5XQ1h~~rn FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16 For 20 years The Synthesis' goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.
PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett kathy@synmedia.net
MANAGING EDITOR Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Alex Light Alex@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-your-event/
DESIGNERS Colin Leiker, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net
DELIVERIES Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Jaime O'Neill, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Dan O'Brien, Negin Riazi, Jayme Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme
PHOTOGRAPHY Jessica Sid Vincent Latham
NERD Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net
RETHINKING SEX ED
HOW TO VALENTINE
LOVE AND BICYCLES
Let's get serious about what we're not teaching the kids; sex is only one side of the relationship coin, and as it turns out, a lot of teens are messing each other up big time.
A guide for singles with an evil streak: how to strike back on V-Day and make things miserable for the couples in your life.
Wondering how to incorporate your bicycle into your romantic plans? Get your mind out of the gutter and into the bike lane, we found a way for you to legitimize your vela-love.
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ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby
DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter
OWNER Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net
The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published
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in these pages are the property of Apartment 8
Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions.
IMMACULATE INFECTION
PAGE 5 PRODUCTIVITY WASTED
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COMICAL RUMINATIONS
One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is
SEXYTIMES
available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions
and the Synthesis.
PAGE 7 UNSOLICITED ADVICE
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PAGE 20 OLD CROCK
The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at
the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also
edit your submission for content and space.
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210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
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PET OF THE WEEK
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
CH-CH-CHANGES
ADOPT ME! Bandit is a two month old Boxer mix pup who came to us as a stray. Since Bandit was so young we immediately sent him to a foster home . He's now ready to be adopted to a wonderful family! Here's what Bandit's foster mom has to say about him: Bandit is an outgoing boy who loves to fetch.
2579 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 • (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane .org
NOW HEAR THIS Synthesis Weekly Playlist TANNER KILLER MIKE - "BIG BEAST" COLIN
PACO DE LUCIA - "ENTRE DOS AGUAS"
DAIN
DISCO CHURCH - "OPEN BUTT SURGERY"
HOWL
SUN KIL MOON - "BEN'S MY FRIEND"
KATYA
KILLER MIKE - "BUTANE"
MIKE
LIL JOHN - "DAMN"
AMY
MADELINE PEYROUX - "MUDDY WATER"
ALEX
EX HEX - "HOT AND COLD"
VIV
DESPOT - "HOUSE MADE OF BRICKS"
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FEB RUA RY 10 - FE BR UARY 16, 2014
So ... did you notice?
Another big thing has happened in the world of Synthesis/Syn Media/ Whateverthefuck: our resident tech genius (and my personal love genius) (Ew, sorry for saying that), Mr. Dain Sandoval, left for the brickier pastures of Chico State's IT Support Services Department.
As an avid reader of our masthead every week, I'm sure you've been waiting with breathless anticipation for my name to stop being listed as both the Managing Editor and the Entertainment Editor. The redundancy has been burning my eyes so hard, but I just couldn't delete the department from that list because that would mean I was never going to fill the position. And I seriously, SERIOUSLY needed the help. Well, my delightful and diligent readers, as I'm sure you noticed, last week it finally happened. I finally have a Sigfried to my Roy (pre-mauling) in taming this paper beast: our brand new, 100 percent official Entertainment Editor, the multi-faceted and multi-talented Alex Light! I've gotta tell ya, I'm absolutely giddy. Alex is a brilliant writer, who's been contributing under a top-secret nom de plume for ages-he's clever and insightful, and he's as enthusiastic about supporting our local art and music scene as I am. I'm thinking of getting us Wonder Twin rings. I can be like, "Form of: a sane person!" This change is going to mean so much as far as improving the function and content of the paper, as well as improving my ability to tend to basic hygiene and household chores, plan my stupid wedding, and have a little fun for a change (Sex. I'm referring to sex). Plus I get to come up with a bunch of metaphors involving famous duos, and lord knows I love doing that!
Dain has been the man behind the curtain around here since 2005. Well, 1998 if you count the lurking years (he likes lurking). He's been the source of filthy humor, the writer of last minute articles, the voice of reason, the group memory bank through all the staffing changes, and the resolver of every inane or insane technical issue you can imagine. There is every possibility that without him the computers will all explode and we will be forced to hand out leaflets drawn in crayon in lieu of the paper. Not gonna lie, I'm legitimately scared of that one. Luckily for me we live together, and I still get to enjoy his lewd comments and selfies next to my butt every time I bend over for something. I'm excited for the future. I like having a team again; it's great knowing I could enjoy the luxury of catching the flu. And I like the sense of adventure heading into the unknown; the thrill of reacting in the moment. Even when struggles come along, there's the sense of empowerment from surviving them, the deeper understanding of who you are and what you're capable of. And every now and then the surprises are farewell taco parties, that result in pictures of Dai n's face being forever taped over every poster in the office, which is oddly comforting in those moments when my email is doing something weird.
AMY OLSON - AMY@SYNTHESIS.NET SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
IMMACULATE INFECTION BY BOB HOWARD - MADBOB@MADBOB COM
REDUNDANCY IS REDUNDANT Growing Toward a Sustainable Future
CSU, Chico I March 6-8 Join us for over 80 presentations and workshops presented by sustainability professionals from California and beyond. Topics include: The Super Bowl sent me into a Monday funk. Not because I was invested in either team-as a lifelong Raider fan I am genetically obligated to hold Denver in disdain. I have nothing against Seattle, but I don't really care about them one way or the other. Apart from hype, the advertisements, and the spectacular nonsense, the game was simply pathetic. I am a football addict in some state of recovery. This season I watched fewer games than I have since the years the Raiders spent down in Los Angeles. I seriously maybe only watched ten games all season long-I used to watch at least three games a week. I guess it wasn't only the pathetic melodrama that depressed me-it was like I finally saw behind the curtain, and there was nothing back there. A lot of things are striking me that way these days. I don't know what's causing these feelings. We're collectively investing so much emotion and energy into things that are absolutely meaningless.
Slow Down, You Move Too Fast My world moves a lot slower these days than it used to. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling behind. I don't have cable TV, our internet connection is so slow as to make anything other than email and static websites practically inaccessible, and we're lousy about getting the Netflix DVD's back into the mail regularly. 20 Feet From Greatness, a documentary
made fantastic simply by the talent of the vocalists it focuses on, sat on our end table for a week, sealed and ready to mail, before I realized it never made it to the post office. On the other hand, a falcon just flew by and landed in an oak tree on the corner of the property, and right now I'm listening to a couple of dogs, a mile or so apart, howling back and forth to one another. It sounds mournful, but I don't know if it is. As versed as I am in pidgin-canine, I've yet to figure that code out. Yesterday, on our morning walk, we accidentally flushed a fox from the brambles. Coveys of quail abound.
Sustainable Food & Agriculture Energy, Water & Climate Issues Business and Economic Strategies Sustainable Lifestyle Goals Sustainability in Education Emerging Ideas
Keynote speakers include: Anya Fernald - CoFounder & CEO, Bel Campo Sec. Karen Ross - CA. Dept of Food & Agriculture Dayna Baumeister - CoFounder & Keystone, Biomimicry 3.8 Michael Dimock - President, Roots of Change John Ikerd - Professor Emeritus of Agricultural Economics., Univ. of Missouri, Columbia
Freedom in Shackles I've been working up in the mountains; the work is solitary. The steady roar of a chainsaw, filtered to a purr by aviator style ear muffs, accompanies the thoughts I haven't figured out how to slow down. They close in on me at a time when I've been hoping my brain would finally open up. Last night I had vivid dreams of flying, but while I was flying I was crying tears of frustration and despair. Contradictory feelings: freedom in shackles, things never seem to go according to plan. The job I used to have was steady and constant, a numbing exercise-a grind. But it provided a structure I didn't understand how much I'd come to rely on. I currently enjoy more self-determination than ever before, and sometimes it scares the crap out of me.
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This conference is open to all ages and all students attend for free with valid student ID.
ASSOCIATED STUDENTS
J
csu chico '
Hosted by the Institute for Sustainable Development and the Associated Students at Chico State.
