Synthesis Weekly – August 11, 2014

KENDRA MCKINLEY

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AUGUST 14, 15, 16, 17 AUGUST 21, 22

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UPCOMING SHOWS: 9/5 Allie Battaglia &MBC and Dylan's Dharma 9/6 Con Brio

9/11 Luminaries w/ Soul Union

D.R.I. DIRTY ROTTEN IMBECILES

MYKAL ROSE & RAGGAE ANGELS

WEDNESDAY 8/20

THURSDAY 8/28

AFROFUNK EXPERIENCE

SCOTT PEMBERTON TRIO W/

w/ PITCHBLAK BRASS BAND FRIDAY 8/29

BLACK STAR SAFARI SATURDAY 8/30

9/12. TALKING HEADS by Naive Melodies & Swamp Zen

9/13 Funk Trek & Sofa Kings

Afrofunk Experience

9/18 Lil' Smokies & Low Flying Birds 9/19 KZFR Fundraiser: MoonAlice

9/24 Kyle Hollingsworth & Swamp Zen 9/25 Indubious

9/27 Jelly Bread with Gravy Brain

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Volume 20 Issue 51 August 11, 2014

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

Columns

This Week...

Storage Wars: Chico

Letter From the Editor

There will be blood, and bongs‌ well, maybe just bongs.

Publisher/Managing Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

PAGE 4

Creative Director

Immaculate Infection

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

PAGE 5

Preview

Pageant Play

Contributing Writers

pwasted@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

Unsolicited Advice PAGE 16

Ben Kirby

PAGE 17

Director of Operations Karen Potter

Owner

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net

by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 20

Kozmik Debris

by Koz McKev

PAGE 21

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter

PAGE 22 COVER PHOTO Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

PAGE 18

Nerd

Accounting

by Zooey Mae

kozmckev@sunset.net

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

Comical Ruminations

Supertime!

Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Jayme Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams

Photography

by Anonymous

Get to know a beautiful singer/songwriter who will be visiting 1078 this week.

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti

by Eli Schwartz

Kendra McKinley

Alex Light Alex@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

Deliveries

Productivity Wasted

zooey@synthesis.net

Entertainment Editor

Designers

PAGE 5

PAGE 8

Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net

The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 3

PET OF THE WEEK

Daddy-O WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY FATHER First off, can I just brag a little bit?

Rayl and Rayland is a 9 month old Labrador mix looking for someone to take him on runs, play ball, and take him the river for a nice swim. This cute guy is an all around fantastic dog, with a loving heart and energy to spare! He gets along great with other dogs but is rather rough, and would appreciate a canine buddy that is tolerant of his puppy play.

2579 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Iamsu!

Tanner

Mac Miller - “Red Dot Music”

Mike

Drake - “0 to 100”

Becca

Iamsu! - “Only That Real”

Dinah

Hank Green - “I Fucking Love Science”

Alex

Kendra McKinley - “Convince Me”

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM AUGUST 11 2014

For the past six months or so my bathroom sink had to have the handle tipped juuuuust right or it would drip. Every few days I’d make some declaration of intent to fix it “this weekend,” to which Dain would shrug. He’s not handy—doesn’t really get the appeal—but I inherited my dad’s love of puzzling things out and then making them right. Last weekend I finally dropped the $3.00 on a set of new seats and springs, broke out the tools, and voila: perfectly working faucet, followed by about a week of high fiving myself.

It’s my dad’s birthday today, and he’s on my mind more than usual. He’s a really neat guy— incredibly kind and intelligent and polite, and exceptionally talented when it comes to both fixing and building things. I’m finally at an age where I can truly appreciate what a good man he is, how rare his honesty and loyalty are, and seek out a partner who can live up to his example (well, except for the home-repair stuff, but I’ve got that covered).

My dad was born here in 1943, a second generation Chicoan. He used to fish in the creeks, hop trains across town, see magic shows at the Senator Theatre. He caught Polio when he was around eight, watched his family mourn his loss while he spent months in the hospital in San Francisco, but then miraculously came out of it uncrippled. His father (my grandfather, obvs) co-owned a service station with his brother on 5th and Ivy—which is now Franky’s. He worked there in late 1950s–early 1960s Chico—muscle cars and slick hair and words like “boss.” I love his stories.

My dad was in the National Guard in the late ‘60s, and served a two year religious mission in Argentina before attending BYU—where he met a certain English girl named Valerie with a crooked smile, a dry wit, and a spark of mischief. They married and moved here together; lived on Nord Avenue in a house

that’s since been replaced by Westwood Apartments.

He became a mason (a bricklayer, not a member of the public front for the Illuminati— we’re onto you, Freemasons!), and he got really, really good at it. I can point out about a hundred things all over town that he built, which I often do and it isn’t annoying at all (... the brickwork around Big Chico Creek Estates, the foundation for the gazebo at Bidwell Mansion, the stonework on that weird castlehouse over by Five Mile…). He’s a part of this town in so many little ways, quiet and stable as the medium he chose.

When my mom had a stroke at 37; when she lost the ability to move half her body; when her friends disappeared like she had a contagious disease; when his beautiful, vibrant wife was suddenly like a crushed flower, he loved her more than ever. Because of him, his friendship and care and support, her happiness didn’t end with that tragedy.

She regained her ability to walk, regained her autonomy, and had 30 more years knowing she was loved. That’s the kind of guy he is.

Happy birthday, Dad—I couldn’t be more proud of you.

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

Pageant Play GETTING ALL HONEY BOO BOO AT LOST ON MAIN For people who are familiar with TLC’s Toddlers in Tiaras—or people who are familiar with the fact that there’s such a thing as child beauty pageants where adults take little girls and dress/paint/shellac them into freakish little doll-people for their own amusement and vicarious sense of importance—the concept that the child pageant world is full of trashy, crazy people is well known.

The Best Show of the Year – Guaranteed THE BEST SHOW OF THE YEAR IS THE ONE YOU GO TO. The best show of the year is the show featuring that big-name artist you’ve always wanted to see in your hometown. The best show of the year is the one where you catch an up and coming artist in a small club with a dozen people in attendance. The best show of the year features an S&M segment that leaves you feeling a little sick to your stomach. The best show of the year is a Swedish pop duo featuring cello and recorder playing in a pizza parlor out on West Sacramento. The best show of the year is the one where you smoked a joint in the alley with a beautiful boy and ended up going home with him afterwards.

The best show of the year had you rocking and shaking like a leaf on a tree; the lead guitarist hits a feedback driven note that sends lightning through your brain and opens your mind up to a different kind of understanding.

