REWIND Magazine Spring 2020 by Rewind Magazine

SPRING 2020

LOVE &

MARRIAGE MINISTRY 911 Marriage

Love & BASKETBALL

emergency

HIS VOICE DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH

We said “I Do” twice!

declutter Your Marriage

Tyrone “Muggsy” Bogues & Kim Bogues

THE STOCK MARKET

Investing or gambling? RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E

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financial TIPS

to SURVIVE the COVID-19 PANDEMIC

06 L OV E & BA SK ETBAL L

P.O. Box 919 Randallstown, MD 21133 P: 410-205-9213

We Said “I Do” Twice By Tamara Hundley

W: www.rewindmarriage.com

EDITORIAL TAMARA HUN DLEY Publisher / Editor In Chief TERRAN C E HUN DLEY General Manager LATO N YA MO O RE Editor RO SALYN HALL Marketing Director

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CONTRIBUTORS

Ask Minister Bell

Pamela Bell, LaTonya Moore, Zelma Allen, Tamara Hundley Terrance Hundley, James Moore, Donald Butler, Pamela Bell

PRINT & PRODUCTION TAMARA HUN DLEY Production Manager info@rewindmarriage.com ALL IN Q UIRIES info@rewindmarriage.com Editorial Inquiries: Send inquiries to info@rewindmarriage.com (no phone calls please). The magazine is not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or artwork. REWIND does not necessarily share the opinions of its authors. Editorials are solely the opinion of the contributor and not necessarily the shared opinions of REWIND.

L OV E & M A R R I AG E M I N I ST RY With Beverly & Skip Little

REWIND Magazine is a Uniqdesign Publication.

By Tamara Hundley

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page 24 “I DO” TOONS

H IS VOICE:

By Dominic Jordon, Jr.

FINDING DIAM ONDS IN TH E ROUGH

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By James Moore

WORD SEARCH Page 28 ENJOYING DOWNTIME TOGETHER BONDING THROUGH FUN & GAMES

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EDITORIAL PAGE 30 HAPPINESS BEYOND MY FEARS By Sandra Mills

F I N AN C IAL TIPS TO S URVIVE THE COV I D- 1 9 PAN DEMIC By Professor Donald L. Butler, M.S., ATP, CISA

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I NV ESTI NG O R G AM B L ING? Should Christians Invest In The Stock Market? By Zelma Allen

26 D E CLUTTER YO UR MARRIAGE By Terrance Hundley

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WELCOME to REWIND 2020 — “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 During this time, My wife and I stand in solidarity with everyone, since we all have been affected by COVID-19 in some way. As you continue to practice the safety precautions given by the Centers for Disease Control, just know that we are all in this together and by God’s grace, we will get through this together.

restore • empower • Win • Improve • Nourish • develop MARRIAGE

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Make our readers aware of your business or event. We have over 8000 readers including both subscribers and online viewers. For more information visit www.rewindmarriage.com or

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Love & BASKETBALL

We said “I Do” twice! NBA great, Tyrone “Muggsy” Bogues and his wife, Kim Bogues, Share their real life story of LOVE & BASKETBALL.

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-MARRIAGE MATTERS-

If you were a movie buff and basketball fan in the early 2000s, it is almost certain that you watched the movie Love & Basketball — if not once, at least a dozen times. If not, here is a quick summation. Filmed in 2000, it is an American romantic drama starring Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps. The movie tells the story of Quincy McCall (Epps) and Monica Wright (Lathan), two young next-door neighbors pursuing their basketball careers before eventually falling for each other. However, their separate paths to basketball stardom threaten to pull them apart. The fictional movie is so similar to the story of Kim and Muggsy Bogues it could be autobiographical. Kim and Muggs (as she affectionately refers to him), like Monica and Quincy, met very young. Like the characters in the movie, they fell in love while Muggsy was pursuing a career with the National Basketball Association (NBA). Yes, the movie was fictional, but this is the very real story of Love & Basketball through the lives of Kim and Muggsy Bogues. THE BEGINNING

Kim continues, “Muggs went back to school after that initial meeting and I ran into him in a club later.” Kim adds, “It was then that we started talking — and that is when our story began.” On the surface, it is simply a classic case of boy meets girl, but Muggsy was no ordinary, run of the mill boy. He was a local superstar. Kim and Muggsy lightheartedly differ on whether Kim knew who Muggsy was prior to their initial meeting. “I didn’t know much about Muggs prior to meeting him, but he swore me down that I knew him because my uncle was an avid follower of Dunbar games.” With a slight chuckle Muggsy interjects, “She knew who I was. Before we met, Kim was attending Woodlawn High School in Baltimore County, dating a ‘so-called’ basketball player” He says as he laughs. “Our team was one of the hottest teams in Baltimore City, so I am quite sure she knew who I was.” They are both laughing as Kim responds, “I learned who he was eventually.”

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After their initial introduction, Kim and Muggsy began dating long-distance. Kim says, “It was hard because Muggs was in college in NC and I was living with my parents in Baltimore County, so we did not see each other on a regular basis.” She goes on to describe their first date. “Muggs came to my parent’s house driving his brother’s car. It was a big Delta or something” She laughs. “My mom and dad were sitting outside. They said, ‘Kim, some little kid is here to see you.’ My mom said all she could see was his little head. That was our first date and that’s when I realized how confident he was — not egotistical, but definitely confident.” Muggs adds, “Yes, I was home for the summer, and I went over to Kim’s parents’ with my brother’s Delta 88 to visit her.” Muggsy smiles at the memory and continues, “That was the first time I met Ms. Glo and Mr. Ray (Kim’s parents). I left a lasting impression.” Muggs adds that Kim’s parents knew some of his family members and that broke the ice for him. “Kim and I were young kids dating and she was one of those ambitious young ladies. I was in school and she was sneaking down to see me to keep our relationship going,” Muggsy said. “We were young trying to figure things out — especially in my basketball world… it was kind of crazy.”

“Muggs and I met through mutual friends when I was a senior in High School and he was in college at Wake Forest” (North Carolina). Muggsy reflects as well on the initial meeting saying, “I came home for an Alumni Summer Game at Dunbar High School in Baltimore, MD and was introduced to Kim through one of my former teammates, who was dating one of Kim’s girlfriends.”

Whether or not Kim had prior knowledge of Muggsy remains their mystery, but one thing holds true – their meeting was destined.

THE DATING PROCESS

When asked how difficult it was dating long-distance and being a basketball star away in college, Muggs replied, “At the time, it wasn’t challenging because we were just dating.” He adds, “We were young and just having fun. I was saying I had a girlfriend and not really understanding at the time what that all meant — trying to figure out where we were heading after college. Also, at that time I was focusing more or on the journey… my dreams of getting into the NBA”. Although Muggsy and Kim were young, free and having fun, they both remember the point where a shift took place in their relationship. “Things started getting serious between us during the time that I was sneaking down to see Muggs at college,” Kim said. “I became pregnant and it made us grow closer. At that time, Muggs was with the USA Olympic Team. He was in an-

We were young trying to figure things out...

