Active Family Magazine - March 2016

MARCH 2016

SUMMER

CAMP SPOTLIGHT

THE BEST OF TAHOE:

Northstar California Resort

5 ESSENTIAL TOOLS Make Work-Family Balance Easy

Kids LoveShelby Us, J. Smith, DDS,Us MS, PC Parents Trust Pediatric Dentistry and Orthodontics

Kids Love Us, Parents Trust Us Over the past 20 years, Dr. Shelby has developed the reputation for being one of the most successful dentists in treating fearful and special needs children. Her gentle and low-key approach has helped thousands of kids have a great experience.

Working with their parents, Dr. Shelby and her staff have been successful treating many children who otherwise might have been sedated. In addition, Dr. Shelby has a degree in Orthodontics so as her patients grow, the transition into braces is more comfortable. Seeing the smiles on the faces of her patients as they grow from tiny tots to confident teens is one of the great joys of her life.

2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

Call Today for your Appointment 925.755.5115 Meet Pollyanna...

The World’s Smallest Dental Professional

2213 Buchanan Road, Suite 112 Antioch, California 94509 www.DrShelby.com

Volume 3 / Issue 26

[ PARENTING ]

[ HEALTH ]

When Mothers Try to Fulfill Expectations of Other Mothers

5 Life Changing Tips to Love Your Body More Today

8

22

8 Ways to End the Day in Peace & Connection

Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert

12

43

5 Essential Tools Make Work-Family Balance Easy

[ FASHION ]

18 Family Traditions: Honoring Heritage and Strengthening Families

26

20 Fun in the SNOW at Tahoe Donner

16 The Best of Tahoe: Northstar California Resort

28

Natural Beauty, Spring Fashion

10

[ SUMMER CAMP ] Camps & Programs

34

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Summer Camp Spotlight

Bunny Sightings & Easter Egg Hunts

40

14

‘It’s Not Fair! Why Does My Sister Get To...?’

St. Patrick’s Day Guide

[ EVENTS ] March Calendar

32

24

Positive Parenting Your Tween

44

14 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

22

10

SPORTS MEDICINE CENTER FOR YOUNG ATHLETES Free 2016 Lectures & Hands-On Workshops

FREE AND OPEN TO:

RSVP:

• • • •

Walnut Creek 925-979-3420

Athletes age 9 to 25 and parents Youth sports coaches Athletic trainers Athletic directors

Oakland 510-428-3558

Walnut Creek Campus, 2401 Shadelands Dr., Walnut Creek Oakland Campus, 744 52nd St., Oakland

Attend in person or watch live online.

Baseball

Tuesday, January 26, 7-8 p.m.

Oakland Campus

Dance Medicine

Tuesday, February 23, 7-8 p.m.

Oakland Campus

Running Clinic

Tuesday, March 22, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/running032216

Gymnastics

Tuesday, April 26, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/gymnastics042616

Nutrition

Tuesday, May 24, 7-8 p.m.

Oakland Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/nutrition052416

Swimming: Stretches & Exercises Tuesday, June 28, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/swimming062816

Volleyball

Tuesday, July 26, 7-8 p.m.

Oakland Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/volleyball072616

Concussion

Tuesday, August 23, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/concussion082316

Strength in the Young Athlete

Tuesday, October 25, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/strength102516

Basketball

Tuesday, November 15, 7-8 p.m.

Oakland Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/basketball111516

Wrestling

Tuesday, December 13, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/wrestling121316

ACL Prevention

Tuesday, September 27, 7-8 p.m.

Walnut Creek Campus Watch live online: bitly.com/ACL092716

Oakland 510-428-3558

San Francisco 415-353-2808

San Ramon 925-979-3450

744 52nd St. Oakland, CA 94609

1500 Owens Street San Francisco, CA 94158

2303 Camino Ramon, Suite 175 San Ramon, CA 94583

Walnut Creek Center: 925-979-3430 Motion Lab: 925-979-3420 2401 Shadelands Dr. Walnut Creek, CA 94598

Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Marketing Assistant Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Jaida Sinclair Alexis Faria

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. Rachel Macy Stafford Amy Morin Dr. Laura Markham Jamee Tenzer Rosemond Perdue Cranner The Growing Room Susan Stiffleman Nirav K. Pandya, MD

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Advertising Sales Managers April Gentry agentry@activefamilymag.com

Design/Production

Mary Oakes moakes@activefamilymag.com

Ad Design/Production

Teresa Agnew Craft Lara Mays

Sherry Maas smaas@activefamilymag.com

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note Spring is here! Instead of blooming flowers and sunshine (which are wonderful), let’s do a rain dance and pray for a few more months of showers! While we need the rain to remedy the current drought situation, better yet, it will also give us a few extra months of Sierra Ski Season.

Tahoe is bursting with family fun and is receiving some of the best snow fall in years. If you haven’t already done so, pack up the car, take a few days off and head up the mountain! We did, and had an absolute blast! To learn more about Northstar California Resort and all that it offers families looking for an adventure, skip to page 28. Northstar is the go-to destination for laid-back luxury surrounded by breathtaking scenery and offers all types of activities.

Something for everyone, Northstar offers loads of opportunities for family bonding time, couple’s time or a great excuse for a girl’s trip!

With Easter right around the corner, check out our Egg-citing Bunny Sightings and Easter Egg Hunt Guide on page 14. Additional events can be found on page 24 with a St. Patrick’s Day Guide located on page 20.

Happy Spring!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

Sunday, April 17, 2016 Register online at

www.ppierun.com GREAT EXPO AWAITS YOU Enjoy the Family Fitness Expo at the finish line to help you celebrate and recover from a successful run.

We will have lots of goodies, giveaways and activities to inspire your children to engage in a healthy lifestyle.

NOT A RUNNER OR A MORNING PERSON? That’s ok! You can make an online Snooze for Schools donation and sleep tight knowing your contribution will keep us on the right course. Every dollar is greatly appreciated! Visit www.ppierun.com to provide support.

Starts & Finishes at the Alameda County Fairgrounds Free parking!

Presented by CLubSport to benefit PPIE

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ]

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst with specialized clinical training in infant-parent, child, adolescent, and adult psychotherapy.

She has been on the faculties of New York University and the Society for Psychoanalytic Study and Research, among others. She has written extensively on parenting for various publications, including the Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, The International Journal of Infant Observation, The Inner World of the Mother, Newsday’s Parents & Children Magazine, Long Island Parent.

She writes her popular column, PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE, at Moms Magazine and blogs for Huffington Post. Her new book is Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior.

When Mothers Try to Fulfill Expectations of Other Mothers

by Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. Mothers are always watching what other parents do. Sometimes this gives us great ideas about teaching our children many skills and good values and reinforces what we believe parenting should be about. But so many times we are unsure of ourselves because we love our kids so much that we doubt what we do and want to get parenting just right.

When our kids have a meltdown in a store, are aggressive or timid with other kids on the playground, and refuse to listen to us when it’s time to go, we’re often thinking more about how the other parents judge us than what our kids are going through. This is only natural but Parental Intelligence can give us a new mindset that is not only relieving but much more productive.

Does Behavior Have Meaning?

When our children have unexpected puzzling behavior that may recur many times, conventional wisdom says to punish. But then we discover the behavior returns again and again. So something’s gone amuck.

The problem is we are acting before understanding what the behavior means.

Maybe a meltdown means the child is exhausted, or hungry, or confused

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ PARENTING ] about making a decision in a store. Maybe your child doesn’t want to leave a party because he wanted to make a new friend. Maybe our child is aggressive on the playground and always yells at other kids because that’s what he hears his parents do. Compared to these and other potential explanations, why should we care more about what other parents think than what our child is going through.

what behaviors often stand for. These are mothers who ask, “Why” and work together to find explanations for puzzling behaviors. They reassure you when you doubt yourself because they know how that feels.

These are the mothers to hang out with.

Realistic Expectations

Having a Thick Skin Granted, it takes a thick skin to ignore the grimace on another mother’s face as she looks at your child and then at you. But that’s her insensitivity, not yours. This is a judgmental parent. If she can make you feel ashamed and you don’t even know her, how does she make her child feel? This is not someone to use as a measure of your self-confidence as a parent.

Supportive Mothers The mothers to hang out with are those who think like you do. They reassure you when your child misbehaves because they understand there is meaning behind the behavior. The behavior is a communication kind mothers can help you figure out by sharing experiences about

Celma’s Housecleaning Service

Parents can’t do the right thing every time and know exactly what their child thinks, feels and intends. Parental Intelligence tells us that all we can do is understand our reactions without acting on them immediately and then try to understand our child’s mind. This puts parenting in perspective. It’s a tough job with immense rewards when your children feel your unconditional love, trust you to figure things out with them, and provide the security they need. Just trying to do this is realistic.

We learn from experience the more we get to know ourselves and our child and strengthen parent-child bonds.

Century Landscape & Gardening Residential and Business Maintenance All work Guaranteed!

celmaoliveira789@yahoo.com

(925) 826-6397 Free Estimates Landscaping Maintenance Sprinklers

Offering meticulous & affordable housecleaning for busy families!

References Available!

