AUGUST 2018
BACK TO SCHOOL
= BACK TO YOU!
WAILEA BEACH VILLAS –A Luxury Home Away from Home
Volume 5 / Issue 55
[ PARENTING ] Building a Great Relationship with Your Child
10
How To Take Care of Others Without Burning Out
28
[ TRAVEL ] Wailea Beach Villas – A Luxury Home Away from Home
20
[ EVENTS ]
Back to School = Back to You!
August Calendar
14
16
How to Fulfill New School Year Resolutions
[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ]
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ] Back to School Products We Love
6
Reasons to Jump-Start Foreign Language Education for Your Child
24
18
24 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
16
6
WHEN STUDENTS EMBRACE A CHALLENGE
THE EXTRAORDINARY HAPPENS At Stratford, students accomplish extraordinary things. It all starts with an advanced yet balanced curriculum that propels students to excel both inside and outside the classroom — typically performing well-above grade level and matriculating to top high schools and beyond. Discover a school that inspires children to become creative problem-solvers, imaginative innovators, and confident leaders.
We deliver the extraordinary.
O
LS
S
GE
Accrediting Commission for Schools
O
LE
SCH
*Grades offered vary by location. Preschool State License Numbers: 073402482, 013417816, 013420588, 434404890, 434408056, 434407977, 434404336, 434406722, 434408877, 384001837, 434410807, 434410816, 073406680, 013420939, 414004014, 434413440. Copyright © 2018 Stratford Schools, Inc.
ASSOCIAT I
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CAMPUSES THROUGHOUT THE BAY AREA
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Schedule a campus tour today! StratfordSchools.com/tours
AND CO
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
Publisher/Editor
Marketing Interns
Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Candace Warren Megan Shackley
Dr. Laura Markham Anastasia Gavalas Christine Carter, Ph.D. Emma Seppälä Ph.D. The Growing Room Elizabeth Kang
Advertising Sales Director
Fashion Editor
Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com
Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com
Travel Editor
Design/Production
Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
Teresa Agnew Craft
Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566
Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com
Editor’s Note As summer winds down we hope that you've all made some amazing memories over the last few months. We know we did! This summer we have been quite busy checking out various travel destinations so we can share our favorite locations with you! Our goal is to discover the best of the best, provide an overview of our recommendations, saving you the time and energy! We promise your family will love what we’ve uncovered! We headed back to Maui, one of the family-friendly islands of Hawaii. With so much to offer to both parents and kids, you just can’t go wrong. Our first stop, the Wailea Beach Villas. Jump over to page 20 and learn more about this amazing property, you’ll want to book your trip ASAP! The month before school starts requires lots of preparation, including the quest for the best school supplies. We've taken the guess-work out of the process and provided a comprehensive product guide on page 6. Grab your child, take a gander, pick your favorite and head to the websites listed for delivery to your doorstep! What could be easier?! Be sure to enter to win these great products by going to our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/activefamilymag. Have you liked us on Instagram yet? Check us out at www.instagram.com/ activefamilyamgazine. Enjoy your August! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
What makes our Northern California coast unlike any place else on Earth? How do
ocean, land, and climate
merge to support living giants
like
blue whales and coast redwoods?
Now Open Discover the connections that only happen here. Plus, ascend through an ancient redwood interactive, feel a jolt in an earthquake simulator, roll through a fog room, and more at this new exhibit. Get tickets at calacademy.org
GENEROUSLY SUPPORTED BY
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 5
Back To School
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
PRODUCTS WE LOVE MY SCRATCH OFFS LUNCH BOX NOTES
Send LOVE with these thoughtful & thought provoking Scratch Off Lunch Box Notes .Great for a laugh, pick me up, or an Ah-Ha moment! Simply stick a card in your child’s lunchbox. They will be the talk of their lunch-table. Be sure to discuss the quote after school! $12.99 www. myscratchoffs.com
EARBUDS WITH CASE - PINK The sweet sounds of music are awaiting the perfect headphones to do it justice. Yoobi’s pink earbuds come complete with three sizes of silicone ear tips for a snug fit and an imbedded microphone to chat with your friends. $11.99, www.yoobi.com
DOCUMENT ORGANIZER PALM FROND Yoobi brings you an organizer like you've never seen before! Pockets on pockets and compartments on compartments, you'll find yourself wanting to print more papers just so you can keep them in your tropical print organizer! $12.99, www.yoobi.com
EVELYN 26L - DAKINE
365 PACK DLX 27L
Includes organizer panel, fleece lined sunglass pocket, removable insulated cooler bag with front zippered pocket for lunches and snacks, mesh side pockets for water bottle carry, padded bottom panel, and breathable air mesh straps. $60, www.dakine.com
Includes padded laptop sleeve, fleece lined tablet sleeve, fleece lined sunglass pocket, organizer pocket, expandable pocket for cable and cord management, mesh side pocket to hold a water bottle padded bottom panel, and adjustable straps. $70, www.dakine.com
TAPE DISPENSER - AQUA Ah Tape - everyone's best friend, especially when it comes in a donut-shaped dispenser. This bright aqua desk accessory comes in a super softy finish for your every adhesive need. $5.99, www.yoobi.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
COLORZ 3 RING POUCH Unzip a kaleidoscope of colors with this beautiful binder-ready pencil case made using one long zipper. The zipper can be fully zipped and unzipped plus it allows for an extra-wide 9.8” diagonal opening. $8.99, www.just-zipit.com
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
GRILLZ BACKPACK Whether you’re at school, around town or heading out on your next big adventure, ZIPIT Grillz Backpack is a cool, practical way to take along everything you need. The hip design showcases a tough persona with a hood, shady eyes and an exterior pocket that unzips to reveal shiny grillz. $24.99, www.just-zipit.com
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
COLOR IN PENCIL BOX Art meets storage with this unique, Color In storage box. It’s covered in a special fabric allowing young artists to unleash their creativity using either colored pencils or markers. $9.99, www.just-zipit.com
ZULU ELEVATE 20-ounce vacuum insulated stainless steel water bottle is designed to keep drinks colder longer! Keeps drinks cold up to 24 hour and it’s leak-proof locking lid flips open with the simple press of a button, making it the ideal hydration companion for on-the-go. Drink from an FDA food-grade silicone spout that's designed for rapid 8 ACTIVE FAMIL Yintake. | AUGUST $19.99 2018 www.zuluathletic.com
ZULU ECHO 12-ounce vacuum insulated stainless steel water bottle. Keeps drinks cool up to 24 hours. Its leak-proof locking lid flips open with the simple press of a button, making it the ideal hydration companion for on-the-go. A protective silicone sleeve provides ultimate impact protection and grip for sweaty hands. $15.99, www.zuluathletic.com
