! ’ N I L S S A WR lltown a m S n i e r u dvent (a n E x o t i c A
SEPTEMBER 22. FREE, FREE, FREE!
USA)
EARLY BIRD SPECIAL
This week at...
HALF-OFF COVER BEFORE 10PM (EXLUDES SHOWS W/ PRESALE TICKETS)
9-10PM | 1/2 OFF WELLS
UPCOMING SHOWS: T
9/27 Jelly Bread with Gravy Brain 10/3 Zac Deputy with ZuhG
10/4 Blackalicious CD Release Party
On
10/10 Nibblers
10/18 Tracorum with Jive Coulis 10/23 Afrolicious & Soul Union 10/24 Lyrics Born CD Release
10/25 Scott Pemberton Trio & Big Sticky Mess
DOORS OPEN AT 9PM
KYLE HOLLINGSWORTH
10/31 Freak the Funk Out w/ Mojo Green & Swamp Zen
NEW ENGLISH BEAT SHOW DATE TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON
w/ SWAMP ZEN WEDNESDAY 9/24
CHUM
WITH
Mojo green
A PHISH TRIBUTE FRIDAY 9/26
& moksha
EAT. DRINK. PLAY.
GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! LESSONS, LEAGUES & TOURNAMENTS!
ALL AGES UNTIL 10PM
NFL SUNDAY TICKET
319 MAIN STREET | 530-892-2473
WATCH THE GAMES HERE
15
MONDAY OPEN MIC COMEDY NIGHT - EVERY OTHER WEEK HAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-F POOL RATES CUT IN 1/2!
Main
17
WEDNESDAY CHICKEN & WAFFLE WEDNESDAY HAPPY HOUR 2-6PM M-F
18
THURSDAY LIVE JAZZ 8PM
19
FRIDAY LIVE MUSIC 8PM
21
SUNDAY
FREE
HOUR OF POOL
(WITH PURCHASE)
Volume 21 Issue 5 September 22, 2014
For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.
Publisher/Managing Editor
Columns
This Week...
Wrestling
PAGE 8
Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net
Letter From the Editor by Amy Olson
amy@synthesis.net
Creative Director Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net
PAGE 4
Comical Ruminations by Zooey Mae
Entertainment Editor Alex Light Alex@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/
zooey@synthesis.net
PAGE 5
Productivity Wasted
Designers
by Eli Schwartz
Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net
pwasted@synthesis.net
PAGE 7
Deliveries
Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti
Scene Report
Contributing Writers
Mortified
Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano GarciaSarnoff, Jon Williams, Crown, Alex O’Brien
PAGE 7
Immaculate Infection
Photography
by Bob Howard
Jessica Sid Vincent Latham
Madbob@madbob.com
Nerd
Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net
Accounting Ben Kirby
Director of Operations
Free Culture
Special Needs School
PAGE 18
by Alex O’Brien amateurzen.com
Karen Potter
Owner
Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net
PAGE 16
PAGES 17
Supertime!
by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com
The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.
PAGE 20
Kozmik Debris by Koz McKev
kozmckev@sunset.net
PAGE 21
From The Edge
by Anthony Peyton Porter
PAGE 22 COVER PHOTO Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff
210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 3
PET OF THE WEEK
The Old Diarrhea Ruse Saturday morning, 8:30am I wake up groggily, the fog of Benadryl having coalesced with yesterday’s makeup into a sticky gum holding my eyelids shut. Dain is already wide awake, messing around on his phone. “You’re up!” he grins, “Lesgo-sgo-sgo, I want to do all the things today!”
Carte r Carter is a handsome young dog looking for a new friend to take him on runs in the park, to play ball with him in the backyard, and to snuggle with him at night. This dog has oodles of energy and love to offer!
2580 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org
Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Yung Lean
“What?” I ask, “We’ll get everywhere, calm down.” Dain is never pushy, Saturdays are a ritual of chill for us: snuggle the cat in bed for a while, flop out on the couches in our underwear with coffee and our laptops, shower, get pretty, deposit our paychecks, farmer’s market, lunch, shopping, radio station, home. Today we have a couple of small additional goals, like getting him a nice ivory shirt for the wedding and finding a birthday present for one of my friends, but he’s bouncing up like the house is on fire and turning the hot water on, pulling the blankets back from my face where I’m hiding. 8:35am “I don’t feel like shaving my legs today,” I tell him as I glance down at two day’s (barely visible) stubble. “There’s no time like the present!” he says, handing me the razor. I laugh and shake my head, taking it. What the hell? I can’t recall him ever having an opinion about my sporadic leg-smoothness. He’s in a quirky little mood today, but I’ll just roll with it—worst case I’ll have nicely shaved legs and we’ll be home early from shopping with nothing to do… 8:50am I’m sipping coffee and reading the news with a towel around my hair. “Aren’t you going to get ready? I’ll make some breakfast while you’re in there.” Oh, right, hurrying. 9:05am
Tanner
Yung Lean - “Leanworld”
Liz
E-40 - “Yay Area”
Dinah
Madonna - “Like a Prayer”
Becca
Rilo Kiley - “Silver Lining”
Mike
Jazzy Jeff - “Summertime”
4
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
“Oh, dang. You’re fast!” I’ve come out of the back room with freshly painted face and blow dried hair, dressed and in heels. “I know I am, it’s a gift!” We sit down and eat the eggs and chorizo he’s cooked up. I look at him in his uncharacteristically schlubby t-shirt and shorts, unshaven. Normally he’s crisp and man-pretty when we go out. “...and you?” I ask teasingly. “I don’t feel like shaving,” he says, and we both laugh. “Get your ass back there,
you’ve been rushing me all morning!” He looks at his phone, smiling, in no hurry whatsoever. 9:25am “Sooooo… are we outta here?” He’s pensive for a minute, then looks at me with some alarm. “Ruh roh,” he says, “I maybe shouldn’t have downed that whole bottle of probiotics.” He scoots off to the bathroom in a comical penguin walk. 9:45am “Um, are you OK in there? You’ve been gone for a really long time.” I’d almost forgotten he went to the bathroom, it’s been so long. I’ve read all the news, caught up on all the facebook, and emerged back into the land of non-cyberspace. “I think I’m OK,” he says in a cute voice, “go back to whatever you’re doing.” 10:00am “Alright, all set!” he comes swaggering into the living room, still dressed in that cat-hair covered tee and shorts, with the addition of a pair of sneakers. “Are you sure,” I laugh. I gather my purse and things off the kitchen table, catching a glimpse of him checking out his camera in the other room. That’s odd. Suddenly there’s loud grinding horn sound—my irrational first thought is that his camera is exploding. I turn, and see all five of my bridesmaids bursting around the corner blowing party-horns. “Surprise! It’s your bachelorette weekend and we’re kidnapping you!” Dain snaps pictures of my reddening face, and tells me earnestly that they were supposed to be here a half hour ago. “I wasn’t pooping,” he whispers. Sure you weren’t.
Letter From the Editor by Amy Olson
amy@synthesis.net
CASH! CASH! CASH! We pay cash for your recyclables!!