Call Today 925-819-0266

centurylandscape55@hotmail.com MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ FASHION ]

Natural Beauty S P R I N G S T Y L E I N S P I R E D BY T H E S E A S O N ’ S F L O R A A N D FA U N A

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ SEASONAL [ FASHION FUN ]

ABOVE: Dress – Tea Collection, TeaCollection.com, $59, Shoes – Tucker+Tate, Nordstrom, $29.50 Romper – Truly Me, Nordstrom, $60, Shoes – Minnetonka, Nordstrom, $44.95 ABOVE RIGHT: Dress – Vince Camuto, Nordstrom, $148, Shoes – Ivanka Trump, Nordstrom, $129.95 Dress – Tea Collection, TeaCollection.com, $59, Shoes – Tucker+Tate, Nordstrom, $29.50 RIGHT: Jeans – Tucker+Tate, Nordstrom, $36, Shirt – Peek, Nordstrom, $42, Tie – Nordstrom, $24.50, Shoes – Vans, Nordstrom, $34.95 OPPOSITE PAGE: Dress – Rebecca Taylor, Nordstrom, $495, Shoes – Kork-Ease, Nordstrom, Dress – Tea Collection, TeaCollection.com, $39, Shoes – Tucker+Tate, Nordstrom, $29.50 Photographer: Anthony Gamboa | Wardrobe Stylist: Rachel Fawkes Hair & Make-up: Erica Camarena

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ PARENTING ]

Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Using her skills as a writer, teacher, and encourager, Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Her blog currently averages one million visitors a month. Rachel’s new book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller.

8 Ways to End the Day in Peace & Connection

by Rachel Macy Stafford I recently heard from someone who read about the “Heartbeat Check” in my new book and was making it a nightly ritual with her child. One night she was instructing her spouse on how to do it in her absence, and it led to a meaningful talk and healing tears between them. The strategies listed here and in my book can add peace and loving connection to any relationship, despite the busyness of our lives... despite the distractions pulling us away... despite what happened yesterday.

There is hope in today. Here are eight ways to end it in peaceful connection.

1. Have “Talk Time.”

Although my older daughter coined this term when she was a toddler, it is just as important to her 12-year-old heart now as it was then. It means for a handful of minutes, I push away my distractions, my to-dos, my worries & regrets to offer my undivided presence before my child goes to bed. No matter how tired, stressed or distracted I am going into her room, I come out feeling connected, peaceful and renewed. It costs me about 10 minutes, but the payoff is huge. I get to hear the topics on my child’s heart and mind. Something tells me this is

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ PARENTING ] one daily investment I will never regret.

in the future when we are both calm and open to suggestions.

2. Have “Question Time.”

My younger daughter loves Question Time before she

5. Name 20 things.

goes to sleep. For 10 minutes, she is free to ask me any

One night my younger daughter asked me to name 20

questions she wants. Sometimes the topics are light-

things I love about her. Although I had dishes in the sink,

hearted: Where do magic bunnies live? Other times they

work to do, and an aching back, I did it. I watched her

are heavy: What is heaven like? I always answer them to

smile widen with each positive comment. It took under

the best of my ability, in hopes she will continue to turn to

two minutes, this little request of hers, but something tells

me for answers as she grows.

me she will remember this list for a long time. I’ve made a point of “naming 20 things” periodically as my children

Isn’t that what kids truly long for -- to have the freedom to ask the questions of life? Is there any better gift we can offer our children at the end of the day than to allow them to ask questions without fear of judgment, without fear of being hurried along, without fear of being ignored?

3. Do a Heartbeat Check.

My kids love when I place my head on their chests and tell them what I hear. While one child’s Heartbeat Check brings laughter so intense that hiccups result, the other child’s Heartbeat Check inspires solemn talks of poverty, terrorism and middle school angst. But there is one commonality: The Heartbeat Check offers solace. No matter how crazy the day... no matter how discouraged I feel... no matter how dismal the state of our world, the Heartbeat Check offers refuge. There is nothing more hopeful than the sound of the human heart.

4. Offer an apology.

Several years ago a reader of my blog wrote to me and said, “Our family was ripped apart by the inability of

grow. The reaction is always the same: pure joy. And that makes for a soft place to lay our heads at night.

6. Remember the power of presence.

Maybe the connection between you and your loved one is strained. Maybe nothing on this list feels right. In that case, remember the power of presence. Remember you don’t have to have all the answers or the ability to “fix” a troubled heart. Sometimes our mere presence is enough.

Simply say, “Can I sit with you? I love you and want you to know I’m here for you.” Our mere presence has the power to change a dismal situation into one of hope.

7. Offer soul-building words.

Perhaps time is running short and you only have a few seconds to say good night. Make it count by speaking words that nourish the human heart and foster growth & acceptance: * You make my life better. * I love spending time with you.

a man to say, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I was wrong.’” Her story

* Seeing your face makes me happy.

helped me face a painful truth: I needed to apologize

* I am amazed at how much you are handling right now.

more. The nightly tuck-in offered me this chance.

* I see your light & will do all I can to protect it.

Although it was difficult for me to apologize directly after I had acted poorly, it wasn’t too late to apologize later. I

8. Count to 50 in your head.

began apologizing for things that had happened earlier

Early on in my journey to slow down and be fully present

that day and things that had happened in the past.

in my life, I found it difficult to oblige when my daughter

Admitting my wrongdoing and asking for forgiveness

said, “Stay a little longer.” That is when I would count.

lifted a weight -- not only for me, but also for my children.

I would count to 50 or 100 in my head. Every time I

It is not uncommon for them to apologize to me in

mustered that little extra time, my child would say

the sanctity of their darkened rooms, because I have

something important or funny, or simply whisper, “I love

modeled it. An added bonus is that we are better able

you.” I would be thankful I stayed. I would be thankful I

to talk about about how we plan to do things differently

did not miss it.

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[[ EVENTS FASHION] ]

EGG-citing

BUNNY SIGHTINGS & EASTER EGG HUNTS!

Alameda County MARCH 4 – 26 Photos With The Easter Bunny Stoneridge Shopping Center Pleasanton Various hours Prices Vary www.shopstoneridge.com

MARCH 12 – 26 Easter Photos NewPark Mall Newark Various Hours www.newparkmall.com

MARCH 26 Tap Dancing Easter Bunnies Fairyland Oakland 11:30am Guest ages 1 – 8: $8 Guest under age 1: FREE www.fairyland.org

Spring Eggstravaganza Emerald Glen Park Dublin 8:30am – 1:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us Dyeing Eggs with Nature Crab Cover Visitor Center Alameda 10:00am – 11:00am For Ages 7 and Up $7 www.ebparks.org

MARCH 26 – 27 Bunny Weekend Fairyland Oakland 11:00am – 2:30pm Guest ages 1 – 8: $8 Guest under age 1: FREE www.fairyland.org

APRIL 2 Eggster Learning Festival UC Berkeley Berkeley 10:00am – 3:00pm www.eggster.berkeley.edu/eventday.php

Contra Costa County MARCH 19 Breakfast With Bunny Pleasant Hill Senior Center Pleasant Hill Prices Vary www.pixieland.com

MARCH 21 Mini Monday: Wild Egg-Stravanganza Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 12:00pm Under 2 Free $10-20 first child $6 Each Additional Child www.pixieland.com

MARCH 26 Pixieland Easter Speggtacular Pixieland Amusement Park Concord 9:30am – 11:30am Prices Vary www.pixieland.com

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

Spring Egg Hunt Arlington Park & Clubhouse El Cerrito 10:00am Free www.el-cerrito.org Easter Pancake Breakfast & Boutique Pleasant Hill Senior Center Pleasant Hill 9:00am – 11:00am Adults 11+ $5 Children 5-10 yrs $3 4 & Under Free www.pleasanthillrec.com

[ EVENTS ] www.jellybelly.com/event-calendar

MARCH 26

“Egg” citing Egg Hunt!

Pleasant Hill Park Pleasant Hill Various times based on age group $6 per child www.pleasanthillrec.com Lions Club Easter Egg Hunt Martinez Waterfront Park Martinez 9:45am Free www.cityofmartinez.org

MARCH 26 – 27

Children’s Wonderland Easter Egg Hunt Children’s Wonderland Vallejo 10:30am – 4:00pm

Hunt

Visit the Easter bunny at Jelly Belly Jelly Belly Visitor Center Fairfield 10:00am – 4:00pm Free

Dr. Ozzie Jafarnia

Dr. Noyan Aynechi DDS, Board Certified

Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry

Eggstraordinary Egg Hunt Roaring Camp Railroad Felton 11:00am & 12:30pm $20- $27 www.roaringcamp.com/events#easter_

MARCH 27 25th Annual Easter Parade & Spring Celebration Union Street San Francisco 10:00am – 5:00pm Free www.unionstreetsf.com Spring Eggstravaganza

MARCH 19 – 25

DDS, Board Certified

www.gvrd.org

Brunch with Mr. Jelly Belly and the Easter Bunnies Jelly belly Visitor Center San Francisco 10:00am – 11:30am Adults 3+ $19.99 2 & Under Free www.jellybelly.com/event-calendar

Out of Area

Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry

All Ages $3

Sharon Medows San Francisco 11:00am – 2:00pm $8 per person www.sftourismtips.com

Nothing is more beautiful than your child’s smile!

Welcome to Danville Pediatric Dentistry and Orthodontics! ! Our office is committed to providing excellent preventative care for children in a warm, positive, and compassionate environment.

We specialize in comprehensive dental care for children of all ages with an emphasis on prevention and health. As your child grows, we are able to provide comprehensive orthodontic care for children and teens. This is to help create and maintain a healthy smile into adulthood. We will do so by providing excellent treatment at the right time for the right reason with integrity, honesty and a caring heart.

Your child’s smile is our top priority.

We are committed to making it the happiest, healthiest and straightest smile possible. After all, nothing is more beautiful than your child's smile!

4145 Blackhawk Plaza Circle, Ste. 203, Danville

Dr. Reem Stephanos DDS, MS

925-837-7745 • drozzie.com

Specialist in Orthodontics

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Fun in the SNOW at Tahoe Donner A mere two hours and forty five minutes from the East Bay, Tahoe Donner is an easy day trip. Nestled on the mountainside outside of downtown Truckee, Tahoe Donner is easily accessible and a breeze to find. Convenient parking is at the base of the mountain and a courtesy shuttle picks up every few minutes.

