Tallahassee Woman Magazine August-September 2023

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2023

TWM

FALL FORUM & FASHION SHOW

WORK LIFE BALANCE Domestic Violence SALLY BRADSHAW’S FALL READING LIST

Fall Fashion TWM RED GALA

EMBRACING EXCELLENCE AND EMPOWERMENT

75 years of Saturday morning games and living on the field.

Go by any ballpark on a Saturday, and the air is filled with excitement.

Parents and coaches cheer for their teams, proud of their players alert in the field or ready at bat. After serving our community for 75 years, we like to think we’re part of the fun – by keeping you stronger, happier and healthier. That’s our job. From all of us at TMH and our partners, thank you for your continued trust.

TMH.ORG/75Years

If you can dream it, we’re the bank to help you get there.

At Synovus, we provide the solutions, advice, and experience for you to bank from whenever, wherever. From rewarding credit cards to loan options tailored to your needs, we’ll help get your money working the way you want. Let’s see what we can do together.

Start your journey at synovus.com. | 5 | Member august FDIC. • september 2023 All loans and lines of credit are subjecttallahassee to approval. woman Synovus Bank,

CONTENTS 12. LETTER FROM PUBLISHER 14. LETTER FROM GUEST EDITOR

CULTURE & CUISINE

17. MASTERING FALL FASHION 18. TASTY PEANUT BUTTER BALLS 19. THE HUNGAR GAMES SAGA CONTINUES 20. MIDTOWN READS 22. EMPOWERING WOMEN IN SPORTS

LIVING LOCAL

39

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

42. COOLING DOWN WITH A KALE SMOOTHIES 45. YARN CRAFTS FOR MENTAL WELL-BEING & CREATIVITY

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

46. CULTIVATING AN ENVIROMENT OF KINDNESS 49. NAVIGATING ROOMMATE HARMONY 50. BREAKING FREE FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 51. WE INSPIRE

24. AROUND TOWN: TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE CELEBRATES 17TH ANNIVERSARY

24 17

ON THE COVER

28. EMBRACING EXCELLENCE AND EMPOWERMENT WITH DR. MONIQUE BUTLER

TRAVEL

34. MADAME XHALES IN BLACK MOUNTAIN, NORTH CAROLINA

45

BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP

39. LEGAL WRITES WITH DANA BROOKS 40. STACKED: WOMEN IN REAL ESTATE WITH CARRIE BOYD

28

28. ABOUT THE COVER: | PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY | MUA: IMAGE BY LISA | HAIR: TANYA EVANS: EIGHT FIVE ZERO SALON | DRESS: PRIVATE COLLECTION | JEWELRY: NARCISSUS

tallahassee woman | 4 | august • september 2023

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YOU.

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You’re in charge of a lot of things, including your health. Taking time out to get regular screenings is the best way to catch breast cancer in its early stages, when it’s the most treatable.

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WOM A N

MAGAZINE

August - September 2023 • Volume 18 • Issue 5

Publisher | Editor-in-Chief Dr. Michelle Mitcham

CRISTINA CARTER Relationship Manager

BRIANA SMITH Creative Consultant

PAULA DEBOLES-JOHNSON

THAIS GONZALEZ Food Contributor

Director of Leadership Initiatives

REGINA LYNCH HUDSON Director of Luxury Travel

CONTRIBUTORS

Executive Editor

OLIVIA HEYWARD Creative Director

TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE is a publication of Mitcham Media Group LLC Post Office Box 16616 Tallahassee, FL 32317-3401 Phone (850) 739-1720 publisher@TalWoman.com Tallahassee Woman is published six times per year and is distributed on a complimentary basis throughout Tallahassee and the surrounding communities.

ADVERTISING For advertising, visit talwoman.com, call (850) 893-9624, or e-mail ads@TalWoman.com.

The information in this publication is presented in good faith.

The publisher does not guarantee accuracy or assume responsibility for errors or omissions.

Copyright © 2023 Mitcham Media Group LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, without expressed written consent of the Publisher is prohibited.

TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE IS A CERTIFIED MINORITY BUSINESS ENTERPRISE

T A LWO M A N .C O M

LACI SWANN

KIRA DERRYBERRY PHOTOGRAPHER Kira Derryberry is a Tallahasseebased portrait photographer specializing in families, headshots and boudoir and commercial photography. She books locally in Tallahasee and is available for travel worldwide. View Kira's portfolio online at kiraderryberry.com

DR. IRIS PENDLETON WRITER Iris Pendleton is a wife and a mother. She is a graduate of Florida State University and Tallahassee Community College. Iris is an Assistant Professor at Tallahassee Community College and a blog writer for Now I Can Wear Pink and BTSADV.

INTERNS

SUMMER BATTEN Florida State University

KATIE KELSEY Florida State University

CYAN MOORE Florida State University

ASHLEY LYNN FISCHER Florida State University

CHLOE POMERANC Florida State University

ELIZABETH MASSEY Florida State University

tallahassee woman | 6 | august • september 2023

850.777.7777

Empowering Women

Destin | Tallahassee | Jacksonville

tallahassee woman | 8 | august • september 2023

ADVERTISEMENT

As she was guiding her class through an exercise, there was a slight pressure in her chest and a sudden pop. Immediately Beth thought, “That’s not good. What was that?”

Beth didn’t feel right going home after her class, so she drove to Tallahassee Memorial HealthCare’s (TMH) Emergency Center – Northeast nearby. As soon as Beth walked into the Emergency Center, she told staff she was having a heart attack, and they immediately got her to a room.

The staff then rushed her in an ambulance to TMH’s main hospital, where the heart and vascular team is equipped to handle advanced cardiac care. Beth was suffering from an aortic dissection, a serious condition caused by a tear in the inner layer of the body’s main artery (aorta).

“When I saw her scan, there was no question that we had hours, not days. We had to go right now. This was her life,” Frank Gredler, MD, Beth’s cardiologist said.

Charles Murrah, MD, a cardiothoracic surgeon, was on call that day, which Beth calls God’s blessing.

“He was amazing. I thank him for saving my life,” she said.

The Unstoppable Beth Culley A potentially deadly cardiac event led Beth to Tallahassee Memorial HealthCare and some of the best cardiovascular physicians and surgeons in the Southeast.

F

itness instructor at Premier Health & Fitness Center isn’t just a title for Beth Culley; it means she gets to do what she loves.

Beth teaches a variety of classes for students from all walks of life. She is known as a powerhouse motivator who inspires her students.

“I like people to have fun,” she said. “They’ll come back if you have fun with them.”

It’s difficult to imagine someone like Beth slowing down, but on a Tuesday in 2022, an often-deadly cardiac event stopped the unstoppable Beth.

Dr. Murrah repaired her aortic dissection by replacing the wall of the aorta. This is not a common procedure, but something the Tallahassee Memorial heart team performs about once a month due to referrals from surrounding areas.

