Active Family Magazine - February 2017

FEBRUARY 2017

THE BEST KEPT SECRET

to Highly Successful Couples

11 Tips For Keeping

ROMANCE ALIVE When Life Gets In The Way

DATE NIGHT GUIDE

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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Volume 4 / Issue 37

[ PARENTING ]

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ]

[ WOMEN’S HEALTH ]

6 Reasons Playdates Are Good for Moms (Not Just Kids!)

The Best Kept Secret to Highly Successful Couples

Q&A: How Do I Stay Present Even When I Am Exhausted?

8

14

34

5 Ways to Help Girls Feel Self-Confident

11 Tips For Keeping Romance Alive When Life Gets In The Way

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

10

28

Should You Discipline Someone Else’s Child?

Changing Diapers as Foreplay

26

30

20 Hands On! The Benefits of Experiential Learning

24

Valentine’s Gift Ideas

Valentine’s Day Date Night Guide

32

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

[ EVENTS ]

7 Signs It’s More Than Just the Winter Blues

February Calendar

18

22

10 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

24

26

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Marketing Assistant Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Jaida Sinclair

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Fashion Editor

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Design/Production

April Gentry agentry@activefamilymag.com

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Dr. Gail Gross Katie Hurley, LCSW Emma Seppälä, Ph.D Betsy Brown Braun Amy Morin The Growing Room Jennifer S. White Dr. Erica Reischer

Ad Design/Production

Mary Oakes moakes@activefamilymag.com

Lara Mays

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Editor’s Note Our February issue is all about relationships…with your significant other, your friends and your children! Turn to page 8 and find out why playdates are not just for kids, but wonderful ways for Moms to connect. Page 14 & 28 focus on the key to highly successful couples and how to keep the romance alive. As every busy parent knows, it takes a lot of effort to care for a family and also nurture your marriage. Find some wonderful inspiration on the following pages!

Our Valentine’s Date Night Guide on page 32 offers several unique ways for you and your significant other to enjoy the holiday. The Valentine’s Gift Guide is a compilation of romantic finds from Etsy stores which are sure to become your favorites.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ PARENTING ] Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., is a nationally recognized family and child development expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times and USA Today.

ABC, CBS and KHOU, Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.”

Dr. Gross’ soon-to-be second book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, teaches parents how to enhance a child’s learning potential through various developmental stages.

Two additional books are slated to follow, including The Only Way Out Is Through, a Jungian approach to navigating life’s transitions including grieving, and Defining Moments, which recounts the defining moments of celebrity guests as shared with Dr. Gross during interviews on PBS’ “Let’s Talk.” www.drgailgross.com

6 Reasons Playdates Are Good for Moms (Not Just Kids!)

by Dr. Gail Gross You’re having one of those weeks when you feel like your life is run by a pintsized dictator. The toddler of the house has consumed your every waking hour, commandeered your schedule, and dominated your thoughts. You know you need a break, but your partner is traveling out of town for work and your babysitting options have just run out. What’s a desperate mom to do?

Try scheduling a playdate. Yes, playdates are fabulous opportunities for your child to learn social skills and make new friends, but there are also many benefits for mom as well.

6 reasons playdates are good for you: 1. Playdates give you a chance to reconnect with the non-mom side of you. Sure, you’re there with other moms and other children, but this is your chance to chat about non-mom topics and flex those non-mom brain 8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ PARENTING ] muscles. Whether talking about politics, finance issues, work, or the latest best selling novel, you can give your brain a workout by engaging in conversations that don’t involve diapers and sleep schedules.

2. Think of playdates as Parenting 101 crowd sourcing.

While they are a great chance to talk about nonmon issues, playdates are also the place to get some answers from those who have been there, done that.

Got a child with night terrors? Can’t get your child to eat anything other than cereal? Chances are, another mom in the group has gone through the same thing – and can offer up advice from experience.

3. Playdates are a great chance for you to get some exercise. We all know how challenging it can be to fit in a work out when you are busy raising children.

Planning playdates that involve stroller walks or jogs, family-friendly hikes, and fun activities like roller skating or riding bikes can give you a chance to catch up with other moms while also getting some exercise, which can help you feel better and more prepared to take on the rest of the day.

4. Playdates can offer much-needed pats on the back.

You work hard as a mom, and at the end of each day, you don’t get a medal. But playdates can offer you reassurance that you are, in fact, doing a great job, mom! Mothers have no greater cheerleaders than other mothers, and as much as we may selflessly love our children and do whatever it takes to raise them well, it’s still nice to have the support and encouragement from fellow moms that we are not the parenting failures we sometimes see ourselves as being.

5. Playdates get you out of the house. Sometimes, especially in those early days with an infant, it can be a challenge to take two steps outside of your front door.

As moms, I bet most of you have had those days where suddenly you look up and the sun is already setting, but you are still in your pajamas. Scheduling playdates gives you a reason to get dressed and get out of the house, and once you are out of the house, it’s much easier to then stay out and run errands or attempt other fun adventures with your little one.

6. Playdates can help you de-stress. In addition to a chance to exercise, catch up with other adults, and workout your brain, playdates can help bring your stress level down. Motherhood can be a very stressful time, and bonding with other moms gives you a chance to alleviate some of that stress in a safe, supportive environment.

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FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ PARENTING ]

5 Ways to Help Girls Feel Self-Confident

by Katie Hurley, LCSW Katie Hurley, LCSW, is a child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of The Happy Kid Handbook. Her work can be found on EverydayFamily, Momtastic, mom.me, Yahoo Parenting, PBS Parents and The Huffington Post.

Katie writes the parenting blog, Practical Parenting. Katie splits her time between Los Angeles and the Connecticut coast with her rock and roll husband and their two happy children.

“I don’t get it. She’s smart. She’s kind. She’s athletic. She has a ton of friends… but she doesn’t see it.” A mom of an eleven-year-old girl made this statement, but I hear some version of this over and over again. It always leads to the same question: Why doesn’t my daughter have any self-confidence?

There isn’t an easy answer to this question. Are young girls under more pressure today than they once were? Perhaps. Are they exposed to media content above their developmental level? Yes, this is often the case. Is that why so many young girls feel they don’t measure up?

According to key findings from the Dove Self-Esteem Fund’s report, Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report of the State of Self-Esteem (2008), 7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or do not measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members. Think that’s bad? Think on these findings: • 62% of girls feel insecure or unsure of themselves • 57% of girls say they don’t always tell their parents certain things about them because they don’t want them to think badly of them • The top wish among all girls is for their parents to communicate better with them, which includes more frequent and open conversations about what is happening in their own lives • 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ SEASONAL FUN ] such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking or drinking when feeling badly about themselves.

