SEPTEMBER 2019
Tips for
LETTING GO
of Old Regrets
Teaching Kids to Be Smart Spenders for Back to School
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT
The Lost Sierra – Nakoma Resort
Volume 6 / Issue 67
[ PARENTING ]
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
[ TRAVEL ]
When it Comes to Sending A Kid To College: Be A Slacker!
Tips for Letting Go of Old Regrets
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Nakoma Resort – A Forested Family Respite
16 Teaching Kids to Be Smart Spenders for Back to School
26
6 4 Ways To Stay Intensely Focused In the Age Of Distraction
18
15 Couple’s Weekend Getaway, Mendocino
20
[ HEALTH ] When Is It Wise To Take Out Wisdom Teeth?
24
26 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
6
15
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Contributing Authors
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Travel Editor
Design/Production
Christine Carter, Ph.D. Elizabeth Kang Jamee Tenzer Emma Seppälä Ph.D. Dr. Michele Borba Dr. Dante Gonzales
Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
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Editor’s Note As we settle into the school year, it’s time to start taking care of yourself again. ‘Tips for Letting Go of Old Regrets’ on page 6 and ‘4 Ways To Stay Intensely Focused In The Age Of Distraction’ on page 18 both offer helpful advice we can easily apply to our every day lives. As always, we loved checking out new travel destinations to share with our readers and the hidden gem, Nakoma Resort, did not disappoint! Head over to page 10 to learn more about this amazingly family-friendly getaway! If you’re in need of a couple’s weekend rendezvous, we have found the perfect location in Mendocino. Read all about it starting on page 21. Need more great content? Be sure to follow us on Instagram (@ activefamilymagazine) and Facebook (@activefamilymag) and check out our website – www.activefamilymag.com. Have a wonderful September! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
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[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).
Tips for Letting Go of Old Regrets by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Recently, I went to high school Back-to-School night with my first husband, Mike, and we ran into a colleague of his I’d never met before. “This is Christine,” Mike said brightly, and then he hesitated. “My, um, my…ex-wife.” As soon as we walked away, he apologized. “I’m so sorry for introducing you as my ex-wife. It’s such an ugly term. I should have just said you were Molly’s mom, but he doesn’t know Molly, so I wasn’t sure what to say.” We have been divorced for ten years; we’ve both been re-married for five. I harbor no ill feeling about being called Mike’s ex-wife, but I was touched by his sensitivity and kindness. At the end of the evening, he even opened my car door for me . Mike is just such a nice guy. We get along so well now that you’d never know
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[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] that our relationship was once high-conflict, marred by
remember the divorce, and all the people that it
anger and criticism.
affected, both then and now.
I have hundreds of old narratives about what went wrong
Then, I thought about my mistakes. But Hanson
in our marriage, but I’ve never been quite sure which one
recommends distinguishing between our moral failings
is true, which one to believe. The narrative that haunts
and simple unskillfulness. This step was a huge revelation
me the most is the one in which our divorce was my fault.
to me. As I look back on my failed marriage, I see a mess
I was too critical of Mike; I provoked too much conflict.
of unskillfulness. Even things that might be perceived
I should have seen that my complaints about him were
by others as immoral—to some people, divorce itself is
actually things I didn’t like about myself. I should have
immoral—seemed to me to stem from my own lack of
accepted that romance would inevitably fade, and, at
certain emotional skills.
the same time, I should have worked harder to keep the romance alive.
It turns out that the list of things I’d do differently wasn’t that long. Ten years ago, I simply didn’t have the skills
This narrative is laced with the fear that I behaved
I needed to keep my marriage together. There is an
selfishly, and, as a consequence, I’ve harmed my kids
innocence there that is easy to forgive.
irreparably. It inspires shame and regret, launching me down a slippery slope of self-criticism that leaves me
2. Taking accountability
feeling like I’m not good enough.
This sort of self-reflection can be really productive. It’s important to take accountability for our mistakes and our
I’ve been thinking about this all week. September 29th
failings, and to repair the hurt we cause other people.
was Rosh Hashanah, the first day of the Jewish New Year.
How else can we do better?
My husband, Mark, who for the record is just as nice a guy as Mike, is Jewish, and I go with his family to services
Seeing that I behaved unskillfully allows me to take
at their temple. For ten days after Rosh Hashanah, Jews
responsibility for mistakes that I made, rather than
show sorrow and regret for wrong done in the previous
clinging to my judgments and justifications. At the same
year.
time, it helps me not let my mistakes define who I am. I am more than my missteps and bad habits.