“The fact that she got very prompt and very correct care is the largest part of what saved her from what is regrettably either a very, very difficult hospital course, or a terminal event,” Dr. Gredler said.

Beth is grateful for the team at TMH for saving her and getting her back in the gym.

“I love working out with her,” Bob Culley, Beth’s brother said.

“She motivates me and is just great to have around with her positive attitude.”

At Tallahassee Memorial, you have access to one of the most advanced heart and vascular programs in the Southeast. Our cardiovascular physicians perform more complex procedures and clinical research than any other program in our region.

From cardio-oncology to heart surgery and everything in between, the most advanced cardiovascular care is at home in Tallahassee.

Visit TMH.ORG/Heart to learn more.

SEPTEMBER 15TH, 2023 5:30 PM - 7:30 PM

SCAN OR VISIT TALWOMAN.COM FOR TICKETS & SPONSORSHIP INFORMATION tallahassee woman | 10 | august • september 2023

Talent Shaping Tallahassee With nearly a decade of experience serving the City of Tallahassee, Vanessa Spaulding is now leading the way to establishing a Foreign Trade Zone (FTZ) at Tallahassee International Airport (TLH).

With a proven track record managing large-scale, detailed projects including more than 75 aeronautical and non-aeronautical leases at TLH, Spaulding was recently promoted to manage the FTZ, air service development, cargo development and Airport legislative affairs.

Focused investments at TLH support the City's Five-Year Strategic Plan objective to increase the Airport's annual economic impact on the region to $1 billion in 2024, serve 1 million annual total passengers and process 22 million pounds of cargo annually.

Data released this year from the Florida Department of Transportation reports TLH’s annual economic impact grew to $859 million, up 43 percent from $599 million in 2019. The FTZ at TLH will continue to distinguish the Airport as the global connection to the Northwest Florida region, enhance international commerce, stimulate the economy and bolster the region’s global market competitiveness.

Maintaining close relationships with federal, state and local partners is a critical part of Spaulding’s new role, as is her work managing strategic air service and cargo development programs. In its steadfast pursuit of new air service options for the community, TLH landed JetBlue as its newest air service provider earlier this year, with flights to Fort Lauderdale set to begin in January 2024.

As activity abounds at TLH, Spaulding’s embracing her new role and the global opportunities emerging at the Airport. To get the latest updates from TLH, visit TLHAirport.com.

VANESSA SPAULDING

Sheila Salyer has dedicated more than 27 years of service to residents of the City of Tallahassee, currently serving as director of Tallahassee Senior Services. Knowing the value of national senior center standards and accreditation, Tallahassee Senior Center (TSC) has been accredited three times under her leadership. Now, Salyer’s community impact has been recognized with the National Council on Aging’s Trailblazers in Aging Awards 2023 National Institute of Senior Centers 2023 Founders Award.

Salyer is credited with growing the TSC Foundation from $60,000 to $700,000 and enabling it to provide innovative programming, like UPSLIDE, which addresses loneliness and isolation by connecting people ages 50 and older for meaningful social interaction. TSC serves more than 5,000 participants annually and, monthly, offers almost 180 programs, activities and opportunities designed to encourage active living, optimal aging and social fitness.

To learn more about offerings from Tallahassee Senior Services for independent adults age 50+, visit Talgov.com/Seniors.

SHEILA SALYER

tallahassee woman | 21 | february 2023 • march 2023

Happy August!

A PUBLISHER

s we bid farewell to the scorching summer heat and welcome the cool breeze of fall, I am filled with excitement and anticipation for the upcoming months. It is with great pleasure that I present to you our August/September issue of Tallahassee Woman Magazine, brimming with stories of resilience, inspiration, and the power of unity.

On our cover, we proudly feature Dr. Monique Butler, the Chief Medical Officer for HCA Health Care North Florida. Dr. Butler's journey is nothing short of remarkable, as she navigates the challenges of oftentimes being the only woman in the room, making major collaborative decisions with grace and determination. Her story serves as a reminder that resilience knows no bounds and that we, as women, have the power to overcome any obstacle that comes our way.

Special thanks to our Guest Editor, TaMaryn Waters, for introducing our amazing Cover Woman. Both of these women happen to be fellow Leadership Tallahassee Fierce 40 graduates!

I want to take a moment to express my heartfelt gratitude to each and every one of you, our readers and supporters. I’m so thankful for all of the women that contribute to the magazine and have shared their stories. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. Your unwavering dedication to Tallahassee Woman Magazine has allowed us to be a resource for the community, inspiring fierce women and highlighting the incredible diversity of talent in Tallahassee and nearby communities for over 17 years.

In the spirit of unity, let us remember that we are stronger together. Let us use our voices unapologetically and embrace our authentic selves. As we embark on this new season, let us have the courage to make new beginnings, fresh relationships, and venture into uncharted territories. Together, we

can achieve greatness. I am so grateful for our amazing core team at Tallahassee Woman Magazine. In addition, we have the most amazing interns from Florida State University on our team, that add so much creativity to our process! This is a collaborative group effort. Again, together we are stronger.

I would like to invite you all to save the date for our first-ever Tallahassee Woman Magazine Red Women Fall Forum and Fashion Show on September 15. This event promises to be a celebration of the strength and beauty of women in our community. Additionally, mark your calendars for October 26, Thursday, for the Red Gala, which will be a masquerade edition like no other.

In closing, I leave you with a quote from a powerful woman who has inspired countless others:

tallahassee woman | 12 | august • september 2023

Photo by Kira Derryberry Photography

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Let us believe in our dreams, support one another, and continue to uplift the women in our community.

Thank you for being a part of this strong community of women who uplift one another. Together, we can achieve greatness.

With warm regards,

Dr. Michelle Mitcham

"Each day brings a new opportunity to be grateful for all the gifts we bring just by showing up in our respective spaces"

EXECUTIVE EDITOR

-TaMaryn Waters

demands and the short-lived satisfaction tied to tackling your daily to-do list that you forget to pause and recognize the miracles you’ve played a role in each day. Women are the heart of our families and communities, and, on any given day, we are breathing life into the lives those we love and those we’ll never know.

It’s so important to recognize that.

Recognize it on ourselves. Recognize it in others, especially other women who you admire and those you can inspire. We all can rattle off a laundry list of women who we admire for living a purposeful life.

Most likely, your name is on someone’s list, too.

When I think of women who inspire me most, many are not well known and shrink from the spotlight. Some are in my family or my village of women who range in age and race. Yet, they have blessed me and others. They pour into us, this sisterhood of womanhood, because we are powerful.

W

omen are spectacular. Each day brings a new opportunity to be grateful for all the gifts we bring just by showing up in our respective spaces: at work, at home, at school, at our religious tabernacles and throughout the world.