Something to consider before we move on: 91% of girls age 8-12 turn to their mother as a resource when feeling badly about themselves.

When we shift gears, the question becomes, “How can I help?”

The truth is that there is no easy button when it comes to guiding young girls through the murky waters of preadolescence and adolescence. It takes time and a lot of patience.

[ PARENTING ] know that they failed the test, lost the game or sang out of tune… they don’t need us to go through the playby-play in an effort to correct. They need us to provide support and empathy.

To raise resilient girls, the best thing we can do is to believe in their abilities, even when they have a terrible day. They can and will learn to work through those obstacles in their own time.

Connect

Listen more than you talk

I’m as guilty as the next parent when it comes struggling with the work/family balance, and it’s hard to ignore that flashing, beeping phone. That’s why I keep it on silent and leave it upstairs when my daughter is around. I don’t want to break my connection with her to deal with an email that can surely wait.

Young girls often tell me that parents are terrible listeners.

As a nine-year-old once told me (in a moment of frustration), “My mom always says, ‘Listen! Listen!’ but she never listens to me. I don’t even get to finish my story and she has three ways to fix is so she can stop talking to me.”

That young girl’s mom was not actually trying to shoo her daughter away. Her intention was to help. Her need to fix, however, clouded her ability to listen, and that negatively impacted their communication.

High on the wish list of things girls want their parents to do better: Spend more time together. You might feel like your daughter is pushing you away, but I’m willing to bet that she feels like you don’t have enough time for her.

Make time to be together. Get out into nature and go for a hike. Read a book together. Play Monopoly (yes, really). Snuggle up and watch a movie. Whatever you do, be present. Shut out the rest of the world and place your focus on her.

Listen for the sake of listening. Your daughter turns to you because she trusts you to be there for her. It might be hard to resist the urge to jump in with solutions or start calling the school and other parents, but right now your daughter needs you to listen with both ears and empathize.

Ask questions

Start by making a few small changes:

Believe in your daughter If you want to raise a daughter who believes in herself, begin by believing in your daughter. I utter these words often.

Young girls can be their own worst critics. When we add on external criticism, it can be downright overwhelming for them. It’s not our job to highlight what we perceive to be their failures or missteps in an effort to inspire them to do better in the future. Parents often tell me that they believe this builds resilience in kids. Tell them where they messed up so they can get it right the next time. The truth is that this leaves kids feeling worthless. They already

Young girls often tell me that they feel like their parents quiz them about all the wrong things. Parents ask about grades, tests and quizzes, sports and lunch, but they don’t always ask questions that lead to meaningful conversations. What is it that our daughters really crave?

They want to feel understood!

Instead of the usual questions about high-pressure stuff, try some of these: • What was the best part of your day?

• What was the worst?

• What’s your favorite song right now?

• If you could do anything you wanted instead of going to school today, what would you do?

• Do you have a favorite character from a book you’ve read recently?

• What do prefer to do when you have downtime?

Another great way to get kids talking about the more important things in life? Play a game of 2 truths and 1 FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ PARENTING ] tale. Take turns telling two true statements and one tale, and try to spot the tale. You’ll be surprised what you

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Tell about you One more thing that I hear a lot of from the young girls who sit on my couch is that conversations with parents feel one-sided. We ask a lot of questions about them, but how much do we share about us?

Sharing our own stories can be powerful for our daughters. The more they get to know us, the more trust we build.

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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness.

Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution.

She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students.

She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.

The Best Kept Secret to Highly Successful Couples

by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. According to Adam Grant, Wharton’s most popular and youngest tenured faculty member and the author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, people fall into one of three distinct categories: givers, matchers and takers. While Grant’s book is written for a business audience, its theories provide extraordinary insight into romantic relationships. The category you fall into may well determine the success and happiness of your relationship.

For example, has a romantic relationship ever made you feel like you were not good enough? Have you ever been taken advantage of by a romantic partner? Have you ever felt like you gave everything to someone and ended up completely worn out? Then you may just fall into the “giver” style of romantic partner.

Interestingly, while the giver style may have its drawbacks, givers are also usually the most attractive partners and are more likely to have long-term relationships. A study examining the trait most highly valued in potential romantic partners suggests that both men and women rate kindness as one of their most desired traits. Givers are also most likely to be affectionate, a trait which determines the long-term success of a relationship (as I describe in this article), not to mention their own longevity.

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] In order to understand where you fit in and how to best

out and exhausted from continuously giving if they do

navigate your relationships with others, here’s a summary

not receive the support they need from the relationship.

of the three styles of romantic partners.

Matchers tend to keep a balance sheet in a relationship.

Givers are people whose primary motivation is to

When matchers give, they do so with an expectation

take care of others, to make sure others are well, and

of getting something in return. When they receive

to contribute to others and society. In a relationship,

something, they feel like they have to give something

these are people who are always thinking about gifts

back. Matchers are the ones who are keeping tabs

for their partner, who take their partners’ interests into

and view relationships as somewhat like a commercial

consideration, and who are always thinking, “What else

transaction. They are the ones who are most likely to say

can I do for you?” They’re pretty awesome. As Grant

something like, “I did this for you, but you didn’t do that

mentions in his book, everyone likes having givers around

for me” or “You paid for this, so I’ll pay for that.”

because they are always happy to contribute and thinking of others. They understand the relationship as an

Takers are just that — takers. They usually treat people

opportunity to give and take care.

well if and when those people can help them reach their goals. Interestingly, Grant points out that they often

Givers often end up thinking that there is something

appear as the most charming and charismatic people

wrong with them when they are unhappy in a

on the surface. They know how to work the crowd

relationship. They are the ones who think they are not

and seduce, but under the surface they are actually

lovable or good enough because they take personal

motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by

responsibility for making the relationship work (rather

how poorly they treat people that they believe are of

than blaming their partners). They can end up burned

no use to them. You know you’re in a relationship with a

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have, whether

Adam Grant while writing this article and he shared

it’s money, affection, time etc. Once the taker has

the following tip about long-term love: “In the most

everything they want from you, you may be relegated to

successful relationships, both partners are givers. In other

the unimportant sphere of their life. Their primary focus is

words, when a romantic relationship works, matchers

themselves.

