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HOW TO GIVE YOUR CHILD A RICH LIFE Without Raising Entitled Kids
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Volume 2 / Issue 18
How To Give Your Child A Rich Life —Without Raising Entitled Kids
36
12
50
Family Staycation & Travel Guide
Handle Your Divorce With Care. Your Children Are Watching You!
[ HEALTH ]
[ PARENTING ] An Invitation to Save Summer From the Screens
22 Teaching Kids About Money: Research Reveals The 5 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make
BEST HIKING TRAILS In the East Bay
8
48
Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert
46
Seven Simple Mommy Secrets for Calming Tempers (Including Yours)
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
30
40
How Lack of Sleep Drives Us to Overeat
26
Summertime Eats!
[ DISCOVER ] Downtown Pleasanton
32
4th of July Fireworks and Events
10
[ EVENTS ] JULY Calendar
28
Water Parks & Splash Spots
Stop the Summer Slide: Make Summer Reading a Family Event
16
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
44
Patriotic Party Time
18
HOW I CAN BE A BETTER FRIEND: Follow-Through
20
12 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
20
40
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor
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Julie Upton Rachel Macy Stafford Shasta Nelson Aaron Kaplan Amy Morin Dr. Michele Borba Catherine McCord The Growing Room (Robin Stephens) Dr. Nirav K. Pandya Dr. Laura Markham
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Editor’s Note Growing up in Danville, some of my favorite memories are of 4th of July. The parade, barbequing at my Grandparent’s home, family, swimming, hot summer nights. It was the quintessential all-American holiday, complete with fireworks to end the long day. I am blessed to continue the tradition with my own children and cannot wait to head to the parade again this year. The parade is as patriotic as it comes, with floats, horses, marching bands, replete with loud guns that sound off indicating the end of the parade. In a time where our country is feeling broken by recent events, I welcome the feeling of community, good old fashioned family fun and tradition. Creating new memories for my children to be cherished forever and hopefully handed down to their own children. Do take a look at the 4th of July Happenings on page 10 where you are sure to find a celebration for your family. Wishing you all a safe and happy 4th of July. Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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Palo Alto Medical Foundation Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ HEALTH ]
Julie Upton is a registered dietitian and communications expert specializing in nutrition, fitness and health. Ms. Upton is a nationally recognized journalist who has written thousands of articles for national newspapers, magazines and e-media including The New York Times, Prevention, Shape, Health, Good Housekeeping, Redbook and Men’s Journal. She is co-author of The Real Skinny: Appetite for Health’s 101 Fat Habits and Slim Solutions (Penguin 2013) and Energy to Burn: The Ultimate Food and Nutrition Guide to Fuel Your Active LIfe (Wiley 2009). Upton co-founded Appetite for Health (www.AppforHealth.com), where she blogs daily about nutrition, fitness and health. She is a frequent guest on national and local television and radio stations. She has been interviewed on the NBC Today Show, CBS Evening News and ABC World News Tonight. She co-produces Appetite for Health, a weekly nutrition news segment that airs nationally and writes for the companion website, AppforHealth.com. Ms. Upton attended the University of Michigan and received a Bachelor of Science degree in Nutrition from Michigan State University. She completed her dietetic internship at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, a Harvard Medical School teaching hospital. She holds a Master of Science Degree in Nutrition Communications from Boston University.
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
How Lack of Sleep Drives Us to Overeat by Julie Upton, MS, RD CSSD Sleep Yoursel f Skinny (…New research findings about lack of sleep and weight gain) One of the easiest diet tips we give is to get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. That’s because several studies have linked lack of sleep to weight gain and out-of-control cravings for high-calorie treats. In a review article just published in the Journal of Health Psychology, outlines the hormonal and behavioral factors that lead to increased food consumption when sleep is insufficient or disrupted. In one study of six years, researchers found that those who reported that they routinely slept 5-6 hours were more likely to gain more than 4 pounds during
[ HEALTH ] the study period compared to subjects who reported sleeping 7-8 hours per night.
sleep time. 3. Avoid using electronic devices an hour before bed,
In another study, 26 normal-weight men and women who routinely slept a normal 7-9 hours a night were required to go to a sleep lab and get only four hours of sleep. After the short’s night rest, the subjects were allowed to eat whatever they desired. After insufficient sleep, women subjects ate 329 more calories and men ate some 263 more calories over the day, compared to when they had their normal amount of sleep. What’s more, the women craved and ate more comfort foods (read: high-cal, high-fat, high-sugar) like ice cream and fast food. An extra 300 calories a day equals 2100 calories a week and that equals more than a half-pound weight gain per week. As you can see, being sleep-deprived can make the pounds pile on if you do it for extended periods of time. And, unfortunately, we can’t hibernate and sleep off the fat that we’ve gained. Why Lack of Sleep Drives Us to Overeat Studies suggest that sleep-deprivation disrupts the normal hunger and fullness hormones, ghrelin and leptin. Lack of sleep makes ghrelin (the hunger hormone) rise and causes leptin (the hormone that signals fullness) to fall. What’s more, insufficient sleep affects areas of the brain that process rewards and consequences, so we’re more likely to crave treats and less likely to care about the consequences of eating those hi-cal choices.
and during the middle of the night. Using electronic devices such as laptops, smart phones, and tablets before bed can make it hard to fall asleep due to the brain-activating light radiating from the screens of these devices. Even small electronic devices can emit sufficient light to miscue the brain and promote wakefulness, instead of much needed shut-eye. 4. Steer clear of naps, especially in the afternoon. Power naps can provide a refreshing pick-me-up, but if you’re unable to fall asleep when bedtime rolls around, consider nixing even short catnaps during the day. 5. Engage in regular physical activity. While exercising at the expense of adequate sleep is counterproductive, carving out time for daily physical activity can significantly improve your sleep. Vigorous physical activity is best, but even moderate to light exercise will pay off. Exercise at the time of day that works best for you, but for the evening-exercisers among us: avoid vigorous physical activity too close to bedtime, as it takes time for your body to wind back down post-workout. 6. Avoid stimulants (caffeine and cigarettes), sleepdisrupting substances (alcohol), and heavy meals
Use these 7 smart solutions for getting good night’s sleep:
in the evening. Caffeine and cigarettes are nervous system stimulants that can interfere with the onset
1. Maintain a regular wake and sleep pattern seven days a week. This is perhaps the most important step in establishing a healthy sleep schedule, as the body’s internal clock, or circadian rhythm, relies on consistency. Establishing a regular sleep and wake pattern can help you fall asleep faster, and remain asleep, until it’s time to wake up and start your day. 2. Unwind before bed with a relaxing, routine activity. It takes some time for the body to shift into “sleep mode.” To nudge things in the right direction, spend the last hour before bed doing a calming activity, such as reading a book, listening to soothing music, or soaking in a hot bath. This helps to create a barrier between stress-promoting activities and your sacred
of sleep, while alcohol does its damage by causing poor sleep quality and arousal as the body begins to metabolize it. Finally, large, spicy meals close to bedtime can also be problematic, as they can lead to indigestion. 7. Use your bed only for sleeping. Create a sleepfriendly bedroom and if you can’t sleep, go into another room and do something relaxing until you feel tired. The goal is to strengthen the association between your bed and sleep, so refrain from introducing work materials or electronics into your bedroom, and don’t toss and turn in bed while staring anxiously at the clock. JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
4th of July Fireworks and Events Berkeley Marina Fireworks
Morgan Hill Fireworks
201 University Ave. Berkeley, CA 9:35 p.m. www.anotherbullwinkelshow.com
16500 Condit Rd Morgan Hill, CA 9:30 p.m. www.mhfreedomfest.com
Downtown Concord Fireworks 2450 Grant St. Concord, CA 9:00 p.m. www.concordjuly4th.com
Pleasant Hill Fireworks 201 Viking Dr. Pleasant Hill, CA 9:10 p.m. www.phjuly4.com
San Jose Fireworks
Milpitas Fireworks
180 Woz Way San Jose, CA 9:30 p.m. www.rotaryfireworks.org
1325 E Calaveras Blvd Milpitas, CA 9:15 p.m. www.ci.milpitas.ca.gov
10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ SEASONAL FUN ] Concord July 4th Jubilee & Parade Mt. Diablo High School 2450 Grant St. Concord, CA 10:00 a.m. – 10:00pm www.concordjuly4th.com
Danville 4th of July Parade Hartz Ave San Ramon Valley Blvd from El Cerro & Sycamore Valley Rd 9:00 a.m. www.danville.ca.gov
Fremont Parade
San Francisco Fireworks Beach Street & The Embarcadero San Francisco, CA 9:30 p.m. www.pier39.com
2400 Stevenson Blvd Fremont, CA 10 a.m. www.fremont4th.org
Alameda County Fair Fireworks 4501 Pleasanton Ave Pleasanton, CA 9:30 p.m. www.alamedacountyfair.com
Livermore Fireworks 22 S L St Livermore, CA 9:30 p.m. www.livermoredowntown.com
Alameda Mayor’s Fourth of July Parade Parade Line Up – Lincoln Ave 10:00 a.m. www.myalamedaparade.com
Berkeley Marina Celebration 201 University Ave. Berkeley, CA 12:00 p.m. www.anotherbullwinkelshow.com
July 4th Festival of Family Fun Jack London Square Broadway and Embarcadero Oakland, CA 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m. www.jacklondonsquare.com JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ PARENTING ]
Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Using her skills as a writer, teacher, and encourager, Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Her blog currently averages one million visitors a month. Rachel’s new book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller.
