Synthesis Weekly – February 2, 2015

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CAT HUNTING

AN EXOTIC ADVENTURE IN SMALLTOWN, USA

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VOLUME 21 ISSUE 23 Febuary 2, 2015 For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR IN CHIEF Amy Sandoval amy@synthesis.net

LEAD DESIGNER

THIS W E E K

Hunting Cats

C OLUMNS

PAGE 7

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

by Amy Sandoval

Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net

ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Arielle Mullen arielle@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/

PAGE 4 NO MIDDLE GROUND

by Sylvia Bowersox

PAGE 5

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff emilianogs@gmail.com

DESIGNERS

Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net

DELIVERIES Jennifer Foti

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Zooey Mae, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Eli Schwartz, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams, Sean Galloway, Alex O’Brien

PHOTOGRAPHY Jessica Sid Vincent Latham

PRODUCTIVITY WASTED

by Eli Schwartz

pwasted@synthesis.net

PAGE 6 LETTERS TO DESMOND

by Zooey Mae

zooeymae@synthesis.net

PAGE 16 IMMACULATE INFECTION

by Bob Howard

Madbob@madbob.com

PAGE 17

NERD

Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net

FEBUARY ART REPORT

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

PAGE 18

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER

Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net The Synthesis is both owned and published

by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis.

The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

LIKE LITERALLY

by Negin Riazi

PAGE 19 SUPERTIME!

by Logan Kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

PAGE 20 KOZMIK DEBRIS

by Koz McKev

kozmckev@sunset.net

PAGE 21 WORD SEARCH!

PAGE 22

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

3

LE T T E R F R O M T H E E DI TO R

PET OF THE WEEK

T igra Tigra is a sweet kitty who can be just a little shy! Once I get to know you I would love to be pet and lounge around with you!

2580 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Do You Have a Cat? YOU SHOULD GET A CAT

NOW HEA R THI S

In my quest to become super impressive to absolutely no one in particular, I’ve developed a working state of constant stress and self-judgement. It’s my only real complaint in life, and my doctor asks me about it every time we talk—that, and how much caffeine I’m consuming (no connection, I’m sure).

Jeff Rosenstock

TANN ER

Jeff Rosenstock - “Nausea”

LI Z

Helios - “Hope Valley Hill”

MI K E

The Dream - “That’s My Shit”

BEC CA

Ingrid Michaelson - “Always You”

HA LEY

SBTRKT - “Wildfire”

AL

Fleetwood Mac - “Rhiannon”

MICHELLE

High Places - “Banana Slugs”

A LI E ALEC ADREA 4

The Lumineers - “Flowers in Your Hair” Odesta - “Say My Name” The Notorious B.I.G. - “Hypnotize”

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

Last week she offered to show me this crazy device she has called an Alpha-Stim—used for “Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulation”— which [supposedly] works to lower anxiety. It attaches to your earlobes with little clips and delivers tiny electric pulses, pinprick-like shocks, sometimes alternating sides and sometimes together. It’s the strangest sensation. At first it made me jump, even set to the lowest level, which stressed me out even more in anticipation of the next shock. But, after a minute or so, I settled in and we turned up the power. My body started to feel as though I was swaying from side to side, my vision set back from reality as though I were looking through one of those Magic Eye hidden

image posters from the ‘90s, and I could barely feel the pricking. She left me alone with it for a half hour, and gradually my shoulders started to drop, at one point I even felt a click in my neck as the muscles released my spine. I couldn’t say for sure whether it was the machine or the act of sitting still and breathing… probably both… either way I left feeling calmer.

Currently (get it—currently) the Alpha-Stim falls in a sort of grey area—approved as safe by the FDA for treatment of things like depression, PTSD, chronic pain, and insomnia, but “only on the order of a licensed healthcare practitioner,” and in the conditional limbo of “needing further scientific review.”

At $800 for the basic model, it isn’t really in my range for home use anyway.

I try a lot of different methods to get my stress level under control: exercise, yoga, eating lots of nachos, more coffee, getting everything done as quickly as possible so I have more time to think about the other things I could be doing to

make everything better and more efficient… But there is one home remedy that actually helps: Kaz(!).

There’s something about staring into those big, vacant, green eyes while he stares right through mine into oblivion... Imagining the perpetual white noise inside his little kitty head is my equivalent of contemplating one hand clapping.

Content cat is content. He sits, he stares, sometimes he sleeps.

Kaz doesn’t worry, doesn’t plan, doesn’t judge. Kaz is heavy and likes sunbeams. Kaz eats when he’s hungry, nuzzles for pets when he’s lonely, and runs like crazy when he feels like running like crazy. Kaz keeps it real.

The calm presence of Kaz has soothed me in many moments of overload. If you don’t have a cat, you should get a cat. OH! Aaaand he literally just threw up on my yoga mat. Nice.

by AMY SANDOVAL amy@synthesis.net

NO MIDDLE GROUN D

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

Students are Amazing.

We were zipping through Baghdad, when four Iraqi schoolgirls in neatly pressed school uniforms came into view.

“Colonel, I gotta take a picture of those adorable little girls,” I told the officer who had organized this press trip just for me.

“Okay,” he said. “Make it quick.”

And then we did something that I was never able to do again. We stopped in the middle of a Baghdad street, got out of our vehicles, and with only three soldiers for security, we looked around.

It was late April 2004, and you could still go out into the Red Zone with only two vehicles. By May, we were required to have multiple vehicle protection with soldiers, or a personal security detail (PSD) in order to cover stories outside of the heavily fortified Green Zone.

On that day, I was covering an Iraqi nongovernmental organization (NGO) called The Association of Free Prisoners. According to the association, they had collected more than a hundred thousand execution orders issued by Saddam Hussein from around Iraq. The group was entering the names of the executed into databases. Their goal was to give the families a way of discovering what had happened to their loved ones.

It had taken me about a month to track down information on this group, and find a point of contact to take me out to the site. What I got was an Army colonel who believed that the world needed to know what Saddam had done to these people. Since I was an Army broadcast journalist, he was happy to help.

The building was next to the Tigris and took about twenty minutes to get there. I was sitting in the front seat staring out of the windows when I saw the little girls. They seemed to be on their way to school. They were smiling and happy. How could they be happy, when there was so much to be sad about?

They had a future and they were on their way to school to prepare for it.

Two years ago, I wandered into Professor Robert Davidson’s office in Siskiyou Hall. I had my service dog in tow, and a bewildered look on my face. I knew that I wanted to do something with my life but I wasn’t certain what that might be. I knew that I had something to say, but I didn’t know how to get those words down on paper. No matter what, I was certain that going to school would get me where I wanted to go.

Now, I’m a graduate student in the English Department studying to be a teacher.

Spring semester at Chico State University began last Tuesday. I got to school early and planted myself at a table at the Student Union. The students looked happy. Excited, in fact. I felt extremely fortunate to be in school. I was one of them and their energy was irresistible. We’re working on our futures.

As long as we have students who trust in the future enough to go to school, our country, any country will be all right.

Students are amazing.

by SYLVIA BOWERSOX FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

5

O N THE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACE B OOK .COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y

PR O DU C T I V I T Y WAST E D

Grim Fandango, Remastered REBIRTH OF THE DEAD Some called the late ‘90s the Golden Age of computer games, but I’ve found that the most important factor for determining a Golden Age is just your year of birth. All the same, I took it upon myself to revisit many of these cult-followed paragons of the age of hair gel.

What I’ve found is this: they’re classics for a reason, but they’re almost unbearable to play at first. Not unlike Shakespeare and Melville, they’re entirely impenetrable to those accustomed to something a little more fast paced and a little less esoteric. But search around, give it a chance, and you’ll find there’s pure gold waiting to be translated.

variety of strange and humorous characters.

