Synthesis Weekly – January 26, 2014

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VOLUME 21 ISSUE 22 January 26, 2015 For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER/MANAGING EDITOR Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

THIS W E E K

To be Young & Homeless

C OLUMNS

PAGE 6

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

by Amy Sandoval

CREATIVE DIRECTOR

PAGE 4

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

GRAVE CONCERNS

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

by Sean Galloway

Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

PAGE 5 PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

by Eli Schwartz

pwasted@synthesis.net

PAGE 6

DESIGNERS

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

NO MIDDLE GROUND

DELIVERIES

by Sylvia Bowersox

Jennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

PAGE 7

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

LETTERS TO DESMOND

by Zooey Mae

PHOTOGRAPHY

zooeymae@synthesis.net

Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

PAGE 16

NERD

IMMACULATE INFECTION

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER

by Bob Howard

The Actual Father John Misty

PAGE 19

Madbob@madbob.com

PAGE 17 HOWL howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

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PAGE 18 THE FRUGAL TERRAN

by TripHazard

PAGE 19 SUPERTIME!

by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 20 KOZMIK DEBRIS

by Koz McKev

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PAGE 21 FROM THE EDGE

by Anthony Peyton Porter PAGE 22 FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

The Bad Road In writing this week’s feature, I was cast back to memories of my traveling days. Being on the streets (or “on the road” as I liked to think of it) wasn’t all pretty, however I usually choose to frame the experience. I remember one night, up in Eugene, OR. My friend and I were 18, on one of our first “adventures”—dipping our toe into a lifestyle we had recently become aware of through people we met downtown. We had set out hitchhiking along with an older guy—an experienced traveler and friend of her mom’s, who had volunteered to “protect” us (I have a side rant about the chain of trust that I’ll save for another time). We wound up at this cafe where we met some other travelers, and a couple of old hippies who offered to let us stay at their house. Around twilight we walked with them to their place, a large white house with a spacious yard, in the middle of which was a campfire ring. Tents were set up, the fire was lit, and one of them, who fancied himself a sort of Bob Dylan (he literally told us he was as good as Bob Dylan and should’ve been famous), played guitar and sang badly (Hey! Sort of like Bob Dylan!) while the other passed around a bottle of whiskey. We were dead

tired after a day of walking, our over-burdened backs aching and stiff, and it was such a relief to sit there with hot liquor burning in our throats.

The whiskey-passer put his hand on my knee, his thick thumb swishing back and forth like a cat’s tail before it pounces. Time stopped. I bristled, my heart pounding suddenly and all my senses sparking with electricity.

I sort of laughed in that fake way that I do when a situation is on the verge of crisis, and deliberately pushed his whole arm back into his lap. I threw up that feeble shield of women everywhere, “I have a boyfriend.” “Why isn’t he here then?” asked the creeper, his hand returning to my leg, but higher on my thigh. He didn’t care about my pretend boyfriend, or the fact that I wanted none of him; this was the toll, this was something he had probably done a hundred times, the reason he hung out at that cafe and brought wayfarers back to his den.

I looked at John—my “protector”— and raised my eyebrows in expectation as I said “cut that out.”

He didn’t, and John shrugged. I leapt to my feet—not having it.

I wasn’t trading sex for a night’s

sleep, however tired I was. “Come on guys, we’re leaving.” “Calm down,” John said. He expected this of me too, that I would be willing to take one for the team. This was something he had seen girls do, this experienced traveler. I insisted, and we spent the night wandering, looking for a park with enough shelter to hide us so we could rest.

He was mad at me, but not as mad as I was at him, and at the whole world for being a place where girls had to barter their dignity for basic needs.

I had more of a choice than a lot of girls in that situation, I wasn’t desperate, I knew there were options in life and people out there who cared about me. If I made my life as a traveler it would be by choice, and that alone made all the difference. Anyway, long story short: I’m glad there are places like the 6th Street Center where young girls can go to consider their options. It can be rough out there.

by AMY SANDOVAL amy@synthesis.net

G R AV E C ON C ERN S

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

Set My Sleep Number to 666, So That the Second I Open My Eyes in the Morning, the Bed Catapults My Flailing Body Straight Into the White-Hot Heart of the Sun I squeezed myself and my bulging backpack forward, up the sharp right turns of the stairwell, down the skinny body of the train to find the seat I would be occupying for the next thirty hours, while I made my way to Denver, then south to the leeward side of Sangre de Cristo mountains to scatter my maternal grandparents’ ashes. I was armed with only the essentials: four bottles of Glenlivet Scotch, two flasks of Jameson Irish Whiskey, and a vaporizer pen full to the brim with sweet, sweet respite. Normally, a person attempting to cross the Continental Divide using travel technology that reached its peak in the 19th century would have the good sense to purchase a small sleeper car for the journey, but since Amtrak charges around the price of a year-long ocean cruise for a room the size of an infant’s crib, my slightly reclining seat would have to suffice.

looking up from the episode of Caillou she was hogging all to herself. I looked out the window again. The same dumb-ass trees were still there. I looked at the scotch in my backpack. Train time isn’t the same as regular-world time, you guys. You can have scotch for breakfast.

The first few hours of the journey were fairly pleasant. I stared out the window at the verdant forests of the Sierra Nevada. “I think those are some kind of pine trees,” I attempted to inform my fellow passengers, but they were too engrossed in their iPads to notice. I pitied them. They were simple folk, who would never know the beauty that was whizzing by their dimly lit faces. This was truly God’s Country, and I was the only one who gave a damn. The curse of having a poet’s heart, I mused. I felt like a solitary Thoreau in a sea of Benthamite Philistines. I casually glanced down at my watch. 9:13am.

We had left the station in Sacramento 13 minutes ago. It had not been hours. It had not been an hour. I looked at my seat-mate’s iPad again. She was watching cartoons. She was also four years old, and my niece. “Give me that god damned iPad,” I quietly growled.

She impolitely declined, without so much as

We tottered sleeplessly through Nevada, a state so beautiful, they had to legalize prostitution and gambling to get people to live there; then on through Utah, which boasts a bunch of large, brown rocks at which I hostilely glanced up from my whiskey a few times to glare. By the time we rolled into the station in Denver, I was in perfect form; whiskey-drenched, and a hundred or so vape-trips to the lavatory high. I emerged cautiously blinking from that rail-bound shit-wagon, flipped a staunch bird at Coors Field1, and vowed never to subject myself to thirty horrific hours on a train, ever, ever again.2

1 2

After a quick belt of the Glenlivet, I jogged down to the bathroom, squeezed the door shut behind me, and attempted to empty the contents of the vaporizer pen into my lungs in one mighty pull. Only 29 hours and 43 minutes to go. Time to drink some more scotch. I would repeat this process approximately every twenty minutes for the duration of the trip. Trains are horrible steel prisons, and only an idiot would ignore the majesty that is air travel to subject themselves to this shit.

by SEAN GALLOWAY

Go Giants I took the return trip via the same train a week later. Fuck trains.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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O N THE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACE B OOK .COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y

PR O DU C T I V I T Y WAST E D

Vintage Year OENOLOGY AT ITS FINEST With the growth of technology and the (sometimes) cunning investments of programs like Desura and Steam Greenlight, the world grows awash in cheap little indie games. There are plenty of horrible games alongside the mediocre, but as always, there are greats. Among those, an untold amount are roguelikes: the genre that’s easy to make and hard to master. I’m a sucker for the lean brilliance of the randomly generated dungeon, as evidenced by my choices of reviews, and as such I love to sample and tear apart the little games.