Lisa Frank > Anne Frank Today I saw the first evidence of fall. It was a tiny leaf on the ground at the corner of 4th and Broadway. About the size of a baby hand, it was green with the telltale red of autumn creeping in around the edges. As I waited for the lights to change at the crosswalk, I held strong eye contact with that leaf while downtown’s notorious homeless anger bomb yelled “DIE” at the side of my face. Fall is my favorite time of year. If I could find a place where the six months of summer were swapped out for six months of fall, that would be magical. The cooler seasons make me think of soup, rain, and how incredibly terrible those PSL commercials by Starbucks are. They also make it difficult for me to want to do anything but pull all my favorite graphic novels off the shelf, read them all day, then sleep with them piled up around me at night like my very own impenetrable fortress of solitude and loneliness. Isn’t loneliness the best, you guys? This week, in honor of the autumn leaf I saw, I’m recounting some of my favorite graphic novels and collected works to read in preparation of the cooler months ahead. This is also nod to all the folks who have recently told me they miss the time when I wrote about comics. I hear you! I miss it too. But sometimes it’s just too tempting to treat this outlet like my diary. Or rather, like an overflow for what doesn’t fit in the stack of Lisa Frankthemed diaries that’s holding up one side of my bed. Better a Lisa Frank-themed diary than an Anne Frank-themed diary, am I ri-actually, nevermind! Let’s get to those comics! Y The Last Man Ah, the old standby. I truly adore this ten volume series by Brian K. Vaughn. An oldie but a goodie, this dystopian storyline follows
CRV ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound Yorick and his pet monkey Ampersand as they venture across the world (in which a mysterious plague has killed the male half of every species at once), in order to find Beth, Yorick’s girlfriend. If you haven’t read it, do it. If you have and liked it, read Vaughn’s latest venture, Saga. Athos In America Norwegian cartoonist Jason (yes, first name only. Like Cher), creates these beautiful self-contained stories that feature anthropomorphic characters and a minimalist color palette that works perfectly with his charming stories. If you like Tintin creator Herge, check out Jason. Read it now, thank me later. Blueberry If small press or alternative comics are your thing, then pick up the work of French cartoonist Moebius. My favorite series of his is Blueberry, which follows a cowboy on his adventures across the Old American West. An interesting focus considering the artist (Moebius) and writer (Jean-Michel Charlier) are from France and Belgium respectively. The best thing about this series (besides the incredible artwork), is the fact that in a time period that’s usually recounted with a heavyhanded use of stereotypes, Blueberry doesn’t follow any of them. Do yourself a favor and check out Moebius, but savor what you find as the Frenchman passed away in 2012 so we won’t be seeing any new work from this creative genius.
Comical Ruminations by Zooey Mae
zooey@synthesis.net
E-WAStE! We pay 5¢ per pound for TV’s , Computers, Monitors and Laptops!! And, as a courtesy to our customers, we’ll accept all other consumer electronics, such as fax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-off, with no payments* * Some restrictions may apply Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.
2565 S. Whitman Place, Chico (Corner of East Park Avenue and S. Whitman Place) 343-5500
SUPERCLEAN Pros High Performance Detail Cleaners Residential and Commercial Cleaning Services! • Apartment
• Business
• Home
• Warehouse
• Office
• and more!
Cost Effective, Customer Friendly Cleaning Service Fees FREE estimates with walk- through site inspection (530)774-1175 http://supercleanpros.webs.com
“We clean to YOUR specifications!” FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 5
On The Town 6
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
Mortified
The Uptown, Oakland As seen on September 20th BY AMY OLSON (A continuation of the story recounted in my Letter From The Editor) The three hour drive draws us ever-closer to San Francisco, and I become increasingly certain that is our destination. At the junction of the 880, however, we veer left. Oakland? I mean, yay, Oakland! (Oakland?)
Shadowgate (2014) MAGIC, MYSTERY, ENDLESS HAIR TEARING Continuing the trend of reboot games being made (and of me reviewing them), Shadowgate has been remade for the modern era. Sort of. Originating in 1987’s point-andclick adventure, the original Shadowgate is a classic if there ever was one. Back in those days when the point-and-click adventure was at its height, many considered it to be one of the masterworks of the genre. It allowed multiple ways to navigate the same issues, a huge amount of options and a wide world to navigate, and the high tech “action button” interface—a system where you had to click on the button corresponding to what action you wanted to take, then click on the object you wanted to perform the action on—was a miracle of the Macintosh. It was a different time, where accessibility wasn’t as key an issue as now, and the developer’s vision went through a much shorter gauntlet of profit analysis. 2014 has seen Shadowgate return with modern graphics, expanded setting, polished storyline, and loads more puzzles. Its followers, many of them starting their reviews with wistful sighs, speak about how it marries the impeccable design of the old with the improved techniques of the new, calling it the definitive Shadowgate. Its detractors call it outdated, inefficient, annoying, and unspeakably difficult. Shadowgate starts the player off as an ordinary human soldier, armed only with a cloak and a dagger and absolutely no experience in matters of monsters and magic, and places them at the front of a living, malevolent castle filled with monsters and ruled by an unstoppable Warlock who has killed every last rival in his way. Then, the player is tasked with infiltrating and conquering the whole thing. Along the way,
you’ll die approximately 62 sextillion times, depending on how quickly you solve the banshee’s curse. Every death brings up a cheeky and gruesome text description of your demise, the grinning face of death and his scythe, and a disappointed admonishment from your ally and mentor. That death screen might as well be the cover. Every step and every room in Shadowgate is a puzzle, and a difficult one. Just about every penalty for failing it is either humiliation, or death. The player can, luckily, save at any time, as the game is often an exercise in trial and error. The saving grace of the game’s enormous difficulty is that the puzzles make sense, and rarely feel like the arbitrary fumbling that happens at the low point of many point-and-click adventure games. Returning with the difficulty are the Macintosh-era action buttons, a few of which can be bound to keys a few times, but never in their whole. The game could go a lot smoother with the ability to bind them all, and the developers know it. Out of nostalgia and respect, however, the game stays classically inefficient, a nuisance until you get used to it after the first two or three hours, which isn’t too long, considering it took me a week to beat this monstrous game. Both the 2014 remake and its ancestor are challenging, clever, and novel in their nostalgia, but both are difficult, filled with trial and error, and long. Only the dedicated should pick this game up; everyone else ought to avoid it.
Productivity Wasted by Eli Schwartz pwasted@synthesis.net
We’ve settled into the apartment we’ll be staying at this weekend. Six girls wedge ourselves into the bathroom, a tangle of curling irons and spindly arms, clouds of face powder and hairspray. We make our way to dinner, drink wine, eat bone marrow (which is far more like fatty beef jell-o than I’d anticipated) on toast points, have “cheeseless” macaroni and cheese (made from butternut squash and so much cream it might as well just be cheese). I still have no idea where we’re going, only that it’s about eight blocks away. Despite our high heeled shoes and poor collective ability to read maps, we decide to walk (possibly because of the wine). We eventually arrive at the Uptown nightclub on Telegraph Ave, across from the Fox Theater. “Oh, we’re seeing Mortified! I’ve heard of this!” Just a week or two back, after seeing the show in Austin, a good friend of mine posted pictures of herself sorting through old journals to contribute her most embarrassing entries. That’s the premise: people sharing journal entries or poems or letters, things created during that most mortifying age when we were all trying so. effing. hard. to be cool and effortless. Opening the show is a silver fox (a guy, not an actual fox) named Dave Nadelberg (a very nice guy who we harass shamelessly afterward). He’s the creator of the project, and he graciously offers his own self-immolation to set the tone: a tragically unsent letter meant to secure the object of his youthful affections; a grandiose resumé about why she should choose him. It’s incredibly funny and endearing, because it’s all of us. Everyone had that ridiculous crush on a person they didn’t even know, everyone had that overly dramatic letter-writing phase. Or maybe kids of the
digital age don’t do that anymore? Did the ten page angsty diatribe go out with texting? God, I hope not. It’s hard to pick a favorite of the many readings, each one is excruciatingly hilarious. There’s the metal-chick love rollercoaster, the pubescent, gay Mormon, the tale of the missing tampon, talking vagina poetry… And frankly, I can’t do any of them justice through description. What makes Mortified work is not just the specific story arcs, it’s the natural cadence of teenage drama—over inflated expectations and the quick rebound from despair to rage to the same inflated expectations—unfolding in big leaps of time. It’s the naked honesty and intensity of the people laying themselves open to our generous ridicule. It’s the rawness of the experience, the fact that turning into an adult is so gloriously awkward. Which is good, because if you went to the next show (at the DNA Lounge in SF on Oct. 10th, or at the Uptown in Oakland on Oct.11th), you wouldn’t see the same lineup. The live show operates in chapters in cities all over the country, cycling performances monthly or seasonally with different people participating each time. You can also watch the documentary, Mortified Nation, on Netflix, and if you think you have the right stuff, you can participate—visit getmortified.com for all the information.
