Synthesis Weekly Oct 14-20, 2013

also 1n this issue hugh howey interview

pg. 16

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TUESDAY, October 29 For the Love of Frank With Ike Willis

THURSDAY, October 17 - CLOSED

FRIDAY, November 1

FRIDAY, October 18, 9pm LADIES NIGHT

Vokab Kompany

SATURDAY, November2

With DJ Ras Nebru

Harvest Ball

SATURDAY, October 19, 9pm Keyser Soze

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MONDAY

POOL LEAGUE 3 player teams. Sign up with bartender.

Starts at 7PM

16

WEDNESDAY

8-BALL TOURNAMENT

SATURDA~

November9, 9pm E-40

17

THURSDAY

18

FRIDAY

JAZZ

LIVE MUSIC

8PM

8PM

19

SATURDAY

9-BALL TOURNAMENT Sign-up at NOON Starts at lPM

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR SARA CA LVOSA SA RA @SYNTHESIS.NET Happy Anniversary to me! It's official, I've been with the Synthesis for an entire year! I've only quit 17 times, eaten

a few yogurts out of the community fridge that I knew weren't mine, and caused a very small handful of riots that I then crawled away from and let resolve on their own.

I've covered some great stories, met a bazillion new and interesting people, live-tweeted quite a few city council meetings, and hopefully pissed off/endeared myself to all the right people. Time flies when you're having fun!

MUSIC! THE BROKEN BONES FEATURING AUBREY DEBAUCHERY

INTERVIEW! NEW! HORROR WITH HUGH SERIAL, PART 1: HOWEY: ORIGINS AUTHOR & NICE Throughout the spooktacular month of October, Sam Kitchen will be giving us a PERSON peek inside his sordid nugget in a new

Is there anything better than reading an interview about your favorite musician wherein you find out that they're probably even more fun to be around than you could have ever imagined? Welcome to the talent of our Entertainment Editor, Amy Olson. She checks in with Aubrey & The Broken Bones: post-tour, pre-heavy metal band.

Celebrity correspondent, Sara Calvosa, scores an interview with self-published super-succes and author of the bestselling Wool series, Hugh Howey. Check it out and see if you can sense her awkwardness right through the pages .

three-part horror serial, The Rose Has Teeth. Illustrations by the illustrious Liz Zombie-I mean Liz Coffee . Tune in and prepare to sleep a little less soundly. *crypt-keeper laugh*

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PAGE 8 IMMACULATE INFECTION

COMICAL RUMINATIONS

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EDIBLE BITS

OFF MY LAWN!

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Speaking of fun and how sometimes things aren't fun that are supposed to be fun ... I interviewed one of my favorite authors for this week's issue! I couldn't believe he agreed to an interview, because he's very busy and important.

But being an infinitely nice guy, he sat down to a video chat with me all the way from Jupiter. (Florida, not Outer Space.) I was so excited and prepared . I had questions, I had research (printed out and highlighted), crowdsourced questions in case I needed them, an outline of the entire direction of the interview in case I got stuck. I was going to ask him so many great questions and then he'd be like, "Dang! You're a genius, we should hang out!" And I would be like the Fonz and play it super cool.

But I was not at all like the Fonz. No, I was like that one Muppet that doesn't do anything except stand there and look really scared. I completely froze up, couldn't find my words, forgot English, remembered it again, fiddled with my glasses, got really embarrassed, and then the grand finale was a barrage of verbal diarrhea the likes of which you've never seen.

I've fretted and agonized over this giant fail for a couple of weeks now. Going back to transcribe the recording, I found that my mic was turned ALLLL the way up and his mic must have been ALLLL the way down. In order to catch Howey's answers, I had to crank it up and blast out my own eardrums with my pathetic, shrill, and awkward rantings . Nobody loves the sound of their own voice, but I had to sit and listen to a half hour of my own sporadic, barking laughter while pulling out the shreds of whisper words coming from my poor victim. Anyway, I've survived this cheap lesson in humility and I promise that I'll get back to being obnoxiously self-confident soon enough.

This week's issue is an extra special salad . You know how I love a good serial? Local writer Sam Kitchen is busting out with a scary three-parter and it's kicking off in this issue!

All that plus Amy Olson's Aubrey Debauchery & The Broken Bones interview extravaganza. Joyeux Anniversaire !

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

3

CROWDSOURCED

Questions from our Life in Chico Facebook page.

AMY'S BAKING CO.

What's the scariest book you've ever read?

RISE, SARA OF THE SATIN. MAY YOU NEVER REACH THE END. GO FORTH AND WRITE LETTERS YOU DON'T MEAN TO SEND

Janet Grem It by Stephen King. Still terr ifi ed of clowns! !

Like · Re ply· .,'.) 2 · 3 hours ago Kimberly West Hei 11es It by Stephen Ki g Unl ike • Reply · a6 2 • 5 hours. ago Peggy Ha n ington The Shining by Stephen Ki ng. Had to read it four ti m es cuz I read it so fast. The movie with Jack Nickel s.on did n 't · ollow the book ing was. s.o pset with t e movie he did an other or TV. Like · Re ply · 3 hoUJrs ago Josie Fteifs.d1neider-Sm it.h Phantoms by Dean Koontz Like • Reply · 2 hours ago Cari ssa Wyles john Di es at the End by David Wo ng Unl ike • Reply · .,'.) 2 • 4 hours ago via mobile Tony Sack man Ga-os.eb mps Like · Fte ply · .,'.) 1 · 4 hours ago via mobile Sal ly Keenan On e Fis.h. Tw o Fis h, Red Fish, IBlue Fish Like · Re ply · .,'.) 1 · 5 hours ago

Sara Joins the Knights in White Satin

Gabe Reeves th e Bible Like • Re ply· .,'.) 4 • 5 hours ago Susie IBack Int o Thi

Air

5Y!I!!'2~§JE~

Like · Re ply · 2 hours ago via mobile Victorii a H u nt 'The Haunti ng of Hil l Ho1Jse" by Shirley Jackson, long , long ago!

OCTOBER 14- 0CTOBER20

Like · Re ply · 2 hours ago Lo1r1 i Jensen 5eq1Jel to the s.hini ng is o t, Called doctor sleep . Good !

Like · Re ply · 3 hours ago via mobile Ju li an ne Roszczewski I could 't s.leep a ter reading Drew mysteries .• .

ancy

Like • Re ply • 3 hours ago

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NOW MIS-HEAR THIS Synthesis Weekly Playlist LADY GAGA - "BOOGER FACE"

AMY

For 19 years The Synthesis' goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett kathy@synmedia.net

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net

Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Danny Cohen, Dillon Carroll, Erica Koenig, Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Kenneth Kelly, Koz McKev, Ky Junkins, Matt Olson, Tommy Diestel Dan O'Brien, Jackie Scalf, Negin Riazi

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

PHOTOGRAPHY

Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net calendar@synthesis.net

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

MANAGING EDITOR

ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR Meagan Franklin

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

DESIGNERS

NERD Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

Colin Leiker, Mike Valdez

SARA

MOODY BLUES - "KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN"

DAIN

CCR - "THERE'S ABATHROOM ON THE RIGHT"

COLIN

KINGS OF LEON - "DISLEXICS ON FIRE"

NICK

MANFRED MANN - "BLINDED BY AKITE"

KATYA

CELINE DION - "AND SPACESHIPS BETWEEN US"

TARA

ELTON JOHN - "TONY DANZA"

4

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

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DELIVERIES

OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net

Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti The Synthesis is both owned and publi shed by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in the se pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced , copied or used in any other way, shape or form w ithout the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessa rily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters becaus e we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number.

We may also edit your submission for content and space.

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SYNTHES I SWEE KLY. COM

IMMACULATE INFECTION

BY BOB HOWARD - MADBOB@MADBOB.COM

A WEIRD AND CONFUSING LESSON Douches Aren't Born ...

The internet made me feel something I never thought I'd feel : sympathy and pity for pitch-corrector-driven, Rihanna - beating, Frank-Ocean-andDrake-punching, helluva dancer and pop sensation Chris Brown. I'm not real big into celebrity gossip, but Brown's seemingly inexhaustible stream of arrogant, offensive, and obtuse statements appeared often enough on my Facebook page and in my Twitter feed that it was not difficult for me to form an opinion of him as a colossal douche.

