Synthesis Weekly – October 27, 2014

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OUR CREEPY TOWN Spooky

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Volume 21 Issue 10 October 27, 2014

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

Publisher/Managing Editor Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net

Columns

This Week...

Our Creepy Town

PAGE 8

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

PAGE 4

Creative Director Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz

Entertainment Editor

pwasted@synthesis.net

Arielle Mullen Arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

PAGE 5

Letters to Desmond

Associate Editor

by Zooey Mae

Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

zooeymae@synthesis.net

Designers

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

Consider the Platypus

by Mona Treme

Deliveries Jennifer Foti

PAGE 7

Contributing Writers

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano GarciaSarnoff, Jon Williams, Crown, Alex O’Brien

Photography Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

Nerd

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

Accounting Ben Kirby

Director of Operations Karen Potter

Owner

Howl howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

our creepy town

PAGE 10

The Frugal Terran

by TripHazard

PAGE 10

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

PAGE 16

Bill Fishkin

The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

Free Culture

by Alex O’Brien amateurzen.us

PAGE 20

Supertime!

by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 20

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter

PAGE 22 COVER PHOTO Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 3

PET OF THE WEEK

Novembeard

HOOCH 5 month old, Male, American Pit Bull Terrier mix Hooch is a sweet, goofy pup who has already began leash training and is ready for someone who will continue to train him. He has lots of energy and would love to be integrated into an active family.

2580 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Alt-J

Liz Alt-J - “Every Other Freckle” Tanner Miley Cyrus - “Adore You” Alie Mumford And Sons - “I Will Wait” Becca Purity Ring - “Fineshrine” Dinah Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls - “Hunt You Down”

Tara Ed Sheeran - “Bloostream” 4

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

Two years ago, right around this time, I was conscripted as arm candy for my then new boyfriend’s beard campaign. Competitive by nature, I was pleased to learn that Dain was a former Novembeard champion, and told him immediately that his face was going to kick all those other face’s asses. I saw glory, prestige, the envy of women whose men were less rugged. I knew nothing of Novembeard, nothing of the emotional journey that lay ahead.

Perhaps you have no idea what I’m talking about. Your first guess, like mine, is probably that it’s a contest based around growing a beard in the month of November—and on the surface, you would be correct. But below that surface there are roots—tough, thick roots that cling to the scratchy face of the community—and every year those roots generate masses of bushy monetary support for local high school arts and music programs.

November 1st was the meetup for Clean Shaven Day—as it will be this coming Saturday at the Round Table Clubhouse on Pillsbury rd, 5-6pm. Dain shaved his face in all directions until his skin was baby smooth up to the tops of his ears, looking more like a boyscout than I was entirely comfortable with. We met the other participants, paid the $25 for registration, and sized up the bunch. There were some contenders, no doubt; there were telltale signs in the shadows under the skin, hints in the bone structure. Still, I foresaw victory.

What I hadn’t anticipated was the painfully irresistible sexiness of that beard as it grew in; the dangerous, rough nature of it. In that month there was unexpected suffering: the sandpapered lips, the makeout sessions I wore around town like a scarlet letter. But more than that suffering, I was unprepared for the way the warm and ruddy colors on the trees and the hints of wood smoke in the crisp, cold air would compliment that beard;

the look of it, the texture, the smell of it when my face was close. He was fall itself. He was spice and rain and hot coffee.

Most of all, he was untouchable and magnetic, like a cactus at the north pole. (I know magnetic north isn’t at the north pole, it just sounded better—go with it.) By the end of the month he was my mountain man fantasy. He could’ve sold me paper towels all. day. long.

When judgement day came at the big Novembeard Bash at Duffy’s, when they draped that sash over his shoulder with Kelly Houston singing “There he is…” in that perfect baritone, and Dain raised that trophy into the air, I knew what it felt like to be queen of all local facial hair based charity fundraisers.

Yes, Dain won that competition; yes, I attained that glory I had so coveted—but then I had to experience the devastating comedown: December. Beardless December. Decem-ation.

Decembald. Bleak, barren-faced winter with its leafless trees and de-fetished faces. I had to just enjoy smooth-lipped kisses from my handsome, real life boyfriend, and forget the roguish woodsman romance novel I’d been dating just days before.

Was it worth it? Yes. When it’s all said and done, I’d gladly pay the price of that comedown for the thrill of the ride. In fact, I encourage all of you to give your woman a shot at this experience. November 1st, Round Table Clubhouse, 5-6pm. Be there and be smooth. Check facebook.com/ chicobeardcollective for details.

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

The Vanishing of Ethan Carter EDGED EXPLORATION The Vanishing of Ethan Carter is the biggest name in adventure/exploration games at the moment, both because of its recent release and because of its positive reviews. Like many smallish adventure/exploration games, nobody really knew what to make of it until they picked it up and played it, so it avoided the easy pigeonholing and rote labeling that closes off so many markets in the industry. As such, it’s gotten good mainstream press, and it deserves it.

The Vanishing is some sort of multilayered short story, wrapped into itself with eccentricities and atmosphere, and it shares many of the traits that, as a writer myself, I’ve come to see recurrent in short stories. It’s big on atmosphere and specifics, yet stingy with plot; it’s subversive and enthralling, and it’s damned hard to talk about without ruining the whole thing in a bad paraphrase or giving away the ending.

Protagonist Paul Prospero, Paranormal Private-Eye, arrives in the gorgeous and dark Red Creek Valley, his interest piqued by the ominous letters sent to him by the young Ethan Carter. Red Creek Valley is a tremendous (yet very traversable) place, filled with dark copses, deep caverns, towering trees, and incredible vistas everywhere you look. Its structures are old and ruined, and it carries lingering remnants of the past that serve both as informative puzzles waiting to be solved, and puzzles that only leave the player even more puzzled. Surreal experiences take the player from Ethan’s imagination, to his family, to other old remnants that linger, and to the dark secrets of the valley; it becomes increasingly difficult to determine what is real or why it’s happening. For every cliché, The Vanishing is insidiously subversive, pulling the player into thinking they’ve discovered something that will crack

the case wide open, only to be left dazed and wondering the relevancy of the last ten minutes.

Before the opening sequence starts, the game warns the player that it “does not hold your hand.” While this made me sweat bullets at first, I eventually discovered that The Vanishing is neither complicated nor particularly difficult. Its puzzles take a bit of brain power, but they’re nothing a little time and persistence can’t handle. That being said, there is no tutorial nor any hints at all, so if you’re too lazy to work things out and too proud to look up anything on the internet, well, you probably shouldn’t be playing adventure games.

The game is slow, however, and almost entirely devoid of action, so it’s not for everyone. That being said, user reviews have been quite high, so it definitely looks like it’s for the vast bulk of people. In order to finish the game, the player is asked to complete all optional content, begging the question why it was made optional in the first place—but I consider this a small sin, and have little sympathy for people who ignore worthwhile optional content; why else are you playing games?

All critiques of craft aside, the game is short, and I beat it neatly in about four hours, being as thorough as possible. It’s $20 standard price, and for some people, that’s just not worth it, but The Vanishing is a gorgeous and moody piece that’s short in its execution, but lingers for days. I recommend it.

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz

pwasted@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 5

Bloodlust & Ghost Poo Letters to Desmond

by Zooey Mae

zooeymae@synthesis.net

It’s certainly fitting that it’s almost Halloween, because I have seen (and smelled) some crazy shit lately in Chico. First off, there is a corner of downtown that perpetually smells like cat poop. This is perplexing for a couple of reasons: It’s one of the main streets downtown, and I really never see cats galavanting around that area. Secondly, it’s rained multiple times since the first time I’ve smelled it, which leads me to believe that either the ghost (poop) of some cat has been haunting that corner, or else maybe the foundations of the building are actually made of cat poop.

