Synthesis Weekly – January 12, 2015

JANUARY 12 2015 — FREE

the

imaginary interview WITH Father John Misty FEAT. JEFF BRIDGES

Volume 21 Issue 20 January 12, 2015

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

This Week...

Publisher/Managing Editor Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

Creative Director

The Imaginary Interview

Columns PAGE 6

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Olson

amy@synthesis.net

PAGE 4

Entertainment Editor Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

Letter to the Editor

Associate Editor

PAGE 5

Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

Grave Concerns

Designers

By Sean Galloway

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

Deliveries Jennifer Foti

Howl

Contributing Writers

howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

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Photography

Productivity Wasted

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

by Eli Schwartz

pwasted@synthesis.net

Nerd

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

Accounting Ben Kirby

Director of Operations

Introducing... The Devil’s Advocate

PAGE 18

PAGE 7

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

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Karen Potter

Owner

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net

The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

The Frugal Terran

by TripHazard

PAGE 17

Supertime!

by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 20

Kozmik Debris

by Koz McKev

kozmckev@sunset.net

PAGE 21

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter

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FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 3

PET OF THE WEEK

Dust and Cobwebs – Part Three

F innick I’ve got a big, goofy smile and I’m not ashamed to use it for asking for treats! I love to run around and would make an excellent partner for an active family.

2580 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Johnny Polygon

Tanner Johnny Polygon - “Purple Mess” Liz Daughter - “Smother” Mike Radio Citizen - “The Hop” Tara Melanie Martinez - “Dollhouse” Becca Butterfly Boucher - “It Pulls Me Under” Haley Ryan Adams - “Firecracker” Al Iration - “Time Bomb” 4

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

(previous segments at synthesisweekly.com) I opened the door as far as I could. Things had shifted—making space in the interior chaos of the room, but making it harder to find entry. I stepped carefully over the threshold, looking around what had at one time or another been each of my brothers’ bedrooms, and now held a crossection of all the clutter that had accumulated since.

For three weeks my dad and I had been tackling the long overdue project of clearing away the mess of my late mother’s hoarding, learning to talk to each other in a more meaningful way as we went through it. We had broached topics that were painful, but they were also obvious and in their own way obstructive. As powerful as it is, suffering is not Who We Are, it’s something we experience; it takes up space within us, obscuring the truth with a false sense of relevance and finality. The important elements of our being are there from the start, framing our stories in all their variations. Catharsis was necessary, but it was not the end, it was not knowing one another.

This room—one half of our first major project: sorting and consolidating two rooms so that one held storage and the other could become exercise space—was an archaeological dig.

We took a deep breath and excavated my mother’s addiction in layers, brushing off the dust and analyzing their significance.

Most of her recent life was in the form of fabric, as well as mass amounts of batting and yarn. In small doses, I could see the appeal of these things. While there was far too much of it (in the end, all the fabric gathered

from throughout the house filled half the room from floor to ceiling), this represented purpose for her, something she could transform from meaningless to useful. With the fabric and batting she had been making quilts, single handedly (literally— she had use of only one hand after a stroke in her mid 30s), which she donated to charity and gave as gifts. The yarn was a bigger mystery—had she found a way to crochet? was it just a hope that she might someday? In a way it all represented hope: that she would live long enough to use it all, and that those years would be spent improving the world to the best of her ability. I boxed them with reverence, stacked her dreams and labeled them to be passed back into the world; a reincarnation of sorts.

Below the fabric we found the earlier miscellany, the random things she had acquired before finding purpose. There were boxes of novelty cookware, old hair curlers, and costume jewelry; things she never would’ve used or worn. I think she must’ve just bought them because they were such a good price. There were bags of old Christmas cards and wedding announcements, leaflets from church services; things she couldn’t throw away without feeling disrespectful. There were things she already had, like old ‘70s camping dishes and emergency survival kits, that she had compulsively bought in quadruplicate, perhaps to reiterate the value she placed on them or to hedge her bets against disasters.

But under those layers we found precious things, small objects that unlocked memories I had no idea were still a part of me.

A tiny flannel robe that had been a hand-me-down for every child in the family, its texture so familiar; the “quiet book” made of felt that I had sat with in church, learning to tie shoelaces and work buttons; drawings we had made with our clumsy little fingers; stuffed toys that were already threadbare in the ‘80s... These she had saved because she loved her children.

Letter From the Editor

by Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

Letter to the Editor: Jokes about domestic violence are never funny. In Mr. Porter’s article in the January 5, 2015 edition of the Synthesis he reports on his family Christmas experience and retells a joke he heard that trivializes domestic violence.

Prior to retelling the joke he indicates that it will “no doubt be offensive to a group or two” and if we think of ourselves as “sensitive and civilized” we should stop reading at that point.

I believe this joke is offensive to everyone and I wonder at his motivation in retelling it.

At the time the joke was originally told to him he had a choice: to laugh or to say something about it. By his own admission, he laughed.

Among the many disappointing actions is that Mr. Porter could have turned this into a teachable moment both at that time and for the readers who would read his article. He took the easy way out and, what is worse, by retelling the story he perpetuates societal norms that normalize violence against women and girls. Additionally, with the prevalence of domestic violence such that it is, it is highly likely that someone in the room that day or one of his readers has experienced or knows someone who has experienced domestic violence.

Domestic violence advocates and their allies work hard every day to end intimate partner violence (IPV). We believe that members of our community can play an active role and have a responsibility in helping to end these behaviors. This means saying something to our friends and family when their words and actions normalize violence. As Jackson Katz says in his TED Talk called “Violence Against Women: It’s a Men’s Issue,” “We need more men to have the courage and strength to start standing up” in ending gender violence.

There is no such thing as being “lightly battered.” Domestic violence is always a serious issue and deserves to be treated as such. Recent national statistics indicate the majority of IPV was committed against females (82%) compared to males (18%).

Further, 48% of those assaulted by intimate partners experience some form of injury.

(National Crime Victimization Survey (DOJ) 2003-2012 data, published April 2014).

Locally, Catalyst Domestic Violence Services has been providing life saving services for over 35 years. Last year over 1,200 women, men and children reached out to us for assistance.

We had 2,230 calls to our crisis line and provide 6,423 nights of safe shelter, turning away 93 families because we were full. A 24hour hotline and safe housing are just a few of the ways we help our community to be a safe and healthy place to live.

To get more information about how to be an ally in ending domestic violence or Catalyst Domestic Violence Services programs in general please call us at 530-343-7711. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and would like to talk to someone, please call our 24-hour hotline at 800-895-8476.

If we are going to make meaningful change and have an impact in eliminating domestic violence we must all, women and men, take an active role in speaking out.

Sincerely, Anastacia L. Snyder Executive Director Catalyst Domestic Violence Services

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

On The Town

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 5

I Went To Twin Peaks, You Guys I’ve watched maybe a bit too much television in my lifetime. Ok. Truth time: I’ve watched enough television for all of our lifetimes.

