Active Family Magazine | January 2020

JANUARY 2020

6 PARENTING RESOLUTIONS You Can Keep in 2020

6 STEPS to Getting Back on the Wagon in 2020

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT Four Seasons Resort O’ahu at Ko Olina

Volume 7 / Issue 71

[ PARENTING ]

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] Dreaming of a White Yosemite

So You Gave Your Kid a Phone for Christmas…Now What?

Simple Steps for Taking Charge of Your Life, Starting from Within

18

6

24

[ HEALTH & FITNESS ]

6 Parenting Resolutions You Can Keep in 2020

[ TRAVEL ]

6 Steps to Getting Back on the Wagon in 2020

22

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Four Seasons Resort O’ahu at Ko Olina

14 Proven Benefits of Getting Kids to Write Thank Yous

8

28

28 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

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22

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor

Marketing Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Talia Dobrec

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Travel Editor

Design/Production

Christine Carter, Ph.D. Elizabeth Kang Amy McCready Dr. Irene S. Cohen Dr. Michele Borba Andrew Hammel

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note A New Year! Wow, 2019 sure did fly by! Now is a time for new beginnings, new resolutions and a new start. The so-called slate is clean and let’s make the best of it!

Our immensely talented authors have provided some educational and helpful ways in which to ring in the new year. Flip through the issue, click on the resources and find endless advice offered by talented experts!

Looking to sneak away this year? We have SO many tried and true travel ideas for families, couples and girl’s getaways. Check our recent adventures by flipping to page 8 and 18. We have additional ideas on our website at www.activefamilymag. com/travel/. You will be sure to find something for everyone!

Wishing you all a healthy, happy 2020!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

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[ PARENTING ]

Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).

So You Gave Your Kid a Phone for Christmas…Now What?

by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Many lucky kids got new smartphones or tablets over this holiday season; these days more than two-thirds of kids own a smartphone by age 12. But owning one comes with serious responsibilities, both for us as parents and for our kids.

Unfortunately, research shows that nearly a quarter of young people engage in what researchers consider “problematic smartphone usage.”

This dysfunctional usage is associated with increased odds of depression, increased anxiety, higher perceived stress, and poorer sleep quality.

So, how can you help your child establish a healthy relationship with their new digital devices? Here are some ideas: • Create a technology contract (A sample contract can be found here). It helps to be super explicit with new device owners about your expectations—this is a part of the scaffolding discussed in chapter two of The New Adolescence. Creating a “technology contract” with your kids is a way to be really clear about your family rules and expectations. Key issues

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ PARENTING ] to address are: sleep, sexting, pornography, privacy.

• Help kids reorganize their phones so they are less distracting. For example, have them move the most addictive apps (like social media—and anything they check compulsively or on a whim when they see it) off their homepage.

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computers into the bathroom these days does not mean that this is a sensible thing to do. Similarly, beds are for sleeping, not for checking Instagram.

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[[ TRAVEL TRAVEL ]]

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[ TRAVEL ]

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Four Seasons Resort O’ahu at Ko Olina A luxe family getaway that’s far from the crowds

by Elizabeth Kang This is the time of year when many find themselves daydreaming of sun, sand, and surf — a respite and welcome change from the frosted-windshield mornings and gray, gloomy skies. Happily, it also happens to be a great time to book an extra long weekend in Hawaii, which boasts year-round 80-degree weather, and all the sun and sand one could dream of. January rates tend to be lower than summer rates, and the holiday crowds have dispersed.

While the island of O’ahu claims the title of “most visited island in Hawaii,” the newly developed area of Ko Olina in the Southwestern area of O’ahu still sees far less visitors than bustling Waikiki. Ko Olina is a lovely residential area only 35 minutes from Honolulu, home to just a few resorts.

The Four Seasons Resort O’ahu at Ko Olina is by far the most luxurious of the options, and makes for a pampering, relaxing, and unforgettable family friendly getaway. The resort is intimate, peaceful and quiet — a nice change from some of the island’s sprawling mega-resorts that attract so many visitors. A stay at Four Seasons Ko Olina means being treated like royalty, and no scrambling for open lounge chairs by the pool. Read on to discover more about all of the fun, delicious dining, relaxation, and five-star service waiting to be experienced at the Four Seasons Resort O’ahu at Ko Olina.

JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ TRAVEL ]

Room to Spread Out Upon arrival, guests are greeted with a warm “Ohana” welcome from the Four Seasons’ attentive staff. Ladies are treated to delicate fresh flower leis, and gentlemen, beautifully crafted Kukui Nut necklaces. With a tropical drink in hand and fresh lei around the neck, the everyday worries and burdens of mainland-life seem to melt away, and guests can then unpack in their room excited and refreshed.

With 370 spacious rooms, all boasting private outdoor lanais to take in gorgeous views of mountains, coconut trees and oceanfront, families have plenty of space to spread out.

Room sizes range from 640 square-foot to suites with over 2,000 square feet. Families will appreciate the oversized bathrooms with double vanities, a walk-in shower and separate soaking tub, and the large rooms with a generous full wall of closet space, providing ample space to hide away luggage. Rooms are tastefully decorated and furnished in the upscale, contemporary, and minimalist style that the Four Seasons in known for.