Our reach can be what’s right in front of us or stretch across the globe. We all have the power to move people, and Tallahassee is filled with women who embody and empower others to show up in the world.

Each of us, no matter our station in life, contributes our time and talent in grand and modest ways that all make a difference in the lives of many. Yet, too often, we don’t recognize our power.

TaMaryn Waters is the business and economic development reporter for the Tallahassee Democrat and USA Today Network-Florida. The New Jersey native has lived in Tallahassee for more than 25 years and reported on a range of topics, including local government and nonprofits.

With 20 years at the Democrat, she is the newspaper's longest tenured Black female reporter. She can be reached on Twitter: twitter.com/TaMarynWaters LinkedIn: bit.ly/tamarynwaters_linkedin

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CULTURE & CUISINE

tallahassee woman | 16 | august • september 2023

MASTERING

FALL FASHION IN TALLAHASSEE

By Ashley Fischer Hey, Tallahassee fashionistas! Who says fall fashion is all about turtlenecks and plaid pants? Certainly not us, not when the mercury's still hitting 90° before lunch!

We get it, and we're here with the sizzling scoop on how to rock that autumn vibe while keeping your cool.

Let's talk fall colors! Just because you're rocking a tank top doesn't mean you can't scream autumn. We've got the deets fresh from the New York Fashion Week runway – think rose violet, red-orange, and red Dahlia (that's deep, soulful red). Feeling bold? Dive into viva magenta! But hey, if classic vibes are your jam, go for maroon or rich brown tones. Dark shades of orange and green? Absolutely YES!

Hold onto those denim shorts, hun! Mix 'em up with Doc Martens and a red Dahlia tank – it's a match made in fall heaven. Oh, and pleated skirts? Totally your fall spice – twirl your way through the season with flair! Let's keep that summer vibe rolling, with a twist.

So, gorgeous, there's no rush to stash away your sun-kissed faves. Play with your style, experiment with those color combos, and own every sidewalk like a runway. Fall in Tallahassee just got a whole lot hotter – and it's not just the temps!

tallahassee woman | 17 | august • september 2023

PEANUT BUTTER BALLS

By Thais Gonzalez

IN GREDIEN TS 1 cup peanut butter

W

1 cup powder milk

hen my oldest son attended FSU Alumni Village Pre School, I used to volunteer there a lot. Once or twice a week. they offered the kids a delicious snack: Peanut butter balls. The kids loved them! On one occasion, while offering the snacks to the kids, I tried one. It was delicious! The peanut butter balls were served with pieces of apples, bananas, or grapes, which are a perfect and satisfactory combination. Of course, a cup of water was always placed next to the snack. While checking the internet, I found out that there are many variations of this recipe, but I like this one because sugar is not included. I hope you find time to make it for your kids or yourself. I'm sure you will really like it, especially if you like peanut butter (like me).

3 tablespoons honey

DIRECTION S Add the peanut butter, powder milk, and honey to a mixing bowl. Combine them with a handheld mixer.

Place the batter in the refrigerator for an hour or two.

When the batter is chill, form peanut butter balls with your hands. Align the peanut butter balls in a tray covered with parchment paper and keep them in the fridge until ready to eat. You can also place them in an airtight container for a week or in the freezer for about one month, but I can almost assure you they won’t last. They are delicious and nutritious!

tallahassee woman | 18 | august • september 2023

REKINDLING THE FLAMES

The Hunger Games Saga Continues with The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes!"

By Katie Kelsey

T

he Hunger Games trilogy, written by Suzanne Collins, is a series of novels that captivated readers worldwide with its gripping storyline and thought-provoking themes. With the success of the previous films, the franchise is set to return to the big screen with the release of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. Hunger Games fans everywhere are eagerly anticipating this new addition to the franchise, which promises to delve deeper into the world of Panem, where the games take place.

TALLAHASSEE + NORTH FLORIDA WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER Azhar Khan embraces the essence of natural, energetic, and dynamic pictures.

During weddings and portrait sessions, he skillfully documents unfolding stories, capturing essential and meaningful details. His work goes beyond the conventional, adding a creative twist to each photo.

AZHARKHAN.PHOTOGRAPHY

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Suzanne Collins, the author of the Hunger Games trilogy, is set to return to the big screen with the release of a new film titled The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. This film is a prequel to the original Hunger Games story and explores the origins of the Hunger Games and President Snow's rise to power. The story follows Snow, who is tasked with mentoring the female tribute, Lucy Gray Baird, from District 12 in the 10th Annual Hunger Games. As Snow navigates this mentoring process, he begins to question his morality and the consequences of his actions.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes promises to be a thrilling addition to the Hunger Games franchise, providing fans with a deeper look into the world of Panem.

The film explores complex themes such as power, morality, and the corrupting influence of authority. With its gripping storyline and dynamic characters, this prequel is sure to captivate audiences and leave them eager for more. The release of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is highly anticipated, and fans are eagerly counting down the days until they can experience this new chapter in the Hunger Games universe.

tallahassee woman | 19 | august • september 2023

MIDTOWN

By Rebecca Weaver

A

READS

SUMMER READING LIST BY SALLY BRADSHAW

s the vibrant hues of summer slowly give way to the warm and cozy embrace of autumn, there's something undeniably enchanting about the transition. Whether you find yourself wistfully humming the back-to-school blues or savoring the newfound tranquility as you bid farewell to the daily school drop-offs, one thing is certain: the allure of a well-crafted story knows no season.

The Carnivale of Curiosities

By Amiee Gibbs Gibbs’ debut novel set in Victorian England portrays Carnivale as a family, while weaving in darkness.

Booklist says fans of Poe will find appeal in this tale of the rich and the poor and jealousy and murder.

The Cloisters

By Katy Hays Waiting for a great paperback? It’s here! Hays’ terrific New York Times bestseller exposes secrets in the Met Cloisters thanks to a mysterious deck of tarot cards!

None of This is True

By Lisa Jewel Best-seller Jewel is back with a can’tput-down creepy female stalker story. Podcaster Alix Summers runs into Josie Fair. They share the same birthday. But all is not as it seems for these new-found friends.

Piccoult says she actually “shouted in shock” at one point when reading!

One of Us is Back

By Karen M. McManus Daydreaming about bookstores, cafes, and assassins? Yes-- assassins!

If it's way too hot outside for you, curl up with this cozy fantasy with cottage-core adventure. If you've ever dreamt of opening your own bookshop with your best friend, this one is for you. It's also one of our book club books!

Crook Manifesto

By Colson Whitehead Two-time Pulitzer winner Whitehead weaves the tale of Harlem in three time periods - a city under siege.

Called “deceptively substantive and sneakily funny” by reviewers, it’s the perfect jump start away

The Keeper of Hidden Books

By Madeline Martin BookBub choice for best historical fiction of the summer, Martin is back with a true story inspired by an underground library in WWII Poland.

