Active Family March 2014

MARCH 2014

Summer CAMP GUIDE

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Volume 1 / Issue 2

[ FAMILY ]

[ DÉCOR ]

[ EVENTS ]

How Can I Change My Daughter’s Negative Thinking?

A Room with a View

March Calendar

12

24

[ ENTERTAINMENT ]

[ FINANCE ]

8 Tasty Gastropubs in the Bay

Learning to be a “Good Enough” Mom: The First Key to Balance

8 Are you a “BFF” Parent?

10

20

I Have to Have It!

26

[ FOOD ]

16 Want to Wake up Jazzed about the Day Ahead?

18

How to Make a Quick and Healthy Dinner

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

44

32

Camps Around the Bay

[ HEALTH ]

Summer Camp Listings

Do You Know What Triggers Your Child’s Allergies?

Parenting a Kid Who is Tough to Live With

15

30

Tips for Choosing the Right Summer Camp for Your Child

Ask a Children’s Hospital Expert

22

12 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

38

20

42

38

Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Design/Production

Contributing Authors/Businesses

Tracie Vollgraf

Teresa Craft

Marketing Manager

Ad Design/Production

Crystal Wigton

Lara Mays

Dr. Susan Stiffelman Dr. Susan Adham Bonnie Harris, MS Ed Kristen Phillips/Bellissimo Décor Susan Newman Ph.D Dr. Laura Markham Maria Villacis MS, CCC-SLP Michelle Perry Higgins Meg Meeker, M.D. Ann Woods Amy Fothergill, The Family Chef Jennifer Yin Photography

Advertising Sales Manager Karen Ruskowski

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566 Advertising Inquiries | 925.798.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note Spring has sprung! Or has it? Although winter has been extremely mild this year and many of us are doing the rain dance in hopes of getting out of a drought and onto the slopes, we are talking Summer Camps this issue! Hard to believe, but it is time to give some thought to how to keep the kids occupied during the summer school break. As usual, we have provided many amazing summer programs that cater to an array of interests from horseback riding, kayaking, swimming, technology and more! Take a look at our Summer Camp Guide starting on page 32 to get a jumpstart on the decision-making process.

While you will always find helpful and pertinent parenting articles and advice in every Active Family issue, we are now dedicated to providing a mixture of date-night ideas, fashion, travel and home décor inspiration. Our 8 Favorite Gastropubs featured on page 20 offer scrumptious menu items, unique beer choices, fabulous wine lists and funky ambience. Looking to redesign your home or just need some inspiration to freshen your current aesthetic? You are sure to fall in love with Kristen Phillips’ design of a classic Benicia home with a view on page 12. While not every homeowner is lucky enough to wake up to magnificent panoramic views of the Bay, her interior design transformation utilizes key elements with texture, fabrics, the old and new, and is guaranteed to make you pick up the paint brush or hit the furniture store…or call Kristen for help!

Cheers!

Tracie Vollgraf Editor tvollgraf@activefamilymag.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ FAMILY ]

How Can I Change My Daughter’s Negative Thinking?

by Dr. Susan Stiffelman

Susan Stiffelman is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Counselor, an Educational Therapist, Parent Educator and Professional Speaker.

She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Developmental Psychology, a California K-9 Teaching Credential, a Masters of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology, and a California Marriage and Family Therapist license since 1991. Visit her website www passionateparenting.net and be sure to sign up for her free Parenting Without Power Struggles newsletter!

I have a 12-year-old daughter whose negative thinking makes her feel bad most of the time. For instance, she says she is sure her classmates think she is stupid when she makes mistakes in math class. I read in your book that parents should try to teach their children not to believe every upsetting thought they think, but if I try to get her to see things from another perspective she says, “Don’t say it’s not true.

Don’t say they don’t hate me!” I wish I could help her stop being so negative, but at the same time let her know I empathize.

This is a terrific question because learning to get a handle on our thinking can make a radical difference in how we all enjoy our lives -- children and adults.

Here’s my advice: • Don’t invalidate your daughter’s feelings. While it is true that I encourage parents to help their children question their thoughts so they don’t believe the first -- and worst -- interpretation of reality, I would never suggest invalidating what your daughter is feeling. “It sounds like you get very self-conscious when you make a mistake in math. It’s hard to feel shaky and worried that kids might judge you when you don’t get the answer right.” After acknowledging what she’s experiencing, you can move on to helping her question her negative take on things -- if she’s open and willing.

• Explain the idea of having imaginary lawyers in our head who convince us that what we think is true. I invite my clients (adults and children) to imagine that we have a team of lawyers in our mind who eagerly await the opportunity to build a case. If we have a negative belief, they will “prove” that belief to be true.

But if we ask our “lawyers” to build a case for the opposing side, they can do

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FAMILY ] that, too!

“What are three reasons the opposite of your belief might also be true?” In the case of your daughter, thinking kids see her as stupid when she gets a math problem wrong, she might consider: “If they laugh when I make a mistake, it might be that they’re nervous and glad they weren’t the one the teacher called on.”

“They get problems wrong, too and might feel better seeing me mess up.”

“Most kids know I’m really good at writing, and that no one is great at everything.” By helping your daughter come up with specific reasons her negative thoughts may be untrue, she can learn how to untangle them on her own.

• Play the Are You a Mind Reader? game. I often do this with kids in my office who struggle with chronic negative thinking and are certain that they know what others believe about them.

AK_AD_3.75x4.81_012214.pdf 1 1/21/14 12:27 PM Susan: “I’m thinking of a number from 1 to 50 (or my

favorite restaurant or pizza topping.) What is it?”

Child: “I don’t know.”

Susan: “Then help me understand how you would be able to know for sure what someone is thinking when you make a mistake in math?”

• Model what you are wanting to teach. Let your daughter hear you choosing alternatives to negative beliefs when you are facing a challenging situation.

Instead of, “Grandma’s birthday will be ruined if I don’t make the casserole just the way she likes it and they’re out of the sauce I always use!” say, “Today I have a chance to create something special for Grandma’s birthday dinner. Want to help?”

By allowing your daughter to hear you offer alternatives to catastrophic thinking, you’ll create a blueprint for her to start doing the same.

Most of us have to work hard to manage the human tendency to think the worst when we’re dealing with a difficult situation. By helping your daughter learn to question her negative thoughts while she’s young, she will be far better able to manage them when she grows up.

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[ FAMILY ]

Are you a “BFF” Parent?

by Bonnie Harris, MS Ed Are you trying to be your child’s “best friend forever”? Or are you a friend to your child? All kinds of strings are attached to BFFs, but a true friend should involve no strings whatsoever. Maybe it’s the qualities of a BFF parent that make us think that friendship should not enter the relationship.

All the “experts” say, “Don’t be your child’s friend.” Why not? I have a hard time understanding that point of view. Is it because we want to be able to punish, reprimand, and restrict our children? Is it because we want more power over them than a friend would have? I want to examine this friendship idea.

Bonnie Harris, MS Ed, director of Connective Parenting, has been a child behavior and parenting specialist for twenty-five years. Based on her highly acclaimed books, When Your Kids Push Your Buttons and Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live, Bonnie counsels parents via phone and Skype, teaches parenting workshops, leads professional trainings and speaks internationally. The mother of two grown children, she lives in New Hampshire where she founded The Parent Guidance Center. To learn more, visit her website at www.bonnieharris.com.

What is a friend? Someone you can count on; someone who is loyal, honest, and trustworthy; someone you really like and even love; someone you want in your life for a very long time; someone you empathize with who can empathize with you; someone who gives you a shoulder to cry on, listens, and understands your problems without fixing them or giving unwanted advice; someone who doesn’t talk about you behind your back but instead has your back; someone you really like being with because you can be yourself. Wouldn’t you like those qualities in a parent?

Afraid that being your child’s friend means not being able to hold him accountable because your authority would be undermined? Don’t you hold your friends accountable for their behavior? Good friendships are lost over less. When we can’t say no to our friends, hold them accountable for certain behavior, or speak honestly, it indicates poor boundaries—not a great foundation for friendship.

I see no reason we cannot be friends with our children. But there is a difference between being friends and being a BFF parent: The BFF Parent: • Alters own needs to suite child’s demands • Does anything to avoid child’s upset • Is dishonest to protect child from the “big, bad world” • Avoids loneliness by sharing inappropriate information • Demands loyalty and companionship through attached strings • Tries to fix child’s problems to gain love and appreciation • Asks child to keep secrets • Uses child as confidante for own problems • Holds back feelings to be nice, yet might blow-up in a rage • Insists that child has similar tastes, values, and opinions The Parent who is also a friend: • Enjoys spending time, hanging out with, and just being with the child • Shares ideas, opinions, stories and encourages the same • Learns what activities child enjoys and becomes familiar with them • Listens and acknowledges feelings but does not take responsibility for child’s problems, upsets, or disappointments • Shows respect and consideration in all communication and never, ever speaks disrespectfully, hurtfully, or abusively • Laughs a lot and tells jokes

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FAMILY ] • Encourages child to find own way, follow own path, develop own values and opinions • Is willing to speak honestly trusting the relationship will remain strong • Behaves in way that does not betray trust • Expresses anger and deals with child’s anger • Is also the authority figure—someone the child looks up to, learns from and emulates because of the preceding attributes I wonder if the qualities of friendship restrict parents too much from speaking disrespectfully and doling out whatever critical, labeling or punitive reactions arise in the heat of the moment. I wonder if being a friend to your child requires accountability that most parents don’t want to be held to. Are we afraid that our children won’t respect us if we are their friends? Don’t you respect your friends?

In the parent-child relationship, we are more than friends. We are teachers and guides; we provide for them and are responsible for their care and upbringing, but this does not preclude friendship as well. Problems arise when we try to be “best friends forever”. Or when we are not their friends.