I’ve seen The Wire four times through; from Snot Boogie, to “How my hair look, Mike?”1 Conversely, my perennial tour partner has never turned on a TV in all of her days. She must awake at 5am and listen to classical music while she perfects her Katas or something. So when we were cruising like Hot American Lead back across the border from the snow-swept Communist Haven just to the north of Washington state (I won’t mention any names, but it rhymes with “Canada”2), and I GENTLY insisted that we stop at one of the major shooting locations of the seminal 1990 David Lynch masterpiece, Twin Peaks, I can only describe the look on her face as “nonplussed.” To be fair, I had been referring to her as “Diane” for two and a half weeks at this point, back and forth across international borders, and part of what I’m assuming was one of the oceans (for those unfamiliar with Twin Peaks, A: what’s the matter with you, and B: “Diane” is Dale Cooper’s secretary, whom he speaks to throughout the show via his microcassette recorder). Anyway, we were in my car, and that fucker was going to Snoqualmie Falls to see the Great Northern, no two ways aboot3 it.

I got to Snoqualmie, I planned to wreck the car into the falls, just to teach her a lesson on the importance of television, and the role that she was unaware it was about to play in her art-laden, jazz-appreciating young life. “We may need to abandon the gear, so the car can go faster.”

I raced the engine of my Subaru Forester like a madman, heading south from the border, just east of Seattle, winding through I-90 and the looming foothills of the Cascades, as the sun began to set behind us. I may, or may not, have screamed a few fuckwords into the windscreen, in my anguished rush to see the hallowed spot where Pete Martell discovered the body of Laura Palmer. “DUDE, calm DOWN,” my tour partner chided me. “We’ll get to see your TV show place. Jesus.” I would not be assuaged. If the sun went down before

“I know, right? It’s perfect.”

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY

JANUARY 12 2015

“Oh my god.”

“You are insane.”

Maybe she had a smallish point. But it didn’t matter to me. I went to Twin Peaks. And it was perfect.4

Grave Concerns

By Sean Galloway

Spoiler alert: Mike shoots Snoop. Fuck you. You should’ve watched The Wire already.

It was Canada.

3 Help. The Canadians have infected me with their communist rhetoric, and the weird way that they say words with “ou” in them.

4 There’s no real moral here. This is just a story about how I did something super badass. Actually, I guess “watch Twin Peaks” is the moral.

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On The Town

We pulled into the parking lot of the Salish Lodge & Spa (or as I charmingly referred to it at that moment, “The Fucking Great Northern Oh My God We Made It Get Out of the Car What’s the Matter with You LET’S GO! MOVE!”) at the Magic Hour. I casually made my way down the concrete walkway that overlooks the falls, not, as some may contend, “running like a little boy who waited too long to pee,” and looked out over the sublime scene. The sun cascaded over the lodge and fell like summer gold on Valhalla. My tour partner wandered over to some dumb signs. “This was the first underground power plant in the U.S.,” she informed me. “And one of the oldest hydroelectric plants in the country.” Ugh. Diane, come ON. She couldn’t distract me with these quotidian matters. “They should take the signs down,” I mused, “and put up Laura’s prom photo, in memoriam.”

Lessons In Love With Stone Trolls This story is continued from “Getting High With Stone Trolls,” readable at : synthesisweekly.com/getting-high-stone-trolls/ Teaching the stone giants was proving to be a difficult task.

When the boy, Howl, had made them, pulling great stones out of the walls of his subterranean library, breathing life into them, he had assumed the practicality and usefulness of extra research assistants would be self-evident…

A resounding crash sent Howl running down the halls to locate its source; once located, it took a moment for him to understand just what he was seeing.

Two of the stone monsters were together in one of the library’s large studies. One had fallen; it stood up, shook itself off, then nodded to the other. Its partner then swung an arm back, and struck him across the face with such force that the creature fell to the floor again, the ground trembling at the impact. The giant stood up again, nodded to the other again, and Howl caught his breath.

“What the hell are you two doing? Stop! Stop!”

The aggressor giant turned towards the boy, one arm still raised in the air for the next blow.

“But master,” it replied, the creature’s voice a slow rumbling, “You commanded us to befriend each other. You said…” There was a moment of silence while it strained to remember. “You said we must feel love for each other.”

The boy blinked, his mouth open in confusion.

“So what on earth are you hitting each other for? Ruining all the work I put into creating you!”

“Well, master,” said the first giant, rubbing his face where it had been struck, “You told us to feel love for each other… but we can’t really feel very well. Hitting each other is the first thing we’ve discovered that we can actually feel.”

The boy was at a loss for words. The aggressor giant, one arm still raised in the air, seemingly forgotten, said, “We decided this ache in our faces and hands must be the love you’re talking about.”

Howl was quiet for moment, then he started laughing. “Well, I suppose I should at least congratulate you for your effort! This is not love, though you two are making a good start.

For those who can’t feel, pain is a place to begin.” He started pacing the floor, the eyes of his giant servants following his progress from their thirty-foot-high perspective.

Howl’s conscious creations were trying to understand, but they were limited by the boy’s own lack of understanding. It had never occurred to him to ask whether these creatures knew what feelings were, and an interesting puzzle lay now before him: What could the stone giants do that would help them feel, without having to hurt each other?

Howl howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

Gaming Without Gaming THE CASUAL MENACE While bumbling around Steam, I was struck by a sudden whim of poor judgment, and decided to take the Steam reviewers at their word. I purchased a small game ported from mobile called Hero of the Kingdom. It’s a simple game with overhead graphics similar to an RTS from the early 2000s, but essentially no animation to speak of. The player embarks on an extraordinary journey from peasant to hero, simply by clicking on icons on screen, and all challenges are merely a matter of accumulating and then spending resources.

Within seconds of playing the game, I realized this was not what I wanted, and that it was ultimately little better than Farmville. That being said, I’m dangerously insane, and played it through despite hating it. Ultimately, it wasn’t bad. Neither was it stimulating, challenging, or memorable—yet despite its best intentions and child’s-book storyline, I found it thought provoking.

A casual game is truly very easy to write off; to see as a shallow abuser of human nature and neurochemistry. Click and watch something happen. Click and grow stronger, be better.

Farm without having to swing a hoe. Be productive without doing anything. Make the bird flap, you won’t believe how satisfying it is for being so difficult. These seem like weaknesses to tear the game up for, but they’re just mechanics. And the manipulative feedback of those mechanics are no different in their more sophisticated forms. The core character progression in Morrowind plays on the same desire for improvement and actualization that building a new barn in Farmville does. The satisfaction of organizing a guild raid in World of Warcraft is not dissimilar to rallying teammates in Clash of Clans. The triumph of having a high score in Flappy Bird is comparable to the rush of being MVP in a tough match of CS:GO.