I must have some catching up to do, because when I was reflecting on my regrets about this past year, I felt
It also gives me somewhere to go: I can practice now
sorrow for mistakes I made a decade ago. It’s not that
the skills I needed then. This approach helps me respond
I regret my divorce; I don’t. I do believe it was the right
when well-meaning people—observing how well Mike
thing for our family. But I could see clearly what I would
and I now parent together—wonder out loud if we ever
do differently now, given the chance. It was time to let go
regret getting divorced. We are different people now
of some old regrets.
than we were then. Getting divorced gave us ample opportunity to practice more skillful ways of relating to
Over the last 10 days, I moved through a few steps that
one another.
have each been helpful. 3. Practicing acceptance 1. Forgiving myself
Here’s something I’ve learned the hard way: Acceptance
Yesterday was the “Day of Atonement,” and it brought
is the precursor to atonement. I’ve finally surrendered
me some peace. I’d been reading about self-forgiveness,
resistance to my divorce and my unskillfulness, as well as
and Rick Hanson’s recommendations unlocked
the sorrow that I’ve felt about it all.
something in me. He advises us to acknowledge the facts surrounding the circumstances or behavior we
I’ve also, finally, found peace in accepting that there
regret, including those that are hard to face. I let myself
is a lot I don’t know. I don’t know if the marriage would SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] have worked if I’d been more skillful. It’s easier to think
“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an
that there is no way it would have, so it doesn’t matter
absurd one.”
what we did and didn’t do. For ten years, I’ve been constructing narratives that make my memories more
I do know one thing for certain, though: If I’d made
black-and-white than they really are. These narratives
different choices ten years ago, I would not have the life
provide me with certainty that I did the right thing. But
I have now. It’s a life that I love, one where I’m happy
only until they don’t.
and fulfilled. I love Mark and his big, loud Jewish family. I love our marriage, even when it’s hard. I can’t imagine
“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is an
life without my amazing stepchildren, whom I love
absurd one” –Voltaire
and adore beyond reason. I know my daughters can’t imagine life without their stepsiblings and stepparents.
Certainty can be temporarily reassuring, but it can also
It’s a life that I would never consciously give up. But,
turn on us, revealing its opposite. One minute I’m sure
ironically, it’s one that I was giving up, unconsciously,
that my marriage with Mike would never have worked;
every time I harbored those old fears and sorrows.
the next I’m sure it could have, because look how well we get along now.
Accepting the past and all its messiness has allowed me to let go of what I’d actually already lost. Already
Accepting uncertainty is such an underwhelming
I’m better able to shift my gaze away from the past, to
alternative to feeling certain that you did the right
focus my attention on the present. The past, and my
thing, even if feeling right doesn’t last. But, ultimately,
stories about the past, no longer feel relevant. There is no
uncertainty is the lesser of two ills; as Voltaire wrote,
emotional hook. This, I’ve come to believe, is atonement.
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8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ TRAVEL ]
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[ TRAVEL ]
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Nakoma Resort – A Forested Family Respite
by Elizabeth Kang
Just north of Lake Tahoe, surrounded by pine forests and lush valleys, lies one of the best family resorts in Northern California that you’ve probably never heard of — Nakoma Resort. This forested oasis is a far less crowded alternative to the oftentraveled Tahoe stays, and just as beautiful. Nestled in the High Sierra forests of Clio, California, Nakoma Resort offers serene, natural beauty, affordable rates, and plenty of year-round diversions for the entire crew. The resort was recently built, with some areas even yet to be built, so it feels fresh and modern, upscale, and contemporary. Read on to discover more about this beautiful family friendly escape.
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Accommodations With the stunning Lake Nakoma in the background, The Lodge at Nakoma Resort houses 42 rooms around 400 square feet, most which feature two queen beds or one king bed, large picture windows, and all the comfort and amenities you’d expect from a high-end resort. Rooms are swathed in neutral, earthy tones, with comfortable, luxury linens, and feature breathtaking views of the golfing greens and surrounding forest. Across from The Lodge, guests can relax and dine at the Frank Lloyd Wright-designed Clubhouse, (the only clubhouse designed by the famed architect.) At the Clubhouse, guests can enjoy a meal in the Wigwam Dining Room, sip wine at the Wigwam Bar, or head down to the private lower level of the Clubhouse, to relax at the Nakoma Spa. To purchase any supplies needed, guests should head over to the Golf Shop/Winter Activity Center, where they’ll find any golf supplies needed, or winter-fun gear for snowshoeing and sledding.