Grim Fandango is no exception, but I could never get my hands on a playable build— until now. I went in with some trepidation; many called Grim Fandango the very best of bizarrely imaginative developer Tim Schafer, and one of his last and most successful games to come from his cooperation with the now deceased videogame branch of LucasArts.

Of course, there is the matter of the gameplay. Grim Fandango is an adventure game, of the age where ridiculous “adventure-logic” puzzles were anything but intuitive, and hints simply did not exist. I lasted about 55% of the way through before I caved, and pulled up a walkthrough. I was glad I did. Between open fields, loads of objects to fiddle with, and near-unbearably slow pacing, Grim Fandango is as good a proof as any that attention spans seem to be shrinking over time.

Grim Fandango is set in a bizarre and incredible Land of the Dead, which blends Art Deco with Aztec, Dia de Los Muertos with film noir, and starts out in the metropolis of El Marrow, the city where skyscrapers mix the Chrysler Building with Chichen Itza. Skeletal inhabitants with noticeably Spanish names run through thick bureaucracies shuttling souls from one world to the next, and protagonist Manny Calavera is a travel agent/ reaper (selling packages to the afterlife) down on his luck.

Trying to get ahead in the corporate world sends Manny headfirst into a four year journey through the Land of the Dead, where he will battle demons, gangsters, the police, the common man, really just about everyone.

Armed only with his wits, his scythe, and a speed-crazed Elemental, Manny meets a 6

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

It’s this bizarre bricolage of aesthetics, expansive world, interesting characters, and sharp dialogue that make Grim Fandango memorable, and it is without a doubt the highlight of the whole game. To date, it is the only game in which I have threatened children with a bonesaw, accidentally started a communist revolution, fixed a roulette game, and blackmailed a man for legal services. It’s unique setting and strong voice acting complement the writing nicely, and give an overall excellent experience.

You may want to open up a walkthrough in another window, or at least bring over a friend who’s already beaten it themselves, and your patience will be sorely tested.

Despite all that, Grim Fandango is a relic to be appreciated and tried again. Best enjoyed without thinking too much about its hype and legacy, Grim Fandango still holds the extraordinary visual design and sharp writing that made it great in the first place.

Just remember to save: even remastered, it’s buggy.

by ELI SCHWARTZ pwasted@synthesis.net

an Exotic Adventure, in Smalltown, USA

by EMILIANO GARCIA-SARNOFF

0630 HOURS. CHICO. CA. I WAKE AT FIRST LIGHT WITH A START. Sit up. My t-shirt is moist with perspiration. Dreams are receding from my memory, fast, into the blackness, pulled away the way waves are. Can’t make sense of them. There are just snippets, flashes: fur...claws...a sense of dread. I rise and begin gearing up.

My gear is an SLR camera and a hand-held recording device. I’m a writer, not a cat hunter, myself.

I’m drawn to brave and dedicated people, but that’s not the way I was made, I suppose. Ever since I was little I’ve always felt like I was outside of everything, looking in.

But now I’m starting to think maybe I’m just a coward is all.

I throw back a cup of black coffee, then sonicare my teeth. Oh, these comforts that I never think twice about.

This is to be a ride-along; I’m embedding with Butte County’s #1

Cat Hunter, Armeda Ferrini, as she carries out a tactical mission in the meth and marijuana riddled hills known as the Cohasset region.

I know little of the actual details of the mission. Simply that there are thirteen targets, and we are to employ a Trap/Neuter/Return method1, which is the set of techniques that have, over the past few years, been steadily replacing the old ways, known as Seek and Destroy2.

In the old way of doing things, feral cats and unclaimed strays were generally put down3. But in the past few years, a revolution has swept the nation. Often referred to as the “Feral Freedom Project,” proponents of this new path seek to address marginalized feral communities, which have frequently been treated as little more than animals.

They’ve issued a “Million Cat Challenge” (#millioncatchallenge. org, #catlivesmatter) and claim that T/N/R-ing is not only more

humane, but also, because the spayed/neutered cats are less aggressive and horny; that the techniques cut down on fights and noise. In Butte, with T/N/R, targeted feral cats are renditioned back to the Butte Humane Spay and Neuter Clinic, a black site4 where unspeakable things are done to their genitals and then they are returned to their original location where, presumably, they’ll have flashbacks of being abducted and experimented on that none of their friends will believe.

The humane thing, it turns out, is to trap them, incapacitate them, and then cut off their balls.

Outside, in the frigid early morning air, I get into my car and drive off to the agreed upon rendezvous point, which is Armeda’s house.

Not A Crazy Cat Lady 0700 Hours. Armeda’s House. I pull up the long, curving driveway and

1 - Trap/Neuter/Return is similar to a technique used extensively in the American law enforcement system known Trap/Institutionalize, Traumatize, Train For Crime/Return, as well the counterterrorism techniques born of a post 9.11 world known as Trap/Torture/Never Return 2 - They aren’t really known as that.

3 - By “put down,” I don’t just mean made fun of.

4 - Butte Humane didn’t confirm or deny whether such a program exists. This is probably because I didn’t ask them that question, though.

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

7

finally see Armeda, who is loading cat-traps into the back of her Mini Cooper against the black frame of her garage. We exchange hellos.

Armeda has short, brown-grey hair, fine, small bones, beautiful, high, rosy cheeks, and wears a practical outfit of jeans, walking shoes, and a turquoise zip-up sweater. Her eyes dart here and there as she readies her equipment; her movements are economical and precise.

in Iraq. That ain’t shit. Armeda is responsible for thousands of beings of Middle-Eastern descent not being alive6 The Neighborhood Cat Advocates’ 7 hunting squad, comprised of five women and one man, has T/N/Red some two thousand cats since its inception just two years ago8.

It’s surreal to me that this unassuming-looking woman is the most decorated and respected cat hunter in the North State, the founder and leader of an elite unit of cat hunters called the Neighborhood Cat Advocates (NCA)5. And yet it’s an unassailable fact.

without human companionship with a dozen cats (six feral and six tame) in a sprawling estate on acreage, surrounded, on one side, by an eight foot high cat fence. Each of the many beautiful rooms has its own assortment of cat climbing structures, scratch implements and little laundry basket-sized beds. As I walk by, languid cats—both within the coyote-proof enclosure outside and in the home—look up at me with disinterest bordering on disdain.

Take, for comparison’s sake, Chris Kyle, the Navy Seal sniper portrayed by Bradley Cooper in the controversial new film, American Sniper. He had 160 confirmed kills

ARMEDA GIVES ME A QUICK TOUR OF HER HOUSE BEFORE WE LEAVE. She lives

“So...uhh...you said you weren’t a cat lady?” I ask, puzzled, my voice going high and thin.

“I said I wasn’t a craaazy cat lady,” Armeda corrects, laughing.

Several times throughout our time together, Armeda mentions, apropos of nothing, that she is not a crazy cat lady.

We get into the Mini Cooper and head out to Cohasset. Through a dense brim of fog we drive, up, up, into the hills.

The Kattengal Valley 0800 hours. Cohasset. “So we won’t do a lot of talking now,” Armeda says in hushed tones as we exit the Mini Cooper.

We’re parked next to two rusting, wheeless trucks and a single-wide with smoke arcing from a metal chimney and an American flag hanging listlessly from the front

Armeda does some reconnoissance with her local contact, Richard.

Then she scoops out a little dollop of canned mackerel for each trap and sets them up where Richard normally feeds, by the house.

Almost immediately, cats of various colors and sizes come swishing and sashaying toward the traps and we stand over by the wheeless trucks to give them some space.

“THEY JUST STARTED SHOWING UP,” RICHARD TELLS ME, launching into the

rather ironic (and unsubstantiated) genesis story of his herd of cats9.