Personal Bests At the best show of the year I met the woman who would become my wife, spent three days hanging out with her, and married her four months later. I got punched in the head walking home from the best show of the year after I decided to yell at a guy who was verbally abusing his girlfriend. At the best show of the year a punk band from New York City taught me what it really means to rock.

At the best show of the year a hard rock band from San Francisco did the same thing. At the best show of the year a band from the Bay Area taught me that you can add a brass section to punk rock and set the whole room

to reeling. At the best show of the year a punk band from Washington showed me that you don’t have to re-invent the wheel, but you do have to make it right if you want it to roll well.

Venues and Results The best show of the year is in a big club, a dive bar, on the patio of a restaurant, in a friend’s living room. The best show of the year was so quiet you could hear a pin drop; it was so loud you can’t hear yourself shouting at the top of your lungs.

The best show of the year will change your life in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.

It will send you into uncharted waters; it will redefine your world. The best show of the year will introduce you to new friends, it will change your belief system; it will corrupt your soul and expand your heart. The best show of the year will leave you feeling hollow and depressed the next day; the only cure will be the funneling of endless cold beers into your haggard face. The best show of the year will help you recognize the ceaseless energy-bond that joins us all together.

The best show of the year is the one you go to.

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard Madbob@madbob.com

It should be too sad to watch, but it’s actually pretty funny. And like a train wreck. Like a train wreck full of funny clowns, and all the clowns just keep piling out of the wrecked train like so much Mountain Dew and Red Bull being vomited out by an overly madeup four-year-old with a southern drawl and a superiority complex, while behind her two pageant moms are clawing at each others eyes in a Dynasty-style catfight.

Anyway, if you like that sort of thing, Lost on Main is hosting a special treat for the next couple of weekends: The beautiful mess that is Pageant Play, written by Matthew Wilkes and Mark Setlock.

Half the cast popped in the other day to tell me about it, fresh and bubbly off an interview with KCHO. I deflated their enthusiasm quickly by making them spell everything they said right afterward, because I hate happiness.

What’s it about?

“It’s a black comedy,” said Samantha Perry (who plays Marge, mother to Puddles— played by her real-life five-year-old daughter Penelope in her stage debut). “—not a comedy done in blackface, though.” interjected Erika Sorensen (who plays rival mother, Pinky).

“Right,” confirmed Samantha with a nod, “it’s a black comedy done by white people.”

Producer/Assistant Director Autumn Jay steered us back, “Just call it a dark comedy, a satirical, farcical, dark comedy.”

The basic story is that there’s this pageant mom, Pinky (so-called because she REALLY likes pink), who is used to always winning— well... having her daughter always win, but what’s the difference, really? Another mom, Marge (so-called because she really likes

margarine, I assume), comes on the scene with her daughter Puddles, snatching victory from a much chagrined Pinky. Not one to take this sort of thing lightly, Pinky enlists the help of power couple Bob & Bobby, of “Touch the Sky Finesse Coaching,” to try to take that kid down. The whole thing is set in Texas, and some really dark (and hilarious) shit happens.

An interesting side note: This is one of the first projects to be born in The Barn, so to speak. Since you can’t very well workshop and rehearse this sort of thing in the middle of Starbucks, they took advantage of Craig Blamer’s new artist’s haven. I asked how that was, and after a few jokes about the horror-movie bathroom, they laid thick praise on both the man and the space. While they acknowledged there are still some bugs to be worked out as far as placating cranky neighbors and establishing that it isn’t a hangout for local transients, overall their experience was extremely positive and it made this play possible.

Pageant Play is directed by Alyssa Larsen, and was costumed (to accolades from the cast) by designer Nan Miner. It stars (in no particular order) Erika Sorensen, Samantha Perry, Penelope Perry, Cameron Hoffman, Mark McGinnis, and Autumn Jay. Set design by Shaunna Jones.

Lost On Main August 14–17 & 21–22 Doors open 7pm, show at 7:30pm $10 for reservations call (530) 521-2529 for Mature Audiences

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 5

Prison Architect’s Alpha BLUEPRINTS, FINANCE, STABBINGS I don’t normally review games until they’ve hit version 1.0, but I’ll make an exception for the Early Access game that’s been on the lips of many. Introversion Software’s Prison Architect takes a remarkably simple premise: you are responsible for building and managing a functional prison. That doesn’t sound so complicated, does it?

If you answered yes, you don’t know anything about the prison system. There’s a brief tutorial which, aside from a few unnecessarily long cut scenes to help remind you that everyone in your prison has a backstory, teach you how to build and run the basic utilities. What it doesn’t tell you is that your prison is not built with the goal of keeping and rehabilitating dangerous criminals. It is built to make money. You can finish your game of Prison Architect whenever you want, and you do so by selling the whole thing to a large company or an ambitious CEO. The government pays you per prisoner, and pays a higher rate the more dangerous and skilled the prisoner you hold. The difference is important: an 18-year-old in for petty theft and vandalism couldn’t hurt a guard with a knife, but a 35-year-old veteran-turnedterrorist with twelve separate counts of murder will take down SWAT with his bare hands. From these mechanics we’re left with a basic income economy: take as many prisoners as you can possibly hold. But there’s more! The government (and private companies) can provide generous grants to help your prison meet their standards (or human experiments), and it quickly becomes apparent that safety, humane treatment, rehabilitation, and other cute ideas become entirely optional in the face of governmental support for simple checklist-based objectives.

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Most of your prisoners should be fed, but really, who are they going to complain to?

Their relatives? Not if you refuse to build phone booths and a visiting area! Instead, why not use those funds to build classrooms and workshops, where you educate your prisoners in the art of menial labor, and make them work sweatshop hours on gruel under the caring eye of men armed with military grade hardware?

Prison Architect has gotten some flak for being “irresponsible” and “trivializing” the issue of the prison industrial complex, but really, I couldn’t disagree more. Nothing makes one realize the incredible disenfranchisement and raw capitalistic tyranny of prison’s byzantine bureaucracy like running your own private prison. If I want to, I can authorize my guards to use lethal force and lock my prisoners alone in a room with no light or people for days. Then, when my prisoners rebel against me, I can make the death penalty legal policy in response to bad behavior. Meanwhile, the rest of them are spending their time in the workshop, manufacturing new, superior items that will go straight back into the selfsufficient fiefdom I have created. Of course, you could always give them roomy cells, three meals a day, and full rehabilitation suites, but then my prison would only be worth a few hundred grand. I can sell some CEO a kingdom for a few million instead.

Prison Architect is still in alpha, but its complex, addictive, and completely terrifying.

