louder and louder, their eyes to the sky. One by one, they began to lift up into the air. I made my way between them all to put an arm around Sabriel's neck and gaze in silence. A few moments later and they were all in the sky, and their voices had crescendo-ed from a jarring noise to a striking symphony of unearthly music. "I wonder where they're going?" I said aloud. "At any rate, I don't suppose we'll find any food here, since no one sticks around long enough to even get hungry!" My black-scaled friend turned one great yellow eye toward me. "No ..." I replied, "I don't have the heart to try eating them ... I mean, listen to how happy they all are!" The strange villagers were now just a big, musical, luminous cloud in the sky, drifting east on the wind. "I suppose we should get going too, huh?" I said to Sabriel. She gave a long, slow sound; her idea of a sigh.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM


OFF MY LAWN! Jaime O'Neill jaimeandkarenoneill@msn.com

The Dog Days of Summer move would create among white folks who are increasingly feeling like second-class citizens, in their own danm country? It is a national disgrace that Obama's racism runs so deep that it even applies to dogs. And though some liberals argue that President Bush also had two black dogs, everyone with half a brain knows that Bush chose black dogs precisely because he wanted to reach out to black people, reassuring them that when it came to dogs, he was partial to a darker shade of pale.

First there were rumors, and then there was irrefutable evidence: Barack Obama hates white dogs. The duly elected leader of all the people (and all their dogs) has made his bigotry clear. There are two First Dogs, and they're both black. And as the right-thinking thinkers of the right wing have been quick to point out, the leader of the free world is deeply prejudiced against all things white. Including dogs. How could it be otherwise? The first elected U.S. president with mixed-race parentage (with the possible exception of Warren Harding) has often been accused of hating white people-first by the always insightful Glenn Beck, and more recently by the Governor of Maine-so why would the color he so obviously hates not also apply to the color of dogs? And what about all those rumors floated on talk radio and Tea Party websites suggesting that Obama planned to have the White House repainted in a darker hue, but was dissuaded by his advisors who feared (quite rightly) the outrage such a

Obama 's predilection for black dogs is another thing entirely. Clearly, his preference for black dogs is yet another manifestation of his hatred for all things white, including white people like his mom, his Kansas grandparents, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and the hundreds of white folks he 's appointed to offices in his administration in a desperate attempt to throw off suspicion that he is, in fact, the first racist ever to occupy the Oval Office. But we're on to him. Because you can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool most white folks on the subject of racism. We wrote the book on that subject, and so long as there are sources of the truth like Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, we 're going to decry racism, especially when it comes from black-dog owners.

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AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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RR Sean awoke to a sound that he usually paid for. He tried to focus to get his money's worth, but he felt nothing. Slowly he realized it was too far off to be personal, but it still raised a primal instinct in him. He ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth, mimicking the sound and it echoed back across the dim room. He stared into the twilight shadows and finally saw the young woman sitting there, the babe suckling at her small breast. The stirrings in his mouth reignited the bitter taste of iron on his tongue. He recalled his last meal, and not in his usual detached way. He found himself in a strange, calm clarity-the kind the meds promised but never delivered. How many times had he watched them dive down the toilet? He'd rather have his own rituals than the numbness prescribed by others.

ROUND ROBIN FICTION Round One, Part IV by Daniel Nauman

"Not anymore;' she murmured. Sean straightened up, a move that caused the latest star in the constellation on his back to burn. He tried to smother the fire by pressing his back into the wall. "Is your latest cigarette burn bothering you?" He sucked in a breath of surprise. "You think a bunch of whores can keep a secret?" she asked low and cool. "That cratered map of California on your back is too crazy good to keep quiet about:'

Night had fallen and now only the whites of her eyes shone in the darkness. Occasionally they looked straight at him, but more often were a pair of happy little moons looking down. "You don't look Indian;' Sean said, contradicting his thoughts. "That's what happens when generations of Irishmen pile themselves upon your family. But don't go thinking it washes out the spirit, though. You can ask those three figures you returned to me:' "And your man?"

"It's no secret:' "Irish-American, for all I know:'

"I have nothing else to feed you;' she said softly. "The boy you scared off usually brings me food'.' 'Tm not hungry:'

"True, but only you know its legend:' Sean covered his thoughts with his hands. The silence between them ended with the baby gurgling like a jug filling nearly to the top.

"You made sounds'.' "I-I was trying to figure out where I was:' He rubbed his eyes. "That kid was like from some friggin' fairy tale:' "He's my baby brother:'

"How do you know the toothless black dude?" he asked through his fingers.

