FEBRUARY 2019
A VINEYARD VALENTINE’S WEEKEND
THE BEST KEPT SECRET
To Highly Successful Relationships
VALENTINE’S DAY Gift Guide for Mom
Volume 6 / Issue 60
[ TRAVEL ]
How to Choose Your Family Values & Become a More Intentional Parent
The Best Kept Secret To Highly Successful Relationships
32
8
6
[ HEALTH ]
How To Help Your Spouse Be A Better Parent
24
22
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
[ PARENTING ]
A Vineyard Valentine’s Weekend
18
Botox 101
Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Women
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] 5 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationships (and What to Do About It)
Family Weekend Getaway
Hotel Spotlight – Four Seasons San Francisco
28
16
12
30 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
16
26
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
Publisher/Editor
Marketing Interns
Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Megan Shackley
Advertising Sales Director
Fashion Editor
Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com
Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com
Travel Editor
Design/Production
Dr. Michele Borba Elizabeth Kang Michelle Zunter Dr. Meg Meekerw Emma Seppälä Ph.D. Amber Ross PA_C
Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
Teresa Agnew Craft
Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566
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Editor’s Note With February comes paper hearts, class parties, bouquets and hopefully a chance for you and your partner to escape for some much-needed alone time! With that in mind, flip to page 18 and discover the Carneros Resort & Spa. The perfect romantic destination to unhook, unwind and enjoy each other’s company. The idyllic setting; quaint cottages, an on-site spa and restaurants and two pools offers the perfect mini vacay that every parent deserves. Need additional inspiration? The travel features found on page 8 and 26 also offer ideas for a quick getaway. And while you’re in need of inspiration, Santana Row’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Moms on page 16 provides a plethora of soughtafter items perfect for February. Happy Valentine’s Day! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
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[ PARENTING ]
How to Choose Your Family Values & Become a More Intentional Parent by Dr. Michele Borba REALITY CHECK: Parents don’t raise moral kids by accident. They know what they stand for and pass those values onto their children deliberately and purposefully. So here’s your Reality Check: If you sat your child down right now and asked: “What do we stand for in this house? or What values matter most to our family?” would your child be able to answer? If not, it just means you’re not tuning up your values strong enough so your child adopts them for his own Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
moral core. Suppose you were allowed just one wish for your children and just suppose your wish would be granted. Here is the rule: The wish must be something you personally can control (so it can’t be things like your child’s health, financial status, or longevity). It must also be something you can inspire or nurture in your family. You may wonder how that wish could have to do with parenting, but what if I were to tell you that your answer is how to create the best legacy to leave your children? All of a sudden the exercise suddenly becomes far more significant, right? You see, the answer to your wish is what will guide your daily actions and help you stick to what matters in your parenting. That’s because that wish is what you want for your central mantra for your day-to-day interactions with your family. Your answer will help you make decisions based on what you know is right for your children, so it will reduce guilt, stress, and second-guessing. It is how to develop a moral compass in your sons and daughters that will guide their behavior for the rest of their life. That’s just how serious your wish is. After all, knowing what you stand for and reinforcing your beliefs is how you instill your values in your children. So what are you waiting for? Let’s get started in creating your legacy right! Step One: Create a List of Your Values Wait until your kids are asleep, turn off the TV, and turn on the voicemail. Get yourself focused and leave enough time so you can really think. Take out your laptop, or pad and pencil. Now answer this question: Aside from good health and security, what traits do you hope your baby will possess as an
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ PARENTING ] adult? That will be your greatest wish. Write down as
your own everyday behavior. After all, the easiest way
many as you can think of, but write at least ten traits.
for your child to learn any new value is by actually seeing
To get you started, here are a few wishes that parents
it in action. So intentionally start looking for ways to
typically choose.: compassion, respectful, responsible,
tune up your chosen value and it’s not too early to start
persevering, honest, trustworthy, peaceful, resourceful,
practicing now. If you think courtesy is important, than
courteous, fair, charitable, joyful, sensitive, grateful. Pick
intentionally start being more courteous. If self-control is
only ones that are most important to you.
your core value, than this is the time to start taking those deep breaths and counting to ten. Remember also to
Step Two: Choose Your Top Three Family Values
reinforce your child whenever he or she displays the
Now reread your list. Which traits really matter to you the
value. “I loved how you smiled at Grandma. That was
most? Start crossing off ones that aren’t as important
being really kind. Did you see how her face lit up?” Be
to you until you finally have your top two to five family
sure you name the value, and tell your child exactly how
values.
Step Three: Select Your Top Value Now select the one or two values you want most to instill in your children. This is your greatest wish you hope for your family. Next, think seriously: Why did you choose those beliefs? I strongly urge you to write your thoughts so
it made a difference.
If you take time to reflect on what kind of parent you want to be and the kind of values you want to instill in your baby, you will be more likely have your wish come true. Doing so is also the best way to create a lasting legacy to your children.
you can read them again and again these next years. It will help reinforce what matters most in your parenting. Here are a few ways to preserve your ideas:
• Collect inspirational quotes that match your beliefs. Print them on cards then put them in a place where you’ll be sure to read them such in your organizer or taped to your bathroom mirror.
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• Write a letter to yourself stating why you believe so strongly in your vision. On a specific day each year (such as on your birthday, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day) reread your message. • Tell a close friend and then ask her to “gently” remind you ever so often of your belief. • Start a parent journal and write your vision boldly on the opening page.
Step Four: Use the Belief in Your Daily Life
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Finally, you need to make sure you are using this value in FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ TRAVEL ]
Family Weekend Getaway SAUSALITO by Elizabeth Kang
Sure, this charming bayside city can be seen in a day, but why not make a family weekend out of it with an overnight stay, and get the most out of your drive? After all, there’s too much fun to be had in picturesque Sausalito to jam into just one day.