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other country when I found out I was pregnant.” Muggsy adds, “I was in my junior year in college, about to be a senior. I was chosen to represent our country playing in the Olympics. I was in Madrid, Spain when Kim told me she was pregnant with my daughter. This was my second daughter. I had my first daughter, Tyisha, in my freshman year of college.” For a young college basketball player, aspiring to play in the NBA, Kim was not sure how the news of the pregnancy would land. However, she said, “What I remember so vividly when I first told him was how supportive he was. He never made me feel less than… or anything like that. I was really nervous about telling him and my dad.” She adds, “I knew they had bigger expectations for me, and I had just finished high school.” What Kim found so reassuring at the time is the way Muggsy handled it. “When he came home he said, “I am about to have a family and we’re going to do this the right way.” Muggsy said this was very serious for him because he was about to have his second child. “That was something that I never envisioned or planned. It felt like it would again hinder me from getting where I was trying to go. However, the support I had from my mom, Kim and her family kept me balanced” he said. “I realized that this was all bigger than I was. I had two kids to support, so I had to make this work. I had to put things in proper perspective. I thought about the fact that I was more of a family guy and did not want to continue having kids out of wedlock.” It was at that point that Muggsy said he had to bring their relationship into more of a family situation and start understanding what this all meant. As a result, he said the relationship began to grow.

THE NBA DREAM AND THE FAMILY “In my senior year I got drafted to the Washington Bullets. That is when we moved in together and were married in 1990,” Muggsy said. “We were both on the same page… this is the vision… this is the family structure that I want for myself.” So there they were… this newly formed family with two daughters. “College is over and we are in an adult world where I was able to provide and say we are a family,” Muggsy said. However, he shares how the reality started to set in. “Now Kim is thrown into a situation with not only our new child, but my older daughter is in the equation as well. So we had to form that family and adjust to the new celebrity style of living that was now our reality,” he adds. “That whole transition was challenging for both of us. We were just barely going through life and trying to make family work with the information that we had to work with.” Kim adds, “We loved each other, but we weren’t so much in love.” Kim and Muggsy had the unique privilege of finding love twice with each other – after they married in 1990, remained so for seven years. They divorced in 1997 and married again in 2015. “The

second time around for me… I was in love,” Kim said. “The first time, I was 21 having our daughter Brittany and it was my first time being away from home and running a house. There were a whole lot of things I didn’t know. The second time around came more from being in love than from obligation.” Muggsy adds, “We were in love, but really did not know what that meant when we got married. We understood that getting married was what we were ‘supposed’ to do.” If being young newlyweds with two children wasn’t enough, they both admit there were also challenges associated with Muggsy being a professional ball player. “The distractions were out there during the first time and we dealt with it through immaturity,” Kim shares. “First time around it was fine, but it was a new world for both or us. We went from the projects to being millionaires and me becoming a young mother — being home a lot by myself. I was put in this situation where I was alone a lot raising our daughter Brittany. I was in my feelings a lot — trying to grow and adjust to his lifestyle. It was a lot of work.” She adds that Muggsy was eventually traded to Charlotte and getting to know a new city added additional challenges. “When he first went into the NBA, he was not only an NBA player, but he had endorsements. He was always travelling and gone a lot and we were both really young — we didn’t know what we were doing.” Kim says strong family support is what sustained them in the very beginning. “We had our parents to lean on. I went to his mom a lot. It was a lot for both of us — I was young with a child, living on my own. My

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-MARRIAGE MATTERS-

The transition from marriage to divorce, to marriage again to the same person is quite unique to say the least...

parents played a big role in keeping my head straight because Muggs was on the road a lot, playing ball. He had women coming after him from everywhere…He was making a large amount of money.” She said these challenges led to their growing apart and ultimately ending their first marriage… “But the second time around we were standing tall.”

THE DIVORCE

There were several things that led to their divorce. Kim reflects, “I had grown… I started to get my own voice. I had always been known as Muggsy’s wife, so I started to get my own voice — to speak up more and get a perspective on what I wanted for life. We started to grow apart at that time.” “For me,” Muggsy added, “it felt like failure. We started something and we weren’t able to finish it — and based on the way we were both feeling, we weren’t hearing each other, so nothing was being resolved. We were both upset with each other and pointing fingers. So the best thing we believed we needed to do was to go our separate ways.” Muggsy and Kim shared how they went to counseling prior to separating attempting to make it work. “Even in counseling, we were so into ourselves that we could not hear each other,” Kim shared. “I felt that the counselor (who was female) was taking her side more than hearing what was actually going on — but things happen for a reason. At that time, we weren’t heavily leaning on God for our situation and we were pretty much living through our own version of what marriage was and what we had seen,” Muggsy added. Kim and Muggsy divorced for approximately 10 years. “I remained in Maryland with the kids and Muggsy lived in Charlotte,” Kim explains. “You never know how much a divorce hurts until your kids become adults and tell you what they were going through,” she added. Although their divorce was very difficult for everyone involved, Kim and Muggsy agree that they did everything in their power to show love and respect to each other and to be there for their children during that period. “Muggs was always very present in our kids’ lives, even when we weren’t together. He spoke with RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E

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them every day — he called and had great communication with them consistently,” Kim said. “He was there for any major school activity — although his basketball season was long, he came up whenever he could. He was present every day and he spent entire summers with them.” Muggsy added that both he and Kim always worked hard to ensure that while in school and interacting with other kids, their children weren’t only known for their dad, but for themselves — having their own identity. Ten years of divorce can be brutal on any relationship. In fact, many couples become bitter after divorce and even hateful towards each other. When asked how they managed to get through that time apart without becoming bitter, Muggsy replied, “It wasn’t all peaches and cream, but we never spoke negatively to the kids about one another, so that always helped.” They both agree that their commitment to the family unit caused them to remain respectful to each other. Kim shared that after their divorce and some time apart, Muggsy dated someone else and it became serious. “He had a girlfriend (Sharon). They were dating and about to get engaged, but unfortunately she passed away from breast cancer. At that time, our son Tyrone (Ty) was living with Muggs and he was going through a lot of things.” “I had an agenda at that time and it was getting our son Ty back on the right track,” Kim said. As a result, Kim moved to North Carolina for that purpose. “My being there a couple of years — just to make sure Ty was straight — allowed Muggsy and I to have a moment where we had a meeting of the minds and asked ourselves, ‘What are we doing?’” Muggsy and Kim said it was during that time they realized they wanted to give their union another try and they both said, “Let’s do this again the right way.” “Even though we had separate lives, I still had love for him,” Kim adds. “The love never left — so again, it came full circle back to family,” Muggsy agreed. They both agree that things have a way of working out. “You never know what God has in store for you,” Kim adds. “Our son, indirectly, was the reason why we got back together.”

