Active Family Magazine - October 2014

OCTOBER 2014

THE BULLY

Too Close to Home

When Friends Avoid Tough Topics:

SHARE A STORY, HEAR A STORY

4 WAYS TO FIND What Truly MOVES You

IS IT POSSIBLE FOR PARENTS to Live a Balanced Life?

PUMPKIN PATCH GUIDE HARVEST HAPPENINGS 6 TIPS FOR A GREAT HALLOWEEN HOW TO HAVE A SAFE HALLOWEEN

2401 Shadelands Dr., Walnut Creek, CA 94598 • bitly.com/cho-wc

925-979-3434

Diagnostic Imaging Hearing & Speech Center Motion Analysis & Sports Performance Lab Orthopaedics Outpatient Surgery Sleep Lab Specialty Care Clinics Sports Medicine Center for Young Athletes

CHILDREN’S WALNUT CREEK CAMPUS RATES 5 STARS ON YELP

5 STARS.

FACT:

Social and emotional intelligence may be the most important determinant of a child’s future success.

PRIMROSE WAY:

Infants – Private Kindergarten

Being school-ready is just the beginning.

ENROLL TODAY FOR A $150 TUITION CREDIT Primrose School of Pleasanton 7110 Koll Center Pkwy | Pleasanton, CA 94566 925.600.7746 | PrimrosePleasanton.com

Each Primrose School is a privately owned and operated franchise. Primrose Schools and The Leader in Educational Child Care are trademarks of Primrose School Franchising Company. ©2014 Primrose School Franchising Company. All rights reserved. See primroseschools.com for ‘fact’ source and curriculum detail. License #013421388, #013421389

Volume 1 / Issue 9

[ HEALTH ]

[ EVENTS ]

Four Tips for Giving a Child Medicine

October Calendar

14

24

44

Harvest Happenings

Is it Possible for Parents to Live a Balance Life?

Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Mammograms Save Lives

30

18

[ FAMILY ]

For a Healthy School Year, Focus on These

22 Growing Tall: The Emotional Benefits of Yoga for Kids

34

When Friends Avoid Tough Topics: Share a Story, Hear a Story

46

Am I Really Going to Have to Ask You Again?

8

Don’t Get Hijacked – Take the High Road!

Birthday Party Guide

10

32 36

Lunchbox Inspiration

How to have a SAFE HALLOWEEN

26

The Bully Too Close to Home

[ FOOD ]

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

16

4 Ways to Find What Truly MOVES You

[ EDUCATION ]

40

6 Tips for a Great Halloween

28 Pumpkin Patch Guide

42

What Every Parent Should Know About Reading Difficulty

20

24 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

16

46

DISCOVERY Inßpi®ed by St®atfo®d

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

There’s no more profound gift parents can give their children than the chance to discover what they are capable of — the chance to achieve all they can.

What Matters…

Nurturing, Safe Environment Engaging Curriculum Music and Art for all students Enriching Social Development Spanish and Science beginning in preschool taught by specialty teachers

S S S S S

S Experienced teachers with a passion for education S Thriving school community that welcomes parent involvement

S 95% of our graduating middle school students accepted to their high school of choice in the Bay Area

Join us for a personal tour Call (408) 973-7321

www.StratfordSchools.com/The_Stratford_Difference

WE S

GE

LE

O

LS

S

OF

SCH

Accrediting Commission for Schools

O

S

Elementary

S

Middle School

ASSOCIAT I RN

ON

TE

Preschool AND CO

L

Preschool State License Numbers: 073402482, 013417816, 013420588, 434404890, 434408056, 434407977, 434404336, 434406722, 434408877, 384001837, 434410807, 434410816, 073406680, 013420939.

Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor

Design/Production

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Teresa Agnew Craft

Marketing Manager

Ad Design/Production

Crystal Wigton

Lara Mays

Cammie Cavros

Dr. Melissa Arca Melissa Roja Lawlor Dr. Laura Markham Robin Stephens Renee Loux Diane Gage Lofgen Rona Renner, RN Selena Kohng Christine Carter, Ph.D Gretchen Berry, R.N., BSN Rachel Stafford Diane Gage Lofgren

Wardrobe Stylist

Contributing Businesses

Sr. Advertising Sales Manager Maxine Fisher

Advertising Sales Manager April Gentry

Advertising Sales Manager

ValleyCare Foundations Tutoring of Pleasanton www.howaboutcookie.com Sutter Health

Jeneffer Jones Punjani

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activekidsbayarea.com

Editor’s Note As we launch into the holiday season this month with Halloween there are so many events and festivities to be found around the Bay! We have highlighted some of our favorites in this issue with our Pumpkin Patch Guide on page 42 and the Harvest Happenings on page 30. Check out ‘6 Tips for a Great Halloween’ from Care.com which offers super insight from favorite Mom bloggers! Of course our October issue wouldn’t be complete without our ‘Safe Halloween’ list on page 8.

Planning a birthday party in the near future? We have included lots of venue suggestions in our Birthday Party Guide on page 10, so be sure to check it out!

Enjoy the issue and wishing you all a fun and safe Halloween!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activekidsbayarea.com

6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

IT’S EASY TO FIND DOCTOR RIGHT With Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation and Palo Alto Medical Foundation, you have easy access to top-quality care for your kids right in your neighborhood. Our team of dedicated health care providers is committed to providing your kids with excellent medical services at our care centers in Albany, Antioch, Berkeley, Brentwood, Castro Valley, Dublin, Fremont, Oakland, Orinda, and Richmond.

It’s another way we plus you.

1 (800) 4-SUTTER thedoctorforyou.com

Palo Alto Medical Foundation Sutter East Bay Medical Foundation OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

How to have a SAFE HALLOWEEN

S A F E H A L L O W E E N

Stay on the sidewalks and use crosswalks. Trick or treaters should walk, not run and should never cut across lawns or driveways. Obstacles could exist that aren’t readily visible in the evening.

Avoid letting your kids enter homes of strangers. There should be no reason for your kids to enter a home. If there is a haunted house attraction, think about accompanying your child. This will let them partake in the fun without the worry of getting lost and scared.

Follow neighborhood curfews. Some towns set a curfew for trick or treating which makes it easier for residents to know who’s coming to their door. Make sure to stick to the curfew times and stick to subdivisions and areas with a lot of homes so your kids can get in as much trick or treating as possible in a few hours’ time.

