Active Family Magazine - May 2017

MAY 2017

10 TIPS for Fighting Fair

SIP,NIBBLE,

STAY NAPA VALLEY TRAVEL

MOTHER’S DAY

GIFT GUIDE

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

Volume 4 / Issue 40

[ PARENTING ]

[ CHILDREN’S HEALTH ]

[ EVENTS ]

Slow Down So You Can Hear

Germs You Don’t Need to Worry About

May Calendar

8 I Quit: 8 Tasks I Am No Longer Doing For My Children

20

24

14

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] Mother’s Day Gift Guide

10

10 Tips for Fighting Fair

22

How to Keep Politics Out of the Playground

Mother’s Day Spa Guide

[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ]

26

More Than Just a Game: The Educational Value of Chess

38

The Most Important Game You Can Play As a Parent

30 36

8 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

SIP, NIBBLE, STAY – Napa Valley Travel

32

[ WOMEN ]

2 Things Parents Need to Grow

16

The Next Gift To Give On Mother’s Day Won’t Cost A Thing

40

[ SUMMER CAMP ] Summer Camp Guide

42

10

24

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See primroseschools.com for “fact” source and curriculum detail. Pennsylvania is an Equal Opportunity Care Provider. California License #013421388, 013421389

Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Marketing Assistant Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Jaida Sinclair

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Advertising Sales Managers

Design/Production

Mary Oakes moakes@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Dr. Laura Markham Darria Long Gillespie, MD MBA FACEP Catherine Pearlman, PHD, LCSW Dr. Gail Gross Emma Seppälä Ph.D. Carrie Contey Anastasia Gavalas The Growing Room Andrea Rhoades Elizabeth Kang

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note In honor of Mother’s Day, this issue is all about taking care of YOU! Find our Mother’s Day Gift Guide on page 10 and be sure to share with the gift-givers in your family! The Mother’s Day Spa Guide provides a list of our favorites so you can indulge on your special day. Grab your mom, your girlfriends or simply make an appointment to pamper yourself! Our Napa Valley Travel Feature on page 32 offers a glimpse of serenity and wine tasting which awaits you just a short drive away. No matter how you celebrate Mother’s Day, we wish all of our readers a wonderfully peaceful day!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ]

Slow Down So You Can Hear

by Dr. Laura Markham “To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow your mind’s hearing to your ears’ natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning.” – Peter Senge

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

Many parents ask their child how their day was and hear “fine.” They wonder how to get their child to share anything meaningful.

And yet many children say they wish they could talk to their parents more, but their parents don’t listen. Or they overreact. Or they just wouldn’t understand.

Most of all, parents are too busy. Moving too fast.

But slow listening is a skill we can develop. We can start by slowing down. One role model is Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, who is known for listening deeply and moving slowly. He’s been described as a cross between a snail, a cloud and a piece of heavy machinery.

I could never be called a snail given my preferred pace, but I do aspire to

[ PARENTING ] the lightness of a cloud and the powerful presence

down and really listen?

of a piece of heavy machinery. Lately, though, I’ve been realizing that moving more slowly might be a

For today, try this powerful little experiment:

precondition for that lightness of touch and depth of presence.

Slow down, so you can listen.

In fact, reclaiming our inner still point might be an essential part of showing up as a peaceful parent for our children. Some questions I’m finding useful on that journey:

That’s it. Just slow down and pay attention. For instance, you might: 1. Pause before you take any action.

• Does slowing down make everything in your life deeper, including your listening?

• Can you use your pause button to bring your deepest attention every time you interact with your family

2. Find that deeper silence and stillness within yourself.

3. Notice the sensations in your body.

4. Linger longer with each hug.

5. Savor the light glinting on your child’s hair.

6. Look your child in the eye when she speaks.

today?

• What do you need to do for yourself today so that you can slow down enough to really hear your child?

• What happens if you just sit for three minutes with the

7. Breathe.

8. Notice that an upset tone is a plea to be heard.

9. Listen for the meaning under the words.

10. Notice that everything your child says is code for

intention to feel a state of peace?

• How does your child’s behavior change when you slow

“Please love me.”

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MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

GIFT GUIDE

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10 ACTIVE FAMIL | MAY 2017 Go to Ywww.activefamilymag.com or www.facebook.com/activefamilymag for more info!

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

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S’WELL | S’well is the only reusable bottle that looks great and does good. It keeps your drinks cold for 24 hours and hot for 12, while giving back to those in need. www.swellbottle.com

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

GIFT GUIDE

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[ SEASONAL FUN ]

MANTRA BAND | Mantrabands are simple, elegant bracelets with a touch of delicate polish and an uplifting message; promoting a lifestyle of optimism, positivity, mindfulness. Wear your Mantraband every day as your daily reminder, affirmation, and inspiration. Made with love. www.mantraband.com CRAZY COOL THREADS | This super-soft acid wash tee is a perfect addition to your Mom wardrobe! Check out the inspirational designs at www.crazycoolthreads.com

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[ CHILDREN’S HEALTH ]

Darria Long Gillespie, MD MBA, FACEP, is Sharecare’s Senior Vice President of Clinical Strategy, an Emergency Department physician at Northside Hospital, and national spokesperson for the American College of Emergency Physicians.

As a board certified emergency physician, Dr. Long Gillespie is a frequent health expert on national TV and has appeared on CNN, CNBC, FoxNews Network, and The Dr. Oz show. In addition, she is a featured blogger on The Huffington Post for “The Busy Woman’s Guide to Health… and Sanity”, DoctorOz.com, and hosts Sharecare Radio on iHeart Radio’s RadioMD, an hourly live radio show and podcast. She also oversees the development of content for Sharecare’s awardwinning app, AskMD, and leads Sharecare’s Scientific and Medical Advisory Council.

Dr. Long Gillespie earned her medical degree from the University of Rochester School of Medicine, her residency in emergency medicine from Yale University School of Medicine, and her MBA from Harvard Business School. After residency she joined the faculty at Harvard Medical School, where she worked in the ER at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, MA. Dr. Long Gillespie has authored a chapter in the preeminent text of Emergency Medicine, and published and presented research in disciplines including plastic surgery, orthopedic surgery and hospital strategic/financial business development.

Follow Dr Darria at: @DrDarria, on Facebook www.facebook.com/DrDarria

Germs You Don’t Need to Worry About

by Darria Long Gillespie, MD MBA FACEP For the record, a few of the things my toddler put in her mouth this week include the dog’s soccer ball; her foot (how does she even DO that); and a cracker that fell on the kitchen floor (hey, the floor was cleaned that week…)

All in the name of a strong immune system, I say. Germs are everywhere, and at last check, wrapping a bubble around your child isn’t feasible. The fact is, children depend on exposure to some germs for immune system development. On the other hand, there are bugs like the flu, MRSA and C. difficile, which you do want to avoid. So, when can you five-second rule it and when does your child need a fullscale hose-down (or at least a thorough washing of hands)?

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ CHILDREN’S HEALTH ] Don’t Worry

always tries to play with my wallet, and that’s a

While I don’t recommend seeking out exposures simply

problem. (probably payback for borrowing my mom’s

for the sake of reducing allergies, you needn’t run for the

credit cards as a teen). The New York University Dirty

sterilizer in these cases:

Money Project found over 3,000 types of bacteria that cause everything from acne to food poisoning and skin

• Fido: Several studies have shown that having a dog in

infections on paper money. While most bills don’t have

the first years of life is associated with a reduced risk of

enough germs to make your child sick, wash her hands

asthma, wheezing, and allergies.

if she gets ahold of any cash.

• Soil: The diversity of exposures children have from growing up on a farm or rural area also seems to be linked to fewer allergies and asthma. While most of us don’t live on a farm, our children can have similar benefits just by letting them play in the park or backyard.