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SECOND TIME AROUND Muggsy attributes he and Kim’s ability to remain amicable, even during the years they were apart, to their commitment to family. “For us, we always knew that family was priority because we both come from very close-knit families,” he said. He went further to explain that after his fiancée Sharon passed, he and Kim had to join forces to see their son through a rough period. “It was that family predicament that brought it back to where it all started,” he added. “We were able to put the pettiness aside and focus on the substance of who we were as a couple and a family.” As a result, Muggsy said he and Kim rebuilt their relationship and remarried in 2015. Kim pointed out that they dated six years before remarrying. When asked why he decided to reunite with Kim, given the fact that he still has celebrity status and women coming at him all the time, Muggsy replied, “Family! That family structure means everything. I didn’t want to start all over again. A lot of people do it, but that is not what I wanted. Kim understood who I was and where I came from” “This time it’s 100 percent me and 100 percent Muggs — giving it the best we have,” says Kim regarding their second “I Do’s” to each other. Muggsy agrees, “For me the second time around was much better because the older you get the wiser you become… and life becomes more precious. You’re able to put things in true proper perspective. We were able to really start looking at each other instead of all the things that were thrown at us the first time.” Kim said they’re doing great the second time around. “Not too many people can say, “I’ve been married twice — to the same person — so that feels good,” she adds. Muggsy shares, “Some people consider second marriage a failure — like you couldn’t make it work, but I see it as us just picking back up and making it better this time around.”

Muggsy agreed with Kim, indicating that she had a new drive and passion for the things she wanted in life. “Her passion for cooking caused her to go back to school and get her degree,” he reflects. “She found her dreams and what she wanted in life, as opposed to only focusing on what I was doing. We both became whole, fulfilling both of our dreams together,” he added. Kim and Muggsy said they began to be purposeful about supporting one another’s dreams and desires as opposed to living up to other people’s expectations. WHAT’S NEXT? Kim shares, “Our son is getting married this year and we’re excited. It’s all about family again. We are here to support him and make sure he is the best husband he can be and even the best father down the line. We are also, giving Brittany examples and giving her hope. I think it’s a little harder for women when it comes to dating and being with the right man. However, she is now seeing someone we love. He’s a good guy. We are committed to just being a family unit and giving our children good examples of what to do to make their relationships better than ours.” Muggsy adds, “We’re in a great place. I am glad to have my partner to go through life with — all of the other stuff we went through is not important anymore. Especially when you see your friends leaving here — you learn to just enjoy life and be there for one another and for your kids.” Both Kim and Muggsy wanted to stress the importance of having God as the center of their relationship this time around. “God is priority and it is so great,” Kim said. “Our daughter even got baptized since we reunited. He has played a big part in this reunion.” Both Muggs and Kim conclude, “I know that without God we would not be where we are. Every footstep we take is already planned by Him.”

ADVICE TO OTHER COUPLES Muggsy and Kim offer the following advice to other couples:

WHAT’S DIFFERENT The transition from marriage to divorce, to marriage again to the same person is quite unique to say the least. According to studies, only 6% of married couples that divorce ever reunite. So for Muggsy and Kim, not only was their reunion special, but things were definitely different for both of them in comparison to the first time. Kim points out that one of the biggest differences for her was the fact that she had her own career. “After the divorce, I started working — the first time around I never worked. I really came into my womanhood… I had my own voice. I was running my own home, taking care of my kids… doing things that I never had the chance to do when I was younger,” she said. “In our first marriage, I always felt like I had to be in the back and take care of the house and the kids. So when we connected the second time around, I was a totally grown woman and I was focused.” R EWI N D M A GAZ I N E

• Communicate — If you don’t talk to your partner, he/she won’t know how you feel or be able to understand your perspective. If you’re not communicating as a couple, you’re wasting time. You must be vocal and let your partner know where you are. Don’t allow them to assume that you’re good, knowing you’re not. Communication is key! • Don’t lose yourself — When you get married you become one…and that is true — you are one in your union, but don’t forget that you are still two individuals. Don’t lose yourselves in the process of becoming one. • Respect — Respecting each other is the key to moving forward.

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ASK MINISTER BELL Minister Pamela Bell is a Licensed Therapist and owner of Serenity Counseling in Reisterstown, MD. She has counseled couples for more than 14 years - Married 33 years

EMERGENCY

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Betrayal trauma can stir up intense emotional reactions and fearful thoughts. 2 Timothy 1:7 says God does not give us the spirit of fear, but He gives us love, power and a sound mind. This scripture implies that a person who is continuously overwhelmed by fear is likely to become unloving, drained and unstable. The scripture also declares that God gives us everything we need to overcome fear and you won’t have to struggle alone. God ordains gifted professionals to facilitate the healing process. A professional counselor can help you to shift from being a victim to becoming a victorious woman. Give yourself permission to heal and free your marriage from the emotional prison of un-forgiveness and distrust. You owe it to yourself and to your husband. Otherwise, you will probably continue to project your fears from your past marriage into your current marriage. Patty, be sure to share your praise report when the Lord frees you from fear.

For the first three years of our marriage, we were inseparable — we shared each others’ passions and did everything together. Now we seem to have grown in different directions, in terms of our passions and what we like to do. While we are still enjoying our marriage, this distance or disconnect is very real and its scary. I try not to complain or make an issue of it because I realize we both have to allow the other to grow and enjoy things we’re passionate about. At the same time it feels a little disconnected, based on how we use to flow. The closeness feels a little loose… like there’s a gap. Am I making too much of this and if not, what should I do? Disconnected Dan Thank you for writing in Dan! Clearly, you are yearning for the close companionship that you and your spouse once shared. At the same time, you realize that both of you need to take time to pursue your passion and to develop in your own ways. Firstly, I want to warn you about glorifying the earlier part of your marriage. Dwelling on past experiences (both good and bad) can destroy your marriage. Marriage is an amazing journey. You are allowed to make U-turns but you cannot re-create a moment once it has passed. The best thing that couples can do is to use what they’ve learned from their past experiences to make new magical moments. As you and your spouse journey together, your marriage will shift to different stages. In the honeymoon stage, couples typically spend their time focused on one another and blocking out the rest of the world. They enjoy discovering the many ways in which they are similar and they form a bond based on common interests, values and beliefs. Eventually the marriage will shift into the reality stage where life becomes more routine and less exciting. During this stage couples realize that they are also different in many ways. If they are not able to quickly accept their differences, disillusionment and power struggles may erupt in the marriage. Negative comments, frustration and bad attitudes can lead to disconnection between couples. Some people experience a sense of grief and betrayal because it feels like they’ve lost the person they fell in love with. Fortunately, this doesn’t seem to be your struggle. It sounds like both of you are making a conscious effort to avoid complaining and to allow each other to pursue your respective passions. However, it is imperative that you share your concerns with your spouse so the two of you can develop new ways to strengthen your connection and avoid neglect. The reality stage of marriage requires couples to intentionally dedicate themselves to healthy communication and prayer. I strongly suggest that couples add a regular “date night” on their schedules. Date nights are a wonderful way to honor the bond that you share. The reality stage of marriage can be challenging but it also affords couples opportunities to grow and become the masterpiece that God intended when He said, “they shall become one flesh.”

