Tallahassee Woman Magazine August - September 2024

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2024

DR.CHANTA M.

HAYWOOD

JOY OF MISSING OUT! Starting a Business 101

WINE & WISDOM: SISTER SPEAK!

REFLECTIVE LEADERSHIP

Summer at Martha’s Vineyard

PEACH COBBLER BLUEBERRY TWIST DUMP CAKE

SIMPLE TIPS FOR SUSTAINABLE WELLNESS

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Confident and compassionate – that’s the type of person you want managing your retirement plans and exactly who Angel Charlton is. As the City of Tallahassee’s first African American Retirement Programs Administrator, Charlton plays a direct role in the life of each of the City’s 4,000 employees. Rather than viewing employees as a simple calculation, she encourages her team to meet each employee where they are and help them plan for retirement in a way that meets their individual goals.

With 20 years of service, Charlton has driven retirement readiness initiatives with a focus on early- and mid-career retirement plan education and implemented programs for retirees. In her role, she is responsible for managing and negotiating investment, pension and defined contribution plans, while also managing the retirement “powerhouse” (her talented, driven team).

ANGEL CHARLTON

The City is a great place to work and retire from, due in part to Charlton’s leadership and dedication to staying current on industry trends. She is an active member of the Florida Public Pension Trustee Association, the National Pension Education Association and the National Conference for Public Employee Retirement Systems. Additionally, Charlton recently graduated with a master’s in public administration from Florida State University.

For Charlton, her role is much more than a title – it’s a service to an organization she is proud to represent. When asked if she was looking forward to her retirement with the City, her answer was a representation of her dedication to the organization. “I don’t think I will retire in 10 years because I have a lot more left to give,” she said.

Discovering the excitement of computer programming in high school, Sabrina Holloman knew early on that she belonged in the field of technology - a field that was largely male-dominated at the time. Now, 23 years into her career with the City of Tallahassee, she stands as a leader in the industry, serving as the Deputy Director of Technology and Innovation (T&I) for Business Engagement and Professional Services.

Holloman plays a key role in evaluating emerging trends in technology and planning strategic improvements that enable City services like public safety, utilities and StarMetro to operate more efficiently. She was instrumental in the development of the City’s first computer-aided dispatch system that now supports Tallahassee’s Consolidated Dispatch Agency, ensuring that 911 dispatchers have reliable, smooth technology, ultimately improving response times.

She received a bachelor’s degree in computer information systems from Florida A&M University and is a graduate of Florida State University’s Certified Government Chief Information Officer and Public Manager programs. Prior to joining the City, Holloman held an impressive 11-year tenure in IT with Procter & Gamble. This combined education and expertise led her to be the City’s first African American and female Chief Information Officer, a role that laid the foundation for her current position.

A natural-born teacher, Holloman considers the opportunity to influence technology trends and employee-development to be her favorite parts of the job. Her division within T&I mentors students through the Tallahassee Future Leaders Academy each year hoping to inspire future generations toward a career in technology.

The collaborative work environment she has created empowers her intelligent, capable team members to take the lead on projects with confidence in their ability to deliver outstanding results.

SABRINA HOLLOMAN

CONTENTS

8. LETTER FROM PUBLISHER 10. INVEST IN YOUR LEGACY 12. LUMINA MIND HEALTH

CULTURE & CUISINE

14. FALL FASHION ALERT THE RETURN OF BAGGY 16. PEACH COBBLER BLUEBERRY TWIST DUMP CAKE 18. CUBAN PICADILLO 20. MIDTOWN READS

LIVING LOCAL

22. AROUND TOWN: SISTER SPEAK AT VINO BEANO 24. WE ELEVATE: BERINICE MERCER-LEWIS

ON THE COVER

MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

40. FINDING JOY IN THE ORDINARY 42. SIMPLE TIPS FOR SUSTAINABLE WELLNESS 44. BODY & MIND IN HARMONY 46. EMBRACING THE JOY OF AGING

14

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS 48. CO-PARENTING CHECKLIST FOR A SUCCESSFUL SCHOOL YEAR! 50. EMBRACE THE UNEXPECTED: LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS AND FINDING FREEDOM 51. WE INSPIRE

36

26. DR. CHANTA M. HAYWOOD BECOMING AN ATHLEADER

TRAVEL

32. WHY NOT SUMMER AT MARTHA’S VINEYARD?

BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP

34. LEGAL WRITES WITH DANA BROOKS 36. EMPOWERING WOMEN LEADERS: EMBODYING REFLECTIVE AND RESILIENT LEADERSHIP

26

26. ABOUT THE COVER: | PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY | MAKEUP: IMAGE BY LISA | HAIR: FREDA BARNES AT XPRESSIONS | NAILS: BLISS NAIL SPA | WARDROBE: PRIVATE COLLECTION

tallahassee woman | 6 | august • september 2024

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tallahassee woman | 7 | august • september 2024

WOM A N

MAGAZINE CRISTINA CARTER Relationship Manager

Publisher | Editor-in-Chief

OLIVIA HEYWARD

TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE is a publication of Mitcham Media Group LLC Post Office Box 16616 Tallahassee, FL 32317-3401 Phone (850) 893-9624 publisher@TalWoman.com Tallahassee Woman is published six times per year and is distributed on a complimentary basis throughout Tallahassee and the surrounding communities.

ADVERTISING For advertising, visit talwoman.com, call (850) 893-9624, or e-mail ads@TalWoman.com.

The information in this publication is presented in good faith.

The publisher does not guarantee accuracy or assume responsibility for errors or omissions.

Copyright © 2024 Mitcham Media Group LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction, in part or in whole, without expressed written consent of the Publisher is prohibited.

TALLAHASSEE WOMAN MAGAZINE IS A CERTIFIED MINORITY BUSINESS ENTERPRISE

Director of Leadership Initiatives

KIRA DERRYBERRY PHOTOGRAPHER

DR. TAVIA REYES WRITER

HOLLEY CURRY WRITER

DR. GENNEA WILLIAMS

Kira Derryberry is a Tallahassee-based portrait photographer specializing in families, headshots and boudoir and commercial photography. She books locally in Tallahasee and is available for travel worldwide. View Kira's portfolio online at kiraderryberry.com.

Dr. Tavia is an applied kinesiologist, certified acupuncturist and yoga teacher. She is deeply grateful for the opportunity to serve as a holistic physician, empowering others through root cause medicine and health education.

Creative Director

T A LWO M A N .C O M

Executive Editor

PAULA DEBOLES-JOHNSON

CONTRIBUTORS

Dr. Michelle Mitcham

LACI SWANN

BRIANA SMITH Creative Consultant

Holley is a devoted mom, friend and owner of M&M Monogramming. When she isn't serving customers in store, she enjoys cooking, live music, and spending time with her adopted fur babies.