and takers are focused on giving. Both partners might be giving in different ways, but they should be willing

So who is most successful and who is least successful?

to support each other without expecting something in return. That said, when things get too far out of balance,

Grant points out a fascinating fact about who, among

I think we all become matchers.” Imagine a relationship

these three styles, is happiest and most successful: it

where both partners are always caring for each other’s

is givers. What about those who are least successful?

needs. Where when there is a fight, both are the first to

Also the givers! Why? Givers who learn to successfully

say, “I’m sorry, it was my fault.” In which both live their

navigate a world with matchers and takers make out

life with their partner’s best interest in mind. You better

great. Everyone loves givers, trusts them, and supports

believe that matchers and takers are also looking out for

them when they are in need. So why are givers also

givers so, if you’re a giver, be sure you seek one out for

the least successful? Because some givers don’t know

yourself too because you deserve it.

how to navigate that world and, as a consequence, end up getting taken advantage of. If you’re a giver,

If you recognize yourself as a matcher or taker then —

you’ve been there at least once both professionally and

first of all — congratulations on being so honest with

personally.

yourself. Of course, because of givers’ affectionate and service-oriented qualities, it is also in your best interest

Imagine a relationship between a giver and a taker?

to have a partner who is a giver. However, I’d like you to

These end up with the giver completely worn out,

consider two things:

having perhaps spent their savings, time and energy on someone who keeps demanding more and never or

First, givers will never be fully happy unless you support

scarcely provides for their partners’ needs (unless they

them as they support you. They will eventually feel worn

do so temporarily because it behooves them at that

out and perhaps even leave. In a recent study by Amie

moment).

Gordon at the University of California-Berkeley, those who experienced more gratitude in their relationship

What makes a successful giver? Read Adam Grant’s

also felt closer to their partner, more satisfied with the

book to get his complete lists of tips. One that stood out

relationship and tended to engage in more constructive

to me was the idea of being a “giver with awareness.”

and positive behaviors within the relationship. Ultimately,

Awareness of what? Be aware that the world has

for a good relationship that benefits you, you will want

givers, matchers and takers. Watch people’s words

your partner to be happy and you’ll want to support

and actions and you will know who is who. When you

them in return.

navigate romantic relationships, friendships or business partnerships, investigate which category your potential

Second, as Grant’s book clearly outlines, givers are the

partner belongs to and don’t get blown away by first-

ones who end up being most successful and happy if

impressions (as noted above, takers are masters of

they are not taken advantage of. A large amount of

first-impression charm). Then what? In a non-romantic

research now shows that a lifestyle comprised of kindness

situation, you can deal with matchers and takers by

and service leads to greater fulfillment as well as health

adopting a matcher-like attitude (I know, hard to do

and happiness. If you want to be happy and successful, it

for a giver!). Start speaking in terms of, “Ok, we have an

therefore behooves you too to be or become a giver.

agreement, you do this and in exchange I will do this.”

With Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s a great time to start What about in romantic relationships? I conferred with 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

being a giver! After all, isn’t that what love is about?

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ EVENTS ]

February Alameda County FEBRUARY 1 - 12 Pippi Longstocking Freight & Salvage Berkeley Times Vary www.bactheatre.org

FEBRUARY 3 $5 First Fridays Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.chabotspace.org/first-fridays

FEBRUARY 4 Budding Birders Coyote Hills Regional Park Fremont 1:00pm – 2:30pm www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks

FEBRUARY 5 Farewell to the Monarchs Coyote Hills Regional Park Fremont 1:00pm – 3:00pm www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks Free First Sunday OMCA Oakland 10:00am – 6:00pm www.museumca.org

FEBRUARY 11 Nature Ramble Tilden Nature Area Berkeley 1:30pm – 3:30pm www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks Charlotte Diamond Concert Harbor Light Fremont 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.musicforminors2.org/04_ news_events_01_calendar.html

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

Kid’s Night Out! Parent’s Night Off! Oakland Zoo Oakland 5:30pm – 10:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org/Calendar_ Item.php?i=1562 SF Chamber Orchestra- Very First Concert Oakland Public Library Oakland 1:30pm & 2:15pm www.thesfco.org/events/veryfirst/ A Botanical Valentine’s Day Tea UC Botanical Garden Berkeley 10:00am & 1:00pm www.events.berkeley.edu

FEBRUARY 12 Curious Caterpillars Ardenwood Fremont 12:30pm – 1:30pm www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks Lunar New Year Celebration OMCA Oakland 12:00pm – 4:30pm www.museumca.org Math Fun Lawrence Hall of Science Berkeley 3:00pm – 4:30pm www.lawrencehallofscience.org

FEBRUARY 14

Great Backyard Bird Count Shadow Cliffs Pleasanton 8:00am – 10:30am www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks Zookids: Tails & Tongues Oakland Zoo Oakland 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

FEBRUARY 20 Presidents’ Day

FEBRUARY 25 Patchwork Series: Octopretzel Freight & salvage Coffeehouse Berkeley 10:30am www.thefreight.org/octopretzel-2 Marsh Meander Coyote Hills Visitor Center Fremont 10:00am – 11:30am www.apm.activecommunities.com

FEBRUARY 26 Early Animal Tracks Tilden Nature Area Berkeley 9:00am – 11:00am www.apm.activecommunities.com

FEBRUARY 28 Read to a Dog Fremont Main Library Fremont 6:30pm – 7:30pm www.aclibrary.org

Valentine’s Day

Contra Costa County

FEBRUARY 18

FEBRUARY 3

Good Morning Farm Ardenwood Fremont 10:30am – 11:00am www.apm.activecommunities.com/ ebparks

Escape Artist- Bob Kann Village Theatre Danville 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com

[ EVENTS ]

February FEBRUARY 3 - 4

FEBRUARY 16

FEBRUARY 11

Diablo Ballet- Body & Soul Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek Times Vary www.lesherartscenter.showare.com/eventperformances. asp?evt=659

Charlotte’s Web Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 11:45am www.lesherartscenter.showare.com

Chinese New Year Festival China Town San Francisco 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.chineseparade.com

FEBRUARY 4 Old Fashioned Games Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/parks/

FEBRUARY 8 - 12 Wild Valentines Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 5:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org

FEBRUARY 10 - 12

FEBRUARY 18

FEBRUARY 18

Embroidery Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/parks

The Lizard Lady Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 10:15am, 11:15am & 1:15am www.bayareadiscoverymuseum.org