My wife constantly brings up the topic of romance. I believe I am a romantic person, but to be honest, the pressures of being the man and the head of the house keep me busy. However, I don’t fail to do romantic things, it is just not as often as she thinks it should be. For instance, I make sure we have a date night at least once or twice a month, in addition to the time we spend together on a daily basis at home. When it comes to my wife, I am a big flirt, so I am always flirting with her. I also send her flowers on special days and buy jewelry, etc… She complains that it does not happen as often as it should. I think this puts unnecessary stress on the marriage. Should a priority be placed on how often romantic gestures should happen in a marriage, or should a couple learn to live together, enjoy life together and enjoy the romance when it happens — without the constant pressure for romantic moments? Please advise. Ron the Romantic…or Not? Ron, you raise an important point! Constant complaining puts unnecessary stress on marriages. It could become quite discouraging and frustrating when it seems like your efforts are not satisfying enough for your spouse. Since one person’s idea of romance may not be as stimulating for someone else, it may be helpful if you sit down with your wife and ask her to be specific about what she would like you to do. Ask her to give you ideas of things that you can do to please her. Also, tell her romantic gestures you want her to do for you. Romance is a two-way street. It is just as much her responsibility to keep romance alive in your marriage as it yours. Hopefully the two of you can create a realistic plan to heighten romance in your marriage.

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Hi Patty, Although time has passed and you are married to someone else, your panic reactions suggest that you have not healed from your past hurts. It is quite normal to feel apprehensive about opening your heart after you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted; however, panicking whenever your husband’s phone rings at night is a severe reaction. If you do not set aside time to heal, you are likely to struggle with insecurities throughout your marriage. Contrary to popular beliefs, time does not heal emotional wounds. It’s up to the wounded person to take time to do inner healing work.

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I’ve been married before and in my previous relationship, my husband cheated. I’m married now to a man whose job requires that he be on call. Because of my past I panic every time his phone rings in the middle of the night or he has to leave the house because of some ‘job emergency’. How do I move past this? Panicking Patty

Love & MARRIAGE MINISTRY Up close and personal with Skip and Beverly Little Associate Pastors of Marriage @Glenarden Baptist Church R EWI N D M A GAZ I N E

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M Meet Beverly and Ulysses “Skip” Little – Associate Pastors of the Glenarden Marriage Ministry

Marriage is Bliss, but like every other relationship — it has its challenges. Now consider not only being responsible for your own marriage, but also taking on the responsibility to minister to other couples. That is exactly what Beverly and Skip Little have dedicated their lives to — caring for and ministering to married couples.

Married for 15 years this May, Beverly and Skip are the proud parents of two children (Timothy [12] and Trinity [11]). They are the Associate Pastors of the Marriage Ministry at Glenarden Baptist Church in Maryland, under the leadership of Rev. John Jenkins. They met while participating in the Singles Ministry. Skip says, “We dated for three months and after 90 days I knew she was the one.” Beverly responds, “I didn’t know, but he knew. I knew about six or eight months after we started dating.” Skip replies (laughing), “I really knew in the first 30 days to tell you the truth.” Beverly replies (laughing), “I wasn’t convinced”. It is safe to say that whether it was 90 days, 30 days or six to eight months — one thing for certain is Beverly and Skip both came to the conclusion that they were destined to be together.

“Before we got married, interestingly, we were asked to teach together — a lot,” Beverly says. “During that process we also went through pre-marital classes, but as we were going through it, we saw a lot of things that were missing that we wished someone would have taught us. So we said whenever we get married, we’re going to teach engaged couples all the things that we didn’t get in the pre-marital process.” Ironically enough, Beverly and Skip met while serving other couples. “Six months after we married, we started a class and an initiative called So You Think You Want To Get Married,” Beverly says. “After that class, we started getting invited to teach marriage classes, marriage seminars and even some things with LifeWay very early on in our marriage. We believe that was God putting a stamp on the fact that we were called into Marriage Ministry, but we were a

little shy about it because at the time we weren’t married that long.” Skip adds, “Another reason why we were shy was because we were still trying to find our way as a married couple and find our way with our ministry callings. What we discovered during that journey of the first six months to a year of marriage was that our call in ministry was a marriage call together. I wouldn’t be elevated to be some big bishop or big TV evangelist and Beverly wouldn’t be a Joyce Meyers or whatever… We quickly discovered that our call was for us to do ministry together and our primary focus was for marriage — to keep folks married.” Skip continues, “And part of that was doomed by my dysfunction. My parents divorced when I was around 14 years old, so I always had a desire to have a family. I also had a desire, once I had a family, to do everything opposite of what my parents did because I didn’t want to go through a divorce and I didn’t want my family to go through a divorce. I’m good by myself and Beverly is good by herself, but when we’re together, the Holy Spirit takes over and it’s something awesome.”

or small. Some conservatives say ‘Hey, you’re giving us too much information’, but the only story we have to go by is our own life story.” Beverly continues, “People are so blessed by it because they’ve been so smothered with secrecy that they don’t get delivered and get the opportunity to experience God’s best. One, because nobody has ever shared with them the real deal, and two, they’re just too embarrassed to get help.” Skip and Beverly both went on to explain how transparency makes the difference in reaching people where they are. They’ve discovered it’s not the big stuff that gets couples, because most of the couples they’ve encountered have survived big things like financial bankruptcy or even having a child out of wedlock. However, they agree that it’s the day-today ‘stuff’ that takes couples down — making them feel they just can’t take ‘it’ anymore — whatever ‘it’ happens to be. “That’s our passion…our calling is to help people make the right decision to get married and once they get married to stay married. We pray fast, put every financial, emotional and spiritual

Marriage is the nucleus of the family. If marriages go south and the marriage ministry goes south, every ministry in your church is impacted... Skip and Beverly both agree that the counseling they did not receive in their pre-marital classes, they both learned while teaching other couples. “We learned on the job,” Skip says (laughing). “The stuff we were teaching the couples to consider were things we had to reevaluate and struggle through in a new marriage,” he adds. Beverly chimes in, “And really it became the catalyst for how we teach now. What we do at the church is called Real Talk, Real Marriage. We really expose, show and share what we are living and going through and how we resolve those things — God’s way — on a daily basis.” Skip says, “Every illustration we have is from our own marriage, whether it’s something big RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E

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resource into marriage ministry…helping couples get married and stay married unto death do you part. “The evangelism comes through that commitment, but the primary focus is marriage ministry for us,” Beverly adds.

