Pipe Dreams This is a work of fiction. Names, character, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Pipe Dreams Š 2014 by Teresa D. Patterson All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means whatsoever. ISBN#: 978-1499133943
Pipe Dreams A novel Teresa D. Patterson
AUTHOR’S NOTE I wrote Pipe Dreams while I was still in high school during the 80s. Pipe Dreams, along with some other books, sat in a box and collected dust. I decided to dust all of those books off, polish them up, and share them with the readers. When There Are No Tomorrows, and Under the Oak Tree were also written while I was still a high school student. If you follow my work, I’m sure you will see the improvement and growth I’ve undergone as a writer. I strive to do better with each book. I’m a constant work in progress. If you’re an older reader, this book will take you back and have you reminiscing. You’ll probably remember some of the old television shows and music that was popular back then. If you’re a younger reader, this book will give you an idea of how life was back in the 80’s. I really hope you enjoy Pipe Dreams. Please feel free to leave feedback via a review, an email, or an inbox message. Thank you, and as always, I appreciate the support.
This story takes place during the year 1988.
Prologue
I
t was hot, much too hot to be preparing for a funeral, but I had to go. I felt I owed Ray that much. I knew I had let him down. The least I could do was show up at his funeral. As I attempted to fix my tie, thoughts ran through my head. Maybe I should have tried harder to reach him. There had to have been something more I could have done. A friend was supposed to be there for another friend. What problems did Ray have that he couldn’t share them with me? Why did he have to die? Suddenly, I felt so angry. “I can’t tie this damn thing,” I swore. “Come here, child,” my grandmother called from the next room. I went to her, and she tied my tie quickly and neatly. “There you go.” “Thanks, Gram.” “Are you almost ready?” she asked. “Yeah. I just have to get my jacket.” I went back into my room and retrieved it from the closet. As I threw it over my shoulder, I heard something fall. I bent to pick it up and recognized it as a picture I’d taken with Ray right after graduation. I gazed at it and a lump formed in my throat. Ray looked so full of life. How could he be dead? It just didn’t seem right. If only I had warned him that night. Would he still be alive? That’s a question I’m still desperately searching for an answer to.
Chapter 1
W
illiam? William Dorsett?” The teacher’s shrill voice called. Judging by the stern look on her face she must have called my name several times. “Oh, here.” I raised my hand, waving it frantically. “Would you be so kind as to remove the headphones, please?” she asked, a deep frown etched on her face. “Sure.” I took them off and smiled my most winning smile at her. It didn’t work. “Headphones are not allowed in the classroom. May I suggest you familiarize yourself with the Code of Student Conduct handbook,” she said and went back to calling roll. When she’d finished, she asked the class if they preferred to go by a nickname. I raised my hand again. “Yes, William?” she asked in a bored tone. “I’d like to be called Squeaky,” I said, and the whole class erupted in laughter. “Man, are you serious?” someone behind me whispered. “What?” I turned around to face him. “Do you actually want everyone to call you that?” “Call me what?” I stared at him with narrowed eyes until he looked away. “Nothing, man. Nothing,” he finally said. “Say what you mean. Don’t bite back your words, now.”
“I just meant you can’t walk around being called Squeaky and expect to get respect,” he said. “That’s all.” He shrugged. “Why not?” I asked. “It’s just not cool.” “So, you got something against my nickname?” “Naw, nothing like that, man.” The whole class was silent, listening to our exchange. “Then that’s what you’ll call me and everybody else in here,” I snapped. “Squeaky. Got it?” “Hey, it’s cool, man. “You ain’t gotta lose it.” He threw up his hands and slunk down in his seat, indicating he had nothing more to say. Everyone stared at me with shocked expressions on their faces. “What the hell y’all looking at?” I stared them all down until they turned away. I put my headphones back on and kicked back. I ignored the teacher who continued to frown and shake her head, but said nothing. I was walking down the hallway, heading toward my locker when someone spoke from behind me. “Hey, that was okay.” I was beginning to get annoyed with people speaking to my back. “What?” I whirled around to ask. “I said, that was okay—the way you handled Donny. But he won’t leave it at that,” the smiling guy said. I assessed him, mentally sizing him up. He was of average height,
medium complexioned, and kind of on the thin side. “What are you trying to say?” I asked, opening my locker. “Donny is planning to get a couple of his buddies and jump you,” he informed. “Why are you telling me this?” I closed my locker and stared at him in suspicion. “Because…I admire you,” he said and smiled. “What?” I stared at him in disbelief. “Are you gay or something?” “No,” he said, looking insulted. “Who the hell are you anyway?” I demanded. “I’m Raymond Walker. But you can call me Ray.” He held his hand out for me to shake, but I ignored it. He let it drop back to his side. “Are you sure you’re not funny, man?” He didn’t respond. “Just watch ya back. Like I said, they’re planning to jump you,” he repeated. “Thanks for telling me,” I said with reluctance. “Yeah. It was nothing.” He walked away with his head held high in the air. Maybe he wasn’t gay, but I was taking no chances. I had just moved to St. Petersburg from Philadelphia and attending a new school in my senior year wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to be there, and I wasn’t going to bother with trying to be friendly to anyone. I guess you can say I had a chip on my shoulder—a big chip.