Quieter and more laid-back from the more crowded Sierra Resorts, Tahoe Donner is able to offer a more personalized experience which takes you away from the city’s hustle and bustle. We visited Tahoe Donner on a sunny Monday after a full day of snow fall the day before. To say the conditions were perfect would be an understatement. The only ones gearing up in the equipment area, it was a quick and effortless process. Kids were out on the slopes in no time. No lines for the magic carpet area or chair lifts and the staff was efficient and friendly and ready to assist the kids.

While the children took a private lesson, we were able to sit outside on the Sun Deck area with a perfect vantage point to watch their efforts on the slopes. We eventually meandered into the bar area where we grabbed a quick lunch and soda and continued to watch all the action out the floor-to-ceiling windows.

Tahoe Donner is an affordable, family-friendly resort. In addition to their Downhill Ski Area, they also offer Cross Country Ski Trails and a Snowplay area for tubing and sledding. Also check out their spectacular Alder Creek Adventure Center while enjoying their vast trail system.

16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Helpful Hints…

Tahoe Donner Downhill Ski Area specializes in teaching first timers and novices and is committed to being the best place for family fun and learning in the Tahoe region. Listed below are some tips to make your experience as enjoyable as possible.

• Purchase a ski or snowboard package (includes lift ticket, lesson and rental equipment) at Tahoe Donner’s ticket and lesson location. Reservations are highly recommended.

• Allow a least 1 hour before your lesson to be fitted with your rental equipment on most days. Allow up to 2 hours on weekends and holidays, so you can make your lesson on time.

• Meet at the Learning Center 10 minutes before your lesson starts.

• Be sure to have the appropriate clothing for skiing and riding. Key essentials are glove, eyewear, jacket,

and snow pants. Kids taking lessons are required to have eyewear, water proof pants, gloves, and helmet to participate. This will make their first experience great!

• Ask questions! Tahoe Donner’s staff is there to help and will do everything possible to make your day on the slopes a memorable one.

To Reserve Lessons Online Reservations can be made over the phone or via their website at www.tahoedonner.com for Snowflakes, Snow Shredders, Packages, and Programs.

Reservation and pre-sale can be made daily before 4 p.m. Full payment is required via Visa, Mastercard or American Express. Cancellations are accepted 48 hours before your scheduled lesson. “No Shows” are not eligible for a refund.

Plan a trip and check out these upcoming events at Tahoe Donner!

March 12, 2016, Winter Beach Party Nothing beats a beach party in winter, right? Join Tahoe Donner Downhill Ski Area for some tropical fun, live music, food and games. This is great for the whole family and it’s free! This party kicks off at 12 p.m.

March 19, 2016, 200-Foot Banana Split Extravaganza Help devour an incredible 200-foot banana split at 1:30 p.m. for free! Grab some spoons because this will be one tasty monster at Tahoe Donner Downhill Ski Area.

March 20, 2016, Tahoe Donner Family Challenge The Family Challenge is a matched time competition raced by family teams at Tahoe Donner Downhill Ski Area. It is a Giant Slalom race, but the time that counts is the difference between first and second runs.

The team component is a combined best difference from a child in a family with the best difference from an adult in the family. The winning team gets their name engraved on the trophy in the ski lodge. All children who complete their two runs will earn a medal, and there are other prizes as well. This event is free.

Stay in Truckee Classic mountain charm, Hotel Tahoe-Truckee is located in the heart of downtown Truckee. Offering an abundance of amenities including free breakfast and Wi-Fi, heated pool and pet-friendly rooms, Hotel TahoeTruckee is centered in the heart of Sierra Ski Country and reminiscent of a modern mountain ski lodge. Great for families, affordable and comfortable, book your next family vacation here!

Hotel Truckee Tahoe 11331 Brockway Road | Truckee, California Phone: 530-587-4525 Email: fd@hoteltruckeetahoe.com www.hoteltruckeetahoe.com MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ PARENTING ]

Jamee Tenzer is an Executive Coach, Trainer and Mentor.

For the past 15 years she has been privileged to coach breadwinner moms and executives and to work internationally as a coach mentor and trainer. She has worked with leaders in many industries including; entertainment, non-profit and technology.

In addition to serving as a Supervisor, Mentor and Trainer for the International Coach Academy from 2006 to 2015, she is also a trained mediator and the co-creator of three ICF Accredited courses for coaches; Deeper Conversations Coaching, Mentor Coach Certification and Real Coaching Sessions Unplugged.

Jamee is a member of the International Coach Federation, Producers Guild of America and Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. She holds a CPC from the International Coach Academy, a PCC from the International Coach Federation and a BCC from the Center for Credentialing and Education. She is a committed im-perfectionist - her husband and three children can attest to this!

5 Essential Tools Make Work-Family Balance Easy

by Jamee Tenzer What on EARTH is Work – Family Balance?

Work – Family Balance. The words stare back at me from my computer. This is part of my work.

When I am not coaching, I am writing, or training coaches. And as I write, I am in my home office, surrounded by work AND family. As I stare at my computer screen, I hear the pounding of my son’s music coming from upstairs and my shopping list beckons me wistfully from my note pad. “We need milk, ” is its ever-present lonely refrain.

And as I reach for a paper clip, my fingers land on a post-it that my daughter has left for me with a drawing on it for “mommy,” making my heart skip a beat as I look at this incredible stick figure and marvel at how lucky I am – the mother of three talented children. As I slip the post-it back into the paper clip jar, I turn my attention to emails.

One is from a client, requesting a session. Another is from a high school friend who would like to reconnect with me and the third is from a colleague inviting me to be a guest blogger on her website. It’s a mix – work and family all together – all the time.

For me, work-life balance is about integrating all aspects of my life throughout each day. Unless I am coaching someone, I am probably entertaining a

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

[ PARENTING ]

myriad of thoughts and ideas that range from “Did my son remember to feed the cat?” and “Don’t forget to prep for the class you’re teaching Tuesday” to “Call the Plumber,” “Write that article already!” and “Is noon too early for a glass of wine?”

and run out the door risking a smudge with every step, in hopes of checking one more thing off my list. If it is possible to make a pedicure stressful, I have found a way to do it! Not anymore. Where can you take a few extra minutes for yourself?

Some will say that it is best to separate work and family life.

MOVING: How often do you walk around your neighborhood or from your office to lunch? I have started walking to my errands whenever possible. When you live in Los Angeles, stepping outside your car to walk more than one block is akin to having three heads – odd. Also, it takes a bit longer. But, there is something about walking that forces you to be present and connects you to the world. How can you move more?

The thinking is that if we separate the two, we will be able to do each of them with our full focus and energy.

Otherwise, we risk feeling as if we are not doing anything well. For those who feel this way, I say more power to you!

The goal is not to follow in my footsteps or down the path of others who have found the secret to work/family balance. The goal with lasting results will come from learning your own secrets.

This is what I am planning to help you with during this 5 part series.

What is your secret formula to successful work-family balance?

CONNECTING: Connect. Take a moment and chat with a friend or meet someone new. I have a tendency to run out after the PTA meeting is over – so that I can get to my next location as quickly as possible. What if I stuck around to chat for 5 minutes? What if I struck up a conversation with someone while waiting in line for coffee? Take a moment and connect to another person.

When are you most efficient?

How do you know you are succeeding in both areas of life?

The trick is to look at what has worked in the past, identify your vision for the future and listen to what you already know. The answers are within each of us, after all.

My skill as a coach is to help you find your own answers.

So let’s get started!

Step one is to slow down and listen to the wisdom inside you. How often do you slow down and listen? If you are like me, this is not your normal mode of being.

Let’s start with three concepts; Thinking, moving and connecting.

THINKING: Where can you take a few extra minutes for yourself each day? This is embarrassing, but I will give you an example; After my pedicure yesterday, I sat for 15 minutes and allowed my nail polish to dry. Believe it or not, this is evidence of growth for me. Typically, I hop up MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

St. Patrick’s Day Guide The 2016 Irish-American Crossroads Festival Irish-American Crossroads Festival Various Locations San Francisco, CA 94117-0672 415-810-3774 www.irishamericancrossroads.org The Irish-American Crossroads Festival is a literary, musical, and cultural event that takes place every year in the San Francisco Bay Area during the month of March. It is a celebrated annual festival inviting the public to come together around inspired, creative, and relevant events regarding Irish and Irish-American history and culture.

DUBLIN

SAN FRANCISCO 165th San Francisco St. Patrick’s Day Parade & Festival Saturday, March 12, 2016 – Parade: Starts at 11:30 am – Festival: 9 am to 5 pm Civic Center Plaza San Francisco, CA 94117-0672 415-203-1027 www.sresproductions.com/events/st-patricks-day-festival The parade will start at the corner of Market and Second Streets where over 100 colorful floats, Irish dance troupes and marching bands will wind their way to Civic Center Plaza. The St. Patrick’s Day Parade celebrates and showcases the Irish community, Irish culture and character in all its forms. Featured groups from throughout the Bay Area’s Irish community including schools, youth organizations, labor unions, cultural groups, as well as the San Francisco Police and Fire, will proudly march up Market Street.

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

St. Patrick’s Say Festival Saturday and Sunday, March 12-13: 10am – 5pm Dublin Civic Center 100 Civic Plaza Dublin, CA 94568 925-833-6650 www.dublin.ca.gov You’ll find everything from Celtic Rock and bagpipes to traditional Irish folk music or Celtic harp performing throughout Saturday and Sunday on two stages. Also, don’t miss the Irish Dancers performing continuously on the Dance Stage. The festival is complete with wan international food court and an expanded Irish menu. Get your shopping fox with the 250+ booths featuring Celtic artwork, Irish tartans, handmade jewelry, and much more. Carnival rides and games for all ages!

