Active Family Magazine - August 2015

AUGUST 2015

5 5TO STUDY WAYS BETTER THE DAY I TOLD MY DAUGHTER We Were Divorcing

BACK-TO-SCHOOL

Dinner Recipes that Will Earn

YOU AN A+

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Volume 2 / Issue 19

[ PARENTING ] Helicopter Parents, It’s Up to You to Let Go Now as Your Teens Get Ready For High School

Teaching Impulse Control in a Instant Gratification Society

34

[ FASHION ] Kicking Off the School Year in Style

22

8

Help Your Child Develop Good Judgment

A Live More/Love More Summer: Getting Back to What Matters Most

50

12

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

[ EVENTS ]

Summer Camping

August Calendar

Shopping Around the Bay

46

10

Smoothing the Start of the School Year

28

20

9 Bay Area Destinations to Discover Before the End of Summer

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]

The Day I Told My Daughter We Were Divorcing

40

42

24

[ RECIPES ]

[ HEALTH ]

5 Back-To-School Dinner Recipes That Will Earn You an A+

Diastemas and Treatment Options

6 Things All Happy Moms Do

30

14

Making the Decision to Take Care of Mom

54 [ DISCOVER ]

5 Ways to Study Better

32

Downtown Pleasanton

12 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

22

46

From common illnesses to complex diseases, your child has access to world-class pediatric specialists, close to home.

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Design/Production

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Teresa Agnew Craft

Marketing Manager

Ad Design/Production

Crystal Jahn

Lara Mays

Anastasia Gavalas Betsy Brown Braun Dorothy O’Keefe Diana Dr. Gail Gross Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Reem Stephano Jennifer Segal Robin Stephens Jeneffer Jones Punjani Rachel Macy Stafford Rosemond Perdue Cranner Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Advertising Sales Managers April Gentry Cindy Gavello

Style Editor Jeneffer Jones Punjani

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Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

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Editor’s Note Like every summer, August has once again snuck up on us! Seems like we have finally settled into our routine and now have to shift gears and focus on getting ready for the new school year. Truth be told, aren’t we all ready to send them on their way and claim a little time for ourselves? But before we do that, make the best of what little summer we have left and plan a last minute vacation utilizing our ‘Summer Camping Guide’ on page 10.

Need some inspiration to help get into the school shopping mode? Read ‘Kicking off the School Year in Style’ on page 22 and pick up some great tips to ensure you and your child are on the same page! The ‘Shopping Around the Bay’ guide on page 46 will aide in the quest for the perfect first-day-of-school outfit! Of course family meal planning is always a daunting task, but we have you covered on page 14 with ‘5 Backto-School Dinner Recipes that Will Earn You an A+’!

Any transition is tough when it involves a family, but we are here to help! Be sure to check out our website for more resources at www.activefamilymag.com.

Good luck and here’s to a great school year!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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Palo Alto Medical Foundation Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ PARENTING ]

Dorothy O’Keefe Diana is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Dialectical Behavioral Therapist in private practice at The Mental Health and Wellness Center of Madison, in Madison, NJ. She counsels teens, adults and families and is a group facilitator and school consultant for substance abuse, mental health and harmful behaviors. Dorothy is an experienced public speaker and is available for lectures.

For more information see dorothyokeefediana.com .

Helicopter Parents, It’s Up to You to Let Go Now as Your Teens Get Ready For High School

by Dorothy O’Keefe Diana Hats off to parents who got their children through eighth grade and ready for high school. The change is exciting and yet scar y for both parents and adolescents. Your children will be entering a new chapter in their lives. High school is a different experience and brings trepidation and excitement.

Your children will begin to individuate and make their own decisions, like choosing their course work, becoming involved in spor ts or clubs, and seeking their identity based on those choices. This is where we as parents need to learn to let go. Micromanaging or helicoptering your children does not help them - - it actually harms them.

The helicopter parent The term “helicopter parent” was first coined in a 1969 book Bet ween Parent and Child, by Haim Ginott. The teen featured in the book repor ted that his mother hovered over him like a helicopter. A 20 09 New York Times ar ticle declared helicopter or over-parenting on its way out, yet the problem has only gotten worse. Today’s parents hover during and after the college years, micromanaging their children’s apar tment choices, retirement planning, mor tgage decisions and more.

Remember: experiencing discomfor t is a necessar y par t of life, and as a helicopter parent, you’re robbing your children of impor tant life skills. Think back to when you were young. Did your parents drive you all over? Did you play a travel spor t in addition to your high school spor t because your parents believed that unless you were on t wo or three teams you would not be a star ting player in high school or college? Did your parents talk to coaches when you didn’t get

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] playing time or were benched? If so, you too might have had a helicopter parent. If not, you perhaps had an old fashioned, free - range, no - rescue or even slacker parent.

Let ting go and fostering independence It’s never too late to break the hovering habit, and it’s critical to star t now, before you’re your teen turns into an adult that can’t launch.

Pit falls of helicopter parenting A helicopter parent is a term used to describe those who are over- involved in their child’s daily life. Yes, we care and love our children and we want them to feel success and be successful. But sometimes our inability to allow them their own process of natural development can harm them and create young adults who have not been taught how to think for themselves and navigate through life’s difficulties.

• Recognize, and then change your behavior. Do you play the blame game, meaning, run to the teacher to complain about grade infractions? Do you know the coaches email address or the band director’s phone number? How many three -way conversations have you had with your child and a teacher, coach, tutor?

Helicopter parents often raise children who experience: • Low self- esteem. Over- doing for your children sends them a message that you don’t trust them to handle things on their own.

• Poor coping skills. Parents who “fix” ever ything create an environment where children never have to deal with disappointment or failure. These kids fear mistakes and lack coping skills when the inevitable happens.

• High anxiet y. Children can become paraly zed with fear and unable to move for ward if denied their own process of natural development, which includes making mistakes and facing consequences.

• Learned helplessness. When we continually step in and fix and repair ever ything, we condition our children to be helpless, which can in turn lean to depression. Mar tin Seligman’s Learned Helplessness theor y indicates depressed people have learned to become helpless and have feelings of futility and control over their lives.

The reality of life is that it’s full of challenges and difficulties. As parents, we need to educate our children and guide them - - not solve their problems. Now is the time to stop organizing their schedules, reminding them where they need to be, and picking them up with food and snacks from practices or summer jobs. As they begin to take ownership of their lives, they will star t to take responsibility for themselves and they will expand and grow naturally. They will learn to overcome obstacles by figuring things at for themselves.

• All of it has to stop now. This is the time to switch into the role of the advisor. Through doing things on their own, children will learn how to organize their time, plan ahead and learn from mistakes.

• Make room for failure. As children eagerly embrace their freedom, while abiding by rules and expectations, they will sometimes over- reach, choose poorly, make mistakes and need advice.

• As parents, it’s your job to guide them like loving sages, not swoop in like super heroes and fix ever ything.

• Done right, growing up is filled with beautiful, difficult choices, guided by loving adults who are there to gently instruct, dole out consequences, knowing in the end, our children ultimately will be set free.

• Open up communication. The tumultuous years of early adolescence make communication - - let alone, calm discussion - - seem the stuff of television shows. This is where the helicopter parent really needs to change. Instead of telling your child what’s best, you’ll be asking how he or she will best handle it.

• Forget instant gratification. When the decision making moves from parent to child, things may move slower than in the past.

Accept it won’t be easy Change is a journey and it’s you as the parent who must take the first step. Just as you became a helicopter parent with the best of intentions, you can use that same love to stop hovering. You’ll be doing your child a tremendous ser vice and it will be a learning adventure for you both. The key is to listen and stay calm, accept it won’t be easy or fast, but do know it will be wor th it in the end.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Summer Alameda Redwood Regional Park 7867 Redwood Road Oakland, CA 94618 A hidden redwood forest whose peaceful groves give little evidence of its bustling past lies on Redwood Road just a few miles over the ridge from downtown Oakland.

Phone: 888.327.2757 www.ebparks.org/parks/redwood

Del Valle Regional Park 7000 Del Valle Road Livermore, CA 94550 Deep in a valley framed by oak-covered hills, with sailboats and sailboards skimming over its waters, Del Valle is like a lakeside resort only 10 miles south of Livermore.

Phone: 888.327.2757, option 3, ext. 4524 www.ebparks.org/Page115.aspx

San Francisco Angel Island State Park Angel Island State Park San Francisco, CA 94920

Calaveras Calaveras Big Trees State Park 1170 E Hwy 4 Arnold, CA 95223 Calaveras became a State Park in 1931 to preserve the North Grove of giant sequoias. This grove includes the “Discovery Tree”, also known as the “Big Stump”, the first Sierra redwood noted

by Augustus T. Dowd in 1852. This area has been a major tourist attraction ever since, and is considered the longest continuously operated tourist facility in California.

Phone:209.795.2335 www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=551

In the middle of San Francisco Bay sits Angel Island State Park, offering spectacular views of the San Francisco skyline, the Marin Headlands and Mount Tamalpais.

Phone: 800.444.7275 www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=468

Contra Costa Morgan Territory Regional Preserve 9401 Morgan Territory Road Antioch, CA 94509 Sandstone hills within the park’s 4,708 acres are adorned in spring with more than 90 species of wildflowers, including the Diablo sunflower which grows only in the foothills of Mount Diablo.

Phone: 510.544.3060 www.ebparks.org/parks/morgan

Anthony Chabot Family Campground 9999 Redwood Road Castro Valley, CA 94546 Overlooking Lake Chabot is Chabot Family Campground, year-round getaway only minutes from the city (camping fee).

The camp has 75 trailer, tent, or walk-in campsites, hot showers, Naturalist-led campfire programs, an amphitheater, and hiking/fishing access to Lake Chabot.

Phone:888.327.2757, option 3, ext. 4502

Mount Diablo State Park North Gate Road Walnut Creek, CA 94596 Mount Diablo offers hiking, biking, and horseback riding. With this beautiful ‘ecological treasure’ of the San Francisco Bay Area, your family is sure to have wonderful time.

Phone: 925. 837.2525 www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=517

www.ebparks.org/parks/anthony_chabot

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Mariposa County and Tuolomne County Yosemite National Park Yosemite National Park Northside Drive Yosemite National Park, CA 95389 Yosemite National Park, one of the first wilderness parks in the United States, is best known for its waterfalls, but within its nearly 1,200 square miles, you can find deep valleys, grand meadows, ancient giant sequoias, a vast wilderness area, and much more.

Phone: 877.444.6777 www.nps.gov/yose/index.htm

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Camping Sonoma County Casini Ranch 22855 Moscow Road Duncans Mills, CA 95430 Casini Ranch campground is nestled among beautiful hills resting on a gentle meander along the Russian River just minutes from the Pacific Ocean in Sonoma County, California. One mile of river runs along this 110 acre part of the ranch offering campers a memorable camping experience.

Phone: 800.451.8400 www.casiniranch.com

Marin County Samuel P. Taylor State Park 8889 Sir Francis Drake Blvd.