Don’t Ignore Your child drops her pacifier. She gets into your purse.

She’s reaching for the counter while you make dinner.

These germ hot spots can’t be ignored. You’ll need to wash your child’s face and hands with soap and water, along with the item that belongs to her, when contact is made with: • The sink/kitchen counter: Sinks are breeding grounds for bacteria. When foods contaminated by Salmonella or coli touch these surfaces and the bacteria finds its way to your child’s mouth (or yours, for that matter), it could cause a nasty case of food poisoning and, in

No-Go Zones I try to avoid taking my child to these places, but if I do, I try not to let her touch any surface (almost impossible with a toddler). And I always wash her hands as soon as possible afterward. The five-second rule never applies in the no-go zones: If anything is dropped, assume it’s dirty enough to potentially make your child sick.

• Public areas: Any place that’s touched by lots of people and cleansed infrequently (if at all) can spread colds, the flu, and other infections. Think: public bathroom sink handles, public transit handles, and even the restaurant table ketchup bottle (ever notice how sticky those are?).

• Locker rooms: MRSA, a drug-resistant form of the bacteria Staphylococcus aureus, is extremely common in locker rooms and gyms. If you need to take your child, make sure her feet are covered at all times

some cases, worse. Complications of food poisoning

(shoes). If you have to set her down, do so on surfaces

can be especially dangerous for young children.

covered with clean towels.

• The floor: It’s not so much how long, but which floor. Is

• Hospitals/doctor’s office: Hospitals and medical offices

it your baby’s bedroom or a clean living room? Fine.

can harbor some of the worst infections. Of course, I’m

Honestly, when kids play at home they put toys (and

not saying to avoid seeing your doctor, but if you’re

lots of other things) in their mouths all the time. The

headed for a doctor’s visit that doesn’t involve your

mudroom or the mall? Not so much.

child, try not to bring her along. And if a pacifier falls on the ER floor? This ER doctor strongly recommends

• Money: Naturally you’re going to keep coins away from your child so she doesn’t choke. But my daughter

that you toss it and buy a new one (better yet, be prepared with an extra).

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Alameda County HEAVENLY DAY SPA 357 Ray St. Pleasanton, CA 925-462-4200 www.heavenlyremedies.net Heavenly Day Spa invites you to enjoy a heavenly experience at one of the best spa’s in the San Francisco Bay Area. Come relax and enjoy a stress-relieving massage, experience a luxurious facial, delight in a custom manicure and pedicure or get your hair looking event-ready! Celebrate Mother’s Day with the Champagne & Rose Enchantment Package. Enjoy a champagne and rose body glow and massage followed by a full body massage and a lavish facial to leave your skin feeling smooth, refreshed, and hydrated

THE CLAREMONT HOTEL CLUB AND SPA 41 Tunnel Road Berkeley, CA 94705 (510) 843-3000 www.claremontresort.com

16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

Overlooking San Francisco Bay, with resplendent views of the city skyline and beyond, Claremont Club & Spa, A Fairmont Hotel, invites you to experience the perfect urban hideaway.

At the heart of this iconic hotel you’ll find The Fairmont Spa, a place devoted to holistic health, well-being and an array of lifestyle choices. Embodying total well-being, The Fairmont Spa offers relaxation areas for men and women, as well as eucalyptus steam rooms, saline whirlpools, deluge showers and multihead bathing showers. Their treatment menu emphasizes natural healing therapies designed to restore your balance and melt away your stress

THE PURPLE ORCHID 4549 Cross Road Livermore, CA 94550 (925) 606-8857 www.purpleorchid.com Relax and allow your body and mind to undergo the ultimate in indulgent and revitalizing Livermore spa experiences at the Purple Orchid Resort and Spa. Enjoy a vast array of exquisite spa treatments and packages to satisfy all of your needs and wants, including facials, massages, body treatments and waxing services. Throughout your Livermore spa visit, you

[ SEASONAL FUN ] will be provided with plush robes, slippers, towels and private lockers to ensure the highest standard of relaxation and comfort.

Contra Costa County LAFAYETTE PARK HOTEL SPA 3287 Mount Diablo Blvd.

Lafayette, CA (855) 382-8632 www.lafayetteparkhotel.com/spa Just outside of Walnut Creek, discover a luxurious Northern California escape at Lafayette Park Hotel & Spa. Inspired by the ancient rituals of European spas, The Spa at The Park promotes well-being through a holistic approach that rejuvenates the mind, body and spirit. Begin your journey secluded within Lafayette spa, renowned for its bygone pleasures and scenic French countryside setting. Later, escape to the beautiful poolside oasis to sample a full menu of signature massages, facials and body treatments. Experience why locals consider it the best day spa in San Francisco East Bay.

WOODHOUSE SPA 1636 Cypress Street Walnut Creek, CA (925) 270-1854 www.walnutcreek.woodhousespas.com Your journey begins in a peaceful and relaxing environment… you will immerse your body, mind and spirit in all aspects of health and wellness. While you relax in a luxurious robe and comfortable sandals, you may enjoy a beverage while indulging in your choice of over 70 rejuvenating spa treatments. Choose from one of their signature services or from one of their “Spend A Day With Us” packages: wow mom, mom’s day out, Mother’s Day her way and great expectations (for expectant mothers).

Whatever you decide from beginning to end, their dedicated spa teams ensure your journey enhances your well-being and enlivens your spirit.

Out of Area WATERCOURSE WAY BATH HOUSE 165 Channing Ave. Palo Alto, CA (650) 462-2000 watercourseway.com Watercourse Way Bath House Spa has provided its clients a serene, private experience like no other. Treatments are designed to relax, cleanse, beautify and rejuvenate using the curative properties of nature to encourage the body and skin to restore its own vitality and beauty. Perfect for Mother’s Day, Watercourse Way offers a number of packages to help Mom relax and feel pampered.

EARTHBODY DAY SPA 534 Laguna St. San Francisco, CA

(415) 552-7200 www.earthbody.net Voted Best Day Spa by SF Weekly, Earthbody honors mothers at every stage: from prenatal to postpartum to parenthood.

Earthbody offers both prenatal and postpartum full-body massage, as well as separate hand, foot, scalp and belly massage. For those looking to connect with mom, there is a Mother-Daughter Spa Ritual package that promotes grounding and connection through full body massage, dry brushing and enzyme facial masks.

CAVALLO POINT HEALING ARTS CENTER AND SPA 601 Murray Cir. Sausalito, CA (415) 339-4767 www.cavallopoint.com/healing-arts-center-spa Refreshing scents of eucalyptus and pine welcome you to the tranquil Healing Arts Center & Spa at Cavallo Point. Designed for nurturing and renewal, this contemporary oasis of serenity is a place to replenish your body, mind and spirit. Take pleasure in a signature massage or facial, or enjoy a soothing soak in the heated outdoor meditation pool* beneath the pines. Linger by a fireplace with dancing flames for warmth and reflection, stretch body and mind in our beautiful garden and sip away stress at the peaceful Tea Bar. Learn more about yourself from their holistic medical practitioners or journey to inner healing with a renowned shaman as your guide.

SENSPA 1161 Gorgas Ave. San Francisco, CA (415) 441-1777 www.senspa.com Award winning SenSpa, is a great place to relax and unwind.

Indulge in a therapeutic massage, an innovative facial or an acupuncture, chiropractic or naturopathic wellness session.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ SEASONAL FUN ] Say “ahhh” as tension melts in with their eucalyptus steam room or Swiss showers. Cozy up in a spa robe and sip on white ambrosia tea while you read a book or nap in one of their three relaxation lounges.