Dublin Lions Club St. Patrick’s Day Parade Saturday, March 12: 9:30am Dublin Civic Center 100 Civic Plaza, Dublin CA 94568 925-833-6650 www.dublin.ca.gov

[ SEASONAL FUN ] Guests are encouraged to bring their own chairs and blankets or take a seat in the parade grandstand, located at 7400 Amador Valley Boulevard. Over 80 entries, featuring festive marching bands and floats, Irish bagpipes, equestrian riders and much more, will step-off promptly at 9:30 AM onto Dublin Boulevard from Amador Plaza Road. The route continues east on Dublin Boulevard, north on Village Parkway, and west on Amador Valley Boulevard, ending near the Dublin Senior Center.

Green and White Gala | Friday, March 11: 6:00pm Shannon Community Center 11600 Shannon Avenue, Dublin, CA 94568 925-899-4771 www.dublin.ca.gov The Dublin St. Patrick’s Day Celebration weekend festivities traditionally begin with the annual Green and White Gala, hosted by the Dublin Sister City Association on Friday evening.

Guests and often dignitaries from Dublin’s Sister City - Bray, Ireland - will be welcomed at the event, which will commence with an Irish Happy Hour at 6:00 p.m. Dress is cocktail attire.

Tickets are $65 per person.

2016 Shamrock 5K Fun Run & Walk 6815 Dublin Boulevard, Dublin CA 94568 Sunday, March 13: 8:30am 925-556-4500 www.dublinca.gov/867/Shamrock-5K-Fun-Run-Walk The Shamrock 5K Fun Run and Walk is a great event for runners and walkers of all skill levels. Don’t miss out on all the fun! Race Day Registration begins at 7:15 am and the race starts at 8:30am.

Alameda Country Firefighters Local 55th Annual Pancake Breakfast | Saturday, March 12: 7am - 10am.

Fire Station #16 7494 Donohue Drive Dublin, CA 94568 925-833-6650 www.dublin.ca.gov Green pancakes anyone? This is a great way to start the morning before finding a seat for the Parade or heading over to the Festival site! Advance reservations not required; simply buy tickets at the door!

PLEASANTON: St. Patrick’s Day Brew Crawl Downtown Pleasanton Saturday, March 19th, 5pm - 8 pm. www.pleasantondowntown.net/event/details/284 Sample craft beers from San Francisco Bay Area breweries at more than 25 downtown locations. Tasty bites will also be served. To add to the festive spirit of this event, guests are encouraged to wear green and other fun St. Patrick’s Day items. Each participant receives beer tastings and tasty bites at more than 25 downtown locations, a commemorative beer glass and tasting map.

LIVERMORE Founder’s Day Weekend at Concannon Vineyard March 12 - March 13 4590 Tesla Road Livermore, CA 94550 800-258-9866

www.concannonvineyard.com Enjoy award-winning wines and live music as we celebrate our Irish heritage and historic founder, James Concannon.

On Saturday afternoon, listen to Irish music by Póg Mo Thóin as you taste. Then, visit Underdog Wine Bar for special Irish cuisine and wine-based cocktails.

St. Patrick’s Day Celebration at McGrail Vineyards Saturday, March 12: 12pm-4pm 5600 Greenville Road Livermore, CA 94550 www.mcgrailvineyards.com 925-215-0717 Celebrate Irish heritage at McGrail Vineyards with delicious Irish cuisine, great music by Sue Lukito, and a glass of McGrail wine. Sing along to the folksy fun tunes and enjoy corned beef and cabbage from Smokin Hot Meats and Treats, available for purchase!

SAN CARLOS Flying Leprechaun: St. Patrick’s Day Celebration March 12: 10am - 12pm The Hiller Aviation Museum 601 Skyway Rd. San Carlos, CA 94070 650-654-0220 www.hiller.org The Luck ‘o the Irish meets the Hiller Aviation Museum for a special aerial celebration in honor of St. Patrick himself! Join the morning festivities including free face painting and a jump house. Scour the Museum’s Gallery for hidden Leprechauns and earn a treat from his pot’o’gold!

SAN RAMON St. Patrick’s Day Concert | March 11: 7:00pm Front Row Theater 17011 Bollinger Canyon Rd, San Ramon 94582 925-973-3343 www.sanramon.ca.gov/parks/theater The luck of the Irish will be with you if you attend the San Ramon Community Chorus Concert. The chorus will perform your favorite Irish tunes along with folk music. The McGrath Irish Dancers will also be in attendance to perform traditional Irish dances. Bring the entire family!

DANVILLE Norm’s 12th Annual St. Patrick’s Day Party Saturday, March 12: 12pm Norm’s Place 356 Hartz Avenue, Danville CA 94526 925-552-6676 www.normsgrill.com Party with Leprechauns, drink green beer, watch Irish dancers, listen to bag pipers and drummers and dine on Corned Beef and Cabbage. Norm’s also features its new “Shenanigans Lounge,” where you can play beer pong, drink at the bar, listen to music or lounge on Norm’s couches. Bounce house also available for the kids!

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ HEALTH ]

I’m Rosemond, a divorced mom with the best teen daughter on the entire planet.

OK, I might be a wee bit biased on that point.

In my past life I was an entertainment executive in Hollywood. Don’t get too excited. It sounds way more exciting than it was. Now I blog about divorce for http:// www.huffingtonpost.com/ divorce/ and write about dating, divorce, parenting a teenager, and life in search of the next shoe sale at my blog roundandroundrosie.com. I’ve been featured on BlogHer, Divorced Moms, and Blunt Moms. When I’m not stuck in traffic or obsessing about my hair, I write.

5 Life Changing Tips to Love Your Body More Today

by Rosemond Perdue Cranner Several simply fantastic ways even you, yes you, can learn to love your body.

This weekend I went on a very long bike ride. 66 miles spread over 2 days. I’m not that used to long bike rides, I’ve only done a handful over 20 miles. And I did this one carrying a 20 pound backpack (with my chihuahua strapped inside as my passuenger. Yes, I’m nuts that way) The bike ride, at times, was tough. Hell, at times it was torture! There were more than a few F bombs as I wound up never ending inclines.

We climbed from sea level to over 700 feet. My body kept going. My thighs burned but my legs kept pedaling. Over and over and over again. I kept grinding.

At 50, I have a new respect for my body that I definitely didn’t have when I was younger.

When I was younger, I was always measuring my body against crazy glossy magazine standards of supermodels. Did my thighs touch? Were my hips small enough? Boobs big enough? It wasn’t about anything except how I appeared to others. How I measured up. And I never did.

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ HEALTH ] Thank God for age and wisdom.

Now I measure my body not by inches but by the miracles it can accomplish. Now I kinda love my body.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Worry about being strong. Not skinny.

I go to the gym and love the challenge of lifting weights.

Bicep curls. Squats. Sweat cascading down my cheeks.

I love to see the progress as I move to heavier weights.

I feel how much stronger I get every single day, every single time I challenge myself to show up.

Skinny is all about what other’s think of you. Strong is knowing what you yourself are capable of.

2. Shift the focus from how it Looks to what it Does.

I used to hate my body. It makes me sad to think about how many times I disrespected this capable body I’ve been given.

that strong, to hell with the size of your damned thighs.

You are a warrior. Own it all.

4. Find real life role models. Not some model on Instagram.

We are so bombarded by the fake perfection all around us. Airbrushed, photoshopped, altered bodies that have no comparison in nature. There are real life role models all around us. Friends and family who kick ass on a daily basis. Look to these people for your inspiration. Measure yourself against these folks. You can even ask them for advice or tips on fitness, healthy eating or persevering towards a goal.

Find your own personal role models from your friends and family. Enlist them for moral support. Ask them for their own workout secrets.

Don’t measure your body against some made up airbrushed fake celebrity reality.

Make allies with people you can learn from.

Don’t disrespect your body. Don’t grab your flesh, pound on your thighs. Don’t say mean things about the way you look.

Shift the focus from your appearance to health. Think about how it works. Can you get stronger? Can you walk 3 miles today? Can you work on better balance?

Give yourself a tangible challenge but measure success not by the mirror or scale but by movement and action.

By how you feel in your own skin.

3. Make a list of when your body was amazing.

I have a list on my phone of times my body has stood strong. Challenging times when my body didn’t fail me.

Survived a car crash. Survived miscarriage. Completed a sprint triathlon. Ran alongside my daughter while she was learning to ride her bike. Cradled my grandmother as she died.

Seriously, make a list for yourself of all the times your body didn’t give up on you. Keep in on your phone in the notes section and look at it when you are down on your body.

Maybe you’ve even survived cancer or a major illness, climbed mountains, or served in the military. If you are

5. Say Thank You. How often do we curse our shape? Wish we were someone else with thinner tummies? Longer legs? Less cellulite?

Don’t call yourself fat. Don’t pound on your thighs or grab your stomach.

Can you climb stairs while balancing overflowing bags of groceries? Can you Whip and Nae Nae with your kids?

Give your grandchild a piggyback ride? Work it in the front row of Zumba class?

Say thank you.

We’ve all lost friends far too young who never got the opportunity to get older and get thicker waists and maybe even some cellulite and slack skin. Say thank you because we’ve all been given the gift to live another day. To carry on. To stand strong.

Today, make a promise to honor the amazing, moving, dancing, lovemaking, pasta cooking body that moves us through this journey.

Love your body and it just might return the favor.