Lagunitas, CA 94938 The park offers a network of hiking trails and fire roads, making it easy to hike to the top of Mount Barnabe. Or, for a less strenuous visit, many visitors consider Azalea Picnic Area the best place in the park for a picnic or a place to relax.

Phone:415.488.9897 www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=469

Mount Tamalpais State Park – Steep Ravine Cabins & Campsites 801 Panoramic Highway Mill Valley, CA 94941 Just north of San Francisco’s Golden Gate is Mount Tamalpais. It has redwood groves and oak woodlands with a spectacular view from the 2,571-foot peak. On a clear day, visitors can see the Farallon Islands 25 miles out to sea, the Marin County hills, San Francisco and the bay, hills and cities of the East Bay, and Mount Diablo. On rare occasions, the Sierra Nevada’s snow-covered mountains can be seen 150 miles away.

Phone: 415.388.2070 www.parks.ca.gov/?page_id=471

Shasta Sugarloaf Resort Cottages 19667 Lakeshore Drive Lakehead, CA 96051 Sugarloaf Cottages are the perfect location for a romantic weekend getaway, a fishing vacation or a family gathering. Located on the Sacramento arm of Shasta Lake, the resort is only 25 miles from Redding, California and is a sanctuary from the pressures of everyday life.

Phone: 530.238.2448 www.shastacabins.com

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ PARENTING ]

Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Using her skills as a writer, teacher, and encourager, Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Her blog currently averages one million visitors a month. Rachel’s new book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller.

A Live More/Love More Summer: Getting Back to What Matters Most

by Rachel Macy Stafford Just because summer is here doesn’t mean life’s demands and daily stressors magically disappear. Digital distraction is more than willing to ruin your family picnic. Perfection is ready to sabotage your refreshing dip in the pool. Pressure is ready to pounce from the bleachers of the ball field, and criticism is prepared to blast lane four at the swim meet. Hurry and impatience are fiercely determined to spoil a day at the beach or amusement park. As you know, distraction, perfection, and social pressures don’t take a summer vacation. They manage to weasel their way into our daily lives no matter what season it is. But it doesn’t have to be this way. How does a Live More/Love More Summer sound to you? Let’s use these precious summer months to get back to what matters most. Here’s how I do it (and by the way, this approach works year-round) …

As my family makes our final preparations for an upcoming move out-of-state, I’ve been forced to think about what home means to me. I’ve always believed home is a feeling, not a place. But more specifically, home is the feeling of peace and completeness I feel when I am surrounded by the people I love. But recently, my definition of home has expanded.

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] Home is also living Hands Free.

What began as small, daily intentions to let go of distraction, societal pressure, and perfection has become a necessary way of life. Like water, air, and food, I need time to connect to what matters in some form or fashion each day—time to laugh, listen, and love are daily requirements for me.

Smelling my daughter’s freshly washed hair … feeling sunshine on my face as I wait for swim practice to conclude … jotting writing ideas in a notebook … talking to my husband when the house is quiet at night … fierce hugs before we go our separate ways … my Hands Free moments are home to me now.

But I must be realistic. As much as I would love all moments in life to be calm, present, safe, and undistracted, it is simply not possible. We live in a fastpaced world saturated with duties, deadlines, and devices. In a world inundated with distractions, it is easy to get far from home. Summertime is no exception.

Yet with almost four years experience living Hands Free, I am able to detect when I am getting too far from home.

No longer am I willing to push and pressure and yes my way through life to the point I lose sight of everything that matters most.

Here are some of the difficult truths I say to myself when I am getting too far from home. These “red flags” help me realize when I need to say no, re-establish my boundaries, or reassess what matters and what doesn’t.

My distraction radar says: “You are trying to do too much at once.”

“You are staying up too late.”

“You haven’t sat down all day.”

“You are eating at the kitchen counter.”

“Your heart is racing.”

“You are complaining more than you are being positive.”

“You are easily frustrated.”

“You are bullying yourself.”

“You are overreacting to something that has little significance in the grand scheme of things.”

“You are wearing a scowl.”

When I hear these honest admissions in my head, I don’t ignore them like I used to. Nor do I make excuses or get defensive. Instead, I do one of the following actions to

bring myself back home: • I lower the bar. I remind myself nothing has to be perfect, just “good enough for today.”

• I turn away from the outside/online world and turn toward my inner circle of friends and family.

• I take a short walk. Even ten minutes of fresh air and time for reflection helps me feel rejuvenated and less overwhelmed.

• I silence my inner critic with three powerful words: “Only Love Today.”

• I resist the urge to push myself beyond my limits and make a reasonable plan for getting one item accomplished at a time.

• I throw on a hat and stop fussing over my appearance.

• I treat myself with kindness and compassion like I would a friend who is going through a hard time and doing her best.

• I say, “I cannot worry about that right now,” and stop obsessing over things I cannot control.

• I remind myself that although things might not be going according to “my plan,” something better might evolve if I just let go.

• I add a ten-minute cushion to avoid being rushed and agitated if I need to be somewhere at a certain time.

• I close my eyes and recite a prayer asking to be awake to the glimmers of goodness within my day.

Whenever my distraction radar goes off, I try to do one of those strategies to bring myself back home. These actions help me protect what is most important in my life.

They help me be the human being and parent I want to be. They remind me that each moment holds a chance to start over even when I fail miserably. They keep me moving forward on my journey to live Hands Free.

My friends, we cannot control all the circumstances of our life, but we can control some. When faced with feelings of overwhelm, take a moment to evaluate: Is everything I’m trying to do today necessary? Is there somewhere I can lower the bar? Is the feeling of home in here somewhere? And finally, ask yourself: when I look back in September is this how I want to remember spending my summertime?

Each day make it a priority to do something that brings you peace, fulfillment, and meaningful connection— even if it is only for a few minutes. This way, you’ll never get so far from home that you can’t get back to what matters most.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ RECIPES ]

5 BACK-TO-SCHOOL DINNER RECIPES THAT WILL EARN YOU AN A+ It feels like summer just started, but already “Back to School” reminders are everywhere. Help ease your children’s transition with some healthy and delicious meals that are sure to become family favorites.

ORECCHIETE WITH SAUSAGE AND BROCCOLI Sometimes it seems impossible to make a meal the whole family loves: what one child happily eats, the other one is “not in the mood for” (really?!). But every once in a while, I come upon a winner, like this delicious pasta dish adapted from Lidia’s Italian Table by Lidia Bastianich. Not only is it quick and easy to make — 25 minutes tops — but the whole family eats it up, broccoli and all.

Servings: 4-6 Total Time: 25 minutes Ingredients •

1 pound orecchiette

•

5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided

•

1 lb. sweet Italian sausage, removed from casings

•

3 garlic cloves, minced

•

1 cup chicken broth

•

1 pound broccoli florets

•

1/2 teaspoon salt

•

1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes

•

3 tablespoons unsalted butter

•

1/2 cup freshly grated Pecorino Romano

14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Preparation Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the orecchiette and cook according to package instructions.

Meanwhile, in a large skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil over medium high heat. Crumble the sausage into the skillet and cook, breaking apart with a spoon, until lightly browned, 5-6 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium and add the garlic; cook for 1 minute more.

Add the remaining 4 tablespoons of olive oil, chicken broth, broccoli, salt and red pepper flakes. Cook, stirring frequently and scraping the bottom of the pan to release the flavorful brown bits, until the broccoli is tender-crisp, 3-4 minutes. Stir in the butter until melted and simmer for a few minutes to reduce and concentrate the sauce.

Drain the pasta well and add to the sausage and broccoli mixture. Toss to blend. Add half of the grated cheese taste and stir until the cheese is melted. Taste and adjust seasoning. Transfer to a serving platter or individual bowls and sprinkle with the rest of the grated cheese.

[ RECIPES ] •

1/2 cup whole grain mustard

•

1/4 cup honey

Instructions Place the pecans in the bowl of a food processor and pulse until finely chopped (go easy -- you don’t want a paste). Add the panko, 1-1/4 teaspoon salt, sugar and cayenne pepper and pulse a few more times to combine. The panko should be broken down slightly but not finely ground.

Set up three large shallow dishes in an assembly line.

Place the flour in the first dish; beat the eggs in the second dish; and place the pecan/panko mixture in the third dish. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil to hold the breaded tenders, and place at the end of the assembly line.

PECAN CRUSTED CHICKEN TENDERS WITH WHOLE GRAIN HONEY MUSTARD SAUCE My favorite dinner recipes are the ones that appeal to my kids as much as they appeal to me. And let’s face it: that’s not frequently the case! This gourmet twist on chicken tenders is one of them. The chicken is breaded in a mixture of pecans and panko, then pan-fried until crispy and golden and served with a creamy whole grain honey mustard sauce. Since the pecans are finely chopped, even kids who think they don’t like nuts will try them, ask for seconds, and even sneak thirds when you’re not looking.

Servings: 4-6 Total Time: 40 Minutes Ingredients For the Pecan Crusted Chicken Tenders • 1-1/4 cups pecans • 1-1/4 cups panko bread crumbs • 2-1/4 teaspoons salt, divided • 1 tablespoon sugar • Heaping 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper • 2 pounds chicken tenderloins • 2 eggs • 1/2 cup all purpose flour • Vegetable oil, for cooking

Season the chicken tenders with the remaining teaspoon salt. Working with one tender at a time: dredge first in the flour, shaking off any excess; dip in the egg to coat evenly; and then dredge in the pecan/panko mixture, pressing down to make the coating adhere. Try to use one hand for the dry breading (the flour and pecan/ panko mixture) and one hand for the wet (the eggs) -- otherwise, your hands will end up a mess. Place the breaded tender on the prepared baking sheet and repeat with remaining tenders.

Heat about 1/8-inch of oil in a large skillet over medium heat. While the oil heats up, line another baking sheet with paper towels (this is for the finished tenders — the paper towels will absorb any excess oil).

When the oil starts to shimmer, add half of the chicken tenders and cook for a few minutes on the first side until golden brown. Using tongs, flip the tenders and cook until the second side is also golden, 1-2 minutes Adjust the heat as necessary so the tenders don’t burn. Transfer the cooked tenders to the prepared baking sheet.

Discard the oil, wipe the skillet clean with a paper towel, and then repeat with the remaining tenders.

Make the sauce by combining the mayonnaise, mustard

For the Whole Grain Honey Mustard Sauce • 1/2 cup mayonnaise, best quality such as Hellmann’s

and honey in a small bowl. Serve alongside chicken tenders.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ RECIPES ]

CHICKEN TACOS Tuesday night is Taco Night at my house. It’s a great tradition: the kids wake up on Tuesdays all, “Yay, it’s taco night!” and it takes the guess work out of dinner for me.

We’ve made all sorts of tacos but these are the kids’ all-time favorite. They are a healthier spin on beef tacos – and they’re just as good, if not better. To save time, you can chop the onions and bell peppers in a food processor; just be sure not to purée them. You can also use 1 teaspoon of ground coriander in place of the fresh cilantro; just add it in along with the other spices.