Well it turns out the lesson is that douches are made, not born. Brown gave an interview recently in which he disclosed the fact that he lost his virginity at the age of eight. Eight. Of course he couched it in the language of the macho, sexdriven stud. First he downplayed it, saying "things are different out in the country," and then went on to explain that his early start in the world of adult sexual contact is what allowed him to flourish and to blossom into the self-described sexual god he is today.

No. Eight years old. What is that-second, maybe the third grade? I don't know what I was doing when I was eight. I was probably playing with Legos or Lincoln Logs, maybe playing freeze tag or four square. I sure as hell know what I was not doing, and that was watching pornography or having sex.

And so now I have to view all of Brown's behavior-which I continue to feel falls somewhere along a spectrum running from tasteless and misogynistic to reprehensible-through a lens of heartwrenching dismay for a confused young man who had been taught from a far too early age that he is valued primarily for his sexuality.

You know, if Brown were a woman in her middle twenties, she would have no problem looking back at the teenager who took her virginity when she was a child in elementary school, and saying

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unequivocally that she was raped. Then she could move forward and process the events and understand that she was not in control.

Brown lives in a world where he has to justify and rationalize his own rape, and turn it into a twisted, perverted, and positive aspect of his development. I can't even begin to imagine how that shapes someone's worldview-except I can, because I can look at Chris Brown. What do I see? Anger, confusion, contradictions.

I see someone who lashes out violently, who shifts responsibility away from himself; someone who cares deeply what others think of him, but tries desperately to hide that fact behind an exterior of hardness and callousness. I see a terrifically flawed human being, and I see someone whom I wish could somehow gain the self-awareness to realize he is psychologically contorted, and could find the strength to reach out and ask for help.

Celebrities don't often work that way though. Their fame draws the leeches, and the leeches tell them they are perfect.

I don't know what will become of Chris Brown, but I know I can learn to be kinder.

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

5

EDIBLE BITS

BY JACKIE REARDON - EDIBLEBITS@YAHOOCOM

l'VE GOT THE FEVER

I've got the fever and the only cure is more pumpkins!

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

"We clean to YOUR specifications!"

Every year, like clockwork, I get fired up for the arrival of fall and all the outdoor adventures that come with it. I'm not gonna lie to you though-mainly I am excited for the pumpkin patches and all the glorious harvest-type festivals that the season brings. I love to visit all the patches and gaze upon the abundance of the season : perfectly shaped bright orange pumpkins; greyish-blue or pure-white fairytale pumpkins; bumpy, rounded gourds and squash of every possible shape and size.

We are fortunate to live in an area with many remarkable patches to choose from.

If you are truly motivated and don' t mind a bit of a drive, there are some amazing patches within a 90-minute drive from Chico. In the Chico area alone you will find TJ Farms, Patrick Ranch, Henshaw Farms and Maisie Jane's. Hop in the car for 30 minutes or so and you can hit Julia's Farm Stand (Dairyville), Country Pumpkins (Orland) and Max's Miracle Ranch (Biggs).

If you're as afflicted with the fever as I am, you will cheerfully make the trek to Bishop's (Wheatland), Hawes Historic Farms (Anderson) or Nash Ranch (Redding).

It's only the first week of October but we have already visited Julia's Farm Stand, Maisie Jane's and Henshaw, and I may not stop until I've been to them all. It really is a sickness.

kins-they are small in size and have lovely dark orange-colored flesh. This variety is especially sweet and flavorful, and absolutely perfect for all your baking whims. You can cut these little beauties in half, seed, gut, and then roast at 375 degrees, face down on a baking sheet for about 1-1 Y, hours, or until the flesh is easily pierced with a fork. Let cool and puree or mash.

Now that you have a sweet and flavorful puree, what the heck shall you do with it?

Bread or muffins, soup, bars or pies (always a classic), cinnamon rolls, gratins, waffles and pancakes (make a double batch and freeze them!) and pumpkin cream cheese are just a few ideas.

How about you make some bourbon -laced pumpkin bread and smear it with a little of this pumpkin cream cheese? I am currently enjoying mine on toasted cinnamon bread, crackers and my finger.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese 8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature 1 tsp. vanilla extract 4 Tbsp. maple-agave syrup (Trader Joe's) % cup pumpkin puree % tsp. cinnamon 2 shakes of ground cloves X tsp. ginger Mix it all together in a large bowl, set in fridge for a couple hours (if you can wait that long) and devour.

If you do patch it up this October, keep your eyes peeled for the sugar pie pump-

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

COMICAL RUMINATIONS

BY ZOO EY MA E - ZOOEYMAE@SYNTHESIS.NET

B-HOLES & BOOZE I used to work as a cocktail waitress in a bar that was located in downtown Chico. It fancied itself a martini bar, and was owned by an individual who is (so far) the worst boss I've ever had. He once fired an employee after doing an (illegal) search on a locker and finding a miniscule amount of marijuana . He once told me that if men wanted to buy shots for me during my shifts, that I should take them-and that as long as I could hold a tray, I should keep drinking. I once watched him grab a girl by her hair and drag her back into his bar because she walked out on an open bar tab .

He also still owes me my last paycheck. Behind the bar in a locked case there was a carved-glass bottle of cognac that cost $100 per shot . I was told that the person who bought the last shot of the bottle got to keep the bottle, which was worth a few hundred dollars on its own . I kept working there for a month or two longer than I should have just because I figured maybe I could wait until the bottle got really low, then buy the last shot as a parting gift to myself.

In the end it didn't quite work like that . The stress that I was experiencing as a result of such a physically and emotionally taxing job caused me to get sick, and after my boss told me if I didn't stop getting sick he'd fire me, I thought it best to

high-tail it out of that cesspool.

That place (not surprisingly) went out of business soon after, and I have to say, I'm curious what happened to that cognac. Knowing the owner, he probably filled the bottle up with apple juice and water then sold it on Ebay, describing it as "full."

Anyway, I told you about that so I could also tell you that there is currently a Costco in Arizona that's selling a $17,000 bottle of scotch. Foodbeast has reported that these bottles of Macallan are aged 60 years, come in a crystal bottle, and out of the 400 bottles produced, only 72 are available at that one Costco . No one seems to know how the heck they ended up there, but I'm guessing some money changed hands, or at very least some sexual favors .

In world news, the first transportable, inflatable concert hall has come into existence . Created by British sculptor Anish

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Kapoor and Japanese architect Arata lsozaki, the structure was made as a way to bring concerts to areas of Japan that were affected by the 2011 earthquake/tsunami. The upside is that it can fit up to 500 people, and will bring culture and entertainment to many ravaged areas of the world. The bad news is that it looks like a giant b-hole. Or maybe that's good news too. It probably depends on how you feel about b-holes ...

Until next week, nerds.

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

7

AUBREY DEBAUCHERY AND THE BROKEN BONES

interview by Amy Olson

Tell me a bit of your history as a musi cian, what got you started?

Aubrey: I started playing music when I was about 13, and first I started with the old walkin ' around school with a guitar to look cool before I could play it.

Josh: I did the same thing with the piano, y'know just dragging around a grand piano.

Aubrey {laughing): Umm, so I guess I started at Moxie's in one of the Boat Drags that Jason Cassidy put on and the open mies at Has Beans. And then I was in Stars Upon Thars when I was 15 with some college dudes: Zeke Rogers, Curtis Zin, & Michael Warren. And then I moved away for a little bit, and came back in 2004, and started [as] Aubrey Debauchery. Plus all the other bands I was in ....

Gorgeous Armada, Candy Apple ....The Abominable Iron Sloth ... [Aubrey Debauchery and the Puke Boots] What made you decide to go from puking on your boots to breaking bones? Were your boots ruined and it made you angry?

Aubrey: I feel like Broken Bones is actually me going back to the original stuff of Aubrey Debauchery, and what I was

8

OC TOB ER 14 - OCTO BER 20, 2013

normally writing. When I wrote the Puke Boots album I was kind of more pissed off at a lot of people in town. Girls are catty, you know, and I felt like what better way to deal with them than be catty myself through songs ! And I wanted to do something more upbeat with Puke Boots, so it was less personal and more ... kind of like feisty, young 20's gal I guess. But the albums before that were all pretty seriouslike this one!