Activities & Excursions Truly a year-round destination, Nakoma Resort offers fun for everyone, at any time of the year. During warmer months, golfers will be thrilled with Nakoma’s 18-hole championship course, the Dragon, and its postcard-worthy views. Designed by Robin Nelson, The Dragon’s debut was named by Golf World as one of America’s Top 75 golf courses. At the newly built Altitude Recreation Center, kids and teens will find endless fun on the rock-climbing wall, in the game room, or at the massive, sparkling outdoor pool. There’s also a children’s center with an outdoor play area for little ones to enjoy, while older 12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
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children can socialize and play video games in the teen center. Everyone will love to hang in the 24-seat movie theater. Adults can get in a workout at the Altitude Recreation Center’s fitness room, relax in the hot tub, or swim laps in the lap pool. Be sure to visit the spa for a pampering facials, massage, or pedicure, or simply to enjoy the steam room and sauna.
Dining Because of the remote, secluded nature of the resort, dining options are limited to what can be found onsite, and luckily, the food at Nakoma Resort is superb. At Altitude Bistro + Bar, guests can enjoy fresh, healthy fare in an airy, poolside setting. No need to deviate from your usual diet, because Altitude features organic and gluten-free options, as well as vegan and vegetarian items. Family favorites such as pizza, salads, smoothies and more can be found at this casual bistro, serving lunch and dinner. SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ TRAVEL ] For a more formal, yet still family friendly option, reserve a table at the Wigwam Dining Room, a spectacular eating space designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Centered around a massive stone fireplace, the Wigwam Dining Room delights guests with spectacular views of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At the Wigwam Bar, guests enjoy casual, light bites, small-batch local brews, and innovative cocktails. Be sure to snag a spot on the panoramic Sky Deck during warmer months for jaw-dropping sunset views at dinner. Open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Currently under construction, the MarketPlace will be a go-to for fresh grab’n’go snacks and meals, gourmet coffee, and sweet treats.
Real Estate If you can see yourself wanting to return to this gorgeous “Lost Sierra” gem time and time again, Nakoma Lodge offers guests the exciting opportunity to purchase time-share residences, and brand new vacation home sites The Residence Club at Nakoma Resort offers all the benefits of vacation home ownership with none of the maintenance costs, commitment or financial burden. According to the Nakoma Resort website “Residence Club members enjoy a lifetime of lodging and golf privileges at the acclaimed Dragon Golf Course and discounts at the iconic Frank Lloyd Wright Clubhouse. Members also will have access to the spectacular new Altitude Recreation Center, right next door to the unique and beautifully appointed Residence Club.” Another option for vacation homebuyers is to purchase one of the beautiful, sleek and modern homes at Ascend at Nakoma. These mountain view homes range from two to four bedrooms and are built to order. Not ready for that commitment? When you’re ready to build your mountain dream home, simply pick your plot of land, customize your home plan and watch it come to fruition before your eyes. It’s an option you’ll likely dreamily consider after visiting this serene, forested oasis.
[ TRAVEL ]
NAKOMA RESORT 348 Bear Run Clio, CA 877.462.5662 www.nakomaresort.com
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[ PARENTING ]
Jamee Tenzer is an Executive Coach, Trainer and Mentor. For the past 15 years she has been privileged to coach breadwinner moms and executives and to work internationally as a coach mentor and trainer. She has worked with leaders in many industries including; entertainment, non-profit and technology. In addition to serving as a Supervisor, Mentor and Trainer for the International Coach Academy from 2006 to 2015, she is also a trained mediator and the co-creator of three ICF Accredited courses for coaches; Deeper Conversations Coaching, Mentor Coach Certification and Real Coaching Sessions Unplugged. Jamee is a member of the International Coach Federation, Producers Guild of America and Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. She holds a CPC from the International Coach Academy, a PCC from the International Coach Federation and a BCC from the Center for Credentialing and Education. She is a committed im-perfectionist - her husband and three children can attest to this!
When It Comes To Sending A Kid To College: Be A Slacker! by Jamee Tenzer I know, I know. How can you be a slacker? Aren’t you the mom who got her child to annual check-ups every year (that one year that you forgot does not count) and helped her with her homework (except math after 4th grade), celebrated with her when she made the tennis team (and then spent every weekend in the hot sun cheering her on) and comforted her when the boy she asked to prom, said no? (Nice job resisting the urge to walk over there and give that boy a piece of your mind!) In addition to being “Ms. Fix It”, “Ms. Do It Yourself,” “Mother Knows Best,” and at times, “Mommie Dearest,” you have kept the life of another Human Being organized and humming along for 18 years. And you may have been doing this for more than one Human Being at a time!
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] Years of filling out school forms and attending teacher
the courage.
conferences, waking up in the middle of the night for scary dreams and staying up at night to wait for children
Here’s to bravery! Go Slacker- Mom Go!
who are out too late, has prepared you for your next assignment.