(530) 898-3333 -twts@csuchico.edu
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
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PRODUCTIVITY WASTED BY ELI SCHWARTZ
AMBITION, MONEY, ROBOTS: REROLL
A new game by the name of ReROLL has appeared and grabbed attention with a monumental marketing gimmick: it's mapping the world. The company that makes it, PIXYUL, a team headed by ex-Ubisoft and ex-EA developers, is in partnership with SenseFly, a company that makes unmanned aerial drones specially purposed for the scanning and surveying of large tracts of land. The partnership, although unorthodox, unlocks incredible potential. The developers plan to map out a significant portion of the entire planet, creating "The Ultimate Open World Playground," with huge open areas set to real scale, and in areas monitored for realtime weather. Then all of the info is fitted into a game engine to create accurate portraits of landscapes in which to murder other players. The project is enormously, stupendously ambitious. Ambition and largeness are not new to the gaming world, they can be plainly seen in 1996's Daggerfall, the 2nd in the prodigious Elder Scrolls series, games so well infamous for their size and depth that fragile relationships tremble and shatter upon the release of a new title. Nor is it at all rare in the new world; beloved Polish developer CD Projekt Red's highly anticipated Witcher 3 is expected to be one of the largest games made in the past decade, yet its two predecessors are lauded for their depth and attention to detail. With the development of gaming technology reaching new heights, ambition is in. But ambitions cost money. ReROLL's
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ambitions are particularly grand, what with the whole plot to map the contours of the planet earth and then sell it to the video games community. As such it requires money, and it isn't afraid to let you know that its funding comes from players becoming what they call "Gamer Angels," people who buy extra packages to play the game. Of course, the extra packages seem a bit benign : a katana, an ATV, a silenced pistol; cool but not game breaking. Except those are just the preorder bonuses. Want the base class for their game? Twenty bucks. Want a better class? That'll be sixty dollars. Want the best class? It's only a hundred bucks to own anyone who comes at you! Want all the classes? That's available in a special bundle deal and it's only 275 dollars! The already aging adage of "Free-to-play, pay-to-win" might apply very well to PIXYUL's grand scheme, except the game isn't free. Recently EA's new mobile Dungeon Keeper was reamed by the community for its pay-towin strategy, and the influx of free-to-play games over the past four or so years have found themselves struggling to find a proper balance of incentives that will make them money without alienating the savvy members of their player base. But ReROLL is still in development, and the money for huge projects, especially those produced by independent studios (even ones helmed by veterans), can be difficult to come by. Funding and diminishing returns plague the ever-soaring ambitions of modern gaming, (especially for the PC community and its huge piracy variable) and ReROLL is a fascinating study into the technology and economics of video games today.
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
COMICAL RUMINATIONS BY ZOOEY MAE - ZOOEYMAE@SYNTHESIS NET
BLOBFISH BLUES
My mother used to tell me a story about how she had a pet goat for a few days. One day on a walk, she and her sister found a little baby goat wandering around, bleating in that way that goats do: equal parts pathetic and adorable. They decided the sensible thing to do was to bring it home with them, and make it their new goat friend. Agreeing that the lavatory would make the perfect "welcome home, we now have a pet goat" staging area for their mother, they shut the goat in the bathroom and waited. Amazingly, their mother (or "01' Garn Garn," as I call her), agreed to keep their new four-legged friend, but they all ended up collectively deciding it was a poor choice. Turns out that goats, even little adorable ones, really love charging and head butting things as a whimsical way of playing. Good between two goats (or a goat and a brick wall), but not so great when it's between a goat and a child (or two). I can understand the inclination to give up an adorable pet who head butts everything, but I can't help thinking that a better solution would have been to swaddle the family in bubble wrap. If I'd been given a pet goat I think I probably would have made it a fort out of those dumb orange bike helmets we used to get at safety assemblies in elementary school. I don't know about you guys, but seeing the assembly leaders demonstrate the fragility of the human skull by smashing watermelons didn't especially inspire me to wear a helmet. It mostly just instilled the belief that I should always be
scared of tripping and spilling my brain meats out. If you've wondered what life would be like for a goat, roaming around and being generally adorable with a penchant for headbutting, you're in luck. Coffee Stain Studios, a Swedish game company is in the process of creating a game appropriately called Goat Simulator. The game seems to mostly consist of a goat running around urban and rural areas, running, headbutting, frolicking and generally just having a grand ol' goat time (except for getting hit by a car a few times). You can see a video of the alpha gameplay on line now. Lastly, in cinema news Colin Farrell (In Bruges), Jason Clarke (Zero Dark Thirty), and Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener), have reportedly all signed on to star in The Lobster, a love(ish)-type story that takes place in a dystopian future and is currently in pre-production. Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos (Dogtooth), is tackling the film in which single people are arrested and brought to a creepy hotel and ordered to find a mate in 45 days. If they fail, they're transformed into an animal and released into the woods. I have two reactions to this news. First, with so many movies these days being remakes of old movies or books, it's kind of refreshing to hear of a plot that I haven't heard before. Secondly, if you find yourself single this Valentine's Day, maybe you should count yourself lucky that you don't have to worry about someone forcing you to pair off, lest they turn you into a Blobfish.
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FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
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Sitting uncomfortably in the hard plastic chairs, we watched our teacher write the names of diseases across the whiteboard. The sloppy, black scrawl of "Chlamydia" marred its pristine surface as he drilled home the purpose of his lesson: sex can defile you if you don't protect yourself. We learned about insidious viral sores that could never be cured. We learned about warts and cervical cancer, about gonorrhea and syphilis. We learned about HIV and AIDS, and dying along with every person we'd ever slept with (and every person that person had ever slept with, and on and on, forever). One day a panel of girls from Fair View-the "bad kids" high school-were paraded in to tell their cautionary tales of teen pregnancy. One of them blushed bright red as she told us she had never even had sex; her boyfriend ejaculated outside of her once and those little sperms found their way in. Of course, that was all probably a lie to scare us straight, or maybe to salvage some scrap of her dignity. We left that class knowing how to put a condom on a banana, armed with statistics about how the best protection (besides abstinence, but let's be serious) combined condoms and birth control, and completely certain that the worst thing that could ever come from sex was to become physically polluted and socially debased. We made secret vows to ourselves about how we would never be one of those people, vows that many of us could never keep. Missing from those lessons-at the most critical point in our lives for such knowledge-was any mention of how to
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build healthy relationships and recognize bad ones, of how to establish consent, or of how to handle it when the world of love and sex goes wrong. These omissions are tied directly to the failure rates of sex education in preventing pregnancy and disease, and unfortunately the consequences reach even further. According to studies (cited by Joveisrespect.org): "Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STI. Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide." On top of that, many people never escape that world, and their adult relationships are just as bad or worse. According to Professor Amy Bonomi, a lead researcher into teen dating violence: "Approximately one in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, and more than one-third of young adults who reported being victims of dating violence as teenagers had two or more abusive partners." In some studies the numbers are even higher, depending on the behaviors included in the definition for the survey. Studying all this has been a staggering experience. Everyone I knew in high school (including me) was conducting their relationships with some element of unhealthy, abusive behavior woven in. Name calling, yelling, temper tantrums, manipulations, harassment, coercion into sexual behaviors, separating their partners from their friends,
controlling who they were allowed to talk to, destroying belongings, constantly checking up on their partners and making wild accusations ...Whoever was on the giving or receiving end, we all thought this was acceptable, because it was normal. But that's the way an unguided animal with intense hormones will behave: wildly and aggressively. There has to be some instruction, some light shed on how to be healthy in the way we love. This whole-relationship education is easily just as important in protecting the minds of young people as condoms are for protecting their bodies. If we really value our youth, these things need to be widely taught in order to undermine the abusive peer-culture that most teens currently look to when deeming what behavior is acceptable-and it has to begin at the age when intimate relationships are starting to form, which, these days, is in early adolescence. Obviously there are tomes upon tomes of expert analysis on the subject of how to have healthy relationships and escape cycles of abuse, and if there can ever be an evolution of sexed into something more holistic, of course the curriculum should draw from them. But for the sake of putting some hard-earned lessons out there for the young 'uns in the meantime, I'd like to share some of my own experiences and what they taught me. One of my first major adult relationships was a total mess. It started out OK, but just a few weeks in we were bickering. He was a little unreliable, a little impatient about spending time with my friends, and a little bit of a flirt with
SYNTHES I SWEE KLY.CO M