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ EVENTS ]

March Alameda County MARCH 1ST – 31ST Unearthed: Found + Made Oakland Museum of California Oakland Times Vary www.museumca.org

MARCH 5TH, 12TH & 19TH Free Family Dance Classes Boys and Girls Club Oakland Times Vary www.lunadanceinstitute.org

MARCH 5TH – 6TH White Elephant Sale Oakland Estuary Oakland 10:00am – 4:00pm www.WhiteElephantSale.org

MARCH 6TH The Trombonist Shotgun Players Berkeley 1:00pm www.shotgunplayers.org Free first Sunday Oakland Museum of California Oakland 10:00am – 6:00pm www.museumca.org Flowers of Spring Coyote Hills Regional Park Fremont 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.ebparks.org

MARCH 9TH Golden State Warriors Benefit Oracle Arena Berkeley 7:30pm – 10:30pm www.edfundwest.org/event/golden-state-warriors-benefit

MARCH 11TH

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

Chinese Calligraphy for Kids Fremont Main Library Fremont 3:30pm – 4:30pm www.aclibrary.org

MARCH 11TH – 13TH Gem Faire Alameda County Fairgrounds Pleasanton 12:00pm – 5:00pm www.gemfaire.com

MARCH 11TH – 20TH

MARCH 20TH Teddy Bear Tea with Friends Oakland Zoo Oakland 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org Moon Games Tilden Nature Area Berkeley 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.ebparks.org

MARCH 25TH

A Midsummer Night’s Dream Firehouse Arts Center Pleasanton Times Vary www.anotherbullwinkelshow.com

Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org

MARCH 12TH

MARCH 27TH

Little Explorers Workshop: Tails and Whiskers Lawrence Hall of Science Berkeley 10:00am – 11:00am www.lawrencehallofscience.org

MARCH 12TH & 13TH St. Patrick’s Day Celebration Dublin Civic Center Dublin 10:00am – 5:00pm www.dublinca.gov/293/St-Patricks-Day-Celebration

MARCH 15TH Persian New Year Festival 2029 Durant Avenue Berkeley 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.anotherbullwinkelshow.com

MARCH 17TH St Patrick’s Day

MARCH 19TH Fiber & Dye Family Day UC Botanical Garden at Berkeley Berkeley 11:00am – 3:00pm www.events.berkeley.edu

Easter

Contra Costa County MARCH 1ST – 31ST Teen Library Volunteers Newark Library Newark Times Vary www.aclibrary.org

MARCH 2ND Walnut Creek First Wednesdays Cypress Street Walnut Creek 5:00pm – 8:00pm www.walnutcreekdowntown.com

MARCH 4TH Cowgirl Tricks with Karen Quest Village Theatre Danville 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com Delta Moon Student Film Festival Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 7:00pm www.deltamoon.org

[ EVENTS ]

March MARCH 4TH – 5TH

MARCH 13TH

The Computer Kid’s Magic Night Lesher Center For The Arts Walnut Creek 7:30pm www.lesherartscenter.showare.com

March of the Penguins Movie Screening Village Theatre Shows Danville 3:00pm www.villagetheatreshows.com

MARCH 5TH

MARCH 15TH

Free Kids Workshop The Home Depot El Cerrito 9:00am – 12:00pm www.workshops.homedepot.com

Percussion Discussion Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek Times Vary www.lesherartscenter.showare.com

Newt Hike Briones Regional Park Martinez 9:30am – 10:30am www.lindsaywildlife.org

Art of Egg Decoration Walnut Creek Library Walnut Creek 5:30pm – 7:30pm www.ccclib.org

MARCH 6TH

MARCH 17TH

Ghost Golf 4383 Clayton Road Concord 11:30am – 8:00pm www.ghostgolfconcord.com

St Patrick’s Day

MARCH 8TH Sunshine Vocal Performance Showcase Village Theatre Shows Danville 6:00pm www.villagetheatreshows.com

MARCH 10TH – 13TH Once Upon a Time Fantasy Forum Walnut Creek Times Vary www.lesherartscenter.showare.com

MARCH 12TH Monkey March Madness Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 11:00am www.lindsaywildlife.org

MARCH 18TH Grannie’s Bedtime Stories Village Theatre Shows Danville Times Vary www.villagetheatreshows.com Free Friday!

Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 5:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org

MARCH 19TH, 20TH & 25TH Walnut Creek Model Railroad Society 2751 Buena Vista Avenue Walnut Creek Times Vary www.wcmrs.org

Out of Area MARCH 1ST – 5TH Middle School Science Fair California Academy of Sciences San Francisco Times Vary www.randallmuseum.org

MARCH 2ND Alcatraz Historic Gardens Alcatraz San Francisco 8:00am – 12:00pm www.parksconservancy.org

MARCH 5TH Irish- American Crossroads Festival Main Library San Francisco 11:00am – 12:00pm www.sfpl.org

MARCH 6TH Lunar New Year Celebration History Park San Jose 12:00pm – 3:00pm www.historysanjose.org

MARCH 11TH Jelly Belly Factory Tour 1 Jelly Belly Lane Fairfield 9:00am – 4:00pm www.jellybelly.com

Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!

MARCH 14TH PI DAY Exploratorium San Francisco 10:00am – 5:00pm www.exploratorium.edu

MARCH 25TH DCMT: Disney’s Mulan Village Theatre Shows Danville Times Vary www.villagetheatreshows.com

MARCH 27TH Easter

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ PARENTING ]

The Growing Room Academy’s collaborative partnership with Village Music School allows our students and San Ramon Valley families to participate in an exciting array of expanded music education classes. This alliance allows Village Music School to extend their successful studio music program from the Diablo Valley to the San Ramon Valley.

Village Music School classes are held within the walls of Growing Room Academy and will be housed in two rooms solely dedicated as music studios. Classes are offered weekday afternoons and evenings, plus Saturdays.

Family Traditions: Honoring Heritage and Strengthening Families

by The Growing Room The pace of our lives has changed considerably over the last two decades.

The technological advances that enhance our lives allow us to function, work, and operate fast and efficiently. Yet, those same advances can lead to a frenzied lifestyle where interpersonal communication and interaction with family members becomes fragmented and weakened. The family is the very foundation of our society. Keeping the family unit strong despite the assaults of modern times can be a daunting task for many parents. The solution, however, is as close as our fondest childhood family memories. And, chances are those cherished memories revolve around family traditions.

Family Traditions Provide Unity and a Sense of Belonging Traditions bring family together. Whether it is family dinner, summer vacations, birthday and holiday celebrations, or weekly trips to Grandma’s, traditions provide children a sense of belonging. Many of these traditions involve the passing down of multi-generational values. They pay homage to cultural heritage where language, customs, and cultural traditions are shared.

Traditions are valuable tools to teach social ethics and family values, while promoting close family ties. On a micro level, they provide children a sense of security, love, and belonging. On a macro level, traditions highlight vibrant and rich cultural heritages and serve as a reminder of family sacrifice and expectations. They tell a story about a family. When coupled with religious or

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ PARENTING ] cultural events these traditions serve as rites of passage

cultural practices, not to worry; your traditions are

to instill confidence and pride in youth; this safeguards

whatever you make them. Start now by creating your

youth against seeking acceptance from peers or other

own memories. A favorite family recipe followed by

outside social influences. Traditions not only impart a

game night, an annual trip to the zoo or other local

sense of identity and pride in children, it provides a sense

attractions, a camping trip, birthday celebrations at

of continuity that binds generations. Recent studies have

a special locale, service projects, or warm and loving

cited that strong relationships with grandparents lead

bedtime routines are all traditions that will provide

to less emotional or behavioral problems in children.

security and happiness now and guaranteed memories

Honoring family traditions provides a strong sense of self-

in the future. If you are hoping to celebrate heritage in a

identity and makes for a self-assured and happy child.

meaningful way that may not have been a part of your upbringing, turn to grandparents, encourage language

Family Traditions Provide Security

and cultural studies, seek information and begin

Providing children a sense of security is one of the

incorporating and honoring that important piece that

benefits of family traditions. When life moves at an

ties children to their “tribe” and creates a connection

unpredictable and staggering pace, family traditions

with the past.

are the antidote. Traditions come to be a constant in a child’s life. They insulate against the chaos throughout the days and weeks by creating a “pause” that allows children to feel comfortable and secure in the midst of an ever-changing world. Traditions can also serve as a safeguard in times of grief or change. The worry of moving to a new school or a new state can be reduced when a child knows that pizza night is still every Thursday

Traditions provide wonderful lasting memories. They help create happy children and generous adults. Family traditions strengthen bonds, provide a strong sense of identity, and create a space for children to feel valued, safe, and loved. Family Traditions are wonderful way to celebrate life and the love that binds families together.

or that Saturdays are still reserved for soccer in the park.

This can be true even if the source of the change or discomfort come from within the family as in the case of

NOW SERVING BRUNCH

Sat. & Sun 9:00am - 2:30 pm

divorce or death.

Family Traditions Support the Seasonality and Rhythms of Life The passing of seasons, the cycles of the moon, and sunrise and sunsets are markers of time that live deeply within us. Honoring those rhythms with family traditions,

Full Table Service

Great for a casual “Date Night”

both celebratory and ordinary, help ground children and provide them with a sense of peace and safety.

Traditions revolving around the seasons in terms of holiday celebrations or a consistent bedtime routine serve the same purpose: it adds importance and meaning to the passing of time, while at the same time

· · · · · ·

Burgers , Salads & Much More Continuous All Day Menu Daily Grill- Entrée Specials Singles Friendly- Bar Seating Eat or Takeout Family Friendly

strengthening bonds and creating closeness. A steady rhythm throughout the day, week, months, and years creates signposts that children value and anticipate.

HAPPY HOUR- 4-6PM Daily $2 off all beer, wine, burgers, sides and entrée salads (eat in only)

Family Traditions Reflect Your Family’s Lifestyle If your family wasn’t steeped in tradition and you are feeling concerned about how to pass down or share

965 MOUNTAIN VIEW DR, LAFAYETTE Across from Trader Joe’s Parking Lot (925) 298-5372 • WWW.BISTROBURGER.NET MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

The Best of Tahoe Northstar California Resort

by Tracie Vollgraf

I

’m not going to lie; planning a ski vacation as a single mom (who doesn’t ski) with your best friend and five kids, ages 9,9,9,7 and 6 is no easy task. There’s a lot of

packing, a lot of gear and, of course, snow to maneuver!