Back on the grounds, walking the property is a serene and gorgeous treat in itself.

The property’s foliage and pathways are beautifully maintained, with little wooden bridges and Koi fish ponds tucked away in X

tropical corners, and secluded a pathway to a breathtaking, secluded Secret Beach that’s adjacent to the property. Inside the resort, wanderers are rewarded with charming shopping boutiques and comfortable areas with gorgeous views that are perfect for enjoying a coffee or checking on emails.

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[ TRAVEL ]

Fun in the Sun A definite highlight of the Four Seasons Ko Olina is their prime location on the Kohola Lagoon. Part of the four man-made Ko Olina Lagoons, the Kohola Lagoon is an oceanfront lagoon that’s protected from dangerous waves, creating quiet and gentle surf that’s perfect for families, especially those with small “keiki’s.” With plenty of lounge chairs, free sand toys, and water gear such as SUP boards, snorkel gear and kayaks to borrow, a fun, full day at the beach is easy, convenient and just steps away from your room.

The resort’s pool scene is just as nice, with a pool to fit everyone’s needs, and complimentary sunscreen around every corner. The beautiful saltwater Serenity Pool welcomes all guests, while the breathtaking infinity Adult Pool is a peaceful adults-only retreat overlooking the ocean. The Family Pool is perfectly suited to little ones, with a shallow section around 1.5 feet-deep that’s filled with soft, sand-like pebbles perfect for scooping up and playing in.

There are lounge chairs aplenty, and private cabanas to rent, as well. Poolside loungers are treated to skewers of cold, fresh fruit, and other edible treats throughout the day.

JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ TRAVEL ] Those looking to stay fit and active while vacationing may be interested in the complimentary morning oceanfront yoga class offered daily, as well as the resort’s well-equipped fitness center. For an additional fee, the concierge staff are happy to set up an exciting excursion or activity, such as scuba diving, dolphin and deep-sea fishing tours, sunset cruises, helicopter tours, and Catamaran sail tours.

A private family hula lesson is a highly recommended family friendly activity to book at the resort, where guests can arrange to learn some authentic Hawaiian dance moves in a gorgeous and private oceanfront setting. Seasoned hula dancer “La’ Akea Perry” teaches people of all ages simple, beautiful hula steps that are rooted from his native Hawaiian culture.

Five-Star Dining It’s surprisingly uncommon to find a five-star, luxury resort where the food quality matches the price and service, but The Four Seasons Ko Olina is a happy exception. The dining at this resort is exceptional, with three outstanding fine-dining restaurants to choose from, as well as quality casual options.

Famed award-winning chef Michael Mina brings fresh, local fish and high-end traditional Hawaiian food to Mina’s Fish House, which offers panoramic oceans views to diners. The Char-Broiled Shellfish Platter is a decadent start to a memorable meal, and the Alaskan King Crab Spaghetti with house-made pasta melts in the mouth. Mina’s famous Lobster Pot Pie is a signature menu item that’s not to be missed. Children can also enjoy all of their favorites from the “Keiki” menu.

La Hiki Steakhouse is another wonderful fine-dining option, offering local, Kauai Ranch grass-fed steaks and a Japanese Wagyu Ribeye that melts like butter in the mouth. The House Bacon starter is prepared table side, and features succulent, crispy pork belly in a delicious and surprisingly light Filipino preparation. (A children’s menu is also available at La Hiki.)

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ TRAVEL ]

The Four Seasons Ko’ Olina also features an intimate Italian restaurant, Noe, which serves homemade pastas and Italian wines in a chic, beautiful environment. For breakfast, guests can’t go wrong with the delicious breakfast buffet at La Hiki, or a lighter breakfast at the poolside Waterman Bar & Grill, (also serving lunch.) For a quick grab’n’go option, Hokulea serves pastries, coffees and fruit, and poolside service, as well as room service, are always a convenient and reliable option.

Camp Kohola One would be remiss to write about the Four Seasons Ko Olina without mentioning their outstanding kids’ club, Camp Kohola. Open to all ages with an accompanying adult, or ages 5-12 for supervised drop-off, this friendly and beautifully maintained kids’ club is staffed with warm, highly trained workers who obviously love being around children.

Kids who attend the camp have an opportunity to meet friends, go swimming, play games, make arts & crafts, and participate in free play. Camp Kohola is a worry free place to drop kids off for some relaxing spa time, a round of golf, or perhaps an afternoon at the adults-only pool. (During my stay, my six-yearold daughter was begging to attend the camp, and did not want to leave when I came to pick her up.)

With such an outstanding kids’ club, high-quality dining, gorgeous beachfront location and service that’s bar none, Four Seasons O’ahu at Ko Olina is a family vacation that won’t soon be forgotten, and worth every dollar.

FOUR SEASONS RESORT O’AHU AT KO OLINA 92-1001 Olani St, Kapolei, HI 96707 www.fourseasons.com/oahu

JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ PARENTING ]

Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS.

