Active Family Magazine | May 2021

MAY 2021

Magnificent Mommy Makeover Giveaway!

5 STRATEGIES to Tame Your Inner Critic

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Wildhaven Sonoma

Volume 8 / Issue 86

How to Celebrate Summer Solstice

[ PARENTING ] 5 Strategies to Tame Your Inner Critic

[ TRAVEL ] Hotel Spotlight: Wildhaven Sonoma

16

6

5 Positive Parenting Techniques You Can Use in 2021

How to Work From Home With Kids

24

8

10 [ SUMMER CAMPS ] Summer Camp Guide

18 [ SEASONAL FUN ]

Helping Your Child Resolve Peer Conflicts

Mommy Makeover Giveaway

5

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14 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor

Marketing Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Talia Dobrec

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Christine Carter Ph.D. Dr. Laura Markham Elizabeth Kang Andrew Hammel Stratford Schools

Travel Editor

Design/Production

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

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Editor’s Note The school year is winding down and summer is finally in front of us! Here’s hoping that the next few months will bring some relaxation and a chance to unwind and enjoy family and friends!

Although summer is our favorite season, it does present a challenge for working parents. If you want to keep the kids engaged and active, be sure to check out our Summer Camp Guide on page 18.

Planning a trip this summer? Go to our website and peruse our travel tab where you’ll find amazing options for the entire family, a girl’s getaway or a romantic couple’s retreat!

Stay safe and enjoy your summer!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

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Enter to WIN an amazing makeover at www.activefamilymag.com www.facebook.com/activefamilymag or Instagram@activefamilymagazine Winner will be announced in June.

[ PARENTING ]

5 Strategies to Tame Your Inner Critic Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

by Dr. Laura Markham "It’s like a big stick that I hit myself with from the inside. Really, would I want anyone I love to do that to themselves? Certainly not! And, I’ve made a commitment to support my kids and myself in putting that stick down. For good. The other day...the part of me that is Unconditional Love stood up, turned towards the Critic, and embraced it. In that moment of love and connection, the critic dissolved. Now I make it a practice to embrace the Critic, over and over again. I am learning that whatever has a hold on me, that which we most want to turn away from, is exactly what needs undivided, loving attention." -- Jennifer Mayfield Humans have somewhere between 10,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day.

The majority of these thoughts are “negative.” Our minds are in the habit of judging, evaluating, criticizing, warning. You might think of this as your "inner critic."

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

[ PARENTING ]

The inner critic's goal is to protect us. It does this by

3. Bring your deeper wisdom in.

constantly scanning for threats: potential dangers,

Your mind needs a partner: Your heart. That's your inner

past problems we need to keep reliving to prevent

truth meter. Put your hand on your heart and ask:

their recurrence (or prove we were right!), defects in our children that we need to correct, and deep flaws

“How can I make something good happen here?"

in ourselves that we fear make us unlovable and thus threaten our very survival. The inner critic has a negativity

A simple, heartfelt answer will pop into your head.

bias, meaning it's primed to look for negatives. And we

Maybe something like "She's trying to grow into her own

can always find evidence to support our biases.

person.... Don't take it personally.... Keep your sense of humor.... Give her a hug."

No wonder we feel worn out! Ignoring your inner critic won't help; because it will just escalate to get your attention. But you CAN greatly reduce its fear level, to transform your relationship with it. Here are 5 Strategies to retrain your inner critic for less anxiety and more love.

1. Honor the fact that your inner critic is trying to take care of you.

Think of it as a watch dog. When it starts yapping, resist rushing into fight or flight mode. Instead, take a deep breath. Thank your inner critic watch dog for trying to take care of you. Then hug it and tell to stop barking and go lie down. Reassure yourself: "I can handle this."

4. Put your inner critic to work doing something useful.

Your inner critic just wants to serve. Give it a more constructive job. For instance, "This child seems to need some autonomy. Will you help me notice every time that I could give her a choice, or let her do something her way?"

You'll be amazed at what a good servant your inner critic is, alerting you to every time you could make a better choice with your child. Just don't let it beat you up when you make mistakes. Tell it: "Two steps forward, one step back still gets me where I want to go."

2. Explore what's scaring you.

What is your mind so afraid of? Put it into words, and you'll see how silly it is.

5. Choose love.

The inner critic is all about fear and judgment, so the

For instance, if you're yelling at your child because she

antidote is love and compassion. No matter what

was belligerent, ask your inner critic why your four year

mistakes you make, when your inner critic gets started on

old's behavior is so dangerous. The response may be

judging you, remember your own goodness. You don't

"She thinks she's the boss around here!" or "I can't get her

have to be perfect to be more than enough.

to do what I say!" or "I have to nip this disrespect in the

Sometimes your inner critic will still panic and try to

bud now!" But is this really an emergency worth your big

drag you off the deep end, but you can just remind

guns? She's a four year old who just wants to be heard.

yourself that there's no emergency. When all else fails, try

She's desperate for your understanding and approval.

laughter -- about your own "failings," your child's foibles,

Your job is to calm the storm, not escalate it. You can

the cosmic joke of life itself. Even with all its challenges,

set whatever limits are necessary calmly and kindly. You

life with kids can be fun — and funny. Even your inner

don't need to be in fight mode.

critic can't complain when you're laughing.

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ]

Kimberly Blaker is a freelance parenting writer. She's also founder and director of KB Creative Digital Services, an internet marketing agency, at www. kbcreativedigital.com

How to Work From Home With Kids

by Kimberly Blaker Whether you usually work from home or you've been thrust into this dynamic because of COVID-19, working from home can be quite a feat for parents.

Even as stay-at-home orders have lifted, many companies and individuals continue to work from home to maintain social distancing or because of the benefits to businesses and employees alike. So during the workday, you may be trying to juggle educating your kids during the school year or caring for and entertaining them during the summer break.

