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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR AMY O LSON AMY@SYNTHESIS NET
GET TO KNOW ME!
It's been a crazy week here at the Syn office. We said goodbye to Managing Editor Sara Calvosa, who we have been assured is chasing rabbits on a farm in upstate New York. I suspect she's actually home, relaxing in her yoga pants and a sweater with a comical rabbit on it, having a glass of wine, and laughing at us poor suckers who still have a never-ending stream of words to read, write, and print. We' ll miss her sarcasm and her passion ; she was a pleasure to work with .
IN THIS CORNER ... Tanner " The Hammer" Ulsh. We call him that because of ham. This young up-and-comer looks to take down the dinner you expect with a non-traditional knock-out. Be prepared for salted pork mayhem up in this piece .
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... AND IN THE BLUE TRUNKS Dain "If It Moves, It Dies" Sandoval. Bringing the familiar favorites done right, Dain delivers a brutal combination of the foods you know and love with the solid technique of a two time Novembeard champion.
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In keeping with the recent trend of people listing random facts about themselves in an arbitrarily numbered collection, I'd like to take this opportunity to reveal 7 things about myself that I'm sure you're dying to know. 1) I am the only girl-child in the middle of five brothers. So don't mess with me. 2) When I was in first grade, some of the girls in my class started a club and elected me president. I went mad with power and demanded we all contribute a portion of our allowances to save up for a pizza party. The club erupted in partisan bickering and dissolved in ruin . 3) Now that I'm in charge, I plan to dock everyone's pay $5 a week so we can have a pizza party. 4) I have an unhealthy obsession with Doctor Who, to the extent that last year my fella and I decorated our Christmas tree like a Dalek. The pictures went viral, millions of people saw them, and we were featured in The Daily Mail. Google " Dalek Tree," I'm not making this up. 5) Dain farts in the shower. That's not really my secret, except for the fact that it clings to the steam and gets in my mouth. This is the life I chose. 6) I had a dream the other night that I invited Giada De Laurentiis to my childhood home so I could film a cooking show with her. For some reason I hadn't bothered to clean up the dishes or get dressed before she arrived, and she was super snooty about it. What a bitch. And finally, 7) When I was in 7th grade I developed a strange fixation with cows, which somehow evolved to be mutant 9-legged cow specific. Two of my friends and I wrote and illustrated a book detailing their adventures. I have no idea, it was a thing though. Kids are weird .
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What is your Thanksgiving dinner must-have? Boo Ya .a xa11ax Like · Reply · m:'.J 7 · about an hour ago Stephanie Haverlock Wine
ADOPT ME!
Like · Reply · m:'.J 5 · 2 hours ago via mobile Lynnette March someone to snare it with(/
Willow is an energetic, playful puppy who loves children and other dogs! She's an 11 month old border collie/boxer mix who truly believes that she's a 1O pound lap dog.
Like · Reply · m:'.J 1 · about an hour ago Kerri LaCroix-Monni nger My Dad's homemade stuffing .and my Mom's cranberry rel ish. Like · Reply · m:'.J 1 · 2 hours ago via mobile Leslie Hilton Wright Pum pki n pie and apple pie Like · Reply · m:'.J 1 · 2 hours ago Kunliroat Kandie Taters n Gravy Like · Reply · 3 minutes ago Davina De Jesus Zamora Some alcohol dri nks. to wash it down woolloo lol Like · Reply · about an hour ago via mobile
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Timothy Joseph Sharkey II Frien1ds .• Like · Reply · 55 minutes ago via mobile Bill Uoyd Stuffing. milihed taters, ham, cranberry sauce Like · Reply · about an hour ago via mobile
Jill Hargrove Br own son L·oved ones. Like · Reply · 2 hours ago via mobile Kelly Hyler Pumpkin pie, stuffing and gravy. Like · Reply · 2 hours ago
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SYJo!t~2~s!~~ NOVEMBER25-DECEMBER1 PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett kathy@synmedia.net
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CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net
Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Danny Cohen, Dillon Carroll, Erica Koenig, Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Kenneth Kelly, Koz McKev, Ky Junkins, Matt Olson, Tommy Diestel Dan O'Brien, Jackie Reardon, Negin Riazi
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Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net calendar@synthesis.net
Jessica Sid Vincent Latham
MANAGING EDITOR
ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR Meagan Franklin
AMY
For 19 years The Synthesis' goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net
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NERD Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net
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OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net
Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Production s. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced , copied or used in any other way, shape or form w ithout the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.
The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters becau se we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.
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The first substantial rainstorm has finally arrived and I discover I need to pick up four new windshield wipers and at least a couple of tires. The oaks are still holding a third of their leaves, but the ginkgos and the maples have dropped the bulk of theirs. There is a soft blanket of orange, brown, and yellow leaves coating most of the property, and water is flowing down the itinerant creek that has been dry for more than a month. I'm thankful for the rain - it cleans the air, refreshes the plants, and restores the aquifers that provide our drinking and irrigation water. Unemployment suits me, I'm starting to get into the swing of determining my own schedule. I still have many an xious moments during which the multitude of possibilities overwhelms me. When scientists give a moderate dose of cocaine to lab mice, the mice behave as you might expect - they freak out and start running around a mile a minute. But when the same mice are given massive doses of cocaine, they slide into a catatonic state. The working theory is that the mice's brains are being bombarded with so much sensory stimulation that the mice become incapable of action. Sometimes I feel like I imagine those mice might feel. Nevertheless, I'm thankful for unemployment, for self-determination, and for the opportunities that are being presented to me all the time. It's nobody's fault but my own that I'm not always prepared to take advantage of them all.
Three dogs is a lot of dogs. The puppy, Archibald, is a sweet and lovable lunatic. He is growing like a weed and entering a chewing phase. Shoes are going down right and left. Occasionally he urinates on the carpet, but not so often that it's a real problem. Bill is still kicking, though the big old dog's joints put him in some regular pain as he hoists his hundred -plus pound body off of the floor and carries himself about. Kiki is Kiki, constantly in your face, except when you want her to come, then she does whatever she wants. I'm thankful for the dogs, they give me so much love and joy. The cats are pretty damn funny too. Trish is off making ceramics. She gave a talk this morning to a horticulture class. The fire is burning in the wood stove - I want the house to be nice and warm when she gets back. We were engaged to be married just about this time, fourteen years ago. I can't begin to express how grateful I am to Trish, for being my wife, for putting up with me. She brings so much beauty into our lives. I don't know how many years I've been writing this column - I think I started about seven years ago. I'm grateful for the opportunity to express my thoughts and share my opinions with you all, week after week. There'd be no reason to write this if you weren't taking the time to read it so thank you.