The second crazy thing I saw was in a residential neighborhood in Chico. I was riding my bike, staring down at the ground (that’s where you’re supposed to look, right?), and I saw a tail. A squirrel tail, to be precise. It wasn’t attached to a squirrel, nor was there any squirrel body anywhere around. I’d like to think what happened is that someone was out jogging and their footsteps were perfectly timed so that when a squirrel tried to cross the road, the jogger’s foot landed right on its tail, pulling it clean off. I also like to think that the squirrel was pleased with his new, streamlined look, and found refuge after being adopted by a farsighted elderly woman who loved her new small dog (although he was a bit twitchy). So anyway, there was that. Squirrel tail.

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OCTOBER 27 2014

Third, I saw a (very) used tampon outside the Starbucks downtown. It was on the sidewalk on 3rd st, a sad (and sickening) reminder of the “wild” night before. I am not sure what would cause a woman to discard her tampon in the street… I tried for a while to imagine what dire straits she must have been in… but there was literally a trash can twenty feet away, so I don’t think there was much of an excuse.

Lastly, I saw (also on a downtown sidewalk), a pigeon wing. It looked small and rumpled, and a little sad. Torn clean off, I could see the joint bone clearly exposed. Again, this extremity lay there alone, with no sign of the animal’s body from which it had been torn. I’m not sure what could account for this. Especially the fact that when I saw this, it was midday, and there were lots of people around, and none of them seemed too bothered with a pigeon wing in the middle of the sidewalk.

I guess the moral of the story is two-fold. We should really pick up after ourselves better. If you happen to drop something (whether it be your tail or your tampon), pick it up. Secondly, Happy Halloween? Yeah. Happy Halloween.

Grab Onto Your Seats...

Reading Amazon reviews is often time well spent. They’re informative, not as contrived as the ones on Yelp, and conversations tend not to devolve into how Obama is singlehandedly destroying the country. Still, there’s definitely room for taking the threads down a stranger path. Case in point: the viral phenomenon of sugar-free gummy bear reviews.

There are gummy candy brands other than Haribo, and their sugar-free versions may or may not excite the imaginations of bent Amazonites the way “Satan’s Diarrhea Hate Bears” seem to have done. I’ll have found out by the time you read this; you’re on your own there.

And yeah, you read that bit in quotes correctly.

Lemme ‘splain.

Sugar-free candies like this are sweetened with sugar alcohols like Lycasin (which contains maltitol). While this is often a workaround for diabetics, other people see it as a green light to eat quantities of sweets larger than their own heads. Unfortunately, because these sweeteners don’t break down well, ingesting even a smallish dose can potentially cause a laxative effect.

Rather than this being a deterrent, it’s ignored or actively courted by the masochistic, the constipated, the greedy, and the vengeful (Send a few cratefuls to Congress! Pack some in your cheating husband’s lunch!). Mixed among these are the reviews written by those much fuller of shit than their lurid tales suggest.

When was the last time sugar-free candy elicited ecstatic prose mixed with (sometimes authentic) cries of pain? The near-giddy descriptions of intestinal Judgment Day just

keep flowing in this part of Amazon. There is poetry to be found in post-digestive feelings of violation and comparisons to military-grade ordnance. “The Brown Wedding,” a review written by a masterful wisenheimer named James O. Thach, describes the repercussions of a certain jewel-like dessert on the Stark family. (Yes, those Starks.) J. Chilton of Atlanta posted a takeoff on “Let it Go” for his alleged review, which was amusing but would’ve also worked well with the song’s original title. Such offerings aren’t exactly useful to other consumers in the strictest sense, but are great for a dose of scatological humor.

One thing I found interesting was that the bigger the packages got, the more reviews there were for the product. The 8-oz. pack only has 15, while the 1-lb. bag has 177 and the 5-pounder (WTF!) has 832. That sounds about right as a gauge for where Western society’s and/or ‘Murica’s values lie: it’s the exact same stuff in each bag, you really don’t want to eat more than a few at a time—but the larger ones have MOAR! Call me cynical, but we’ve got a long ways to go toward shucking off the “bigger = better” mindset.

I’ll take these good people’s word for it that overindulging in sugar-free gummy bears tends to result in rollicking assplosions.

There are some things you’re content to just hear about rather than experience firsthand, and that one’s right up there—or down there, as the case may be.

Consider the Platypus

by Mona Treme

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 7

SPOOKY ADVENTURES IN SMALLTOWN, USA

our creepy town No, silly, not Jodie Foster. Not the brunette star of Silence of the Lambs, who, in the film, plays an FBI trainee investigating the case of the world’s creepiest psycho.

No, our tour guide tonight is Chico resident Jodi Foster (pronounced like “Jodie,” not like “Jedi”-with-an-“o,”). Jodi is the brunette star of her own episode of the SYFY Channel show Paranormal Witness, called “The Apartment,” and also star of three “nonfiction true crime paranormal sex slavery murder mystery” books that Jodi’s written. The show and the three books and the documentary she hopes to have made are all about Jodi Foster investigating—using standard investigative techniques along with psychic abilities and prophetic dreams—the North State’s creepiest psycho, Cameron Hooker, who, back in 1976, along with his wife, Janice, captured a woman and kept her as a sex slave in Red Bluff, forcing her to live in a box under their bed for seven years.

Then, according to Jodi Foster, she eventually learns that the apartment is the last known residence of Marie Spannhake, a missing girl.

Jodi has a series of vivid nightmares wherein she sees Cameron and Janice walking back behind her apartment and torturing and killing Marie Spannhake in a basement, in lurid, SYFY-Channel-reenactment-ready-detail. She becomes convinced that it’s a “restless spirit’s plea for justice” from beyond the grave. She contacts the police and has been trying to help them find Marie Spannhake’s body. This hasn’t happened yet, despite her dreams giving her specific driving directions.

Jodi Foster is now working on her fourth book, to be called Haunted Chico, about Chico’s most

and Hannah, now 16-years-old, are already there, chitchatting with the neighbor. Jodi Foster is sweet-natured and giggly—not at all spooky—with long dark hair and a round face; Hannah is a typical teenager, blond and perpetually on her phone. I’ve got out my recording equipment, with a corded mic—looking like the platonic ideal of the “disbelieving journalist” who, in the movie, would be right in the middle of delivering a soliloquy on the impossibility of ghosts right as one bites his head off.

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haunted places. I ask her if she’ll take me to a few. She agrees. This is the story of that night, including a trip to 125 Parmac. This is Jodi Foster’s tour of Haunted Chico.

Thursday, October 16th, 9:32pm When I first pull up to 832 Flume, Jodi Foster

“Ok,” Jodi says, “So the story is: this house was built in 1897. It was a doctor who lived here.

“Did you know this house was haunted?”

We’re all bundled up in preparation for a night outdoors. It’s dark and cold and moonless, with dim, soft-focus stars and a little breeze that intermittently kicks up the fall leaves and swirls them around.

The ghost hides Jodi’s keys, messes with their mini-blinds, turns lights on and off in the middle of the night, moves the hands of their clock around, and possesses Hannah’s Sing and Snore Ernie doll, making it talk without batteries.

Our tour guide’s story is complicated (hence the trilogy), but essentially begins in the year 2000, when Jodi Foster and her three-year-old daughter, Hannah, move into #23 at an apartment complex at 125 Parmac Road.