However, if you are looking for a fabulous winter adven-

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

ture your entire family will enjoy and remember forever, then we found your must-visit destination at Northstar California Resort. With fresh snow falling almost daily this season, Tahoe is a winter wonderland beckoning your family to visit!

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Alpine Relaxed Luxury Northstar encompasses the quintessential laid-back luxury for modern families. Mixing the swanky alpine village vibe with epic outdoor adventures make Northstar the ideal winter family vacation spot. Whether you are an experienced skier or looking to get on the slopes for the first time, Northstar provides plenty of options for all levels of adrenaline junkies.

Northstar not only offers an abundance of premier outdoor activities including skiing, snowboarding, tubing, sledding, snowshoeing, cross county and more, but it is centered around upscale shopping, savory culinary delights and scenery which beckons you to relax and enjoy. Lounge about the inviting fire pits strategically located around the heart of the village while you watch the kids ice skate, grab a hot toddy from one of the cozy restaurants or Cabana Bars, or a steaming cup of coffee at the Starbuck’s hub. If window shopping is your vice, there is plenty of retail therapy to be found!

Time to Get the Kids on the Slopes!

My particular goal this trip was to provide the kids with the tools they needed to feel comfortable on skis. The best way to do this? Enroll them in a ski lesson to help build their confidence on the slopes. We woke up early and grabbed a quick breakfast in the Village on our way to Northstar’s Kids’ Ski School check-in area.

Although I was a fish out of water, we were welcomed by knowledgeable Northstar staff members who took us under their wings and guided us through the process.

The kids were lead to the equipment room where they were fitted in top-of-the line safety gear including helmets, boots and skis. Although a flurry of activity, the staff was efficient and professional and amazingly patient with kids of all ages. We were then introduced to their instructor, Kendall who was a bundle of energy, which resonated our rambunctiously anxious group. She

explained to us all what she would be working on with the kids, what her goals were for them and where they would be located most of the day and where we could pick them up. She invited us to watch from the roped off area at our discretion. The all-day lesson started at 9:00, took a break for lunch at 12:00 and ended at 3:30.

Once the kiddos were up and running, we eventually caught a ride up the gondola to take a sneak peek at the action. Standing in the large roped off area, it was astonishing to see how comfortable they actually were on skis! The “magic carpet” lift took them up the hill where they started off on lower levels and eventually worked their way up. The higher up they ventured, they gained more confidence and skill. I couldn’t help but notice how well each instructor adapted to the various ages and skill levels.

In the short 20 minutes we stood there watching, each child was able to glide across the snow in a mostly controlled fashion, using the wedge stop when necessary. At one point the three nine year olds were maneuvering around cones and able to make turns as they went. At that point we knew they were in good hands so we headed off on an adventure of our own!

EpicMix is a super handy app that tracks what lifts were used at what time, vertical feet traveled and has a report card from the instructor stating the kids’ ski level as well as a check list of individual skills demonstrated. Also available on the app for anyone on the mountain are maps, race results and photos taken on the mountain

by EpicMix photographers. At the end of the lesson we were given a stack of great snaps of the kids in all their glory on the slopes. Something we wouldn’t have seen if not for EpicMix. You too, Moms!

Although the adults (aka, Moms) in our party did not MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ SEASONAL FUN ] participate in the “ski” portion of this trip, returning to Northstar this year is their 4Her Ski and Board Program, designed specifically for women that caters to Moms.

This program allows you to join fellow women and a female coach to learn or brush up on skiing in a smallgroup setting, from the foundation-building basics of a “first-timer” class, to navigating the easiest greens, to sharing tactics and camaraderie on more advanced green runs. It’s perfect for women looking to get involved in the sport after a hiatus, or honing your skills in a more challenging setting with like-minded skiers. Following the lesson, the women are invited to enjoy a glass of wine and participate in a tech talk in True North in The Village at Northstar. Here they cover questions on skiing, riding, and women-specific equipment by professionals, finishing in time to pick their children up from their lessons.

Date Day/Night Anyone?

If a little alone time with your significant other is what you seek, there are plenty of romantic restaurants to pop into, both in and around the Village. Wine bar Petra offers over 150 wines to choose from and a warm and inviting ambience. Want to catch the Warriors game? Then head on over to TC’s Pub for a burger and Bloody Mary in front of the fire. Hop on the gondola located steps away from the Village and ride up to The Ritz Carlton for a fire-side drink and amazing views. Mountain-top dining is also available at Zephyr where they also offer monthly Mountain Table Dining Series. Perhaps a movie at Village Cinemas is more your speed, or a couples’ massage at Balance Holistic Health Spa. Whatever you are in the mood for, it’s easy to find in the Village!

Did Someone Say Child Care?

If your kids aren’t up for skiing or taking lessons, but you want to get out on the slopes or covet the abovementioned date night, don’t worry. Guests at Northstar California can take advantage of the Minor’s Camp, a licensed childcare facility that will keep little ones ages 30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

2–6 busy with fun activities and outdoor play.

Relax and Unwind Once back in the Village, we headed over to the newly opened Tahoe Yoga & Wellness Center for a relaxing hour of much-needed restorative yoga. There we were able to unwind, destress and decompress, if only for 60 minutes. The instructor was helpful and able to adapt to everyone’s comfort level. Highly recommended for anyone looking to escape!

At Tavern 6330’, located at the end of Village Run, we grabbed a scrumptious lunch and yet another amazing Bloody Mary. This mountain American Grill inspired by California farm fresh ingredients features the sophistication of a white tablecloth restaurant with the relaxed, inviting atmosphere you’d expect in the mountains. With a full kid’s menu and s’more making on the outdoor patio, the whole family is welcome, but it is also a great date night locale.

Time for Pick Up We headed up the steps around 3:15 to wait for the kids and hear all about their adventure. They were all smiles walking up with their instructor, Kendall. Kendall then provided a full report on the day, noting what each child learned, what their strengths were and what they can work on moving forward. The kids were very attached to her, one even exclaiming that skiing was her new sport! We thanked Kendall, tipped her for the day (recommended) and jumped on the free gondola to head up to The Ritz for their daily “Marshmallogy”. At 4:30 each day “Marshmallogy”, an upscale s’mores party happens on their patio. Guests choose from traditional or flavored marshmallows, roast them over the fire pits and relax after a fun-filled day of snow sports.

Sunday Fun Day Sunday brought a non-stop flurry of snow. Since it was a bit chilly, we opted to partake in some of the Village’s activities. The kids braved the elements on the ice rink for a while, then we strolled over to The Village Candle Shop, Pottery, Painting and more. Here you will find a large studio with endless craft ideas. The studio has space for small or large groups, and tables perfect for children of all ages. The knowledgeable staff can assist you in making candles or mosaics, or help you get all the supplies you need to make one at home. Bear Village is an area inside the Villager Candle Shop where you can create your own unique stuffed animal and accessories, similar to Build-a-Bear. The kids stayed busy for a few hours, watched as their candles were made and were quite proud of themselves and their creations.

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

CITY OF PLEASANTON Civic Arts Stage Company presents

Lodging at the Village You can find just about any type of accommodation in and around Northstar. Whether you are looking for high-end luxury at the Ritz-Carlton. Lake Tahoe, or a more budget-conscious option for a family of six, you can find it here. We stayed in a three bedroom two bath condo with a full kitchen, family room and dining room which was perfect for seven of us. The kids were able to spread out and play their games, watch TV or the snow falling outside the window. Allowing the Moms ample time to catch up and enjoy a glass of wine. The accessibility to the Village is unbelievably convenient with a complimentary shuttle that picks you up curbside.

Whether you’re looking for an adventure or just want to relax in a welcoming environment with family and friends, definitely add Northstar to your bucket list.

A children’s theater production

FRIDAY, MARCH 11 - SUNDAY, MARCH 20 4444 Railroad Ave. Pleasanton www.firehousearts.org

Healthy eating for the whole family Find value in our aisles 365 days a year.

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ PARENTING ]

‘It’s Not Fair!

Why Does My Sister Get To... ?’

by Susan Stiffelman It’s not fair! She always gets to go first!

It’s not fair! Why do I have to go to bed and he gets to stay up?

Susan Stiffelman, Huffington Post Parent’s weekly advice columnist (“Parent Coach”), is an engaging speaker whose presentations leave audiences upbeat, entertained and fortified with practical strategies that will make an immediate and significant difference in their day to day lives. Susan is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child therapist, a credentialed teacher, and a highly regarded parenting coach. Instead of offering standard, scripted advice to parents about how to control their children, Susan focuses on helping them be what she calls the Captain of the ship their children need and naturally want to cooperate with, confide in, and respect. Those who attend Susan’s presentations routinely email her office with thanks, and a request to come back again!

It’s not fair! You gave her a bigger piece!

Sound familiar? Most parents know all too well the refrain of It’s not fair! We are well acquainted with it, and we are exhausted by it.

The fact is, we cannot divide the cake in perfectly equal halves, younger kids usually need to go to bed earlier than older brothers and sisters, and it’s always going to be someone’s turn to go last.

Childhood is filled with frustrating moments. While we do what we can to make our kids are happy, there are countless times when we can’t. Sibling relationships offer one of the greatest gifts of childhood: the opportunity to develop resilience by living through disappointment.

But there is a catch: Simply watching our kids suffer through frustration without offering a kind word can leave them feeling alone in the storm of their feelings.

And scolding them for complaining about perceived injustices does nothing to address the problem at its root.