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Upon waking Thanksgiving morning, my mind always starts racing with thoughts of the feast that will be consumed in mere hours. This year, the menu will look a little like this : juicy turkey breast, freshly smoked on the back patio; roasted then pureed butternut squash and sweet potatoes made into a gratin with sinful heavy cream, bubbling gruyere cheese, savory fresh sage and dotted generously with crisp, salty bacon; bright, sweet-but-just-tart-enough homemade cranberry sauce, made with orange zest; fluffy mounds of mashed potatoes, creamy with extra sharp cheddar cheese; tender and slightly caramelized roasted brussel sprouts with pancetta bits, drizzled with syrupy-thick local balsamic vinegar; hearty cornbread dressing made with homemade sausage, sage, tart apples and sweet golden raisins. I start dreaming about what will be on our turkey day menu weeks before the momentous day arrives. You can find me searching my cookbooks, flipping through two years' worth of Bon Appetit magazines that I shall never (ever) part with, and asking friends, neighbors, and sometimes friendly strangers, what they will be cooking this year. I seek inspiration everywhere I go in the hopes that I will find the perfect recipe to round out my holiday table. I'm not really seeking perfection, per
se, but there are just so many amazing side dishes to choose from and I don't want to miss out on anything! I love to hear what menu item is the " must have" at each person's table. There are, of course, the standards (cranberry sauce, stuffing, green bean casserole) but there are also some that are a little more unique: a wiggly, squiggly Jello mold with crushed pretzels and fruit cocktail suspended inside the shifty mass; deep fried turkey liver and giblets; smoked salmon pate served alongside Ritz crackers. These are the foods that are so strongly bound in your food memory that the holiday just wouldn't be the same without them. What I find interesting about the food that people choose as their must-have is that, oftentimes, they don't even really like it, or eat it, but they still require its reassuring presence on the table. I hope that the holiday finds you well this year and that you are surrounded by family, friends, fine wine and amazing food. I hope that you are thankful for whatever good things you have in your lives. I hope that you will take a moment, before you grab your fork and tuck into that momentous meal, to tell the ones you love, well, that you love them. I have plenty to be thankful for this year and I truly hope that you do, too. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. .. now, go grab your eating pants!
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COMICAL RUMINATIONS BY ZOO EY MA E - ZOOEYMAE@SYNTHESIS.NET
MY BIG FAT RUSSIAN DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY I'm currently sitting on the couch in my living room, and my roommate's dog is dead asleep and making a sound that can be best described as strangled screaming. It sounds like a some kind of wispy little doggy demon ghost had been trapped in his belly and had finally made its escape. Maybe he's having canine night terrors. Is that a thing? The picture to the right is what comes up if you Google image search "dog night terrors," so maybe that means they have nightmares about goats becoming mobile? Before I was distracted by the dog making crazy dog nightmare noises, my attention was firmly fixed to the tv, as I've found a new terrible show to watch. I have to confess, I have a weird fixation with cultures that are foreign to me. Imagine my delight then, in discovering My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. I don't know if you're familiar, dear reader ... but, holy shit. If, dear reader, you're unfamiliar with this show, you should check it out. These people are like the Jersey Shore mouth breathers on steroids. Wait ... Maybe I should choose a different analogy. They're like the Jersey Shore folks taken to their
logical conclusion. The women dress exclusively in tight, skimpy, tacky clothing with thick black eyeliner and gaudy accessories. Contrary to how it might appear though, most gypsy women haven't even kissed a man until the day of their wedding when the priest utters the ol ' familiar, "you may now kiss the bride." The chaste values don't extend to members of the opposite sex however, with the men peacocking with their shellacked hair and spray tans, and competing for the attention of any female Gorger (their word for anyone who isn't a gypsy) that passes by. The conviction that these people have in their culture and sense of identity is fascinating to me. Based mostly in West Virginia (shocker, right?) "family" is the value held above all others. And it doesn't matter if they're throwing a wedding for their 15-year-old daughter or punching the face of their second cousin outside that wedding ... family, you guys it's what's important. And spray tans. Speaking of family, Thanksgiving is this week. This year I'm heading up to Ashland to spend the holiday with my dad's side of the family. They're definitely the more "well-
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adjusted" bunch, my mom's side of the family is rife with Eastern European dysfunction. Buncha Russian weirdos ... Anyway, if you're spending this Thanksgiving with family, odds are that you're going to want a little liquid stress reliever. If your family's social climate requires that you lube your brain with alcohol a little more than might be deemed acceptable, then have no fear! The Book Safe with Flask is here to help. A hollowed out book (your choice of either thesaurus or dictionary, it comes with a flask inside. "What? Why am I carrying this book around? Well Grandma, you know those word -a-day calendars? They're for pansies. I'm on a word -per-minute system that would blow your goddamn mind wide open."
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
7
* FOOD FIGHT : ROUND I * TANNER "THE HAMMERn ULSH PRESENTS
It's simply incredible to me that somehow we have a holiday that is literally a single meal, and we manage to make a tradition out of a spread that ranges from mediocre to inedible. I've always hated Thanksgiving, but I've finally found a way to make it bearable : make food that you would actually want to eat. As a bonus, you get to avoid bruises from crotchety old ladies shoving you aside at the turkey bin. All of these recipes are approximate; if you think there's something stupid and awful about an amount I put down, feel free to change it. In fact, I encourage changing the recipe to your own tastes. Be the creative soul you know you really are, deep down inside.
[DINNER]
*
ORANGE SPICE HAM
Right now, you might be saying, "Wait just one minute, that's not a turkey recipe!", and you'd be right. Let's get real for a second : How many times a year do you eat turkey? Once? Only at Thanksgiving? Every year, millions of families across the US prepare their annual turkey, spending hours upon hours that culminate in subpar blandness. We're going with a superior holiday roast here, one that you'd actually want on any other day of the year. 1 ham 1 large orange some toothpicks 3 tbsp brown sugar 1 tsp cloves 1 tsp nutmeg 1 tbsp cinnamon 2 tsp ground red pepper 3 tsp kosher salt 2 tsp black pepper
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Let the ham set out at room temperature for 30 minutes; dab the outside with a paper towel to make sure it's damp or dry, not wet. Mix the sugar and spices in a bowl so that they're evenly mixed. Place the ham in its baking dish, take the spice mixture and rub it into the outside of the ham. Take your orange and cut it into relatively thin rounds. Use toothpicks to pin the oranges on the outside of the ham, aiming for even coverage. Try to get the toothpicks deep enough that the tips don't char or smoke while baking. I'm not liable if you set your ham on fire here. After this, just use the baking directions you got with the ham. Chances are, they're going to be better tuned to the type of ham you got than any instructions that I can give you here.
Just make sure to baste every half-hour Now, I'm not going to dictate what kind of and ignore the packaged glaze ... ham you buy. Get whatever you want, it's your ham and chances are I'm not going to be eating any of it, so I really have no reason to care.
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NOVEMBER 25 - D ECEMBER 1, 2013
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If you hate me and think I'm a jerk and that my food sucks, go ahead and write me a letter at graphics@synthesis.net to tell me everything I do wrong. All e-mails can and will be publicly and ruthlessly mocked.
ORANGE GLAZE
* *
GARLIC GREEN BEANS
*
Okay, I know this can be scary. We're cooking sugar in a pan. Just pay attention and we'll get through this together... unless you burn sugar on to your pan, in which case you're on your own, sucker!
Put away your french onions and soup, we're skipping the absolute disaster that is Green Bean Casserole in favor of something edible.