An Invitation to Save Summer From the Screens by Rachel Macy Stafford “Rejoice as summer should…chase away sorrows by living.” — Melissa Marr The other night I was taking a walk when I came upon a man pushing a lawn mower across his overgrown grass. My pace slowed as I watched tiny blades of grass dance over his yard. I breathed in deeply and smiled. Summer It is the smell of fresh lawn trimmings and gasoline. It is the sound of crickets and thunderstorms. It is the taste of homemade vanilla ice cream. It is the feeling of hot cement under bare feet. It is more than a season and more than a memory. It is my favorite, most alive feeling, and it can be awakened with one smell, one taste, or one remembrance from my childhood summers. Because when I was a kid, summer was an all-senses experience. I cut the grass blasting tunes on my Walkman, waving to my dad as he supervised me mow the steep hill in back. I sported chlorine-scented hair and Love’s Baby Soft perfume. I wrote notes to my best friend in bubble-letter script and mailed
12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ PARENTING ] them because that was second best to passing them in class. I babysat and carried a blue-eyed toddler on my hip treating her like the beloved child I someday hoped to have. I beat the fuzzy yellow tennis ball against the garage door in rhythmic succession. There was always one long car trip with my family—sweaty legs that stuck to the seat and ice cold soda from the cooler in back. Now here I stand on an uneven sidewalk admiring a stranger’s lawn mower lines wondering what my children’s summer associations will be. I fear for the extinction of nighttime hide-and-go-seek and tadpole catching in a shallow creek. It doesn’t take scientific data to tell me that an All-Senses Summer is greatly threatened by electronic screens, overscheduling, endless duties and distractions—both on my children’s part and mine. As the man tending his lawn gave me a friendly wave, I forced a smile wondering how I could save the season of watermelon-stained smiles from permanent extinction. A few days later, I had a scare on the Internet. Although the issue resolved quickly and safely for me, it might have been different for my child in a room by herself despite Internet filtering software and parental controls. My husband and I had gotten lax about allowing our children to use screens in all areas of the house—but no more. We reiterated the dangers of the Internet and designated a high-traffic area of our house to keep their devices. That is where the electronics would stay and where they would always be used. Let’s just say, we instantly saw more of the children.
favorite, but highly important). Desktop organization and bathroom counter clearing happened. Mother’s Helper flier creation and distribution happened. A lemonade stand happened. Seed planting and car washing happened. Why this surge of creative, hands on, all-senses engagement? Maybe it was because sitting on the hardwood floor to use the device just wasn’t as appealing as the former comfy chair. Maybe it was because I understood the importance and the necessity of saying yes to messy activities and out-ofthe-box ideas. Maybe it was because having devices in the family room reduced device time and increased conversation, connection, and awareness for everyone in the family. Or maybe it was because I saw my children clearly and realized our summer seasons together are dwindling. With my almost 12-year-old older daughter, I can feel them physically slipping through my fingers. It hit me on the night of a gathering I hosted for the women I’d met through the LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER production. My daughter spent the previous day helping me prepare food and clean the patio so I encouraged her to go to the movies with her sister and dad. I was secretly hoping she’d go because I thought having her underfoot might be a distraction. But because my child was quite adamant that she wanted to help serve, I invited her to stay.
Let’s just say, time spent on the devices was shorter. Let’s just say, I became more aware of my own device usage. Let’s just say, there was heightened interest in engaging with each other.
My daughter began making lemon water in a drink dispenser she bought at Target. It didn’t really go with the décor, but I kept quiet. She tied an apron around her waist and began slicing lemons for the water. “Mmmmm … I love the smell of lemons,” she said looking so grown, my almost middle schooler.
Let’s just say, something wonderful happened. The first ever sister jam session happened. Sewing doll pillows happened. Princess Camp planning for little girls in our neighborhood happened. Laundry folding while conversing about puberty happened (not my
My daughter did a wonderful job serving beverages to my friends and seemed to enjoy listening to the interesting conversations going on around her. When I addressed the group about being one another’s “missing pieces”, I noticed my daughter didn’t look away when I JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ PARENTING ] got choked up. She smiled encouragingly at me from the
key to cultivating an All-Senses Summer is much simpler
back of the room as I regained my composure.
than I previously thought. The key is this:
When the last guest left the party, my daughter
We must invite each other to the common areas of
motioned to the container. “Look, Mama! My lemon
our lives. We must not stay closed up, separated, and
water was the most popular drink!”
disconnected. We must say yes to our loved ones’ contribution, even if it’s messy, even if it doesn’t match,
“I am so glad you were here with me,” I said smiling.
even if they might see us cry.
“Thank you for choosing to be here.” “Thank you for inviting me,” she said.
They will only look like this for a season.
As my daughter collected the shriveled lemons stuck to
They will only live under our roof for a spell.
the bottom of the container, the most wonderful thought came to mind: Her hands will smell of lemons. And
But what they do here and now will live on much longer.
perhaps someday that scent will awaken this memory in
In one smell … one taste … one touch … they can relive
her soul.
a moment when someone invited them into the sacred spaces of life.
As my daughter stood in the middle of my life and I stood in the middle of her growing memory bank, I knew I’d just
And that one invitation alone could make for a
received the answer to what had been troubling me. The
meaningful and memorable summer.
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Curious George television series merchandise ©Universal Studios. Curious George and related characters, created by Margret and H. A. Rey, are copyrighted and trademarked by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company and used under license. Licensed by Universal Studios Licensing LLLP. All rights reserved.
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
Next Series Begins July 6. To Register E-Mail Dan@TriValleyTrainer.com
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[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Water Parks & Splash Spots It’s going to be a sizzling summer! Check out some of the best Water Parks and Splash Spots the Bay Area has to offer to keep your family cool. ALAMEDA COUNTY: Aqua Adventure Waterpark 40500 Paseo Padre Pkwy Fremont 510.494.4426 www.goaquaadventure.com
Emerald Glen Park 4201 Central Pkwy Dublin 925.556.4500 www.ci.dublin.ca.us
Shadow Cliffs Regional Recreation Area 2500 Stanley Boulevard Pleasanton 888.327.2757 www.ebparks.org/parks/shadow_cliffs
CONTRA COSTA COUNTY: Prewett Family Waterpark 4701 Lone Tree Way Antioch 925.776.3070 www.ci.antioch.ca.us/CitySvcs/Prewett
Waterworld California 1950 Waterworld Pkwy Concord 925.609.1364 www.waterworldcalifornia.com
Meadow Homes Spraypark 1351 Detroit Ave Concord 925.671.3366 www.cityofconcord.org/recreation/sports/swimming.htm
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ SEASOAL FUN ] El Cerrito Splash Park 7007 Moeser Lane El Cerrito 510.559.7011 www.el-cerrito.org
San Ramon Olympic Pool & Aquatic Park 9900 Broadmoor Drive San Ramon 925.973.3240 www.sanramon.ca.gov
WORTH THE DRIVE: Silliman Activity and Family Aquatic Center 6800 Mowry Ave Newark 510.578.4620 www.ci.newark.ca.us
Raging Waters 2333 S. White Rd San Jose 408.238.9900 www.rwsplash.com
Boomerang Bay at California’s Great America 4701 Great America Pkwy Santa Clara 408.988.1776 www.cagreatamerica.com
Gilroy Gardens Family Theme Park 3050 Hecker Pass Hwy Gilroy 408.840.7100 www.gilroygardens.org
Discovery Kingdom 1001 Fairgrounds Dr. Vallejo 707.643.6722 www.sixflags.com/discoverykingdom
Howarth Park 630 Summerfield Rd Santa Rosa 707.543.3425 www.howarthpark.com
JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Shasta Nelson, M.Div., is the Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, a women’s friendship matching site in 35 cities across the U.S. and Canada. Her spirited and soulful voice for strong female relationships can be found in her book Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends. She also writes at ShastasFriendshipBlog.com and in the Huffington Post, speaks across the country, and is a friendship expert in the media appearing on such shows as Katie Couric and the Today Show. Twitter: @girlfrndcircles
HOW I CAN BE A BETTER FRIEND: Follow-Through by Shasta Nelson In the spirit of learning from our mistakes, two popular posts over the years have been when I admitted to my four personal biggest friendship failures and when I shared the five biggest mistakes I see other women make with their friendships. Today I add another of mine to the list. I Am Far From the ‘Perfect Friend’ It started when one of my girlfriends was sharing with me her deep hurt at how a friend had disappointed her; she wondered aloud if it were a friendship worth saving. The disappointment was so small thing: My friend had been in the middle of a big personal crisis, had reached out via text to a friend of hers with whom they have a several year history of talking about deep things even if they don’t talk that regularly. Her friend immediately offered to call her that evening but later needed to reschedule, and then had never gotten back to her. A month had gone by and my friend still hadn’t heard from her. “The last she knew, I was in crisis… but she hasn’t checked back in,” the pain was palatable. Not a one of us would say that went down the way we’d want a friend to act if it were us in crisis. That hardly looks like “being there” for a friend. And yet, I found myself sympathetic to this friend. We have all gotten swept up in our own lives and in the relationships and needs that are right in front of our faces. I felt convicted.