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MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ DÉCOR ]

A Room With a View THE RADIUS ROOM - Homeowner’s Rob & Margaret Storelee’s

brass hardware and lit glass shelves which proudly displays the

love of weekends on their yacht and entertaining by the pool

Storelee’s treasures, memorable photos and keepsakes. To the

brought about the inspiration for this room. The family room,

homeowner’s true delight is the ability to enjoy the full view and

better known to the Storelee’s as the “Radius Room” allows for a

space of their Radius Room by simply swiveling to the Bay view.

full spectrum view of the Northern California Bay and the various

The pair of Ottomans in beautiful linen and viscose black tapestry

ships and sail boats passing by. Relaxed, functional, as well as

fabric, can be easily moved, due to the light construction of

beautifully changing with the seasons was the goal of the Interior

the detailed frame, to accommodate an appetizer tray or simply

Designer. A transitional design with its underlining traditional

a gentle place to rest and take in the view. Optimum seating

classic look was considered while choosing from the multiple

was a must for the client’s entertainment value. Therefore the

fabrics and frames. The Sectional Sofa with a 36” depth allows

selection of the kitchen nook chairs played a significant role in

for a comfortable seat construction while still enabling plenty of

this overall design plan. The Skirted Dining Chairs upholstered in

room to move throughout the Dining and Radius Room areas.

EXCLUSIVE 31,500 double rubs wheat woven over black large

The geometric patterned accent pillows, resting against the “not

Jacquard print, brings comfort to this cozy sunny breakfast nook

to worry” Sunbrella fabric frame, gives the homeowners seasonal

while allowing the chairs to be a welcome addition to the Radius

choices of splashes of color throughout the year. Nestled against

Room design. While the entertaining of family and friends are of

the radius room windows rest two Swivel Chairs flanked by custom

importance, these empty nesters will enjoy their design for years

window treatments. Dressed in the linen & rayon quatrefoil

to come!”

embroidered fabric, complete with a dressmaker skirt, mimics the design of the quatrefoil shaped mullions found on the Grand Display Cabinet in the vintage black finish, with solid

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

To purchase items from this room go to: www.rue237.com Photography By: Manning Magic

[ DÉCOR ] THE LIVING ROOM - Open windows viewing the warmth of the Northern California Bay surround this intimate Living space and its tranquil colors of the nearby landscapes. The inspiration was to create an intimate space for entertaining while allowing the depth of exterior colors to transcend throughout the indoor/outdoor space. Featuring historical Benicia Hand Blown Glass with the accent of color found on the custom velvet monogrammed accent pillows and area rug, reflects the view of the bay waters. Whether lounging on the outdoor lounge chairs or settling in on the curves of the Saddle Leather Wing Back Chairs, the beauty of the sailboats passing by is still in full view. The curvature of the buttery soft leather wings is enhanced with the movement of small weathered brass nail-head trim. While the French Plaster finished feet float against the royal blue patterned area rug. The distressed wooden beams, chandelier, custom bubinga cabinets, and cast stone fireplace allows the nestling of friends and family to warm their hearts while seated on these stately Leather Wing Back Chairs.

To purchase items from this room, go to: www.rue237.com Photography Courtesy of: Manning Magic

THE DINING ROOM - The custom antique silver leaf ceiling sets the stage for the Storelee’s beautifully adorned Dining Room. This once enclosed room, now with wall removed, takes in the view of the Radius Room and ultimately the beauty of the Bay! The 30,000-rub Cotton/Poly stripe fabric was chosen for high wearability for the loose seat cushion/tight back dining chairs, allowing the homeowners to dine with ease! While the gentle pleating and backside neutral Jacquard fabric brings inspiration and variety of options to the Storelee’s tabletop design. The curved back dining chairs envelopes comfort and softness to the vertical lines within this space, while obtaining the main objective of the design. The reuse of the clients beautiful cherry dining table, enlarging their seating capabilities with comfort and elegance, and the overall selection of fabrics that would correspond with the adjoining Living & Radius Rooms furniture and fabrications. The Leather Wing Back Chairs trimmed with small weathered brass nail heads softly contrast the beauty of these playful dining chairs, while the duplicated chandelier in the dining room brings uniformity to the adjoining spaces!

To purchase items from this room, go to: www.rue237.com Photography Courtesy of: Manning Magic

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ DÉCOR ] THE BREAKFAST NOOK - This cozy breakfast nook has one view overlooking the client’s pool and another overlooking the Northern California Bay! A design plan encompassing the brief still moments of life, and treasured relationships. A place to read the newspaper or simply an intimate gathering over a meal shared. The Skirted Dining Chairs in the EXCLUSIVE 31,500 double rubs, chosen for high wearability, has a wheat woven over large black Jacquard print, bringing comfort to this cozy sunny breakfast nook while allowing the chairs to be a welcome addition to the adjacent Radius Room design. The cherry cabinets, sun struck windows, and chandelier trimmed with jewels seems to invite guests to take a seat and enjoy the company within!

To purchase items from this room, go to: www.rue237.com Photography Courtesy of: Manning Magic

BELLISSIMO DÉCOR was founded by Kristen Phillips in 2003 and specializes in residential & commercial design and project installation. Recognized in national industry publications such as “HOME DECOR: A Sunset Design Guide” in 2007, and the Grand Prize Winner of the National Design Contest “Proudly Pearson Designers Challenge” in 2013, Bellissimo Décor has developed a reputation for creating truly distinctive designs.

approach and a special attention to detail. From the initial spatial planning and development of concept drawings to the specifying of materials, textiles, & color accents, Bellissimo Décor completes the project, teaming up with exceptional trade and install partners. The result, creative solutions and personal interior and exterior designs delivered with a high level of customer service.

“Each project starts with the client’s functional requirements and an understanding of their personal style preferences” says Kristen Phillips. With the heart of the customer at the center, Bellissimo Décor then transforms the space to one that is creative, personally unique and consistently balances luxury with comfortable living.

To further expand her ability to serve her clients, in 2013 Kristen Phillips partnered with Kelly Ortiz to launch RUE 237, an online shopping site. “I wanted to be able to give my clients a broader scope of design options to include many unique and truly one of a kind options for furniture, lighting, accessories and gifts with competitive online pricing” says Kristen Phillips.

Whether engaged to do one room or the entire structure, Bellissimo Décor approaches each project with an integrated

For more samplings of Kristen’s work visit: www.bellissimodecor.com To shop, visit: www.rue237.com

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ HEALTH ]

Do You Know What Triggers Your Child’s Allergies?

by Dr. Susan Adham Nearly 10 million pet owners, including kids, are allergic to their pet, according to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology. But don’t get rid of your furry friend just yet. Although your pet can trigger allergies, so can other substances such as pollen, mold or dust.

True or False?

Allergy symptoms – sneezing, watery eyes and an itchy nose – occur when your child has a sensitivity to certain airborne substances called triggers. Knowing your child’s triggers can help prevent an allergic reaction, so it’s important to separate fact from fiction. Are the following true or false?

Hypoallergenic pets will not cause allergies in children.

False. Hypoallergenic pets – without fur, with short fur or non-shedding fur – are often suggested as a solution to children’s allergies. But if your child is sneezing and sniffling around your family pet, it’s not your pet’s fur that’s causing the problem.

Pet allergies are triggered by a protein found in the skin, not in the fur. When your pet sheds skin flakes called dander, they can trigger allergies. Hypoallergenic pets will not prevent allergies because they have dander too. You can help alleviate your child’s allergy symptoms by keeping his or her bedroom a no-pet, dander-free zone. Trap dander by using a vacuum with a high-efficiency particulate air filter.

Flowers cause allergies in children.

False. Although flowers have pollen, they don’t release it into the air. Instead, bees transport it from flower to flower. Only plants that release pollen into the air – like weeds, grasses and trees – cause allergies.

Pollen counts can predict bad days for seasonal allergies.

Dr. Susan Adham practices pediatrics with the Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation and is a Sutter Delta-affiliated physician.

True. Daily pollen counts can help you determine the worst days for seasonal allergies, so you can keep your child inside, if necessary. One source of pollen counts is the National Allergy Bureau.

Eating honey can reduce children’s seasonal allergies.

False. Some believe that by eating the pollen in honey, you can desensitize your immune system to pollen so you won’t react to it. However, this doesn’t work because the pollen in honey is from flowers and does not cause seasonal allergies.

Just knowing your child’s triggers and avoiding them can help him or her remain symptom-free this spring. Prevent an allergic reaction by giving your child an overthe-counter medication before symptoms start. If this doesn’t work, be sure to see your doctor who may prescribe a nasal spray or refer your child to an allergist for further testing and treatment.

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ FAMILY ]

I Have To Have It! 12 Tips to Deprogramming the Spoiled Child

by Susan Newman Ph.D. After returning from vacation, you open the refrigerator and realize you’ve left a half carton of milk. No problem. Simple solution for spoiled milk: You throw it out.

But what happens when you come face to face with your child who’s demanding the newest iPhone, iPad or movie concept toy? It seems “all the kids at school have them,” and suddenly the “crummy old piece of junk” your child absolutely had to have six months ago isn’t good enough anymore. Now it’s no longer the milk, but the child that’s spoiled.

Don’t despair. Although the fix is not quite as easy as pouring sour milk down the drain, there are steps you can, and should, take to turn things around. The good news for parents is that spoiled children can be un-spoiled.

Keeping Up With the Joneses — and the Joneses Jr. In the United States, and increasingly worldwide, parenting has become a competitive sport. Just as we want what our neighbors have, we want our children to keep up with their peers. Moreover, every parent wants their children to be happy. These attitudes create a “culture of yes,” an endless and escalating buying cycle of new and often expensive clothes, toys, activities, electronics, and anything else that Madison Avenue (or your child) anoints as the “New, New Thing.”

Social psychologist, Susan Newman, Ph.D., specializes in issues impacting parenting and family life. She blogs for Psychology Today Magazine about parenting and her 15 books guide parents and help improve family relationships.

Among them: The Case for the Only Child: Your Essential Guide; Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day; Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily. Dr. Newman has appeared on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, CNN as well as other television and radio shows throughout the country: NBC Nightly News, ABC World News Tonight, FOX News and NPR’s Market Watch, The Takeaway and Talk of the Nation.

Her work has been featured in major newspapers in and out of the US including, China, England and Canada. To learn more, visit her at www.susannewmanphd.com

While competition for acquisition can be hot all year, the holidays pour gasoline on the fire. As children are bombarded by advertising via television, magazines, and the Internet, parents are bombarded with a barrage of “I want,” “I have to have,” and “Jamie is getting it.”

