Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage FALL 2015
tips to help couples avoid arguments
A PRAYER FOR COUPLES Keeping God In It
THE SECRET IS OUT
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING Don’t Get Married Without It!
911 MARRIAGE EMERGENCY Readers Questions Answered
Extramarital Affairs Exposed
INVESTING OR GAMBLING?
Should Christians Invest In The Stock Market?
I MARRIED HIM HE MARRIED THE CHURCH A Reader’s Response
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
FALL 2015 PUBLISHER/EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Tamara Hundley tamara@uniqdesigninc.com GENERAL MANAGER Terrance Hundley ASSISTANT EDITOR LaTonya Gibson MARKETING TEAM Rosalyn Hall, Derryck Fletcher CONTRIBUTING WRITERS LaTonya Gibson, Zelma Allen, Terrance Hundley, Tamara Hundley Derryck Fletcher, Pamela Bell and Sylvia Marion GRAPHIC DESIGNER Tamara Hundley ILLUSTRATOR Dominic Jordon, Jr. SALES info@rewindmarriage.com FOUNDERS Terrance and Tamara Hundley
Advertising/Editorial/Business Offices to view online and support, visit:
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Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to info@rewindmarriage.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND. To subscribe visit www.rewindmarriage.com. Subscription Price: $18 per year. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission by REWIND is prohibited. Copyright 2013. Uniqdesign, LLC. All Rights Reserved. REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication. REWIND (ISSN 2169-3102) is a free online publication. Subscription and fee required for printed copies.
CONTRIBUTORS
Derryck Fletcher is a radio host for Morgan State University’s (WEAA 88.9 FM) Sunday Gospel Music Show. He is a loving husband and father of three.
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage LaTonya Gibson is an author, editor and freelance writer.
Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers & Contributors
Editor’s Corner Rosalyn Hall is the Owner and CEO of RMH Marketing, a Maryland-based Marketing Company.
Zelma Allen Financial Advisor, Columnist, and Realtor. Happily Married with three children.
During a recent workshop for married couples someone raised the question, “Is love enough to sustain a marriage?” The response given was, “Is God Enough?” 1 John 4:8 says, “God is love”. God is not only the author of marriage, but He is the foundation on which it must be built. Therefore, if marriage is built upon God, it is established upon love. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 gives the characteristics of Love and reminds us that Love never fails. Hence, one must conclude that Love is absolutley enough to sustain a marriage, if the marriage is built on the right foundation — God. It will take a consertive effort from both parties in the marriage to build their personal relationships with God and to work together to keep Him first in their marriage. Allow Love to work. Terrance & Tamara Hundley We advise anyone considering marriage to seek biblical pre-marital counseling.
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REWIND / Fall 2015
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contents FALL 2015
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
in this issue...
s r e t t a m arriage
m
10
I MARRIED HIM, HE MARRIED THE CHURCH — READER’S RESPONSE.
12
ASK MINISTER BELL Licensed Therapist, Pamela Bell, answers questions submitted by readers in our new “Ask Min. Bell” column. BY PAMELA BELL
13
PRAYER WORKS Keep Prayer In Your Marriage.
16
THE SECRET’S OUT Extramarital Affairs Exposed — Ashley Madison Website. BY TERRANCE & TAMARA HUNDLEY
25
PRE COU MARIT N Don SELI AL Mar ’t Get NG A lo ried Wi of re ok at the thout It befo ceiving c import ! BY L re saying ounselinance ATO g “ NYA I DO”. GIB SON
4 6
REWIND / Fall 2015
in every issue
EDITOR’S CORNER email us at info@rewindmarriage.com to post your reaction to this issue.