18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] As she was telling me this story… I started thinking of
we if they decided we were important enough to
far-flung friends that I haven’t checked in on in a while. I
remember?
realized I hadn’t remembered to send a note to a friend on the anniversary of a death that I knew was hard, I
2. Be as gentle with myself and others as I can be.
hadn’t texted my friend who had applied for a big job
Guilt, defensiveness, and remorse don’t foster healthy
to see how the interview went, and I hadn’t yet reached
friendships. I will do what I can, when I can, but it’s
out to one of my girlfriends who I saw on Facebook had
also not my entire responsibility to initiate; it’s also
to take her little girl to the emergency room last week.
theirs for reaching out and keeping me updated,
Granted, if any of them had written me I would so be
asking for what they need. I will remind myself to
there for them, but…. I wasn’t initiating.
be no more hurt by their silence in the gaps than I would want them to feel by mine. Therefore, I will
I first felt guilt. Then overwhelm. Then some defensiveness.
take every opportunity to tell them I love them and
Then some regret. Then some sadness. And then I felt
apologize when necessary to ensure that while we
panic: What if any of them felt neglected the way my
may be disappointed by each other occasionally, we
friend is feeling about her friend? What if one of my
hopefully never question whether the other person
friends took my lack of follow-through personally? Or
loves us.
needed me to reach out and I hadn’t? Do any of them feel less loved by me? *gulp*
It’s that last one that guided me to say to my friend who was struggling with her friend, “Do you believe
How I will Practice Follow-Through
it was malicious? Was she trying to hurt you?” (A new
I’ve never had any fantasy that I am the perfect friend–
favorite question of mine to help put into perspective the
and seeing how I can be so present and available to you
difference between someone hurting us vs. us feeling
when you’re in front of me, but then not show my love by
hurt by someone!) She immediately knew it wasn’t. I
following up with you–confirmed that I have a lot of room
encouraged her to reach out; we can’t end friendships
for growth.
every time someone isn’t amazing.
Here are the two commitments I have as I embark
They had an amazing talk. Her friend, of course, felt
on focusing more on becoming a friend who follow-
awful and was so apologetic. And they built their
throughs when I know big things are happening in the
friendship stronger because they were both willing to
lives of my friends.
show up with honesty and compassion.
1. Put it in my Calendar or smartphone Reminders.
I feel a little scared to put this expectation on myself (and
She’s scheduled to have a hysterectomy next month?
am hoping not too many of my friends read this and get
Set a reminder a week before and a week after to
their hopes up! ha!) but I’m committed to growing and
check in with how she’s feeling. She called me and
becoming a better friend when I can. Even if I have to
confided in a fight she’s having with her husband?
schedule it in to practice.
Set a reminder next week to check in with her. She mentions how much she hopes she’ll get a raise next
Wish me luck!
month? You know the drill. It’s no less sincere; in fact I’d argue it shows just how much I care. I will calendar
Now, I wonder how my friend who recently filed for
in what matters. We don’t feel less thought of when
divorce is feeling… I’ll go shoot her a little note! Anyone
someone has our birthday in the calendar, why would
you want to reach out to? JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
PATRIOTIC PARTY TIME! by Bloggers We Love!
Red Velvet Ice Cream Sandwiches INGREDIENTS 1 stick unsalted butter, softened 2 cups sugar 4 eggs ¼ cup milk mixed with 2 tablespoons white vinegar 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2 tablespoons liquid red (or other color) food coloring 2⅔ cups flour ¼ cup cocoa powder 2 teaspoons baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 3 cups vanilla ice cream ¾ cup sprinkles or chopped nuts for decorating (optional) INSTRUCTIONS
Danielle at So Munch Love Danielle is the writer, recipe developer, and food stylist for So Munch Love. She works alongside her talented partner, Tony. They live right outside of Chicago, Illinois– close enough to enjoy the city, but far enough away to escape most of the traffic. That’s right, rockin’ the suburbs y’all. They met in culinary school and their combined love for food broadened into a love for each other. www.somunchlove.com
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1. Preheat the oven to 375ºF. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. 2. Place the softened butter in a medium bowl along with the sugar and cream until fluffy, at least 3 minutes. 3. Add the eggs, one at a time, until they are fully incorporated. Add the milk/vinegar mixture, vanilla, and the red food coloring. Be careful with the food coloring. It’s the devil and stains everything it touches. 4. Sift together the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to the liquid ingredients and stir just until mixed. 5. Spoon 1 tablespoon of batter for each cookie onto the lined baking sheet. They will spread quite a bit, so leave at least 3 inches of space between. Bake in the oven until the red velvet cookies bounce back when pushed in the middle, about 10 minutes. Continue this process until all of the batter is used up. 6. Set the cookies aside to cool, then using a spatula, scrape under the cookies to remove them from the parchment paper. They will stick to the parchment paper, so don’t be afraid to really scrape them off. I tried oiling the parchment paper, but this didn’t seem to make a difference at all. 7. Trim the cookies with a 2-inch round cutter or leave as is. Place the cookies in the freezer until cold. 8. Scoop 2 tablespoons of ice cream onto half of the cookies and top with another cookie. Squeeze the sandwiches and smooth the ice cream with a spoon or butter knife so that it is even on the sides. This will enable the toppings to adhere evenly. If the ice cream is melting, place them in the freezer until they firm a bit. If not, proceed to the next step. 9. Place your sprinkles or nuts (if using) on a plate. Press the sides of the ice cream sandwiches into the sprinkles or nuts until the ice cream is covered. Place the sandwiches on a baking sheet and chill in the freezer until they are firm, about 3 hours. 10. Devour right away or wrap individually with parchment or wax paper and place in a resealable plastic bag for long term storage (yeah, right!).
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Patriotic Sundae Bar (with printables) To make this sundae bar you will need: · ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and cookies n cream) · chocolate and caramel sauce · whipped cream · jimmies, sprinkles, crushed chocolate chip cookies · sliced strawberries · blueberries For free printables go to www.iheartnaptime.net/ patriotic-sundae-barprintables. Jenny Raulli of Bloom Designs
Red, White and Blue Cocktail INGREDIENTS · berries - I used raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries but strawberries and even kiwi would be great · vanilla gelato · champagne, sprite, ginger ale, club soda INSTRUCTIONS 1. Fill a tall glass with berries. Any amount of portion is fine. 2. Add a scoop of vanilla gelato and pour over your choice of bubbly. 3. Serve immediately. Jenny Raulli is a self taught party stylist, editor and everything else of Bloom Designs Online. As a former elementary teacher and art history major, her passion for parties, paper, personalized, pretty came from being a stay at home mommy to four little ones under ten. She has a lot of parties at her house! Her children are her creative inspiration and joy. Bloom Designs Online is filled with holiday ideas, party planning tips and ways to make each day a bit more personal. Visit Jenny at Bloom Designs Online or find her on FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM, and PINTEREST
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[ PARENTING ]
Kaplan is a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, Certified PrepareEnrich Facilitator, and Coach Training Alliance- Certified Coach (CTA-CC). He specializes in helping people navigate the challenges of divorce, as well as life after divorce. He has had the honor and privilege of providing support, counseling, and coaching to numerous individuals and couples over the years. He draws upon his professional training, proven coaching methodologies and strategies, as well as his own personal and professional experience, in creating and maintaining a safe, calm, nurturing, supportive, patient, nonjudgmental, and highly confidential environment and relationship where he serves as your ally, sounding board, thinking and accountability partner, advocate, and cheerleader.
Handle Your Divorce With Care. Your Children Are Watching You! by Aaron Kaplan While the notion of “staying together for the children” may have become somewhat antiquated these days, this sentiment is not entirely without merit. Anyone who considers divorce must stop and think about the total impact this will have on the children. Considering the effects of a divorce on the children is not really outdated; it’s smart. First of all, take into consideration that your children currently have a security framework. That security is extremely important to a child, and no matter how much you may try to implement two households that feel secure, you cannot duplicate the security they knew with both parents together. When parents split up, it will affect your children’s day-to-day lives, and there is just no way around it. That security is a bit confusing to understand, especially in a household where the parents have been having many difficulties, perhaps even very loud arguments. Regardless of how many differences you have, it’s likely your children have always been used to having both of you. Dysfunctional or not, it’s what they’ve become
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[ PARENTING ] accustomed to – it’s what they know.
battle could result in uprooting the children. Moving into a new environment on top of dealing with watching their
Children believe that you, both parents, have their best interest at heart and that you will work together to do the best you possibly can. They feel safe and protected - emotionally and physically - as long as both parents are around. Even in an unhappy marriage and home, this security overrides everything else. Children are most secure when they know what to expect - good or bad as odd as that sounds.
parents split up, is nothing short of traumatic. Kids going through a divorce are already battling to come to terms with what is happening around them, and uprooting them into a new home only makes a bad situation worse. You must also consider what you will be doing to their perceptions and views of marriage. Depending on the age of your children, they could be very impressionable.
When divorce destroys that structure, you leave your kids feeling insecure and vulnerable - feelings which could very well haunt them for the rest of their lives. Often, children start “acting out” in ways that parents don’t expect, or understand. After all, the parents are thinking the divorce will stop all the quarreling and disruption, so why aren’t the children happier and more content?