This new work/family dynamic may make it seem impossible to get anything done. But the following tips can help you develop a routine and environment that works for you and your family.

Create and Follow Routines Kids thrive on consistent routines like those they have at school. So make a list of what your family needs to accomplish throughout the day, such as work calls, completing tasks, school work, meals, chores, and anything else. Be sure

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

[ PARENTING ] to include some time for fun as well!

as similar to the one at your job as possible. You can also play music or wear noise-canceling headphones to

Now, start filling in a schedule with the activities that

reduce distractions if another adult or older child cares

occur at set times and work in other responsibilities and

for the younger ones.

activities to create a family schedule. Include your kids in the planning so they feel involved and more willing

Ask for Help

to follow the routine. Then post the agenda where the

This isn't the time to try to do everything yourself. If you

whole family can see it. Also, be sure to adjust the design

have a partner at home, take turns spending time with

of the schedule for the age of your kids. Younger children

the kids so you can each have uninterrupted time to

benefit from straightforward visuals using bright colors,

focus on work or time to yourself to recharge. If you're

precise times, and pictures to make the plan clear.

feeling overwhelmed or are struggling to get something done for work, talk to your boss or team about the

Set Clear Expectations

situation before things become too difficult. Everyone has

Kids and adults tend to do better when there are clear

been affected in some way by the COVID-19 pandemic

expectations set beforehand. Agree on a set of rules and

and, therefore, will likely understand. If you're struggling

expectations for the day regarding your work time and

to balance work and being home with the kids, try

their school time. With older kids, sit down and make a

talking to them at their level. Kids are more aware

written contract. If you have younger kids, work together

and understanding than we often realize. So an open

to create a poster with visuals. To make it clear, talk

conversation with them may help.

about what different parts of your schedule, especially your work time, look and sound like, and what everyone

It may also be necessary to hire a babysitter to come to

should and shouldn't be doing.

your home or where you can send your kids, at least for part of the day, to improve productivity.

This will probably be a difficult adjustment at first. So it can help to set up a visual reminder to let your kids know

Be Flexible

when you cannot be disturbed except for emergencies.

Unexpected things will come up in your work, with

Create a sign outside your workspace that clearly states

your kids, or other aspects of your life. So, try to build in

your work hours' beginning and end times. This can

some wiggle room because you'll likely need to make

help kids to be more patient. For younger kids, use a

changes as you go. For example, if the day is going really

countdown clock so they can anticipate the end time.

smoothly, perhaps work a little longer to accomplish a bit more in case things don't go smoothly on another day.

Designate a Workspace If you're not used to working from home, recreating

Stay Positive

a space that feels like going to a workplace can get

Focus on the positive aspects of being home with your

you into a better routine and improve your focus. Try to

kids, and remember, there is finally a light at the end of

create your workplace away from the main areas of your

the tunnel. Try to balance work and quality time with

home and, if possible, with a door you can close. These

your family while you're working from home. The effort

tricks will also help remind your kids not to disturb you

you make to do so can help your family bond and turn a

when you're in your workspace. Make your workspace

challenging period into one filled with good memories.

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ TRAVEL ]

[ TRAVEL ]

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Wildhaven Sonoma

by Elizabeth Kang

Fresh air, crackling campfires, and deliciously burnt marshmallows — there’s something undeniably magical about camping. The excessive packing required of camping, however — not quite as magical as the rest of the experience. Enter Wildhaven Sonoma, a recently opened, luxury outdoor-lodging experience situated on a stunning 10-acre riverfront property. The area’s newest “glamping” resort includes everything we love about camping, without having to pack up the entire house or spend hours setting up.

Located in Healdsburg, just one to two hours from the Bay Area, this family and dogfriendly retreat offers cozy, heated safari tents and direct access to the picturesque Russian River, which flows just adjacent to the property.

The location is simply stunning, and the tents are well-spaced, allowing each family to enjoy their own space and privacy. There’s a cute little market onsite, and plenty of kidfriendly activities in the immediate area. Wildhaven Sonoma is everything we love about the camping experience, without all the hassle.

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ TRAVEL ]

ACCOMMODATIONS ~ Most tents offer single or double queen bed(s) with cots for the kids. Some tents offer heated blankets and twinkle lights, as well. (Be sure to bring sleeping bags to put on the cots, but the queen beds do come with linens.) ~ Tents are heated and are equipped with ceiling fans for cooling, as well as bedside USB lanterns for plugging in phones and electronics. ~ Towels for hot showers are provided for the communal restrooms and newly installed showers. ~ Each tent campsite boasts a private fire pit ring and a picnic table. ~ Communal BBQs are located on site, or bring your own camp stove to cook in your campsite. ~ Dish-washing stations are also provided. ~ Standard tents start at less than $200/night. Furry family members are invited for an additional $25 fee.

ONSITE AMENITIES & ACTIVITIES ~ Fun lawn games are located on site, such as corn hole and ladder ball. ~ Convenient onsite market offers firewood, water, gourmet cheese, s’mores kits, local wine and beer, camping gear, and other essentials. ~ Communal campfires are peppered throughout the property. ~ Fun gatherings and events such as on-site wine tastings, live music, and food trucks are planned weekly. ~Yoga classes are offered on the property.

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[ TRAVEL ]

~ Cruiser bike rentals, as well as kayak and SUP rentals can be arranged right at the resort. ~ Paved pathways make for great scootering and biking throughout the property.

NEARBY FUN ~ Downtown Healdsburg is just a few-minutes drive away, offering delicious restaurants, boutique shopping, groceries, and more. ~ The Russian River is just a short walk from the campsites, with shallow areas to splash in, and quiet fishing spots that are great for little ones learning to cast. The resort rests next to a private, scenic stretch of the Russian River, with no public access nearby. ~ Tubing, kayaking and paddle boarding are just a few of the fun adventures to be had on the Russian River.