THE LODGE AT SONOMA RENAISSANCE RESORT & SPA 1325 Broadway Sonoma, CA (707) 935-6600 www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/sfols-the-lodge-at-sonomarenaissance-resort-and-spa Experience a transformative and refreshing day at one of the best spas in Sonoma. The Spa draws inspiration from the belief that rainfall brings growth, vitality and rejuvenation, nourishing all living things and cleansing the earth. Pamper yourself with rejuvenating eucalyptus steam rooms, outdoor hot tubs, warm soaking pools and outdoor cabanas in their private spa garden. Visit the Sonoma spa and experience the vitality of rejuvenation from the inside out.

SPA AT FOUR SEASONS HOTEL SAN FRANCISCO 757 Market Street San Francisco, CA (415) 633- 3000 www.fourseasons.com/sanfrancisco Focus on total relaxation as you spend the day being pampered from head to toe with holistic treatments. Choose from a variety of packages including the total relaxation package to experience true serenity. The day begins with a full-body exfoliation and massage. After a relaxing foot treatment, you will be wrapped in a healing body wrap while the tension zones on your forehead are massaged. Complete the day with a signature facial, leaving you completely refreshed and relaxed.

INTERNATIONAL ORANGE 2044 Fillmore Street San Francisco, CA (415) 563-5000 www.internationalorange.com Offering curated holistic wellness in a simple yet thoughtful sanctuary, International Orange is an urban spa destination

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

for personal transformation. Experience the complete San Francisco Spa Wellness offering with specialty packages and series. The IO Day of Indulgence package is for the perfect day, fit for any occasion. Experience the best of IO all in one visit.

Indulge in an ultra-decadent day dedicated to your wellness.

Includes: 75 minute IO Signature Facial + Décolleté Love Addon, 60 minute IO In Fiore Massage, and a 60 minute Private Yoga Session.

THE RITZ-CARLTON 1 Miramontes Point Road Half Moon Bay (650) 712-7200 www.ritzcarlton.com The tranquil sound of crashing waves, beauty of the Northern California coast and treatments incorporating local ingredients are among the highlights at the Ritz-Carlton Half Moon Bay spa resort. Here, the outside world is shut out, and guests can immerse themselves in an experience intended to not only heal the body, but also rejuvenate the spirit. The spa menu features an array of facial, body and massage therapies to ease any spirit.

BURKE WILLIAMS SPA 355 Santana Row Ste 2010 San Jose, CA (408) 241-0071 www.burkewilliamsspa.com Burke Williams created the original urban day spa in 1984, elevating the spa experience to a new art form. Drawing inspiration from world-class European day spas, they combine the finest traditions with nourishing innovations to transport you from the stress of everyday life. Choose from a variety of services including the Burke Williams Massage. This flagship massage includes their “Signature Blend” of essential oils, therapeutic heat packs to relax the muscles, and medicinal Chinese herbs to balance, strengthen, and polish the skin.

Available in both Swedish and Deep Tissue styles, it is a uniquely relaxing massage experience. Burke Williams is a sanctuary, a place of wellness and beauty, inspiration and optimism.

Rainforests are responsible for about one in eight of the breaths we take. Visit our ever-evolving indoor rainforest to learn how these vital ecosystems affect life globally. Plus, see all the colorful new species just added to the 1,600 plants and animals from around the world.

Get tickets at calacademy.org The Osher Rainforest is generously supported by The Bernard Osher Foundation.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ PARENTING ] Catherine Pearlman, PhD, LCSW has been working professionally with children and families for 17 years.

During that span she has used her skills in myriad settings, including schools, camps, Boys and Girls Clubs, and in the homes of families.

Her greatest satisfaction has come from helping hundreds of families learn to lead happier, more fulfilled lives.

After seeing so many families — including her own –struggle with similar issues, Catherine started The Family Coach, LLC. to help parents solve the everyday problems that so many of us experience.

As The Family Coach, Catherine believes that there isn’t one solution for everyone. Instead, the best way to resolve an issue is with a unique, individualized plan that takes into account such factors as the family’s schedule, lifestyle and personality. Catherine is a calming presence who listens carefully and offers user-friendly advice to immediately improve the happiness in a household.

Catherine received her Doctorate in Social Welfare at Yeshiva University and a Master’s degree of Social Work from New York University. Her Bachelor’s degree in the History of Medicine and Sociology is from Bucknell University. Catherine lives in Westchester, NY with her husband and two children

I Quit: 8 Tasks I Am No Longer Doing For My Children

by Catherine Pearlman, PHD, LCSW I’m going on strike. I mean it. I’m done with hands-on mothering. Not because I dislike being a mom. I love being a mom but I loathe being a maid. Do this.

Do that. Pick this up. Pick that up. I used to be “Mommy.” Now I’m “Hey, Lady with the Frying Pan—Can You Come Over Here and Take Care of This Mess.

Oh, Then Make Me a Smoothie.” No, no, no. My kids are taking advantage of me—just as your children are taking advantage of you. So here’s a list of eight things I will no longer do for my kids. Take my advice or you’re on your own.

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ PARENTING ] 1. Reverse shirts and socks that are inside out in the

subtly—without even knowing it—put their clothes in the

laundry. Right behind Dengue Fever and Cicadas on my

laundry basket. The dirty items just keep coming like an

list of the world’s greatest ills. When I take my clothes off, I

assembly line that never turns off. There’s a 75 percent

make certain everything remains right side in. Know why?

chance my kids could not identify their laundry baskets

Because folding laundry is bad enough without having

in a police lineup. But they will as soon as they run out of

any extra work. Since I am a Shirt Reversing Cyborg, sent

clean clothing.

here from the future to solve all laundry horrors, my kids have no idea that I’ve been reversing their shirts and

5. Tell them to brush their hair. I stopped brushing my

pants for 4,384 consecutive days. Well, I’m done. If they

daughter’s hair years ago. But the pestering on my part

don’t want to wear clothes inside out they can reverse it

never ended. Inevitably her hair turns into a beehive due

themselves. Take that little laundry makers!

to lack of quality brushing, and it takes forever to comb it out. From now on if she decides not to take good care of

2. Empty their lunch boxes. Making lunches is nearly as

her hair she will learn about what happens to girls who’s

annoying as reversing the laundry. Actually, it’s worse

hair is permanently knotted. Hello Edward Scissor Hands.

because at least while folding laundry I can watch

I’ll have to cut it off. That’ll show her.

the Real Housewives of Wherever. Making lunch sucks.

It sucks on the first day of school (when the lunch box

6. Clear their dishes from the table. My kids think I’m

is clean and new and still smells of Target), it sucks on

Alice from Mel’s diner. I cook. They sit and eat. Then they

the last day of school (when the lunch box is moldy

retreat to their evening activities while I clear the table as

and nasty and smells like a mutilated turkey). First you

the family waitress. That is ridiculous. If they can use a fork

have to dig out the box from 321 pounds of book bag

and a knife, they can clear the table. And if they don’t, I

nonsense. Then you have to empty yesterday’s casualties

at least want 20 percent in tips.

of uneaten lunch refugee—half a slice of ham, two squished grapes, something that looks like Colonel

7. Bring to school their ______ that was accidentally left

Sanders’ beard. Then you have to pack it all over again,

at home. OK, people make mistakes and children are

thereby guaranteeing a future of more sad remnants

certainly entitled to make a few. But I feel like some sort

of lunches gone uneaten. Starting now, if my kids don’t

of drug mule every time I schlep back to school to drop

come home and empty their lunch boxes, they’ll either

off a left violin or homework paper or fitness log or lunch

A. Go hungry or B. Nibble on the beard thing.

box. Bottom line: If I tell you to pack an apple, and you forget to pack the apple, that’s on you, Junior.