Watching their parents divorce could invoke a fear of being left behind, which could come up again and again with someone they love. This isn’t psycho-babble, this is proven fact. Children can feel abandoned during divorce, no matter how much the parents try to avoid that with ample visitation. This abandonment can lead to feelings of jealousy, possessiveness, and other
Additionally, if you choose divorce, you will be denying your children access to both parents when they need it. Your children will have to wait until they go to one house or the other to spend time with a parent. Their time will be split, perhaps when they need one or the other parent at a crucial time. For some things, kids need their mothers, and for others they need their fathers. When the household is split, children are often forced to wait, which can cause a great deal of stress and can even result in the children shutting down their emotions because their parents are not available when they need them.
unattractive traits that last a lifetime. Children can, and do, become cynical about love and the beauty it can bring to their lives when they see the destruction of their parents love. This cynicism could keep them from committing in their own relationships later on in life. Unfortunately, this feeling can hide below the radar, only becoming known as it hinders the ability to find happiness as adults. When it comes to the children, don’t just think about how
Regardless of the custody situation, there will always be a lack of support in some respects, and much needed input lacking in their upbringing. There will always be some sense of loss in their lives, of space not filled because one parent or the other isn’t there when they feel they need them. And, the irony of this is that the children will need both parents more than ever after the divorce rips the family apart. These are heavy consequences to consider.
they will cope with your divorce while it happens. Think
To make things even worse, your children could be dragged into a custody battle. Regardless of whether you really have their best interests at heart, it is an incredible trauma for any child to have his or her parents fighting over custody or child support as if the child is either a prize or a burden.
Take the time to really consider all possible repercussions
about how your child will behave and reason five or ten years from now, in the aftermath of the divorce. Whether you like it or not, and whether you allow it to affect your final decision or not, your divorce will still affect your children, now and for many years. There is no such thing as a “happy divorce” for children.
of your decisions, then you can move forward from a place of awareness. Be especially cognizant of the negative impact a divorce can have in the lives of your children. Do you want to stay married for the sake of the children? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But you do need to
Depending on your situation, the outcome of a custody
understand what will happen either way. JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
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[ PARENTING ]
Teaching Kids About Money: Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, psychology instructor, and speaker. Her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do is on sale now. She’s frequently quoted in national media outlets. She also writes for Forbes and About.com. For more visit AmyMorinLCSW.com
Research Reveals The 5 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make by Amy Morin Your kids pay more attention to money matters than you think, according to a study conducted by researchers at North Carolina State University and the University of Texas. Unfortunately, the one place many kids aren’t hearing about money is from their parents. Instead, they’re learning about financial matters from TV, music lyrics, and the internet. If you’re not actively teaching your kids about finances, they’re likely to develop misconceptions about money. Several research studies highlight these money mistakes many parents are making when it comes to helping kids learn about important financial matters: 1. Parents aren’t recognizing that kids get stressed about money. A 2014 survey by H&R Block showed that teens experience a lot of stress about money. High school students who participated in the survey reported worrying about obtaining the same standard of living as their parents, paying off student loans, and finding a job. A lack of understanding about finances can fuel a child’s anxiety about money. Ask questions about how your child feels about his financial future. Talk about future career aspirations and discuss how much the average salary is for people in that field. Have ongoing conversations about how to pay for college without
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[ PARENTING ] incurring a lot of debt. These types of conversations can provide education and reduce your child’s worries. 2. Parents don’t teach kids that online shopping requires real money. Technology has certainly changed the way kids view currency. Kids are more accustomed to shopping online than going to a bank, according to the T. Rowe Price 2014 Annual Parents, Kids and Money Survey. While 60% of kids said they shop online, nearly 75% said they rarely or never go to a bank.
discussing money. Admit to some of your financial mistakes and talk to your children about the steps you’re taking to address those issues. Make money an ongoing topic of conversation in your house by bringing it up regularly. 5. Parents aren’t discussing the importance of investing. Kids aren’t learning about the importance of retirement accounts or even college funds and research shows that parents are even less likely to discuss the importance of
Online banks and online shopping mean kids don’t ever see money change hands. Therefore, it’s hard for them to grasp the fact that they’re spending real money when they’re shopping online. Take your child to the bank and make sure he understands how banking works. It’s important for kids to have a clear understanding of how paychecks are deposited and how money is withdrawn. 3. Parents lie to kids about money. Sadly, 28% of parents admit to lying to kids about money, according to the T. Rowe Price survey. Some parents may lie because they feel uncomfortable disclosing the truth – like if a child asks how much money his parents earn. Other parents may lie about money to avoid problems – such as saying, “We can’t afford that,” rather than saying they just don’t want to buy it. Lying about money will only send the wrong message to your child. He may learn that lying is a good way to cover up for financial problems or that lying about money is an acceptable practice. If your child asks a financial question that you’re not comfortable answering, be honest and say you don’t want to talk about it. Although lying to your child about money may be helpful in the short-term, in the long-term it will only cause more problems. 4. Parents avoid conversations about money matters. Kids are interested in learning more about money, but many parents avoid teaching them. A whopping 74% of parents said they have some reluctance to discuss financial topics with their kids. And 59% of kids said they wished they could be smarter about money, according to the T. Rowe Price survey. While some parents are embarrassed to talk about money, others feel like they are bad role models and shouldn’t be discussing finances with kids.
investing with girls. This lack of education may be taking a toll on the way young people view risk. People under the age of 35 are taking overly conservative approaches to investing, according to a 2013 study by the Investment Company Institute. It’s essential to teach both boys and girls about investments. Show your child charts and calculators that outline how investing early can lead to a much larger nest egg. If you lack knowledge about investing, it can be a great time to learn more to benefit yourself, and your child’s future.
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[ EVENTS ]
July Alameda County JULY 1 Free Concert by Lamplighters Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 2:00pm – 3:30pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov First Wednesday Street Parties Downtown Pleasanton Pleasanton 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net Robots, Stunts, and More at Lawrence Hall Lawrence Hall of Science Berkeley 12:00pm – 2:00pm www.lawrencehallofscience.org Boat Racing @ Lawrence Hall Lawrence Hall of Science Berkeley 12:00pm – 2:00pm www.lawrencehallofscience.org
JULY 1 – 5 Alameda County Fair Alameda County Fairgrounds Pleasanton 11:00am – 11:00pm www.alamedacountyfair.com
JULY 1 - 26 The Wonder years: Being a Teen in Dublin During the 1960s & 1970s Murray Schoolhouse Dublin 1:00pm – 4:00pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us
JULY 1 - 31
Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
Redwood Grove Summer Concerts 2015 UC Botanical Garden at Berkeley Berkeley Various Times www.botanicalgarden.berkeley.edu
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JULY 1, 7, 8, 14, 15, 21, 22, 28 & 29 Summer Movie Express Regal Hacienda Crossings Stadium 20 & IMAX Dublin Various Times www.regmovies.com
JULY 2 Walking and Tasting Tour of the Ghourmet Ghetto Ghourmet Ghetto Berkeley 11:00am – 2:15pm www.edibleexcursions.net
JULY 2 - 5 Oak Tree at Pleasanton Alameda County Fairgrounds Pleasanton Various times www.alamedacountyfair.com
JULY 4 Alameda Mayor’s July 4th Parade R.A.C.E 1417 Park Street Alameda 9:00am www.alamedarace.com
JULY 5 The 12th Annual Temescal Street Fair Telegraph Ave Oakland 12:00pm – 6:00pm www.temescaldistrict.org Alameda Antiques Fair Alameda Point Alameda 6:00am – 3:00pm www.alamedapointantiquesfaire. com Become a Beekeeper at the OMCA Oakland Museum of California Oakland 11:00am – 6:00pm www.museumca.org
JULY 6 Sand Castle & Sculpture Contest Crown Memorial Beach Alameda 9:00am – 1:00pm www.alamedaca.gov
JULY 10 - 12 Hello Kitty’s Supercute Friendship Festival Oracle Arena Oakland Various times www.sanrio.com/hkfestival/
JULY 11 Star Stories Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 9:00pm – 10:30pm www.chabotspace.org
JULY 11 & 12 Family Campout at Alamo Creek Park Alamo Creek Park Dublin 3:00pm – 10:am www.ci.dublin.ca.us
JULY 11, 18 & 25 Family Sundown Safari Oakland Zoo Oakland 5:00pm– 10:00am www.oaklandzoo.org
JULY 12 TUTU School Grand Opening Celebration 99 West Neal Street Pleasanton 3:000pm – 5:00pm www.tutuschoolpleasanton.com
JULY 17 Jack’s Night Market Jack London Square Oakland 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.jacklondonsquare.com
[ EVENTS ]
July Family Friday Nite Splash Aqua Adventure Water Park Fremont 4:00pm – 8:00pm www.goaquaadventure.com