Bring your own gear or rent right at Wildhaven Sonoma. ~ Scenic and kid-friendly hiking trails, such as the Healdsburg Ridge Open Space Trail, are just minutes away. ~ Family-friendly wineries are abundant in the area. Visit nearby Korbel for a fun champagne tasting, where little ones get to join in on a non-alcoholic tasting, too. ~ Horseback riding is an option at two nearby locations.

Thunderbird Ranch, just four miles from your campsite, takes guests ages 7+ through charming vineyard trails.

The Ranch at Lake Sonoma offers guests ages 8+ a scenic ride through hillside trails, offering sweeping Lake Sonoma views. ~ Wildhaven Sonoma is taking COVID-19 safety

WILDHAVEN

measures seriously to ensure your family’s visit is safe

2411 Alexander Valley Rd.

and worry free. Their updated cancellation policy now allows for last-minute changes, as well.

Healdsburg, CA www.wildhavensonoma.com MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ PARENTING ]

Kari Kampakis is an author, speaker, podcaster, and newspaper columnist from Birmingham, Alabama.

Her two books for teen girls, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know and Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For, and her bestselling book for moms, Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter, have been used widely across the country for small group studies.

Kari’s work has been featured on The TODAY Show, TODAY Parents, The Huffington Post, Thrive Global, Yahoo! News, Grown & Flown, Your Teen, Mother.ly, FaithGateway, For Every Mom, EWTN, Ann Voskamp’s blog, and other national outlets. She and her husband, Harry, have four daughters and a dog named Lola.

Learn more by visiting www. karikampakis.com or finding Kari on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter.

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

Helping Your Child Resolve Peer Conflict

by Kari Kampakis It is heart-wrenching to see your child upset.

Typically, it is conflict with a peer that gets them down.

Kids can put on a tough act at school and in their extra-curricular activities, but when they get home (or in your car for pick-up) the walls come tumbling down. They save their heartache and hurt for you, sometimes in the form of a meltdown.

As a parent, it’s hard to choose a response. Do you get involved or not? Is it enough to comfort your child and guide them – or should you take it a step further?

While some events are clear bullying and warrant parental involvement, most incidents fall in a gray area. Many incidents today get called “bullying” but are really kids being mean, rude, or insensitive.

There are no tidy answers, but I do know this: Not every problem your child faces will have immediate closure. Not every offense deserves a call to another parent, a school, or a coach. Your first instinct is not always your best instinct – especially if you want to go nuclear.

[ PARENTING ] Sadly, we live in an age of nuclear reactions. We live in a time where even adults lack boundaries and act on rash emotions that make them lose credibility. Remember how it used to be rude to call someone after 9 p.m.?

Well, now there is text and email. At any hour, we can give someone a piece of our mind, shooting off anger, frustration, and outrage. We can write things that we’d never say out loud if we took a minute to breathe, calm down, and think.

Peer conflict among children has always existed, but what’s different now is heightened emotions among parents. Nobody wants to be “that parent,” yet when our child is upset, our instinct is to fix the person or situation causing the hurt. We often spring into action – and exasperate the problem.

So how do you help your child handle peer conflict that falls in the gray zone? According to a TODAY Parents article, you start by gathering information, staying calm, not freaking out, and remembering this from Sameer Hinduja: “Many times, unfortunately, when a child goes to a wellmeaning adult, that adult will make it a huge deal or do something counterproductive that makes the child think, ‘Man, I should have just kept my mouth shut and suffered silently.’”

This statement aligns with the message of a parenting panel I once took part of. The panel consisted of me, a junior high counselor, a teen counselor, and an elementary school principal of 30 years. Through our collective experiences, we developed 4 guidelines for parents to help a child resolve peer conflict.

1. Listen to your child. (Make sure they feel heard) 2. Show no emotion. (Stay calm, breathe, look at the big picture, ask yourself if you need to intervene) 3. Put it back on your child by asking the right questions, like “What do you want to do? Do you want me to interven or make a phone call? 9 times out of 10, the child knows what to do and doesn’t want intervention.

4. Help your child brainstorm options. (Start with questions like “How do you think you should handle this? If you were the principal or coach, what would you do?”)

I once received an Instagram message once from a mother who empowered her daughter through a difficult teammate. She wrote: “I was able to apply some of your teachings tonight to my youngest who plays soccer. She continually gets in the car after practice frustrated with one teammate who is very bossy, steals the ball, and gets her way. It finally dawned on me today to ask her what she could learn from this little girl.

Not only can she learn to be kind and a team player, she can also learn to be a better soccer player because from her. When she tries to steal the ball, be a faster runner and defender. And instead of always feeling so frustrated, feel satisfaction that because this little girl acts this way, you will become a better person and soccer player. My daughter is 10 and I think she really ‘got’ it.”

Conflict is a part of life, and in every season, children encounter it. It helps to remember is that our kids and their peers are still young – they’re learning and making mistakes, yet we expect them to have mastered skills that many adults don’t possess. While there are certainly times when parents need to get involved, I believe in saving those phone calls for bigger events so we don’t lose credibility and stop being heard because we go postal over every offense.

When you’re at a loss for answers, be a sounding board for your child. Listen, empathize, and offer a long-term perspective. Remember: o When you teach your child how to handle conflict respectfully, you keep the door open to a future friendship with the offender and the positive influence they need. o When you help your child set healthy boundaries, you teach them a crucial life skill to deal with hurtful people. o When you encourage doing the right thing, you keep them on track to finding real friendship and joy. God rewards faithfulness, and there is peace in making choices that help you sleep well at night.

Most importantly, give your child hope. Remind them that they don’t have to be best friends with everyone, but they can be kind, and in doing so, they’ll build a network of peer relationships that ultimately helps them rise, thrive, and become the people they’re meant to be.

