Unshakable Girl Magazine January 2015 by Unshakable Girls

January/February/March 2015

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TheF lTRUTH About irting Purity

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The

TRUTH About

Flirtin 4

“What’s wrong with flirting?” Some might

ask, “It’s all in good fun!” Perhaps you are one of those who is confused about whether flirting is ok or not. Many of us have grown up being told that flirting is the only way to let a guy know you’re interested...or to find out if he is interested. But... interested in what? First, let’s define “flirting”: “To behave amorously (‘strongly moved by love’) without serious intent; to show superficial or casual interest or liking.”

Flirting Without Knowledge

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 (This applies to women too!) Flirting is basically just a way to “market” yourself to guys. It’s a way to say, “I’m available!” Though, more often than not, the message it really sends is, “I’m desperate!” When you flirt, you are giving yourself away without any commitment, and usually without any real serious desire for commitment. Flirting is generally done just for the “thrill” of being noticed and feeling appreciated. However, what kind of “appreciation” is it when a guy you barely even know (if at all) returns the attention? Does he actually appreciate you...or is he simply lusting after your body? I think the answer is pretty clear. How can you really know what someone is like and what kind of things go on in their hearts if you’re just casually flirting with them? You can’t. And I believe that this is one reason for the extraordinary amount of broken hearts and failed marriages these days; people flirt with everyone for a thrill, find someone who makes their heart beat faster, marries them...and then ditches them when they get bored, because they’re used to relationships being no-big-deal, and nocommitment required. “I do” means nothing any more. And even for those who do want it to mean something, so many get stuck in a marriage with someone who isn’t what they seemed to be before they got married, because their whole “romance” was wrapped up in the physical side of things, and they were able to hide their true selves just long enough. Flirting glorifies the physical and emotional side of “being in love”, and neglects what is really important: integrity, love for God, and selflessness. Flirting says that you should chase after those lustful feelings in your heart and just “have fun” with them. But since when can you play with hot coals and not get burned? (Proverbs 6:27-28) To be bunt, flirting is the very thing that any prostitute on the street would do...but a woman who desires serious commitment and real love, and won’t settle for a childish, flirtatious “fling” is a rare jewel. All of the things you indulge in when you flirt - the way you dress and act - is all designed to stir up lust in a guy’s heart... and it will probably work...but is that what you really want? A guy who just lusts after you, but doesn’t care about your heart,

your character, or any of the things that actually make you who you are? He may say the words “I love you”...but they are empty words when not accompanied by true, selfless love. And yet, it’s not simply the guy’s fault for desiring your body, when you peddle your wares like any street vendor in Mexico, and give yourself away dirt cheap to anyone who will take a second glance. Sure, you might “catch” a guy. But any guy you catch that way isn’t going to be worth keeping...which, of course, is why flirting is done simply for the short-term pleasure and emotions it stirs up. Anyone who wants a real, lasting love knows that flirting with any guy who gives you the time of day is not the right foundation to build on. Real love is built on selflessness. Real love is accompanied by commitment. Real love doesn’t depend on circumstances or looks or emotions being just right. Also, it’s not just the guy who is grieving God’s heart by lusting. If you examine your own motives for flirting, you will see that it is rooted in lust as well (thinking a guy is “cute”, “hot”, etc).

just planning to ditch you for another girl in a month’s time? What if a guy who wasn’t planning to get married for years and years started telling you he loved you, but wasn’t willing to commit to you, or take care of you, and was continually looking at other girls, desiring them, and was only looking for what he could get from you, and would just as soon chase after another girl who caught his fancy? That’s a pretty shallow version of “love” if you ask me...and causes a lot of hurt. And it’s just as wrong and hurtful coming from a girl. And most likely, any guy who will flirt back, isn’t one who is seeking God above all else - those guys know that they can’t marry just anyone, and aren’t willing to settle for a quick emotional fling, which would simply be a distraction to them from seeking the Lord. If you call yourself a Christian, what business do you have pursuing guys who aren’t Christians? The Bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) And if you decide that having the attention of a guy is more important to you than God’s Word, you will find yourself flirting with danger.

Flirting With Danger

Flirting can’t come from any kind of real love at all, because real love “is not self-seeking” (1 Cor. 13:5 NIV), and everything about flirting is self-seeking; seeking your own gain, pleasure, fulfillment, etc, and not about what is best for the other person, or best in the long term. Also, if you aren’t old enough to be married, and/ or you aren’t in a position to be seriously considering marriage, you should not even be playing with a guy’s heart or attention. What if the roles were reversed? What if a guy started flirting with you and playing with your emotions, who was

Flirting can quickly draw you into not only having your mind full of lustful, wrong thoughts, and causing your focus to be set on attracting guys instead of what is truly important (which things are explained more in other articles), it can also draw you into sin very easily, when you cross the lines of simply being extra chatty with a guy and giving him “the look”, to kissing, holding hands, etc. Outside of marriage, these things are very dangerous. God has given these things to husbands and wives as a way to show their love for each-other, but they are not meant for simply getting good feelings with anyone you want to. The Bible doesn’t say a lot about flirting specifically...but the things it does say are very serious. “The Lord said: Because the daughters of Zion are haughty [prideful] and walk with outstretched necks [showing off their bodies], glancing wantonly [lustfully] with their eyes, mincing along as they go [walking in a way as to gain attention], tinkling with [the anklets on] their feet [to make guys look at them], therefore the Lord will strike with a scab [disease] the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts [causing them to be ashamed, and their sin to be