Sean swore he saw her shrug as she said, "All I know is that he sells shit-the worst meth in town. You'd be better off huffing some fumigant found in a barn:' "Why not kill him?"

"Everyone in Chico knows him;' she sighed. "But he wasn't crazy enough to take my offering. I suppose he just handed it off to you, taking you for a sucker:'

"His flute ..." Sean dropped his hands. "But you said he killed your man:' "Clarinet;' she corrected. "Let's focus on his talent, not where it came from:'

"If you start telling me shit about the Dry One eating him for dinner. .."

"Yeah. He'll probably laugh himself to death. Who am I to question the methods of the universe?"

"You think no one has tried? Look, I've made mistakes, but I'm blaming no one for them-including myself. I only have the here and now to direct my future. My baby. I guess you needed my placenta more than he did:' "But if you meant to kill him, why feed him?"

"Whatever:' She sighed, and the baby went after the release through her breast. Sean brought his teeth together, tasting again the meaty vessel that had supported the baby but was ultimately ejected. A detached voice told him he was crazy-his father's voice. 'Tm not crazy;' he said aloud.

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"Shh. Listen within:' 'Tm no cannibal:' "Shh. Don't break the peace:' Sean finally shut himself up. And listen within he did. His stomach churned the chewed up bits of placenta, pulling out all the mystic essences-starry matter that swirled up into his brain and made him feel rather high. It dulled the cutting edge of his father's voice. "My father was an asshole;' Sean blurted out.

Sean found himself strangely hopeful, willing. He turned his back in her direction and she lifted his shirt, running cool fingers through the burning constellation. She held her baby tight with her other arm, its bubbly breaths and fecund odor breathing new life into him. Her hand slowed just northeast of the small of his back, her index finger stopping on a scar that almost shone in the starlight.

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

ON THE TOWN _..,....

"How did you know to start in Ridgecrest?" he gasped. She pressed down firmly. "No, Daddy;' he whined. "Don't:'

"Everybody has an asshole;' she murmured back. "Yeah, but they usually pull their pants over it. He was always dropping his:' She waited, smoothing the downy hair on the baby's head. "The towns on my back are all the places I lived with him-all the places where I tried to get rid of him:' When the silence drew long, she offered: "The stars have their own sense of time:' Sean looked out a broken window at the evening star, bouncing low in the atmospherics of the western horizon. People unaware of the phenomenon often called it in as a UFO. "He never let me forget where I came from: my mother:' Sean's voice became thin and high, as if he was six again. "He called me by her name when he did it. Called me his bitch:' He broke down into sobs. She let him go for awhile until the tide of tears started receding. "Tell me more:'

She did not stop, though, and neither did Sean. The stars peeked through the window and passed on and his voiced aged as she traveled his back. It wasn't until the room lost its womb-like warmth that he realized he was only talking to the darkness. She had settled back against the wall, holding her baby in a primordial clutch against her chest, a soft song of sleep escaping her parted lips. Somewhere beyond his father's voice he felt his rage slipping away, and he reached out for her knowing fingers. Her hand instinctively tightened around her babe but she did not awake. An unfamiliar sense of peace settled over him, and he let his hand fall away. He was sure her worldly compassion would resume at dawn. Sean curled up beside her, his head nestled on the carry containing the three mystic figures, and slept.

{ Fin. }

"I can't;' he choked. He heard her shift her position in the dark. 'Tll have to read your back, then'.' "In the dark?" 'Tll touch a scar, and you'll tell me its storY:'

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 26 - SEPTEMBER 1, 2013

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ARIES

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

SAGITTARIUS

We live in a world where power seems to be concentrated in the hands of a few. You are the type not to take no for an answer when it comes to claiming your power. Mars moves into your fifth house this week. You have the power to be creative, loving, and playful. With the sun and Mercury in the sixth house, you'll need to be a good team player. Venus in the seventh house says shared power is the kind of power that keeps on giving and receiving.