featur
es
26
finance
ARGUMENTS HAPPEN, CHOOSE TO AVOID THEM 10 Tips To Help Couples Avoid Arguments BY TERRANCE & TAMARA HUNDLEY
INVESTING OR GAMBLING? Should Christians Invest In the Stock Market? BY ZELMA ALLEN
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Marriage Matters
I MARRIED HIM... HE MARRIED THE CHURCH. NOW WHAT? by An Anonymous Reader
J
ohn and I were married 33 years ago. The first few years were great and then he was called to pastor… it all got crazy after that. Now four children and 33 years later, I find myself packing my bags and moving out before he returns home from yet “another revival/crusade”. My heart is heavy because I love him and always have, but no longer can I take a back seat to his mistress — “the church”. For years I kept my hurt and frustration in as I questioned how anyone would understand what I was feeling. I was married to a wonderful man who loved everyone and did whatever he could, whenever he could, to help people. To my knowledge there was never any infidelity and he was always a good provider. About 10 years ago, I spoke to one of the heads of our church organization and disclosed my feelings to him. He told me I was out of order. He said my first priority is to support my husband in the call God placed on his life and not to cause him any unnecessary stress by bringing this matter of “feeling neglected” to his attention. He told me I should be grateful to have a husband whose attention is primarily on the things of God and not other women. I didn’t want to accept his answer, but the things he said were true. I did have a good husband who loved God — even if his first love, after God was the church and not me. About a year ago, I finally revealed to my husband how I was feeling. He told me I was being ridiculous. He said he does love me and is not putting me on the back burner. He said ministry is a sacrifice, which includes time away from home and family, but it does not mean he loves us less than he loves his assignment. Because I love him so much, I tried to accept his answer, although I knew it did not change my reality. You see, my children basically grew up in a one-parent home. Although we were both living at home, my husband spent most days through the week working at the church or attending to the needs of individuals at the church. He also spent most weekends working on ministry related projects or travelling with other pastors and bishops to other cities, states and countries for the purpose of ministry. Through the years, I have been the parent who attended most school events and activities outside of the church for my children. Activities were even limited because he
10 REWIND / Fall 2015
did not want them out of church too often, however, he was fine as long as they attended church and worked in ministry. They could do that seven days a week and he would be fine, the minute they got involved in school activities, sports or even spending time with their friends, the time limits were put in place. Today, my children resent their father for this. They love him with everything in them, but feel that they even take a back seat to his first love – “the church”. I wish this wasn’t such a taboo topic for those of us who are married to pastors and feel this way. I am not the only one. I know of several first ladies who feel the same way, but will not touch the topic. Instead, they have decided to simply accept things for what they are for the sake of “the ministry”. This hurts so bad and I wish there was someone who really understood my decision to leave. I am longing for my husband’s attention. I am lonely. I hurt for my children, who feel neglected. And I no longer want to feel like his trophy – someone one to show off with fine jewelry, pretty clothes, hats, and shoes. I love him and I want to feel loved beyond things. Everytime he leaves I make plans to walk away and ask God to help us both through it. It is already painful, but to continue in the state that we have been in for over 30 years would be toxic.