This was a casual game. One that was impossible to lose, one whose primary challenges were comparable to I Spy books.

One devoid of intellectual stimulation. And yet, at points, I found myself entertained.

Thinking on the nature of the casual game, I recalled that years ago my MySpace had an eminently successful Mafia Wars account.

There are plenty of games I have played and would play that fall dangerously close to “casual”: Many adventure games that I have enjoyed are “walking simulators,” a term which was initially sarcastic and cynical, but is now often used as a category by proponents of the genre; certainly there is little gameplay challenge in those. Nor have I ever stopped perusing flash games, in the hopes of finding another Gemcraft.

A successful casual game is only a more boiled down version of the same ideas that make up more complicated, precise games.

They’re simply more transparent; less of an overall spectacle. There’s a lot to learn from casual games, and some small developers have moved up from mobile releases into more difficult territory. The dedicated gamer can take many issues with the casual game and the casual gamer, but they should tread carefully when they ridicule them. The Game is a treacherously simple thing.

Productivity Wasted

by Eli Schwartz

pwasted@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 7

This week the focal point of our issue is the upcoming Father John Misty show happening on Sunday, January 18 at the El Rey Theater in Chico. Synthesis had an interview scheduled with Josh Tillman, the man behind the Father John Misty curtain, but at the last minute (the very, very, last minute), the interview was cancelled. What follows is a quintessential Hail Mary. As the interview was cancelled with two days left before we were scheduled to

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Not a real or important interview. Please don’t sue us.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

go to print, this will instead be an interview that took place firmly within the confines of my imagination. Granted, it’s a weird place there, fairly inhospitable and a veritable mine field of James Bond trivia and hard opinions about the Oxford Comma. In other words: Bummertown, USA. In any case, please sit back and enjoy this very real and very important1 interview conducted with special guest, “Josh Tillman!”

Create an onstage persona (enter “Father John Misty”), some bootyshakin beats, and start a fashion line. Obviously.

Josh Tillman, welcome to my brain.

passion for this issue.

start a fashion line. Obviously.

JT: Thanks for having me. Why are there so many boxes of Grape Nuts stacked up around us?

Would you mind elaborating?

Oh. Do you have a fashion line?

JT: Well, I was in the woods tripping pretty hard on mushrooms, and in the middle of it all, this little white dog came up and bit me on my dick—I’ve been cryptic about it in many interviews, but I’m finally ready to elaborate.

JT: Well, it’s still in the works, but I have a lot of sketches. The backbone of it is adhesive stick-on beards, bodysuits, and player pianos.

I also have a silent partner for this project.

We initially met at a mountain retreat where you chew tobacco and drink water in hopes of inducing hallucinations and vision quests.

His name is Jeffrey, he’s a bit of an unknown in the fashion world, but he brings a lot to the table nonetheless.

Well, I was trying to build a Fortress of Solitude within my brain, and I wanted the walls to be fortified with a gravel-like consistency. I’ve heard that Grape Nuts are best for that. They fortify your Fortress (colon) so nothing comes blasting through your b-hole.

JT: Understood.

So if I may jump right in, I have some questions I’d like to toss your way.

JT: Sure, toss away.

Can you please explain the “Father John Misty” moniker? The inception, the purpose, etc?

JT: I’m actually really happy to finally have a platform to speak out about this. There was an incident, which was the impetus for me leaving Fleet Foxes and branching out with this Father John Misty thing. It centers largely around Beyonce, and dogs.

Dogs?

JT: Dogs. I have a song on my upcoming album (being released February 10th), that addresses the thing that really kickstarted my

Wait, it happened in real life? Or you hallucinated it? I’m confused.

JT: That I’m actually not totally sure about.

The dog was a dead ringer for a dog I had as a kid, named Mystikal. I named him after that rapper Mystikal who had that song “Shake Ya Ass.” The lyrics, especially the part that goes “I came here with my dick in my hand, don’t make me leave here with my foot in yo’ ass… nastier than a full grown German Shepherd” really spoke to me. That’s actually where the line “Save me, White Jesus” came from, in my song “Bored In The USA.” Mystikal is the “White Jesus.” Anyway, this little Mystikallookin’ dog came out of the woods and bit me on the dick. It hurt, but in that moment I experienced this rush of clarity. In that moment, my path was obvious. I decided then and there to create the Father John Misty persona to follow the Beyonce model for success.

And by that you mean…

JT: Create an onstage persona (enter “Father John Misty”), some booty-shakin’ beats, and

Such as?

JT: There’s just a real strong flow of chill that radiates from his entire being, from his sandaled feet to his chill ass beard.

Are you saying that his beard is “chill ass,” or that he has an “ass beard”? What would that look like? Would it start around the b-hole, or… You know what? I feel like I’ve already brought up buttholes too much during this interview. Forget it. Can you tell me more about this silent partner?

JT: Sure. He’s a real King in this industry. He’s a total Star, Man. He’s just a Fabulous… Boy. With True Grit and a Crazy Heart. I’ve just been Blown Away by how much he brings to this partnership. It’s like when there’s a really bad PR storm that happens, a White Squall of epic proportions, he’s all over it. Anytime I need him, he abides. He’s my champion. I’d bet on

him any day, he’s my Seabiscuit. My Iron Man. My… Little Prince.

Um... Josh, I feel like you’re trying to tell me that Jeff Bridges is your silent partner.

Is that true?

JT: Ahh, you got me! We were trying to keep it quiet. But now that the beard’s out of the bag, I guess we can talk about it.

You know, Jeff Bridges is playing with his band The Abiders here in Chico shortly after you. Was that intentional?

[At this point in the interview, a large, mansized fist comes exploding through a Grape Nuts box. A beardy face comes through the hole left in my crumbling Fortress of Solitude. Slowly, the handsome face of Jeff Bridges emerges.

What appears to be the high neckline of his glorious, original TRON suit is slightly visible.]

Holy shit! Jeffrey Bridges! I can’t believe you’re here, in MY imagination! Do you mind if I call you Jeffrey?

JB: That’s a little too familiar for my liking.

My apologies. I guess I figured since this is interview is taking place inside my imagination, that I could call the shots.

JB: Well… that was dumb of you.

I like your bodysuit. Is that the original suit from TRON? FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9

Ah, you’re referring to my very hilarious visual gag during my performance of the song “Bored In The USA” when the camera panned over to me seated at the piano to reveal it was playing itself.

JB: No. Dummy. It’s the very latest from the fashion line that Sweet Tillbaby and I started.

Can you describe what you’re wearing for the readers?2 JB: Sure. I’m wearing our trademark bodysuit with neon piping, detachable mock turtleneck, and our very popular Velcro beard.

Wait, you don’t have a beard in real life?

JB: Oh no, I do. But what I’m wearing is our Beard-Extender, which is guaranteed to extend your beard by at least four inches. It attaches onto an existing beard with Velcro.