How Important is a Marriage Ministry in a Church “Marriage is the nucleus of the family. If marriages go south and the marriage ministry goes south, every ministry in your church is impacted,” Skip says. “The reason it is impacted is there is dysfunction in the marriage and now that couple that is going through problems brings that dysfunction perspective to

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ministry,” Beverly adds. Skip adds, “So the mindset we have for the Marriage Ministry at Glenarden — and we’re grateful to our pastor, Dr. John Jenkins — is that he would rather that we spend money on resources on the front end and not have to spend resources to deal with the indirect fall out on the back end.” Both Skip and Beverly agree that the entire structure of the church is built on family. “So we believe in putting all the resources on the front end for marriage then being reactive and spending lots more on the back end,” Skip says. Skip also pointed out what happens in ministries when married leaders go through divorce. For example, when marriages break, ministries now have to deal with the fall out that so often happens as a result. “Depending on what area of ministry the couple works in, kids could be involved that may need counseling, or it could cause some to lose their belief in Christ. Some may turn their backs on the institution of marriage and some may even explore same sex relationships vs. opposite sex relationships — all because their leaders decided not to do it God’s way and hang in there,” Skip says. Skips adds that the church is built on families, so how is it that a church will be strong and healthy if it does not have a really strong ministry for its married couples? He strongly believes it is that ongoing interaction through training courses, marriage enrichment programs, etc… that keeps marriages strong and healthy in a ministry. “It is that constant interaction in dealing with marriage ministry that brings the healing to marriages in general,” He adds. “We try to encourage new pastors and churches to identify a couple to lead their marriage ministries and to really pour in resources for education and training. Skip shares that Glenarden’s Marriage Ministry offers the following for Married Couples: Focus Studies, Discipleship Courses, Mentoring, Blended Family Programs and different support mechanisms all designed to keep Christ in the center of the marriages and keep the couples together. “The agenda has to be greater than Sunday”, Skip says. “Sunday is the tool that we use to get individuals saved and sold out for Christ, but then Monday thru Saturday is where ministry is done through-

out the week and for us that’s marriage ministry.” He explains, “We have something everyday of the week, specifically designed for married couples. These services are offered both online and faceto-face, however, primarily the courses are offered face-to-face.” For example, on Sundays Glenarden offers three classes for couples: Communication, Finance and Couples In Discipleship. “The discipleship classes are broken down by the number of years couples have been married and they stick together for about a year”, Beverly adds. Beverly points out that the Sunday courses are small groups. “Additionally, on Mondays we have a husbands class designed just for husbands — on Tuesdays the church has corporate bible study — Wednesdays is a Marriage Focus Study… and the list goes on. Everyday there is something going on for couples. We offer mini-small groups throughout the week for newlyweds and couples in discipleship as well,” Beverly says. In addition to the weekly classes, Glenarden also has a monthly couples fellowship where all the couples come together in one session. According to Skip and Beverly, the marriage ministry meets the second Saturday of every month at 7pm with approximately 500-600 people. However, they both agree that their goal for 2020 is to get attendance up to 2020 people, based upon their church size. These meetings are open to members and non-members. The regular monthly fellowship is free. “We call it our family reunion once a month,” Skip says. “Our classes have a nominal fee of between $20-$40 per person for the entire class — just to pay for a little gas and electric and give the facilitators an honorarium”, Beverly adds. They both agree that the Marriage Ministry requires a hefty budget and they point out that most of it is supported from the church’s budget.

Classes Offered Through The Ministry Classes like couples in Discipleship run for almost a year long every week. The facilitators have to commit to that year facilitating once a week. • Focus sessions last 4-6 weeks — offered twice a year — free • Marriage Classes meet on Wednesdays, Thursdays or Sundays — last about 8

weeks — minimal fee • Discipleship Classes — last about a year or more — only fee associated with these classes are books and materials • Divorce Care – once a year – 4-5 months long (a lot of healing that has to occur). Although we don’t advocate divorce, we do know that some people have gone down that path, so there is a divorce class that we offer from March through early July. All the way from pre-marriage, marriage and even divorce — Skip and Beverly said the ministry offers a total package.

For Ministries Without Strong Marriage Ministries Skip and Beverly built the Marriage Ministry to the point where it currently is – strong and vibrant. Skip and Beverly explain, “When we first came on, there were three events available for Marriage Couples: Valentine’s Event, Couples Retreat and a Home Building Class. Approximately 60 people attended our regular monthly fellowship. When we took it over, the classes were not popular, they were under attended.” Skip continues, “We revamped the organizational structure. I had 50 – 60 boxes that I thought would be filled in the first year of ministry, but only 10 of the 30 boxes are filled right now. So, it’s been a long, but rewarding process to get to where we are right now.” “We would advise new ministries to start off with one fellowship or one marital enrichment session a month and build off of that”, Beverly says. “Don’t try to do a whole lot. Take your time and be consistent… that’s the key…. Consistency is the key,” she added. Skip points out the importance of connecting with other ministries. “Don’t be afraid to go to other ministries. Beverly and I go to other ministries and we encourage our team members to do the same. If out of everything that we offer at our church does not work for your schedule and another ministry offers a marriage ministry class or focus group that does meet your schedule – take that class.”

Individual Preparation for Marriage Ministry Leaders Beverly says, “We’ve served 10 years in Marriage Ministry at Glenarden. We

Skip and Beverly both agree that the greatest challenges with building and maintaining a strong marriage ministry is people. “Building a team, getting committed people, and dealing with the challenges that people go through in their marriages are huge challenges”, Beverly says. However, with all of the challenges associated with leading a marriage ministry, Skip and Beverly agree that it is the Grace of God that allows them to continue. “Also staying focused on the ministry part of what we do,” Skip says. “I know at the end of the day we have to manage our emotions to a point that we don’t lose focus on why we’re doing what we’re doing. So even though we might have a people challenge — whether it’s internal within the church or external (couples that need help, but are defiant on how they want to get help) — at the end of the day, what keeps our emotions in check is that we both know the goal is to keep marriages together and keep Christ in the center of the marriage. Skip says everyday he and Beverly ask themselves if they hit their ministry goal. “Did we do our best to present the gospel of Jesus Christ to couples thinking about getting married? Did we do our best to present the gospel of Jesus Christ to couples that want to grow in their marriages? Have we done our best of keeping Christ in the center for a couple that may be having a hard time and want to call it quits?”, he says. “We always think about the end goal, which is the ministry goal of keeping Christ in the center of the marriage. That keeps our emotions in check. The passion drives us, but the ministry goal keeps us focused”. Although passion is good, Skip and Beverly both agree that there must be more for ministry. “Yes, there must be passion, but there must be a call to ministry. You got to have a call, because without a call, the passion will fizzle out,” Skip says. “It’s a lot of long, sleepless nights. We spend

Beverly and Skip both agree — the couple that leads the marriage ministry has to be all in — 100%. In other words, there is no room for split priorities. “We have something called Marital bridges… a group of leaders from different ministries who have been identified by their pastors to lead their marriage ministries”, Beverly says. “We talk to them once a month and we share information with them. But I can’t tell you how many churches we have called that didn’t even have a marriage ministry leader or marriage ministry direction or vision. I wonder how their church survives. They do things like once or twice a years or have a Valentine event and that’s it for the whole year,” she adds.

“Our church can’t service everyone, so if you want individual counsel, you must be a member of the church,” Beverly says. “However, Skip and I have a separate ministry called S&B Ministries where we provide coaching services for people who can’t get that one-on-one at their local church. We also offer a weekly prayer call on Facebook Live called Real Talk Real Marriage (10pm), where we do a message and a prayer every Wednesday — we give a mid-week pick-me-up for couples, encouraging them to hang in there. Also @ realtalkrealmarriage we offer our monthly second Saturday of the month Couples Fellowship live on Facebook.”