all the girls; all of which was more than a little frustrating. Usually he was very playful and affectionate though, and I felt like that good dynamic was the foundation of our future. I also didn't really believe I could do better, because my prior relationships had all had similar problems. Things escalated . We moved to San Francisco together. He started going out without telling me where; not coming home for days at a time. No explanations and no apologies, because I "wasn't his mom." Pretty soon the bickering turned into daily screaming matches. When we were walking down the street and he saw a pretty girl, he'd actually whistle and cat-call her. More and more, it seemed like he was trying to prove something to me about my place in the relationship. If he told me he was going to give me a ride to work and I skipped the bus, odds were he'd decide to make a stop along the way that made me late, or just change his mind and flake altogether. Once he even left me standing outside a warehouse party where I had performed, all alone at 2am in a skimpy dance costume-assuming I'd know he didn't feel like driving after all, and that I'd find my own way home. Walking those three miles through some of the worst neighborhoods in the city-tired, shivering and crying-my will finally broke . I thought about how I should've left him right at the start, but instead I had clung to what I had hoped it would turn into. I had fought for that imaginary relationship; tried to convince him he was being an asshole, and tried to berate him into changing. The idea of hearing my own voice in battle mode one more time made me feel sick. I ended it the next day. I do think he was an asshole, but I see now that I was too; we were in a struggle to control each other, and it was a miserable, mutually abusive relationship . Lesson : Fighting all the time means your relationship is terrible, and you can't use anger to create happiness. Get out before you turn into a monster. I decided at the beginning of my next major relationship that I didn't want to fight anymore . I had met a guy who was mostly really nice, except that when things didn't go his way he had a temper issue. I experimented with responding passively to the verbal outbursts, after all, they weren't directed at me. Things escalated . We moved in together. When he got angry over things like dishes being undone when I had a lot of sewing orders, or when he blamed my $5 lipstick purchase for not having enough money to pay a $50 phone bill, I would apologize and try to smooth things over. I would try to use all the "I feel" statements psychologists recommend, but he would respond with greater aggression, accusing me of trying to sound like I was above him or trying to manipulate him with tears, and I'd apologize. We moved to a place way out in the middle of nowhere, hours from my friends and family, and his mood swings became my sun and moon. He made all of our major decisions, many of which were reckless and expensive. Still though, I was so proud of the fact that we never fought. I felt that I had grown so much, and that if I set a good example he would learn to handle his emotions the way I did. It didn't sink in for years that he had successfully dominated me, and that my submissive posture was what he wanted
so he could feel strong and secure. The long stretches of harmony made me think we were the happy couple everyone thought we were, but then something stressful would come along and my world was all eggshells again. My strength faded so gradually that by the time I realized I was unhappy I felt almost too weak to leave. Lesson (that I should've learned the first time): What you see in the beginning is a seed of what will grow, and all outwardly directed behavior will eventually be aimed at you. Also, it takes two to make a thing go right (should 've listened to Rob Base); whether you're reacting aggressively or passively to a person who treats you wrong, it still equals a bad relationship. One of the most important things I ever learned is that at the root of all anger there is fear. It can be of losing power or independence, of being cheated on or being abandoned ... whatever it is, the fear is a part of that person from before you ever met them, and the way they choose to deal with it will permeate your world one way or another. If you aren't ready to take a step back and deal with your feelings objectively, you have no business in a relationship. Do work; take the time to look within and gain perspective on when your emotions originated, and on the power you're allowing them to have over you. Hell, stick to casual flings for a while while you sort yourself out (wear a condom though, please). Likewise, if a potential partner isn't clearly someone who can be trusted to be faithful, treat others with respect, and behave in a respectable manner, it's a good idea to get to know them before getting involved, or choose a more suitable partner. Ignore the fact that it's a cliche, because it's profoundly true: You can only change yourself, never another person .
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All cautionary tales aside, love and sex can be the most positive thing in the whole world when it's right. So what is it that makes a dynamic between two people healthy? Well, to put it simply: it takes two people who understand themselves, who genuinely like and respect each other, and some really good chemistry. If you understand yourself, why you feel the way you feel and make the choices you make, it's easy to communicate your experience, and it's easy to empathize when someone else shares theirs. This communication breeds trust and a sense of shared experience . If you genuinely like and respect someone, it's easy to treat them well and give them the benefit of the doubt when something isn't said or done just right. Your first instinct will be to clarify rather than jump to conclusions. You'll find it easy to support them, and find ways to brighten their day. If you have really good chemistry, life is full of energy and excitement. It's easy to make any moment spontaneous, and sex is awesome . Like, crazy awesome. Final lesson: If being with this person makes you glow brighter and draws out a better you than ever before, you're in a good relationship. If you feel diminished, afraid of their reactions, and isolated from the people who used to empower you, seek some help and perspective from your loved ones, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1(800) 799-7233, or Catalyst 1-800-799SAFE(7233) to get connected with local services. There are tons of great on line resources as well, however if you have reason to be afraid of your partner, please be sure they have no way to monitor your internet activity. Anyway, happy Valentine's Day, and happy Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month!
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
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HOW TO VALENTINE: A SINGLE USERS GUIDE BY SIR TAINT VALENTINE, ESQ. Well kids, it's that time of year again, when Cupid and his minions come out to play. For some of you this might be the holiday you've been waiting for. Maybe you're in a new relationship; you've still got that tingly, squirmy, maggots in your tum-tum feeling whenever you look at your significant other (Ah, love!). Or maybe you're in a relationship that you've been in for quite a while, and you're wondering how to mix up the usual Walgreens box of candy (or the old standby: the chain-each-other-tothe-bed routine). Well, if you're romantically attached, then you probably don't need a guide explaining how to Valentine. For My Single Weirdos Listen Bozo, I get it. You're alone, and the idea of a day dedicated to celebrating and glorifying the romantic relationships of everyone around you is about as appealing as that time you woke up because you forgot to shut the window in your bedroom and the stray cats who live in the dumpster outside were licking your face. But hey, Valentine's Day doesn't have to be all about red hearts and those Russell Stover candies that taste like someone coated balls of toothpaste with melted brown candles. Speaking from my most mature and thoughtful place (located somewhere around my left elbow, I think), Valentine's Day isn't only for couples, but a day to celebrate love in general. Whether that's calling your parents and telling them that you love them, or just giving your dog an extra head pat, it's a day for celebrating the comfort that comes from loving, and being loved. Barf. Ami rite? Living life as your best, most mature self is nice in theory, but in practice I'm a bigger proponent of the Bill Watterson line of thinking: "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." You might wonder how you can still enjoy the 14th without someone to get weird with. Well, Dear Singleton, I have a few suggestions for you. Eatery Hijinks Make a reservation for one at your favorite fancy eatery. It's a given that you'll be surrounded by couples. Try eavesdropping on the tables around you and try (frantically is best) to include yourself in their conversation. Her: "I love you, Honey." Him: "I love you too. I can't believe it's already been a year since that first summer day when I laid eyes on you .. " You : "I went out in the sun once. A few months later all my moles turned green and started falling off my body. When I caught my cat, Henry Huggins chewing on one, I knew I had to do something. So now I only come out at night. That looks good, what did you order, can I try some?"
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If being chatty isn't really your style, just cry loudly through your entire meal and blow your nose into your napkin, then ask to borrow the napkins of those dining around you. If the restaurant features a set menu for two, pretend to feed an imaginary date their meal, or bring a surrogate, like your favorite childhood stuffed animal. Roommate Chicanery If the idea of going out on Valentine's Day is especially repulsive to you, you're not alone. However, if you live with a roommate or two, chances are that at least one of them is going to bring their awful girlfriend back to your place. I suggest a two pronged attack. Start by reminding yourself how many times she's done her laundry at your house, or left the front door unlocked to get yourself good and angry. Then, before they get home, leave a slew of Post-It notes around for them to find. Include messages like the following:
"Dear (insert roommate's name here}, I understand that you have weak bowel control, but please stop pooping in the shower. Or if you do, clean it up. Cordially yours, (your name here)." -or-
"Dear (insert roommate's name here}, once again you've left your collection of erotic ALF fan fiction out in the living room. I've told you before that sexualizing a character from my childhood like that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I also don't appreciate the drawings you included of you and ALF acting out scenes from your stories. Please
keep that bananas shit to yourself Sincerely, (your name here)." Top the night off by alternating Kevin Federline's debut album Playing With Fire, and "You're Having My Baby" by Paul Anka. The atmosphere of awful that you will have created in your house is sure to at least ruin everyone's night, if not clear your house entirely. Alternative tips include constructing an elaborate maze leading from the front door to your roommate's bedroom entirely out of bed sheets. This one will take some preplanning with some fishing line and well-placed screws, but if you can pull it off your roommate will think twice about bringing his beastasaur girlfriend back to your place. If all this sounds too involved, you can always end your night silently crying and masturbating to the sound of their hot monkey love, as usual. Parental Poppycock If for some reason you feel like ruining your parents' Valentine's Day by throwing a wrench into the bi-annual sex plans, then you're a horrible person. Those are your parents! In the immortal words of Mr. T, "Mutha. There is no otha. So treat her right." If you still wish to continue, then God help you. But, I'm also an awful person, so I'll still give you a little nugget of torture. Wait until about 8:30pm, when mom is two glasses of white wine into the night, and call them and say you've been arrested. Seriously, works every time. My brother and I have both called them to say we've been arrested. One of us was kidding, but both of us succeeded in ruining their day.
SYNTHESIS WEEKLY. COM
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For more info contact: AyA · Management and CEO of ArrrDa Vision and BroadwayRudeboy Enterprise
Call: 949-540-8532 Email: broadwayrudeboy@gmail.com
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
11
Closed.
Closed
We need to drink, too!
MON
TUE
Com e see our beautiful M enu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3
344 WEST BTH ST I CHICO , CA I 530-343-2790
THU FRI SAT SUN
Daily Happy Hour
Angry Mondays!