Juice of 1 orange, squeezed (not the one from earlier, please) 3 tbsp sugar
lib fresh green beans 3 cloves garlic, diced X stick butter Kosher salt
If you've never made a glaze before, I recommend looking up a video on YouTube or something. I really just don't have the space to give you all the safety talks on working with sugar in a pan. Wait until there's about an hour left on your ham to begin this.
Put butter, green beans, and garlic in a pot or saucepan over medium heat. Season with a pinch of salt and let simmer in butter for two minutes. Add X cup of warm water, reduce heat to low and cover for 4-6 minutes. Uncover and let simmer until water cooks off.
Put your juice and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat. Whisk until the sugar is dissolved. Turn heat to low and simmer until it thickens slightly. Pour or brush half of the glaze over the ham when there's 45 minutes left to bake. Baste the ham and add more of the remaining glaze every ten minutes.
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*
GARLIC JACK WHIPPED POTATOES
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Alright, I'm just going to assume you know how to make mashed potatoes here, and that you know how to adjust them to however you like them. All of these numbers are going to vary depending on the size of your potatoes and your personal tastes. 6 medium/large Yukon Gold potatoes 1 Y, cups shredded monterey jack cheese 4 cloves garlic, finely diced 1 stick butter 1 cup whole milk Kosher salt Black pepper Hand mixer or stand mixer Personally, I don't peel potatoes for this recipe, but you can if you feel like it. Cube potatoes into 1 inch chunks, or smaller. Put the cubed potato into a large pot, then fill with water until potatoes are covered. Put over heat and salt the water, then boil potatoes until they are soft when stabbed with a fork. Drain off excess water. Put boiled potatoes into a large bowl and smash lightly with a fork. Begin to whip the potatoes with your stand mixer or hand mixer, while adding the milk, butter, cheese and garlic at regular intervals. Add salt and pepper to taste. Whip until potatoes are creamy and smooth. Make sure that you never turn your mixer up to its highest speed, as whipping too fast or too thoroughly can cause the potatoes to lose form and liquefy.
ThebMt...
LEFTOVERS
BUTTERMILK BISCUITS
Despite the insider trading and suspected icy-heartedness, Martha Stewart knows how to make a hell of a batch of biscuits, which is why I'm skipping the snark on this one and leaving it to her exact words. You can preempitively throw out your other biscuit recipes, because you're never going to want to make a different biscuit after this.
4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon sugar 2 sticks {l cup) unsalted butter, cold, cut into small pieces 1 3/4 cups buttermilk, plus more for brushing Step 1 Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar. Using a pastry blender, cut in the butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs with a few large clumps remaining.
*
bottom of the bowl, until the dough just comes together. The dough will be slightly sticky; do not overmix. Step 3 Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured work surface. With floured fingers, gently pat the dough into a round about 1 inch thick, pressing in any loose bits. Do not overwork the dough. Use a floured 2 1/4inch round biscuit cutter to cut out the biscuits as close together as possible. {Use one cut edge as the edge for the next biscuit.) Step 4 Place the biscuits about 11/2 inches apart on an unlined baking sheet. Generously brush the tops of biscuits with buttermilk. Bake, rotating sheet halfway through, until the biscuits are golden and flecked with brown spots, 18 to 20 minutes. Transfer biscuits to a wire rack to cool. There's really just one correction I make to this, and that would be: line your baking sheets with parchment paper. You'll thank me once you've tried it.
THINGS THAT ARE JUST WRONG Cranberry Sauce in the Shape of a Can Somewhere along the line, it was decided that the most attractive presentation of cranberry sauce was to slither a can of pink gelatinous mass on to a plate and simply leave it. Whoever it was that decided this probably shouldn't be deciding things. You know what's really much better? Actual cranberry sauce made with actual cranberries. Slightly less good, but still an improvement? Smash it up, put it in a bowl; really, just anything besides leaving that oozey tower in the middle of the table.
Green Bean Casserole I touched on this earlier, but this really warrants futher discussion. I'm really not sure who it is that makes green bean casserole, since I don't think I've ever actually met someone who likes it. Somehow though, this Eldritch abomination manifests itself on to the dinner table every year, without fail. If you're all about the traditional American Thanksgiving, I can guarantee you that the Pilgrims and Native Americans sure as hell didn't have Campbel ls Cream of Mushroom Soup. Even if they did have it, they probably wouldn't have eaten it.
Fruit Salad with Marshmellows and Cool Whip Please, just think of the children.
Step 2 Pour in the buttermilk; using a rubber spatula, fold buttermilk into the dough, working in all directions and incorporating crumbs at the
Source: http.//www.marthastewart. com/315759/buttermilk-biscuits
HAM 6 CHEESE BISCUIT SANDWICH Turkey and dinner roll sandwiches, eat your heart out. There's a new Thanksgiving leftovers king, and that's the ham & cheese biscuit sandwich. It's so simple, but you'll never deny its power once you have it.
Tear off a chunk of your leftover ham, assuming you have some. If you don't, make another ham. Tear a biscuit in half, put the ham and some cheddar cheese in there, then heat it up in a toaster oven. Add cranberry sauce after heating if you're awesome.
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ROUND 2
»>PAGE 20«< NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
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NOVEMBEARD CHECK-IN
PHOTOS DAIN SANDOVAL
LIKE, LITERALLY BY JAYME WASHBURN - EDITORIAL@SY NTHESIS NET
ABOUT A BOY I don't want to talk about what happens in the beginning of Louise Erdrich's National Book Award winner The Roundhouse. It's the kind of opener that might cause some people to close the book and walk away without looking back. I only mention it because for as violent and consuming as it is, it does not define the story. A recent study on literature showed subjects to be more empathic, with a stronger sense of imagination, after reading literary fiction. Readers of Erdrich may experience a wide range of emotion as they sometimes witness awful things in her stories, but she also masterfully brings us into a reality where tragedy is not the end of the world - instead revealing even deeper emotions if we are willing to work through the initial discomfort. The Roundhouse is a coming of age story that takes place on a reservation, told from the perspective of Joe, a thirteen year old boy whose father is a tribal judge, and mother is a clerk in a law office. His mother experiences an unspeakable act of violence causing him to search out the man responsible while making sense of a world where tribal law is thin at best, rarely offering justice or protection.
Somehow Erdrich has believably gotten into the headspace of a boy that age, with ribald humor and entertaining dialogue. Most of the humor revolves around Joe's group of friends who adventure along with him, who are pretty damn funny as they comb the reservation in search of clues regarding his mother's crime. They become boy detectives navigating the dark world around them as little lights, illuminating the landscape as they turn the corner from innocence to the complexities and arrival of adulthood in the last summer of their youth.
"We never question the importance of keeping an artifact, of keeping something special that tells us about people who lived long ago, right? We have museums that we devote millions of dollars to keeping these artifacts. But how much more extraordinary is it to have a living language that tells us about people, since before we have a history of these people. It's all in the language." Erdrich doesn't just write literary fiction, she gives us view into a culture that is teeming with stories that are too rich not to be shared. Life will vanish, goodness will at times go and bend to darkness that is seemingly insurmountable, but stories like Erdrich's can redeem, heal, and have staying power. As long as they are told, the lights will not go out.