I can’t wait to see what version 1.0 brings.

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz pwasted@synthesis.net

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 7

Treasures Inside exotic adventures in smalltown, usa

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

The sky is the blue of a welding torch’s flame, and clouds are streaking across it, swirling and dissipating like tear gas. It’s not yet midday, but it’s already hot as fuck.

Ken’s not here yet. I know Ken from playing poker (which I’ve gotten maybe a little too into since writing a story about poker tournaments). He said he was into this storage auction thing; I asked if I could tag along and he said yeah. But, like I said, Ken’s not here yet.

So I’m out in front of Chico Mini Storage, leaned up on a car under a shade tree with a couple of early arrivals, older guys. One—his name is Dean—has slicked-back silver hair, a fleshy hairless face, and a gut that’s more of an appendage than a torso. Dean travels today with a boy of perhaps 11, who I never see speak. Some sort of family relation.

“He’s full-blooded Indian!” Dean announces in his country accent. The boy sits under the tree, twiddling some grass, staring.

Dean, who’s been doing these auctions for two and a half years, explains the demographics.

“We get our newcomers. They come once, maybe twice. Some of ‘em, they’ll stay ‘til they’ve lost all their marijuana money. See, if you’re a ‘tomato farmer’ [big air quotes], it’s a good way to hide yer income. A lot’v ‘em open up a shop and run their money that way.

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM AUGUST 11 2014

[Dean pauses briefly, as if actually considering what the hell he’s talking about] Now…I don’t know that fer shure.”

Dean goes momentarily quiet. A couple guys begin relating a story in which a unit was filled wall to wall with nice looking wine boxes.

Stacked up real nice. Real nice looking boxes, they were. The bidding went pretty high on account of the possibility the boxes were filled with valuable wine. But that’s all they were: boxes. Just empty boxes.

Dean explains that it wouldn’t’ve made no difference, nohow. “See, wine: it’s like women,” he says. “When they get old they turn to vinegar. They get reeeal bitter. Before 30 they’re just scatterbrained.”

Twenty or so people have arrived at this point (there will eventually be close to 50). They’re mostly older men, but there are some couples, too, even a few toddlers (accompanied). They wear different sorts of hats, shades. A few heavyset guys carry personal folding chairs.

Pros have a couple padlocks locked to their belt loops, ready.

Ken finally shows up. We nod what’s up to each other. Ken is cool as cool can be. In his late forties, I’d guess. He’s kind of on the smaller side, with thin, red-orange hair that levitates like it was rubbed with a balloon and flutters around like flames, and he’s got on

purple Chucks with red laces, deteriorating shorts and an ancient de-sleeved white T, which shows off his tats: an Ace and Deuce of spades on his left forearm (the names of his now deceased dogs), and a Queen of Hearts on his right forearm, with flames around it and the words “Love Burns.” On each calf, he’s got Red Sox emblems, and he speaks with a heavy Boston accent.

The auctioneer—a goateed guy name Jack, who’s walking with the aid of a crutch—has arrived, too. Jack’s been calling auctions since he was 14. His dad—who was a “wheeling and dealing, buying and selling kinda guy”—got him into it. “It’s the one thing I know how to do, only job I ever had,” Jack tells me.

Jack, motioning with his crutch, gathers the assembled, then describes the terms and conditions, though pretty much everyone there besides me has heard them a million times.

If you buy a unit, Jack explains, you’ve got to take everything—every last thing—and have it swept out by tomorrow. Baby pictures, court documents, Grandma’s ashes, etc, ought to be returned so as not to be a total dick (Jack doesn’t use those words, but it’s implied).

Visible firearms are not included, per the law.

And there are “no checks, no credit cards, no ATM. Strictly green paper.”

Across the baking blacktop, through the wavy

air bringing up those hot oily smells, through the rat’s maze of dough-colored stucco and blue, ribbed, roll-up doors, Jack leads us to the first unit. There are 25 up for auction today (spread between two locations).

On the way over, Dean helpfully explains to anyone within earshot that Aztecs were cannibals who killed for food (“Whaddaya think those human sacrifices were about?!?!”) while the Indian boy trails mutely at his side.

The accordion doors go loudly up. There, before us, are some sad sack’s/sackess’s/ inter-sack’s personal belongings; baby toys, a few boxes, a dresser. The Seekers take turns contorting themselves into various side-bends, or periscoping up on tippy-toes, trying to see as much as they can, trying to find some secret clue as to what’s inside.

Because you can’t cross into the unit, see. You can’t touch. You just have to get all Sherlock and shit; use your powers of induction or deduction or whichever one it is.

What sort of person did these things belong to? What could be back in those tightly packed cardboard boxes, the ones in the back?

“OK, kids!” Jack announces to the crowd, who have now mostly retreated back into the thin slices of pre-noon shade alongside the opposing units. “E41 is the unit! Give it a bid!”

And then he starts up that fast auctioneering thing: “ten, ten, ten, do I hear fifteen?”

According to the Self Storage Association’s latest numbers, there are some 78 square miles of self-storage currently for rent in the United States. (For reference, the entirety of Chico is about 33 square miles). That’s 21 square feet for every household in America.

In 1995, one out of 17 households had a unit.

Now it’s more like one in ten. Commercial selfstorage wasn’t even a thing back in the early 1960s. But for the past 35 years it’s been one of commercial real estate’s fastest growing segments.

Things done changed. There’s, like,

sociological shifts at play. We move more, that’s for sure. We move on up (infrequently).

We move back in with mom (more often). We move in together —feel inexplicably stifled; something moves within us to move on. We divorce more; move out. We go to jail more.

We live out of our cars more, just moving them enough to avoid tickets.

We keep buying shit and we keep moving.

Maybe we keep buying shit partly because we keep moving, actually. There seems to be some sort of connection between our a-historical landlessness, our groundlessness, our lack of a big unifying story that ties us all together and that restless, not-ok-ness, that insatiable hole of sadness inside us that drives us to—among other things—keep shopping.

Don’t you think?

On one edge, the storage facility abuts a trailer park, separated by a high fence topped with razor wire. A cloudy-eyed terrier in a little trailer “yard” is barking at us with metronomic regularity. A bidder’s baby wails, singing out in

pre-linguistic despair at the human condition, or else maybe because it has gas. The Indian boy is leaned up against a stucco wall, in a world of his own.

People disparage each other’s bids, jokingly and not-so-jokingly, shaking their heads. They tease about “gold bars in there” or “maybe it’s a Picasso.” There’s a jovial and commiserative but subtly passive-aggressive atmosphere amongst the bidders that I really like.