They’re immediately terrorized by a ghost or something. The ghost hides Jodi’s keys, messes with their mini-blinds, turns lights on and off in the middle of the night, moves the hands of their clock around, and possesses Hannah’s Sing and Snore Ernie doll, making it talk without batteries. Jodi Foster wonders if she’s crazy but decides that she isn’t.

seems to say “and I’d really rather not know.”

“So, this is the house,” Jodi Foster says, pointing up at a house that really does look straight out of creepy house central casting. The house is tall, narrow, and very old, with peeling white paint, a “no trespassing” sign and, curiously, all the upper-story windows are boarded up or blacked out.

“Did you know this house was haunted?” Jodi asks the neighbor, whose name is Anna. Anna shakes her head with an expression that

He built the house for himself, his wife and his daughter. He was really overprotective of his daughter. He didn’t let her go out of the house much. She died in the house. And that’s who we think the picture is of. Hannah! Show him the picture!”

Hannah busts out her cellphone and shows me a picture of one of the upstairs windows with an odd blurry brown facey-looking something in it.

“See the face!?!?!” Hannah shouts.

“Uhhh... ” I say.

“A neighbor sent it to me.” Jodi says. “Then she called me and she was like ‘Oh my God what does this look like to you?!?!’

And I was like ‘it looks like a girl peeking through the window!’”

“Hmmm... ” I say.

“Anyways,” Jodi continues, “in 1970 there was a big murder here. I know this because I talked to the guy who owns the Tamale

business—it was one of his relatives. [Writer’s note: this would be a good time to mention that this will rank among the most un-factchecked articles of all times. You know that song by Afroman “Because I got high?” Well, I was gunna call some people and check to see if any of this shit was true, but then... You get my point. So take all of this with mucho grains of salt. OK, back to the story.] Apparently, there was a family dispute and his cousin murdered his uncle in the kitchen.”

“What the hell!” Hannah says. “That was a brand new battery.” Hannah goes and gets another flashlight.

“Watch the ghost shows,” Jodi instructs. “This always happens. Lights turn on and off and batteries die.”

indeed, creepy. Why would there be a mattress and food in a sealed-off area? Why was the area sealed-off in the first place? Then Anna excuses herself, saying goodnight.

“All the people I’ve ever know who’ve lived here have had weird things happen to them— jewelry moving around, stuff like that. But the only creepy thing that happened to us, personally, with this place,” Jodi Foster says, “is that, about six years ago, the place was vacant, just like it is now—it’s vacant a lot—and we asked the landlady if we could make a haunted house in there, for Halloween, but also for Hannah’s birthday, which is the day after Halloween. It had been abandoned for a long time, so the landlady said yes. So we made a haunted house, and then... tell him what happened Hannah!”

“ ...all of a sudden the doors and the windows slammed shut and locked at the same time. And we were screaming!”

The neighbor, Anna, a young mom in sweats, is looking increasingly stricken; her brow evermore furrowed by the minute. At this point the fully charged lithium battery in my very new, schmancy recording thingy dies, inexplicably, and I race over to the liquor store to get a four-pack of AAs, which it can use, too. I rush back, pop two in, and we get back to business.

“An inspector came by about a month ago,” the neighbor, Anna, cuts in, from the shadows next to her porch. “When the house sold. He went up on a ladder; got in through a window.

“Another thing that’s creepy about this house,” I asked ‘em what was up there, cuz I was Jodi says, pointing the yellow beam of her curious. He said the whole top floor was totally flashlight up at the side of the top floor, “is closed off, but that—it was weird—there was that, after the whole murder shenanigans, they no spider webs, no vermins, no mold... just blocked the entire upstairs off—I don’t know clean, like it’d been why. You can’t get in there from the inside or taken care of. It’s like the outside. It’s been sealed up for over 30 somebody’d been years. See that—that used to be the way in.” up there recently, that’s what he told Jodi Foster’s flashlight beam is illuminating me. And there was a what indeed seems to be a patched-up former mattress with pillows doorway. But then the beam weakens and and blankets, and some canned food with dies out. “Oh great, now my battery is dead. silverware. Like someone was staying. But of They’re big batteries! And we just bought these course... there wasn’t no one.” today!”

We all giggle and acknowledge that this is,

“We were in the house just playing around,” Hannah begins. “My friends and I. Just playing little games. And then all of a sudden the doors and the windows slammed shut and locked at the same time. And we were screaming!”

“I was screaming and they were screaming let us out mommy!”

Jodi Foster says, growing excited. “And then all of a sudden the doors decided to unlock themselves.

And this was before we even knew that the house was haunted!” It occurs to me that so many creepy things happen in the world of Jodi Foster that this is just an event of minor

“Ah! A body!”

creepiness; a passing anecdote. I suggest to Jodi that we sneak around the house and look inside.

“I’m scared, I don’t want to,” Jodi says, even as she moves along with me. There’s a strong musty smell emanating from the house. Jodi shines her beam in through the windows, concentric circles of dim yellow light reveal bare wood floors with piles of torn up molding with nails sticking out from it.

“Ah! A body!” Jodi screams suddenly, jumping back from the window. She shines her light back in. It’s just a rolled up carpet pad. We laugh. “This house really couldn’t be much creepier,” I say. And then, after maybe ten minutes of recording, my new batteries go dead too.

10:49pm I follow Jodi Foster and Hannah’s white Kia Rio around to two more haunted places. The first is a seedy-looking downtown motel. The legend she tells as we stand outside the room in question is about some meth deal gone bad, a murder, and some sort of tweaker-ghost.

But, for some reason, the proprietors aren’t down to let us disturb the tenants to see if there are any tweaker-ghosts.

Next, we make our way down into the Lindo Channel, down under the graffiti covered bridge, and onto the riverbed, the smooth, rounded stones crunching under our feet.

Jodi Foster tells me that she used to work at the “Warm Line,” a support line ran by Butte County Mental Health, and that she kept being told the same story by the homeless people who called in.

(Continued on p. 18 & 19) FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9

Getting High With Stone Trolls Begin this story at synthesisweekly.com/ research-assistants-3/ “You know, Howl,” the giant said, “I’m starting to think you’re not one of us.” The stone behemoth inhaled through a great stone pipe, exhaled a thick white fog into the cavernous room, and passed the piece to his right.

The boy being addressed smiled slightly.

“What?!” exclaimed the next stone monster in the circle. “Gronk, I was just now having a thought almost exactly like that. I was thinking,” and here he took the proffered pipe, sending another great plume of white vapor to hang in the air, “I was thinking, ‘Here we all are, built of stone just like these walls, and here’s this small bug of a person, made out of who knows what!” The other three stone monsters, still silent, squinted their glowing green eyes in Howl’s direction, halfsuspicious, half-wondering.

Howl shrugged, and thought to himself: What had he expected to happen, when he made these five half-intelligent creatures? And now, for better or worse, they formed the majority down here in his underground library.

One of his first moments with these creatures seemed to him highly indicative of the simple, comic existence they would lead. There they’d all stood, their blinking eyes taking in sight for the first time, gazing for long moments at their stone fingers, their stone limbs. His curiosity piqued, Howl had silently watched them from a shadowed corner of the room.

Three hours went by… hands were lifted up in front of eyes, eyes closed for minutes at a time, one of the giants would stand up for forty minutes or so before sitting down again, and the only sounds were the creatures’ long, slow breaths. When the boy finally stepped 10

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

into the room’s center to lead them out into the library, they all calmly stood as one, as though sleepwalking. They’d followed Howl through the subterranean hallways, looking about them silently, and it wasn’t until the boy addressed and named each one that they realized they had the capacity for speech.