FEBRUARY 20

FEBRUARY 20

Presidents’ Day

Chinese New Year Celebration Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 9:00am – 4:00pm www.bayareadiscoverymuseum.org

FEBRUARY 24 – 26 Bye Bye Birdie Village Theatre Danville Times Vary www.icandothattheatre.com

Gilbert & Sullivan’s Patience Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 8:00pm – 10:15pm www.lamplighters.org/season/season.html#patience

FEBRUARY 25

FEBRUARY 11

FEBRUARY 26

Victorian Valentines Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/parks/

FEBRUARY 12 – 28 All You Can Eat Skate Night The Golden Skate San Ramon 6:30pm – 9:00pm www.thegoldenskate.com

FEBRUARY 14 Valentine’s Day Valentine’s Day Craft Danville Library Danville 11:45am – 1:00pm www.ccclib.org

Canning & Jam Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/parks/ Kids Concert- Josh McIntosh Kanbar Center for the Performing Arts San Rafael 11:00am www.marinjcc.org

FEBRUARY 27 Mini Monday: Owl Your Need Is Love Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 12:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org

Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!

Out of Area FEBRUARY 1 Museum Free Day Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 9:00am – 4:00pm www.bayareadiscoverymuseum.org

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ PARENTING ]

Betsy Brown Braun, best selling author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents (HarperCollins) and You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat proofing Your Four To Twelve Year Old (HarperCollins), is a child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant, and founder of Parenting Pathways®, Inc. Her parenting expertise has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Real Simple, American Baby, Cookie, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, In Style, Parenting, Parents, Pregnancy and Newborn, Twins, Woman’s Day, and, Working Mother, Colorado Parent Magazine, Ohio Valley Parent Magazine among other publications.

She has shared her expertise on the Today Show multiple times.

Other television appearances have included Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, The Early Show, Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, Fox & Friends, Hallmark’s Home and Family, KCBS, KNBC, and Fox News LA. She contributes to KNX news radio on child development, and has been a guest on countless radio programs nationwide, including NPR. www.betsybrownbraun.com

Should You Discipline Someone Else’s Child?

by Betsy Brown Braun It’s hard enough to raise your own child—teaching him the rules of the road, guiding him as he learns how to “play nicely”—but what happens when a child who is not yours is in need of some pointed guidance (a swift kick in the pants!)?

You’re having a playdate, and the guest grabs a toy (your child’s favorite Thomas car) out of your child’s hands. The grabber’s mom observes without reaction.

You’re at the park, and a girl you don’t know throws sand at your child. The sand thrower’s mom is engrossed in a phone conversation.

You’re walking toward the school parking lot, and out of nowhere a classmate gives your child a good push. The pusher’s mom says, “Oh, boys will be boys,” and keeps walking.

Who could forget the mother in the movie, So This Is 40, when she blasts her son’s nemesis with a barrage of heated, directed, spicy language? If the desire to do this hasn’t happened already, believe me, your day will come.

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ PARENTING ] Controlling your own reaction and temper is critical to this whole question of dealing with other people’s kids.

So, let me start by saying, it is never acceptable for a parent to IMPOSE her own mother lion rage on another child. Never. You are an adult, and you must get your own feelings under control, remembering that you are a model for your child.

Knowing when or if to discipline other people’s children is tricky business. When you are the parent in charge and no other adult is supervising, the answer is easy: Step in and deal with it appropriately. But when the other child’s parent is on the scene, it gets complicated.

Most parents will agree that it is usually crossing the line to correct or discipline someone else’s child. After all, when were you appointed the behavior police?

And even though the word discipline derives from the Latin root word which means teach, it is not your job to reprimand or to teach other people’s children. While I do believe that raising a child “takes a village,” unless it is commonly practiced and understood that all the tribal elders participate in the child rearing (sometimes seen in close, extended families), in most cases your instruction will not be welcomed by the other present parent.

Each family has different values, different ideas about parenting, and a different tolerance for certain child behaviors. Not only might your and another’s parenting styles be light years apart, but your uninvited intervention will likely sting; it may offend, embarrass, or give the message of your negative judgment…even if you are right. Look out for trouble then, as it’s no longer a problem just between the kids.

Knowing whether to intervene with someone else’s child has everything to do with three things: 1) safety (everyone’s) 2) your relationship with the child and his parent, and 2) your child. Safety needs no explanation; danger requires immediate action.

Number two, your relationship with child and his parent is interesting and variable. Even if it is your own nephew or the child of your best friend, the other parent may be highly sensitive. If however, you have historically been close and at ease enough with the other child and his family to have stepped in, it may be okay. You must always keep in mind that this is not your child and you must handle with care.

But number three, your child…he is your priority. He is the one whose teacher you are. He will learn from observing everything you and everyone else does—how you react, what other children are permitted to do…or not. This is what I call “ambient learning.” While the other parent might shine-on her child’s misbehavior with “It’s just what kids do,” it is your responsibility to teach your child, directly and indirectly. That just might mean stopping or redirecting another child’s undesirable behavior. If your child has been told not to throw sand, he needs to hear you uphold that rule, perhaps telling the other child the same. It’s about your child.

Consider the following in deciding to deal with the misbehavior of a child who is not yours: • If you are the adult in charge, be in charge, kindly but firmly. Your child is watching.

• Your house, your rules. Everyone needs to abide by them. If you need to correct the child guest, you can explain to the guest mother, “I am helping [my daughter] Amanda to understand that our house rules are for everyone. I hope you understand.”

• Delivery is everything. Speaking up and speaking kindly is imperative, especially if the guest’s mom is present “So much noise hurts my ears. [To the guest] Please help me by using your inside voice.” And then to the guest mom, “I am working on this very issue with Amanda. It helps when she knows it goes for everyone.”

• Be gently encouraging. When the other parent is nonreactive to her child’s misbehavior regardless of where you are, try saying, “It looks like Jason needs a little help, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds.”

• Simply stating the rules can be enough. Saying, “There is no pushing. That’s the rule.” will stop be action and can be just enough intervention. No lecture needed, please.

• Keep your own anger (and your bossiness) in check.

It will leak and cause problems beyond a child’s misbehavior.

• Talk to your own child. When addressing the other child is iffy, talk to your own child, knowing that the aggressor is also hearing the message and knows that someone is looking out. “That boy has not learned that is it never okay to kick sand at someone.”

And of course, keep that ol’ Golden Rule in mind: Do unto others…It’s still true.