“There was some people who used to live up the road up, here, see.

And she used to work for the Cat Coalition [The Chico Cat Coalition is another non-profit dedicated to helping stray and feral cats]. And when they got evicted, they left a whole bunch’a cats. And they just started wanderin’ down here and got mixed up with the other two or three cats I had here and, now, we’ve got an explosion of ‘em!”

“It’s just gettin’ expensive, is all,” Richard continues. The cats, with their cute, fluffy, snuggliness, are extorting him for nearly $100 a month in food, and he can’t handle any more. “On a fixed income it’s kinda hard.”

Armeda comes marching over with a trap filled with her first cat of the morning, her mouth pulled into a satisfied little grin. “See the joy you get when you get a cat?” she announces. “I don’t wanna leave without getting my car full of cats.”

5 - “NCA,” not” NSA,” though it’s easy to confuse the two

the future.

6 - if we’ve learned anything from anti-abortion activists it’s that Causing Future Somethings To

7 - an organization so serious and on their shit that they didn’t even sucumb to the temptation to

Not Be Alive = Killing. Just think of the sweet, cute, cuddly little kittens that would have dreams,

call themselves Neighborhood Advo-cats, which, like, how do you resist?

that would be playing with balls of yarn one day, that never will now, because they’ll never exist.

8 - The funding wing of the organization is ran covertly through a front organization called

I think of Armeda as the “Catinator,” not just because of her monomaniacal, unstoppable focus on

PawPrints Thrift Boutique, located at 1360 East First Ave.

her targets, but also because she assassinates cats that haven’t even been born yet, the cats of

8

porch. The air is clear and thin, here above the fog line. Ravens caw and flutter in the canopy above. Pines stretch skyward all around us and their fresh scent is a welcome relief from the nostril-flaring odorific oppression that is Armeda’s Mini Cooper, which she informs me is generated by a mix of “cat pee and mackerel.”

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

“I just hope they can get ‘em fixed and whatnot before they come into heat and start breedin’ more,” Richard says. “The males...they really tear up them females, when they go to mate with ‘em. They bite ‘em on the back of the head and the neck. So that they can’t run away from them and stuff.”

“Geez, so like 100% of cat sex is actually cat rape?” I ask.

“Yeah,” they say, simultaneously10.

“It’s vicious,” Armeda says. “It’s vicious mating. It’s not easy on the cats.” I later read/see on the internet (I don’t recommend googling this) that cat penises have backwardpointing barbs on them that tear up the female cats’ vaginas and keep them from escaping. Looking at pictures of these little, pink, ribbedfor-her-torture weapons, one starts to question the goodness of nature/ God/cats/men/all-sorts-of-stuff.

“That’s why I want to get ‘em fixed,” Richard says. “So they’re not goin’ through that.”

Another trap goes off. Armeda retrieves it, puts a towel over the cage, and puts it into the Mini Cooper.

Animal Emotions, Stray Thoughts On Love “These little ones can really do a job on you,” she says, showing me her scarred up wrists and hands. To try to tame feral kittens, Armeda wraps them up like little burritos with a towel, just their heads sticking out, then she pets their little faces and feeds them baby food with a spoon, while holding them against her bosom, so that they can feel her heart beat.

“Ooohhh!!!!” I say, clasping my hands and emitting little high-pitch noises from cuteness-pleasure as she describes this.

9 - A group of cats is actually called a “clowder”

“Why cats?” I ask, when my faculties are recovered.

“I’m helping people,” Armeda says. “It’s helping cats, but it’s really helping that person in there.

They spend a lot of money. They can’t afford it. It’s kinda like social work, in a way.” Armeda describes situation after situation, from the man living out of his van with nine cats, to the hoarder with 49; elder abuse, people with addiction, disabilities, even the families of deceased cat people.

“Everyone’s got a story,” she says 11.

FOR 31 YEARS, ARMEDA WAS A PROFESSOR AND THE CHAIR OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH

and Community Services at Chico State. She’s always had a service bent. (What I’m slowly learning is that, though this Cat Hunting thing is obviously mostly about assassinating cats of the future

and the thrill of the hunt and about being a badass warrior, I think that, perhaps, at least on a subconscious level, it may also be about selflessness and dedication to something higher than one’s self i.e. a very high form of love.)

“I always tell people this job is WAY harder. You get addicted to this.“It’s like ‘how many can you get?’ ‘How many can you save?’ And when are we going to get to the point where we’re going to have this under control? I’ve always been a driven person and this is a continuation of my driven personality. And it can take up a lot of your time. My biggest challenge is to be able to maintain a life and still be able to trap cats. You get up early and... you know...it’s hard to have a relationship.”

“But you do love cats, right?” I ask.

“I like cats,” Armeda says. “It’s more like service to the cats then ‘I love

cats so much.” A lot of people say ‘I love cats so much’ then I ask them “Would you like to volunteer?” and they say ‘Oh no, I couldn’t do that, I love them too much.’ Well no. You really would love them if you would help the cats out. Not just love them by petting them. That’s not love.

Trying to make their lives better, that’s love.”

“So love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action?” I ask.

“Yeah, that’s the way I figure.”

“And what does your boyfriend think about all these cats?”

“I think if he had his choice I wouldn’t be doing this because, I’m just—I’m not as available.” Armeda explains that he’s got a dog and she has a dozen cats so they couldn’t possibly live together, i.e. oil/water, Montagues/Capulets, Etc/Etc. But she says they wouldn’t live together, anyways, probably.

11 - Yep.

10 - for the record, neither say “jinx,” though it was clearly warranted

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

9

“No, I’m just too set in my ways. I think most people get a certain age and they really need their space. But we have nice traveling and get together a lot. He got the mackerel for me yesterday. I was so happy! It was very nice. 14 cans, and I’m in 7th heaven!”

“So, you don’t need roses, you just need cans of mackerel, huh?”

“He’s even lent me his car to do this when mine was broken.”

“True love,” I say.

“True love,” she says. “When there’s cat pee and mackerel...that’s true love.”

Takes A Lot Of Balls “This is Emiliano and he writes for the Synthesis and I thought you were gunna be doin’ some poppin’ of some testes,” Armeda says to Dr. Rachel Caspary, the Vet on duty here at the Butte Humane Spay & Neuter Clinic.

“Oh well, in just a second here we will be,” Rachel says, laughing.

“I don’t know if I can handle seeing that,” I say to Armeda as she settles her cats in and shows me around a bit.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she says.

THERE ARE SEVERAL ROOMS WITH CATS IN VARIOUS STATES OF INTOXICATION. We cruise around

and baby talk to them. Cats are meowing pathetically as if asking, “Why meow? Why meow?”

The cats are ready, we’re told. In the surgery room, a grey and white, tiger-striped cat is passed out and splayed spread-eagle on a little operating table. An oxygen mask the size of a styrofoam cup is affixed to his face.

There is some concern about me photographing people’s cats without permission in such compromising positions.

“Oh, I can block out their faces,” I say.

“Yes, no one’s going to be able to identify them by their scrotums, probably,” the Vet decides.

A Veterinary Assistant named Clinton with a big tribal earring is shaving a grey poofy cat’s balls with electric clippers at a prep station.

“My career has become shaving cat balls,” he tells me, employing a make-fun-of-myselffirst-and-what-will-be-left-to-say approach.

“If I had a dime for every time I was on the scrotum-end of a joke…” he says12.

12 - I just want to make it clear, going forward, in case there are any children or sensitive readers out there, that I will not be making any tasteless jokes about “shaved pussies.” Finding any way to bring up such a crass, easy, and, frankly, immature pun—even in a meta or ironically distanced way—would just be sad.