Continuing the legacy of hard-bit indie roguelites (that is, roguelikes that aren’t so much like Rogue; roguelikes with RPG elements that carry over from game to game.) comes Vintage Year, an 85 megabyte game with a good amount of replayability and future potential. The story is simple, barely existent, and yet rather unusual: an army of bandits has invaded a massive wine cellar complex, in search of an incredibly old and rare wine. Who the player-character is, or why they’re there, is never really revealed, but you must run through the cellar, killing bandits, fighting high-tech troops, warding off ghosts, and fending off zombies.

The art mimics a simple 16-bit pixelation, but it accomplishes a good amount. A lighting engine makes much of the cellar extremely dark, and the player’s view is largely obscured. On every floor of the cellar, the player gets a few candles to place, and they often end up being keys to survival.

The lighting mechanic adds a lot to what immediately feels like a simple shooterroguelike: the twisting corridors of the cellar hide traps, and enemies abound. Turning your back obscures everything behind you, and you have no idea what you’re walking into.

The easiest way to die is to run into a room 6

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

covered in enemies, where every last inch of the floor is spikes.

The player has to move slowly to avoid running into an impossible situation, but once the enemies are upon you, speed is paramount. At times, the whirling of blades and dodging of bullets puts Vintage Year near a bullet hell shooter, and the perpetual low health and fast pacing hearken to the frenetic Hotline Miami. If you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s a very deadly combination, even if it weren’t in the dark.

Combined with a variety of weapons and a long list of playable characters (including a custom character), each with their own abilities, the formula for replayability is there.

What stops Vintage Year from being one of those indie greats, like Binding of Isaac, is its size. It has a good amount of weapons, but it could certainly use more. Its difficulty can make it seem long at first, but it quickly becomes terribly short. It’s a simple, lean game made by the unheard of Nooner Bear Studio, and it likely lacks for time and money and maybe even experience. However, it’s been updated more than your average little indie game since its release in the beginning of January, with large amounts of content being added. It’s not worth considering finished, and that makes me optimistic, rather than annoyed.

Plus, it’s five dollars. For that price, it’s more than fair.

by ELI SCHWARTZ pwasted@synthesis.net

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Big Bird in Baghdad Tattoos are little billboards of selfexpression. Through them, you announce to the world important things about yourself without uttering a sound. I wanted to tell the world that I was back and ready for action. After months of seeing my yoga teach, Krista, with her body-art museum of amazing tattoos, I made up my mind. I had to get one. I was definitely going to get a Winniethe-Pooh tattoo. Pooh bear had been my childhood best friend. But then again, so had Big Bird.

And Big Bird had welcomed me to Baghdad, when I needed a warm welcome.

In Frankfurt, six members of my unit, including me, had been bumped off our C-17 aircraft. Everyone else got to enter Baghdad as a group. We didn’t. We were going to be late for the war. After almost a week, we got another flight and landed at the Baghdad International Airport (BIAP) on November 17, 2003.

I wasn’t happy to be in Baghdad. The air smelled of smoke and it was dark and the sky was low. Other people wearing uniforms similar to mine with weapons hanging off their bodies surrounded me. I was very frightened. I had spent so much time obsessing over the enemy that I thought that when we landed I would be collected by them and taken away. But, I think everyone was scared.

We were herded into a tent about the size of your average national park welcome center

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to wait for the morning. Over the span of my three tours, I would spend a lot of time in this tent. This tent was important to our mission. It was the gateway to the country.

You would have to go through it to get out of the country or further into the Theater of Operations. On that first day it was packed and steamy warm inside. I was too nervous to sleep or stand or read or talk. I just wanted to cry and watch the people.

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A television program with English subtitles and a dancing woman in blue gauze and bangles filled a huge screen playing in the far right corner. The colors were overly bright, and the music was distorted and obnoxious.

I watched an Army lieutenant complaining to a guy in civilian clothes and pointing to the screen with great vigor. Then the channels whipped by and landed on Big Bird.

I knew right then, it was a sign. Big Bird in Baghdad was the sign that no matter how bad everything seemed it was going to be all right. I was going to be okay and I didn’t need to be afraid. I stood there watching him on Sesame Street for a long time. Big Bird was my pal and Big Bird never lied. Suddenly, the channels whipped passed again, landing on Fox News. I entered the war the next day.

Tanner, a tattoo artist at Twelve Volt Tattoo applied Pooh Bear to my right ankle. A couple of weeks later, he added balloons.

by SYLVIA BOWERSOX FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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How to become a homeless youth:

ACCORDING TO NATIONALHOMELESS.ORG:

“Causes of homelessness among youth fall into three interrelated categories: family problems, economic problems, and residential instability.

Many homeless youth leave home after years of physical and sexual abuse, strained relationships, addiction of a family member, and parental neglect.

Disruptive family conditions are the principal reason that young people leave home: in one study, more than half of the youth interviewed during shelter stays reported that their parents either told them to leave or knew they were leaving and did not care (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1995). In another study, 46% of runaway and homeless youth had been physically abused and 17% were forced into unwanted sexual activity by a family or household member (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1997).

CALIFORNIA HAS THE LARGEST POPULATION IN THE COUNTRY OF HOMELESS YOUTH. The most under the age of 18, and the most between the ages of 18 and 24 (according to a 2013 census taken by the Department of Housing and Urban Development). Combined, there were 15,749 counted in a single night—79% of whom were “unsheltered”: sleeping outdoors.

The census numbers from that sample night are already staggering, but pinpointing the true number of homeless youth is nearly impossible. For one thing, young people all look homeless, refusing to get off our lawns no matter how hard we shake our canes and throw our dentures at them (sorry, I have no concept of appropriate timing).

In seriousness, many young people without homes blend in better than their older, more advanced counterparts. Many float around, couch-surfing for weeks or months at a time, sometimes sleeping in their cars, getting on their feet for a little while only to be nudged past the tipping point into homelessness again… Homelessness can be an

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

intermittent state, and it comes with a heavy stigma. Many young people would rather hide the fact that they’re struggling or use euphemisms to describe their situation. The best estimates by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (part of the US Department of Justice) have been set at around 1.6-1.7 million nationwide, which is only counting those under 18.

But 18 is not a magic number. Most of us have been 18: still basically kids, still in high school, emotionally volatile, unprepared for the vast sea of responsibilities involved in living as adults. Some of us had guides— family and teachers and friends— who helped us figure out how to get into college or apply for jobs or find apartments, cosigned on loans, helped us file taxes, taught us how to do laundry and cook… maybe more importantly than anything, we had people who expected a lot of us and provided that safety-net of esteem: we could do it, they knew we could. Imagine having none of that.