This reader is crying out for help, looking for someone who understands and can offer support. If you are a pastor, spouse of a pastor, professional Christian counselor or licensed marriage therapist, we ask you to take the time and send us a response to run in our next issue. It is our prayer that your response will help this reader and others who are in similar situations, but have no one they trust enough to tell. Respond by emailing us at
info@rewindmarriage.com
Marriage Matters
A READER’S RESPONSE
A Licensed Social Worker, who believes strongly in the sanctity of marriage, responds to the article, “I MARRIED HIM, HE MARRIED THE CHURCH. NOW WHAT?” from our last issue. It is our prayer that this response helps the individual who submitted this anonymous letter as well as other readers. Dear Anonymous
I
am so glad that I had a chance to read the article by Anonymous Reader. I feel your pain. It is so sad that your husband can be so busy helping others by doing the work of the Lord, but not able to discern the needs of his family. I equate this with “What does it mean to gain the whole world, but lose your own soul?” Your husband said you are being ridiculous (I disagree). He said he loves you (I agree). He said he is not putting you and your family on the back burner (I disagree). He said that ministry is a sacrifice (Yes, I agree. The sacrifice is his family). This is so sad. I have been paying attention to church leaders. The divorces and remarriages are just astronomical. We serve a God who can do all things. But he cannot give two people, both who claim they love God, an understanding of how to keep their family happy and healthy? I respect the clergy, but this divorcing and remarrying (sometimes two and three times) is troubling to me. Usually they remarry and, in the follow up marriages, some of them get an understanding of the importance of nurturing their family at home while nuturing their spiritual family. For those of you who are still married and unhappy, hang in there. Anonymous, it sounds like your husband and Pastor has a good thing, but he is getting ready to lose you because of his negligence. Family is the first ministry. Your husband should consider taking a leave of absence to work on healing his own family with God’s help. Thirty years of growing apart in the same house is a long time. This seems like one of those dirty little secrets, but it should not be. There is deliverance in confessing our faults one to another. Anything kept in the dark, will fester and grow. Once the problem is brought to light it can foster healing for all. I am a Licensed Social Worker, who believes very strongly in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that Anonymous’ husband’s ministry would be so much more powerful if he would attend to first things first. This couple could eventually have an awesome marriage ministry that heals others.
Ivy Bullock ivbullock165@gmail.com
Dear Anonymous
W
e applaud you for being so honest and transparent about how you are feeling and We pray that something we say will help you during this time in your life. Your husband is not listening and is being quite insensitive to your needs. He has forgotten one essential truth: ministry starts at home. Yes, ministry is a sacrifice, but in this moment it is being used as a means to justify his behavior. However, this is a response that he may never read so jumping on that bandwagon is not helpful to you. Your feelings are certainly justified. There is nothing worse than feeling neglected. It is a feeling that can rob us of our self-esteem and self-worth as we wonder if we’ll ever be desirable to the one whom we desire. We believe you simply want to know that he still wants you and that is the motive behind your leaving. You want to see if he is going to pursue you, but that is not a healthy action either. If you leave it will be worse. You two both genuinely love each other. If he doesn’t pursue you it will turn into “He doesn’t love me” and “She doesn’t support me.” Further your children will have to grapple with the split. This gives the enemy too much room to ruin and destroy. We do not wrestle against flesh and blood. It’s a spiritual thing that must be responded to spiritually. Pray for direction as to how best to minister to your husband. By ministering to him we are not only speaking about meeting his perceived needs, but helping him see his deficiencies and become better. He is held accountable for how he cares for his family. If he fails in this area he has to answer to God for that as well. As his wife, you want to see him succeed. You want God to say well-done to him. Therefore, ask God for how to minister to him so that he will be successful beyond ministry. In your letter you say you spoke to him already, but did he hear you? He is fulfilling his perceived purpose. If you say something that he deems as attacking his purpose, he is not going to hear you. How do you talk to your husband without attacking his purpose? The answer to that question has to come from God. You see, He knows your husband and He knows what makes him tick. If you seek Him with a heart willing to obey, He will give you the steps. It will amaze you how specifically He will speak and how perfect his instructions will be. How do you support the fulfillment of his purpose and still have your needs met? We suggest that you identify you purpose. In that you will find complete fulfillment. Once you identify your purpose, ask how your call could help him fulfill his vision. Fulfilling your purpose through his vision demonstrates your value and your essentiality to his purpose. In other words, neglecting you would be neglecting his own call – something he is obviously not willing to do. Further you will find fulfillment in your own life and no longer make your fulfillment your husband’s responsibility. We pray this helps
Grace Ministries Graceministries16@yahoo.com
11 REWIND / Fall 2015
Marriage Matters
Minister Pamela Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling in Randallstown, MD. She has Counseled couples for more than10 years - Married 26 years
by Pamela Bell, LCPC
Ask Minister Bell
Q: What if you just don’t like your in-laws and they don’t like you, but you love your spouse? - In-Law Blues?