Examine your child’s candy before they dive in; you want to make sure all of the candy packaging is sealed. Toss any pieces that have been opened or tampered with.

Have your children wear or carry something that is lit or reflective. You will be able to keep track of your kids and cars will be able to seem them easier. Flashlights, light-up shoes, or glow in the dark necklaces/bracelets are great options.

Always make sure your child’s costumes (especially shoes!) are comfortable and wellfitting. This will help avoid grouchy children, in addition to reducing the possibility of tripping in the dark.

Look both ways before you cross the street and encourage everyone to hold hands while crossing.

Lap around your route in advance and check it during the daylight for such obstacles as broken sidewalks (or no sidewalks), construction timber, or other obstacles that could trip up or trick or treaters. Trick or treat in familiar neighborhoods or areas.

Only visit houses that are well lit. It is custom that houses who are expecting trick or treaters will keep their houses lit up and those who do not wish to be bothers will keep their house dark. Respect the privacy and wishes of your neighbors.

When possible, travel in groups and try to have a good adult/child ratio.

Eating homemade treats - only accept homemade treats from people that you fully trust.

Establish ground rules. Make sure your trick or treaters know the ground rules prior to leaving the house.

Numbers are important! Keep the local police number in the contacts of your cell phone and report any suspicious activity. If you are going to be taking friends of your children with you without their parents make sure you have their phone numbers as well!

8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

FAMILY FUNDRAISER

SaTUrDay & SUNday

OCTobEr 18 – 19, 10 a.M. – 4 P.M. Access edy pe

FL

-B

Y All activities free with admission.

Children under 6 months are admitted free.

Y LAN

E

Pre-buy tickets online for access to the FLY-BY LANE

S

Games. Rides. Live Entertainment.

Tricks. Treats & Sweets.

BayKidsMuseum.org/Goblin Fort Baker, Sausalito (415) 339-3900

Free Admission

Opens October 1st!

Joan’s Farm & Pumpkin Patch Open Daily 9am -6pm     

Farm Animals Gem panning Pumpkins Old West Town

   

October 1st - 31st

Teepees Mazes Hay Ride Food

   

Children's train Game Area Sweets & Treats Covered Wagon

Weekend Events: Pony Rides & Face Painting NEW RIDING SCHOOL    

Personalized Riding Lessons for All Ages Beginning to Advanced Specialized Lessons in Dressage Jumping and Cross Country Horse Management lessons

Enroll Today 4351 Mines Rd., Livermore  (925) 447-0794 www.joansfarm.com

SAN Ramon & The horse park at Woodside 925-588-1480 | eastbayriding@gmail.com

www.eastbayridingacademy.com OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Birthday Party Guide Alameda County: BERKELEY Berkeley City Ballet 1800 Dwight Way 510.841.8913 www.berkeleycityballet.org Dance Out Loud 2800 Park St. 510.301.5073 www.dancingloud.wordpress.com Kids ‘N’ Clay Pottery Studio 809 Allston Way 510.845.0982 www.kidsnclay.com Lawrence Hall of Science 1 Centennial Dr. 510.642.5132 www.lawrencehallofscience.org Habitot Children’s Museum 2065 Kittredge St. 510.647.1111 www.habitot.org

Café Art 7197 Village Pkwy #B 925.829.7778 www.ceramic-cafeart.com

Parti Palooza 6253 Southfront Rd. 925.245.9913 www.partipalooza.com

FREMONT Aqua Adventure 40500 Paeso Padre Pkwy 510.494.4426 www.goaquaadventure.com

Springtime Tumbling & Trampoline 5715 Southfront Rd. 925.456.0110 www.tumblingandtrampoline.com

City Beach 4020 Technology Pl. 510.651.2500 www.citybeach.com

Umigo Racing 6538 Patterson Pass Rd. 925.373.7223 www.umigoracing.com

Century Theaters at Pacific Commons 43917 Pacific Commons Blvd.

510.651.2859 www.cinemark.com

OAKLAND

Color Me Mine 37324 Fremont Blvd 510.739.0200 www.colormemine.com

LIVERMORE

Chabot Space & Science Center 1000 Skyline Blvd.

510.336.7300 www.chabotspace.org Children’s Fairyland 699 Bellevue Ave. 510.452.2259 www.fairyland.org

Studio Grow 1235 10th St. 510.526.9888 www.studiogrow.com

Boomers!

2400 Kitty Hawk Rd. 925.447.7275 www.boomersparks.com

Glitter and Razz 5951 College Ave. 510.654.7166 www.gogirlsblog.com

CASTRO VALLEY

Café Art 1971 Second St. 925.373.0222 www.cafeart-livermore.com

Oakland Zoo 9777 Golf Links Rd. 510.632.9525 www.oaklandzoo.org

Earl Anthony’s Dublin Bowl 6750 Regional St. 925.828.7550 www.earlanthonysdublinbowl.com

California Gymnastics Academy 180 Wright Brothers Ave. 925.245.0331 www.californiagymnasticsacademy.com

Gymboree Play & Music Oakland 3433 Lakeshore Ave 510.834.0982 www.gymboreeclasses.com

East Bay SPCA 4651 Gleason Dr. 925.479.9670 www.eastbayspca.org

Fire Stations 4 Hire 480 Preston Ct. 925.290.7550 www.firestations4hire.com

Dolores Bengston Aquatic Center 4455 Black Ave. 925.931.3420 www.cityofpleasantonca.gov

Iceland Dublin 7212 San Ramon Rd. 925.829.4444 www.dubliniceland.com

Granada Bowl 1620 Railroad Ave. 925.447.5600 www.granadabowl.com

Rockin’ Jump 5875 Arnold Rd 925.828.7676 www.dublin.rockinjump.com

Horizons East Equestrian Center 5111 Doolan Rd. 925.960.9696 www.showstables.com

Castro Valley Bowl 3501 Village Dr. 510.538.8100 www.castrovillagebowl.net

DUBLIN

10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

PLEASANTON

Build-A-Bear Workshop 1 Stoneridgemall Rd. 925.398.2281 www.buildabear.com ClubSport 7090 Johnson Dr. 925.463.2822 www.clubsports.com

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Birthday Party Guide Color Me Mine 310 Main Street #B 925.251.0202 www.colormemine.com