Love Means Limits Whether you’re training your very young child or facing off with a teen, you can deprogram spoiled children. From time to time all parents have responsibilities that prevent them from spending as much time with their children as they would like. Perhaps the boss keeps you late or you miss one of your child’s soccer games. It is important to abandon those guilty feelings that may cause you to feel a need to compensate with gifts or give in to children’s demands.

Children need structure and limits. Saying “NO” is a parenting service you want to provide. By chronically giving in to your children, you actually do them a disservice — holiday time or not. Curbing indulgences, and that includes managing the inflow of gifts from grandparents and other relatives, prepares them for the real world. They come to understand that they can’t have everything they want and will be better able to cope with life’s disappointments.

They’ll Thank You For the Memories Many parents accept and rather enjoy splurging and spoiling. They view it as a given, a tradition that is an essential part of their holiday. Traditions and rituals can change without ruining the festivities. What’s really important is memory building.

16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FAMILY ] Years of research, before and after writing Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day, have underscored that children get over disappointment far faster than adults. Surprisingly, when you ask adults about their childhoods, what they remember are the things family did together or a quirky inexpensive gift they received — not the big splashy must-have of the moment. It is ironic that we hear that message over and over from the credit card companies, the industry most dependent on conspicuous consumption. But the truth is and always will be: It is those things money can’t buy that are truly priceless… and memorable.

Deprogramming the Spoiled Child: 12 Tips • Role modeling is key. Be aware of what type of consumer you are. If you tend to buy impulsively, your children notice.

• Curb grandparents’ and other relatives’ inclination to spoil your children.

• Avoid competitive gift giving between parents who are divorced so you don’t fall into the single parent trap of trying to make up for the absent partner with gifts.

• Set limits on what you are willing to do or spend and factor in presents coming from others.

• Know your child’s passions and interests. By paying attention, you’ll be able to distinguish between when you’re being manipulated and when you’re being asked for something that will feed or nourish a child’s genuine interest.

• Point out flaws in advertising and offer reminders of purchases that didn’t live up to their claims.

• The Kid’s List: at holiday season, learn to parse between realistic and unreasonable requests. You can do this alone, with your child, or ask him to give you a revised, shortened list.

• Stand your ground even when your inclination is to weaken. You are the parent teaching your child about making choices.

• Stay calm when you say “NO.” Don’t resort to namecalling, as in, “You are spoiled rotten.”

• Hold an annual pre-holiday clean out of toys and clothing with your child to give away to charities in your area.

• If old enough, encourage your children to join you in volunteering at senior citizen centers, shelters, food banks, or religious events.

• Avoid excess. In giving to children, holiday splurging puts the emphasis in all the wrong places and encourages the spoiled child to want more.

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MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ FAMILY ]

Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead?

Commit To Radical Self-Care

by Dr. Laura Markham

Most of us find that when we can stay connected to our internal fountain of well-being, it overflows onto our children and we’re more patient, loving, joyful parents. To love our children unconditionally, we need to keep our own pitchers full, so we can keep pouring as needed. Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. And even if parenting is the most meaningful part of your life, it still requires a whole lot of giving.

And yet, most of us live in constant stress, which means we’re often running on empty. Many days we wake up wishing life could be different. Small wonder we lose patience with our children. And then we feel even worse.

Sadly, remorse and self-blame after we lose patience doesn’t change anything. Actually, it makes things worse, because it’s hard to act like a loving, happy person when you’re feeling like a bad person.

What if, instead, you could find a way to stay in a positive state more often?

You can. Not all the time, of course -- into every life some rain must fall. But most of us can find a way to be more positive more often. It starts with finding ways to nurture and nourish ourselves, so we can stay more centered.

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

But if you’re like most parents, that’s not so easy. The secret is radical self-care.

What do I mean by radical? I mean not just tending to yourself after everyone else’s needs are met. I mean actually moving self-care high up on your priority list. I mean overwhelming yourself with love and appreciation. Because that’s the only way you can be the happy, patient, unconditionally loving parent your child deserves. (And because you deserve it!) Wouldn’t that be a radical act? Here’s how.

1. Nurture yourself as you would your beloved child. Treat yourself as you would your child -- do you need a snack or a break right now, so you don’t have a meltdown? Find a way to help yourself feel better. Maybe that means finding a way for your child to occupy himself, or maybe it means giving him a snack, too.

Do you need to go to bed when your child does tonight, so you get a really good night’s sleep? Why not do that routinely while your child is still waking up at night? It won’t last forever (even though it seems like it will!)

Do you need to take Sunday off and just enjoy being alive? You can’t stop being a parent, but you don’t have to do laundry, you can leave the

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FAMILY ] dishes in the sink, and you can have peanut butter sandwiches and carrots out of the bag for dinner. If you feel like you’re playing hooky, ask yourself: Whose life is it, anyway? And at the end of it, who will have been responsible for how you felt during it?

What if your child needs you at this moment? I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t take care of your child.

I’m suggesting that there is usually a way to take care of yourself at the same time.

Sometimes we simply can’t give ourselves what we need, just as we can’t always fix whatever is wrong for our child. In those cases, self-care means listening with compassion, whether to our child, or our own distress. In other words, just notice what’s happening in the present moment. “The baby is screaming...my jaw is tight...my shoulders are clenched...” You don’t have to change anything. Just “witnessing” is a huge gift to yourself. And often it shifts your experience.

And, of course, make a promise to yourself for more selfcare as soon as you can manage it.

2. Contain Stress. Most of us live in constant stress, which doesn’t allow for self-nurturing. Rushing makes us less patient, less empathic. It sends our children the message that they aren’t as important as whatever we’re rushing to do. It strangles the joy out of life.

Luckily, while stress-inviting events are inevitable, stress is not. We can begin by gradually paring our lives down to what matters most to us. This may feel like a sacrifice, but only until you realize that what you’re choosing is your own well-being, and that of your child.

The next challenge is to change our reaction to whatever stressful events still pop up. Impossible? Remember that what stresses one person just rolls off another person’s back. When you notice a thought creating stress in your mind, can you reframe it? (Instead of “This child is driving me crazy” how about “This child is having a hard time....Maybe there’s a way we can both get what we need here.”) Remember, it isn’t stress that kills us, it’s our reaction to it.

3. Exercise. It’s magic! It increases endorphins, which make us happy, and serotonin, which calms us. Exercise actually prevents depression. No time? Who needs the gym? Put on music and dance with your kids. Get them

out of the house and run around with them at the park, every single day. Take your baby with you to a “Baby & Me” yoga class.

4. Take Responsibility for meeting your own needs and solving the problems life presents to you. Do you need some appreciation? Give it to yourself! Really. Once you get in the habit of appreciating yourself, you’ll be amazed how much more appreciation you feel from those around you.

Some of us have a hard time feeling appreciation from others, and even from ourselves. In that case, daily practice stretches our ability to receive that self love.

(And give it to our children.) What needs do you have that weren’t met when you were little? That’s what you have to give to yourself now. Maybe you felt you were never quite good enough. Can you start reassuring yourself, every time you look in the mirror, that you’re more than enough, and are deeply loved? Once we take care of that old unfinished business, it gets much easier to find ways to take care of ourselves in the present.

And what if your problem is in the now? Fights with your spouse? A job you hate? A life on constant overwhelm?

Life challenges like these are tough, but when we leave them unaddressed, they demoralize us. Can you take a step, any step, toward solving that problem now? It may not solve everything overnight, but moving in the right direction will help you enjoy your life more and stop spilling tension onto your child.

5. Don’t postpone joy! We’re all guilty of taking the joy that pours into our lives for granted. We let it slip right through our fingers, in the name of efficiency and responsibility. But what if reveling in that joy is part of what makes you a more inspired parent? What if enjoying your daughter’s dancing on the sidewalk helps her start the day basking in your love? What if that water fight is just what you need to defuse tension and reconnect with your kid? What if those bedtime stories give your child the message that you’ll always be there for a snuggle, no matter how old she gets? What if you and your spouse need those kisses to stay connected so you’re a better parenting team? What if that bubble bath would help you be a more patient parent tomorrow? What if you never know which sunset is your last?

Don’t wait. Commit to radical self-care.

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ ENTER TAINMENT ]

8 Tasty Gastropubs around the Bay!

gas·tro·pub

[gas-troh-puhb]

noun A pub that specializes in serving high-quality food.

Offering an array of beers on tap, scrumptious food and great atmosphere, these Gastropubs are all worth checking out!

1.

Magnolia Gastropub & Brewery 1398 Haight St. | San Francisco 415.864.7468 www.magnoliapub.com

Magnolia Gastropub & Brewery is open 7 days a week for lunch and dinner (brunch sat/sun). House-made, artisan beer including a selection of cask-conditioned ales.

Seasonal, local, sustainable food and neighborhood hospitality.

Corners Tavern

Magnolia

For more than 15 years they have been making Magnolia ales in small batches in their little brewery beneath Haight Street.

Good news for the Bay Area, Spring 2014 Magnolia will be expanding into the Dogpatch area! Photos by Jennifer Yin.

Liquid Bread

2.

Kanishka’s Indian Gastropub 1518 Bonanza St. | Walnut Creek 925.464.7468 www.kanishkasgastropub.com

Kanishka’s Indian Gastropub is NEW to Walnut Creek. This grub post has a warm, inviting ambience serving innovative creations of pub fare cuisine with a twist, with delectable microbrews & wine list.

The menu is served as “small shareable” plates in a dynamic, yet intimate and fun setting. Executive Chef/Owner Paramita Roy is highly focused on using fresh seafood and produce, sustainable ingredients and farm-raised meats.

UpCider

Magnolia

3.

Handles Gastropub 855 Main Street | Pleasanton 925.399.6690 www.handlesgastropub.com

Kanishka’s

5.

Liquid Bread Gastropub 379 E. Campbell Avenue | Campbell 408.370.3400 www.liquidbreadcampbell.com

Showcasing the best from local Farmer’s

A public house that specializes in serving

Markets, the menu reflects fresh, seasonal

high-quality food and beer highlighted

ingredients with familiar dishes.

by local and seasonal ingredients is the

UpCider

7.