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ TRAVEL ]
– SATURDAY – 9 a.m. Hit the road! Remember to pack layers because, like neighboring San Francisco, Sausalito is known for its unpredictable mixed weather of fog, mist, and sunshine. 10:30 a.m. Visit the Marine Mammal Center. This wonderful non-profit center is the perfect opportunity for children to learn about marine wildlife, and witness firsthand how humans help creatures in need. It’s a private animal hospital and rescue center that focuses on the rescue, rehabilitation and release of injured, sick, or abandoned marine mammals. Kids can visit and observe native Seals, Sea Lions, Otters and other Marine wildlife that are being cared for to treat malnourishment, maternal separation, toxicity, anemia, and other ailments. Guided tours, as well as audio tours are available. Open daily from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Admission is free and reservations are not required, but donations are highly appreciated. Located at 2000 Bunker Road, Sausalito, CA. 12:30 p.m. Out on the Town. Sit down for a casual, family friendly lunch at Fish, one of the town’s most popular and loved seafood eateries. This cash-only hotspot is the perfect place to savor some creamy clam chowder, decadent crab rolls, and perfectly crisp fish ’n chips on the picnic-table-lined outdoor patio. The restaurant focuses on local, sustainable seafood. Fish $$, 350 Harbor Dr, Sausalito, CA. 2:00 p.m. Shopping & Sightseeing. There are a myriad of cute boutiques and souvenir retailers to explore along Bridgeway (the main street in town.) It’s fun to simply walk the street and explore the shops along the way.
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ TRAVEL ]
– SATURDAY – 4:00 p.m. Check in, Cavallo Point Lodge. The place to stay in Sausalito, especially when traveling with children, is Cavallo Point Lodge. The lodge is brimming with fascinating history, thanks to its rich past as Fort Baker, a former U.S. Army post. Guests can choose to stay in one of the impressively restored historic guest rooms (offering twobedrooms family-friendly suites,) or one of the more contemporary rooms with floor-to-ceiling, sweeping views of the Golden Gate Bridge and SF Bay. Cavallo Point Lodge has many dog-friendly rooms too, so this trip can include the entire family. If you’re lucky, longtime employee Brit Thurston will help you with your bags. He’s the Doorman at Cavallo Point, and his vast knowledge and contagious enthusiasm for the lodge’s history is a treat to hear. Another highlight at Cavallo Point is the spa and adults-only pool, tucked away in a quiet, lush corner of the property. It may not be easy to get away on your own without the kids, but a few hours at this spa is worth the planning and effort. Cavallo Point Lodge $$$. Located at 601 Murray Circle, Sausalito, CA. 6 p.m. Dinner in a Garage. Le Garage, featured on the show “Check Please Bay Area” is a delicious little French-inspired bistro that was converted from an auto garage, and is hidden off the main drag on a waterfront street. In addition to the amazing food, the place is kid-friendly, with quick, friendly service and a superb cheeseburger and fries. Other winning dishes include the P.E.I Mussels, Duck Confit, and Bouillabaisse. Their brunch offerings are just as popular as their lunch and dinner. Le Garage $$. Located at 85 Liberty Ship Way #109, Sausalito, CA. (Closes from 3 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.)
10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ TRAVEL ]
– SUNDAY – 8 a.m. Brunching with a View. Breakfast scenery doesn't get better than on the front porch seating of Murray Circle Restaurant. Located in a historic building at Cavallo Point Lodge and overlooking the Bay, Murray Circle serves delicious Californian cuisine alongside stunning views. Guests can choose from the indulgent weekend brunch buffet, or from the regular `a la carte breakfast menu. Be sure to snag a spot on the front patio to enjoy your Eggs Benedict and mimosa with views of the always breathtaking Golden Gate Bridge. Murray Circle Restaurant $$$. Open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (closes from 2 p.m. to 5:30 p.m.) Located at 602 Murray Circle, Sausalito, CA. 9 a.m. Bay Area Discovery Museum. A huge benefit of staying at Cavello Point Lodge is that your hotel is right next door to the awesome Bay Area Discovery Museum. You can hop over right after breakfast to get there right when they open. This indoor/outdoor museum caters to children 8-yrs-old and younger, and is loved for its many interactive and hands-on art, science, and workshop exhibits. The museum houses a small cafeteria to purchase food, or tables to enjoy a picnic lunch. Bay Area Discovery Museum, located at 557 McReynolds Road, Sausalito, CA. 2 p.m. One last stop at Vista Point. On your way home, make a quick stop to check out Vista Point, which is just a two-minute-drive from the museum. You’ll be rewarded with one of the most breathtaking and memorable views of The Golden Gate Bridge and city that you’ve ever seen. The view makes an awesome backdrop for family pictures to remember your fun-filled weekend getaway.
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ RELATIONSHIPS ]
Michelle Zunter is a perpetually curious human, artist, writer, podcaster, mom, stepmom, and married lady living in California. You can read Michelle’s lifestyle blogs about love, sex, relationships, marriage, divorce, parenting, step-parenting & much more at The Pondering Nook. You can also listen to Michelle co-hosting at The Broad’s Way Podcast discussing similar topics. More of Michelle’s featured work can be found at Scary Mommy, Stepparent Magazine, Thought Catalog, Role Reboot, Your Tango, The Natural Parent Magazine & Parent.co.