We love books about the power of books to bring us together, and Martin’s latest does just that!

Just Another Missing Person

By Gillian McAllister Another great thriller from the author of The Reese’s Book Club Pick Wrong Place Wrong Time. A missingpersons case forces a detective to make a challenging choice. Jodi

tallahassee woman | 20 | august • september 2023

Empowering Women Through Sports: A Closer Look at Women's Athletics at Florida State University

By Chloe Pomeranc

T

he success of Florida State University's women's sports teams has been a major factor in the school's rich heritage of athletic prowess. Women's athletics at FSU have constantly displayed extraordinary skill, devotion, and tenacity, from trailblazing pioneers to modern-day trailblazers. Dive into this information about Florida State University's long history, noteworthy accomplishments, and unwavering dedication to greatness in women's athletics.

A Legacy of Excellence When Anne Marie Rogers joined FSU as the school's first female athletic director in its early years, the university made a commitment to women's athletics.

FSU women's athletics saw great progress and started to get the accolades they deserved under her inspirational leadership.

Rogers' achievements established the groundwork for women's sports at FSU to continue to succeed.

Celebrating Achievements

The female athletes from FSU have excelled in a variety of sports, winning recognition domestically and abroad. The women's soccer team has been a consistent contender, winning several conference championships and regularly making it

to the NCAA Tournament. World-class athletes, including Olympic medalists and world mark breakers, have emerged from the track and field program to display their extraordinary talents across the world.

Empowering the Next Generation

Through its numerous outreach activities and community involvement programs, FSU has demonstrated its dedication to empowering the next generation of female athletes. Through the Seminole Women's Leadership Council, female student-athletes play a crucial part in these initiatives.

Young girls are inspired by this council, which is made up of gifted and successful athletes, and are encouraged to achieve their athletic goals while stressing the value of leadership and personal growth.

Supportive Facilities and Resources FSU makes sure that its female athletes have access to cutting-edge training amenities and services because it recognizes the importance of offering top-notch resources and facilities. This dedication is demonstrated through the University Center Complex, which provides complete amenities including cutting-edge strength and conditioning centers, sports health clinics, and academic support services. These tools help FSU's female athletes achieve

academic and athletic success, resulting in a well-rounded collegiate experience.

Notable Women Alumni

The women's athletics programs at FSU have generated an impressive list of alumni who are still making an impact in their respective industries. Abby Wambach, a soccer icon and former FSU player, is one of them. Wambach has established herself as one of the most significant athletes of her generation thanks to an accomplished career that has included two Olympic gold medals and a World Cup victory. Beyond her accomplishments on the field, Wambach's support for gender equality and dedication to uplifting women have won her global acclaim.

The long history, outstanding accomplishments, and devotion to inspiring younger generations at Florida State University speak volumes about the school's steadfast support for women's athletics. With their talent, tenacity, and leadership both on and off the field, FSU's female athletes break down stereotypes and inspire others.

As FSU advances, it is unwavering in its commitment to recognizing and promoting the extraordinary skill and potential of women in athletics.

tallahassee woman | 22 | august • september 2023

TICKETS AND SPONSORSHIPS AVAILABLE AT TALWOMAN.COM

tallahassee woman | 23 | august • september 2023

AROUND

TOWN

TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE CELEBRATES 17TH ANNIVERSARY The 17th anniversary celebration for Tallahassee Woman Magazine was an absolutely unforgettable event held at the stunning Hearth and Soul! Owner Susie Busch and her incredible staff were the epitome of fabulous hostesses, ensuring that every guest felt welcomed.

The atmosphere was simply buzzing with positive energy and empowerment.

The photos speak volumes about the joy and camaraderie that filled the room, showcasing the incredible women of Tallahassee. Tallahassee Woman Magazine takes immense pride in being an OEV certified women and minority business, and the support from the community and advertisers has been truly heartwarming. The magazine is a true reflection of the women it represents empowering, inspiring, and dedicated to showcasing the achievements and stories of women from all walks of life. This anniversary celebration was a testament to the incredible women who make it so special. Let the photos transport you to a night filled with music, laughter, and the indomitable spirit of women!

Photography By Azhar Kahn Photography

tallahassee woman | 24 | august • september 2023

Photography By Azhar Kahn Photography

tallahassee woman | 25 | august • september 2023

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tallahassee woman | 26 | august • september 2023

Photography By Mandie Barber Studios

tallahassee woman | 27 | august • september 2023

DR. MONIQUE BUTLER

COVER

tallahassee woman | 28 | august • september 2023

EMBRACING EXCELLENCE AND EMPOWERMENT A Conversation with Dr. Monique Butler BY: TAMARYN WATERS | PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY

A

mere year ago, destiny led me to meet Dr. Monique Butler, a luminous presence in the world of healthcare leadership. As fellow members of Leadership Tallahassee Class Fierce 40, we converged at the Young Actors Theatre, embarking on a journey of discovery and growth. Through icebreakers and conversations, we unraveled each other's personas and the transformative year ahead.

From the outset, Dr. Butler radiated warmth and approachability. Post-event, as we strolled towards our parked cars, our shared admiration for hip-hop icon Jay-Z sparked a connection. Her down-to-earth nature prevailed, and she insisted on being called "Monique" instead of "Dr. Butler."

It was evident that her presence was an enriching addition to our class.

Swiftly, we experienced the depths of Dr. Butler's compassion. Having transitioned to Tallahassee during the pandemic due to her elevation as chief medical officer for HCA Healthcare North Florida Division, she now orchestrates operations across 15 hospitals and influences over 1 million patient encounters annually.

Her history of leadership is impressive, having previously held the same post at HCA Healthcare Continental Division’s

Swedish Medical Center. She commanded a vast team of 2,000 colleagues, 500 volunteers, and over 1,400 physicians.

Tallahassee stands fortunate as the home of Dr. Butler, a board-certified internist, as she lives out her lifelong dream and purpose. Her inclination towards healing finds roots in her early years in Inkster, Michigan, a quaint town outside Detroit.

Even as a child, she adopted the role of a physician for her dolls, nurturing their "health" with meticulous care. It is little wonder that her youthful fascination laid the foundation for a remarkable journey in medicine.

For Dr. Butler, medicine transcends a mere occupation; it is a life's calling. In an interview with Tallahassee Woman Magazine, she shared, "I’ve been fortunate to intertwine my passion for improving human life with my career, which gives me great contentment and joy every day."

Navigating a male-dominated field as a Black woman, Dr. Butler embodies the significance of representation. She understands the impact of her presence on others, influencing narratives through each patient interaction and decision.

With responsibilities encompassing 294,000 employees, 180 hospitals, and approximately 2,300 ambulatory sites of

COVER

Her devotion to excellence and empathy stems from her upbringing, nurtured by Christian beliefs. Dr. Monique Butler's remarkable journey, unwavering values, and her mission to empower women and advance healthcare. Her narrative ignites inspiration and attests to the potential within each of us to make a profound change in the world.