All these products are sold separately, but they’re meant to be worn together.

[At this point, JB gets up and dives headfirst into a stack of old National Geographics stacked precariously next to the Sea of Tranquility3] What do you call this whole look?

JT: We call this the “Honeybear Suit.” Not only is I Love You Honeybear the name of my upcoming album, it’s also the name of our fashion line. This is our signature look.

plight of the Pigmy Water Buffalo of New Zealand comes sailing through the air and connects sharply with my left temple] Pardon me. Mr. Bridges.

JT: No. “Honeybear” is just what we feel we should all aspire to be. There’s a little “Honeybear” in all of us. Or at least, there should be. Wink.

I noticed that earlier you mentioned that player pianos would be included in your fashion line. Does this have anything to do with your recent appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman?

JT: Ah, you’re referring to my very hilarious visual gag during my performance of the song “Bored In The USA” when the camera panned over to me seated at the piano to reveal it was playing itself.

Exactly, the player piano.

JT: It’s a common mistake, but that was not a player piano. Jeffrey was actually hidden in that piano, playing it from the inside. Wearing his Honeybear suit, of course.

So from this can I assume that “Honeybear” refers to Jeffrey?

That’s crazy, and kind of amazing. I didn’t realize one could play a piano from the inside.

[An old National Geographic featuring the

[JB pops his head out of the Sea of Tranquility,

now wearing a variety of lumpy, misshapen sweaters over his Honeybear suit] JB: Yeah, man. That’s a skill I honed over my time prepping for my role in a feature film.

It was a really music-heavy role, and when it came time to film they ended up going a different direction with the character.

I’m assuming this was for your role in Crazy Heart?

JB: No, Big Lebowski. That scene where he’s hallucinating, and you see all the great costumes with the heavy bowling theme— that was originally supposed to be drawn out for the entire movie. The character of “The Dude” was going to be a Schoolhouse Rock-style piano with a man inside that you never see. At the last minute though, Joel and Ethan [the Coen brothers] decided that it would be too hard for the audience to relate to a Piano Man that they never get to actually see. I gather that Joel Coen ended up reusing some of the same principles when he was an Executive Producer for Bad Santa.

I don’t recall there being a piano character in that movie.

JB: Yeah, but remember the kid? That was actually a much smaller child wearing a full-body fat suit. It was basically the same principle.

Well, we’re just about out of time here in Bummertown (my imagination). Is there anything else the two of you would like to add?

JB: You owe me $100 for this bullshit meet and greet.

I guess I figured since this was an on-site interview in my nightmare factory that I’d at least get a discount. Can you make an exception? We have so much in common! I too hate the fucking Eagles!

JB: Make it $125.

I can give you four mismatched buttons and a lint ball that I’ve been working on since the 4th grade. It’s as big as a cat head now!

JT: I can’t believe you actually dragged me out to this shithole of an imagination for this dumb interview.

I know. Next time don’t cancel the interview.

JT: Next time I’ll host the interview in my imagination. It’s lovely there. Lush beards and Honeybear Suits as far as the eye can see…

Don’t miss Father John Misty at the El Rey Theatre on January 18th, and Jeff Bridges and the Abiders at Laxson Auditorium on January 24th!

I know that realistically, the only people who are still reading at this stage in the “interview” are my parents (out of obligation), and those of you stuck at the DMV (for the purpose of killing time). Apologies to all affected parties.

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This is actually just a pool I emptied out and filled with old sweaters. It’s where I go to take Benadryl naps.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

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Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

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Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Chicken Strip Sand only $6.99 before 6 PM TWO BUCK TUESDAY 6-11pm $2 Rolling Rock, Olympia & Single Wells $2.50 PBR, Coors and Double wells

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10

Closed

WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings w/ drink purchase 8pm-Close $4.50 Shooter of the Day $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm

Closed

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka Homemade Soup Daily $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Baby Back Ribs $11.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.99

Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.

Open 9PM Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Dom Pints Weekend Blast Off!!

8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 J채ger $5.50 DBL Vodka Red Bull $2.50 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after 10PM

Homemade Soup Daily We open at 12:00pm.

SATURDAY SUNDAY

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6PM $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

Baby Back Ribs w/Salad, Fries & garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double Jack or Captain $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool after 10pm

CLOSED

10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase!

1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 CHEAP Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after 10pm

the paul collins beat w/ THE RICH HANDS AND QuasiMofos

STARTS AT 9PM - $5 COVER PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

6pm-Close $4.50 Grad teas $3.50 All beer pints FREE Pool after 10PM Coors Light Promo 6-8PM

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

monday january 19

12

8pm-Close Pitcher Specials $6.50/$9.50/$13 FREE Pool after 10PM

(530) 343-7718 337 Main St

s

Fire Grill &

Bar

COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIPS MONDAY Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!

MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

JOIN US FOR ALL

THE GAMES

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

Progressive Night:

Try Our Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

8 - 10pm $1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close: Up $0.25 per hour til closing

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm Ladies Night!

8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10PM 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm.

Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts

9pm - Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

Try Ou Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz.

8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from 4-10PM

$2.50 16oz Wells All Day

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

Select Pints $3

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8 - 9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM - Close $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Saturday & Sunaday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers Patron Incendio Promo 10pm NO COVER

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

Opening at 8pm for 80's NIGHT!!

8 pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Go DownLo

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

DUCKS VS. BUCKEYES | 5:30PM

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

Saturday & Sunaday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

CLOSED

CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS

$5 bottles of champagne

10-2pm every sunday morning

134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

191 E. 2ND ST • 898-0630

NEW THIS WEEK...

TUESDAY $1 WELLS, DRAFTS, DOM. & SIERRA NEVADA 8-10PM PROGRESSIVE 10-2AM UP 25¢ PER HR. UNTIL CLOSE

WEDNESDAY $1 WELLS/ROLLING ROCK, PALE ALE & DOM.

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

$3 BUTTE PORTER

Sunday

$4 VODKA REDBULL

THURSDAY $1 PALE ALE & DOM. UP 25¢ PER HR. 8PM-CLOSE

Champagne Brunch 10am-2pm Every Sunday $3 champagne with purchase of an entrée

NFC & AFC

$4 151 PARTY PUNCH $5 DBL CAPTAIN

177 E 2nd St, Chico (530) 895-8817

no cover friday & sat 9-c lose sugar island rum $5 d bl.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 13

This Week Only...

Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM/SUBMIT-YOUR-EVENT

BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT

SICILIAN CAFÉ Wednesday, Jan 14th - Sunday, Jan 18th

Celebrating 30 years !

THE ROCKY HORROR SHOW

OPEN SPACE FEATURING BECCA AND SIMPLE SCIENCE

1078 GALLERY

MALTESE

Farm.

Fresh.

Italian.