How do you all know each other?

Gavin : I went to high school-and middle school, and elementary school-with Josh. He was a year younger than I was so I used to throw him in trash cans every day. No, we went to school together in Vista, California, down south.

We were in marching band together. We knew each other, but not really on this intimate level. But then we just happened to reconnect when I moved back to Chico the second time. And then Alex, the drummer, and I were in a band called Teeph when I first moved up here, and that was sick.

But then that punk bitch Matt Shilts-Matt Shilts I'm calling you out! B-ball courts after school I'm gonna sock you in the-just kidding, he's great, whatever. Anyway we played in Teeph together. And then [myself, Josh,] Matt Weiner

who plays violin, and Michael Bone who plays every instru ment, are in Bogg together. And Clouds on Strings!

What are all the projects here?

Josh : I think there's 5: Clouds on Strings, Bogg, Pageant Dads, Duffy's Sirens, Broken Bones So you guys are pretty much every band in Chico. Do you wear different beards to each show or something? {Murmurs of agreement while pointing out the beards worn for The Broken Bones) Aubrey : You should see my Sirens beard.

Wow, you're in a shit-ton of projects. Is that just because you have so many musical tastes?

Josh : I think it's a collective kind of a musical ADD thing. We dip our toes in a lot of different stuff. And that's nice about Chico; people are usually down to try it out.

Is there anything you like that you're not playing?

Aubrey : Metal!

(Murmurs of agreement) Gavin: Yeah! Aubrey Debauchery and the ....Rock & Rolls!

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

(Everyone laughs hysterically)

So we're done with quilting.

Gavin: We gotta go, Arby's is open for like one more hour!

That's a great name. We're the Rock & Rolls-but we play metal!

Gavin: I am a lowlife piece of shit ... I just play music. It's what I do, I live it and breathe it.

Alex : We gotta get their roast-beefy sandwich, or whatever.

(Chaos erupts while old projects are brought up and plans are made for an alter-ego project called the Bone Breakers)

Aubrey : Do you even have a job?

Free WiFi

Gavin: No! I'm supported by music. (laughing) Supported barely, just barely.

Gavin : Wait, what? Really?

Alex (shouting over everyone) : The past is past! That's not marketable! Let's move on!

Right. Soooo, what else do you do outside of music?

Hobbies/interests/jobs? Who are you/what's your deal?

Aubrey: Well, I'm a teacher at Inspire High School.

{Gavin claps sarcastically and they all laugh) Aubrey (laughing) : I teach 2D Animation and Video. I am also a bartender. I am a big-time crafter.

Josh : Gavin and I are starting up doing Young Frankenstein at CTC, and Matt Weiner is doing Les Mis. Michael : I just sit on my butt.

Josh: You're doing something.

Aubrey : You teach guitar lessons.

Josh : We mostly support ourselves with our music projects.

Alex : Doing sound or playing music.

Alex : Hi, Aubrey here, I love scrapbooking. Pictures of kittens with yarn.

Aubrey : He's the sound guy at LaSalles.

Aubrey: And sunglasses!

Josh : He's the BEST sound guy at LaSalles.

Gavin : And Quilting!

Alex : That's not true. Shout out to Ron Barker, you're the best sound guy there ever will be!

Aubrey : Well, that's true.

Gavin: Shout out to Bob Barker you're the best Price Is Right host!!! Drew Carey can go ... dig a ditch.

That's what I see on their sign.

Aubrey : Wooo, that's where I'm gonna do my homework Totally! There'll be no one there, it's totally quiet!

Anyway, up next are the important questions: What's the single most important thing in the world to you?

Aubrey : Jeeez.

Gavin. Wow, we're getting real now.

Josh : Coffee. For me.

Aubrey : Yeah, he can't live without coffee. I feel like it's so cheesy saying music, but it's music!

Gavin : That's a shit answer.

Aubrey : Uhhh, kitties?

Josh: Burn.

Gavin : Honestly? Biggest thing in the world? Being able to affect people in the audience. Creating music and having that bond and relationship.

Alex : Moving ON!

Aubrey : Yes!

Matthew: Every week: let's play music, let's play music ... and eventually...

Are you like this in practice? You're like the task master when guys start to noodle out?

Gavin : Whether that's making them sad or happy or whatever.

Aubrey : Four years later, the quilt was finally made.

Alex : I'm seriously in the back going "Next. Song. Guys, we gotta go."

Just having power over people. Controlling them like a puppetmaster.

Do you guys have quilting bees?

Gavin : We do! That's how we came up with the album. We were in a quilt group for like four years together, and then we were like "we should play music together!"

Matthew: Last day of tour we burned it as like a ceremony.

Gavin : Yes, power! The new name of the band is Aubrey Debauchery and The Leather Daddies.

Josh : Album's gonna be called "We'll spank you."

Alex : I didn't sign on for this.

Aubrey : That is like the biggest thing : that connection. We had a lot of that on tour. Literally, a woman walked away crying. She came back and bought a CD. She had lost her sister three days before our show, and she herself was turning 50 the next day, and she just wandered into the bar where we played and she stayed, and just was so touched by everything she literally cried. So that's pretty intense. I LOVE making people cry.

Matthew: I love making them do anything.

Josh : They could clean my house.

Aubrey : We're really working on that!

Matthew: If I can make somebody clean my house by playing violin, then I know I've made it.

Tell me about Death of a Dream. Do you have a dream that died?

{Matthew slow motion punches her in the face) Aubrey (laughing) : Ummmm ....That album is titled from a song that's on the album, and that song is relating to the fact that ... I wasn't sure if music was what I should be following at "my age." cont. on page 10

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

9

So.Old. Josh: She is SS years old.

Aubrey: Yes, I am SS and I look this good. So that's nice.

Um, but I definitely don't have a dream that's died. Yet. Josh: I think all of us can probably relate to that. "Death of a dream" is the idea that we're going to be, you know, the rock star thing. Or like touring the world and being Queen ...

Alex: You know, replicating an idol.

Josh: But those [situations] are unheard of, that's the rarest thing in the world. I think that's kind of the negative side; like, I went to college, got my music degree thinking I was going to be something amazing in the sense that I'm going to be Billy Idol or something. But at the same time I don't want to be Billy Idol anymore, I want to be in this group and I want to be doing something that's unique and touching and powerful.

On a certain level I'm sure fame itself is the death of a dream, because there's what you imagine it to be and then what it becomes.

Josh: Exactly. But then on the other side, on the positive side, it's not all or nothing. All of us can make a healthy living doing something that we absolutely adore.

Aubrey : Yeah, that right there. I feel like this tour was a dream come true. I loved it.

Alex : It feels like it's going from innocence to experience, and the duplicitous edge we all walk upon every day. And the clouds, the clouds clear away, and we won't be Billy Idol, but we'll be livin' on a razor's edge.

(everyone claps) Alex : But yeah that sort of ignorant dream of being a cokedoing Billy Idol Aubrey: Doing coke off Billy Idol ...

That's my dream! Hey Billy Idol, hold still.

Aubrey: Don't let go of your dream.

Gavin : Anyone who has an ounce of self control and wants to sit down and learn an instrument, and is clever can make music and can then show it to the world and make money and have a great time. There is hope for artists and musicians. I honestly think that in a nutshell this album is about experience, it's about growth, becoming aware of what you thought was the dream and what is now the dream.

Josh : I think I've heard Aubrey touch on this before, but it's like the old Aubrey Debauchery stuff is very explicitly angry-or whatever the emotion is-forward. But this is a more introspective kind of emotion. And I don't think it's all sad! Aubrey's more than just sad these days.

I think that's one of the really interesting things about your voice-it's powerful while it's mournful, which is such an interesting emotional state. I think for a lot of people, when they're sad, they're weakened. But it's rare to really be able to delve into yourself that hard and have that honesty and be empowered by it. It really comes through when you sing.

10

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

Aubrey : What did I say about this one?... I think this album is very self-reflective.

Where can people get it?

Aubrey : Ah! We're on Bandcamp. Eventually we'll be on iTunes and everything, but [proceeds from] Bandcamp go pretty much straight to us.