A: Dear In-Law Blues?, When you got married your in-laws became your family too. Family doesn’t always get along, but you have an obligation to try to make the relationship work. Communicate with your in-laws and try to resolve your differences, even if it means that you have to agree to disagree. If you resolve the problem or not, make a commitment to let go of the grudge and show them respect. Do it for your spouse’s sake. Avoid bad mouthing your in-laws. Criticizing them will eventually affect your spouse and cause tension between the two of you. It’s okay to be honest about your feelings, but it is more important that you assure your spouse that you will do your best to prevent conflict. Your spouse will prefer that everyone get along. You may not always join your spouse when he/ she spends time with their family, but when you are together you should be respectful and kind towards your in-laws. You don’t have to become best friends with them, but it is unhealthy to allow resentment to build up. Learn to live peacefully with your in-laws, if for no other reason than you love your spouse. Q: I feel like my spouse does not support me professionally. How should I address this? - Non-Support A: Dear Non-Support, Showing support can mean different things to each of us. People can believe that they are being supportive because they are doing what they think is needed, but they are not showing support in the way that you need it. Give your spouse specific tasks that you need him/her to do as an act of support. Tell your spouse what it would mean to you to be helped in that way. Talk about the details of your work, so that your spouse understands the importance of his/her support. Q: My spouse constantly compares me to younger women. He is older, but he fails to see his age and only sees that I am growing older. He constantly talks about how pretty young women are as If I am no longer attractive to him. I am not the jealous type, but he takes it to the extreme. What should I do? - Respect my age
12 REWIND / Fall 2015
A: Dear Respect My Age, Sometimes we have to teach our loved ones how we want to be treated. Setting boundaries is one way of letting them know what we expect. By using “I statements”, you can let your husband know how his constant admiration of younger women makes you feel. You can let him know exactly what you need from him. For example, I feel rejected when you make comments about younger women’s looks. I need you to stop talking like that in front of me. If he continues with this behavior, remind him immediately that you need him to stop talking like that. Hopefully, he will understand that his comments are inappropriate and hurtful to you.
Submit your questions to info@rewindmarriage.com
Marriage Matters
Dressed To Kill l
Lessons from the Armor The first in a series of The first in a series work designed of books work books designed aid in to aid in theto practical the practical application of lessons appilcation of from scripture lessons from
PRAYER WORKS! F
Make it an integral part of your marriage
ather, it is written in Your Word that we are to esteem our marriage as precious, worthy of great price and especially dear. We agree with Your Word and act accordingly. By a conscious act of our will, we put away strife by becoming swift to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. We confess and believe that we neither offend nor take offense with one another. Your Word says You have knit us together in purpose and in power, therefore we commit ourselves and our marriage to be the mighty instrument upon earth that You designed us to be. Our desire is to be an example of Your love to our family and friends. So Father, right now, we make a quality decision to live in harmony. We agree not to give ourselves over to selfish desires that will cause division and distrust. We declare that we honor and value our marriage by keeping our marriage bed undefiled. We declare that our marriage grows stronger every day and is an encouragement to those around us. We will conduct ourselves honorably and becomingly—being kind, tenderhearted, compassionate, understanding and loving toward one another. We are always ready to believe the best, and we freely forgive one another. Father, we declare and therefore it is established that we live in a peaceable habitation and quiet resting place. Thank you, Father, for making us heirs together of the grace of life! We begin this commitment before Your throne in the Name of Jesus and by the authority of Your Word. Amen.
s
Reprinted with permission from Kenneth Copeland Ministries
scripture
By LaTonya Gibson
By LaTonya Gibson
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REWIND / Fall 2015
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Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
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Marriage Matters
THE SECRET’S OUT!
by Terrance and Tamara Hundley
Extramarital Affairs Exposed
by LaTonya Gibson
I
If you have been keeping up with the news, the image above may look very familiar. It is similar to the image of secrecy on Ashley Madison’s website, a Canadian-based site that attracts its married clients with the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair”. Yes, married people are paying to have secret affairs… but what’s more disturbing than this reality is the fact that so many “born-again Christians” use Ashley Madison. After recently surveying 105,000 of its members, Ashley Madison reports that one out of four of its surveyed members said they were “born again” evangelistic Christians.