Antioch Indoor Sports Center 1210 Sunset Dr. 925.778.6363 www.aiscsports.com

Golden Apple Learning Store 4807 Hopyard Rd. 925.460.5163 www.goldenapplels.com

Delta Bowl 3300 Delta Fair Blvd 925.757.5424 www.deltabowl.net

Gymboree Play & Music 5460 Sunol Blvd. #9 925.249.0006 www.gymboreeclasses.com

Paradise Skate Roller Rink 1201 W. 10th St. 925.779.0200 www.paradiseskate.com

High Touch High Tech of the Bay Area 1807 Santa Rita Rd. 408.982.6710 www.sciencemadefunsfba.net

BRENTWOOD

Play-Well Pleasanton 5737 Valley Ave. #B 925.484.1547 www.play-well.org Pump It Up 530 Boudler Ct. #100 925.600.9663 www.pumpitupparty.com Super Franks 5341 Owens Ct. 925.271.5880 www.superfranks.com West Coast Olympic Gymnastics Academy 1056 Serpentine Ln., Suite A 925.846.1010 www.wcoga.com

Contra Costa County: ALAMO The Best Bead Party 1323 Roundhill Rd 925.818.8062 www.thebestbeadparty.com Color Bundles 220A Alamo Plaza 925.727.3137 www.colorbundles.com

ANTIOCH Antioch Water Park 4701 Lone Tree Way 925.776.3070 www.ci.antioch.ca.us

Black Diamond Kids Center 2015 Elkins Way 925.516.6619 www.blackdiamondkidscenter. com

CONCORD Chuck E. Cheese’s 1611 Willow Pass Road 925.689.2808 www.chuckecheese.com Diablo Rock Gym 1220 Diamond Way #140 925.602.1000 www.touchstoneclimbing.com/ diablorock Diablo Valley Bowl 1500 Monument Blvd.

925.671.0913 www.dvbowl.com Encore Gymnastics 999 Bancroft Rd. 925.932.1033 www.encoregym.com

Bricks 4 Kidz 3150 Balfour Rd., Suite C 925.684.4082 www.bricks4kidz.com

Ghost Golf 4383 Clayton Rd 925.521.1913 www.ghostgolfconcord.com

Chuck E. Cheese’s 6061 Lone Tree Way 925.240.8405 www.chuckecheese.com

Jungle Fun & Adventure 1975 Diamond Blvd.

925.687.4386 www.thejunglefun.com

Harvest Park Bowl 5000 Balfour Rd. 925.516.1221 www.harvestparkbowl.com

Mad Science of Mt. Diablo 1341 Galaxy Way 925.687.1900 www.mtdiablo.madscience.org

Little Miss Everything 220 Oak St. 925.513.4700 www.littlemisseverything.com

Pixieland Amusement Park 2740 East Olivera Rd. 925.689.8841 www.pixieland.com

The Little Gym of Brentwood 3850 Balfour Rd. Suite K 925.634.0034 www.thelittlegym.com

Pump It Up 1301 Franquette Ave. 925.681.1060 www.pumpitupparty.com

Twin Tiger Academy of Self Defense 700 Harvest Park Dr., Suite K 925.513.7591 www.twintigersacademy.com

Q-Zar 2295 Willow Pass Rd. 925.521.9663 www.q-zar.com

Tumble Time Bus Brentwood, CA 925.392.3215 www.tumbletimefun.com

Sky High Sports 1631 Challenge Dr. 925.682.5867 www.jumpskyhigh.com

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Birthday Party Guide UFC Gym 1975 Diamond Blvd.

925.265.8130 www.ufcgym.com Waterworld California 1950 Waterworld Pkwy 925.609.1364 www.waterworldcalifornia.com

DANVILLE Danville Bowl 200 Boone Ct. 925.837.7272 www.danvillebowl.com Next Step Dance Studio Inc. 109 Town and Country Dr. #A 925.831.0777 www.nextstepdance.com Studio Grow 3612 Blackhawk Plaza Cir 925.648.7529 www.studiogrow.com

LAFAYETTE

OAKLEY

Andrea’s Musical Adventures 3103 Diablo View Rd. 925.280.7364 www.musicwithandrea.com

Pump It Up 5351 Nerloy Rd. 925.978.1420 www.pumpitupparty.com

Color Me Mine 3541 Mt. Diablo Blvd.

925.299.2615 www.lafayette.colormemine.com

PLEASANT HILL

Gymboree Play & Music Lafayette 3482 Mt Diablo Blvd 925.283.4896 www.gymboreeclasses.com Indoor Sports Party Lafayette Recreation Center 500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.19668 www.lovelafayette.org Kids N’ Dance 3369 Mt. Diablo Blvd 925.284.7388 www.kidsndance.com Kindergym Lafayette Recreation Center 500 Saint Mary’s Rd. 925.284.2232 www.ci.lafayette.ca.us SewNow! 3534 Golden Gate Way 925.283.7396 www.sewnow.com Sienna Ranch 3232 Deer Hill Rd. 925.283.6311 www.siennaranch.net Sherman Swim School 1075 Carol Ln. 925.283.2100 www.shermanswim.com The Art Room 50 Lafayette Cir. 925.299.1515 www.theart-room.com

MORAGA Luna Gymnastics 594 Moraga Rd. 925.376.2363 www.lunagymnastics.com

12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

Irvin Deutcher Family YMCA 350 Civic Dr. 925.687.8900 www.ymca-cba.org

SAN RAMON Golden Skate Family Center 2701 Hooper Dr. 925.820.2525 www.thegoldenskate.com Gymboree Play and Music Center 2551 San Ramon Valley Blvd #110 925.866.8315 www.gymboreeclasses.com My Gym Children’s Fitness Center 180 Market Pl. 925.244.1171 www.mygym.com San Ramon Sports 2411 Old Crow Canyon Rd. 925.831.9050 www.sanramonsports.com

WALNUT CREEK Birthday Adventures 975 N. San Carlos Dr. 925.937.6500 www.adventuredaycamp.com/ birthday-adventures Castle Rock Arabians 1350 Castle Rock Rd. 925.933.3701 www.castlerockarabians.com Lindsay Wildlife Museum 1931 1st Ave. 925.935.1978 www.wildlife-museum.org My Gym Children’s Fitness Center 2256 Oak Grove Rd 925.952.9791 www.mygym.com Small Talk Family Café 1536 Newell Ave 925.954.7468 www.smalltalkfamilycafe.com

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13

[ HEALTH ]

Four Tips for Giving a Child Medicine

by Sutter Health Giving medicine to a child can sometimes be stressful for parents — and children. It is important to give the correct medication and dose, at the right time and in the right way. Gretchen Berry, R.N., BSN, a Palo Alto Medical Foundation pediatric advice nurse, offers these simple tips to ease the process of giving medication to a child. If you have any questions about medications or dosage, consult your pediatrician or pharmacist.