Josh: They're awesome, all our albums we've ever done are on Bandcamp.

Aubrey : Oh, and at our shows, of course. I'm hoping to hit up Melody Records, and Music Connection. They always put out local music stuff, so it'll be around.

Back to your tour. Any Highlights?

Gavin: So we were staying in Portland with some friends from Chico. It was kind of a bigger home with like five or six roommates. And so we wake up the next day, and the person we were staying with didn't think one of the roommates was going to be home so he didn't even tell them we were going to be there. So we're packing up, and Randy and Rainbow come in ....

Aubrey : She has a full rainbow dress on.

Gavin : She was in the technicolor dreamcoat. And so first they were like "Whooooaaaa, hippieees!" and then they proceed to hug each and every one of us like a death vice for like 30 seconds. Most hugs you pat their back like four times and you're done, but not this one.

Alex : We were just people they found on their floor, and they hugged the hell out of us!

That's hot.

Aubrey: Yeah, Bellingham we had a really great time, and Ashland we had a really great time.

Gavin : It was really great, it was like the cushiest tour.

Everything worked out in such an uncanny way. We'd be like "We don't have a place to stay." "Hey, you can stay at our place!"

Alex : You always end up meeting great people.

Well, because only crazy people take strangers home, so you're guaranteed it'll be weird.

Aubrey : It's the most successful tour I've ever had, for sure.

The response really blew me away.

{We get sidetracked in a clusterfuck of delightful anecdotes and laughter for the next 10 minutes that somehow devolves into a mess of fart noises until Aubrey brings it back.)

Aubrey: So we have a great photoshoot set up! We have to go down to Bootleg to get some dresses. Five dresses, not for me.

Gavin : Are you going to be a little boy?

Aubrey: I'm going to be a man.

Josh : The littlest boy?

Aubrey: With the biggest dick!

Alex : Yes! Can this be the last sentence in this interview?

Aubrey Debauchery is the littlest boy, with the biggest dick.

[yes. click]

Aubrey : They were way into it.

Gavin : Scene change : five minutes later they go into their bedroom and it sounded like two monkeys that've been behind glass from each other like "please, let me have sex with you!" and they proceeded to be like "AAAA AAA AAA," and body parts slapping. And we were sitting in the livingroom like, ahem, um we should go.

A 11br~1路

Deba11d1tT)' J>rntlt of 11 /)rmm

Josh : The best part of that though was that I was showering right across the wall from them. As I'm washing myself, this is happening. I had to stop washing myself!

Gavin : Then Randy comes out when we're packing up the van-we're like, that was weird-and he comes out in like pajama pants for the Chicago Bears or some football team, with disheveled hair-his ponytail's come undone-he's got a cup of coffee and he's having a cigarette. And he's like "hey man, can I get some CDs?" And we're like "Nooo, bye!"

Josh : We hit him with our car.

Gavin: Blew his pajama pants off his body, it was insane.

I know a lot of people hosted you at their homes along the way. Did you know everyone previously or did you just do home invasions?

Aubrey: There were two nights where it was like "where should we stay?" And we were like "Whatever." Ashland and Bellingham were really great places where we just asked over the microphone to see if anyone wanted to take like six people home, for free ...

Death of a Dream Available now at

aubreydebauchery.bandcamp.com

SYNTHES I SWEE KLY.CO M

25°/o OFF Entire Purchase Fora limited time.

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II

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MON Closed

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FREE FOUNTAIN DRINK :WITH ANY MEAL PURCHA'E :

Mon-Fri 2-6PM $1.50 PBR or Coors Pints

fries or salad

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25 cent wings from

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Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

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Chicken Strip Sand only

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Live Music on Wednesdays Wed - Sat I 5pm - 8pm 191 E Se c ond St. 530.898.9898

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

13

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 17TH

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19TH Alli Battaglia Acoustic Lisa Valentine Chuck Epperson Jr Band

STOMP LAXSON AUDITORIUM This is a show about a bunch of really angry toddlers who couldn't get their way, as interpreted by a group of PCP addled percussionists. Be amazed as they bring you into the mind of a child who wanted a banana, but all you had to give them was an apple .

Feel the rage of the child who missed his nap and doesn 't like shopping for groceries. You can even see it again on Friday if you have money coming out your ears. Tickets for Students/ children are $55, seniors/adults are $65, or premium seating for $70.

14 MONDAY DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams.

7pm. All ages until lOpm Maltese: Open Mic Night, Music. Sign-

ups at 8pm, starts at 9pm . Mug Night 7-11 :30pm

Salsa Dancing, 9-llpm LaSalle's: '90s night. 21+

What's not to love about beautiful women with beautiful voices making beautiful music? No seriously, that's not a rhetorical question, and if you have a legitimate gripe I want to hear it. Ah , I see you're speechless . Well that just proves that there is no reason to miss this show. It will be luverly. If you need further convincing, there will also be non-women who make beautiful music $5. Doors 7:30pm, show8pm

Carey Robinson Trio . 5-7pm, then Way Out West Country Showcase, featuring

Laxson Auditorium: SF Jazz Collective.

The Blue Merles. 7-9:30pm Student/child $18, senior $25, adult $27, Crazy Horse Saloon: Swing Dance premium $32. 7:30pm Wednesday. 8-lOpm Maltese: Karaoke . 9pm-Close

Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazilian

Senator Theatre: Griz. $18. Doors 7pm,

Dance with Baba Kahanus . 5:30-7pm .

VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach):

Laurie Dana . 7-9pm Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus.

7:30pm Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy

Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table.

Starts at 8pm

Dex: Hip Hop Wednesday. $6. 8:30pm

show8pm Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages. Free . Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke . 8:30pmllam-4pm lam University Art Gallery: Photographer The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8pm

DownLo: 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff

Victoria Heilweil. All ages. Free. llam-

Turner Print Museum: Unsettled

Howse. 9pm. $1.

4pm

Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages. Free. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm

Turner Print Museum: Unsettled

17 THURSDAY The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Cafe Coda: Teeph, Wizard Rifle, lo Torus,

Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy. $5. All ages. 8pm

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

llam-4pm

Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing

Woodstock's: Spelling Bee for the

University Art Gallery: Photographer

Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am

Grownups. 6:30-7:30pm

Victoria Heilweil. All ages. Free. llam4pm

LaSalle's: The Koffin Kats, Aces Over Jacks, Tern Wreckin' Boys. 9m

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

Maltese: Smashed Spelling Bee. 9pm

Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus.

Monstro's: Thee Hobo Gobbelins, Ghost Town Gospel, Ryan Davidson. All ages. $5. 8pm

Thursday. 8-llpm. All ages until lOpm

Senator Theatre: Gwar, Whitechapel ,

The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Grana: Live Jazz with John Seid. 5:30-

Signups start at 6pm

15 TUESDAY lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Interme-

diate Bellydance class with BellySutra.

6-7pm. $8

7:30pm Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

Chico Women's Club: Afro Carribean

Cafe Flo: Blues Unplugged with Mark

" Porkchop" Holder. 7-lOpm Dex: Ri se, Outside Looking In, Gorilla

Monsoon, Grove Street. All ages. $5.

8pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every

Dance . $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm.

Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:308:30pm

16 WEDNESDAY

Iron Reagan, A Band of Ores. All ages. $18 in advance. Doors 6:30pm, show 7:30pm

lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Mic.

Turner Print Museum: Unsettled

Dex: Teen Dance Tuesday. $4. 7-lOpm

Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 7-9pm

Singers, songwriters, musicians, vocalists, and comedians. All ages. 7pm The Bear: Trike Races. Wint-shirts and Bear Bucks. Post time lOpm . Mug Club 4-lOpm

Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages. Free.

Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 9pm-lam llam-4pm LaSalle's: Live Music Happy Hour. 5-9pm.

University Art Gallery: Photographer No cover. Featuring Mack Morris Victoria Heilweil. All ages . Free. llamLast Call Lounge: Karaoke. 8pm-12am.

4pm

Holiday Inn Bar: Sal sa Lessons, 7-9pm.

Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with the

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

DownLo: Game night. All ages until

lOpm

14

CAFE CODA

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

8:30pm Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7-lOpm.

Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close.