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ PARENTING ] What does help kids handle sibling rivalry is knowing they can feel jealous, irritated, or simply weary of having to share the cookies-- without being shamed or lectured about how life “isn’t fair.”

If James is upset because sister Madeline gets to go first on the swing, Mom acknowledges it without delivering a long-winded explanation... or berating him for being angry.

You really wanted to go first. It’s hard to wait when you want to get on the swing so badly.

When a child is upset, that left logical brain goes offline and he moves over to his right, emotional brain. This part of the brain is all about feelings. If we bombard him with words and explanations while he’s being held captive by big, messy feelings -- perhaps jealousy, hurt, frustration, or anger -- our words fly out the window and the sibling rivalry worsens.

My advice? Stay present and available without taking the bait and trying to convince your child not to be upset. Recognize that “But WHY?” is code for, I wish I could have what I want.

Without engaging in a heated argument about “fairness,” young James feels understood, and heated negotiations may be averted.

But not always. Many kids will harangue us with But, why?

WHY, can’t I go first on the swing?

Here is how I see it: When a child is calm and rational, it may help to offer reasons to assuage their hurt or irritation. But this only works when his left brain -- the side that processes logic and language -- is on board.

Lecturing him about the importance of taking turns, or warning him that no one is going to want to be his friend if he can’t share may be good advice when the dust settles, but not in the midst of an emotional storm.

Siblings who are raised by parents who understand and normalize their feelings of jealousy get a head start in developing healthy relationships as adults. It may be difficult to deal with those endless complaints in the moment, but very much worth it.

25% discount off Pl acement fees for Active Family readers!

After School Childcare Because after school care isn’t an after thought.

Your child’s day isn’t over when the school bell rings.

Our after school nannies are active role models for active children. We’ll fit your family’s schedule, interests and lifestyle.

DANVILLE | LAMORINDA

phone 925.550.6738 web collegenannies.com/danvilleca MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

FIND A

CAMP

t h a t FITS! 34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ SUMMER CAMP GUIDE ]

OUR CAMP CONFORMS TO KIDS. NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

“GO WITH THE FLOW” IS OUR MIDDLE NAME. JUST KIDDING, IT’S “AND.”

Instead of a rigid structure, we give our campers choice. Instead of teaching kids the typical way, we give them tools and gentle guidance to help them become autodidacts, people who teach themselves.

Kids choose from: stop motion animation, coding, sports in a custom stadium, bread-making, waterslides and much more.

Our policy is as flexible as you need it to be. You can buy a whole summer membership or you can purchase as many day passes as you want. Use the passes whenever. Didn’t use them? No sweat. We’ll give you a full refund for unused passes. And best of all, you don’t even have to tell us when you’re coming. Ta-da. Camp just got easier.

CODING STUDIO

PRE-K THROUGH 7TH

40+ LOCATIONS

STEVEANDKATE.COM

[ SUMMER CAMP GUIDE ]

A traditional summer camp experience

925.937.6500

36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

•

Adventuredaycamp.com

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

2016











ZOOCAMP



Spanish Immersion Classes & Camps

ZooCamp is an exciting week of animal adventure, nature discovery, and fun for children (pre-K through high school)

 Engaging curriculum uses music, art & games

  

 Experienced, dynamic teachers  Ages toddlers to teens   Small class sizes

Camps run mid-June through mid-August

 





r Join us fo g, in story tell mes a g , music, art F UN f & TONS o l! año p s e - in

Registration Opens Mid-March!

Mention ACTIVE FAMILY and receive a FREE first time trial class!

www.vivaelespanol.org • 925-962-9177 Lafayette • Pleasanton • And schools all over the Bay Area

w w w. o a k l a n d zo o. o rg

Adventure and Learning Await!

June 13 – August 10

SUMMER CAMP 2016 at The Growing Room

Learn all summer long with weekly themes, special events, competitions and enrichment classes such as Robotics, 3D Printing, Sports, Fitness, Chess, and Art!

Grades K-5

Register Early

thegrowingroom.org/camps Weekly Adventure field trips include destinations such as: CA Academy of Sciences, Lost Worlds Adventures, Movies & Bowling, City Beach, CuriOdyssey, Oakland A's Game, Cafe Art & Chili's, Rockin' Jump and the Community Pools and Parks

Academy | Live Oak| Tassajara Hills | Hidden Hills | Neil Armstrong MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

SUMMER

Adventures in Learning Early Childhood Center

DISCOVERY CAMPS

May 31 – August 26 With themes like Fort Building, Art Attack and Outdoor Explorers, children ages 3 – 10 will love spending the summer at our weeklong Discovery Camps. We even have a Junior Counselor program for ages 9 – 16!

Serving students 2 - 6 years Full and part time programs

Registration begins February 16 BayKidsMuseum.org/camps

Facetime

with Mother Nature.

3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton web. www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123

The wildlife experience.

Up close and personal.

hospital

education

events

encounters

lindsaywildlife.org | walnut creek, ca

Become a Member!

First Day Free Exclusive Member Discounts Free Members-Only Events 50% Off Local Attractions And a Great Deal More!

38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

SPEND SUMMER BOLD WITH 12+ INSPIRING MAJORS ENTERING 5TH – 8TH GRADES

Dive deep into something that inspires you. From go-kart building to mod design to photography, every week is a new opportunity to make something amazing.

SPEND SUMMER FEARLESS WITH HANDS-ON INNOVATION PRE-K – ENTERING 5TH GRADES

Audacious art, science and outdoor activities. Lasting innovation skills. All wrapped in four fresh, whimsical weekly themes designed to ignite imaginations.

REGISTER NOW AND SAVE $50

Use Promo code 2016ACTIVEMAG GALILEO-CAMPS.COM OR 1-800-854-3684

INNOVATION

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE Y 39 CAMPSFAMIL FOR KIDS

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

Camp Spotlight OAKLAND ZOO Oakland Zoo invites kids from all around the Bay Area to come hang out with them for an exciting week of outdoor nature discovery, animal adventures, and fun! Summer Camp activities include interactive stories, puppet play, games, craft projects, science activities and of course,

OHLONE CAMP Ohlone for Kids (OFK) offers summer enrichment courses to families in the East Bay so that children can continue to have an enjoyable and creative learning process over the summer. Students entering grades 4-11 can choose from classes among LEGO robotics, PSAT and SAT prep, biotechnology, anatomy, creative writing, engineering and much more! Their camps are offered through four sessions, June 20th -30th and July 11th – August 11th.

To register: www.ohlone.edu 510.659.6000

animals! Oakland Zoo takes great pride in creating age-appropriate programs for a wide range of ages with several sessions available.

To register: www.oaklandzoo.org 510.632.9525

ROUGHING IT DAY CAMP At Roughing It Day Camp they have four amazing programs.

First they have their premier all outdoors program located at the Lafayette Reservoir, Roughing It Day Camp which is offered in 4 & 8 week sessions and meant for Pre-K to 12th grades. Little Raccoons is offered in 2 week sessions and ideal for Pre-K to 1st grades. Their Horse Camps are available in 1 & 2 week sessions and ideal for 3rd to 10th grades. And last but not least is their Outdoor Explorer program available in 1 & 2 week Sessions for 3rd to 10th grades.

To register: www.roughingit.com 925.283.3795

40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ SUMMER CAMP ] Before and after School Care For students entering TK to 5th grade in PUSD

All-Outdoor Summer Day Camp Located at the Beautiful Lafayette Reservoir Ages 4-16 • Free Transportation

Program includes:  Meals and snacks  Drop off and pick up from school  Classes such as Karate, Spanish, SPARK PE, Art and Science  Homework support  Open teacher work days and most vacations  Drop off and pick up from most schools

3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton | www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123

celebrating

roughingit.com

44 YEARS

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

PERSONALIZED INSTRUCTION FOR ADULTS, CHILDREN AND TODDLERS. SUMMER CAMPS & HORSEMANSHIP CLINICS

.............................................

Coaching for the beginner and competitive show rider.

CALL NOW FOR MORE INFO:

925.960.9696

.............................................

Ask for:

Samantha Lazone & Barbara EnDean •

5111 Dolan Rd, Livermore CA 94551

www.showstables.com

“Satisfaction of one's curiosity is one of the greatest sources of happiness in life.”

–Linus Pauling CHRISTIAN SCHOOLS Still Enrolling All Grades! Call us today to schedule a Campus Tour!

Preschool - 12th Grade | 7500 Inspiration Drive | Dublin, CA 94568 | ValleyChristianSchools.org Contact Daly Johnson | Director of Admissions | (925) 560-6262 or dmjohnson@valleychristianschools.org

42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ HEALTH ]

Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert

by Nirav K. Pandya, MD “My Young Athlete Felt a Pop in Their Knee and Crumbled to the Ground” – What Could Be Going On? With an increasing number of youth athletes engaged in year-round sports, there has been a drastic increase in the number of traumatic knee injuries. The immature knee cannot withstand the force from repetitive, high-level sporting activity. As a result, Monday morning phone calls to our office from patients who have suffered a painful knee injury from weekend sporting events are commonplace.

Many athletes describe hearing or feeling a “pop” in their knee before they fall to the ground. What could possibly be going on inside the knee?

Nirav Pandya, MD, is a pediatric orthopaedic surgeon and the medical director of the Sports Medicine Center for Young Athletes at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospitals.

A “pop” in the knee can vary from conditions that are dreaded (knee cap dislocation, torn ligament, meniscus tear, bones impacting one another) to those that are seemingly innocuous (a snapping tendon or sporting equipment hitting the ground). The two most important factors that determine the severity of the injury after a “pop” in the initial time frame are the ability of the athlete to return to play immediately after the injury, as well as the degree of swelling in the knee. For patients whose knee swells up after the injury, this indicates a more serious injury as blood may be entering the joint from trauma.