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ PARENTING ]

How to Celebrate the Summer Solstice with Your Kids

by Stratford School Summer is just around the corner, bringing fun in the sun, time with friends and family, and many opportunities for learning. The “official” start of summer and longest day of the year, June 21, is also a great time to learn about summer solstice. Summer solstice occurs when the sun appears at its highest point in the sky in the Northern Hemisphere. It’s a great time to celebrate the official start of summer, and there are plenty of fun, educational ways to enjoy the summer solstice with your kids.

Learn about the Earth’s rotation with a human sundial Encourage curiosity by asking your child questions about the relationship between the sun and the time of year, seasons, and how it differs in different parts of the world.

For a more hands-on approach, you can have your child act as a human sundial and track the sun throughout the day. Have your child pick a spot in your driveway or sidewalk that gets plenty of sun. Using sidewalk chalk, trace your child’s shadow on the pavement (or if your child wants to do the tracing, switch roles). Repeat this at different times throughout the day when it is sunny. You might set an alarm or use meal and snack times as your cue: 8:00 am, 10:30 am, 1:00 pm, 3:30 pm, and 6:00 pm. Use your chalk to record the time of day next to each shadow tracing. Then, make a note of where the sun is in the sky during each tracing.

After you’ve completed a few tracings, have your child observe the differences in their shadows. They can measure their shadow and record their observations in a notebook. When you’ve completed a day, discuss why their shadow changes. You might ask how their shadow changed according to the sun’s position, when their shadow was the shortest and longest, or if their shadow also changes through the year.

Make solar s’mores for an educational treat For summer solstice fun that also includes a classic, delicious summer snack, try making solar s’mores with the kids!

What you’ll need: • Empty pizza box or cardboard box with lid • Aluminum foil • Black construction paper • Clear plastic wrap • Glue stick 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

[ PARENTING ] • Tape

the foil and black construction paperwork together

• 1 ft long ruler, skewer, or stick

to use the sun as a heat source. How would different

• Ruler

weather affect the result? How hot did this solar oven get

• X-acto knife or scissors

compared to the oven in your home?

• Graham crackers • Marshmallows

Go stargazing on warm summer nights

• Chocolate bars On those extra hot summer days, take a break from How to play: Use a clean cardboard box with an

the heat and have some summer solstice fun at night

attached lid, like an empty pizza box. Cut a square flap

instead. Go stargazing in your backyard, in a park, on

on the lid of the box, leaving about 1” to 2” of space

the beach, or in different locations around your city. This

from the edges of the box. The flap you cut should mirror

may be a younger child’s introduction to astronomy.

the lid of the box, opening and closing from the hinge

Older kids can learn about stars, light, our solar system,

side of the lid.

and galaxies.

Then, measure and cut a piece of aluminum foil large

There are plenty of ways to make a stargazing activity

enough to line the bottom and sides of your box. Apply

your own. If your child is fascinated by the constellations,

glue to the bottom and sides of your box and lay the foil

print out a guide or use one from a book and identify

pieces on it, dull side down. Next, measure and cut a

them together. Many constellations can easily be

piece of aluminum foil large enough to cover the inside

spotted and recognized. After identifying these

of the flap you previously cut out. Glue this foil to the

constellations, you might talk about how they got their

inside of the flap, dull side down.

names and who discovered or named them.

Cut out a piece of black construction paper that’s 1” to

If you are visiting different locations to see the stars, talk

2” smaller than the bottom of your box. Center it on the

to your child about how the night sky will look different

foil bottom of your box, then tape it on top of the foil.

in a big city versus a rural area. You can even measure

Then, measure and cut plastic wrap that will fit over the

the differences using a light meter or a camera. Light

bottom of the box when the lid is open. It will allow heat

pollution from homes, cars, streets, and other buildings

to enter and be trapped inside the box when the flap is

will affect how easily you can see the stars. Air pollution

open.

and smog can also affect visibility. Does your city have a lot of atmospheric pollution? Where is the best place to

You’re ready to cook s’mores! Open the lid and place

go stargazing near your home?

graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows on the black construction paper. Close the lid and open the

More summer learning at Stratford School

flap you cut. Prop it open with a skewer, ruler, or stick.

All of these are fun, simple activities you can use to bring

You can tape the end of the stick to the flap so it stays

the summer solstice into your home, and to keep your

open. Set up your solar oven outside in a spot that will

child’s brain and imagination engaged. Here at Stratford

get plenty of sun. Check on it frequently to see if the

School, we know the importance of summer learning

chocolate has melted, and if the marshmallows have

and fun activities. With high expectations, encouraging

puffed up from the heat. When they’re ready to eat, top

teachers, and a rigorous curriculum, our programs set

the marshmallows with another graham cracker and

your child up for success during summer break and

enjoy!

through the rest of the year. Learn more about what Summer@Stratford has to offer your family by visiting

With this activity, you and your kids can talk about how

www.stratfordschools.com/summer!

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

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CASTRO VALLEY Skye Valley Training Camp 10250 Crow Canyon Rd 925.858.8825 www.psi.lunariffic.com/~skyev0/

Sarah’s Science 21525 Knoll Way 510.581.3739 www.sarahscience.com

Camp Kee Tov 1301 Oxford St. 510.842.2372 www.campkeetov.org

Bee Best Learning 20394 San Miguel Ave. 510.728.2110 www.beebestlearning.com

Habitot 2065 Kittredge St. 510.647.1111 ext. 14 www.habitot.org/museum/ activities_camps.html

Monkey Business Camp 2880A Sacramento St. 510.540.6025

www.trivalley.ymcaeastbay.org

Extended Day Child Care 8435 Davona Dr. 925.829.4043 & 7997 Vomac Rd. 925.551.8170 7243 Tamarack Dr. 925.833.0127 & 5301 Hibernia Dr. 925.803.4154 & 3300 Antone Way 925.826.5538 www.extendeddaychildcare.com

Quarry Lane School 6363 Tassajara Rd. 925.829.8000

DUBLIN

www.quarrylane.org

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 4651 Gleason Dr. 925.479.9670

FREMONT

www.eastbayspca.org/camp

www.monkeybusinesscamp.com

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

Learning Bee Summer Camp 39977 Mission Blvd.