exposed].” Isaiah 3:16-17 (The explanations/clarifications in brackets are mine.) When you flirt, you are walking outside of the safety of God’s commands and blessing...and that is a dangerous place to be, because there has to be consequences for disobedience and sin. Also, any guy who is not sold out for Jesus is going to only lead you away from Him, and many “good Christian girls” have been led astray and even had their hearts and lives destroyed by “successfully” getting the attention of ungodly men. Also, notice that, in the verses above, it talks specifically about what the girls are doing, and not the response of any guys...and it also doesn’t mention any particular physical contact. This is because it doesn’t matter if you have guys following you like puppies or not - God sees what is in our hearts, and acting flirtatiously without being successful is the same as getting a guy to kiss you, because we have the same sinful, lustful thoughts and desires going on in our hearts in both cases. This is why the verse from Matthew 5:28 is so important; it shows us that it’s not just crossing a line or doing something physical that makes something wrong...it’s actually the sinful thoughts, and the secret fantasies that we let roam freely through our minds, which is where all sin starts. These are the things that God sees, and wants us to deal with. And this is why you can’t just say, “Oh, it’s ok because I flirt, but I never actually kiss anybody or let them touch me.” First, we all know that’s baloney, and will never last, because our sin nature is never satisfied, and is always wanting more, and more. But also, that doesn’t make flirting ok, even if you were able to hold to that “standard”, because God isn’t only just concerned

about what we do...but what is going on in our hearts. And even if we never actually DO anything wrong, if we have sinful thoughts, it is still a sin.

Flirting Comes From The Heart “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34b. Whatever we put into our hearts will come out. Whatever we think about is going to eventually be displayed in our words and actions. If we read romance books, and watch chick-flicks, and listen to music that’s all about sinful relationships...then that is exactly what is going to grow in our hearts. No matter how good your intentions are, if you are feeding your heart with those things, that’s what is going to come out. I was one of the most careful girls I knew about what I watched, read, and listened to.....but not careful enough. I spent hours wondering if a certain song related to my love life at that time....or if my relationship with a guy would turn out like I’d seen in a movie. I would try to act like a certain movie character who got the guy of her dreams...hoping it would help me. I would take the “advice” of a song about a romance above what the Bible said. Those things shaped my world instead of the Word of God shaping my world and my thought life. Instead of seeking to be a virtuous woman, and striving to hear His voice, I was trying to figure out how I could make a relationship take the right track in order to end up like some fairytale story I’d heard of. If you listen/read/watch things that make it seem like flirting and flings and relationships with guys are the most important things in the world...then those are the

things that will be most important to you. But if you trust God’s word which says that spending time with Him, and obeying His commands, and telling other people about Him are the most important things in the world... then those are the things that will become most important to you...and you will realize that all the other things are so fleeting and shallow. When we flirt, we are trying to take our lives into our own hands, and make something happen that God doesn’t think is a good idea (or He would have already done it!). When we flirt, we tell God that we don’t trust Him. We tell Him that we don’t think He has enough power to bring us the right guy at the right time. We think we have to “shop around”, and take matters into our own hands if something is ever going to happen. But I have seen God do things that seemed impossible to bring 2 people together that He had prepared for each other...including what He did to bring my husband and I together from two different countries! And I am so glad that I waited on God’s timing, and that I didn’t have tons of baggage from previous relationships that I had to deal with, but that I could just give myself completely to the one man God had been preparing for me! And yes, there were a few times when I did try to make things happen myself... and none of those times were blessed by God...and I only wish I hadn’t been impatient. Flirting also comes from a sin that seems to be native to us girls: manipulation. From the beginning of the world, we ladies have been trying to coax, finagle, and manipulate our way into whatever we want or think is best. However...what we set our sights on as the “best thing” usually isn’t. And yes...the desire to manipulate is a sin, not dis-similar to lying...because we often will do or say things in a certain way that we know is going to bring about the response that we want...instead of just being up-front and honest about our thoughts and desires. I still have to fight against this sin, which I have struggled with from

childhood. It started with trying to figure out how to get my mom to let me do what I wanted to do... which often ended in me convincing my brother that it was something that he really wanted to do, and getting him to ask mom so I didn’t have to. And now it still shows up, like in times when I am upset, and I just want to act dramatic about it, to get more pity. In the same way, flirting is trying to manipulate a guy into liking you, or noticing you... and using sin to get what you want is never going to bring forth God’s best for your life. In fact, it is likely to do more harm than good.

Flirting is Disregarding God “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain [keep away] from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress [sin] and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger [bringing forth justice on behalf of the one who was wronged] in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8) I just want to make this clear: if you choose to ignore these things, and continue flirting and throwing yourself at guys in lustful and lust-causing ways, you aren’t just ignoring my personal opinion. You are ignoring God Himself, who has called us to have self-control over our passions and emotions, and to not just let them run wild. If nothing else convinces you that it is wrong, I hope that God’s desires for you to be pure and to not wrong those around you with your self-seeking lust for attention will be enough to convince you. The fruit of having the Holy Spirit in our lives is selfcontrol...and He gives us the ability to keep watch over our bodies as well as our hearts, to keep our-

selves from sin, even when we feel too weak on our own. God has freely offered us the power of His Holy Spirit to overcome these things if we would just ask... so we are without excuse. We can’t get away with the exuse of, “I’m just too weak to fight the temptation,” or “God’s rules are just too hard.” That is just saying that really, we don’t actually want to give up our sin, and let God actually change us. Because God has given His Holy Spirit to us, we can keep His commands, and live in a way that is pleasing to Him - running from sin!