The remarkable Dr. Monique Butler, a true trailblazer in the world of healthcare leadership, discussed her inspiring journey, her dedication to women's health, and her empowering advice for aspiring leaders.

As Division Chief Medical Officer at HCA Healthcare, overseeing 15 hospitals and more than a million patient encounters annually, Dr. Butler has not only excelled in her career but also uplifted others along the way.

Finding Home in Tallahassee Dr. Butler's journey to Tallahassee began with a promotion within HCA Healthcare, leading her family from Denver, Colorado to this charming town in the midst of the pandemic. She, her husband Steven, and daughter Brooke, embraced this new chapter with open arms. "We are truly enjoying our time here," she shared. "Tallahassee is such a charming town and we've been welcomed with open arms. We are so grateful for the southern hospitality."

Reflecting on her childhood, Dr. Butler recalled an unwavering aspiration to become a doctor. "According to my parents, I’ve known that I wanted to be a doctor since the young age of 2," she laughed. Even as a child, she displayed an innate curiosity and empathy that led her to care for her dolls, checking their pulses and listening to their hearts. She was influenced by a doctor in her

neighborhood who looked like her, serving as an unintentional role model that sparked her path towards medicine.

leaning on others for support.

Championing Excellence and Empowerment

As a champion for women's health, Dr. Butler highlighted key considerations for women's wellness. She stressed the importance of knowing one's family history, maintaining a balanced diet, and staying up-to-date with necessary screenings. Dr. Butler's self-care routine includes jogging, meditation, therapy sessions, and a unique connection with nature through birdwatching.

Dr. Butler's guiding principles have been deeply rooted in her upbringing.

Her mother's favorite Bible scripture, Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me," served as a beacon of strength and determination. She emphasized the importance of excellence and continuous learning, instilling the belief that one can always improve. Her mother's lessons in faith, grit, and honesty continue to shape her approach to life and work.

In a male-dominated field, Dr. Butler's journey hasn't been without challenges.

She recounted instances of being mistaken for roles other than a doctor, but she never let these obstacles dim her light. During her training in Detroit, as a young, black, female doctor,she could remember on at least two occasions being mistaken for the food service worker or the janitor. Even though she would enter the hospital room and introduce herself as Dr. Butler, and ask questions about their medical history, in medical scrubs, she wasn’t seen as a doctor."Excellence transcends all races, all genders, all creeds," she asserted. Dr. Butler stressed that her voice matters and has learned to speak with confidence, love, and an expectation of excellence.

Empowering the Next Generation To young girls aspiring to enter medicine or leadership, Dr. Butler's advice is to stay focused on their goals and tap into their support systems. "I advise the many mentees that I have to write down your dreams and aspirations and put a project plan together to get there," she shared. She emphasized the power of community and the importance of

Prioritizing Health and Self-Care

Turning Dreams into Reality Dr. Butler's dreams have taken her far, from creating the Grant Foundation in honor of her mother to help to improve health care in our country. The focus of the Grant (her mother’s maiden name) Foundation is to provide scholarship, remove economic barriers and create (Grant) a path for underrepresented students to enter into health care careers. The foundation was started in 2022, and they are looking forward to the growth and maturation of the non-profit organization with the help of the Tallahassee community and nationwide.

It has been a dream of Dr. Butler to start this foundation, and it is now coming to pass. Dr. Butler's daughter Brooke spends a great amount of time giving back to the community in which we live. She has created a program at her school that works with the Kearney Center to assist with food insecurity by creating brown bag lunches that have special affirmations written on them, like “Keep smiling” and “you got this!” She hands them out to the unhoused and food insecure in our community. We plan on using the Grant Foundation as a vehicle to serve more of those in need across the nation.

Dr. Butler hopes to run for public office to show another level of servant leadership,

tallahassee woman | 30 | august • september 2023

PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY | MUA: IMAGE BY LISA | HAIR: TANYA EVANS: EIGHT FIVE ZERO SALON | DRESS, SHOES AND JEWELRY: NARCISSUS

care nationwide, her professionalism, joy, and care resonate daily.

“Just by looking at me, you would never know I'm from very humble beginnings.

It is important for me to share this because I want to encourage others who may have grown up/are growing up in similar environments to have hope that things will get better, to prioritize education and to take advantage of opportunities that come your way.

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-Kristel Avilus

COVER and traveling to all 7 continents.

The Power of Support When asked about her remarkable accomplishments, Dr. Butler humbly shared that she doesn't do it all alone. She highlighted the strength of her village, including her husband, family, and colleagues, who play an integral role in her ability to balance her various roles and responsibilities. "I have been able to be a wife, mother, hospital / health care executive, CEO of a non-profit organization, hold professional board memberships, alumni associations and participate in many community service activities. I have a team, a village who assists. My husband, Steven, is a civil engineer, and currently finishing up a Master- Business Administration at Florida State University. He provides a huge amount of support to me and our daughter. We prioritize our date nights- and alone time, as we have to nurture our partnership. We love to be hosts and entertain guests, which gives us a lot of energy and joy. We prioritize our family time of prayer and worship and travel time with Brooke. We delegate out certain tasks that would take time away from this precious family time like running errands, house sitting, grocery shopping and transportation needs. We volunteer in our community because it gives us energy to accomplish our goals, and softens our hearts by keeping our pulse on the needs of our community and how we can assist. The answer- I don’t do it all, I have a team, a village whose strengths I tap into to help me as I help them. No one can. We must lean on others and receive the support that is offered and most important, be grateful for it!

Dr. Monique Butler's journey is a testament to the power of determination, faith, and community support. Her story serves as an inspiration to women everywhere to embrace their strengths, pursue their dreams, and create a positive impact in their communities and beyond.

tallahassee woman | 32 | august • september 2023

tallahassee woman | 33 | august • september 2023

MADAME XHALES IN BLACK MOUNTAIN, NORTH CAROLINA

TRAVEL

BY REGINA LYNCH-HUDSON | PHOTOGRAPHY BY COURTLAND BIVENS III

tallahassee woman | 34 | august • september 2023

Nestled amidst the scenic backdrop of the Blue Ridge Mountains, Black Mountain, North Carolina, exudes captivating smalltown charm that attracts visitors from far and wide. This idyllic settlement is renowned for its stunning landscapes, Southern hospitality, and a rich tapestry of history and culture. Join me as I delve into highlights that make my hometown a must-visit destination, as well as discover colorful characters who hail from this enchanting hamlet.

Start your exploration by visiting the Swannanoa Valley Museum, where the region's vibrant history comes to life. Exhibits and interactive displays spotlight the area's heritage and early settlers. The museum also offers guided tours of the historic town and its inherent natural wonders.