UpCider 1160 Polk St,

2nd Floor @ Sutter St. | San Francisco www.upcidersf.com Upcider is a cider house-Gastropub found in San Francisco. They offer a wide variety of hard ciders, beers, wines and a deli-

perfect blend of gastronomy and pub.

cious late night light-fare menu.

ing in the craft beer movement for years

Their unique and flashy menu separates

Upcider is uniquely designed to create

and have incredible respect for local

them from the rest. “Graze”, “Browse”,

an inviting, contemporary and relaxed

brewers. As such they decided early on to

“Prey”, “Sweetness” and “Charcuterie”

atmosphere, where you can enjoy din-

dedicate all of their tap handles to craft

cover different sections of cuisine which

ner and drinks overlooking Polk Street.

beers, with a special focus on those from

are sure to please your palate.

Their Cider, Beer and Food menus rotate

They have been following and participat-

Northern California. While they love beer, they also have a soft spot for wine so they installed one of the largest wine on tap systems in the country to offer.

4.

Corners Tavern 1342 Broadway Plaza | Walnut Creek 925.948.8711 www.cornerstavern.com

frequently, allowing variety and freshness

6.

throughout the year! Ciders include Ace

Creek Monkey Tap House 611 Escobar Street | Martinez, 925.228.8787 www.creekmonkey.com

Creek Monkey seeks the highest quality wines and beers. They try to source the

Cider, Anthen, Fox Barrel and J.K Scrumpy Organic Ciders. Pair a beer or cider with their Upsliders, Salads or Flatbreads.

8.

3601 Grand Ave | Oakland

beers that you don’t normally find on tap Local, laid-back and stylishly casual,

and intentionally rotate them fairly quickly

Corners Tavern, in the heart of downtown

since they want to make each visit an

Walnut Creek’s Broadway Plaza, is a

adventure. They also make small batches

restaurant without pretense that features

of beer themselves, with hopes of growing

approachable & soulful American food

into a full production brewery!

with a unique collection of craft beers, ar-

The Grand Tavern 510.444.4644 www.grandtavern.net

The Grand Tavern is a Gastropub, specializing in pre-prohibition cocktails and rare wines and beers along with the best of fresh, locally grown and organic ingredi-

tisan cocktails & distinctive wines. Open for

ents.

lunch and dinner, with a special weekday happy hour and weekend brunch, Cor-

Prior to opening, the owners traveled and

ners Tavern is the perfect neighborhood spot for a night out on the town, a break

dined around the world helping them

during a shopping spree at Broadway

create a wide range of drinkable and

Plaza’s great stores or a pre-movie bite with friends.

Creek Monkey

interesting wines and beers for residents of the Bay Area to enjoy!

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ HEALTH ]

Ask a Children’s Hospital Expert

by Maria Villacis, MS, CCC-SLP Q: My child is 3, and I’m worried that he isn’t talking very much. When he does speak, it’s hard to make out what he is saying. What should I do?

A: While all children don’t reach speech and language milestones at exactly the same time, there are guidelines that can helpful in determining if their communication skills are developing appropriately. Early speech and language intervention can help children be more successful with reading, writing, schoolwork, and interpersonal relationships. If you are concerned, check with a Speech-Language Pathologist if your child has not met these milestones:

Maria is a speech-language pathologist at Children’s Hospital Oakland’s Walnut Creek Hearing & Speech Center.

By age 2 years, your child cannot: • identify basic body parts and clothing • follow 2-step directions • use two-word phrases frequently • use 50 different words

The Hearing & Speech Center is offering free speech and language screenings: March 7 - 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

April 11 - 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

By age 3 years, your child cannot: • understand common action words • answer yes/no questions correctly • use simple sentences • be understood by familiar listeners

May 16 - 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Call (925) 979-3440 to schedule a screening with a Children’s Hospital speech-language pathologist.

By age 4 years, your child cannot: • recognize actions in pictures • name a variety of pictured objects • combine 4+ words in spontaneous speech • be understood by familiar and/or unfamiliar listeners By age 5 years, your child cannot: • answer questions logically • speak clearly

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

2ND ANNUAL N F O U R R N E D O U T C N A ATION S A E PL April 13, 2014 Half Marathon, 5K & Kids' Challenge Register online at

www.ppierun.com GREAT EXPO AWAITS YOU Enjoy the Family Fitness Expo at the finish line to help you celebrate and recover from a successful run.

We will have lots of goodies, giveaways and activities to inspire your children to engage in a healthy lifestyle.

NOT A RUNNER OR A MORNING PERSON? That’s ok! You can make an online Snooze for Schools donation and sleep tight knowing your contribution will keep us on the right course. Every dollar is greatly appreciated! Visit www.ppierun.com to provide support.

Starts & Finishes at the Alameda County Fairgrounds Free parking!

Presented by CLubSport to benefit PPIE

[ EVENTS ]

March Alameda County MARCH 1 Kids Club Berkeley Art Museum 11:00am – 5:00pm www.visitberkeley.com

MARCH 2 Friends of the Livermore Library Monthly Sale Livermore 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.cityoflivermore.net Quarry Lane Open House Pleasanton East & West 3:00pm – 5:00pm www.quarrylane.org

MARCH 3, 10, 17, 24 & 31

MARCH 9

MARCH 22

Bacon & Beer Festival Jack London Market Building Oakland 2:30pm – 5:00pm www.jacklondonsquare.com

Teddy Bear Tea Party Oakland Zoo 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

MARCH 15

Egg Dying & Water Games King Pool Berkeley 12:00pm – 1:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us

St. Patrick’s Day Brew Crawl Downtown Pleasanton 5:00pm – 8:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net 12th Annual Youth Music Festival Firehouse Arts Center 4444 Railroad Ave Pleasanton 7:30pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov

Pajamatime Family Story Time Civic Center Library Livermore 7:00pm – 7:30pm www.cityoflivermore.net

MARCH 15 & 16

MARCH 5, 12, 19 & 26

MARCH 16

Quarry Lane Open House Pleasanton East & West Campus 8:30am – 12:00pm www.quarrylane.org

MARCH 7 - 9 Spring Used Book Sale Dublin Library Various Hours www.ci.dublin.ca.us

MARCH 8 Jack of All Trades Market Jack London Market Building Oakland 11:00am – 5:00pm www.jacklondonsquare.com ZooKids: Wild About Primates Oakland Zoo 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

31st Annual St. Patrick’s Day Celebration Dublin Civic Center 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us Shamrock 5K Fun Run & Walk Dublin Civic Center 8:30am – 10:00am www.ci.dublin.ca.us

MARCH 17 Happy St. Patricks Day!

MARCH 20 An Evening at the Theater Frances Albrier Community Center Berkeley 6:00pm – 7:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us

MARCH 21 Zoovie Night: Fly Away Home Oakland Zoo 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org

MARCH 23

MARCH 26 12th Annual San Ramon Valley Community Fair Gale Ranch Middle School San Ramon 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.grms.srvusd.net

MARCH 29 1st Annual Livermore Half Marathon First St and S. Livermore Ave Livermore www.livermoredowntown.com Feast for the Beast Oakland Zoo 9:00am – 3:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

MARCH 31 – APRIL 4 Spring Striders Camp Augustin Bernal Park Pleasanton Ages: 6 – 12 9:00am – 3:00pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov

Contra Costa County MARCH 1 Lady K and the Kings of Swing: Sinatra Retrospective DV Performing Arts Center San Ramon www.sanramon.ca.gov

[ EVENTS ]

March Tri-Valley Teen Job & Career Fair Pleasanton Community Center 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov Mission Mars Lafayette Library & Learning Center All Ages www.lafayettelib.org

MARCH 1 & 2 Mercy Watson to the Rescue Front Row Theater San Ramon 11:00am www.sanramon.ca.gov

MARCH 1 – 16 TVRT Presents: ‘I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change’ Village Theater Danville Show times: 2:00pm & 8:00pm www.villagetheatreshows.com

MARCH 1, 8, 15, 22 & 29 FREE Craft Lakeshore Learning Ages: 3 & Up 11:00am – 3:00pm www.lakeshorelearning.com

MARCH 2 & 30 Adventure Day Camp Open House @ 7 Hills School Walnut Creek 1:00pm www.adventuredaycamp.com

MARCH 4 Family Story Concert Lafayette Library & Learning Center All Ages 6:30pm – 7:30pm www.lafayettelib.org

MARCH 5, 12, 19 & 26

MARCH 14

Something is Happening Upstairs San Ramon Library Ages: Middle School 3:00pm – 4:45pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

St. Patrick’s Day Concert Front Row Theater 7:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

MARCH 7 San Ramon Community Chorus and Dancers St. Patrick’s Day Concert Front Row Theater San Ramon 7:00am www.sanramon.ca.gov Thank You San Ramon!

Astronomy Night Old Ranch Park San Ramon 7:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov Preschool Performance Series: Timothy James Village Theater Danville Show: 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com

MARCH 15 Night at the Improv Front Row Theater 8:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

MARCH 17 Happy St. Patricks Day!

MARCH 19 “Is There Life Out There?”

Lafayette Library & Learning Center Ages: Elementary School 6:30pm – 7:30pm www.lafayettelib.org

MARCH 22 Roughing It Day Camp Open House & Family Activity Day Lafayette Reservoir 10:00am – 12:00pm www.roughingit.com

MARCH 8

MARCH 28 - 31

Youth Baseball Parade Main Street Martinez 10:00am www.cityofmartinez.org

Robing Hood Opens!

Front Row Theater San Ramon www.sanramon.ca.gov

Forest Home Farms – Fun on the Farm San Ramon 10:00am – 2:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

MARCH 10 Martian Monday!

Movie: Rocket Man Lafayette Library & Learning Center Ages: All 3:00pm – 5:00pm www.lafayettelib.org

MARCH 29 Scout Day Forest Home Historic Park San Ramon 9:00am – 3:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

MARCH 31 Art Around the World City of Oakley Weekly Class Ages: 6 – 12 Mondays: 5:00pm – 6:00pm www.ci.oakley.ca.us

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ FINANCE ]

Learning to be a “Good Enough” Mom: The First Key to Balance

by Michelle Perry Higgins Ladies, let’s talk balance. I’m talking about that inner equanimity, that contentment, that knowing you’re doing the best you can and it’s good enough.