Servings: 12 tacos Total Time: 30 Minutes Ingredients • 1/4 cup olive oil • 2 medium yellow onions, finely diced • 1 red bell pepper, finely diced • 1 green bell pepper, finely diced • 4 cloves garlic, minced • 2 pounds ground chicken (not extra-lean all breast meat) • 1 tablespoon paprika • 2 teaspoons ancho chili powder • 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cumin • 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano • 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper • 1-3/4 teaspoons salt • 1 (8 oz) can tomato sauce (1 cup) • 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro • 12 hard taco shells 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

•

2 cups shredded lettuce or purple cabbage, optional for topping

•

2 cups shredded Mexican cheese blend, optional for topping

Instructions Preheat the oven to 325°F. Heat the olive oil in large sauté pan over medium heat.

Add the onions, red peppers and green peppers and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft and just starting to brown, 10-12 minutes. Add the garlic and cook a few minutes more.

Add the ground chicken, paprika, ancho chili powder, cumin, oregano, cayenne, and salt. Turn the heat to high; use a wooden spoon to stir and break the chicken into small clumps until the chicken is partially cooked, about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomato sauce, then turn the heat down to low. Simmer, stirring occasionally and breaking chicken into smaller clumps, for 10-15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Sprinkle with fresh chopped cilantro. Taste and adjust seasoning if necessary.

Meanwhile, remove the taco shells from the package and lay sideways on baking sheet. Pull the stack apart, overlapping the edges slightly. Bake for 6-7 minutes, or until crisp. Spoon the chicken into the shells and serve with toppings.

[ RECIPES ]

EASY GARLIC BUTTER SHRIMP

•

2 large cloves garlic, minced

This is one of my go-to recipes when I have to hit the kitchen running. It takes just twenty minutes to make, I always have all of the ingredients on hand, the kids love it as much as I do, and there’s barely any cleanup! I like to serve it over pasta or with a warm baguette for mopping up all of the garlic-butter sauce, but it also makes a fabulous appetizer for a party — just keep the tails on and serve with plenty of napkins.

Servings: 4 Total Time: 20 minutes

•

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened

•

Pinch freshly chopped parsley, for garnish (optional)

•

Lemon wedges, for serving (optional)

Ingredients • 2 lbs. extra large or jumbo shrimp, peeled & deveined • 2 tablespoons olive oil • 1 teaspoon salt • 1 teaspoon black pepper

Instructions Preheat the oven to 350°F. Place the shrimp on a baking sheet and toss with the olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic. Roast for 6-8 minutes, or until the shrimp are pink and just cooked through.

Immediately add the butter directly on the hot baking sheet and stir until melted. Transfer the shrimp and butter sauce to a serving dish and sprinkle with a bit of fresh parsley, if desired. Serve with lemon wedges.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ RECIPES ]

BROILED ASIAN-STYLE FLAT IRON STEAK

Instructions

Flat iron steak is one of my favorite cuts of beef for home cooking. It’s similar to flank or skirt steak, only much more tender — in fact, after the tenderloin, it’s the second most tender cut. Plus, it’s inexpensive. Here, I’ve broiled it and topped it with a rich Asian-style brown sauce. With buttered rice and a steamed vegetable, it’s an easy and elegant dinner that you can have on the table in under 30 minutes.

Preheat the broiler and set an oven rack in the top position.

Servings: 4 Total Time: 30 Minutes Ingredients For the Sauce • 1 tablespoon vegetable or peanut oil • 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger • 2 garlic cloves, minced • 1/2 cup dry Sherry • 1/3 cup soy sauce • 2 tablespoons tomato paste • 1/4 cup light brown sugar • 1/2 cup water • 1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil • 1 tablespoon unsalted butter For the Steak • 1 (1.75-2 pound) Flat Iron Steak • 1 teaspoon kosher salt • 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Heat the oil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add the ginger and cook until softened and fragrant, a few minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Do not brown. Add the dry Sherry, soy sauce, tomato paste, brown sugar and water; bring to a boil, then turn the heat down and simmer gently until just slightly thickened, 8-10 minutes. Add the sesame oil and butter and stir until the butter is melted. Set aside.

Season the steak on both sides with salt and pepper and place on a broiler pan (or rack on top of a baking sheet).

Broil the steak to desired doneness, about 5 minutes per side for medium-rare. Using tongs, transfer the steak to a cutting board; cover with foil and let rest for 10 minutes to let the juices settle (don’t rush this step or the juices will gush out of the steak when you cut it). Cut the steak into thin slices across the grain and serve with the sauce.

Jennifer Segal is the chef behind Once Upon a Chef, a familyfriendly cooking website featuring tested and perfected recipes with step-by-step photos.

Once upon a time, she was a chef – tall hat, white coat, checked pants, the works! She left the restaurant business in 2003 when her oldest child was born. Now, she’s cooking for her family and sharing all her tested and perfected recipes on www. onceuponachef.com. The recipes on her site reflect her life: as a mom, meals the whole family will enjoy but the chef can eat too!

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Working with their parents, Dr. Shelby and her staff have been successful treating many children who otherwise might have been sedated. In addition, Dr. Shelby has a degree in Orthodontics so as her patients grow, the transition into braces is more comfortable. Seeing the smiles on the faces of her patients as they grow from tiny tots to confident teens is one of the great joys of her life.

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[ PARENTING ]

Betsy Brown Braun, best selling author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents (HarperCollins) and You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat proofing Your Four To Twelve Year Old (HarperCollins), is a child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant, and founder of Parenting Pathways®, Inc. Her parenting expertise has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Real Simple, American Baby, Cookie, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, In Style, Parenting, Parents, Pregnancy and Newborn, Twins, Woman’s Day, and, Working Mother, Colorado Parent Magazine, Ohio Valley Parent Magazine among other publications.

She has shared her expertise on the Today Show multiple times.

Other television appearances have included Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, The Early Show, Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, Fox & Friends, Hallmark’s Home and Family, KCBS, KNBC, and Fox News LA. She contributes to KNX news radio on child development, and has been a guest on countless radio programs nationwide, including NPR. www.betsybrownbraun.com

Smoothing the Start of the School Year

by Betsy Brown Braun It’s August... that means three, four, even five more weeks of summer vacation depending upon your child’s first day of school. Summer time and the livin’ is (still) easy!

Even though the reliability of the school year schedule actually makes life easier for most children and parents, getting back into the swing of things can be a real challenge. There are so many adjustments to be made from the more carefree summer life to the hurry-up-we’re-going-to-be-late-school year.

A mindful transition from summer to the school year, done gradually and purposefully before school actually starts, will go a long way towards easing that transition.

Here are some tips for starting the school year off smoothly: Mind your attitude. Not all children are excited about the start of school, but a positive attitude can be contagious. Instead of saying things like, “Your teacher won’t allow that kind of behavior in school,” try being positive by saying, “I know your teacher will be so excited to hear all about our trip to the mountains.”

Help an older child get fired up about what he might learn this school year: “This is the year that you get to study astronomy. I can’t wait for you to teach me which star is which.”

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] Introduce your child’s school night bedtime before

more involved he is, the more willing he will be to settle

school starts. School-age children need 9 to 11 hours

down and get to work.

of sleep, and while they get that during the summer,

When the school year begins...

it usually starts later than is good for a school night.

Seven days before the start of school, begin bedtime

Create routines. Whether it’s the way your child helps you

15 minutes earlier. Each night, take it back a few more

make lunches, when and where he does his homework

minutes, until you get to the desired bed time.

or when he does his chores, routines help the child to stay on track.

Your child should awaken naturally in the morning after she has the amount of sleep she needs. If she does not,

Have rules. Each family will have a different idea about

you will need to adjust her bedtime earlier. She needs

TV during the week, computer and tech time, etc... Have

to become accustomed to getting up at the time that

a family meeting to discuss your ideas. Be sure to solicit

works for her and for you on school days.

Introduce your school night routine at the same time, a full week before the actual start of school. While you may have allowed TV or tech time before bed in the summer, it may not be a great way to get your child calm and ready for bed on a school night. Go back to your routine of bath/shower, books and tuck time. Get back to your low-key rituals that include an intimate bed time chat, downloading his day.

Adjust your morning routine. A week before school begins, introduce the school morning routine. A sure-fire way to start the morning out right -- without fights about clothing and the like -- is to follow this schedule: 1. Snuggle time (Hopefully even your older kids still crave it!)

2. Get dressed (Beginning at 4 years old, children choose their own clothing, hopefully laying their outfits out the night before.)

3. Eat breakfast, but only after your child is fully dressed.

your child’s opinion, and compromise where you can.

Children who are involved in the rule- making are more likely to stick to them.

Do as much as you can do the night before. Help your child lay out his clothes (if necessary); set the table for breakfast; make the lunches; put the grounds in the coffee maker; put trip slips, backpacks and anything that needs to go to school by the exit door.

Set your own alarm clock earlier. I know you’ll hate this one and I am sorry. But hurrying is the enemy of children.

Set your alarm clock 10 minutes earlier than you think you need. If you are not rushed, you will be more relaxed with your child. You will be just that much more available to your child, and he won’t need to act out to get your attention. A chaotic, hurried atmosphere doesn’t make for a great school day send off.

Overestimate your family’s prep time. However long you think it will take everyone to get ready for school...

(If you are worried that he will get his school clothes

double it! If there is extra time, spend it doing something

dirty, throw on one of your old t-shirts over his clothes.)

fun, even unexpected with your child. It will help to start

4. Brush teeth.

her day off happily, and it is much better than rushing

5. Bonus time! (a few minutes on the computer, a quick

her.

game of Uno!) Eat breakfast together. Spending a little quality time at Designate and make ready a homework place. For

the breakfast table together (not reading the paper, not

even the most reluctant child, there’s nothing quite

checking email, not focused on the food that is or isn’t

like new school supplies. (Remember?!) After you have

being eaten!), goes a long way toward filling your child’s

shopped with your child, decide with him where he will

tank. His moments with you will stay with him throughout

do his homework. Not only should he have his notebook

his whole day, reminding him that he belongs to a family

supplies, but also he can feather his homework nest. The

who loves him.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ FASHION ]

Kicking Off the School Year in Style

by Jeneffer Jones Punjani

Active Family Magazine talks to style savvy moms and Family Therapist, Natalia El-Sheikh about back-to-school shopping traditions and guidelines- and how to empower kids’ self-expression through fashion. Here are six simple steps.

1

“Out with the old”

Before a major shopping trip, purge any articles of clothing that are too small, stained or raggety.

Organizing closets sets a good foundation for the year ahead, and the extra free time in summer is a great time to get rid of old clothes. Danville mom, Jennifer Soine, schedules time separately with her son, Jackson, 10, and daughter Madeleine, 8. “After we go through their closets and bag up clothing for donations, I have them make a list of things they’ll need for the following year.