16 REWIND / Fall 2015
This extramarital affair website is making headlines across the country — not because it is viewed as a disgrace and promotes practices that destroy families, but because its secret is out. Ashley Madison is in the news because it was recently hacked. The attackers, a group calling itself The Impact Team, not only threatened to release names, financial records and sexual fantasies about Ashley Madison’s (then) 37 million members, but recently followed through on that threat. As a result some individuals whose names were released have reportedly committed suicide, including Pastor John Gibson, a married father of two and
a professor at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Yes, this pastor and father took his life because his secret life was revealed…what a sad reality. However, it is a reality that raises a serious, soul-searching question for those who have entered into a marriage covenant with their spouses and with God. Knowing that marriage is a sacred union ordained by God and a covenant which He takes very seriously, why are Christians willing to risk it all for an affair? As Christians, we know God established marriage and it is His institution and not man’s. As such, God gives very specific guidelines in
Marriage Matters
ASHLEY MADISON Say’s “Life Is Short. Have An Affair.” IS IT WORTH IT?
His Word for couples to follow. However, we also realize that many married people, who love God, have fallen prey to extramarital affairs for many different reasons. The fact of the matter is Ashley Madison is a modern way that people enter into adulterous relationships. However, it is nothing new. The enemy has used all types of tactics and tools to destroy marriages, but they only work when individuals fail to keep God in His rightful place in their personal lives. Extramarital affairs are sin and they violate God’s word. The reality is the consequences of the act have caused many to lose their families. God is not pleased with individuals who have affairs and He has not changed His mind about marriage. However, for those individuals who fail and break the marital covenant, His love remains the same. For this reason, those caught in sin do not have to self-destruct or remain in the sin. Consider the example of David (2 Samuel 12; Psalms 51). King David seduced Bathsheba and had her husband murdered. The end result
Married people paying for secret affairs
Now, one might say the only reason the individuals caught up in the Ashley Madison scandal have any remorse is because their sins were exposed. That may very well be true, but it is still a matter of the individual’s heart. Remember, it was not until Nathan exposed David’s sin that David realized his transgression and made the right decision — in that moment, he turned to God. brought tragic consequences to his Just as David took ownership of family and could have destroyed his transgressions, but also knew his position. The prophet Nathan who to take them to for forgiveness brought David’s indiscretions to and restoration — those who find light. It was then that David made themselves in adulterous situations the decision to immediately turn to can do the same. God. Rather than allowing his own Temptation will always present guilt and shame to destroy him, itself in our marriages. It may come David turned to his relationship through websites and groups such as with God. He realized that God was Ashley Madison, or it may present far greater than his guilt, but more itself on our jobs, in the market, at importantly; David understood school, etc… However it comes, it God’s unconditional love for him. For can be defeated with God. Having the that reason he fell into the arms of right personal relationship with Him God and said, “Create in me a clean sets the order first in us and then in heart, O God; and renew a right spirit our marriages. A proper relationship within me.” Even though David failed with God builds a defense against himself, his family, his position and all types of temptation, including his God — he repented and received extramarital affairs. restoration.