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 7
W R E S T L I N G W I T H R E A L I T Y A N E XOT I C A DV E N T U R E I N S M A L LTO W N U S A BY EMILIANO GARCIA-SARNOFF
Oroville, CA. It’s a blazing Sunday, high noon, as I maneuver past some automotive shops, then back into a non-descript cluster of industrial warehouses. There it is. I park. Inside, a 20’ x 20’ full-sized wrestling ring, elevated on a custom-made steel frame to nipple-height, dominates the room. Guys, shirtless or in baggy tees, are pinballing off the ropes, clotheslining each other. When they hit the canvas the sound is so loud I instinctively flinch—then instinctively feel lame for doing so. A big, husky man with a neatly trimmed strawberry beard and a Pro Championship Wrestling T-shirt bounds up to me, full of excited puppy-dog energy. “Emiliano?” he asks. He offers a big grin, a firm shake, a direct look in the eyes. “Mitch Valentine,” he says. “The Heartbreaker Mitch Valentine.” “The important thing to remember here,” Mitch says, as he Vanna White-ishly gestures up at the ring, “—when you look at all this—is that this isn’t just some thing you come in here and just ‘do.’ It takes serious training. You wouldn’t be performing surgeries as a
8
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
surgeon without the proper training, right? You wouldn’t try ‘n fight fires as a firefighter without doing firefighting training, right? We put our lives in each other’s hands. Some of the things we do are just…amazing.” The Heartbreaker says “amazing” as if he is truly, at that very moment, amazed. I look up to where The Heartbreaker is motioning. A shirtless guy is delivering a flying, barely-contacting kick to another guy who goes crashing to the canvas with an insanely loud “smack!” I flinch; feel lame. The man writhes in “agony,” reaching up to the heavens as if asking for divine intervention. When little Mitch Valentine was 12-yearsold, living in a trailer home in Marysville with his mom, he didn’t think too much about wrestling. He was an angry kid. This was partly because he didn’t have a dad and partly because he was tubby and got teased a lot. But then his friend, Darnell Hamilton (who had already introduced him to two of the things he continues to cherish to this day, Rap and Basketball), told him to check out this guy called The Rock. “Man, I thought wrestling was a bunch of
guys fake-fighting in their underwear,” The Heartbreaker tells me. “Yes,” I say, nodding. “But then I saw The Rock. I was sitting on my couch, in the living room, watching TV. I saw him wrestle. I saw him talk. And I was hooked. I was old enough to know that wrestling wasn’t ‘real’ but I still thought The Rock was. I mean…he laid the smack down on all those candy asses!” The Heartbreaker says, with deep sincerity. As The Heartbreaker tells me this, he grows wistful, almost bashful, his face goes flush, and he stares out into the middle-distance, out past the walls covered in wrestling fliers. “If it wasn’t for The Rock I wouldn’t be here today,” he says. “There’s no way.” Which is true. Because after that fateful day on the trailer home sofa, watching The Rock flex and fly and slam on his tiny TV, chubby little Mitch Valentine started to practice. He started to plan. He started to dream. And when he turned 18 he signed up to take classes with the man who continues to be his mentor to this day, Mr. Prime Time (MPT).
“For me, [wrestling] is the greatest form of art, entertainment, and athleticism,” The Heartbreaker says. “I feel it’s the greatest thing in the world! Why? I’ll tell you why. The spectacle! The showmanship! The drama! It’s like a live movie—except for we only get one take.” “So more like a play, then?” I suggest. “Yes, there’s a theatrical element, sure,” The Heartbreaker concedes. “In a sense, it’s all about telling stories. It’s all about suspension of disbelief.” Some people are a lot better at suspending disbelief than me, I think to myself. Like a lot better. The Heartbreaker introduces me to Bradley Rotten, a slight, half-blind, heavily tattooed man with a complicated dental situation, whose slogan is “he tells it like he smells it.” Mr. Rotten was a sickly kid; he had heart surgery at eight-years-old, diabetes, other stuff, too. He’s too underweight to wrestle, so he plays a nefarious manager character, or works as an announcer for promo videos. “I thought it was real,” Mr. Rotten tells me, laughing. “When I was a kid. I thought The Million Dollar Man had millions of dollars, all that. But people tell me it’s fake and I get kinda pissed off. I mean, I’ve seen so many broken arms. The thing is… you have to accept it for what it is.” The Heartbreaker expresses a similar sentiment. “Eventually, I realized The Rock wasn’t…” The Heartbreaker trails off, as if he can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. “He started leaving for Hollywood. It made me sad. But I loved it enough to keep… to hold on.” I follow The Heartbreaker and the rest of the guys in my car from their practice space through several miles of orchards to a small event being put on by another organization at the Biggs Community Center. On the way, The Heartbreaker stops at a local pizza place, where he informs a pair of bewildered teenage employees that the place is the event’s
“biggest sponsor.” The Heartbreaker carries with him a metallic attaché, like the sort a bad guy would have handcuffed to his wrist in a spy movie. He opens the case, carefully removes two tickets to this afternoon’s match, hands them to the bewildered teens. “So, about the pizza later…” The Heartbreaker says. Over at the Biggs Community Center, in the dressing room, twenty or so wrestlers are getting into their ridiculous spandex outfits. There are some evil “Canadians,” who get the crowd riled up by telling them “aboot” how much better maple syrup and Canadian Bacon are than anything American. There’s “The Caveman,” who speaks in grunts and monosyllables. And there’s the reigning champ, “The Golden Boy Dylan Drake,” in from San Francisco, who tells me that he actually makes his living entirely from wrestling (and merchandise). When I meet him, The Golden Boy is halfnaked, eating two turkey patties and sautéed spinach out of a Snapware container. He speaks about himself in third-person, leaning back with his fingers interlaced behind his head. “Dylan Drake hasn’t decided if he’s going to show up,” he tells me, of the October event that’s being held in Chico. Someone approaches him from the side, but before they can say anything, The Golden Boy unlaces his fingers and, without breaking eyecontact with me, extends an open palm—talk to the hand style—in the person’s direction. “Give us a moment,” The Golden Boy says. “We’re trying to do an interview.” “I’m just trying to get a bottle of water,” the person says, pointing to the cooler on the Golden Boy’s other side. “Oh,” says the Golden Boy. I ask The Golden Boy if this is really him or if he’s half-way in character. “I’m just always kind of a dick,” he says, as if reading my mind (although I was actually thinking “douche”). About fourteen audience members show up, half of whom are either friends or family
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9
members of one of the wrestlers. There’s a raffle with three exciting prizes. One guy wins all three. If one elects to pay an extra $2, one can come early and be VIP. The Very Important People this afternoon are a dad and his seven-year-old son, up from Colusa. The dad is heavyset and wears a very nicely designed XXL “Golden Boy Dylan Drake” t-shirt. The boy is terrified by the wrestling and cries and sucks on his index and middle fingers and begs to sit farther back; the kindly dad obliges. The dad explains that he’s been a huge fan of The Golden Boy Dylan Drake ever since he discovered him on YouTube, which is completely incomprehensible to me. I meet three middle-aged, big-gut-having local men, who came together. One tells me that he’s drawn to indy-wrestling “fer the ennertainment.” The other tells me that he comes, “fer the ennertainment, too.” And the third tells me that he comes “fer, the ennertaiment too, basically. But also fer the participation of it.” Later, a man of perhaps 60, here alone and with a severe skin condition, leans over and tells me that he can “tell the fakeness” on one of the moves. He’s certain it’s fake, he tells me. What the audience lacks in numbers/critical thinking abilities, they make up for in spirit. They yell out all kinds of slanderous shit: insults, boos, cheers. The show begins. The wrestlers act out their over-thetop stories of betrayal and vengeance; dominance and submission; victory and defeat. They zip around at impressive speed and perform acrobatic feats, impressive too. They pin each other, the ref counts “One! Two!” but then the pinned man kicks out at the last second. Trash cans and folding-chairs become involved, and so on.