We also set a budget, as I’m trying to give them a sense of what things cost.”

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

2

“Make a day of it”

Creating an annual tradition before the beginning of another hectic school year can get kids and parents in sync. Soine lets her kids choose where they want to go shopping and clears the schedule for the day. “Our summers are filled with running to swim meets and other activities, so this one-on-one time together is a great time to bond.” Even if your child wears uniforms to school, they can still benefit from having a day out with mom or dad. Scottsdale mom, Crystal McClain, takes her daughter, Ava, age 11, out for a new haircut and mani/ pedi time with mom. “Even though she doesn’t need

[ FASHION ] back-to-school clothes, we still buy new shoes, school supplies and hair accessories. Soon enough it will be fall, so it’s great to have a day together without having to think about school and homework.”

3

“Let kids choose”

Children and teens have such little control over their lives, having the freedom to decide what they wear can be very empowering. Marriage and Family Therapist, Natalia El-Sheikh explains how to navigate through the shopping process so kids feel they can make their own decisions regarding fashion.

“Younger kids may feel overwhelmed in stores, so allowing them to choose one of three shirts, or selecting one of two pants will narrow down the choices while still allowing them to pick. This allows them to feel that they’re still in control over what they get to wear.” With older kids El-Sheikh adds, “Identity is very important with teenagers. Allowing them to make their own choices is very empowering.”

4

“Family values”

At a time when older kids want to express themselves, teens and parents may not see to eye-to-eye on fashion choices, but discussing things prior to a shopping trip can be beneficial. Setting parameters and guidelines that match your family’s values, according to El-Sheikh, can help build reasoning and meaning. Portland mom and Lularoe Fashion Consultant, Michele Russinger, has ongoing conversations with daughter Ashtin, 16, and son Liam, 13. “Having a son and understanding how visual boys are, I want to raise a girl who considers how she dresses and how she will be perceived by her fashion choices. Our clothing is an expression of ourselves and there simply needs to be a standard that reflects our values.” Michele adds, “I don’t mind if my daughter wears snug fitting clothes, but there’s a fine line between what is stylish and what is considered risque.”

5

“Compromise”

If a certain style or piece of clothing is up for debate, El-Sheikh advises parents and kids to meet halfway. For instance, a parent can suggest a tank underneath a sheer top, or if a skirt is too short, parents can ask kids to wear leggings or tights. However, the best thing to do is to prepare beforehand. El-Sheikh explains, “Planning and discussing can be fun, and also sets kids up for success. Once they have those parameters, it can

be very empowering for them to make good decisions on their own.”

6

“Back-to-school cool”

Once outfits are purchased and the school bells ring, allow kids to be their authentic selves, even

if they’re uncoordinated and mis-matched. It’s their way of exerting independence and creativity. Soine has firsthand experience with this. “Jackson will pair up a polo shirt with athletic shorts, and one year Madeleine went through a phase where she wore a pink Ugg on one foot, with a multi-colored Ugg on the other. She’ll wear seven different barrettes in her hair, or borrow my LuluLemon headband, and that’s okay. There is so little that kids get to control in their own lives, I think allowing them to mix and match themselves is great for their self-confidence.”

Planning a day of shopping, or mixing it up with online purchases? Active Family is here to help!

1. Tea Collection. Promo Code: ACTIVE FAMILY is valid for 15% off TeaCollection.com for new customers only. The code will be valid from July 30th, 2015 through August 31st, 2015. It is one-time use only and not valid on third party products and cannot be combined with any other codes.

2. Le Top Children’s Clothing Sample Sale. Local children’s clothing company is having a sample sale, offering high-end adorable playwear (for ages 0-7 years) at over 70% off retail prices! Monday, September 14th - Wednesday, September 16th from 9AM-5PM. FREE admission. C.K. Enterprises, 2301 Arnold Industrial Way, Suite C, Concord, CA. 925-771-5100. www.letop-usa.com 3. Livermore Outlets. Check the web site for additional discounts and promotions.

4. ThredUP. An online consignment shop of high quality, like-new pieces. From pre-k to youth, you can find up to 90% off retail prices. Doesn’t fit? Returns accepted. Go to www.thredup.com/teachers if you’d like to nominate a special teacher for a chance for them to win $2500 in school supplies and $500 to ThredUP. AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ PARENTING ]

I’m Rosemond, a divorced mom with the best teen daughter on the entire planet. OK, I might be a wee bit biased on that point.

In my past life I was an entertainment executive in Hollywood. Don’t get too excited. It sounds way more exciting than it was. Now I blog about divorce for http:// www.huffingtonpost.com/ divorce/ and write about dating, divorce, parenting a teenager, and life in search of the next shoe sale at my blog roundandroundrosie.com. I’ve been featured on BlogHer, Divorced Moms, and Blunt Moms. When I’m not stuck in traffic or obsessing about my hair, I write.

The Day I Told My Daughter We Were Divorcing

by Rosemond Perdue Cranner There are those moments in our life that change us forever. Those moments that we remember so vividly. The sounds. The colors. Tiny details that become a part of us. Moments that we sometimes wish we could wash away from our brains.

One of those is the day my husband and I told our daughter we were divorcing.

She was seven. She still loved Dora the Explorer back then, purple popsicles and dancing in the cold water of the front yard sprinkler.

We had planned it out. Deciding that we would tell her together. We decided on a day and then put it off for two months. Then another. It was something no one wanted to do.

We settled on a weeknight. I think it was a Tuesday. She had eaten rice and beans for dinner, finished her homework of vocabulary words and reading Amelia Bedelia. The time was now.

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] We all sat on the sofa in the den. All three of our large dogs piled onto the couch too.

Do I have any advice?

According to family therapists, here are tips on how to break the news of a divorce to your children.

He began. “You know your Mommy and I will always love you. That we will always be there for you. That we love you so much.”

I continued. “Mommy and Daddy love each other but sometimes even if you love someone, you can’t live together. Sometimes it’s better for Mommy and Daddy to live in different houses. You’ll spend time and live with Mommy and Daddy in both of those houses. You see, Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce.”

She stared ahead at both of us. Stone still. And then she began to sob. My stoic child who seldom cried was sobbing. She was angry at us. At life. We took turns holding her and trying to console her. I wish this moment had been different. I wanted to tell her this in a way that took away the pain. But there is no way to break the news of an impending divorce that takes away the pain of the truth. The truth that your family is forever changed, and that your children’s life will be altered forever because of that.

Tell your children together. Both you and your spouse need to take part.

Have a plan of what you’ll say. Emotions are running high, have at least a general idea of what you’ll say.

Help them feel safe. Reassure them that both Mom and Dad still love them. That they will both be in their life.

Remind them-this isn’t their fault.

Answer their questions. But don’t blame the other spouse or divulge information that they don’t need to know.

Make the conversation age appropriate.

If you’ve been through this, I’m sure you recall the moments you broke the news of your divorce to your children.

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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

Special exhibition through September 6

Meet Curious George in person!

For details visit BayKidsMuseum.org/summer

OPEN EVERY DAY THIS SUMMER Sponsored by

Curious George television series merchandise ©Universal Studios. Curious George and related characters, created by Margret and H. A. Rey, are copyrighted and trademarked by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company and used under license. Licensed by Universal Studios Licensing LLLP. All rights reserved.

Dr. Ozzie Jafarnia

DDS, Board Certified

Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry

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Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry

925-866-3020

Nothing is more beautiful than your child’s smile!

Welcome to Danville Pediatric Dentistry and Orthodontics! ! Our office is committed to providing excellent preventative care for children in a warm, positive, and compassionate environment.

We specialize in comprehensive dental care for children of all ages with an emphasis on prevention and health. As your child grows, we are able to provide comprehensive orthodontic care for children and teens. This is to help create and maintain a healthy smile into adulthood. We will do so by providing excellent treatment at the right time for the right reason with integrity, honesty and a caring heart.

Your child’s smile is our top priority.

We are committed to making it the happiest, healthiest and straightest smile possible. After all, nothing is more beautiful than your child's smile!

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925-837-7745 • drozzie.com

Specialist in Orthodontics

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Predict earthquakes.

At Stratford School, we believe every child can achieve great things. We nurture this belief through a safe environment, an engaging curriculum, and a passionate team of experienced educators. With a Stratford education, it’s entirely possible that your child will be the one who discovers a better way to predict earthquakes.

Brilliant minds thrive here.

Enroll now for fall 2015

stratfordschools.com/the_stratford_difference

TE

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Preschool State License Numbers: 073402482, 013417816, 013420588, 434404890, 434408056, 434407977, 434404336, 434406722, 434408877, 384001837, 434410807, 434410816, 073406680, 013420939, 414004014.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ EVENTS ]

August Alameda County AUGUST 1 & 2 Fremont Festival of the Arts Downtown Fremont Fremont 10:00am – 6:00pm www.fremontfestival.net/ Fiddler on the Roof The Julia Morgan Theatre Berkeley Various Times www.berkeleyplayhouse.org

AUGUST 2 Free Concert

by Noel Catura Band Pleasanton Library Pleasanton 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov

AUGUST 2 – 8 Little League World Series Max Baer Park Livermore Various Times www.intermediateworldseries.org

AUGUST 5 First Wednesday Street Parties Downtown Pleasanton Pleasanton 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net

AUGUST 6

Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!

AUGUST 7 Middle School Night Out Dolores Bengston Aquatic Center Pleasanton 5:30pm – 8:00pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov Tommy and the 4 Speeds Concert in The Park Lions Wayside Park Pleasanton 7:00pm – 8:30pm www.pleasantondowntown.net

AUGUST 7, 14, 21, & 28 Fremont Street Eats Downtown Fremont Fremont 4:30pm – 9:00pm www.fremont.gov

AUGUST 8 & 9 Family Sundown Safari Oakland Zoo Oakland 5:00pm – 10:00am www.oaklandzoo.org

AUGUST 12 Wildlife Associates “Bay Area Wild” Show Civic Center Library Livermore 10:30am www.cityoflivermore.net

AUGUST 13 & 27

2015 Summer Concert Series Central Park Performance Pavilion Fremont 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.fremont.gov

Waterfront Flicks at Jack London Square Jack London Ferry Lawn Oakland Various Times www.jacklondonsquare.com

AUGUST 6, 13, 20, & 27

AUGUST 14

Redwood Grove Summer Concerts 2015 UC Botanical Garden at Berkeley Berkeley 5:30pm – 7:30pm www.botanicalgarden.berkeley.edu

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Family Friday Nite Splash Aqua Adventure Water Park Fremont 4:00pm – 8:00pm www.goaquaadventure.com

Concert at the Cove Crab Cove Visitor Center Alameda 5:30pm – 7:30pm www.ebparks.org Max Cruise at Concert In The Park Lions Wayside Park Pleasanton 7:00pm – 8:30pm www.pleasantondowntown.net

AUGUST 15 Nectar Garden Fun Day Coyote Hills Regional Park Fremont 1:00pm – 3:00pm www.ebparks.org Cajun-Zydeco Music Festival Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 10:00am – 7:00pm www.ebparks.org