10

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

Rachel takes the splayed, tiger-striped cat’s balls between her fingers. Cat balls are—sizewise—not very substantial. Unlike dog balls, which, on some larger breeds, can cause a certain locker room effect of unfavorable self-comparison, cat balls are tiny, not even marbles, really. Rachel takes a scalpel blade and slices the sack open in one fluid motion.

Then she sculpts out each little ball, placing them, in turn, on a paper towel, as casually as one would shell a peanut.

“That’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever been this close to,” I mumble.

“This surgery is a weird one for you to watch,” Rachel says, over the sounds of Clinton vacuuming up some shorn balls with a shop vac. “Someone who worked here before described it as medieval.”

“So how many balls have you...you know…?”

I ask.

“Are you counting two per cat?” Rachel specifies.

“Yeah.”

RECORDS ARE CHECKED; COMPLICATED MATHEMATICAL FORMULAS ARE EVOKED —involving

both division and multiplication by two—and,

13 - plus an equal number of ovaries + 7,380 uteri.

finally, a figure is arrived upon: 14,760. 14,760 total balls since their opening in November of 2010.

“That’s a lot of balls,” I say.

And Armeda is responsible for a sizeable chunk of those balls13. The entire staff agrees that she’s the area’s #1 cat hunter. On a lot of days she brings in between a third and half of the cats being de-genitalled. She was given the Louis Pantell Humanitarian Award at last year’s Humane Society Gala, which, I believe, is like the Cat Hunting equivalent of the Silver Star or the Purple Heart or something.

So remember, If you or someone you love has a cat, or 37 cats, they need “taken care of,” who ya gunna call? Neighborhood Cat Advocates, that’s who. Their strikeforce hotline number is: (530) 324-2292. And, then, quite likely, they’ll dispatch their #1 asset, the Catinator herself, Armeda Ferrini. She’ll load the Mini Cooper up with mackerel and traps and towels. Then into that dark morning, she’ll set out. Armeda won’t quit. She won’t give up. She’ll find them. That’s what she does. Freeloading feral cats of the future beware.

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FOOD + DRINK MONDAY 9 P M | W I T H G I V E A W AY S

6:00PM - CLOSE

TUESDAY

ALL BEER PINTS $3.50

ANY 3 OLIVES/ RED BULL $ 4 S I N G L E $ 5 D B L

WEDNESDAY

Closed.

We need to drink, too!

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra Nevada Draft $3 Live music 8-10

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HALF-RACK SLOW COOKED P O R K R I B S W/ S A L A D , F R I E S

AND GARLIC BREAD $11.99 3 4 4 w e s t 8 t h S t | c h i c o, c a | 5 3 0 - 3 4 3 - 2 7 9 0

THURSDAY FRIDAY

Come see our beautiful Patio! Happy Hour 4-6: Wander Food Truck on the Patio 6pm

No Cover Open 9PM Bartender Specials $2 Dom Bottles & Wells $3 20oz. Slushies 10pm - close Southern Comfort Promo Prizes & Giveaways!

Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar! Happy Hour from 4-6.

Open 9pm Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS!

GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

$2.50 TUESDAY: Tacos, Corn Dogs, Fries or Tots, Chips & Salsa and Motzerells sticks only $2.50 ALL Day! Homemade Soup Daily $3 Sierra and Dom Pints $ 3.50 Kamis ALL DAY!

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!

WING WEDNESDAY! $2 for 3 Wings w/ drink purchase 8pm-Close $4.50 Shooter of the Day $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints $3.50 Soccer moms $6 Dbl Roaring Vodka Homemade Soup Daily $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Dom Pints Weekend Blast Off!!

8-close $6 Dom Draft & Jack or Jack Honey Shot

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM

Homemade Soup Daily

EAT. DRINK. PLAY Find out how you can play pool for only $1/day

Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4pm $3 Sierra & Domestic Pints 6PM - close $1 Off Pitchers $5 Sailor Jerry DBLs All Day Every Day

We open at 12:00pm.

SATURDAY SUNDAY

Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!

WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL 5PM.

Open 9pm DJ BATTLE 9pm - 11pm Bartender Specials $3 14oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies CLOSED

Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM Beer Week Guinness cocktail specials Beer coozie giveaway at back bar

Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR & Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

$6.99 Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50

Two Dollar Tuesdays! $2 PBRs $2 Tacos!

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Fried Chicken Sandwich w/fries or salad $6.99

8 ball Tourney 6pm sign-up Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

Reuben Sand w/ fries or salad $6.99

Happy Hour 2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jäger Shots $5 DBL 3 Olive Red Bull $5 Imports

6pm-Close $3.50 All beer pints 3 Olive Red Bull$4/$5 DBL 9PM Red Bull Movie Night

10am -2pm $5 Bottles of Champagne with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm PBR $2.25 Everyday!

Free Pool with Purchase!

1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans

$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $7 CHEAP Beer Pitchers

first friday happy hour!

BELLY SUTRA “FREAK SHOW”

pat hull matt weiner jeremy gerrard

FEB 2 2015

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

1/2 Rack Slow Cooked Pork Ribs w/ fries, salad and garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 or $6 DBL Jack or Captain & Coke or 3 Olives Any Flavor

live music 4 - 7 pm

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

6pm-Close Pitcher Specials $7/$10/$14

Rock Out at The DL! Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foot tables Open @11am All ages untill 10pm

$1 cover friday, feb. 6 12

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

Daily Happy Hour from 4-7pm Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri & Sat Nights!

PBR $2.25 Everyday!

FEBRUARY 6

319 MAIN STREET (530) 892-2473

6-close $3 Sierra Nevada Pints

Open at 11am $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Peppar Bloody Marys Noon - 6PM $1 OFF SN & Dom Pitcher $5.50 DBL Bacardi Cocktails

FEBRUARY 2

COMEDY

FREE Pool EVERY DAY after 10PM w/ Purchase

PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY

(530) 343-7718 337 Main St

Fire Grill &

Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR-E-OKE BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

Bar

Happy Hour 11-6pm select bottles & drafts $3

CLOSED

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY !!

MINORS WELCOME!

CLOSED

$2.50 Select Sierra Nevada or Dom Drafts $2 Kamis -any flavor All Day

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 - 7pm

Progressive Night:

NEW Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!

8 - 10pm $1 Dom, Wells & Sierra Nevada Pale Ale 10pm - Close: Up $0.25 per hour til closing

All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day

$3.50 Skyyy Vodka Cocktails $3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain Buck Night 8-Close $1 wells, SN Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, Dom Draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Redbull

9pm - Close $2 12oz Teas $3 20oz Teas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bull 10pm - close Southern Comfort Promo Prizes & Giveaways!

Under New Management!

Happy Hour 4 -7pm

NEW Food Menu

$1.50 sliders and other cheap eats!!

GA

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM Closed

Go DownLo

BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

WACKY WEDNESDAYS (8pm - close ) DJ Party 4 different DJ’s $1 wells $2 calls $2 domestic bottles $6 pitchers of well drinks

Go DownLo

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm Ladies Night!

8pm - CLOSE $5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger Buck Hour 10:30 - 11:30

Early Bird Special 9-10PM 1/2 off wells

Happy Hour 4 - 8pm

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!!

8pm - Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas

TRIKE RACES! Post time @ 10pm.

Win T-shirts and Bear Bucks.

MUG CLUB 4-10PM LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

MUG CLUB from 4-10PM

Happy Hour 11-6pm $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day

Early Bird Special 9-10pm 1/2 off wells

KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT" 8 PM - CLOSE HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!

Go DownLo

Select Pints $3

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Monday - Friday HAPPY HOUR 4-7PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Happy Hour- 4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-8pm Most food items and pitchers of beer are $5

Power Hour 8 - 9pm 1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM - Close $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-10pm $3 Fireball

$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-8pm

Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!