Through this novel (as well as Erdrich's other stories) I have found myself intrigued by the richly illustrated Ojibwe culture. The stories of elders, the spirit world among us, and the parables of life and death are impressive with their depth and humor. Erdrich is also one of the last pioneers attempting to keep her native Ojibwean language alive, as it is one of the thousands of languages in danger of extinction. In an interview with Bill Moyers, she said,
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$1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL
salad $6.50 5pm-Close 1/2 off kids items 8pm-Close Pitcher
Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm
8 Ball Tournament Sign-up 6pm. Starts 7pm.
Specials $6/$9/$12 FREE Pool after lOpm
Mon-Fri 2-6pm
Closed for Thanksgiving
Bar & Restaurant Closed for Thanksgiving
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99
Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials Nightly Dinner Specials
8pm-Close $4 Jager $5 DBL Vodka Red Bull $6 Jager Red Bull $2 Kamikaze shots
5-9pm
8pm-Close $3.50 Fireball, Jim Beam, Captain Morgan and Jameson Closed
$6.50 Pulled pork sand w/ fries or salad 25 cent wings from
$8 Dom Pitcher
Wells & Kami shots
Closed
$2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL Pool League, 3 player teams. Sign up with
Nevada Drafts 3-6pm $3.50 Dbl Wells
Closed
Mon-Fri 2-6pm $1.50 PBR or Coors Pints
Open 8pm-close on Thanksgiving 8pm-close $3 Soccer Moms
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
$5 Smirnoff Blasters $5 DBL Roaring Vodka
$1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL JAZZ NIGHT- Martini Specials All ages until lOpm
Bartender Specials $3 14oz Slushies $4 20oz Slushies
11-2pm $2.50 Dom & Sierra Nevada Drafts
Daily Happy Hour from4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room
3-6pm $3.50 Dbl Wells 8pm-Close $2.50 Dom & SN Drafts
Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Mon-Fri 2-6pm $1.50 PBR or Coors Pints $2 Kami Shooters 1/2 OFF POOL All ages until lOpm
FREE Pool after lOpm Bartende r Specials $3 14oz Slushies
Open at llam ! Bloody Mary Bar
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm
$4 20oz Slushies
Noon-6pm $8 Dom Pitch er $9 SN Pitch er 8pm-Close
Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Bartenders Choice
Baby Back Ribs w/Salad, Fri es & garlic bread
Happy Hour 5-7pm Daily Drink Specials
9 Ball Tournam ent. Sign-up at noon. Starts lpm.
$10.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double Jack or Captain
Nightly Dinner Specials 5-9pm
All ages until lOpm
$2 Sierra Nevada FREE Pool after lOpm
$6.50 DBL calls
10am-2pm
Daily Happy Hour
FREE POOL
$5.19 Grad/Garden/
Restaurant Open for
$5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary
from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!
1 hr. with every $8 purchase All ages until lOpm
Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call,
Dinn er 5-9pm
$5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys
$5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOpm
4 4 4
WEDNESDAY 9PM
FRI.DAV 4-7PM
DJ SPENNV &JEFF HOWSE
THE PUB" SCOUTS
DANCE NIGHT
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
HAPPY HOURI
SYNTHESIS WEEKLY.COM
~ cf ~) ~~tfr'.9
Lounge
~~!I C: HI C O
Go Downlo
BEAR-E-OKE
C A
Happy Hour 11-6pm
CLOSED
select bottles & drafts BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries
$1 Kamikazes $3 Jameson and Skyy Special
Go Downlo
V1pu1tra
$2.7S
EVERY DAY Happy Hour-4-7pm $1.7S Pints, $1.00 Shots, 1/2 off
$2 Margaritas
all Single cocktails,
& Sierra Drafts Mon-Sat 3pm-6pm $1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft, $1.SO wells
or salad for $5.29.
$1.00 Food items
llam-lOpm.
2 for 1 Burgers llarn-8pm
BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off w hile wearing
$2 All Day $2 Select Sierra Nevada or
Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-lOpm
Dom Drafts
CLOSED
CLOSED
$3 Cuervo Margaritas $2.50 Corona's
Happy Hour-4-7pm Buck
Progress ive Night!
night 9pm-lam
8-lOpm $1 Sierra Pal e
Ale, Domestics, Rolling Rock & well cocktails
$2 Kam is -any fiavor
up lOpm-close 25C per
hour-close
a
Mon-Sat free pool 6-Bpm
Go Downlo
TRIKE RACES!
Post time @ lOpm. Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-lOpm
Closed for Thanksgiving
CLOSED
Closed for Thanksgiving
Drink specials!
$5.50 Double Pinnacle Vodka & Red Bull $3 Double Well Cocktails
Half Off Rockstar Cocktails $2.50 Pint of Sierra Nevada $3 Featu red Shot of the Night
HALF OFF EVERYTHING (Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors)
VIP Bottle Service available
LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR ONLY $4.99! Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.
LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR BURGER AND FRIES FOR $$ Bartender's Choice $$
Call To Rent For Private Party Go Down Lo
ONLY $4.99! Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.
BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.29. llam-lOpm.
Happy Hour 5-8pm $5 House Martinis $4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer
Closed for Thanksgiving
CLOSED
CLOSED
$3 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials
Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5
Power Hour 8-9pm 1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9pm-Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9. 7S Pale Ale Pitchers
Happy Hour 5-8pm $5 House Martinis $4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer
$3 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials
Happy Hour- 4-7pm Hot dog menu all day llam-8pm, All Day and All Night Tall cans of beer (24oz) $3.SO, $2 Capri sun Shots, All Teas $3.SO, Tea Party 9-llpm 32oz Teas are $2.50
Mon-Sat 3pm-6pm $1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft,
1/2 off Liquor & Drafts 9pm-Close Pale Ale Drafts $9. 75 Pal e Pitchers
Happy Hour 5-8pm $5 House Martinis $4 Glass of House Wine $3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer
Brunch lOam - 2pm
Happy Hour-4-7pm
CLOSED
CLOSED
Football Specials
Champagne Brunch 930am-lpm, Every Nfi Game (20 Tv's), $3 Bloody
CLOSED
Happy Hour 11-6pm $2. 7S select bottles & drafts
Buck Night 9pm-Close $112oz Select Teas $3 20oz All Teas $1 Well Cocktails $2 Select Bottle Bee rs SoCo Promo 9pm - Close
Open at llam For Thanksgiving
$2.SO Fireball Shots $2.50 Pints of Sierra Nevada
Buck Night 8pm-close $1 well cocktails, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rockdom draft $3 Black Butte $2 Karl Strauss $S Vodka Redbull
All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day
Free Happy Hour Food 4pm until it's gone
1/2 off all cocktails, $1.7S Drafts, Guest bartenders every week
Happy Hour 11-6pm select wells, bottles and pints $2.7S
$4 Sex On Th e Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1Jello Shots 7-lOpm $3 Rumpy, Jager and Fireball
$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka
Happy Hour-4-7pm
$1.SO wells, Power Hour 8-9pm
fooo
&DRINK SPECIALS
MONOAY·fRIDAY CHERS OMESTICPIT &PM-CLOSE $8N~VAOA PITCHERS $9 SIERRA
marys, $3 screwdrivers, $5 pitchers of beer
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
13
THIS WEEK ONLY BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 3QTH
IRA WALKER
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 3QTH
STH ANNUA L
SO FA KING NOISE FOR NI CHOLAS 3R D CLASS CI TI ZEN
NOVEMBEARD BASH DUFFY'S TAVERN
LOSTON MAIN A benefit concert to help the family of a deserving young man pay for Autism therapy. This is a really great lineup, and a very direct way to make a lasting difference in someone's life. Not to guilt trip you or anything, but charity is sort of the soul of gratitude, and there are far more painful ways to make the world a little bit better than going to a super fun show. C'mon . Admission TBD. 9pm
Find out who grew the best beard , buy one of the really amazing donated items in the silent auction , pick up a few raffle tickets to win some great prizes, and support local youth music and arts programs. As if that weren't enough , there will also be live music from Shelby Cobra, Motown Filthy and Severance Package. Featuring special celebrity guest judge Brandon Squyres (and his beard). $5 minimum donation, but more is definitely better. 8:30pm
OTHER NEW AND EXCITING THINGS 25 MONDAY
28 THURSDAY
Cafe Flo: San Francisco bluegrass
Your Mouth: All of the food will be eaten furiously until you feel quite sick. This will occur over the course of the entire afternoon. Then you will eat pies, followed by sleeping while a football game drones on the television. Then you will wake up and eat a sandwich with gravy on it. Then more pie. At some point your mind will fill with sad images of starving people, and you will feel guilt. This will cause you to eat your feelings in the form of another sandwich . It will be even more delicious than the first, as though it were salted by the tears of the needy.