We come to a unit containing a glass bong, a snowboard, and a surfboard with black skulls spray-painted all over it, plus other sundry bro-things. It’s fun/sad (mostly sad) imagining the people these things belong(ed) to; working backwards from the stuff to the human.

The bong gets people talking. “Yep,” Dean says. “You find illicit drugs. I found seven pounds of marijuana shake.” Someone recommends to Dean that he put the shake in his socks and walk around to make hash.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9

I can’t tell if this someone is serious. Ken talks about all the cool pipes he’s found, including “this really cool one carved outta wood of this couple fucking.”

This dude who drives a white Hummer and wears mirrored Oakleys with air vents built into them and a Rockstar Energy Drink Shirt and bracelets on each wrist made of bullets and a gelled-up faux-hawk—who I once wrote about because he was selling assault weapons and bulletproof vests and masks at a gun show—tells me that, in a unit he paid $1700 for, he found countless thousands of dollars (he didn’t want to specify just how much) in “original women’s rights documents from 1856” and gold and silver all inside of an actual treasure chest dated to 1876. He talks at length about 19th Century Feminism, which he studied in order understand his cache.

A big guy in a straw hat poses for a picture in front of the unit he just bought for $1. It’s basically just a pile of dirt and old plastic hangers. I would have paid $1 not to have this unit.

Maybe even $5. A lot of the units are this way. They look ransacked. The renters clearly already came through and took anything of real value before the facility slapped their own lock on.

But it’s the other kind of unit that really makes you think.

Like the one with the street-legal, three-wheeled racing golf-cart-thing and the rows and rows of carefully organized expensive-looking tools, ceiling high in some places. No one would just leave this stuff over a few hundred dollars.

Something happened. What?

Of course, from the buyers’ perspective, these Someone-Else’sPersonal-Tragedy Units are the most promising.

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“I look for that,” Ken tells me, when a unit’s door is rolled up to reveal boxes and bags covered in spider webs and a thick, velvety layer of grey-brown dust. “Means no one’s been in here for a long time.”

Sometimes, Ken says, bidders know precisely what’s inside the units they’re bidding on. Because it’s their shit. “Maybe they owe $500,” he explains. “But they figure they can get their stuff back for $300.”

I mention to Ken that this Storage Auctioning seems to have a lot of similarities to poker, actually. You’ve got limited information, you’re trying to get an informational edge over your competitors, and you’re trying to win as many big scores as possible while risking as little as possible of your own capital. Plus there’s the thrill of big wins.

Ken nods. “Yeah. When I’m bidding, sometimes I’ll go way above my threshold just to run [other bidders] up,” he says.

“Then they’ll have less firepower for the next one. It’s all a game.”

It’s fun watching Ken play. When a unit full of nice toys and clean, stacked plastic bins is revealed, he starts pacing back and forth like Mike Tyson before a fight—like a small, pale, redheaded, muscle-less Mike Tyson fighting over boxes of used dolls and blankies. He bids with these cool subtle nods, eyes feral and intense. Sometimes he waits until things are “going twice, going three times” before putting in a bid, last-second.

Ken takes the unit for $120, and we go through it, and it’s filled with several hundred dollars in really nice toys, a microscope/ telescope, a bike, a little kid guitar. It’s one of the best scores of the day, for sure.

“Pride of ownership,” Ken says, in that Bostonian accent, satisfied. “I saw pride of ownership in there.”

I help Ken move his new toys into his beat-up, windowless, psycho-killer van. The van has hand-drawn pictures of a dragon and mushrooms on it and says “CALM YOUR INNER DRAGON WITH A MASSAGE FROM STRESS LESS SMILE MORE MASSAGE CHICO’s MOST AFFORDABLE MASSAGE.” Ken tells me that last night he and his woman gave a client a “mirror massage,” wherein the client stood stripped down in her backyard under the infinite stars and Ken and his woman massaged her simultaneously, one massaging her front while the other massaged her back, mirroring each other’s movements. Fuck, Ken is cool. Dude doesn’t live by anybody’s rules but his own, and he’s winning; winning.

Soon after, I say bye to Ken, leave. Past Dean and his wonderful wrong-about-everything stories, past Jack: be-crutched Lord of Loss and Gain, past the cute old couple down from Oregon who do cute old-couple-bickering over what to bid and walk arm in arm, leaning in on each other, past the obese man missing the teeth from the right side of his mouth who once came up on 14K in Oriental antiques from a $275 unit, past all the STUFF, past the Indian boy squatting in the sun.

Dear Indian Boy: What do you make of all this madness?

Dear World: Is there no end to the treasures we can find if only we’ll go peering into neglected places, asking, looking for clues, risking a little bit of ourselves, taking a chance?

When: Saturda~ August 23rd Time: 4pm - 7pm Cost: FREE! Bring your swimsuits for a fun time in our pools, Splash Park and a bounce house for the kids. Enioy many food options through Chico's best Food Trucks and all drinks provided by the Cabana Cafe.

Lifeguards and security provided by In Motion Fitness.

•Food Trucks •Bounce House •Beer and Wine •Splash Park •Swimming Pools (Lifeguards on Duty) •Bring The Entire Family!

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H.,!:SOl\_T . HLALTH CLLIB • CAI I 1293 E First Ave Chic o 343·5678 wv.w 1nmo t 1onf1tncss net

Food &

Drink Closed

We need to drink, too!

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4PM $3 Sierra & Domestic

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Pints 6PM -close $1 Off Pitchers

Come see our beautiful

Closed

Patio! HappyHour4-6:

Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra

Closed

Patio! HappyHour4-6:

Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !

Nevada Drafts during Giants &A's Games!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Anniversary Special

Pitchers

PB&J - Shot of Jameson w hiskey w ith bolttle of PBR only $6.50

$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Chicken Waffle Wed.!

8 ball Tourney 6pm

salad $6.99

8PM-Close $2.50 Fire Eater Shots $5.50 DBL Bacardi

Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Full Bar in Back Room

Performers need to sign up at Duffy's before Tuesday, September 2 at Duffy's Tavern.

WITH BOTTLE OF PBR JUST LIKE MOM USED TO MAKE!

12

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

AUGUST 112014

Spm-Close Pitcher Specials $6.50/$9.50/$13 FREE Pool after lOPM

$3.50 Soccer moms

$2.50 Wells & Sierra

$6 Dbl Roaring Vodka

Neva da Drafts during Giants &A's Games!

$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !

Bartender Specials

Mon-Fri

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/

Happy Hour 12-4PM

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Rock Out at The DL!