So...how do you get boyfriends without flirting?? You don’t. If you don’t flirt, you will never be the girl with a new boyfriend every month. It’s just the truth. If you don’t flirt, most of your friends will probably think you are silly...or that something is wrong with you. But...if you don’t flirt, you won’t be giving yourself away for free to guys who would lead you down the road to sin and wreck your life. If you don’t flirt, you don’t have to worry about the drama of who likes who, or wonder how to outdo the girls around you who are flaunting everything they have in order to attract new guys. And, if you don’t flirt, your heart will be free to serve the Lord however and whenever He asks you to...and it will be free to love the guy that God is preparing for you, and preparing you for...and you won’t have to deal with the baggage of past relationships, or spend years of your life “searching”. Because, when it’s God’s perfect timing, He will make it happen. Without flirting. Without even looking for a boyfriend. God is very powerful...and very, very good. You can absolutely rest in trusting Him, and letting Him do all of the matchmaking work. You can pour yourself completely into studying His word, and serving Him, and serving others, and not even spend a moment worrying about who you will marry, because when it’s the right time, He will bring it to pass. And I know you may struggle with waiting, with being “single”, with the uncertainty. But I would rather cast myself on the “uncertainty” of letting God be my matchmaker, than the uncertainty of trying to be my own matchmaker. And you don’t have to worry that you’re going to “miss” him, or be in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that you have to be doing things in such a way as to meet as many

godly guys as possible. You could be working at an allgirls school and God would even still not be stopped when He wanted to bring you a spouse. And honestly, I knew a few guys who loved the Lord from various activities I’d been involved in...but God chose to bypass all of the guys I had met or ever “considered”, and in His perfect timing, He brought a guy into my life that I’d never met before...and within a year, we were married, because it was all so completely directed by God. And I am SO grateful that God wrote my love story and not me. He has given me the dearest friend for a husband, who leads me in following Jesus. And what will you say when people ask you the inevitable question of, “So...when are you going to get a boyfriend?” (Trust me...it will happen...a lot - especially as soon as you decide that you are going to wait on God’s timing.) What if you just replied, “Well...I don’t actually care. And I don’t want any boyfriend who’s not the guy that God wants for me.” And then smile...and let your heart rest in God’s goodness.

Un-offend-able

I have been praying a lot lately for God’s transforming power in my heart to make me “unoffendable”. This article is written from the place of not having overcome these things in my own life yet, but just sharing some of my thoughts and the things that God has been putting on my heart about it all, because I have a feeling that many others probably deal with the same areas of weakness. And I know that it is only God’s power that can change our lives and hearts...so I don’t feel like I have to “have it all together” in every area I write about before I share the things God has been teaching me in the midst of my struggles... because any little grain of truth that I’ve gleaned from God along the way could be a help and a guidepost for you, too.

sneakiest of situations, if you take the time to really think about what the root of your offense is, it will almost always come back to selfishness (and when it’s not selfishness, it’s usually pride). Now, I’m just going to insert a few Bible verses here that throw a bit of a wrench in all of our self-centered thinking: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV)

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit [pride], but in humility count others more signifi I have found, and perhaps you have too, cant than yourselves.” that it is far too easy to become offended by any (Philippians 2:3 ESV) little thing that goes against my selfish desires. I can be perfectly happy, and then, along comes As Christians, all of our lives should point some well-meaning person with other plans than to Jesus, who didn’t hold onto any of His own what I had in mind, and *POOF* instantly my rights, but gave Himself up for us. I read an excelmind is filled with, “But I wanted to do such-and- lent devotional by a man named Oswald Chamsuch,” and, “They don’t care about what I think,” bers, who has a lot of wisdom in this area. This is and “Don’t they realize that they aren’t the only some of what he said: people on the planet,” etc. Or perhaps someone says something that doesn’t make you feel 150% loved and accepted. *POOF* “They hate me,” or, “I “When you are insulted, you must not only don’t want to ever see them again,” or “Why don’t not resent it, but you must make it an opportuthey think about what they say before they say it,” nity to exhibit the Son of God in your life. And you or “They’re mean,” etc., all flood your mind. And cannot imitate the nature of Jesus— it is either sometimes my mind will take the “poor me” ap- in you or it is not. A personal insult becomes an proach in its thoughts, making the selfishness opportunity for a saint to reveal the incredible harder to detect...things like, “All I want is for peosweetness of the Lord Jesus. ple to actually just love me,” or, “All I want is just Every time I insist on having my own rights, I hurt a little time to have fun,” or, “I was just trying to the Son of God, while in fact I can prevent Jesus help...”...etc. Your flesh takes on the persona of a from being hurt if I will take the blow myself. That “victim”; you feel like your rights have been tram- is the real meaning of Colossians 1:24. A disciple pled upon, and the simplest little desires that you realizes that it is his Lord’s honor that is at stake in “deserve” have been snatched mercilessly right his life, not his own honor. out of your hands. Out pops those hurt feelings, Never look for righteousness in the other person, and the anger and bitterness bubble up inside but never cease to be righteous yourself.” before you can even think. But even in these