Friday, January 16th

Sunday, January 18th

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14

Friday, January 16th

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

Break out the fishnets and show tunes, it’s Rocky Horror time! We all know Rocky Horror is terrible. But sometimes a little terrible is just what the doctor ordered.

Do your part to keep this annual shit-show alive! Because forty years ISN’T LONG ENOUGH!! 7:30pm, $20.

Get your desired dose of WOMP-WOMP-WOMP face-punchin’ beats with Chico DJs Becca and Simple Science. But remember kids, keep those elbows in close to your head as you flail about the dance floor. Nothing can ruin a night faster than a ‘bow-blow to your face. 8pm, $2, 21+.

MAVIS STAPLES

FATHER JOHN MISTY

LAXSON AUDITORIUM

EL REY THEATRE

I can’t really make a joke about Mavis Staples—she’s been a powerhouse of gospel and R&B since the ‘60s; a classic, a staple (if you will), a voice that led marches and made grown men cry. Seeing her live is said to be “beyond belief” (according to Amazon reviewer Jan Cutler, who is known for reserving praise). 7:30pm, all ages. Tickets are $10-$44

This Week...

On

SAVING ABEL

KULCHA KNOX W/ DHYLAN’S DHARMA

JAN

18

C’mon guys, obviously you’re going to this show. Whether it’s because you just adore Josh Tillman’s patchy beard, or you just really want to get a good look at his Honeybear Suit (see cover story for details), you already know you’re going. $22.50, 7pm, all ages.

JAN

Upcoming shows...

23

THE NIBBLERS W/ DJ SPENNY

THE NEW MASTERSOUNDS W/ GRAVYBRAIN JAN

24

Main

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

JAN

27

Featured Events:

Ongoing Events:

12Monday

12 Monday

Allovertown: OK, so there’s no exciting, one-time-only, Monday!

Monday! Monday! everts goin’ on. Fine. What about checking out one of these “Ongoing Events” (the section to the right) that you would never noramally consider checking out? Do you have a beer gut and are too out of shape to do normal yoga? Prenatal Yoga at the Women’s Club!

Want to humiliate yourself/prove once and for all that your hips do not in fact move in sexy ways?

Latin Dance at the Tackle Box! Do you want to experience the healing powers of the Placebo Effect?

You’ve got two option!

13 Tuesday

Sierra Nevada Big Room: John McCutcheon. 7:30pm, all ages, $15

14 Wednesday

1078 Gallery: Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show. 7:30pm, $20.

15 Thursday

1078 Gallery: Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show. 7:30pm, $20.

Blue Room Theater: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/$18 LaSalles: Happy Hour + Live Music with Retrotones. 4pm-8pm, 21+ Senator Theater: Randy Rogers Band. Doors 7pm, show 8pm. $18/advance, $20/door

16 Friday

1078 Gallery: Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show. 7:30pm & 11pm, $20.

Blue Room Theater: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/$18 Chico Art Center: Annual Member Showcase reception, featuring music and light food. 5pm-7pm, all ages, free

LaSalles: DJ Battle: Battle of the Bass (DJ Trazz vs AZ Redsmoke).

9pm-2am, 21+ Laxson Auditorium: Mavis Staples. 7:30pm, all ages, $10-$44 Maltese: Open Space featuring Becca and Simple Science.

8pm-midnight, 21+, $2 Senator Theatre: EPIC & Collective Efforts Presents: Adventure Club. 8pm, $18+ Tackle Box: Live Music w/ Ry Bradley. 9pm-2am, 21+

17 Saturday

1078 Gallery: Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show. 7:30pm & 11pm, $20.

Blue Room Theater: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/$18 LaSalles: Happy Hour + Live Music with Max Minardi. 4pm8pm, 21+ Maltese: Dragopolis! 9pm-12am, $5 Monstros Pizza: Cold Blue Mountain US Tour Kickoff w/ CBM, Low New Huevos, Tri-Lateral Dirts Commission. 8pm, all ages, $5 Tackle Box: Live Music w/ Turning Point. 9pm-2am, 21+ Women’s Club: HSA Chico Open Mic Night. 5pm, all ages, free

18 Sunday

El Rey Theater: Father John Misty. 7pm, $22.50, all ages Lost On Main: Saving Abel, Maker’s Mile, Myth, Hellgate, Into the Awakening. 8pm-1am, 21+, $10

100th Monkey: Healing Light Meditation, 7pm-8:15pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga.

5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Open Mic Music Night. Free.

Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until 10pm Maltese: Open Mic Comedy, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes.

Free, 7-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

13 Tuesday

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/ class or $32/month. 6pm The Bear: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week.

Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo.

5:50-7pm.

Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance Lessons, 6:30pm-7:30pm. Karaoke, 9pm-1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

14 Wednesday

The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm

Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey Robinson and Friends. 6pm-8pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Swing Dance classes.

Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes.

Free, 7:30-9:30pm. Open Mic, 9:30pm12am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table.

Starts at 8pm

15 Thursday

The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm Chico Art Center: Salon d’Art, a holiday sale by local artists. 10am-4pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 1017, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy.

9pm-1am Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

16 Friday

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm Chico Art Center: Salon d’Art, a holiday sale by local artists. 10am-4pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2 DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm.

Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pmmidnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance.

6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

17 Saturday

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Chico Art Center: Salon d’Art, a holiday sale by local artists. 10am-4pm DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival!

8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio.

9pm Tackle Box: Karaoke. 8:30pm-midnight, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

18 Sunday

Chico Art Center: Salon d’Art, a holiday sale by local artists. 10am-4pm Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm.

Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 15

On The Town 16

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 12 2015

Dreams of Cyberspace and Undercover Cops WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE AN INTERNET HACKER, AND THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF UNDERCOVER COPS POSING AS PROTESTERS I am not good at technology. I just this past minute unleashed a half-dozen f-bombs and all I was trying to do is to open this document so I could start writing my column. I am a fan of the idea of technology, and I can clearly see many of the benefits of modern technology in the world around me, but sometimes I feel like everyone else is driving a late model BMW and I’m still cruising in my coffee-brown Pinto.

Technology doesn’t operate smoothly for me.

Still, I appreciate the concept.

Dreaming of Things I will Never Do I find myself fascinated by this on-going investigation into who hacked Sony. Experts on the subject, like Bruce Schneier of the computer security firm Co3 Systems, aren’t buying the story that North Korea is behind the attack. In an article Schneier wrote recently for the Atlantic he mentions both Sony insiders—including a disgruntled former employee with the technical acumen to pull off such a stunt—and Russian nationalists as possible suspects. I wish I knew more about it, from a technical standpoint. I do understand, basically, the Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks. Both Sony PlayStation’s network and North Korea’s entire internet service may recently have been disabled in this manner. So far as I can tell in a DDoS attack, two or more users set-up programs that basically bombard a network with requests for information and overload it to a point where it can no longer handle the traffic and function properly. These attacks are relatively simple to execute. There is no infiltration of the network involved.