Black Mountain boasts an eclectic musical culture, and arguably its most famed native is Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Roberta Flack. Known for her soulful voice and timeless hits like "Killing Me Softly with His Song" and "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," Flack was born in Black Mountain, before embarking on an illustrious music career.

As the proud curator and author of Flack’s exhibit, I also crafted multiple displays providing captivating glimpses into the lives of ancestors who played integral roles in shaping the diverse and captivating narrative of Black Mountain.

One of the distinguished early forefathers of Black Mountain was my great-grandfather John Myra Stepp (1850-1955), whose contributions played a significant role in the town’s development and diversity. Stepp’s shrewd intelligence and determination cast him from ‘slave boy’ to prominent propertyowner. He owned at least 10 houses. Some he tallahassee woman | 35 | august • september 2023

LAKE TOMAHAWK PARK SEVEN SISTERS MOUNTAIN RANGE LOOMS IN BACKGROUND

rented to both black and white tenants and others were occupied by family members.

John garnered a reputation for helping others--doling out food that he’d grown on his farm and providing shelter to tenants who oftentimes couldn’t pay rent.

Today, John Myra Stepp’s legacy continues to be celebrated in the Town of Black Mountain.

Mary Louisa Stepp Burnette Hayden (18581956) is also a museum-celebrated icon, who significantly impacted the Valley. My foremother, Mary Louisa, was a midwife and passionate medicine woman who healed town citizens utilizing the transformative powers of mountain plants.

As you wander through the picturesque heart of downtown, you’ll eye the historic red train caboose, showcasing signage depicting my grandfather, George Winslow Whittington (1900-1979), an early railroader whose contributions shone brightly throughout his family, church, and valley. His tenure spanned the transition from stream-powered engines to diesel in the railroading town.

Enjoy a serene retreat at 16.3 acre Lake Tomahawk Park, where I fished for trout as a young girl. Take a leisurely stroll along the lake's perimeter, breathe in fresh mountain air, and revel in the splendor of the surrounding scenery. “Seven Sisters” mountain range looms in the distance.

MUSEUM EXHIBIT ROBERTA FLACK

In the Black Mountain area, tourists are spoiled for choice when it comes to cozy cabins, inns and charming Airbnbs. Book early; lodgings quickly fill to capacity.

The Black Mountain Inn, a notable landmark, boasts a history dating back to 1830 when it was originally constructed as a stagecoach stop by a member of the town’s Stepp family.

TOWN MURAL ROBERTA FLACK ARTIST: SCOTT NURKIN PHOTOGRAPHER: FRED MCCORMICK

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The Inn showcases architectural elements of the era, offering guests a glimpse into the past. Its location, a stone’s throw from shops, restaurants, and attractions, adds to its appeal. Guests can also enjoy panoramic views of the majestic peaks from the inn's vantage point.

Whether it's for a weekend escape, a romantic hideaway, or a base for outdoor adventures, the Black Mountain Inn offers a rustic setting that enhances the overall experience of visiting this panoramic haven in North Carolina. www.blackmountaininn.com

TRAIN CABOOSE DEPICTING GEORGE WINSLOW WHITTINTON

BLUE RIDGE MOUNTAIN RANGE

EXHIBIT TO DISTINGUSIED TOWN FOREFATHER, JOHN MYRA STEPP

Veteran publicist and luxury lifestyle experience-aholic, Regina Lynch-Hudson, pens MadameXhales, slated towards the vintage of woman that according to studies: enjoys more time to travel, indulges in longer trips, and selects more extravagant travel accommodations. The exacting taste of MadameXhales finds her exploring destinations, cruises, resorts, spas, and extracurricular activities—where like-minded Xhalers have experienced inner-exhilaration! © Contact MadameXhales: thewritepublicist@earthlink.net tallahassee woman | 37 | august • september 2023

BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP

“Women in business and leadership are not just breaking through glass ceilings; they're crafting new windows of opportunity, reshaping industries with their unique insights and unwavering determination.

-Unknown

EQUALITY IN WORK LIFE BALANCE

T

Dana Brooks

he COVID-19 pandemic has sparked a transformative trend among men—one that champions work/life balance. Amidst seismic shifts in norms, men are redefining success to encompass professional achievements and personal fulfillment.

The pandemic recast our perspectives, turning homes into hubs where work and personal life converged. Men found themselves balancing remote work, domestic responsibilities, and parenting, shining a spotlight on the importance of self-care as a survival strategy.

While historically, "me-time" was often associated with women's challenges in juggling careers and personal lives, a refreshing change is afoot. Men now recognize that achieving work/life equilibrium isn't just about personal fulfillment but also fulfilling family responsibilities.

Managing Partner/Shareholder Fasig | Brooks Law Offices dana@fasigbrooks.com

This transformation offers promise for employers. Prioritizing work/life balance heightens employee satisfaction, engagement, and productivity. Men who find balance experience lower stress, contributing to enhanced well-be-

tallahassee woman | 39 | august • september 2023

ing and creativity, ultimately reducing turnover rates.

The benefits extend beyond.

By embracing balance, companies cultivate inclusivity and diversity, attracting talented male professionals who may have felt undervalued.

This approach advances gender equality and nurtures a supportive atmosphere for all.

Challenges persist.

Long-standing workplace norms often prioritize careers over personal obligations, straining relationships. Overcoming this demands organizational shifts, even if met with resistance.

Promoting work/life balance among men requires innovative strategies, given their often influential roles. Creative arrangements enhance satisfaction and productivity, with seamless communication among teams being key.

Investing in balance benefits both genders, fostering contentment at home that resonates at work. In an evolving world, prioritizing equilibrium sets individuals and organizations apart, shaping a brighter future for all.

The History and Color of Real Estate

FROM THE DESK OF

T

he History and Color of Real Estate We’ve heard a lot lately in Florida about the alleged benefits of slavery to freed slaves following their emancipation.

The Florida Department of Education’s updated African American history standards for K-12 students include an alarming passage: “Instruction includes how slaves developed skills which, in some instances, could be applied for their personal benefit.”

I (Carrie), of course, reject the idea that slavery benefitted anyone other than slave owners. It destroyed families and led to untold acts of mental and physical abuse.

Its cruel legacy is woven into every facet of our nation’s past – and persists within every nook of our nation’s present. No area of law or business is free from its impact, including real estate.

One by product of slavery in the United States was residential housing segregation due to both government-backed public polices and laws, as well as private individual choices.