Potential Coach Me Quick Slacker-Mom activities for your enjoyment:
Drum Roll Please! Should you choose to accept it, your next assignment is “Slacker.”
1. Don’t ask what your child is eating at college. It’s not a balanced diet and it’s not going to be.
When I say “Slacker,” I am not talking about your personal and professional commitments. Sorry, this isn’t
an opportunity to FINALLY put your feet up, eat a quart
Do take the time that may have been spent worrying about this to make a great dinner for yourself!
of Ben & Jerry’s and watch your favorite TV all day – although, now that I think about it – you do deserve a
2. Don’t ask when your child is going to sleep each night.
treat, so go ahead.
It’s too late and yes, they may be too tired to study the next day and may in fact, fall asleep in class.
When I say “Slacker,” I am talking about letting your child make some mistakes.
I know that you have been doing this in “controlled experiments,” under your watchful eye. But now that
Do take the time to put yourself down for a nap.
3. Don’t ask what their grades are. If they are terrible, you will find out sooner or later.
your child is at college, it may be time to loosen the reins even more and maybe let go of some stress at the same time.
Do give yourself an “A” for successfully parenting a terrific child.
I have to admit that as I write these words, I feel a knot in the pit of my stomach too. I wince at my computer
4. Don’t initiate communication with them by text or phone.
screen questioning this article and my own commitment to let my college aged children make (gulp) mistakes? But at the same time, I know they must.
Do respond with love and support when they reach out to you.
Why do we have such a hard time with this? Could it be that we remember our own stupid mistakes and wonder
5. Don’t let them know how much you miss them.
how we ever survived? Perhaps we have read too much about the development of the teenage brain. Whatever the reason, there is an opportunity here, if we can muster
Do send occasional care packages that let them know how much you love them. SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness. Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution. She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students. She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.
4 Ways To Stay Intensely Focused In The Age Of Distraction by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. As children, we were one with each moment—crying one moment, laughing the next— always intensely present and going along with the flow of being. As a result, we had an abundance of energy and enthusiasm. As adults, we stand amazed before the energy of children, and attribute it to their age. While biological age may have something to do with their vivaciousness, their ability to remain in that flow of being, moment to moment, also does. After all, some adults have the same energy and enthusiasm as children, and those are the adults who can sometimes mystify everybody else. They too are able to remain in that flow. What is their secret? Being Really Present Half of our waking hours, we are thinking about something other than what is right in front of us. Of course, time spent planning for the future is useful. Meandering thoughts can also lead to creative insights and aha moments that are delightful. But many of our other mind-wanderings are not. Ruminating over the past is often linked to regret, anger, or nostalgia for things to be as they once were. Focusing on the future and thinking about everything we have to do or worrying about what will happen is linked to stress and anxiety. No wonder, then, that research shows that we are never happier than when we are in the present moment, attending to what we are doing—even if we don’t actually enjoy the activity!
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[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] Here’s the rub: If feelings are unpleasant, we want them
Quiet the Mind
to end ASAP, and if they are pleasant, we want to hang
The philosophy of yoga is powerful here. It is essentially
onto them for dear life. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar reminds
moving from doing to being. So start by doing: Do
us, we long for what we don’t have and live in fear of
physical exercises to reduce the jitters (or lethargy) in
losing what we do have. Instead of being in harmony
the body. Do breathing exercises to calm the mind. And
with the moment as it is, we struggle against it, pushing
meditate to rest within yourself. The more centered you
and pulling rather than embracing the inevitable fact
are, the less the mind will get caught up in self-centered
of impermanence. Tough times pass, as do the lovely
thoughts, the less it will be seduced or irritated by the
ones. Unhappy feelings fade, and so do happy ones.
outside world, and the more it will be present and
Everything moves in an ebb and flow, the constant and rhythmic movement of time. When we stop resisting what is happening and simply embrace it without trying to change it or hold on to it, we can remain in the childlike flow of being.
Drop the Protagonist We swirl in a sea of thoughts involving me, myself, and I—and it’s not our fault. After all, we are at the center of our own lives. As a consequence, however, we are easily upset: because someone criticized us, or wasn’t considerate to us, or didn’t give us that promotion (or that date or that favor)—and so we spend a lot of time ruminating and dwelling in negative emotions. Research shows that most negative emotions are indeed linked to self-focus.
harmonious. Even when your mind loses its cool, a regular practice will allow it to return to center more quickly. While physical exercise can help build your physical strength, yogic practices help build your inner strength. You are more easily able to go with the flow, to observe rather than react. Sometimes “yoga” involves physical postures, while sometimes it means taking a nap.