*** “That’s him,” I heard someone yell when I was halfway down the hallway. “Get him.” I guess they expected me to run like a scared rabbit, but I stood my ground. “What’s up?” I snarled, glaring at the four boys surrounding me. “Man, you sold out on my homeboy, Don, and we don’t like that,” a short, well-built guy told me. “So what? Can’t Donnyboy fight his own battles?” I asked. “Of course I can,” Dan said quickly. He was real sure of himself with his buddies behind him. “I’ll take you out right now.” “Take this out.” Before he could blink, he was on the tiled floor, bleeding from the nose. The other three closed in, but within seconds they were all off of me and in the same shape as Don. I walked away unscratched. Taking those Karate lessons when I was younger came in handy. I had a mean ass round-house. “Hey, that was okay.” I jumped when I heard the voice. “Man, why you always creeping up on me?” I snapped. Again, Ray ignored my outburst. “Do you know karate or something?” he asked. “Yeah,” I growled. Couldn’t he see that I didn’t want to be bothered? “Maybe you can teach me a few moves some day.” “Teach yourself,” I snarled.
“What is it with you? People try to be nice to you and you just turn up your nose. You ain’t royalty,” he snapped. “Look, man, I didn’t ask for your fucking friendship. Why do you keep following me around? Yeah, I saw you the other day too, sneaking behind me. I bet you thought I didn’t see you.” I curled my lips and glared at him. “I don’t buy that story about you not being gay. Not that I care. That’s ya business. Just know that I’m not interested. I like women. Get it?” “Man, just because somebody tries to be nice to you doesn’t make them gay. You got a serious attitude problem. And I wasn’t following you. I happen to live on that street,” he said. Didn’t I feel foolish, but I wasn’t about to apologize. “What do you want from me, man?” I asked, suddenly tired. “Nothing. I just thought I’d be nice to you since I know your grandma,” he replied. “Oh.” I was starting to feel even lower. “Yeah. She and my grandma go way back. I used to mow her yard and things. I guess she won’t need my help anymore now that she has you.” “Why not? I don’t do yards.” We continued on in the direction of home. I guessed it was okay if he walked with me since we did live on the same street. “Well, see you around,” he said and turned into his yard. “Yeah,” I mumbled. I walked the few paces to my own house and turned. I happened to
look back and catch Ray staring at me. He was one strange dude. I hurried inside. “Hi, Gram,” I called as I walked in. I knew she was in the kitchen because of the smell of brownies floating on the air. “How was your day?” she asked, giving me a gentle smile. She thought I wasn’t adjusting too well at school, and she tried her best to cheer me up by doing little things such as baking brownies. “It was fine,” I lied. “I even made a new friend, Raymond Something.” “That’s good,” she said, smiling. “Raymond Walker. He lives right next door. He’s a nice young man. And he’s so friendly and respectful.” She just kept piling on the compliments and it annoyed me. “Gay,” I muttered under my breath. “Can I have a brownie?” I asked, changing the subject. “Not before dinner.” She moved the plate out of my reach. “Gram, you treat me like a baby. I’ll still be able to eat dinner, mine and yours.” “Okay. Go ahead, child.” She smiled and shook her head. “Thanks.” I kissed her on the cheek, snatched up two more brownies when she turned her back and went to my room. Later, when I went outside, I saw Ray shooting ball out back. Something about him made me feel weird. He was starting to crack the shell I’d built around myself since my parents died. I had promised myself I wouldn’t
let anyone do that, ever. There was too much at risk. Ray must have felt me staring because he glanced my way. I turned quickly and went back inside. The next morning, I decided to leave for school later than usual so Ray wouldn’t trail behind me like a bloodhound. Halfway down the block I turned around and saw him anyway. I waited until he caught up. “What’s up?” I decided to be polite since my grandma considered him a friend. “Aren’t you kind of late?” He shrugged. “I know I woke up later than usual,” I added. He didn’t say much as we walked the rest of the way to school. “See you,” I said as I closed my locker. Then it hit me that he was in all of my classes —every single one. “See you in class, I mean.” At least I didn’t have to worry about Donny and his friends. They followed me around all day trying to get on my good side. “Man, why don’t y’all get away from me?” I couldn’t take anymore. Don wanted to pull my chair out for me in the cafeteria. “What next? You’ll probably want to carry my books or wipe my ass when I take a dump. Stop sweating me because I don’t want to be bothered. Just leave me alone,” I told him and the rest of his crew. A lot of heads turned in my direction, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was eat my lunch in peace. They all gave me a strange look then left.