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, psychology instructor, and speaker. Her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do is on sale now. She’s frequently quoted in national media outlets.

She also writes for Forbes and About.com. For more visit AmyMorinLCSW.com *This article originally appeared in forbes.com.

7 Signs It’s More Than Just the Winter Blues

by Amy Morin As a therapist living in the Northeast, I see an interesting phenomenon every time the calendar changes from summer to fall: Sometime around the end of October, requests for therapy start to skyrocket.

The weather, the seasons, and the length of day can have a big impact on your mood. While some people experience a slight winter slump, others become downright depressed as the days get shorter. Seasonal Affective Disorder (with the fitting acronym SAD) often gets triggered shortly after daylight saving time begins.

Going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark can take a serious toll on your mental health. Many people experience symptom progression as the months pass, until finally gaining relief again in the spring.

Researchers aren’t exactly sure why some people experience SAD. Some factors that may play a role include decreased serotonin and melatonin in the brain, stemming from the lack of sunlight. The decreased daylight may disrupt your biological clock, which can lead to sleep issues and mood problems.

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] Here are seven signs you may have SAD:

in outdoor activities like snowshoeing or cross-country

1. Irritability. Ironically, sometimes people with SAD aren’t

skiing can reduce negative feelings about the winter

especially sad; instead, they experience impatience and frustration.

2. Decreased energy. People with SAD often want to sit

months.

• Bright light therapy is another effective option. A specially-designed light box can simulate sunshine and

on the couch or stay in bed. They struggle to find the

regulate your body’s internal clock. Similar to a bright

energy to carry out normal daily activities.

spring day, daily exposure to the bright light may be

3. Weight gain. Although weight gain may result from the decreased activity that often accompanies the winter months, people with SAD also tend to overeat. They typically reach for starchy and sweet foods which can contribute to weight gain.

4. Social problems. When SAD takes hold, many people don’t want to socialize. They’re often hypersensitive to criticism and their irritability can lead to relationship problems.

5. Sleep problems. Too much darkness can wreak havoc on a person’s sleep/wake cycle. Many people with

able to prevent the body from producing too much melatonin.

• Cognitive behavior therapy and medication may also be effective in reducing symptoms. These therapies may be used in combination, or combined with bright light therapy.

If you think you may be experiencing SAD, talk to your doctor. Your physician can rule out physical health conditions and suggest strategies to make the winter months less gloomy.

SAD have difficulty falling asleep; often, they don’t feel rested in the mornings.

6. Increased anxiety. People with SAD sometimes experience increased anxiety and a decreased ability to tolerate stress.

7. Mood changes. Individuals with SAD experience a stark change in mood and behavior during the winter.

An outgoing person (in other seasons) may become

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withdrawn, or an energetic person may become lethargic.

Treatment for SAD You may be able to treat mild symptoms of SAD yourself: • Bright sunlight—especially in the morning—and outdoor activity can help boost your mood. Going for a walk before work or during your lunch break may help alleviate some of the problem.

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• Find some enjoyable wintertime activities. Participating FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ PARENTING ]

The Growing Room Academy’s collaborative partnership with Village Music School allows our students and San Ramon Valley families to participate in an exciting array of expanded music education classes. This alliance allows Village Music School to extend their successful studio music program from the Diablo Valley to the San Ramon Valley.

Village Music School classes are held within the walls of Growing Room Academy and will be housed in two rooms solely dedicated as music studios. Classes are offered weekday afternoons and evenings, plus Saturdays.

Hands On!

The Benefits of Experiential Learning

by The Growing Room Experiential learning is the process of learning through experience. It involves trial by error. What may be considered a “mistake” in a more traditional setting becomes a valuable part of the learning process. Students learn not to fear mistakes, but rather to view them as part of the process of learning. When students engage in hands-on tasks, they discover that some approaches work better than others. The methods that don’t work are simply discarded and serve an integral part of the process of exploration that spawns new approaches. Experiential learning teaches students not to fear mistakes, but value them. It also accelerates and improves attitudes towards learning.

Learning Made Personal When material being taught does not seem relevant to students they tune out. Experiential learning avoids this pitfall by taking concepts and data and making them real by applying them to hands-on projects with real life results.

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ PARENTING ] It bridges the gap between theory and practice in a

exposure to the power of teamwork when it comes to

manner that resonates with students on a deeper level.

problem solving. Group experiential learning enables

The methodology takes traditional learning out of the classroom and imparts knowledge in a manner that lives within the student. The act of doing makes learning feel

students to creatively engage with others, offering their own unique perspective to tasks that increases

relevant and extremely personal for the child; it becomes

engagement and a sense of ownership in the event. The

real to them. As each child’s journey is influenced by past

creativity and the variety of results produced enrich the

experiences, they will interact with the task in different

learning environment of the students.

ways and come to their own conclusions. This is why experiential learning is more reflective of “real” society.

Learning Accelerated

Learning Geared Towards Adulthood Experiential learning projects are career oriented

When a student is happily engaged he not only learns

because they are rooted in real world activities. As

quicker, he retains the information. Experiential learning

students engage in the various projects, they begin to

replaces rote learning with a methodology that requires

discover their own passions, aptitudes, and skills. This

problem solving and decision making. These processes bolster self-initiative, encourage self-assessment and accelerate the learning process by employing critical thinking skills.

discovery enables students to begin charting their path toward advanced study and career choice. Through experiential learning, students learn to work closely and effectively in groups, develop plans of action, utilize

Learning Enhanced through Reflection

the unique qualities of team members, and respect the

Reflection is an essential element of the experiential

diversity of ideas—all qualities valued in the real world.

learning process. As students incorporate concrete experiences to abstract concepts they have the opportunity to reflect upon the outcome and how it translates to the real world. Reflection also provides a clearer understanding of how learned concepts bring about different conclusions to a proposed concept or task.

The opportunity to analyze how their outcome differs from fellow students allows students to consider how their specific actions affected outcome—and how or why their outcome may differ from others. Again, this model of learning is more reflective of life outside of the classroom where varied circumstances can generate

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Learning Spawned by Collaboration As referenced above, problems in the real world often have more than one solution and working in collaboration with others can help reinforce the importance of that concept. Collaboration also provides FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

1.

2.

3.

4.

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5.

6.

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Valentine’s Day GIFT IDEAS BY ETSY.COM

.

7.