$314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

Fries or Salad & Garlic

$3 Sierra & Domestic Pints

Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub,

Anniversary Special

Weekend Blast Offl!

8-close $5 Blasters

PB&J -Shot of Jameson whiskey with bolttle of PBR only $6.50

and 10 9' foot tables Open @llam All ages untill lOpm

$314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

CLOSED

Open at llAM $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon -6PM $8 / $9 SN Dom Pitchers $5.50 DBL Bacardi

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

8-midnight Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra & Dom

Rock Out at The DL!

Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @llam All ages untill lOpm

Baby Back Ribs $11.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.99 6pm-Close $4.50 Grad teas $3.50 All beer pints FREE Pool after lOPM

Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jager $5.50 DBL Vodka Red Bull $2.SO Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after lOPM

Baby Back Ribs w/Sa lad, Fries & garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double

Jack or Captain $3 Sierra Neva da Pints FREE Pool after lOPM

Cocktails

lOAM -2PM $5 Bottles of Champagne $4.SO Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

PBEiJ-$6.50

Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Pitchers

with entree

SHOT OF JAMESON IRISH WHISKEY

w/ fries or

Summertime Special

Drink Specials - SamplesPrizes & more!

What's a GONG SHOW?

Reuben Sand

Chico Jazz Collective

lOPM -Close

337 MAIN ST.• 530-343-1745

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4PM

$3 Sierra & Domestic Pints

Bacardi Promo

Hungry amateurs will compete in a talent contest that will be judged by a panel of local celebrities. If the act is so bad that the judges can't bear to watch it, they have the power to hit the gong and send the performer or performers off the stage. If they are not gonged, they move forward in the competition where they can win incredible prizes sponsored by none other than Duffy's Tavern. We are searching for that perfect act -there is no boundary! Dance, song, performance, strange tricks, anything goes as long as you don't get GONGED!

$2 PBRs $2 Tacos!

Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

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Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:

Wander Food Truck on

WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH

Two Dollar Tuesdays!

MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50 FREE Pool after lOPM

sign-up

Bartender Specials

WE ARE LOOKING FOR CONTESTANTS TO BATTLE IT OUT IN DUFFY'S 25 YEAR ANNIVERSARY GONG SHOW ONSATURDAY. SEPTEMBER 27TH AT 8:00PM.

Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom

$2.50 Wells & Sierra

Cocktails

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on

fries or salad 25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone!

Summertime Special

Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10

Come see our beautiful

$6.99 Pulled pork sand w/

Every Other Week!

Chicken Strip Sand only $6.99 before 6 PM TWO BUCK TUESDAY 6-llpm $2 Rolling Rock, Olympia & Single Wells $2.50 PBR, Coors and Double we lls

$ 3.50 Kam is ALL DAY!

Nevada Draft $3

Come see our beautiful

$3 Sierra and Domestic Pints

Open Mic Comedy Night

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase!

LOO off Sierra and Dom Pitchers

$5.49 Grad / Garden/ Turkey Burgerw/ fries

Summertime Special

$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 CHEAP Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOPM

$2.50 Wells & Sierra

or salad

ANNIVERSARY

SHIRTS NOW AVAJLABLE

WHILE SUPPLIES LAST

~ cf ~) ~:l'~r'~ ~~!I

Lounge

V1pu1tra

C: HI CO C A

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Go Down Lo

BEAR-E-OKE

Happy Hour ll-6PM select bottles & drafts $3

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BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.

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Go Down Lo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wea ring Bear Wea r.

MUG CLUB 4-lOPM

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis-any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm 10- Close: $2 Bartender Shot Specials $3 SkwVodka Cocktails $5 Dbl Bacardi or SoCo Cocktails

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Go DownLo

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ lOpm. Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-lOPM

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.SO Skwy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm

Happy Hour 4- Spm Ladies Night!

88 pm-CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger

Early Bird Special 9-lOPM 1/2 off we lls

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.

Happy Hour ll-6PM $3 select bottles & drafts

9pm-Close $212oz Teas $320oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5Vodka Red Bull

1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM

$2.50 16oz Wells All Da y

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY!!

MINORS WELCOME!

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Happy Hour4-7pm

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1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

Buck Night 8-Close $1 well cocktails, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, dom draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Red bull

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Happy Hour4-7pm

Sp m -Close $4151 Party punch 22oz.

Closed

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

8-9pm $1 Pale Ale and Dom. Draft Up $0.25 per hour until

close Buck Hour 10:30- 11:30 Happy Hour 4- Spm

Early Bird Special 9-lOPM 1/ 2 off we lls

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

SPM - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

Select Pints $3

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm

Happy Hour-4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-Spm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Powe r Hour B - 9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM -Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sa t. 3PM - 6PM $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and We lls Powe r Hour B - 9PM $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM

Opening at Spm for so's NIGHT!!

8 pm-CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

Early Bird Special 9-lOPM 1/2 off we lls

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitch en open until 1 AM

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM-CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Call To Rent For Private Party Go DownLo

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.

$4 Sex On Th e Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-lOPM $3 Fireball

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vo dka

$3.50 Tea of the Da y Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm Bacardi Promo lOPM -Close Drink Specials- SamplesPrizes & more!

Champagne Brunch llam-2pm $3 Champagne with entree

Open at lOPM BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available!

Call for reservation 898-9898 Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.

BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available!

Call for reservation 898-9898

Bacardi Promo lOPM -Close

Open at lOP M Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.

CLOSED

CLOSED

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

s~

Champag\l Brunch llam-2pm Every Sunday $3 Champagne with purchase of an entree

117 E 2nd St, Chico (530) 895-8817

171 E 2ND ST • DOWNTOWN CHICO FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

13

This Week Only...

BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

Tuesday, August 12th

GRAMMY NOMINEE DELLA MAE SIERRA NEVADA BIG ROOM

Thursday, August 14th

Friday, August 15th

USNEA (RELAPSE RECORDS DOOM METAL) 1078 GALLERY

Learn what Doom Metal is all about. Doom sounds kind of like walking through the trenches immediately after the Great War, and then you see these 10 foot tall skeletons emerge from the earth, and they start growling magical words of power in ancient languages. It looks kind of like dudes with beards.

Bring ear plugs. Also featuring Forn, Funerary, and Amarok. $7, 9pm.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM AUGUST 11 2014

Tuesday, August 12th

THE WESTERLIES (NY) 1078 GALLERY

New York-based 4-piece brass quartet, whaaaat? The original music coming out through The Westerlies is beautiful. Their pieces are instantly timeless; evocative journeys of wordless music that put you in really pleasant, subjective places within the MIND, dude. Also featuring Pull-String Duo—locals David Dvorin and Matej Seda play archtop guitar and violin, respectively, constructing original jazzy/classical pieces for your SOUL, man. $5, 7:30pm.