$6.SO Pulled pork sand w/
from 4-7PM
Angry Orchard specials
fries or salad
PBR $2.2S Everyday!
$6 angry hot wings
25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone!
Nevada Drafts
Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F
3-6PM v$3.SO Dbl Wells 6PM -close
Pitchers
$8 Dom Pitcher
$1.00 off PBR & Olympia
BEER $3/4/S/6 $1 SHOTS
$9 SN Pitcher
Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
FREE Pool after lOPM
Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PB Rs $2Tacos !
$6.SO before 6 PM
$1.00 off Sierra and Dom
2 DOLLAR TUESDAY!
Daily Happy Hour
Food & Drink specials!
from 4-7PM
11AM-2PM $2.50 SN &
PBR $2.2S Eve ryday!
MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE
Chicken Strip Sand only
Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F
DOLLAR DAZE 6-9pm
Dom Drafts
$1.00 off Sierra and Dom
$1 Be er $1 W ells
2-close $2.50 w ells & Dom
Pitch ers
$2 Doubles
Drafts $3.50 Dbl Wells &
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia
FREE Pool after lOPM
Kami shots
Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
Come see our beautiful
WED
Closed
Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:
Mon-Fri happy hour 11-2PM $2.50 Dom & Sierra
WING WEDNESDAY!
Daily Happy Hour
Chicken Waffle Wed.!
Reuben Sand w/ fries or
Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:
$2 for 3 Wings
from 4-7PM
8 ball Tourney 6pm
salad $6.50
Menu cocktails $1 off.
Closed
$2.SO SN Pint All Day
Full Bar in Back Room
sign-up
Spm-Close 1/2 off kids
Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!
Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F
items
Sierra Nevada Draft $3 live music 8-10
Come see our beautiful
$1.00 off Sierra and Dom
8pm-Close Pitcher
$3.50 Fireball, Jim Beam,
Pitchers
Specials $6/$9/$12
Captain Morgan and
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia
FREE Pool after lOPM
Jameson
Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
8PM-Close
PBR $2.2S Everyday!
$3 20oz Slushi es
11-2PM $2.50 Dom
Daily Happy Hour
Jazz Night!
Baby Back Ribs $10.99
Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:
$2 12oz Slushi es
& Sierra Nevada Drafts
from 4-7PM
Chico Jazz Coll ective
Philly Cheesesteak $7.SO
Menu cocktails $1 off.
$2 Wells, Drafts and
3-6PM
PBR $2.2S Eve ryday!
8-midnight
Bartender Sp ecials
$3.SO Dbl W ells
Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F
6pm-Close $4 Grad t eas
SS Vodka Red Bull
8-close
$1.00 off Sierra and Dom
$3 All be er pints
$3 Soccer Moms
Pitch ers
FREE Pool after lOPM
$5 Smirnoff Blasters
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia
Si erra Nevada Draft $3
$5 DBL Roaring Vodka
Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
Food Truck Friday:
Bartender Specials
11-2PM
Daily Happy Hour
Rock Out at The DL!
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/
Pop's Pizza wood-fired
$3 14oz Slushies
$2.SO Dom &
from 4-7PM
Enjoy live Music,
Fries or Salad & Garlic
pizza's made to order on
$4 20oz Slushies
Sierra Nevada Drafts 3-6PM
Full Bar in Back Room
Great Grub,
Bread $8.99
Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!
8pm-Close $4 Jager
$3.SO Dbl Wells
PBR $2.2S Everyday!
and 10 9' foot tables Open @llam All ages untill lOpm
$6 Jager Red Bull
the patio. Happy Hour from 4-6.
8-Close $2.SO Dom & SN Drafts
$S DBL Vodka Red Bull $2 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after lOPM
We open at 12:00pm.
Bartender Sp ecials
Open at llAM
Daily Happy Hour
Rock Out at Th e DL!
Baby Back Ribs w/Salad,
Kentucky Bucks are $5
$3 14oz Slushi es
Noon-6PM
from 4-7PM
Enjoy live Music,
Fries & garlic bread
until 5pm!
$4 20oz Slushies
$8 Dom Pitcher
Full Bar in Back Room
Great Grub,
$10.99
$9 SN Pitcher
W eds, Fri & Sat Nights!
and 10 9' foot tabl es
8pm-Close
8PM-Close
PBR $2.2S Eve ryday!
Open @llam
$4 Single/$6 Doubl e
All ages untill lOpm
Jack or Captain
$6.SO DBL calls $2.50 Fire Eater Shots
$2 Si erra Nevada
$3 Fire Eate r Lemonad es
FREE Pool after lOPM
WE OPEN AT 12:00PM
10AM-2PM
$S.19 Grad/Garden/
$5 Bottles of Champagne
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Super Bowl Sunday:
MIMOSAS WITH FRESH
Bronco Burgers and Sea
Turkey Burger w/fries
SQUEEZED OJ FOR $S
with entree
PBR $2.2S Everyday!
Chicken Tuna melts $8
or salad
UNTILSPM.
$4.SO Bloody Mary
1.00 off Sierra and Dom
Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call,
SS.SO Absolut Peppar
Pitchers
$S Top, $6 Goose
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia
Mimosas $2/fiute, $S/pint
Bloody Marys
Cans
$6 Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOPM
12
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
SYNTHES I SWEE KLY. COM
~ cf~) ~:l'tf9'~ ~~!I
Lounge V1pu1tra
C HI CO CA
Text GoDownlo
BEAR-E-OKE
Happy Hour- 4-7pm $1.7S
$2 Marqis $3 Cuervo Marqis
Pints, $1.00 Shots, 1/2 off
$2.50 Corona's
Bear Burger with fries
all Single cocktails,
& Sierra Drafts
or salad for $5.29. llam-lOpm.
$1.00 Food items 2 for 1 Burgers llam-8pm
Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM $1
Happy Hour 11-6PM
select bottles & drafts BURGER MADNESS!
EVERY OAY CLOSED
$2.7S
CLOSED
Dom draft, $2 SN draft, $2 wells
BEAR WEAR!
$2 All Day
$3 Tea of the Day
Happy Hour- 4-7pm Buck
Progressive Night!
$3 Jam eson and Skyy
GoDownlo
1/2 off w hile wearing
$2 Sel ect Sierra Nevada or
Bartender Specials
night 9pm-lam
8-lOPM $1 Sierra Pale
Special
Bear W ear. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
Dom Drafts
Happy Hour 4-Spm
$2 Kamis -any flavor
$1 Kamikazes
CLOSED
Al e, Domestics, Rolling Rock & w ell cocktails up lOPM-close 25C per
hour-close Mon-Sat free pool 6-SPM
GoDownlo
TRIKE RACES!
All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3
GAME NIGHT
Happy Hour- 4-7pm
Buck Night 8-close
Post time@ lOpm.
All Day
9-llPM
1/2 off all cocktails, $1.7S
$1 well cocktails, Sierra
$3.SO Sky Vodka Cocktails
Drafts, Guest bartenders
Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling
WEST COAST SWING NIGHT
Rock, dam draft
9PM
Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.
every week
MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
$3Tea of the Day
$3 Black Butte
Bartender Specials
SS Vodka Red bull
Happy Hour S-8PM
Happy Hour 4-Bprn
$2.50 Pinnacle Cocktails
LIVE MUSIC
BURGER MADNESS!
Happy Hour 11-6PM
9pm -Close
$2.50 Pint of Sierra Nevada
Drink Specials
Bear Bu rger w ith fri es or salad for $5.29.
$2. 7S se lect bottl es &
$212oz Teas
drafts
$3 20oz Teas
SO ce nt we ll drinks
$2 Well, Dom Bottles &
9-lOpm $2 Kamis,
bartend er Specials
$2 Fireball, $3 Ch erry
SS Vodka Red Bull
Blaste rs, $2
lOPM - Midnight
bottl e Beer lOpm-lam
Half Off Rockstar Cocktails
llam-lOpm. $2 16oz W ells
Happy Hour-4-7pm
$3 Hot Licks
Happy Hour S-8PM
$4.50 Doubl e Ba cardi
$5 House Martinis
8-9PM $1 pale al e
$4 Glass of Hous e Wine
and dam draft up 25C per hour until clos e $6.50 Apple Cinnamon
$3 Well Cocktails 20% off wine by bottl e $1 off Call liquor
and bottled bee r
Cid er $2.SO Fireball Shots
LIVE MUSIC
LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR
Free Happy Hour Food
$3 Tea of the Day
Happy Hour-4-7pm
Power Hour 8-9PM
Happy Hour 5-SPM
$2.50 Pints of Sierra
Drink Specials
BURGER AND FRIES FOR
4PM until it's gone
Bartender Specials
$5 Fridays 4-Spm Most
1/2 off Liquor & Drafts
$5 House Martinis
food items and pitchers of
9PM-Close
$4 Glass of House Wine
beer are $5
$3 Pale Ale Drafts
$3 Well Cocktails
Nevada
ONLY $4.99!