1. Always Check the Label Review this label checklist before administering medication (prescribed or over-the-counter) to your child.

• Medication name: Generic and brand name medications are available both over the counter and through prescription. In general, generic and brand name medications have the same active ingredient — the main difference is cost. Always read the label, especially if your child has a known medication allergy. Also, make sure the medication has not expired.

• Correct dosage: One of the most common mistakes parents make is giving the wrong dosage, often mixing up teaspoons and tablespoons. Always double check. Some medications are based on your child’s weight, not age.

• How often and how long: Keep track or set a reminder to give the medication so that no doses are skipped or given too early. Always finish medication as directed — especially antibiotics — even if your child starts to feel better.

• Special instructions: Always review the instructions on the bottle or packaging. Some medications have to be given with food, on an empty stomach, shaken before given or refrigerated.

• Side effects: It is important to review with your pediatrician or pharmacist any possible side effects of medication for your child.

2. Use the Right Tool • Give the medication in the original dropper or syringe that came with it.

• Use an oral medication syringe (available at most drug stores) to give medication to an infant or young child. If your child is cooperative and able to drink from a cup without spilling, a medicine cup is a good choice, too.

• Don’t use a kitchen spoon, as they are not all the same size and therefore not accurate for proper dosing purposes.

3. Improve the Taste Sometimes kids resist taking medication. Often, this is because the medication simply does not taste good. Some helpful suggestions: • For over-the-counter medications, choose a flavor that your child might like.

For prescription medication, inquire at the pharmacy for a flavor mix-in to help with the taste.

• Ask your pharmacist if mixing liquid medication with breast milk or formula 14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ HEALTH ] (in a syringe, not a bottle) is an option, as this will help dilute the flavor and may make the medicine more palatable for an infant. For a young child, a good option is to hide the medication in a flavored liquid food.

• Never mix medication into your child’s bottle or cup.

If your child fails to drink the entire bottle or cup, it will be impossible to know exactly how much he or she ingested.

4. Use the Right Method • To help your child swallow medicine from an oral syringe or a dropper, gently and slowly squirt the liquid between the tongue and the side of the mouth. Make sure you do not squirt the liquid into the back of the throat, as this could make your child gag or choke.

• Be patient, stay positive and have fun with it. Turn it into a game, track doses with a sticker chart, or have a stuffed animal take a dose first. When your child is old enough to understand (usually after age 4), explain the importance of taking medication whether they want to or not. If your child vomits important medication, or you are unable to successfully give the medicine to your child, contact your pediatrician.

Foundations Tutoring Building a Brighter Future Unlock Your Child's Potential

 One-on-one tutoring programs in reading, writing, and math  Intensive, multi-sensory interventions that really work!  Steady, permanent progress that won't fade

Some warning signs of reading challenges  Choppy reading; often ignores punctuation  Slow reading rate, or reading may be fast and inaccurate  Doesn’t enjoy reading for pleasure  Makes errors such as substituting, adding, changing, repeating & leaving out words  Unable to sound out unknown words  Spelling difficulties  Poor grades/and or test scores Mention Active Families and receive 10% off an initial assessment www.FoundationsTutoring.org 4713 First Street, suite 150 Pleasanton, CA 94566 925-425-0652

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ FOOD ] Selena Kohng is a freelance writer who discovered food art as a way to get her three kids eating healthy food.

She has been featured in Apartment Therapy and Red Tricycle and posts regularly at howaboutcookie.com.

Lunchbox Inspiration Star Sandwich Summer has passed by in a flash and here we are…back to school. Aim for a variety of colors, and while you’re at it, make the most of a large space by filling it with multiple food items: hard fruits and veggies that don’t leak are your best options.

Contents: peanut butter and jelly star sandwich, carrots and celery with hummus, pretzels, and mixed berries.

Bento container: Goodbyn Hero

Salami Lunch Many kids have short lunch periods, and are often busy chatting with friends. Finger foods are a great way to encourage them to eat. Find a bento box with divided sections (divided lids are even better), and pack a balance of texture and taste to keep them grazing.

Contents: figs, salami, cheddar cheese cubes, multigrain crackers, celery, apples, cherries.

Bento container: Komax Pastel lunch box, found at an Asian grocery store 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ FOOD ]

Tiger Sandwich Cookie and sandwich cutters like this one by CuteZCute are an easy, quick, and fun way to transform a sandwich.

Keep loose parts in place using toothpicks or a binder like cream cheese or nut butter. Also, don’t be afraid to pack yogurt: freeze the lunch container before packing, then use an ice pack in an insulated lunch bag.

Contents: nutella sandwich, purple cabbage heart, carrots, grapes, apple, Greek yogurt topped with blueberries, almonds, and chia seeds Bento container: ECOLunchbox Three in One

Italian Sausage Pasta Leftovers are a busy parent’s best friend. After dinner, pack leftovers directly into a lunch container to save time. Don’t have a bento box? Silicone muffin cups are an easy way to separate food.

Contents: Pasta with Italian sausage and spinach, rainbow carrots.

Bento container: ECOLunchbox Splash Box

Gingerbread Man Astronaut Food Art Playing with food can never be a bad thing when it gets our kids eating! Make this fun after-school snack with a gingerbread man cookie cutter and some cheese.

Get creative, and involve your kids to motivate healthy eating in no time.

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17

[ HEALTH ]

Breast Cancer Awareness Month –Mammograms Save Lives

by ValleyCare Health System A woman’s risk for breast cancer increases with age. That’s why experts recommend a mammogram every one to two years for women age 40 and up.

Mammograms save lives by helping doctors find cancer in its earliest stages, many times before a lump can be felt. Early detection is key because the sooner treatment begins, the better the chances for survival.

If you’re a woman with dense breasts, you may want to consider 3D breast ultrasound in addition to regular mammograms. Women with dense breast tissue have five times the risk of breast cancer. Three-dimensional ultrasound is an excellent tool for imaging patients with dense breast tissue. It has the unique ability to outline structures within the dense tissue. Mammograms are still the gold standard and 3D ultrasound should be used in conjunction with mammography.