These things are SO true, and they help you to see in a whole new light! We can look at insults and situations where you would seem, from an onlooker’s perspective, to have every right to be hurt and offended as, instead, an opportunity to display the love of Jesus, and the gentleness which is His greatness. The love that is not overcome with evil, but overcomes evil with good (Romans 12:21). When I choose to be offended by something, it’s a lose-lose situation, because I am responding to “evil” (or what my human nature wants to view as evil - whether it really is or not) with more evil (aka: sin). No good can come from responding in sin, because evil can only bring forth more evil - it is incapable of causing good to come from it. When you breed 2 lions, you get baby lions. It will happen every time. No matter how much you want them to, they will never create a baby horse;

we are causing God to have to discipline us, because we are actually sinning. No matter how real the hurt is from the other person - that is between them and God - but when you allow yourself to be angry, you are no longer innocent yourself, and you will have to deal with the consequences of your own sin. God has to make consequences for it so that you aren’t so quick to do it again. Furthermore, when we hold onto offense, we are also seeking to draw attention to ourselves instead of seeking to point to the sweetness and gentleness of Jesus. Instead of taking the blow for Jesus, and responding in meekness and love, we are causing Him to have to suffer twice over! It is such a good thing to remember, as Oswald Chambers said above, that we should be more concerned about the Lord’s honor being at stake in our lives than our own honor! When we are grumpy, and talking badly about the person who hurt us, and acting less kindly toward them, we are essentially saying to any and all watching that Jesus hasn’t really changed our lives, or given us love like we say He has. And we are also saying to God that we think He is too far away or unconcerned with us to help us to overcome these things. We are refusing to take hold of the power to overcome our sin nature which is not far off, but right within our grasp...but we prefer to feel sorry for ourselves. However, Jesus says many times in the gospels that, in order to be forgiven ourselves, they are simply incapable (no matter what evo- we must forgive those who have sinned against lutionists say). In the same way, sin is incapable us! And Ephesians 4:31-32 says, of bringing forth good, though God can step in and redeem situations...just like someone could “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger step in and just buy you a horse, after you got and clamor and slander be put away from you, tired of breeding lions. So when we hold onto along with all malice. Be kind to one another, offense because our sinful nature is enjoying tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in the pity party, and because we are hoping that Christ forgave you.” something “good” will come from us being/acting hurt and angry (in other words, we are hoping that we’ll end up getting our own way, or at It can be particularly difficult in situaleast getting pity from others), in reality, we are tions when the person who has hurt you is a not only causing all kinds of hurt to ourselves Christian. Your good, stout, “righteous indignaand others and our relationships with them, but tion” (or at least we can often justify ourselves

by calling it such) rises up within you saying, our hurtful words and thoughtless actions left “They should know better!” “They should be dif- and right? It is not our duty to be the judge of ferent if they really love what someone else should or the Lord!” “I shouldn’t shouldn’t be doing - we can’t have to put up with that see what is in their hearts, but from them - they’re the God can! It is our duty to keep ones that are supposed watch over our own hearts, to be loving me like Jesus and to keep our own feet from would,” etc. And, while it sinning, whether or not those is true that someone who around us do. I’m going to bring is calling themselves a up what Oswald Chambers Christian should be strivsaid one more time, because I ing for change in their think it’s a really excellent goal hearts and striving to live for us to have in our thoughts more and more like Jesus, and our daily lives: “Never look at the same time, I can for righteousness in the other quote from Jesus Himself person, but never cease to be and say, righteous yourself.” If we aren’t holding up a standard that we “Let him who think other people should be is without sin living up to, we will be much less easily offended. Instead, I among you be think we need to begin to fothe first to throw cus on simply living righteously ourselves, and pleading with God daily to fill us with His nature a stone...” (John 8:7) - his sweetness and gentleness and love - and Who are we to demand perfection from asking Him for His strength and help to live in another human when we ourselves are full of a way that brings honor and glory to Him...and sin? Who are we to say that people should know then, not waiting until we feel like it...but just better than to hurt us when we go through beginning to do it! our own lives bulldozing people down with

This is my prayer, and my goal. Will you join me? 13

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Direct me in Thy service, and I ask no more. I would not

choose my position of work, or place of labour. Only let me know Thy will, and I will readily comply.â&#x20AC;? Ann Judson 1414

Devotional

“A Belittling Attitude” “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.” Proverbs 11:12

It’s such an easy thing to do: someone does something that you don’t think is right, and immediately your first response is to talk about them badly behind their back. It isn’t even always something that’s outright sinful...sometimes it’s just something that we think is dumb...or annoying. It feels good for us to air our opinion...to know that someone else has heard that we don’t agree with what so-and-so did; that we have better standards, or that if we had the chance, we would certainly do things better than they did. It can especially be easy to fall into this trap as we actually begin to desire the Lord, and start seeking Him more earnestly. As He begins to change our sinful hearts, we can quickly forget or overlook our own weaknesses, and think we have a right to talk badly about someone else because we’re growing in the Lord; being changed and made “more holy”. Or we think that focusing on someone else’s sin or weaknesses in our conversation is a good “object lesson” for others...when, really, it is simply making us feel better about ourselves, or even us trying to make ourselves look better to those listening...at the expense of others’ reputations. Would we want others to do the same to us; smearing our reputations to others? I’m guessing not. “So-and-so is soooo annoying,” or, “I can’t believe so-and-so would do that...” or “So-and-so is weird...who would DO that,” or “I wouldn’t do what THEY just did!”... Any of these things sound familiar? These are all examples of what “belittling” means. And you know what? It is just as wrong to THINK things like this as it is to say them out loud. “Belittling” isn’t simply restricted to something that someone says out loud, but it also refers to what goes on in our hearts, and how we think about them, whether or not we say anything. The dictionary definition of “belittle” is: “to regard as less impressive or important than appearances indicate”. Basically, ‘looking down on someone’. But the Bible tells us to “regard others as more important than yourself”, and to put yourself in the lowest place (which would necessarily mean that you’d be looking up at them) instead of thinking of yourself as more worthy of honor than others.