Residential segregation by the government is a Constitutional violation and disregards the Bill of Rights. The freedom to buy, sell, and utilize property is protected under the 5th Amendment. The 13th Amendment prohibits slavery and otherwise treating African Americans as second-class society members. The Civil Rights Act of 1866 reinforced the 13th Amendment’s abolition of slavery by forbidding racial

Carrie Boyd

discrimination in housing, yet it didn’t provide a way to enforce penalties for those who violated its terms. And, the 14th Amendment provides for due process and equal protection of the law. It was intended to apply to the states, yet for years, the Supreme Court held otherwise. This is important for understanding why the federal laws did not simply trickle down to the state and local levels—and why municipal and state leaders historically denied African Americans access to subsidies to buy real estate, crafted zoning and land use rules that pushed Black families into less desirable city areas, and denied generations of Blacks the ability to build wealth through real estate.

Arguments for changes in the law at all levels of government during the 20th century included the original intent of the 14th Amendment authors for that amendment to apply to the states, which helped pave the way for the passage of the Fair Housing Act in the 1960s that finally contained enforcement provisions and applied to the states.

Racial segregation has also historically been part of the private practices of buying real estate. Prior to the 1960s and even for a time thereafter, it was not uncommon for some real estate agents to openly steer Black families and white families into different neighborhoods. Federally insured banks discriminated by “redlining,” which

was refusing to approve mortgages to Black families or offering subprime loan terms to make home buying out of their reach. Many Black veterans did not even attempt to obtain government-backed mortgages from the Veterans Administration after World War II because they knew it was pointless. All the historic government actions contributed to a “white flight” mentality where some white families would leave when some Blacks bought homes in their suburban neighborhood.

Now, real estate agents and mortgage loan officers are better informed and are required to take training on discriminatory practices.

Federal, state, and local governments have come a long way in their housing antidiscrimination efforts. Locally, we have some wonderful government-sponsored loan programs and incentives for minority homebuyers. However, housing inequity persists as a top issue in Florida. Economic and market conditions are challenging for many buyers. We must remember the history of real estate if we are to make future progress as consumers, home buyers, and community members.

kcarrie@networkreiwomen.com tallahassee woman | 40 | august • september 2023

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tallahassee woman | 41 | august • september 2023

Cooling Down Deliciously: Kale Smoothies for a Healthier You!

By Summer Batten

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

A

s the mercury continues to climb and the sun graces us with its warmth, there's nothing quite as refreshing as a cool and revitalizing drink to beat the heat. With summer in full swing, it's time to swap out those heavy meals for something light, nutritious, and utterly satisfying. Look no further than the vibrant world of kale smoothies – the perfect solution to keep you both refreshed and nourished during these scorching days.

Sip Your Way to Wellness Smoothies have become a staple for health-conscious individuals, and for good reason! They offer a fantastic way to stay hydrated while packing a punch of essential nutrients. This summer, give your taste buds a treat while nourishing your body with the goodness of kale.

Kale is an incredibly versatile leafy green that offers a myriad of health benefits. Rich in iron, vitamins A, C, and K, kale has rightfully earned its place as a superfood.

Kale: A Nutrient Powerhouse Vitamin A: This vitamin is essential for maintaining healthy skin and vision. Incorporating kale into your smoothies can help boost your body's vitamin A intake, contributing to a radiant complexion and improved eye health.

Vitamin C: Known for its immune-boosting properties, vitamin C is a key player in keeping your body's defenses strong. Kale's high vitamin C content helps your body ward off illnesses, especially during the summer when staying healthy is paramount.

Vitamin K: Supporting bone health and aiding blood clotting, vitamin K is a vital nutrient that often goes unnoticed. By adding kale to your smoothies, you're giving your bones a friendly boost and ensuring your body's internal mechanisms run smoothly.

Iron: Iron is crucial for maintaining healthy energy levels and preventing fatigue. Kale's iron content is plant-based, making it an excellent choice for vegetarians and vegans looking to keep their iron levels in check.

STRAWBERRY KALE

Smoothie

Combine all ingredients in blender. o 1 banana o 1 cup frozen strawberries o 1/3 cup frozen blueberries o 1/3 cup kale (frozen or fresh) o 1/3 cup vanilla yogurt o Fill blender halfway with whole milk (or almond milk)

tallahassee woman | 42 | august • september 2023

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Stitching Serenity: Reviving Yarn Crafts for Mental Well-being & Creativity

By Elizabeth Massey

Fall in love with the art of yarn crafting!

Y

arn crafts such as knitting and crochet date back to 300 B.C.E., but there has been a resurgence of the craft as of lately, so what better time than now to pick up the hook (or needles)?

Aside from creating something cozy and comfortable to wear this fall, participating in yarn crafts prove to be beneficial to one’s mental health.

Studies have shown that engaging in yarn crafts releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and serotonin that help to build motivation for the next craft time and can naturally relieve symptoms of depression. This is no shock considering crafts such as this are sometimes implemented

into recovery home care for people with mild to severe depression, and these crafts reap massively positive results .

Yarn work can also be used in the treatment of insomnia. The repetitive actions of knitting and crochet can soothe the brain to allow for easier sleep. For those with social anxiety, taking projects to class or meetings help keep their hands busy and mind calm.

At the end of a project, the crafter will feel a rush of dopamine and a boost of confidence from what they’ve created.

Crafting is a great way to practice delayed gratification where immediate pleasure is resisted in the hopes of attaining a lasting reward later. Practicing delayed gratification benefits many facets of life because the practice of impulse control helps one to achieve long-term goals and stick to their chosen path.

Fall in love with the art of yarn crafting this autumn and see a rise in your quality of life.

tallahassee woman | 45 | august • september 2023

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Cultivating an Environment of Kindness

By Laci Swann

I

n my first semester of doctoral classes, I vividly recall stepping into my Wednesday evening session and encountering 12 unfamiliar faces. Despite being in my 30s, I found myself feeling akin to my elementary-school self, that little girl who had just relocated from Pittsburgh to South Florida, completely unfamiliar with anyone in her new fifth-grade class.

I held onto the hope that these 12 new classmates would approach me with kindness and patience as I navigated this course and the accompanying group projects. The classroom environment was something I hadn't experienced since my graduate school years at George Washington University, nearly a decade ago. During that time, technology had evolved significantly, expectations had elevated, and the pace of learning had accelerated.

Similar to the young children I'm planning to drop off at a new classroom this year, I too was the newcomer in the doctoral program. At some point or another, we've all been

the "newbie" – whether it's in an office, school, workout class, workshop, or elsewhere. As the unfamiliar face, you might have pondered whether you'd find a connection or feel out of place. The uncertainties often carry a sense of unease.

While you cannot dictate how others will treat you, you can opt to be an agent of transformation, fostering an environment rooted in kindness.

A positive and nurturing ambiance doesn't come about by chance; it thrives through attitudes and choices that either nurture or hinder our connections with others.

Cultivating kindness doesn't necessitate grand gestures; it can be as straightforward as showing patience, offering compassion, being an attentive listener, or sharing a warm smile. The act of nurturing kindness has a transformative impact on the world around you, birthing new prospects for more robust, uplifting surroundings.