JULY 18 Family Dive-In Movie Lions Pool Oakland 8:45pm www.oaklandnet.com
JULY 21 Sea Squirts: Habitat, Habitat, You Have to Have! Crab Cove Visitor Center Alameda 10:30am – 11:45am www.ebparks.org
JULY 24 Friday Nights @ OMCA Oakland Museum of California Oakland 5:00pm – 9:00pm www.museumca.org/friday-nightsomca Picnic Flix: “When the Game Stands Tall” (PG) Emerald Glen Park Dublin 8:30pm – 11:30pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us
JULY 25 2015 Pedalfest Jack London Square Oakland 11:00am – 7:00pm www.pedalfestjacklondon.com
JULY 25 - 26 Berkeley Kite Festival 2015 Cesar E. Chavez Park Berkeley 10:00am – 6:00pm www.BerkeleyKiteFestival.com
Contra Costa County JULY 1 Small Talk Yoga Classes Small Talk Family Cafe Walnut Creek 9:30am & 10:15am www.smalltalkfamilycafe.com
JULY 2 First Thursday Shop Local Day and Night Downtown Hartz Avenue Danville 10:00am – 7:00pm www.danville.ca.gov
JULY 4 Run San Ramon 10k and 5k Walk and Run Central Park San Ramon 8:15am www.sanramon.ca.gov
JULY 6 Fairy Tale Engineering Ygnacio Valley Library Walnut Creek 3:30pm – 4:30pm www.ccclib.org
JULY 7, 14, 21 & 28 Tuesday Night Blues Todos Santos Plaza Concord 6:30pm – 8:00pm www.concordfirst.org
JULY 10 & 24 Moonlight Movies Danville Town Green Danville 6:30pm – 10:30pm www.danville.ca.gov
JULY 18 Chevron Family Theatre Festival Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 10:00am – 4:00pm www.draa.org/events/chevronfamily-theatre-festival
JULY 19 Kids Belay Diablo Rock Gym Concord 11:30am – 3:30pm www.touchstoneclimbing.com/ diablorock/kids
All Aboard the Diablo Valley Lines Larkey Park Walnut Creek 11:00am – 6:00pm www.cmrs.org
Walnut Creek Farmers Market Walk & Cooking Class Tender Greens Walnut Creek 9:00am www.tendergreens.com
JULY 22 Summer Movie Matinees San Ramon Library San Ramon 3:00pm – 4:30pm www.ccclib.org
JULY 25 30th Annual Music in the Park Oak Hill Park Danville 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.danville.ca.gov
JULY 26 Kids Bowl Free Diablo Valley Bowl Concord 10::0am – 4:00pm www.kidsbowlfree.com
JULY 30 Concord’s 27th Annual Music & Market Series Todos Santos Plaza Concord 6:30pm – 8:00pm www.concordfirst.org
JULY 31 H.M.S. Pinafore Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 2:00pm & 8:00pm www.lamplighters.org
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[[ EVENTS PARENTING ] ] Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
Seven Simple Mommy Secrets for Calming Tempers (Including Yours) by Dr. Michele Borba Sure it’s great to be a mom, but it’s also one of the most stressful, exhausting roles on the planet. The fact is, meltdowns are inevitable in any home, and even more so these days when it everyone is leading treadmill-paced lives. So let’s be clear: Anger is normal, but how you choose to deal with yours can make you the Queen Role Model for your family or the Wicked Witch of the North. The important Mommy Secret is finding a way to keep those meltdowns to a minimum. The good news is there are a number of strategies that will help us keep the peace and cool those quick tempers. The real trick is discovering works best for you, and then rehearsing it over and over until it kicks and becomes a habit. Here are seven Mommy Secrets that help you stay calmer, control anger and keep your household more peaceful and harmonious. 1. Take five. My girlfriend bought herself a nature tape of rain sounds because the noise has always soothed her. When her “witching hour” approaches (she admits it’s four o’clock every afternoon), Sharon retreats to her bedroom, closes the door, turns on the tape, switches off the light, plops on the bed, and zones out—that is, for just five minutes. She swears those five brief minutes are enough to fortify her to calmly handle an inevitable colicky baby, fix dinner, and survive the evening homework routine. (By the way, she arranged for her mother to phone her preschooler each day at four o’clock, and tucks the baby safely in her crib for a quick nap. Can you find a way to “take five” each day?) 2. Give yourself a time-out. The very moment you feel your blood pressure start to rise, acknowledge it. Stress comes right before anger and studies show we usually have only seconds to stop that pressure buildup. So start tuning into your own unique physiological stress signals (the pounding
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[ PARENTING ] heart, the clenched fists, the grinding teeth, the raised voice). And then give yourself a quick break from your kids to calm yourself down. Just announce: “Mommy needs a time-out.” In fact, promise yourself that from this moment on whenever you feel you can’t control your temper, just walk away. If you need to lock yourself in your bathroom to get back in control, do it! It’s the best way to prevent your own meltdown and you’ll also be modeling to your kids how to use selfcontrol. What a great lesson! 3. Use self-talk. Learn to say a simple, positive message to yourself to control your temper. Ideas might be: “Stop and calm down.” “Stay in control.” Or: “I can handle this.” Choose a phrase you feels most comfortable saying, then rehearse it a few times each day until you can use it. One mom from my playgroup actually wrote her calm-down phrase on a card and put it in the diaper bag. Her baby was a real “mover and shaker” and changing his diaper used to drive her to the edge. She’d open the bag, read the card, and immediately remind herself to calm down. It worked! 4. Teach: “Stop and Breathe.” As soon as you feel you’re losing your temper, say to yourself: ‘Stop! Calm down”, and then take a deep, slow breath (or two or three), pronto. Getting oxygen into your brain is one of the fastest ways to relax. Try it! I used this strategy when my kids were young, and they quickly figured it out. From that moment, they loved being my little reminders anytime my patience-level dropped: “You need to do that ‘Stop and Breathe’ thing, Mom!”, they’d chime. (Isn’t it amazing that our kids can read our stress signs before we can? If they could only figure out their own). 5. Imagine something calming. Think of a person or place that helps you feel calm and peaceful—for instance, your spouse, the beach, your bed, your backyard. Right before your temper stares to flare and you feel those body warning signs kick him, close your eyes and think of the face or the spot while breathing slowly.
light up as the elevator goes down. As the elevator descends, your stress fades away. 7. Stress melting. Find the spot in your body where you feel the most tension; perhaps your neck, shoulder muscles, or jaw. Gently close your eyes, concentrate on the spot, tense it up for three or four seconds, and then let it go. While doing so, imagine the stress slowly melting away. Anger management isn’t just for Mommies. Why not get your whole family involved in learning how to cope with quick tempers? A mother of two sons aged 13 and 11, from Tulsa, Oklahoma, told me she realized that her whole family needed tune up self-control. She began by writing “Self-control” in huge letters across the top of a monthly calendar and taping it on her refrigerator as a reminder. She also looked for family videos, children’s literature, and news articles of real people using selfcontrol and used them as a springboard for describing why the trait is so valuable. Finally the mom taught them the “Stop and Breathe” strategy and then made sure they practiced it as a family. The result: a calmer, more peaceful household.
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Mon-Sat 10-6 Sun 12-5 JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Catherine McCord created Weelicious.com to show parents how easy and beneficial it is to expose children to homemade food. Weelicious houses 1,200+ original recipes and 200+ videos, with new content weekly. In 2012, Catherine published her first book, Weelicious: One Family. One Meal. with 140 “easy, fresh, and fun” recipes. Her second book, Weelicious Lunches: Think Outside the Lunchbox published September 2013. With 160+ recipes, Catherine provides solutions beyond the standard PB&J.
Summertime Eats! Here are some of our favorites from www.weelicous.com CRISPY CHICKEN PAILLARD WITH SUMMER SALAD (serves 4)
• 2 cups panko bread crumbs
Prep Time: 15 mins
• canola or vegetable oil, for the pan
Cook Time: 10 mins Ingredients • 4 boneless and skinless chicken
• 1 teaspoon salt • 1 cup halved cherry tomatoes • 2 persian cucumbers, thinly sliced • 1 ear of corn, cut off the cob • 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
breasts
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• 1 cup flour
Preparation
• 2 large eggs, whisked
1. Place one chicken breast
[ SEASONAL FUN ] between 2 sheets of parchment paper and pound
medium high heat and place chicken breasts in skillet
using a tenderizer until about 1/3 inch and even
(do in batches if needed and add extra oil if needed for second batch)
thickness. Repeat with all the breasts. 2. Season each chicken breast with 1/4 teaspoon salt.
6. Fry until golden brown, about 5-6 minutes and flip to brown other side
3. In 3 small dishes place flour, egg and breadcrumbs separately.
7. Place tomatoes, cucumbers, corn and cilantro into a mixing bowl. Drizzle with lemon juice and toss to coat
4. Dredge both sides of chicken breast in flour, followed by egg and then bread crumbs and repeat with
8. When chicken is golden brown and fully cooked place on a cooling rack to cool slightly
remaining breasts. 5. Heat about 2 tablespoons of oil in a skillet over
9. Spoon over salad and serve immediately.
HALIBUT PESTO KABOBS (serves 4)
Preparation
Prep Time: 2 mins
1. Place all the ingredients in a bowl and toss to combine.
Cook Time: 6 mins
2. Preheat oven broiler or grill to high heat. Ingredients
3. Place vegetables and fish on skewers (if using wooden
• 1 pound halibut, cut into 1 inch pieces
• 1 cup cherry tomatoes
4. Cook skewers under broiler or on grill for 6 minutes,
• 2 bell peppers, cut into wedges • 1/2 cup pesto
skewers soak in water for 30 minutes to avoid burning). turning halfway through.
5. Serve. JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] MEDITERRANEAN GRILLED VEGGIE WRAPS (serves 4) Prep Time: 10 mins Cook Time: 5 mins Ingredients • 1 small red onion, sliced into rings • 2 red bell peppers, halved and seeds removed • 2 portobello mushrooms, stems removed • 1 tablespoon olive oil • 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar • 1 teaspoon kosher salt • 4 whole wheat tortilla wraps • 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese • 1/4 cup fat free greek yogurt
5. Thinly slice the mushrooms and bell peppers. Separate the onions into thin rings.
Preparation
6. In a small bowl mix together the yogurt and 1
1. Preheat the grill on high heat.
teaspoon balsamic vinegar.