THAIS GONZALEZ WRITER

Thais Gonzalez is a retired Tallahassee Spanish teacher. She taught over 5,000 students in the community throughout her career. Leading students to first place at the annual regional Modern Language Expo competition on multiple occasions, she is well known in her field.

tallahassee woman | 8 | august • september 2024

WRITER

Dr. Gennea is a holistic chiropractor and Naturopathic physician that enjoys intertwining all aspects of medicine for the sole purpose of creating a better tomorrow with preventative care for all generations.

tallahassee woman | 9 | august • september 2024

PUBLISHER LETTER

H

"Empower yourself to bloom where you are planted, for every season holds the potential for ave you ever questioned your worth, wondering if you are growth and greatness." doing enough in every aspect of your life? It's time to shift

that mindset and embrace the journey you are on. Take a moment to practice mindfulness, to truly appreciate and recognize the blessings and opportunities that surround you. You are capable, you are valuable, and you are enough.

-Oprah Winfrey

In this issue, we celebrate the achievements of Dr. Chanta Haywood, a remarkable leader and educator who has risen to new heights at Coppin State University. Her story is a testament to the power of transferable skills acquired through life's experiences, sports, and leadership roles. Reflect on your own journey, acknowledge your resilience, and prioritize self-care as you navigate through your own path to success.

As we transition back to our routines after summer, let us seize the opportunities that come our way and thrive in our current season of life. Embrace your unique skills and experiences, for they have shaped you into the resilient and capable woman you are today.

Give yourself the grace to be the best version of yourself, and watch as you continue to flourish and grow.

As fall approaches, remember that each day is a new chance to shine and make a difference. Embrace the challenges, celebrate your victories, and always remember that you have the power within you to achieve greatness. Keep blooming, keep growing, and keep shining bright.

This is your moment. Don’t second-guess yourself. Take advantage of all of the wonderful opportunities to pour into yourself in this wonderful city of Tallahassee, which we call home.

We look forward to seeing at TWM’s Wine & Wisdom: Sister Speak! Join us August 8th and each month at Vino Beano for this speed empowerment open-mic night created by Team TWM and hosted by Dr. Patty Ghazvini and her amazing staff!

Wishing you love and light!

Dr. Michelle Mitcham CEO & Publisher Tallahassee Woman Magazine

Photo by Kira Derryberry Photography

tallahassee woman | 10 | august • september 2024

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tallahassee woman | 11 | august • september 2024

INVEST IN YOUR LEGACY

C

reating a lasting legacy means making an impact that transcends your life. Your influence can take many forms, from enduring values and belief systems to charitable contributions and mentorship. This journey begins with a commitment to philanthropy and community well-being. It’s about more than financial support—it’s about creating a legacy of giving that enriches lives across generations.

And it may also be an opportunity to unite your family around shared values to create a legacy.

Investing in your legacy allows you to leave a lasting imprint on the community you’ve helped shape.

Creating a personalized philanthropic legacy that reflects your values and passions ensures that future generations thrive and benefit from your foresight and generosity. This investment can maximize tax benefits and leverage professional fund management, ensuring your charitable giving achieves its intended impact.

A legacy fund is a powerful tool that can amplify your impact on causes that resonate with you. Whether your aim is to foster a sense of unity within your family around shared philanthropic values or to leave an indelible mark on your community, this journey is one of connection and shared purpose. It's a journey that brings people together, united in a commitment to making a difference.

Together, we can ensure future generations thrive and benefit from the generosity of those who came before them. Join us in shaping a brighter future for our community by investing in your philanthropic legacy today. Contact us to learn more about establishing a legacy fund and creating a meaningful, enduring impact on our community.

tallahassee woman | 12 | august • september 2024

COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS

Dr. Michelle Mitcham

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tallahassee woman | 13 | august • september 2024

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CULTURE & CUISINE

Are the '90s back?

If you don’t know now, you know?

FALL FASHION ALERT: THE RETURN OF BAGGY FOR EVERY OCCASION

By TWM Staff

COMFORT & CASUAL OPTIONS

tallahassee woman | 16 | august • september 2024

In Your Bag B

aggy jeans are making a strong comeback this fall, with a variety of styles to choose from. Straight leg baggy jeans offer a more traditional look, while wide leg jeans provide a trendy and relaxed silhouette. The boyfriend-fit baggy jeans offer a comfortable and casual option for everyday wear. This season, baggy jeans for women are being styled with oversized sweaters, chunky boots, and statement accessories for a chic and effortless look.

Whether dressed up with a blazer or dressed down with a graphic tee, baggy jeans are a versatile and fashionable choice for any occasion.

tallahassee woman | 17 | august • september 2024

Peach cobbler blueberry twist dump cake

By TWM Staff

Delicious, fuss-free desserts!

I

ndulge in the ultimate treat with this delectable and irresistibly easy peach cobbler blueberry twist dump cake recipe. It's a surefire hit for any occasion, requiring minimal effort for maximum flavor.

INGREDIENTS 1/3 cup blueberries

Imagine the sweet peaches and juicy blueberries mingling together in a symphony of flavors, topped with a golden layer of cake mix and butter that melts in your mouth. Serve it warm with a scoop of creamy vanilla ice cream for the perfect dump cake à la mode experience.

1 stick butter - sliced

To whip up this divine dessert, simply layer two cans of peaches in a casserole dish, sprinkle a handful of blueberries on top, then cover it all with a yellow cake mix. Dot the mixture with butter, dust it with cinnamon and a hint of cardamom, then bake to golden perfection at 375°F. In just 40 minutes, you'll have a mouthwatering masterpiece that will leave your guests raving.

2 dashes cardamon

With just a few basic ingredients and minimal prep time, this peach cobbler blueberry twist dump cake is a must-try for anyone who loves delicious, fuss-free desserts. Enjoy the simplicity and savor every bite of this delightful treat that will have everyone asking for seconds.

and placed on top 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon sprinkled over the top after the butter 1 box Yellow cake mix - any kind *substitute regular yellow cake mix for any gluten-free cake mix for a gluten-free recipe

tallahassee woman | 18 | august • september 2024

tallahassee woman | 19 | august • september 2024

Cuban Picadillo

P

By Thais Gonzalez

icadillo is easy to make and always tastes good. This recipe comes from my mother-in-law, Elide, who taught me how to make many Cuban dishes. Since then we have always enjoyed picadillo at our table. We usually have it with black beans and rice and, sometimes, we add fried plantains (maduros). Recently we have started calling this combination a “Cuban bowl.” When I have leftovers I usually make empanadas using the picadillo as a filling from the day before.

They are so delicious that my family asks for them again and again.

INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon olive oil 1-1/2 pound ground beef 3 cloves of garlic, minced 1/2 chopped onion 1/2 chopped bell pepper 1/2 tablespoon ground cumin 8 ounces tomato sauce Salt and pepper according to taste About 5 green olives, finely chopped 1 tablespoon capers 1/2 cup raisins (optional) 3 dried bay leaves

PREPARATION Heat the Oil: In a large frying pan, heat the olive

ground cumin, salt, and pepper. Mix well to com-

oil over medium heat until shimmering.

bine with the beef and vegetables.