AUGUST 15 – 16 Summer Sleepover at Fairyland Children’s Fairyland Oakland 5:45pm – 8:30am www.fairyland.org

AUGUST 18 Open Studio /Open Play Twirl Alameda 10:00am – 6:00pm www.twirlalameda.com Evenings on the Green Bankhead Theater Livermore 6:45pm – 8:45pm www.cityoflivermore.net

AUGUST 19 Fizzy Foamy Science Lawrence Hall of Science Berkeley 12:00pm – 2:00pm www.lawrencehallofscience.org

[ EVENTS ]

August AUGUST 21

AUGUST 6 – 16

AUGUST 14

Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org

Little Mermaid, JR. Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek Various Times www.lesherartscenter.org

Moonlight Movies Danville Town Green Danville 6:30pm – 10:30pm www.danville.ca.gov

Picnic Flix: “Big Hero 6” Emerald Glen Park Dublin 8:30pm – 11:30pm www.ci.dublin.ca.us

AUGUST 7

AUGUST 16

Moonlight Movies Danville Town Green Danville 6:30pm – 10:30pm www.danville.ca.gov

Kids Belay Diablo Rock Gym Concord 11:30am – 3:30pm www.touchstoneclimbing.com

AUGUST 22 Habitot Children’s Museum Habitot Children’s Museum Berkeley 9:30am – 4:30pm www.habitot.org

AUGUST 28 Movies in the Park Live Oak Park Berkeley 8:00pm – 10:00pm www.cityofberkeley.info Public Eye Concert In The Park Lions Wayside Park 7:00pm – 8:30pm www.pleasantondowntown.net

AUGUST 8

AUGUST 17

Hums, Strums, and Worldwide Drums Dougherty Station Liberty San Ramon 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.ccclib.org

Circle Time with Studio Grow Studio Grow Blackhawk Danville 11:00am www.studiogrow.com

AUGUST 8 & 22

Tuesday Night Blues Todos Santos Plaza Concord 6:30pm – 8:00pm www.concordfirst.org

30th Annual Music in the Park Oak Hill Park Danville 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.danville.ca.gov

AUGUST 9

AUGUST 18

AUGUST 20

A Taste of Briones Briones Regional Park Martinez 9:00am – 12:00pm www.ebparks.org

Concord’s 27th Annual Music & Market Series Todos Santos Plaza Concord 6:30pm – 8:00pm www.concordfirst.org

AUGUST 13

AUGUST 23 Kids Bowl Free Diablo Valley Bowl Concord 10:00am – 4:00pm www.kidsbowlfree.com

AUGUST 6

Moraga Summer Concert Series Moraga Commons Park Moraga 6:30pm – 8:30pm www.moragaparks.org

First Thursday Shop Local Day and Night Downtown Hartz Ave Danville 10:00am – 7:00pm www.danville.ca.gov

Hot Summer Night Car Show Downtown Danville Danville 4:00pm – 9:00pm www.danville.ca.gov

Contra Costa County AUGUST 2 Dad’s Day at #boucefarm #bouncefarm Martinez 10:00am – 2:00pm www.bouncefarmfun.com

Walnut Creek Farmers Market Walk & Cooking Class Tender Greens Walnut Creek 9:00am www.tendergreens.com

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ PARENTING ]

Anastasia is a parent coach, awardwinning author, internationally recognized speaker, Huffington Post blogger, and mother of five.

With over two decades of real life experience, Anastasia’s proven success is based on balance and results. She teaches parents how to create healthier lives and find the happiness they desire. She shares innovative strategies and new perspectives that put an end to uncertainty and stress and, lead her clients to success.

Her Wing It™ philosophy helps modern day families build strong foundations, rebalance their lives, and launch happy, independent children.

Anastasia is the author of the award-winning book, Leadership Through the Eyes of Children, and WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent.

She is the founder of the WING IT Project, a non-profit that funds educational opportunities for children locally and globally, and co-creator of Hamptons Wellness Week. She provides private parent coaching as well as speaking at small or large gatherings about making modern parenthood easier and rebalancing family life in today’s world.

Anastasia has also been featured in multiple media outlets such as TLC Network, The New York Times, ABC Family Television, The Huffington Post, Well + Good, Hamptons Magazine, NBC Television, KIWI Magazine, Parenting, ZLiving Television, MSN.com, Sheknows, Parents Magazine, ivillage, Live It Up Show, News 12 Long Island, eHow, San Diego Family, Metro Family, and Everyday Family.

6 Things All Happy Moms Do

by Anastasia Gavalas I often get asked how I can be so happy (and sane) while raising five children in today’s world. The answer lies somewhere between surrendering my old ways of trying to over-manage everyone in my family and, the recognition that the only person who can make me happy is... me. This awareness integrates setting an intention to lessen stress in order to make my life easier and insisting on enjoying the adventures of parenthood. I have spent the majority of my life engaged in a curiosity of family dynamics and their outcomes. I am struck by mothers who seem to be happy regardless of the state of the world around them or stage of child rearing they are in. These observations have taught me essential ideas that, when implemented regularly, make raising children easier and this mama much happier.

1. Use intuition. Regardless of what’s happening in the outside world, blasted on the daily news, shared by grandparents and other parents, using your intuition helps guide you in making the best decisions for your family. It naturally boosts confidence the more you use it and teaches your child to listen to their own inner voice. No one can navigate your individual circumstances better than you and, that results in happier outcomes.

2. Say “yes” more than you say “no.” Are you saying “yes” or “no” because it makes you feel better or is it the best choice with the circumstances at hand?

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] Moms who take the time to pause before responding to their children’s questions or requests allow both sides the necessary space to process their thoughts in reasonable ways. This builds a mutual respect, reduces conflict and helps children grow to be more responsible, and independent thinkers.

3. Trust more, fear less. There is much instability in the world that often causes parents to use fear-based approaches in order to “protect” their children. Having faith in your child rather than the situation at hand organically arms them with confidence. Children raised in trusting environments make better decisions for themselves and have healthier experiences.

Naturally, dynamics within the family are less stressed and individuals are happier.

4. Tap into each child’s individual interests. Have you ever seen a family where ALL the children play a certain sport or instrument? Is it possible that all the children prefer the same activity? Rarely. Children, especially siblings, are very different souls with unique talents. Parents who honor individuality grant them the autonomy to seek and experience their own interests.

Children need space and time to explore their personal talents which organically helps them build better self-esteem and reach their individual potential.

5. Appreciate the diverse relationships they make. Even at times when an interaction feels less than desirable, at the end of the day, it’s really good for children to experience different types of relationships. The way in which other people interact with them helps shape their understanding of human connections and the world they live in. Interacting with individuals who have different ideas and approaches broadens a child’s perspective and teaches them important life lessons.

6. Just relax. Worrying wastes time and energy. Above all, it doesn’t change any outcome. Whether you’re going on a family vacation or making a trip to the emergency room, freaking out is something the whole situation (and those involved) will do better without.

There are a lot of bumps and bruises throughout the parenting journey and mothers who make a concerted effort to stay cool and calm undoubtedly remain happier... and probably have less gray hair.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[[ EVENTS PARENTING ] ] Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., is a nationally recognized family and child development expert, author, and educator. Her positive and integrative approach to difficult issues helps families navigate today’s complex problems. A dependable authority, Dr. Gross has contributed to broadcast, print and online media including CNN, FOX’s The O’Reilly Factor, MSNBC, The New York Times and USA Today.

ABC, CBS and KHOU, Great Day Houston Show. She is a veteran radio talk show host as well as the host of the nationally syndicated PBS program, “Let’s Talk.”

Dr. Gross’ soon-to-be second book, How to Build Your Baby’s Brain, teaches parents how to enhance a child’s learning potential through various developmental stages.

Two additional books are slated to follow, including The Only Way Out Is Through, a Jungian approach to navigating life’s transitions including grieving, and Defining Moments, which recounts the defining moments of celebrity guests as shared with Dr. Gross during interviews on PBS’ “Let’s Talk.” www.drgailgross.com

5 Ways to Study Better

by Dr. Gail Gross Another school year is upon us, and that means the dreaded “H” word for many families: homework. Does your child find it difficult to complete homework assignments? Is it a daily battle between you and your child to even start on homework?

If so, know that you are not alone. However, homework doesn’t have to be a daily struggle between parent and child, and between child and learning.

There are several things you can do to set up healthy study habits that can help your child succeed throughout the school year.

1. Get up and go for a walk. If you sense your child struggling while doing homework, encourage him/her to take a short 10-20 minute break and take a walk outside, stretch and let the brain roam. Then your child can circle back to the homework with a fresh new outlook, ready to complete the assignment.

2. Take a snack break. Much like a short exercise break, healthy food is needed for the brain to be able to absorb and retain knowledge. Give your child access to healthy snacks such as blueberries or a glass of milk -nutritious food and beverages that will help recharge the brain.

3. Listen to Baroque music in the background while doing homework. Music

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] allows your child’s body to become relaxed and gives his/her mind a chance to open to its fullest potential.

This, in turn, brings forth the possibility for memory and learning to function in a heightened state. Baroque music moves between 50 and 80 beats per minute and allows you to have better focus and concentration.

Music in general has been proven to help lower blood pressure, improve circulation and increase blood flow, and can help us study and perform spatial tasks better.

Jannalea Hoffman, a music therapist from the University of Kansas, found that music can help students do better on tests. She created a Baroque piece of music that followed slow sound patterns and played it as background music for a group of nursing students taking a test; the control group did not hear the music. Hoffman found that those listening to the music had lower heart rates and higher test scores than the control group.

4. Get a good night’s sleep. Our brains need sleep to recharge, and studies show that sleep triggers changes in the brain that help improve memory. Then, if you get a good night’s sleep, memory tasks can be performed more quickly and with less stress and anxiety. Sleep

lowers stress and helps you think less emotionally and more critically.

5. Establish a routine. Younger children especially benefit from routines. Having a set time each day when your child regularly does homework can help set expectations and present less resistance from your child. Try to clear a specific designated, well-lit space in your house for homework, so that your child knows where to keep books, papers, pencils, and other study tools; by setting aside space just for studying, you are giving the signal to your child that this is an important role in his/her life. When you structure a positive environment in which to learn, it’s like a trigger of expectation that cues your child that it’s time to study.

Set up these helpful study habits early on, so that your child develops a healthy relationship with homework and studying for school. Remember: younger children may especially look to you as their role model, and the more you approach studying with a positive, encouraging stance, the more likely they are to embrace healthy study habits that will last a lifetime.

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[ PARENTING ]

Teaching Impulse Control in a Instant Gratification Society

by Robin Stephens Is teaching impulse control to our children an exercise in futility given society’s undeterred march toward instant gratification?