10
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
I meet one of the only female wrestlers, Miranda Rotten, who I mistakenly assume is married to Bradley “Tells It How He Smells It” Rotten. “I’m flattered that you’d think I’d have a girlfriend,” Mr. Rotten says, endearingly, after pointing out my mistake. “Hey,” Miranda Rotten says to Mr. Rotten, reassuringly. “You’ve totally been around long enough to have a ring-rat at least. You could have a ring-rat for sure.” A ring-rat is a wrestling groupie, she explains. The Heartbreaker, this afternoon, is facing “The Iron Idol Idris Jackson, a super-buff black dude in a man-thong. At one point The Heartbreaker flies from the top rope at the Iron Idol and, as he soars, like one of those flying squirrels, time seems to slow down. For just a split second I see, through that wildeyed expression, little fatherless, fat, Mitch Valentine, back in that trailer, dreaming big dreams. I don’t get this fake-wrestling thing. I just don’t. But I want Mitch Valentine’s dreams to come true so bad it breaks my heart. Fly, Mitch Valentine, fly.
New 2 Story Kids Play Structure!
Construction has started on this Fun-ominal 2300 S.F. Outdoor/Indoor Play House!
Zip Line
Rope Bridge & Cargo Nets
Triple Slide
Climbing Walls
360º Spiral Slide
Age Appropriate Sections
Jungle Themed Art
Tire Climb
Open 24 Hours Voted Chicoʼs Best 20 Years Running Awarded Top Aquatics Facility in the World-2010 Best Fitness Facility in USA - 2009 DONATE GENTLY USED COSTUMES AT DRACULA'S CLOSET FOR THE BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB OF THE NORTH VALLEY
C OST U M ES • WIGS • M A SKS • HAT S • M A K EU P • A C C ESSORIES M E N • W O M E N • P LU S S I Z E S • I N FA N T S • TO D D L E R S • K I D S • T E E N S
Large selection of...
2070 E 20th St Ste 100 (OLD HOLLYWOOD VIDEO BUILDING NEXT TO WINCO ACROSS FROM BEST BUY)
MON-SAT 12-8 SUN 12-5
530-892-9593 CEL
CELEBRATING 20 YEARS
25% OFF ENTIRE PURCHASE
THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR LOYAL CUSTOMERS!
EXPIRES 10/10/14
EBR
2 YE 0 AR
ATI N
S
G
BEER MAIDENS & TAVERN KEEPERS IN REGULAR & PLUS SIZES Scan for directions
Like us on Facebook! facebook.com/DraculasClosetChico
Food &
Drink Closed
We need to drink, too!
Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4PM $3 Sierra & Domestic
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week! Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom
$6.99 Pulled pork sand w/
Summertime Special
Pitchers
$2.50 Wells & Sierra
$1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50 FREE Pool after lOPM
Pints 6PM - close $1 Off Pitchers
Closed
$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos,
Nevada Drafts during Giants &A's Games!
$2.50 ALL Day!
Anniversary Special
Pitchers
$3 Sierra and Dom Pints
PB&J -Shot of Jameson w hiskey w ith bolttle of PBR only $6.50
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Chicken Waffle Wed.! 8 ball Tourney 6pm
salad $6.99
8PM-Close $2.50 Fire Eater Shots $5.50 DBL Bacardi
Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
or Tots, Chips & Salsa
and Motzerells sticks only
$ 3.50 Ka mis ALL DAY! Closed
Two Dollar Tuesdays!
Chicken Strip Sand only $6.99 before 6 PM TWO BUCK TUESDAY 6-llpm $2 Rolling Rock, Olympia & Single Wells $2.50 PBR, Coors and Double wells
Corn Dogs, French Fries
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
fries or salad 25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone!
$2 PBRs $2 Tacos! Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom
Reuben Sand w/ fries or
sign-up Full Bar in Back Room
Cocktails
Come see our beautiful
Open 9PM
Mon-Fri
Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:
Bartender Specials
Happy Hour 12-4PM
Wander Food Truck on
$314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies
$3 Sierra & Domestic Pints
Chico Jazz Collective 8-midnight Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra & Dom
Spm-Close Pitcher Specials $6.50/$9.50/$13 FREE Pool after lOPM
Baby Back Ribs $11.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.99 6pm-Close $4.50 Grad teas $3.50All beer pints FREE Pool after lOPM
Summertime Special
Pitchers
$3.50 Soccer moms
$2.50 Wells & Sierra
$6 Dbl Roaring Vodka
Nevada Drafts during Giants &A's Games!
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
Open 9PM
Mon-Fri
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/
Happy Hour 12-4PM $3 Sierra & Domestic
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Rock Out atThe DL!
Bartender Specials
Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub,
Fries or Salad & Garlic
Pints
Anniversary Special
Weekend Blast Off!! 8-close $5 Blasters
PB&J -Shot of Jameson w hiskey with bolttle of PBR only $6.50
and 10 9' foot tables Open@llam All ages untill lOpm
$314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies
Southern Comfort Promo llpm-close $4 Single/ $5
Doubles plus Giveaways &Samples! Open 9PM
Tacotruck.bizand Beers on
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2 !
Bartender Specials $314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies
Rumplemintz Promo 10:30pm-close
Open at HAM $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Pep par Bloody Marys Noon- 6PM $8 / $9 SN Dom Pitchers $5.50 DBL Bacardi
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Rock Out atThe DL!
Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open@llam All ages untill lOpm
Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jager $5.50 DBL Vodka Red Bull $2.50 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after lOPM
Baby Back Ribs w/Sa lad , Fries & garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double
Jack or Captain $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool after lOPM
Cocktails
DUFFYSANNIVERSARY
GONG SHOW What's a GONG SHOW? Hungry amateurs will compete in a talent contest that will be judged by a panel of local celebrities. If the act is so bad that the judges can't bear to watch it, they have the power to hit the gong and send the performer or performers off the stage. If they are not gonged, they move forward in the competition where they can win incredible prizes sponsored by none other than Duffy's Tavern. We are searching for that perfect act -there is no boundary! Dance, song, performance, strange tricks, anything goes as long as you don't get GONGED!
337 MAIN ST.• 530-343-1745 12
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM
SEPTEMBER 22 2014
WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH
CLOSED
lOAM -2PM $5 Bottles of Champagne
with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Pep par Bloody Marys
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Free Pool with Purchase! 1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers
Summertime Special
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans
$2.50 Wells & Sierra
Nevada Drafts during Giants &A's Games!
$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries
or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Ca II, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 CHEAP Beer Pitchers
~ cf ~) c;&~~r-.9 ~~!I
Lounge
V1pu1tra
C: HI CO CA
Closed
Go Downlo
BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $S.49. llam-lOpm.
Happy Hour 11-GPM select bottles & drafts $3
CLOSED
2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY!! MINORS WELCOME!
CLOSED
CLOSED
Closed
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM Closed
Go Downlo
BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off w hile wea ring Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Ka mis-any flavor All Day
$3.SO Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm
Happy Hour 4 - 7pm
Progressive Night:
$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!