Cook the Ground Beef: add the ground beef to the

Add Optional Ingredients: Stir in the chopped

pan, breaking it up with a spoon as it cooks. Cook

green olives, capers, and raisins if using. Contin-

until fully browned, ensuring no pink remains.

ue to cook on medium heat for about 10 minutes,

Drain any excess fat or juice from the pan.

allowing the flavors to meld together.

Add Aromatics and Seasoning: Stir in the minced

Add Bay Leaves: Place the dried bay leaves into

garlic, chopped onion, and chopped bell pepper.

the mixture and cook for an additional 5 minutes.

Cook for about 3-4 minutes, until the vegetables

Rest and Serve: Cover the pan, remove from heat,

begin to soften. Incorporate the Sauce and Spic-

and let the dish rest until ready to serve. Remove

es: Pour in the tomato sauce and sprinkle in the

bay leaves before serving. Enjoy!

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tallahassee woman | 21 | august • september 2024

By Rebecca Weaver

FA L L R E A D I N G L I S T B Y S A L LY B R A D S H AW

Join a Book Club This Fall!

F

all may still be a few months away in sunny and hot North Florida, but August gives us hope of sweater weather, football tailgates, and a cozy armchair read by a pretend fire (in front of an air conditioning vent!) And what better books than mysteries to get us in the mood for cooler weather?

Midtown Reader’s monthly mystery book club is delving into “locked room” capers this fall. And we’ve got three great reads to recommend in that sub-

genre. Inspired by Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” – perhaps the most famous “locked room” mystery— we’ll be tackling more modern twists and turns with three terrific puzzles. More info is available at www. midtownreader.com about our Mystery Book Club and our other wonderful clubs, including a “Silver Screen Screams” horror book club; Non-Fiction “Café Conversations, and “Global Tapestries,” a South American Literary fiction focus on the rich and diverse world of lit from the Southern Hemisphere.

The Institution

cluded on a Northern California estate in wine country, isolation sets in. Is this a reality-show? Or a game of murder?

Author and criminal lawyer Helen Fields returns with her latest thriller about a murder that happens to a nurse inside a locked ward in the world’s highest-security mental hospital, where psychologist Connie Woolwine must go undercover among the most dangerous men on earth. The nurse has recently given birth and her child is missing.

And Connie is running out of time. Mystery author Clare McIntosh calls it “deliciously dark and utterly compelling— I couldn't put it down.”

The Murder Wheel

by Helen Fields

Every One Is Watching

By Heather Gudenkauf

New York Times and USA Today best-selling author Gudenkauf delights with this tale of a high-stakes game which proves life-threatening. Five contestants – a best friend, a confidant, a senator, a boyfriend, and an executive are competing for millions, and their competition will be streamed live. Se-

By Tom Mead

Mead’s a golden age of crime expert, and his most recent read “Death and the Conjuror” was nominated for best mystery book of the year by the Guardian and Publisher’s Weekly. A man has been killed at the top of the London Ferris Wheel in 1938, and his wife insists she’s innocent. But who could have done it? The newspaper offers a reward for the killer, and the wife’s lawyer Edmund Ibbs is determined to solve the case. In doing so, he is implicated in two additional crimes and under the suspicion of Scotland Yard. The Wall Street Journal says this “fun” read combines two genres— “the locked-room puzzle and the theater mystery. Add a charismatic protagonist, and you have a recipe for pure nostalgic pleasure.”

tallahassee woman | 22 | august • september 2024

OLIVIAHEYWARD.COM tallahassee woman | 23 | august • september 2024

LIVING LOCAL

AROUND

D

on't miss out on the next Wine and Wisdom event! Join us for the monthly TWM Wine & Wisdom Sister Speak event and activate your authentic voice at this unique Tallahassee Woman Magazine Empowerment event! It's more than just an open mic night— it's a chance for women to share their wisdom and enjoy some wine together.

TOWN

TWM Wine & Wisdom Sister Speak Event

Grab your friends and come join us for an evening of inspiration and fun. Share in the wine and wisdom, and be a part of this empowering community. Don't let FOMO get the best of you— mark your calendars and be there for the next event!

tallahassee woman | 24 | august • september 2024

W.E. ELEVATE Women Empowered Elevate

I

n this feature, we honor a remarkable woman who uplifts and empowers other women. Berinice Mercer-Lewis is not just an exceptional nurse and nurse manager, but also a passionate advocate for wellness and an avid runner. She devotes numerous hours each week to promoting healthy living, often alongside her running companions. Berinice has taken part in marathons across the nation and spends early mornings training and supporting other women in their pursuit of fitness goals. Her commitment to the community stems from her desire to see everyone thrive.

Empowered women have a profound impact on those around them, and Berinice exemplifies this by being a beacon of support and encouragement. It is only fitting that we shower her with praise and appreciation for all that she does.

Last autumn, Berinice was honored as a finalist in her category at the RED Gala by Tallahassee Woman Magazine.

Additionally, she is an active member of Black Girls Run (BGR) Tallahassee, further showcasing her dedication to promoting health and fitness among women.

Tallahassee Woman Magazine honored Berinice last fall at their Red Gala.

Berinice has worked in nursing at Tallahassee Memorial HealthCare (TMH) for over 30 years and has been a nurse manager for 25 of them!

TMH shared this wonderful recognition about Berinice last fall: “A finalist for the Resilience award, which honors born-fighters who always strive for better and nurture those around them, Berinice was nominated for guiding nurses on the Diabetes Medical Care Unit and pursuing her beloved marathons.”

When asked how nursing and marathon running relate to each other, Berinice responded, “The determination to finish a marathon is not unlike the resolve we summon in healthcare.”

She continued and said, “The grit and resilience it takes to cross a finish line mirrors the resilience we demonstrate in our work, navigating the complexities of healthcare with determination, persistence and a tireless spirit.”

Berinice credited the support of her husband, daughter and nurses in her personal and professional success. She celebrated her accomplishment with friends, some of whom happen to be colleagues and who she called “the heart and soul of our healthcare family”.

tallahassee woman | 26 | august • september 2024

Berinice Mercer-Lewis

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COVER

DR. CHANTA M. HAYWOOD

tallahassee woman | 28 | august • september 2024

Becoming an AthLeader

BY DR. CHANTA M. HAYWOOD | PHOTOGRAPHY KIRA DERRYBERRY

I

n a casual conversation with Tallahassee Woman Magazine's publisher, Dr. Michelle Mitcham, she asked me what kind of leader I was. She was aware of my roles as a university vice president, associate vice chancellor, dean, professor and scholar, so I could see the validity of that question. I answered with a generic response based on a concept I gleaned from the Millennium Leadership Institute years ago when I was a Fellow. I labeled myself transformational.