As consumers, we don’t only demand faster — we expect it like it is a divine right. We groan in frustration when a website takes a couple of seconds to load. We complain if retailers don’t provide same-day service, or if our movie buffers while streaming. Technology is bettering our lives, yet experts caution that society’s compulsion toward instant gratification may come at a price: it is making us less patient. We are unwilling to wait — and our children are watching.

Robin Stephens of The Growing Room Academy holds a bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies with a focus on early childhood/ adolescent development, family systems, and socio-cultural perspectives of the family. As a Certified Simplicity Parenting Coach©, Robin provides personal family coaching and facilitates parenting workshops for schools and parent organizations. She also is involved in youth advocacy organizations providing support for LGBTQ youth and their families.

Learning to wait may be one of the most important lessons you teach your child today to guarantee a successful life in the future.

Numerous longitudinal studies link impulse control during childhood to positive outcomes during teenage years and adulthood. Early childhood delays in gratification correlate to better school performance, higher scores on standardized tests, higher paying jobs, better health, and more successful relationships.

The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment In the 1960’s and 1970’s, Stanford professor, Walter Mischel, conducted research testing children’s abilities to delay gratification. These tests came to be known as the The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. Children between the ages of 4 and 6 were brought into a room with only a table and a chair.

They were presented with a lone marshmallow on the table and given a choice between eating one marshmallow now or two marshmallows in 15 minutes. Most of the children attempted to wait the 15 minutes so they could have both marshmallows. Many children gave into temptation: only about 30 percent of those children studied were successful at delaying gratification.

Those children who were able to delay gratification used distraction and self-talk as a means to cope. Some covered their eyes; others pretended the marshmallow was not real, and some pretended it was a cloud.

Decades later, a follow-up study of the children who participated determined that those who exercised self-control as children also exercised self-control as adults: they exhibited a vast array of advantages over their peers. Those children able to delay gratification exhibited less behavioral problems during adolescence. They possessed higher self-esteem, were more popular with their peers, and able to sustain friendships longer. They also had higher SAT scores than the children who opted to eat the one marshmallow. They were more likely to plan ahead, use reason, and were described by their parents as mature. As adults, they were more likely to be college graduates, possess higher paying jobs, less likely to divorce, and less likely to suffer from poor health. Those children who were unable to delay gratification were more likely

34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] as adolescents/adults to have outcomes that included: leaving school early, substance abuse, addictions, unplanned pregnancies, criminal convictions, aggressiveness, conduct disorders, financial problems, divorce, and health issues including obesity. Studies found that each minute a preschooler was able to delay gratification translated to a 2% reduction in BMI (Body Mass Index) 30 years later.

You may be tempted to grab your preschooler and a bag of marshmallows and conduct your own experiment; however, chances are you can already anticipate how your child will react. Not to worry, whether you are in the company of an impatient preschooler or an impetuous teenager, there are things you can do and teach to promote self-regulation and impulse control in your children. (Subsequent studies have determined children who start off with low selfcontrol, but increase skills over time, achieve parallel improvements in their developmental outcomes.) The following suggestions apply to both young children and older children/adolescence.

What Parents Can Do Create an Environment Where Self-Control is Consistently Rewarded In a follow-up experiment to the Marshmallow Test, Professor Celeste Kidd of University of Rochester explored the importance of a child’s expectation of reward. If the experience reinforced that adults don’t keep their promises, or that institutions don’t enforce the promised or fair allocations of rewards, would a child wait patiently for a hypothetical prize? Her research found that it took only a couple of disappointments to undermine a child’s desire to delay gratification.

Children will weigh the benefits: when they reason that the person promising to deliver a future prize is consistently dependable and trustworthy they are more likely to exercise self-control.

Encourage Self-talk The Stanford study documented the effectiveness of self-talk in helping 4-6 years old exercise self-control, but self-talk is extremely effective for older children as well.

The child’s inner voice plays an important role in helping him control impulsive behavior.

Play Games That Encourage Self-Control When a child plays a game and plays by the rules, he is practicing self-control. Additionally, games like “Red Light-Green Light”, “Simon Says”, or “The Freeze Game” go a step further and require a child to inhibit

his impulses, thus exercising self-regulation. Memory games also improve impulse control. Enhanced memory appears to lighten the cognitive load of the child’s frontal cortex, allowing it to manage impulsivity in a more successful manner.

Creative Play Children who are continually engaged in adult-directed activities do not learn to self-regulate. Providing free imaginary playtime for your child is an important activity that allows her to develop her executive function skills.

The Stanford experiment saw many of the successful gratitude delayers use creative play and imaginative thought to maintain self-control.

Give Kids a Break Often times when participants are asked to complete two tasks in a row, (which require self-control) the second task is usually performed worse. One theory posits that our brains are designed to seek a balance between seeking out pleasurable rewards versus those that are perceived as drudgery. Asking too much of kids is likely to set them up for failure. Giving them a break in between tasks is a way to help them recharge, refocus, and succeed.

Encourage Kids to Get Moving Physical activity has a positive affect on focus by boosting levels of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin in the brain. In addition, exercise improves concentration and decreases hyperactivity and impulsivity.

Encourage Kids to Practice Planning As adults, we realize how important planning can be to maintaining self-control. Thinking before acting will help a child understand the cause-and-effect outcome of his actions. Include children in discussions regarding family plans, schedules, etc. so they are able to understand the concept and the benefits. Helping a child set up a schedule can aid him as he moves toward more independence.

Be a Role Model Nothing speaks louder than a parent’s actions. Seeing a parent model patience and self-control is crucial if we are to instill positive self-regulatory behavior in our children. So, next time you are tempted to yell at your smartphone or complain about the connection speed of your Internet, remember you have a potential two marshmallow-eater watching.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35

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[ SEASONAL FUN ]

9 BAY AREA DESTINATIONS

TO DISCOVER BEFORE THE END OF SUMMER

1. Immerse yourself in the Various Cultures San Francisco has to offer!

San Francisco has the largest Chinatown outside of Asia including the oldest Chinatown in North America.

Being one of the top tourist attractions in San Francisco you can find numerous amounts of events, history, and culture. Visit: www.sanfranciscochinatown.com for more information

today. The Japantown history walk is a must see selfguided tour providing visitors with a unique insight into the community’s fight hundred years of history and culture. Visit: www.sfjapantown.org or call 415.567.4572 for more information.

San Francisco’s Japantown spans 5 acres of property houses that features specialty shops and restaurants. It is one of only three Japantowns remaining in the U.S.

Little Italy is one of the most charming areas of San Francisco offering visitors the opportunity of losing themselves within these tranquil streets. The small area offers dozens of Italian establishments, restaurants, cafes, and ice cream shops. Visit: www.sanfrancisco.net for more information.

2. Explore the Mysteries of Alcatraz Alcatraz Island offers a close-up look at the site of the first lighthouse and US built fort on the West Coast. Rich in history, there is also a natural side to the Rock—gardens, tide pools, bird colonies, and bay views beyond compare. To plan your trip visit www.nps.gov.

3. Spend a perfect day in Half Moon Bay. Located approximately 35 minutes south of San Francisco in the Bay Area, this stunning slice of the Golden State boasts an unrivaled combination of coastal town friendliness, charm and natural beauty. Dine of farm fresh cuisine in one of their local Bay Area restaurants, stroll along gorgeous Northern California beaches, or even buy just-caught fish directly off the boats at a working harbor.

Whatever it is Half Moon Bay has a variety of activities that make a perfect fit for everyone visiting. Visit: www. visithalfmoonbay.org for more information.

40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ SEASONAL FUN ] 4. Go on an urban hike in the East Bay for fantastic food and views. North Berkeley’s “Gourmet Ghetto” offers an immense amount of tradition, history, and culture. The restaurants, boutiques, and galleries along Shattuck Avenue and Vine Street in North Berkeley share and emphasis on unique, artisan-products and services. Sidewalk cafes, flower stands, bakeries and fine food purveyors lend the area a wonderful European ambience. To plan your trip call, 510.540.6444 or visit www.gourmetghetto.org.

5. Visit Yerba Buena, San Francisco’s newest museum row.

Discover renowned galleries, museums, cafes, restaurants and theaters cradled by landscaped lawns, public art, award-winning architecture, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial, at Yerba Buena. Experience the Children’s Garden, play circle and Children’s Creativity Museum. Or join people of all ages enjoying ice skating, bowling, the historic carousel, as well as the Contemporary Jewish Museum, restaurants and shopping at Jessie Square and Yerba Buena Lane. No wonder YBG is recognized as one of the United States’ top 30 urban parks. It’s the perfect place to play, dine, shop or just relax. Visit: www.yerbabuenagardens.com for more information.

8. Bring your furry friend along on a short drive to Sonoma Valley for Dog-Friendly Rafting. A Full Day at Russian River has it all: great current, long pools offering amazing reflections, clear and clean swimming holes, plentiful beaches for picnicking and cooling off in the river, and a diverse abundance of birds and wildlife to satisfy nature lovers! Pack a picnic lunch, your favorite beverages, slip on your river shoes and bring your furry friends with you. To book your online reservation call 707.433.5599 or visit www.russianriveradventures.com.

6. Take a candlelight Tour of San Francisco’s Fort Point Join a ranger for a tour of Fort Point in a different light. This program may not be suited for children under the age of 10. Visit: www.nps.gov for more information.

7. Gaze upon the beauty of the San Francisco Botanical Gardens With its unique microclimate the San Francisco Botanical Garden is a living museum within Golden Gate Park. Offering 55 acres of both landscaped gardens and open spaces the garden showcases 8,000 different kinds of plants from around the world.

To find out more information, call 415.661.1316 or visit www. sfbotanicalgarden.org.

9. Learn about the fascinating geological features the Black Diamond Mines Museum has to offer. Providing great hiking trails, open tours, and spectacular views the Black Diamond Mine Museum has a lot to offer! For more information call 510.544.2750 or visit www.ebparks.org.

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] Dr. Brett Stompro is board certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery. He is trained in the latest plastic surgical technology including lasers and endoscopic techniques with small incisions.

He has extensive experience in cosmetic surgery of the face, body contouring, and breast surgery.

He is a member of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons and has been recognized by the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery for advanced education in cosmetic surgery. He is an active member of the California Society of Plastic Surgeons and is a fellow of the American College of Surgeons. He is an avid sculptor. With offices in Danville, Hayward, Livermore and Tracy, Dr. Stompro has privileges at local prominent hospitals.

Dr. Chester Cheng Dr. Cheng was raised in the Bay Area, did his undergraduate training at the University of California, Davis. Using his Bachelors of Science degree in Biological Science he conducted ground breaking recombinant DNA research at the renound Genetech, Inc. Dr. Cheng is a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon.

Pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming a physician, he received his Masters degree in Physiology and Doctorate of medicine from University of Health Sciences/ Chicago Medical School in 1994. His extensive surgical training continued in Chicago for general surgery and plastic and reconstructive surgery at the prestigious Mount Sinai Medical Center and the Rush-Presbyterian St. Luke’s Medical Center. He also completed a microsurgery fellowship at Davies Medical Center in San Francisco.