“That homeboy got a serious problem,” one of them said. “I know that’s right.” I proceeded to eat and who did I look up to find staring down my throat? “I give up.” I pushed my tray away and threw up my hands. “I just give up.” I got up from the table and left Ray staring behind me like he was worried. I didn’t care. What was he anyway, my guardian angel? I skipped sixth period, thinking if I left early Ray wouldn’t be able to follow me. I was wrong. Three steps behind me, as usual, was Ray. I stopped dead in my tracks, reached around and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. “Why are you hound-dogging me, man? And don’t even try to deny it.” I gave him a little shake. He didn’t even flinch. “Well?” I let him go. He straightened his shirt and said nothing. “Can you talk or what?” I was angry. All I wanted was to be left alone. I didn’t need him playing Private Investigator with my life. “Just answer this one question, are you a queer? No, no don’t look mad, I know you said you weren’t, but actions speak louder than words.” “I’m not gay,” he finally spoke. “So stop asking me that,” he said with an attitude. “Whoa,” I said sarcastically. Ray just shook his head. “Why won’t you let me be your friend?” he asked. “I don’t need a friend,” I snapped. “If you think I believe that then you’re crazier than everybody think you are.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means I can see right through the tough guy act. So you can stop pretending with me. I know what you’re really feeling inside.” “You don’t know nothing,” I exploded. “I do. Because I’ve been there,” he added, giving me a final look before he stalked off. I was left behind to do some serious thinking. How could he know how I felt? Had he just lost both of his parents? No, he didn’t know how I felt. I didn’t even know myself.
Chapter 2
I
awoke early the next morning to the sound of a lawnmower outside my window. I tried to drown out the noise by placing a pillow over my head, but it didn’t work. I parted the curtains and peered out. “Great,” I mumbled. Ray was pushing the mower like he didn’t have a care in the world. I unlatched the window and snatched it up. “Hey. What do you think you’re doing?” I shouted, but he couldn’t hear me. Finally, I threw my shoe, which caught him in the shoulder. He cut the machine off and glared at me. “I’m trying to sleep here.” “Good morning to you, too,” he snapped, flinging my shoe up onto the porch. “Don’t get no attitude. You’re the one who woke me up. I got a right to be mad.” “I always cut Mrs. Daniels yard on the third Saturday of every month,” he stated. “Well, let this be the last Saturday it happens. I’ll cut it myself.” “Thought you didn’t do yards?” he snarled. I didn’t know what to make of him selling out to me like that. Wasn’t he the one who claimed to know all about me, to know how I felt inside? If he really knew how I felt then he’d know I felt like hitting someone, anyone.
As if he could read my mind, he asked, “You feel like kicking the whole world’s ass, don’t you?” I had to smile at that one. “Something like that,” I replied. “It’s okay. You can talk to me about it. I heard your grandma talking to mine. I know about your folks and all.” I didn’t say anything. He looked down at the ground. “Well, I guess I can finish this later. Sorry I woke you up.” He turned to leave. “Uhhh…wait,” I surprised myself by saying. “Why don’t you come inside and have some breakfast?” “Okay.” Five minutes later we sat in front of the television eating out of extra large bowls overflowing with cereal. Gram came into the room humming some church song. Her smile widened when she saw Ray. She made a big fuss over him like he was her grandson. I felt a stab of jealousy then I reminded myself that I didn’t care. Later, after Gram went to visit one of her friends, we just chilled in the living room and listened to tapes. “So, what do y’all do around here for fun?” I asked. “Lots of stuff,” he said. Ray’s short answers had a way of pissing me off. “A lot of stuff, like what?” I snapped. “Hang at the mall, shoot ball. If you got a car, just drive around or hang at the game
room. Anything.” He gave me a look and shrugged. “That’s it?” “Well, there’s the movies and dance clubs. But that’s played out.” “How do you meet females?” “Hanging at the mall, driving around-” “Yeah,” I interrupted. “Okay. I get the picture. Boring.” “It’s not so bad. Take some getting used to, that’s all. If you don’t want to do any of those things, you could get a job.” “Don’t seem like there’d be too many of those around.” “If you really want to work, you can find something,” he said. “But no one around here works for their money.” “What do you mean?” “They don’t work, that’s what I mean,” he repeated. It took a second for it to sink in. “Oh, you mean they sell drugs?” “Yes.” “Here?” Again I found something disbelieving. “Yes. This may be a small place, but drugs are big time.” “Only fools get mixed up with something like that,” I said. He nodded. “I agree.” “So, what do you plan to do today? You don’t hang around a lot of people, do you? I mean, at school, you’re always by yourself.” “I don’t have anything planned. And no, I don’t hang with a lot of people. I do have friends, associates or whatever, though. I