6 Parenting Resolutions You Can Keep in 2020

by Amy McCready You’ve purchased a new gym membership or meal planning service for the next month. You’ve decided THIS is going to be the year you finally get out of debt or you resolved to finish the degree you started several years ago.

And while I’m cheering you on for those resolutions and I want you to look back on 2019 as the year you finally followed through on your important intentions, might I suggest you add something different to your list this year?

A resolution that will impact your family for years to come. A resolution that will bring peace and joy into your home in ways you’ve never experienced. A resolution that will reconnect you with your children in a meaningful way.

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[ PARENTING ] This, sweet friends, is a resolution you can keep: Become

making a small tweak to the time you already spend

the parent you’ve always wanted to be in 2020.

with your kids. I’m talking kid-centered, intentional, and directly labeled time.

In order to make that resolution a reality, I want to share 6 practical things you can start doing today. This isn’t

I’m suggesting you spend 10 INTENTIONAL minutes each

a resolution about doing MORE, but rather a resolution

day one-on-one with each of your kids. Here at Positive

about doing BETTER – both better for you and better for

Parenting Solutions, we call this Mind, Body and Soul time

your children.

because it has incredible effects on the health of your child’s mind, body, and soul.

You CAN become the parent you’ve always dreamed of being. Don’t let the gym memberships or new workout

By kid-centered, I mean your child is in control of the

routines or financial goals be the only resolutions you

10 minutes—they call the shots. A tea party? Lego

make this year.

building? Dressing up daddy? A tickle fight? Listening to their favorite music with your teen? Whatever the kid

Resolve to be the best you can for the most important

chooses, you oblige. (As long as it’s an activity that can

people in your life. Resolve to make these 6 changes

reasonably be accomplished in 10-15 minutes.) By giving

today and I guarantee you’ll enter 2020 with undeniable

your child the power during this time, you help fill their

confidence as a parent.

power buckets in incredible ways.

1. RETHINK THE WAY YOU SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS

By intentional, I mean no distractions—put down your

“Wait, what?” you might be asking. “I spend 10 HOURS

phone, don’t answer that email, turn off the show you’re

with my kids every day! What is there to rethink?!

watching. Your child is the center of your universe for these 10 minutes and it’s critical you are fully-present for

I hear you, friend, but consider your day-in-day-out time

your time with her.

with the kids. How often are you multitasking with dinner or laundry or the bazillion other things on your list?

Lastly, be sure to label Mind, Body and Soul Time at the outset (you can call it whatever you want) and when

While we’re physically WITH our kids, we’re not always

it’s finished, say, “I sure enjoyed our special time today!

fully present in mind, body and soul. (Myself included.)

I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow!” Your child will benefit from knowing you’re committed to your time, plus

Because of that, we pay a price. If kids don’t get some

you’ll get credit in his mind for time well spent.

“fully present and engaged” time with us during the day, they will have their attention baskets filled one way or

Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, revisit

another – whining, clinging, interrupting, fighting with

Session 1 to learn more about Mind, Body and Soul Time

siblings. Do any of those sound familiar?

and check out the advanced module “The Busy Parents Guide to Mind, Body & Soul Time” for extra help.

All of these behaviors get your attention – albeit negative attention. I know that may seem silly to think a

2. ENSURE YOUR CHILD GETS ENOUGH SLEEP

child would seek out negative attention if they didn’t get

Sleep matters…a lot. Kids would never admit it, but they

positive attention. But the truth is, kids simply want their

need regular bedtimes and plenty of sleep to be at their

baskets filled.

best. These key components to a healthy, calm lifestyle, however, are sometimes the first things we abandon as

However, you can turn those behaviors around by

we celebrate the holiday season—and they’re the most JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ PARENTING ] daunting piece to restore in January.

4. DEMONSTRATE THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT TO SEE Most parents don’t know it—or don’t like to admit it—but

So how do we back up bedtime from the late hours

we do a lot of things that contribute to our kids’ poor

we’ve grown used to keeping?

behavior.

The most effective way to get your kids more sleep is

Have you ever heard a parent say, “Do as I say, not as I

to keep bedtimes early and consistent throughout the

do?”

week, without much more than a 15-minute difference on the weekends. If you give in to a late bedtime once,

Was your next thought, “Hey, that’s not fair!?”

kids will think the hour on the clock is always up for negotiation.

You’re not alone.

Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, check

Kids see the world in black and white, and if our actions

out the advanced module “Curing the Bedtime Blues” if

are not consistent with our words, they will push back

you need assistance streamlining your bedtime routine.

and you’ll have a whopping power struggle on your hands!

3. RETOOL ROUTINES Once you’ve reset bedtimes, refresh your evening routine

Do you harp on your kids for leaving toys all over the

so that the not-so-fun stuff (brushing teeth, picking out

floor, while your kitchen desk is covered in a mound of

an outfit for the next day) comes before the good stuff

unopened mail and papers?

(reading with Mom or Dad until lights out at 8:30).

Do you yell at your kids to reprimand them for yelling at We call this a When-Then Routine, and it can

each other?

revolutionize all the tricky times of the day. For example, WHEN your child is done studying his French verbs, THEN

Are you munching on chips on the couch when you tell

he can have 30 minutes of technology time. Or WHEN

your kids to take their snack out of the living room?

your daughter gets dressed, packs her backpack, and makes her bed, THEN she can eat breakfast.