Beverly and Skip’s advice to new ministry leaders is not to look at the numbers. “We learned that early on”, Skip says. “Whether it’s one couple or 100 couples you’re teaching or counseling — don’t focus on the numbers. Just stay focused on the goal — are we giving these couples the right information to make decisions to marry or to remain married?” Beverly adds, “The reality is, if you are reaching, developing or making a change in the lives of one couple that has the ability to impact 50plus people — their children, their aunts and uncles, their neighbors and their coworkers — all of this from reaching one couple.” Beverly and Skip also emphasized the criticality of networking for marriage ministry leaders and leaders in general. “We are begging people to be a part of what we do”, Beverly says. “Ministry is not top secret, we want to share,” Skip adds. As such, Glenarden provides networking opportunities for marriage ministry leaders and couples every first Wednesday from 12:002:30pm. “We have a conference call with area marriage ministry leaders where we share best practices,” Beverly says. “At any point that any of those marriage ministry leaders want to come and see what we do, we make sure that we sit them up front during our meetings. We have a reception for them, even if it’s just one couple that comes from another church to learn about what we do, we make sure they get what they need. If we have resources that we

To reach Beverly or Skip go to www.skipandbeverly.com or email skipandbeverly@gmail.com. Active on social media: @skipandbeverly Glenarden Marriage Ministry: @realtalkrealmarriage

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can extend to them, we do that’, she continues. “If people are interested in this service, we do require that they are connected to a local church and have the blessing of their pastors. If that’s their case, they can email us at maritalbridges@gmail.com.”

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more time behind the scenes than we do in front of the camera. Everybody looks at the end results and not the toil and the planning and praying that goes on before every class and focus study.”

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both are seminarians, I have a Masters of Arts in Theological Studies and as I was going through the program I focused on Marriage Ministry. Skip has a Masters of Divinity and he did the same. Additionally, we constantly attend conferences and seminars. We are a part of the American Association of Christian Counselors. We are always trying to stay abreast of what’s going on.

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;

NO CHAOS ALLOWED

A Practical Guide To Effective Church Administration defines and looks at the Biblical origin of church administration. It explores the characteristics of good church administrators and leaders by pointing out key qualities mandated by scripture.

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HIS VOICE By James Moore

FINDING DIAMONDS IN ROUGH PLACES

All marriages hit rough places, but that does not mean the end. How those moments are mined could reveal a marriage’s hidden jewels. Here are three ways to find matrimonial diamonds in rough places. First, don’t be afraid to argue. Arguments can be used as tools to dig into rough places. We’ve all been in an argument that started on one issue but ventured down some unbeaten path. Instead of being annoyed that the argument has veered off course, see it as an opportunity to investigate root causes. In doing so, a deeper issue may inadvertently be discovered. If that deeper issue is addressed, it could resolve not just the topic of the current argument, but some underlying issue which is the source of many arguments. Secondly, remember arguing is not a license to be a bully. This is not the time to use our partners’ pasts against them nor is it the time to exploit our partners’ lack of ability to express themselves. This is not a time to be right. This is a time to get it right; therefore, even though an argument is occurring, we must take a minute to pause and focus on the issue and not our partners. Remember, this is not a competition. Our partners are not our opponents. The problems we are facing are the true opponents to our relationships. Therefore, we must choose to forget who’s at fault by remembering that each member contributed something. Finally, we must see our partners as not just team members, but as vital assets to our team. When we find ourselves in rough places it is difficult to adopt such a perspective. In rough places, our partner’s weaknesses seem to be exacerbated, but they are actually opportunities to be complementary. In other words, now is the time to be the strength to their weakness. This is true partnership. Diamonds are the strongest gemstones in the world. Our marriages can be just as strong and shine just as brilliantly if we learn to master rough places.

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FINANCIAL TIPS TO SURVIVE THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC By Professor Donald L. Butler, M.S., ATP, CISA

CREATE A BUDGET

Create a Budget to examine your income and expenses for the month. Remember to include the stimulus check from the government, if applicable to you, in your budget.

ASSESS YOUR NEEDS

Assess your current needs (i.e. food, household products) and find coupons before shopping. Avoid unnecessary spending.

Contact your Creditors CONTACT and Service Providers YOUR CREDITORS (i.e. utility and cell phone companies) to negotiate options to defer or lower payments.

BALANCE CHECKING & SAVINGS ACCOUNTS

Balance your bank checking and savings accounts (ex. review your bank balances to make sure all checks and debit card purchases have cleared the account)

Review your Retirement REVIEW RETIREMENT Accounts to see if you experienced any losses ACCOUNTS due to the market crash.

REVIEW INSURANCE POLICIES

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Review your Insurance Policies (i.e. health and life insurance) to ensure the policies are still active.

FILE YOUR TAXES

File your Taxes to see if you’re getting a refund.

07 DEVELOP A NEW SKILL

Don’t allow time to pass by without developing a new skill.

08 DEVELOP A RECOVERY PLAN

09 BE OPTIMISTIC

Develop a plan to recover from financial losses and create streams of income.

Be optimistic and know that you’re going to survive this pandemic.

Donald L. Butler is the CEO of Butler Squared Consulting, LLC and is driven to help others achieve their financial goals, and conquer their financial fears and difficulties, especially during this pandemic. He is an Accounting Professor at University of Maryland Global Campus (UMGC) and called to ministry as a Pastor. He serves others by mapping out a plan to fix their finances, tax filings, and wealth building. Mr. Butler has over 20 years’ experience in the finance and accounting industry and holds credentials to perform such services. Butler Squared Consulting, LLC is a full service accounting, bookkeeping and consulting firm with more than 20 years’ experience. Our mission is to help all people achieve their accounting, financial and business needs, while providing financial security and peace. We have a team of experts ready to serve your needs. Schedule an appointment by visiting www.butlersquared.com or contact # 443204-3245.

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CREATE • ASSESS • BALANCE• REVIEW • DEVELOP

INVESTING OR GAMBLING?

SHOULD CHRISTIANS INVEST IN THE STOCK MARKET?

stock is the same as gambling and feel that stocks are bought in the hope that they will increase in value. They view the lack of guaranteed growth as a form of gambling. There are differences between buying lottery tickets or gambling at a casino, and buying stocks. Gamblers risk money, which they know they will probably lose, in the hopes of making money quickly. Those that are wise investors buy partial ownership in a company in the hopes of making money over time. This can be a sound way to plan for the future.

There are some Christians who oppose investing in the stock market. They say that buying

Consider the parable of the talents told by Jesus in Matthew 25:14-30. In biblical times, a talent was a very large measure of money. The parable talks about three servants being entrusted with a talent. This means that the servants were being trusted with a very large amount of wealth. Yes, the parable can be figuratively interpreted by discussing

By Zelma Allen

As Christians, we are called to be good stewards over the money and wealth with which God has provided us. Before we can consider investing in the stock market, we must find out if it is within God’s Will. Is investing in the stock market a God-honoring way to grow our finances, or is it really being careless with God’s money? The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom regarding many of life’s common problems. In fact, though the Bible does not actually say anything specifically about the Stock Market, it is full of principles that directly affect any kind of investing. Consider Proverbs 13:4 which says, “The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.” (KJV) Any type of investing is going to require the diligence of the investor.