In addition, we need to quiet our daily lives, to value downtime. You don’t need to block more time out on your calendar, but turn off the music when you’re in the car, put your phone away when it’s not needed, and go out into nature every once in a while just to breathe and walk aimlessly. As we read in Winnie the Pooh: “Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away
As important as we may seem to ourselves, we are but one among billions, and our life is short and relatively
beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.”
meaningless. Rather than getting down on ourselves or becoming nihilistic, we need to have a sense of humor.
And This:
Imagine that we are watching ourselves as an actor
Whether you are offering a helping hand to a person
on a movie screen. Observe, rather than get lost in the
in need or caring for an infant, you’ll feel the surge you
emotion. Hold on to that perspective of an onlooker who
feel in your chest—and that is all you need. There is
knows that “this too shall pass,” who understands that
both agony and ecstasy in love—it is a heart-wrenching
ups and downs are simply part of life (and good movie
quickening of the soul. And in that moment, you are truly
plots), and who doesn’t forget to enjoy the popcorn.
and fully always in the childlike flow of being. SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
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[ TRAVEL ]
COUPLE’S WEEKEND GETAWAY, MENDOCINO by Elizabeth Kang Feel the need to get away, perhaps sans kids? Look north, to Mendocino. Four hours north of the bustling Bay Area, this charming coastal town is far enough away to feel removed from the stress of everyday life, yet close enough to jet home in case the babysitter calls about a sudden tummy bug. Mendocino is relaxing, romantic, and picturesque. It’s far less crowded than southern coastal towns, has plenty of fun excursions to offer, and is upscale enough to support a wide array of fine dining options. Check out our weekend itinerary for ideas to plan your next weekend getaway to gorgeous Mendocino. FRIDAY 10 a.m. Ready, Set — Drive! Kiss the kids goodbye and hit the road. You’ll pass through wine country on the way up 101 North, so stop by one of the many gourmet markets or roadside stands to pick up some picnic fare. 12:30 p.m. Pit Stop — Picnic & Tasting About two and a half hours into your drive up is a quaint little winery that’s not to be missed. Perched up on a hill in Yorkville, tucked away from the wine county crowds, lies Artevino — Maple Creek Winery. Delicious wines and friendly service await you, in an intimate, rustic space. Maple Creek makes wonderful chardonnays and pinot noirs, among other varietals. The Artevino 2017 Maple Creek Estate Chardonnay Yorkville Highlands recently earned 91 points from the editors at Wine Enthusiast.
3:30 p.m. Check In — Brewery Gulch Inn Although there are many charming Bed & Breakfasts, Inns and hotels in the area, only one has consistently been named by numerous publications as one of the best hotels in California. Brewery Gulch Inn, is hands down, the perfect choice for couples, with it’s secluded bluff location overlooking the coast. The inn is an intimate, romantic space, with gracious hosts who make you feel right at home. The onsite chef creates delicious buffet-style dinners every night, as well as made-to-order breakfasts in the morning. Enjoy a cozy fire in the privacy of your comfortable room, or sit back on an Adirondack overlooking the ocean. Be sure to explore the hidden trails woven throughout the property, one of which leads to a charming frog pond. 5:30 p.m. Wine Hour & Dinner — Right at your Inn For the best dinner in town — just stay right where you are, as there’s no need for reservations. Brewery Gulch Inn delights guests nightly with a wonderful wine hour, and impressive “light” dinner. During our visit, the dinner buffet was a beautifully presented lemon oregano chicken main dish, with a baby kale and spinach salad, creamy artichoke and fennel bisque, roasted summer squash, addicting house-made bread and both a red and white wine. Dessert was an interpretation of Bananas Foster Romanoff, served elegantly in individual glass cups. Guests are free to help themselves, and have as much as they want. After dinner, guests can borrow a movie from the massive video collection to enjoy in their SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ TRAVEL ]
room, play a game of cards or scrabble in the common area, or simply gaze at the evening stars on the outside deck. SATURDAY 9 a.m. Breakfast — Made to Order Wake up naturally (for once) and meander downstairs to a gourmet, made-to-order breakfast. Enjoy hot coffee, fresh squeezed OJ, and freshly made baked treats as you leisurely peruse from the menu. Brewery Gulch Inn serves an outstanding breakfast, with menu items such as Eggs Benedict, seasonal frittatas, and Huevos Rancheros, all made from scratch, to order. Afterward, there is no better spot to enjoy a hot mug of coffee on an overcast Mendocino morning than overlooking the ocean on Brewery Gulch Inn’s back deck. 10:30 a.m. Horseback Ride — On the Beach Make reservations in advance for the 1.5 hour-long, beachside horseback ride with Ross Ranch, which operates multiple group rides daily. The friendly staff guides riders of all skill levels on a fun, leisurely ride down to Manchester Beach, on breathtaking coastline just south of Mendocino. 12:30 p.m. Lunchtime — Mendocino Market 22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