If you have this kind of inner and outer balance, you know it’s priceless. But many women today have a difficult time finding any sort of balance, between the pressures of career, motherhood, family, intimate relationships . . . and of course, let’s not forget running a household.

So how do you restore balance to your life (or establish it for the first time if you’ve never had it)? That’s what I’d like to explore with you in this monthly column.

As a financial planner and principal of California Financial Advisors in San Ramon, California, Michelle Perry Higgins specializes in wealth management. Over the past 17 years she has built a successful practice advising executive professionals into retirement, and her passion for finance has helped hundreds of individuals better understand the process of investing and fiscal planning.

Ms. Higgins was featured as a 2012 and 2013 Five Star Wealth Manager Award, Diablo Magazine, and was also ranked in the Top 50 WomenOwned RIAs in 2013, Top 25 Women RIAs 2012 and Top 40 Under 40 by WealthManagement.com. She has been quoted in Yahoo! Finance, MSN Money and The Los Angeles Times, is a contributor to Examiner.com and is a Wall Street Journal Expert Panelist. Ms. Higgins is a frequent public speaker on retirement planning, investments, wealth management, college education funding, estate planning and insurance. She is also proud to mentor college students interested in entering the financial planning profession.

Ms. Higgins graduated from St. Mary’s College, with a concentration in business administration and economics.

Let me tell you a tiny bit of my own story first. I like to work hard and play hard; giving my all in every situation just comes naturally to me. As a kid, I loved to play Superwoman. She was my heroine, and somehow I wound up believing that I would grow up to be her. Okay, not exactly her, with those long legs and teeny tiny waist, but just as able to handle anything life threw at me the same easy way Superwoman solved crimes.

Superwoman is the cool and sexy master of perfection. She’s also a dangerous myth.

The concept of the Superwoman (who then morphed into Supermom) is the ideal woman with complete mastery of life. She’s in control; she does everything perfectly at all times. She lands mega-million dollar deals by day, puts nutritious home-cooked dinners on the table every evening, rocks her husband’s world every night in bed, and is unfailingly loving, patient, and compassionate. Most seductive of all, she makes it all look easy.

This mythology has been instilled in us from a very young age. From my book Stocks, Bonds & Soccer Moms: 7 Steps to a Balanced Life: “Superwoman’s beauty far exceeded anything in reality or on TV. Seriously, who had legs that long and a waist that small? Plus, she could solve all problems with her extraordinary super-powers, while juggling them seamlessly.”

I really bought into the whole Superwoman/Supermom thing. Like many women, I grew up believing that when I became older, I’d miraculously manage my life with the same finesse and skill Superwoman used to fight crime. This warped thinking hurt me and my family. I almost ended my successful career and lost both my health and my marriage; that’s how out of balance I became.

Warning: Striving to be Supermom may cause feelings of failure, guilt, and depression.

Trying to live up to the Supermom myth left me, like many women, with perpetual

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FINANCE ] feelings of failure and inadequacy. Hidden under my cheerful, smiling, ever-busy façade, I was furious that I was expected to live up to this impossible standard.

And I’m sorry to have to admit, I took it out on my poor husband. More than once.

Luckily, before my life unraveled any further I had two life-changing realizations: 1. If things were to change, I was the one who had to change, from the inside out.

2. I’m only human. I don’t have super powers. I had to stop trying to live the way Superwoman would.

The first step in reclaiming my balance? I had to kick the whole idea of Supermom to the curb. So with a lot of help, I let go of trying to be Supermom in favor of . . .

in my situation.

Could I stay up all night stitching hand-made Halloween costumes, and be my best at an important meeting the next morning? No. (Are store bought costumes really so bad?) And did I need to ask my husband for more help with the child-care and around the house? You better believe it. (And I found out he didn’t mind at all!)

I finally accepted that Superwoman was just a fictional character. The results? I relaxed. My self-esteem skyrocketed. I was more fun to be around. I had more energy, more patience, and more joy. As counterintuitive as it sounds, as a good enough mom I was actually a better mom!

The real heroes are the mothers who know how to balance their lives and do the best with their situation.

Learning to be a “good enough” mom.

Does that phrase “good enough” sound terrible to you?

Please let me explain.

Pediatrician Dr. Donald Winnicott introduced the “good enough mother” concept in 1953. According to his research, mothers must fully adapt to their infant’s needs, because the infant is helpless to do anything for itself. But as time goes by, a mother should adapt less and less fully.

This allows the child to adapt to the reality of life: that it will never give you everything you want, the second you want it.

Being a “good enough” mother does not mean loving my children one iota less. Instead, it allows them to grow, mature, and become independent, all of which are necessary for them to live a successful life. Understanding this concept really took the pressure off me.

I began to change the way I thought about motherhood. Believe me; this was not easy. Perfectionism and old patterns of thought reared their ugly heads repeatedly. My “aha” moment was when I realized that I was good enough as a mother, wife, and partner at my firm.

Sure, I’d continue to do my absolute best at everything, but perfection was simply not part of the equation.

Realizing that guilt and self-judgment would never solve my problems—only bring me continued agony—was a huge milestone. I had to make some decisions about my priorities, and which things were realistically achievable

Are you still straining under the delusion you can be, or need to be a Supermom? (Or Superfriend? Or Superwife?) The first step toward resolving any problem is recognizing one exists in the first place. It’s okay to occasionally feel guilty and inadequate. I still do. That’s part of being human, not superhuman. But by accepting that the Supermom standard is not realistic and learning to be a “good enough” mom, you can reorganize your priorities, give your love in a healthier way, and find it easier to be the best mother that you can be.

Are you trying to be Supermom? Not sure? These questions and tips might help. (Excerpted from Stocks, Bonds & Soccer Moms)

1. Do you try to be perfect for everyone—bosses, coworkers, friends, spouse, and children? If so, recognize that you suffer from supermom syndrome.

2. What emotions result from these perfectionist behaviors? Can you name them? Are you aware of the stress, anxiety, and disappointment you feel?

3. Take action to change or accept your situation and move forward.

4. Learn to forgive and to be gentle and compassionate toward yourself. This doesn’t come overnight, so be patient with this as well.

Kicking the myth of Supermom to the curb and learning to be a “good enough” mother is the first of our seven steps to balance. I hope you’ll stay with me in the coming months as we explore the other six steps.

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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DANVILLE | LAMORINDA 28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

phone 925.550.6738 web collegenannies.com/danvilleca

[ HEALTH ]

IT’S EASY TO FIND DOCTOR RIGHT With Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation and Palo Alto Medical Foundation, you have easy access to top-quality care for your kids right in your neighborhood. Our team of dedicated health care providers is committed to providing your kids with excellent medical services at our care centers in Albany, Antioch, Berkeley, Brentwood, Castro Valley, Dublin, Fremont, Oakland, Orinda, and Richmond.

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Palo Alto Medical Foundation Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ FAMILY ]

Parenting a Kid Who Is Tough to Live With

by Dr. Meg Meeker Many parents have children who are really hard to spend time with. I know because I see these kids interact with their parents in my office. And I get an earful from parents who have children of all ages with serious problems like severe ADHD, bipolar mood disorder, oppositional-defiant disorder, personality disorders, and different types of addictions.

Parents of children with any of these issues really struggle communicating positive messages to their kids because they’re just tough to be around. So what’s a parent to do? Are they off the hook when it comes to making sure that their kids feel loved and accepted? No, of course not. Parents need to find a way to cope with their child’s illness AND give the child a sense that they are lovable, likeable people. This is no small feat.

Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physician-inresidence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training. She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years. They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Children who suffer from difficult disorders still have deep feelings and struggle with all of the same issues that otherwise healthy kids do. They, too, need to have a healthy self esteem, to know that their parents love them no matter what and to learn while they are growing up that their parents always accept them. The struggle for parents is twofold. First, how do you cope with bad behaviors and second, how do you communicate to the child that you still love them regardless of those behaviors? These are tricky but I’ve learned a few helpful things over the years by watching some good parents.

Separate the Illness From the Child Many times parents see the child as the problem, but when they try to see the child as an individual who lives with an illness, it’s easier for them to love the child. I tell kids with severe hyperactivity that they have something (hyperactivity, bipolar mood disorder, etc.) that has moved into their bodies and we need to get it under control. More importantly, the disorder is not who they are, but something they live with. If we help kids see that they are not their illness, they feel enormous relief.

Just as a boy named Justin may have a broken leg who needs a cast, the same boy named Justin might also have bipolar disorder that needs medical help. This technique also helps parents put the blame on the illness, not the child. And when a parent does that, a child feels less like a bad kid. This is very important because problem kids are frequently in trouble and they begin to feel that they are bad and no one ever wants to be with them. This would be a painful way to live.

Identify Specific Behaviors That the Child Does and Name Them Parents may see hyperactivity, temper tantrums, outbursts of anger, anxiety, or defiance, for example. Once parents identifies specifically what gets under their skin, then they come up with a coping strategy for that behavior specifically.

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FAMILY ] For instance, if a child is really hyperactive, a parent can come up with a survival plan for bouts of unusual intensity. They can go into another room, make the child spend an hour outside, or recruit a high schooler to come help out after school if the child is young. In other words, life feels less stressful once a parent has a plan for dealing with specific tough behaviors, even if they don’t feel completely successful. Having a strategy is very important to a parent’s mental health.

Watch for Patterns of Certain Behaviors to See if Any Have a Rhythm Parents need to understand that the illness sometimes has a “life of its own.” Anxiety and depression, for example, cycle. A child—even if he is treated for either of these—will have periods of calm and happiness and then out of the blue become irritable, anxious, or depressed without prompting. This is simply the rhythm of the illness. If parents can identify it as such, coping with it becomes much easier. They learn to wait the period out rather than scramble and try to figure out what they did wrong, how to fix the problem, etc.

Be Intentional About Communicating Love and Acceptance Telling your child of your love and acceptance can be hard on a day-to-day basis because the child’s behavior is stressful, so it’s important to plan to do it. Parents can plan a Saturday afternoon bike ride, dinner out together, or something else that the child will enjoy. When the time comes, mentally gear up to leave hard feelings at home and make the time as positive as possible. Tell the child a few really positive things about himself during that time.