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eternal spiritual matters of a life invested in Christ, but the parable is literally referring to investing money. In the story, the master gives his three servants varying amounts of money to invest while he is away. One servant received five talents, the second servant received two talents and the third servant received one talent. The master chose the amount to give each servant based on their varying ability to handle the money properly. As the parable progresses, the servants with five and with two talents of money both invested their portion and doubled their return to generate a profit for the master. Conversely, the servant who was given only one talent (afraid of what the master’s reaction would be if any of the talent was lost) buried it so that it would not be lost or stolen. When their master returned, the first two servants each returned to the master what he had originally given them along with the

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profit they generated by investing it while he was away. The last servant, however, dug up the one talent he had hidden and returned it to the master bragging that he did not lose any of it. The master was pleased with the servants that had invested, but became very angry with the servant who did nothing but bury the one talent with which he was entrusted. The master told the servant that, at the very least, he should have put it in the bank so it could earn some interest. The parable tells us that God not only wants His people to invest, but He wants Christians to invest wisely. This requires diligence. The parable tells us that the servant with only one talent was reprimanded and ultimately punished for not investing the master’s money. Whether this parable was talking about money or our gifts from God, the result is the same. We are to invest or use what God has given us to His glory. The basic principle of the stock market is not wrong if it is followed properly and if Christians would use God as their advisor. Galatians 6:7-8 teaches us that whatever a man sows that will he also reap. Investing is a type of sowing, but leaves a lot of questions regarding the type of ground into which we are sowing. Here is another place where the believer has to be diligent by engaging in rigorous research. Many people invest without researching the company in which they are investing. They do not know if the company policies are based on good Biblical principles. They know nothing of how the company treats their employees and they do not know the history of the company. They do not know the character of the people running the company (whether they are trust-

worthy, honest and reliable). They know nothing of the company’s alliances (if the company supports or promotes unholy causes such as abortion, same sex marriage and pornography). Remember to trust in God always and use his principles as your primary investment strategy.

all of their money or they can stay in with hopes of the stock rising to its previous levels. This is why Christian investors must diligently research a company’s financial status and growth rates to determine if this is a good investment.

God does not want us to invest in things that are contrary to what the Bible teaches about how we should live and serve him. For example, Christians should not give into greed and take excessive risk in order to get rich quickly. Christians should exercise due diligence in ensuring they are investing legally and not under the control of greed and fear. Within these parameters, there is no reason why Christians cannot grow their money by using the stock market.

King Solomon, one of the wisest men and richest men who ever lived, talked a great deal about his financial philosophies in the books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. God told King Solomon that He would bless him with riches, honor, wisdom and knowledge. As a result, King Solomon was perhaps the best investor the world has ever known. The Queen of Sheba noted that everything Solomon’s hands touched prospered. If Christians could get some investment lessons from King Solomon’s story, they would definitely be on the right path to investing and great money making.

What is the Stock Market? The stock market is a means by which individuals can purchase stock or interest in a company. The current stock price is based on a company’s earning potential. As the company appears to earn more, the stock price goes up and the purchaser receives the difference between their initial cost and the current stock price. In this way Purchasers have the opportunity to benefit from the price movement of the stock. If the company has a product that is increasing in sales each quarter and profits are increasing, then there is a good possibility the stock will also increase. There are definitely elements of risk in the stock market and investors can and will lose money if they are not careful. A company that has a product which is no longer selling at a previous rate may see their stock prices plummet. Investors in that company have the choice to get out without losing RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E

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Investing and the Bible

King Solomon explained in Ecclesiastes 11:2 (KJV) “Give a portion to seven, and also to eight; for thou knowest not what evil shall be upon the earth.” King Solomon was advising beleivers to split their wealth into several investments and not to risk all their money in only one place. Diversification is essential regardless of age, income level, time frame, or personality. As investments grow, so should investment diversifications. Diversification will guarantee success, and it may also reduce risk. Think about investing in bonds, foreign stocks, domestic shares, and real estate. Mutual Funds may offer a high return of diversification within a single fund; however, with this investment Christians should invest in different types of funds. In Ecclesiastes 12:13, King Solomon also advises, “Let us hear the

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conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and Keep his commandments: For this is the whole duty of man.” This is great advice for Christian Investors. Christians should ask themselves if what they are about to invest or sow into is pleasing to God? If not, stay away from it, no matter how profitable it is. Earning money honestly in the Stock Market and then using it for the Kingdom of Heaven is being a wise steward over what God has given us. Christians can never out give God, but when Christians give for God’s purposes, He will give back to Christians by the same measure with which they give and it will be “poured into their laps.” When what is poured into the laps of Christians is returned back to God, He continues the cycle. It is not that Christians can’t be rich, but they also have the opportunity to reap eternal rewards in heaven by helping those who are in need for His glory. God’s glory is what all Christians should be pursuing above all things.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT

REAL TALK

MARRIED FOLK DISCUSSIONS

Read More: Proverbs 28:20; Proverbs 13:11; Proverbs 16:8; Hebrews 6:10; 2 Corinthians 9:6; Matthew 10:33; 1 Timothy 6:10; Luke 6:38; Acts 4:32-37; Proverbs 3:9; 1 Timothy 6:17

A Talk-show-style panel and audience discussion about married life. Photos from REAL TALK 2019 sponsored by REWIND Magazine and the CRL Marriage Ministry

Panelists: Matthew & Mary Sams, Terrance & Tamara Hundley, Jeffrey & Annette Sams, Rolanda & Tiana Burnett and Bishop Duane & Lady Cynthia Johnson. Pastor of The Church of the Redeemed of the Lord Bishop Jerome Stokes & Lady Marsha Stokes.

Final Thoughts

Christians should invest and simultaneously remain faithful to Him in our wealth and in our lives. Do not try to get rich quickly. Instead, be patient and let money grow little by little over time. Be honest, fair and have integrity in all financial dealings. Check the heart of all deals by checking the Bible. Sow into the kingdom of heaven which guarantees eternal rewards.

Guest attendees

This article is a timely rerun while we’re all staying at home during this pandemic .

REWIND MAGAZINE Publishers Terrance & Tamara Hundley R EWI N D M A GAZ I N E

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The Church of the Redeemed of the Lord Marriage Ministry Leaders Jeffrey & Annette Sams

“ I DO” TOONS By Dominic Jordon, Jr.

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DECLUTTER

YOUR MARRIAGE

Anyone who has lived in a home for an extended period of time knows how easy it is to accumulate lots and lots of things. As time goes on, most homeowners find themselves constantly looking for available space to accommodate those things.

by: Terrance Hundley

This article is a timely rerun while weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all staying at home during this pandemic.

imilarly, overtime, the same thing can happen in marriage. Like your home your marriage can become cluttered.

Marital clutter is not necessarily an indication that the marriage is bad, nor does it suggest the marriage is in trouble. However, it does imply that the marriage could be suffering from fatigue. Clutter in marriage could cause couples to feel mentally and physically spent. The simple things couples once enjoyed doing together become mundane and lackluster. Clutter takes away room for spontaneity causing the marriage to become routine. The clutter could be caused by basic daily activities such as work, raising children and attending school. It could also be caused by hyperactive schedules, external burdens, or unresolved emotional issues such as unforgiveness and fear.

suggestions

for approaching the task of decluttering your marriage

• •

Don’t approach or view this task as a job. Instead, look at it as an adventure leading to new and exciting discoveries within your marriage, as well as within yourself.