SYNTHES I SWEE KLY. COM

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19TH SATURDAY, OCTOBER 19TH Z-Rock's Pumpkinhead Chico Library Contest Fall Festival

DOWNTOWN PLAZA

BUTTE COUNTY LIBRARY

Imagine having slimy pumpkin pressed against the skin on the back of your neck, while the sickly sweet and near-rotten smell permeates the thin membrane that separates your sinus cavity from your brain.

The weight of the massive orange squash becomes increasingly heavy, and your bladder threatens to burst at any moment. Nah, just go watch other people do it and enjoy Frank Doppler's Nuclear Sunrise, Furlough Fridays, Motown Filthy, The Maker's Mile, Sorin. Goes All Day.

Libraries: they are awesome. If you're unfamiliar with the concept, they're big quiet buildings full of books you can just borrow for free. All kinds of books, cookbooks, fiction, history, how-to. Free . It's crazy! This weekend there's a special party happening to stoke the excitement you should already be feeling. Featuring a performance at 12:30pm by Gordy Ohliger, "A Musical Mark Twain With A Heritage You Can Hear". Whaaaat? Music, food, games, crafts, book swap. llam-2pm.

Panama's: Eclectic Nights. Buck night

be cake.

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

Doors 7pm, show 8pm

and DJ Eclectic spinning favorites of

Crazy Horse Saloon: DJ Hot Rod and Mechanical Bull Contest. 9pm-1:30am

Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus.

7:30pm

Sierra Nevada Hop Field: Single, Fresh, Wet & Wild Harvest Festival! Over 50 breweries celebrate the hops harvest.

Sold Out. 1-6pm

today and yesterday on the patio. 9pm Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy.

9pm-lam

DownLo: Yz off pool. All ages until lOpm. Live Music, 8pm

19 SATURDAY

Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 4-7pm Turner Print Museum: Unsettled lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Knitting Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages. Free. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Circle. 2-4pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 9pm-lam llam-4pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm LaSalle's: Monks vs Em Vee, Steele, DMC, University Art Gallery: Photographer Cafe Flo: Mandy Joe & The Holy MackerJ Handel, DJ Ripper. 9pm Victoria Heilweil. All ages. Free. llamels . 7-lOpm Laxson Auditorium: STOMP. Student/ 4pm Cal Skate: Adults only skate night. $6. child $55, senior/adult $65, premium 18+.9-llpm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm $70. 7:30pm Chico Art Center+ All Over The Place: VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): The Maltese: Fall Drag Revue. DJ Open Studios Art Tour. lOam-Spm dancing, comedy, live entertainment.

Acoustic performance with Bradley Relf.

Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Danc$3-$5. 9:30 7-9pm. No Cover. ing w/DJ Hot Rod. 10pm-1:30am Peeking Chinese Restaurant: BassMint.

Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus.

DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Sign ups at Weekly electronic dance party. $3.

7:30pm noon, starts at lpm . All ages until lOpm 9:30pm Woodstock's: Open Mic Night The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan's Bistro: Bellydance Performance. LaSalle's: 1980Now! 8pm Two soloists featured . 6:30-7:30pm Lost On Main: Keyser Soze. 9pm The Maltese: The Rugs, Broken Rodeo.

Live Music.

7-8:30pm T-Bar: lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Writing 9pm The Tackle Box: Northern Heat. $3 Group. 3:30-Spm Monstro's: Decent Criminal, Epitaph of Tortilla Flats: Latin Nights.

Espanol & The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris. 9pmAtlas. All ages. $5. 8pm English DJ dancing, with DJ El Kora de close. $2, $10 VIP. Quackers: Live DJ . 8:30pm-lam Chico.

The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Turner Print Museum: Unsettled Rowland-Taylor Recital Hall: Chamber Cafe Coda: Bogg's Morning Tribute to Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages . Free. Concert: The Gleaming Brass. 7:30pm Local Chico Bands. llam llam-4pm Scotty's Landing: Music Showcase. Open Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions weekly music University Art Gallery: Photographer Mic hosted by Rich & Kendall. 5-9pm showcase. 7-lOpm Victoria Heilweil. All ages. Free. llamSenator Theatre: Roach Gigz, Husalah, Chico Art Center: Reception to kick off 4pm Bobby Brackins. All ages. $16 in advance. the Open Studios Art Tour. There will

18 FRIDAY

The Tackle Box: All Fired Up! $3

IT'S A BOUNTIFUL FALL HARVEST AT

SICILIAN CAFEI

Turner Print Museum: Unsettled Dreams: Monsters in Print. All ages.

Free. llam-4pm University Art Gallery: Photographer Victoria Heilweil. All ages. Free. llam4pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus.

7:30pm

20 SUNDAY 1078 Gallery: Nick jaina, Hello Biplane, Fera. All ages. $5. 8pm Chico Art Center+ All Over The Place: Open Studios Art Tour. lOam-Spm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until lOpm LaSalle's: 17th Annual Bartender Showdown . Doors open 2pm Maltese: Live Jazz with Bogg 4pm . Trivia 8pm The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8pm Wismer Theatre: Doctor Faustus. 2pm

CHICO'S BIG SECRET

Sflulia l1Ut .C~e el~Ckieo., CA

2582 Esplanade • (530) 343 -0662

Best Drinks Best Prices Best Patio Best Staff Best Karaoke Tuesdays at 8pm

Best Live Bands

1020 MAIN STREET CHICO '••?) 530.3~5.2233 (G••"

Saturdays at 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

15

HUGH HOWEY'S DRIVING THE OMNIBUS

BY SARA CALVOSA

wasteland. There's a wasteland, but people aren't really scrounging for supplies or being hunted by irradiated monsters. It's more like a story that's satirizing society and class structure and oppressive government.

I was turned on to the Wool series via some random friend-review on goodreads .com a while ago. Wool sat in my queue for a while until I read another random friendreview from somebody I respected far more than the first friend, and I thought that perhaps I should give it a go. I'd just finished reading Cuckoo's Calling and The Ocean At the End of the Lane so I figured that I was due for something disappointing anyway. I was disappointed, in that I was not disappointed.

Hugh Howey is a self-publishing wunderkind and all-around helluva nice guy. The sheer audacity of self-publishing an e-book-and then having it explode in popularity based upon its own merit-has the rest of the publishing world a little upended. Howey's business plan was both innovative and Dickensian at the same time. He put out the first chapter/section of his serial for free. So you download that first little nugget for 0 dollars and 0 cents, and in the grand meritocracy, you are instantly hooked and will purchase each additional chapter/section/book. Or, if you've read the first free chapter (like me) and you can't stand the thought of purchasing chapters piecemeal, preferring to devour your dystopian literature whole, you can buy the entire compendium at once, aka : the Omnibus.

Howey's not just an exciting storyteller, he's also a marketing genius. He's taking his fans personally. He's attending meetups, answering questions, opening boxes of bitch in' swag, and vlogging it out to his rabid peeps. His latest, greatest marketing idea comes in the form of a thumb drive containing the entire series, packaged to look like a radioactive credit card. Ruling. And also because he's so nice, he decided to video chat with me all the way from Florida. I can't remember the interview because my brain froze solid and I forgot my own name. Luckily I recorded it for my own humiliating posterity.

How do the fans and reader feedback play into your books as you're writing?

All writers get feedback; hardly anyone writes without getting feedback. But the editors and agents are guessing about what they think readers will like, so when you get that feedback, it's a theory. When you get your feedback from your readers, you're going to the source. I liken it to playing live music : you get to hear the reaction of a crowd to a song. So you know, it's really great.

You've been super supportive about people writing fan fiction. Do you wake up in the morning and wonder if you've broken publishing?

People have already done it! There are other authors out there who have supported fan fiction as well. I live in an era where self-publishing is just so easy; when people approach me about writing fan fiction, my thought is,

16

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

In your dystopian future, people live in Silos. Why do you think some silo communities fail and others do not?

I think in the long run they'd all fail, having an enclosed society like that-especially with an oppressive regime. I think that given enough time, no matter how well the society is, it's made up of people who are fickle and difficult to manage, and we have destructive tendencies. Given enough time, I think all the silos would fail.