group, Vintage Grass with Dave Thom & Avram Frankel, and Chico's own Rock Ridge. 7:30to9:30pm Cinemark: Special 3D showing of the
Doctor Who SOth anniversary special (squeeee!). 7:30pm
26 TUESDAY Duffy's: The Undead Beauties of Chico,
zombie pin-up calendar release party. 7pm
14
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
That thought will haunt you, causing you to resolve that future holidays will be dedicated to charitable acts, but in the back of your mind you know these promises are empty. Your love of sandwiches will trump all things. Perhaps you can go to one of the above charity benefits this weekend to redeem yourself.
29 FRIDAY 1078 Gallery: Los Cabalitos de la Cancion, Thick and Thin. All ages. $10. Doors 7pm , show 7:30pm Lost On Main: Thump w/DJ AZ
The Tackle Box: Country music from
James Slack.
30 SATURDAY Avenue 9 Gallery: The Breshears Fam-
ily Children's String Trio, children 's author Naty Osa reads her book The Lost Orchard, and Candy Matthews will talk about her paintings for children's rooms. 1-3pm The Maltese: Belda Beast, Bunnymilk,
Sir Francis Lee Howard . $3. 9pm The Tackle Box: Country music from
Wild Card.
Redsmoke
SYN TH ESI SWE EKLY.COM
ONGOING EVENTS 25 MONDAY
The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 9pm
The Bear: Bear-E-oke ! 9pm
University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika
28 THURSDAY
Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm
Weekly electronic dance party. $3 . 9:30pm University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika
Cafe Flo: Live Jazz Happy Hour with the
Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm
Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
Chico Women's Club: Prenatal Yoga.
Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge . Call at
5:30-6:30pm
4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
30 SATURDAY
DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until lOpm
27 WEDNESDAY
Maltese: Open Mic Night. Comedy.
All ages . 7pm
Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstock's: Spelling Bee for the
Grownups. 6:30-7 :30pm
The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm
4-lOpm Cafe Flo: Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7pm
Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: 8 Ball Tournament. Signups
Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff
Cafe Flo: Open Mic Singer-Songwriter
Howse. 9pm. $1. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm
Chico Women's Club: Yoga. 9-lOam . Afro Janet Turner Print Museum: WomenCarribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. 5:50-7pm . Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. llam-4pm 7:30-8:30pm
21
+
Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing
Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am
DownLo: Game night. All ages until
lOpm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 6:30-8:30pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-lOpm Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-
Maltese: American Horror Story viewing
party. 9pm
29 FRIDAY lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Acoustic
Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Danc-
ing. 10pm-1:30am
Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and
80s music. The Molly Gunn's Revival!
9:30pm
8pm-midnight
The Bear: DJ Dancing No Cover. 9pm
Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-
Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions weekly music
llam-4pm
Chico Yoga Center: Friday Night Dance
Maltese: Live Music. 9pm
Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays.
University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika
Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm
Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm
y, off pool. All ages until lOpm
Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke . 8:30pm-
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 4-7pm
Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-
Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table . Starts at 8pm
LaSalle's: 1980Now! 8pm
Jam with Mark Johnson . $10. 7-8:30pm
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy
SICILIAN CAFEI
showcase. 7-lOpm
The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm
LaSalle's: '90s night. 21 +
IT'S A BOUNTIFUL FALL HARVEST AT
themed Print Works and Shojo Manga.
Navarrete. All ages. Free. llam-4pm
VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana. 7-9pm
The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm
The Beach: Play and Destroy DJ Contest .
classes 7-9pm University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika
DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups
noon, starts at lpm.
7:30pm
The Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, DownLo:
themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm
Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
Music Singer Songwriter Showcase.
26 TUESDAY
Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke.
Cal Skate: Adults only skate night. $6.
18+.9-llpm
Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazilian
6pm
Night with Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm
Circle . 2-4pm
lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Mic.
Signups at 8 pm , starts at 9 pm. Mug Night The Bear: Trike Races. Wint-shirts and 7-11:30pm Bear Bucks. Post time lOpm . Mug Club University Art Gallery: Paintings of Erika
lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Knitting
midnight. Janet Turner Print Museum: Women-
1 SUNDAY DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until lOpm LaSalle's: Karaoke . 9pm
themed Print Works and Shojo Manga. llam-4pm
9pm
Maltese: LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm
The Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8pm
Maltese: Walking Dead Viewing Party.
lam Peeking Chinese Restaurant: BassMint.