510.226.8408 www.learningbeeusa.com

Ohlone for Kids 43600 Mission Blvd.

510.659.6000 www.ohlone.edu/org/ ohloneforkids

HAYWARD Hayward Area Recreation Park District (H.A.R.D.) Day Camps 510.881.6700 www.haywardrec.org

LIVERMORE Horizons East Equestrian Center 5111 Doolan Rd. 925.960.9696 www.showstables.com

Roy’s Magic Camp 2466 8th St. 925.455.0600 www.magiccamp.org

Camp Arroyo Taylor Family Foundation 5535 Arroyo Rd. 925.371.8401 www.ebparks.org/activities/ daycamps/parks_camp_arroyo

Saddle to Ride Topline Training, Inc. 4180 Greenville Rd. 925.858.3933 www.saddle2ride.com

Xtreme Force Dance Company 847 Rincon Ave. 925.455.6054 www.xtremeforcedanceco.com

Double Diamond Sports Academy 2272 Research Dr. 925.830.9765 www. doublediamondsportsacademy. com

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

Camps Valley Montessori 1273 N. Livermore Ave. 925.455.8021

MOCHA Summer Camp 1625 Clay St. 510.465.8770

Contra Costa County

www.valleymontessorischool.com

www.mocha.org

OAKLAND

PLEASANTON

Lakeshore Children’s Center 3534 Lakeshore Ave. 510.893.4048

Gingerbread Preschool 4333 Black Ave. 925.931.3430

City of Antioch Parks and Recreation 213 “F” St 925.776.7070

www.lakeshorechildrenscenter.org

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us/services/ recreation/gb/gbhome.html

Urban Adventure Camp 5701 Cabot Dr. 510.339.0676 www.urbanadventurecamps.com

Extended Day Child Care 5199 Black Ave. 925.846.5519 www.extendeddaychildcare.com

East Bay SPCA Animal Camp 8323 Baldwin St. 510.569.0702 www.eastbayspca.org/camp

Quarry Lane School - East 3750 Boulder St. 925.846.9400 www.quarrylane.org

California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory 4660 Harbord Dr. 510.809.3293 www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Oakland Summer ZooCamp 9777 Golf Links Rd. 510.632.9525 www.oaklandzoo.org

Lake Merritt Boating Center Youth Boating Camps 568 Bellevue Ave. 510.238.2196 www.sailoakland.com

Raskob Learning Institute 3520 Mountain Blvd.

510.436.1275 www.raskobinstitute.org

Kids N’ Dance 3840 Macarthur Blvd.

510.531.4400 www.kidsndance.com

Quarry Lane School - West 4444B Black Ave. 925.462.6300 www.quarrylane.org

ANTIOCH

City of Danville Camps 420 Front St. 925.314.3400 www.danville.ca.gov/Recreation/ Camps

www.ci.antioch.ca.us/Recreation

Four Stars Gymnastics Academy 1799 Vineyard Dr. 925.778.8650

Vision Tech Camps 117 Town & Country Dr. St. B 925.699.9602 www.visiontechcamps.com

Athenian Summer Programs at Athenian School 2100 Mt. Diablo Scenic Blvd 925.837.5375

www.fourstarsgym.com

CONCORD City of Concord Parks and Recreation 925.671.3404

www.athenian.org

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps

Camp Concord in South Lake Tahoe 1000 Mt. Tallac Trailhead Rd South Lake Tahoe 530.541.1203

Yang Fan Academy 4160 Hacienda Dr. St. 100 925.699.4664

www.ci.concord.ca.us/recreation/ camp

www.yfacademy.org

Backyard Explorers Corner of Babel Ln & Cowell Rd. 925.671.3118

City of Pleasanton Summer Programs 200 Old Bernal Ave. 925.931.3436

DANVILLE

Color Bundles 301 Hartz Ave. #104 925.727.3137 www.colorbundles.com

Camp Brainy Bunch 741 Brookside Dr. 510.548.4800 www.campbrainybunch.com

Quest Therapeutic Camps Charlotte Wood Middle School 600 El Captain Dr. 925.743.2900 www.questcamps.com

www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/ summercamps/backyardexp.htm

www.ci.pleasanton.ca.us

Expressions Dance & Art 3015 Hopyard Rd. Ste. I 925.200.9908 www.expressions-dance-arts.com/

Young Ivy Academy 5460 Sunol Blvd (#3) 925.548.0188 www.youngivyacademy.com

Inspire Music Academy 2340 Santa Rita Rd. Ste. 7 925.461.3266 www.inspiremusicacademy.com

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

Summer LAFAYETTE California Shakespeare Theater Summer Conservatory 1000 Upper Happy Valley Rd 510.809.3293 www.calshakes.org/v4/educ/ summer_conservatories.html

Kids N’ Dance 3369 Mt. Diablo 925.284.7388 www.kidsndance.com

Sienna Ranch 3232 Deer Hill Rd. 925.283.6311 www.siennaranch.net

Sherman Swim School 1075 Carol Ln. 925.283.2100 www.shermanswim.com

www.frenchforfun.com

Lafayette Tennis Club 3125 Camino Diablo 925.937.2582 www.lafayettetennis.com

Husky House for Kids 3855 Happy Valley Rd. 925.283.7100 www.huskyhouseforkids.org/ summer-camp-programs

Lafayette Community Center Camps 500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232 www.lafayetterec.org

Roughing It Day Camp 1010 Oak Hill Rd. 925.283.3795 www.roughingit.com

BandWorks Summer Camp 28 Orinda Way 925.254.2445 www.bandworks.com/summer_ orinda.php

Orinda Academy 19 Altarinda Rd. 925.478.4504

Lindsay Wildlife Museum Summer Science Camp 1931 First Ave. 925.935.1978 www.wildlife-museum.org

Camp ARF for Kids 2890 Mitchell Dr. 925.256.1273 www.youth.arf.net

Merriewood Children’s Center 561 Merriewood Dr. 925.284.2121

www.orindaacademy.org

Camp Doodle 66 St. Stephens Dr.