Even then, all they said was each other’s new names, in a slow, rhythmic monotone that finally drove the boy to conjure up a pipe, filled with a mild hallucinogen, to (hopefully) spark some independent thought within his new creations.

A groan suddenly broke the silence, and everyone turned to watch the giant Gronk keel backward, unconscious.

The weight of his collision with the ground shook the entire room. Dust fell from the ceiling. Outside in the hallway, Howl heard the crash of loose stones falling from above.

The other four monsters all started making a thin, keen wailing noise, at odds with their imposing appearance.

“Oh, hush!” Howl shouted. All the giants quit their crying simultaneously and looked from the collapsed monster to the boy. “He’s just smoked too much.” He sighed. How much did he want to teach these creatures? I should at least keep them company long enough to know they won’t hurt themselves, he decided. “Let him sleep. I can show all of them around the library, in the meantime. Lord knows, you’ll be down here for awhile.”

Howl howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

The Value of Entertainment FUN STUFF BESIDES FOOD I talk a lot about food in this column, because food is a necessity and an eternally recurring expense. Even raising your own garden requires some expenses—tools, water, new gardening gloves, etc. For these reasons, food is an obvious topic when discussing frugality and efficiency. It’s visual, tactile—you see/ taste/touch/smell the food you eat. Granting you have found your plan for food, let’s take a temporary leap to the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and discuss satisfying our need for creativity. This need can, of course, be met in numerous ways, but broadly it finds at least some satisfaction in the realm of entertainment. Ask yourself why someone might be frugal with their leisure activities, and how they might acquire inexpensive entertainment.

Since entertainment satisfies needs on the highest level, it should only be approached when all others are satisfied first. For the poor college student, living on loans, you might even take the approach that you have zero dollars to spend on entertainment. I’ve done that for weeks or a month to test myself, and never found myself with an unsatisfied need for creativity or amusement.

For this week’s assignment, your task is to seek out completely free entertainment for the next week. Given the number of free events, gatherings, and happenstances in Chico at any one time, your assignment should be easy. Go out, have fun doing something, and don’t pay any money for it. If you’re stumped, here’s a hint: unless you’re

reading this online, you’re probably a few pages away from an events calendar directing you to numerous events, at a variety of venues every day in the next week.

If you don’t see anything you like on this week’s events calendar, try meetup.com, visit the library, or take a walk in the park. If you attend Chico State, try out something new at the WREC center. Or make up your own event.

Host a terrible movie night for your friends, and ask everyone to bring something to snack on. You could even invite them into the frugal spirit by asking them to bring snacks from what they already have at home. If they’re true friends, they won’t care you only have water to offer.

(Notice that I am not saying it’s never OK to pay for entertainment; by all means support your local arts/music/comedy scene when it’s feasible and fits your plans. Likewise, if you offer only water at every shindig you host, you will likely find less people attending over time.)

The monetary cost of entertainment is generally a first world problem. I visited a Haitian orphanage for a week, and the children there never ran out of things to do.

They played soccer, climbed mango trees, used pebbles to play variations of tic-tac-toe and jacks, and put on plays for one another.

It made a lasting impression on me—if I have leisure time available, then I can find a way to meet my need for creativity and entertainment. You can, too, dear reader.

The Frugal Terran

by TripHazard

D O N AT E G E N T LY U S E D C O S T U M E S AT D R AC U L A ' S C LO S E T F O R T H E B OY S A N D G I R L S C L U B O F T H E N O R T H VA L L E Y

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS IN CHICO

2070 E 20th St Ste 100 (OLD HOLLYWOOD VIDEO BUILDING NEXT TO WINCO ACROSS FROM BEST BUY)

MON-SAT 12-8 SUN 12-5

530-892-9593 Like us on Facebook! facebook.com/DraculasClosetChico

HUGE SELECTION COSTUMES • WIGS • MASKS HAT S • M A K EU P • A C C ESSORIES MEN • WOMEN • PLUS SIZES I N FA N T S • TO D D L E R S • K I D S • T E E N S

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NO ON A YES ON B This issue is about more than people saying it smells bad or that people are profiting off of it. It’s about my well-being and being denied access to my medicine. I need this medicine to make the oils that keep me alive and fighting the cancer. I get my medicine by growing on someone else’s property, and my friends that grow there also have cancer. When you deny us access to growing medical marijuana, you deny us life. Larry Wahl and the Board of Supervisors are not thinking about us. They say we can buy our medicine, but that would cost hundreds of dollars a week, many thousands of dollars a year, which I cannot afford; and a long drive to purchase it, which many cannot manage. Stop believing the rhetoric, I beg you. They are taking from myself and others the right to fight for our lives. They want to limit each parcel to a 10’ by 10’ grow space, and allow anyone to complain, even if they’re not neighbors. That’s what A is all about. Please vote on my behalf and others, “No on A, and Yes on B,” and keep it the same as it always was.

Thank you, Cancer survivor

LIFETIME MEMBERSHIPS $25 OUNCES $125 EMAIL JOEL.CASTLE@YAHOO.COM

Food & Drink 4 9 ER’S VS RAMS

SUNDAY NOV 2ND A T 1 :05 PM

WATCH ALL THE

GAMES HERE WATCH THE GAMES HERE 344 west 8th St | chico, ca | 530-343-2790

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY FRIDAY

Closed.

We need to drink, too!

Closed

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints 6PM - close $1 Off Pitchers $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

$6.99 Pulled pork sand w/ fries or salad 25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone!

MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50 FREE Pool after 10PM

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3

Closed

$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos, Corn Dogs, French Fries or Tots, Chips & Salsa and Motzerells sticks only $2.50 ALL Day!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Chicken Strip Sand only $6.99 before 6 PM TWO BUCK TUESDAY 6-11pm $2 Rolling Rock, Olympia & Single Wells $2.50 PBR, Coors and Double wells

WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings 8pm-Close $2.50 Fire Eater Shots $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

Chicken Waffle Wed.!

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Chico Jazz Collective 8-midnight Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra & Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Baby Back Ribs $11.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.99

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jäger $5.50 DBL Vodka Red Bull $2.50 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after 10PM

$3 Sierra and Dom Pints $ 3.50 Kamis ALL DAY! Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10

Closed

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm

Open 9PM Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

$5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.

Closed for Halloween

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints Weekend Blast Off!!

8-close $5 Blasters

EAT. DRINK. PLAY.

Find Out How you Can Play Pool

for Only $1/Day!

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS!

GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC!

We open at 12:00pm.

SATURDAY SUNDAY

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies PELIGROSO PROMO 10-Midnight

WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

CLOSED

HALLOWEEN OCTOBER 31 9pm

PINHEAD, TROX & the terribles, her tragic mistake november 3rd 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473

12

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

9pm

337 Main St. Responsibly 530-343-1745 Please Drink

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

corners, drinking flowers, the vesuvians

Please Drink Responsibly

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

8pm-Close Pitcher Specials $6.50/$9.50/$13 FREE Pool after 10PM

6pm-Close $4.50 Grad teas $3.50 All beer pints FREE Pool after 10PM

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6PM $8 / $9 SN Dom Pitchers $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

Baby Back Ribs w/Salad, Fries & garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double Jack or Captain $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool after 10pm

10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase!

1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 CHEAP Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after 10pm

F r i d ay 4 - 7 p m

HAP Y HOUR!

THE PUB SCOUTS

WATCH ALL THE GAMES HERE THIS WEEK!

Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!

MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

CLOSED

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

Progressive Night:

Closed

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

8 - 10pm $1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close: Up $0.25 per hour til closing

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm Ladies Night!

8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10PM 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas Opening at 8pm for 80's NIGHT!!

8 pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm.

Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

9pm - Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from 4-10PM

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day

Select Pints $3

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

JIM BEAM PROMO 9pm-Close PELIGROSO TEQUILLA PROMO 9pm-midnight LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm Call To Rent For Private Party Go DownLo

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

Closed

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz.

8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

Closed

Power Hour 8 - 9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM - Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers

Open at 9pm

NO COVER Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers

tuesday SHARKS VS AVALANCHE $2.50 TUESDAY ALL DAY

SUNDAY 49ER’S VS RAMS

$5 BOTTLES OF CHAMPAIGNE WITH ENTREE 134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available!

Call for reservation 898-9898 Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.

BOTTLE SERVICE Now Available!

Call for reservation 898-9898

NO COVER

Open at 9pm Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.

CLOSED

CLOSED

Open ‘til 1am

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 13

This Week Only...

Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS TO CALENDAR@SYNTHESIS.NET

BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

SICILIAN CAFÉ Friday, October 31st

Warm Up The Winter at Sicilian Cafe!

ALL HALLOWS’ EVE CONCERT & COSTUME PARTY 1078 GALLERY

KZFR HALLOWEEN MONSTER BASH! CHICO WOMEN’S CLUB

Farm.

Fresh.

Italian.

Friday, October 31st

Friday, October 31st

Although there are certainly plenty of things to do this Halloween, why not put your money towards a good cause (Crohn’s Disease, in this case). With music by The Shimmies, Bogg, Sid Young, and food provided by TherapEATic Catering, this is an easy choice. Best part, it runs from 7pm-10pm, so there’s plenty of time to dance to some sweet tunes, eat some goodies, and be done in time to check out more of what Halloween has to offer! 7:00pm-10:00pm, all ages, $5-$15 .

DUFFY’S HALLOWEEN DUFFY’S, OBVIOUSLY

Ah, the annual Halloween Pinhead show, how I’ve missed thee! With accompanying bands Trox & The Terribles, and Her Tragic Mistake (goth tribute featuring Charles Mohnike), this is sure to be an absolute blast. Come to this show, if for no other reason than to get the annual glory of Dain Sandoval in a wig! 9pm, 21+

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

With a costume contest, raffle, and music by Steve Cook & Friends, this is a great event for the all ages crowd. The best part about this is the feel goodery that will come from supporting your local radio station.7:30pm, all ages.

DARK CIRCUS: BURLESQUE & VARIETY SHOW BLUE ROOM THEATER

Tired of doing the same old thing on Halloween? If you’re over 18, head to the Blue Room Theater for the Dark Circus: Burlesque & Variety Show. With two shows on Halloween and two the following night, if seeing a bevy of sexy ladies is your thing, there’s really no excuse for missing this event. 7pm & 10:30pm, 18+, $13.

UPCOMING SHOWS

This week at...

On

14

Friday, October 31st

Stay Positive Presents: Monty Morris & the Melodians 11/6

Main

OCTOBER

Funkraiser 11/7

30

ASS TO THE GROUND w/ LINDSAY LOWAND

Bandmaster Ruckus, Dorado & Bogart the Monster 11/8

9pm

Stay Positive presents: The Itals 11/13

New & Exciting:

Ongoing Events:

27 Monday

27 Monday

Chico Art Center: Community Art Challenge—Dia de Los Muertos—Drop off of Art. 10am-4pm, all ages, $5 for 3 pieces

28 Tuesday

Ayers Hall Room 106: Award winning film “Big Night.”

7:30pm, free.

Laxson Auditorium: Mummenschanz, mime-masque theatre.

7:30pm, all ages, $36/adult, $34/senior, $22/youth, $10 Chico State students Rowland-Taylor Recital Hall: Dr. Stacey Smith: “Slavery on Free Soil: California’s Unfree Past.” 7:30pm, free.

29 Wednesday

Crazy Horse Saloon: Halloween 4 Day Event. 9pm-2am, 21+ Maltese: Rocky Horror Picture Party. 9pm-2am, 21+

30 Thursday

1078 Gallery: Bunnymilk, TWIN (Canada), Erin Lizardo, Fera.

7:30pm, all ages, $5-$10 sliding scale BMU Auditorium: Boba Bingo, free bingo and boba tea with your wildcat ID card. Doors 6:30pm Chico Library: Eating Well, Eating Wisely: A Free Lecture.

6pm-8pm, all ages.

Chico Rendezvous: T Sisters.

7:30pm, $16/advance, $20/door Crazy Horse Saloon: Halloween 4 Day Event. 9pm-2am, 21+ Maltese: Costume Karaoke.

9pm-2am, 21+ Paradise Performing Arts Center: Soul singer Quinn DeVeaux.

9pm, all ages, $10.

31 Friday

1078 Gallery: All Hallows Eve Concert & Costume Party.

7:00pm-10:00pm, all ages, $5-$15 Blue Room: A Dark Circus: Burlesque and Variety Show. 7pm & 10:30pm, 18+, $13 Chico Art Center: Community Challenge - Day of the Dead.

5pm-7pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Halloween 4 Day Event. 9pm-2am, 21+ Downtown: Treat Street, candy + kid’s costume contest. 2pm5pm

Duffy’s: Pinhead, Trox and the Terribles, Her Tragic Mistake (goth tribute feat Charles Mohnike). 9pm, 21+ LaSalles: Halloween: Power Exotic Ball. 9pm-2am, 21+ Lost On Main: Freak the Funk Out w/Mojo Green & Swamp Zen. Doors 9pm, 21+ Maltese: Twerk or Treat Halloween Dance Party & Costume Contest. 9pm-2am, 21+, free The Progressive Schoolhouse: Children’s Halloween Carnival.

Raffle, Jump House, Game Booths, Cake Walk, Sweet and Healthy Treats. 2pm-8pm, all ages, free.

The Tackle Box: Northern Traditionz. 9pm-2am, 21+, $5.

Trinity Hall Room 100: Talk

by Darra Goldstein: “Feast and Famine: One Thousand Years of Russian Food.” 7:30pm, free.

Women’s Club: KZFR Halloween Monster Bash! Stevie Cook & Friends. 7:30pm, all ages

1 Saturday

Blue Room: A Dark Circus: Burlesque and Variety Show. 7pm & 10:30pm, 18+, $13 Crazy Horse Saloon: Halloween 4 Day Event. 9pm-2am, 21+ Harlen Adams Theatre: Chico State Wind Ensemble’s Fall concert: Evolutions. 7:30pm, Advance Tickets: $15 Adult, $13 Senior, $6 Student/Child; available at the University Box Office The Beach: Dia De Los Muertos, Main stage DJ: DJ Eclectic, Patio DJ: DJ Lil’ 50. 9pm-2am, 21+, VIP $10/General $2 Round Table Pizza (on Pillsbury): Novembeard Kickoff: Clean Shaven Day. Registration from 5-6pm

2 Sunday

1078 Gallery: Mixed Media Mixer Chico. 2pm-6pm, all ages, free.

Chico Peace & Justice Center: “Sucked Dry: Examining Drought and Privatization from Mesoamerica to California.”

11am Online: Energy Plant Sessions Premiere: Western Divide. energyplantsessions.org 11am, all ages, free.

100th Monkey: Healing Light Meditation, 7pm-8:15pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 12-5pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:306:30pm DownLo: Open Mic Comedy Night. Free.

Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm Maltese: Open Mic Music, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes. Free, 7-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

28 Tuesday

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/ class or $32/month. 6pm The Bear: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week.

Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 12-5pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo.

5:50-7pm.

Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke.

21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm1am The Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

29 Wednesday

The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 12-5pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff

Howse. $1, 9pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm James Snidle Fine Arts: Paula Busch-”Japan.” 9am-5pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table.

Starts at 8pm

30 Thursday

Arabian Nights: Last Thursdays of the month, Clayton the Chemist & Guests, Soulful and Funky Electronic Music, 8pm12am, $2 before 10pm, $4 After, 18+ The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 12-5pm Chico Theatre Company: Legally Blonde the musical. 7:30pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight James Snidle Fine Arts: Paula Busch-”Japan.” 9am-5pm LaSalles: Free live music on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy.

9pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

31 Friday

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 12-5pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2

Chico Theatre Company: Legally Blonde the musical. 7:30pm DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm.

Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pmmidnight James Snidle Fine Arts: Paula Busch”Japan.” 9am-5pm LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance.

6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

1 Saturday

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Chico Art School & Gallery: “Explorations In Paint.” 10am-12pm DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival!

8pm-midnight James Snidle Fine Arts: Paula Busch-”Japan.” 9am-5pm LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio.

9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

2 Sunday

Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm Empire Coffee: Portrait Drawing Group art show. 7am-7pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 15

Hard Work and Short Stories I’M AN IDIOT WHO DIGS HOLES FOR A LIVING, THE ART OF THE SHORT STORY, AND ALMOST 10 YEARS OF PUNK ROCK. I am still recovering from a day of digging holes. Wielding a shovel, post-hole diggers, and a heavy iron bar accordingly, I clawed, pounded, and scraped into the earth so we could plant pretty creatures therein. Today the twinges in my back, arms, and legs are subsiding. Yesterday I had difficulty getting out of bed. When I work, I work hard. I’m one of those people who lives life following the unsupported concept that by working hard and being diligent I will somehow “get ahead.”

I’m an idiot. Hard work, in and of itself, has never gotten anyone anywhere. The American Dream, as people like to refer to it, involves more than simply working hard. It takes vision, planning, patience, perseverance, and a little bit of luck. It’s a dream after all, not a concrete, palpable object.

Trish and I are a bit insulated from the dream.

We’ve snatched our piece of the pie and now we’re sitting on it, hiding out, hoarding. With no children to sap time and resources our expenses are low. I guess we live a different kind of life than many, though I don’t think we set out to do that. It just happened.

The Six Word Story There is an unconfirmed tale that Ernest Hemingway once won a bar bet by claiming he could write a six word story that would make the reader cry. The story went like this: For sale, baby shoes, never worn.

It’s perfect. It has a beginning, middle and end, tension and resolution, and it conveys heart-wrenching emotion. According to legend 16

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

he won the bet.

The other paper in town does a short fiction contest each year and I’m constantly puzzled by the results. A lot of the winning entries aren’t really stories at all; they’re only nicely worded descriptions. A story has to go somewhere, do something, and provoke some emotion. The reader must be taken from one point to another. The kids tend to write the best actual stories. They understand it intuitively, whereas I think the older writers over-analyze it and end up outsmarting themselves. The judges confound me.

Judging art is a strange endeavor anyway.

Most often it seems to be another form of the popularity contest—an attempt to recognize whose work is going to appeal either to the most people, or to the right group of people.

I see merit in contests, but at the same time, salt grains are recommended.

Almost 10 Years of Punk Rock Monstro’s Pizza celebrated their almost 10th anniversary of hosting all-ages punk shows.

That is an amazing feat and it was quite a party. I got to see five of the ten or eleven bands that played and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was here in Chico, playing music, before Monstro’s and the then-Pirate Punk now-Partee or Pizza Punks started doing their thing. There were a few 21 and up venues to play in but, after the Brickworks closed down, no place for all-ages shows. So thanks Monstro’s, and here’s to the next almost ten years.

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17

“When I was working at The Warm Line,” Jodi explains, as she shines her flashlight down the dark, dry riverbed, casting bizarre shadows off of the exposed root-balls of river-trees, “I’d hear this story from different people who had this experience and it was really scary. And it goes like this: The people who come down here—or live down here—usually they’re a little bit drunk... or distraught. Then they see a woman that usually sits under the bridge.

She has a tan-colored hat and it covers her face. She waves like this (Jodi indicates a beckoning, siren-like gesture), and so they follow her up the creek, here, and she walks ahead, and she keeps gesturing, and she takes them waaay up to this tree and... basically she disappears. I’ve heard this story over and over again.”

alone. That’s what I want people to know.”

And just then, the second flashlight dies, and we’re down in the Lindo Channel in the dark night.

“OK,” she says, finally. She tells me that she’s only been back there once since she ran out of the place yelling, “In the name of Jesus, leave this place!”

“Oh shit!” Jodi says. “Did you hear that? I heard something! Why did my flashlight die?

See you’re a witness!” she says to me. They get the flashlight back on. (To be fair, I should point out that Hannah’s phone never dies, even though she is almost constantly narrating our night to some dude who she calls her “friend.”)

We scramble our way past abandoned homeless encampments, back up to our cars. Jodi Foster starts to brainstorm which haunted place we should go to next. There are quite a few on her list.

“Don’t you think it’s time we went to 125 Parmac?” I say.

Jodi gives me a look. “You wanna go to Parmac?” she asks. She looks genuinely hesitant and unhappy about this proposition. Then my last set of batteries inexplicable dies—again—and I mumble “fuck” to myself, though I’m getting used to this.

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“I’ll grit my teeth and... let’s go,” she says.

And we get into our cars.

4. 11:12 PM.

“When I came forward with my own experience,” Jodi Foster says, “—thinking I was crazy or whatever—that’s when all kinds of people came out of the woodworks to contact me and say ‘oh my gosh I’ve had a haunted experience too! I’m not crazy!”

The night is so dark. I follow the Kia to the somewhat ghetto-looking apartment complex at 125 Parmac. It’s directly next door to a big building with a glowing sign that reads: “BloodSource.” BloodSource is a place that stores gallons and gallons of human blood. For transfusions.

After a little bit, she says, “Or maybe we’re all crazy!” and then she does her giggle. “But if you experience something that’s abnormal or paranormal, it’s important to know you’re not

Because my recorder is now dead, I look in my trunk for some paper and something to write on. Luckily, there’s some construction paper that my four-year-old son had been

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drawing monsters on (he’s all pumped up for Halloween, and is frequently fighting imaginary monsters, yelling at them, and shooting at them with “arrows”), and one library book I left in my trunk for some reason: A big purple hardcover edition of The Brother’s Grimm folktales, for children.

We head into the courtyard. “I don’t like coming back to this complex,” Jodi tells me. “It still gives me anxiety.”

A couple of blond, ponytailed, sorority-type girls are going up some stairs.

“Excuse me,” I say, and then I explain what we’re doing and ask if they’ve noticed anything creepy.

“Just this weird rattling in the walls,” Ponytail #1 says.

“Yeah, that rattling was really creeping me out the other night,” Ponytail #2 says.

“You live up there?” Jodi asks, pointing.

The Ponytails nod.

“Oh, the unsolved murder happened in the unit right below you, by the way,” Jodi tells them.

Ponytail #1 is wearing a shirt that has been hand-cut down the front, to better ventilate her upper-chest region, and it reads: “Ask me about Cutco” and has an American flag.

Ponytail #1 says she’s been selling Cutco knives for five years.