The Sony hack was more involved in that the hackers actually got inside the network and released loads of information that they discovered inside, including upcoming releases as well as confidential information regarding company employees.

to infiltrate networks, just to poke around and see what there is to see. I think it would be more interesting than anything on my streaming Netflix connection.

Undercover Everywhere I’m also extremely curious about the use of undercover, plain-clothed police officers to infiltrate demonstrations and protests. In Oakland the police are on record stating they have and will continue to use undercover officers to gather information regarding protest movements. This came to light after a couple of undercover officers were outed by a crowd. One officer was attacked and his partner pulled a pistol in an effort to keep the surging crowd at bay. The identities of the officers have not been revealed.

Chief of CHP’s Golden Gate Division Avery Browne is unapologetic about the tactic, and claims that before this pair of officers were outed they managed to gather information that prevented four separate freeway shutdowns.

I don’t know what to make of that. I guess what concerns me isn’t the desire to preempt freeway shut-downs, but what about undercover officers who decide it might be a good idea to rile the crowd up a little bit, to get the protesters to cross the line into criminal territory. It wouldn’t be the first time undercover officers walked petty criminals up the line to the big-time before lowering the hammer.

Paranoid, I suppose—but sometimes the events of the day encourage paranoid thinking.

Immaculate Infection

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

This is what interests me. I’d love to be able

Avoiding Hangovers and Empty Wallets HEADACHES GALORE You might have just awakened and found this paper draped over your face to keep yourself warm while you slept in the bushes outside your house—to you, I say Happy New Year.

Let’s try to avoid this predicament next year.

According to network television and radio hosts, bars are the requisite location to celebrate New Year’s Eve. (At the very least, bars are preferable to freezing to death in an alley.) The same location often seems required for other holidays, birthdays, Spring Break, and weekends. Bars can be problematic places for spending. In your reckless enthusiasm to appear cool to your new best friends, you might find yourself spending more than you can afford. Here’s a quick tip from my wife: Bring just the cash you plan to spend, and leave the cards at home. If you only bring ten bucks, then you can only spend that ten bucks. (Unless you charm other people into buying everyone a round; in that case, celebrate their generosity and hope they aren’t spending themselves into debt.) Here’s another idea: try the drink special if it’s a good price. I usually grab a beer, so I’ll check if they differ in price. Sometimes there’s a special on something I’ve never had, so I might save a buck and I’ll give my palate something new to try.

Personally, I find bars frequently too expensive and permanently too loud for my enjoyment.

On New Year’s Eve, you’ll find me celebrating with friends, crooning Dan Fogelberg and ritually shredding newly worthless calendars at a house party. Depending on your hosting style, a house party is typically less expensive

than a bar, but not always. If you feel the social pressure to keep the hors d’oeuvres and a variety of alcohol flowing, and earn an occasional noise violation citation, the expense might outpace the bar. My wife’s thrift tip for house parties: Plan a signature drink, so you’re only buying a couple bottles of alcohol, instead of aiming to please everybody. (If you’re attending someone else’s party, I recommend bringing pretzels and brown mustard. I’m not the greatest guest.)

Even if you drink alone on New Year’s Eve (and every other day of the year), you can probably find a way to stretch your funding and avoid a few headaches, metaphorical and otherwise.

It’s astonishing that physical health and financial health are often a virtuous cycle.

Between each highball of Glen Campbell or Glenn Close whisky, have yourself a glass of water. You’ll probably avoid a hangover due to remaining hydrated (you’ll need salt, too, which is where the pretzels come in.) You’ll also likely feel a bit fuller, and won’t drink as much whisky, meaning you can savor more of it another day without buying another bottle.

Regardless of where you spent your New Year’s Eve, dear reader, take heart. Your first assignment is to have hope for the year ahead, knowing that you will be wiser financially and better prepared than last year.

The Frugal Terran

by TripHazard

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17

No Cissy Questions A HE SAID/HE SAID CONVERSATION ABOUT TRANSGENDERISM

The Devil’s Advocate is a new column that I’ll intersperse occasionally with my Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA column.

In Q&A format, I’ll be asking people who feel passionately about an issue the most obnoxious—and yet, hopefully, occasionally difficult—trolling IRL questions I can come up with. This week, it’s Theodore “Teddy” Ulsh, a 20-year-old artist, designer and activist who identifies as a nonbinary transgender person.

Though assigned female gender at birth, Teddy is currently transitioning to a more masculine body. However, Teddy doesn’t even really believe in gender.

Cisgendered, cis-het, non-binary? How many new words do you people expect us to learn?

Teddy: Ummm… it’s really less about knowing words and it’s more about asking questions if you don’t know. “Cisgender” is important. That’s someone who is happy with the gender they were assigned at birth. And you could know a little bit about hormones.

And “non-binary” is a good thing to know, because that covers anyone in between.

Know that “transgender” is not a gender, in itself—it’s describing someone who is a different gender than what they were assigned at birth. Gender is a social construct and it’s on a spectrum. There’s male and then there’s female and then there’s all these little teeny things in between [DA note: during editing, Teddy let me know that this pun was intentional]. I don’t think anybody expects everybody to know them all. Just know that “oh, that probably means something in between. And I respect your gender.”

18

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JANUARY 13 2015

So now I have to ask everybody I meet what their gender is before I talk to them?

Teddy: It’s really good to not assume someone’s gender. I make it a habit to ask someone their pronouns. Someone could look like a “classic” female and identify as something else.

So if I meet some dude-bro frat-guy I’m supposed to ask this person what its gender is?

Teddy: Yeah. That’s the future of it. Because you can’t know someone’s gender just by looking at them. Would you just walk up to someone and call them “Bob”? No, you can’t magically know their name, you’d ask their name. It’s a lot to ask, especially in this society. But It’s a good habit to start creating early.

Are you one of those people who think we should be calling children “it” until they decide what to call themselves?

Teddy: There are gender neutral pronouns to call people until they tell you their gender.

They/Them is one we use all the time. If you don’t know someone’s gender, calling them by they/them pronouns is a great way to not assign them a gender.

Why is it that, for you liberal activists, when a man gets breast implants to become a woman it’s like “go girl, express yourself,” but when a blond woman get’s them it’s looked down on as a “sad expression of the patriarchy.” Why are you people such hypocrites?

“No matter how much society wants to tell you you’re your gentitals, you’re not your gentitals. But you aren’t a bird. There are species.”

Teddy: Actually, a lot of activists I know say “Hey, it’s their body. It has nothing to do with me.” If someone is a woman and was assigned female at birth and wants to get breast implants then, they’re like, “hey, go her.”

Transgender rights activists have had a lot of success recently. Isn’t that because millennials such as yourself grew up on the internet with “avatars” and “profiles” and you think you can just be whatever you say you are, instead of what you really are?