B - lOpm $1 Dom, We lls &
All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day
$3.50 SkyyyVodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm
1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!
4-GPM $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Red bull
Closed
Happy Hour 11-GPM $3 select bottles & drafts
9pm-Close $212ozTeas $3 20ozTeas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bu II
Happy Hour 4 - 7pm
4-GPM $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & We lls $5 DBL Captain Spm-Close $4151 Party punch 22oz. 8-9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close
Closed
Power Hour 8 - 9pm
Open at 9PM
1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM -Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers Southern Comfort Promo llpm-close
BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available! Call for reservation 898-9898 Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale lOpm - Close: Up $0.25 per hourtil closing
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8-cl) DJ Party 4 different DJ 's $lwells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks
Go Downlo
Happy Hour 4 -Spm Ladies Night! BB pm-CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2off wells
Happy Hour 4 -Spm
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2off wells
FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!! SPM -Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.
$2.50 16oz Wells All Day
MUG CLUB from 4-lOPM
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
Select Pints $3
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
Opening at Spm for BO's NIGHT!! B pm-CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Ka mis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2off wells
KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT"
Call To Rent For Private Party Go DownLo
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm
$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!
Happy Hour-4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-Spm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5
Southern Comfort Promo llpm-close $4 Single/ $5 Doubles plus Giveaways &Samples! LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
B PM-CLOSE
HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTH ING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!
TRIKE RACES! Post time@ lOpm. Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.
$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Neva da Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-lOPM $3 Fireball
$4World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour4-8pm
Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!
Rumplemintz Promo 10:30pm-close
Champagne Brunch !lam -2pm $4 Champagne w ith entree
134 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA I 530.893.5253
Mon. - Sat. 4PM - 6PM $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and We lls Powe r Hour 8 - 9PM $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers Rumplemintz Promo 10:30pm-close
BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available! Call for reservation 898-9898
CLOSED
CLOSED
Open at 9PM Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.
Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!
Open 'til lAM
so% oH any entree with any beveraee purchase Exluding Brunch Menu
177 E2nd S~Chico-Calib-nia • 95928
Openat 11:30am l ue><lay-Sarurday (530) 895-88 17
FACEBOOK.COM /SYNTHESISCHICO
13
This Week Only...
SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS TO CALENDAR@SYNTHESIS.NET
BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT
Wednesday, September 24th
SWAP PARTY VALENE L SMITH MUSEUM OF ANTHROPOLOGY
Are you tired of all your things, but you don’t want to set them on fire? Do you covet the posessions of others, but are afraid to steal them? Good news! You’re invited to bring 6-10 of your lighty used accessories to swap—hats, scarves, jewelry, purses, belts, whatever—while listening to live jazz, snacking on refreshments, and perusing the exhibit: Material Culture: Wearing the art of Chikoko. $20/general, student discount available, all proceeds benefit the museum. 4-7pm
Saturday, September 27th A NIGHT OF SKA & ROCK 1078 GALLERY
On The Town 14
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
Maybe you like things that are fun and bright and happy; maybe you like horns and jumping around and Wanderers and Wolves and Big Trees Falling Down and things that are Loud and Burning and when 45s are Steady. If this sounds accurate (and elaborate), get excited—1078 hosts Wanderes and Wolves, Big Tree Fall Down, Burning Loud, and The Steady 45s (LA). Show starts at 8pm, All Ages, $5-$10
Friday, September 26th
E-40 LASALLES
It isn’t every day you get to see E-40 in the intimacy of a small club, five minutes from your house. You will be so moved by the experience that your heart will feel feelings, intimate feelings that you will carry with you like a treasure for the rest of your life. As if that weren’t enough, he’s joined by Blaze1, T.Nutty, Big Omeezy, Marvaless, Chain Gang w/DJ Dixon, and DJ Sexual Chocolate. 9pm-close, tickets are $20 presale (available at Blaze ‘n J’s), or $25 at the door
Friday-Saturday, September 26th-27th
25TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION DUFFY’S TAVERN
It’s finally here! The celebration starts on Friday, with Chico’s favorite Irish band, The Pub Scouts (joined by Irish step dancers, no less) playing a special electric set from 4-7pm, then at 10pm the legendary Brutillicus Maximus takes the stage. On Saturday there’ll be a special SUPER happy hour from 4-8pm with a taco truck parked out front, and the famous (infamous?) Gong Show (with a $100 grand prize) at 9pm. Do eet.
New & Exciting: Ongoing Events: 23 Tuesday
The Bear: Big Train followed by Open Jam night, 9pm-1:30am
24 Wednesday
1078 Gallery: Chemical Burn: Deep Sea Thunder Beast, Blaster Dead, Shadowlimb. $5, All Ages, 8pm Lost On Main: Kyle Hollingsworth, Swamp Zen, doors at 9pm, 21+
25 Thursday
Blue Room: The Outsiders, $10/advance, $15/door, 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Three Fingers Whiskey, 6-9pm
26 Friday
Blue Room: The Outsiders, $12/advance, $15/door, 7:30pm Butte Creek Country Club: “A Walk Through Old Downtown,” benefit for Chico Museum. Vintage attire encouraged, 6pm-10pm, $75, includes dinner. Duffy’s: Eve of the Anniversary show: Pub Scouts 4-7pm, Brutillicus Maximus 10pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Brad Relf, 6-9pm, followed by E-40 + more, 9pmclose, $20 presale or $25 at the door. 21+ Lost On Main: Chum, a Phish tribute, doors at 9pm, 21+ The Tackle Box: The Cherry Road Gang, 9pm, $2
27 Saturday
1078 Gallery: Big Tree Fall Down, The Steady 45s (LA), Wanderers and Wolves, Burning Loud, 8pm, All Ages, $5-$10 Blue Room: The Outsiders, $12/advance, $15/door, 7:30pm Cafe Coda: Bogg’s morning tribute to Prog Rock! 11am, All Ages Duffy’s : 25th Anniversary Celebration! Taco truck out front, extended happy hour 4-8pm, Gong Show at 9pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Bogg, 5:308pm Lost On Main: Jelly Bread and Gravy Brain, doors at 9pm, 21+ The Maltese: Pat Hull, Sean Harasser, Luke Sweeney (SF), 9pm-12:30am, $5, 21+ Monstros: Unonoctium, Strange Ones, Khaos Assault, Criminal Wave, Tri-Lateral Dirts, Smak City, Mr Bang, Blight, Outside Looking In. 8pm-11pm, All Ages, $5 Pageant Theatre: GMO-OMG Film Series, part 1. 2pm-4pm Sycamore Field: Bidwell Bark fun run and festival, 8am-12pm, All Ages, free The Tackle Box: Northern Heat, 9pm, $3
28 Sunday
Laxson Auditorium: Alpin Hong piano, $28/premium, $22/adult, $20/senior, $12 youth, $10/Chico State Students, 2pm
22 Monday
100th Monkey: Healing Light Meditation, 7pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until 10pm. Open Mic Night, Free. Maltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes. Free, 7-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.
23 Tuesday
100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pm The Bear: Open Jam Night, bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am The Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
The Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Material Culture: Wearing the Art of Chikoko, Tues-Sat 11-3, Free, donations accepted Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm
24 Wednesday
The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm LaSalles: Metal Night in the Whiskey Room The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am Panama Bar: Game Night. Prizes & Specials. Free to play! The Tackle Box: Line Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm The Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Material Culture: Wearing the Art of Chikoko, Tues-Sat 11-3, Free, donations accepted *featuring a special Swap Party, with live Jazz and refreshments, on the 24th from 4-7pm, tickets are $20 at the door, bring jewelry or other accessories. Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm
25 Thursday
EAT. DRINK. PLAY. Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day!