I appreciate the straight-forward nature of Proverbs, and this proverb in particular gets right to the point when it says, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense”. Not only are we lowering their character in the sight of others, when we should be doing everything in our power to make sure that others think well of them (Romans 12:10), but we are also doing ourselves harm, for, when we allow ourselves to get caught up in thinking haughty thoughts about ourselves in relation to others, we are indulging in a subtle snare of the devil to suck us into pride. You might think that’s not so, but honestly if we were completely humble, we would never have a reason to belittle anyone. Think about it. The only time we belittle anyone is when we think that they are below us in some way - whether spiritually, or in general manners, or even just common sense. And the reason I know this is not godly is because...well...can you picture God doing it?? Can you? Can you picture Him sitting around saying, “I can’t stand so-and-so,” or “I wish so-and-so would just stop being so stupid”! And He of all people would have the right to say such things - I mean, He is perfectly wise! BUT...He is also perfectly humble. And this is why He does not look down on us, or speak ill of us, but is always SO patient. So, the next time we are tempted to belittle someone, or the next time someone else starts talking badly about a person...let’s heed this wisdom of Proverbs, and demonstrate our understanding of these things by “remaining silent”. P.S. It is also very easy when we hear or read something like this to immediately think, “Oh yeah, I know someone who does that!” It happened to me even while God was showing me these verses. But that is not the point. In fact...that is the very thing I’m talking about! But what we must do is put aside every thought about every other person, and ask God to show us where we have fallen into these things ourselves...and ask Him to remove these bad tendencies from us, and to instead fill our hearts with a humble, genuine love for others.

Purity “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8

uch a precious promise; one of my favorite in the Bible. “...for they shall SEE God”! This is my heart’s desire, and it makes me want to study the conditions of receiving this promise all the more, so that I may make it my own.

Now, there can be much confusion about the meaning of “purity” and the method of obtaining the promise. People are all over the place in what they believe about this one, and yet, it is so simple, and the answer is set so near to our grasp, that we often reach past it. And it can be so hard for us to be satisfied with the simple truth of the gospel, because we humans are proud, and we want to have some part in rescuing ourselves, or at least being able to say, “I did such-and-such, which gave me a better standing before the Lord.” That is why the gospel is so difficult for so very many people to take hold of; because it is too simple for them. They feel like there should be more to it...more things they have to do, rituals that need to be kept, self-punishment to be administered, and a quota of good works that needs to be filled. “Free gift?” they think, “Well, if it’s free, then it can’t be very good.” And they move on to some other religion that requires them to wear certain clothes, and say prayers at certain times, because they are unwilling to just humble themselves and accept that Jesus already paid the full price for our sins to be removed from us! There are many people who may believe that they have done too many wrong things to take hold of this promise for themselves. They read, “Blessed are the pure in heart...” and stop there, because they

know their hearts are far from pure, and there doesn’t seem to even be any hope for them to come close to the promise that follows...so they don’t even try. They are held back by their guilt and discouragement, and they decide that there’s no point in even trying to reach that beautiful promise, so they go off in the opposite direction, because... that is all they know...and they already know they are successful at their sin. They are afraid of failing to obtain that which their hearts so long for...they are afraid of disappointment. There are also those who think that “pure in heart” must mean that they must live without touching the world...because it is so filthy and dangerous. They think they must live in their own happy worlds of innocence in order to have any hope of seeing God. Many parents believe this of their children, and do their best to try to keep their children innocent, and unaware of all of the sin that goes on in the world. Any mention of sin, and they cover the little ears, hoping that these young ones might escape the pull of sin by lack of knowledge. And truly, what good parent wouldn’t desire for their children to escape the sins that they themselves have fallen into? But in every case that I have seen, these children who have been so diligently sheltered, always end up finding sin...and in many cases, their fall is harder, because along with the lack of knowledge about sin, they have not learned how to wage war against it effectively either! On top of this, sin, in many ways, is a gift. Now, obviously, we should not seek it - we should be running from it - but without sin, there is no real understanding of how much we need a savior! There are also those who read, “‘Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’” (Matthew 18:3) They think that you have to act like a child in order to enter heaven...and so, run off into childishness and silliness, thinking that it is the same as being pure. But they have missed the next verse, which goes on to say, “‘Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.’” (Matthew 18:4) It is the humility of a child that we must desire to emulate (the willingness to come right up

to the Lord’s feet without hesitation, and to take hold of His gift of salvation eagerly, without trying to come up with some way that we can become our own saviors)...not the silly naivety, not the reckless goofiness from lack of self-control...and not even the innocence of a baby, which is what makes them so very sweet. A baby’s innocence comes from a lack of knowledge... but God wants us to know the wickedness of sin, and to not want it any more. True purity is a sober, earnest pursuit of God, and a fleeing from childish folly and sinful things. You also won’t be able to hold onto any desire for ‘coolness’, because God’s purity brings a joy and sweetness that isn’t ‘cool’ and doesn’t let us hold onto whatever ideas of being ‘cool’ we may have. That is another reason purity requires humility; God’s purity will look foolish to those who are striving after ‘cool’, and we need to be able to humble ourselves to the point that we no longer care, and are glad to be made so totally new that the ‘cool crowd’ thinks we’re weird!