1. Large Initial Necklace - This glam-inspired look is a perfect pairing for day and evening wear. Plated gold, delicate chain, custom letter, | $29 by Gigglosophy 2. Heart Boot Cuffs - Stay nice and toasty while looking adorable in these heart boot cuffs.

100% wool | $26 by Woolsome 3. Heart-Shaped Measuring Spoon - Each heart-shaped spoon in this super sweet measuring set is engraved with a lovely quote. They are perfect for your favorite cook, foodie, or for yourself! Designed to be sturdy and functional as well as beautiful. | $52 by BeehiveHandmade LLC 4. Love you More Throw - Snuggle up with your loved one!

PCB’s decorative throw blankets are designed and handmade in their Allentown, NJ studio. Blankets measure approximately 70” x 38.5” with a maximum design size of 14” x 16”. | $30 by Parris Chic Boutique 5. The Struggle is Real throw pillow - Designs feature hand lettered calligraphy by owner and operator of PCB, Alyssa Thiel. All Parris Chic Boutique pillows are hand-crafted therefore there may be some slight variations in each pillow cover. | $20 by Parris Chic Boutique 6. Hello Lovely Mug - Express your love with this 11oz coffee cup. Dishwasher and microwave safe. Products are made to order when you make your purchase. | $12 by Paris Chic Boutique 7. Hammered Gold Edge Ceramic Ring Dish - Perfect Valentine’s Day gift! Hand-made and oneof-a-kind! Includes complimentary gift box. | $42 by ModernMud 8. Date Bangle Bracelet - Date Bangle Bracelet - Customize your first date, wedding anniversary and more. Beautiful bangles made to order and come in gold or silver. | $23 by TomDesign.

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Jennifer S. White is a voracious reader, obsessive writer, passionate yoga instructor and drinker of hoppy ales. She’s also a devoted mama and wife (a stay-at-home yogi). She considers herself to be one of the funniest people that ever lived and she’s also an identical twin. Jennifer is a columnist for The Huffington Post, A Plus, elephant journal and Be You Media Group, and has over 40 articles published on the wellness website MindBodyGreen. Her yoga-themed column Your Personal Yogi ran in the newspaper Toledo Free Press.

She holds a Bachelor’s degree in geology, absolutely no degrees in anything related to literature, and she currently owns a wheel of cheese. If you want to learn more about Jennifer, make sure to check out her writing, as she’s finally put her tendencies to overthink and overshare to good use. Jennifer is the author of The Best Day of Your Life and The Art of Parenting: Love Letters from a Mother, available Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Her brand new book A Quiet Kiss just released this summer, and is also available on Amazon. www.jenniferswhite.com

11 Tips For Keeping Romance Alive When Life Gets In The Way

by Jennifer S. White I don’t know if the 14-year-old me would be so surprised that I’m still holding the hand of the boy I fell in love with 22 years later.

I don’t know if I’d be that surprised we’re married with two kids.

I knew even back then that something about him, and about us, was special.

But our relationship has taken hard work and not only commitment, but constant re-commitment — no relationship is always easy, or perfect, or so “meant to be” that it doesn’t take effort, too.

Here are 11 ways we’ve kept our own love story alive after 22 years and two kids: 1. Never go to the bathroom with the door open.

Ever.

2. Don’t use being tired as a repeat excuse to not connect.

Nothing is more rejuvenating, after all, than making love.

3. Take care of ourselves.

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] A healthy partnership is made of two healthy people.

Always remember the importance of self-care.

4. Don’t rehash the past.

By all means, work through issues that need to be worked through, but bringing up past arguments during current ones should be a definite no.

5. Talk about our goals.

It’s important to talk about what we want out of life and where we want to go. This has really helped us evolve together and as individuals, too.

6. Communicate.

We try to find the 14 and 15 year olds in us who met all those years ago, inside of our grown-up lives as thirtysomethings — and that’s real romance.

Because life can be difficult, but it can still be fun.

11. Don’t give up.

Romance won’t always look the same. But it doesn’t have to be grand, expensive gestures.

It can be getting a favorite food at the grocery store, or getting out cash for our daughter’s gymnastics lesson because I have an illogical aversion to banks (random, made-up example).

In general, being able to talk to our partner is so important.

7. Go to bed mad.

Okay, I’m not necessarily advocating going to bed angry. No one likes that. What I am advocating, however, is not sticking to cutesy rules someone else made up — my list included — as the cornerstone of our personal partnership. (And sometimes going to bed mad means sleeping on words that could have been said that really didn’t need to be, and waking up realizing an argument that seemed huge yesterday wasn’t that big of a deal.)

8. Kiss.

I think kissing is more important than sex. I’m not saying sex is unimportant, but there’s something special, intimate and powerful about a really good kiss. We try to always kiss when we part or greet each other and to have at least one great kiss a day.

9. Don’t talk about our partner behind his or her back.

I’m not suggesting we can’t talk with friends or vent about something to other people at all, but I am offering it should be a stable expectation to talk to our partner about something that’s bothering us rather than talking to others.

Romance can be going out for an appetizer and a drink when we don’t have time to go out to dinner. It can be sitting on the front porch together watching the rain fall and holding hands.

Above all else, just don’t give up on romance. Instead, reinvent the definition.

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centurylandscape55@hotmail.com FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Changing Diapers as Foreplay Dr. Erica Reischer is a psychologist, author, and parent educator. In addition to her Oakland-based private practice, she writes for The New York Times, The Washington Post, Psychology Today, and The Atlantic. She is the author of What Great Parents Do: 75 Simple Strategies for Raising Kids Who Thrive.

by Dr. Erica Reischer A common complaint of couples that come to my office for counseling after becoming parents is a lackluster sex life, typically a decline in the frequency and quality of their lovemaking.

Becoming a parent has many joys, but a great sex life is often not one of them.

From balancing work schedules with carpools and after-school activities, to the evening hustle of getting dinner on the table and the kids to bed, many parents have little time or energy left for intimacy. Relationships are also strained by other factors, such as the added financial pressures that come with having kids, and disagreements about parenting styles. So couples expect me to ask them about things like desire, conflict, and communication.

Which I do, but I’ve recently taken to asking about something else first, a question that often takes them by surprise: Who does the diapers?

This may seem like a trivial detail of family life, but recent research shows that heterosexual parents who split childcare duties evenly have the best sex lives, as measured by both frequency and quality of sex. These couples also have the most satisfying relationships in general, results that mirror another study showing that couples who split household chores report better relationships.