Arabian Nights: Last Thursdays of the month: Clayton the Chemist & Guests, Soulful and Funky Electronic Music, 8pm-12am, $2 before 10pm, $4 After, 18+ The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm The Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Material Culture: Wearing the Art of Chikoko, Tues-Sat 11-3, Free, donations accepted Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm
26 Friday
The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11am Chico Art Center: National All Media Juried Exhibition. 10am-4pm DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz
by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm The Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Material Culture: Wearing the Art of Chikoko, Tues-Sat 11-3, Free, donations accepted
27 Saturday
The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close The Maltese: Dragopolis. $3, 10pm Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm The Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Material Culture: Wearing the Art of Chikoko, Tues-Sat 11-3, Free, donations accepted
28 Sunday
Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm
LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS! GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473 FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 15
Blind Dog and Boxer Shorts THESE DAYS THE INTERNET IS MY PORTAL FROM COUNTRY LIVING TO LIFE IN THE BIG CITY, PRAYING MANTISES ARE DETERMINED TO LIVE INSIDE, AND BILL THE DOG HAS GONE BLIND. There seem to be a lot of good things happening in Chico these days. I’m seeing a review of a great, recent show out at Monstro’s, a newly produced video from Cold Blue Mountain, and photos of Lisa Valentine and the Unloveables making inroads down into San Francisco and beyond. There is also a beer festival coming up, art shows, and the Duffy’s celebration of 25 years serving all of us lushes the liquid concoctions we so desire. All this information comes to me as I sit out here in the country—beating the heat dressed in nothing but my boxer shorts—with my tunedin desktop computer. What a world we live in. Things are Decidedly Slower up Here
On The Town 16
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
I really and truly am closing in on finishing this underground tavern Trish has envisioned. This morning I applied a second layer of roofing tar and plastic sheeting to the rooftop. I’m planning to put on a third layer of plastic before encapsulating the whole thing in a final layer of tar. Then it will be time to move a whole lot of earth. When it’s done, three of the four sides, and the roof, will all be encased in soil. We’re hoping the completed pub will maintain a relatively consistent temperature so we can store root vegetables, winter squash, and, most importantly, wine. I can’t tell you how happy I will be to have that thing finished. At this point I don’t give a damn if the
whole beast caves in after the first heavy rain, I just want to move onto the next project. Bringing the Outside In We are either being invaded by praying mantises, or we have one mantis who is extremely determined to become an indoor insect. I’m leaning towards the multiple mantis theory now, as the one I’m currently looking at, who is perched on a picture frame and looking back at me, seems to be smaller and more green than the one I saw yesterday. I’m taking this as a good sign; an indication of a rich and healthy environment. Trish loves the mantises, but doesn’t want them laying their eggs in the house. I say screw it, the more the merrier. We’re bringing the outside in. Sow Your Fall Crops For you gardeners out there it is time to start putting in your garlic and shallot bulbs, and sowing your fall crop seeds. I picked up some seeds the other day for a variety of lettuces, radishes, beets, carrots, peas, and more. Old Blind Dog In sadder news, Bill the Dog has gone completely blind. Really I think it’s likely more sad for us than him. He seems to be adjusting well to the situation, and he’s so old he spends 95 percent of his time lying around anyway. I’m enjoying putting him on the leash to go for short walks out in the yard—I haven’t had to do that since we moved out of Chico three plus years ago.
Immaculate Infection
by Bob Howard
Madbob@madbob.com
Ben Cummings Foxhole BEN-CUMMINGS.COM When looking back on the factors that drew me towards making a concerted effort to promote new copyright models, and to release all of my works under them, I can recall Ben Cummings’ Foxhole being the straw that broke the camel’s back. I had stumbled across Heifervescent, Professor Kliq, and Cletus Got Shot in preceding years, and those tities made a big impression on me; they got my foot in the door. Ben Cummings is the artist that motivated me to drag my introverted self out on the dance floor. Ben Cummings is comedically self-obsessed, but I don’t mean to categorize his music that way. This single (plus two) is as selfless and timeless as any singer-songwriter can hope to concoct. Sparse arrangements of guitar, bass guitar, and drum paint a sonically REMish foundation for his tragic yet triumphant lyrics to bounce around on. His personal stories of the impossible choices and sacred compromises ring familiar. He emotes as vulnerably as an emo kid, but with zero whine-factor. For the record, I like his style more than Michael Stipe’s. “Foxhole” was pigeonholed in my mind as commentary on the “international community” and our war machine for quite some time, but although it adheres to that model admirably, this track is anything but one-dimensional. I consider this title track a holistic healing tool: “Strap my heart to something other than a rock, other than a clock, other than a foxhole.” “Ari” and “Again” are equally multifaceted, rounding off this elegant single as “B-sides, Or a B and C side, if you like.” “Ari” lightly presents an anecdote on dressing for the
weather while also dabbling in a tale of a lover who lives to run “from life and everything.” “Again” would make a great selection for an Alcoholics Anonymous (or any habit-breaking program) meeting, explicitly reminding us to “never walk that street again” and “never listen to that song again.” When I asked Mr. Cummings to use three words to describe his music, he chose to name the pillars he aims for: raw, direct, and transparent. Like most independent musicians, Ben is concerned primarily with “[having] as many people exposed to my music as possible,” and that is a large part of the reason he altered the pricing on his products from “cheap, to cheaper, to free over a year or two.” Some musicians are heartbroken and full of angst over the way the “industry” has evolved in recent decades; piracy has killed sales and technology has revolutionized the promotional aspect. It’s now quite easy for DIY’ers to leave the stifling middlemen and monopolistic monoliths that bog down traditional media in their wake. Free art reigns in 2014, and although I do feel for starving artists, couches have always been more edifying than hotel suites. Ben Cummings “[thinks] it’s a process of purging things that [he] can’t otherwise understand. Or maybe not, who knows.”
Free Culture by Alex O’Brien amateurzen.com
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
On The Town
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17
Hope for Kids with Challenges THE ROSE SCOTT SCHOOL Among other things, I’ve long been naïve about the social safety-net for people with physical or emotional/ social disabilities and mental illnesses—as it turns out, there really isn’t one. There are patches of net, many with human-sized holes, propped up by bloated bureaucracies that often forget to raise it high enough from the ground in the first place. There are private charities that offer limited grants. There are earmarks within broader programs that throw money at little pieces of people’s lives. There is no real system. Until we tackle that problem in a really meaningful way, people will have to continue to swim toward small islands of hope, relying on their strength and sacrifice to be enough. Like so many people these days, one of my dearest friends has a son with special needs—autism. We got to talking about the school her son attends, Rose Scott, and how much good they’ve done for him, and all their students. She put me in contact with several of the other parents and students who were kind enough to share their stories. In the interest of space, we’ve had to limit ourselves to only two of them in the printed version of this story. More can be found on our website, synthesisweekly.com.