JAN 26 2015

Some youth may become homeless when their families suffer financial crises resulting from lack of affordable housing, limited employment opportunities, insufficient wages, no medical insurance, or inadequate welfare benefits. These youth become homeless with their families, but are later separated from them by shelter, transitional housing, or child welfare policies (Shinn and Weitzman, 1996).

Residential instability also contributes to homelessness among youth. A history of foster care correlates with becoming homeless at an earlier age and remaining homeless for a longer period of time (Roman and Wolfe, 1995). Some youth living in residential or institutional placements become homeless upon discharge—they are too old for foster care but are discharged with no housing or income support (Robertson, 1996). One national study reported that more than one in five youth who arrived at shelters came directly from foster care, and that more than one in four had been in foster care in the previous year (National Association of Social Workers, 1992).”

IMAGINE, FOR EXAMPLE, THAT YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM… You’re

more likely than most people to suffer from depression, and/or PTSD, and/or ADHD. The odds are also high that you’re a minority, or that you identify as LGBT. In so many ways you feel marginalized, disconnected.

On top of the painful circumstances that landed you in the system, bad things have happened since you entered (a 2005 study of foster children in Oregon and Washington State found that nearly one in three reported being abused by a foster parent or another adult in a foster home). Unless you were lucky enough

to get placed with really altruistic and generous foster parents, you’re treated as a commodity by people who answered an ad on craigslist to make some extra money. While a new state policy (AB 12) is gradually being implemented that will allow some foster children to apply to stay in the system until the age of 21, for most the official end of care comes on their 18th birthday. Let’s say you didn’t run away like one in seven kids between the ages of 10-18, despite all those pressures—if you’re like nearly half of all foster children, one way or another, by the time you turn 18 you’ve become homeless.

Being homeless and young presents many challenges:

What can anyone do?

ACCORDING TO NATIONALHOMELESS.ORG:

“Few homeless youth are housed in emergency shelters as a result of lack of shelter beds for youth, shelter admission policies, and a preference for greater autonomy (Robertson, 1996). Because of their age, homeless youth have few legal means by which they can earn enough money to meet basic needs. Many homeless adolescents find that exchanging sex for food, clothing, and shelter is their only chance of survival on the streets. In turn, homeless youth are at a greater risk of contracting AIDS or HIV-related illnesses. Estimates for percentages of homeless youth infected with HIV are generally around 5%, but one study in San Francisco found that 17% of homeless youths were infected (Health Resources and Services Administration 2001). It has been suggested that the rate of HIV prevalence for homeless youth may be as much as 2 to 10 times higher than the rates reported for other samples of adolescents in the United States (National Network for Youth, 1998).

Homeless adolescents often suffer from severe anxiety and depression, poor health and nutrition, and low self-esteem. In one study, the rates of major depression, conduct disorder, and post-traumatic stress syndrome were found to be 3 times as high among runaway youth as among youth who have not run away (Robertson, 1989).

Homeless youth face difficulties attending school because of legal guardianship requirements, residency requirements, improper records, and lack of transportation. As a result, homeless youth face severe challenges in obtaining an education and supporting themselves emotionally and financially.”

HOWEVER, IT ALSO PRESENTS A WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY. If we ever

want to break this cycle, break this chain of poverty and desocialization that passes down the generations, leading to so many other problems that affect our culture and drain our resources; if we want to catch people at the key moment when they’re old enough to stand on their own and young enough that they can avoid going too far down a bad path—this is the best chance.

FOR STARTERS, THERE’S THE 6TH STREET CENTER FOR YOUTH, located between Main and Broadway at 130 W.

6th St. The 6th Street Center serves people ages 14-24 who come in looking for help getting on their feet. They do what they can to fill basic needs, like offering showers, laundry facilities, food, clothing, hygiene supplies, haircuts. They offer mail, telephone, and computer services, and help in obtaining IDs and birth certificates. They also offer case management—people who can help with everything from getting enrolled in college and applying for financial aid, to counseling and health services.

Essentially, they offer that guidance and support that’s so necessary in bridging childhood and adulthood; connecting people at that most vital point in their lives with the available resources, information, and sense of worth we all require.

On their website, 6thstreetcenter.org, YOU CAN FIND A LIST OF THEIR NEEDS , things like personal hygiene items (think of everything you keep in your bathroom cabinets, they need all that stuff), school and household supplies, gift cards, clothing (especially new socks and underwear), art supplies, canned food, people to volunteer… things that make an immediate and tangible difference in the life of someone in our community, tipping the balance toward a future Chico with fewer homeless people and, most importantly, fewer people bitching about the homeless. (Donations are accepted M-F, 10am-5:30pm.)

In addition to personal donations and volunteer work, the Center can be helped by people who put together fundraisers on their behalf.

CONT. ON NEXT PAGE...

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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Which brings me to Molly...

IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE NAME MOLLY ROBERTS BEFORE, YOU’RE ONE OF THE FEW. Molly is a petite, striking brunette; her thick hair cut at a dramatic angle. Her voice is distinctively rich and assured, and when she talks you get a sense that there won’t be a second of bullshit.

On top of bartending at Duffy’s Tavern and pursuing a degree in natural science with aims at teaching disadvantaged youth, she spends her year in a constant cycle of event planning.

Some of Chico’s biggest and most beloved events, like the Bike Races and the New Wave Prom, are a result of her hard work and talent for managing details. She’s planning a benefit show for this Friday the 30th, in partnership with the Chico Area Punks (formerly the local branch of the Pyrate Punx) and Greg Danielewicz of Monstros Pizza (Molly asks that we “please mention how generous he’s been opening up Monstros for this show.”), to raise money and clothing donations for 6th Street.

We sat down the other day to talk about why she’s throwing this fundraiser, and I left so inspired by her passion and perspective and stories of the work 6th Street does, I was subsequently sent down the rabbit hole researching youth homelessness, thinking about the turning points in my own life, and considering this:

WHAT IS IT ABOUT PUNK ROCKERS AND GIVING A SHIT ABOUT THE HOMELESS? It seems like so many fundraisers have an all-punk lineup.

I suppose the draw of punk music is inherently related to giving a shit about political and social issues, being fed up with inequality. Members of the punk scene seem willing to see things the rest of us breeze past; see the good in people as individuals when the rest of us find it so easy to lump them together. But it goes beyond empathy and outrage—Molly made a joke about “when punks turn 30.” The scene is full of people committed to directly changing the things they can, making careers out of reforming the system.

For example, Josh Indar, singer/guitarist of Severance Package—described by Molly as a “solid rock ‘n’ roll punk

band,” headlining this fundraiser—works for the Butte County Office of Education, and runs a program at 6th Street called “Writing for Donuts,” where clients of the Center are encouraged to express themselves creatively in exchange for delicious, creamy, flaky clouds of fat and sugar and DEAR GOD I WANT A DONUT. Next on the lineup is Strange Ones—“a kind of surf-punk band”—made up of members of the Jefferson Crew. The Jefferson Crew, much like the Chico Area Punks, is a group of mutually supportive young people with strong ideals.