But in her Oprahesque way, she probed further and asked how I would advise my 19 and 25-year-old daughters, their contemporaries and other women on what it takes to be a good leader. Now that was a completely different question. Despite my nearly 25 years of higher education leadership, answering it seemed herculean. As I reflected, I thought about how I would highlight the importance of key attributes like having and executing game plans, building and working with teams, developing and honing your skills and more. It occurred to me that I kept drawing on analogies from my life as an athlete and more specifically, as a basketball player. Answering Dr. Mitcham’s question became less daunting, as I realized that there was a direct correlation between my being an athlete and my approach to leadership.

What follows next is my response to Dr. Mitcham’s question from the vantage point of athleadership, which I am defining here as an approach to leadership that is informed by lessons, skills and insights gained

and transferred from a person’s experiences as an athlete. In my case, I am focusing on basketball. I am not privileging athletics nor suggesting that one has to be or have been an athlete for what I am positing here to be relevant to them. Nor do they had to have played basketball. With the 2024 Olympics in Paris showcasing powerful stories about athletes worldwide, I want to encourage young people to know that even when their trophies and metals are collecting dust on a shelf, those copious hours they put in as athletes in dance, cheerleading, gymnastics, soccer, flag football, tennis, volleyball, softball, swimming, football, golf, and more will shape their future lives as leaders and productive citizens.

I began becoming an athleader in 6th grade, when I played basketball in Camilla, Georgia, at Michell County Middle School under Coach Kenneth Hubbard. I continued at Mitchell-Baker High School under coaches Larry Collins and Ray Harris. Then I was a walk-on at Florida A&M University, and under coaches Mickey Clayton and Ralph Coleman I played for a very short stint before leaving the team to avoid losing my academic scholarship.

CONFRONT FLAGRANT SOCIETAL FOULS. I will start with a challenge many women and girls aspiring to be leaders will confront— the psychological barrier caused by flagrant societal fouls of gender bias, exclusion, sexism or racism. Here is how basketball

tallahassee woman | 29 | august • september 2024

COVER

“

As a woman, you must position yourself for the leadership role and then ask for it outright.

”

PHOTOGRAPHY: KIRA DERRYBERRY MAKEUP: IMAGE BY LISA HAIR: FREDA BARNES AT XPRESSIONS NAILS: BLISS NAIL SPA WARDROBE: PRIVATE COLLECTION

tallahassee woman | 30 | august • september 2024

taught me to navigate it.

I was posted down low in one of Mitchell-Baker's biggest rival games. One of our opponent’s best defenders was on me. I moved out on the baseline, and Gina Jackson dished the ball to me. I “juked” (basketball slang for tricked) the defender by faking left. When she went floundering in that direction, I advanced to the right and went up to make the sure shot. However, by the time I got to the goal, she’d managed to make it to me and intentionally fouled me.

To protect my face from that fall, I landed on my right arm. The pain was excruciating.

Weeks later I was in Atlanta on the operating table of Dr. Apple, who was the orthopedic surgeon for the Atlanta Hawks. The surgery left an ugly three-inch scar that for years had me leery about wearing sleeveless shirts or dresses. The psychological scar was far worse. It became an opponent who had me petrified that I would get hurt again.

Then in a high-stakes game, one of our key players fouled out. Coach Collins had to put me in. The referees did not know it, but there was an eleventh person on the floor – my fear. In a moment of bravery, I put my team first, and I ejected that extra player myself.

In those last five or so minutes of the game, I scored 12 points, and Mitchell-Baker won.

In leadership positions, many women and girls get fouled flagrantly by the mistreatment they experience because of unsubstantiated preconceived notions about their abilities. I was harassed in one leadership position and outright bullied in another.

Each time, I drew from that moment in 1984 when I was courageous enough to self-eject an illegal player on the court. While my doctoral degree is in literature and not psychology, I contend that such fouls contribute to the imposter syndrome that many female leaders encounter. Their best defense against that sixth player is to challenge the call and let the referee review it.

GET IN THE GAME AND ASK FOR THE BALL. But first, you must get in the game and ask for the ball. In other words, you must position yourself to ask for the leadership role, and when you get it, do it, and do it WELL. I am right at six feet tall, so I played center.

I would have to position myself to get open so that the point guard could pass the ball to me. Sometimes I would force the defender to get in front of me. Then I’d put one hand in the air behind me and signal to the point guard to lob the ball over her. Other times, I would maneuver my way in front of the defender, clap loudly and then expand both hands out and ask for the ball that way. Or, I would literally scream, “ball, ball.” Either way, the guard had to know that I was ready for it. Once I got it, I had to take it to the goal and make the shot.

As a woman, you must position yourself for the leadership role and then ask for it outright.

BE COACHABLE. There is a caveat, however. You can’t get in the position to lead if you are unwilling to be coached. I had one of the worst free throw shooting records on my team. Shaquille O’Neal may have been better than I was.

Coach Harris noticed the problem. My wrist and elbow were not in proper alignment. To correct the issue, he would have me stand in front of the gym wall, fix my wrist and elbow properly, and repeatedly shoot toward a strip of masking tape on the wall.

I absolutely hated it. I hated his criticism.

Even so, I hated missing so many free throws more. I developed a tough skin. In actual games, I began to imagine that strip of tape on the inside of the basket whenever I would shoot free throws, and my average improved.

I soon learned that whenever I fell short in

tallahassee woman | 31 | august • september 2024

other skills like going left on the dribble, I would seek Coach Harris’ help. Hurt feelings notwithstanding, I wanted the expert to tell me how to fix the issue. In fact, I became reliant upon it because it made my game better.

That appreciation for constructive criticism transferred over to my being a leader and a scholar too. When I submitted my book proposal to the publisher, they sent it to outside experts in American literature. Some of their comments were flat-out harsh, and would have made the average beginning professor consider changing careers.

Drawing from my experience as an athlete, I knew those comments could only make my manuscript better. I made the adjustments.

Now “Prophesying Daughters” has gone through two editions. I was invited to speak about it at a conference at Yale in 2020. It’s on course syllabi around the country— all because I see myself as coachable no matter my role.

As women leaders, you must draw from muscle memory and trust your instincts.

I seek constructive criticism, and I have grown every time.

APPRECIATE THE BENCH. Sometimes you may have to be coached from the bench, and good leaders see the value in that. In basketball and other team sports, we have been taught to seek the coveted position of the starter – to be in the group whose names get announced at the beginning of the game. Some people want to start out as the president of the university or the CEO of the company the moment they finish their degree. I learned, however, that the bench could be one of the best seats in the arena when it comes to preparation for leadership.

From the bench, you can observe the mistakes the key players are making. From the

COVER bench, you see what plays the referees are privileging. From the bench, you motivate those on the court. From the bench, you imagine how differently you’d do things if you got in the game.

But you need to be ready while sitting there because you never know when you are going to be called in the game. Some of the best leaders come from the bench— from the entry level spot, from cubicle or a small office.