Mon. - Sat. 4pm - 6pm $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft and Wells Power Hour 8 - 9pm $3 Domestic Drafts $9.75 Pitchers $5 Dbl Sugar Island Rum NO COVER

BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger with fries or salad for $5.49.

11am-10pm.

$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys your choice of vodka

Champagne Brunch 11am - 2pm $4 Champagne with entree

Saturday & Sunday HAPPY HOUR 3-6PM $1 OFF ALL DRINKS (excludes energy drinks)

Champagne Brunch and SPORTS!

CLOSED

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10pm

191 E. 2ND ST • 898-0630

NEW THIS WEEK...

4-6pm $1 Dom Drafts $2 SN Drafts & Wells $5 DBL Captain 8pm - Close $4 151 Party punch 22oz.

8 - 9pm $1 Pale Ale & Dom.Draft Up $0.25/ hr until close

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM

LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before 10PM

Opening at 8pm for 80's NIGHT!!

8 pm - CLOSE $4 Sauza Margaritas $3 Kamis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint

WATMCHESALHL ETRHEE - THURSDAY $2 DOM BOTTLES & WELLS $3 20OZ slushies

Happy H12o-4upmr Th ur sd ay & Fr id ay

134 Broadway St, Chico, CA | 530.893.5253

LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1am

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

$1 WELLS, DRAFTS, DOM. & SIERRA NEVADA 8-10PM PROGRESSIVE 10-2AM

$1 WELLS/ROLLING ROCK, PALE ALE & DOM.

$1 PALE ALE & DOM.

UP 25¢ PER HR. UNTIL CLOSE

$3 BUTTE PORTER $4 VODKA REDBULL

$4 151 PARTY PUNCH $5 DBL CAPTAIN

UP 25¢ PER HR. 8PM-CLOSE

NO COVER FRIDAY & SATURDAY

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Fine Dining in the Tradition of Southern Italy

SICILIAN CAFÉ MONDAY, FEB 2ND

FRIDAY, FEB 6TH

GARRISON KEILLOR

Celebrating 30 years!

Farm.

Fresh.

Italian.

PAT HULL, MATTHEW WEINER, JEREMY GERRARD

LAXSON AUDITORIUM

DUFFY’S TAVERN

Kick your week off with the sultry tales of Lake Wobegon from notorious sex magnet Garrison Keillor. Sink into your seat like a warm bath as you let those steamy stories from the midwest wash over you. Feel your heart race as Sir Keillor treats you to a night of pure vocal ecstasy, and get caught in his web of seduction. 7:30pm, $10-$64, all ages.

It’s Friday, treat yo-self! Head on down to your favorite (you know it’s true) watering hole to catch these three dreamboats in action. Get to Duffy’s early, poach your favorite corner booth, order a bloody and prepare to swoon. Bonus, the show featuring these three song-slingin’ babes will only set you back one dollar! Treat. Yo. Self. 4:30pm, 21+, $1.

SATURDAY, FEB 7TH

SATURDAY, FEB 7TH

SILVER ANNIVERSARY MASQUEERADE BALL

MAMIFFER, JON MUELLER, AVE GRAVE

CHICO WOMEN’S CLUB

ORANGE ST. STUDIO

Break out your fanciest fancy pants (or just that amazing jumpsuit, tuxedo, pair of spats, tuxedo t-shirt) that you’ve been dying to wear, because Stonewall Alliance is celebrating their silver anniversary of “25 years of Queer” in Chico! Help them ring in their silver anniversary in style, with face painting, live performances, and dancing. Oh yes, there will be dancing. 8pm, 18+, $5 suggested donation.

Jon Mueller (who landed a spot on NPR’s top ten loud and weird list of 2014), Mamiffer (Faith Coloccia and Aaron Turner of Old Man Gloom and Isis), are swinging through town to play alongside Chico-favorite Ave Grave and make sweet musical love to your ear holes. Grab some beers and babes and head down to Orange St. Studio, you don’t want to miss this one. 8pm, all ages, $8.

This Week...

WAKE OF THE DEAD

Upcoming shows...

OTEP

02/12 KARL DENSON’S TINY UNIVERSE

02/19

02/13 SPIRITUAL REZ

02/20 FURLOUGH FRIDAYS

W/ MOJO GREEN

1020 Main Street Chico 530.345.2233 14

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

JAN 26 2015

On

Main

FEB

06

FEB

07

W/ BIG STICKY MESS

319 MAIN ST | DOORS OPEN AT 9PM | HALF OFF DRINKS BEFORE 10PM

CHICO’S 4TH ANNUAL BOB MARLEY DAY CELEBRATION W/ THE MIGHTY DIAMONDS

F EATURED EV EN TS

O N G O I N G E V E N TS

ESQUIRE ALI

2 MONDAY

1078 Gallery: Billy Shaddox, Dave Mulligan. 9pm, $10.

Laxson Auditorium: Garrison Keillor. 7:30pm, all ages, $10$64.

Allovertown: It’s Groundhog Day! Will he see his shadow?

Can this somehow be made into an excuse to drink to excess? We believe in you, Chico.

3 TUESDAY

Senator Theatre: Devil Makes Three, Joe Pug. 7:30pm, $25.

4 WEDNESDAY

Grana: Butte Humane’s Supper Club. 6-9pm, all ages.

5 THURSDAY

Canyon Oaks Country Club: Home Is Where The Heart Is: Fundraiser to benefit CHIP. 6pm, $50.

Energy Plant Recording Arts: Session #7 with Solar Estates.

7:30pm, $3.

6 FRIDAY

1078 Gallery: Reckoning, John Michael Sun. 7:30pm, all ages, $5-10.

2775 Nord Ave: Chico Beginner’s World Circle, Line & Couple Dance Party. 7:30pm, $5-10.

ARC Pavillion: Monte Carlo Night. 6pm, $40 per person, $75 per couple.

Blue Room Theater: Merry Standish Comedy and The Wild Oakies. 8pm, 18+, $10 advance, $12 at the door.

DownLo: BellySutras Belly Dance Freak Show. 8-10pm, all ages, free.

Duffy’s: Pat Hull, Matthew Weiner, Jeremy Gerrard. 4:30pm, 21+, $1.

El Rey Theatre: Ralphie May. 7:30pm, 18+, $25.

LaSalles: Fresh Friday: Hip Hop & R&B w/ DJ Starness, DJ Sexual Chocolate, and Emvee. 9pm, 21+.

Lost On Main: Wake of the Dead.

9pm, 21+.

Maltese: Stringtown Ambassadors, Kyle Williams, Lish Bills.

9pm, 21+.

Monstros Pizza: Argentavis, Khaos Assault, Chemical Burn.

8pm, all ages, $5.

7 SATURDAY

1078 Gallery: Esquire Ali, Burning Loud, Worldcoast, Nsmokiee, DMT, DJ Trillson. 7:30pm, all ages, $3.

Avenue 9 Gallery: Gallery Closing Party. 1pm-3pm Chico Women’s Club: Silver Anniversary Masqueerade Ball.

8pm, 18+, $5.

Laxson Auditorium: Russian National Ballet Theatre Presents: Swan Lake. 7:30pm, all ages, $10-$44.

Lost On Main: Art Saves Tour: Otep, Thira, Into the Awakening, Terror Universal, Downfall 2012.

8pm, 21+, $20.

Maltese: Stupid Cupid—Burlesque with the Malteazers.

9:30pm, $5 Orange St Studios: Mamiffer, Jon Mueller, Ave Grave. 8pm, all ages, $8.

Pita Pit: Latin Dancing. 8-11pm, all ages, free.