5 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Relationships (and What to Do About It) by Michelle Zunter Relationships. Whether they're romantic partnerships, friendships, or family ties, we often end up sabotaging these relationships in a variety of colorful ways. This doesn't necessarily mean we don't want to have these relationships. In fact, in most cases we want them to succeed very much. But there's something about getting involved in the nitty-gritty of deep, meaningful relationships that can sometimes bring out the sabotage monster in all of us. Here are 5 ways you may be sabotaging your relationships: 1. Expectations No matter how old you are, you have expectations. You may expect a
12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ SEASONAL FUN ] swashbuckling knight in shining armor in romantic
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] sabotage.
relationships because you read too many romance novels, or you may expect a friend who is loyal to the
Do you think your partner can read your mind?
absolute death because that's how you are. These kinds of expectations are part of the preconceived
2. Pride
ideas we all have, and they're usually based on our past
Pride in relationships is the silent killer. This is because it's
experience, or on how we ourselves behave.
pride that causes people to never call back after that terrible fight, or to simply disappear on someone when
If you're the type of person who is fiercely loyal or who
they don't act in a way that's expected. Having too
gives everything they've got to a relationship, then most
much pride in relationships causes a complete shutdown
likely you're going to expect the same from another
of the whole system.
person. That's mainly because we're all used to our own way of thinking, and for some of us, it's hard to relate to
Pride can be defined as:
something different. • A feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be Many of us, when faced with a relationship where the other person doesn't meet our standards or expectations, will immediately decide that the person in question
respected by other people • A feeling that you are more important or better than other people
simply isn't good enough and couldn't possibly meet our needs. We often dismiss them instantly. This is especially
"There's nothing wrong with having a sense of pride in
true of romantic relationships.
your career, accomplishments, or in any other aspect of your life, but when it prevents you from loving people,
How do you suppose that makes the other person feel?
communicating with people, or showing compassion, it
They have their own set of expectations based on their
has to be shut down."
experiences too. Of course, these are not the only definitions of pride, but This would be where communication, compassion, and
it's these forms of pride that we use most to sabotage
compromise come into play.
relationships. When people say, "swallow your pride," they mean it. Pride is the thing that keeps you from speaking
• Communicate your expectations to people you want to have relationships with. Let them know about issues
when you should, apologizing when you should, and from communicating your needs when you should.
that are difficult for you to deal with. • Have compassion. Everyone is dealing with something,
Pride is definitely difficult to subdue, but in order to
and every person has their own take on how a
continue having healthy relationships with the people
relationship should work. Understand other people
around you, it's got to go down.
have feelings too, not just you. • And lastly, is compromise. You can't have compromise
There's nothing wrong with having a sense of pride in
without compassion. Unless you're able to get to
your career, accomplishments, or in any other aspect
another person's level and see the world from their
of your life, but when it prevents you from loving people,
perspective, you won't be able to compromise on
communicating with people, or showing compassion, it
anything. It doesn't have to be a massive compromise,
has to be shut down.
but it can be something small, like agreeing to be more organized, or saying you'll call more often.
If more people picked up the phone to apologize or even just admitted they were wrong once in a while, their
*Assuming anyone can read your mind is not only lazy
ability to sabotage relationships would be significantly
communication but another mode of relationship
diminished. FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] "If more people picked up the phone to apologize or
4. Narrative
even just admitted they were wrong once in a while, their
A person's narrative regarding relationships really makes
ability to sabotage relationships would be significantly
all the difference. None of the above factors can be
diminished."
dealt with properly unless a person has the appropriate attitude about maintaining relationships.
3. Insecurity This is probably the most commonly known and talked
If your constant narrative is negative when discussing
about way in which people sabotage their relationships.
others or events that happen in your relationships then it's
Whether it's a relationship with your mother, father,
unlikely your relationships are very healthy.
siblings, friends, mate, or potential mate, insecurity is the quickest way to stunt further progress.
In romantic relationships especially, a person's narrative can make it or break it. If you've been single for a while,
We are all (mostly) insecure beings. We worry about the
dabbling in the dating scene, and continually say over
way we look, the way we act, what we say, and so on.
and over that you're never going to find someone, or that
When we engage in relationships with others, we tend
your relationships never last, then they probably won't.
to be preoccupied with how they may see us and if they think we are worthy of their love.
How you continually describe your life, thoughts, and what you think is going to happen to you means a lot
This is a stark contradiction to how we judge others with
more than people realize.
our expectations and standards. Often times, intensely insecure people dismiss others quickly in order to protect
It has a palpable psychological toll. Sometimes people
themselves from potential rejection.
who are afraid to commit in relationships will have all kinds of excuses as to why they can't make it work.
It makes little sense logically, but most of us function on an emotional level in relationships that isn't always
If you're constantly talking about how horrible your sister
rational.
is, how you can't find a loyal partner, or complaining about that friend who always lets you down, that's just
Of course, jealousy is usually a frequent guest to the
a running negative narrative that keeps you spinning in
insecurity party. It's not only romantic relationships that
a vicious cycle. The vicious cycle may be familiar and
suffer jealousy. It can haunt relationships with siblings,
safe, especially if you've been participating in it for some
parents, children, and friendships.
length of time.
With the invention of social media, and everyone's lives
The important thing to remember is how vital your
and best moments on display, there's a lot more pressure
thoughts and words are in relationships. Simply thinking
on people to feel as though they should have perfect,
positive isn't going to solve any real issues or make
harmonious relationships in their lives.
someone else feel valued, but it's a good start. It takes practice.
Even though many of us know the "perfect" relationship doesn't exist, sometimes on sites like Facebook, it can be
Turning your thoughts around when they start to go down
depressing to see other people having these supposedly
a dark hill is the first step in transforming your narrative. In
wonderful lives with their loved ones or spouse if you're
this way, your thoughts can meet your words, and then
not experiencing it yourself.
your words can meet your actions in your relationships.