Trust will come to you as you earn it. The power of memory is stronger this week. Everything has a history and a deeper meaning or a lesser-known purpose. The sun and Mercury in your fourth house have you looking at your parents, your heritage, and the place where you live. The moon will be in Gemini late Tuesday afternoon through Thursday. Realize that you are a co-creator of the future. Be aware

You'll gain something to roar about this week. Finances are more in focus, with the sun and

One person's truth is another person's lie. Science is forever changing, therefore truth is not static or stationary. What you know needs to be put in a framework of'what I have learned so far: There is no reason to be foolish and throw caution to the wind. Wednesday and Thursday are good days to make some progress. Pay attention to your dreams and spiritual life. This is a time of karma, with the sun and

This week's game plan is to take your career potential up a notch. Lower your expectations of other people, and you will tend to be happier. Let go of being competitive. As you develop your spiritual life, it's easier to have things come to you. Do what you do well, but even better. Too much of a good time is possible this week. Use Tuesday afternoon through Thursday as an opportunity for romance, new contracts, and

of your transportation needs. Take advantage of creative moods.

Mercury transiting your second house. You are finding your voice. Different foods begin to appeal more to you. Venus transiting your third house prompts you to do creative work with your hands. Mars goes into your first house Tuesday night. Your energy will be restored during the next severa! weeks. A sense of clarity and focus will make tasks easier.

[Editors note: Power!]

Mercury in your twelfth house. Give love no matter what.

more harmony. Lay low over the weekend

AQUARIUS Birth, sex, and death are natural facts of life that our culture loves to keep hidden and to create taboos around You love the cold, hard, honest truth. Stupidity is not an option. You'll need to relinquish some of your power and responsibilities in order to keep face and to show favor toward others. Long-distance love affuirs are more possible. Tuesday afternoon through Thursday are your best days for having fun this week. Play safe and don't take things personally.

TAURUS

CANCER

VIRGO

SCORPIO

CAPRICORN

PISCES

Actions are more powerful than reactions. Don't allow other people's behavior to determine how you behave. Venus moving through your sixth house indicates love through service. The sun and Mercury in your fifth house encourages leadership, intelligence, and innovation. Being generous and loving gets easier. Courage is coming to you. Expect more activity on the home front. Some of you are likely to be moving. Monday through Tuesday afternoon are powerful, with the moon in Taurus.

Find a way to be more hooked up with your local community. Mars moves from your first to your second house this week. Your attention is drawn toward finances, food, and putting on a new face. Avoid getting all heated up in conversations. Find friends who know you deeply. Make your home a more beautiful place to be. The moon will be in Cancer from Friday through most of Sunday. Good things will happen wherever you go. Stay the course and stick to your goals.

You are in command this week. Avoid the easy way out. You are up to snuff, and ready to meet the challenges that are presented to you. The sun and Mercury in your first house give you a sense of renewal. Begin the week like it's an exotic adventure. You are the captain of your ship, and only you can determine the results that you desire. Pray for those who are less enlightened. Sing spiritual songs when you get a chance. Embrace friends over the weekend.

Good people show up just when you need them the most. Do things to honor the helpful friends around you. This could be a good time to throw a party. Otherwise be ready to meet new people and be aware of helpful contacts. The weekend will be tempting you to go on a new travel adventure. Mars moves into your mid-heaven, highlighting your talents and skills. You'll be working in the light of day; and will be in the public eye more. Make your bedroom a nicer place.

You'll need to break some old habits in order to be open to the greatest experiences. Travel, education, and a higher philosophy toward life are on your agenda. Do things to make yourself look more beautiful or handsome in the public eye. Monday and Tuesday are your power days this week, when it's easier to take risks and be successful. There is very little room for you to be bored Pay attention and good things will begin to take shape. Practice patience.

Your positive dream of a better future is just the medicine needed during this cynical and negative period Look for the good and make the most of it. Relationshipwise, people see you as more attractive. You also are seeing others as more attractive at the same time. The bliss that comes from an intimate physical encounter can make one lose a sense of reality. Love can be like a drug. Do things to get your life in order. Try to remain calm and focused as cha!lenges come up at work.

Koz McKev is on You Tube, on cable 11 BCTV. is heard on 90.lFM KZFR Chico, and also available by appointment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

GREAT SUMMER READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel. Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group.

FE I

In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe.

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THE WORLD FAMOUS MADISON BEAR GARDEN HAS BEEN SERVING UP GREAT FOOD AND FUN SINCE 197Z COME EXPLORE OUR ASTOUNDING COLLECTION OF MEMORABILIA, OR TRY A LEGENDARY, MOUTH WATERING JIFFY BURGER! THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING HAPPENING, DAY OR NIGHT, SO STOP BY OFTEN TO KEEP UP TO DATE ON THE CURRENT SHENANIGANS!

.(53Q) ~91-1639


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