2. Drizzle the bell peppers and onions with oil and 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar and sprinkle with salt.
7. Spread 1 tablespoon of the yogurt sauce onto wrap
3. Place all the veggies on the grill and cook for 3-5
and divide the veggies evenly between the tortilla wraps, top with the feta cheese and roll up like a
minutes on each side, until the veggies are soft.
burrito.
4. Remove from the grill and allow to cool slightly.
An Environment for Discovery and Learning for Children For the love of learning since 1972
Come learn about Fountainhead's various programs at our Open Houses Danville Campus: 939 El Pintado Road Wednesday, January 28th 5:30pm-7:30pm Pleasant Hill Campus: 490 Golf Club Road Monday, January 12th 5:00pm-7:00pm Orinda Campus: 30 Santa Maria Way Friday, January 16th 5:00pm-7:00pm
Dublin Campus: 6665 Amador Plaza Road Wednesday, January 21st 6:00pm-8:00pm Pre-K/K Information Night Wednesday, February 4th 5:30pm Livermore Campus: 949 Central Avenue Saturday, January 31st 10:00am-12:00pm
Open Enrollment begins March 2015! Call us today 925-820-1343 38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
Visit us on the web at www.fms.org
For children ages 18 months – Kindergarten
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] Birthday Parties! For ages 1-6 years.
Choos e Your Theme !
No Clean Up!
Party Suppli es Availa ble!
Personalize your party with fun themes. A Gymboree Play Leader will guide all the fun. Enjoy absolutely no clean up and receive a special gift for your child! gymboreeclasses.com
JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Family Staycation & Travel Guide
S TAY C AT I O N A staycation is a period in which an individual or family stays home and participates in leisure activities within driving distance, sleeping in their own bed at night.
1.
SANTA CRUZ BOARDWALK
Unlike your typical boardwalk, the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk is recognized as the best seaside park in the world. The Boardwalk (which believes in affordable family fun) is offering free admission, summer entertainment, and decently priced ride tickets. Come experience their two National Historic Landmarks the Giant Dipper with it’s hair-raising dips and the Looff Carousel with it’s unique ring toss that provides a surprising challenge. Besides the various ride, their indoor arcades offer the largest selection of games in Northern California ranging from numerous games to a laser tag arena. There’s also a family bowling center right across the street. While many people visit for the corn dogs, deep-fried artichokes, chocolate covered bacon, and deep-fried Twinkies! Once you’ve had your fill of the boardwalk head down to the wide sandy beach along the Monterey Bay Nation Marine Sanctuary where it’s not unusual to spot sea animals swimming just offshore! Join the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk for a truly unique experience!
2.
SONOMA VALLEY
Located in California’s “happiest” county—Sonoma Valley’s scenic 17-mile span offers endless discovery for new and repeat visitors. Known as the birthplace of the California wine industry, it’s serene vistas of rolling vineyards and lush farmlands stretch as far as the eye can see. Here you can explore 13,000 acres of state and regional parks, attend a private barrel tasting or savor world-class cuisine. Looking for something for everyone? Take the family on a hot air balloon tour offering beautiful views, a bike ride discovering the wine country, shopping in chic boutiques, or even having a little fun at the arcade. Whatever you decide, you’ll find this paradise makes for an incredibly convenient getaway.
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SEASONAL FUN FUN ]] [[ SEASONAL
3.
PACIFIC GROVE
Located just a couple of hours south of San Francisco, Pacific Grove really
Point Pinos Lighthouse for a short history lesson. Once everyone is ready for lunch head over to First Awakenings, voted best breakfast place in Monterey County since
is a must see for adventurous families.
2006. If you want to treat everyone’s sweet
Discover the tide pools at Asilomar
tooth stop by Pastisserie Bechler and share
Beach, experience Point Lobos State
a delicious pastry or cake. Pacific Grove
Natural Reserve the “crown jewel” of
also hosts the Feast of Lanterns Festival
the California State Park System, or even
every July. This affordable and easy family
bring the kids to the beautifully restored
trip is definitely something you can’t miss!
4.
ANGEL ISLAND
Just a quick (and cheap $17 round trip) ferry ride from San Francisco, Angel Island is well worth a visit. Being San Francisco Bay’s largest island, it offers spectacular views of the San Francisco skyline and an abundance of history and nature. While visitors commonly take their bikes on the ferry ride over, tram tours and scooter rentals are also available on the island. Visitors on the island may rent boats, schedule tours, camp, or indulge in a scenic picnic. If you have extra time on the island, head over to the Angel Island Café overlooking the dock and water. Angel Island is truly the “jewel” of San Francisco Bay.
JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
Before and after School Care For students entering TK to 5th grade in PUSD
Spanish Immersion Classes & Camps Engaging curriculum uses music, art & games
Experienced, dynamic teachers Ages toddlers to teens Small class sizes
r Join us fo g, in ll te s tor y mes a g , rt a , music UN F f & TONS o l! o ñ a sp - in e
Program includes: Meals and snacks Drop off and pick up from school Classes such as Karate, Spanish, SPARK PE, Art and Science Homework support Open teacher work days and most vacations Drop off and pick up from most schools
Mention ACTIVE FAMILY and receive a FREE first time trial class!
www.vivaelespanol.org • 925-962-9177 Lafayette • Pleasanton • And schools all over the Bay Area
3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton | www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123
Summer Camp 2015 Creativity and Leadership Grades K-8 10 weeks at The Academy June 15th – August 20th Art | STEM | Music | Sports | Theater There is something for every age and interest at The Academy. Because our Camp is small, each student gets special attention to make sure that their classes are relevant. Students work on projects all summer, engage in team building, and take local day trips. They will have so much fun that it doesn’t even feel like learning!
Classes | Games | Day Trips | Competition | Projects
Register Today 925-820-5808 www.thegrowingroom.org/academysummer 2340 SAN RAMON VALLEY BLVD · SAN RAMON · CA · INFO@THEGROWINGROOMACADEMY.ORG
42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
Foreign Language Leadership Academics Dance Theater Science Technology Engineering Music Sports & Fitness Art Culture Study Cooking Public Speaking Life Skills
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
We’re Turning 2!
let’s celebrate! Saturday, July 18-Sunday, July 19
all weekend long
50% OFF Ice Cream Sale · Special HOT Deals
saturday, july 18 Party from 11am-2pm
Tasting Fair · Store Tours BBQ · Sundae Bar · Cake Cutting at 12pm
3550 Bernal Ave., Pleasanton (925) 621-7660 · www.newleaf.com
JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43
[ PARENTING ]
Stop the Summer Slide: Make Summer Reading a Family Event by Robin Stephens In previous decades parents encouraged curling up with a book as a refuge from summer boredom. Today’s parents recognize summer reading as considerably more. Reading is a much-needed break from screens and monitors, but also necessary to avoid learning losses that occur over the summer months. The “summer slide” is real, just ask any teacher. The first few weeks of every school year are spent in review. Research suggests that children who don’t read during the summer months can lose up to three months of reading progress. These losses are large and they are accumulative. With all of the activities vying for our children’s time it is important for parents to encourage reading during summer vacation. Here are some ideas to instill a love of reading in your children while safeguarding them from the summer slide.
Robin Stephens of The Growing Room Academy holds a bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies with a focus on early childhood/ adolescent development, family systems, and socio-cultural perspectives of the family. As a Certified Simplicity Parenting Coach©, Robin provides personal family coaching and facilitates parenting workshops for schools and parent organizations. She also is involved in youth advocacy organizations providing support for LGBTQ youth and their families.
Access to Books: Aim for Six It is important that your child has access to a variety of books and other reading materials. Summer is a great time to acquaint your child with your local library. Make library visits a special event; make a library card a badge of honor! Excursions to the bookstore or the used bookstore are great fun. Magazine subscriptions are also a great idea for the more advanced reader. The magical part of all this is that it doesn’t seem to matter what kids read, only that they do. Does the number of books read matter? Various studies suggest that reading at least six books seems to be the magic threshold in preventing the summer slide. Allow Your Child to Choose What He Reads When it comes to book choices for your child, summer isn’t the time to be concerned with pushing academic agendas. Just as we are more likely to be turning the pages of Sidney Sheldon than Proust during vacation times, our kids need an opportunity for escape as well. Summer is the time for reading for sheer entertainment; it is a time to experience that intoxicating bliss of getting lost in a book. Allowing your child to choose her own reading material including popular fiction, magazines, graphic novels, and comic books is more likely to result in a motivated reader. They will be willing to read something that they actually enjoy. If you are concerned about the graphic or adult content of what your child is reading, talk with her about her interests and set some guidelines for appropriate choices. Adult Guided Oral Reading and Comprehension Scaffolding We know that children who read during the summer do better in school in the fall; however, that isn’t the whole story. Assistant Professor James Kim of Harvard University found that merely providing access to books or pointing the way toward the book is not enough. Learning differences were noted when books were provided and adults were involved in the reading of the book. Providing books without adult guidance provides no learning differences in younger children and only a slight difference in older children. The single most important factor in making summer reading effective for your child is your involvement. The difference
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[ PARENTING ] between measurable comprehension gains is an adult who can ask questions and guide a child to better understanding of what they are reading. Scaffolding refers to a variety of techniques that can move readers progressively towards greater understanding (and ultimately, greater independence) in the learning process. Generating and asking questions, making connections to real life events, discussing characters, and summarizing plot all lead to greater comprehension for readers. This also includes oral scaffolding as the child reads aloud to you, (which is recommended daily).