18
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
TRINITY’S STORY THE PATH TO AN OPEN STRUCTURED SCHOOL My name is Ruben Santiago, a devoted husband and father to my four girls. I’m not one of those parents that seeks perfection in my children’s academic achievements, but rather hope they have a pleasant learning experience. I’ve always felt that school should be a place to learn social, academic, and health lessons while enjoying the whole “school” experience. I myself am a product of the public school system, as well as the other members of my family. When it came time for our youngest, Trinity, to start kindergarten I didn’t believe it would be different for her than the rest of us. At the time when Trinity started kindergarten we were the typical happy couple sending their child off to their first school experience; a new phase in her life to learn and make friends. That hope quickly diminished within the first week. It started off with the teacher pulling us aside almost every day after class to discuss the “disruptions” Trinity was causing in class. These incidents included not wanting to take part in a group, hiding, an inability to sit still, and going under the desks. At the time, we were waiting for a transfer so she could attend the same school her older sister was attending. We had the mentality what we could just put up with these complaints for now until the transfer came through. Half way through her kindergarten year, the transfer came through and she started attending a class where she was familiar with the teachers and other students. Since this class had a couple of teachers available, we didn’t hear about any other issues the rest of the year. In first and second grades we had a couple complaints from the teachers about Trinity’s lack of attention, and we tried to work with her on it. Her Doctor diagnosed her with ADD/HD and OCD after a few weeks of that, and started her on some medication that we hoped would alleviate the issues she was having in public school. There was some improvement, enough for her to complete the second grade. It was not until the third grade, and the public school system’s directive to reach certain academic milestones in all schools, that we really found out Trinity had some serious problems. For the first four months of third grade, I was getting pulled aside by the teacher on a daily basis. The complaints ranged from inability to sit still, lack of attention, fidgeting with her school supplies, etc. It was always something, according to the
teacher, and it was always Trinity’s fault. Trinity was at the appropriate level of medication for ADD/HD, according to her Doctor. However, the teacher wanted us to give her more than the prescribed medication so she was “calm” during her class. Of course we only followed the Doctor’s recommendations, not the teacher’s opinion. The teacher, we felt, just didn’t want to have to deal with someone like Trinity. Trinity’s reading was not up to the level the teacher wanted, so she was placed in remedial reading. Unfortunately, this remedial class used headsets so the students could listen as the book was read. One thing you must understand about Trinity is that she is very sensitive when it comes to objects covering her ears. She did voice her issues with the teacher, but they were never addressed. We later found out she started not going to the remedial reading class and started hiding in the bathroom for the duration of the class. In those initial months of third grade, Trinity began having stomach aches, had pulled out her eyelashes, eyebrows, was hurting herself, and blaming herself for the stress she believed she was causing us. The teacher and school were not interested in providing the small level of one on one time she needed. The school had started to strive towards the top percentile academic achievement for the state programs. They had no time for anyone that did not meet the top academic achievements. Those students doing well were placed at the front of the class, those worse, in the back. In Trinity’s case, she was sent outside almost daily. When the Doctor told us that Trinity’s issues were caused by stress from school, we had reached our limit. We were not going to send her back to that type of school. Trinity needed some one on one time in an environment that tailored to the children rather than the school’s academic achievements. We had looked around for a school and checked a few out, but none seemed like a good fit. Then we just happened to stumble upon Rose Scott. We met with Cindy [Carlson], the director, during lunch. We shared our story and she invited us to bring Trinity in to see if it was a good fit for her. It immediately was perfect for Trinity. What was more important to us was that she was smiling and happy. We had not seen a smile in so long from her. Finally, a place she felt comfortable, welcomed, and part of the group.
We later learned from Cindy that after retesting her reading, she was actually reading at a sixth grade level… not remedial. It was simply too boring and uncomfortable for her in her old school, causing her to lose focus. The complaints of “fidgeting” from her public school teacher were just the way her ADD brain worked. While it may have been a nuisance for that teacher, it did not mean Trinity was not paying attention. Cindy really helped us understand what exactly the brain of an ADD/HD and OCD child is doing in interpreting the stimulus around her. She really helped us to be able to understand Trinity better and how to approach certain situations where Trinity can succeed on her own. Over the few years Trinity has attended Rose Scott, I’ve heard from other parents their own stories and how they are not too different from ours. The common thread seems to be the public school system not having time or the resources available for those students that may need that little extra attention. Even some of the people I work with have their own stories about their own kids and their horrible experiences with the public schools. The way they treat these kids is horrible at times. I even have a coworker that sued her school because they stuck the kids needing special attention in a bus and parked that at the end of the parking lot… that was their classroom. It was basically just tossing aside those that don’t meet the high academic goals. Rose Scott has been such a great fit for not only us, but many other kids. Once she was in a place that understood her, what she was going through, and knew how to reach her, she thrived. Rose Scott did that for her and us. Trinity’s health and stress related issues dissipated once she was in a good environment. But the most important aspect of the change to Rose Scott was seeing Trinity smiling once again. She was happy. Isn’t that what the whole purpose of a parent is supposed to be—to see your children happy? By sharing this story, my hope is that you can understand the importance of having schools such as Rose Scott. If it was not for Rose Scott, I don’t know where we would be or worse, be without our Trinity. It has done so much good for so many, and there many other kids out there currently in the public school system just going through the same thing if not worse. Only a fraction of the kids actually express to their parents just exactly what is going on in the classroom. But my real disappointment is with the public school systems in blaming the students rather than the approach.
SEANE’S STORY My name is Tiffany Frazer, and I’d like for you to meet my son Seane. Seane is a 5-year-old, brilliant little boy who came into this world in not the most attractive way. Seane was exposed inutero to methamphetamines, marijuana, cigarettes, and alcohol. He was conceived by a woman with an active epilepsy diagnosis and developmental delays herself. Seane was born on 2/25/08 and came to our home two days later due to a CPS detainment. From the get-go, Seane was different than most babies I’d ever been around, including his older brother, who is about two years older. Seane was quiet, not very interactive, did not play very much, and did not respond to sounds as one would expect. Upon further examination by a doctor, it was found that Seane had so much fluid in his ears he virtually had no hearing. The State agreed to allow us to have tubes placed in his ears, and all of a sudden, Seane knew his name. He could hear me speak to him. I literally watched a miracle happen. I watched a little boy, who had never turned his head, look at me when I said his name. Miracles aside, Seane’s newfound hearing came with problems. He was easily frightened, and startled easily. He began to cry at small instances, because until this point, he’d never noticed them. Seane was very much a hip-baby, finding the most comfort from physical contact. Originally we thought this was because of his fear of sounds, but we realized that even with his hearing intact, he was still not verbal, and he still wasn’t engaging in active play. Seane was evaluated by Far Northern Regional Center and found to have developmental delays. He was very much behind where he should have been cognitively and developmentally, likely from the substance abuse he was exposed to. He did make progress, but not as quickly as we’d hoped. His speech was slow, his gross motor was not that of his peers, and I longed to hear my son’s voice. Finally, one day when he was about two, he did. My son said “mama” looking at me; tears flowed from my face because I knew that I’d witnessed another miracle. To summarize this simply, my son was exposed to drugs while his birth mother was pregnant. As a result he has delays, emotional instability, horizontal nystagmus (darting of
eyes from side to side), a high risk of seizure disorder, Fetal Alcohol Disorder (and very likely CNS damage as a result), and ADHD. When it came time to put Seane in school, I knew that he would not be successful at a public school. I had already watched my oldest son be left to wander classrooms and ignored in a public school, and I refused to make that mistake twice. Seane was enrolled at Rose Scott with his older brother and it is the only school he’s ever known, and the only school I ever want him to know. He is loved there, he has friends there, and most importantly, he is happy there, something I could not put a price on. To see my son come home excited about what he’s learned is what we all want to see as parents, and every day, I see that in him. This school is nothing short of amazing, and for them to accept not one, but two of my children makes my heart happy, and my stress level go down knowing that now my children have a chance to learn in the way that’s best for them, not someone else. I will not lie and say that the tuition is not a hardship. It is. In truth, I cannot really afford it, but I cannot fathom the thought of having him removed from this school. He has been through so much already, that to watch his heart break because I can’t afford this school would make me feel as though I’ve failed as a parent and taken something away from him that would have given him more chances and more benefits than the public school system. I ask you to reach into your hearts and consider sponsoring my son’s tuition for this school. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for Cindy, her staff, or the environment she provides for the children. I know in my heart this is where Seane belongs, and I know that to keep him here, I have to ask for help. And that is what I am doing. I am asking you to please help my son stay at this school. Seane legally became my son in July of 2009, but know that he has been my son since the moment I heard his name spoken. To be his mother is an honor. To see him smile at me is a blessing. To watch him grow up is an amazing gift I have been given. All I want is what is best for my little miracle, and that is to stay at Rose Scott. I would be forever grateful to you, and would consider you a friend for life if you could help turn this into a reality for my son. Thank you, Tiffany Frazer To get more information about enrollment, or if you’d be kind enough to make a tax-deductible donation to help students like Seane and Trinity, visit rosescottschool.com, or contact them at (530) 354-3101 or rosescottschool@ gmail.com
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 19
by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com
20
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBER 22 2014
SEPTEMBER 22, 2014 BY KOZ MCKEV
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
At 7:29pm PDT, the sun moves into your seventh house and the game changes from service to partnership. Mars encourages you to take new paths. Help others in order to make the world a better place. View everyone as your teacher. You are on a mission to spread peace and diplomacy. The new moon allows romance and a new start for you. You’ll need to think more in terms of how this decision will affect the “we’’ versus the “I.” Be aware of what is not being said as much as what is being said. Stay positive during the challenging times.