8 SUNDAY

1078 Gallery: Mixed Media Mixer February. 1-5pm, all ages, free.

Chico Women’s Club: World Explorations Lecture Series: Intro to Forensic Anthropology. 4-5pm, all ages, free.

2 MONDAY

nament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm 100th Monkey: Healing Light Meditation, Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny, Lois, and 7pm-8:15pm Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Farm Star Pizza: Live Jazz with Carey RobinChico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am- son and Friends. 6pm-8pm 4pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

6:30pm 11am-4pm DownLo: Open Mic Music Night. Free.

The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your Pool League. 7pm. All ages until 10pm vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes Janet Turner Print Museum: New Work/ on the turntable. 9pm-1am New Artist II: National Print Competition The Tackle Box: Open Mic, 9:30pm-12am Solo Exhibition Award Winner Kathy Aoki.

University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm 11am-4pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: Maltese: Open Mic Comedy, Signups at 8pm, “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.” starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm 11am-3:00pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour.

Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at Emiliano (no relation). Breathwork, Medita8pm tion, Healing.

3 TUESDAY

100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pm The Bear: Open Jam Night, featuring a different live band opening each week. Bring instruments, 9pm-1:30am Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo.

5:50-7pm.

Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke.

21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Janet Turner Print Museum: New Work/New Artist II: Kathy Aoki. 11am-4pm Panama Bar: Tropical Tuesdays ft. Mack Morris & DJ2K. 10pm Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crimes: On the Trail of Physical Anthropology.” 11am3:00pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

4 WEDNESDAY

Avenue 9 Gallery: Snow Goose Festival and Wildlife Art Exhibit. 12pm-4pm The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance.

5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tour-

5 THURSDAY

Avenue 9 Gallery: Snow Goose Festival and Wildlife Art Exhibit. 12pm-4pm The Beach: Live DJ, no cover, 9pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Theater Company: Mary Poppins.

7:30pm, all ages DownLo: Live Jazz. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night.

7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: Free live music on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panama Bar: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm Pleasant Valley Rec Center: CARD World Dance Classes. 6-7pm/youth 10-17, 7-8:30pm/adults. $20/4classes Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm1am Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Andy. 9pm1am, 21+ University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

6 FRIDAY

Avenue 9 Gallery: Snow Goose Festival and Wildlife Art Exhibit. 12pm-4pm The Beach: Live DJ, 9pm

Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg, happy hour. 10am-2pm Chico Art Center: Member Showcase. 10am4pm Chico Creek Dance Center: Chico international folk dance club. 7:30pm, $2 Chico Theater Company: Mary Poppins.

7:30pm, all ages DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm.

Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio.

6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg.

5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panama Bar: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $1-$5. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance.

6:30-7:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

7 SATURDAY

Avenue 9 Gallery: Snow Goose Festival and Wildlife Art Exhibit. 12pm-4pm The Beach: Live DJ Battle, 9pm DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight Janet Turner Print Museum: Kathy Aoki.

11am-4pm LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panama Bar: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Valene L. Smith Museum of Anthropology: “Leaping Lemurs and Mysterious Crime.”

11am-3:00pm

8 SUNDAY

Chico Theatre Company: Mary Poppins. 2pm, all ages Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. $8-$15. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm.

Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

15

O N THE TOW N — V I N CE L ATHAM FACE B OOK .COM / VA NGUARD P H OTOGRAP H Y

LE T T E R S TO D E S M O N D

You Remind Me of the Babe My father does not own a cell phone. He had one once. For about twelve hours. Then decided (with a conviction usually reserved for toddlers at naptime) that he definitely did not need or want one. My mother owns a cell phone, one that’s used purely for placing or receiving phone calls, and texting. It’s still impressive to me how quickly my mother can text, especially since when at a computer she types using only a laser-focus and her two index fingers. Lately my dad has started taking my mother’s cell phone with him if he leaves the house for more than an hour. This has been the impetus for the development of a rather peculiar habit of his, which is that he texts me from my mother’s phone. As my mother. Speaking about himself in the third person. This is an exchange that occurred last week: Me: Hey mom, will you tell dad to call me when he gets home?

Mom (actually dad): Dad has my phone.

Me: Ok, well please call me when you get a chance.

Mom (actually dad): Dad says ok.

I’m not sure why I find this so hilarious. It could be the fact that this is him, genuinely and earnestly texting, doing his best.

Considering that his first go-round with a cell phone ended as abruptly as it started, the fact that he texts at all is really impressive. A small part could be due to the fact that it’s not a mode of communication I’ll ever expect from him. The surprise will always feel new and strange, like getting mail by carrier pigeon, or someone throwing a brick through my window with a note attached.

16

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

That “new” feeling carries over to plenty of other areas of life, especially (for the purposes of my column this week), the rash of reboots and “long-awaited” movie sequels currently in production. As much as I love the newness of receiving third-person texts from my dad, I am most vehemently against reboots or sequels where the original came out more than ten years before. I’m looking at you, Caddyshack 2, Grease 2, Rocky V, Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, and Star Wars Episodes 1-3. I mean… Jar Jar Binks, you guys. That’s what we’re given when these unnecessary sequels and reboots are made.

Certain movies of the past have brought us such joy, that we’d do nearly anything (ahem, Godfather III) to try to recapture the original.

There’s really nothing that could though. The closest we can ever come to experiencing that excitement is watching the original with someone who has never seen it. I wish we could just leave well enough alone and stop trying to recreate the formula.

Speaking of which, the lineup for the Ghostbusters reboot has been announced: Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones, and Kate McKinnon. To be honest, I feel completely ambivalent about a movie that I can already tell will be rife with jokes structured around tropes of the lowest hanging fruit. Cue fat jokes and pratfalls for McCarthy. If you guys need me, I’ll be watching Labyrinth on a loop until my eyes bleed and everything I look at slowly morphs into The Goblin King’s magnificent bulge. BRB.

by ZOOEY MAE zooeymae@synthesis.net

IM MAC ULATE IN FE CTION

ON T H E TOWN — V INC E L AT H A M FACEBOOK.COM /VAN G UARDPHOTOG RAPHY

Show Time…

GETTING READY FOR TONIGHT’S SHOW; A COUPLE OF HOT BANDS ON THE RISE Show tonight. My band is supposed to go on stage this evening sometime between 10 and 11 o’clock. Right now it is quarter after nine in the morning—a little more than twelve hours to go. In that time, after I finish and submit this column, I’ve got more than a few things to take care of. My guitar strings haven’t been changed in months and practicing weekly with a couple different bands has taken a toll on them. I’ll change them pre-emptively, instead of waiting until one breaks, because right now my back-up guitar is out of commision.

have always approached live performances.

Sounding good is primarily important, but looking, well, if not good at least interesting, is almost on even footing.

I need to make copies of the set-list we came up with at practice last night and make sure all my gear is together. I’ve got to figure out who’s got the merch, relay load-in time to everybody, and get myself physically and mentally prepared to rock. I’ve gotten better at that last item over the years. When I started performing live I would be groggy for the entire day both before and after a show.

I figure beforehand my body was storing energy, and afterward it was recovering from the immense release of serotonin and adrenaline that goes along with playing.

Eventually I’ve got to get myself off of the farm, out of Los Molinos, and down to the big city that is Chico. All this effort for a set that will probably last forty five minutes if we’re lucky.

Band on the Rise

Dress for Success But the single most important item of the day, and the one to which the most time, effort, and consternation will be devoted, is figuring out what to wear. I know, it sounds vain, but it’s the way my various bands

The way I’ve always thought about it is that by being well rehearsed and dressing up, you’re showing your audience some respect.

They’ve chiseled time out of their busy lives and spent their hard earned money to come and see you perform: play well, dress well, put on the best performance you can. Do this every time.