Sometimes, however, players are so busy wallowing in despair that they did not realize that the ball hit the rim and came back to them. Had they simply kept their eyes on it after they shot it, and had they run back toward it and followed through, they could have grabbed it and put it right back in the basket. As an administrator, I missed shots when I unsuccessfully pursued grants. I followed the shots, however, by addressing all of the comments from the outside reviewers. I put the balls back up, submitted the proposals again, and scored millions.

DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT! When your chance comes and the ball is passed your way, reach for it with confidence. Someone may pass you the ball directly. It may come to you as a rebound off someone else's missed shot. Whichever way it comes, grab it, hold it, be thankful that it is in your hand, and aim strategically toward the imaginary tape on the wall or in the basket.

In almost every leadership position I have gotten, a ball was passed to me. When I was the assistant graduate dean at Florida A&M, the dean and my mentor, Dr. Anna VaughnCooke, took a job in another state. I was asked to be the interim dean. I later got the permanent position and held it for nearly a decade. That positioned me for the associate vice chancellor position at North Carolina Central. I got the opportunity to be Interim Vice President for Advancement at Albany State, and later got that position permanently. I got a similar opportunity at Fort Valley State. Now, I have yet another opportunity at Coppin State.

Some of the best opportunities come when you least expect it, so do not throw away those shots.

FOLLOW YOUR SHOT. Don’t get me wrong. You will miss a shot here and there on your leadership path. You may not get a position you qualified for.

My mother, Mary Jo Haywood, is the best coach I have ever had in sports and in life.

She taught me the most important lesson about missing shots as a leader. She was the first woman and first black mayor of Camilla, Georgia. An avid sports fanatic, she, too, interprets her career through an athleadership lens. As a civil rights activist, her life was replete with flagrant fouls, but when the stars and time aligned to make her chances of winning mayor quite achievable, she did not throw away her shot. She used a maxim that I still live by as a leader: A true champion is not one who wins over and over again.

It is one, who, after having lost, rises and wins again.

APPLAUD YOURSELF. But when you do make some shots, take the time to celebrate. Women leaders work so very hard. We set up plays. We defend.

We hustle. We get fouled — sometimes flagrantly. We have been socialized to downplay our successes. Whether you lay it up, throw a hook shot (which I was known for, by the way), hit a field goal, pop a three or slam dunk it, stop and celebrate. Enjoy your victories — small and large. You can still do so humbly and sometimes without a crowd.

Now I write myself notes. When I led the program in London for Florida State, I sent myself postcards so that when I arrived home, I would have a reminder that I made a nice shot.

I have learned as a leader not to rely on the applause of the crowd to feel accomplished.

Fans will cheer for you in one quarter when you are winning and leave the game early if you are losing in the last one. As a preacher’s daughter, I adhere to the words in one of my favorite gospel songs, which say that “sometimes you have to encourage yourself.”

PROTECT THE BALL. Encouraging yourself as a leader also means protecting the ball, especially when that ball is your mental health. Do everything in your power to preserve it. Take it behind your back, through your legs or around your neck. Guard it.

Dr. Antoinette Candia-Bailey, the former vice president of student affairs at Lincoln University in Missouri, died by suicide this year after experiencing what she reported as bullying, harassment and discrimination.

Her death brought attention to what many black women leaders face in academia.

Her story was painful and made me even more committed to work-life balance. Well leaders lead well.

PLAY ON THE COURT WHERE YOUR HEELS ARE PLANTED. As a woman leader, you must also play on the court on which your heels are planted.

Many young athletes aspire to play at a Division One (D1) school. Even when you are good enough for D1, sometimes in life you may not get the chance to do so. On the other hand, you just may go D1 and realize that it actually is not a good fit for you. No matter where you go, play there.

Almost six years ago, I got on the off-ramp of administration and became a visiting professor in the College of Communication and Information at Florida State. It was a familiar exit. My first job as a 27-year-old assistant professor fresh out of my Ph.D. program at UC San Diego in 1995 was in

tallahassee woman | 32 | august • september 2024

the English department at FSU. I thought I would be back on this second tour of duty for no more than two years. It turned into nearly six years, as I was reunited with my first love of teaching college students, and it felt so good.

I admit that I wondered where I could be as a leader if I was not teaching, but the reality was that my feet were on the classroom court. The arena, players, coach and all had changed. I was on a new team, and as a team player, I began to help whenever and however I could. I led strategic initiatives for the college, directed a summer program in London, drafted a recruitment plan for graduate students and taught specialized classes. I traded my stilettos in for some Birkenstocks and played on that court.

I am doing the same at Coppin State University. Dean Michelle Kazmer and Dr. Patrick Merle appreciated the significance of the unique opportunity presented to me,

and they supported my request to take professional development leave to go “coach” an academic affairs team for a year as the Interim Provost. Someone asked me why I would go to a small, urban, liberal arts HBCU in Baltimore in the neighborhood near where scenes from the t.v. series, The Wire, were based on. As a basketball player, my response was that I went to Coppin State because that was the court on which I was given the ball. I was called to play on a court and for a coach (President Anthony Jenkins) who saw value in my proven skills and experience. Grow where you are planted as a leader.

BUILD A DIVERSE TEAM. And, finally, wherever you are planted, build a multi-faceted and diverse team, believing that everyone brings a special set of skills.

Coach Collins knew that if we needed to take the ball down the court quickly, I was NOT the player for that task. That would be

Renee Williams or Beverly Gaines. If we needed shots from the outside perimeter, Gina Jackson was our girl. Now if we needed to score down low or get offensive or defensive rebounds, Tanya Ross and I would deliver all day.

That is why as a leader, I assess the skills of my players to determine the best place they should be positioned in so that we can win as a team. Everyone brings unique talents. They also bring special experiences, perspectives, and world views, and I value them, especially when it comes to solving a problem or addressing an issue. The more diverse the views and opinions, the more nuanced the issue is. And the more nuanced the issue, the more innovative the outcome.

Athletics taught me these lessons about leadership. Dr. Mitcham, I know that is a long answer to your question.

FRESH

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W H Y N OT S U M M E R AT M A RT H A’ S V I N E YA R D ?

TRAVEL

H

ave you ever dreamt of a perfect vacation destination that combines history, natural beauty, and endless activities to enjoy? Look no further than Martha’s Vineyard. This charming island off the coast of Massachusetts has a rich history and offers a wide array of attractions that cater to all tastes and preferences.

From exploring historic landmarks to relaxing on pristine beaches, Martha’s Vineyard has something for everyone.

When visiting Martha’s Vineyard, one of the must-see attractions is the Aquinnah Cliffs. These stunning clay cliffs offer breathtaking views of the ocean and are a sacred site for the Wampanoag Tribe. You can also visit the Gay Head Lighthouse nearby, which adds to the picturesque scenery of the area.

For history enthusiasts, a visit to the Martha’s Vineyard Museum is a must. The museum showcases the island’s rich maritime history, indigenous culture, and whaling heritage. It provides a fascinating glimpse into the island's past and how it has evolved over the years.