Think of these next several weeks as a time for making improvements. Your impulse is to be more creative. This is a time to put your gifts into action. Your love life should be a celebration. On Monday and Tuesday your best ideas can be put forward. Practice conscious patience. Allow everything around you to slow down. Expand your concept of beauty. If you have children, do something artsy with them. The new moon brings opportunities for better organization, better health, and creating a service you can take dignity in.
This is a week in which it’s important to pay attention to all that is precious to you. You move from foundation, to exclamation, to investigation. You’re having more fun. The gifts you have will leave a legacy for the world. Mercury moves into your sixth house on Saturday, giving you an ability to work with others and do things to improve your own health. Mars in your seventh house can make you more restless in your relationships. The good news is that with the new moon moving into your fifth house artistic expression, female children, and your ability to have fun take over.
Your imagination should open up this week. Memories of fall from the past may haunt you. The things your parents did seem to matter more at this point. The new moon begins a journey as to how you relate to the world at large. Material blessings continue to come to you. By Saturday afternoon you’ll be dreaming up some artistic ideas, or at least some enjoyable ideas. The weekend looks good for play and recreation. Keep looking for ways to improve your own personal health as well as your work situation.
We begin with our own personal values and then we try to integrate those values into our communities. You’ll be more concerned with the environment and a little less concerned with money. Interpersonal relationships become more important. Your curiosity about the world in which you live begins to perk up. Be conscious about being inclusive and open to making new friends. The weekend looks good for dealing with family issues. Be open to trying new methods of play. Find activities that are physical yet inspire creativity.
Monday is the last day of the sun being in Virgo in western astrology. Venus remains in your first house this week, giving you beauty, grace, a creative mindset, and peacemaking skills. The sun moving through your second house inspires personal values, resource enhancement, diet, and ways to use your voice. The moon is in Virgo Monday and most of Tuesday. Be there to finish off projects that you were intending to complete. The weekend looks good for travel, education, and being with friends, neighbors and siblings.
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
This is the week you’ve been waiting for. The past several weeks have been focused on completing tasks and being in some amount of isolation. Once the new moon in Libra hits, over Tuesday night through Wednesday morning, you’ll be in a good place to initiate those ideas. The sun in your sign puts a focus on fairness and balance. You can be good at anything from being an attorney to an interior design decorator to a zen gardener. The weekend looks good for making money and affirming personal values.
Seek out things that will improve your inner life. Imagination and karma are the things you are dealing with, make good karma even if it seems bad. Give till it hurts. Help those who are in isolation. You’ll have a keener spiritual vision with the new moon. Friday morning through early Sunday afternoon features a moon in Scorpio along with Saturn, and Mercury moving into Scorpio by Saturday afternoon. Expect some underground feeling of coolness along with the potential for romantic exploits.
Responsibility, as well as being the go-to guy or gal has had you a little stressed. You’re moving into a period where playtime and socializing can come together. The new moon brings friends, parties, and meetings on a more regular basis. This is a good time for planning for the future. Mars in your sign promotes high energy and a feeling of independence. The moon will be in Sagittarius Sunday afternoon. Get ready for a faster moving time next week. Make friends with the people and situations that seen to challenge you most.
Learn to go the distance. People will begin to demand more from you this week. You’ll find yourself more in the public eye. Look for ways to improve your career life. Be sure to display your best talents and skills. Seek diplomatic solutions that everyone can agree upon. The new moon rules your occupation and the place in life where you shine. Do what you can to resolve past issues with people. The weekend looks good for parties. Be sure to honor the people who have helped you in the past. Be active in praying or wishing blessings on others.
Reality and fantasy meet in places that we don’t expect. If the last several weeks were rough on you, expect a time of healing and relief. If the last few weeks were good, they can only get better. Find a way to express higher love. Love in a pay-forward sense; don’t expect to get something in return. The new moon highlights long distance travel, higher learning, and exotic experiences. Learn something new or go someplace that you’ve never been before. The weekend has you needed for a special project or a public appearance.
We move from sweet anticipation to the hardcore reality of what actually is taking place. When people spoon feed you how you’re supposed to interpret a situation you may feel manipulated or left out of the thinking process. The new moon symbolizes other people’s property and control of a situation. We are all in debt to someone. Be willing to help others with their stuff. Ask others for help when you need it. Learning, travel and spiritually uplifting circumstances will come to you this weekend. Be grateful for what you do have.
Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21
Two Years My wife, Janice, died two years ago, and that’s mostly what I think about. There’s a picture of us on the wall maybe eighteen inches to my right and a little print of her passport photo in the corner of my keyboard. I use a photo of her as an icon on my computer desktop. There’s another photo of her on the kitchen table and twenty-six more in the living room, in addition to a self-portrait from many years ago.
for her to go live somewhere else for several months. I’m retarded.
What would this grief have been like, say, two hundred years ago? I would have no photographs of Janice and, unless we were well-to-do, no images of her at all. Would that be better? I tend to think that having no images of each other is a more natural state somehow. If the last time I saw her face was when she died in 2012, rather than a few seconds ago, would I even remember what she looked like? Beats me, and I’m not about to get rid of pictures of her to find out, although I’m thinking about storing some.
While she lived with Jeff and Erin, we still saw a lot of each other except only when we both wanted to. After the novelty of not having to live with her wore off, I found that I still wanted to see her. I liked going out there to see my wife, especially riding the S curves along the creek. When she got sick to her stomach that night, she called me. I was honored. I might be an asshole, but I was a reliable asshole. I was glad to come over and hold her head and clean up.
I have sound files, too, which I enjoy. She had a good voice, smooth and musical; so does her brother, Jeff Perry. We had some good talks near the end about difficult subjects, and I like being reminded what that was like. We had been through a lot already, especially her. Aside from the open wound in her chest the last two years of her life, before she was diagnosed I had been enough of a cad
It turned out that I used to hold some anger at Janice, mostly because she wasn’t how I figured she ought to be without me actually saying much of anything useful. It was good to learn what life was like not living with her. She didn’t go far or stay long, and once we went two weeks without talking.
I recently listened for the first time to Janice and me talking in the fall of 2011 about my erstwhile lover. Boy, we came a long way. Very loving and honest. May you be so blessed.
by Anthony Peyton Porter A@anthonypeytonporter.com
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM SEPTEMBE 15 2014
We’re looking for an advertiser who’d like to take a dedicated spot next to From The Edge! If you’re interested, please contact:
Later, I was glad to hold her head and hand when she tried chemotherapy. I found a thrift-store ottoman for her to sit on while she retched into the toilet, and now it’s something else I can’t get rid of.
From The Edge
22
this
A M Y @ SY N T H E S I S . N E T
LOOKING FOR
THE HOROSCOPES? << CHECK PAGE 21