City of Walnut Creek Summer Camps 1666 North Main St. 925.943.5899

www.merriewood.org

www.campdoodles.com

www.walnut-creek.org

MARTINEZ

PLEASANT HILL

John Muir Mountain Day Camp John Muir National Historic Site 925.680.8807

City of Pleasant Hill Camps 147 Gregory Ln 925.682.0896

Castle Rock Arabians 1350 Castle Rock Rd. 925.933.3701

www.johnmuirassociation.org/ muircamp/index.php

French For Fun 3381 Mt. Diablo Blvd 925.283.9822

ORINDA

Rancho Saguaro 1050 Pereira Rd. 925.788.5200 www.ranchosaguaro.com

MORAGA Gaels Summer Camp 1928 St Mary’s Rd. 925.631.4FUN www.smcgaels.com

Camp Saklan 1678 School St. 925.376.7900 www.saklan.org/about-us/campsaklan

OAKLEY City of Oakley Parks and Recreation 3231 Main St. 925.625.7044 www.ci.oakley.ca.us

Diamond Hills Sports Club 1510 Neroly Rd. 925.420.4575 www.sparetimeclubs.com

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

www.castlerockarabians.com

www.pleasanthillrec.com

PITTSBURG City of Pittsburg Parks and Recreation 300 Presido Ln. 925.252.4842 www.ci.pittsburg.ca.us

SAN RAMON City of San Ramon Camps 2226 Camino Ramon 925.973.2500 www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us

School of Rock San Ramon 460 Montgomery Street 925.415.3340 510.207.9281 bit.ly/SORsanramoncamps

Adventure Day Camp Dorris-Eaton School One Annabel Lane 925.937.6500 www.adventuredaycamp.com

WALNUT CREEK Adventure Day Camp Seven Hills School 975 North San Carlos Dr. 925.937.6500 www.adventuredaycamp.com

Multiple Locations The Growing Room Academy Various locations around the Bay Offers: 3,4 and 5 Day Camps 925.837.4392 www.thegrowingroom.org

Camp Rocks: Girl Scouts of Northern California Offered at 5 locations: San Rafael (Camp Bothin), Santa Cruz (Skylark Ranch), San Jose (Camp Metro Day Camp), North Lake Tahoe (Deer Lake), and the Sierra Nevada Mountains (Sugar Pine) 800.447.4475 ext. 2091 www.camprocks.org

Mad Science Camp Offered at several local Recreation sites and Community Centers 925.687.1900 www.mtdiablo.madscience.org

[ SUMMER CAMP ]

Camps Steve and Kate’s Camp Danville, Dublin, Fremont, Oakland, Walnut Creek and Berkeley 415.389.5437 www.steveandkatescamp.com

Camp Galileo Alameda, Alamo, Berkeley, San Ramon, Walnut Creek, Fremont, Oakland, Lafayette and Orinda 510.595.7293

Lango Language Summer Camps Serving Alamo, Blackhawk, Brentwood, Briones, Canyon, Clayton, Concord, Danville, Martinez, Moraga, Orinda, Pacheco, Pittsburg, Pleasant Hill, San Ramon, Walnut Creek and surrounding regions 888.445.2646 www.langokids.com/parent/kidslanguage-summer-camps

Out of Area

SF Zoo Camp Sloat Blvd. & the Great Highway San Francisco 415.753.7080 www.sfzoo.org

Golden Arrow Camps 644 Pollasky Avenue, Ste. 100 Clovis, 93612 800.554.CAMP www.goldarrowcamp.com

Coppercreek Camp 1887 Williams Valley Rd. Greenville, 95947 800.350.0006 www.coppercreek.com

www.galileo-learning.com

KinderCare Walnut Creek, Concord, Danville, Martinez and Clayton 888.523.6765 www.kindercare.com/ summercamp

Viva el Espanol!

Lafayette, Piedmont, Pleasanton & San Anselmo 925.962.9177 www.vivaelespanol.org/ summerprograms.php

Club Sport Fremont, San Ramon, Pleasanton and Walnut Creek 925.938.8700 www.clubsports.com

Camp Edmo Alameda, Fremont, and Oakland 415.282.6673 www.campedmo.org

Kids’ Carpentry Berkeley, Lafayette, Alameda, Oakland, Alamo & Walnut Creek 510.524.9232

Stratford School Summer Sports Camp & Enrichment Danville, Fremont, Los Gatos, Morgan Hill and Pleasanton 925.737.0001

www.kidscarpentry.com

www.stratfordschools.com

www.techknowhowkids.com

Sky hawk’s Sports Camp Various locations around the Bay Area 800.804.3509

iD Tech Camp Moraga, Concord, Livermore, Berkeley and other Bay Area locations www.idtech.com

www.skyhawks.com

TechKnowHow Kids Dublin, Berkeley, Fremont, Livermore, Oakland & Pleasanton 650.638.0500

Camp Unalayee 3921 East Bayshore Rd. Palo Alto 650.969.6313 www.unalayee-summer-camp.com

CYO Summer Camp 2136 Bohemian Hwy Occidental, 95465 707.874.0200

Almaden Equestrian Center 20100 Almaden Rd. San Jose 408.927.0232 www.almadenequestriancenter.net

Silver Creek Sportsplex 800 Embedded Way San Jose 408.224.8774 www.gotoplex.com

College For Kids 1700 W. Hillsdale Blvd.