“Oh, those are really sharp, I hear,” I say.

“Hey Jodi, how was the person below them murdered?”

“Stabbed,” Jodi says. “Yeah, the body was supposedly in there for days.”

The Ponytails do not look pleased.

“The other thing,” Ponytail #1 says, “is my friend, like, had me go to this palm reader cuz, like, she was supposed to be amazing. And the palm reader was spot on about so many things, but the one thing she kept repeating was that there was some bad energy in my living situation. And because she was right about so many things, I kinda, like, thought maybe I should move, but then I was like ‘no.’

I’m not going to let this woman dictate where I live. She kept trying to sell me a candle to get rid of it—the bad energy. It was kinda creeping me out. And then a couple days later someone told me about how this place was like supposedly haunted and I was, like, ‘maybe that’s what she was talking about?’”

“Ahhh!” screams Ponytail #1.

At this point, a young man with red laces in his skater shoes, who looks like he’d weigh 120 pounds, max, if we dipped him in the apartment pool we’re standing next to, has joined us. “You’re the one from the show?” he asks Jodi, all excited like Jodi was Kim Kardashian. “That’s so cool!”

“Oh my God... ” exhales Ponytail #2.

The young man explains that before he moved

in the landlord told him that the previous tenant had died—that’s why the place was available—and when he looked online to find out how, he quickly stumbled onto Jodi’s story.

“You actually told the police where the body was buried, right?”

“Yep,” Jodi Foster says, though the cops didn’t actually find the body.

“I thought it was pretty badass!” the young man says. “I told my boss ‘I’m moving into a haunted apt!’ But he said, ‘well, I’m going to haunt you even more.’” We all laugh.

The Ponytails excuse themselves, looking rather disturbed, and the slight young man joins us as we walk over to #23.

“I’m dizzy right now,” Jodi says. “I don’t wanna walk over there, but I’m going to do it anyways.”

“I have chills mommy,” Hannah says.

Out in front of #23, Jodi makes the young man feel her goose bumps.

“This is where it all began. This is where the Sing and Snore Ernie doll talked, this is where I saw Cameron and Janice Hooker out back in my dreams, this is where I ran out screaming “In the name of Jesus!”

Then, as we’re leaving, we meet a couple who live in the apartment above #23. They don’t know anything about the apartment being haunted.

“I didn’t know that it was haunted, but I’ve dealt with spirit sh t for years,”

I don’t ascribe to the supernatural. But, does it really matter? What I’m quickly realizing is that so many people do: people all over this city believe that ghosts and angels and demons are communicating with them; telling them what to do; possessing their stuffed animals. Voices tell people to shoot up clinics and blow up markets, too. And isn’t that scary enough?

the dude, who’s name is Blake, tells me. Blake has fading pink hair dye and is wearing nothing but short-shorts, though it’s nearly midnight.

“The spirit that’s in our apartment isn’t like haunted shit, it’s a dark spirit that’s been following me for two years.”

For some reason, Autumn tells us that tomorrow is Blake’s birthday.

“I’m sensing that... were you into the dark arts?” Jodi Foster asks.

Blake nods.

“Pretty much,” Blake says. “But I wasn’t taught by people.”

I check the time, and it’s just a few minutes to midnight. “You mean, like, in five minutes?”

I ask.

“Happy birthday, bro.” I say.

“Right, you were taught by the entities?” Jodi asks?

Blake concurs.

“I’ve been seeing demons since I was five-yearsold,” Autumn—Blake’s girlfriend—says. She has faded hair dye, too. Then she tells us that she’s lived in haunted places all her life, with levitating TVs and dishes flying around, etc.

Blake, Autumn and Jodi discuss how to cast out demons, and the legitimacy of Ouija boards, things like that. Blake is all up on this shit. When we tell him about the haunted house on Flume, Blake tells us that she’s a “Jester Spirit.” “Those feed off of fear,” he says, “it was showing itself to induce fear.”

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 19

The Impossebulls EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED; NOTHING IS DIFFERENT

blocsonic.com/artist/the-impossebulls I love hip-hop in its pure form, the spirit of which sparks awareness to the various dimensions of creative expression and freedom throughout the universe. – DJ Wally West Everything Has Changed; Nothing Is Different pushes the subsonic envelope of my living room. My wall-hanging and otherwise precariously poised objects were due for a study in earthquake readiness, and The Impossebulls deliver extremely diverse and groove-inducing waveforms.

I anxiously dig into our twenty-first century’s version of liner notes—BlocSonic Netlabel pulls out all the bells and whistles with their best-in-class digital packaging—and I am quickly entranced by ”the Bull’s” unmistakable comradery and drive. I’m in awe of the broad roster they describe as “the world’s first virtual rap squad.” I see and hear that they were reared in the art of slave-education (and I do love this phrase) by professionals such as Public Enemy.

Unlike many of their contemporaries in the burgeoning net audio scene, these cats have put in time on the road as the openers and as a main draw.

The first few tracks make up an icebreaking introduction as they ooze with the group’s reciprocal respect for their audience. These brutally honest lyrical operators have the privilege of dancing on cross-pollinated classic sample-driven backdrops and more eclectic production elements. A few of the my favorite things: The singularly genre-less sound and the kinship emanating from “Road

Free Culture

by Alex O’Brien amateurzen.us

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM OCTOBER 27 2014

Warriors.” The wet pavement and penetrating pulse of the city in “Bigger Than You.” The spoken interludes ranging from intimate comedy to meta-topical wisdom. Sekreto & Caballeros Del Plan G’s sharp spit en Español as featured on “Break 1-2.” The samplings of Def Chad’s aptitude for words and Villain151’s “scathing stream of consciousness” found in “Havenots Mascot.” Another standout is the “GetBack > GetDown > GetUp” luxe concept trifecta. Beginning with “The GetBack,” C-Doc, Chuck D, Marcus J, and Tah Phrum Duh Bush share ebullient histories of their journeys from fandom. “The GetUp” seals the deal, burning out with outstandingly positive vibes.

Additionally, Mported Flows, Jamod Allah, Mike T, CM aka Creative, Cheese, DJ Lord, Boooka, and Brother Mike Williams are also “in on this joint.”

Everything Has Changed; Nothing Is Different is fueled by a pragmatic, scavenging, collective spirit; it seeks and finds a taste of selflessness, humility, and gratitude. The full-length album has many desirable throwback qualities for hip-hop heads, but there is nothing about it that is antiquated or bereft of youth. This crew knows how to play. Their tales epistemologically pursue a sweet spot between realism and optimism.

The Impossebulls are seasoned, grounded, and as cool as the concrete beneath the clear, sky-blue and vermilion dusk of summer. They communicate a unique non-denominational gospel of self-knowledge, respect, reverence, maturity, clarity, and liberation. I dig ‘em.

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. To view a copy of this license, visit creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

OCTOBER 27, 2014

BY KOZ MCKEV Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

The move into the unknown is seldom an easy one. Since you thrive on adventure you’ll have an easier go with the uncertainties that are bound to come. Mars transiting the tenth house helps others to recognize the leadership potential that you have when you are positive.

Monday gives you an optimistic outlook and much to be thankful for. Ask for help when you need it.

Be careful not to accumulate too much debt. Halloween looks like a party or social gathering. Plan on laying low over the weekend. Pay more attention to your spiritual life.

You just got luckier in love. Venus and the sun are transiting your seventh house of marriage, engagements, and open enemies. You are the antidote to what is taking place today. Think in terms of lasting relationships. What makes for a good relationship? You’re looking at an easier Tuesday. May the positive vibe carry you through the week.