Nature lovers will appreciate a trip to the Mytoi Japanese Garden, a serene oasis of tranquility. This hidden gem features peaceful walking paths, beautiful flora, and a tranquil pond, offering a perfect escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

If you're a fan of outdoor activities, Martha’s Vineyard has plenty to offer. You can explore the island by bike, kayak along its pristine coastline, or go fishing in the waters surrounding the island. For a more leisurely experience, you can enjoy a round of golf at the Farm Neck Golf Club, which offers stunning views of the Vineyard Sound.

ster rolls to clam chowder, the island boasts a variety of dining options that will satisfy even the most discerning palate. Be sure to visit one of the many seafood shacks or upscale restaurants to indulge in the local culinary delights.

For art enthusiasts, a visit to the Featherstone Center for the Arts is a must. This community arts center offers workshops, exhibitions, and events showcasing the work of local artists. You can immerse yourself in the vibrant art scene of Martha’s Vineyard and even take home a unique piece of art as a souvenir.

In the evenings, you can catch a live performance at the Martha’s Vineyard Playhouse or enjoy a sunset cruise along the coastline. The island comes alive at night with various entertainment options, ensuring that your nights are as exciting as your days.

For film enthusiasts, visit in August for the African American Film Festival.

It showcases a diverse range of films created by and featuring African Americans. This event not only highlights the talent and creativity of black filmmakers but also offers a space for important conversations about representation and diversity in the industry. Attending this festival is a unique opportunity to immerse oneself in thought-provoking cinema while surrounded by the beauty of Martha's Vineyard.

Martha’s Vineyard is a truly special place that offers a perfect blend of history, natural beauty, and endless activities for visitors to enjoy. Whether you're interested in exploring historic sites, relaxing on pristine beaches, or indulging in delicious cuisine, this island has something for everyone. So, pack your bags and embark on a memorable vacation to Martha’s Vineyard — an experience you'll never forget.

No visit to Martha’s Vineyard would be complete without sampling some of its delicious seafood. From fresh lobtallahassee woman | 34 | august • september 2024

Martha’s Vineyard is a truly special place that offers a perfect blend of history, natural beauty, and endless activities for visitors to enjoy.

BUSINESS & LEADERSHIP

So, you want to start a business…

A

Dana Brooks

re you a whiz with social media, are you the dog whisperer, or are your parties the most coveted invites in town? Chances are, you’ve considered turning your talent into a business.

But it takes more than passion to create a viable business. It takes planning, discipline, and a basic understanding of marketing, accounting, finance and business principles. Not many of us learned that in school, so it’s not surprising that many women-owned businesses fail to get off the ground.

Managing Partner/Shareholder Fasig | Brooks Law Offices dana@fasigbrooks.com

If you have questions about this or any other legal topic, Dana can be reached at Fasig Brooks Law Offices, 850-777-7777.

I’d be glad to help.

All women, particularly women of color, face similar challenges starting businesses – access to funding, networking, leveraging technology, and finding mentors and role models. Personally, I’ve observed four essential problems women face when starting a business. These are my suggestions for how to manage them.

All passion; no plan.

You can make the best cupcakes in the world, but you don’t own a bakery until someone buys them. Business requires planning. Go out into the market and see where the holes are. What do you offer that is missing? If there is competition, how much can the market bear before it is saturated? How will you distinguish yourself from your competition without lowering your profit margin? How are your competitors doing – is this a growing or dying industry? Who are your client avatars and how do you reach them? How much of your gross revenue should be allocated to operations, marketing, growth, reinvestment, profit? Get a solid business plan together before you quit your day job, borrow money, or approach investors. They’re going to want to know what they get for their money, how much it’s going to make them, and tallahassee woman | 36 | august • september 2024

when they’re going to get it. Importantly, they expect to see a basis for your assertions and projections. Remember, without a business plan, you’re just running on hunches and no serious person is going to trust you with their money. Blind faith and optimism is not a business plan.

Too risk-averse.

The woman’s left Achilles heel. Successful people have this in common – they become comfortable with risk. That is particularly difficult for women because it was not encouraged in us as children, and it is not rewarded in us as adults. As foreign as it is, we must master it.

Do not confuse risk with recklessness. I am not promoting impulsive, impetuous behavior. That can be ruinous. I mean taking calculated risks where you literally write out the pros and cons and walk through a decision tree to arrive at a logical set of options. Once you have a sound business plan, it’s easier to assess risk.

You know how much capital you need, what the likely obstacles are and how to overcome them, and how long you will be in a building versus maintenance versus growth phase. Assess your financial needs and projections and your timeline for achieving your goals by giving them optimistic, pessimistic, and realistic values. That gives you a range of risk from which you can decide what level you can afford, and at what stage. You may need to start your business as a side gig in order to demonstrate its viability to lenders and generate enough income to fund the ultimate launch of your full-time business. All of this is knowable with planning.

Doing too much yourself.

The woman’s right Achilles heel. I have often wondered the precise moment when I started believing that one day I’d get a huge prize for being the girl who did too much. Turns out, there is no prize for

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hardheaded women. Realize that you have the same number of hours in a day as Taylor Swift, Oprah and Kamala Harris. They do not do everything themselves. Potentiate your 24 hours by asking for help, delegating and outsourcing. Once you have formulated your business plan, assign yourself the tasks that play to your strengths and give the others to people who can do them better, faster, and cheaper than you.

Yes, cheaper. You do not save any money spending countless hours of your own time on something you do not know, care about, or do well.

You’d be better off working overtime to pay someone else to do it. And don’t forget bartering. Maybe you can offer your pet sitting services in exchange for accounting or legal services.

Consider marketing or business interns or people working on the side of their own jobs to help you with the aspects of business planning you aren’t comfortable with. This can all be so overwhelming, I know. It is important to incentivize and celebrate your wins and plan for setbacks along the way. If you can afford it, hire a coach to ensure you meet established deadlines. If your budget won’t allow that, ask a friend or relative to be your accountability partner. Anyone can agree to meet briefly once a week to help you stay on track.

Fear and Inexperience.

You’re a woman. Your fear is legitimate because it is likely based on your relative inexperience. So what? Do it anyway. Do the research, draft the business plan, formulate the projections. Find a successful

woman business owner and see if she’ll have coffee with you. That will lead to shadowing and mentoring opportunities. If she cannot help, she will put you in touch with someone else and your network will grow from there. Consider working with someone in your field who is aging out who doesn’t have a legacy or succession plan. Become invaluable to them and buy their business when they retire. Take a job in the type of business you want to own. That is where you find other likeminded people who may want to leave that job and start a competing business with you. Pay for an attorney consultation and see if you can get out of your non-compete agreement or employment contract. Go back to school and visit a beloved professor during office hours and ask for guidance. You have more resources than you realize but you do have to ask for help and you do have to start.

Starting a business is a challenging endeavor for anyone, but women-owned businesses face unique obstacles that can contribute to higher failure rates. Despite these challenges, many women entrepreneurs find ways to succeed and thrive in the business world. You’re no exception.