think school is for learning. If you hang with the crew, you lose the meaning of that. You usually end up in trouble, too,” he explained. “Yeah, that’s true,” I said. “So, are you gonna just sit around and be bored today? What do you usually do on a Saturday?” “I usually cut somebody’s yard or help them with other stuff.” “Who?” I asked. “Some of the neighbors don’t have anyone to help them. You know, like some of the elderly people who live alone. They usually can’t afford to hire anyone to fix things, so I volunteer.” “You do it for free?” I didn’t like the sound of that. “Yeah. I’m just glad I can help some of the people. They’re usually really grateful for the help, you know?” “Well, what else do you do?” I just couldn’t picture myself helping old people. “I paint, draw, sketch, write poems and songs, stuff like that.” “You really lead an exciting life,” I said sarcastically. “You’ll get used to it. Once you get sick of the mall and hanging around a bunch of phony people, you’ll be more than happy to help me fix somebody’s roof or paint their house.” “I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “Do I look like Mr. Fix-It to you?” He laughed. “So, do you have any errands to do today? If not, let’s check out the mall, that’s if you ain’t scared.”
“I promised Mrs. Sweetapple I’d bathe her dog. Why don’t you come along? It won’t take that long. We can catch the bus from there. There’s a bus stop right around the corner.” “Alright. I need to shower and change first.” Ray sat in the living room and waited until I got dressed. “Let’s go,” I told Ray after about a half hour of primping and changing clothes. I decided to wear jeans and a tank top since I didn’t want anyone to get jealous. It wouldn’t be right to steal too many hearts on my first trip to the mall. You know how it is? I knew I looked good. I grabbed my keys and left a note for Gram taped to the refrigerator for when she returned home. Mrs. Sweetapple’s house was four houses down from Ray’s. When she opened the door, I jumped. She was real old. You could hardly see her eyes because of all the wrinkles. Frankly, she scared me. “Man, I’ll stay outside,” I told Ray. “What for?” “That lady gives me the creeps.” Ray threw me an annoyed look. “She don’t bite,” he said and went inside. “Probably ain’t got no teeth,” I muttered as I followed him with reluctance. I left the door cracked just in case I had to make a run for it. I sat as close to the door as possible while Ray followed Mrs. Sweetapple to another room in the house. I could hear a dog’s excited
bark. I crossed my arms and surveyed the pictures on the walls. One in particular caught my attention. It was of a beautiful girl with the prettiest smile. It must have been her senior pictures because she wore one of those fluffy, furry white shawls that all the girls wore in their senior class photos. Just looking at the picture of her made my heart beat faster. Who was she? “Come back here.” Ray’s voice snapped me out of my trance. What looked like a big ball of fur came running into the room. It rolled all over the carpet a few times before Ray finally caught it. “That’s a dog?” I asked, giving it a suspicious look. “Yes. Her name is Shandy,” he told me as he tried to dry her off with a towel. She kept squirming away from him and rolling on the floor. She suddenly stopped and came over to sniff me. “Get this mutt—” Before I could finish the sentence she’d jumped into my lap. “Damn.” I pushed her back on the floor. She must have sensed my anger because she shot out the door that I had left cracked. “You scared her, man.” Ray raced after the dog, and I hurried behind him. “We have to get her. She’s not an outdoors type of dog. She’ll probably get hit by a car. Why did you scare her like that?” “I don’t like dogs,” I mumbled. “Come on and help me look for her. I hope she didn’t go too far.”
It didn’t take us long to find Shandy. She was in the garage, cowering behind the washing machine. “How the hell did she get back there?” I asked. “The question is, how are we going to get her?” “Easy. Just move the washing machine,” I suggested. “Okay.” He struggled until he’d moved the heavy machine about a foot from the wall. “Now, you get her.” “What?” “Get her. I have to hold up this machine so it won’t fall off the foundation underneath it,” he explained. “As soon as you get her, I can push it back into place.” Shandy didn’t make things easy. She didn’t want to come to me so I had to sweet talk and coax her out. When I finally had my hands on her, I was pissed. “She’s gonna need another bath now,” Ray said. “And I already promised Mrs. Sweet I’d fix the leg on her rocking chair. If I bathe Shandy again and do the chair, that’ll take at least another half hour. We’ll miss that bus and end up waiting another hour.” I couldn’t see myself waiting in that spook’s house for another hour so I volunteered to wash the dog. “Don’t drown her,” Ray warned once we got back in the house. “Man, I know how to bathe a dog. Just go fix the chair.” The truth was I really didn’t know how. I guessed you bathed them just like you did people.