San Mateo 650.574.6149 www.collegeforkids-smccd.com

www.camp.cccyo.org

Mountain Camp Woodside 302 Portola Rd. Portola Valley 650.576.2267 www.mountaincampwoodside.com

School of Rock Summer Camp 711 South B St. San Mateo, San Jose & Palo Alto 650.347.3474 www.schoolofrock.com

Camp Tawonga 131 Steuart Ste. 460 San Francisco 415.543.2267 www.tawonga.org

Kennolyn Camps 8205 Glen Haven Rd. Soquel 831.479.6714 www.kennolyncamps.com

888.709.8324

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ PARENTING ]

5 Positive Parenting Techniques You Can Use in 2021

by Amy McCready Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS. For more information on Postive Parenting, go to www.positiveparentingsolutions. com/course-details

It’s the moment parents know all too well: the moment where the energy in your house totally shifts.

All was calm until you handed breakfast to your toddler on the ever-socontroversial blue plate. You know, the one he liked YESTERDAY. Somehow overnight, everything you thought you knew about your child was suddenly wrong – “I want my sandwich in triangles not rectangles!” or “I want the green cup not the red one!” or “I hate those socks!!”

“What happened to my sweet child?” you wonder.

As the energy in the house escalates and it appears your child is willing to fall on his sword over every little request, you lose it. After all, his requests make no sense to an adult, and because they don’t make logical sense, your only response is rage – “STOP YELLING!” you scream.

“JUST EAT OFF THE BLUE PLATE!” you yell.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT SHAPE YOUR SANDWICH IS IN!” you exclaim.

And then in a moment of clarity, it hits you – you yelled at your child to stop yelling. The phrase “Do as I say, not as I do,” has never held so much weight.

Oh, friend. I’ve been there and I know those feelings all too well.

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

[ PARENTING ] As a former yeller, I remember going to bed hoarse and

skills and emotional awareness, “What would he be

defeated many nights until I decided there MUST be a

trying to tell me with this behavior?

better way. After years of studying Positive Parenting and Adlerian Psychology, I created a toolbox of strategies

Once you identify the root cause of the issue, you can

that completely transformed my family.

become a more PROACTIVE parent and preempt the outbursts from happening in the first place.

After seeing the effects firsthand, I knew I had to share this positive parenting philosophy and the corresponding

For example, imagine you have to take an important

discipline strategies with parents worldwide. The results

call but while you’re on the phone, your children decide

continue to be astonishing.

it’s a great time to start a wrestling match. While still trying to sound engaged in the phone conversation,

The list of techniques below will help you see misbehavior

you give your kids the “if you don’t stop this right now I’m

in a different light. There is a full Toolbox of strategies that

going to lose it when I’m done” look – but to no avail.

go along with these techniques, but this list will give you

You continue with the non-verbal shushing as you run

a great start to begin seeing a remarkable difference in

from one room to the next searching for quiet, but the

your home.

wrestling match seems to follow you. It’s exhausting. And by the end of the phone call you feel like you just ran 5

1. Get to the Root of the Behavior

miles.

Positive parenting experts worldwide can agree on this: there is always something motivating a child’s negative

The goal behind that wrestling match – that just

or disruptive behavior.

happened to start the minute you got on the phone – was most likely intended to get your attention and push

So that tantrum over the blue plate? It wasn’t a random

your buttons. They knew you were trapped on the phone

display of poor judgment – it was motivated by

and unable to intervene, so it became the perfect time

something intrinsically in your child. Whether that was

to act up, getting your attention in negative ways. Use

a lack of skills in managing his big feelings, a desire to

this as a learning experience and now PROACTIVELY

get your attention, or a power play to assert his free will

PREPARE for the next time you need to take a call.

– there’s always a reason for the behavior. (Even if he doesn’t realize it – and most times he doesn’t!)

20 minutes before your phone call, say to your kiddos, “Hey guys, mommy has to get on the phone in 20

The thing to remember is the behavior itself is simply the

minutes. Before I do that, I would LOVE to play a game

symptom. Our challenge as parents is figuring out what’s

with you all!”

really underneath that frustrating behavior.

During those 20 minutes leading up to the call, give It would make things MUCH easier if your child could

your children undivided attention. You can give them

simply say, “Mommy, I would really like some one-on-one

reminders leading up to the call like “Wow! I love playing

attention with you when I have you all to myself. Is there

games with you. Once mommy is finished with her call,

a time we can do that this evening?” But we all know this

I’d love to play again!”

is an absurd expectation. So instead, children push our buttons as a way to gain our attention, albeit negative.

When it comes time for the call, give your children a

Because the truth is, if a child doesn’t receive our

choice – “Mommy needs to get on her call now. Would

attention in positive ways, (when they don’t have to beg

you like to watch a show or play quietly with your legos

for or demand it) they will find ways to get any attention

while I’m on the phone?”

they can, even it’s negative.

Also give them a way to “tell you something” if Picture yourself as a detective. When a child begins

something they view as urgent comes up while you’re on

to act out, ask yourself “What is this child trying to

the call. Leave a pad of paper nearby so they write or

accomplish through his actions?” If he had the verbal

draw whatever they wanted to tell you as soon as your MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ PARENTING ] call is finished.

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. When making discipline decisions for your kids, it’s important to keep

Chances are that if you fill their attention buckets ahead

your long-term goals in mind. Rewards are ineffective

of time and lay out clear expectations, your children will

because they only offer short-term gain.

be much better behaved the next time you need to take a call.