This kind of social media envy also adds fuel to the fire
5. Priorities
of irrationally high expectations that people have about
Having functioning relationships are important to a
what their relationships should look like.
healthy lifestyle. Making time for those relationships is
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] necessary for evolving them forward.
you don't have time to listen to people's problems, then you're in a sense, sabotaging those relationships.
It's true that really great friendships or family bonds can stand the test of distance for quite some time. But
We all have things in our lives that keep us busy. But, at
showing those you care about and who care about you
the end of the day, when those really important things
that you're willing to make time to talk to them is part of
you had to do come to an end - it's a great feeling to
the give and take process.
have people in your life to talk to.
Even if you're unable to physically see the people in
Checking in with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend,
question, you can call, write, e-mail, text, or even do
children, parents, siblings, friends - even for a short
screen time with them online.
amount of time - shows you value them. If you can't make it to a social function, call them and let them
There's a vast ocean of ways to communicate to people
know. Keeping the lines of communication going boost
these days. In fact, it's become very hard to stay off the
relationships more than people realize.
grid with so much communication technology. Do whatever it takes to keep the conversation flowing If you have a busy life, find alternative ways to stay in
between you and the people you want to have
touch! | Source
relationships with. In turn, they should hopefully respond the same to you.
So, when it comes to friendships, romance, or family, keep in mind that all of those relationships need
Sabotaging relationships is generally pretty easy. It's
consideration. If you let them languish for too long
nourishing and maintaining those relationships that takes
because you feel you have better things to do, or that
real effort.
5
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
1. 3. 2.
5.
4.
8.
6. 7. 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
Valentine’s Day GIFT GUIDE FOR MOM 9. 10. 11. 12. All Items Found at Santana Row www.santanarow.com 1. Chelsea Gold Pendant Necklace in Iridescent Drusy - $75 2. Michele Band Ring - $300 3. Cole Silver Link Bracelet - $250 4. Rose Quartz Tumbler Candle - $65 5. Rhoan Rose Gold Hoop Earrings - $75 6. Lexi Drop Earrings in Pave Diamond and 14k Rose Gold - $1,350 7. Lisa Pendant Necklace in Pave Diamond and 14k White Gold - $695 8. Medium Antique Brass Jewelry Box in White - $150 9. Las Bayadas Heart Tote | 184 10. Atelier Paulin Love 14k gold filled wire bracelet | $250 11. Atelier Paulin Jetaime 14k gold filled wire bracelet | $295 12. Atelier Paulin Amour 14k gold filled wire bracelet | $250
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ TRAVEL ]
[ TRAVEL ]
A VINEYARD VALENTINE’S WEEKEND Restore, Rejuvenate, and Rekindle the Romance at Carneros Resort & Spa by Elizabeth Kang
You’ve heard it a thousand times;
BREATHTAKING ACCOMMODATIONS
and heated slate floors contribute
“make time for date nights!”
Privacy is king at Carneros, where
to a spacious and luxurious feel.
guests can expect a peaceful
Outdoor areas are lush with mature
But with hectic work schedules, kids’
sense of seclusion and intimacy.
native plants, trees and flowers, and
soccer practices, weekend errands,
Individual, free-standing farm-style
private, outdoor showers are a fun
and a dozen other obligations, that’s
cottages offer space away from your
bonus.
easier said than done. Still, nurturing
neighbors, and plenty of room to
your relationship with your partner is
relax.
Larger groups, families, or couple’s who simply want more space have
a priority that shouldn’t be ignored, and there’s no better place to do
Guests can choose from newly
the option to book a one or two-
that than at Carneros Resort & Spa
renovated garden cottages,
bedroom Suite, or full-sized home.
in Napa.
vineyard view cottages, cottages
All suites are appointed with two
that are closer to the action near
full-sized bathrooms, and the 2,400
This upscale property is worth
Town Square, or cottages in more
square-foot, gated-entry homes
every penny, and because it’s not
secluded parts of the property.
are equipped with a full, gourmet kitchen, oversized outdoor courtyard
often you steal away with your sweetie, when you finally do get the
Couple’s will love the quaint, private
and a second-level private deck
chance, you should stay somewhere
courtyards, equipped with warming
with cabana, overlooking soaring
memorable.
outdoor fireplaces and chaise
vineyard views.
lounges, table and chairs— the Carneros Resort & Spa is that
perfect place for sipping a glass of
DINING DELIGHTS
unforgettable place, with ultra-
wine. Your morning cup of coffee,
There are culinary treats and fine
romantic private cottages, indoor
however, can be enjoyed on your
dining delights throughout the
and outdoor fireplaces for cozying
front porch rocking chair.
property at Carneros Resort, just waiting to be discovered and
up, fine dining onsite, and a newly
savored.
renovated full-service spa to
The indoor cottage areas are just
book that much-needed couple’s
as impressive, swathed in calming
massage. All nestled on 28 stunning
neutral tones, and elegant,
FARM
acres of picturesque vineyards and
understated decor. The vaulted
You and your sweetie won’t have
bucolic land.
ceiling, French doors, walk-in shower
to leave the premises to enjoy a
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ TRAVEL ]
romantic white-tablecloth dining
menu, an Apple Cinnamon Mule. Al
or the Chicken & Waffles, featuring
experience. At FARM Restaurant—
la carte options include rustic refined
the restaurant’s award-winning fried
the award-winning farm-to-table
entrees such as Liberty Farms Duck
chicken. Lunch and dinner options
restaurant located at the resort — the
Breast, Seared Ahi Tuna, or a 26 Oz.
include a mouthwatering Akaushi
food, wine, and innovation cocktail list
Prime Porterhouse for two.
Kobe Beef Burger, delicious and hearty main salads, and a fresh
are impressive and delicious. Much of the produce used at FARM is picked
BOON FLY CAFE
right from the resort’s own culinary
A more casual but no less delicious
garden, and the eggs don't get any
option is the Boon Fly Cafe, named
HILLTOP DINING ROOM
fresher than those used from the
after a local pioneer named Boon
Reserved exclusively for guests
resident chicken coop.