Purity vs. Innocence:

Oswald Chambers has written, “Innocence in a child’s life is a beautiful thing, but men and women ought not to be innocent; they ought to be tested and tried and pure. No man is born pure: purity is the outcome of conflict. The pure man is not the man who has never been tried, but the man who knows what evil is and has overcome it.” The reason newborn babies are so sweet is because they are innocent, and it IS a beautiful thing. But innocence is not what we should be building our

lives around striving for. It will never work. Sin is everywhere, and it finds its way into our hearts no matter where we live or how careful we are. That willfulness that rises up in a toddler when told not to do something is not something that comes from anything in the world. It is a seed that is in the heart of every person as soon as they are born, and it will grow, and become evident in our lives. It was even in the hearts of the most ‘innocent’ humans to ever live: Adam and Eve. They were the most ‘sheltered’ humans to ever exist, living in a secluded garden made by God Himself especially for them, and not having any other people around to influence them wrongly. And yet...the devil found them there. And their own sin - the seed of sin that was already in their hearts - was played with...’watered’ - and their pride both sprouted and brought forth a harvest of consequences that day; the day that they disobeyed God. This is why Romans 3:23 says, “For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. There has never been a person who has escaped sinning. There is no one who has retained the innocence of a little baby. Innocence is sweet...and as long as it can last, it is cherished. Sadly, any who strive after it will be sorely disappointed. However, when our sinful nature grows in our hearts, and we come to the place of realizing just how much we have hurt God by disobeying His law, we are so much more grateful to find the way out, through the salvation of Jesus! Romans 4:7-8 says, “‘Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.’” So what is it that we should be striving for, if it isn’t innocence? Purity. Purity can only come when we have had to fight against sin, and have had the victory! Purity can only come when we have humbled ourselves before the Lord, like little children, and let Him remove all of the evil desires from our hearts, giving us new desires...and new hearts. To those who feel like they have sinned so much that they can never be “pure in heart” - fear not! “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodli-

ness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.” (Titus 2:11-14 ESV) All that you must do is take hold of the salvation of God through Jesus Christ! He will teach you how to overcome your sinful desires. The more you surrender your life to Jesus, the more He is able to purge the impurities out of it. Purity doesn’t mean you have to clean yourself up in order to stand before God. When we get a glimpse of His holiness, we can often feel like this is the case. However, purity simply means that we must admit our great sin to God and allow Him to remove it from us. We must simply be willing to let it go, and let Him wash us clean.

Purity means that when our sinful desire comes knocking at our door, we won’t open to it, because we already know the outcome of those sins, and we don’t want to have anything to do with them any more.

And as we daily battle our flesh, and daily overcome, we shall be refined, like gold is refined (melted) in a fire so that the impurities can be removed. And as we are made pure, we SHALL see God. As the old sins and desires are removed from our hearts, we will be able to see God’s beauty in a new way! We will be able to see the delicate flowers, and smell the spicy breeze, and dance for joy in the tall grass. We can more clearly see His workmanship in every leaf, in every cloud, in the stars. And...we will get to see Him as we let Him draw close to us, as we let Him in to our hearts to renovate them and make them new. He will no longer be to us a “far off” God...but closer than the air we breathe. We will see Him as He leads us, as He lifts us up every time we stumble, and as He fills us with new life. We will see God because there will no longer be veils between us and Him; no sins darkening our vision, no pulls of worldly ‘delights’ lowering our gaze...and when we go to spend time with Him, we will be able to behold His beauty with nothing between us but love and great joy! And we, who have tasted of the bitterness of sin and all of its deceitfulness, and have been made pure, are grateful beyond words...for we know what it is that we have been saved from...and we are so overjoyed to have found rest for our souls in the purity and holiness of Jesus, and the new hearts He gives us.

BETTER PLANS

s soon as God directs you to have faith for something that seems impossible, or when He tells you to do some-

thing that doesn’t seem logical, or to wait for Him to act, instead of plowing ahead in your own plans, the devil is always right there, ready to slander God to you. The devil will whisper, “He won’t hold up His end of the deal.” Or, “You’re just a sinner, so why should God bless you like that, or hear your prayers?” And then, our first response? Fear. Fear and then our minds begin racing to think up a “better” plan. A plan that’s less risky, more likely to succeed, and - best of all -a plan that we can make happen ourselves, instead of waiting on God to bring His plan to pass in timing that is different than our own. How do I know this? Oh...just many times of failing to hold onto faith. Many times of circumstances seeming too big and scary...and feeling like God wasn’t acting fast enough. Then my mind would start to whirl, coming up with a plan B, C, and D that all seemed more appealing than ‘A’: waiting for God. It seemed like, if I waited, the situation would crush me to pieces - and then, of course, it would be too late for God to do anything. At 20

least, that is what my mind would tell me. give me, for I continue childless, and the heir I am also a fairly resourceful person, so I was of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?’ And be able to think of dozens of ways to “get Abram said, ‘Behold, you have given me no through” a circumstance in my own strength, offspring, and a member of my household will without even having to pray or wait. And be my heir.’ And behold, the word of the LORD then, even when I did get up the courage came to him: ‘This man shall not be your heir; to pray, the devil would have me convinced your very own son shall be your heir.’ And He that I was just being selfish, and that I had brought him outside and said, ‘Look toward too many needs, heaven, and numand that I was ber the stars, if you being a bother are able to number to God by bringthem.’ Then He said ing them all to to him, ‘So shall Him...and so, in your offspring be.’ the midst of my And he believed praying, there the LORD, and He my mind would counted it to him start whirling as righteousness.” again, coming up with options Then, his wife, Sathat were less rai (also called Sar“b oth e r s o m e ” ah), comes to him, to God; things and reminds him I could do to that he doesn’t “help Him out” a have any children little. Does God yet...and that she need help? What is not getting any happens when younger. She then we try to bring gives her servant things about girl as a wife to with our own him (back then, ideas? this was a com There is mon pagan pracan excellent (and tice...however, it sobering) examwasn’t God’s way), Abraham sends Ishmael and Hagar away. ple of this very so that he could at thing in the Bible. It is an example that God least have a child somehow, even if it wasn’t showed to me, and helped me to realize through her. that I was doing the very same thing, and Sarai’s servant girl does end up havit has caused me to be much less inclined ing a son, whom they name Ishmael. Howto “make things happen” myself instead of ever, this is what God had to say about it, in waiting for God. Genesis 17:15-21: “And God said to Abraham, ‘As for Sarai your wife....I will bless her, and First, God promises Abraham (also moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will called Abram) a son, in Genesis 15:1-6, “Af- bless her, and she shall become nations; kings ter these things the word of the LORD came of peoples shall come from her.’ Then Abrato Abram in a vision: ‘Fear not, Abram, I am ham fell on his face and laughed and said to your shield; your reward shall be very great.’ himself, ‘Shall a child be born to a man who is But Abram said, ‘O Lord GOD, what will you a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is nine21