For a quick, casual lunch that’s just as tasty as any whitetablecloth fare, stop by Mendocino Market, a favorite with locals and tourists alike. Their gourmet deli sandwiches are flavorful and filling, (the crab and cheddar melt is delicious.) 2 p.m. An Afternoon Hike — To a Waterfall The six-mile roundtrip trek through Fern Canyon Trail may sound daunting, but is well worth the effort. The mostly shaded and flat terrain is an easy to moderate hike, and the stunning scenery and gorgeous waterfall you see along the way make it the perfect excursion for nature lovers. Take in lush forests filled with ferns and redwoods and be rewarded with a breathtaking, flowing waterfall. 6 p.m. Last Dinner — At the Inn You may be tempted to try one of the many delicious restaurants in town, but one whiff of the delectable dinner Brewery Gulch Inn has laid out, and all other plans go out the window. Why go out when a beautiful display of seared scallops and rice pilaf beckons you to stay? Enjoy the last light of dusk fireside with that book you’ve been meaning to finish all year, and take in the peaceful sounds of nature, gorgeous views, and ocean breezes. Come this time tomorrow, it’s back to packing school lunches, folding laundry and not-so-leisurely mornings.
[ TRAVEL ]
SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ HEALTH ]
When Is It Wise To Take Out Wisdom Teeth? by Dr. Dante Gonzales I'm not sure why they call them wisdom teeth. Technically, they are the third molars: the third set of molars to erupt in the mouth. They tend to erupt around the age of 16-20, a time when most teenagers exhibit very little "wisdom". One of the most common questions I get as an orthodontist is: "Do I need to have my wisdom teeth extracted?" It's a very good question, and there is no universal answer. The answer is "it depends". There are many factors that one must consider to determine whether or not to extract the "wisdom teeth". Everyone is different. Every mouth is different. Before we dive into this topic, here are some facts: • The third molars are the last tooth in the jaw. • They are the most commonly congenitally missing tooth in the mouth. Some people may only have one or two, or none at all. Dr. Dante Gonzales has been creating beautiful, healthy smiles since 1998. He takes great pride in delivering the highest quality orthodontic treatment available. Dr. Gonzales takes an active role in meeting and exceeding the standards of his profession. He has taken the extra steps to become a board certified orthodontist in Dublin, CA. (Only 1 in 6 orthodontists is board certified.) In addition, he is a member of the American Association of Orthodontists, as well as other national, state, and local dental associations. In order to stay abreast of the most current developments in dentistry and orthodontics, Dr. Gonzales and his team attend many continuing education courses throughout the year. In addition, he served as an associate clinical professor in the orthodontics department at the University of the Pacific Dental School. Since 2010, Dr. Gonzales has served on the editorial advisory board of Dr. Oz’s website.
• Of all the teeth in the mouth it has the widest variety of shape and size • They start to develop in the jaws around age 12. • They do not cause or exacerbate crowding in the mouth. Why do we have third molars when there usually is not enough room for them to erupt into the jaw? Why does our body develop these "extra" teeth when we don't really need them and they tend to just cause problems? Many scientists believe that the "extra" molars would help replace any teeth that were lost during adolescence, or if teeth were degraded by a very coarse diet. Others believe that we humans have not evolved as fast as our diets and dental care has. Our diet is much more processed than 10,000 years ago and our food doesn't degrade our teeth like the diet of early man. And moreover, we take better care of our teeth. These days most children of this generation will keep all of their teeth for their entire life. That is something of a rarity even 150 years ago. So if we are not losing or degrading our teeth like ancient man, do we all need to have our wisdom teeth taken out? Will they not just cause problems later on? Not necessarily. Just because wisdom teeth may cause a problem down the road, doesn't mean they will. Unfortunately, it's very hard to predict. Even with all of our new 3-D x-ray technology it's still difficult to determine. The xray is just a snapshot in time and it's hard to extrapolate from one or two xrays. That being said here are some guidelines that we can follow to determine whether or not we need to extract our wisdom teeth.
24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
[ HEALTH ] First, are they impacted? Most third molars tend to
patient has not yet had any "noticeable" symptoms but
impact (a fancy word for "stuck inside the bone"). When
they are showing signs of disease either clinically or in
they are impacted they can develop cysts (fluid filled
the xrays. This could be anything from beginning tooth
sacs) over time. These cysts can damage the adjacent
decay, a dentigerous cyst or tumor, or damage to an
teeth and the surrounding bone. If it is noticed on an xray
adjacent tooth. Depending on the exact circumstances
that cysts are developing then the third molars should
these patient will usually need to have their wisdom teeth
definitely be extracted.
extracted.