$5.50 Double Pinnacle
Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.
Happy Hour 11-6PM
Vodka & Red Bull
select wells, bottles and
$3 Double Well Cocktails
pints $2.7S
$9.75 Pale Pitchers
20% off wine by bottle $1 off Call liquor and bottled beer
Half Off Rockstar Cocktails
LIVE MUSIC
LATE NIGHT EATS! BEAR
$4 Sex On Th e Beach
$3 Tea of th e Day
Happy Hour- 4-7pm
Mon-Sat 3PM-6PM
Happy Hour 5-SPM
$2.50 Pint of Sierra Nevada
Drink Specials
BURGER AND FRIES FOR
$4 Sierra Nevada Knightro
Bartend er Specials
Hot dog menu all day
$1 Dom draft, $2 SN draft,
$5 House Martinis
ONLY $4.99! Mon-Sat lOpm - lam.
ON TAP
11am-8pm, All Day and
$2 we lls
$4 Glass of House Wine
$1 Jello Shots
All Night Tall cans of beer
Power Hour 8-9PM
$3 W ell Cocktails
7-lOPM $3 Rumpy, Jager
(24oz) $ 3.SO, $2 Capri sun
1/ 2 off Liquor & Drafts
20% off w ine by bottl e
and Fireball
Shots, All Teas $3.SO, Tea
9-Clos e Pal e Al e Drafts
$1 off Call liquor
Party 9-llpm 32oz Teas
$9.75 Pal e Pitch ers
and bottled bee r
CLOSED
CLOSED
$3 Featured Shot of th e Night
are $2.SO HALF OFF EVERYTHING
Call To Rent For Private
BURGER MADNESS!
$4 World Famous Bloody
Brunch lOam - 2pm
Happy Hour- 4-7pm
(Except Red Bull and
Party
Bear Burger with fries
Joe
Football Specials:
Champagne Brunch
or salad for $5.29.
$5 Premium bloodys
Bucket of Beer
930am-lpm, Every Nfl
llam-lOpm.
your choice of vodka
Bacardi Cocktails
Game (20 Tv's), $3 Bloody
Skyy & Red Bull
marys,
Premium Liquors) Go Down Lo
$3 screwdrivers, $5 pitchers of beer
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
13
THIS WEEK ONLY BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12TH FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14TH JEFFE RY BROUSSARD
EVERYBODY IN OUTER SPACE BURLESQUE
SIERRA NEVADA BIG ROOM
1078 GALLERY
Jeffery Broussard & The Creole Cowboys from Louisiana will be bringing the dance. Broussard is an awardwinning accordionist who's ready to show Chico how partying gets done down south. $20, 7:30pm.
There will be dancing, there will be costumes, there will be amazingly attractive women, and there will be music by Aubrey Debauchery & The Broken Bones. The Grim Reaper may be making an appearance, too. $15, 8pm
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH ORIGIN BELLYDANCE FINAL SHOW
MYRIAD WONDER: A 3D ART EXHIBITION
DUFFY'S TAVERN
IDEA FAB LABS
After countless performances of outstanding quality and allure, our favorite females of worldly wonder are closing the curtain on Chico's best belly dancing show. $5, 7pm
An artistic display 10 years in the making from Chico's Johnny Dutro. Mixed media sculptures on display have been crafted from found objects and driftwood, and shaped with the help ofThe Lab's 3D laser technology. Free, 3-6pm.
OTHER NEW AND EXCITING THINGS 10 MONDAY Duffy's: Kid Congo and the Pink
Monkey Birds (ex. mems ofThe Cramps}, The Hambones. $5, lOpm
12 WEDNESDAY El Rey Theatre: 3rd Annual Bob Marley Day. Tarrus Riley, Warrior King,
Mystic Roots Band. $20, 7:30pm
13 THURSDAY 1078 Gallery: Everybody In Outer Space Stayed In Room 213 burlesque show. $12 adv., $15 door. Doors 7:30, show 8pm Blue Room: Gidion's Knot, Opening Night. By Johnna Adams, dir. Martin Chavira. $10 on opening night, $12 adv., $15 door Cafe Coda: Nude And True, Icarus The Owl, Monk Warrior. $5, 7:30pm
14
FEBRU A RY 10 - FEBRU A RY 16, 2014
Laxson Auditorium: True Blues History of the Blues, with Corey Harris, Guy Davis, & Alvin Youngblood Hart. Premium/$28, Adult/$23, Senior/$21, Student/child/$15. 7:30pm LaSalle's: Live music on the patio: Steve (OB} Oberlein. Free, 6-9pm Lost On Main: Pimps Of Joytime! 9pm Woodstocks: Chico Unplugged: Songwriter's acoustic showcase. Winners will be chosen to receive free recording time at CSUC, a CD release show, and promotion. 7-9pm
14 FRIDAY BMU: Vagina Monologues 2014. Tix $10 students, $13 General Adm., $15 door. 7:30 pm Cafe Coda: PONTIAK, Golden Void, Shadow Limb. $10, 8pm
Chico Women's Club: Ann Ran-
dolph's LOVELAND. Solo Theatre Performance. $20, 7:30pm Habitat Lab: Love and Bicycles, a date night bicycle ride. Dinner, & The Railflowers perform. $50 for ride and dinner, $40 for dinner only. Ride 4-7pm, dinner 7:30pm Lost On Main: Make Her Smile V-Day ft. Maker's Mile and Sofa King. 8pm The Maltese: Lisa Valentine, Vandella (SF}. 9pm
lett, Big Tree Fall Down . buy tix@ The Dungeon . $15, 9pm Maltese: Furlough Fridays, Motown Filthy. $5, 9:30pm Montstros: Smak City, Chemical Burn, Kong, Guerilla Monsoon. $5, 8pm Naked Lounge: Vulturus: Photography Exhibition by Kyle Burns. Ft. music by Hasta La Pizzas. Free, 7pm The Rendezvous: ALO, ft. Rainbow Girls. $25 adv., $29 door. 8pm
15 SATURDAY
16 SUNDAY
BMU: Vagina Monologues 2014. Tix $10 students, $13 General Adm., $15
Laxson Auditorium: An Embrace of Romantic Masters. Chico State theatre students join the Symphony to portray the story of Romeo And Juliet. 2pm
door. 2pm & 7:30 pm Cafe Coda: Cold Blue Mountain,
Wake (from Canada), Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy. $5, 8pm Lost On Main: Mad Caddies, illScar-
SYNTHESIS WEEKLY. COM
ONGOING EVENTS
10 MONDAY
100th Monkey: Healing Light
Meditation. Free, 7-8:15pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Women's Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Pool League. 3 player
teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until lOpm Empire Coffee: New art by Lexie Loader for sale. Maltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
11 TUESDAY
ian Dance. 5:30-7pm.
DownLo: Wednesday night jazz.
8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffy's: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. 9pm. $1. Empire Coffee: New art by Lexie Loader for sale. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am Panama Bar: Game Night. Free to play, prizes. 9-llpm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl. 9pm-lam
100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance
The Tackle Box: Swing Dance Wednesday, classes 7-9pm
class with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 7pm Cafe Flo: Open Mic Singer-Songwriter Night with Aaron Jaqua. 7-9pm
VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana. 7-9pm
Chico Women's Club: Yoga. 9-lOam. Afro Carribean Dance.
a table. Starts at 8pm
$10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:30-8:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request
Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until lOpm Empire Coffee: New art by Lexie Loader for sale. Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Shigemi and Friends. 7-9pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-lOpm. LaSalle's: ' 90s night. 21 + Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm
12 WEDNESDAY 100th Monkey: Open Mic. All ages. 7pm The Bear: Trike Races. lOpm Chico Women's Club: Afro Brazil-
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve
13 THURSDAY The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Blue Room: Gidion's Knott by
Johnna Adams. $10 on opening night. 7:30 pm Cafe Flo: Steven Truskol and The Next Door Blues Band or Mark "Porkchop" Holder. 7-lOpm Center For The Arts (PV High):
Fiddler On The Roof. $15.50-18.50 (plus $10 if purchased at the door) 7:30pm. Chico Yoga Center: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every Thursday. 8-llpm. All ages until lOpm Empire Coffee: New art by Lexie Loader for sale. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Has Beans: Open Mic Night. Signups 6pm. 7-lOpm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pmmidnight
LaSalle's: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm.
T-Bar: Live Music. 7-8:30pm
Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close. Panama Bar: Eclectic Nights. Buck
15 SATURDAY
night and DJ Eclectic spinning on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Live Acoustic with Bradley Relf. Free. 7-9pm Woodstock's: Open Mic Night
14 FRIDAY 100th Monkey: Acoustic Singer Songwriter Showcase. 7:30pm The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Morris.