avoiding the summer slide. Even during summer months, setting aside regularly scheduled family reading times makes for a memorable vacation. Additional ways to incorporate reading into family life is to plan excursions or family travel that correlate and connect with reading materials. Trips to the beach, to the museum, or day trips to different locales all reinforce learning and family bonds. Be a Role Model Just for a minute forget about the “summer slide”,
Books Need to Match Reader’s Ability Levels Just as summer reading is not about lofty content, neither is it about pushing more advanced books. The goal for summer reading is to find that “sweet spot” where reading is challenging, but not frustrating. In order to benefit from reading the child must be able to decode the words quickly enough for the brain to focus on the meaning of content. Just as merely providing access to books with no adult supervision net little comprehension gain for summer readers, books that are too easy or too hard do not result in appreciable learning outcomes. If you are unsure of the reading level that is the most appropriate for your child conduct the “Five Finger” rule. Ask your child to read 100 words from the chosen text and to raise one finger for each word that is hard to figure out. If the child has more than five fingers up at the end of the passage, then the book is too difficult. Encourage Social Reading We can all attest to the lure of the “social read” or friend’s recommendations. Kids are no different. Parents will tell you that many times a child will read a book merely because one of his or her friends is reading it. This can be a great motivator for kids and is something to be encouraged by parents. It is ideal when reading becomes “cool” or socially acceptable. Consider buying two copies of the same book for your child and his or her friend so both can read it at the same time. Take the kids to movies based on books and read the books. Read the same book as your child! Making reading both a social and solitary activity is a wonderful way to instill the love of reading in your children. Make Reading About Family and Fun Don’t set rules about the length of reading time or number of pages read. Do not make reading a punishment! Reading needs to be fun. Another aspect of reading fun is time spent with mom and dad. As previously mentioned, parental involvement is the key to
“summer decline”, or “summer slump”. Instead, reflect upon the sheer joy of summer reading. Whether reading at the beach, at the cabin, or lying in the cool grass by the shade of a tree reading is synonymous with summer escapism. We read books that transported us to a different time and a different place. We read books that required friends to call back later and chores to wait; we lost hours, and sometimes days, in pursuit of newfound friends and adventure. Reading is a gift our parents passed down to us. It was a gift that we bestowed upon ourselves. And, it is a gift that we must pass on to our children. Go grab a book!
Diablo Hills Country School Toddlers (18 mos) School-Age Care
Pre-School Summer Camp
Locally Owned and Family Run Since 1981 Danville Campus
1453 San Ramon Valley Blvd. Danville, CA 94526 (925) 820-8523
San Ramon Campus 50 Creekside Drive San Ramon, CA 94583 (925) 831--1210
diablohillscountryschool.com JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45
[ PARENTING ]
Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert Dr. Pandhya is a pediatric orthopedic surgeon who sees patients at UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital’s Oakland and Walnut Creek campuses. His areas of expertise included arthroscopy, disorders of the hip, general pediatric orthopedics, pediatric trauma and sports medicine.
by Dr. Nirav K. Pandya Q: When is the best age for kids to begin specializing in one sport? A: I would encourage your son or daughter to play as wide a variety of sports as possible for as long as they can; at least until the late high school years. Studies have shown that single sport specialization leads to both physical and emotional burnout. In addition, there is no good data to suggest that playing one sport yearround increases one’s chance of participating at the collegiate level or earning a scholarship. Young athletes who play multiple sports are better positioned to exercise throughout their life; preventing problems such as obesity and cardiovascular disease down the road. Q: My teenager always comes home from sports practice with a myriad of complaints (knee pain, shin pain, hip pain, etc.). What can I do to prevent this? A: These myriad of complaints can be sign of various underlying problems: is your teenager sleeping enough at night, eating a balanced diet, or drinking enough water? More commonly, these various complaints are the body’s signal that it is beginning to break down from over-use and/or poor mechanics. “Active rest” for a short period of time might do the trick. This could mean swimming in the pool instead of running for a track athlete, or doing a day of yoga (yes, yoga!) instead
46 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
[ PARENTING ] of scrimmaging for a soccer player. In addition, many high school athletes have poor core strength (i.e. the area around the abdominal well, pelvis, and low back), which can lead to increased strain on the hip, knee, and ankle joints. Videotaping your young athlete in slowmotion or going to a motion analysis lab may identify an underlying problem in how they run, jump, or throw which is causing them pain. Q: Everyone on my daughter’s soccer team is tearing their anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). Should I have my daughter choose another sport? A: No, not at all! Many teams across the country are now engaging in ACL preventing programs; a series of
NEW RIDING SCHOOL
exercises which have been shown to reduce ACL injuries which are readily available on the Internet. If she is still
Personalized Riding Lessons for All Ages Beginning to Advanced Specialized Lessons in Dressage Jumping and Cross Country Horse Management lessons
unfortunate to have an ACL injury, we have developed techniques that allow growing athletes to return to sport and preserve function if she requires surgery. If she enjoys what she is doing, we should encourage that activity!
Dr. Ozzie Jafarnia
DDS, Board Certified
Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry
Dr. Noyan Aynechi DDS, Board Certified
Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry
Enroll Today SAN Ramon & The horse park at Woodside 925-588-1480 | eastbayriding@gmail.com
www.eastbayridingacademy.com
Nothing is more beautiful than your child’s smile!
Welcome to Danville Pediatric Dentistry and Orthodontics! ! Our office is committed to providing excellent preventative care for children in a warm, positive, and compassionate environment. We specialize in comprehensive dental care for children of all ages with an emphasis on prevention and health. As your child grows, we are able to provide comprehensive orthodontic care for children and teens. This is to help create and maintain a healthy smile into adulthood. We will do so by providing excellent treatment at the right time for the right reason with integrity, honesty and a caring heart.
Your child’s smile is our top priority. We are committed to making it the happiest, healthiest and straightest smile possible. After all, nothing is more beautiful than your child's smile! 4145 Blackhawk Plaza Circle, Ste. 203, Danville
Dr. Reem Stephanos DDS, MS
925-837-7745 • drozzie.com
Specialist in Orthodontics
JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 47
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
BEST HIKING TRAILS
In the East Bay
Briones Regional Park Alhambra Staging Area 2537 Reliez Valley Road Martinez, CA 888.327.2757 Option 3, ext. 4508 www.ebparks.org With its rolling, grassy hills and secluded, shady canyons, Briones is a secret wilderness surrounded by the towns of central Contra Costa County. Briones’ 6,255 acres are home to many animals and birds, which forage on the grasslands or find shelter among the oaks and bays. You may see black-tailed deer, coyotes, squirrels, red-tailed hawks, turkey vultures, and, if you are lucky, other more reclusive creatures. Briones is an ideal park for hiking, running, and horseback riding over the park’s scenic trails. Parking fee: $3 per vehicle. Dog fee: $2 per dog; Guide/ Service dogs free.
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Mount Diablo State Park S. Gate Road and Mount Diablo Scenic Blvd Walnut Creek, CA 94598 925.837.2525 www.parks.ca.gov With an elevation of 3,849 feet, Mount Diablo is the East Bay’s highest peak. It is surrounded by low, rolling hills and broad, flat valleys; making the view from the Summit remarkable. When conditions are best, you can see almost 200 miles. There are over 150 miles of hiking trails and fire roads within Mount Diablo State Park. Hiking is a great way to explore the park’s backcountry. All visitors are encouraged to bring plenty of water and other fluids as summer temperatures can often exceed 90. Dogs allowed only in developed areas.
[ SEASONAL FUN ] youngsters. From a carousel ride and a picnic to a swim at Lake Anza and a stroll through the Botanic Garden, Tilden has variety to delight everyone. Yet there are plenty of quiet places in Tilden’s 2,079 acres to shelter the wildlife and preserve natural beauty. The park is reached via Canon Drive, Shasta Road, or South Park Drive, all off Grizzly Peak Boulevard in Berkeley. No parking or dog fee. Point Pinole Regional Shoreline 5551 Giant Highway Richmond, CA 94806 888.327.2757 Option 3 extension 4551 www.ebparks.org
Redwood Regional Park 7867 Redwood Road Oakland, CA 94619 888.327.2757 Option 3 extension 4553 www.ebparks.org A hidden redwood forest lies off Redwood Road just a few miles over the ridge from downtown Oakland. The forest’s peaceful groves give little evidence of the park’s bustling past – in the mid-1800s the area was the scene of extensive logging to supply building materials for the San Francisco Bay Area. The logging era has long since passed, and a stately forest of 150foot coast redwoods has replaced those cut down. Redwood offers four reserveable picnic sites for groups ranging in size from 50 to 150. There is a children’s play structure about one-quarter mile down Stream Trail from the Canyon Meadow staging area. Parking fee: $5 per vehicle. Dog fee: $2 per dog; no fee charged for guide/ service dogs.