Second, if the wisdom teeth are just partially impacted
4. A patient has no symptoms and no signs of disease:
(part of the tooth still in the bone and part is erupted into
For these patients it may be best to take a wait and
the mouth) they can become infected. This infection can
see approach. There may be circumstances where
go straight down into the bone and cause an abscess
the doctor may "predict" that the wisdom teeth are
within the bone. And if allowed to spread can infect the
going to cause a problem down the road, and they
adjacent tissues and even progress into sepsis. Third, if the wisdom tooth is erupting directly into the root of the second molar it could damage the roots causing irreparable harm to the second molar. If this situation is caught early enough the surgeon can extract the wisdom tooth before it causes any major damage to the second molar. There are basically four different scenarios that wisdom teeth fall into. 1. A patient has symptoms and has disease: A patient will have pain or swelling, a foul taste, or difficulty opening. And the patient will have signs of disease either clinically or it may show in the xrays. Depending on the exact circumstances these patients will usually need their wisdom teeth extracted.
may recommend to take out the wisdom teeth for prophylactic reasons in order to avoid those problems later. However, crowding of the teeth is not one of those problems. The other teeth in the mouth will not crowd or become misaligned due to the wisdom teeth. For patients without any signs or symptoms of disease or problems with their wisdom teeth the decision to extract can be a difficult one. It is impossible to predict whether wisdom teeth that are problem-free now will stay that way in the future. That means that many people who choose not to be treated aren't avoiding surgery forever, but they may just be postponing surgery. As long as the wisdom teeth are present, they may create problems down the road. If a dentist does "predict" that there may be a problem down the road, there are huge advantages to taking out the wisdom teeth early. Taking out the wisdom teeth at an early age can be easier
2. A patient has symptoms but no disease: A patient has
for the surgeon, and lead to a less painful surgery, and
symptoms such as pain or difficulty opening but there
less risk to the nerve and sinuses. While a "wait and see"
is no clear signs of disease. There is nothing showing in
approach does increase the risk for complications, that
the xray or in the clinical examination. For these patients
must be weighed against possibly having unnecessary
the dentist may need further evaluation or they may just
surgery and a misuse of medical resources. At every
wait to see how things progress. If the symptoms subside
dentist appointment your dentist should examine the
then no treatment will probably be recommended. A
area where the wisdom teeth are to look for any signs
continued wait and watch will be recommended. If the
or symptoms of disease. And at least once every few
disease does present itself then treatment, extractions,
years a patient should have a panoramic x-ray to check
may be recommended if the wisdom teeth are the
their wisdom teeth for any signs of disease. As long as
source of the disease and the symptoms.
any problems are caught early enough the surgeon and patient can make a "wise" decision on extracting one's
3. A patient has no symptoms but disease is present: A
wisdom teeth. SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ PARENTING ] Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek, People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
Teaching Kids to Be Smart Spenders for Back to School by Dr. Michele Borba Parenting advice to help kids become smarter spenders, stick to a budget, and learn the value of a dollar Do you sometimes feel like your kid’s ATM machine? Do you worry you may be giving your kid an allowance when he’s forty-five? Does your child spend faster than he saves? If so, you’re not alone. Financial literacy and knowing the value of a dollar (or a good deal) appears to be a subject many of today’s kids are failing. In fact, 180,000 U.S. kids aged 18 to 24 declared bankruptcy last year because they never learned basic money management skills. Among unemployed Americas ages 18 to 29, Angela Wu of Newsweek reports that “more than a quarter are behind on mortgage payments and this group also has soaring credit-care debt and bankruptcy rates.” What’s more, fewer than half of parents surveyed said they teach their 11 to 14-year-olds how to keep track of their expenses or set a budget. Many schools are realizing just how many kids are flunking money management. And that’s why the number of states requiring high school students to take a financial-literacy course has doubled since 2007, to 13. One thing most financial advisers suggest: Parents should be speaking to their
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | SEPTEMBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] kids about money — and a lot sooner.
create a shopping list based on real needs not wants to help prioritize spending. And any want item can be
I shared a few tips with Al Roker on the TODAY show
purchased from your child’s own funds.
on ways to help our kids learn to become smarter spenders. Here are tips that help teach your kids money
Set A Budget and Pass It to Your Child
management, but maybe even stick to a budget. And
When shopping for back to school items this year set a
there is no better time to start these conversations then
budget that works for your family and then share that
during those back-to-school shopping sprees.