Screening Paid Off The Women’s Imaging Center at ValleyCare offers digital mammography as well as 3D ultrasound for breast imaging and is conveniently located at 5725 W. Las Positas Blvd. in Pleasanton. ValleyCare also offers digital mammography at its Livermore campus, 1133 E. Stanley Blvd.

Do yourself a favor and schedule an appointment today. Call 925-734-3376.

Carole Murray of Livermore knows first hand the value of regular screening mammograms. After having one nearly every year since the age of 40, Murray, now 72, learned this past spring that her screening mammogram showed a suspicious mass.

Cancer Patient Nurse Navigator An ultrasound and biopsy did indeed show it was cancer. Being in good health most of her life, Murray was kind of in shock. “Thank goodness for Sherry LaSalle who just came along side me and was wonderful,” says Murray.

LaSalle is a registered nurse and certified cancer patient nurse navigator for ValleyCare. She helps cancer patients “navigate” the sometimes stressful and confusing path of cancer diagnoses and treatment.

Breast Brachytherapy Because it was caught early, the tumor was very small, and it was surgically removed. Afterwards, Murray underwent breast brachytherapy. Breast brachytherapy is radiation treatment where a tiny catheter is placed in the breast through which radiation seeds

18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

are inserted. This form of radiation allows fine tuning of the delivery of the radiation to the area so that healthy tissue is spared. Because the radiation is targeted, the timeframe for treatment is also reduced from a traditional six weeks to only five days. Murray says, “it went well and the doctors, technicians and everyone at the ValleyCare Cancer Center really did a great job in taking care of me, from explaining the procedure to their compassion.”

Clean Bill of Health Murray says she has been given a clean bill of health and is amazed at how efficient, professional and caring everyone was. “I am impressed with how fast and smooth it all went.

Everyone did an amazing job and with such a caring attitude,” she says.

Now Murray shares her experience and encourages her friends and daughters to get their screening mammograms.

“Some of my friends tell me they don’t get mammograms anymore, that they’re too old,” she says. “I tell them our bodies don’t stop growing things. It’s a good eye opener. Get your mammogram!”

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] Adventures in Learning Early Childhood Center

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r Join us fo g, in ll story te mes a g , rt music, a f F UN & TONS o l! ño - in espa Mention ACTIVE FAMILY and receive a FREE first time trial class!

www.vivaelespanol.org • 925-962-9177 Lafayette • Pleasanton • And schools all over the Bay Area

The

secret of education lies in respecting the pupil. [ Ralph Waldo EmERson ]

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OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ EDUCATION ]

What Every Parent Should Know About Reading Difficulty…

by Foundations Tutoring of Pleasanton “Is my child lazy?” “Does my child just need to try harder?” “Is my child a late bloomer?”

These are just a few of the questions many parents have when they see their child struggling to read. They wonder why their bright, capable child isn’t reading as well as his or her classmates. The parents do everything the teacher requests. They spend more and more time reading aloud to their child. They coax their child to read aloud to them. They make special trips to the library and buy books at the book fair or store. They spend hours trying to help their child memorize sight words (flashcards) and complete homework assignments. Yet, it is not enough. Reading difficulties persist despite caring parents and dedicated teachers.

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Typically, these students who receive the same type of reading and spelling instruction over and over again never make enough progress to close the gap between where they are and where they need to be. That is, at-risk readers rarely catch up to grade level without access to a different approach to learning to read - a proven intervention program that is more systematic, more explicit, and multisensory. This is not a rare situation. In fact, about 20% of us do need to be taught in this way in order to reach our reading potential.

Through decades of research by the National Institute of Health and Human Development (NIHHD), we now know that children will not outgrow reading difficulties. In fact, the NIHHD research tells us that it takes FOUR times as much assistance to improve a child’s reading skills if offered in 4th grade rather than midkindergarten. The five year old who can’t quite learn his letters becomes the six year old who can’t sound out words, and later becomes the 14-year old who reads slowly and inaccurately-- often needing hours to complete his or her homework.

Don’t get me wrong, it is never too late to help your child. Getting help in 4th grade is of course better than 9th grade or beyond, and even an adult who has struggled his entire life with the reading process will find great value in receiving, for the first time, instruction that works for the way his brain processes information.

The good news is that there are very effective programs out there, and we can identify children at risk of reading failure with over 90% accuracy, as early as five and one half years of age. Your child can be successful if you: 1) Find an intervention that is proven to work, such as Barton, Wilson, or Slingerland.

2) Find a tutor who is very experienced using a proven program.

3) Make sure your child receives frequent progress monitoring using standardized testing.

Please don’t wait. Have your child assessed. Figure out if there is a problem as early as you can. Your child is counting on you.

20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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Working with their parents, Dr. Shelby and her staff have been successful treating many children who otherwise might have been sedated. In addition, Dr. Shelby has a degree in Orthodontics so as her patients grow, the transition into braces is more comfortable. Seeing the smiles on the faces of her patients as they grow from tiny tots to confident teens is one of the great joys of her life.

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[ HEALTH ]

For a Healthy School Year, Focus on These

by Dr. Melissa Arca Summer has passed by in a flash and here we are…back to school. The morning rush is on. Kids are scrambling out the door, forgetting lunch boxes and homework on countertops everywhere. And though we may welcome the routine and earlier bedtimes, back to school can also mean an uptick in illnesses and increased stress for our kids.

Keeping them healthy (and in school) can often be a challenge. So, here are some tips to maximize their health all school year long: Prioritize Sleep I know it’s hard getting back on track. But do it. Do it now. Make sure your school aged child gets at least 10 hours per night. Your teen needs 8.5-9.5. And did you see the new policy statement by the AAP regarding teens, sleep, and later school start times? It really would be great if school started a bit later for our teens. Sleep is so important. Without the proper amount, kids are prone to illnesses, their stress levels increase, symptoms of ADHD are exacerbated, and their overall physical and mental health are diminished.

Dr. Melissa Arca is a pediatrician, mom of two, writer, blogger, and child advocate. She is author of the award winning blog, Confessions of a Dr. Mom and writes a weekly parenting/children’s health column for her local paper, The Sacramento Bee. In her free time you can find her at the beach with her husband and two kids (ages 5 and 7), coffee in hand.

Moderate Screen Time If you do one thing this school year…please remove all screens/electronics/ computers form your child’s bedroom. They encroach on sleep and can delay them getting to bed. Teens in particular…please leave your phone charging in the kitchen while you sleep. You can answer those texts and catch up on Facebook later.