14

SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS TO CALENDAR@SYNTHESIS.NET

Della’s a drop-dead gorgeous powerhouse of heavy, shreddy bluegrass. Her latest LP is nominated for a grammy. Her fiddle player Kimber Ludiker is a twotime National Fiddle Champion. Her whole band is really good looking. This show sold out last time it came through the Big Room… It might be sold out by the time this goes to print… Look into it. Show starts at 7:30pm, costs $20.

CHASE MANHATTAN, BOATS, EYERE EYES BASSMINT

On his way out to the playa, Chase Manhattan from Portland is stopping in at BassMint to mix his sweet hip hop bass music for all the Chicoans that need to dance reeeal heavy and reeeal slow. All the newbie information: BassMint happens in Peking, next to Momma’s on 2nd Street. Starts at 9:30, and it’s ridiculously cheap if you get there in the first hour. 21+, sake, beer, best sound system in town, BASS.

New & Exciting: Ongoing Events: 12 Tuesday

1078 Gallery: The Westerlies, Pull String Trio. $5, 7:30pm Sierra Nevada Big Room: Della Mae. $20, 7:30pm

14 Thursday

1078 Gallery: Amarok, Usnea (OR), Forn (Boston), Funerary (AZ). $7, 9pm Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 adults, $12 children, 7:30pm El Rey Theatre: Wade Bowen, Sean McConnell. $12 adv., $15 door, 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Three Fingers Whiskey. 4-8pm Lost On Main: Pageant Play. $10, All Ages, Rated M, 7pm Monstros: Badger, PSO, Criminal Wave, Gorilla X Monsoon. $5, 8pm Sierra Nevada Big Room: Robben Ford & The Ford Brothers Band. SOLD OUT

15 Friday

Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition art reception.

5-7pm Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 adults, $12 children, 7:30pm City Plaza: Quasimofos. 7-8:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Tyler DeVoll. 4-8pm Foreplay with DJ Electric. 10pm Lost On Main: Pageant Play. $10, All Ages, Rated M, 7pm Maltese: The Amblers, Cities, The LoLos. $5, 9pm Peking: BassMint. Chase Manhattan (OR), Boats (Bay Area), Eyere Eyes.

9:30pm

16 Saturday

1078 Gallery: Kendra McKinley, Geoff Baker, Michael Bone. $5, 7:30pm Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 adults, $12 children, 7:30pm Great State Coffee Company: Chikoko Trunk Show. 6-10pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Tough Love. 4-8pm Lost On Main: Pageant Play. $10, All Ages, Rated M, 7pm

11 Monday

The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga.

5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm.

All ages until 10pm Maltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes.

Free, 7-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

12 Tuesday

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pm Open Mic plus showcase by local musicians. 7pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am.

Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:30-8:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke.

8:30pm-1am The Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

13 Wednesday

Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries”

Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz.

8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome.

9-10:30am The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl!

Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable.

9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance classes.

Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana.

7-9pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

14 Thursday

Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Beach: DJ Mack Morris.

10:30pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective.

8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panamas: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm

17 Sunday

Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 adults, $12 children, 2pm Lost On Main: Pageant Play. $10, All Ages, Rated M, 7pm

EAT. DRINK. PLAY. Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day!

Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy.

9pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic performance with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover.

Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

15 Friday

Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Beach: DJ2k & Mack Morris.

9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11am Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays, the best country, rock, oldies, 80s & top 40. Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour.

4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party.

8pm-midnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz

by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panamas: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5, 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

16 Saturday

Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Beach: DJ Mah. 9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover.

9pm Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament.

Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Maltese: Dragopolis. $3, 10pm Panamas: DJ Eclectic on the patio.

9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Mind Power Workshop w. Gayle Kimball, Ph.D. 1-4pm

17 Sunday

Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale.

10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS! GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473 FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 15

How to Have a Revolution

Welcome to Unsolicited Advice, an open column space for anyone who wants to tell someone, or everyone, what’s what. Submit your 500 words to editorial@synthesis.net Here’s the news, children: Anyone who is not already a revolutionary is either stupid or evil.

Revolution in this context means refusing to participate in violence, and insisting on the laws and traditions of the United States of America. Blowing shit up and killing people is stupid; it’s their game, for one thing. Also, we don’t make things better by making things worse; we make things better by making things better. (Duh.) “Power to the people” is a stupid slogan.

The people have all the power they need.

Economic power is political power; therefore, economic behavior is political behavior. If The People weren’t intellectually and morally bankrupt, they would refuse to give their money to the corporate thugs and perverts who run this nation and power would flow in channels more consonant with individual liberty, the true long-term welfare of the nation, and (for instance) what Jesus actually said (since we hear all this noise about this being a Christian nation). When we shut off the noises coming out of the mouths of money-grubbers and look at actions and results—the only things that matter, ever, for any reason—we see that this is a nation of mass murderers, torturers, slave-owners, thieves, and enemies of Government By the People.

On The Town 16

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM AUGUST 11 2014

Let’s set aside the genocide that gave us whiteys North America, and the centuries of slavery that built the foundations of our economy, and look at our lifetimes: From Vietnam to Iraq, the U.S. has caused the violent deaths of at least five…million…men, women, and children—solid numbers from the best sources. Other people did that; we said bad things about ‘em. We have physically destroyed other people’s homelands,

overthrown legitimate, popular governments, and supported the worst “leaders” in the world as long as they allowed American money-grubbers to steal everything not nailed down and destroy the rest. Our motto shouldn’t be “E Pluribus Unum,” but “Kill ‘Em and Take Their Stuff.”

Our crimes against humanity are not limited to foreign countries. We are currently hearing that about as many soldiers who died in Vietnam—roughly 58,000—came home, after being forced to take part in one of the great crimes against humanity of the entire 20th century, and committed suicide. That immense suffering and death is on the consciences of Johnson, Nixon, Kissinger, McNamara... But why should they care, among so many millions? Then there is big pharma, alcohol, tobacco, firearms, and the auto industry, which kill their customers—all for the money. (It’s all about the Benjamins, baby!)

Here’s your advice for the day, suckahs: Spending our money is the most powerful political act in our lives. We know that automakers, oil companies, banks, finance companies, and insurance companies (for instance) are Not Our Friends (or we certainly should know). When we give them our money we assume personal and individual responsibility for mass murder, torture, slavery, and the destruction of the living world and of Government By the People. Conversely, when we give it to our neighbors whom we know to be good people and good citizens, we help build our neighborhoods and our country in desirable directions. If we live in the TeeVee fantasy, we spend our lives for no better purpose than to make our owners and masters richer. We can do better.