amount with your kids. (And if you’re cutting back, reduce the guilt: surveys find that clothing is the top
10 Tips to Help Kids Become Smarter Spenders
item parents say they are still spending less on again
Start Early
this year). Older kids can start doing the math to figure
New research shows that kids learn attitudes about
out if their “want” list is realistic. It usually forces them to
money at any early age. By three to five years of age kids
start checking online and newspaper advertisements for
have already determined whether they are “spenders”
better deals.
or “savers.” So start those conversations when kids can count to ten. The first step is to give out those piggy
Have Each Child Create a Prioritized List
banks. (Baby food jars make perfect banks for younger
Now have each of your kids make their own list of
kids because they can “see” their money growing). Set a
school needs. (Start with the school’s required list. If you
rule that “We save our money before we spend it.”
haven’t received “the list,” check your child’s school’s website). Even younger kids who can’t read can cut and
Be a Good Example
paste pictures from penny savers or catalogues onto
Our kids do watch our example, so be careful of what
index cards to create a list. Making a list has helps kids
you model. “I just have to have that dress!” doesn’t help
prioritize, be more likely to stick to a budget and actually
your kid learn to be a smart spender. Better examples
reduces impulsive spending urges once in the store. And
that sink in are: “I’m going to wait for the sale.” Or “I need
if your child carries a list in her hands, she is less likely to
a washing machine, but I’ll start check the consumer
buy impulsively. A study found that once a child touches
reports for the best value.”
an object she is more likely to want it. So keep your kids’ hands occupied in those stores.
Teach “Wants vs. Needs” This is the “Gotta Have It NOW Generation” so a big
Help Your Kid Become a Bargain Hunter
step in helping today’s kids learn to be smart spenders
Get your kids involved in checking out those penny saver
is to teach them the difference between “want it…” vs.
ads. Have them clip out coupons. Use advertisements to
“need it.” Start by having your kids take an inventory of
also teach kids how to save money on required school
their closet before you go out shopping for more. Pull
supplies and compare prices. Tune your kids into the
out those socks, shirts, and shoes together, and then turn
bargains at those dollar stores. Hit the outlet malls, and
the drawer and closest cleaning into your first money
don’t overlook thrift stores and even garage sales. And
management lesson. Clothes that are torn, faded, or
tell them to watch for sales!
don’t fit become the “needed” replacement items (“You need new socks…they have holes in them!”) Then
Don’t Back Down from the Budget
when your daughter says she has to have a new pair
A study by researchers at the University of Vienna,
of designer jeans (when last year’s pair still fit and are
Austria found that the influence children wield over their
in good shape), that becomes a “want item.” Do the
parent’s purchase decisions is grossly underestimated.
same with all those school supplies. The trick is to get
In fact, parents say that sixty percent of their shopping
your kids to assess what they already have that is still in
choices are kid influenced. And boy do kids know our
good shape and can be recycled. What’s missing and
weak points! Studies show that the average kid nags
really needed is on the “need” list. Now your kids can
us nine times for a product – and at the ninth whine we SEPTEMBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ PARENTING ] throw up the white flag and give in. So don’t! Once your
become more tuned into comparing deals within that
kids figure out that your “no” really doesn’t really mean
store (which of the two backpacks or calculators is a
no, there goes your moment to make them stick to that
better value) because they can line the items up next to
budget and become smarter spenders.
one another and check out “outside” colors and design as well as “inside” stitching. Older kids should turn the
Do One Store Shopping to Boost Consumer Skills
package over and compare the contents.
Consider choosing just one store that has the best bargains to take the kids this year (like Wall Mart, Target,
Make Sure Your Child Goes to the Register
or Office Depot). By announcing, “We’re shopping only
The shopping process isn’t complete until your child goes
at this store,” the kids are forced to look for the best
to the check out. This is when he learns to make those
bargains in one place and you won’t find yourself driving
tough fiscal decisions and the importance of sticking
to multiple stores (and bringing back multiple items).
to a budget. And if your child is over his limit, make him decide which unnecessary items to remove. It’s also a
Do Comparison-Shopping and Teach Money Lessons
great learning activity to have him check the receipt
Once in the store, start by choosing an item that may
once the shopping is done. Once home, make sure your
have price variations. Show your kids a few similar
kids write their names on each item with a permanent
products and the corresponding price tags so they
marking pen. Regardless of how great the deal, the next
compare price differences and learn to think through
lesson is to teach your kids to be responsible for their
which is a better value. You’ll also find that kids will
purchased clothes and supplies.
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