K i ndnes s – s ca tt e r it like c o n fett i ! tallahassee woman | 46 | august • september 2023

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tallahassee woman | 47 | august • september 2023

Navigating Roommate Harmony: A Guide to Cultivating Healthy Living Spaces

W

By Ashley Fischer

hether you find yourself sharing a bedroom with a sibling or embarking on an exciting new journey in an apartment with a stranger, the key to success lies in nurturing a harmonious dynamic. Even the simplest tasks, like consistently taking out the garbage, hold the potential to define the fate of your relationship. This article delves into real-life wisdom, offering advice on how to seamlessly share your living space while fostering a thriving relationship with your roommates.

1. Define Boundaries and Set Expectations Laying down the groundwork starts with open conversations about boundaries and expectations. Establish a framework that covers everything from guest policies to the duration of dishes lingering in the sink. This crucial step ensures that all parties involved are in sync right from the beginning. When everyone's expectations align, the living arrangement is bound to thrive.

2. Foster Clear and Respectful Communication Maintaining a positive living situation hinges on maintaining polite, friendly, and respectful communication. An atmosphere of healthy dialogue eliminates the need for passive-aggressive comments and unnecessary conflicts. When something irks you, tackle it head-on and honestly. Initiate a conversation early on, before minor concerns snowball into significant issues. A constructive dialogue allows roommates to comprehend each other's perspectives and arrive at solutions that avoid unnecessary friction.

3. Self-Reflection and Mutual Respect A cornerstone of cohabitation success is recognizing that everyone possesses unique lifestyles and habits. Practicing empathy and respecting the diverse ways people live is essential. For instance, if you're an early riser but your roommate cherishes their morning slumber, opt for a quieter approach while preparing breakfast.

Remember, diverse backgrounds and upbringings shape behaviors, so it's crucial to evaluate if your actions align with a respectful coexistence.

Sharing your living space with others can be a rewarding experience, fostering personal growth and lifelong friendships. By creating clear boundaries, nurturing open communication, and practicing mutual respect, you lay the foundation for a harmonious living environment that benefits all involved. Embrace these guidelines, and watch as your shared space transforms into a sanctuary of understanding, camaraderie, and genuine connection. tallahassee woman | 49 | august • september 2023

Empowering Women

BREAKING FREE FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

By Dr. Iris Pendleton

I

n a world where strength often wears a quiet face, Iris Pendleton stands as a living testament to the transformative power of resilience. By day, she imparts knowledge to eager minds in Early Childhood Education classes at Tallahassee Community College.

By night, her fingers dance across the keyboard, crafting blog posts that breathe life into the stories of Now I Can Wear Pink and BTSADV, two platforms dedicated to breaking the chains of domestic violence. But Iris's journey isn't confined to her professional pursuits – it's a deeply personal one that she shares to empower others.

"My name is Iris Pendleton. Just by looking at me, you would never know that I am a survivor of domestic violence," Iris shares candidly. Her mission to share her story is driven by the unwavering belief that her experiences can inspire and encourage other women to seek healing, break free from abusive relationships, and embrace the promise of a better life beyond the shadows of abuse.

The pivotal moment in Iris's life occurred on 7/25/20, etching a devastating memory into her timeline. This was the day she endured a harrowing attack of domestic violence, witnessed by her own children.

"It was a day when I could've lost my life," she recounts. But that ominous day, instead of sealing her fate, became the catalyst for her newfound beginning – a chance to rise from the ashes and shape the brighter life she lives today.

Iris's journey towards healing was marked by her commitment to mental health and wellness. "Initially, I went into counseling thinking that I was going to fix the abuser

and make things better so I could stay with him," she admits. But it was her counselor who led her to a pivotal shift in perspective.

With compassionate guidance, Iris learned to redirect her focus towards her own healing rather than attempting to mend the unfixable. This marked the inception of her voyage to freedom, a path where selfrestoration became paramount.

Empowerment Through Courage: Breaking Free from the Shackles Addressing those grappling with dangerous situations, Iris imparts her wisdom with clarity and compassion. "Leaving can be scary but so is staying and missing the better future God has for you," she asserts. Drawing from her own journey, she underscores the significance of faith over fear, highlighting that abuse victims are never at fault for the harm inflicted upon them. "It is not your fault. You didn't cause it. Yes, you can begin again!"

Above all, Iris champions the power of selfbelief as the catalyst for liberation. "The

first step to breaking free is believing you can be free," she shares passionately. With gentle conviction, she encourages women to dispel excuses that hold them back and to embrace the knowledge that it's never too late to rewrite their narratives. "As long as you are living, you have an opportunity to begin again."

Iris Pendleton's journey from survivor to advocate exemplifies the remarkable strength of the human spirit. Through her story, she imparts a profound message of hope, resilience, and the transformative ability to emerge from darkness into the radiance of a life reborn.

Counseling Testimonial:

Before I left the abuser, I started going to counseling with Dr. Michelle Mitcham LMHC. Initially, I went to counseling thinking that I was going to fix the abuser and make things better so I could stay with him. My counselor quickly helped me shift the focus to healing myself instead of trying to fix him. I remember her telling me, "You have worried about the abuser long

tallahassee woman | 50 | august • september 2023

enough." She would often remind me, "Once you have enough data points about the abuser and the abuse, you have to move on and start focusing on your own healing. The counselor also emphasized the importance of me getting physically and mentally free from the abuse. She told me that I could undo the damage of abuse by reprogramming my thinking and renewing my mind.

I did a variety of writing reflection exercises to begin the process.

A powerful memory I have from a counseling session was when the counselor told me the importance of looking in the mirror daily and reminding myself that I am beautiful. I remember looking at her with teary eyes and asking, "But what if I don't believe this?" She replied, "say it until you believe it." As a reminder, she recommended that I put a note on my bathroom mirror that said, "I am beautiful." I followed the instructions. I looked at that note and said, "I am beautiful" to myself for many days. It did take time, but eventually, I did start to believe that "I am beautiful." Now no matter what anyone else says, "I am beautiful."

So now, today, tomorrow, and every day I look in the mirror and say, "I am beautiful!"

Counseling began my journey to healing and freedom.

W.E. INSPIRE

By Katie Kelsey

Me and My Grandma I am my Grandma, little girl with golden locks— “Don’t stick out, just stand quietly, nobody wants a girl who lies, it’s our little secret,” she was told— I was told— I am my Grandma who, on her deathbed, said, “Is there any lunchmeat at home?” I am my Grandma who dared not speak up to her husband and his 80-degree house— I am my Grandma who sat in her hospice bed and checked out customers and made PB&Js— “You have my mom’s guilt,” my mom told me “but you also have my mom’s heart,” When my Grandma passed, she apologized to me— “I’m sorry you’re like me, but I love you,” and she held my hand as strong as she could—as strong as I could—

tallahassee woman | 51 | august • september 2023

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