Like it or not, kids pay much more attention to what we DO rather than what we say.

Be sure the very last item in the routine—enjoying media

When we command one thing and do another, we send

time, perhaps, or playing with friends—can only happen

the message that our rules are optional. By deleting

after the yucky stuff is done.

these double standards, we’ll get better behavior from our kids.

Start small by revamping one routine at a time. Once you have bedtimes streamlined, for instance, move on to

5. TASK EVERY KID WITH A JOB (OR TWO)

mornings. Stick to the routine and soon your kids will take

Remember last year when your kids never wanted to

control of their own schedules with less pushback from

help out around the house? That doesn’t mean your

them and no nagging from you.

kids need to be exempt from taking on responsibilities at home in 2020.

Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, see Lesson #24 in Session 3 to learn more about how to

In fact, kiddos of all ages thrive when they feel useful and

implement When-Then Routines

needed, even if they simply empty trash cans and fold towels. What’s more, when you divvy up the work, you’ll

16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ PARENTING ] feel less harried and better able to enjoy your family.

on the same page. Not only is this a time to tackle the logistics of scheduling, but this is a time to problem solve

Studies show that the earlier you enlist your child’s help,

family issues as well. Whether the dog keeps getting into

the less pushback you’ll receive.

the trash can or your children are having trouble keeping their shared space clean, you can discuss all of these

To get started, use this contributions by age list and pick

issues and more in a calm and thoughtful way at a family

a few jobs for each of your kids.

meeting.

Then—and this part is critical—train each child thoroughly in any new skills. (Keep in mind they might prefer to scrub the shower in their swimsuit, or Swiffer floors instead of dusting baseboards.)

To get buy-in from everyone, assign rotating jobs to each member of the family (Meeting Leader, Note Taker, Snack Server, etc.), provide refreshments and make it fun.

Not only will you connect as a family, but your kids will start stepping up and take on more responsibility—and

Once they’re able to handle the job on their own,

no one will be left behind at swimming practice again!

make it official and required by adding it to a WhenThen Routine, or setting up in advance a reasonable consequence if the task doesn’t get finished.

By remaining consistent in your expectations, your kids

Note: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, revisit Session 6 for in-depth details on how to effectively host and implement family meetings.

will see you’re not going to let them wiggle out of their new responsibility, and will complete their jobs without pitching a fit as well.

FINAL THOUGHTS There has never been a better time to make a change in your parenting habits. Your family is too important to NOT

6. PRIORITIZE WEEKLY FAMILY MEETINGS

be the center of your New Year’s resolutions.

A new year often means a new hockey schedule, new gymnastics classes or a changed-up carpool—all these

But don’t worry, even if the New Year has left you feeling

arrangements could take a team of professionals to

frazzled, there’s no need to hit the panic button. Restart

manage. Even those of us facing the same old routines

2020 with these tips and tools, and get ready for the most

would probably appreciate a little assistance to ensure

peaceful, and most enjoyable year yet.

everyone is where they need to be at the right time.

If you’d like to learn more strategies to bring out the That’s where a family meeting comes in.

best in your kids, I’d love for you to JOIN ME FOR A FREE ONLINE PARENTING CLASS! I’ll teach you how to get your

Set aside a few minutes each week at a regular time,

kids to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling. It’s a

such as Sunday evenings, to meet as a family and get

great way to jump-start your new parenting resolutions!

JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ TRAVEL ]

[ TRAVEL ]

Dreaming of a White Yosemite

by Elizabeth Kang Experiencing winter in Yosemite should be on everyone’s

families, with delicious onsite eateries serving house-

bucket list, yet far fewer people seek out this majestic

smoked salmon and wood-oven seasonal flatbreads,

national park in the colder months. Sure it’s a bit

a heated outdoor saltwater pool and two hot tubs, an

nippy, and a few roads may or may not be closed, but

onsite market, and a spa slated to open in Spring 2020.

experiencing the magic of Yosemite in winter is well worth the effort it takes to put on snow chains,( if even

The pool area is dotted with cozy fire pits that are perfect

needed at all.)

for enjoying a Hot Toddy and the resort’s nightly s’mores event. A highlight of Rush Creek Lodge is their large

WHERE TO STAY

indoor game area, where kids, teens and adults can

Rush Creek Lodge — The newest hotel in the Yosemite

play foosball and pool, play with board games and toys,

area is a creating a lot of buzz, and for good reason —

and even climb the sprawling wrap-around treehouse

Rush Creek Lodge is the first hotel to open in Yosemite

play structure.

in over 25 years, and it’s both rustic and gorgeous.

Opened in 2016, Rush Creek Lodge is just a few-minutes

Evergreen Lodge — Nestled deep in the forest on 20

drive to the west entrance of Yosemite, and offers guests

acres, a stay at Evergreen Lodge creates the magical,

comfortable, upscale lodging in a gorgeous woodland

secluded “White Winter” experience exactly as one

setting. Rush Creek Lodge is currently offering deep

would picture in their daydream. This cozy lodge has

discounts on winter stays, so it’s also an affordable time

been a favorite among families and friends for decades,

to visit.

and is a wonderful choice for reconnecting with nature, and each other.