Fly, who, according to the Carneros
of Carneros Resort and Spa, the
website, “planted orchards and
Hilltop Dining Room serves breakfast
Don’t miss the seasonal tasting
vineyards in the area in the mid-
and lunch with a side of stunning
menu, where Executive Chef Aaron
1800s.” The bright red, rustic barn-like
panoramic views. Guests can sit inside
Meneghelli showcases an in-season
exterior is a fun nod to the resort’s
the dining room looking out of floor-to-
ingredient in five courses. A recent
farmhouse aesthetic.
ceiling windows, or out on the patio.
Roasted King Salmon.
Either way, you’ll enjoy breathtaking
tasting menu centered around apple, and Chef Meneghelli even created an
Don’t miss the signature Boon Fly
scenes of picturesque vineyards and
apple-inspired Winter cocktail for the
donuts, served daily for breakfast,
rolling Napa hills.
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ TRAVEL ] A SOOTHING SPA The spa experience at Carneros Resort is like no other. Fresh from a complete renovation, the spa and fitness area is serenity at its best, in posh surroundings with state-ofthe-art equipment and treatments. New features in the spa include two new steam rooms, locker rooms with indoor and outdoor showers, and a couple’s sweet featuring an outdoor soaking tub and shower. Renew your romance with the playful and sensual “Aphrodisiac” couple’s treatment: “Enjoy a DIY couples body scrub in your private outdoor shower, then sink into a side-by-side aromatherapy massage in our luxurious couples suite. Complete your time together in your outdoor bath with an aphrodisiac elixir.” And be sure to take advantage
Take advantage of the
of the resort’s free fitness classes,
complimentary cruiser bikes —
including various yoga classes,
equipped with picnic baskets — to
There are two pools to enjoy at
haul your goodies and explore
Carneros Resort; a family friendly
bucolic paths and nearby wineries.
pool, as well as the adult-only Hilltop
pilates, and bootcamp style classes. The 24-hour, 3,000 square foot fitness center features high-end cardiovascular and strength training equipment, and a class studio with floor-to-ceiling windows showcasing spectacular scenery. EXPLORE & PLAY There’s plenty more to Carneros Resort & Spa than relaxation, starting perhaps, with a trip to the onsite
clothing boutique, the COOP.
Pool with lovely countryside views. Both have soothing hot tubs.
Wineries in the area include the famous sparkling wine producer Domaine Carneros, and the more
Other notable resort amenities
intimate Cuvaison Estate Winery. Visit
include car service (within a 5-mile
nearby Artesa Winery for amazing
radius of the resort,) full concierge
modern architecture and Etude
assistance, and dog-friendly rooms.
Winery for their notable Cabs and Elevate your date night with a date
Pinot Noirs.
weekend at Carneros Resort & Spa.
gourmet general market to pick out delicious grab’n go food for a
There’s lots of fun to be had onsite,
Your love life (and significant other)
romantic picnic. The Market sells
as well. Play a few rounds of bocce
will thank you. There’s no better
everything from gourmet wraps,
in the Town Square, where guests
excuse to get away from it all than
sandwiches and boutique wine to
can enjoy bocce courts, an outdoor
to spend quality time rekindling
organic cheeses, charcuterie, and
lounge area, and shop for luxury
the romance and reconnecting in
even picnic baskets.
resort wear and accessories at onsite
romantic, picturesque wine country.
FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ PARENTING ] Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships. Dr. Meeker is co-host and physicianin-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.
How To Help Your Spouse Be A Better Parent by Dr. Meg Meeker As parents, there’s a lot we can do individually, but the truth is we really are better together. And the more we realize that the more it should inspire us to be intentional with our spouse in ways that help them be the best mom or dad they can be. I recently spoke with my friend, Dr. Linda Mintle, all about what it means to help your spouse be a better parent. Now, to be clear – this wasn’t an episode about calling out your spouse on everything they are doing “wrong” or shaming them into submission to parent the way YOU want. Dr. Mintle and I spoke on this subject to encourage parents out there that they can help one another be better – first for the sake of one another and their own relationship and certainly for the sake of their kids. I strongly encourage you to listen to this episode together with your spouse. I
22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ PARENTING ] think you’ll be surprised at how easy it really can be to
(inadvertently) push out fathers. To help balance this, I
work toward bringing out the best parent possible in one
encourage new mothers to let their husbands feed the
another.
baby breast milk (or a bit of formula) periodically from a bottle, so he can also bond with the child.
Here are 3 ways you can start learning how to bring out
As the kids get a little older, it’s common that one parent
the best parent in your spouse today.
will become the disciplinarian while the other becomes the “fun” parent. This is normal, simply due to personality
1. Embrace the different communication styles of your
differences. But make sure that you as a parent aren’t
partner.
dominating one area of parenting and pushing the other
You’ve probably figured it out by now that men and
spouse out of the way. The truth of the matter is, your
women communicate differently. If you haven’t, then
spouse does certain things a lot better than you, and you
SPOILER ALERT! It’s only natural then, that mom and
do some things better than them – so make sure you let
dad communicate differently to their children, too. For
them do those things!