CHICO'S BIG SECRET Best Drinks Best Prices
Best Patio Best Staff Best Karaoke Tuesdays at 8pm
2582 Esplanade • (530) 343- 0662
Best Live Bands
1020 MAIN STREET CHICO L••?) 530.3~5.2233 CG ••~
Saturdays at 8pm
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
NOV EMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 201 3
15
ON THE TOWN
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
CONSIDER THE PLATYPUS BY DUCKI BEAVERTAIL
A TURKEY-DAY STORY
So here we are, hip-deep in our American holly-daze season. Feel in' the love yet? Much of the reason for the vibe in the air this time of year is due to tradition - that "this is how we've always done it" kind of thing. Does it always have to be that way, though? Especially when "the way it's always been done" has been kind of blah or hurtful? A friend of mine (we'll call her Amber) has taken some painful roots and transformed them into her favorite holiday. If this time of year is stressful for you in a not-good way, let her be an inspiration. When Amber was a kid, her family made an annual pilgrimage to a family friend's house about 50 miles away. They were mainly friends because the husband had turned her parents onto some trendyat-the-time alleged home remedy for ensuring her mother had a son, which they believed succeeded. Amber was the firstborn, but had the bad sense to come out female. So when her brother came along a few years later, it was to the sound of great rejoicing in the little family. As a result, this yearly road trip was more than a bit torturous for her, as her brother got special Golden Penis attention, along with a cargo of Christmas and birthday presents to take home. Amber got a bellyful of pumpkin pie and turkey like everyone else, but was slightly above the household dogs, status-wise. Fast forward about 30 years. Amber's family has moved out of the area, so the Turkey Day pilgrimage is thankfully (no
16
NOV EMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
pun intended) in the past. Amber's dad died long ago, and her grieving mother responded by having family Thanksgiving feasts at the local Home Town Buffet for the rest of her life. In 2010, Amber's mother died a week before Thanksgiving. That was a great opportunity to lay this depressing-assed time of year to rest and officially join the ranks of the holiday-disaffected. Would you have blamed her? I sure as hell wouldn't. That year, their neighbors provided them with a full Thanksgiving dinner from Safeway, in sympathy for their mother's passing. They were gobsmacked on a whole new level - even this relatively simple spread provided more grub than they could eat in a week. So Amber reached out to a guy she'd been dating for a little while; like them, he had no family with whom to spend the holidays. Now, three years later, she and her Mr. are going strong. This family - comprised solely of them and her brother - is tiny, but happy. The Mr. loves to cook, and Amber makes chocolate wine cake each year for dessert. The only symbolism involved there is that it's hers, and isn't anything like what any of them had growing up. Plus, y'know, chocolate. And wine. So if "how we've always done it" doesn't suit you, change it! Give less energy to keeping the safe-but-miserable status quo and more to making this a genuinely "happy/merry" sort of season, in whatever form that takes.
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
A SUNDAY SURPRISE BY DAN O'BRIEN
I spend my Sundays like most Chicoans: with a mimosa and brunch at one of the wonderful restaurants around town. Sundays have a rhythm and timbre all their own. What I didn't know was that the greatest brunch experience I've ever had was about to fall into my lap. I had a contract to finish, so the standing breakfast at Cafe Coda - a wonderful little place, as many of you know - was put on pause. I emerged from my office around noon, content to mill away the day watching football (and writing my column, of course), but brunch was not to be deterred. A quick shower and shave had us in the car around noon. We cruised by Coda, distraught by the number of people crowded out front. Did we want to wait for a seat? Was the roar of the collected voices at Coda what we wanted today? Declining to scratch the familiar itch of our favorite spot, we rolled on by and hopped on Esplanade. As we passed other Sunday folks, we began the inevitable rattling off of possible locations. As we neared Chico High School, Red Tavern emerged as the clear victor. I don't know about you, but I had never been to this hidden-away gem. It had been suggested to me by friends, but alas, I had not yet taken the time to try it for myself. As we approached the restaurant, we were disappointed by the lack of cars out front, worried that our window for brunching bliss had passed. As we parked, we realized that we saw no one inside. I resigned myself to them being closed, but Mary (my wife) would not be deterred. She
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
ON THE TOWN
approached the entrance and peered at their hours. Much to our surprise, a waitress came running forward, pushing open the door and excitedly talking to my wife. I watched all of this mutely from the confines of the car, uncertain of what was going on. Had they just closed? Was something amiss? Returning to the car, Mary informed me that it was just a slow Sunday and that they were indeed open. Once inside, I was immediately drawn in. It had the look of a Bay-Area bistro you might frequent before heading over to peruse the selection at City Lights. The grateful waitress, Holly, asked if we would like to sit outside; as it was a spectacular day, we quickly acquiesced. It turns out that they had a musician (a wonderfully talented young man named Max Minardi) playing this day - and apparently every Sunday, weather permitting. As we took our seats, we realized we were the only ones there. Our normal Sunday outing had turned into an intimate Sunday brunch, the likes of which normally have to be planned far in advance. Max was kind enough to take our requests and we were treated to a private concert of sorts. The food was exquisite and the service was fantastic. I cannot recommend it highly enough. So the next time you aren't sure where you want to spend your Sunday, take a chance on the Red Tavern. When you go, be sure to tell them that tattooed writer-guy sent you.
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NOV EMBER 25 - DE CEMBER 1, 20 13
17
NOVEMBEARD CHECK-IN
OLD CROCK PHOTOS BY DAIN SANDOVAL
BY JAIM E O' NE ILL - JAIMEANDKARENONEILL@GMAIL.COM
WHAT, ME RACIST?
That Chico cop who got outed by a city councilman because he'd posted stuff on his Facebook page that led some people to believe he was a not-so-closeted racist caused quite a dust up, with opinions being generated as far away as the editorial page of the Paradise Post where the notion was that we shouldn't speculate about racism just because a guy disagrees with a president by making offensively stereotypical references to that president's race. Some people thought the city councilman who made that cop's views more public than they already were was endangering all the cops in Chico, and throughout the world. Now, I can't say whether or not this particular cop is a racist, but I do know that if I were a black guy driving a car with an Obama bumper sticker, I'd doubt I was about to get let off with a warning for whatever reason I'd been stopped. Hell, I might even think I'd been stopped because of a) that bumper sticker, and b) my pigmentation. But even as a Caucasian fellow, I couldn't help remembering the long ago days when I had long hair, when I and all similarly hirsute guys were derided as peaceniks, hippies, and Godless un-American commie scumbags by far too many members of the gendarmerie. Wearing a peace symbol patch on your jacket, or a tie-dyed shirt could prompt a stop-and-frisk, and lots of
18
NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
us used to get mighty nervous when we were traveling in the boonies and found a local cop on our tail. Once, up in Oregon, on a rainy night, I watched from a diner as a couple of police officers pulled up beside a hippie kid who was trying to catch a ride. They made him unroll his sleeping bag and empty his backpack, making sure all his stuff was out in the rain until everything was thoroughly soakedthrough.Then,satisfiedthatthe kid was in for a damp and dreary night in a wet bag somewhere, they cut him loose and came over to the diner, laughing about the shitty trick they'd pulled on some other man's son. I was fairly uneasy when they looked my way, and their smiles hardened into frowns. I didn't get busted that night, but I came to know the suspicion that can come with fitting a profile cops don't like. So, that Chico cop who hates Obama just isn't a guy I think might be really evenhanded in how he administers justice, dispenses suspicions, or acts out his prejudices. I could be wrong, of course, but if I was a black guy or a homeless guy walking the street some dark night in Chico, I'd be at least a mite more uneasy when this guy showed up than I would be if I was white, well fed, well heeled, and Republican. Just sayin'.