9pm-close. $2, $10 VIP. The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Blue Room: Gidion's Knott by Johnna Adams. $12 adv., $15 door. 7:30 pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. llam Cafe Flo: Flo Sessions weekly music showcase. 7-lOpm Center For The Arts (PV High): Fiddler On The Roof. $15.50-18.50 (plus $10 if purchased at the door) 7:30pm. Chico Yoga Center: Friday Night Dance Jam with Mark Johnson. $10. 7-8:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays. Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm DownLo: Y, off pool. All ages until lOpm. Live Music, 8pm Duffy's: Pub Scouts- Happy Hour. 4-7pm Empire Coffee: New art by Lexie Loader for sale. The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight LaSalle's: Open Mic night on the patio . 6-9pm.
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Blue Room: Gidion's Knott by
Johnna Adams. $12 adv., $15 door. 7:30 pm. Center For The Arts (PV High): Fiddler On The Roof. $15.50-18.50 (plus $10 if purchased at the door) 7:30pm. Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at lpm. All ages until lOpm The Graduate: Free Pool after lOpm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. 8pm-midnight LaSalle's: 80's Night. 8pm-close. Maltese: Live Music - Burlesque with The Malteazers! 9pm Scotty's Landing: Music Showcase. Open Mic hosted by Rich & Kendall. 5-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
WARM UP THE WINTER AT SICILIAN CAFEI
16 SUNDAY Center For The Arts (PV High):
Fiddler On The Roof. $15.50-18.50 (plus $10 if purchased at the door) 2pm. Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until lOpm LaSalle's: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Woodstock's: NFL Sunday Ticket
Maltese: LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. EDM party. $3. 9pm Sultan's Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm
1020 MAIN STREET CHICO "-•?) 530.3~5.2233 (G••" FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
FEBRU A RY 10 - FEBRU A RY 16, 2014
15
UNSOLIC ITED ADV ICE PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
BY A N O NYMOUS - EDITORIAL@SY NTHESIS NET
YOU KNOWHOW WOMEN ARE Welcome to Unsolicited Advice-an open column for anyone who wants to tell someone (or everyone) what's what. Send your 500 word submissions to editorial@synthesis.net I don't even know where to start on this situation, but I am bursting at the seams with unsolicited advice. Recently I was in the lobby ofThe Blue Room, waiting for the seating to begin for Venus In Fur, when I overheard this guy start trying to chat up the concession girl. She was a foxy young thing in her 20s, and he was a white haired guy (probably in his 60s) with no sense of propriety. "So, are you married?" [Sort of a blunt opening, but whatever.] "Oh ... noooo ... l'm dating someone though."
[Good attempt at shutting it down .] "How's that going?" [Trying to poke for an opening in her defense: no, respect the boundary.] "Oh ... well. .. pretty good I guess ... I have some issues from past relationships though, and I pretty much expect him to disappoint me. Like the other day there was a thing he said he would come to but he never showed up. We had a big talk and worked it out though." [No no no! I get that
sible thing you could ever say to any woman under any circumstances, but especially if you're looking to get in there with her. This is not one of your buddies from the Swinging Singles condo complex, or the Midlife Crisis Support Group; this is not a person who is going to high -five you and be like, "Yeah! Women are the worst!"
Then to follow that with, " ... at a certain age she just got OLD ... " Dude, first of all : YOU ARE OLD. I'll say that loudly because I don't think your hearing is what it used to be. Certainly you're probably thrown off kilter by this per- your vision is failing because if you looked in sonal question from a stranger, and maybe a mirror you would see it. Feeling young does not entitle you to be perceived as young by a it's cathartic to tell a non-interested party about your troubles, but you're leaving him 22 year old.
an opening! Danger! Danger!] "I was married, but just recently got divorced. It isn't easy being single." [The
pity card: it will, at best, get you friendzoned.] "Why did you split up?" [Not the worst deflection; at least now you're looking for him to be insightful.] "Well you know how women are: at a certain age she just got OLD, and I still feel young and want to have a good time."
And second of all, this picture you 're painting makes it sound like you either left your poor, long-suffering wife to look for less-grey pastures to rut in-leaving her heartbroken with no love or support in her geriatric years-or you were out buying Ferraris and trying to sow your oats and she wasn't having it. Either way, you sound like an asshole, and this is going nowhere.
STOP. Seriously? Did you seriously think that was a good line? "You know how women are ..." is about the worst pas-
16
FEBRU A RY 10 - FEBRU A RY 16, 2014
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
CONSIDER THE PLATYPUS PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
BY MO NA T REME
ON THE TOWN
EARWORMS
"Irish and proud baby, naturally/ But you've got the luck of a Kennedy ..." Over and over and over. And over. So now I know which song is my first earworm of the day. It'll probably be accompanied by another one at some point, only to be replaced by a third. Because my mind is just that perverse, even when I don't want it to be. Most of the time earworms are a bit annoying but benign, like when the cat is being extra -adorable in a bid for attention. Occasionally, though, I almost wish they were a bit more like those Ceti Eels from The Wrath of Khan. At least then they'd have physical bodies that I could yoink out of my head and crush with extreme prejudice. Ever wonder why it's always bits of songs, and not anything actually useful? Most of the time I can't remember names to save my life; I wish those would lodge in my pointy head so readily. Some people use music-based mnemonics to help them remember names, like "Chelsea Chelsea Bo-Belsea ..." ... kill me now. Seriously. Also, as time goes on, I've started brainfarting words that used to flow effortlessly into whatever I'm writing or saying-not just odd or esoteric things, but mundane stuff like "water." (Tremble in fear, author types-this is your future!) It really throws you off when you can't half-consciously pull out a word like you used to. But repetitive or weird bits of music-nooo problem! You don't even have to know the actual lyrics to your earworm, ami rite? Its
inchoate essence just churns around happily in your brain, that wondrous organ that also houses dreams and PTSD flashbacks. A great way to torture your loved ones is to share your earworms. Mr. Treme and I will be going about our day, when one of us will abruptly say "I've got this tune stuck in my head ... " "No! Don't tell me! Do not want!" Evil grin: "You know, that one song that's like 'Da- da-da -daaa -dum'- " "Great, thanks a lot. God, I hate you." When one of us has an earworm, the other may try to " help" by canceling it out with another one. It's a lot like "helping" someone cure their hiccups-part genuine wanting to alleviate a minor inconvenience, but mostly sadistic schadenfreude. With hiccups it's pretty much a one-way street, but messing about with earworms runs the risk of catch ing them yourself. About the only positive takeaway at that point is now both people have a mental loop mix of "Flight of the Valkyries" and the Fruity Oaty Bar jingle from "Serenity." Misery loving company and all that. According to the Internet (that great font of all wisdom), there are supposedly strategies for making an earworm go away. They mostly revolve around distracting yourself, although some recommend finding and listening to the song in its entirety. Aside from being a great way to pick up brand-new earworms-many of these articles just happen to provide video links to hooky songs-they're not all that useful. But that's okay; in the grand scheme of things, earworms are pretty weak tea. Contagious as hell, but harmless. So ... what's stuck in your head now?