Sometimes a parent may plan a time like this and then the afternoon blows up. If it does, just move on and try another time. Don’t get mad; just try again.

Write Letters This is very special to all kids and none of us does it enough. The great part of letter writing to a difficult child is that you can write any time and he can read it any time. You don’t have to tell him positive things to his face and have him argue because he can’t argue with a letter.

Pray for Your Child and Yourself When parents pray for their kids, remarkable things happen. Prayer allows us to ask God to help out and take over. This invites God to do what He wants with the child and importantly, it changes those who pray. Prayer is

profoundly mysterious and it works. It doesn’t unleash our will on our kids through God’s hand; rather it unleashes God’s will and helps us learn to accept it. When this happens, everyone wins.

Ask God to give you the strength and patience you need to live with the difficulties. Remember, your child has to live with those same difficulties but doesn’t know how in the world to change them, so let her know that you are praying for her. Don’t tell her that you want God to change her (she’ll feel terrible about herself) but that you are asking God to help both of you get her difficulty under control.

Never Allow the Illness to Become an Excuse for the Child While troubling disorders do interrupt life for kids and their families, the goal for the child is to ultimately learn to take charge of it. Adult children with severe hyperactivity need to be able to own it, treat it and succeed in spite of it. Once we let kids say that they can’t succeed because of their disorder they become crippled. When kids begin to understand that they can be in charge of it and they can succeed with it, they feel more hopeful and a have a much greater chance of success in life.

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MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

FIND A

CAMP

t h a t FITS! 32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

Campsite At The Seven Hills School

[ FAMILY ]

Adventure Day Camp A traditional summer camp in Walnut Creek

Activities

• Swimming • Archery • Sailing • Kayaking • Climbing • Science • Horseback Riding • Skateboarding • Music

• Tennis • Art • Sports • Drama • Biking • Camping • Hiking • Canoeing • Dance

Ages 3 - 14

(925) 937-6500

Adventuredaycamp.com

Home Transportation

Serving Moraga, Orinda, Lafayette, Oakland, Piedmont, Berkeley, & the 680 Corridor from Martinez to San Ramon

Extended Care included

Open House

March 2nd & 30th @ 1:00 PM

Half and Full Day Program for Preschool age Swimming - Music - Crafts - Drama - Climbing - Sports - Hiking Horseback Riding - Dance - Story Telling - Games - Enrichment

Staffed by Preschool Teachers and operated exclusively at The Seven Hills School

Please use the coupon code ACTIVEKIDS and receive a $75 per child, per session discount until April 1, 2014 MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Spanish Immersion Classes Check 0ut Our Summer Camps

Engaging curriculum uses music, art & games Experienced,dynamic teachers Ages toddlers to teens Small class sizes

Mention ACTIVE FAMILY and receive a FREE First time trial class! www.vivaelespanol.org • 925-962-9177 Alameda • Lafayette • Pleasanton • San Francisco

CHRISTIAN

E L E M E N TA R Y S C H O O L

creating great experiences

SAVE THE DATE! Weird AnimAls summer dAy CAmp is going to be a blast! God filled the world with a lot of crazy creatures...including you! When kids feel weird, different, or even lost in a crowd, nothing compares to the extraordinary love of Jesus. We’ll have a crazy, weird, fun time of discovering just how much He loves each one of us! CAmp sChedule | June 16 – August 8.

Questions? Contact our Camp Director, Josh Harper, at jharper@valleychristianschools.org or (925) 560-6276.

Visit our website for information on our open houses and our upcoming infant/toddler program!

Preschool - 12th Grade | 7500 Inspiration Drive | Dublin, CA 94568 | (925) 560-6262 | ValleyChristianschools.org

34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

ATHLETIC CAMPS AGES 4-18 | QUESTIONS | CONTACT 925-631-4FUN

....

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Let your imagination soar!

ClubSport has a variety of activities and camps that allows a child’s playfulness and creativity to flourish. Whether they dream of being a pilot, a world renown athlete, or a superhero, we’ll help kids create a world of endless possibilities.

Free Family Pass* GET STARTED TODAY! WWW.CLUBSPORTS.COM

Now enrolling for Spring and Summer Camps!

Pleasanton 925/271-0562

Valley Vista 925/478-4716

Fremont 510/402-1508

Walnut Creek 925/478-4709

*Some restrictions apply. Must be a local resident, firsttime guest, 21 years or older to receive free guest pass.

One per household. ID is required. Expires 3/31/14.

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

PERSONALIZED INSTRUCTION FOR ADULTS, CHILDREN AND TODDLERS. SUMMER CAMPS & HORSEMANSHIP CLINICS

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5111 Dolan Rd, Livermore CA 94551

www.showstables.com

EXTENDED DAY CHILDCARE AVAILABLE WEEKDAYS, 6:30 AM–6:30 PM

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Featuring Academy Classes in specialized skills such as reading, writing, language studies, music, yoga, sports, fitness & tutoring

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CAMP WITHOUT THE HASSLE!

Charmingly rustic, private cabins, optional schedule of activities and 3 delicious meals prepared for you each day.

“Unplug” and experience nature together as a family. of California’s most beautiful settings - South Lake Tahoe www.campconcord.org • (925) 671-2267 36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ HOME LIFE ]

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Summer Alameda County ALAMEDA Alameda School of Music 1307 High St. 510.769.0195 www.alamusic.org

Camp Bladium 800 West Tower Ave 510.814.4999 www.bladiumalameda.com/youthkids/kids-camps

BERKELEY Music Discovery Workshop Crowden Music Center 1475 Rose St. 510.528.1725 www.sfems.org

St. John’s Camp Elmwood 2727 College Ave. 510.845.6830 www.stjohnsberkeley.org/ campelmwood

Monkey Business Camp 10 Golf Course Dr. 510.540.6025 www.monkeybusinesscamp.com

www.campkeetov.org

Habitot 2065 Kittredge St. 510.647.1111 ext. 14 www.habitot.org/museum/activities_camps.html

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 4651 Gleason Dr. 925.479.9670

Learning Bee Summer Camp 39977 Mission Blvd.

510.226.8408 www.learningbeeusa.com

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

Sticky Art Lab 1682 University Ave. 510.981.1148 www.stickyartlab.com

City of Dublin 100 Civic Plaza 925.556.4500 www.ci.dublin.ca.us

Young Writers Camp Berkeley (TBD) 510.642.0971 www.bawpwritingcamp.org

Valley Christian School 7500 Inspiration Dr. 925.560.6270 www.ValleyChristianSchools.org

Green Stuff Summer Camp UC Berkeley Botanical Gardens 510.643.4832 www.botanicalgarden.berkeley.edu

Edge Gymnastics Training Center 6780 Sierra Court St. K 925.479.9904 www.edge-gymnastics.com

Lawrence Hall of Science UC Berkeley 510.642.5134 www.lawrencehallofscience.org

Kidz Kraftz 7690 Quail Creek Cir. 925.271.0015 www.kidzkraftz.com/camps

Berkeley/Echo Lake Berkeley Echo Lake Camp 7 Echo Lakes Rd 530.659.7506

Tri-Valley YMCA 6693 Sierra Ln 925.263.4444

www.cityofberkeley.info/camps

www.trivalley.ymcaeastbay.org

Castro Valley Skye Valley Training Camp 10250 Crow Canyon Rd 925.858.8825

Extended Day Child Care 7243 Tamarack Dr. 925.833.0127 & 5301 Hibernia Dr. 925.803.4154 & 3300 Antone Way 925.826.5538

www.psi.lunariffic.com/~skyev0/

Camp Kee Tov 1301 Oxford St. 510.842.2372

DUBLIN

Sarah’s Science This Land Is Your Land Summer Day Camp 21525 Knoll Way 510.581.3739 www.sarahscience.com

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School 6363 Tassajara Rd. 925.829.8000 www.quarrylane.org

Growing Years Day Camp 20166 Wisteria St. 510.733.0848 www.childcaresmiles.com/profile/ CenterProfile.aspx?P=growingyear sdaycamp&SC=ca&S=Y

38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

FREMONT City Beach Kids’ Camp 4020 Technology Pl. 510.651.2500 www.citybeach.com

Ohlone for Kids 43600 Mission Blvd.

510.659.6000 www.ohlone.edu/org/ohloneforkids

HAYWARD Hayward Area Recreation Park District (H.A.R.D.) Day Camps 510.881.6700 www.haywardrec.org

LIVERMORE Horizons East Equestrian Center 5111 Doolan Rd. 925.960.9696 www.showstables.com

Roy’s Magic Camp 925.455.0600 www.magiccamp.org

Camp Arroyo Taylor Family Foundation 5535 Arroyo Rd. 925.371.8401 www.ebparks.org/activities/daycamps/parks_camp_arroyo

Saddle to Ride Topline Training, Inc. 4180 Greenville Rd. 925.858.3933 www.saddle2ride.com

Xtreme Force Dance Company 847 Rincon Ave. 925.455.6054 www.xtremeforcedanceco.com

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Camps Double Diamond Sports Academy 2272 Research Dr. 925.830.9765

Kids N’ Dance 3840 Macarthur Blvd.

510.531.4400

Expressions Dance & Art 3015 Hopyard Rd. Ste. I 925.200.9908

www.kidsndance.com

www.expressions-dance-arts.com/

MOCHA Summer Camp 1625 Clay St. 510.465.8770 www.mocha.org

Young Ivy Academy 5460 Sunol Blvd (#3) 925.548.0188

www.valleymontessorischool.com

PLEASANTON

OAKLAND

Gingerbread Preschool 4333 Black Ave. 925.931.3430

Inspire Music Academy 2340 Santa Rita Rd. Ste. 7 925.461.3266

www.doublediamondsportsacademy.com

Valley Montessori 1273 N. Livermore Ave. 925.455.8021

Lakeshore Children’s Center 3534 Lakeshore Ave. 510.893.4048

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us/services/recreation/gb/gbhome.html

www.lakeshorechildrenscenter.org

Urban Adventure Camp 5701 Cabot Dr. 510.339.0676

Extended Day Child Care 5199 Black Ave. 925.846.5519

ALAMO

www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Oakland Summer ZooCamp 9777 Golf Links Rd. 510.632.9525 www.oaklandzoo.org

Lake Merritt Boating Center Youth Boating Camps 568 Bellevue Ave. 510.238.2196 www.sailoakland.com

Raskob Learning Institute 3520 Mountain Blvd.