Unsolicited Advice

by Anonymous

Overbearing Lady-Bullies This past week has been weird. First, everyone lost their minds when it rained. Children lamented the inevitable return of school while others started inexplicably craving pumpkinflavored anything and desperately trying to untangle scarves from the depths of closets.

Also, I learned that street harassment is a more polarizing topic than my usual focus of naps, whiskey, and my numerical rating of different words and phrases that I like/dislike.

(For the record, “kismet” = 8, saying anything is “like crack” = 0).

Last week I put forth a lot of effort in trying to articulate in 500 words my feelings on street harassment and the frustrations I feel about the subject. The upside was that I was contacted by quite a large number of women who shared their stories of dealing with harassment, as well as verbal and physical assault. A very small pool of men apparently took to the Synthesis site to share their objections to my thoughts, but I don’t really look at that as a downside. When writing the column last week, it wasn’t with the intention of persuading anyone to share my point of view. I think that whenever you have someone speaking up for women’s rights, it’s inevitable that you will encounter a pool of men who feel the need to remind us overbearing ladybullies that what we should really be focusing on is the men. I will pause here to allow time for a collective eye roll from most of you.

Anyway, when I wrote that, it wasn’t with the hope of changing the minds of the “but you guyyys, what about the MEN???!!!” group. I was thinking more about the women who might be feeling the way I was a few years

ago; that street harassment of any shade is just part of being a female, something we have to accept and deal with by staying quiet and ignoring the behavior in question. I no longer feel that way.

In any case, I’d just like to say, I’m white. (Stay with me.) I am a white female who grew up in a middle class family in the United States, and as such I am unbelievably privileged in a lot of ways. And for the same reason that I would never attempt to wax lyrical about what it’s like to be African American, men should not be attempting to explain what it’s like to be a woman. Male privilege means that most men will never be street harassed. Yet I think you’d be hard pressed to find a woman who’d never experienced it. According to the CDC and NCADV, one in five African American women, one in five Caucasian women and one in seven Latina women will be raped in their lifetime. One in four women will be the victims of domestic abuse. The overwhelming majority (almost 100 percent), of these crimes are committed by men. (When the victim is a man, the perpetrator is usually also a man).

Sooo… yeah. Here’s the thing. When you talk about how men are just as discriminated against or harassed as women… no. Just no.

You’re not wrong in a theoretical way, you are quite simply factually and empirically wrong.

Cheers, ladies.

Comical Ruminations

by Zooey Mae

zooey@synthesis.net

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17

Kendra McKinley Plays 1078 August 16th COME LEARN A THING OR TWO ABOUT SINGING

BY ALEX LIGHT

Our singer-songwriters come with a certain Chico-area quality. You can hear the cheap beer and the weed, and the ease with which that Chicoan can coast through the week, or the month, or the year, without ever really having to prove him/herself. As an artist, you can similarly coast to the top of your genre with just a little bit of elbow grease, simply because everyone else is too busy enjoying the park.

Kendra McKinley’s of a different caliber. I mean, she actually graduated from college!

(Music, classical guitar, UC Santa Cruz.) She absolutely shreds on the guitar, the piano, and most memorably with her voice. Her bright eyes and relaxed smile can fool the unwary Chicoan into thinking she’s another one of us—a happy-but-lazy-pretty-alright musician—but the moment she opens her mouth to sing, the truth is made clear. Kendra kicks way more ass than a lot of us.

Her voice instantly transports me to some place in between the rom-com Before Sunset and the animated fantasy Spirited Away; it carries the tender romantic French-ness of one and the smiling freshness of the other.

Listen to her album Chestnut Street while you read this interview, you’ll hear what I mean.

Yum. What was the most recent song of someone else’s that brought tears to your eyes?

A song my big brother wrote: “24th Corridor.”

To what extent would you say living in Santa Cruz informed your album Chestnut Street? In what ways is it different to be writing the next LP in San Francisco?

Most of those songs were written while living in a big yellow house with four of my best 18

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM AUGUST 11 2014

friends on Chestnut Street. That environment nurtured my songwriting tremendously... The house itself sort of served as a muse. Now living in San Francisco... I’m just gathering inspiration from a slew of new influences; people, places, experiences, etc.

Would you say your dreams affect your music? Dreams like the ones when you sleep.

They don’t affect much. I write them down as much as possible… but have yet to turn one into a song. I like to write about what I know, what I’ve experienced; I like to keep my dreams as enigmas.

Tell me about the subjective feelings (or memories?) that went into your song “Canyon Canon.”

That was a poem written by my dear friend Claire Williams, who also lived on Chestnut Street. I was in a composition class at the time and wanted to turn her piece into a song. I wrote the poem in pen on the inside of my arm so I could look at it and think about it.

When I was in the shower, the melody came to me instantly and I rushed out to record it.

What was a song you particularly enjoyed

writing?

I liked writing “Convince Me That I’m Not Just Wasting My Time.” I was paying homage to the Tin Pan Alley songwriting style, but then I found my own chord voicings in an alternate guitar tuning. It was an interesting exploration.

Any advice for people wondering if pursuing a degree in music is right for them, as opposed to skipping college and going straight to writing/performance?

One of the most valuable aspects of studying music at UCSC was that it introduced me to a number of incredible people that I might not have met otherwise. As far as whether or not school is right, I can’t answer that. It is entirely up to the individual. Though I will say that I loved studying music at UCSC. It was also over immediately after it started... If anything, school provides the vocabulary necessary for deeper study. But the most educational thing you can do is listen and play as much as possible.

See Kendra McKinley perform live at 1078 Gallery on Saturday, August 16th, alongside Geoff Baker and Michael Bone. Doors open at 7:30pm. $5-$10 sliding scale.

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AUGUST 11, 2014

BY KOZ MCKEV

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

It’s time to chill after the blast during last weekend’s full moon. This is a highly energetic week for you. Venus moves into your fifth house giving you an extra shot of creative energy. It’s time for an art party! The moon will be in Aries Wednesday morning through early Friday morning. The moon conjoins the surprise master Uranus, while the Sun trines the Moon bringing good vibes and the hope of the new to all. Keeping Mars under control while you’re hoping others will respond favorably to you is the challenge.