Reach out. Ask for help. Take it. And after you get where you want to be, turn around and help another upcoming, enthusiastic, future, woman business owner!

tallahassee woman | 37 | august • september 2024

Empowering Women Leaders:

Embodying Reflective and Resilient Leadership

By Michelle Mitcham PhD, LMHC

T

his piece delves into the essence of being a reflective and resilient leader, with a special focus on women in leadership roles. Research consistently highlights the challenges women face in garnering recognition and respect in the workplace, often having to work twice as hard to earn half the appreciation compared to their male counterparts.

A reflective leader is attuned to the present moment, deeply conscious of their thoughts, emotions, and actions. This heightened self-awareness fosters sharper critical thinking skills and a proactive approach to problem-solving. Moreover, a reflective leader values each team member, assigning roles where they can truly shine.

Effective communication is key to reflective leadership, prioritizing active listening and providing constructive feedback. Embracing diverse perspectives from team members at all levels can elevate the team's performance and overall success.

Kindness is a cornerstone of reflective leadership, emphasizing respect for differing viewpoints and fostering a culture where opposing perspectives can coexist harmoniously. Reflective leaders champion inclusivity, acknowledging and celebrating differences

while remaining mindful of their own limitations and the organizational culture they navigate.

For women aspiring to embody reflective leadership, here are essential steps to follow: 1. Listen attentively, practicing mindfulness and approaching interactions with an open heart.

2. Embrace authentic leadership, employing a humanistic approach in all dealings with your team.

3. Pursue continuous professional development to deepen your understanding of others and yourself.

4. Advocate for equality and fairness within your organization, ensuring equal opportunities and treatment for all team members.

5. Foster a sense of belonging and inclusivity, cultivating a supportive organizational culture.

In essence, reflective and resilient leadership empowers women to lead with empathy, integrity, and inclusivity, driving both personal and organizational success.

tallahassee woman | 38 | august • september 2024

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MIND, BODY & SPIRIT

JANE MARKS WRITER Jane Marks is a licensed psychotherapist "life coach" with 50+ years of experience specializing in child and adolescent behavior.

She is a motivational speaker/lecturer focusing on mental health and adolescents.

FINDING JOY IN THE ORDINARY:

Embracing the Beauty of Routine and Small Moment

H

ow often are we asked, “What are you doing this weekend?”

Typically, we feel pressured to rattle off a fancy itinerary full of larger-than-life experiences. Too often, my patients feel like their lives seem mundane when compared to the dazzling and extraordinary experiences that they constantly witness on the news, social media and among family and friends.

Today, let’s take a look at how embracing the ordinary, the routine, and the small moments can bring you a sense of stability, comfort, and most importantly joy in your day-to-day life. Start with these tips to help embrace the joy that comes with the humdrum: 1. Practice gratitude. Embrace and appreciate the small things in your routine that bring you joy and comfort — whether it’s a hot cup of coffee, a perfectly made bed, or even the satisfying ding of the toaster, announcing that your toast or bagel is done. Ordinary moments like these cultivate a sense of comfort and well-being.

2. Have an established routine. A daily routine can provide structure, stability and predictability to your day. By setting up a regular wake-up time, meal schedule, and bedtime, you will reduce stress and increase productivity.

your physical and emotional well-being. Prioritize that 5 minutes of quiet time, the 13-minute shower, or a 4-minute phone call to a friend. All of these experiences help you to recharge.

4. Find joy in simple tasks. Instead of speed-working, try to find moments of joy in organizing your workspace, folding laundry and even getting dishes done. When you approach these tasks with mindfulness, you’ll enjoy a sense of accomplishment as you move through your day.

5. Celebrate all achievements. Maybe it’s successfully parallelparking, finding the remote, perfectly timing the traffic light, fixing a delicious meal, or—if you’re like me—fixing any technical issue which is generally far beyond your scope. Whatever it is, celebrate!

And remember: being able to say no and staying away from unnecessary drama is also cause for celebration.

So, this week, relish the ordinary and mundane moments. Turn the humdrum into the spectacular. Forget about FOMO and experience JOMO—the Joy of Missing Out. Remember, life’s greatest joys can be experienced in the quiet corners of your daily routine. Cheers to embracing the ordinary and making every day extraordinary.

3. Embrace self-care rituals. Incorporate activities that nurture tallahassee woman | 42 | august • september 2024

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Simple Tips for Sustainable Wellness

By Dr. Tavia Reyes and Dr. Gennea Williams

I

n a world flooded with health tips on social media, it's easy to get overwhelmed with so much information! You don’t need every new product or supplement to be your best self.

Let's simplify things and focus on some basics that are tried and true. This article will explore simple strategies to maximize your well-being. Review these general tips for overall wellness: • Probiotics are great for gut health, but don't forget the fiber needed to feed them. Fiber sources like chia seeds and flax seeds are cost-efficient sources of prebiotics necessary to feed probiotics and promote healthy gut bacteria. hemp, and silk (read clothing tags). For food containers and storage, try to use glass and steel instead of plastic, especially glass when heating food.

• Hydration goes beyond just water; opt for thoroughly filtered water and ensure you replenish your electrolytes (pure coconut water, electrolyte powder).

• Instead of NSAIDs (ibuprofen, acetaminophen) that can harm your gut with long term use, consider natural alternatives like Boswellia, turmeric, and white willow bark to reduce pain and inflammation.

• Avoiding blue light, especially before bed, and sleeping in complete darkness can greatly improve your sleep quality. Avoid screens at least an hour before bed for a restful sleep.

• Be mindful of everyday materials containing microplastics. Consider natural fabrics like cotton, linen,

• Reading product labels can be daunting (food, hair care, cosmetics and household items). Utilize apps like Yuka and Think Dirty to easily identify harmful ingredients in your products.

Making informed choices for a healthier lifestyle doesn’t have to be complicated. Start by prioritizing basic principles and use this as a guideline. For example, limiting added sugar the best you can, eating the rainbow with fresh fruits and vegetables, and limiting alcohol and processed foods. Remember to prioritize progress over perfection. It’s about doing the best you can and giving yourself grace on the tough days. You can be your own biggest fan or your worst enemy. Be kind to your mind and know you are worth the effort with every choice you make towards a healthier life.

“Power down electronics and lights for a restful night.”

Let's simplify our approach to health and well-being by focusing on the essentials and making informed choices for a healthier lifestyle.

tallahassee woman | 44 | august • september 2024

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BODY & MIND IN HARMONY Embracing Self-Care and Wellness Wisdom

By Jane Marks

tallahassee woman | 46 | august • september 2024

M

y old housekeeper, Dot, was the definition of a “truth teller.” She would often regale us with funny stories or make us laugh with her oversharing, but either way, she’d always leave us with priceless words of wisdom. One Friday she came in and said, “Your body is not a laundry pile—ignoring it won’t make it disappear. Taking care of it will always make you feel like you are in apple-pie order.”