The journey is as scenic as the destination at Point Pinole Regional Shoreline, a 2,315-acre parkland right next to densely populated Pinole, Richmond, and San Pablo. Trails lead through breezy meadows with wildflowers in season, through aromatic eucalyptus woods, or along bluffs and beaches on San Pablo Bay. Visitors can bird watch, hike, ride their bicycles or horses, or take the park’s shuttle bus for a mile and a half to reach Point Pinole’s 1,250-foot fishing pier. There is a small fee to ride on the shuttle bus. Please note that dogs are not allowed on the shuttle or on the pier. Parking fee: $3. Dog fee: $2 per dog; 3 dogs per person. Wildcat Canyon Regional Park 5755 McBryde Ave Richmond, CA 888.327.2757 Option 3 extension 4567 www.ebparks.org Wildcat Canyon Regional Park encompasses 2,427 acres along the Wildcat Creek watershed and the surrounding hills and ridges. The park extends from the Tilden Nature Area above the Berkeley hills in the south to historic Alvarado Park at the north end in Richmond. Wildcat Canyon has 25 miles of trails (mostly fire roads), including 2.5 miles of paved trail on Nimitz Way, and 6 miles of single-track trails in the Tilden Nature Area. There is a children’s playground in the park, and numerous reserveable and first-come, first-served picnic and barbeque facilities. A walk along Nimitz Way is popular with hikers, bicyclists, and equestrians, and affords spectacular views from the crest of the East Bay hills. No parking fee. Dogs are allowed only on select trails and spaces.
Tilden Regional Park 2501 Grizzly Peak Blvd Berkeley, CA 94708 888.327.2757 Option 3 extension 4562 www.ebparks.org One of the District’s three oldest parks, Tilden has been called the jewel of the system, and its recreational activities have become a happy tradition for generations of East Bay
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[ PARENTING ]
How To Give Your Child A Rich Life —Without Raising Entitled Kids by Dr. Laura Markham
Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
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We all want to raise kids who know how to work hard to create what they want in the world. Nobody wants to raise a child who thinks the world owes him, who feels like he’s entitled to take whatever he wants. But Kara (who made the comment above) is right. We also DO want to raise a child who feels deserving of the blessings of abundance—spiritual, emotional, and yes, physical—and the rich life that should be the birthright of every child. How do we raise a child who feels deserving – but not “entitled”? Here are eleven tips to raise a child who feels deserving and empowered -but not entitled! 1. Don’t feed your child’s emotional hunger with possessions. Material cravings are so often a salve for the deep need all humans share to be truly seen, accepted, and cherished. Often when we feel guilty that we aren’t spending enough time with our kids, we buy them things. When your child gets demanding, that’s a red flag to stop, drop your busy-ness, and get clear about your priorities. What can you do with your child today to simply
[ PARENTING ] enjoy her? How can you set up rituals in your week to spend more time connecting? As the old saying goes, children thrive when you give them half as many presents and twice as much of your presence. 2. Instead of shaming, empower kids to create their own abundance. Too often, out of our own anxiety about money, we shame children when they “want” material things. But the opposite response of giving kids everything they ask for also teaches the wrong lessons. There is a better way—we can empower our children. Consider these three approaches to your child in the toy store when you’re buying a present for her cousin’s birthday. “Don’t even start asking…you know better than that! Don’t you ever get enough? Do you think money grows on trees? You don’t even take care of the things you have!” This approach teaches your child that he doesn’t deserve (of course he’s deserving), that he’s greedy for wanting things (all of us want things, all the time) that his parents can’t afford the things he wants (which can lead to a sense of deprivation), and that he is powerless to get what he wants in life (which makes him feel resentful; all those riches lined up on the shelves are for other people but not for him.) The result? Something that looks a lot like entitlement, or at least looking out for number one. What about this approach? “I hear you, I hear you—you really want it!… How much is it?....Well…..I guess so… Do you promise you’ll be a good girl all week and really listen?” This is bribing your child to cooperate, which always digs you into a hole. But what’s worse is that if we just hand our kids everything they want on a material level, it creates the expectation that they’ll be handed whatever they want in life, especially if they make a fuss, and promises they can’t necessarily keep. She’ll feel great for the moment, since our brains give us a hit of dopamine every time we chase, conquer, acquire. But that purchase will quickly lose its luster and she’ll be craving the next thing. That addicts her to purchasing things (or manipulating others to purchase things for her) as a way to feel good, and it gets her into the habit of acquiring more, more, more without feeling gratitude for what she
has, both material and non-material. Here’s the sweet spot: “You really want that, I hear you…Wow, that is cool, isn’t it?...It’s not in our plan for today“ (In other words, this is not about a poverty mentality. It’s about priorities) … “I’m sorry that’s hard for you.... No, we aren’t getting that today.... I see how much you like it… Do you want me to put it on your birthday list?... You’re right, your birthday is a long way off…. But if you still want it, you can have it then…. And you know, if you really want it sooner, you can earn the money… Sure, I can think of some odd jobs that aren’t part of your normal chores... And you’re getting old enough that you could walk the dog for Mrs. Jennings, or shovel the snow this winter around the neighborhood.” This child feels empowered. If she really wants this item, she can get it, eventually. She’s learned that anything she wants is possible, with enough hard work. 3. Empower your child by giving her the chance to learn the value of hard work. Remember the days when kids did odd jobs all summer to earn money for a bike? Those kids knew the worth of a nickel, took care of their bikes, and felt enormously empowered. They knew they could realize their dreams by working hard. I’m not saying you can’t buy a new bike just because your child outgrew her old one, but all children need to learn that if they work hard at things, they can make their dreams come true. They learn more from earning than from just being handed things. And the pursuit of a goal is rewarding in itself. 4. Help your child learn how to hold a job. Earning money at home is one thing, but there’s nothing as educational as working for someone outside the family for pay, which teaches real responsibility in the real world. Start when your eight year old wants something badly and her birthday’s still far off, by paying her to do tasks you wouldn’t normally expect of her (washing the car, weeding the garden). But over time, be sure this expands to odd jobs in the neighborhood (walk the neighbor’s dog or offer snow shoveling service in the winter), then to mother’s helper/babysitting jobs when it’s age appropriate, and finally to after-school or summer jobs. Even if your family has plenty and never needs your teenager to work, every teen should learn by experience JULY 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 51
[ PARENTING ] what it takes to earn a dollar. 5. Role Model. Children won’t always do what you say, but they’ll always, eventually, do what you do. If you shop for relaxation or fun, so will your child. If you “must have” the latest tech toy, your child will follow in your footsteps. If you “give back” your child will see sharing with others as a regular part of life. If you express gratitude for everything you have, so will your child. 6. Help your child learn to be accountable for damaged goods. If kids help pay from their own savings for lost library books and cell phones, windows broken by their baseball, or tools they’ve left out to rust, they learn a valuable lesson about valuing what they have, rather than assuming someone else will simply “buy another.” Of course, you stay clear about priorities -- your child is always more important than that thing he broke, you might help him with the money, and you never have to be mean about it. But you expect your child to step up and take responsibility to help make things right. 7. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought. As parents, we need to remember that we aren’t the only ones teaching our children about life. TV is a very effective teacher, and if it has your child’s ear, it has a direct line to her brain. Studies show that most adults say they’re not affected by TV ads, but in fact those ads influence them deeply. Imagine how much more true that is for children, who get the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell our children will matter more, but we need to confront those destructive messages directly, and when possible keep them from reaching our kids. 8. Help your child wire his brain for a different kind of reward. Recognize that buying is an addiction, given that dopamine is released when we get what we pursue. It isn’t wanting that gets us into trouble, it’s WHAT we want and pursue. Material things don’t satisfy our hunting urge for more than a day or so before we crave more. So notice what you pursue, and help your child discover the emotional rewards of other kinds of chases besides shopping and acquisition. No, he can’t hunt a mastodon, but how about the pursuit of mastery, with something he’s passionate about? A child who loves playing basketball, cooking, writing, music—any passion—practices it, 52 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | JULY 2015
builds resilience, and along the way wires his brain to find fulfillment in a different kind of chase. This is the kind of reward that lasts. 9. Give back as a family. Children need a context to appreciate what they have, which means they need to see that while they may not have everything they want, they have more than enough. When they see that others have less, children usually feel moved to share, and become more appreciative of what they have and less focused on getting more. Give your child the opportunity to discover how good it feels to help others. What can kids do? Bake pies to donate. Sort food at a food bank. Help you deliver Meals on Wheels. Organize a book drive and ship the books off to Reader to Reader. You’ll find lots of suggestions online. 10. Educate yourself. You aren’t raising your child in a vacuum. Our culture is centered around consumption -- accumulating more and more stuff. You and your kids are surrounded by messages that buying stuff will make your life better, and it’s so hard not to respond to that drumbeat. I highly recommend the short video The Story of Stuff which will make you laugh, change the way you look at things, and maybe change the way your family lives. 11. Live the values you want to pass on to your child. What matters most to you? The people you love? Doing good in the world? Following your passions and contributing them to the world? I’m betting you didn’t say “Stuff.” Kids need to hear explicitly, and to see you demonstrate, what matters most, so they learn that life holds huge abundance beyond achievement and accumulating material possessions. Notice a thread here? If kids today feel entitled, it’s not because they’re “bad.” It’s because we’re raising them in a culture of entitlement, one that values acquiring stuff over developing our unique gifts to contribute to the world, and even over being a good human being. It’s because when they want connection and validation, we give them stuff. To help kids change, we have to examine our own lives and assumptions. The good news is that these practices do work to raise kids who aren’t “entitled.” What’s more, they make your life better. Because when we take the emphasis off stuff, we shift it to where it belongs: Connecting and contributing, which create lasting, rather than momentary, happiness.
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