THEN THERE’S TWO NEW BANDS: JOHN HOLMES—FEATURING JOHNNY SHANKER (aka

Johnny Meehan, who also happens to be a Case Manager at 6th Street) of the legendary Shankers and Michelin Embers, Puck James of Badger, and Jamie Lively from Baghdad Batteries, and then there’s The Miscreants—with Scribles [formerly of Synthesis], which, according to Molly, “is big, because I don’t think he’s played since he was with Gruk.”

“One thing that’s important is it’s $5 to get in and all proceeds go to 6th Street, but it’s $3 if you bring a NEW pack of underwear... or socks—we suggest people bring whatever would fit them so there’s a variety of sizes… Everyone deserves the sense of dignity from having their own clean socks and underwear, and I think that’s really important for these kids.”

There are a lot of quiet heroes in this story, people who make it their business to listen, to encourage, to gather resources and donate their time and talents. Among them is, of course, the center’s Program Manager Jennifer Barzey, as well as the staff, volunteers, and supporters from the community, and the kids themselves, who are brave enough to seek help and make something positive happen in their lives. Do what you can: go to a show, donate something, drop by and find out if you can drive someone to a job interview. The little things add up.

Check out the Dance your Pants Off Benefit for 6th Street, featuring Severance Package, Strange Ones, John Holmes, and The Miscreants—Friday January 30th, 8pm, Monstros Pizza. Bring $5 to get in, or $3 and a pack of new underwear or socks to donate.

You can also drop in at 6th Street on Wednesday January 28th from 3-5pm to hear music, poetry, storytelling and comedy from the Center’s youth.

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JAN 26 2015

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Homemade Soup Daily We open at 12:00pm.

SATURDAY SUNDAY

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

$6.99 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Fried Chicken Sandwich w/fries or salad $6.99

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 J채ger Shots $5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull $5 Imports

6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14 FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

6pm-Close $3.50 All beer pints 3 Olive Red Bull$4/$5 DBL 9PM Red Bull Movie Night

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Coke or 3 Olives Any Flavor

CLOSED

SUPER BOWL PARTY 10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase!

1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers

pat hull matt weiner jeremy gerrard

$1 cover friday, feb. 6 PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY JAN 26 2015

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6PM $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

live music 4 - 7 pm

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

6-close $3 Sierra Nevada Pints

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

first friday happy hour!

12

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

(530) 343-7718 337 Main St

Fire Grill &

Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

Bar

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!

MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

Progressive Night:

Try Our Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

8 - 10pm $1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close: Up $0.25 per hour til closing

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

9pm - Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

Try Our Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm Ladies Night!

8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10PM 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm.

Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from 4-10PM

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

Select Pints $3

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8 - 9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM - Close $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

SUPER BOWL PARTY Food & Drink Specials hampagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

SUPER BOWL PARTY $5 Vodka Rockstars $8 Pitchers $3 Smirnoff Sour Kamis with shot glass

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

CLOSED

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

Opening at 8pm for 80's NIGHT!!

8 pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Go DownLo

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz.

8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

GET YOUR TABLE EARLY RAFFLES & PRIZES

BEST WINGS IN CHICO $4.50 BLOODY MARYS $5 BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE WITH ENTREE

134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

Patron Promo 3-5PM Samples & Giveaways

FOOD | $5 VODKA REDBULLS | $8 PITCHERS OF BEER MULTIPLE PATRON SPECIALS

FREE PARKING | 968 EAST AVE. CHICO, CA FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

13

SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM/SUBMIT-YOUR- EVENT

THIS W E E K O N LY — B E ST B E TS I N E N T E RTA I N M E N T

Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SICILIAN CAFÉ MONDAY, JAN 26TH

FRIDAY, JAN 30TH

SKEDADDLE TO SEATTLE

Celebrating 30 years !

Farm.

Fresh.

Italian.

B STREET PUBLIC HOUSE

CHICO WOMEN’S CLUB

If you frequent the Raw Bar or the Banshee, then you’ve probably been lucky enough to enjoy delicious sushi prepared by Matt Janeway, or libations while sitting in the section of the equal parts surly, sweet and beautiful Serena Janeway. These lovely people are relocating to Seattle, so help send them off in style! Or don’t, more Janeway time for us, anyway. 6pm, no cover.

Honestly, when I first decided to give this a Best Bet, it was because I had a bit about ice buckets. I was confusing ALS with MS. The point is, I’m an idiot, but also, this is going to be a great show, for a really great cause. Bonus: No ice buckets to deal with, and music by the Mondegreens, Brothers Comatose, and more! 6:30pm, $22 advance, $25 at the door.

FRIDAY, JAN 30TH

FRIDAY, JAN 30TH

‘80S SKATE NIGHT

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

BUNNYMILK CASSETTE RELEASE SHOW

CAL SKATE

MALTESE

If the catchy tunes and unflappable fashions of the current decade are too much for your youthful heart to bear, consider passing up the MS Soiree in favor of ‘80s Skate Night at Cal Skate! This event is hosted by Christian Challenge, and if there’s anything we know for sure it’s that there ain’t no party like a Christian ‘80s party because a Christian ‘80s party is a sin. All ages, 8pm.

Remember all those great, one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable mixtapes you made in high school? This is just like that, except worse, because now that’s an antiquated technology. But if you’re passing on the MS Soiree, and the ‘80s Christian roller skating party is too mainstream for you, come to this! Music by Bunnymilk, Sisterhoods, Bran Crown, Coyote Church, and Solar Estates! 9pm, 21+, $5.

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14

MS SOIREE

JAN 26 2015

This Week...

THE NEW MASTERSOUNDS W/ GRAVYBRAIN JAN

27

On

Main

Upcoming shows...

02/06 WAKE OF THE DEAD

02/12 KARL DENSON’S TINY UNIVERSE

02/19

02/07 OTEP

02/13 SPIRITUAL REZ

02/20 FURLOUGH FRIDAYS

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

CHICO’S 4TH ANNUAL BOB MARLEY DAY CELEBRATION W/ THE MIGHTY DIAMONDS

F EATURED EV EN TS

26 MONDAY

B Street Public House: Skedaddle To Seattle: A Going Away Party for Serena & Matt. 6pm Sierra Nevada Big Room: Hop Hunter Release Party with live music by Decades. 6pm-10pm, 21+, $5

27 TUESDAY

Lost On Main: The New Mastersounds w/ GravyBrain. 8pm, 21+

28 WEDNESDAY

Butte College Art Gallery (main campus): Artist’s Reception for Jessica Sid: The Untamed. 4pm6pm, all ages, free Maltese: The Vesuvians, Urban Pioneers, Ryan Davidson. 9pm, 21+ Senator Theater: The Expendables// Fortunate Youth// Katastro. Doors 6:30pm/ show 7:30pm, $16/advance

29 THURSDAY

1078 Gallery: Keep Chico Weird Art Show Reception. 6pm, all ages.

Arabian Nights Chico: Clayton the Chemist & Guests, Soulful and Funky Electronic Music Last Thursdays of each month.

8pm-12am, 18+, $2 before 10pm, $4 After Blue Room Theatre: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/presale or $18/ door. Take advantage of Theatre Thursdays: first 80 people paywhat-you-can. (doors open at 6:45pm) LaSalles: Happy Hour + Live Music with Joshua Leif Owen .