Make sure both parties are committed to the task. The full participation of both parties is essential for success. a.This dismisses competitiveness (which promotes the “me, myself and I” mentality) and encourages togetherness (“we, us, and ours”). b.This also ensures both parties are equally satisfied and benefit from the results. As you de-clutter, remember you are on the same team and you both want the best for the marriage.

the steps

Start with one area or concern at a time. Experts suggest the first step in de-cluttering a home is to start with one room at a time. This prevents homeowners from wandering aimlessly around their homes getting a little bit done here and there. Similarly, couples de-cluttering their marriages must start with one area of concern at a time. This helps them to remain focused on the task at hand and makes progress measureable as each area moves toward favorable resolutions.

Create a “Keep” and “Let Go” Pile. Another step in the home de-cluttering process is to create a pile of things you want to keep and create a pile of things you need toss. Likewise, in the marriage de-cluttering process, these piles must be created. In any facet of life, a certain amount of stress occurs when trying to decide what to keep and what to discard. This is especially true in marriage where the “let-go” pile includes things such as issues from your past, bad financial habits, unforgiveness, etc. However, having a positive outlook can make this process easier. It is said that focusing more on what to keep than on what to throw away keeps one’s attention on the positive aspects of de-cluttering. Therefore, be sure the “keep” pile includes things such as laughter, open communication, and forgiveness.

Be Committed to Seeing the Task Through. Completing any task requires commitment. For this reason, couples must commit to the process of decluttering. This saying puts it in perspective: “There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something you accept no excuses, only results.” – Kenneth Blanchard, Leadership Expert

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Be Open and Be Honest. Gen. 2:25 says, “And they were both naked the man and his wife and were not ashamed” (speaking of Adam and Eve). In other words marriage is built on complete honesty and the willingness to trust and accept each other for who you are despite the imperfections. De-cluttering marriage could and should make spouses vulnerable to each other. This is a good thing because it forces us to reveal our faults and failures to one another. However, this should not to be viewed as an opportunity to point fingers. To the contrary, it is an opportunity for each party to take responsibility for his/her contribution to the clutter. This reveals the substance of the marriage and provides an opportunity to strengthen the trust in the marriage.

5 6

Reprioritize. Reprioritizing presents the occasion for couples to institute what is crucial to the wellbeing of their marriage. These will be things that require the greatest investment from both parties, and produce your greatest return for the marriage unit. Revisit Your Goals. Clutter could cause goals and ambitions that were established at the beginning of marriages to become cloudy. Clearing up the clutter allows couples the ability to revisit those goals and ambitions. It also allows couples to see which goals: a. are still on track with the over all agenda for the marriage. b. have fallen off track and need to be reinstituted. c. are no longer a priority or needed.

Learn From Your History. It is a known fact that if one ignores history they are bound to repeat it — doing the same thing and expecting a different result is futile. Likewise in marriage, couples who fail to look at what got them cluttered are bound to repeat history and fall into the same behavior again.

Stay Home Stay Safe & Enjoy some down time together having fun.

WORD SEARCH

Laughter and fun has a way of bonding people together. What better way to spend this time with your spouse bonding over a few games. As you play this word search think about the games in this list and others that you and your spouse can spend quality, mind-relaxing, fun time playing together.

RELAX... RELATE... RELEASE... Find and circle the following words in the word search puzzle.

Backgammon Boggle Checkers Chess Dominoes Jenga Mastermind Monopoly Scrabble Spades Trivial Pursuit Uno R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E

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Zelma Allen

Realtors - Realists Multiple - Listing Certified Approval

Sales Consultant

S. LEE MARTIN & CO.

Mobile: 443-791-3726 Office: 410-367-6500 Home: 410-323-1182

RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E

Mobile 443-791-3726 Office 410-367-6500 Home 410-323-1183

4809 Liberty Heights Avenue Baltimore, Maryland 21207

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divorce, the Lord began to speak a word of restoration to my spirit. I was so confused, but I kept hearing it over and over again. “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you”- Joel 2:25 (KJV) What was God saying? Restoration with whom? Since my divorce, I had been in another relationship which also ended. “After 13 years apart from my husband, surely God must be referring to the more recent relationship,” I reasoned within myself.

Happiness Beyond My Fear by Sandra Mills Several years ago, I faced a decision which would potentially change the course of my life forever. You see, I divorced my husband, my childhood sweetheart, the father of my 3 children because of a terrible disease which overtook his life… drug addiction. I waited 6 long years for him to recover but there was no recovery in sight. He would have short moments of sobriety but, sooner or later, he would succumb to those terrible demons all over again. After the divorce, I always

wanted to remarry and find someone with whom I could share my life. However, it seemed almost impossible to find someone who would love me the way my husband did. I met him when I was 12 years old and from the moment our eyes met there was an instant crush. Even while fighting the demons of drug addiction, I never doubted his love for me – not even for one moment. I was his first love and he was mine. Then one day, 13 years after my separation and R EWI N D M A GAZ I N E

Out of nowhere, my daughter called to tell me her dad was in rehab and was really coming along. She believed his sobriety was real this time. I was happy to hear the encouraging news but still did not correlate his sobriety to me in any way. As fate would have it, I had the opportunity to see my ex-husband and I could tell God was working on him. He was attending church regularly and told me he finally realized he couldn’t fight addiction without God’s help. Consequently, he totally surrendered his life to the Lord. However, this moment was not all about Jesus. He was a little flirtatious during this encounter, so I knew he still had feelings for me. I left that moment wondering, “Is this the restoration God has been speaking of? Could God actually restore my marriage and our family after being apart for so many years?” Those thoughts were immediately met with thoughts of fear. “What if he loses his sobriety? Would I have to relive the pain and anguish I experienced during our marriage?” My memory of those - 30 -

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years was clear. They were filled with hurt and despair. Further, satan wasted no time reminding me of it all – even the things I’d forgotten. His main objective was to steal, kill and destroy what God was trying to bring back together. “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”- John 10:10 (KJV) My family and friends were so excited about the possibility of our reconciliation, but I wasn’t convinced yet. I’d placed an impenetrable wall around my heart, and I wasn’t sure it should be removed all at once. Instead, little by little, I started letting my guard down and we began to rekindle our relationship. I was still uncertain until I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “You can’t trust him, but you can trust me.” A few months later, my ex-husband proposed to me saying, “I love you so much and all I want is you and my family back.” In that moment, all my fear and doubt vanished, and I said, “Yes.” Our lives are so full and blessed. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I allowed fear to keep me from fulfilling God’s promise for my life and my family. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind”2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) Whenever you are faced with something that could alter your life forever, don’t allow fear to be the catalyst behind your decision. If you listen, the voice of the Lord will guide you every step of the way. It’s been 15 years since we remarried, and we are still going strong!

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