While my day-to-day work as a family therapist focuses on mental and emotional health, Dot’s advice reminded me how important it is that we treat our bodies with the utmost care and compassion.

By taking care of our amazing bodies, we’re also giving our mental health and overall well-being a much-needed boost. This week, let’s invest in our health in warm and thoughtful ways.

CONSISTENCY IS KEY. Small daily actions, like waking at the same time, hydration, meditation, and gratitude, make a big difference in how you process your day. These daily actions add up to big results over time, and your health grows from “classic” to “dynamic.” Aim for progress, not perfection. Celebrate every small win along the way, and remember that slow progress is still progress.

LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. Your body is always giving you whispering hints, so tune in and listen. Whether it’s asking for rest, movement, or connection, pay attention and give your body what it needs.

FUEL YOUR BODY WITH LOVE. Treat your body like a luxury sports car: it deserves high-quality fuel to perform at its absolute best. Nurture your body with nutrient-dense foods, hydration, small rewards and special treats. Whether you are a towering giant or a petite powerhouse, your body deserves to be fed with healthy choices and occasional pizza—with no regrets.

MOVE THAT BODY. Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do. Lean into activities that you enjoy, like running, yoga, walking, lifting weights or pickleball. Dance like nobody’s watching, and when they are, give yourself bonus points.

KEEP A POSITIVE MINDSET. Your mindset is a powerful tool in maintaining an amazing body. Practice self-love, self-care, and positivity to support your health journey from the inside out.

Remember: your body and health matter. Embrace where you are on your health journey and focus on what you can do today to nurture and care for it. Make this body the most vibrant and vital you can.

You’ve got this!

tallahassee woman | 47 | august • september 2024

Embracing the

Joy of Aging

By Jane Marks

tallahassee woman | 48 | august • september 2024

TIPS FOR A VIBRANT AND HEALTHY LIFE AT ANY AGE

T

his past weekend, I had a wonderful time leading a great group of dancers as the opening performance at an all-day women’s celebration conference. Afterwards, as I headed for the door, a young woman asked me how old I was. I simply said, “in my seventies” to keep it simple. Her response was, “Wow, you’re not acting your age at all!” Rather than being taken aback, I thought about the notion of “acting your age” and what this might mean for our health.

FOCUS ON HEALTHY LIFESTYLE CHOICES.

Embracing our age is not just about counting candles. It’s about cherishing and supporting our health choices, no matter what age. It also means that in a world that is often obsessed with youth, we can learn to embrace aging and adopt a mindset that is truly transformative for our health and well-being. So, let’s consider these tips:

EMBRACE TECHNOLOGY.

ADOPT A POSITIVE MINDSET.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE.

No matter your age, stay active, laugh often, and keep a sunny outlook. Optimism will guide you through any ups and downs and ensure not only a positive outlook but a youthful one as well.

STAY CURIOUS.

Find opportunities for learning and growth.

Indulge in new hobbies and try new things.

Whether it’s learning a new language, pickleball, or immersive art, keep a growth mindset and give it a try.

Be intentional about diet, sleep, and exercise.

Ensure that you are giving your body what it deserves.

CELEBRATE YOUR WISDOM, NO MATTER YOUR AGE. You’ve earned every lost tooth, every grey hair, and every tiny wrinkle. Wear them proudly, and consider them badges of honor.

Connecting with others via text, emails, video calls, or online games can help you stay close to loved ones in a fun and meaningful way.

Don’t forget: no matter your age, personal healthcare data can also be collected from all parts of your body and sent to your healthcare team.

The science says that practicing gratitude is linked to overall stronger health indicators and resilience. Being thankful for unexpected treats, elastic waistbands, and comfortable shoes is also a double bonus.

This week, as we move forward on our health journeys, let’s recognize that aging is a gift— and celebrate it in every way. Cheers to rocking any age with intention, style and sass!

tallahassee woman | 49 | august • september 2024

LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

Co-Parenting Checklist for a Successful School Year!

By TWM Staff

tallahassee woman | 50 | august • september 2024

A

s the summer comes to an end and fall approaches, it's time to transition back to school routines and schedules. Co-parenting requires effective communication and prioritizing the needs of your children.

Whether you are a married couple or separated, putting your children first is essential.

1. Establish a weekly communication routine through email or a shared electronic parenting notebook. Share schedules and any important information about your child's activities.

2. Be flexible with schedules, considering the age and needs of your child. Remember, their well-being is the top priority.

3. Speak positively about the other parent in front of your child. Show respect and value for their relationship with the other parent.

4. Coordinate and attend parent-teacher conferences together to stay informed about your child's progress and discuss ways to support them collaboratively.

5. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your

tallahassee woman | 51 | august • september 2024

children. This can be harmful and create unnecessary tension.

6. Create a shared calendar for school events, holidays and important dates.

7. Respect each other's parenting styles and decisions.

8. Encourage open communication and problem-solving for any challenges that may arise.

9. Support your child's emotional well-being by maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship.

10. Seek professional help or mediation if conflicts become difficult to resolve. If everyone in the family needs a therapist be open to going into therapy and also allowing your child to have their own therapist. Do not question them about what they talk about with the therapist. This shows your support.

By following these guidelines, you can ensure a smooth and successful school year for your children, despite the challenges of co-parenting. Prioritizing their needs and working together as a united front will ultimately benefit their well-being and development.

Embrace the Unexpected Letting Go of Expectations and Finding Freedom

By Holley Curry

H

ave you ever been disappointed when things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to? Many of us envision exactly how we think things should play out in our lives and can become devastated when it doesn’t go our way. This happened to me when my marriage of 23 years fell apart due to my partner’s addiction. Not only my marriage, but friendships, financial security, and everything else I’d worked so hard for came crashing down around me, including my sense of identity and self-worth.

It wasn’t until one day in 2020, having not slept in 72 hours, exhausted and broken, that I finally decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Every storybook ending I had worked so hard to write for my life just wasn’t going to happen. You see, trying to force an ending to a story when we can’t control the real-life characters is nothing but an exercise in futility. Changing our mindset to not

place expectations on the future can be one of the hardest things to do when you’ve been holding on to your fairytale for so long.

But what if I told you relinquishing control—embracing people for who they are, moments for how they arrive, and both good and bad as they come—has been one of the most liberating practices in my life to date? In my journey to let go of expected outcomes and embrace what is in front of me, I have found that the stories that make up my life are even better than what I could have imagined for myself.

My dear reader, if that story you’ve written isn’t playing out the way you thought it would, it’s time to let go of those expectations and start embracing people, situations, and especially yourself for who and what you are at this moment. Relinquish control, and let life write the story for you.

tallahassee woman | 52 | august • september 2024

W.E. INSPIRE Dr. Chanta M. Haywood

Relying on the applause of the crowd to feel selfworth can be quite disappointing.

Fans will cheer for you in one quarter when you are winning and then leave the game early if you are losing in the last one. So cheer for yourself. You win each time no matter what the score board shows. tallahassee woman | 53 | august • september 2024

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