You once said that "you don't need perfect prose, but you do need entertaining storytelling-basically ninjas plus sex and you can't go wrong." Do you still stand by this formula?

"absolutely, write it." I speak to a lot of university classrooms, middle- and high-school kids about how rewarding it can be to write something, be proud of it and make it available. And while you're at it, self-publish it and charge 99 cents. I know some people think that 99 cents devalues literature, but I disagree. I think throwing a dollar into the case of somebody playing the guitar on the street-or looking at programmers for making Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja-just that dollar is a symbol saying, "I think this is worth something."

You're doing a lot of neat stuff with marketing, like putting your books on custom drives. Have you considered an interactive audio app like Zombies, Run? I can already imagine it ... it would somehow involve being on a Stairmaster. Level 32! I haven't heard of that before, it would be interesting. I can't even conceive of the ways that people can tell stories in the future.

Soo ... Ridley Scott has optioned the rights to the Wool series; any details on the movie yet?

I know the direction they're thinking of going with the plot, and they've written the screenplay. My attitude is that the film will never come out; I'm not going to believe it until somebody tears my ticket in half and I've got a mouth full of popcorn. It's just so easy to get your hopes up-it's much better to be surprised.

What other post-apocalyptic books do you like?

I really enjoyed The Passage [by Justin Cronin], The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I look at Wool more as dystopian, like Brave New World or 1984. It doesn't really take place in a

I haven't written that story yet. It's much easier to sell an exciting story than it is to sell a story about two people having a cup of coffee. But if you write that well, then you can sell the story. I guess when I look at stories like Twilight and Dan Brown's books, people look down on those books, but I really celebrate those stories because they get a lot of people reading. And the reason is, there's a story there that people want to be engaged with. We can pick apart someone's prose, but it misses the point : books are primarily about storytelling, and less about displaying a mastery of the English language. We have a biological affinity for stories. It used to be an oral tradition, so the great bards of yore used to slip in some "urns" and "uhs" and "wait a seconds" when they were telling a story. I think we lose sight of what people want : engagement. If you can do both, then that's brilliant.

I think the best writers come from being avid readers.

When you 're laughing and crying while reading and wondering why that happened, why you love this character, or why were you not so interested in a character? Or when you can't go to sleep at night without turning that last page or moving on to the next chapter, ask yourself how they ended the last chapter-what made it so interesting? These are much more difficult things to study, but they become intuitive the more you read and study.

Do you spend a lot of time thinking in that way and mapping everything out, or does it intuitively flow?

It's something I spend time thinking about. I love to know the journey. Where my character begins and what state they're in, conflicts they encounter, how that changes them; they need to have an emotional connection to the conflict. You have to daydream these things.

Go to www.hughhowey.com to learn more about how to get seriously addicted to books, and to be inspired to selfpublish your own masterpiece.

SYNTHES I SWEE KLY.CO M

ADA LOVELACE DAY

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

ON THE TOWN

OCTOBER 15TH, 2013 Ada Lovelace Day is for celebrating the achievements of women in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM)! Why are we celebrating Lady Ada King, Countess of Lovelace? Because Lady Ada's notes on Charles Babbage's Analytical Machine would inspire Alan Turing's work on the first computer.

paper dolls via MadArtLab.com

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

17

ON THE TOWN

PHOTOS BY VINCE LANTHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

OFF MY LAWN!

BY JAIME O'NEILL - JAIMEANDKARENONEILL@GMAIL.COM

A TRULY LAMALFABLE SITUATION We're getting pretty badly LaMalfa'd up here in this rural corner of California. If you don't know what it means to be LaMalfa'd, then you may not be from around these parts; you may not be represented in Congress by people like our own Dougie LaMalfa, a none-too-bright wealthy heir to a big rice farm out in Richvale. Congressman LaMalfa, who assures people that he's "one of us," gets big bucks from the government in ag subsidies, a big government salary, and gold-plated medical benefits, all while wearing his cowboy hat around D.C., hobnobbing with the rich folks and the yahoos who think government should only serve a few people like themselves-the corporate farmers, the big-energy moguls, and the lobbyists for privileged special interests. These are people willing to shut down the government rather than see affordable health care offered to millions of Americans who couldn't afford coverage, or who'd been thrown off coverage, or jacked around by ever-increasing insurance and medical costs. How dumb is Doug?

He seems to have graduated from high school without learning how a democracy is supposed to function. He thinks that if a minority throws a tantrum, the majority ought to simply give the whiners what they want.

To be LaMalfa'd is to live in a congressional district so prejudicially drawn that a hardright Tea Party politician can't lose, no matter how irresponsibly he behaves. In fact, in the Yahooland of such districts, the crazier their representatives act, the more money rolls in from outfits like Freedom Works. In the Senate, this results in the election of guys like Ted Cruz, a whack job who appeals to people even dumber and crazier than he is by Cruziating the hardcore right-wing base : people who find stupidity and governmental dysfunction quite appealing, apparently. That's down in Texas, of course, where the voters not only get Cruzified, but get Perrydiddled too: being governed by Rick Perry, one

18

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 201 3

of the dimmer-bulbed governors of all 50 states. You remember, Perry, don't you? He's the Republican presidential candidate who wanted to close down a bunch of governmental departments, though he couldn't remember which ones.

Even before Perry, the state of Texas had a reputation for really dumb pols. They gave us George W. Bush, the guy who so memorably wondered : "Is our children learning?" Shortly after that, he took us to war with a country that had done us no harm and posed no threat, draining the U.S. Treasury in the process. Texas is also the home state of a LaMalfa-style dimwit by the name of Louie Gohmert, a guy whose name sounds like Gomer, but who isn't half as smart as that old TV character. If you want a taste of what it's like to be Gohmertified, just remember the time a flusticated li'I Louie Gohmert rebuked Eric Holder by saying, "the Attorney General will not cast aspersions on my asparagus."

Other states have tried to challenge Texas' supremacy in the stupidity sweepstakes.

Alaskans are routinely Sarahnaded by their half-a-term halfwit former governor, Sarah Palin. ("Obviously," she once told Glenn Beck, "we have to stand by our North Korean allies.") Minnesotans have been repeatedly Bachmannized by the historically- and geographically-challenged Michele Bachmann, a dingaling who once praised the state of New Hampshire for being the place "where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord." And Iowans have been Kingadinged by Representative Steve King, who bruits his stupidity almost every time he opens his mouth. King's crowning moment in the annals of stupidity was when he failed to find a distinction between Mexicans and cattle. Arguing for an electric fence along the U.S./Mexican border, he said : "We could also electrify this wire with the kind of current that would not kill somebody, but it would simply be a discouragement for them to be fooling

SYN TH ESI SWEE KLY.COM

PHOTOS BY VINCE LAN THAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

around with it. We do that with livestock all the time."

Those of us who live in Chico and environs reside in a congressional district drawn to favor any Republican, no matter how dumb, corrupt, or incompetent. For a quarter of a century, the representative we sent to Washington was a guy named Wally Herger, a Republican Party hack who never once made a memorable utterance, or did a single thing that wasn't in line with what he was told to do by higher-up party hacks.

He sought to privatize Social Security, lent his support to repealing the Glass-Steagall Act (which had protected us from banking collapses since the dark days of the Great Depression), voted against veterans' benefits, and fought to keep subsidies flowing to Big Oil companies. Wally retired very well off, thank you very much, but most of his constituents didn't fare nearly so well.

Most of them got Hergered, which is what always happens when guys like Herger get elected.

But just because these LaMalfacated and Hergerized politicians are stupid, doesn't mean they ain't wily. They are quite cunning in their ability to tip the poker table so all the chips roll toward their laps. And, because they are all given their talking points by outfits like Freedom Works and other Koch brothers' front organizations, they never run out of dumb things to say, even on the rare occasions when they are speaking off the cuff.

Fascism arises when the border between government and corporations gets erased.

With rulings from the Supreme Court that define corporations as people, and that take away all limitations on corporate influence over our elections, we have moved

ON THE TOWN

inexorably closer to fascism. We are being LaMalfacated, Palinated, Bachmannized, Gohmertated, Cruzillized and Randied by a bunch of rich guys herding up a bigger bunch of yahoos to take our country ever closer to fascist rule by global corporations who hold no real allegiance to any country, but only to their bottom lines. But unlike the way fascism rose to power in Italy, or Nazism in Germany, our brand is coming to us wearing cowboy hats, waving the flag, and spouting stupidity masquerading as patriotism.