SYN TH ESI SWE EK LY.COM
SCENE REPORT
GASSIN' IT UP IN CHICO
PHOTOS BY DAIN SANDOVAL
NOVEMBEARD CHECK-IN
BY TOMMY DIESTEL
All right, I'm gonna come clean. I'm not the biggest Tenacious D fan. I thought Pick of Destiny was funny, but beyond that ... meh. I didn't look up any of K.G.'s solo stuff before the show, and when someone mentioned KGB, my mind jumped straight to Russian intelligence agencies. That being said ... HOLY SHIT, THE SHOW ROCKED! I was surprised at first to hear Kyle Gass was coming to the Maltese, not the biggest bar in town. But it worked out in the end. With 100 on line presale tickets selling out before the show, and another 20ish tickets at the door, the Maltese was packed full of fans waiting to see the Big G rock out. Anticipation was high as people waited outside, forming a line that wrapped halfway down the block. OK, maybe it was like a quarter of the block. Regardless, everyone was stoked once the Pageant Dads took the stage to warm up the crowd. These dirty, drunken, dads pulled out witty quips and one-liners alongside funky riffs. Made up mostly of members from Clouds On Strings, Pageant Dads definitely draw from that style of light and airy melodies and progressive songs, but with more funk. Also not as many dizzying transitions, while still maintaining the eclectic feel. The characters portrayed by the band didn't get in the way of the music (which I've heard has been a problem in the past). Gimmicks and jokes aside, Pageant Dads surprised me with their performance and definitely set the party vibe. Then the man everyone came to see took the stage. Kyle Gass in the flesh. Big K.G. Himself. The Gassinator. Ew, that last one didn't work out very well. Armed with nothing but a recorder, acoustic guitar, microphone, and a measly four piece backing band, Kyle Gass Band rocked the house. One of the most stand out aspects of the show was how much fun Gass and the gang were having up on stage. They didn't show any wear and tear from the travel, they weren't haggard looking or disinterested, and the whole band was lively, which really fed the crowd's energy. And boy, did they
eat it up. I watched people sing along to classics such as "Bro-Ho", "Gettin' the Band Back Together", as well as a T.D. throwback "Fuck Her Gently". Gass didn't hog the spotlight, which is commendable considering his name is the band name; he let the members of the band shine and show off their individual talent as well. The rhythm guitar player sang a few songs, showing off his powerful voice, and the lead guitar player sure could wail! The whole band had great chemistry, and flowed together onstage. They covered a large spectrum of ripping bluesy songs, rock licks and riffs, and even busted out some funk. And by funk, I mean that groovy, hip shakin' stank you usually find on cheese you left out overnight. The kind that leaves a taste in your mouth. They did a great job working the crowd as well. From having girls get them drinks from the bar, to cracking jokes on stage, and just rallying everyone up. Gass definitely showed Chico a good time. He even hinted towards settling down here in town. If he was serious or not, only he knows, but who would blame him if he did? Now, don't go spreading that kind of talk around; I'm claiming no responsibility for the credibility of that statement. But what you did hear from me was that The Kyle Gass Band sure knows how to get down with the get down.
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N OV EMBER 25 - DE CEM B ER 1, 2013
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* FOOD FIGHT : ROUND 2 * DAIN nIF IT MOVES IT DIESn SANDOVAL PRESENTS
What?! No turkey? Hate Thanksgiving? HAM??! What kind of pinko commie shit is that, Tanner? Seriously. We did not come over on the Mayflower, set up wholesome communities, and feast jovially with Native Americans* with mothereffing HAM! [*these claims are unsubstantiated, and may actually be quite errant .] No sir, everyone knows from Kindergarten autumn performances, we made construction paper hats and ate turkey. When we get all nostalgic and misty-eyed with memories of what Thanksgiving dinner means to us, it is hard to not picture that famous Norman Rockwell illustration of overachieving 'Merican radness. I have been cooking Thanksgiving dinners since I moved out of my family home in 1998 and have always been striving for a turkey that tasted like Norman Rockwell. It would finally come to me in 2009 with an article by Cook's Illustrated. (Cook's Illustrated #101 Nov-Dec 2009) There is simply no other reasonable turkey preparation that can compare. I have been using this method without fail since 2009 and each year it is met with rave reviews. The parts of this prep that are so stand-out are the use of salt pork to provide seasoning and basting as well as the technique of starting the bird upside down so juices gather in the breast. Julia Child has a famous recipe that involves breaking down the turkey prior to roasting, but that's not as fun. I share with you now the crowd -pleasing, rather basic, no B.S. Old-Fashioned Stuffed Turkey as written by Cook's Illustrated in 2009 :
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OLD FASHIONED STUFFED TURKEY
NOTE : Table salt is not recommended for this recipe because it is too fine. To roast a kosher or self-basting turkey (such as a frozen Butterball), do not salt it in step 1. Look for salt pork that is roughly equal parts fat and lean meat. The bread can be toasted up to 1 day in advance.
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N OV EMBER 25 - DE CEMBER 1, 2013
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Turkey
1 turkey (12 to 18 pounds), giblets and neck reserved for gravy, if desired. 3 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons kosher salt 2 teaspoons baking powder 12 ounces salt pork, cut into 1/4-inch-thick slices and rinsed
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
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OLD FASHIONED STUFFED TURKEY (cont.)
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Stuffing 11/2 pounds (about 15 slices) white sandwich bread, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (about 12 cups) 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus extra for baking dish 1 medium onion, chopped fine (about 1 cup) 2 celery ribs, chopped fine (about 1 cup) Kosher salt and ground black pepper 2 tablespoons minced fresh thyme leaves tablespoon minced fresh marjoram leaves 1 tablespoon minced fresh sage leaves 11/2 cups low-sodium chicken broth 1 36-inch square cheesecloth, folded in quarters 2 large eggs
dry inside and out with paper towels. Using skewer, poke 15 to 20 holes in fat deposits on top of breast halves and thighs, 4 to 5 holes in each deposit. Sprinkle surface of turkey with saltbaking powder mixture and rub in mixture with hands, coating skin evenly. Tuck wings underneath turkey. Line turkey cavity with cheesecloth, pack with 4 to 5 cups stuffing, tie ends of cheesecloth together. Cover remaining stuffing with plastic wrap and refrigerate. Using twine, loosely tie turkey legs together. Place turkey breast-side down in V-rack set in roasting pan and drape salt pork slices over back.
[Also acceptable, Mrs. Cubbison's boxed stuffings.]
5. Roast turkey breast-side down at 325* until thickest part of breast registers 130 degrees on instant-read thermometer, 2 to 2 1/2 hours. Remove roasting pan from oven (close oven door) and increase oven temperature to 450 degrees. Transfer turkey in V-rack to rimmed baking sheet. Remove and discard salt pork. Using clean potholders or kitchen towels, rotate turkey breast-side up. Cut twine binding legs and remove stuffing bag; empty into reserved stuffing in bowl. Pour drippings from roasting pan into fat separator and reserve for gravy, if making.
1. FOR THE TURKEY: Using fingers or handle of wooden spoon, separate turkey skin from meat on breast, legs, thighs, and back; avoid breaking skin. Rub 1 tablespoon salt evenly inside cavity of turkey, 11/2 teaspoons salt under skin of each breast, and 11/2 teaspoons salt under skin.of each leg. Wrap turkey tightly with plastic wrap; refrigerate 24 to 48 hours.