ty years old, bear a child?’ And Abraham said to God, ‘Oh that Ishmael might live before you!’ God said, ‘No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him. As for Ishmael, I have heard you; behold, I have blessed him and will make him fruitful and multiply him greatly. He shall father twelve princes, and I will make him into a great nation. But I will establish my covenant with Isaac, whom Sarah shall bear to you at this time next year.’” And, just as God said, Sarah DID have a son! And he is the one who God used as one of the direct fathers of the nation of Israel. Now, it is very interesting to know what ended up happening to Ishmael...and who he ended up fathering. Most of Ishmael’s descendants ended up becoming the Arab nations...which have been a thorn in the side of Israel (as well as other nations) ever since. This is exactly the kind of thing that happens when we try to come up with our own, “better” plans, when we don’t feel like waiting on God’ s plans. Sure, He may allow them to take place, and even to “prosper”...but just think at what peace Israel would have had without the descendants of Ishmael surrounding them and continually making war against them! And, in the end, God still brings His own plans to pass. He still kept His promise to give Abraham a son through Sarah...even though it was 22

years after Ishmael was born. He didn’t use Ishmael to bring forth the nation of Israel at all...even though it seemed like a “good idea” at the time. Waiting on God’s plans will always bring the greatest blessing, and without all of the “aftermath” mess that almost always comes attached to our own plans. God knows what is best. He can see a much bigger picture than we can... and He is not only concerned about getting us where we need to be; He is also even more concerned about our hearts, and the lessons we need to learn along the way. His plans bring forth not only the best short-term blessing, but they bear lasting fruit in our hearts and lives! (“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” James 1:2-5) When we cling to Him in faith, and press forward persistently in prayer, it is not only NOT a “bother” to God, but it shows Him that we really believe what He says, and we trust Him! In fact, when we let fear into our minds, it not only is telling God that we don’t trust Him and that He isn’t powerful enough or big enough to rescue us and to meet our needs, but fear is a playground for the devil. When we let go of our trust

in God, is is like giving the devil a free pass at filling our minds with all of the lies he wants to. Trust in God requires holding onto the promises of God and His goodness. When we don’t trust God, it’s telling the devil that we really aren’t holding onto anything, and we aren’t sure what we should think, which makes us an easy target. When we don’t know what to think, the devil is all too glad to give us “suggestions”. The devil will use that open door to speak all kinds of hurtful things into our hearts about God and even about others! He will use it to destroy our peace, and to cause our hearts to be in turmoil and dread. He uses it to try to push us to the point of suspicion of God, and even thinking that God is purposefully being mean to us! If we could simply see what God sees, we would see that there is no need to fear at all - not even a little bit, and we could see that God’s plans are at work even before we can see the answers! (Isaiah 65:24, “Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.”) These are the sort of things that we must hold onto in the midst of the testing of our faith! And, as Genesis 15:6 said, our faith and trust in the Lord is even counted to us as righteousness meaning, that even though we have to daily cry out to God for His strength to fill us so that we can even keep holding on to him in faith in the trying circumstances that surround us, He still looks at that tiny mustard-seed of faith as something we did right (even though it’s only because of His strength that we could ever do it!), and it is a delight to His heart! It’s a mystery and a blessing. Our God is so gentle and gracious to us weak, frail humans! Any little effort we make toward Him and toward trusting Him, He rewards, and is blessed by it! It’s so amazing! He is so humble.

I Won’t

Change “Like me or hate me, it’s your choice. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I am who I am, and I won’t change.” I see things like this everywhere online, and I hear so many girls talking this way. It’s not always the same phrase, but it’s the same attitude. Many times, it’s something that is mingled with a mantra for girls to not worry about how they look - which is something that I do think is way over-glorified in our culture...but does that make it ok? I’ve seen this attitude take friends of mine down very dangerous roads, and I’ve watched people I’ve known destroy their own lives because of this very attitude. It’s not just an innocent way of thinking to help girls not to think badly of themselves. It’s a deadly snare. (Just understand, however, that this is not the same thing as having Godly standards, and refusing to compromise on them.) Why? At the root of it is pride. Pride is so deadly because it cuts us off from being able to receive any correction or help. We stubbornly plow through anyone who stands in our way, whether or not they were standing there to try to keep us from blindly leaping off of a 500 foot drop. Pride numbs us to the importance of there being an absolute right and wrong, and it blinds us to sin. So often, with this kind of pride filling our hearts, we have decided that the