UNICORN SCREEN CLEANER Smudges, be gone! The unicorn screen cleaner is cuddly soft, but tough as nails on fingerprints and dirt. Say goodbye to dirty screens! $1.99, www.yoobi.com
Back To School
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
PRODUCTS WE LOVE NORTHFACE SURGE BACKPACK The ideal 31-liter pack has gotten feature-rich updates and a new tech-inspired design to organize your electronics and simplify your life on-thego. Features a dedicated mobile-office compartment for your laptop, tablet and documents, multiple fleece-lined pockets for your sunglasses and phone, and a padded top handle and laptop sleeve. A highly breathable lumbar panel pairs with injection-molded shoulder straps for all-day comfort. $129, www.thenorthface.com
NORTHFACE JESTER BACKPACK The ultimate campus pack, the redesigned, 29-liter Jester doesn't play around when it comes to protecting and organizing your gear. The main compartment features a padded 15" laptop sleeve, and is roomy enough to also accommodate your books and binders. $65.00, www.thenorthface.com
NORTHFACE RECON BACKPACK Stay organized while navigating from point A to B with the ultra-durable, 30-liter Recon daypack that’s had a sharp redesign to feature enhanced compartments and pockets, and improved suspension and materials for all-day comfort. 360 degrees of reflectivity keeps you safe during your commute, and mesh water bottle pockets make it easy to stay hydrated while you’re on the go. $99, www.thenorthface.com
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ PARENTING ]
Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
Building a Great Relationship with Your Child by Dr. Laura Markham Want to be a great parent? Want to raise a happy, healthy, well-behaved kid? Want to live in a home where discipline becomes unnecessary? The secret is to create a closer connection with your child. It isn’t enough that we tell our children we love them. We need to put our love into action every day for them to feel it. "But what does that mean, putting our love into action?" Mostly, it means making that connection with our child our highest priority. Love in action means paying thoughtful attention to what goes on between us, seeing things from the our child's point of view, and always remembering that this child who sometimes may drive us crazy is still that precious baby we welcomed into our arms with such hope. 10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ PARENTING ] "Doesn't that take a lot of energy?"
programmed to love our infants the human race would
It takes a lot of effort to fully attend to another human
have died out long ago -- but as kids get older we need
being, but when we are really present with our child, we
to build on that natural bond, or the challenges of
often find that it energizes us and makes us feel more
modern life can erode it. Luckily, children automatically
alive, as being fully present with anyone does. Being
love their parents. As long as we don't blow that, we can
close to another human takes work. But 90% of people on
keep the connection strong.
their deathbed say that their biggest regret is that they didn't get closer to the people in their lives. And almost
3. Prioritize time with your child.
all parents whose children are grown say they wish they
Assume that you'll need to put in a significant amount of
had spent more time with their kids.
time creating a good relationship with your child. Quality time is a myth, because there’s no switch to turn on
"Being fully present? How can I do that when I'm just
closeness. Imagine that you work all the time, and have
trying to get dinner on the table and keep from tripping
set aside an evening with your husband, whom you’ve
over the toys?"
barely seen in the past six months. Does he immediately start baring his soul? Not likely.
Being present just means paying attention. Like a marriage or a friendship, your relationship with your child
In relationships, without quantity, there’s no quality. You
needs positive attention to thrive. Attention = Love. Like
can’t expect a good relationship with your daughter if
your garden, your car, or your work, what you attend to
you spend all your time at work and she spends all her
flourishes. And, of course, that kind of attentiveness takes
time with her friends. So as hard as it is with the pressures
time. You can multi-task at it while you're making dinner,
of job and daily life, if we want a better relationship
but the secret of a great relationship is some focused
with our kids, we have to free up the time to make that
time every day attending only to that child.
happen.
"This is all too vague for me. What am I supposed to
4. Start with trust, the foundation of every good
actually DO?"
relationship. Trust begins in infancy, when your baby learns whether
1. Start right for a firm foundation.
she can depend on you to pick her up when she needs
The closeness of the parent-child connection throughout
you. By the time babies are a year old, researchers can
life results from how much parents connect with their
assess whether babies are “securely attached” to their
babies, right from the beginning. For instance, research
parents, which basically means the baby trusts that his
has shown that fathers who take a week or more off work
parents can be depended on to meet his emotional and
when their babies are born have a closer relationship
physical needs.
with their child at every stage, including as teens and college students. Is this cause and effect? The bonding
Over time, we earn our children’s trust in other ways:
theorists say that if a man bonds with his newborn, he will
following through on the promise we make to play
stay closer to her throughout life. But you don't have to
a game with them later, not breaking a confidence,
believe that bonding with a newborn is crucial to note
picking them up on time.
that the kind of man who treasures his newborn and nurtures his new family is likely to continue doing so in
At the same time, we extend our trust to them by
ways that bring them closer throughout her childhood.
expecting the best from them and believing in their fundamental goodness and potential. We trust in the
2. Remember that all relationships take work.
power of human development to help our child grow,
Good parent-child connections don’t spring out of
learn, and mature. We trust that although our child may
nowhere, any more than good marriages do. Biology
act like a child today, he or she is always developing into
gives us a headstart -- if we weren’t biologically
a more mature person (just as, hopefully, we are.) We AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ PARENTING ] trust that no matter what he or she does, there is always
7. Think of relationships as the slow accretion of daily
the potential for positive change.
interactions. You don’t have to do anything special to build a
Trust does not mean blindly believing what your
relationship with your child. The good -- and bad --
teenager tells you. Trust means not giving up on your
news is that every interaction creates the relationship.
child, no matter what he or she does. Trust means
Grocery shopping, carpooling and bathtime matter as
never walking away from the relationship in frustration,
much as that big talk you have when there’s a problem.
because you trust that she needs you and that you will
He doesn’t want to share his toy, or go to bed, or do
find a way to work things out.
his homework? How you handle it is one brick in the foundation of your permanent relationship, as well as his
5. Encourage, Encourage, Encourage.
ideas about all relationships.