Kids need time to decompress and being screen free and having screen free zones is so important. Have rules for your whole family. Take breaks. Prioritize sleep, family time, homework, and exercise instead.

Get Moving Make sure everyone gets some bona fide outdoor time daily. Fresh air cures even the grumpiest of moods (kids/teens and adults alike). So, go for that family walk, take a swim, or go biking. Just move it.

Reduce Stress, Don’t Overbook Kids often confess to me that they can’t get to bed at a decent hour because there’s just too much to do. From piano, to soccer, to homework…kids can barely fit in some down time let alone time for some much needed sleep.

Stress has real physical consequences. Think headaches, abdominal pain, and difficulty falling asleep.

Help your child keep stress in check by avoiding the overbooked schedule, check in with them about their day, make time to connect, and encourage some stress free family fun time daily. You don’t need a lot of time either. If all you have is 20 minutes, seize those 2o minutes and make them count.

Practice Good Hand Washing Oh, you knew the viruses and infections would be back, didn’t you? They can spread like wildfire, particularly among the younger set. Teach your children

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ HEALTH ] good hand washing habits. Have them scrub up before eating, after using the bathroom, and after coming in from outdoors. And while you’re at it, encourage your child to sneeze/cough in the crook of his/her elbow and keep your kiddos home from school if they’re sick.

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Don’t Skip Breakfast No matter how time crunched, have your kids eat something. They will need it. You will set the stage for healthy eating choices throughout the day. So serve up some yogurt, granola, and a banana. Doesn’t have to be fancy to be nutritious.

Vaccines Matter Make sure your child is up to date on vaccines and get the seasonal flu shot/mist.

While we can’t prevent all coughs, colds, and strep throats that come our way; we do have vaccines that prevent a great deal of infections and viruses. Use them and protect your family from lost days of school and work.

Now here’s to a fun-filled and exciting school year. Enjoy my friends and stay well!

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OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23

[ EVENTS ]

October Alameda County OCTOBER 3, 10, 17, 24 &31 Happy Hour New Leaf Pleasanton FREE 5:00pm – 7:00pm www.newleaf.com

OCTOBER 4 Fall Garden Fun Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 1:00pm – 2:00pm www.ebparks.org Home Depot Build an EMS Truck Workshop All locations Ages: 5 – 12 9:00am – 12:00pm www.homedepot.com

OCTOBER 5 Corn Mosaics at Ardenwood 34600 Ardenwood Blvd Fremont 1:00pm – 2:00pm www.ebparks.org

OCTOBER 5 & 18 ZooKids: Sniffers, Snouts & Noses Oakland Zoo 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

OCTOBER 6, 13, 20 &27 Meal Solution Monday New Leaf Pleasanton 4:00pm – 6:00pm www.newleaf.com Knife Sharpening New Leaf Pleasanton 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.newleaf.com

OCTOBER 7 Discovering Primates Gala Oakland Zoo 7:00pm – 10:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

OCTOBER 11

OCTOBER 24

Teddy Bear Tea Oakland Zoo 9:30am – 12:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org

Parents Night Out Habitot Museum Berkeley Ages: 2 – 7 5:30pm – 7:00pm www.habitot.org

OCTOBER 13 Columbus Day

OCTOBER 16 Women’s Health with Suzanne Aziz New Leaf Pleasanton FREE 6:00pm – 7:30pm www.facebook.com/NewLeafPleasanton/events

OCTOBER 17 Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org

OCTOBER 18 Apple Cider Pressing 34600 Ardenwood Blvd Fremont 2:00pm – 2:30pm www.ebparks.org

OCTOBER 19 Parent’s Day Off Oakland Zoo 10:00am – 2:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org

OCTOBER 25 Make a Difference Day Martin Luther King Jr. Youth Center Berkeley 9:00am – 1:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us Cirque du Couleur 1278 Lozano Court Pleasanton 6:00pm – 11:30pm www.roomsofhope.org

OCTOBER 31 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Contra Costa County OCTOBER 2 First Thursday Shop Local Day and Night Downtown Hartz Ave Danville 10:00am – 7:00pm www.danville.ca.gov

OCTOBER 3

East Bay Mini Maker Faire Park Day School & Studio One Art Center Oakland 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ebmakerfaire.wordpress.com

Preschool Performance Series EarthCapades Environmental Vaudevil Village Theatre Danville 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com

OCTOBER 24 – 25

OCTOBER 4

Fall Candle Light Tours Ardenwood Historic Farm 34600 Ardenwood Blvd Fremont 7:00pm – 8:30pm www.ebparks.org

Tinsel and Treasure – Folk Art Show Veterans Memorial Building Downtown Danville 10:00am – 3:00pm www.danville.ca.gov Art, Jazz & Wine Festival Downtown Pleasant Hill 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ci.pleasant-hill.ca.us

[ EVENTS ]

October Home Depot Build an EMS Truck Workshop All locations Ages: 5 – 12 9:00am – 12:00pm www.homedepot.com

OCTOBER 5 Wine & Roses Gardens at Heather Farm Walnut Creek 4:00pm – 7:00pm www.gardenshf.org

OCTOBER 7 - 28 Adventure Tuesday Club Lindsay Wildlife Museum Ages: 4 – 5 1:00pm – 2:15pm www.wildlife-museum.org

OCTOBER 8 – 29 Animal Hide & Seek Lindsay Wildlife Museum Ages: 2 – 3 +Adult 10”30am – 11:15am www.wildlife-museum.org

OCTOBER 10 Share the Magic Pleasant Hill Community Center 7:00pm – 10:00pm www.pleasanthillrec.com

OCTOBER 11 Fun on the Farm – Seeds We Munch Forest Home Farm San Ramon FREE 10:00am – 2:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

OCTOBER 16 Thursdays at the VT: Slim Jenkins Village Theatre Danville 7:30pm www.villagetheatreshows.com

OCTOBER 17 – 18 Foodies! The Musical!