problem is with everyone else - not us. Everyone else is being judgmental and un-loving. We don’t want to believe that there could be anything wrong with how we are living...and honestly, we really just don’t want to have to give up the things that we enjoy doing. This attitude says that there’s both good and bad in us, if someone doesn’t like what we’re doing, we shouldn’t have to change; if they don’t love all of the bad along with the good, then they don’t really love us. It says that, unless we are living how we want to with freedom, we are living a lie. Of course we don’t want to live a lie! But at the very heart of the gospel is the need for change, humility, boundaries, and yes - even submission...in fact, even cheerful submission! Our sin nature loves to do what is wrong... and set free without bounds to do what it wants, it would be like a wild tiger- savage and dangerous. Without limits, we will always lean toward doing things that will destroy us. This is why God gave us commandments! Not because He is mean or doesn’t love us - but because He does love us, and He wants to keep us from getting hurt! It is so important that we don’t live un-checked lives, doing whatever we want without anyone saying a word to us. Though to many people that sounds like an ideal society, in reality it would be a terrible, broken society full of hurt and destruction....much like our society currently is. In fac, it is because of this attitude - this pride, and not wanting to change our way of living or listen to instruction - that our society is the way it is! But the gospel is about changing our whole lives! God gives us new hearts, and

along with those new hearts, He gives us new desires and goals. He also gives us commands that we need to follow to keep us in the right way. Are we living a lie if we learn what God’s commands are and obey them even if that means changing the way we act and think? Are we living a lie because we aren’t doing all the same things we used to love doing? Are we living a lie because we don’t want to swear any more or watch horror movies or live in the depths of depression? No! Of course not! Jesus gives us new hearts and desires - that means that the old things must change, and DO change...and it is good! Every change that Jesus brings to our lives is SO good! The truth of the matter is that our old, sinful way of living is the lie! We wallow in the muck of our sinful lives for so long because the devil lies to us and tells us that it’s fun and it will be fulfilling if we just stick around...and he will even tell us that there’s no way out - all of which is a lie! But Jesus came so that we could truly live in freedom and joy - freedom from our slavery to sin and the lies of the devil! And His laws show us that there is, in fact, a right and a wrong...which I am so glad for! If I didn’t have guideposts, I would be making a mess of my life and the lives of everyone around me - of this I am very certain. Even if God hadn’t told us specifically what things were wrong, we would still have to deal with the consequences of them. But He has told us! And we should take that as a great mercy toward us! The fact that we can know what things are wrong and going to cause pain and trouble if we persist in them

is amazing, because when we know, we can do something about it! Because Jesus came to rescue us from our sins, we don’t have to stay stuck in them - the very things that are destroying us! Now, you might wonder, “But do I have to change every little thing that people think is wrong with me? Do I have to try to measure up to what people think I should be?” The answer to these questions is sticky and can be different depending on the particulars of circumstances...so try to hear the heart of what I’m saying in this limited amount of space that I have. The short answer is: no. Ok, now here’s the longer answer: First of all, you don’t really have much power to change yourself anyway. You’ve probably noticed that. Without the Spirit of God to fill you and change your heart, you really won’t be able to live as God requires. Now, we do have to choose to obey God’s commands, and not to do the things that are wrong. But it is God’s Spirit that gives us the power to resist temptation and to do what is right. And God wants to change the things that are sinful in us, and make us more and more into children of light. Though you probably won’t be able to be perfect any time soon, Jesus actually calls us to strive for it; instead of being apathetic and not caring how you live or how much sin is in your heart, Jesus tells us to set our sights on being perfect, so that we are always pressing forward to be more and more like Him, and so that we don’t get stuck in a place of complacency and thinking we’re simply ‘good enough’. (Matthew 5:48) Now, God has given you your parents to help you to grow up right, and you are called to honor them, and what they ask you

to do....and when they point out an area of sin or weakness in your life, you need to accept it humbly and bring it to God in prayer and ask Him to change you and help you to live in a way that is a blessing to others - especially them. If you heed their warnings, chances are that you will save yourself a lot of trouble and heartache. What about those who aren’t your parents? If someone (particularly a fellow Christian) comes to you with a concern, listen, and ask God for humility and His help to not get offended. It is so easy to get offended by someone bringing a concern to you that means that you did something that wasn’t quite right. But listen to them, and bring what they say to God in prayer. They might just be right - often times it can be easier for someone standing on the outside of situations to see more clearly what is wrong and what needs to be done. And if you do find that they are right, even if it stings at first, you may save yourself much pain by listening to them and heeding their advice. At the same time, your job is, first and foremost, to be seeking God daily, and to be striving to live according to HIS standards... and finding your identity and confidence in Him (not in trying to measure up to everyone’s ideas of what you should be like), and then getting out and telling people everywhere about Him and what He is doing in your life, and what He can also do in their lives. When you are doing those things, everything else will fall into place, and there is no pride in that way of striving after God, because we know that, without God doing miracles in our hearts, we would be lost... and without His power strengthening us, and picking us up, and sometimes almost having to force us to do what is right, nothing good would come out of our lives. We

know who we really are, and where God is calling us to be...and we are humbled that He has such patience with us. We will begin to see that who we were was not something to be proud of...but instead, change in our hearts and lives is to be sought after and embraced with gladness! We get to see this more and more clearly as we let Him change us, and make us new. And this ‘making us new’ is not a one-time-and-it’s-over thing, it’s an ongoing, daily work that will continue for the rest of our lives. Start here: Take some time today to ask the Lord to show you any areas in your life that aren’t pleasing to Him - things that He wants to change in you, if you’ll let Him - and then begin to pray about those things, and ask God to take them out of you and to change you so that you can bring more glory to Him. This life is not about us doing what we want or feeling good about ourselves; it’s about bringing glory to Jesus, and showing the world that He is beautiful!

Contact Tai Sophia at: UnshakableGirls@gmail.com