Think of your child as a plant who is programmed by nature to grow and blossom. If you see the plant has
That’s one reason it’s worth thinking through any
brown leaves, you consider if maybe it needs more light,
recurring interactions that get on your nerves to see
more water, more fertilizer. You don't criticize it and yell
how you might handle them differently. Interactions
at it to straighten up and grow right.
that happen more than once tend to initiate a pattern. Nagging and criticizing are no basis for a relationship
Kids form their view of themselves and the world every
with someone you love. And besides, your life is too short
day. They need your encouragement to see themselves
for you to spend it in a state of annoyance.
as good people who are capable of good things. And they need to know you're on their side. If most of what
8. Communication habits start early.
comes out of your mouth is correction or criticism, they
Do you listen when she prattles on interminably about
won't feel good about themselves, and they won't feel
her friends at preschool, even when you have more
like you're their ally. You lose your only leverage with
important things to think about? Then she’s more likely
them, and they lose something every kid needs: to know
to tell you about her interactions with boys when she’s
they have an adult who thinks the world of them.
fourteen.
6. Remember that respect must be mutual.
It’s hard to pay attention when you’re rushing to pick up
Pretty obvious, right? But we forget this with our kids,
food for dinner and get home, but if you aren’t really
because we know we’re supposed to be the boss.
listening, two things happen. You miss an opportunity to
You can still set limits (and you must), but if you do it
learn about and teach your child, and she learns that
respectfully and with empathy, your child will learn both
you don’t really listen so there’s not much point in talking.
to treat others with respect and to expect to be treated respectfully himself.
9. Don't take it personally. Your teenager slams the door to her bedroom. Your
Once when I became impatient with my then 3 year
ten year old huffs "Mom, you never understand!" Your
old, he turned to me and said “I don’t like it when you
four year old screams "I hate you, Daddy!" What's the
talk to me that way.” A friend who was with us said,
most important thing to remember? DON'T TAKE IT
“If he’s starting this early, you’re going to have big
PERSONALLY! This isn't primarily about you, it's about
problems when he’s a teenager!” In fact, rather than
them: their tangled up feelings, their difficulty controlling
challenging my authority, my toddler was simply asking
themselves, their immature ability to understand and
to be treated with the dignity he had come to expect.
express their emotions. Taking it personally wounds you,
Now a teenager, he continues to treat himself, me, and
which means you do what we all do when hurt: either
others, respectfully. And he chooses peers who treat him
close off, or lash out, or both. Which just worsens a tough
respectfully. Isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
situation for all concerned.
12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ PARENTING ] Remembering not to take it personally means you:
also rejoin emotionally.
• Take a deep breath • Let the hurt go
13. Stay available.
• Remind yourself that your child does in fact love you
Most kids don’t keep an agenda and bring things up at
but can't get in touch with it at the moment
a scheduled meeting. And nothing makes them clam
• Consciously lower your voice
up faster than pressing them to talk. Kids talk when
• Try hard to remember what it feels like to be a kid who
something is up for them, particularly if you've proven
is upset and over-reacting. • Think through how to respond calmly and
yourself to be a good listener, but not overly attached to their opening up to you.
constructively. Being on hand when they come home is a sure-fire You can still set limits, but you do it from as calm a place as you can muster. Your child will be deeply grateful, even if she can't acknowledge it at the moment. I'm not for a minute suggesting that you let your child treat you disrespectfully. I'm suggesting you act out of love, rather than anger, as you set limits. And if you're too angry to get in touch with your love at the moment, then wait. 10. Resist the impulse to be punitive. How would you feel about someone who hurt, threatened, or humiliated you, "for your own good"? Kids do need our guidance, but punishing your child always erodes your relationship, which makes your child misbehave more. 11. Don’t let little rifts build up. If something’s wrong between you, find a way to bring it
way to hear the highlights of the day with younger kids, and even, often, with older ones. With older kids, simply being in the same room doing something can create the opportunity for interaction. If you’re cooking dinner and she’s doing homework, for instance, or the two of you are in the car alone, there's often an opening. Of course, if one of you is hunched over the computer, the interaction is likely to be more limited. Find ways to be in proximity where you’re both potentially available, without it seeming like a demand. This may seem obvious, but stating your availability is helpful, even with teens. "I'll be in the kitchen making dinner if you want me" or "I have to run to the grocery store, but don't hesitate to call my cell phone if you need me."
up and work it through positively. Choosing to withdraw (except temporarily, strategically) when your child
But the most important part of staying available is a state
seems intent on driving you away is ALWAYS a mistake.
of mind. Your child will sense your emotional availability.
Every difficulty is an opportunity to get closer or create
Parents who have close relationships with their teens
distance.
often say that as their child has gotten older, they've made it a practice to drop everything else if their teen
12. Re-connect after every separation.
signals a desire to talk. This can be difficult if you're also
Parents naturally provide an anchor, or compass, for kids
handling a demanding job and other responsibilities,
to attach to and stay oriented around. When they're
of course. But kids who feel that other things are more
apart from us they need a substitute, so they orient
important to their parents often look elsewhere when
themselves around teachers, coaches, electronics, or
they're emotionally needy. And that's our loss, as much
peers. When we rejoin each other physically we need to
as theirs. AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ PARENTING ]
Anastasia is a parent coach, awardwinning author, internationally recognized speaker, Huffington Post blogger, and mother of five. With over two decades of real life experience, Anastasia’s proven success is based on balance and results. She teaches parents how to create healthier lives and find the happiness they desire. She shares innovative strategies and new perspectives that put an end to uncertainty and stress and, lead her clients to success. Her Wing It™ philosophy helps modern day families build strong foundations, rebalance their lives, and launch happy, independent children. Anastasia is the author of the award-winning book, Leadership Through the Eyes of Children, and WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent. She is the founder of the WING IT Project, a non-profit that funds educational opportunities for children locally and globally, and co-creator of Hamptons Wellness Week. She provides private parent coaching as well as speaking at small or large gatherings about making modern parenthood easier and rebalancing family life in today’s world. Anastasia has also been featured in multiple media outlets such as TLC Network, The New York Times, ABC Family Television, The Huffington Post, Well + Good, Hamptons Magazine, NBC Television, KIWI Magazine, Parenting, ZLiving Television, MSN.com, Sheknows, Parents Magazine, ivillage, Live It Up Show, News 12 Long Island, eHow, San Diego Family, Metro Family, and Everyday Family.