Teddy: Well, actually... that not true. Trans people have been around since God knows when.

But it’s blown up recently, in the internet age.

Teddy: That’s just because there’s been awareness. Not because of anything else. You can go on the internet and you have these unexplained feelings that you’re not a man or you’re not a woman and see “oh, wow, there’s this thing called transgender.” This has been around since the Renaissance era. People have been feeling this way forever. In different cultures there are different genders. There are sculptures of people with breasts and penises.

It has less to do with the current culture of “you can be anything you want; you can go online and be a dog” and more to do with access to the information necessary to explain those feelings that you thought were wrong.

But—to take your example—isn’t it kinda like being a dog? There are communities on Reddit where people are “Dragon-Kin” and seriously want people to respect their

identities as Dragons? [DA note: This is real.

Look it up. It’s fascinating.] When does it crossover to being a delusion?

Teddy: The thing is: gender is a social construct. Gender is not real. You are not your genitals. No matter how much society wants to tell you you’re your gentitals, you’re not your gentitals. But you aren’t a bird. There are species.

But if people want to identify as a bird is it your right to tell them they’re not?

Teddy: [long pause] No, it’s not.

So you would refer to someone as a bird and address them as a bird if they asked?

Teddy: I would respect that because it’s their right.

Would you chirp with them?

Teddy: Personally, I can’t associate with it so I’d be like “alright, you wanna be a bird?

Then... I’ll respect that. But... uh… I don’t look at you and see a bird because you don’t have a beak and feathers and wings.

But wouldn’t that Bird not be their face? If you’re not your genitals aren’t you also not your fleshy pink lips?

Teddy: But we’re still human.

Isn’t that offensive to bird-kin or dragonkin?

Teddy: Who knows? I’m not in the furry

“...race and gender are completely different topics; it’s much more intricate than simply comparing the two; it’s a false equivalency.” community. I’m sure a lot of furries would find that offensive. It’s just a separate issue than the trans issue. Gender is a different issue than species, and the struggles the furry community faces cannot be equated to those of the trans community.

So it’s more like blackface then, right? Do you also feel like you could dye your skin and be black because you love hip hop?

Couldn’t you separate out race identity from physical race then? Just the way you could gender from biological sex? And say, “I was born white but I represent black.

And I want to be called black.”

Teddy: Being black has to do with the culture.

It has to do with how people view you.

Transracial people can’t just dye their skin and be something else because it’s often a fetishization, whereas… race is something that you can see. It is something that is a part of someone because of their skin and how they were born. Gender is something in your brain. Also, race and gender are completely different topics; it’s much more intricate than simply comparing the two; it’s a false equivalency.

OKAY, so being trans is more like being anorexic then, right? Or like the condition called “xenomelia,” where people feel very strongly that one of their limbs is not ‘theirs;” the limb feels alien. And they have a compulsion to remove these limbs and in many cases they have. They’ve had perfectly healthy and functioning limbs removed. What’s the difference between that and being trans? Aren’t they both rare delusions where you want to mutilate your

own body and not accept it as it is because you’ve got some sort of weird mental thing happening?

Teddy: Well that’s the thing: up until recently transgender has been classified as a mental illness. Which it’s not. The term for [distress due to one’s socially expected gender] is “dysphoria.” But not all trans people hate their bodies. A lot of them love their bodies.

A lot have no intention of ever changing their bodies. Some do. So it’s not a requirement to have dysphoria to be trans. I think that’s what separates it from having an alien limb or something. It’s not a delusion because gender is a social construct. So you can be whatever gender you fucking want, that’s part of destroying the concept that gender equals genitalia.

Should we be supporting people who have “alien limbs” to to cut off their limbs just because they feel like it? Or should we be supporting them to accept themselves the way they are?

Teddy: For those people who are experiencing that I would say, as long as it’s not unhealthy or detrimental to them then, yeah, if they need their leg cut off, cut off their leg. For a trans man who is experiencing dysphoria about his breasts, it’s unhealthy mentally to have those breasts. Dysphoria can cause people to want to commit suicide. So it’s more healthy to not have breasts. What’s better, giving them the surgery and having them be happy with their body or having them want to commit suicide— or actually committing suicide like Leelah Alcorn—because they are stuck in a body they hate?

“They are men and they get periods. They are men and they can get pregnant.”

Should taxpayers and insurers pay for reassignment surgery?

Teddy: Yeah, they pay for other surgeries.

Taxpayer money will pay for therapy so… This is not an aesthetic thing. It is about someone’s mental well-being.

But what about breast implants for a woman who feels “dysphoria” with not having giant luscious breasts? Should taxpayers be paying for women to get DDs? Teddy: I think that’s a thin line. A lot of body enhancement surgeries for people who are cisgender stem from this unhealthy image of perfection that the media creates. Society tells us: “You as a woman need to have big titties and a skinny little waist and a big butt.” But that’s not the case with trans people. With trans people it’s not society telling them “You have to be this,” it’s them saying “No, this is what I want, genuinely. This is inside me.”

Should trans-men be able to go to all women’s schools if they start as women?

[DA note: this is something that is currently happening.]

Teddy: Does that trans-man identify as a man? Maybe they’re non-binary. See, there’s this really toxic idea that being a woman has to do with your period and your vagina and your uterus and blah blah blah. And that’s incredibly toxic.

But that’s what most people would intuitively feel. That’s what most women would, I think, at least partly associate with what makes them a woman.

Teddy: Well, it’s part of it but, at the same time...The huge thing is the period. A lot of TERFs [DA note: TERF stands for TransExclusionary Radical Feminists. These feminists, who are increasingly marginalized, believe that trans-women aren’t really “women,” and exclude them from women-only gatherings, etc. The term is considered a slur.] focus on “Oh, trans women don’t have periods. But you know who else doesn’t have periods? Women under 13. Menopausal women. Are they not women anymore? Don’t equate periods to womanhood. Equate it to people with periods.

A lot of trans-men have periods. They are men and they get periods. They are men and they can get pregnant. It’s just something that should not be equated with gender.

That would... strike most people as counterintuitive. Having a vagina seems like it has at least something to do with being a woman? Are you saying that having a vagina has nothing to do with being a woman?

Teddy: It really doesn’t. If you want to associate your vagina with what makes you a woman, that’s fine. But you’ve got to realize that other people don’t identify that way.

Thanks for putting up with that.

The Devil’s Advocate

by Eviliano Garcia-Sarnoff

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 19

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JANUARY 12 2015

by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

January 12, 2015

By Koz McKev Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Begin the week by keeping in mind that improving all of your relationships is essential. Mars is now in the twelfth house. Any subconscious aggression you’ve been holding on to will find a way to leak out. Don’t allow others’ personal upset to take away your peace of mind. Praying blessings on others will help you to change your consciousness.