Named after the area’s historic ties to the Gold Rush, Rush Creek Lodge offers 143 spacious rooms, suites and

Located 1.5 miles from the west entrance of Yosemite,

hillside villas that are perfectly suited for small to large

Evergreen Lodge houses 88 cozy cabins with private JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ TRAVEL ]

decks, a restaurant, tavern and seasonal pool bar, an

and other famous landmarks. This full-day adventure is

outdoor saltwater pool and hot tub, an onsite market,

open to guests ages 12 and up. Another snowshoeing

and indoor and outdoor play areas. In addition to

adventure offered by both resorts that’s appropriate for

its cozy, warm cabins, Evergreen Lodge offers fully

beginners is the Giant Sequoia Snowshoe adventure,

furnished, custom camping sites, for those wanting to

where guests ages eight and up can snowshoe a three-

experience traditional tent camping.

mile roundtrip half-day tour through the Giant Sequoias.

Snowshoers will delight in the stunning contrast of pure-

A notable feature of both Evergreen Lodge and Rush

white snow and vivid, reddish-brown bark of the giant,

Creek Lodge is their guided tours, which guests can take

majestic trees.

advantage of for an additional fee. Evergreen Lodge employs some of the most knowledgeable guides in

Ice Skating — A winter getaway isn’t complete without

Yosemite, who take guests on unforgettable tours and

an hour or two spent on the ice skating rink, and happily,

hikes throughout the park.

Yosemite offers one of the prettiest spots to glide, twirl, or even fall on your bum. One won’t mind the fall when the

WHAT TO DO & SEE

scenery is as pretty as it is on the outdoor Curry Village

Snowshoe — Both Rush Creek Lodge and Evergreen

Ice Rink. Open in the winter, the family friendly Curry

Lodge offer guided snowshoe adventures to the lookout

Village Ice Rink treats guests to stunning views of Half

point Dewey Point, where snowshoers are rewarded

Dome, with cozy fire pits to enjoy, as well.

with breathtaking views of El Capitan, Yosemite Valley, 20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ TRAVEL ] Spy on Wildlife — Bears may be deep in hibernation, but

at Horsetail Fall, when the sunlight glistens on the fall to

there is still plenty of wildlife out and about in the frosted

create the illusion of bright red lava. It’s a wondrous site

wilderness of Yosemite during the winter months. Black-

that’s best viewed from El Capitan Meadow.

tailed deer, bobcats, Douglas squirrels, coyotes, and snowy-white Jack Rabbits are just a few of the mammals

GETTING AROUND

busying themselves in the early mornings and evenings.

Shuttle — Leave the car parked and take advantage

Early morning hikers may have the best luck spotting

of the convenience of Yosemite’s shuttle service, which

mammals and birds, when the wildlife is up foraging and

operates year-round. According to Yosemite’s website,

hunting for breakfast. Bird watchers will want to keep an

the Yosemite Valley shuttle “provides service around

eye out for owls, stellar jays, woodpeckers, eagles and

eastern Yosemite Valley, including stops at or near all

others.

overnight accommodations, stores, and major vistas.

This shuttle operates all year from 7 am to 10 pm.” The El

Sledding & Snow Tubing — There’s no winter activity that

Capitan Shuttle “stops at El Capitan, Four Mile trailhead,

children love more than a fun-filled day on the snow,

and the Valley Visitor Center. This shuttle operates from

sledding and snow tubing downhill. Luckily for them,

mid-June through early October from 9 am to 5 pm.”

there are plenty of opportunities in Yosemite that offer both. The Badger Pass Ski area offers gentle slopes for

Bus — The Yosemite Regional Transport Service (YARTS)

tubing and sledding, with equipment to rent. On highway

ferries guests to and from Rush Creek Lodge and

120, there’s a free snow play area located on the Big Oak

Evergeen Lodge, among other hotels, right to Yosemite

Flat Road, and near Fish Camp, a snow play area with

Valley.

a large hill is located about a mile south of Yosemite’s southern entrance.

Stargaze — Yosemite is a prime location for stargazing, and Rush Creek Lodge provides guests with an amazing opportunity to take in the night sky, up close and personal. Their 12" aperture Dobsonian Telescope offers an amazing view of the stars, where guests will learn about constellations, galaxies, and observe planets, among other astronomical marvels.

Winter Sightseeing — Winter, (and early Spring) happens to be the only time of the year that lucky visitors can witness Frazil Ice — a fascinating natural occurrence that happens when freezing mist meets Yosemite’s rivers, creating a river of flowing giant slush. In February, another winter phenomenon takes place during sunset JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ HEALTH & FITNESS ]

6 Steps to Getting Back on the Wagon in 2020

by Andrew Hammel If you are like most, you set out to make 2019 the healthiest year ever.

You were going to eat better, exercise more often, and you were going to start meditating every day.

Things started out great. You had unbelievable momentum. It seemed like everything was finally coming together for you.