Back to School = Back to You! by Anastasia Gavalas The rampage of “first day of school” photo-sharing on social media is inevitable these days and often teeters on the verge of nauseam. So, after everyone is done capturing their children’s picture-perfect, back-to-school moments and wiping away the tears consider all the benefits moms get when they send their children off to school. Sure summer is fun and notorious in helping parents loosen up and create lifestyles that are more unplanned and relaxed. But, after two plus months filled with screaming children, constant feedings, unceasing commotion, kids running in and out of the house, kitchen messes, sibling squabbles and multiple tumbles and scraps, most hands-on moms I know would give anything for a few hours of uninterrupted alone time. Not to forgo the whiny pangs from children who claim
14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ PARENTING ] to be bored just moments after having been entertained from sunset to sundown.
2. Children grow more independent. Each year provides a chance to shorten the list of tasks moms naturally take on.
When your children return to school this year, and the house becomes a bit more tranquil, relish in the space
3. Regular sleep schedules for everyone. Sleep is critical
that those initial days provide. It’s so easy for all the
for our well being, especially growing little ones. More
newfound time to get swallowed up by other family life
sleep makes everyone naturally happier.
“to-dos.” So, consider what you really want for your life and make a plan. Women, in particular, need to fiercely protect any time they acquire at the start of every school year long enough to have it become part of their daily routines. This not only promotes balance for individuals but also for entire families. Here are five other really
4. The house stays clean for more than 10 minutes at a time... Need I say more?!? 5. New opportunities to meet other moms and make new friends.
awesome benefits moms get when kids go back to school.
Summer is wonderful. But, the start of school for kids
1. Summer doesn’t have to end for moms. Savor that laid-
brings new beginnings for moms as well. It’s the perfect
back, relaxed mode as long as possible by setting up
time for them to focus on their own wellbeing and have
a few “staycations” of your own. Enjoy the beauty and
courageous conversations about what they need to feel
stillness of your own home, start a restorative morning
inspired and fulfilled. And, once moms recognize these
routine, or pack a chair and a good book and go to
benefits, we’ll probably see more sharing of first-day-of-
the beach for the day.
school “happy mom” photos.
PUB: Activ Issue: Aug Property: A Size: 1/2 P 4.8125” Colors: Ful DUE: 07.13
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AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ EVENTS ]
August Alameda AUGUST 1 Free Lunchtime Concert Oakland City Center Oakland 12pm-1pm oaklandcitycenter.com/events
AUGUST 3 Bubble-Ology Chabot Space and Science Center Oakland 6pm-10pm www.chabotspace.org/firstfridays.htm
AUGUST 4 & 5 Disney’s The Little Mermaid Livermore Performing Arts Center Livermore 2pm & 8pm lvpac.org/events/2018-08
AUGUST 6 Reading Bubbles Civic Center Library Livermore 10am-8pm www.cityoflivermore.net/cals
AUGUST 7 Tuesday Painting Group Niles Main Street Fremont 11am-3pm www.niles.org 2018 National Night Out Adobe Art Center Castro Valley 5pm-9pm www.edenareachamber.com/ events/details
AUGUST 11 Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
Lion Appreciation Day Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am-3pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events/lion-appreciationday
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
Family Hike Chabot Space and Science Center Oakland 4pm-5pm www.chabotspace.org/hikes.htm
Hot August Niles Car Show Niles Boulevard Fremont 9am-3pm www.niles.org
AUGUST 12 The Golden Follies Firehouse Arts Center Pleasanton 2pm www.firehousearts.org/eventscalendar
Senior Summer Free Day Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am-4pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events/senior-summerfree-day
AUGUST 14
AUGUST 24
2018 National Night Out Adobe Art Center Castro Valley www.edenareachamber.com/ events/details
Parents Night Out Habitot Children’s Museum Berkeley 5:30pm-9:30pm www.habitot.org/museum/ events_parents_night_out.html
AUGUST 15 Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) Livermore Performing Arts Center Livermore 7pm lvpac.org/events/2018-08
AUGUST 16 Gardening @ Nursery Park in Niles California Nursery Historic Park Fremont 10am-12pm www.niles.org
AUGUST 18 Arroyo Viejo Creek Clean Up Oakland Zoo Oakland 9am-12pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events/arroyo-viejo-creekclean-up Asian Wildlife Day Oakland Zoo Oakland 10am-3pm www.oaklandzoo.org/programsand-events/asian-wildlife-day
AUGUST 20
AUGUST 25 Author Talk: Kevin Smokler Civic Center Library Livermore 2pm www.cityoflivermore.net/cals Castro Valley Cruise Night Castro Valley Blvd Castro Valley 6pm-10pm www.edenareachamber.com/ events/details
AUGUST 25 & 26 Lamplighters: The Pirates of Penzance Livermore Performing Arts Center Livermore 2pm & 8pm lvpac.org/events/2018-08
AUGUST 26 Niles Antique Faire and Flea Market Niles Boulevard Fremont 6am-4pm www.niles.org
[ EVENTS ]
August AUGUST 31
AUGUST 12
AUGUST 3 - 12
AUGUST 18 & 25
Public Eye at Concert in the Park Downtown Pleasanton Pleasanton 7pm-8:30pm www.pleasantondowntown.net/ event/index/5
Children’s Triathlon Monte Vista High School Danville 9am-11am www.danville.ca.gov
Oasis After Dark Gilroy Gardens Gilroy 7pm-10pm www.gilroygardens.org/play/ events
Paddington Bear Storytime Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 10am-11:15am bayareadiscoverymuseum.org/ event
AUGUST 4 & 5
AUGUST 18-31
The Cat in the Hat Meet and Greet Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 10am-11:15am bayareadiscoverymuseum.org/ event
Petting Zoo Gilroy Gardens Gilroy 11am-6pm www.gilroygardens.org/play/ events
AUGUST 5
Mimi Tran Fashion Show Santana Row San Jose 4pm-7pm www.santanarow.com/events
Contra Costa AUGUST 4 Laundry the Old-Fashioned Way Forest Home Farms Historic Park San Ramon 11am-2pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us
AUGUST 8 KidChella Danville Community Center and Library Danville 11:15am-2pm www.danville.ca.gov
AUGUST 10 Moonlight Movies: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Town Green Danville 6:30pm-10:30pm www.danville.ca.gov Preschool Performance Series: Comedian & Juggler Unique Derique Theatre Danville 10am-11am www.danville.ca.gov
AUGUST 11 Conservation Icon on Orca and Humpback Whales Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 6pm-7pm lindsaywildlife.org/education/ calendar
AUGUST 18 Back to School Forest Home Farms Historic Park San Ramon 11am-2pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us Live.Wild.Animal Exhibition Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 10am-11am lindsaywildlife.org/education/ calendar