17 REWIND / Fall 2015
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Marriage Matters
19 REWIND / Spring 2014
Finance
SHOULD CHRISTIANS INVEST IN THE STOCK MARKET? by Zelma Allen
A
s Christians, we are called to be good stewards over the money and wealth with which God has provided us. Before we can consider investing in the stock market, we must find out if it is within God’s Will. Is investing in the stock market a God-honoring way to grow our finances, or is it really being careless with God’s money? The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom regarding many of life’s common problems. In fact, though the Bible does not actually say anything specifically about the Stock Market, it is full of principles that directly affect any kind of investing. Consider Proverbs 13:4 which says, “The soul of a lazy man desires,
20 REWIND / Fall 2015
and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” (KJV) Any type of investing is going to require the diligence of the investor. There are some Christians who oppose investing in the stock market. They say that buying stock is the same as gambling and feel that stocks are bought in the hope that they will increase in value. They view the lack of guaranteed growth as a form of gambling. There are differences between buying lottery tickets or gambling at a casino, and buying stocks. Gamblers risk money, which they know they will probably lose, in the hopes of making money quickly. Those that are wise investors buy partial ownership
in a company in the hopes of making money over time. This can be a sound way to plan for the future. Consider the parable of the talents told by Jesus in Matthew 25:14-30. In biblical times, a talent was a very large measure of money. The parable talks about three servants being entrusted with a talent. This means that the servants were being trusted with a very large amount of wealth. Yes, the parable can be figuratively interpreted by discussing eternal spiritual matters of a life invested in Christ, but the parable is literally referring to investing money. In the story, the master gives his three servants varying amounts of money to invest while he is away. One
servant received five talents, the second servant received two talents and the third servant received one talent. The master chose the amount to give each servant based on their varying ability to handle the money properly. As the parable progresses, the servants with five and with two talents of money both invested their portion and doubled their return to generate a profit for the master. Conversely, the servant who was given only one talent (afraid of what the master’s reaction would be if any of the talent was lost) buried it so that it would not be lost or stolen. When their master returned, the first two servants each returned to the master what he had originally given them along with the profit they generated by investing it while he was away. The last servant, however, dug up the one talent he had hidden and returned it to the master bragging that he did not lose any of it. The master was pleased with the servants that had invested, but became very
angry with the servant who did nothing but bury the one talent with which he was entrusted. The master told the servant that, at the very least, he should have put it in the bank so it could earn some interest. The parable tells us that God not only wants His people to invest, but He wants Christians to invest wisely. This requires diligence. The parable tells us that the servant with only one talent was reprimanded and ultimately punished for not investing the master’s money. Whether this parable was talking about money or our gifts from God, the result is the same. We are to invest or use what God has given us to His glory. The basic principle of the stock market is not wrong if it is followed properly and if Christians would use God as their advisor. Galatians 6:7-8 teaches us that whatever a man sows that will he also reap. Investing is a type of sowing, but leaves a lot of questions regarding the type of ground into which we are sow-
ing. Here is another place where the believer has to be diligent by engaging in rigorous research. Many people invest without researching the company in which they are investing. They do not know if the company policies are based on good Biblical principles. They know nothing of how the company treats their employees and they do not know the history of the company. They do not know the character of the people running the company (whether they are trustworthy, honest and reliable). They know nothing of the company’s alliances (if the company supports or promotes unholy causes such as abortion, same sex marriage and pornography). Remember to trust in God always and use his principles as your primary investment strategy. God does not want us to invest in things that are contrary to what the Bible teaches about how we should live and serve him. For example, Christians should not give into greed and take excessive risk in order to get
21 REWIND / Fall 2015
Finance Investing or Gambling? cont...