Village Theatre Danville Show times: 2:00pm & 8:00pm www.villagetheatreshows.com

OCTOBER 18

Diwali ‘The Festival of Lights’ Santana Row Park San Jose 12:00pm – 7:00pm www.santanarow.com

OCTOBER 9 - 13 Fleet Week SF www.fleetweek.us

OCTOBER 25 San Francisco Wharf Fest 11:00am – 6:00pm www.sresproductions.com

OCTOBER 19 Sienna Ranch Family Day Lafayette 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.siennaranch.net

OCTOBER 25 Not-So-Scary Animals Lindsay Wildlife Museum FREE 10:00am – 5:00pm www.walnutcreek100.com

OCTOBER 26 22nd Annual Lafayette Reservoir Run Lafayette Reservoir 6:30am – 11:00am www.lafayettechamber.org

OCTOBER 27

Primos Run for Education Diablo Rd & Hartz Ave 7:00am – 9:00am www.danville.ca.gov

Mini Mondays – Animals in the Dark Lindsay Wildlife Museum Ages: 2 – 5 + Adult 10:00am – 12:00pm www.wildlife-museum.org

Columbus Day

OCTOBER 4

Centennial Birthday Festival Shadelands Ranch Museum Walnut Creek 11:00am – 4:00pm www.walnutcreek100.com

OCTOBER 12

OCTOBER 13

Worth the Drive

OCTOBER 31 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ FAMILY ]

Christine Carter, Ph.D.*, is a sociologist and happiness expert at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. She is the author of “RAISING HAPPINESS: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.” She teaches online happiness classes that help parents bring more joy into their own lives and the lives of their children, and she writes an award-winning blog for *Greater Good* (www.greatergoodparents.org).

Am I Really Going to Have to Ask You Again? by by Dr. Christine Carter I asked my daughter to help me make dinner the other night; soon after that, I got caught on the phone. When I finally emerged from my office 40 minutes later, I found that Fiona had already prepared our whole meal—the table was set, and dinner was waiting. I was beside myself with delight.

Few things are more satisfying than having someone exceed our expectations. But around the house, it seems like more often we’re annoyed or disappointed when someone fails to meet those expectations—when, once again, our spouse is late, or the kids didn’t take out the garbage, or someone failed to help clean up, or wasn’t really listening while we were baring our soul, or doesn’t really “get” us. Living with others is, in many ways, living in a constant state of unmet expectations.

Fortunately, we can develop constructive ways of responding when our needs aren’t being met by our spouses and our children—techniques that increase the odds that they will be met in the future. Here are three alternatives to nagging—or harboring resentment—when your expectations aren’t met.

1) Do nothing. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge a disappointment, then let it go without taking further action. When Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroscientist with loads of first-hand experience and scientific knowledge about real-life ecstasy, feels upset or uncomfortable, she just looks at her watch and waits 90 seconds

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ FAMILY ] before letting herself think about whatever upset her.

Loads of research on “rumination” suggests that people who dwell on some hurt or distress are way more likely to feel depressed or dissatisfied with their lives.

Sometimes we make ourselves feel worse—we prolong pain and frustration—by thinking too much about our disappointments.

2) Inspire the person who disappointed you. Even though we sometimes really want to unleash on a spouse who left the house without so much as clearing his or her breakfast dishes, whining and criticizing (or yelling, as the case may be) is not going to make your partner (or teenager, or pre-schooler) really want to help the next time. Negativity rarely inspires others.

The ERN” method , something I devised long ago from piles of academic journal articles to motivate my kids to do boring but necessary tasks, also works well with adults. The gist of it is to use Empathy, Rationale, and Non-controlling language to get what we want, as those are the things that research shows are most motivating to people. It might go something like this: Empathy: “I know you are anxious about your upcoming review and need to get into work earlier these days.”

Rationale: “I need more help on school days because Max has been late to school three times this week. I won’t be able to shake this cough if I keep getting up so early. I’m doing my best, but I can’t do it all by myself.”

Non-controlling language (or “not-being-so-bossy”): “It would be great if you could help me tomorrow morning.

Is that a possibility?”

Admittedly, this is much harder than nagging your spouse and kids. But think about it: Would you rather someone insist you do something (“You HAVE to help me with the lunches in the morning!! I have a cold and a full time job, and I can’t wake up any earlier or I’ll just get SICKER!!!!”) or gently enlist your help?

3) Pick a Fight… but in a constructive way. Again, this is about finding more constructive ways to express what you want. So even though you might want to punish that guy who didn’t get you so much as a card on your birthday, making him feel as bad as you do won’t make you feel better, and it won’t make your next birthday more promising.

Make your disappointment known by starting off on a positive note. Yes, you read that right. In fact, begin with a statement of appreciation.

“I really appreciate how much time you’ve been spending with me in the evenings. I love going for a walk with you at night.”

That gets your cardless-wonder’s attention, and makes him or her open to listening to what you have to say.

Then, staying as calm and positive as possible, make your feelings known with a good ol’ “I” statement.

“I felt really lonely and disappointed and actually a little bit abandoned when you decided we didn’t need to celebrate my birthday. It hurt that you didn’t even get me a card.”

Finally, tell that disappointing partner what you need— really clearly and specifically, explain what he or she can do to make it up to you. What exactly are your expectations? I recommend making it an easy win; go for something more ambitious the next time around.

If we must ask for what we need—which clearly we do, since the people we live with tend to have very poor mind reading skills—it behooves us to ask in a way that will get results. Good luck, and report back with what works for you! www.christinecarter.com

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OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

6 Tips for a Great Halloween

by Melissa Roja Lawlor For most kids, Halloween is a scream. Haunted houses, trick-or-treating, funny costumes, and handfuls of candy. What’s not to love? Well, creating the costumes, monitoring the candy, keeping kids safe -- all while creating a memorable and fun holiday -- to name a few. Before this night gives you a fright, we asked some of our favorite mom bloggers to share their tips on making the most out of Halloween.

1. Keep one eye on the calendar. With all the craziness of back to school, Halloween can sneak up on you without warning. Blogger and mother of four, Jen Mitchell can relate. “Last year, I missed the memo about the day when the costume parade was. So I sent my son to school without it,” the Buried With Children blogger says. “He got off the bus that day and told me about the parade and then it hit me that I forgot. I apologized as best I could and promised to do better next year. My son told me his teacher gave him a witch hat to wear and then said, “Don’t worry, Mommy. I only felt a little bit left out.”

2. For costumes, let them lead the way. It’s fun to dream up a perfect theme (think: lobster and lobsterman or Three Musketeers), but in the end, kids won’t want to leave the house if they don’t love what they’re dressed as. Jill Smokler, aka Scary Mommy, learned from experience. “I think my favorite Halloween with all of them was when Lily was a Princess, Evan was a dragon and Ben was a spider. It was not a theme at all and made no sense whatsoever, but they were just so cute and it was what they were into at the moment!”