AUGUST 19 Hot Summer Sundays Car Show Historic Downtown Danville Danville 10am-4pm www.danville.ca.gov
AUGUST 24 Wild @ Night: A Night at Camp Lindsay Lindsay Wildlife Museum Walnut Creek 6pm-9pm lindsaywildlife.org/education/ calendar
Commons Block Party Civic Center Commons San Francisco 11am-3pm www.civiccentercommons.org/ attraction/2018-block-party-on1st-sunday
AUGUST 11 Bike The Presidio Presidio San Francisco 10am-11:30am www.presidio.gov/events BikeAbouts San Francisco Zoo San Francisco 8:30am-10am www.sfzoo.org/learn
AUGUST 25
AUGUST 14
Up Close with Animals Forest Home Farms Historic Park San Ramon 11am-2pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us/cms
Mommy & Me FREE Kids Club Santana Row San Jose 10am-12pm www.santanarow.com/events
Out of Area
AUGUST 17
AUGUST 3 Stroller Tours Asian Art Museum San Francisco 9:30am-10:30am www.asianart.org/events
AUGUST 25
AUGUST 25 & 26 38th Annual Italian Family Festa History Park San Jose 11am-6pm historysanjose.org/wp/event/ the-38th-annual-italian-familyfesta/all
AUGUST 26 Kids’ Carnival Hiller Aviation Museum San Carlos 10am-12pm www.hiller.org/event/kidscarnival-18
Birding the Hill Randall Museum San Francisco 8am-9am www.randallmuseum.org/ events-calendar
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ]
Reasons to Jump-Start Foreign Language Education for Your Child by The Growing Room One of the most miraculous feats of human development is the ability to learn language. Beginning at birth, children are capable of accomplishing the complex task of learning language. The mystery of first-language acquisition is intensified when one considers a child can and will naturally acquire more than one language simultaneously when surrounded by multiple languages. Furthermore, they will learn second and third languages without an accent! The key, researchers suggest, is starting young. An Early Start Results in Better Linguistics Children, who grow up learning a foreign language from a young age benefit tremendously— not only do they learn to speak without an accent, they are able to learn and process language at an impressive rate. Children’s brains The Growing Room Academy offers Chess Club for grades 1-5. (Academy members only). For more information about how to become an Academy member and how to register your child please visit: http://thegrowingroom.org/ locations/the-academy
are developmentally ready to accept languages — fluency comes easily and rapidly. So, when is the ideal time for a child to begin foreign language study? Experts say, “The younger, the better”. Second languages do not cause language confusion or language delay. Children are born equipped to learn any language in the world; however, certain cognitive windows close before puberty. Exposing a child to a foreign language at an early age (as early as 3 years old) will result in much easier and better fluency than if they learn later in life. The younger the child, the more likely the child will attain nativelike language proficiency. Parents of toddler-age children are enrolling their children in foreign language and full language-immersion preschools at an increasing rate—and these numbers are expected to skyrocket in the next few years. Cognitive Benefits Studies indicate that children who learn second languages can maintain attention longer, possess enhanced memory skills, exhibit more advanced critical thinking skills, and are more efficient multi-taskers than their monolingual peers. When a child knows multiple languages, both of the languages are active in the brain simultaneously. Children must learn to mentally separate them during speaking and thinking. By tasking their brains to switch back and forth between language systems, bilingual children become excellent problem solvers. They also have better memory and recall things more quickly. These cognitive advantages contribute to a child’s future academic success. Recent research indicates that simply thinking in a foreign language boosts critical thinking skills, helping people make quicker and wiser life decisions. Children who are bilingual also have an advantage
18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ CHILDREN & EDUCATION ] when it comes to college acceptance. A study by the
students will have the ability to promote cultural diversity
College Entrance Examination Board reports a direct
understanding within the United States and beyond.
correlation between foreign language study and SAT
Domestically, industries such as healthcare, education,
scores. The study indicates that bilingual students possess
and government agencies are in great need of bi-
higher math and language skills (again, putting to rest
lingual employees. Internationally, jobs in trade, business,
the belief that foreign languages inhibit a child’s English
and government, including diplomatic positions, are
language proficiency—foreign language study not only
career possibilities. Foreign language study opens doors
enhances, it improves it.) And, once a student knows two
that would not otherwise be opened, providing access
languages, they have greater ability to learn a third.
to resources, people, and places not accessible to those citizens without bilingual or trilingual abilities.
Cultural Enrichment There is no question that foreign language study
A foreign language not only provides a competitive
cultivates an appreciation for cultures other than one’s
edge in the workforce, it also shapes future employees
own. For children, it means the opportunity to directly observe a different culture. They can observe various cultures directly, rather than just reading or being told about them. This exposure leads to a more inclusive view towards differing cultures, which in turn makes children tolerant of differences and open to diversity. The ability to communicate conversationally with peers from other cultures broadens social circles and also provides a more expansive view of our place on the planet. Social-emotional and Health Benefits Bilingual children (and adults) evidence enhanced social and health benefits. Foreign language speakers demonstrate better self-control. The flexibility in thinking required for changing from one language to another also translates to flexibility in thought, making bilingual children more adaptable to change. These children
that will create an inclusive work environment that promotes an atmosphere of cooperation, acceptance, and an appreciation for humanity. Tips to Teach a Child a Second Language As a child engages in foreign language study, surround him/her with more than one language through conversations, literature, and varied social groups— the earlier the better. Expose your child to multilingual settings — give them ample opportunity to play with children who speak the second language. When a second language is being learned outside the home, maintain the home (heritage) language.
also exhibit less negative emotions such as anxiety, aggression, anger, or loneliness. And, when it comes
Promote and participate in storytelling and reading in
to the golden years, recent studies at the University of
multiple languages.