instance, fathers tend to bond with their children by playing, while mothers bond with their kids by talking. Neither way is more right or wrong, they are simply different. When parents acknowledge the different styles of communication with their spouse, they alleviate a lot of pressure in their relationship. It is important that parents acknowledge and embrace one another's different communication styles. It can be easy to make assumptions that your spouse isn’t aligned with you in your parenting because they are communicating differently. For example, I used to believe that my husband was being insensitive because he didn’t talk much or didn’t respond to our kids the way that I thought he should. In reality, he was simply listening more attentively than I was. I misjudged him because I didn’t
The reality is, you both have strengths that, if you understand and know how to play to them, can create great strides in your parenting together. Parents are at their best when they empower one another to parent from their strengths. I’m talking specifically to Mom here. We have a tendency to be controlling when it comes to our kids, so we need to take an active step back and let our husbands parent well, too. Parents are at their best when they empower one another to parent from their strengths. 3. Be intentional about praising the other parent. It’s easy to get caught up in praising your kids and lifting their self-esteem. It’s even easier to forget to praise your
fully understand nor appreciate his communication
spouse. Moms need encouragement and so do dads!
style with our kids. Always give your spouse the benefit
Parents must make a conscious effort to praise their
of the doubt. When we acknowledge and embrace
spouse for who they are on a daily basis.
our differences, we are one step closer to parenting successfully.
More often than not, mothers feel undervalued and underappreciated and fathers feel inadequate in
2. Allow your partner room to parent well.
the home. That’s why it’s vitally important to make a
Moms, this is a tough one for us. Our need/desire to
conscious effort in praising your spouse for who they
dominate the parenting sphere comes early to us
are (not just what they do) on a daily basis. Parents, you
– think back to having a newborn and all the time
need to work together and build one another up in your
spent breastfeeding. I’ve always encouraged mothers
roles – and you may find that it does wonders for your
to breastfeed, but the act of breastfeeding can
marriage, too. FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ HEALTH ]
Amber Ross PA_C Timeless Clinic & Antiaging www.timelessantiagingclinic.com
Botox 101
by Amber Ross PA_C
Do you look in the mirror and see your Mother staring back at you? Have you thought about trying an anti-aging technique but aren't sure where to start? Join the club! As a single Mom with four kids at home, I fail to pamper myself or do anything that makes me feel better about myself, let alone justify the costs involved. I have also had some nervousness about trying new procedures. That said, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. First step was finding the most qualified, licensed professional who came highly recommended. After talking to numerous friends, many mentioned Amber Ross, Owner of Timeless Clinic in Pleasanton. Amber is a Physician’s Assistant with more than 15 years of experience under her belt. Her holistic approach to aging is what impressed me the most. Amber is an advocate of taking care of the entire body; eating well, drinking lots of water, exercise and seeks to educate her 24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ HEALTH ] clients on how to care for their skin with clean products
BOTOX
and common sense practices. Amber addresses each
1. What is Botox
individual client's issues, their comfort level and desired
Botox is neuro-modulator protein that is isolated and
results. She is very conscientious of ensuring that you look
purified from botulinum. It comes in a powder form
natural, younger and refreshed.
once mixed with a small amount of saline it becomes activated.
Due to the wrinkles around my eyes and forehead, Amber recommended Botox. Slightly reluctant at first,
2. What happens to the muscles
Amber addressed the questions I had, the purpose of
The muscles relax which widens the eyes, lifts in
Botox, the safety of the product and how long the results
between the eyes and eyebrows. In addition the
would last. Never a fan of needles, I was also afraid of
forehead goes down. It's important to balance the
the pain. While all legitimate questions and concerns,
placement of the Botox to achieve a natural look.
the procedure took less than 5 minutes, was painless and so far the results are amazing. I look well-rested, the
3. How long does the procedure take
deep lines between my eyes have disappeared and I
Once you’ve discussed your problem areas and overall
don’t miss the forehead wrinkles.
goals it’s a short appointment that takes 15 minutes. You will start to see results in 3-10 days.
I realize Botox isn’t for everyone, but for those who are curious, Amber addressed a few additional questions below.
4. What’s the average amount of units people receiveOne full CC is 100 units at our dilution. The average amount in the glabella (in between the eye brows) is 20-35 units, eyes 10-20 units and forehead is 10-20.
5. How do you know if it’s authentic Allergan The authentic Allergan bottle will have an iridescent label.
6. How long has Botox been around and how safe is it? Botox was first used for strabismus in the 1970’s (cross eye)
It is used cosmetically in very low doses. It has many medical uses at a much stronger doses where you may see side effects.
Cosmetic Botox can cause eyelid or eyebrow dropping that resolves in a few weeks and can be corrected with eye drops. Correct placement and concentration of product reduce the chance of this happening. FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
4713 First Street, Suite #215 Pleasanton, CA 94566 www.timelessantiagingclinic.com Instagram: timeless_clinic 925-366-1535
A P P LY N OW !
St. Isidore Catholic School is the East Bay's largest Catholic TK-8 elementary school - dedicated to an educational experience that cultivates knowledge, leadership, and service. Submit your application online at www.stisidore.org. New Student Testing for grades 1-8 will be held on Thursday, March 14th at 3:30pm. Call 925.837.2977 to RSVP.
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ TRAVEL ]
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT – F OU R SE A SO N S SAN FR AN CI SCO – by Elizabeth Kang
While some may see a hotel as simply a place to rest their head at night, others view it as an experience; a respite from routine, and a new place to explore and indulge. For those in the latter, choosing a hotel is not just a matter of cost — it’s about aesthetics, service, location and amenities, among other criteria. Four Seasons San Francisco deserves high marks in all. The hotel is a vacation unto itself; an experience to be relished, a place to luxuriate and be pampered. Like all Four Seasons resorts, the hotel is wholeheartedly kid-friendly, but we found that it makes for a particularly posh adults-weekend-getaway home base, with plenty of delicious restaurants, upscale shopping, and fun entertainment venues all within walking distance. Read on to discover what guests can expect when they book the Four Seasons SF, as well as the reasons why we think the hotel should be your top “city-getaway” choice.