3. Tell them what is weather appropriate. This one is simple. I am not in their bodies, and therefore cannot tell

8. What to wear for picture day. True story: My son had

if they are cold or hot. If my kid doesn’t want to wear a

Picture Day a week ago. He came down in the morning

jacket, so be it. There are lessons to be learned from both

wearing a Robert Griffith III Washington Redskins jersey

freezing and sweating your ass off. After that, without a

we had picked up at Marshall’s for $9.99. I shrugged.

word from me, they will know exactly what to wear.

Hey, if that’s how you’d like your fourth grade year to be preserved—forever and ever and ever—who am I to

4. Put their clothes in the hamper. I have almost an

argue? I’ll laugh alongside your children when they start

involuntary tic. When I enter my children’s rooms I

mocking you for it.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., is a nationally recognized family and child development expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times and USA Today.

ABC, CBS and KHOU, Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.”

Dr. Gross’ soon-to-be second book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, teaches parents how to enhance a child’s learning potential through various developmental stages.

Two additional books are slated to follow, including The Only Way Out Is Through, a Jungian approach to navigating life’s transitions including grieving, and Defining Moments, which recounts the defining moments of celebrity guests as shared with Dr. Gross during interviews on PBS’ “Let’s Talk.” www.drgailgross.com

10 Tips for Fighting Fair

by Dr. Gail Gross Have you ever been in a fight with a friend, lover, or spouse, and found yourself becoming angry and out of control? Saying things in the heat of battle, which you wish you could take back? There is a way to avoid losing your temper and projecting out onto your spouse your own reactive behavior.

Healthy fighting begins with empathy. After all, this is your beloved with whom you are fighting. Furthermore, there is a positive and constructive way to disagree, problem-solve, and compromise.

Here are 10 tips for fighting fair: 1. To fight as an adult, we recognize that no one is perfect.

We move our attitude from all or nothing to realistically accepting the foibles and failures of others without trying to convert them. This requires both planning and empathic communication. Yes, I’m actually telling you to plan your fight.

2. Use my Empathic Process First, find a time convenient for both of you, when you are will rested, and not distracted by outside circumstances, including hunger or time constraints.

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS ] Now is the perfect time to engage in my empathic process. In fact, finding a weekly schedule for my empathic process can only serve to keep open, intimate conversation.

Second, find a neutral location for this exchange. Do not choose anyone’s office space or power place; no one’s bedroom or sexually-charged environment. One ideal option is the kitchen — the heart of the house, a place where alchemy happens.

Next, divide your communication into thirds. Give each partner the opportunity to speak one-third of the time, without defense. Listening should be both intimate and active … made even better with touch. Then, use the last third of the time for a mutual dialogue, a conversation completed with problem solving and compromise. The important message is to never defend accusations made by either partner.

Remember, you can both criticize the problem without criticizing each other. And be descriptive in explaining your feelings, along with your thoughts, so your partner can ride the wave of your emotions with you. For example, instead of saying “I think,” say “I feel”. This is how we discover empathy for one another.

Also, when using my empathic process, fight fairly, never using any information about your mate in a negative way. Through the vulnerability of intimacy, your partner may reveal something tender – hold it sacred. If you use a shared confidence against your mate, you will never be given that confidence again.

3. Simply and genuinely listen. Be there.

Be present in the moment. Really listening means opening your heart and shutting off any inner dialogue, which attempts to defensively answer your partner before he is finished speaking. Never interrupt, make eye contact, and focus on your partner with interest.

4. Open your heart and be flexible.

Remember that you are a species in evolution and your life is ever in motion. Thus, people change… and situations change. Though we all fear the unfamiliar, by being flexible, you can be available to the change and growth of your partner and yourself.

5. Be honest. Don’t perform for approval.

Say what you really feel, not what you think your

partner wants to hear. Value yourself and validate yourself. If you do, your partner will value you as well.

Mutuality is essential in relationships. So, listen to your inner voice and be who you authentically are. That is the only way to be loved for yourself.

Trust is based on experience. Don’t keep secrets from your mate that are important to your relationship. If you do, they will ultimately turn around and bite you. It is better for your partner to hear the truth of any situation from you. Once trust is broken, it is very difficult to rebuild.

6. Don’t read your partner’s mind.

Don’t tell your mate how he feels. Listen, and let your partner tell you what is on his mind. For example, if he tells you he loves you, believe him. Never project your feelings onto the other. That only leads to fights centered on your projected material, and time lost fighting battles that do not exist.

7. Honor the process.

Don’t try to make anything happen, but rather see where your dialogue takes you and trust that because you love each other, you are capable of going there.

8. Keep your dialogue balanced.

Don’t use this fight to bring in earlier problems and disagreements. Don’t play the blame game using ammunition from older hurts and injuries.

9. Stay open to your natural self.

Don’t act a role and behave in a way that is uncomfortable for you. If you’re sorry, say you’re sorry.

Be at ease with your feelings. If you feel vulnerable, show your vulnerability. Love is a safe place, and you are loved because of who you are.

10. Never save stamps in a relationship.

Don’t keep score. Don’t keep a running account of hurts and injuries. Keep in mind that the other person is your beloved, and therefore, don’t hold grudges.

If, in the end, your relationship is out-of-control, immediately seek professional counseling. Many relationships have been lost that could have been saved if only professional help was sought. Pride has no place in intimacy. We all make mistakes and have misunderstandings. And if the relationship cannot be saved, you are always free to leave.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ EVENTS ]

May Alameda County MAY 5 $5 First Fridays Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 6pm – 10pm www.chabotspace.org/first-fridays.htm

Family Fare: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle UC Berkeley Art Museum & Pacific Film Archive Berkeley 11:30am – 1pm www.bampfa.org

MAY 3

MAY 14

First Wednesdays Cypress Street Walnut Creek 12pm – 5pm www.walnutcreekdowntown.com

MAY 5

MAY 6

MOTHER’S DAY

Family Bird Walk 2 Marshlands Rd. Fremont 10am – 12pm www.fws.gov

Moms on the Mudflat Crab Cove Visitor Center Alameda www.ebparks.org

Preschool Performance Series - Juggler & Comic Fred Anderson Village Theatre Danville 10am www.villagetheatreshows.com

MAY 14 – 28

MAY 11 – 14

Pan for Gold!

OMCA Oakland 1pm – 4pm www.museumca.org

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Fantasy Forum Walnut Creek Times Vary www.fantasyforum.org/snowwhite-and-the-seven-dwarfs

Children’s Book Festival Children’s Fairyland Oakland 10am -4pm marketing@fairyland.org

MAY 6 – 7 Fly Guy, The Musical Freight & Salvage Berkeley Times Vary www.bactheatre.org

MAY 7 Free Sprouts Family Day Urban Adamah Berkeley 10am – 12pm www.urbanadamah.org/events/ sprouts-may-2017

MAY 13 Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org/Zoovie_ Nights.php Flower Crowns for Mothers and Children UC Botanical Garden UC Berkeley 10am – 12pm www.events.berkeley.edu

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

MAY 20 ZooKids Oakland Zoo Oakland 9:30am – 12pm www.oaklandzoo.org/ZooKids_ Program.php

MAY 27 Celebrating Elephants Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am – 3pm www.oaklandzoo.org

MAY 29 MEMORIAL DAY Memorial Day Open House Tilden Nature Area Berkeley 11am – 3pm www.ebparks.org

MAY 12 – 13 Beauty and the Beast Jr. Del Val Theatre Walnut Creek Times Vary www.singouttheatre.org

MAY 14 MOTHER’S DAY Snakes Alive Mount Diablo State Park Walnut Creek 10am – 12pm www.mdia.org

MAY 19 - 20

Contra Costa County

DLUX Puppets’ Alice in Wonderland Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek Times Vary www.lesherartscenter.showare.com

MAY 2

MAY 20 – 21

Free First Tuesday Bedford Gallery Walnut Creek 5pm – 8pm www.bedfordgallery.org

Model Railroads Model Railroad Society Walnut Creek Times Vary www.wcmrs.org

[ EVENTS ]

May MAY 20

MAY 5 - 7

Public Art Walking Tour Bedford Gallery Walnut Creek 11am – 12pm www.publicartwalnutcreek.org

Family Camp Weekend YMCA Point Bonita www.ymcasf.org/programs/familycamp-weekends-point-bonita

MAY 22

MAY 6

Mini Monday: Nature Detective!

Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10am – 12pm www.lindsaywildlife.org

STEM Superhero Series: The Future of Human Health Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 9am – 5pm www.bayareadiscoverymuseum. org/event/stem-superhero-series/

MAY 26 – 31 Little Shop of Horrors Village Theatre Danville Times Vary www.villagetheatreshows.com

MAY 29 MEMORIAL DAY

MAY 28 – 29 San Ramon Art & Wind Festival 12501 Alcosta Blvd.

San Ramon 11am – 6pm www.artandwind.com

Out of Area MAY 5 Penguins + Pajamas Sleepovers Cal Academy of Sciences San Francisco 6pm – 8pm www.calacademy.org/ penguinspajamas-sleepovers Animal Movie Night SF SPCA San Francisco 6pm – 9pm www.sfspca.org/youth-programs/ fun/puppy-movie-night

Mother’s Day Bikeabout SF Zoo San Francisco 8:30am – 11am www.sfzoo.org

MAY 9 Mommy and Me Kids’ Club Kick Off Santana Row San Jose 10am – 12pm www.santanarow.com

MAY 13 Almost Mother’s Day Kid Concert 2200 Broadway Street Redwood City 11am – 1pm www.redwoodcity.org Family Gala: A Night on the Town Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 5:30pm www.bayareadiscoverymuseum. org/event/family-gala

MAY 13 – 21 Cinderella Peninsula Youth Theatre Mountain View Times Vary www.pytnet.org/boxoffice/cinderella

Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!

MAY 14 MOTHER’S DAY Mother’s Day- Free Day! Exploratorium San Francisco 10am – 5pm www.exploratorium.edu

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ PARENTING ]

Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness.

Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution.

She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students.

She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

How to Keep Politics Out of the Playground

by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. No matter what our political affiliation, our children are entering a deeply divided society and the results are already being seen in schools across the country. Children’s brains are programmed to absorb information, learning and modeling the behavior they see in others—especially the adults around them. But, at a contentious time like today, the result is that politics enter the playground—sometimes creating hurtful environments. The values endorsed by parents get reflected in children’s friendships and conversations, creating school environments that no longer feel safe. No matter what political candidate you endorse, as a parent, your primary wish is that your child feel safe. Here are some ways that parents can help foster safe environments for their children: 1. Affiliate with values not parties Reminding your children about the values you as a family endorse (rather than political party or candidate) is important. By teaching them that kindness or equality are important, they start to see and think beyond a particular person or party. Discuss values with your children, create a conversation around what values are most important to your family. Build a poster in your house that explains the common human values that direct

[ PARENTING ] your household and the way in which you wish to treat others. Some examples are respect, integrity, health,

The result is a child who understands that opinions

compassion, and listening.

are as numerous as there are people, but also a child who thinks critically and can enter into conversation

2. Turn kids into skillful conversationalists, not antagonists

with people of different opinions not as an antagonist

As difficult as it may be to accept other peoples’ point

but as an engaged and thoughtful conversationalist.

of view, the truth of the matter is that your children

What’s more, your child will gain confidence from this

will confront different points of view throughout their

newfound skill of expressing an opinion and defending

life. Rather than teaching them to pass judgment,

it logically.

this is a time when parents can teach their children the power of debate. Having a conversation in which

3. Hone their critical thinking, not their judgment

you ask “What are your arguments for or against this

We know from research that our emotions impact

policy or idea?” but also questions like “What would

how we see things, how we process the world and

your opponents strongest arguments be?” can help

what we remember. As a consequences, our views

your child begin to think for themselves and also to see

can be skewed. One of the most difficult things to

from another person’s perspective. You can also have

recognize is that we all make mistakes. You do, I do.

them join a debate club in school. Most importantly, by

We all sometimes fail to see things from an accurate

understanding that everyone has a different opinion,

perspective. We were in a bad mood or didn’t have all

your child will realize that his or her identity and value

the information and BOOM—we passed a judgement

does not depend on another person’s opinion.

on something we weren’t truly seeing for what it was.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ PARENTING ] But of course, even more challenging is to admit that

to far more productive results. Their courage will stem

we made a mistake. But it is critical to teach your

from valor and inner strength, not fear or anger. As a

child that everyone makes mistakes and to remain

result, they will be powerful and they will be more likely

curious and open to others’ points of views. By being

to be heard.

vulnerable with them and acknowledging that you sometimes don’t always see the full picture, you invite

By responding in a more centered and calm way,

them to think for themselves, to question their own

you are giving your children tools for life. We may not

judgement but also to be inquisitive and curious about

agree with other people’s views, but the best way we

why others think the way they do. In doing so, you are

can advocate for our own views is not through anger

actually honing their own critical thinking skills and

at the “other side” but by living by example. As Maya

making them aware of how emotions, environments

Angelou so beautifully said: “At the end of the day

etc. impact our perspective.

people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” By teaching our

Although it may feel challenging to do so, teach your

kids to approach others with openness and respect

kids to be open to others’ points of views—if only to

rather than anger and frustration or judgement, we are

ensure that they have all the facts right and that their

helping our kids to be those kind of people that others

own point of view stands on solid ground. Oftentimes

will turn to for their opinion. We are, in fact, turning

things aren’t as black and white as they appear, but

them into influencers and leaders in their own right.

more a shade of gray.

5. Regulate your own emotions 4. Teach them Emotion Regulation Techniques

Sometimes we focus so much on our children we

Whether we like it or not, our children will encounter

forget the immense role we play. Yet perhaps more

difficult situations at some point or another. Whether

important than any intervention with your child is to

we like it or not, most people at some point or another

take care of the state of your own mind. When you

suffer rejection and, sadly, discrimination for gender,

are upset, your child will be the first to feel it. If you are

race, sexual orientation or simply cruel gossip. They

angry or sad, your child will be as well—and will take

will get emotional in response to personal events

it into the playground, possibly getting her or himself

and world events. The best thing we can do them is

into unnecessary pain and trouble. In order to foster

to teach them emotion regulation early so that they

a home that is most conductive to psychological and

are equipped with tools and techniques to handle

physical health and to positive relationships, you need

these emotions with skill. Research conducted by my

to take care of your own state of mind. Here again,

colleague Dara Gharemani at UCLA Medical School

techniques like breathing, yoga and meditation can

shows that breathing and meditation programs

be very simple and effective ways to regain your inner

like YES! for schools can be very helpful in calming

balance. Similarly, walks in nature, exercise and time

impulsivity. Yoga, breathing and meditation practices

outside have been shown to do wonders for mental

can help your child take a step back from a situation,

health. By taking care of yourself, you are doing the

reflect from a place of greater calmness, and respond

best thing for your child and creating an environment

more constructively. Rather than responding out of an

where your child can thrive, bringing his or her best,

emotional upset, your child can learn to respond from

strongest, most courageous and wisest self into the

a place of perspective and thoughtfulness, leading

playground—and the rest of her life.