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SEXYTIMES BY VIV BLANCO - VIV@SYNTHESIS.NET
OH HI MARK
You might notice that I'm not Balls McPhearson, you might also not have noticed that. Either way, Balls has put his advice column on hiatus to seek "the wondrous power of instant worldwide telecommunication networks." I'm Viv Blanco, and I'll be your new guide through this wondrous world of emotions, conflict, and penises. Dear-B;;Hk.Viv, I have a "friend" who is having sex with 2 people at the same time. Does that make her (or him) a slut? First, I'm just going to rephrase this question, since my infinitely powerful intellect can already feel your eyes glazing over a week in the future at the first mention of the words "slut shaming." I hope this is okay, and if not, too bad. By the time you're reading this, these words have already been immortalized in print and you're just going to have to deal with it. I have a "friend" who is having sex with 2 people at the same time. Is that wrong? I like this question a little bit better because it allows me to introduce my methodology for determining the responsibility of your sexual activity! Here's a simple checklist : OAre you being safe? Are all parties consenting? Are you using protection? Are you making sure not to tear anything? Are you avoiding back-alley sex with four strangers in a windowless van full of duct tape, balaclavas, and burlap head-sacks? OAre you being honest? Don't keep secrets. Don't lie. Are you in a monogamous relationship? Don' t go out behind your SO's back. Are you in a non-monogamous relationship? Then make sure your partner and your SO know. DAre you having fun? Never let anyone or anything convince you that you "should be" doing something or the other sexually. You do you. Laugh, smile, and dress up in funny hats if that's what you like. I mean it, you do you. If you can confidently check all three of those boxes, congratulations! You're all good! If you can't quite so confidently check all three of those boxes, maybe it's time to reconsider. So, having sex with two people at the same time? Sure, go for it. I mean, your "friend" should go for it. Try for 10 if yo- "your friend" would like; shoot for the stars. On Music To Play During Sex
"If there's any possibility of sex, do not leave your music library on 'shuffle all."' - XKCD #400, "Important Life Lesson"
I'd like to, if I may, take a small moment to talk a little bit about the music to have on, and music not to have on
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when you ' re getting hot and heavy. Now, I'm sure you have nothing but the most immaculate of taste in music, but we all have music in our collections that we skip, and I know I'm not ready to try and get intimate to the alluring sounds of Tiny Tim's " Living in the Sunlight." Okay, yeah, Tiny Tim is decidedly "not sexy," but what is? Well, I'll tell you what else isn't sexy : R. Kelly, Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On," and generic funk music. If you are at a complete loss for ideas and are resorting to music you've found in porn and ram-corns, I've got a small list of albums that you can put on that are neutral enough to play any time, but won't ruin your mood when the time comes. • Collide - Beats Antique •Meta/fingers Presents: Special Herbs Vol. 1-4 - MF DOOM •All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone - Explosions In The Sky • BBNG2 - Badbadnotgood • 11:11 - Rodrigo y Gabriella
2) They try to break the "touch barrier" very early. They might hold your hand for just a little too long after shaking your hand, or they might hug you very early in conversation, despite the fact you don't know them. 3) They'll " neg" you ; this is an attempt to play on your insecurities by fitting small insults into conversation. To quote a "seduction guide" on why PUAs will do this, it's to "blast through the bitch shield." These are going to be small things, like implying you did a bad job of dying your hair, or commenting on how you need to go fix your mascara because the clumps " make you ugly." Even if you are just looking for a one-night stand or hookup, try to avoid PUAs. It's not worth the risk of spending the time with someone who thinks so little of you, and it's definitely not worth justifying their hateful and demeaning world-view. To Pick-Up-Artists
These albums range from spicy (Collide) to ... well, the opposite of spicy (All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone) ; hopefully you should find something to suit your tastes there.
If you read that above section and think I misrepresented pick-up-artists, or want to call me a "worthless beta" and a "feminist bitch" :
On Pick-Up-Artists
1) E-mail me at viv@synthesis.net with constructive criticism.
Gals, be on the look-out for pick-up-artists this week; these self-proclaimed "Alphas" are going to be out in droves this week to take advantage of girls who have regrets about being single for Valentine's Day. Here's some signs that the guy you're talking to might be a manipulative bastard who's just trying to use you : 1) They try to make eye contact, then approach you immediately after making it.
2) Get fucked with a spike. To everyone else, single or coupled (or more), have a wonderful Valentine's Day! Gorge yourself on dinner, chocolate, and debauchery; make sure to use protection, and e-mail me at viv@synthesis.net with any questions or commentary you might have.
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HERE'S TO LOVE (AND BICYCLES) BY TEA WHEY Most of the time love is but a distant thought underlying the continuous struggles of daily existence. If you're in a relationship you're either loving it or hating it. (It's said there is a thin line between love and hate, something I've witnessed and experienced myself.) There is one day a year, however, that pushes these thoughts to the front of everyone's minds : Valentine's Day. For those in love it can be blissful, but stressful to orchestrate, and for those who are enjoying their single-hood, it can evoke a multitude of emotions.
A Date Night IBicyclle Rid,e
Oh, the ominous Valentine's Day, how it continues to vex the world. Love-as I would hope you all know-is not about a day of the year; it is about being it, doing it, and feeling it. Love is about getting bold and being vulnerable. Yes, shit will inevitably hit the fan , but didn't some philosopher out there say, "It is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all ?" I think they were on to something. Regardless, even if you see Valentine's Day as just another a day of the year and it's not important to you, it is important to others-most importantly, maybe your significant other. An interesting thought to ponder is passion for worldly things that are not people. There isn' t necessarily anything wrong with that; a communal infatuation we have here in Chico is the love of bicycles. There's nothing grander than a brisk ride in the midst of a perfectly seasoned day. I surely have a warm place in my heart for my trusty bicycle steed. It's a relationship of self and bike that has evolved nicely. Fortunately for all lovers and bicyclers, there is an event that has been crafted to hone harmonious melodies of love for you and your partner; whether your partner is your bike, your friend, your mom, or your everywhere man : Love & Bicycles. A beautiful jaunt through Chico would surely be a great way to impress your loved one. Starting out at the Habitat Lab, cyclists will voyage together (with instruction) and check out the Butte Environmental Council's Humboldt Community Garden, across from Marsh Junior High School. There will be exquisite opportunities to bask in love with coffee tasting hosted by Naked Lounge Tea & Coffeehouse, and chocolate tasting by the Chico Natural Foods Cooperative. Who doesn't love coffee and chocolate? After biking back to the Habitat Lab, a delectable localfocused dinner will be served, with dishes such as braised lamb, root roast, and French carrot soup, provided by Blush Catering; featuring fresh produce from GRUB CSA Farm, and bread from Tin Roof Bakery. While you dine, there will be a private concert by the Railflowers to stir your heart. Hearing these stunning female vocals would turn any Valentine's Day into a success. There are only a few tickets, so think fast; 60 folks are destined to have a great time. Tables will be set for two, with a common table for those looking to mingle. If you're interested in sitting with friends, make sure you give
the wonderful Sammey Zangrilli (yes, the same Sammey Zangrilli who puts on the Chico Bicycle Music Festival) a shout-out so she can accomodate. Tickets are $50 per person, or $40 if you have to skip the bike ride. There will also be a photo booth with a tandem bike to seal the memory. Bonus prizes of bike lights will also be given out, donated courtesy of Sammey's g-ma. Have kids? Have no fear, Sammey has thought of it for you! Childcare will be available (and nearby-only two blocks away!), but needs to be reserved as soon as possible. Children are $10 each per hour for the first child, and $10 per additional kid (flat, not hourly). Childcare providers are certified and trained professionals. Pretty much all you have to do is show up and have a good time. Bonus! You can even feel super grand about your amazing date, because all proceeds will benefit Butte Environmental Council and Chico Bicycle Music Festival! Anyone who has attended one of the bicycle-centric events here in Chico has seen the pedal-power generator. Maybe you have even jumped aboard and helped generate power for local and visiting musicians. That magical piece of machinery is in need of repair, and Love & Bicycles is a fund raiser to make that happen.
DownLo, with comedy, music, and yes speed-dating, to quell your love-questioning heart. Any donations collected will go to benefit the Chico Peace and Justice Center. This is also the inaugural event for the radio program Love in the 21st Century, of 90.lFM KZFR Community Radio. Of course, you can also come if you're happily involved, butJulian (radio personality and all around jester) may encourage you to take a speed date challenge and test the depths of that love. Whether you're into it or not, Valentine's Day is coming and it may be a good time to figure out how you might spend it. Writing love notes to strangers and inviting out unsuspecting friends or coworkers is highly encouraged. Cheers to the mystery of love.
More Information: chicobicyclemusicfestival.com Tickets to the Love & Bicycles ride/dinner/concert, Feb. 14, 4-9 p.m., are available at the Chico Natural Foods Cooperative (818 Main St.), Naked Lounge Tea & Coffeehouse (118 W. Second St.) and at the Butte Environmental Council office (116 W. Second St. #3).
been et. org/events/Jove-bicycles Cost : $40/$50 per person.
If you're more into letting your singleness stand out like a mane on a lion, there is a V-Day Independence Party at the
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FEBR UARY 10 - FEBRUARY 16, 2014
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ON THE TOWN
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
OLD CROCK BY JAIM E O'N EILL - JAIMEANDKARENONEILL@GMAILCOM
HAVEN'T THE WEALTHY SUFFERED ENOUGH?