hands touched prospered. If Christians could get some investment lessons from King Solomon’s story, they would definitely be on the right path to investing and great money making. King Solomon explained in Ecclesiastes 11:2 (KJV) “Give a portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou What is the Stock Market? knowest not what evil shall be upon The stock market is a means by which individuals can purchase stock the earth.” King Solomon was advisor interest in a company. The current ing beleivers to split their wealth into several investments and not to risk stock price is based on a company’s all their money in only one place. earning potential. As the company appears to earn more, the stock price Diversification is essential regardless of age, income level, time frame, goes up and the purchaser receives or personality. As investments grow, the difference between their initial so should investment diversificacost and the current stock price. In tions. Diversification will guarantee this way Purchasers have the opsuccess, and it may also reduce risk. portunity to benefit from the price Think about investing in bonds, movement of the stock. If the company has a product that is increasing foreign stocks, domestic shares, and real estate. Mutual Funds may offer a in sales each quarter and profits are increasing, then there is a good possi- high return of diversification within a single fund; however, with this inbility the stock will also increase. vestment Christians should invest in There are definitely elements of different types of funds. risk in the stock market and invesIn Ecclesiastes 12:13, King Solotors can and will lose money if they mon also advises, “Let us hear the are not careful. A company that has conclusion of the whole matter: Fear a product which is no longer sellGod, and Keep his commandments: ing at a previous rate may see their For this is the whole duty of man.” stock prices plummet. Investors in This is great advice for Christian Inthat company have the choice to get out without losing all of their money vestors. Christians should ask themselves if what they are about to invest or they can stay in with hopes of the stock rising to its previous levels. This or sow into is pleasing to God? If not, stay away from it, no matter how is why Christian investors must diligently research a company’s financial profitable it is. Earning money honestly in the status and growth rates to determine Stock Market and then using it for if this is a good investment. the Kingdom of Heaven is being a wise steward over what God has Investing and the Bible given us. Christians can never out King Solomon, one of the wisest men and richest men who ever lived, give God, but when Christians give talked a great deal about his financial for God’s purposes, He will give back philosophies in the books of Proverbs to Christians by the same measure and Ecclesiastes. God told King Solo- with which they give and it will be “poured into their laps.” When what mon that He would bless him with is poured into the laps of Christians riches, honor, wisdom and knowlis returned back to God, He continedge. As a result, King Solomon was ues the cycle. It is not that Christians perhaps the best investor the world has ever known. The Queen of Sheba can’t be rich, but they also have the opportunity to reap eternal rewards noted that everything Solomon’s rich quickly. Christians should exercise due diligence in ensuring they are investing legally and not under the control of greed and fear. Within these parameters, there is no reason why Christians cannot grow their money by using the stock market.
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in heaven by helping those who are in need for His glory. God’s glory is what all Christians should be pursuing above all things. Final Thoughts Christians should invest and simultaneously remain faithful to Him in our wealth and in our lives. Do not try to get rich quickly. Instead, be patient and let money grow little by little over time. Be honest, fair and have integrity in all financial dealings. Check the heart of all deals by checking the Bible. Sow into the kingdom of heaven which guarantees eternal rewards.
Read More: Proverbs 28:20; Proverbs 13:11; Proverbs 16:8; Hebrews 6:10; 2Corinthians 9:6; Matthew 10:33; 1 Timothy 6:10; Luke 6:38; Acts 4:32-37; Proverbs 3:9; 1 Timothy 6:17
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PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING DON’T GET MARRIED WITHOUT IT! by LaTonya Gibson
S
arah and Blake were on the date of all dates. Blake arrived at Sarah’s home and whisked her off to a romantic dinner. As they left the restaurant, the two were met by a horse and carriage. The carriage ride took them through the city to the water front. There, Sarah and Blake strolled along until they came to an ice cream parlor. As Sarah entered the parlor she noticed her best friend sitting at the counter and her mother and father sitting at a table. When she turned around to ask Blake what was going on, he was on one knee asking her to marry him. She said yes and realized that the Ice cream parlor was filled with her family and friends. They celebrated the night away and the next morning . . . the planning began. PLANNING THE WEDDING Planning a wedding can be a daunting task. There is so much to consider. Where will the wedding be? Will that location meet the needs of elderly relatives? How much will that location cost? Who should cater? Is that caterer’s food good consistently? What about the cake? What about the dress? Who will be in the wedding? What stemware will we use? Who’s going to coordinate the wedding? How much will that cost? How much will ALL of this cost? THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION Often we can get so wrapped up in answering those questions that we do not take the time to ask the most important question. What can we do to prepare for the