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

See a Stanford pediatrician at Bayside Medical Group and LPSR Pediatrics

Access to Excellence.

[ PARENTING ]

Carrie Contey is an internationally recognized coach, author, speaker and educator. Her work offers a new perspective on human development, parenting and family life. She guides, supports and inspires her clients to live with wide open and courageous hearts so they can approach family life with skill, spaciousness and joy.

Carrie received her PhD in prenatal and perinatal psychology and is masterful at synthesizing and articulating the science, psychology, and spirituality of humanhood. She is the creator of “Evolve” a year-long “personal growth through parenting” program. She is also the cofounder of the Slow Family Living movement and the co-author of CALMS: A Guide To Soothing Your Baby. Carrie has appeared on NBC’s The Today Show, NPR, CBS radio and in many publications including Time, Parenting and The Boston Globe. Currently she lives, works and plays in Austin, TX but spends as much time as she can traveling, speaking, creating things that make family life more wonderful and living her very own extraordinary life to the fullest! To learn more, visit www.carriecontey.com

The Most Important Game You Can Play As a Parent

by Carrie Contey I’ll give you a hint...

The most important game you can play as a parent is not Monopoly or Battleship or Scrabble. (though those are fun, stimulating games that I totally kick butt at!)

No, the most important game for you to play can happen at any moment, and hundreds of parents in my Evolve program are playing it right now.

There’s no set up. No download. No pieces.

Let me explain.

Most of us spend a good chunk of time playing the “What if...” game in our minds. And more than not, we often consciously or unconsciously tend toward playing “What if...” DOWN more than “What if... “ UP.

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ PARENTING ] We often spend time worrying about the future (DOWN) instead of putting a positive spin on those future thoughts (UP).

• What if my child grows up to be a generous, gracious, empathetic, loving, respectful person?

• What if my child feels massively loved by me and in turn grows up to be a massively loving person?

For example, here are some things I hear often from parents: • What if my child grows up to be unhappy?

• What if I’m not doing a good enough job as a parent?

• What if my child grows up to be someone people don’t really like?

• What if my child never learns how to be empathetic?

• What if my child never learns to like vegetables?

• What if my child hates me and we have an awful relationship as adults?

• What if knocking it outta the park 1 out of 30 times is way more than enough?

• What if my love and compassion and empathy and kindness and respect is wiring my child’s brain for all of those things?

• What if we really dig being together in all phases of our lives together?

• What if I feel incredibly confident and loving towards myself and radiate that to others?

Get the gist?

And on and on and on.

And the next time the doubts start to creep in, remember Here’s the thing: There really is only this moment. So

this game.

when you play “What if...” with the negatives you miss an opportunity to feel good in this moment.

However, when you play “What if...” with positive statements, you give yourself an opportunity to nourish yourself in the now. And when you feel good in this moment you are setting yourself up to feel good in this moment, and this moment and this moment and on and on and on and up and up...

It’s all yours!

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The game I’m proposing is simple: It’s called the “What If” game. You can play in your mind, you can write it down, you can sing it out loud, you can text it to a friend, you can say it to your family.

All you have to do is turn all your wonderings about life,

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into what if UPs. The kind of wonderings that feel really good.

Here are some examples: • What if I’m totally the right parent for this growing person?

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• What if tonight, I get exactly what I need?

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

SIP, NIBBLE, STAY – Napa Valley Travel Only an hour’s drive from the Bay Area, Napa is the perfect weekend getaway. Here are three must-visit wineries to taste exquisite wines and pair with sweet and savory bites, along with a centrally located hotel that checks off everything on your wish list.

SIP & NIBBLE Jamieson Ranch Vineyards Jamieson Ranch Vineyards is an unexpected treat for all of the senses. The wines are delightful— no surprise there — but the funky, graffiti-style art murals will catch you off guard and turn out to be the best selfie backdrop you could ever dream up. The charming miniature horses meandering the property will nuzzle their way into your slightly buzzed heart. The delicious wine, cheese & charcuterie (or wine & chocolate) pairings are so thoughtful and precise that afterward, tasting wine alone will seem flat.

This family and pet-friendly winery sits on 300 acres of 32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

breathtaking, rolling hills, allowing for scenic views while sipping wine and nibbling cheese on the veranda. The on-property organic garden serves as a convenient pit-stop for all of Chef Scott Ekstrom’s produce needs, which later appear delicately transformed in food and wine pairings such as fresh cow’s milk cheese and roasted beets. Wine tastings alone range from $25 - $50, while the basic wine and cheese pairing flight will set you back $35 - $45. For a truly special treat, indulge in the $75 JRV Wine & Food Pairing Experience, where the chef will create an unforgettable pairing experience for your party. Think seasonal, small plate courses that pair exquisitely with their partnered wine. (Requires a 48-hr advance reservation, Wed-Sun 11 am, 1pm, and 3 pm.)

Bonus - JRV is the southernmost winery in Napa, so it’s especially easy to get to from the Bay Area.

Jamieson Ranch Vineyards 1 Kirkland Ranch Rd, American Canyon | www.jamiesonranchvineyards.com

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Dell Dotto Vineyards For a truly memorable wine tasting experience, be sure to visit Del Dotto’s Historic Winery & Tasting Room, where for $60 a person, one can experience a fascinating two-hour guided tour through wine caves, chock full of interesting tidbits on the wine making process, accompanied by generous barrel tastings. This unique tour takes you into a hand-dug 350 foot wine cave, built in 1885 by Chinese laborers. The wine cave is only one of six in existence and is said to be responsible for a richer, more voluptuous wine than those aged in more modern facilities.

For a luxurious take on the cave tour, consider the $95 wine & food pairing offered by Dell Dotto’s executive chef Joshua Schwartz. The tour begins in the caves with

2011 Villa Del Lago Cabernet Sauvignon. (Reservations Required)

four barrel tastings paired with five perfectly matched, indulgent bites —e.g. Maine Lobster Roll paired with the 2013 “Cinghiale Vineyard” Chardonnay, and the American Wagyu Beef Black Truffle Slider paired with the

Del Dotto Historic Winery & Tasting Room 1055 Atlas Peak Rd, Napa | www.deldottovineyards.com MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Hall Wines Hall Wines has a best of both worlds quality to it that makes it a standout among Napa Valley wineries. Patrons are delighted by the sweeping 360-degree-views and award-winning Cabs, but what really sets Hall apart is their vast and amusing collection of modern art, creating a museum-like feel right inside the property.

The modern art situated among the landscape and inside the building is an integral part of the 45-minutes tour ($40), which takes you throughout the gorgeous grounds and gardens, and to the fully restored historic Bergfeld building, all while listening to stories about the wine making process, property history and of course, the 34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

art. The finale` includes a seated tasting of four wines.

Another unique offering from Hall is a monthly food & wine workshop, featuring a seasonal cooking class and wine pairing. Called “A Taste of Hall,� the culinary workshop is held one Sunday a month for a two-hourlong, seasonal-themed cooking and dining experience, each featuring a notable Napa Valley chef and custom menu and wine pairing. A Taste of Hall ($150 per person) changes monthly and reservations are required.

Hall Wines 401 St Helena Hwy Saint Helena | www.hallwines.com

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

STAY

patio, and the hotel is pet-friendly, so feel free to let Fido

The Westin Verasa Napa

tag along.

Whether you want a centrally located hotel to explore Napa Valley wineries, or a hotel where you can park your

Located inside The Westin, LaToque is a Michelin Star

car and leave it there all weekend, The Westin Verasa

restaurant featuring local and seasonal French and

Napa has you covered.