I’d already lathered her up nicely with soap when I saw the bottle labeled dog shampoo resting on the sink. “Great.” I gave her an apologetic look. “I guess Irish Spring won’t hurt you this once.” Her cooperation at letting me bathe her amazed me. She only tried to jump out of the tub five times. When I finally finished rinsing her off and drying her, she looked almost human. “Girl, your mustache’s bigger than mine.” I petted her gently. “We’re all done. Now don’t you feel good?” Her tail wagged, and I received sloppy licks of thanks. “Hey. Hey. Chill with that.” I petted the fluff ball, but first I made sure Ray wasn’t anywhere nearby where he could witness it. I didn’t want to ruin my rep. “Are you finished with the rocker yet?” I called out. “Just about,” he yelled back. I followed the sound of his voice. I hesitated at the door because from what I could see, it was the old lady’s bedroom. “Come on in,” Ray told me. “Where’s that lady?” I asked. “In the kitchen,” he said. “You don’t have to be scared. She’s a really sweet person. She’s making us some iced tea.” I kneeled on the floor and watched him finish. “How do you know how to fix so many things?” I asked. “Well, I could fix this rocking chair because I made it,” he said.
“Yeah? That’s cool. About the only thing I can fix is a sandwich, and sometimes, I have a hard time doing that.” He laughed. “You could fix anything you wanted to fix if you just put your mind to it. I can tell you have potential. You’ll go far.” “How do you figure that?” “I just know it. Now, let’s get that tea and…try to see Mrs. Sweetapple through kinder eyes,” he advised. I wondered what he meant by that. We headed toward the kitchen with me lagging behind Ray on purpose. “Mrs. Sweetapple, I’d like you to meet William Dorsett.” He got behind me and nudged me forward. “Be nice,” he whispered. “Hi, Sonny. I’m pleased to meet you. You look like a fine young man.” Her handshake was surprisingly strong for an old coot. “Now, you two boys just sit down and drink your tea. Help yourselves to anything else you’d like. I’m taking my tired bones in there to my rocking chair. When you get to be my age, you’ll be glad they invented such a thing.” She patted Ray on the shoulder, and he smiled at her fondly. “I told you she was nice,” he said when she left. “I guess she is.” I remembered we were supposed to be going to the mall. “What time does the bus come?” “In about thirty seconds,” he said looking at his watch. “We better hurry.” “We’ll never make it,” he said. “Why not?”
“’Cause there’s the bus right there.” I looked out the window just as it pulled away from the curb. Ray picked up his glass and took a swallow. “This tea is good. Drink up.” “Why do I get the feeling you didn’t really want to go to the mall?” I asked. “What makes you think that?” “It’s just a feeling.” I tasted the tea and it was delicious. Mrs. Sweetapple made it just the way I liked it, with just enough lemon. “Hey, I was checking out the pictures in there. Who is that girl?” I asked. “The pretty one?” he asked, and I nodded. “That’s Mrs. Sweetapple’s great-grand daughter. Her name is LeVonda. She’s eighteen and attends college in Fort Lauderdale. She’s going to be a fashion designer.” “How do you know all that?” “She’s all Mrs. Sweet talks about. I’ve never met her personally, though.” “I wouldn’t mind meeting her myself,” I said. We finished our drinks and went to tell Mrs. Sweetapple good-bye. “It’s been nice meeting you, William. Come back again, hear?” She patted my shoulder fondly just like she’d done Ray earlier. I felt funny inside, a good kind of funny. Leaving, I realized I hadn’t even gotten annoyed when she’d called me William. That was a good sign.