In the early weeks of this month, we saw a thuggish band of radicals try to hijack the U.S. Government in an attempt to resist the rule of law and the enactment of legislation passed by both houses of Congress, ruled constitutional by the Supreme Court, and ratified by a presidential election in which repeal of the Affordable Care Act was the central issue of the losing candidate.

Unwilling to play by the rules, Republicans are making lots of people pay for the fact that they didn't get their way. Our guy, little Dougie LaMalfa, voted with those petulant children to put hundred of thousands of people on furlough, to stall many government services, to foul the engine that runs our economy, and to create a rolling wave of uncertainty that is beginning to reach every household in the nation. We've been LaMalfa'd by a guy who ain't "one of us," as he claims. He, unlike lots of us, is still drawing his congressional salary and getting his Big Rice subsidy checks. Those are the government services he considers essential.

In the world these guys live in, if it doesn't affect them personally, it just doesn't count for much.

LaMalfatism or LaMalfacation. Whatever you want to call it, it's just another word for stupidity, and for getting screwed.

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

19

THE ROSE HAS TEETH PART I: ORIGINS

BY SAM KITCHEN

The moon seemed somehow an extension of the great, jagged peaks-imposing, icy white, and daily threatening to eviscerate the cold blue underbelly of heaven. Cold wind bit into flesh as if possessed by an arrogant demon. The sky might one day shatter and rain icy blue shards over the helpless laity, the herdsmen and tribal nomads of the uncompromising, unforgiving Himalaya.

It was not at all difficult to believe that the moon had originated in this place.

Norbu was worried. Thoughts such as these were not typical of him. Long ago, in this place poised on the edge of oblivion, he had come to understand harmony.

Not so on this day. As he watched the pink horizon graduate and deepen into shades of violet, the sharp white blades of the Himalayas seemed murderous.

He hoped desperately that he would again feel as one with the serenity around him. But this night he would play a dangerous game with the unknown.

Indeed, Norbu may not survive the night.

Sighing heavily, wearily, Norbu turned and began the long ascent up the cold stone steps of the monastery.

Tibet, 1114 A.D. Chaos. From outside the heavy wooden gate, Norbu could hear the screams. As he entered the inner courtyard, he saw a monk lifted as if by sorcery from the nearby steps into the temple, and dashed brutally against the stone wall.

Blood flew out of him and against the cold stones like water from a carelessly tossed leather sack. His skull made a sound like a wooden water bucket dropped onto stone.

Monks were fleeing everywhere-up the stairs, through the corridors, into and out of the temple. Men of tranquility were utterly unprepared for such horror.

For the briefest of moments, a young monk separated from the scores of panicked and fleeing men. He was seized by an invisible force and lifted into the air, spinning like a prayer wheel. Flesh was torn from his body as if by a thousand living whips, hungry for blood and meat. Strips flew off in all directions. The boy squealed in agony then fell to the stones below, wide-eyed terror frozen on the remaining half of his face, the other half an obscenely exaggerated scream from the most hellish depths of human fear.

Norbu glanced around at the terrified men, his eyes never having the chance to settle on anyone. A flurry of earthy red robes, appearing almost brown in the pale moonlight,

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

ran every which way, like gnats swarming around a horse carcass.

He didn't know what to do. The monastery was now a prison in the wilderness.

Norbu did the only thing that would come to him. He simply opened his mouth and chanted.

The deep, raspy, yet harmonious sound issued from his throat. Almost simultaneously, the fleeing monks turned and looked at him, their terror-contorted faces illuminated subtly by flickers of hope, like dozens oflard candles spontaneously giving birth to fragile, trembling flame.

A monk standing nearby joined him. The voices of the two throat-singers mingled, echoing throughout the cold stone courtyard.

An instant later, the entire courtyard erupted in a throbbing chorus of deep droning; throats, chests and ears vibrated as the monks sent the words of an ancient Sanskrit hymn pulsating into the black sky.

into the temple.

Pale blue light was the only illumination in the otherwise dark temple. It fell into the temple in large blocks, cast from rectangular openings in two of the walls. Several monks went quickly about lighting the six pyres, three on each side of the rectangular room. Suddenly, the temple was a festival of amber light. The temple was adorned on all sides with gold. Gongs, cymbals, incense burners, statues-these things seemed to come alive, dancing feverishly with the orange flames.

Buddha presided over all activity in the temple; an enormous gold statue forever portraying peace cast its immortal gaze through the opening directly opposite its station. On this night, Buddha's gaze was filled with the icy full moon that dominated the black abyss and caused the mountains to shimmer like white fire.

A rectangular pit was set into the middle of the floor, and the men quickly took their places. They looked now to the moon, with a sense of foreboding welling up within them as they stared into the face of the malevolent unknown.

Each man glanced from one to another, then upward, as if the sky itself were an enormous black bird of prey and they were field mice, paralyzed with fear as they watched angry talons close around them.

And all the while, they chanted.

Norbu met the gaze of another monk. The man looked half-mad; he trembled like a spooked horse, his flesh was pale gray. Beads of sweat gathered on his lip and forehead despite the frigid cold. Norbu looked down and saw a growing dark spot near the man's groin.

He motioned hurriedly to the young man who was his assistant. Sagar was Nepalese, not Tibetan like most others. The young monk gathered up a stack of bound skins and rushed to his master's side.

Norbu took his place, standing above the men in the pit, across from Buddha's likeness and below the hungry moon.

Norbu stopped chanting.

The men were trying to calm themselves as much as to ward off an invisible evil.

"Are you certain tonight is the worst?" asked Norbu.

A whirlwind. Robes suddenly thrashed about like ceremonial flags as wind tore along the courtyard walls more fiercely than the most violent blizzard. A deafening scream arose from everywhere, piercing eardrums with hot, angry needles. The sound was not born of the wind, but rather carried upon it, as a Mongolian warrior was carried upon his mount. It was not a natural sound, yet unmistakably that of something living.

The young man was respectful and submissive, yet rushed. "Yes, Lama Norbu. I am quite certain." He quickly unrolled one of the bound skins and pointed to an illustration depicting lunar cycles, carefully drawn with vegetable dyes and charcoal. "The unseen devil disappears completely during the new moon. Then he reappears and grows more fierce as the moon blossoms. Tonight the moon is at its fullest."

Rage.

"How long have we endured this?"

The hellish shriek was at once demonically deep and impossibly shrill. It enveloped the monks completely, and the men were paralyzed by a terror colder than the most bitter Himalayan night.

One by one, the young monk pointed to each individual illustration depicting nine complete cycles. "Nine moons, Lama Norbu. We have been plagued for nine full moons."

The monks droned on. "What will you do, Lama Norbu?" asked his young apprentice.

Norbu, feigning calmness, slowly made his way through the crowd of confused and frightened men toward the stone steps. Stoically, he led a reluctant, shaky procession

Perhaps because he knew he was out of options, Norbu stepped closer to the large opening in the wall, closer to

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

the moon, challenging it. With one broad sweep of his hand, Nor bu gestured that the men be silent.

the temple was immediately filled with rich sound .

The entity let out a long, menacing groan-this time seemingly with pain.

When the chanting ended there was nothing to take its place. The entire monastery seemed to hold its breath.

Some had the unsettling notion that at last they had fallen off the edge of the world. And with the silence returned the terror.

"Give me your true name!" Sagar demanded as the others continued their deep chorus.

The entity struggled to pronounce a series of nonsensical syllables. Norbu's face contorted awkwardly as the entity slowly moved his lips.

They waited, all eyes on Norbu.

Hearts pounded. Chests rattled.

Norbu turned from the monks and averted his gaze to the moon . He seemed to relax slightly, his shoulders dropping as he closed his eyes, bathing in moonlight.

"Where do you come from?"

A monk sat with his back to the opening in the wall. Suddenly, his arm twisted unnaturally behind him, pointing in the direction of the moon like a gnarled tree branch. The others could hear his shoulder snap as it was violently wrenched from the socket.

The monk screamed in pain .