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ]

Researchers studied data on almost 500 couples, dividing them into three groups: those in which the mother did most of the childcare (60 percent or more), those in which the father did most of the childcare, and those in which both partners split the childcare duties.

(One limitation of this study is that it did not also include data on same-sex couples.)

relationship.

These three groups were compared with each other in terms of frequency of sex, quality of sex, and overall relationship quality. Couples who shared childcare responsibilities reported the best sex lives and the most satisfying relationships.

Couples whose sex life has suffered since becoming parents can begin by looking at how they share the work of parenting.

Notably, the couples that reported the lowest-quality sex life and relationship were the ones in which the mother did the lion’s share of childcare tasks.

According to one of the study’s authors, “One of the most important findings is that the only childcare arrangement that appears really problematic for the quality of both a couple’s relationship and sex life is when the woman does most or all of the childcare.”

This research does not tell us why couples that share childcare duties have better sex lives, but as a psychologist who works extensively with couples and parents, my clinical experience suggests that a primary reason is this: Good sex in a committed relationship is facilitated by emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy can’t happen when one partner feels that his or her needs are taking a back seat more often than not.

For example, if Dad typically comes home from work and plops down on the couch while Mom makes dinner and corrals the kids—after her own day of full-time work at the office or at home with the kids—this pattern over time is likely to create resentment and emotional distance.

In contrast, when both parents treat raising kids as a shared project with shared responsibilities, they are more likely to see their relationship as a true partnership with give and take. This, in turn, supports emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy supports good sex.

Talk candidly about the situation and strive to find ways to create more balance in your childcare responsibilities.

This can be difficult, especially for couples who have become entrenched in a routine, even if that routine is not working well for both individuals; for example, Dad habitually watches TV or works while Mom cooks or cleans up. (I realize that example sounds like a stereotype, but research shows it statistically reflects the current reality of gender roles).

If you are the one in the relationship that is regularly doing the majority of childcare, resist the temptation to point the finger at your partner. While your partner is also responsible for the current state of affairs, it is equally important to ask yourself what role you may play in contributing to the current situation.

For example, one mother that I worked with realized that she did most of the childcare because she didn’t like how her husband did things: “If I let him give the kids a bath, he always forgets something, like washing their hair or under their nails. If he’s in charge of getting them dressed in the morning, nothing matches and the kids look like ragamuffins.”

Yes, Dad is tired and needs a break, and so does Mom. Taking care of children can be tedious and exhausting; there’s no way around that.

If this woman’s perspective sounds familiar, ask yourself whether you can be more flexible in your standards.

Is maintaining them worth the trade-off in time, aggravation, and relationship strain, or is there room for compromise? There is no right answer here, just the recognition that we ourselves play a role in what happens in our relationships.

However, when one person in a relationship is regularly not pitching in on the shared project of child-rearing, that lack of participation can erode the critical sense of “we’re in this together” that underpins a satisfying

Changing diapers might seem like a chore that has nothing to do with sex or intimacy, but what it represents—partnership, caring, collaboration—are the cornerstones of a strong and satisfying relationship.

Emotional distance is a sex-killer in a relationship.

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Valentine’s Date Night Guide Alameda County The Fairmont Spa Claremont Club & Spa, A Fairmont Hotel 41 Tunnel Road Berkeley, CA 94705 510.549.8566 www.fairmont.com/claremont-berkeley/spa/ Choose from two amazing packages: The Ritual For Two or the couples Massage. Experience romantic bliss in one of their luxury spa suites. Or let the pressures of life melt away while you drift off, enjoying a custom massage side by side. Whatever option you go with, the perfect gift is time together.

Gondola Tour of Lake Merritt Gondola Servizio 1520 Lakeside Drive Oakland 510.663.6603 www.gondolaservizio.com Get away from the city and enjoy a day on the water. Gondola Servizio offers authentic Venetian gondola tours on Lake Merritt in Oakland. 30-minute and 50-minute cruises are available for couples or groups, as well as special holiday packages. This enchanting gondola ride will make you feel as if you are in Italy!

Fenton’s Creamery 4226 Piedmont Ave Oakland 510.658.7000 www.fentonscreamery.com Feel like a kid again! Fenton’s Creamery is a retro ice cream parlor known for their large sundaes and cones and their large variety of flavors.

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

Dublin Iceland 7212 San Ramon Rd, Dublin, CA 94568 925.829.4444 www.dubliniceland.com Your winter wonderland never ends at the Dublin Iceland IceSkating Rink! People of all ages and skill levels are welcome!

Enjoy a fun night inside on the ice no matter what time of year.

Pans on Fire Cooking Class 3059 Hopyard Rd, Suite J-K, Pleasanton, CA 94588 925.600.7267 www.pansonfire.com Take your cooking to the next level! Share this fabulous cooking experience with a special someone. Reserve a spot online for a public class, or set up a private event just for the two of you!

Cellar Door Wine Bar 4469 Railroad Avenue Pleasanton, CA 94566 925.846.3667 www.ourcellardoor.com Featuring over 30 wines by the glass or bottle, small plates designed for sharing and a great outside patio looking out to the Friday night Concerts in the Park, Cellar Door is the perfect place for a girls night out, date night or a snack before the show at the theater.

Vine Cinema & Alehouse 1722 First St. Livermore, CA 94550 925.447.2545 | www.vinecinema.com The Vine Cinema & Alehouse is not your ordinary movie theatre; it is a complete date night wrapped into one! Come for the amazing food, beer & wine selections all delivered to your table or couch inside the theatre. Vine offers independent films, live sporting events and classic films.

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Campo di Bocce 175 E. Vineyard Ave Livermore, CA 94550 925.249.9800 www.campodibocce.com Hit the courts for your next date night!

Campo di Bocce of Livermore was voted the best bocce courts in the East Bay. Treat your significant other or your friends to this fun-game of trying to get as many of your teams bocce balls as close to the target ball, the pallino, as possible.

Contra Costa County Blackhawk Automotive Museum 3700 Blackhawk Plaza Circle Danville, CA 94506 www.blackhawkmuseum.org/ 925.736.2280 Over 100 years of automotive genius and design excellence is gathered together in a collection of 40+ pristine autos. Vintage luxury and Sport Cars from Italy, France, England, and the United States represent an exciting piece of history that is fun for the whole family.

Blackhawk Tango 635 Old Orchard Drive Danville, CA 94526 510.406.4583 www.blackhawktango.com Put on your dancing shoes! Learn how to tango with group or private lessons at Blackhawk Tango. Blackhawk Tango aims to promote Argentine tango to members of local communities in the East Bay and to expand awareness of Argentine tango to anyone anywhere regardless of boundaries.