4pm-8pm, 21+ Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm-1am, 21+

30 FRIDAY

1078 Gallery: The Body Rampant, Ghost Parade, Gigantes.

7:30pm, $5-$10 sliding scale.

Blue Room Theater: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/$18 BMU Auditorium: FREE Movie for CSU Chico students, faculty and staff: Dear White People.

7pm, all ages.

BMU 008 (Old Common Grounds): WCLU/Chico ACLU

O N G O I N G E V E N TS

Annual Program/Election with special guest Aundre M Herron, JD . 4:30pm Cal Skate: ‘80s Skate Night. 8pm, all ages LaSalles: The Boom Boom Room: performances by Chain Gang, Hoflyy, Mikey Stacks, Star Nes, Young J Statik, hosted by DJ Thomas Young. 9pm, 21+ Maltese: Bunnymilk Cassette Release: Bunnymilk, Sisterhoods, Solar Estates, Coyote Church, Bran Crown. 9pm, 21+ Monstros: Benefit for 6th St Center For Youth with live music

by Severance Package, Strange Ones, John Holmes, The Miscreants. 8pm, all ages, $5 Sierra Nevada Big Room: Tasting In The Dark. 7pm-9pm, 21+ $40 Tackle Box: Live Music w/ Northern Traditionz. 9pm, 21+ Women’s Club: MS Soiree- A benefit for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, Northern California Chapter. Music by: The Brothers Comatose, John Craigie and The Mondegreens. 6:30pm11pm, all ages, $22

31 SATURDAY

1078 Gallery: Slay It Forward, My Lanta, Nonsense, Overture.

7pm-11pm, all ages, $5 Blue Room Theater: Fat Pig. 7:30pm, $15/$18 Chico Theatre Company: Opening night of Mary Poppins.

7:30pm, all ages.

LaSalles: Happy Hour + Live Music with Eric Peters. 4pm8pm, 21+ Laxson Auditorium: The Hot Club of San Francisco: Cinema Vivant. 7:30pm, all ages, $10-$30 Senator Theater: RL Grime with Lunice, Tommy Kruise, 8pm Tackle Box: Live Music w/ Defcats. 9pm, 21+ Wine Time: Los C Quintet .

7pm-9pm

1 SUNDAY

1740 Elm Street: Cha Cha Chapmantown Community Potluck (BYOB and a dish to share). 5pm, all ages One Mile (Bidwell Park): 2015 Paskenta Bicycle Ride/Race. 8am

26 MONDAY

100th Monkey: Healing Light Meditation, 7pm-8:15pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:306:30pm DownLo: Open Mic Comedy Night. Free.

Pool League. 7pm. All ages until 10pm Janet Turner Print Museum: New Work/ New Artist II: National Print Competition Solo Exhibition Award Winner Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm Maltese: Open Mic Music, Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w.

Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

27 TUESDAY

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pm The Bear: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week. Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo.

5:50-7pm.

Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke.

21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Janet Turner Print Museum: New Work/New Artist II: Kathy Aoki. 11am-4pm Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance Lessons, 6:30pm-7:30pm. Karaoke, 9pm-1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crimes: On the Trail of Physical Anthropology.” 11am3:00pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

28 WEDNESDAY

The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance.

5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tour-

nament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey Robinson and Friends. 6pm-8pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Swing Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm. Open Mic, 9:30pm-12am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

29 THURSDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm Chico Art Center: Salon d’Art, a holiday sale by local artists. 10am-4pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: Free live music on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm1am Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

30 FRIDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm

Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2 DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm.

Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg.

5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance.

6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

31 SATURDAY

The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

1 SUNDAY

Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Theatre Company: Mary Poppins. 2pm, all ages Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm.

Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

15

O N THE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACE B OOK .COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y

LE T T E R S TO D E S M O N D

I Want To Believe You guys, the time has finally (almost) come.

It’s my final semester at Chico State. I know this might seem a little premature, announcing my impending graduation when it’s still four months out. However, since the university makes you register for graduation at the beginning of your last semester (or much earlier if you’re doing it right), it’s impossible for me not to think about. The idea of putting on the cap and gown1 and having to then sit for hours in the sun with hundreds of drunk idiots2 makes my skin crawl a bit, but at least I’ll have the satisfaction of being able to say “I told you so” to my parents when I trip on my Hefty bag graduation gown on stage and careen into Paul Zingg. I keep hearing it’s a “milestone moment,” something to be treasured, but it’s amazing how many moments that are supposed to be important and memorable just end up being awkward affairs where I sit around thinking “is this it?” while trying not to fart and ruin things for everyone else.

So, unless I enact my backup plan, wherein I plunge myself deep into debt to obtain a Master’s Degree (mostly just to rub it in people’s faces at family functions3), come mid-May I’ll be finished with school and in possession of my very own Bachelor’s Degree.

I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen next, although my mom keeps dropping hints that maybe I should give up my languid life of pillow forts4 and whiskey for something more productive. Originally my dream was to join the brilliant minds at Google, but once I discovered that Google is in fact not

just a basement of guys sitting around with encyclopedias, I dunno, it just lost its allure a bit5. I think what I’m going to do instead, is stay in my fort and look at neat stuff on the Internet. Like this!

The X-Files reboot is actually (probably) a thing that’s happening! Last weekend Fox confirmed they were in the logistical process of a reboot. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. The impetus came (somewhat surprisingly), not from Fox or Chris Carter (the show’s creator), but instead from Gillian Anderson. Earlier this month she appeared on The Nerdist podcast, and expressed interest in making more episodes of this classic series.

Although Duchovny and Anderson are both on board, Fox has also explained they wouldn’t be moving forward without Chris Carter, who reportedly “has a lot going on.” After setting my heart aflutter with this promising news, my immediate secondary reaction was, “Oh God, please don’t suck.” Here’s hoping this isn’t another Arrested Development debacle.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to add a second level to my pillow fort, and see if I can drink enough whiskey to fill its walls with more farts than oxygen.

by ZOOEY MAE zooeymae@synthesis.net

Which is actually just repurposed Hefty garbage bags and tassels from old kimonos found in dumpsters.

2 Apparently there is a tradition among graduating seniors of waking up at 6am to drink until noon on graduation day, which I feel perfectly sums up the Chico State Wildcat experience.

3 Take that, Grandma! In. Your. Face.

4 And pillow fort farts.

5 I think I’d rather join the alternate team whose job it is to sit around and send out porn to eager Google searchers anyway.

1

16

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

IM MAC ULATE IN FE CTION

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

State of Dissatisfaction WE AMERICANS ARE A DISSATISFIED LOT, MY OWN DRIVES CRIPPLE ME, AND THE SAD STATE OF THE AFFAIRS THAT IS THE SUPER BOWL What is up with Americans? We produce a lot, we consume a lot, we engage in a lot of warfare, and we destroy a lot. Americans are the world’s leading users of illicit drugs and we are also the ones who fuel the global underage sex trade. We create most of the world’s pornography. I once got into an online discussion with a citizen of Holland and when I told him that his country was where the most vile pornography was filmed—bestiality and rape porn—he informed me that the producers and actors were by and large Americans exploiting Amsterdam’s vigorous protections of free speech and artistic expression.