He whispered. The sound was so low, so weak that normally it would have been inaudible. But on this soundless night, in this soundless place of muted terror, Norbu's whispers carried on the cold air undiminished .

"I come from ... all!" This word was triumphant. "Inside and out! Wax like the tide!... Feast/" Even through obvious pain, the voice dripped with deadly passion.

Norbu suddenly stopped whispering.

His eyes flew open as he sensed .. . something.

"Sagar," he said, turning urgently to his apprentice, "please make arrangements for a carava-"

Blood appeared on Norbu's lips and trickled onto the stones.

"Why have you come, devil?"

Norbu flew violently backward as if dealt a devastating blow, though the monks could see nothing. The closely gathered monks caught him, easing him onto his back on the stone floor.

The old man twisted his body with unusual speed and agility, positioning himself on his hands and knees. His shoulders were tense, rigid . His head was bent low, his face concealed by shadow.

"To eat andfuck like dogs!" A cry of pain, and Norbu vomited blood onto the floor, a seemingly endless torrent of glistening red-black- a sea of blood by moonlight.

Sagar motioned to the men to cease chanting.

A scream shattered the monastic silence; an unholy, unnatural cry arose from within the beloved teacher, deep and guttural and furious, sounding much like a grunt of mindless animal passion.

"I enter here in this place! So begins the treachery! Let men and women fall by my teeth! Let children cry tears ofblood and spit mouthfuls if viscera!" The voice came from Norbu's throat, but did not belong to him. It was the voice of ten hardened warriors, speaking at once, through throats full of sharp pebbles .

Rage .

The monks gasped.

The monks scurried away from Norbu like cockroaches from torchlight.

Sagar broke free and stepped forward, collecting an armful of bound skins, and approached the entity. "What is your name?" Sagar commanded shakily.

This was Nor bu no longer.

The old man lifted his head, torchlight dancing across his pained and twisted face . He was red with strain from the neck up, veins bulging, eyes clenched and teeth gritting, lips pulled back in a foul grimace.

"Teacher!" Sagar cried, hurrying to his master's side.

Another monk shot forward, as close as he dared, and restrained the young apprentice.

An arrogant, blood-chilling laugh echoed off of stone.

"My name is Fuck Time!" Again, an arrogant cackle.

It took the men a moment to recognize the language.

One by one, it dawned on them - the devil had spoken the long-dead Sanskrit, a tongue that now existed only in prayer.

The prayer had been a cage that held a wild beast. Now, as the prayer ceased, the cage opened. Norbu reeled backward onto his knees, arching his back and throwing his head skyward, his chest jutting forward . His ribs cracked forcefully with a sound like twigs underfoot; the sound leapt onto stone and assaulted the terrified men. Impossibly, his chest became larger, increasing to the front and sides. The men saw Norbu's chest rise and fall in time with his quickening breath, which now came in rapid heaves; eyes clenched and mouth agape, he grunted spasmodically; out came a loud, pulsating, desperate sound like a dying wolf gasping for breath- or a demon coming forth in flesh.

Dozens of sandals slapped stone in a hectic race through distant corridors. An unearthly howl followed them through the dark corridors-a cry full of terrible desire. It mixed brutally with the sounds of men dying in agony.

Sagar began to chant. The others quickly joined in, and

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OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

21

s

H

OCTOBER 14 - OCTOBER 20, 2013

BY KOZ MCKEV

ARIES

GEMINI

LEO

LIBRA

SAGITTARIUS

A change of direction takes place

Love and more love is a beauti-

Communication and being fair

Too much of a good thing has

From imagination we move

Learning doesn't (or at least

this week as Mars enters your

ful thing. Stay open in your

in all of our relations is of value.

always worked for me. However,

to creativity. From running a

shouldn't) stop with age. Being a

sixth house. It's time to get your

heart. Laugh and smile at the

Your intuition is on concerning

there can be a period of burnout.

strong social network we move

know-it-all makes life boring for

health trip together. This is a good

predicaments life puts you in.

many things. You won't need to

Take it easy this week. Stay

to introspection. We may be

you and the people around you.

time to be more organized and to

Be generous and help others.

push as hard this week. Family

focused on the task at hand. The

creating karma with the people

Chill out on perfectionism. Learn

tackle problems in the workplace.

Be a light and a blessing to your

matters can be dealt with in a

full moon will inspire romance

we socialize with. The full moon

to do good without any expecta-

The full moon lunar eclipse in

children. Make art and be happy.

thoughtful and respectful way.

and partnerships. The weekend

goes from your fifth house to

tion of anything in return. The

Aries could put some people

The full moon bridges your

Financial needs will have action

could be intense. You might

your sixth. Any excess of party-

full moon will amplify your

on shaky ground. Expect major

social life with your secret life.

taken on them. Be more imagi-

want to lay low. Keep on singing

ing or overdoing it will end up

social life and the need for good

changes, but stick to business as

Transparency makes things easier

native in the kitchen . The full

spiritual songs. Find a place of

with you paying for it in one

friends and family. The weekend

usual. Relationship issues remain

to see. Honesty can't be judged,

moon could prompt you to go on

uplifting the spirit and seek-

way or another. Pay attention to

looks good for honoring your

in focus. What is fair for you may

yet some things are best kept

a journey or to investigate a new

ing truth. Friends, siblings, and

your dreams and the messages

parents, cleaning house, or look-

quiet at work. Continue to work

career. Be aware of what it takes

neighbors are all trying to get

they contain. Use the weekend

ing at real estate.

on having good and robust health

to get somewhere.

your attention .

to get organized.

be different to someone else.

AQUARIUS

for yourself and those you love.

TAURUS

CANCER

VIRGO

SCORPIO

CAPRICORN

PISCES

There is something to be said for

Good fortune should never be

View life as a series of oppor-

Getting rid of things is a good

You' re at the height of responsi-

On Monday afternoon, the moon goes into Pisces and stays there

hard work and stability. Lately

taken for granted. Be thankful

tunities. Think of this week as

metaphor for what needs to be

bility and the need to keep your

it may feel like you're mostly

every single day for what you

a manifestation of good works.

done at this time. If it doesn't

stuff together. The good news

until Wednesday just before

making money for other people.

have. Parents are seldom with us

Learning to patiently cooperate

serve you, it's time to give away,

continues to be that you have

sundown. Be aware of your pow-

Perhaps your level of lust rises,

as long as our siblings are. Honor

with others is key. Help is on the

recycle, or throw away. Pray

good people around you who

ers of persuasion. Work as a team

and you wonder if one partner

your folks while they are still in

way, all you need to do is ask

and meditate for a good ending

can help you. The full moon will

with others and ask before mak-

is enough for you. The full moon

your life. Do things to affirm your

for it. The full moon is where

of your solar year. Take time

be a stretch for your emotional

ing any rash moves. The full moon

bridges karma and dreams

love of your home and appre-

transformation of desire meets

to thank folks for any niceness

limits. By the weekend you'll be

in Aries has something to do with

with consciousness. Do things

ciation for the culture given you.

a delightful experience. Let go

you may have received . The full

feeling like your good old self

resources and the environment

to fortify your health. Be clear

The full moon could make for a

and ride the wave. See yourself

moon brings work, partners, and

again. Keep in touch with your

where you live. Sing a song of

about your intentions with your

strange day at work. It might also

as victor ratherthan victim. The

eventually lovers. Be aware of

children, your creative projects,

hope and praise. Don't allow the

partner. Work on communica-

lead to fortunate meetings and

weekend looks good for travel,

your full potential. Don't deprive

and the things that bring you joy

negativity of others to get you

tion now. Next week, things

some time to prepare for the

education, discovery, and exotic

yourself of needed rest. The

in life. Share your insights with

down. The weekend looks good

could easily be misunderstood.

future.

experiences.

weekend looks peaceful and

others.

for a short excursion into nature.

creative.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY- Dylan Telle sen 10/18/75, Vincent Portillo 10/19/69, Marsha Vemoga 10/20/77 Koz McKev 1s on You Tube, on cable 11BCTV,1s heard on 901FM KZFR Chk:o, and also available by appOJntment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmk:kev@sunsetnet

GREAT AUTUMN READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel.

Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group.

FE I

In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe.

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