Chicago posit that a second language helps prevent dementia later in life.
Maintain a positive and express interest toward the languages and cultures children learn. (Remember,
Societal Contributions
parents do not have to be fluent to provide support an/or
In addition to the aforementioned benefits, when
learning opportunities).
children enter adulthood fluent in multiple languages, they enhance America’s economic competitiveness,
Foreign language study is never wasted on children.
both domestic and abroad. Developing foreign
Whether your child becomes fluent or merely learns
language abilities now will improve the effectiveness and
enough vocabulary to communicate with others, the
strength of America’s work force in the future. Bilingual
benefits are well worth the effort! AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ TRAVEL ]
Wailea Beach Villas – A Luxury Home Away from Home
by Elizabeth Kang If you’re looking for all of the comfort, amenities and
ranked as the number one luxury resort on the Hawaiian
ease of home combined with the service and luxury of a
Islands by tripadvisor.com. Read on to see why Wailea
five-star hotel, you’ll find it and more at the Wailea Beach
Beach Villas is one of our favorite family friendly resorts in
Villas in Maui.
Hawaii.
This private, gated 12-acre resort is the absolute best of
LOCATION & AMENITIES
both worlds; spacious, and functional, and also luxurious
Nestled on a lush hillside with stunning ocean views,
and stylish. Staying in one of the roomy, oceanfront
breathtaking waterfalls and tropical flora, Wailea
condos feels like your’e in your own Hawaiian beachfront
Beach Villas Resort is located on coveted prime Maui
vacation home, without paying the million-dollar-plus
real estate. The resort boasts direct access to one of
price tag.
the best beaches on the islands, Wailea Beach — a stunning palm-tree-lined stretch of soft sand and clear
The renowned property boasts numerous accolades,
turquoise waters, with just the right-sized waves. The
including being ranked as Maui’s top resort by Condé
beach is also shared with The Four Seasons and Grand
Nast Traveller’s 2017 Reader’s Choice Awards, and
Wailea; two other upscale resorts in the vicinity. It’s not
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ TRAVEL ] uncommon to spot Sea Turtles and other exotic marine life while snorkeling or simply splashing around at this idyllic beach. The pristine stretch of beach offers miles of walking or jogging trails with views you’ll never tire of. The property boasts two swimming pools — one a designated children’s pool with waterfall, partial ocean views, and hot tub, and the other a relaxing beachfront infinity pool and hot tub. If keeping up with your normal fitness routine is important to you while you’re vacationing, you’ll be thrilled with the resort's state-of-the-art fitness center, which includes Precor cardio machines and a fully equipped weight room. Locker rooms and showers are also provided. The service and hospitality at Wailea Beach Villas Resort is exactly what you would expect from a top-notch, upscale hotel, and you and you’re family will feel safe and secure with the resort’s 24-hour gated security and
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ TRAVEL ]
property patrols.
chef’s kitchens, spacious private outdoor BBQ area, flat screen TVs and surround-sound speaker systems, custom
Reception and concierge can accommodate any
exotic wood furniture, and luxury linens, top-of-the-line
request or need you may have, from pre-arrival grocery
mattresses and high-end bath products.
shopping and delivery, to arranging a family horseback riding experience on the beach, or scheduling a private
In the kitchen you’ll find everything you need to make
or couple’s massage.
quality, in-room meals, such as a waffle maker, panini press, espresso and coffee machines, a full-sized sub-
ACCOMMODATIONS
zero refrigerator, and a Viking BBQ grill on your private
Aside from the pristine locations and superb service, the
outdoor space.
stunning and spacious accommodations is what sets Wailea Beach Villas Resort apart from the rest. The luxury
Two-bedroom Villas boasts over 2500 square feet
condos feel so roomy and contemporary that it’s easy to
with two luxurious master suites, each with their own
imagine you’re at someone’s private oceanfront luxury
bathroom, and a fully equipped office or third bedroom.
home, with every amenity you could need or want.
Four-bedroom suites offer over 3000 square feet with
Families can choose from two or four-bedroom luxury
four spacious bedrooms, three bathrooms, stylish Ralph
villas, all stunningly appointed with state-of-the-art
Lauren furnishings, and an attractive rich mahogany
22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ TRAVEL ]
wood and nautical blue decor theme.
Happy Hour menu.
ACTIVITIES/ATTRACTIONS
Also just a quick walk from the resort is the world-class
Wailea Beach Villas Resorts is situated nicely to give
spa located at the Grand Wailea Resort, and the Wailea
guests access to the best shopping, restaurants and
Golf Club. The Wailea Tennis Club is easy access from the
spas in the area. It’s wonderful to have access to the
resort, as well.
neighboring resort’s world-class restaurants and spas while being able to walk back to a private villa and avoid the hotel crowds. Guests of Wailea Beach Villas can use their private key card to gain access to The Shops at Wailea, a luxury shopping mall that’s home to more than 70 shops, restaurants, and art galleries. Inside you’ll find luxury brands such as Gucci and Louis Vuitton, as well as St.John & Tommy Bahama, and brands your kids will love, such as Roxy, Billabong and Quicksilver. The mall also
And of course no trip to Hawaii is complete without attending a traditional Hawaiian Lu’au, and luckily, a very good one is offered right in Wailea, at Te Au Moana Lu’au. The buffet dinner is hosted oceanside, and features exciting traditional Hawaiian dancing, games, music and drinks. Te Au Moana Lu’au is held right next to Wailea Beach Villas, so it’s a convenient “must-do” activity during your stay.
frequently hosts evening entertainment.
Wailea Beach Villas is truly the best of both worlds — a
There are plenty of casual and upscale restaurants
the luxury and services of a world-class hotel. Escape
to choose from just steps away from the villas. Some
the crowds of a busy resort and enjoy the privacy and
popular eateries nearby include Monkeypod Kitchen,
security of your own luxury condo while still being in the
Bistro Molokini, Wolfgang Puck’s Spago (located inside
vicinity of shopping, restaurants and nightlife. The whole
the Four Seasons,) and Nick’s Fishmarket Maui. Mulligan’s
family will love having their own space, enjoying a home-
On the Blue is a popular eatery in the area, offering
grilled meal on their own private patio, while taking in
nightly live music and dinner shows, as well as a great
stunning Maui sunsets and panoramic views.
roomy and comfortable home away from home with
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ PARENTING ]
Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).