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marriage after the wedding? We often forget that though the wedding is a significant event, it will be over in a few hours. The marriage is a lifetime commitment and, as such, should be prepared for with even more vigor than the wedding event. Unfortunately, it is our society’s norm to place the emphasis on the aspect that will have economical benefit. As Christians, we should place emphasis on the aspect that will have kingdom benefits – the marriage. KINGDOM BENEFITS Each Christian marriage has kingdom benefits. Genesis 1:28 says, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.” God is speaking to the first married couple. He immediately reveals how this marriage will benefit the kingdom. When Christian couples are fruitful, they are productive. They are not just having children. They are multiplying godliness in the earth. This is done by having children, but it is also accomplished by living together productively. DIFFERENT BUT CO-EXISTING How do two very different people co-exist productively? Just as land has to be prepared for planting, so does a marriage. A farmer would never go into a wilderness and simply sprinkle seed. He would first prepare the land by ridding it of weeds and other vegetation that could threaten the productivity of the crop. Likewise, couples should view their lives much
the same way. Each participant is a field of vegetation illprepared for the productivity of marriage. Here is where pre-marital counseling comes into play. PURPOSE Pre-marital counseling is designed to help clear away anything that could reduce the marriage’s productivity. It also helps couples identify exactly what they are designed to produce as a couple. Individual ideas of what marriage is and how it should work can be real clashing points. Skewed expectations and varying financial habits can turn into life choking marital weeds. Blending families and figuring out how to share space can be difficult terrain to cover. Couples who wait until after they say “I Do” to navigate these issues, limit their productivity immediately. They can’t accomplish things together because they are so busy ripping each other apart in an attempt to be right. This usually happens early in marriage as couples realize they did not discuss key issues and are on two different pages about how to make vital decisions. The result is frustration. They may even find themselves frustrated to the point of wanting to give up. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Couples can prepare the land of their hearts by having mediated conversations about these and other issues during premarital counseling. In essence pre-marital counseling provides couples with the tools they need to pull marital weeds and clear pre-grown vegetation harmoniously. Equipped, couples go into the marriage having cleared
away the hindrances to marital productivity and prepared for any new weeds that may spring up in their future. Now they are free to plant or design a marriage that demonstrates God’s original plan for marriage. PRODUCTIVITY One of the most important aspects of pre-marital counseling is identifying what the couple’s marriage was designed to produce. This important tool helps both people remember that they are working toward a common goal and are, therefore, on the same team. This realization helps couples not waste time on the counter-productive act of fighting each other. Instead, they focus their attention on how to get back to purpose. By referencing the tools they obtained in counseling they can continue down the path of productivity. THE PITCH If it sounds like I’m attempting to sell you on pre-marital counseling, then good because I am. There is no such thing as a marital guarantee, but if two people approach marriage with clear hearts and on one accord, there is increased possibility of success and productivity. What two people can accomplish together will always supersede what they could do apart. Therefore, putting in the time to get the most out of the life-long investment instead of only focusing on the day is not only wise. It’s profitable.
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Rewind Marriage
ARGUMENTS HAPPEN, CHOOSE TO AVOID THEM
TIPS TO HELP COUPLES AVOID ARGUMENTS
by Tamara Hundley
See The Bigger Picture Listen
For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
He that answers a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. Proverbs 18:13
Talk, Don’t Yell A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Proverbs 15:1
Think Before Speaking Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. James 1:19
Apologize/Forgive
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
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Rewind Marriage
Give Respect Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12
Compromise Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Matthew 5:9
Initiate Resolve Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath... Ephesians 4:46
Let Love Prevail Love never fails... I Corinthians 13:8
Extend Grace Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
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