510.436.1275 www.raskobinstitute.org

Quarry Lane School - West 4444B Black Ave. 925.462.6300 www.quarrylane.org

Yang Fan Academy 4160 Hacienda Dr. St. 100 925.699.4664 www.yfacademy.org

Super Franks Summer Camps 5341 Owens Ct. 925.271.5880 www.superfranks.com

City of Pleasanton Summer Programs 200 Old Bernal Ave. 925.931.3436 www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us

www.twintigersacademy.com

City of Brentwood Parks a nd Recreation 35 Oak Street 925.516.5444 www.ci.brentwood.ca.us/department/pr/cob_par/parks/home. cfm

www.play-well.org

Quarry Lane School - East 3750 Boulder St. 925.846.9400 www.quarrylane.org

Twin Tigers Martial Arts 700 Harvest Park Drive, Ste. H 925.513.7591

Play-Well TEKnologies 5737 Valley Ave. 925.484.1547

Contra Costa County

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory 4660 Harbord Dr. 510.809.3293

www.inspiremusicacademy.com

www.extendeddaychildcare.com

www.urbanadventurecamps.com

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 8323 Baldwin St. 510.569.0702

www.youngivyacademy.com

BRENTWOOD

Quest Therapeutic Camps Stone Valley Middle School 3001 Miranda Ave 925.743.2900

Black Diamond Kids Center 2015 Elkins Way 925.516.6619

www.questcamps.com

www.bdgym.com

Color Bundles 220 A Alamo Plaza 925.727.3137

Bricks 4 Kidz 3150 Balfour Rd, Ste. C 925.684.4082

www.colorbundles.com

ANTIOCH City of Antioch Parks and Recreation 4703 Lone Tree Way 925.776.3050 www.ci.antioch.ca.us/Recreation

Four Stars Gymnastics Academy 1799 Vineyard Dr. 925.778.8650 www.fourstarsgym.com

www.bricks4kidz.com/californiaeastbay-brentwood

The Little Gym 3850 Balfour Rd, Ste. K 925.634.0034 www.thelittlegym.com/BrentwoodCA/Pages/default.aspx

Delta Valley Athletic Club 120 Guthrie Lane 925.392.3885 www.deltavac.com

CONCORD City of Concord Parks and Recreation 925.671.3404 www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/summercamps

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Summer Camp Concord in South Lake Tahoe Mt. Tallac Trailhead Rd South Lake Tahoe 530.541.1203 www.ci.concord.ca.us/recreation/camp

Backyard Explorers Corner of Babel Ln & Cowell Rd. 925.671.3118 www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/summercamps/backyardexp.htm

LAFAYETTE Camp Awesome 500 St. Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory 1000 Upper Happy Valley Rd 510.809.3293 www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Kids N’ Dance 3369 Mt. Diablo 925.284.7388

French For Fun 3381 Mt. Diablo Blvd 925.283.9822 www.frenchforfun.com

www.wecarechildren.org

DANVILLE City of Danville Camps 420 Front St. 925.314.3400 www.danville.ca.gov/Recreation/ Camps

Vision Tech Camps 117 Town & Country Dr. St. B 925.699.9602 www.visiontechcamps.com

Devil Mountain Summer Camp at Athenian School 2100 Mt. Diablo Scenic Blvd 925.837.5375 www.athenian.org

www.shermanswim.com

www.lafayetterec.org

www.kidsndance.com

We Care Summer Autism Camp TBD 925.671.0777 ext. 214

Sherman Swim School 1075 Carol Ln. 925.283.2100

Hunter Gallaway’s Tennis Academy 3125 Camino Diablo 925.937.2582 www.lafayettetennis.com/pages/ index.cfm?siteid=1966

Husky House for Kids 3855 Happy Valley Rd. 925.283.7100 www.huskyhouseforkids.org/ summer-camp-programs

Lafayette Community Center Camps 500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232 www.lafayetterec.org

Roughing It Day Camp 1010 Oak Hill Rd. 925.283.3795 www.roughingit.com

Sienna Ranch 3232 Deer Hill Rd. 925.283.6311 www.siennaranch.net

40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

Merriewood Children’s Center 561 Merriewood Dr. 925.284.2121 www.merriewood.org

MARTINEZ John Muir Mountain Day Camp John Muir National Historic Site 925.680.8807 www.johnmuirassociation.org/ muircamp/index.php

Rancho Saguaro 1050 Pereira Rd. 925.372.5867 www.ranchosaguaro.com

MORAGA Gaels Summer Camp 1928 St Mary’s Rd. 925.631.4000 www.smcgaels.com

Camp Saklan 1678 School St. 925.376.7900 www.saklan.org/about-us/campsaklan

OAKLEY City of Oakley Parks and Recreation 3231 Main St. 925.625.7000 www.ci.oakley.ca.us

Diamond Hills Sports Club 1510 Neroly Rd. 925.420.4575 www.sparetimeclubs.com

ORINDA BandWorks Summer Camp 28 Orinda Way 925.254.2445 www.bandworks.com/summer_ orinda.php

Orinda Academy 19 Altarinda Rd. 925.297.4659 www.orindaacademy.org

PLEASANT HILL City of Pleasant Hill Camps 147 Gregory Ln 925.682.0896 www.pleasanthillrec.com

We Care Summer Autism Camp TBD 925.671.0777 ext. 214 www.wecarechildren.org

PITTSBURG City of Pittsburg Parks and Recreation 300 Presido Ln. 925.252.4842 www.ci.pittsburg.ca.us/index. aspx?page=238

SAN RAMON City of San Ramon Camps 2226 Camino Ramon 925.973.2500 www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/parks/ recreation_guide/summer_ camps.htm

WALNUT CREEK Adventure Day Camp Seven Hills School 975 North San Carlos Dr. 925.937.6500 www.adventuredaycamp.com

Lindsay Wildlife Museum Summer Science Camp 1931 First Ave. 925.935.1978 www.wildlife-museum.org

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Camps Camp ARF for Kids 2890 Mitchell Dr. 925.256.1273 www.youth.arf.net

Camp Galileo Danville, Berkeley, Fremont, Oakland and Lafayette 510.595.7293

Kids’ Carpentry Berkeley, Lafayette, Alameda, Oakland, Alamo & Walnut Creek 510.524.9232

SF Zoo Camp Sloat Blvd. & the Great Highway San Francisco 415.753.7080

www.kidscarpentry.com

www.sfzoo.org

TechKnowHow Kids Dublin, Berkeley, Fremont, Livermore, Oakland & Pleasanton 650.638.0500

Almaden Summer Horse Camp 20100 Almaden Rd. San Jose 408.927.0232

Viva el Espanol!

Lafayette & San Anselmo 925.962.9177

www.techknowhowkids.com

www.almadensummerhorsecamp. com

www.vivaelespanol.org/summerprograms.php

Golden Arrow Camps 644 Pollasky Avenue, Ste. 100 Clovis, 93612 800.554.2267

www.galileo-learning.com

Gino’s Summer Soccer Camp 2374 Westcliffe Ln. 925.937.4466 www.ginossocceracademy.com

KinderCare Walnut Creek, Concord, Danville, Martinez and Clayton 888.523.6765 www.kindercare.com/summercamp

City of Walnut Creek Summer Camps 1666 North Main St. 925.943.5899 www.walnut-creek.org/citygov/ depts/arts_rec_cs/recreation/default.asp

Multiple Locations Camp Rocks: Girl Scouts of Northern California Offered at 5 locations: San Rafael (Camp Bothin), Santa Cruz (Skylark Ranch), San Jose (Camp Metro Day Camp), North Lake Tahoe (Deer Lake), and the Sierra Nevada Mountains (Sugar Pine) 800.447.4475 ext. 2091 www.camprocks.org

Mad Science Camp Offered at several local Recreation sites and Community Centers such as Danville, Concord, Brentwood, Antioch, Livermore, Orinda, Moraga and Pleasant Hill 925.687.1900 www.mtdiablo.madscience.org

Steve and Kate’s Camp Danville, Pleasanton, Walnut Creek and Berkeley 415.389.5437 www.steveandkatescamp.com

Stratford School Summer Sports Camp & Enrichment Danville, Fremont, Los Gatos, Morgan Hill and Pleasanton 925.737.0001 www.stratfordschools.com

Sky hawk’s Sports Camp 800.804.3509 www.skyhawks.com Lango Language Summer Camps Alamo, Blackhawk, Danville, Pleasant Hill, Orinda, Moraga, Walnut Creek, and San Ramon 888.445.2646 www.langokids.com/parent/kidslanguage-summer-camps

Club Sport Fremont, Pleasanton and Walnut Creek 925.938.8700 www.clubsports.com

Camp Edmo Alameda, Lafayette, Moraga, Oakland and Walnut Creek 877.993.6673

Out of Area

Silver Creek Sportsplex 800 Embedded Way San Jose 408.224.8774

www.goldarrowcamp.com

www.gotoplex.com

Coppercreek Camp 1887 Williams Valley Rd, Greenville, 95947 530.284.7617

College For Kids 1700 W. Hillsdale Blvd.

San Mateo 650.574.6149

www.coppercreek.com

www.collegeforkids-smccd.com

Camp Unalayee 3921 East Bayshore Rd. Palo Alto 650.969.6313

School of Rock Summer Camp 711 South B St. San Mateo 650.347.3474

www.unalayee-summer-camp.com

CYO Summer Camp 2136 Bohemian Hwy Occidental, 95465 707.874.0200

www.schoolofrock.com

Kennolyn Camps 8205 Glen Haven Rd. Soquel 831.479.6714

www.camp.cccyo.org

www.kennolyncamps.com

Mountain Camp Woodside 302 Portola Rd. Portola Valley 650.576.2267 www.mountaincampwoodside.com

Camp Tawonga 131 Steuart Ste. 460 San Francisco 415.543.2267 www.tawonga.org

www.campedmo.org

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41

[ CAMP GUIDE ]

Tips for Choosing the Right Summer Camp for Your Child

by Ann Woods

Ann Woods, Owner and Director of Roughing It Day Camp since 1972.