Inherited Angst I’ve given it some thought and I have decided that we, meaning Americans, have to be the most dissatisfied people on the planet. This makes sense to me—most of our ancestors came to this country because it afforded opportunity that their own homelands didn’t.

People can recreate themselves in America.

There are freedoms of movement, speech, religion, and work here. Your station in life is not necessarily determined from the outset, although having a nice chunk of money in a trust certainly expands the options. Still, there is no inherent structural impediment to you or I deciding to go to school and become lawyers, doctors, engineers, or what have you. We are allowed to change. We can practice whatever religion we choose, or we can choose to practice no religion at all. We can form relationships with whomever we choose. While people will grumble and gripe about taxation and over-regulation, we still enjoy a relatively high level of freedom in this country.

No Escape But at the end of the day, you still have to

answer to that face looking back at you in the mirror. My father used to tell me that so many people committed suicide by leaping from the Golden Gate Bridge because they had been running west, running from something, and once they hit the Golden Gate there was simply no place else left to run to.

Myself, I exist in a constant state of dissatisfaction—mostly in regards to my artistic endeavors: writing, painting, and creating music. I live in a state where the ecstasy of success is so temporary and fleeting, and the constant push to create more is always gnawing at me. It’s tough, and I don’t always handle it well. On occasion I drink too much. I’m not good at controlling my emotions, my anger. I spin my wheels and burn energy on meaningless makework projects so I can feel like I’m doing something useful. I often lose sight of the long view and succumb to the details—death by a thousand little creativity sucking cuts.

Football I haven’t watched a single complete football game this season, though I did catch the last twenty minutes of the Patriots/Colts fiasco.

That one was already over by the time I tuned in, though I hear the Packers loss to the Seahawks was a nail-biter and a heartbreaker. I’ve got no love for Seattle or New England—I wish there was a way both teams could lose.

by BOB HOWARD Madbob@madbob.com FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

17

H OW L

Synthesis Travel Tips

by ZOOEY MAE So we know the semester just started, and you probably won’t be going anywhere fun until Spring Break (Spring Break, woooooo!), but calm down, not everything is about you. For all you adults with jobs (what’s that like?), Burners (please stop talking about Burning Man), or those with pockets flush with cash (because of weed season, obviously), looking to travel somewhere by plane, this guide is for you! The following is a helpful list of handy hints that are sure to make your next plane ride a breeze. 1 1. Choose your seat wisely. For those of you with small bladders, this may be especially important. Don’t be that idiot who has a window seat but gets up twelve times an hour to pee. At the same time, don’t be the idiot who forces the plane to make an emergency landing after their bladder bursts from refusing to get up when they need to.

2. Bring a sleep kit. Some people will tell you that this consists of a blanket and eye mask, but they’re mean jerks who don’t like you and think that haircut makes your face look fat. A real sleep kit, one that’s actually effective, consists of Benadryl or Tylenol PM, a Walkman, and plenty of Metallica tapes.

This kit can also be employed when you don’t follow tip #1, and end up with a full bladder in a window seat. If you let this situation happen to you, take some Benadryl

1 2

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and forget about your full bladder. When that four year old butthole behind you won’t stop kicking your seat and yelling, the best thing you can do is pop a few Bennies, crank the volume to eleven and let the sweet percussive stylings of Sir Lars Ulrich take you away.

3. Know when to fight back. At a certain point, if your seatmate(s) are lowering your quality of life too much, you should know that it becomes ok for you to retaliate a bit.

I recommend purchasing salmon jerky in the airport. You might be wondering why an airport would sell such stinky food. Obviously it’s there as weaponry. They know what they’re doing. Crack the seal on that dried fish and watch with wonder as the shared armrest miraculously becomes all yours, and the seat in front of you is immediately placed back in the upright position. If the jerky fails, eat whatever fart fuel they’re hocking on the flight and spend the remaining time trying to fart hard enough to shake the seat. Even if they fail to notice, you’ll have fun amusing yourself, and the worst case scenario is that strangers will smell the inside of your butthole. 2 Please enjoy these travel tips responsibly, and don’t blame us if they result in your arrest and/or poopy pants. Now go forth, and travel the Synthesis way!

In reality, nothing short of First Class and/or a teleporter could make air travel a breeze.

Or that you’ll try too hard and poop yourself a little.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

Some Visible Sound THIS STORY IS RELATED TO “LOST IN THE FLOODED FOREST,” A STORY YOU CAN BEGIN AT SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM/LOST- FOREST- PT-1/ A hole lay open in the ground, three feet across, paved into a circle by very old stones.

All was silent in the forest surrounding this well. The sun shone. A small, unseen creature momentarily exposed itself by a falling branch.

A massive sound, as of an explosion; dirt, stones, tree roots burst into the air. As the forest settled into silence again, a boy could be seen lying facedown in the debris, his black clothes covered in the sandy dirt he’d so explosively emerged from. No one else was around, so there was no one to ask him, when he finally sat up, why he hadn’t just come up through the open well.

The boy sat there for a long time, not bothered by the dirt covering him, trying to take in his open surroundings. He’d been in a subterranean library for what seemed like millennia. He was out in sunlight now for the first time… in a long time.

What captivated the boy’s supernatural senses the most was the sky, and what he saw in it. Something was ringing through the air in chimes; a deep, rhythmic gong that could be seen, although it was sound, and each strike of that incredible note seemed to solidify the sky for a moment: caused it to take on giant crystalline shapes. It was like seeing giant stained glass windows blocking the sky into sections. Howl’s body was inundated, and overwhelmed, by the deep sound.

Fifteen minutes went by. The boy’s face was tilted up, and it stayed that way. A beetle slowly crawled up onto his knee, looked at the boy with beetle-curiosity, then climbed down again and walked off.

There was a sharp intake of breath from the boy, and he shook out his blonde hair and stood up. His gaze turned down toward his clothes now, as if he were trying to remember why they were so dusty.

Howl was unaware of the water well nearby, unaware that it was watching him. It was an opening to the library that had swallowed Howl alive, for centuries; the library was in fact a conscious entity, in its own right. It remembered what Howl didn’t. This immortal boy had once been a grown man, a tired, frightened soul that the library had lured into itself.

The chiming rhythm sounding through the sky, reverberating through the air relentlessly (and not altogether unpleasantly), was starting to make the boy sweat. His coat was thrown to the ground, revealing clean black silk underneath. Howl walked off into the trees, leaving the well alone in its forest once more.

by HOWL howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com

T H E F R U GA L T E R R A N

Father John Misty LIVE AT THE EL REY THEATER JANUARY 18TH, 2015

Taxes Aren’t Scary

by SEAN GALLOWAY

TAXES ARE LIKE LAUNDRY

“Chico: biggest party school; Playboy magazine, 1987,” Josh Tillman languidly drolled as he took to the stage on a pleasantly crowded Sunday evening at the El Rey Theater. Following that brief introduction, the band immediately launched into the title track from the new Father John Misty record I Love You, Honeybear (due out February 10th, via Sub Pop), and the crowd pushed closer together, into the tight quarters at the edge of stage. What followed was a wildly dynamic performance from Tillman and his stellar backing band, that included a generous portion of material from 2012’s fantastic FJM debut Fear Fun, as well as the entirety of the songs from the forthcoming Honeybear. The live setup had the band of multi-instrumentalists often trading musical duties; deftly manning their primary instruments while also playing synth arrangements that perfectly augmented the full, almost orchestral sound.

performance, stamping their feet, swaying, and singing along to such hits as “Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings,” and the electronic beat-driven “True Affection.”