California cuisine with an emphasis on food and wine pairings. Much of the menu’s produce is as local as

Walking distance to the famous Oxbow Market, this

it gets — sourced from the chef’s garden right on the

conveniently located hotel is less expensive than the

property. Choose from a four ($80) or five ($98) course

luxury resorts you’ll find peppering the area, but much

tasting menu, with wine pairings available for an

more comfortable and deluxe than your average chain

additional charge. A vegetarian course menu is also

hotel. With spacious, plush rooms, modern amenities

offered.

and charming views, this hotel fits every need on your list. The resort-like amenities include a heated, saltwater pool and hot tub, 450+ square foot rooms, bocce courts,

The Westin

a day spa, a fitness studio, valet parking and wine

1314 Mckinstry Street

concierge services. Each room features a balcony or

Napa | www.westinnapa.com MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35

[ PARENTING ]

Anastasia is a parent coach, awardwinning author, internationally recognized speaker, Huffington Post blogger, and mother of five.

With over two decades of real life experience, Anastasia’s proven success is based on balance and results. She teaches parents how to create healthier lives and find the happiness they desire. She shares innovative strategies and new perspectives that put an end to uncertainty and stress and, lead her clients to success.

Her Wing It™ philosophy helps modern day families build strong foundations, rebalance their lives, and launch happy, independent children.

Anastasia is the author of the award-winning book, Leadership Through the Eyes of Children, and WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent.

She is the founder of the WING IT Project, a non-profit that funds educational opportunities for children locally and globally, and co-creator of Hamptons Wellness Week. She provides private parent coaching as well as speaking at small or large gatherings about making modern parenthood easier and rebalancing family life in today’s world.

Anastasia has also been featured in multiple media outlets such as TLC Network, The New York Times, ABC Family Television, The Huffington Post, Well + Good, Hamptons Magazine, NBC Television, KIWI Magazine, Parenting, ZLiving Television, MSN.com, Sheknows, Parents Magazine, ivillage, Live It Up Show, News 12 Long Island, eHow, San Diego Family, Metro Family, and Everyday Family.

2 Things Parents Need to Grow

by Anastasia Gavalas “There are two lasting bequests we can give children; one is roots, the other wings.”

This Hodding Carter quote is one of my all time favorites. These words influenced my book, WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent. The entire book is comprised of two parts: “Root It” and “Wing It.” This combination is what has allowed me to help thousands of parents to develop their own confident foundations of successful parenting.

I believe, now more than ever, that parents need to help their children grow a purposeful balance of two things: roots and wings. Children today are more

36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ PARENTING ] insightful than ever, growing up during a time of limitless

emerge when a child experiences a secure, liberating

possibilities. Parenting in the past generally involved more

and empowering upbringing. Parenting done right is

rooting, focused on keeping children close and teaching

a process that involves trust and intuition. Modern day

them that hard work is the only way to succeed. This

rooting entails understanding and connecting with

classic parenting style often excludes any sense of

children from the inside out. It’s about loving them for

encouragement for a child’s individual preferences,

who they are, not for who you hope they would be.

differences, and potential. Techniques used with this type

Children need to feel grounded and accomplished as

of child-rearing philosophy are commonly influenced

they explore their unique interests and capabilities.

by preconceived expectations and impart shame on children who diverge from generational patterns.

In order to balance this rooting, parents must also

More often than not, there has been a great deal of

hold space for their children to grow wings. Exposing

rooting that fails to consider the whole child for most of

them to new opportunities and holding courageous

humanity’s existence.

conversations provides children the freedom to grow towards their potential. The practice of allowing children

In more recent times, the pendulum has swung in the

to make decisions at an early age teaches them to be

opposite direction, where parents overcompensated

independent thinkers and trust their inner wisdom. It will

for the lack of emotional support they themselves

allow them to slowly develop their wings so, as they grow,

experienced in their own childhood. This resulted in a

they’ll know when it’s time to fly. Children need consistent

generation of children who grew up with an inflated

guidance from their parents, teachers, families, and

sense of self, lack of responsibility, entitlement and little

communities to form brilliant foundations and to feel safe

motivation. It became evident that the movement

enough to branch out, spread their wings, and discover

to provide a child more wings was not the solution.

their greatness.

Thankfully, there are a growing number of parents whose perspectives have evolved. Neither of these two

If unconditional love influences the way you parent,

parenting extremes meets the needs of the child, or the

then you will have an easier time parenting and form

parent. Those who recognize the importance of blending

a better relationship with your child. The parenting

stability and real faith expand their influence with raising

process is the gift. It’s not about the outcome or what

well-balanced, independent children in today’s modern

it looks like to outsiders. Contemporary parents who

world.

support diverse perspectives and the absence of limiting beliefs organically promote confidence necessary for

Providing children with opportunities to build self-

children to grow healthy roots and wings. By loving your

confidence and a strong sense of self is what roots

child for who they are and providing them a nurturing

them. Individuals who successfully navigate parenthood

environment you will help them develop into their best

construct a solid foundation. Furthermore, they

selves. Be sure to plant your child’s feet deep in the soil

recognize, support, and trust in the potential of their child

of consciousness so that they ascend with gumption and

and remain flexible to whatever that may mean. Roots

ambition to be everything they were born to be.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37

[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ]

More Than Just a Game:

The Educational Value of Chess

by The Growing Room It isn’t just about protecting Kings, capturing Queens and stealing Rooks.

The game of Chess is about quadrants and coordinates, lines and angles, weighing the options and making decisions. It is about decoding and analysis, thinking strategically, and foreseeing the consequences. It is about improving comprehension and social interaction. In short, chess may be the perfect vehicle for teaching our children. The game of chess is an excellent educational tool.

Studies have shown a strong correlation between learning to play chess and academic performance. A landmark study by Smith and Cage (2000) posited that students who received chess instruction scored significantly higher on The Growing Room Academy offers Chess Club for grades 1-5.

(Academy members only).

For more information about how to become an Academy member and how to register your child please visit: http://thegrowingroom.org/ locations/the-academy

all measures of academic achievement, including math, spatial analysis, and non-verbal reasoning ability (p. 19-26). Other findings in various locations around the United States and Canada indicate that chess results in improved scores on standardized tests in both math and reading.

Chess and Learning Outcomes The way chess can incorporate and relate to core academic subjects make it an amazingly powerful tool. Chess is one big science experiment; every time participants play a game they are testing hypotheses and learning by trial and error. Through chess, players are required to think abstractly, analyze concretely and plan while juggling multiple considerations simultaneously.

Critical Thinking Skills and Creativity One of the essential goals of education is to teach students critical thinking skills. Chess is an excellent tool to reinforce critical thinking as chess favors the “if-then� thinker. During a game a player must formulate a plan of attack or defense. To effectively do this the player must evaluate the results of a specific action and sequence. They learn to be guided by logic rather than impulse and must analyze concretely. Children learn to identify alternative actions and weigh the consequences. They must consider the bigger picture and apply patterns used in one context and apply them to different, but related situations. Players are taught to develop long-range goals and the need to reevaluate plans. They learn not to be overly invested in any one consideration as they consider all of the factors. This exercise provides mental clarity to the player. The combined outcome of these skills is a child who possesses the mental dexterity and clarity required for problem solving.