And then, three weeks into the New Year your motivation slipped, and you fell off the wagon. And unfortunately, you struggled to get back on the entire year.

Welcome to the club.

Andrew is the owner and CEO of

It’s called “being human!”

Prodigy Fitness. He has a Master's Degree in Exercise Physiology as

Statistically speaking, MOST people abandon or miss out on a lot of the

well as holding his NSCA, CSCS.

resolutions they’ve set for themselves every year.

He has a passion for training because he understands its importance when it comes to reaching one's

As somebody who has fallen off the wagon many a time in the past, but managed to stay ON the wagon this time…

goals. More importantly, he has a passion for transforming lives,

Here’s my SIX STEP GUIDE for you to get back on track.

whether a youth athlete or a busy mom or dad. He wants to help

STEP 1: FORGIVE YOURSELF.

others become the best version of

I heard a podcast interview recently about a man who had made a huge

themselves.

realization through seeing a therapist. Specifically, the therapist asked him “Would you talk to somebody the way you talk to yourself?” The answer was a RESOUNDING “No.” Nobody deserves that kind of abuse. We’re often our own worst critic, and our own worst enemy.

You’re reading this, which means you’re trying. Forgive yourself. And move on.

STEP 2: DISCOVER YOUR WHY. The secret to achieving your New Years Resolutions that is often never talked about is, discovering your why. What will wake you up every morning energized and ready to attack your resolutions?

As a busy mom, maybe its to be a better role model for your children.

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ HEALTH & FITNESS ]

Or maybe it’s to invest in yourself so you have the energy

STEP 5: GET BACK UP AND BRUSH YOURSELF OFF.

to be there for your family when they need you.

When you “fail”, you can’t view it as a negative but

Discovering your why, will help keep you on track when

instead you must view it as a learning experience. Get

the days get long and your motivation begins to slip.

up and try again!

STEP 3: RECOGNIZE YOUR PREVIOUS RESOLUTIONS WERE

There’s no shame in “failing” when it comes to weight

TOO VAGUE.

loss. We have hundreds of stories of people who kept

Your resolutions were too vague: “I should exercise more

failing, and then finally – something clicked. And their

this year.”

next attempt is the one that changed their life.

Great! But for how long? How often? What kind of

Get back up, brush yourself off, and take the first step.

exercise?

STEP 6: SUPERCHARGE YOUR RESULTS People often set resolutions that are so vague they fail

To FINALLY reach your goals, you must build a solid

to make consistent progress towards reaching those

system of accountability, guidance, and support.

resolutions.

Building your support system will ensure that you won’t Instead, decide the WHEN, the WHERE, and the HOW.

go at this alone. You’re more likely to succeed based on

The more specific you are the better chance you will

the people you spend time with and hang around.

have at being successful.

Recruit allies, find a lifting buddy, or hire a coach.

STEP 4: CHANGE ONE THING AT A TIME. You tried to change EVERYTHING at once: You started

TO RECAP:

eating 1,800 calories a day (instead of your normal

Forgive yourself. You wouldn’t talk to somebody else the

3,000), go to CrossFit 5 days a week (when you don’t

way you talk to yourself, so have some compassion and

exercise at all now), and get 8 hours of sleep a night

keep trying.

(normally you get 5).

Start with your WHY. What will keep you going when the Trying to change too many variables at once will

days are dark, and your motivation starts to weaken.

lead to you feeling overwhelmed. And when you feel

Set yourself up for success by being pro-active and

overwhelmed you revert back to what feels comfortable.

setting goals that are specific. And more importantly, focus on changing ONE thing at a time.

And “comfortable” is what got you here in the first place.

And finally, brush yourself off, recruit allies, hire a coach, Pick one variable and focus on it until it becomes second

and plan ahead. But most importantly, just get started

nature and then move on to the next one.

again!

JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Simple Steps for Taking Charge of Your Life, Starting from Within

by Dr. Irene S. Cohen You can usually change your outside circumstances. If you hate your car, hair, job, or weight, you can do something about it. Whether you believe that or not, there’s always an option to change the world outside of you, as hard as that might be. However, most people don’t think about starting by changing from within instead of automatically trying to change everything around them.

We tend to believe that until the things around us are different, we can’t be emotionally sound or feel good about our lives. I call BS on that. In reality, that very notion is what prevents us from making the changes necessary for us to live happy and fulfilling lives. That’s because putting all of our efforts into looking outside of ourselves blocks us from seeing what’s within. As an alternative to blaming our world, we can start by looking inside ourselves and asking, “How am I contributing to creating the world around me?” “In what ways are my thinking, behaviors, and actions self-defeating and perpetuating the life I’m living?” “What do I get out of the life I’m living?” and “Why do I continue the same automatic behaviors over and over again, even if they don’t make me happy?”

“Dr. Ilene” S. Cohen, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist, professor, blogger

I’ve found that life will keep handing you similar circumstances until you change

and award winning author of the

from within. At that point, you have a choice: You can react to life in the same

popular self-help guide, When

ways you always have, wishing that annoying, crappy, horrible situation didn’t

It’s Never About You. Her work regularly appears in top psychology publications.