You are a deep person with an extreme love for family and security. Making your home a more comfortable place could be part of that focus. Venus moving into your fourth house makes you more of an interior decorator or a family negotiator. The moon in Taurus Friday morning through Sunday early afternoon allows you to really relax and be able to take things down a notch. Monday and Tuesday are your best days for socializing. Pay attention to parents and older relatives. Be aware of how your past roots affect your daily interactions.

It might be easy to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life during this period. Movement and gathering information is crucial at this time. You have a nose for news these days. Ignoring some news is good for peace of mind. The moon rolls into Gemini late Sunday afternoon.

You could end the weekend off with a night of sweetness and/or pleasure. Your mission is to be a good sibling, cousin and friend. Communicate news of joy. Find the answer in the question. Seek out ways of providing hope.

Do you own possessions or do the possessions that you own possess you? Materialism can be a big trap. The lighter you go the freer you feel. Values are the focus.

You’re in a much more talkative mood these days. Your energy for creative activities is expanding. You begin the week with exploration in mind. The work environment is likely to be busy this week.

The weekend looks good for socializing and hanging out with friends. Don’t take these contacts for granted. You’ll learn about something that you see as beneficial.

Living righteously isn’t an easy task. One can put out the image of being superhuman for only so long. You might feel a little frustrated or tired toward the beginning of the week. By mid-week your energy is up and you are ready to play once again. Wednesday and Thursday are days of good fortune for you. Be ready to be inspired. View life as a banquet of opportunity. Venus moves into your first house Tuesday, making you more creative and appealing to others. The weekend is a good time to display your creative abilities.

Be grateful that you have an inner life. No one can be spot on in every situation. Remember you are your own worst enemy and critic. Do what you can to make good karma. Pay your debts and honor other people’s wishes. Help those who feel isolated. Get enough sleep for yourself. Pay attention to messages in dreams.

Early in the week is best for negotiations. Romance could end up getting quite heated. The weekend looks good for travel and adventure. Be your own best friend and take yourself out for a time to commune with nature. Mercury moves into Virgo Friday giving you common sense.

Libra

Scorpio

Saggitarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Niceness is filling the air all around you. The week may start out a little rough as you have had to adjust to getting down off last weekends major high. By Wednesday you feel like you are ready to love once more. Venus moving into your eleventh house brings social grace and beautiful friends.

You might benefit from a party where every attendee creates something. By Sunday night you will be restless for something different and exciting. It might be best to lay low over the weekend. You’ll need your strength for next week.

You seem more powerful than usual these days. If you wanted to get yourself in top physical shape now is as good a time as any to initiate that. Mars in your first house makes you seem more dynamic and independent. Jupiter, Sun, Venus, and Mercury in your tenth house make it important to move your career life forward. You begin the week with good, creative ideas. You are able to attend to critical detail while making things more beautiful. The weekend looks good for romance, negotiations and enjoying the ones you love.

Enjoy life to its fullest while attempting to make good karma. One is only as good as one’s last act. Do what you can to make peace with those who might not agree with you. Helping others will come naturally since you are luckier than usual. Wednesday and Thursday are super fortunate as well as fun. Travel, learning new things, and being creative comes easily. The weekend looks good for charitable causes and projects that require teamwork. Make it a habit to go down streets and paths that you’ve never been on before.

Be a good listener. Be patient with your current situation.

Do what you can to make good on your debts. Anger seldom helps in negotiations.

Learn to appreciate your local environment. Seek out dynamic people to help you.

Look at different sources of information than you would normally use. Stick to long range plans as you set your goals. The weekend looks good for romance, travel, playtime, and being with children. Figure out what are your most important issues and make a game plan to remedy the challenges.

You find yourself in the middle of a number of issues that need to be remedied. You begin the week by preserving that which represents your true values. The middle of the week is more about friends and short trips. Something of an exciting nature could come up this Thursday. By the time the weekend rolls around you’ll want to work on your domestic life, or perhaps visit your parents. Romance gets sweeter with Venus moving into your seventh house of relationships. You come off as a good catch. Enjoy this window of opportunity.

Success is based more on good decisions than it is hard work. Most wealth is inherited. You are making money the hard way or learning to work with others in order to fulfill a groups goal. You enjoy being charitable so that’s not a problem. Health issues will improve provided you pay attention to what needs to be done. Monday and Tuesday are strong days for you with the moon in Pisces. Finances may improve after Thursday.

The weekend looks good for short trips, writing, working with your hands and seeing siblings, friends and neighbors.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21

Hobbes Ruth was an animal freak. The first time she was gonna sleep at my place she asked if she could bring her dog. Dog dander wasn’t as bad for my allergies as cat dander, but it wasn’t good. I had had a tableau in mind for a couple of years by then, though, and I already had the glass vase and the black sheets. I just needed Ruth. God, I LOVE antihistamines.

Being around cats was way worse—my eyes teared and itched, my nose sneezed and ran, and everything wheezed. Once my body recognized a cat house I had to decide if my discomfort outweighed my imagined payoff, which would have to be sex or a really good drug to warrant consideration.

Ruth found some expensive potion said to eliminate the allergic effects of animal dander and rubbed it on her cat and dog to good effect. It got me through the night and helped me add to my trove of pleasant memories, which now can make all the difference.

I’ve never had anything against cats themselves, and some of the ones I’ve run across actually sought me out. I’m a little catlike myself, though not graceful or dignified.

A few weeks ago my son got a kitten from some guy at the Farmers’ Market, and I figured it was fate. After our dog Spock died, Janice and I had talked sporadically about getting a pet, but neither of us wanted anything else to do. I thought of the kitten as therapeutic, and that was enough.

That may be run-of-the-mill behavior for a cat, but I’ve never lived with a cat, and I was impressed and reassured by Hobbes’s grasp of things.

this

Then there’s the dark side. A woman was the first to succumb to talking baby talk, and then there was no containing its insidious spread to her grandson, though little more than a baby himself, and then to her daughter and everybody around.

I’ve so far resisted talking baby talk to Hobbes, and I should say here that I didn’t talk baby talk to my own babies. To be virtually driven to talk drivel by another species is alarming, let me tell you.

I am not a babbler yet, neither a blatherer nor a ditherer, for which I’m not so much proud as grateful, because I don’t know that we have a choice in such matters. Some do this, some that. I can’t deny my own fall from grace, though, and I freely admit my current state. Recently basking in the satisfaction of not babbling to Hobbes, I noticed my voice sounding remarkably like Miss Moreland’s, my kindergarten teacher, when she read to us. I still don’t babble, but I do coo.

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I was right, too. Hobbes has indeed been therapeutic as all get-out and as cute as required. He’s friendly and affectionate and not a bit standoffish, just what was needed.

He also took to his litter box right away.

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter

22

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