2. FOR THE STUFFING : Adjust oven rack to lowest position and heat oven to 250 degrees. Spread bread cubes in single layer on baking sheet; bake until edges have dried but centers are slightly moist (cubes should yield to pressure), about 45 minutes, stirring several times during baking. Transfer to large bowl and increase oven temperature to 325 degrees. 3. While bread dries, heat 4 tablespoons butter in 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat; when foaming subsides, add onion, celery, 2 teaspoons salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper; cook, stirring occasionally;.until vegetables begin to soften and brown slightly, 7 to 10 minutes. Stir in herbs; cook until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add vegetables to bowl with dried bread; add 1 cup broth and toss until evenly moistened. 4. TO ROAST THE TURKEY: Combine remaining 2 teaspoons kosher salt and baking powder in small bowl. Remove turkey from refrigerator and unwrap. Thoroughly
6. Once oven has come to temperature, return turkey in V-rack to roasting pan and roast until skin is golden brown and crisp, thickest part of breast registers 160 degrees, and thickest part of thigh registers 175 degrees, about 45 minutes, rotating pan halfway through. Transfer turkey to carving board and let rest, uncovered, 30 minutes. 7. While turkey rests, reduce oven temperature to 400 degrees. Whisk eggs and remaining 1/2 cup broth together in small bowl. Pour egg mixture over stuffing and toss to combine, breaking up any large chunks; spread in buttered 13by 9-inch baking dish. Bake until stuffing registers 165 degrees and top is golden brown, about 15 minutes. Carve turkey and serve with stuffing.
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO â&#x20AC;˘ SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
I. DRY BRINE Salting turkey 24 to 48 hours seasons meat and keeps moisture inside.
4. BARD Draping strips of salt pork on turkey as it roasts enricfYes .it with deep fl avor.
holes in fatty deposits speeds up fat-rendering process.
3. DRY RUB Rubbing skin with baking powder and salt just before roasting encourages browning.
S. INSIDE/OUTSIDE Combining stuffing cooked inside bird with uncooked stuffing, then baking, yields best flavor.
6. HIGH -HEAT FIN ISH Blasting bird with intense heat for last 45 minutes of roasting helps crisp skin.
ROASTED * * BRUSSELS * SPROUTS
Image yanked from Cook 's Illustrat ed # 10 1 Nov-Dec 2009
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CRANBERRY SAUCE
You spend the entire day in the kitchen. Hours upon hours of work preparing the absolute best meal, and then you unceremoniously pop open the can of cranberry sauce. It's almost insulting to the other foods. While the ribbed -for-your-pleasure jellied sauce is amusing, do you have any idea how simple It is to make fresh cranberry sauce? 1 cup sugar 1 cup water 112 oz package fresh or frozen cranberries. In a saucepan bring water and sugar to a boil; stirring to dissolve sugar. Add cranberries, return to a boil. Reduce heat, simmer for 10 minutes or until cranberries burst. Done. Stop. Walk away. I have a relative that likes to bury oranges, nuts, Chex Mix, cat food and God -knows -whatelse in cranberry sauce. There's simply no need for that. Take it off the heat, and place in freezer to chill out and firm up. Enjoy your meal and promptly refrigerate all leftovers.
Shut up they're good. Really. Costco sells bags of very nice sprouts for about $3.75 Heat oven to 400* Take a pound or two of sprouts and halve lengthwise. Toss lightly in oil (e.g. olive, coconut) Season with salt & pepper or spices of your choice. Arrange on cookie sheet and roast for 17-20 min. Make festive with optional handfuls of parmesan cheese or crumbled bacon sprinkled over top just before serving.
NOVE M BER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013
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NOVEMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 2013 BY KOZ MCKEV
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
See the world through new eyes.
Getting what you want may be
There is no clear division
Most people that are very lucky
Take care of financial issues and
You've got the energy,
Check in with your interpersonal
different than getting what you
between the natural world and
are also very unlucky at times.
bills first thing this week. Find a
consciousness and power to
relationships. Take your service
need. To keep love fresh you may
the world of humans except for
Looking for the good during a
song or a sound that makes you
make a positive impact this
work to a new level of excellence.
need to try something different.
the need for money. You are in
crisis or a hardship takes mental
feel good about life. Negotiate
week. The moon in Virgo
Learn to work closely with
Don't expect to be in control
a good position to negotiate
discipline. The beginning of the
tasks for the Thanksgiving
Monday through early afternoon
others. Be ready to learn more.
during this period. During the
for what you want. Things that
week is good for chatting with
weekend with siblings or close
Wednesday puts a positive spin
On Thanksgiving you're likely to
beginning of the week focus on
were left unfinished last month
friends or siblings. Thanksgiving
friends. You may need to do
on service work. Give courage to
be with your partner's family.
matters of the heart. By the end
can finally move forward. Focus
day the focus needs to be on
things for your parents as
those that need some positive
The weekend looks good for
of the week a breakthrough in
on family needs towards the
older relatives. By the weekend
we get to the weekend. Your
words. The weekend looks good
an in-depth look into the world
partnership or employment can
beginning of the week. Be
your creative juices will be
creative energy will begin to
for travel and education.
flowing once again.
flow more freely. Reflect on the
of birth, sex, death, and other
be expected. Keep a good sense
sensitive to your parents' desires.
people's property.
of humor during challenges.
Thanksgiving will provide you
needs of your children as well
with creative opportunities.
as the needs of your lover.
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
Venus transiting your fourth
Express your values through
You are now officially the flavor
This is a time of deep
You are the friend that loves
None of us are so different
house brings a focus on parents,
music and song. Mars transiting
of the month. The beginning
introspection for you. In this
friends more than family. Future
that there isn't a part of us that
PISCES
heritage, and domestic life. Ask
your eleventh house brings
of the week is a good time to
place of reflection you get many
planning and socializing are the
conforms to social expectations.
yourself how you feel about
dynamic people to your social
show off your many talents
insights. Your imagination is
focus for the next few weeks. It is
We cover our privates when we
things rather than what you
circle. Practice listening to others
and skills. Thanksgiving Day
open to many possibilities. You' ll
likely that you will travel for the
go out in public or we get arrested
think about things. Thanksgiving
more during Thanksgiving. Give
looks like a social experience
be in the public eye much of this
Thanksgiving holiday. You may
by authorities. Don't rock the
day features a moon in Libra.
help to those that might seem
with good friends all around
weekend. Work out your old
even go on some sort of spiritual
boat means your actions can get other people in hot water. See the
People want to get along and
isolated. The weekend features
you. The weekend looks good
karma. Pay your bills. Forgive
sojourn. The weekend looks
are kind to each other. Avoid
the moon in Scorpio. Love can be
for meditation, helping those
those that hurt you. Forgive
good for career and developing
big picture and work from a place
traveling early that morning as
a way of transforming situations
that are shut in, or just enjoying
yourself as well. Pay attention to
your leadership skills.
of compassion.
accidents and detours are more
by being generous and kind.
the pleasures of the bed with a
dreams.
likely. The weekend looks good
loved one.
economically.
Koz McKev 1s on You Tube, on cable 17 BCTV, 1s heard on 90/FM KZFR Ch!C:o, and also available by appOJntment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozm!C:kev@sunsetnet
GREAT AUTUMN READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel. Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group. In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe. ADVERTISEMENT
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NOV EMBER 25 - DECEMBER 1, 201 3
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