Being in a band on the rise is one of the most exciting rides anyone can experience, and there are a couple of bands in our scene who seem to be pitching rapidly upward.

From what I gather the She Things are driving audiences wild with their energetic style of pared down rock and roll. The band has hit the scene hard and fast, headlining shows almost immediately out of the gate.

I have yet to catch the act but I’m looking forward to taking the plunge. I’ve had my eye on Furlough Fridays for a while. These guys have been at it for years but as of late the band is booking bigger and better shows with each passing month, recently opening up for some heavy hitters like Buckcherry and Halestorm. Congratulations all—keep up the hard work and keep rocking!

by BOB HOWARD Madbob@madbob.com FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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Febuary Art Report

by MICHELE FRENCH The 2015 Snow Goose Festival and Wildlife Art Exhibit is the very last show at Avenue 9 Gallery. It opened on January 14 and will be in place until February 7 when there will be a closing party starting at 1pm and ending at 3pm. There are two shows at the gallery, one in honor of the Snow Goose Festival that the late Maria Phillips initiated eight years ago, and the other a showing of work by the members of the gallery’s Art Guild.

Dominating the Snow Goose part of the exhibit is a group of three metal sculptures, “Tall Triplets,” by Hank De Hoop, who eloquently describes his medium as “used metal parts.” These creatures, which resemble cranes, are made of beautifully rusted bits and pieces with pick axes for beaks and long, thin legs of rebar. They’re about eight feet tall, partly goofy, partly dignified, they look aloofly down on us mere mortals. I didn’t know you could make ceramic sculptures out of Bidwell Park clay, but this is Patti Lloyd’s medium. Her “Two Crows” are a lively pair, the male plain, but well-made, while the female sports a tiny, lacy crown with a clear, sparkling gem in its center.

In the members’ show, Dr. Henry Ganzler has a number of his beautiful photographic images of wildlife, particularly of birds, which capture the essence of their majesty and mystery. Wetlands Wildlife—The Sacramento Valley, his film on the same topic, runs on a continuous loop so I came in on the vultures—”...ugly on the ground, beautiful in flight....” Waif Mullins’ and Delores Mitchell’s oils celebrate the ambiance of certain hours of the day. “Late Afternoon, Sycamore Pool,” by Waif, presents a group of plane trees leaning beneath the weight of years, shimmering in golden light. “Quiet Morning,” Delores’ painting, gives a serene, though slightly chilly, view of craggy mountains 18

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

across what appears to be wetlands. It is a lovely, small painting, restrained and almost monochromatic.

Avenue 9 is located at 180 E. 9th Avenue and their hours are noon through 4 Wednesday through Saturday.

I’ve always said if you want to see art in the worst way go to the annual Members Show at the Chico Art Center. To use a cliché, it’s a mixed bag—some of it is really good, some of it is really bad, but most of it is sort of mediocre. To guide you, if you want to go, I’ve picked out a few of my favorites: Sal Casa’s “Untitled” oil is a frothy, airy confection of dancing colors, two light blue sections above with a large blue section below. Sal is obsessed with words, so at the very bottom is an almost illegible phrase “PERCHE ti AMO” (Italian for “because I love you”). Katherine Sherman’s acrylic “The Critic” is fascinating because the image is rather enigmatic. A black man dressed in casual clothing and a flat crowned cap is seated on a curb with a stack of books beside him. He’s holding one in one hand while making a broad gesture with the other hand. There appears to a freeway overpass in the background, making the scene rather unusual.

“Softside Shore,” an oil by Brent Roden, is a small work with a charm that is almost indescribable. It seems, at first glance, to be a rather casual composition, one not given much thought. Its subtleties emerge slowly. Painted in a thin wash on a nubby canvas, the dark, murky colors reveal the irregularities in the cloth and blend in loose, shadowy configurations that suggest ancient Zen paintings from Japan. “Bunny,” a mixed media, wood sculpture by Norma Lyon, is pure fun and a delight for anyone who’s ever read the Peter Rabbit stories by Beatrix Potter.

You can’t overlook the fact that it’s a rabbit even before you read the title. It’s made of bits and pieces of wood, a block for the body, scraps for the paws, tail and ears. The head is a box, however, which opens and closes.

When open, it reveals the silkscreened face of a rabbit; when closed, the lid has cursive script quotes from Peter Rabbit.

The Chico Art Center is located at 450 Orange Street with hours of 10-4 daily. This show will be in place until February 6.

New Work/New Artist II at the Turner Print Museum is a show from Bay Area artist Kathy Aoki, the recipient in 2014 of the 10th Janet Turner National Print Competition Solo Exhibition Prize. The work in the show was created specifically for the Turner. A humorous feminist view of pop culture and attitudes toward women; it’s not deep or far-reaching, but it’s fresh and true right now. Aoki envisions a world in which there are forests of mascara brushes and grown women who dress and act like princesses in Disney animated films having been, as the artist says, “inculcated” as children to this approach to life.

“Coloring Book Page (Glamour Palais)” is a silkscreen with embossing glitter, an image of the Disneyesque theme park Aoki proposes for adult princesses. It looks a little like Sleeping Beauty’s Castle at Disneyland except that its towers are topped with mascara wands, a lipstick and a leg and foot wearing a six inch heel. The base of the palace is a princess gown with wide panniers. The Mascara Forests is a series of five lithographs of mascara wands forming forests amid a rocky landscape. Notes say it’s rumored that Aoki once actually used mascara until “frequent clumping” discouraged her. Slightly darker in tone, the

notes also draw attention to the “ominous mascara slick...” that flows through the prints reminding us that early formulas for mascara “...caused blindness and even death...”

The eventual fate of the grownup theme park is revealed in a linocut, “Destruction of Glamour Palais,” which references Hokusai’s series of prints, “Great Wave Off Kangawa” (1829-1832). A large, frothy wave caused “by floodwaters from global warming” engulfs the structure in 2213 CE as beauty detritus floats in the turbulent sea around it. Four patriotic beauty posters, send ups of recruitment posters of World Wars I and II, are amusing, as well. In two of these a wellcoifed, heavily made-up “Aunt Sam” points a carefully manicured finger at you and announces, “I Want You...To Weigh 110 lbs.” and “I Want You...To Get DD Cups.”

Other prints comment slyly on current dance crazes such as the stone lithograph “Gangnam Style (At the Moulin Rouge)” which shows a figure looking suspiciously like Psy teaching Jacques Renaudin (aka Valentin the Boneless), a popular dancer at the cabaret in the 1890s, how to do it Gangnam Style.

Another stone lithograph titled “Twerkin’” is a view of an elegant Regency ball where amused gentlemen observe ladies straight out of a Jane Austin novel attempt Miley Cyrus’ favorite move. Before you even enter the main gallery, however, you’ll be met with an interactive installation, twelve panels you can move around as you wish. One has a lipstick case with feet landing on the moon.

The Turner Print Museum is located on the Chico State campus in Meriam Library on the ground floor to the east and is open Monday through Saturday 11am to 4pm.

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Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes Who doesn’t know Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective?

Immortalized not only in literature and film, but in TV series as well; over the years played by William Gillette, Basil Rathbone, Jeremy Brett, and most recently by Robert Downey Jr, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jonny Lee Miller.

Have you ever wondered how the brilliant mind of Sherlock Holmes works? As a fan of Holmes myself, I was intrigued when I saw this book. Mastermind, by Maria Konnikova, looks at how we as humans observe, organize information and deduce knowledge while incorporating and applying Holmes’ most famous cases.

Konnikova is a contributing writer for The New Yorker with a Ph.D. in Psychology.