28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ TRAVEL ]
GUEST “PERKS” Staying at Four Seasons SF is an experience. Beyond the impeccable service and welcoming hospitality you’d expect at a Four Seasons resort, the San Francisco location offers some standout “perks” that deserve to be highlighted: • Free access to Equinox Fitness Center — Guests of the Four Seasons SF receive complimentary access to the adjacent Equinox Fitness Center, a luxury fitness club with every amenity you could hope for in a gym. • Jaw-dropping Views — Request a top floor room to experience breathtaking views of Yerba Buena
• Elegant Decor — Guests can expect tasteful and
Gardens and the San Francisco Bay. Lower floors still
sophisticated decor with calming hues of neutral colors
offer plenty of scenery with views of Market Street and
in grey, blue and white, with trendy and upscale brass
Yerba Buena gardens. All rooms have floor-to-ceiling
and gold accents throughout the hotel. The effect is
windows that allow for lots of natural light.
modern, cozy and upscale, without being gaudy or over-the-top. • Oversized, Spacious Bathrooms — Bathrooms are a standout, with ample space, marble fixtures, double vanities, separate tub and shower, and calming, neutral hues. • Ultra-cozy Beds — The beds at Four Seasons SF are on another level, with plush down duvets and pillows (with hypoallergenic pillows on request.) Twicedaily housekeeping and evening turndown service ensure that your bed is always clean and made. Mattresses are neither too firm or soft, just wonderfully comfortable. FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ TRAVEL ] • Other Amenities — The Four Seasons amenities are a step above your average hotel, with 24-hour drycleaning and laundry service, luxurious, thick terrycloth bathrobes, babysitting services, overnight shoeshine service, and more. “LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION” Four Seasons’ central location allows for no wasted time getting to and from all of your dining, shopping and entertainment needs. The hotel is perfectly situation in the middle of all of the action, as well as near a Bart Station (Embarcadero) — making a vehicle completely unnecessary (a rare luxury in California!) Situated right on Market, the hotel is walking distance to an superabundance of shopping, entertainment and dining venues: • Westfield Shopping Centre — High-end shopping is just a short walk away, with all of your favorite mall stores, including notable restaurants and luxury stores. • Yerba Buena Gardens — Yerba Buena Gardens is more than a public park. It’s a cultural hub offering public art and music displays, and picturesque trails that are perfect for strolling, people watching, and site-seeing. • Museum of Ice Cream — If you’re savvy enough to score tickets to the trendy and Instagram-worthy Museum of Ice Cream, you’ll be within easy walking distance to the Four Seasons SF. • AMC Metreon 16 — A massive movie theater showing all the latest blockbuster hits along with with a few lesser-known indie or foreign flicks. • San Francisco Museum of Modern Art — The famous SFMoMA is a worthwhile way to while away an afternoon, offering seven floors of awe-inducing art, as well as stunning cityscape views and the largest living wall the U.S. • SHN Golden Gate Theatre — This historic theater is iconic, and is the perfect spot to catch a Broadway show, (and is within walking distance of your hotel!) A “FOODIE’S” DELIGHT There are a dizzying amount of notable restaurants and lively bars in less than a one-mile radius of Four Seasons San Francisco, from upscale, white-tablecloth fine dining to casual, but delicious, hole-in-the-walls: 30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ TRAVEL ]
• Benu — This minimalist, new-American hot spot is trendy, pricey, and innovative. • Zero Zero — A more casual option, Zero Zero is a popular pizza and modern Italian cuisine haunt, that’s low-key yet still swanky and stylish. • Fogo de Chão — This well-known Brazilian Steakhouse is an experience unto itself. Be sure to come hungry! • Super Duper Burgers — For a quick, casual bite, you won’t do better than Super Duper Burgers, serving up some of the most delicious, gooiest, mouthwatering cheeseburgers in town. • Ghirardelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop — It’s a quick stroll from the Four Seasons SF to indulgent chocolates, ice cream sundaes and milkshakes, and • MKT Restaurant & Bar — As far as convenience goes, MKT Restaurant & Bar has everyone else beat. Not only is this lively bar and farm-to-table restaurant situated
next-level hot chocolate at the legendary Ghirardelli Ice Cream and Chocolate Shop. • The View Lounge — Grab an after-dinner cocktail at
right inside the hotel, it offers food and drink that easily
this posh bar, offering plenty of city views, small bites
stand up to some of the best restaurants in the city, no
and innovative drinks.
travel required. • Hakkasan — Chinese food taken to another level,
A stay at the Four Seasons San Francisco offers much
Hakkasan offers delicious, high-end cuisine in chic
more than a place to rest your head. It offers exemplary
surroundings, with fabulous views.
service and amenities in a location that allows you to
• Mourad — Visit Mourad for fine-dining Moroccan with a Californian twist, and ultra-luxe, stylish surroundings.
ditch your car for the weekend and enjoy everything the city has to offer. FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31
[ RELATIONSHIPS ]
Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness. Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution. She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students. She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.
The Best Kept Secret To Highly Successful Relationships by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. According to Adam Grant, Wharton’s most popular and youngest tenured faculty member, author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, people fall into one of 3 distinct categories: Givers, Matchers and Takers. While Grant’s book is written for a business audience, its theories provide extraordinary insight into romantic relationships. The category you fall into may well determine the success and happiness of your relationship! For example, has a romantic relationship ever made you feel like you were not good enough? Have you ever been taken advantage of by a romantic partner? Have you ever felt like you gave everything to someone and ended up completely worn out? Then you may just fall into the “Giver” style of romantic partner. Interestingly, while the Giver style may have its drawbacks, Givers are also usually the most attractive partners and more likely to have long-term relationships! A study examining the trait most highly valued in potential romantic partners suggests a different story: both men and women rate kindness as one of their most desired traits. Moreover, givers are also most likely to be affectionate, a trait which determines the long-term success of a relationship (as I describe in this post). In order to understand where you fit in and how to best navigate your relationships with others, here’s a summary of the 3 styles of romantic partners.