The weekend has you in the public eye more. The art of negotiation will come in handy. Halloween will start out nice, but gets a little dicey after 9pm. Take in all the color and sleep through the nightmares.

Keep a cool head as the work gets piled high. Take care of detail work and do what you can to get organized. Jupiter in the third house is overwhelming you with new information that will take weeks to digest. What was lost during Mercury retrograde is now being found. Do things to make improvements. Pay more attention to personal health issues.

Now is the time for charitable causes, service work, as well as honoring aunts and uncles and working with small pets. Your creative approach to life continues to work for you.

This week you are finally able to break out of your shell. If anyone is going to get a creative breakthrough it’s going to be you.

Your relationships, especially with children and lovers, are bound to be affected. Last week’s new moon eclipse opened your heart to a new world. You can be more generous, more fun loving, and more capable of dealing with your confidence issues. This is a good time to start a band or to work on other creative projects. Your world is about to get richer. What do you want people to know you for?

I’ve heard from other Leos that Scorpio is a sign that fascinates them. Libra was about light hearted relationships, art and romance. Scorpio rules your fourth house of family, parents, family elders, ancestors and your domestic situation. What are the boundaries of your comfort zones? Who do you consider to be a part of your tribe? For Halloween go with a partner theme, or something romantic and sickeningly sweet. Single Leo people may even find love over the weekend. Mars in the sixth house may create conflict at work.

This week you try new ways to relate to others in your inner circle. You seek out deep information. What appears fake today may be proven to be real tomorrow. Tuesday and Wednesday you have your creative mojo working strong. You want to be a flirt, a player, and a lover all rolled into one. Get into poetry, storytelling and songwriting. Find out exactly what is the best information worth sharing. Halloween finds you working, serving, healing and dealing with group dynamics. The weekend looks good for partnership and romance.

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Responsibility rests heavily on your shoulders during this period.

Not everyone has your back. Most of us can accidentally piss someone off without ever knowing it.

Mars transiting your twelfth house could bring a secretive enemy.

Saturn, the sun, and Venus in the mid heaven allows your best talents and skills to shine.

Halloween features the moon in Aquarius. You own all Thursday and Friday. Be your weirdest and be thanked for it. The weekend looks good for finances, cooking, enjoying music, and improving upon what you have.

You’re learning about the higher path and doing the right thing. This is a good period for travel, higher or advanced education, and exploring exotic cultures. You are luckier than usual. Halloween should be a mystical time for you (see Scorpio’s horoscope). If you want to see a bunch of unconscious people puke their guts out then by all means go out this Halloween. On Saturday and Sunday the moon will be in Pisces making it an emotionally deep and sweet time. Creative juices are flowing and good works are seen everywhere.

This is your time to explore your values. How you spend your money does more to change the world than the way you vote. The food you eat creates a political statement. Unconscious spending is one of the less pleasant aspects of this week’s planetary transits.

Venus in the second house is good for music and voice. It can also tempt you to spend money on a luxury item. Halloween will be a total blast for you. Let the good times roll, but avoid staying out too late. I’d say the more outrageous your costume is the better.

Humor seems to come naturally through cold blooded honesty; this is the way Scorpio rolls. They only keep secrets because they realize that with some things you can only trust yourself. You’re taking names and kicking ass this week.

Tuesday and Wednesday will have their share of silly gossip and lively discussions. On Halloween, you’d just as well stay home and perform spiritual rituals of some sort. You don’t trust this holiday to the amateurs. Honor the dead. From the ashes of the ancestors we are given this breath to live a new day.

The weekend rocks.

Monday begins with the moon in Sagittarius. Here you find a rather delightful jump start to a fun week. Careful as you navigate this week. You are knee deep in karma that has serious consequences if you don’t pay attention. Avoid spending needlessly on Tuesday and Wednesday. What looks good now requires some research before you invest in it. Halloween partying will be hard to resist whether it’s going out or staying home and eating too much candy. Play it safe, as the miscreants are more likely to be up late.

The Sun and Venus are transiting your eleventh house of planning for the future, helpful friends, and social gatherings. Saturn is empowered in this house and will help you with wise decisions.

Seek advice from the experts.

On Tuesday and Wednesday the moon is in Capricorn. This is a good time to be conscious as to what your game plan is.

Cover yourself in fake money for Halloween. Tell people that you wanted to look like money. The weekend looks good for hobbies and visiting with neighbors and friends.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

GREAT SHORT STORIES

Lotus Land, written by local writer William Wong Foey Local writer William Wong Foey author of best selling novel: Winter Melon releases his new book Lotus Land, a short story collection of bold and amazing stories of desire, despair, courage, and redemption. Available at Lyon’s Book Store at 135 Main (Chico) and in paperback & e-book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, & Direct Music Cafe.

A special thanks to all the people who purchased my debut novel: Winter Melon.

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Propaganda I collect political fliers and whatnot whenever an election is imminent, though they’re never eminent or immanent. I don’t keep them, I just want to see how the local printers are doing. This year’s cards and brochures are the fanciest yet, all of them four-color on heavy stock. Forough Molina’s material was the smallest, and so far Mark Sorensen and the money slate—Sorensen, Fillmer, and Coolidge—have the biggest propaganda, with letter-size heavy card stock. I think of Coolidge, Fillmer, and Sorensen as the money slate because they seem to care more about money than anything else on Earth.

Why do the candidates think that bright colors will work for them? Maybe because they do.

Running for office is said to be expensive, and apparently the more spent, the better the chances of winning. I haven’t seen any data, though, and I wonder if it’s just hearsay. Mark Sorensen has spent quite a few dollars on a slick presentation. At least he doesn’t dye his hair, although he’s still kinda whiny and blamey and drear.

I saw all of the candidates a couple of weeks ago at a League of Women Voters forum, and I made snap judgments as I saw fit. First, Heidi Hall might be too sharp for the people who have been supporting Dough LaMalfa, although she’s got some big, flashy cards that might sway them. I got some mailing or other from Dough that I think I repurposed to scoop cat litter. He’s not one of us, except in the most cosmic way.

I can’t imagine being persuaded to vote for someone because of the high quality of his flyers. I can imagine you doing it, though, and that’s why Dough sent me only one flyer and gave up, although it was pretty stiff and waterresistant, just the thing for big clumps in the litter box.

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this

I still think if money, well spent or otherwise, is that big a deal in determining the outcome of an election, we’re screwed, as if you didn’t know. We the people are easily led, entertained, distracted, deceived, and bamboozled if you spend enough money, or you could just say you could do it if you wanted to because you’ve got all this money, and corporate media would anoint you anyway.

Andrew Coolidge might be a hologram.

Reanette Fillmer is blonde, mostly, apparently a successful capitalist too, and still mainly a blonde. I like Lupe Arim-Law’s concern for the homeless, and I like Rodney Willis’ hat.

I’m still trying to like Scott Gruendl, although he once crossed the street to avoid me.

His final spiel at the forum in Silly Council chambers asked for our vote to keep the bad guys—Mark Sorenson, Sean Morgan, and Mary Goloff, I guess—from gaining a majority with the election of another candidate from the money slate—Fillmer, Coolidge, and Sorensen.

I suppose Gruendl is better than any of them, although he’s turned into a politician, and we don’t need any more of them.

We’re looking for an advertiser who’d like to take a dedicated spot next to From The Edge!

If you’re interested, please contact: A M Y @ SY N T H E S I S . N E T

Hell no on A. Oh, well, I suppose so on B. No on 46.

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter A@anthonypeytonporter.com

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