How to Fulfill New School Year Resolutions by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Help your kids change their behavior, so that they can reach their goals. As the summer break wrapped up, I started asking my kids about their hopes for the coming school year. The conversation that ensued reminded me a little of New Year’s Eve with adults – lots of optimism, but no plans concrete enough to justify faith in their intentions. Here’s the thing: Intentions are never enough. Even full-blown goal-setting isn’t worth much if you don’t do it right. It’s a mistake not to set goals in a way that’s proven effective; just vaguely wanting to do well in school, make the team, or be class president will not get kids where they want to go. But kids don’t know this; we parents need to teach them how to change their behavior in a way that helps them reach their goals. Enter behavioral psychologist Sean Young, who knows more about behavior change than anyone. Using Sean’s framework – as well as the research I wrote about in my book “The Sweet Spot” – I’ve freshened up my plan for how my kids and I set our goals (and inspire behavior change). While here I’ll use my daughter Macie’s desire to be well-rested this school year, this framework can obviously be applied to many different types of goals. I’ve created a goal-setting worksheet at www.braveoverperfect.com/goalsetting-worksheet to make it all easy here.
24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ PARENTING ] 1. First, state the big goal. What would you like to
happen to be in close physical proximity to us.
accomplish in the next three months or so? This means that to be successful in reaching our goals, Macie is a high school senior applying to colleges this
it’s very helpful to set up our environment to make things
fall. She knows she needs sleep to be mentally and
easier, to create what are called structural solutions. This
physically healthy – and to do well academically and
usually means removing temptations. For Macie, it meant
athletically. Specifically, she hopes that she won’t get
getting her phone out of her bedroom at night (where it
caught in a cycle of exhaustion this year, where she
would keep her up) and while she was studying (where
oversleeps and then has to rush out the door in the
it would distract her so much she couldn’t finish her
morning, skipping breakfast and generally not starting
homework by bedtime).
the day well. Her dream is to get eight to nine hours of sleep each night and get out of bed as soon as her
6. Involve other people. Kids often do things they might
alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. on weekday mornings.
otherwise resist if it makes them feel more of a sense of belonging, or if it deepens or increases their social
2. Next, break this larger idea down into long-term goals.
connections. (This is why we call chores “contributions”
Long-term goals take up to three months to accomplish.
in our household.) Involving other people can provide
Macie’s long-term goal is to have a 30-day “streak”
added motivation, getting them to do stuff they’d rather
of getting eight to nine hours of sleep each night and
blow off.
getting out of bed within five minutes of her alarm going off in the morning.
I make sure Macie is out of bed in the morning. She is too old for this, and it bugs the heck out of her to have me
3. Break it down again into short-term goals. These
hovering in this way; not to mention, I annoyingly sing
goals should take one to three weeks to accomplish.
“rise and shine.” This is sufficient motivation for her to get
Macie’s first short-term goal was to outline for herself
out of bed before I arrive.
specific morning and evening routines in 10-minute time increments. Those specific plans helped her see what she
7. Identify why the goal is important. Help kids think less
needed to do to get to bed by 10:30 p.m. and wake up
about what they want to achieve and instead focus on
by 6:30 a.m.
how they want to feel. Identify a “why” for the goal that will motivate them over the long haul.
4. Now break goals down into very specific, ridiculously easy baby steps. What can you do today? Tomorrow?
We do better when we let go of our logical reasons for
Here are the baby steps Macie took:
why we want to do something. Why? Because research shows that good, solid, logical reasons for doing
• Get an alarm that doesn’t bug her (that she won’t resist setting).
something – like exercising because we want to lower our blood pressure or ward off cancer – don’t actually
• Ask a parent to enforce the family rule that phones are
provide lasting motivation. It turns out that emotions are
charged outside of bedrooms. (We let that slip with her
far more motivating than achievement goals in the long
over the summer.)
run.
• Set her alarm for 6:30 a.m. So help kids shoot instead for a feeling a certain way. For 5. Set up the environment to make things easier. Our
example, maybe they want more confidence or calm.
environment dramatically influences our behavior.
Macie wants to get out of bed on time because she
We like to think our behavior is all our personality and
wants to feel “on it,” “well-rested” and “disciplined.”
preferences, or that it’s the strength of our ironclad will that determines our success. But actually, we are hugely
8. Make the new behavior a part of their identity. Macie
influenced by the people, places and technology that
wants to be able to say, “I am a person who is well-rested AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ PARENTING ] and self-disciplined.” She’s tracking the days she gets
something on autopilot, everything is easier – we don’t
into and out of bed on time, so she can look back and
need much willpower to enact our habitual behaviors.
see, “Yup, I’m on it!” Collect evidence that your kids are
Can you help kids make the behaviors related to
the type of people who do whatever it is that they are
accomplishing their goals habitual in any way? Do this
trying to do.
by anchoring behaviors in existing habits or routines, or even a schedule, using a when/then statement: “When I
9. Make the behavior more enticing. We human beings
do x, then I will y.” For Macie, it starts at 7 p.m.: “When it’s
pursue rewards: a pretty little cupcake, attention from
7 p.m., I will put my phone in the charging station while I
a mentor, a sense of accomplishment. When our brains
study.”
identify a potential reward, they release dopamine, a feel-good chemical messenger. Dopamine motivates us
What are your kids’ goals for this new school year? What
to pursue the reward, creating a real sense of craving,
are your goals? Now that you have a framework for how
wanting or desire for the carrot that is being dangled in
you and your children can achieve those goals, you can
front of us.
lead by example to turn talk into something more.
Rewards need to be immediate or, even better, built into
If you need support setting and achieving your goals, I
our routine when possible. Macie loves her bed; getting
hope you’ll check out our new Brave Over Perfect group
into it is its own reward. In the morning, I praise Macie
coaching program! At only $20 for 3 coaching calls and
enthusiastically when she gets out of bed on her own.
two months of online support, it’s a no-brainer. Learn more or enroll by going to www.christinecarter.com/
10. Make the behavior more habitual. Once we do
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[ PARENTING ]
Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness. Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution. She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students. She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.