32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] 3 Styles of Romantic Partners
So Who is Most Successful and Who is Least Successful?
Givers are people whose primary motivation is to
Grant points out a fascinating fact about who, among
take care of others, to make sure others are well, and
these 3 styles, is happiest and most successful: It is givers.
to contribute to others and society. In a relationship,
What about those who are least successful? Also givers!
these are people who are always thinking about gifts
Why? Givers who learn to successfully navigate a world
for their partner, who take their partners’ interests into
with matchers and takers make out great. Everyone
consideration, and who are always thinking “What else
loves givers, trusts them, and supports them when they
can I do for you?” They’re pretty awesome. As Grant
are in need. So why are Givers also the least successful?
mentions in his book—everyone likes having givers
Because some givers don’t know how to navigate that
around because they are always happy to contribute
world and, as a consequence, end up taken advantage
and thinking of others. They understand the relationship
of. If you’re a giver, you’ve been there at least once both
as an opportunity to give and take care.
professionally and personally.
Givers often end up thinking there is something wrong
Imagine a relationship between a giver and a taker?
with them when they are unhappy in a relationship. They
These end up with the giver completely worn out,
are the ones who think they are not lovable or good
having perhaps spent their savings, time and energy
enough because they take personal responsibility for
on someone who keeps demanding more and never or
making the relationship work (rather than blaming their
scarcely provides for their partners’ needs (unless they
partners). They can end up burned out and exhausted,
do so temporarily because it behooves them at that
from continuously giving at their own cost if they do not
moment).
receive the support they need from the relationship. So what makes a successful giver? Read Adam Grant’s Matchers tend to keep a balance sheet in a relationship.
book to get his complete lists of tips. One that stood out
When matchers give they do so with an expectation
to me was the idea of being a “giver with awareness.”
of getting something in return. When they receive
Awareness of what? Be aware that the world has
something, they feel like they have to give something
givers, matchers and takers. Watch people’s words
back. Matchers are the ones who are keeping tabs,
and actions, and you will know who is who. When you
and view relationships as somewhat like a commercial
navigate romantic relationships, friendships or business
transaction.They are the ones who are most likely to say
partnerships, investigate which category your potential
something like: “I did this for you, but you didn’t do that
partner belongs to and don’t get blown away by first-
for me” or “You paid for this, so I’ll pay for that.”
impressions (as noted above, Takers are masters of first-impression charm). Then what? In a non-romantic
Takers are just that…takers. They usually treat people
situation, you can deal with Matchers and Takers by
well only if and when those people can help them reach
adopting a matcher-like attitude (I know, hard to do
their goals. Interestingly, Grant points out that they often
for a giver!). Start speaking in terms of “ok, we have an
appear as the most charming and charismatic people
agreement, you do this and in exchange I will do this.”
on the surface. They know how to work the crowd and seduce, but under the surface they are actually
What about in romantic relationships? I conferred with
motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by
Adam Grant while writing this article and he shared
how poorly they treat people that they believe are of
the following tip about long-term love: “In the most
no use to them. You know you’re in a relationship with a
successful relationships, both partners are givers. In other
taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have (whether
words, when a romantic relationship works, matchers
it’s money, affection, time etc.). Once the taker has
and takers are focused on giving. Both partners might
everything they want from you, you may be relegated to
be giving in different ways, but they should be willing
the “unimportant” sphere of their life. Their primary focus
to support each other without expecting something in
is themselves.
return. That said, when things get too far out of balance, FEBRUARY 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33
[ RELATIONSHIPS ] I think we all become matchers.” Imagine a relationship
who experienced more gratitude in their relationship
where both partners are always caring for each other’s
also felt closer to their partner, more satisfied with the
needs. Where when there is a fight, both are the first to
relationship and tended to engage in more constructive
say “I’m sorry, it was my fault.” In which both live their
and positive behaviors within the relationship. Ultimately,
life with their partner’s best interest in mind. You better
for a good relationship that benefits you, you will want
believe that matchers and takers are also looking out for
your partner to be happy and will want to support them
givers so, if you’re a giver, be sure you seek one out for yourself too because you deserve it. If you recognize yourself as a matcher or taker then—first of all—congratulations on being so honest with yourself. Of course, because of givers’ affectionate and serviceoriented qualities, it is also in your best interest to have a partner who is a giver. However, I’d like you to consider 2
in return.
Second, as Grant’s book clearly outlines, givers are the ones who end up being most successful and happy, if they watch out not to be taken advantage of. A large amount of research now shows that a lifestyle comprised of kindness and service leads to greater fulfillment as well as health and happiness. If you want to be happy
things:
and successful, it therefore behooves you too to be or First, givers will never be fully happy unless you support
become a giver.
them as they support you. They will eventually feel worn out and perhaps even leave. In a recent study by Amie
For more on the science of happiness and relationships,
Gordon at the University of California-Berkeley, those
check out my new book The Happiness Track.
WHERE CURIOSITY TAKES YOU Step inside a tornado, turn upside down in a giant curved mirror, walk on a fog bridge, and explore more than 650 hands-on exhibits for visitors of all ages. You’ll find all of this plus unique programs; a café and restaurant; two stores; and more at our beautiful San Francisco bayside location. Now through September 3rd, don’t miss Inflatable: Expanding Works of Art—where gigantic, fantastical air-filled artworks reimagine what air can become. Inflatable is included with museum admission. Pier 15 on the Embarcadero •
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34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | FEBRUARY 2019
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