Immediately after the injury, medical personnel should examine the knee and determine the severity of the injury. The young athlete may be instructed to go to the emergency room or present to their doctor within a day or two. In the interim, it is important to elevate the leg, place ice on the affected area, limit walking, and take pain medication as needed.

Once your young athlete visits their doctor or pediatric orthopedist, a thorough history of what happened should be taken and a physical examination should be performed. Even though you might be concerned that the “pop” was a ligament tear, an x-ray will likely be taken to make sure your young athlete did not break a bone. Since an x-ray cannot visualize the cartilage and ligaments, many athletes will then obtain MRI to take a closer look more at these structures.

It is important to note that the vast majority of knee injuries with a “pop” are not emergencies. As you await the results of your young athlete’s MRI, they may be instructed to continue limiting activity and perhaps participate in basic physical therapy to regain range of motion and strength.

The most common diagnoses in adolescent athletes who present with the dreaded “pop” and fall to the ground are knee cap dislocations, anterior cruciate ligament injuries, and meniscus tears. The ability to return to play will be determined based on the degree of injury, the specific sport you play, and where in the season one currently is. Regardless, the treatment team will put together a plan that will get your young athlete back on the field in the safest, most efficient manner.

Just remember, when your young athlete or one of their teammates experiences the dreaded “pop” and falls to the ground, there could be multiple injuries that may have occurred. The ability to return to play and the degree of swelling after the injury aid in determining the severity of the injury. Help them to keep their spirits up and hope for the best if this occurs.

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43

[ PARENTING ]

Positive Parenting Your Tween

by Dr. Laura Markham Parenting preteens, or tweens, can be a challenge. Discipline, school, homework, time with family -- everything is renegotiated. Hormones kick in as puberty approaches, and the pressures of the peer group magnify.

Many moms and dads react to their tween’s moodiness, focus outside the family, increasing independence and maturing physical body by distancing somewhat from their child. But tweens need to feel they have a secure nest as they launch themselves into the exciting but scary world. Kids who feel Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

disconnected from their parents lose their anchor and look for it in their peer group.

The only way to make it through the tween years with a firm foundation for the teen years to come is to fiercely maintain a strong bond with your child, even while you encourage age-appropriate freedom. In fact, much like the toddler years, parents play a major role in whether the tween years are turbulent or terrific. How? 1. Stay connected by having dinner together every night, or as often as possible. Kids who have dinner with their parents do better in school, are less likely to use drugs or alcohol, are less likely to have sex while in high school, and are less likely to

44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

[ PARENTING ] experience depression or anxiety.

them time to pull themselves together before you discuss it. Ask them if they want you to stay, or to leave the

Check in with your tween every single day by spending

room to let everyone calm down. Your preteen doesn’t

some private time together; many parents find that

understand his or her moods any more than you do

fifteen minutes at bedtime is grounding and most

right now. Later, give them a big hug, and really listen to

intimate. But car rides run a close second, probably

what they have to say. Even if you can’t agree with their

because kids feel less threatened when you aren’t

position, acknowledge your child’s perspective, and

looking right at them.

work to find a win/win solution.

Schedule regular longer alone-time with each parent,

5. Don’t take it personally!

such as monthly brunch with Dad or weekly walks

When your tween yells at you to drop dead, don’t

with Mom. Don’t expect your son or daughter to invite

over-react. When they hurt your feelings and you’re

closeness or volunteer vulnerable emotions at each

tempted to withdraw, take a deep breath and stand

interaction, or when you expect it. But if you set up

your ground calmly. That doesn’t mean you don’t kindly

enough regular opportunities to be together, it will

demand civility, and it doesn’t mean you can’t use

happen.

strategic withdrawals as a chance to regroup, but that you continue to reinforce your love for and connection

2. To reduce rebelliousness, recognize and work with

to your child. Your best way to get your tween to act

your tween’s need for independence.

respectfully towards you is to extend respect to her, and

Be aware that as we feel less powerful as parents we

to calmly expect it in return.

often compensate by becoming overprotective. Instead of breathing down his neck, agree on and enforce

6. The tween years are the perfect time to teach values

standards. Set reasonable limits (no texting during dinner

...which is best done not by lecturing, but by asking

and after 9pm, no online chatting or TV until homework

questions. To get your child talking, become a brilliant

is finished) and be sure to offer empathy when they hate

listener, empathizer, and question asker. Tweens are

your limits. It’s their job to test limits, and yours to set limits

usually curious about your own early years, those can

based on your values.

be great opportunities to reassure them that even their parents were insecure, as all tweens are. It’s also an

3. Re-think your previous ideas about discipline.

opportunity to teach; don’t be afraid to share real life

Power-based punishment strategies stop working as

examples of teens who died from drinking and driving,

soon as your child gets big enough to say “You can’t

or became addicted to drugs. It’s best, though, if stories

make me.” Even consequences will only work a short

about your own life set a positive, rather than negative

time longer, because many teens simply refuse them.

example, such as having struggled and overcome

You never win a power struggle with your child. The only

obstacles.

leverage we really have with our tweens and teens is their love for us, which becomes a more potent motivator

7. Be aware that the more popular culture your child is

over time. That means the best way to get your tween to

exposed to, the more risk she runs

follow your rules is to maintain a strong bond with him.

...of drug and alcohol use, depression and early sexual experimentation. Tweens want to feel grown up, so

4. Don’t underestimate hormones.

naturally they ape adult popular culture. Yes, they

Your child’s body is changing, creating mood swings,

have to fit in with their friends, but they count on their

distractibility, competitiveness, and preoccupation

parents to keep them safe and let them know what’s

with the opposite sex. What’s more, their brains are

age appropriate. They aren’t ready for the attention

undergoing an extensive re-wiring, which can make

they get when they wear revealing fashions or sing

them emotionally volatile. Tweens can even find

that inappropriate song at the recital. They need you

themselves in a full-blown tantrum without understanding

to enforce strict rules regarding internet use and what

how it happened. Kindly tell your tantrumming preteen

movies are appropriate. Tweens want and need your

that you see how upset they are and you want to give

guidance, even if they can’t show it.

MARCH 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45

[ PARENTING ] 8. Tweens are actively shaping their identity.

aware of the research showing that most tween girls

Support their experimenting and exploring, even when

are very anxious about the bodily changes ahead and

they’re into a new fad every few weeks. Don’t comment

the sense they have from the media that becoming a

on their fashions as long as their body coverage is

woman puts them in danger from men. Girls particularly

appropriate, and keep an open mind about their music.

Especially support the deep passions into which they really pour themselves; those are protective during the tween and teen years.

9. Stay aware of your tween’s schoolwork ...offering help as necessary in developing time

need their fathers to continue offering physical hugs and open admiration for what a beautiful daughter they have, in an atmosphere of total safety and appropriate boundaries.

Boys need help integrating their sense of connection,

management skills, insuring that homework gets

tenderness and vulnerability -- which are a part of all

done and big projects are worked on over time. Be

human relationships -- with societal images of manliness.

aware that how hard your tween works at school will

It’s normal for boys approaching their teen years to act

depend on whether his peers do, and try to have him

cool, indifferent, and invulnerable with their peers, even

attend a school where the kids consider good grades

when they’re actually highly sensitive kids. A responsible,

cool. Maintaining high expectations and insuring that

affectionate father or uncle can be a critical teacher

homework doesn’t get neglected in favor of evening

as a tween boy learns how to be a good man -- while

screen and social time is critical.

fitting in with the guys. And mom needs to keep warmly

10. Teach your tween good physical self-management: at least nine hours of sleep every night, regular protein and low glycemic snacks, regular exercise. Instilling these habits can take real creativity on the part of

talking and listening with her son about his interests and experiences, while staying aware that he needs to see himself as competent and independent in solving his own problems.

parents, but they greatly reduce moodiness and you’ll be happy they’re well-established when your child hits the teen years.

11. Don’t be surprised if your preteen son or daughter develops some anxiety or dependency.

It’s not at all unusual for preteens to get scared by all the changes in their bodies, the peer pressures to grow up, or the fear of separating from mom and dad. This is most often expressed as separation or sleep anxiety, and if you empathize and let them cling to you a bit, it probably will not last long.

12. Be aware of the special needs of your son or daughter as they grow into adults in a culture that perpetuates unhealthy attitudes about men, women, and sexuality.

Girls will need your help handling media images of women, cultural expectations about attractiveness, the pressure to be sexy, her relationship with food, the concept of consent, and her body. Remember that girls naturally fill out before they shoot up, and be careful not to impose society’s insistence that only thin is attractive.

Notice any issues you have as her body blossoms. Be 46 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MARCH 2016

925-866-3020

®

Preschool

Education is a Lifelong Commitment

®

Discover Quarry Lane

OPEN HOUSE

Sunday, March 13 3:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool Join Our Jr. K -12 Open House in Dublin 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.

Infant, Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Nurturing, Safe Learning Environment Passionate, Experienced Educators PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA

925.462.6300

Full and Half Day Schedules Handwriting Without Tears Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton

PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA

925.846.9400

CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681 MARCH

2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 47

Depression is treatable

Normal brain

Depressed brain

Is your anti-depressant MEDICATION NOT working?

Are you experiencing depression with little or no relief from anti-depressants, or have been unable to take them (wanting to get pregnant) due to their negative side effects?

If so, you could be a candidate for Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation therapy (TMS).

TMS is an FDA approved, non-invasive treatment that is a safe and effective Comprehensive Wellness Center way to treat depression.Brain To see if you’re a candidate for TMS therapy, or to check on your insurance coverage or financing options, call

800.216.6410 or visit us at brain123.com Comprehensive Brain Wellness Center

Offices in San Jose, San Ramon and San Francisco to serve you.