How To Take Care Of Others Without Burning Out by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. In our over-stressed world, many health care providers, social workers, and caregivers are suffering from slow yet painful burnout. Many of the rest of us, working long hours and raising families, seem to be approaching burnout, too. Sometimes we may feel that we’re too exhausted to keep giving to others, even though giving is a primary source of happiness in our lives. So how can we keep giving without burning out? We’re told that self-care is the answer: Give yourself a treat; you deserve it. Take some time for yourself. Say no. Indeed, a research review found that psychologists in training who practice more self-care report feeling less distressed and stressed and more satisfied with life. The question is: What does self-care look like, and how much of it do we need? As it turns out, the trick is to be other-focused and kind, but to balance that with taking care of yourself as well. Here are some practices to help you do that. 1. Self-compassion One particularly potent form of self-care involves transforming our relationship with ourselves—in particular, practicing self-compassion. Self-compassion is treating yourself as you would a friend—with kindness rather than self-judgment—especially at times when you fail. Selfcompassion is remembering that we all make mistakes, instead of beating
28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
[ PARENTING ] ourselves up. And it means being mindful of emotions
Researchers agree that social connection has less to
and thoughts without getting overly immersed in them.
do with the number of friends you have than with how
Self-compassion doesn’t mean being indulgent or letting
connected you feel on the inside, subjectively. In other
yourself off the hook, but it also doesn’t mean being
words, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to reap
overly self-critical and harsh.
the benefits; just aim to cultivate an internal sense of belonging with those around you.
Elaine Beaumont at the University of Salford has conducted numerous studies looking at the impact of
How? The tricky part is that stress is linked to self-focus;
self-compassion on burnout and compassion fatigue.
our stressed minds turn towards me, myself, and I—
In a study of 100 student midwives—who routinely see
making us even more miserable and disconnected from
both the miracle of new life and the tragedies that
others. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, and walks
can accompany childbirth—Beaumont and her team
in nature, as well as curbing caffeine, can all help us
found that midwives who had higher levels of self-
calm down and feel ready to reach out to others. A study
compassion also showed less burnout and compassion
we conducted at Stanford showed that loving-kindness
fatigue symptoms. The opposite was true of midwives
meditation can be a quick way to nurture a sense of
who were highly self-critical. She repeated this study with
connection. Better yet, try meditating with a partner!
different caretaker professions and found similar results in nurses and studentstraining to be counselors and
3. Empathy and compassion
psychotherapists.
It might seem counterintuitive that empathy—which includes attending to others’ struggles—would help us
In addition to being protected against burnout, people
with our own, particularly for caregivers. But research in
who are more self-compassionate tend to report feeling
social workers shows that having more empathy can also
less stress and negative emotions. They’re also more
prevent burnout. Brain-imaging research by Tania Singer
optimistic and feel more happiness and other positive
suggests that compassion training can actually make
emotions, among other benefits.
you better at coping with other people’s suffering— helping you help others without paying the cost yourself.
To practice self-compassion, try some of the exercises
One potential explanation for this finding is that, by
that pioneering self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff
developing feelings like compassion and empathy, we
has studied and written about in her book on self-
are protected from feeling distressed or overwhelmed
compassion, such as writing a Self-Compassionate Letter,
in the face of suffering. When you truly connect with
taking a Self-Compassion Break, or asking yourself: How
another person who is suffering, you can actually feel
Would I Treat a Friend?
empowered and energized because you are inspired to uplift that person.
2. Social connection Caring for ourselves also means seeking social
We’ve all had the experience of having a friend ask for
connections, who can provide practical and emotional
help during a time of emergency. In these moments,
support to us when we’re struggling. A study of nurses
we are usually capable of so much more than we
found that belonging to a more cohesive group at work
imagined—we seem to find hidden reserves of energy.
helps prevent burnout and compassion fatigue, reducing
Afterward, we end up feeling much better than we did
the effects of stress and trauma.
before.
This should come as no surprise: Social connection, from
Again, loving-kindness meditation is one way to start to
birth to old age, is one of our greatest human needs.
cultivate empathy. When you speak with someone who is
Social connection leads to lower rates of anxiety and
suffering, practicing active listening can help you provide
depression, strengthens our immune system, and can
comfort and support to them without having to solve
even lengthen our life.
their problems. AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ PARENTING ] The benefits of giving
If you are shy or introverted or even have social anxiety,
If we can figure out how to continue giving to others
giving to others can actually still increase your happiness.
without suffering from burnout, we can expect to reap
Although giving tends to feel better when we connect
many benefits.
with beneficiaries, for the truly shy or those who don’t have time, even kind acts conducted over the computer
For example, volunteering can have a positive impact
can increase well-being. Finally, as Adam Grant has
on health, with benefits for obesity, blood glucose,
shown in his book Give & Take, being a giver also leads to
blood pressure, and longevity. Older volunteers can
greater professional success.
derive a great feeling of purpose and self-esteem from volunteering; research shows that it makes them feel
Self-compassion, social connection, and empathy are
happier, more connected to others, and more confident
powerful forms of self-care—but that doesn’t mean that
of their self-worth. The benefits of volunteering for well-
traditional self-care activities have no place in our lives.
being seem to be universal, holding across cultures as
Keeping your spirits up with exercise, sleeping in, and
well as generations.
making room for fun activities like movies or shopping are important. These pleasures give us short bursts of
Other studies have found that we’re happier when we
happiness that can help fuel us and keep us playful
spend money on others, and that we experience more
in life. To complement these more physical pleasures,
positive emotions when we engage in acts of kindness
however, giving and connecting with others in positive
for others, rather than ourselves. As a researcher of
ways will bring us long-lasting feelings of joy that come
happiness and someone who has written a book on the
from a life of purpose and meaning. The balance
topic, I can attest to the many, many studies that have
between the two is a ripe recipe for a happy, long, and
been written on the topic.
fulfilling life.
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30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018
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Education is a Lifelong Commitment
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NOW ENROLLING Join our Open House every Wednesday! www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool
Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Passionate, Experienced Educators
PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA
925.462.6300
Full and Half Day Schedules Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton
PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Toddler through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA
925.846.9400
AUGUST 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31 CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681
Benefits of Opening a Child Support Case:
32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | AUGUST 2018