Tillman, a consummate showman, cavorted his lithe frame across the platform throughout the night, clad in his signature dark suit, arms akimbo, oftentimes throwing his hands skyward, or collapsing to the stage floor. Several times he clambered down from the stage entirely to wade through the crowd crooning and hugging audience members1.

The crowd, in turn, was enraptured by the

After a brief moment off stage at the close of their set, the band returned for an rousing encore that included the first single from Honeybear, “Bored in the U.S.A.,” a sarcastic bemoaning of life in a material-laden 21st century. “Is this the part where I get all I ever wanted?” asks Tillman. As the final notes rang out, I thought, “Yeah. I think I did. At least at this show, tonight2.”

The signature wit that pervades Father John Misty’s lyrical prose was in full effect between songs, as well. “You’re gonna hear a lot of shit you don’t know tonight,” he informed the crowd early on. “Or maybe you already have, from pirating it off the Internet.”

Tillman’s charmingly acerbic banter kept the audience laughing, as he wryly observed the difficulties of tuning his guitar while attempting to act naturally in front of a crowd. “I’m just going to tune this guitar now, as if its totally normal, and I’m not fucking horrified,” he quipped dryly, before propelling into (my favorite track off of Fear Fun) “Only Son of a Ladies Man,” and then into a stirring rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “One of Us Cannot Be Wrong.”

I did not receive a hug, which stings more than a bit, I don’t mind telling you. I was standing right there, you guys, next to Hug Ground Zero, carefully shaping my body language into the most hug-friendly position I could manage.

2 Except for maybe that hug.

1

Last April, you might have read an anonymous Synthesis column about how you could get free money from the government via the retirement contribution tax credit.

Several months later, a finance column started here in the Synthesis by yours truly.

I’ll resolve the mystery by confessing it was me. I can’t help it; I love talking about taxes.

I can also admit when I’m wrong, which I was—I undersold you in that article. I said you could get up to $200 in tax credits, when in fact you could get up to $1000 (or $2000 if you’re filing jointly).

So seriously, go back and read that article (tinyurl.com/syn-free-money). The TL;DR version is: put some money into an IRA or Roth IRA before you file your taxes, and your friendly neighborhood federal government will give you up to half of it back, up to a $1000 per person. (It can’t exceed what you owe in taxes, though, so if you owe $500, then you can only get a credit up to $500.) It even counts if you contribute through your workplace. Call it this week’s assignment, if you like.

One reason I love talking about taxes is because they provide for some incredibly important things. My K-12 education and several years of school lunches were paid for by taxes. The roads I drive on, libraries I visit, clean water in my faucet—all these are provided at least in part by taxes. For those reasons alone, I’m happy to pay my taxes.

There are kids out there who could use some lunch.

I recognize that taxes mean I don’t get to pick everything the money goes to. For example, many Quakers protest paying taxes for the military (roughly 19% of last year’s federal budget) because they are pacifists.

They know they can’t just pay taxes on the things they prefer, and they can acknowledge they benefit from the military protecting them. So they set aside 19% of what they owe in an escrow account, knowing the government will collect it. At the same time, a Quaker can happily pay the 2% of their taxes that goes to the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program, because they support preventing starvation and malnutrition among their fellow citizens.

Another reason I love talking about taxes is because they’re a necessary aspect of our American lives. Knowledge is power, and the more knowledge I have about my taxes, the more I can plan for their role in my life. Taxes are like laundry—only scary when you don’t know what you’re doing. Once you do, it’s just another adulthood task.

In short, taxes are a necessary good. Despite this acknowledgement, there’s no hypocrisy in being happy to pay them and yet ensuring I’m paying the minimal amount required.

One might even consider it a good sign of citizenship to be aware of tax law and pay no more than required. I can always pay more if I want to, or donate to a charity of my choice.

by TRIP HAZARD FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

19

CASH! CASH! CASH! We pay cash for your recyclables!!

CRV ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound E-WAStE! We pay 5¢ per pound for TV’s , Computers, Monitors and Laptops!!

And, as a courtesy to our customers, we’ll accept all other consumer electronics, such as fax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-off, with no payments* * Some restrictions may apply Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.

2565 S. Whitman Place, Chico (Corner of East Park Avenue and S. Whitman Place) 343-5500

LIFE IN CHICO Do you like Life in Chico? So do we! -“Like” Life in Chico, CA facebook.com/ChicoCA

GREAT SHORT STORIES Lotus Land, written by local writer William Wong Foey Local writer William Wong Foey author of best selling novel: Winter Melon releases his new book Lotus Land, a short story collection of bold and amazing stories of desire, despair, courage, and redemption. Available at Lyon’s Book Store at 135 Main (Chico) and in paperback & e-book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, & Direct Music Cafe.

A special thanks to all the people who purchased my debut novel: Winter Melon.

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

January 26, 2015

By Koz McKev ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

Spending some time alone is important during this week.

You are likely to be involved with social obligations, meetings and future planning. It may be time to retreat and to look back at the things that you’ve accomplished. Subconscious hostility may be related to feelings of isolation or perhaps not getting enough sleep. Monday and Tuesday are good for financial planning, paying taxes, and making money. Try not to get caught up in other people’s social drama. Venus moving through your twelfth house can stimulate the imagination and help with the pleasures of the

Once something is learned it needs to be practiced. Our lives begin to improve once we take responsibility for what is.

Monday begins with the moon moving into Taurus at 8:37am PST. For the following 54 hours, show your best talents and skills. Venus moves into your eleventh house of helpful friends on Tuesday morning.

Focus on performing random acts of kindness. Suffering is the part of life that helps to erode the armor of the ego. The weekend looks good for short trips, visiting siblings and lifelong friends, and working on hobbies.

This is a time of growth and good fortune. Begin the process of being lucky by listing nine things that you are thankful for.

Mercury retrograde is more of a blessing than a curse. Delays can sometimes advert disaster.

You may get an opportunity to be more creative with your career as Venus enters your tenth house. The moon will be in Gemini Wednesday afternoon through much of Friday night. The weekend looks good for preparing food, taking care of finances, and singing songs or playing music.

Change is seldom done in plush comfort. When I was a kid my brothers and I would get an old mattress and pillows and jump off the roof of our garage.

We never got seriously hurt because we took precautions.

Once you’ve taken the jump you have faith in mid flight that you’ll land safely. Ask for help when you need it. Good friends are best sought out early in the week. Lay low or keep things low key Wednesday afternoon through Friday. The weekend features the moon in Cancer.

The things that you hold near and dear will be celebrated once again.