“What are we gonna do now since obviously we’re not going to the mall?” “Something will come up. Let’s just walk,” Ray suggested. I could have chosen to go home, but decided to tag along with him. Combing the neighborhood, I noticed there were a lot of old people around. They sat on the porch and waved as we passed by. “I like it here. It’s really peaceful. You don’t have to worry about getting shot on this street,” Ray told me. “Where I used to live, that’s all they did. They shot up my block almost every single night. You lived in fear.” “My kinda place. Where was that?” “Memphis, Tennessee.” “That’s where you’re from?” “Yes. I lived there from birth up until last year.” “Man, why did you come to this dead ass place? Memphis is the shit.” “I had no choice. I lived with my mama and she was real sick. Cancer,” he explained. “Some days were good, but others…they were hell. It got to where she couldn’t even get out of bed. I had to take care of her. I hated seeing her in so much pain…knowing there was nothing I could do. Her death was a relief. She didn’t have to suffer anymore.” “I’m sorry to hear that, man,” I said quietly. I didn’t know what else to say. I knew he must have gone through a living hell. “When she died, I came here to live with my grandparents,” he ended. “I’m sorry about your mom,” I repeated. “I just lost my parents, too, as you already
know.” I got kind of choked up and had to clear my throat. “You know the craziest thing about it is I didn’t lose them to a disease or a tragic accident. I lost them to themselves. My mom committed suicide. She locked herself in the garage and turned on the car. The next morning I found her lifeless, stiff and cold.” I cleared my throat again. “My old man took it real hard. He blamed himself. Three days later, he shot himself in the head. They got to be buried together.” I paused. “So, I came here. I haven’t gotten over their deaths. I have nightmares about it all the time,” I finished. “That’s rough,” he said. “I guess we’ve both had it pretty bad. No one else could understand what we’ve been through unless they’ve been through the same thing.” “Yeah. I know what you mean,” I agreed. “At first, I just couldn’t believe it…couldn’t accept it. Then I got angry. Real angry. Then I just faced up to it. I still feel pain sometimes when I think about my mama, but I can handle it. You’re probably still going through the angry stage, huh?” he asked. “Yeah,” I admitted. “Tell me something. When do the nightmares end?” We had reached my house so we sat on the steps. “I guess they’ll stop eventually,” he said. “I still have them,” he added. “All of this jibber jabbering has made me hungry. Would you like to stay over for dinner?” I invited. “Sure. I love Mrs. Daniels cooking,” he said.
“Me too. Grams can throw down. Let’s go inside and see what she got cooking in them pots today.” Gram was more than happy to have someone else over for supper. She usually cooked enough for an army anyway. “What did you boys do today?” she asked, passing the collard greens. “We were supposed to go to the mall.” I threw Ray a sour look. “We missed the bus because he had to go to Mrs. Crabapple’s house.” “Sweetapple,” Ray corrected. “Oh really? How is she doing?” Gram asked. “She’s fine, but she hasn’t been able to get out much,” Ray said. “I know. She’s getting up there in age. Next month, she’ll be ninety-three,” Gram said. “Whew. She’s ancient,” I commented. They both stared at me. “But she’s cool,” I added. “She’s a good, kind-hearted, loving person. You don’t find many of them around anymore,” Gram continued. “I know what you mean. I’m glad to be able to help in any kind of way,” Ray said. “We need more young people with your views,” she told him. “Maybe Squeaky can learn from you,” Gram said. “Gram, please,” I mumbled. “He already has. He just doesn’t know it yet,” Ray said. We finished the rest of the meal in a strange, companionable silence.
Later, lying awake, I remembered our conversation from earlier. Ray was the only person I had talked to about my parents. Somehow, I felt I had bared a part of my soul to him‌a part that no one else knew about. Talking about my parents’ deaths had relieved me of a heavy burden. That night, I slept peacefully for the first time in a long time, undisturbed by nightmares.
Chapter 3
G
ram woke me up early the next day— before noon—telling me I had to go to church. “Church? Gram, I ain’t been there since I was a kid. I don’t wanna go,” I griped. But, even as I argued, I headed for the shower. I respected Gram, and if she said go to church then that was where I would be going. “I know this is gonna be so boring,” I mumbled as I got dressed in my Sunday’s best: a pair of black slacks and a light blue, long sleeved, button-up shirt. “You look nice,” Gram complimented when she came into the room a few minutes later. “Thanks, Gram. You’re a knockout yourself.” She was all decked out, looking pretty in pink. She even wore a matching pink hat and gloves. “I see we’re gonna have to buy you some suits for church,” she said as she went to get her purse. There would be no need. I figured I could think of a good excuse not to go to church after that day. “What’s this for?” I stared at the Bible she placed in my hands. “You need it for church. I bought it for you the other day.” “Gee, thanks.” I was sure I could stuff it behind my bed and pretend I’d lost it.