Ann founded Roughing It in 1972 with her husband Hobie and together they serve as camp directors. Ann has been an active the American Camping Association, serving on local and national boards. She also taught 3rd grade and preschool. She a parent and grandparent. Roughing It continues to be a family tradition for the Woods and families throughout the bay area who have sent their children to camp for over four decades. Their daughters grew up at camp, the whole family is still involved in camp and their grandson attends as a 3rd generation camper.

Roughing It has a proud tradition of helping children grow in wonderful ways for 42 years. Roughing It Day Camp is an all outdoors traditional day camp located at the Lafayette Reservoir for children ages 4-16 years old with transportation service for the East Bay, Contra Costa, Tri-Valley, and San Francisco Communities. For more information go to www.roughingit.com.

Finding a summer camp for your child is an important decision. There are a large variety of camps to choose from, and selecting the right one for your child and your family can be a daunting task. Camps have very different programs so it is very important for parents to do their research. Here are some tips for asking the right questions and finding the right camp for your child this summer.

10 QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN CONSIDERING SUMMER CAMP 1. Type of Camp What kind of camp are you looking for? Do you prefer a day camp for your child? Or would you prefer a residential (sleep away) camp?

Age and your family’s summer schedule are very important to think about when looking at the type of camp and how long a session of camp you want to select for your child.

2. Camp Activities What kinds of activities are you looking for in a camp?

Start by talking with you child and find out what types of activities they enjoy. Do you have an active child that prefers outdoor activities like sports, swimming, and canoeing? Or is your child more interested in the arts and science, preferring a camp experience with an emphasis on arts, crafts, or technology? Maybe both! Many camps allow children the opportunity to spend time doing an activity they know and love as well as, try something new that they cannot do during the school year.

3. Camp Values & Goals What are the camp’s values and goals? Do the camps goals match what you are looking for in a summer camp? Are they a good fit for you and your child? How do the camps communicate and work with parents on a daily basis?

4. Location Find out where the camp is located. Do you want your child to

42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ CAMP GUIDE ] be outdoors enjoying nature? Or do you want your children at an indoor facility (gym or classroom)? Do you want your child to be near to home or have a chance to experience a new place? How would you like your child to get to and from camp? Is it important to you to have the convenience of transportation available to and from camp?

5. Schedule & Camp Hours What is the camp schedule for your child’s age? Ask for a copy of your child’s daily and weekly schedule. This will give you an idea of the activities and instruction offered and how the day runs.

Make sure that the schedule includes breaks for water, bathroom, snacks and lunch. Rest time is especially important for younger campers. Is extended care available for day camps?

WAYS TO HELP YOU DECIDE 6. Camp Directors and Staff Who will be taking care of your child at camp? How long have the directors been with the camp? Ask to meet them and find out about the staff that will be with your child during their time at camp. How old are the staff and what is their experience with children? Are they adults or high school students? Are they role models you would like you child to have? How are they selected?

7. Camper Supervision- What kind of supervision of the campers does the camp have in place? Will campers be seen and supervised by an adult staff member at all times? How are the children grouped and who will be overseeing them? What is the adult staff to camper ratio?

8. Safety and Staff Qualifications What safety certifications and training do their staff have? Do staff go through background checks? Do most of the staff have their 1st aid/CPR and are waterfront staff lifeguard certified? What is their safety plan should an accident or emergency occur while at camp? Would you feel comfortable leaving your child in their care?

9. American Camp Association (ACA) Accreditation Is the camp currently recognized as an ACA accredited camp? Do they follow guidelines, policies, procedures, and industry practices? Learn more about camp accreditation and its importance at www.acacamps.org/.

10. Camp Fees How much does camp cost? What is included in camp tuition? Is it all-inclusive, or are there extra fees for specialty activities? Is transportation available, and if so is it included in camp tuition?

1. Visit Camp Many campers offer Open Houses and Camp Tours for prospective camp families. If these are not available ask if you can set up a time to see the camp. Bring your child with you to meet with the camp directors and staff, check out the camp site, and see for yourself what makes this camp unique or suitable for you and your family. Ask about the activities they provide for their campers, and how this fits with your child’s interests and expectations.

2. Meet the Camp Staff Set up a time to meet the camps directors, talk with them, and have your questions answered. See the camp staff interacting with kids at a camp event.

3. Camp Fairs Community Camp Fairs are a great way to get information about and compare many camps at the same time. Attend a Camp Fair in your community and see what camps have a booth so you can pick up informational brochures and ask questions about their programs.

4. Referrals from Friends Do you know anyone whose child attends the camp? Find out about their experience. What do they have to say about the camps they attend? What made them choose these camps in particular? What do other campers and camper parents have to say about the camp you are considering? Ask the camp directors for a parent reference.

We hope these questions help you find the best camp for you and your child. Good luck, and have a great summer!

MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43

[ FOOD ]

How to Make a Quick and Healthy Dinner

By Amy Fothergill, The Family Chef

Anyone can be “the family chef”. You just need good recipes and techniques!

Amy Fothergill shares her best recipes with you for quick and easy dishes with an emphasis on gluten-free.

Do you think that quick and healthy are words that don’t normally go together when planning dinner? All parents are busy and need ideas on how to feed the family healthy meals that don’t take hours to prepare. The simplest bit of advice is to keep it simple; use fresh ingredients that don’t need other ingredients and keep cooking methods easy as well. Make sure to serve a variety of all foods. A diet of pasta and hot dogs, even if they are whole grain and organic, isn’t a way to maximize your health.

When it comes to produce, seasonal is an obvious choice because the taste is usually so much better. Plus, when it’s local (and even better from an organic farm) the nutrient count tends to be higher because it has just been picked.

Eat as much raw produce as you can and try to get the family into the habit of having a salad.

Amy Fothergill was trained at Cornell University’s School of Hotel Administration. She never thought her culinary skills would be necessary to manage her family’s special diet but has found her cooking knowledge has come in handy. Currently she is a cooking instructor, consultant, blogger, and author of a cookbook, perfect for any family: The Warm Kitchen: Glutenfree recipes anyone can make and everyone will love. She lives in the San Francisco bay area with her husband and two children.

Website: www.amythefamilychef.com About the book: www.thewarmkitchen.com

For the protein, use products that don’t need a lot of prep. Spend more money on chicken breast that is air chilled and trimmed. When you get home, it does not need to be rinsed (and then dried again) and there’s hardly any time spent cutting away fat. Spending the money up front saves you a lot of time and clean-up in the end.

Think outside the box of what you normally eat. Look through cookbooks, blogs and even Facebook to get inspired (people always post pictures of what they eat!). It’s ok to keep it simple; just keep it healthy, too. Here are some ideas for an easy dinner that can be put together in about 15 minutes. Enjoy.

7 Minute Sauteed Chicken Here is the basic process: • Start with boneless skinless chicken which is sliced thin or pounded; most meat departments in the grocery store will do this.

• Season the meat with your selection of herbs and spices.

• Heat a stainless steel pan first until hot. Add a little oil, then the meat. Make sure to hear the sizzle and adjust the heat if necessary. Then, step away from the stove!

• Do not move meat in pan. Turn meat over to cook other side. The whole cooking process should take about 7 minutes.

1-2 teaspoons Italian seasoning 1/4-1/2 teaspoon kosher or sea salt

44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2014

[ FOOD ] 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, trimmed of fat and/or connective tissue, flattened with a meat mallet 2 teaspoons olive oil

Optional: Juice of 1 lemon or ½ cup chicken broth 1 tablespoon butter, butter substitute, or unflavored coconut oil 1. Mix herbs, spices and salt in a small dish or ramekin.

Sprinkle half over chicken.

2. Heat pan to medium or medium high. Once the pan is hot, add the oil and quickly place the chicken in the pan, seasoning side down, being careful not to crowd the pan. Season the other side of the chicken.

3. Once the chicken is turning white on the edges, turn over and cook the other side for another 2-3 minutes or until firm.

4. Optionally pour lemon juice or chicken broth over chicken and cook one more minute. Finish with butter or oil if using.

Steamed Broccoli, Cauliflower, or Green Beans For broccoli or cauliflower, cut about 1” from the flower to create florets. For the beans, use a kitchen scissor. Cut the stem end of 4-6 beans at a time. This way you can prep a pound of green beans in about 5 minutes. If they are long, cut them one more time in the center.

Place them into a pot with a steamer basket. There should be enough water to cover the bottom of the pot but not too much that the water is above the steamer basket. Place a cover on top, set the heat to a little over medium and then lower it a bit when you hear the water boiling. In about five minutes, you should have a perfect steamed vegetable (the cauliflower might take a little longer). Try adding olive oil, butter or sesame oil with a little salt but when fresh, they are perfect plain.

Brown Rice Brown rice has a much higher nutritional value than white rice. Try to get your family in the habit of eating this instead. Here are some strategies around how to have it ready for dinner.

• Make the rice on another night so it can be reheated with your meal (if you make a large batch, only reheat what you plan to eat that night). Use a ratio of 2 parts

water or broth to 1 part long grain brown rice (e.g. 2 cups water to 1 cup of brown rice). For short grain, use a higher proportion of water; 2 ¼: 1, or 2 ¼ cups water to 1 cup of short grain rice.

• Use a frozen brown rice that can be microwaved. I like Trader Joe’s organic brown rice. It’s great for a quick meal.

Another Meal: Fried Rice Take any leftovers from the above meal and use for fried rice.

In a large pan or wok, scramble 2 eggs with vegetable oil and set aside.

Add more oil and saute ½ of a chopped onion. Add 1 cup chopped cooked chicken, 2-3 cups cooked brown rice, 1 cup cooked veggies (like broccoli, cauliflower, or green beans) and 1 cup frozen peas or corn. Once everything is hot, add the egg back into the pan then add 1 tablespoon soy sauce (we use gluten-free tamari) and 1 teaspoon sesame oil. Cook for 1 more minute.

Serve!

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MARCH 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45

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