By Friday you’ll be learning the value of a higher love. The weekend also looks good for travel, education and getting published. Try to finish goals that began with the last new moon in December.

To get the most out of this week be open to trying new things.

Your focus should be taking the high road. If you frequently commute one way try a scenic route.

If you’re curious about another religion or spiritual group, pay them a visit. Friendships with athletes, daredevils, and wild men are emphasized. Tuesday evening through Thursday look good for romance and negotiations. Sunday is your best day for travel, education and checking out detours. You are getting ready to be more sophisticated in your public life.

This week is for taking care of unfinished business. Mercury will be going retrograde next week, thus I would take care of as much business as I could possibly handle. The sun continues to transit your eighth house of death, birth, sex, and other people’s property. Monday through early Tuesday you’ll be in a creative and fun loving mood.

Tuesday evening through Thursday it’s best to focus on personal business. The weekend looks good for romance, contracts and marriage. Sunday might be a day when you need to ask other people for help.

An emotional beginning to the week may be in order. You were wishing for the weekend to never end but it did. This time of year the focus remains on partnership, romance, and mutual agreements. You may need to form a game plan in regards to dealing with debt. Late Tuesday afternoon through Thursday the moon will be transiting your fifth house of creative expression, playfulness, and love affairs. Let your joy move your projects forward. The weekend looks busy with taking care of many tasks.

Sunday looks peaceful.

I’ve encountered some of my Leo rising and Leo sun friends’ who are suffering. This is hard to understand with Jupiter transiting your sign. Jupiter is retrograde and it tends to blow up whatever planet it aspects.

Jupiter brings growth, and with it can come growing pains. You may need to pay extra attention to family needs this week.

Your feelings count, but only to you. Friday and Saturday you’ll be feeling like your good ol’ self once more. Your ability to enjoy matters of the heart increases.

You may even find someone that you are attracted to.

This week is a grand finale of creative intentions and artistic projects. Having fun continues to be a major theme. Take joy in children, playtime and lovers. Finances are best dealt with early in the week. Love is like holding a bird: Hold on too tight and you’ll crush it. Hold it too loose and it will fly away.

This is a good week for working on personal goals. Your services are needed. You will have more opportunities to help people.

Sunday looks good for all things playful and artistic. Make love part of the services you have to offer.

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

You begin the week strong with the moon in Libra Monday and most of Tuesday. Family and tribe have been a priority to you since the last new moon.

Tuesday evening through Thursday can be good for making money. The weekend highlights travel and gleaning information. Mars moves into your sixth house giving you more motivation to be physically fit. Venus in your fifth house continues to inspire love and creative expression. Sunday is a good day to call upon your parents and to let them know that you appreciate them.

Your question is: “How can I be a better influence in my neighborhood and community at large?”

The answer lies in getting involved and being active. Mars moves into your fifth house this week giving you more energy for your creative projects. Your energy level gets stronger. The moon will be in Scorpio late Tuesday afternoon through Thursday. Your deep level of commitment will be appreciated. Friday and Saturday could have economic opportunities. Share with neighbors and friends what your goals are and work towards obtaining them.

Confusion comes from not living a centered life. Slow down and take some time out to be in nature and to check in with yourself. The last several weeks have been a test of your personal values. Monday and Tuesday are your best days for planning for the future and for hanging out with friends. The moon will be in Sagittarius Friday and Saturday.

These are good days to play sports, be with your animals and to connect with nature. Sunday is good for working on finances and for eating good food. Make things that are built to last.

This is the grand finale of your season. Goals should begin to form into manifestation. You are conscious of what needs to be done and how to do it. You are more conscious of your spiritual life and the need to make good karma. You may need to deal with a car repair or a rescheduling of transportation. Monday and Tuesday are good for work related issues. Tuesday evening through Thursday are good for social contacts. Sunday the moon will be in Capricorn. Put the icing on the cake and enjoy the sweetness of your season.

Intelligence and beauty have been guiding you through some dark times with Mercury and Venus transiting Aquarius. The last several weeks have been all about your personal karma.

This might be a good week for making good karma and helping those who are isolated.

Tuesday through Thursday is a good time for attending to your career needs. You will operate with good performance this week. Friday and Saturday will inspire some good parties and social gatherings. Sunday is a good day for meditation and a review of your goals.

Believe in yourself even when those around you fall short.

Good friends have been helping you and communicating with you. Your luckiest days this week start late Tuesday afternoon and last through Thursday. Don’t be afraid to get a little experimental. Many great discoveries begin with what was perceived to be a mistake. Stay optimistic in spite of the challenges around you. Friday and Saturday you’ll be able to demonstrate your leadership ability. Sunday looks good for hanging out with friends and making future plans.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21

Thinking A gang or cabal of humans killed several others with whom they were not acquainted because they thought differently. Not only did these poor schnooks think differently, they drew and published pictures of Muhammad Ali that not only should they not have drawn to begin with, the pictures were also disrespectful, and the killers thought that killing the people responsible for the images would make them feel better.

Elijah Muhammad is such a big deal to these guys that he’s totally holy and serious and nobody should ever laugh at him. I think organized religions are always crazy eventually, and still some are more compatible with rationality than others. I can’t help thinking, and I’ve tried not thinking it, that outrage and righteousness like that comes out of fear that actually the idea you’ve been giving your attention to all these years is horseshit, that all you think you know was filtered by many before you and is just a story anyway. Being that wrong would be hard to get used to, and maybe anybody who says differently from the way I know deserves to die because thinking any other way is so awful for me to think about.

If this were off the record, I’d speculate about weak-assed gods and the goofiness inherent in venerating anybody. Maybe next week.

Rather than face the truth they can’t face, these bozos lost souls opted for murder, always an option, I suppose. Maybe most people are killed for an idea, sometimes just the idea that the money in your wallet will help me feel better somehow, will make me a little happy, or another billion or two

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will make me feel secure at last and only a few people died, none of whom was even a Facebook friend.

You readers think, too. Yes you do, you’re doing it now. Keep an eye on that. One Gentle Reader wrote not long ago about my essay on Sid Lewis, declaring that she could never feel safe or comfortable around me again. Chico’s not a big place, and she’s in for some awkward moments.

In regard to the girl Lewis allegedly masturbated in front of, she says, “. . . your article erases this girl’s existence and experience.” How could that possibly be true?

Have you ever read something that erased your existence? The girl would surely at least have to read it herself, unless the column put a hex or something on her, which was not my intention.

I just think our individual experiences are within our individual control. If I can’t control my thoughts, the rest doesn’t matter. That goes for you, too. My Gentle Reader says she’s been traumatized, and I don’t doubt it for a minute—she sounds traumatized to me.

My Gentle Reader and the killers in Paris who killed all those people at Charlie Hebdo sound similar to me because they’re ruled by their minds and unhappy about it. It sucks to be them.

From The Edge

by Anthony Peyton Porter A@anthonypeytonporter.com