Pinot’s Palette 410 Sycamore Valley Rd West Danville, CA 94526 925-743-9900 www.pinotspalette.com/danville Mix your love of wine and art! Sit down with a glass of your favorite wine as you try your hand at an original piece of art. Freelance your own painting or participate in one of our classes!

Canvas and Cabernet 1421 Locust Street Walnut Creek, CA 94526 925.287.1614 www.canvascabernet.com Canvas and Cabernet is an upscale painting studio where art and entertainment collide bringing trendy and upscale nightlife to the heart of downtown Walnut Creek. No experience is necessary just join us for an evening of fun as we are dedicated to bringing the creativity out in each individual through simple painting prompts, your favorite music and good company! Expect to leave here inspired, having created a painting that is absolutely uniquely your own.

Lindsay Wildlife Experience ( February 10th only) 1931 First Avenue Walnut Creek, CA 94597 925.935.1978 Come with your special someone, come meet that special someone or get the girls together and come to enjoy a lively trivia contest, wine tasting, beer from Concord’s Black Diamond Brewing Company, delicious delicacies, caricature artist, and meet and greet the animals at their annual Kiss & Tail!

Out of Area Napa Valley Wine Train 1275 McKinstry Street Napa 800.427.4124 www.winetrain.rezgo.com/details/9508/ romance-on-the-rails Escape the pressures of everyday life to the romantic evening vineyards of Napa Valley. Romance blossoms under the stars. Enjoy panoramic views of the silver painted vineyards through the Vista Dome’s curved glass windows as you traverse the dark Napa Valley.

Experience the intimate adventure of an antique train traveling through the night at a private table.

Lucky Strike 200 King St. San Francisco 415.400.8260 www.bowlluckystrike.com Ramp up your celebrations with some bites, booze, & bowling at Lucky Strike San Francisco! Just a short walk away from AT&T Park, Lucky Strike San Francisco offers plenty of activity for you & your date.

Valentine Wine Walk (February 9th Only) Union Street from Gough to Steiner San Francisco 800-310-6563 www.sresproductions.com/events Enjoy the 7th Annual Union Street Has a Crush on You Valentine Wine Walk with that special someone or for a girls night out! The tasting event will include merchants offering wine samples and special treats inside their stores throughout Union Street from Gough to Steiner and on Fillmore Street from Union to Lombard.

Science of Cocktails (February 3rd Only) Exploratorium, Pier 15 San Francisco 415.528.4402 www.exploratorium.edu/support/ science-of-cocktails Science of Cocktails blends the unique beer, wine, and cocktail culture of the Bay Area with the Exploratorium’s hands-on explorations of science and art. Learn about the distillation process, check out the chemistry behind brewing beer, or discover your favorite new vintage. San Francisco’s most spirited fundraiser sells out every year, and you don’t want to miss it.

Valentines Cruises (February 10th- 14th Only) Hornblower San Francisco 888.467.6256 www.hornblower.com/port/category/ sf+valentines Hornblower is the local expert in providing romance on the San Francisco Bay. With Valentine’s Day on a Tuesday this year, the options are endless! Choose from cruises available Friday, February 10th through Tuesday, February 14th.

You’re sure to find the right cruise for you and your special someone to celebrate the holiday of love.

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

[ WOMEN’S HEALTH ]

Q&A: How do I stay present even when I am exhausted?

by Carrie Contey, Ph.D. Staying balanced and present when you are exhausted

possible. This is a noisy breathing exercise. (So have

is not an easy feat. And, it’s extra challenging when you

fun!)

have growing people needing your energy to keep their own systems balanced in the midst of all the massive growing that’s almost constantly taking place.

• Try for three in-and-out breath cycles per second. Then breathe normally after each cycle.

• Do not do this for more than 15 seconds on your first try.

Each time you practice, you can increase your time by

It may not be easy but it is possible to regain composure

five seconds or so, until you reach a full minute.

even when you are overdone.

5. Go outside – Get out into fresh air and look up at the Here are 10 simple ways to deal with your exhaustion so

sky. Engage your senses. Take in the sights, smells, and

you can come back to the moment.

spaciousness.

1. Acknowledge that you are overdone – Say it out loud,

6. Get wet - Take a shower or bath. If there’s no time for

“I’m TIRED!” Let yourself express the fact that you are

that, splash your face with cold water or slowly wash your

beyond the beyond and in need of rest. What we resist

hands.

persists. And acknowledging that you are a goner is one of the fastest ways to bring yourself back to the present

7. Stretch – Move your body in ways you haven’t today.

moment.

Reach up into the sky, down to floor. Lift your knees up and down (can you touch your shoulders?). Twist and

2. Get low and slow - Whether it’s for 10 seconds or 10

shake and let your body get spacious.

minutes, lay down on the couch or the floor or the grass.

Letting yourself relax horizontally for a few moments can

8. Give yourself a scalp massage - I love this one! Take a

give you a sense of peace and safety that may perk you

few seconds and rub your head to stimulate your scalp.

back up.

Feel free to grab chunks of hair close to the scalp and gently tug and notice what you feel.

3. Move your body - Whether it’s a walk or jumping up and down or having a dance party, get moving. Bringing

9. Get a hug – Whether it’s from partner or your child or

energy into your system, even when you don’t feel like it,

a friend or just yourself. A hug can be just the thing you

will give you a boost.

need when you are really feeling overdone. And it’s okay to be honest and ask for one. “I’m overdone! I need a

4. Breathe - Try this stimulating breath technique.

hug! Who can help me out?”

Try this stimulating breath technique. This is adapted from a yoga breathing technique. It can raise your

10. Get to bed early – Your evening time alone is precious

alertness and increase energy.

and really hard to give up. Going to bed early, even

• Start with your mouth closed but relaxed. Inhale and

just just one night a week can make a huge difference.

exhale rapidly through your nose. Your breaths in

Schedule it, and shoot for at least one night a week

and out should be equal in duration, but as short as

catching some extra zzzs.

34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017

®

Preschool

Education is a Lifelong Commitment

®

Discover Quarry Lane

NOW ENROLLING Join our Open House every Wednesday! www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool

Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Passionate, Experienced Educators

PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA

925.462.6300

Full and Half Day Schedules Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton

PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA

925.846.9400

FEBRUARY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35 CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681

36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2017