38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ] Chess trains the mind to play with possibilities. It requires

Chess and Social Skills

players to be creative, which is the cornerstone of

Chess often serves as a bridge, bringing together

original thinking.

children of different ages, races, and genders in an activity they can all enjoy. The game serves as a unifying

Math and Science

tool in our ever-increasing diverse population. Students

There is a correlation between children who learn

who are English language learners find great success

chess at an early age and increased mathematics and

with chess because there are no language barriers on

science performance. Chess is a game of problem

the chessboard. It is a game that celebrates universal

solving, evaluation, critical thinking and planning. It is

concepts that unite players. Chess can improve

a game of hypothesis and experimentation. Research

children’s social habits allowing students of dissimilar

suggests that students playing chess learn concepts

backgrounds to integrate with others. Chess helps

through physical and visual stimuli and correlate

build individual friendships and teaches children about

these concepts to cognitive patterns; mathematics in the classroom usually involves only pure symbolic manipulation. Thus there seems to be some evidence to suggest that chess acts as a link in connecting form (symbolic) with understanding (physical and visual).

Reading With its focus on problem solving, chess play seems a natural adjunct in terms of mathematic achievement, yet children who play chess also show improved reading and comprehension skills. The cognitive processes for reading and math are similar—both require decoding and analysis. The ability to predict outcomes transfers to reading comprehension where students can assign motives to characters in their stories and anticipate possible consequences and conclusions. Chess requires players to visualize concepts and piece movement. This allows for better visualization or interpretive skills when reading.

sportsmanship. Children learn how to win graciously, and more importantly, how not to give up when encountering defeat.

Work Ethic and Life Lessons Chess encourages and rewards hard work. Children learn that those who practice and study the strategies win more games. Chess offers immediate feedback to players. Lose your focus—lose a piece. They learn about persistence and patience and that there is more than one answer to a problem. Practicing Chess regularly also aids in improving the self-confidence of the child; chess has a brand that is equated with intelligence.

Children learn how to strategize and the importance of planning, which also applies to life. Benjamin Franklin stated that the chess player … “will learn not to be too much discouraged by the present success of his adversary, nor to despair of final good fortune upon every little check he receives in the pursuit of it.”

Improved Concentration and Memory In order to win in a game of chess, a player must

Make the First Move

concentrate. This translates to improved visual memory,

Is a Chessboard and pieces a part of your home

attention span and spatial-reasoning ability for the

landscape? If so, make sure it occupies a prominent

young player. To play well, a child must focus completely

place in your home. If not, make the purchase. The

on his/her objective—capturing their opponent’s King.

set need not be elaborate to achieve the desired

As a child’s concentration grows, it becomes easier

consequences. In addition, parents can seek out after-

to memorize past games and classic strategies. Both

school programs that offer Chess Clubs.

concentration and memory grow with experience

Whether children choose to participate in chess

as children visualize a sequence of actions before it

tournaments or play just for fun, they are reaping the

happens.

educational and social benefits of the game.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39

[ WOMEN ]

Andrea Rhoades is the creator of Selfies to Selfless, a parenting blog for Millennials. She is passionate about exploring the unique challenges the newest generation of parents face. Follow her as she reveals the hopes and dreams, fears and failures of Millennial parents. Follow Selfies to Selfless on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter!

The Best Gift To Give On Mother’s Day Won’t Cost A Thing

by Andrea Rhoades Long ago I let my husband off the hook in the gift department. We do a joint birthday celebration where we each splurge on something for ourselves we normally wouldn’t. And we exchange ornaments at Christmas. And that’s it. No Valentine’s Day gifts, no anniversary gifts. And it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve made in our 16 years together.

But five years ago a new holiday entered our realm. Mother’s Day. This was new territory for both of us. I admittedly was a little excited to celebrate this holiday because it was one I felt that I earned. But so began the awkward last minute rush 40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

[ WOMEN ]

of my husband trying to find that perfect gift.

That’s a stark contrast to those typical Mother’s Day rituals like having brunch with the family. Brunch sounds

Jewerly? Nah. Candy? Nope. Coffee mug? I don’t drink

nice until you realize how much work goes in to getting

it. And the list went on. He was stressing over his gift

the entire family dressed up, travel to the overly packed

search which in turn stressed me out as well. And then he

restaurant, and you crossing your fingers all through the

just pointblank asked me, “What do you REALLY want for

meal that your kids don’t have a total meltdown.

Mother’s Day?”

In that situation I am in full on mom-mode. High alert

And it occurred to me that what I really wanted was something he didn’t need to buy. It was a day off from being a mom. Sounds counterintuitive considering the holiday, right? But it’s not when you really dive in to it.

Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate mom. How can a gift measure up to what a Mom does year round? It just can’t.

Now that I’m two kids in to this parenting gig my Mother’s Day ritual is pretty simple. I sleep in, I don’t do breakfast duty, I leave for a day of whatever I want to do. Maybe

status. And that’s not very fun for me. And on Mother’s Day, shouldn’t I have some fun?

According to the 80 moms of young kids I spoke to, the answer is a resounding YES. I asked them how they wanted to spend Mother’s Day this year and the runaway top answer was to sleep as much as possible.

Number two was a day of pampering and number three was dinner out with their partner.

Asking for a day to herself can be difficult for a mom. It

it’s roaming the aisles of Target without an exit strategy,

goes against everything she represents as the mom role

or maybe it’s getting a pedicure. I enjoy a lunch by

in her family. She’s always on, every day. So to tap out,

myself, in silence, without me having to get up to refill

even for a second, is hard. But clearly it’s necessary, even

bottomless cups of milk.

if just one time a year.

And at the end of the day I come home refreshed

So can we agree to make Mother’s Day more of an

and ready to hang with my kids. It’s glorious. And it’s

Anti-Mother’s Day? I know quite a few moms who would

something I really look forward to.

appreciate a few extra zzzzz’s.

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41

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[ SUMMER CAMP ]

Summer @ Stratford

Let the Adventure Begin…

Stratford offers an innovative, customizable summer camp experience — from academics to engineering; science to music and art; sports to writing workshops; and so much more! A variety of summer programs are available for preschool through 9th grade.

Find a campus near you and explore summer at

StratfordSchools.com/summer-camp

Camp begins June 19 LS

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44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

SCH

Preschool State License Numbers: 073402482, 013417816, 013420588, 434404890, 434408056, 434407977, 434404336, 434406722, 434408877, 384001837, 434410807, 434410816, 073406680, 013420939, 414004014, 434413440. © 2017 Stratford Schools, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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[ SUMMER CAMP ]

PERSONALIZED INSTRUCTION FOR ADULTS, CHILDREN AND TODDLERS. SUMMER CAMPS & HORSEMANSHIP CLINICS

2017

ZOOCAMP ZooCamp is an exciting week of animal adventure, nature discovery, and fun for children (pre-K through high school).

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www.showstables.com

connect with Oakland Zoo online oaklandzoo.org

Calling all Campers!

The Taylor Family Foundation’s Mission is to preserve the wellness and enhance the quality of life for children in Northern California living with life-threatening and chronic illnesses, developmental disabilities and youth at-risk through unique therapeutic experiences and support.

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Tiny Smiles Family Picnic July 15 • For children who have Congenital Heart Diseases and their families • Contact Rick to reserve your spot: rick@familylifecc.com.

5555 Arroyo Road Livermore, CA 94550 t: 925.455.5118 camp@ttff.org | ttff.org

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NephCure Family Picnic September 17

Sickle Cell Camp August 8-10 • For children with Sickle Cell anemia and their siblings • Contact Wanda to reserve your spot: wandaw10@sbcglobal.net

• For children with Nephrotic Syndrome or FSGS and their families

• Register at: https://nephcure.org/2017nephrotic-syndrome-familypicnicday-camp • Contact Kelly: khelm@nephcure.org

MAY 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

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Specialized Classes offered for an additional fee in Robotics, Computer Programming, Sewing, Arts/Theater, Languages, Chess and more!

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Camps for kids entering grades 1-12 in Oakland and Dublin

Register today at eastbayspca.org/summercamp 46 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017

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48 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2017