After graduating from the University of Tampa with a B.A. in Psychology, Dr. Ilene obtained

happen, or you can choose to respond differently. Instead of always trying to change your outside world and complaining about the unfairness of it all, why not take the time to work on evolving from within? I always wonder how different people would be if instead of working so hard on changing their outside world, they worked on becoming more emotionally independent from within.

her Master’s and Ph.D. degrees in Marriage and Family Therapy from Nova Southeastern University.

Both her books and her practice are fueled by her passion for helping people achieve their goals, build a strong sense of self, and

You might be thinking this is crazy talk or wondering what in the world I mean by emotional independence. If that’s the case, allow me to clarify. What I mean by emotional independence is the ability to manage your life and your stress levels, even under difficult circumstances. This kind of independence is accomplished by building who you are from the inside out, not the outside in.

lead meaningful lives. She is also guided by a passion for service and lends her time to multiple charitable causes around the world. Dr. Ilene resides in Miami, Florida with her husband and two young daughters.

Emotional independence is a type of inner resilience that lets you know you can meet, solve, and be with any circumstance you face. It means building your sense of self on your own, without depending on others to make you happy or tell you who you should be. Accepting ourselves and changing unhelpful perceptions and behaviors allows us to find the strength we need to

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] create a personalized sense of inner calm. It empowers

to gain an understanding of your values and long-term

us to see ourselves as separate from others and declare

goals.

independence from circumstances that might once have dictated our moods, behaviors, and ideas about ourselves.

3. Say goodbye to “shoulds” and “ought to’s”. All of us learn a bunch of “shoulds” and “ought to’s” throughout our lives. You know, things like, “I should be

I know, I know. That all sounds good on paper, but

happy all the time,” or “I ought to be exceptional at

actually practicing it is something else altogether. The

everything I do.” Most of the time, ideas of that nature

truth is, it’s more comfortable to hold on to our usual,

dictate how we live our lives. We have to be willing to

automatic responses (even if those responses don’t

identify the inner voices that tell us what we should

make us happy) than it is to change them. And even if

and ought to be, in order to distinguish them from our

we do want to change from within, it’s sometimes hard

own true voice. It’s important to decide to be free from

to know where to begin. Allow me to help you with that

the expectations others have of you; otherwise, you

part. Below are some simple steps you can start taking to

risk living a potentially unfulfilling life. We’re not always

begin living from within now.

aware that we’re taking other people’s expectations on as our own. But when we do it, we wind up feeling

1. Know that you are the sum of your choices. I know that

anxious, resentful, uncomfortable, unfulfilled, and

might sound a bit harsh, especially if you don’t love

empty. Recognize that those kinds of emotions can

your life too much right now, but it doesn’t mean that

serve as signals to let you know you aren’t living from

you’re to blame for every shitty thing that happens to

your personal truth, but rather based on the “shoulds”

you. It actually isn’t your fault that you make certain

and “ought to’s”.

choices in your life. We learn automatic ways to deal with situations based on the position we held in our

4. Know yourself through your most important

families of origin, and we continue to respond to life

relationships. We develop our emotional

in that matter as we get older. The first thing we have

independence from our most important relationships

to do is pay more attention to ourselves and become

with others. What I mean by this is that we can’t know

aware of how we naturally respond to situations.

who we are until we get a good understanding of how

Only then can we make changes in the choices we

we relate to other people. Our family and romantic

make, which will lead us to live more purposeful and

relationships commonly trigger us the most; but if

intentional lives.

we’re paying attention, these triggers can reveal to us how reactive we are to others’ opinions of us. Being

2. Gain an understanding of your values and long-term

emotionally independent doesn’t mean that the

goals. When’s the last time you had some time to

people in your life have absolutely no effect on you.

yourself without your phone, the TV, or other means of

However, it supports you in striking a good balance

distraction? We’re constantly blasted with stimuli that

between emotional closeness and distance, allowing

take us away from reflecting and being aware of our

you to regulate yourself even around people who

minds and ourselves. Try to take a good 10 minutes

know your triggers. Your close relationships shouldn’t

a day to self-reflect. Take yourself on as a research

feel like a burden or a crutch you need to feel good

project. Get to know yourself better. During this time,

about yourself and your life.

watch your mind wander without judgment. What do you think about? What emotions do your thoughts

5. Take responsibility for yourself. When we blame

trigger? Over time, you’ll start learning about the most

others for our difficulties, we put 100% of the blame on

important person in your life: you! Then you can begin

them. By doing this, we make them 100% responsible JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] for fixing the problems we face. That leaves us

Even if you think you don’t have control over your

feeling emotionally dependent and uncomfortably

feelings now, by changing your thinking over time, you

vulnerable. In order to better manage your emotions,

can gain more control over your emotions, allowing

you have to take responsibility for your part in the

you to live a more emotionally independent life.

problems you face. This puts you in the driver’s seat of

People, circumstances, and your bank account can’t

your own life, instead of being driven by your emotions.

control you! You can feel every emotion you want to

It helps you become aware of the options you have

feel by engaging in more purposeful thoughts and

to improve your situation and quiets your unsettling

actions. Happiness is your decision.

feelings, giving you more control of your emotional responses.