Think about it..maybe today you rewarded your child with a cookie for behaving well in the grocery store, but

2. Be Consistent

what will she expect next time? At least one cookie,

While parents intellectually understand the importance

right? Maybe even two? Will a similar reward be

of consistency, the truth is, life happens – school is

expected during the next doctor’s office visit or trip to

canceled, plans change, additions are made to the

the mall?

calendar last-minute. While we can’t always control life happening, it’s best to maintain consistent routines,

Or perhaps you bribed your picky eater to eat their

schedules, and expectations in your home the majority

vegetables by offering ice cream for dessert? Now that

of the time.

he knows vegetables can be sold for the price of ice cream, it only makes sense he would hold out on eating

How is your morning routine? If your children are

his greens until he’s offered ice cream or another equally

expected to make their beds, brush their teeth and

appealing sweet reward.

get dressed before eating breakfast, then maintain this routine every day.

Using rewards as a bargaining chip for the desired behavior is a slippery slope to an attitude of entitlement.

PRO TIP: Maintain the SAME schedule on weekends and holidays. That way, you won’t have to experience the

Further, many studies have shown that kids who are

backslide that comes on Monday morning!

rewarded actually lose interest in the activity they’re being rewarded for – coloring, reading, practicing piano,

Do you maintain firm technology “policies?” What

doing their homework, etc. Hold your ground, my friend,

happens if your kids don’t respect your family rules

children don’t need rewards to behave appropriately.

for technology? To be the positive parent you strive to be, it’s essential that technology rules are clearly

4. Focus on what you can control – YOURSELF

communicated and that kids know the consequence

Oh my friends, this one is tough, especially in the heat of

if those rules are broken. If kids refuse or “forget” to turn

the moment. But, if you remember that there’s always a

off the video game when time is up, follow through

REASON for the behavior AND your children have free

each and every time with the previously discussed

will, then you can begin to respond appropriately.

consequence. When parents are consistent with the rules and consequences, kids are much less likely to push the

After all, there is a level of emotional freedom that is

limits.

found when parents realize “I can’t always control my

If you’re experiencing a lot of nagging and negotiating from your child because of inconsistency in the past, you can end it with 3 simple words, and get back on track.

3. Say No to Rewards Parents who are unfamiliar with positive parenting

kids, but I can control my responses.”

Sure, some parents might be able to scare their kids into behaving properly or threaten punishment to achieve a short-sighted goal, but at the end of the day – each child will grow into an adult who has full control over their life decisions.

techniques are often surprised when I discourage them

So instead of overpowering children, or bribing, or

from using rewards. After all, rewards sound positive, but

shaming them into making good decisions, I encourage

the truth is they do more harm than good and can lead

parents to reframe their perception of the child. Instead

to a major dose of entitlement down the road.

of thinking of him as a misbehaving child, view him as a

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | MAY 2021

[ PARENTING ] little person who simply hasn’t been equipped with the

When you can proactively PREPARE your responses to

right tools to behave appropriately in a given situation.

potentially sticky situations and clearly COMMUNICATE

By doing this, parents will be better prepared to handle

your expectations beforehand, you’ll find yourself having

the misbehaviors.

to react to situations in the heat of the moment less frequently.

One way parents can control their responses is to decide what you’re willing to do AHEAD OF TIME. This works great

5. Discipline, Don’t Punish

for getting kids to take on responsibilities they’re perfectly

One of the biggest differentiators between positive

capable of or you nag them about, but they normally

parenting techniques and other parenting methods is

just don’t do – emptying backpacks or lunchboxes,

the focus on discipline over punishment.

putting laundry in the hamper, cleaning up toys, etc.

Discipline means “to train by instruction and exercise” Let’s use lunchboxes as an example.

while punish means “to inflict a penalty for (an offense, fault, etc.)” or “to handle severely or roughly.”

Start by deciding what you’re willing to do, and what age-appropriate responsibility needs to be on your kids’

By teaching our children the appropriate ways to

shoulders.

behave without using blame, shame and pain forms of punishment, we equip and empower them to be

In a calm moment, reveal in advance, “I’m happy to

competent and capable young adults.

make you a lunch every morning for school, as long as your lunchbox has been emptied out, and it’s on the

When you are considering a response to an offense – just

shelf in the pantry or on the counter. If the lunchboxes

like with rewards – think long-term.

are clean and in their place, I’m happy to make your lunch. If it’s not cleaned out or not in its place, it’ll be up

Does sending a child to time-out as punishment really

to you to make your own lunch.”

help change a behavior?

Then ask, “Is there anything you’d like to do to help

Does spanking a child for hitting a sibling encourage a

yourself remember to unload your lunchbox and put it in

child to stop hitting?

the pantry?” (He might want to make a sign in pictures or words to remind himself since you will not be reminding.)

In both examples, I’d argue the answer is “no.” Sure, time-out and spanking may seem to be effective in the

And of course – make sure everyone has a clear

short term, but if kids aren’t taught (aka disciplined) on

understanding: “Just so we’re on the same page, can

how to behave appropriately, parents inadvertently put

you repeat back to me your responsibility for lunchboxes

a band-aid on a long-term problem.

and what I’ve decided I will do about making lunches?”

Final Thoughts At this point, you’ve trained and empowered your child,

Parenting is hard, I get it. But with the right tools I believe

you’ve revealed what could happen, and you’ve told

that all parents can truly become the parents they’ve

your child what you are willing to do.

always dreamed of being.

If you’d like to learn even more positive parenting

The next step is to follow through. This part will be hard –

strategies, I’d be honored if you’d join me for a FREE

but please don’t remind them or nag them – otherwise

ONLINE CLASS.

this becomes YOUR problem again. If the lunchbox is clean and on the shelf – great, you’ll make the lunch. If

I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen without

not, it will make a wonderful learning opportunity for next

nagging, reminding or yelling. With a little hard work and

time.

consistency, you can start seeing changes today!

MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ PARENTING ]

®

Preschool

Education is a Lifelong Commitment

®

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MAY 2021 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29 CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681