In a recent column written for The Wall Street Journal, Tom Perkins, one of America's persecuted rich people, expressed his fears that people like him are facing a fate much like the Kristallnacht atrocity that occurred when German gentiles when nuts in November of 1938 and started burning and looting stores and homes owned by their Jewish neighbors. It was the "night of broken glass," one of many ugly episodes that were building toward the exportation of European to concentration camps and the gas chambers awaiting them there. And Tom Perkins thinks that venture capitalists like himself are in similar danger. He owns a yacht worth $150 million, but he sees himself and his fellow onepercenters as like those Jews. He is not alone in recognizing the peril, or feeling the bigotry so frequently heard as poor people continue the class war against them. The more vacation homes, private jets, and tax breaks they get, the more imperiled the richest of the oligarchs seem to feel. How horrible it must be for them on their privately owned islands, or in their mammoth estates, as they are forced to worry about the rabble coming for them? How can people enjoy their enormous wealth with such fears floating through their heads? They're just so powerless. Only the truly merciless could fail to be moved by the terror guys like Tom Perkins must endure as the Nazi-like poor people direct prejudice and hate their way. Can the rich survive? Perkins isn't the only
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crusader trying to sound the alarm before it's too late. "It's a war." That's what billionaire Stephen Schwarzman said back in 2010. He was expressing outrage over the proposal to tax his private equity gains at the same rate as working people pay on their income. "It's like when Hitler invaded Poland in 1939," Schwarzman explained. Schwarzman's comparison was later echoed by gazillionaire Republican, John Catsimatidis, who explained that: "Hitler punished the Jews. We can't have [government] punishing the 'two-percent group' right now." The punishment he was lamenting was the prospect of a very modest tax hike on people like himself. If you go looking for it, you can find lots of comparisons between the suffering of the Jews and the horrors endured by beleaguered plutocrats. They're forced to live in luxury ghettos, and they are treated like scapegoats, blamed for damn near everything that ails us, from the genetically modified food we eat to the pollution of our air and water. It's not fair, of course, and it's just not right. 85 people own as much of the world's wealth as half the global population. Fewer than 100 individuals have as much loot as 3.5 billion of their fellow human beings. Is it any wonder they feel so put upon? They're outnumbered 41 million to one. And anyone with even a drop of empathy or decency can surely understand how the threat of slightly higher taxes on these people is as inhuman as carting 6 million Jews off to gas chambers. So pity the poor billionaires. The next time you pass one on the street, offer a little smile and a kind word of greeting. They've suffered enough already.
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SPORTSBALL BY DAN O'BRIEN - AMA LGAMCONSU LTING@GMAILCOM
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
ON THE TOWN
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
The Super Bowl was terrible. I'm happy for the Seattle Sea hawks and their enthusiastic fan base for winning their first title, and starting a discussion that will no doubt carry through the Carroll/Wilson years in the Pacific Northwest: is this a dynasty team? I think the NFC is full of hard-nosed competitors who will provide wonderful battles on our coveted gridiron for years to come. I can only imagine the fevered shouting matches between 49ers and Sea hawks fans over a pint of beer at the Banshee. Who won was not the problem. The problem is one that has become central in sports: the depreciation of the overall product in favor of a few well-polished products. The NFC is built to win. The AFC, after the shellacking of the undisputed #1 offense in the league, has revealed something frightening indeed: the AFC is weak, and not very deep. The Broncos and Patriots emerged as the powerhouses of the AFC and neither team would have been prepared for the Sea hawks, 49ers, Cardinals, or the Panthers. What remains of the vaunted Steelers, Patriots, and Colts of the past decade are an overpaid Joe Fiacco and a promising career from Andrew Luck, the previous owner of a ridiculous beard. How
many years, really, do Brady and Manning have left of postseason promise? If I'm being honest, even as a Patriots fan, I think the days of these two guaranteed first-ballot HOF quarterbacks being dangerous in the playoffs is at the edge of a soon-to-be abysslike, precipitous drop. This is not unlike the current situation in the NBA: the Eastern Conference is a ghost town except for two teams, the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers. Is this the foreseeable future for the AFC as well? Will the Chiefs emerge victorious atop the playoff heap next year without so many injuries? Can Andrew Luck reduce his interceptions to give his team a better chance against clutch teams? Is Philip Rivers "resurgence" fool's gold? Can Dalton prove the doubters wrong and do something with the Bengals? As the NBA takes center stage for a few months before MLB begins anew and the FIFA World Cup takes over the summer, we have more than seven months of rumors, guesswork, and expectations to sift through before we get to watch another football game. Here's to a Thunder championship and the US winning the World Cup. It is going to be an interesting offseason, folks.
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FEBRUARY 10 - FEBRUA RY 16, 2014
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FEBRUARY10-FEBRUARY16 BY KOZ MCKEV
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
My favorite quote from the movie Mars Attacks is, "Why can' t we all just get along?" I see this as pertinent to you, Aries. There are good friends, there are a few enemies, and then there are "frenemies." These are people you may like but feel you can't completely trust. Or people you admire, yet you know they hate your guts. The approaching full moon this week will help you get to the heart of the matter. It is never too late to be loving. The weekend looks good for service work and organizing things.
Home and family are key as of now. If your parents or grandparents are still alive, do what you can to let them know that you care. Pay attention to dreams and memories. How you feel is important. Do things to improve your home environment. Take a different route home from work or school just to break up your routine. The full moon can help you be honest about your feelings. The weekend looks good for romance, creative projects, being with children or just having some play time.
Indulge in the things that make you feel complete. This is a time to build up your personal confidence. This is also a time to be more loving towards yourself and towards others. Your sense of art is improving. Try to work on completing old projects during this mercury retrograde period. Miscommunication at the workplace is likely. Keep your peace and smile. You can still make a positive impact. Travel and educational pursuits get the green light. The weekend looks good for working on home and family issues.
The week begins on a positive note with the moon in Cancer through Wednesday morning. You've been going through some issues that are out of your control. Listen to what your intuition tells you. Valentine's Day brings up sexual issues in a strong way with the full moon. Don't eat your way out of unhappiness, with the exception that 69 is your sign. Learn the hard stuff and don't be afraid of big challenges. The weekend looks good for communication, appreciating your environment, and loving your neighbor.
Your gift is to show us a sense of balance during these heady times. Matters of the heart still matter. The discussions you've had deal with deep issues. In some ways it's easy to feel vulnerable. When you get a chance, meditate on something peaceful and fulfilling. The moon will be in Leo late Wednesday morning through most of Friday night. Combine this with the full moon in your sign and you are ready to be a sensitive and thoughtful lover. Be the kind of partner that you would like to have.
Through service we find our usefulness. If our relationships get confusing due to Mercury retrograde, check in with yourself and ask what you really wanted to communicate. This is a good time to get organized and get rid of useless clutter. People need your help during this period. Your joy increases as you enjoy being able to assist others. The weekend features the moon in Virgo. Be ready to have more people call upon your services. You invite romance, play, and creative activity as Venus moves through your fifth house.
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
There is no back seat for you. You are driving this wagon, and your fair leadership is needed. Justice has many sides. You might want to start with being fair to yourself. Monday and Tuesday have the responsibilities laid thickly on you, especially where work is concerned. You are moving from the heart while showing maximum leadership strength. Financial resources are being tapped to bare bones. The full moon shows you who 's a brother and who's a sister. Get plenty of rest over the weekend.
Get serious about family matters and the kind of home that you would like to live in. Balance responsibility with a resolve to meet with family, friends and to make new friends. Be open to learning new things, and be ready for travel as the week begins. Trust your memory and don't be shy about asking your parents for help when you need it. The full moon could bring opportunities to show your talents and skills. Pray for those that might try to destroy your peace of mind. Party on the weekend.
Bloom where you are planted. Love where you live, and live where you love. Take some time to communicate with siblings and old friends. Be aware of the talents you have with hands on skills. You'll be feeling somewhat sensitive towards the beginning of the week. By midweek you'll have your groove back on. The full moon may bring a flush of good luck to you. An attitude of gratitude will take you far. The weekend looks good for working on your talents and skills, as well as for working with the public.
Every week there will be another test of your values. Avoiding junk food may be one of them. The beginning of the week is good for negotiations, romance and making an effort to be diplomatic. Money issues are likely to come up before the full moon. You' ll need to exercise some patience and self restraint. The weekend looks good for travel, educational pursuits, and taking the higher ground. Be confident that you will move forward in spite of setbacks and family emergencies .
Engaging with others is more intense than usual this week. You still are the flavor of the month but you'll need to deal with other folks concerns on a case-by-case basis. You ' ll need to go over the plans you made two weeks ago. Wednesday afternoon through Friday is best for romance, negotiations and diplomacy. The full moon may reveal something about your significant other. The weekend is somewhat out of your hands . Just roll with things as they come up.
You begin the week with a clear head and with some forward thinking. Do as much as you can early in the week. There is a good chance things will be somewhat out of your control as the latter part of the week progresses. This is especially true as far as work is concerned. The full moon Friday will be the peak day for lunatic activity. It's best to save your romantic activities for the weekend when a more balanced approach to life is more easily obtained. Trust your intuition as karma is being made.
Koz McKev 1s on You Tube, on cable 17 BCTV, 1s heard on 90/FM KZFR Chk:o, and also available by appOJi7tment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozm!C:kev@sunset.net
GREAT WINTER READ Winter Melon, written by local writer Bill Wong Foey A defiant and passionate young woman survives the Rape of Nanking in this debut novel. Voted Book of the Month for July by Lyons Books "Lives of Asia" book group. In paperback online at Amazon.com and Lyons Book Store, 135 Main Street, or as an e-book from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iTunes and DirectMusicCafe. ADVERTISEMENT
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