You can take a new look at yourself and your actions, opening yourself up to making changes that you might

6. Know how your brain works. Serotonin and dopamine

never have considered; or, you can continue to do the

are the chemicals our brains release to give us

same things you’ve always done. Living an emotionally

the feelings of joy and happiness. According to

independent life means opening yourself up to new

neuroscience research, we can condition ourselves to

experiences and letting go of the idea that it’s better to

feel happier about our lives by changing the way we

live comfortably than to work on changing out of fear of

think about and perceive our experiences. Our brains

the unknown. There’s another type of emotional comfort

help us decide what makes us happy, and according

worth trying out, and that’s the self-confidence of

to research, it has nothing to do with the outside world.

knowing you can handle anything you face. Emotional

It’s all about how we perceive the outside world. More

independence is the only lasting security, the only real

proof that happiness really does come from within.

sense of internal comfort.

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

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[ PARENTING ] Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail.

She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited

by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba

Proven Benefits of Getting Kids to Write Thank Yous

by Dr. Michele Borba Fun ways to get kids to write those thank you notes …without whines … and the proven value of doing so! (It’s worth it!!)

Did you know that writing a “thank you” note is a simple, proven way to boost your child’s gratitude? That’s what researchers from the University of California at Davis and Southern Methodist University found. But that’s not all: Researchers also discovered that being thankful might be the key to raising your child’s happiness and well-being.

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JANUARY 2020

[ PARENTING ] For the past ten years two professors, Robert Emmons

kids hear those expectations now, they’ll be less likely

and Michael McCollugh, have examined date of several

to put up a battle later. Parents who raise grateful kids

hundred people who were involved in their simple

don’t do so by accident.

gratitude experiments. One ten-week study asked a group to write down five things in a journal they were

2. Keep reminding!

grateful for that happened in the last week for four days

Keep in mind that kids may need constant reminders.

a week.

“Did you remember to thank Jeff’s mom?” And don’t overlook the slips: “You can call to thank her when you

A second group listed ways they were better off

get home.”

than others as a way to appreciate their blessings.

The psychologists then looked at the medical and

3. Enforce the “Write then play” rule

psychological tests of each participant prior to the study,

Implement one simple family rule: “You must write

and then again ten weeks later.

the thank you note first, and then you may use the gift.” Believe me, that mandate speeds up the writing process.

Those simple gratitude exercises made those participants, feel 24 percent happier.

4. Set age appropriate guidelines But that’s not all: the students were also more optimistic

A young child can dictate his comments and only

about the future, felt better about their lives, slept better,

needs to sign his name. School age kids should use

felt healthier and less stressed, were less materialistic

this rule from The Etiquette and Leadership Institute at

and more likely to help others. And those results were not

Athens, Georgia: “The total number of sentences in a

hard to achieve.

thank you note should be half the child’s age.”

Best yet, you can help your child reap some of those

So a ten-year-old should be expected to write a

results just by encouraging them to write thank yous.

minimum of five complete sentences; a six-year-old

While most of us agree that writing “thank you” cards is

should write just three sentences.

a habit of gratitude we should encourage, getting many kids to actually write them –without the whines and

5. Turn on kids’ creative juices

complaints — if often a problem.

Another way to get kids more involved in the “thank you” writing process is to ask them to come up with

So here are a few fun (and a bit sneaky) tricks to getting

their own unique way of thanking Grandma. A few

your kids to write those notes for this year’s batch of

creative “thank you” card ideas for kids might include:

holidays presents. Kids can start writing cards at young ages.

• Making a video just for that person that expresses appreciation.

8 Tips to Get Kids Into the Habit of Writing Thank Yous • Taking a photo of the child wearing or using the gift.

1. Set expectations for gratitude

The developed four-by-six inch print makes an instant

Be clear and upfront this year. Any present–regardless

postcard; the child just writes a brief note on the

of the price or size–deserves a “thank you” card. If your

back and addresses and mails it. Tweens and teens JANUARY 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ PARENTING ] can take a photo from their cell phone and send it to

thoughtfulness behind it. “Grandma thought a lot

Grandma (along with a thoughtful message).

about what to give you this year.” “Mark went to five stores to try to find what would make you happiest.”

• Writing the thank you on a piece of card stock and

Keep reinforcing the thought that went into the

then cut it into a few pieces like a jigsaw puzzle.

• Spelling out the thank you use M&M’s or alphabet cereal glued on a piece of cardboard.

purchase.

7. Be the example One final tip: Remember, your kids are watching your example. So don’t forget to write thank you notes

• Picking a flower and press it flat for a few days

yourself! Have you written your thank yous?

between wax paper arranged inside a heavy book.

Once the flower is pressed send it inside a heavy

8. Thank your kids

piece of folded paper with a note.

What about thanking your kids? Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them

6. Help imagine the emotion behind the gesture

what they did that you appreciate so that they are

A hard lesson for kids to learn is that they’re

more likely to copy your example and send their own

really thanking the person not for the gift but the

“appreciation messages” to others.

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