“Well, let’s go,” she said cheerfully. “I’m ready to rejoice and serve the Lord.” We stopped by Ray’s house on the way. We didn’t have a vehicle and neither did the Walkers so we walked to the church which was only a few blocks away. The grown-ups walked ahead as Ray and I trailed behind them. “Why don’t we skip?” I suggested. “I like church,” Ray said. “Besides, I can’t skip. My grandfather is the pastor.” “Great,” I mumbled. He had on a suit and everything. “Don’t you feel choked up wearing that tie?” “No, not really,” he said. “Let’s catch up.” He quickened his pace, and I did the same. The church was average in size. There were a pretty good amount of people attending, including men. I always thought going to church was for old people and sissies. I was surprised to see kids my age there, too. I wanted to sit in a back pew, but Ray ushered me to the second row. He greeted all the people around us and introduced me to them. When the sermon began, I expected to hear about burning eternally in hell, the usual. It turned out to be an interesting story about a son leaving home and wasting all of his inheritance. There was also a choir and boy could they sing. I thought I wouldn’t like church, but I actually did.
At around two o’clock services ended and everyone stood around socializing. I felt kind of left out since I didn’t know anyone except for Ray and Gram. They were busy talking to other people. “Hi,” someone greeted. At first I thought I’d imagined the voice. “Hello,” she said again, and I turned around. “Me?” “Yes, you. Hi. What’s your name?” The smiling girl was about sixteen. “Will.” “I’m Sondra. This is my cousin, Darcia” I nodded at them, noticing that Darcia wouldn’t look directly at me. “You’re new here, right?” “Yeah.” “Well, it’s been nice talking to you. We have to go. I hope to see you around,” Sondra said giving me a wink. Darcia gave me a shy smiley. “Bye,” she said. “Bye.” I watched them join their parents. Maybe I’d come back to church just to see them, especially Darcia. I was still watching her when someone touched me on my shoulder. “Hey, man. What’s up?” It was that Don guy I’d dusted at school. “What’s up?” Church was the last place I’d expected to see him. “Nothing much. Man, do you party?” he asked. “Yeah. Sure. Why you wanna know?” “There’s gonna be a party at my place Friday. If you wanna come, that’s cool. Everybody’s gonna be there,” he added.
“Yeah. Okay. I might check it out.” “Okay. Later, man.” “Later.” “What did he want?” Ray’s voice startled me. “Man, what did I tell you about creeping up on me?” I asked, annoyed. “He was telling me about a party at his house Friday. You want to check it out?” “I don’t go to parties,” he said. “Well, this can be an exception. What else is there to do on a Friday night except sit around and watch Sonny Spoon?” “Their parties ain’t my kind of a party,” Ray said. “You can go if you want to, though.” “Man, you could go this once,” I argued. “It won’t kill you to go. Plus, I don’t know where Don lives, and I didn’t ask.” “Well—” He hesitated.”I’ll go,” he finally said. “But don’t expect for me to have fun. Now, let’s get home. Everyone else already left.” It felt good to put on some shorts again. I was checking out a basketball game on the tube when Ray came over. “Hey, man, what’s up?” “Just came by to see what you’re up to,” he said, plopping down in a chair. “Nothing. There’s really nothing to do on a Sunday,” I said. “I know.” He seemed to be in thought. “We could go to the game room later on, if you want.”
“Okay. But right now I wanna watch this game. You like sports?” “Yeah. But, I’m not real good in any of them except basketball.” “I know. I remember seeing you out back shooting a few times,” I remarked. “Yeah? Well…Hey, did you copy down the assignment we were supposed to do in English?” “Man, damn, I forgot all about that. I haven’t done any of my homework.” “Well, I guess you’d better turn off that television and get to it,” he suggested. “Did you do yours?” “Of course. Everything except English.” “Just let me copy yours then.” “No. You wouldn’t get anything out of it, now would you?” “I’d get a better grade than what I’d get if I did it,” I joked. He frowned, not finding any humor in what I’d said. “Man, why you gotta be so straight. Just let me copy the work. It’s not a big deal.” It was plain to see he didn’t want to comply, but he did. He reluctantly left and returned with the papers. “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” “Sure,” he mumbled then opened his English book and did the assignment. He threw that on the pile of other papers when he finished. “Just make sure all of this gets back to me,” he said. “I will. Don’t worry.” “I’ll be back later. I’m going home to eat something. We’ll go to the game room around six-thirty.”
“Okay. Later, man.” *** The game room was located on what must have been the slummiest street in the city of St. Petersburg. The owner was a fat man called Bob. For a small place, there sure were a lot of people hanging around; even little children who should have been at home watching cartoons or something. I saw my favorite video game and went over to play it. Ray was at the juke box reading the selections. After a while, I let a kid take over the game and went to join him. “Is there anything on that worth playing?” I asked. “Most of these songs are old,” he replied. A guy shoved between us, put in a quarter and hit the button. The music came blasting out. “I know the jam,” he said to some other dude wearing jeans and a matching denim jacket. He was light-skinned and had a gold tooth in his mouth. The guy with the jeans was medium complexioned and had a lot of gold chains around his neck. They both had their hair cut low on the sides and back and high in the front. Another guy joined them. He was also light-skinned with a lot of jewelry, and he was rather drunk. “What the fuck you starin’ at, punk?” he asked when he saw me checking him out. “Ignore him. He’s drunk,” Ray advised. I chilled and went back over to the video games and played Galaga. Smart Mouth came over and bumped into me on purpose.