A strong will must be balanced with steadfast knowledge. You have much to be grateful for. I see a window over the next few weeks during which life is easier to enjoy. Don’t assume that people understand what you’re saying during this Mercury retrograde time. Perception can seem like an illusion. Write things down. Relationship issues continue to rank high.

Put your best business suit on at the beginning of the week.

What was once simple flirtation may begin to get more serious as Venus transits your eighth house. Commit to your course of study and discover more.

The work is in front of you, all you must do is proceed. Certain areas of your life need help. It could be your health, it could be your job, it might be small pets that you’re taking care of. Helping others and making good karma is part of this cycle. Working for a charitable cause is in order. Find a way to love whatever it is that you are doing. Monday and Tuesday are good for travel, learning and achieving. The weekend is good for your social life. Good friends will be present in your life. Your love life will improve with Venus transiting your seventh house.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

With an open hand and an open heart you are navigating life most successfully. Creative ideas are being mulled over with Mercury retrograde.

Wednesday through Friday look good for speculation, travel, risk taking, and higher learning. You are in a very lucky place. Venus moves into your sixth house of service and health. Watch your health as the days go by. The weekend has you more in the public eye. Career opportunities could come up for you. Be sure to hone in on your best talents and skills. You seldom have a problem fitting in.

Mars is transiting your fifth house giving you more energy for creative works, children and love affairs. Venus joins in the fifth house parade along with Neptune bringing romance and spirituality. You are attempting to be more comfortable in your own home. Much of this week you’ll be negotiating with others. Be patient with other people’s stories. Successfully practicing diplomacy may include a little compliment or acknowledgment of appreciation. The weekend looks good for travel, spiritual work or just hanging out in nature.

This is a time for wild poetry and making music with restless abandon. The fresh adventure continues in another form.

Jupiter transiting your ninth house makes the higher path the only path to take. Be aware of the things in your community that keep you anchored. Venus, Mars, and Neptune transiting your fourth house put more emphasis on family, the place you dwell, and your cultural heritage. Wednesday afternoon through Friday is good for romance. The weekend looks good for paying off debts and for being led by other people’s

You have yet another week to assert your values. How and where you spend your money may have more political ramifications then whether or not you vote. Saturn in your twelfth house teaches you that every action has an effect on those around you. Monday and Tuesday are good days for love and creativity. Use the second part of the week to work towards better organization and better personal health.

The weekend is good for getting contracts, engagements, and resolving conflict. Making peace feels good.

Emerge from your cocoon like a butterfly. This is your time to spread your wings and fly.

Seek whatever interests you.

Free yourself from self inflicted restrictions. Always be planning the next party or meeting.

You may need to throw your own birthday party. That’s fine. We get what we plan for.

Wednesday afternoon through Friday are your best days this week. Take action on finances with Mars, Neptune and Venus transiting your second house of possessions. The weekend looks good for housekeeping, taking care of your health, and working with others.

A new you is beginning to unfold. Having Venus, Mars, and Neptune in Pisces brings hope for a better tomorrow. More imagination, more empathy, and bigger dreams. Success partly lies in our ability to help others and to stay in good health. This week you’ll be focused on family and friends.

It’s good to take care of our personal lives. Be conscious not to be a part of your own undoing.

The weekend is where your best creative works will begin to unfold. People are going to follow your lead. Now is the time to do something that you would like to see done.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

21

F R O M THE EDGE

Arrested My son didn’t come home that Saturday night, and I guessed what had happened.

He’d been anxious lately, and I figured he had been harassing the neighbors and gotten himself picked up by the cops.

The next morning I saw I’d gotten a call in the wee hours from an 800 number, and it turned out to be the Butte County Jail. The number was useful only in that I learned that it was at the jail—inmates can’t get phone calls so I couldn’t get to my son. I’ve always heard—and you too, probably—that arrestees get one phone call. I obviously don’t know about you, but I’ve thought of it as a free phone call, since recent arrivals at the hoosegow might not have correct change.

You’ll be pleased to learn that should you find yourself a guest of the Butte County Jail, you will be allowed that precious call at no cost to you. You might want to think carefully before you make it, because not only can it make all the difference to your personal experience, it’s gonna cost whomever you call $14.99. Right. One phone call, fifteen minutes, fourteen ninety-nine.

Why would a single 20-mile phone call cost that much money? Because the Butte County Board of Ignoramuses said yes to the gouge and gave SecurusTech.net a monopoly on calls from the jail. Any new inmate has to go through SecurusTech.net for $14.99, a sweet deal for the corporation, not so much for the poor boob who just landed in the slammer, and who now has to remember the number of somebody willing to spend $14.99 to hear what he has to say this time.

I’ve heard that in old Rome some guys would

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JAN 26 2015

use slaves to carry water to a house fire, and if the owner wasn’t a customer, he would watch it burn until the householder paid him off through the nose. If you don’t meet the terms, you don’t have a house, an elegant gouge, cruel and lucrative.

Access Corrections have their own deal and promise to provide much cheaper calling from the jail, if your loved one is gonna be inside a while. It sounded like just the thing, so I gave them some money. Rash move.

I was thinking he had been in for two days, but I couldn’t be sure because the arrest logs for Saturday weren’t ready yet, maybe because of a weekend surge, maybe because bureaucrats are hard to get rid of. The logs eventually went up on the jail’s website. He was there, and I still haven’t found out why the money I paid Access Corrections didn’t let him call me.

I opened an account on SecurusTech.net and sent my son an email through Access Corrections—to which he could not reply and which cost $5.95—telling him to find out how to make the call on his end. That combination worked, and we got to talk the next day. Securus and Access Corrections are all-American corporations, getting over like a fat rat on the backs of the poor, as usual, this time with the connivance of the Butte County Board of Ignoramuses. No matter who thought it up, no matter who’s getting the money, no matter who gets a piece, the Board of Supervisors approved it.

I went to the hearing, or maybe it was a trial, and he got probation and fines of $402.50, including a $40 Court Operations Assessment

and a $30 Conviction Assessment. He’s set to start paying off an $800 fine from last October in a couple of weeks. If he misses a payment, he goes to jail. If he were well enough to earn any money, he wouldn’t have gone where he wasn’t wanted and be sitting with his back to us in an orange jumpsuit.

It was hard to hear the judge, but I don’t think anybody mentioned mental illness, although I’d left a message to that purpose with someone at his public defender’s office.

Public defenders are assigned alphabetically, so he got the same one he’d had before, and for whose services he now owes Butte County $157.50. I thought public defenders were free for people who can’t buy a lawyer.

Actually, they’re just cheap.

With time served, he’d be out in four days.

That’s what I thought, because he was sentenced to fifteen days, and it was his eleventh day inside. Instead, he fell through a crack in what passes for a system and called me that evening from the Home Depot down the road from the jail. He has a mental illness, he had refused his prescribed injection, and he was turned out in the dark 20 miles from home.

He had no cash, but he did have a check for $25, the money I had put in his account so he could buy stuff at the commissary. I had used a debit card at the machine in the lobby, and it cost $5.95.

by ANTHONY PEYTON PORTER A@anthonypeytonporter.com