Mastermind is her first book and provides a review of the science, research, and luminaries who paved the way in the field of neuroscience and influenced the character of Sherlock Holmes. Don’t worry—the book isn’t a science textbook, I swear. It breaks down the science into a manageable, easyto-understand language with plenty of examples from Holmes’ cases.

If one wants to develop powers of observation that parallel those of Holmes, one must know what and how to observe, as well as know what details to focus on and which to omit. In order to contrast Holmes and the typical passive observer, Konnikova uses two distinct systems to explain how thought processes work: the Holmes System and the Watson System. While the Watson System is a mindless, jumbled mess, the Holmes System is selective and highly attentive. What distinguishes “the passive observer from the active one, engaged passivity from disengaged activity, is

precisely the descriptor…engagement. Flow.

Motivation. Interest” (p. 102).

This book explains neuroscience in a way that you don’t need a B.S. in Biological Sciences to understand it. The combination of cases and characters from Doyle’s popular books adds an unexpected and entertaining element to the book. I would strongly suggest reading the book in sections instead of trying to finish it all in one go (which is usually how I do it…ahem…

Anyone remember reading Harry Potter til the wee hours of the morning?). Unless you are a dedicated Sherlock Holmes fan, the examples of Holmes’ cases can become very long-winded. With that said, this is an excellent read. Not to mention, Konnikova uses interactive examples and psychology exercises to keep the reader involved.

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Take this puzzle: You walk into a room where there’s a candle, a matchbook, and a box of thumbtacks. Your assignment is to attach the candle to the wall…so how do you go about it?

Hint: You can’t tack the candle to the wall (the candle is too thick) or melt the wax to stick the candle to the wall (the candle is too heavy to stick). These ideas are the Watson System talking. How would the Holmes System go about it?

Want the answer? Check out Mastermind

by Maria Konnikova for an interesting, educational yet entertaining read.

by NEGIN RIAZI FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO

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CASH! CASH! CASH! We pay cash for your recyclables!!

CRV ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound E-WAStE! We pay 5¢ per pound for TV’s , Computers, Monitors and Laptops!!

And, as a courtesy to our customers, we’ll accept all other consumer electronics, such as fax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-off, with no payments* * Some restrictions may apply Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.

2565 S. Whitman Place, Chico (Corner of East Park Avenue and S. Whitman Place) 343-5500

LIFE IN CHICO Do you like Life in Chico? So do we! -“Like” Life in Chico, CA facebook.com/ChicoCA

GREAT SHORT STORIES Lotus Land, written by local writer William Wong Foey Local writer William Wong Foey author of best selling novel: Winter Melon releases his new book Lotus Land, a short story collection of bold and amazing stories of desire, despair, courage, and redemption. Available at Lyon’s Book Store at 135 Main (Chico) and in paperback & e-book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, & Direct Music Cafe.

A special thanks to all the people who purchased my debut novel: Winter Melon.

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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

FEB 2 2015

by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com

Febuary 2, 2015

By Koz McKev ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

Look around at the people in your social circle. Chances are good that you are experiencing some kind of karma with these people. What part of you feels isolated and not heard? Deal with creative projects early in the week. Continue to ignore the “he said she said” phenomena. Make progress by keeping a to do list. The weekend looks good for romance, visiting friends, and getting contracts.

Keep on working with your artistic medium. Try to stay conscious amidst circumstances that may be out of your control.

There will be a full moon this Tuesday in your house of parents, feelings, and living situation. Your intuition will be strong. Your sense of memory is strengthened as well. Thursday and Friday has a strong creative vibe for you. Continue to pay attention to career opportunities that may come your way. More social invitations are likely to come your way, with Venus transiting your eleventh house. What do you do that serves the public’s best interest? Work on cultivating your talents and skills by taking them to places where other people can see and appreciate them.

Wherever you go, there you are.

Even though our environment affects us, what we carry within us remains the strongest. Your relationship to your siblings, friends and neighbors will be illuminated by Tuesdays full moon. Mercury continues on it’s retrograde path. It seems to to normalize confusion when we acknowledge Mercury as a symbol of our brain function and communication technique.

Being comfortable in unfamiliar territory is key to your survival. You are luckier than usual these days. Take this opportunity to work magic.

Losses can be blessings in disguise. Don’t take anything at face value. There are deeper truths that are yet to be revealed. The full moon highlights finances, personal values, and other people’s property. Ask for help from others. Don’t give up if things don’t appear to be working out. It may take several tries before you know your success. There is good fortune coming your way, with Venus, Mars, Neptune, and Chiron working to make you the best that you can be. The weekend looks good for staying at home or visit with parents and grandparents.

You have much to be grateful for. The sun is in your seventh house of relationships. Learn to be more of a peacemaker and less of a poop stirrer. This full moon is all about you in the middle degrees of Leo. How does your personal will clash with your partner’s limitations?

This is a time of growth and pleasure. Sometimes there are growing pains. Jupiter conjoining the moon gives you a feeling of excitement and anticipation of something good. The weekend looks good for short, trips, hanging out with the locals and working with your hands.

The work is in front of you.

Continue to work toward positive results. Create a feeling of team spirit while you work with others. Charitable causes are good to help with during this period. Take note of your own personal health issues. Be more willing to give up things that might be compromising your health. Stay focused on the task in front of you. The full moon will light up your intuition and lead you to help those that are isolated. The moon will be in Virgo Wednesday evening through much of Saturday morning. Be open to other people’s desires.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

It’s time to be more creative.

Artistic projects deserve your full attention. Mercury retrograde can even help you focus on the inconsistencies in life. Consider the matters of the heart more often. Love what you do and do what you love. The full moon will be an opportunity to party and meet others. It’s also a good time to participate in future planning.

The weekend will be splendid with the moon in Libra. Be prepared to initiate some of your best ideas. Seek plans that work toward education, celebration and the nurturing of children.

This is a time when you do a lot of looking within. It can be tempting to get sentimental and to lose track of time. You may need to consult parents or older adults in your household. The full moon on Tuesday will affect your performance at work. Be sure to use the best of your talents and skills.

Your abilities are about to get more recognition. Mars, Venus, Neptune, and Chiron activate your creative abilities. It will be best to lay low over the weekend and take care of any personal issues. Do things to improve the comfort of your home.

There is no place to move but forward. The full moon on Tuesday encourages travel, education, living by a higher philosophy, and getting published. You are more curious about your local environment.

You are ready to expand lines of communication to siblings, old friends, and neighbors. Family issues are more intense. You may consider relocating. Pace yourself as the demands of work could be stronger toward the end of the week. The weekend brings an opportunity to socialize and meet up with friends.

Search for value in all that you do. Be impeccable in your word and your deeds. Communication issues are featured strongly with Mercury retrograde in your second house. Learn to listen twice before speaking once.

Saturn in your twelfth house is teaching you to value your alone time. Write down the tasks that you need to accomplish this week. The full moon makes you somewhat dependent on other people for help.

Meditation and prayer can help.

Thursday and Friday are good for exploring different options as to where you need to go next.

This is your season of renewal and stepping forward. Initiate with the caution that things may need to be revised.

Mercury retrograde in the first house is full of revisions.

The full moon Tuesday could inspire romance and a greater sense of intimacy. Your ability to smoothly make peace with others may have you even amazing yourself. Don’t forget that you have friends in high places. The weekend looks great for travel, educational seminars, and just being lucky and grateful. Be sure that you are able to live up to your own values.

It may feel as though the clock has stopped and you find yourself running around in circles.

You have more responsibility and you’re committed to seeing things through to a healthy conclusion. Be at peace with what the universe is giving you. You are highly motivated to lead and make changes. You have a healthy outlook on what it will take to make improvements. The full moon finds you helping others while you need to be helping yourself. Thursday and Friday are good days for, romance, making peace, and negotiating.

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

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