Making the Decision to Take Care of Mom One Mom’s Journey to Feeling Better in her Own Skin

by Tracie Brown Vollgraf Oh the dreaded bathing suit season! How I’ve missed you. NOT! With each passing year comes the internal battle; I love summer, but hate the thought of getting into a bathing suit so I can play in the pool with my kids. I’ve been one of the sideline Moms for way too long. I love the cute summer clothes and trends, but nothing too skin-baring to show my “problematic areas”. I love the adorable, strappy blouses and dresses, but cannot wear them since there are zero bra solutions for a wellendowed women. This list goes on and on.

Ironically, as a teen I was a stick figure. Tall, skinny, Olive Oil type-of-girl who was the latest bloomer of them all. I can remember constantly trying to convince my Mom to let me take supplements so I could gain weight and develop, like all of my friends. All through high school I was a flat waif, and then BAM! After graduation I literally went from a 32A to a 32D, basically overnight. So do be careful what you wish for!

I believe I have always lived a fairly healthy lifestyle. I’m active, I don’t over

Following his extensive training he pursued his interest in teaching at Loma Linda Medical Center where he served as the Director of Student Education in the Division of Plastic Surgery, sharing his talents in microsurgery, reconstructive and cosmetic surgery to surgeons in training.

indulge, I eat relatively well, have been a vegetarian for over 17 years, but after four children, slower metabolism, back problems from bra straps, and a muffin top that I could not get rid of no matter how much I exercise, I decided to seek help elsewhere.

I began to give some thought to plastic surgery after a routine bra fitting at Nordstrom. Clearly it had been a while, because instead of the sales woman telling

42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] me what I expected to hear, which is that I am a 34D, she declared I was, in fact, a 32H! I’m sorry, a what now?!

H? Do they make bras that size? Yes, indeed they do, and I walked out of the store with four of them and $350 poorer! As the shock wore off I started contemplating a breast reduction…again. I have thought about it many, many times over the years but just couldn’t justify the cost and spending money on something other than my kids, the house, 529 Plans, etc. Spend money on Mommy?!

What an absurd concept. I then started thinking about all the chiropractic visits throughout the years, the pain that I bear each day on my shoulders, the fact that I am continuously self-conscious of my body and the fact that my chest is completely out of proportion with my tall, lengthy frame. I resented the fact that I couldn’t wear cute, strappy summer clothes, felt like a beast in a bathing suit top, elicited rude cat calls over the years (with the primary focus being my boobs) and honestly needed a change.

I started the plastic surgeon consultation route by talking to friends who have had breast work done (many going bigger, not smaller). I asked all sorts of questions. What did they like about their doctor, what didn’t they like, what would they have changed, how was the recovery process, pain level, etc.? The more people I spoke to about the procedure, the more I realized how common it is. Like anything, finding a doctor who is right for you entails many factors. Their education, experience and background are paramount, but what do they specialize in? Are they a face doctor, do they specialize in breast augmentations, do they do it all? What do their past patients look like? Go through their portfolio, look at their work. Are they more conservative when it comes to procedures or perhaps more aggressive, recommending things you may not need. How do you interact with the doctor? Do they provide you with enough information and address your questions and concerns? Do you care about their bedside manner or just the overall outcome, or both? What are the financial ramifications?

One of my biggest concerns was my children. What if something happened? How long would I be laid up after the procedure (Moms don’t get days off!), what kind of message was I sending to my four daughters about their bodies? I consulted with five local doctors, all of which were personally recommend to me in one way or another. While I was impressed with most all of the doctors, after meeting Dr. Chester Cheng and Dr. Brett Stompro in Danville most all of my concerns were

put to rest. They addressed all of my questions head-on, they were kind, competent, explained the procedure and walked me through the entire process. Their office is a place you feel comfortable in, it felt like “home” to me. From their front office staff to their nurses, surgical assistants and financial advisors, I felt taken care of. I was most impressed that I did not feel pressured and my meeting with the doctors was educational and personal.

I did not feel rushed but rather felt that I was the only patient they were concerned about at that particular moment.

Although my initial reasoning for my visit was a breast reduction, I wanted to know what the doctors would recommend for my lovely muffin top. I luckily did not have stretch marks from my pregnancies and truly was not up for, nor did I want a tummy tuck. I just wanted to feel better in my own skin. What I wanted to hear was brutal honesty. Did I need a tummy tuck, or would I be happy with the results of body sculpting. I felt I knew the answer, but wanted to hear it from them. Right on cue, Dr. Cheng was pleasantly surprised by the condition of my skin and body and highly recommend ultrasonic liposculpture body sculpting, a less invasive route to address my troubled tummy area. Although you can schedule your procedure as soon as you meet with the doctors, I needed a little more time to think about the next steps. After much thought and a few weeks, I decided to move forward.

I was then connected with a Surgery Scheduler/ Patient Care Coordinator who are trained to answer any additional questions a prospective patient might have. Once again I was greeted by a warm, kind and friendly member of the doctor’s team. Not only was she extremely informative, she was able to share her own personal plastic surgery story with me, lending first-hand knowledge and advice. We bonded instantly, and as a fellow mother, she completely understood what I was going through.

That day, a 10% surgery deposit was collected which goes towards the procedure amount. We then selected a pre-op date approximately 3 weeks prior to the surgery. And we were off….! My pre-op appointment consisted of meeting with the nurse as we went over my health & history, they further educate the patient on what is to be expected with each procedure, preoperatively and post operatively. Medication which was AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43

[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] prescribed by the Doctor was dispensed, all post-op care products are made available for purchase which is hugely helpful and eliminated the need for me to have to run around prior to surgery. The additional fees were collected this day and my first Post-Operative appointment was set. Once all questions had been answered by the nurse, I had my second consultation to review the exact game plan for the upcoming surgery.

At this point I was completely and utterly at ease and excited to see the end-results!

My Mom accompanied me the day of surgery where I was greeted by the doctor’s RN, who has been with them for more than 25 years! She checked me into the Stanford/ValleyCare Surgery Center and made sure I was comfortable with a warm blanket. I was surrounded by highly trained, highly skilled RN’s. The Board Certified Anesthesiologist came in to meet with me and then both doctors came to check in, see how I was doing and mark me up! I was then wheeled back with the RN who stayed with me throughout the entire procedure. Upon waking up, my RN cared for me until I was released to my Mom to take me home.

The evening after surgery Dr. Cheng called to check in on me. Although I was still sleeping, he spoke with my Mom and made sure to address any questions she had.

He gave his contact number to be reached 24/7 in case anything came up.

As a Mom we must heavily rely on our Village and this situation was no exception. Without my Mom who was there take care of me and help with the kids, my girlfriends who lined up a meal train to feed the troops while I was down, pre-coordinated drop-off and pickups, and someone managing the weekly schedule while I was recuperating, it wouldn’t have been possible. That said, it most certainly WAS possible and no one missed a beat! All in all, while I was resting, my family had a successful four days without me. Who knew? I guess it goes to show you, we can do something for ourselves and the world will not fall apart!

I met with Dr. Cheng 6 days after the surgical procedure and was SO excited to see the initial results. My sutures were removed and incisions were checked to make sure everything was healing as expected. More individualized post op care was given. The entire staff was supportive and excited to see the “big reveal”. I truly feel that once 44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

you are a patient with Dr. Cheng and Stompro, you are always a patient. I have been back to the office several times for various things and feel that the entire team at their office has my best interest and well-being at heart.

They ask about my kids, and my Mom, they remember little details along the way, and they make you feel like family. Relationships are formed long after the healing process has taken place.

In the end, choosing to take care of myself, to do something for me, ultimately had a hugely positive and profound impact on the way I feel. I am not only lighter (10 pounds to be exact!), but I truly feel better. I love the results as the doctors’ technique was meticulous and artistic. I enjoy wearing clothes again, I have my confidence back and I am pain free. I also know that my children notice a difference and love how active and happy I now am. To each their own but for this mom of four it was one of the best decisions I have ever made!

Plastic Surgery at a glance Over 1.5 million people underwent plastic surgery in the U.S in 2014 The most common procedures are: liposculpture, breast augmentation, facelift, and rhinoplasty.

Current Trends: visiting a plastic surgeon for less invasive procedure earlier vs. waiting for a more major surgery later in life.

Medispa Procedures: can be performed during your lunch hour with little or no downtime.

Over 6.5 million Medispa procedures performed in the U.S last year.

Botox to relax wrinkles, fillers to fill-in laugh lines or plump lips or chemical peel and laser procedures.

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

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Saturday, September 26, 2015 5:30 p.m. – 11:30 p.m.

Event Tickets:

$125/person

$1,100/table of 10 prior to 8/26/15 Mistress of Ceremonies:

Jessica Aguirre

Join us for an evening under the stars with delectable food and libations, silent/live auctions, dancing and magical surprises!

TO PURCHASE YOUR TICKETS VISIT: www.roomsofhope.org

Rooms of

Creating Spaces That Matter....CC

OUR MISSION is to provide dream room makeovers to children with life-threatening illnesses. Our

purpose is to surround these children with love and create the space of their dreams, may it be their bedroom, playroom or other refuge from all they must endure at the hospital. We are about bringing

ROOMS OF HOPE

their say in daily activities, including going to school or having playdates because of their depressed immune systems and need for medical attention. This gift goes on well beyond their amazing reveal of their dream space.

Along with a Rooms of Hope Project Manager and Interior Designer, comes construction specialists including licensed contractors and electricians, as well as muralists, artisans, painters, seamstresses and dedicated volunteers with one focus: BRINGING HOPE AND JOY WHILE CREATING SPACES THAT MATTER! Thank you to all who make this happen: individuals, local companies, national corporations, community and faith organizations, and foundations.