“Watch that, man,” I warned. My temper was beginning to boil. “What you wanna do, punk ass nigga?” he insulted. I turned toward him and looked him straight in the eye. “Get out my face, man.” I pushed him in the chest. “Step ya punk ass outside,” he challenged, pushing me back in my chest. “Come on.” I stepped outside and took him out easily. His friends just looked on. “I knew we shouldn’t have brought yo’ drunk ass up here,” one of them said as they helped him into a white Lincoln. “Who were those clowns?” I asked Ray. “Rodney, Richard, and the one you dusted was Olyai.” “With a name like that, no wonder he can’t fight.” “You didn’t have to fight him, man. He was drunk. He’s usually pretty chill.” “He shouldn’t have been selling out. I don’t have to take that crap.” “I hope you know you just beat up one of Earl’s boys.” “Who the hell is Earl?” “A major drug dealer, and he don’t like nobody messing with his boys,” he warned. “So?” “So, you better pray Olyai decides not to tell him what happened.” “Why?” “He’s got all kinds of people working for him. They can easily take you out.”
“Well, they don’t scare me. I can take care of myself.” I glanced around to make sure no one was trying to ambush me. “Let’s go.” “Thought you weren’t scared?” Ray laughed. “I ain’t,” I was a little nervous, but I wasn’t going to let him know that. “I just want to finish getting that homework copied, that’s all.” “Sure,” Ray said, like he didn’t believe me. I wasn’t going to argue with him about it. On the way home, we walked down that slummy street again. “This is one ugly street.” Bums leaned against buildings and nasty-looking, shoeless women stood around. “Everybody looks so shitty.” “The rocks got ‘em,” Ray said. “Somethin’s got ‘em.” “They just don’t care no more. They live each day just for another hit.” “That’s rough.” “Yeah, it is,” he agreed. “And the war with drugs ain’t even started yet,” he added. “Frankly, I think we’ve already lost.” “Hey, there’s always hope,” Ray said. Who was he fooling? We arrived back at my house in the middle of 21 Jump Street. After that we watched America’s Most Wanted. Ray said he had to leave. “My grandparents worry a lot,” he explained. “I understand. See ya, man.”
“Don’t forget to finish copying those homework assignments.” “I won’t.” “See you tomorrow. Goodnight, Mrs. Daniels.” “Goodnight,” Gram called from the kitchen. After I locked the door behind Ray, I went to join her. “What’s up, Gram?” “Same ole, same ole,” she said while pouring me a cup of tea. “I stopped off at Mrs. Sweetapple’s today. She’s short on groceries and can’t get around like she used to. Her arthritis is very bad, you know. I told her you’d go pick up a few things she needed after you got out of school. You don’t mind, do you?” “No, I guess not.” But I did. “I could do it myself, but I just have such a time trying to carry all the bags. They get so heavy. Are you sure you don’t mind?” “No, I don’t mind.” I forced a smile. “I always like to help, whenever possible.” “That’s nice to hear. Some of Ray’s goodness sure must have rubbed off on you tonight.” “Gram, what’s that supposed to mean?” “It means here’s the list from Mrs. Sweetapple, and I’m gonna go to bed. These tired ole bones can’t hold up like they used to. Goodnight, honey chile.” “Goodnight, Gram. I love you.” I hugged her extra hard. That comment she’d made about “ole bones” got to me. What if something was to happen to her? I didn’t even want to think about it.
That night I had the horrible dream again. It’s dark and spooky. I’m walking along an empty street searching for something. I’m desperate; my heart is pounding so hard I think it will explode. I see what I’m searching for. It’s a car – my mom’s Ford. It’s in a vacant lot, so out of place. I approach it and look inside. My mom’s huddled in the driver’s seat. I call to her. Suddenly, her face is pressed against the window, only it isn’t her face, it’s my dad’s. The eyes are dull and lifeless. What I notice the most is the hole right between the eyes, and all the blood and brains splattered on the front windshield. I awake with sweat pouring down my face. My whole body is drenched. The fear wraps around me like a heavy cloak. It takes a while to remember I’m safe in bed, not in that vacant lot. The relief is a blessing, but I know morning’s a long time coming.