To learn more, please visit

www.roomsofhope.org

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45

[ FASHION ]

Shopping Around The Bay Alameda County Adeline / Ashby Antiques District Ashby Arts District Berkeley 510.845.6221 www.aaadberkeley.com

Telegraph Avenue Telegraph Ave Berkeley 510.486.2366 www.telegraphberkeley.org

Metreon 135th 4th Street San Francisco 415.369.6000 www.shoppingmetreon.com

Elmwood District College Avenue Berkeley www.elmwoodshop.com Fourth Street Shops Fourth Street Berkeley 510.644.3002 www.visitberkeley.com Gourmet Ghetto North Shattuck Berkeley 510.540.6444 www.gourmetghetto.org Jack London Square 2 Broadway Oakland 510.645.9292 www.jacklondonsquare.com

Contra Costa County

San Francisco Premium Outlets 2774 Livermore Outlets Drive Livermore 925.292.2868 www.premiumoutlets.com Stoneridge Shopping Center 1 Stoneridge Mall Road Pleasanton 925.463.2778 www.simon.com

Santana Row 377 Santana Row San Jose 408.551.4611 www.santanarow.com

Broadway Plaza 1275 Broadway Plaza Walnut Creek 925.948.8826 www.broadwayplaza.com

Stanford Shopping Center 660 Stanford Shopping Center Palo Alto 650.617.8200 www.simon.com

Danville Livery 440 Sycamore Valley Road Danville 925.838.7070 www.danvillelivery.com

The Cannery 2801 Leavenworth Street San Francisco 415.771.3112

Willows Shopping Center 1975 Diamond Blvd Concord 925.835.4001 www.willowsshopping.com

Union Street Shops 2191 Union Street San Francisco 415.922.9559 www.unionstreetshop.com

Worth the Drive

Marina Square Center 1221 Marina BLVD San Leandro 415.288.6888 www.marinasquarecenter.com

Gilroy Premium Outlets 681 Leavesley Road Gilroy 408.842.3729 www.premiumoutlets.com

Crocker Galleria 50 Post Street San Francisco 415.393.1500 www.thecrockergalleria.com Embarcadero Center Embarcadero Center San Francisco 415.772.0700 www.embarcaderocenter.com Ferry Building Marketplace One Ferry Building San Francisco 415.983.8030 www.ferrybuildingmarketplace.com

46 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

Vacaville Premium Outlets 321 Nut Tree Road Vacaville 707.446.5755 www.premiumoutlets.com/vacaville/ Westfield San Francisco Centre 865 Market Street San Francisco 415.495.5656 www.westfield.com/sanfrancisco Westfield Valley Fair Mall 2855 Stevens Creek Blvd Santa Clara 408.248.4451 www.westfield.com/valleyfair

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] Adventures in Learning Early Childhood Center

Serving students 2 - 6 years Full and part time programs 3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton web. www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123

An Environment for Discovery and Learning for Children For the love of learning since 1972

Come learn about Fountainhead's various programs at our Open Houses Danville Campus: 939 El Pintado Road Wednesday, January 28th 5:30pm-7:30pm Pleasant Hill Campus: 490 Golf Club Road Monday, January 12th 5:00pm-7:00pm Orinda Campus: 30 Santa Maria Way Friday, January 16th 5:00pm-7:00pm

For children ages 18 months – Kindergarten

Dublin Campus: 6665 Amador Plaza Road Wednesday, January 21st 6:00pm-8:00pm Pre-K/K Information Night Wednesday, February 4th 5:30pm Livermore Campus: 949 Central Avenue Saturday, January 31st 10:00am-12:00pm

Open Enrollment begins March 2015!

Call us today 925-820-1343

Visit us on the web at www.fms.org AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 47

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] 

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NOW ENROLLING FOR FALL 2015 The Growing Room Academy Enrichment Center For Students, Families and the Community Our unique classroom style curriculum is hands on and project based, so every minute of enrichment augments regular school learning.

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Register Today 925-820-5808 2340 SAN RAMON VALLEY BLVD · SAN RAMON · CA · THEGROWINGROOM.ORG 48 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 49

[ PARENTING ]

Help Your Child Develop Good Judgment

by Dr. Laura Markham

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.

She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

Many adults are crippled with indecision when faced with difficult choices.

Others, worse yet, make self-destructive choices and repeatedly demonstrate poor judgment. But no one is born with good judgment and the ability to make wise decisions. Good judgment and decision-making skills develop from experience combined with reflection. As one sage noted, “Judgment develops from experience. Good judgment develops from bad experience.”

Your goal is to give your child experience in making decisions, and make sure she has the opportunity to reflect on them and learn. You also want to raise a child who feels good about herself, so that she takes pleasure in making good decisions, rather than bad ones. Research shows that kids who’ve been treated less than kindly get used to feeling bad, so as teens and adults they make decisions that make them feel bad.

How can you help your child develop good judgment?

1. Practice makes perfect.

Give your child practice making choices even before she begins talking and she’ll never have a problem making decisions. (Who cares if the stripes and flowers clash? She thinks she looks like a rainbow. And if other people can’t

50 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

[ PARENTING ] figure out that she dressed herself, you don’t really care about their opinion of your parenting, do you?)

2. Be clear about his span of control.

Emphasize what he has the right to make decisions about, and what areas you as the parent retain the right to exert control over.

He’s still learning about himself as well as about life. It’s just more opportunity for reflection and the development of good judgment, as long as you help him consider afterwards how things could have been different if he had made different choices. Teens have more decision making latitude, and they’re bound to make some bad decisions. Just try to resist the universal impulse to say “I told you so,” and they’ll learn from them.

With toddlers: “Yes, I guess you may wear your superman outfit again, although you’ve worn it every day this week. You’re in charge of your own clothes. But you’ll need to change before we go to services, because there we dress up to show respect. And you’ll need to brush your teeth. Do you want to do it now or before we leave the house?”

With preteens: “You can invite your friends for Friday night dinner if you want, but you’re expected to have dinner with the family on Friday night as usual. You can either go to the movies with your friends after dinner on Friday, or on Saturday.”

3. Consciously help your child develop good judgment.

Many people never develop good judgment because their experience isn’t accompanied by reflection. Help him to make decisions consciously (“How will you decide what piece to play for the recital?”) and to think through the possible repercussions of various choices before he makes them (“I wonder if you’ll feel too pressured about getting your homework done if you add another afterschool activity.”)

Just as important, offer her the opportunity to reflect on how her decisions worked out (“I know you were worried about having a threesome this afternoon. Are you glad you invited Clarisse to join you and Ellie for the playdate?”)

4. Model decision making.

Share how and why you make decisions from the time your child is tiny. (“I think I’ll bring an umbrella on our walk. It looks like rain.” “I’m going to try the salmon; it’s really good for you.” “I’d like our family to help with the drive for school supplies; all children deserve a good education, and this is one way to help.”)

5. Know that it’s ok for your child to make bad decisions.

6. Give your children control of their own decisionmaking as it becomes age appropriate.

What’s age appropriate? The list below will give you a frame of reference, but obviously, you’ll need to adapt this chart to your own child and your family circumstances. Remember to slowly build the degree of freedom and responsibility you offer your child, giving them as much help as they need to handle each level until they master it comfortably.

Each section covers a number of years; children in the lowest ages of that range are just beginning to handle the listed items.

Responsibilities Toddlers can be in charge of: • Their own bodies, within the limits of safety and decency.

• Cleaning up their own messes. (“That’s ok. Get the paper towels off the counter and let’s clean that milk up. We always clean up our own messes.”)

• What to wear (within the limits of appropriate season, safety, and decency.)

• Amount of food to eat (You provide the selection. They decide how much.)

• Getting the food into their mouths. (Unless they want help.)

• What book to read, even if you’re reading to them.

• What toys to play with.

• What toys to share (others get put away before friends arrive) • When to use the potty. (You offer: “Do you need to use the potty before we leave the house?” But they need to check in with their own body and get to know its signals. Unless you want to be in charge of their toileting for years to come?)

Responsibilities Preschoolers (3-5) can be in charge of: All of the above, plus: • Their own clothes (Choosing them, within your AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 51

[ PARENTING ] parameters. Maintaining them, by keeping them in reasonably neat piles by category.)

• Their own rooms (within reasonable neatness parameters. They decide what they want on the walls, within reasonable limits. Parents will need to help them organize their stuff and teach them how to clean up.)

• How much to eat.

• What to eat (within appropriate nutritional guidelines.

This only works if you limit accessibility of junk food. It does mean you have to decide what to do when they don’t like what you’ve fixed for dinner. In our house, they have to try one bite, then they can get a yogurt if they want. Yogurts rarely win out.)

• Who to play with and when.

• Whether to attend social events to which she is invited (excluding mandatory family events.)

• Who is allowed in his room.

to calling parents.)

• Staying alone in the house, with certain rules about who can be with them.

Responsibilities Early Adolescents (13-15) can be in charge of: All of the above, plus: • Getting themselves up in the morning (you may need to be the backup plan.)

• Doing their own laundry (eliminates you feeling like the maid when they suddenly need a certain item.)

• Temporary changes in appearance (i.e., permanent tattoos are out in my family till they’re eighteen, but temporary ones are their choice. Piercings are discussed on an as-requested basis, and are discouraged because of the risk of infection and

Responsibilities School-Age Children (6 to 9) can be in charge of: All of the above, plus: • How to wear their hair (within appropriate grooming standards).

• Clearing their place from the table.

• Simple chores around the house • How to spend their allowance • Completing their homework • Getting their school backpack ready the night before • How to spend their time (after basic responsibilities like homework are accomplished.)

• Whether to play an instrument or take a class.

• What sport or physical activity to engage in (Given the research on this, physical activity in our house is nonnegotiable, but they get to choose the type.)

• Fixing simple food for themselves for snacks and lunch.

Responsibilities Preteens & Tweens (10-12) can be in charge of: All of the above, plus: • Packing their school lunch • Self-grooming: nails, hair, etc.

• Make (or help make) the family contributions for the class bake sale and other events.

• Walk with a friend from one point to another within the neighborhood as long as a parent always knows where they are. (We live in New York, and bought our kids cell phones at this age. Their early usage was mostly limited 52 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

permanent scarring.)

• Riding the bus and subway (some families require that this be with a friend.)

• Going to movies with friends.

• Earning spending money by babysitting or other jobs.

• Budgeting their own spending.

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phone 925.550.6738 web collegenannies.com/danvilleca AUGUST 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 53

[ HEALTH ]

DIASTEMAS AND TREATMENT OPTIONS

by Dr. Reem Stephanos What is a Diastema?

A “diastema” is an area of extra space between two or more teeth. The two front teeth of the upper jaw area is where diastema is most frequently seen. Many children experience diastema as primary teeth fall out, though in most cases these spaces close when the permanent teeth erupt.

Dr. Reem Stephanos is an orthodontist at Danville Pediatric Dentistry & Orthodontics. She loves working with all ages: children, teenagers and adults, to create beautiful, straight, and healthy smiles.

She uses all types of braces, including traditional, metal, clear and Invisalign braces.

In her leisure time, she enjoys spending time with her family, traveling, reading, cooking, decorating and being active in the community through church and her mother’s club.

Diastemas may also be caused by a tooth size discrepancy, missing teeth or an oversized labial frenum, the tissue that extends from the inside of the lip to the gum tissue where the upper two front teeth are located. Secondary reasons involve oral alignment issues such as an overjet or protrusion of the teeth.

What are My Treatment Options?

Once your dentist or orthodontist has determined the reason for your diastema, a treatment plan will be discussed. Options may include: • Keep the diastema.

• Orthodontic treatment to move the teeth and close the diastema.

• Use porcelain veneers, very thin pieces of porcelain bonded to the outside of the teeth.

• Crown and bridge work or replacement of teeth with implants (adults only).

If you have an oversized labial frenum, you may be referred to a periodontist for an oral consultation and procedure called a frenectomy. This procedure involves cutting the frenum and then repositioning to allow for more flexibility. If the frenectomy is conducted on a child, the space may close by itself. If it is a teenager or adult, the space may need to be closed with braces. A consultation with your orthodontist is essential to determine which option is the right option to treatment for you.

54 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2015

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