Melissa Roja Lawlor is a freelance writer for Care.com, the world’s largest online destination for finding and managing family care with more than 11.8M members spanning 16 countries.

3. Start a tradition. Whether it’s hosting a pre-Halloween potluck, building a haunted house in the garage, or having a family pumpkin carving contest, Halloween is a great time to start a new family tradition. Angie Lee of Seven Clown Circus says, “Every year we buy each child (we have 5) their own pumpkin and then my husband spends HOURS carving them with them. It’s something they all enjoy so much.”

4. Avoid sugar overload. “We only let them take one piece of candy from each house,” says Elizabeth Demers, author of the blog Bumpsmitten. “I usually let them have a handful of candy while we are out trick-or-treating and then a couple of pieces when we get home. After they’ve finally gone to bed, I usually pick out around ten pieces of candy each for them to have that following week. I’ll put most of the chocolate in the freezer for that occasional treat in the future.”

5. Don’t be afraid to dress up. Join in on the costume fun yourself! Momma Said blogger Jen Singer went as Super Mom one year for Halloween. “I wore a tennis outfit and pinned a piece of red construction paper with an ‘S’ on it to my shirt,” she says proudly. “I added a cheap cape and mask and red and white Wonder Woman boots I bought online from a go-go supply store.”

Deborah Moebes of Whipstitch Fabrics raved about her husband and son’s combo costume from last year. “Last year, he was a pirate and our then-twoyear-old boy was his parrot!”

6. Unleash your spooky spirits. Halloween is a great time to flex your creative muscles. Even if you’re not Martha Stewart, it can be easy to cook up something scary in the kitchen to celebrate the day. Make a pre-trick-ortreating snack with pudding and gummy worms, cut their sandwiches into ghost-shapes, make spooky faces in English Muffin pizzas, create “eyeballs” from melon balls and raisins, or hide a plastic spider in their milk. It’s fun, silly –and memorable. Plus, it might help your kids eat more.countries.

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ EVENTS ]

Harvest Happenings Alameda County OCTOBER 1 – 31 Bay Street Pumpkin Patch is Open!

Speer Family Farms 5600 Christie Ave Emeryville Daily: 10:00am – 9:00pm www.speerfamilyfarms.com G&M Farms Pumpkin Patch is Open!

487 East Aiway Livermore 925.447.FARM www.gmfarms.com Joan’s Farm & Pumpkin Patch is Open!

4351 Mines Rd Livermore Daily: 9:00am – 6:00pm www.joansfarm.com

OCTOBER 1

OCTOBER 17 – 19 & 24 – 26 Halloween Train Ardenwood Historic Farm 7:00pm – 9:30pm www.ebparks.org

OCTOBER 25 Downtown Halloween Carnival Downtown Livermore 1:00pm – 5:00pm www.cityoflivermore.net Halloween Brew Crawl Main Street Downtown Pleasanton 5:00pm – 8:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net Halloween Scavenger Hunt Main Street Downtown Pleasanton 10:00am – 12:00pm www.pleasantondowntown.net

Witches Night Out Shopping & Martini Tasting Downtown Livermore 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.cityoflivermore.net

With Coach Kim Rice New Leaf Pleasanton 2:00pm – 5:00pm www.facebook.com/NewLeafPleasanton/ events

OCTOBER 5

OCTOBER 25 & 26

Sunol AgPark Harvest Festival & U-Pick Pumpkin Patch 505 Paloma Way Sunol 10:00am – 3:00pm Parking: $5/car www.facebook.com/NewLeafPleasanton/ events

OCTOBER 11 & 12 Harvest Festival at Ardenwood 34600 Ardenwood Blvd Fremont 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ebparks.org

Boo at the Zoo Oakland Zoo 10:00am – 3:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org Jack o’Lantern Jamboree Fairyland Oakland 10:00am – 5:00pm www.fairyland.org

OCTOBER 26 Pumpkin Patch Dash: Youth Races & Carnival 1947 Center Street Berkeley Ages: Pre-K – 8 9:00am – 12:00pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

Pumpkin Surprise!

Ardenwood Historic Farm 34600 Ardenwood Blvd Fremont 11:00am – 12:00pm www.ebparks.org

OCTOBER 31 Thrills and Chills Haunted House Martin Luther King Jr. Youth Center Berkeley Free 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us Halloween on Solano 1245 Solano at Mosonic Albany 5:00pm – 6:00pm www.solanoavenueassn.org Harvest Festival James Kenney Recreation Center Berkeley Free 3:30pm – 5:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us Halloween Community Parade Frances Albrier Community Center San Pablo Park Berkeley Free 4:30 – 5:30pm www.ci.berkeley.ca.us

Contra Costa County OCTOBER 4 Oktoberfest Downtown Brentwood 2:00pm – 6:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

OCTOBER 3 - 5 Oktoberfest Kids Carnival Downtown Clayton Various times www.ci.clayton.ca.us

[ EVENTS ]

Harvest Happenings OCTOBER 11 Oktoberfest Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 4:00pm www.sanramon.ca.gov

OCTOBER 12 Oktoberfest Hacienda de las Flores Moraga 2:00pm – 6:00pm www.moraga.ca.us

OCTOBER 17 – 31 Scarecrow Contest Downtown Concord www.cityofconcord.org

OCTOBER 18 Harvest Festival Civic Center Plaza Oakley 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.ci.oakley.ca.us

Pumpkin Maze – Opening Day! Dell’Osso Family Farm Lathrop 10:00am – 8:00pm www.pumpkinmaze.com

Danville Fall Craft Festival Downtown Danville 10:00am – 5:00pm www.danville.ca.gov

OCTOBER 18 & 19

OCTOBER 25 Children’s Fall Fest: This is Halloween Danville Community Center Pre-registration is required 3:30pm – 5:00pm or 5:30pm – 7:00pm www.ci.danville.ca.us Pumpkin Jubilee Danville Livery 11:00am – 3:00pm www.danvillelivery.com

OCTOBER 25 & 26 Danville Fall Craft Festival Historic Downtown Danville Free 10:00am – 5:30pm www.ci.danville.ca.us

OCTOBER 24

OCTOBER 26

Downtown Trick-or-Treat Lesher Center for the Arts 2:00pm – 5:00pm www.walnutcreekdowntown.com

Halloween Trunk-or-Treat Spooktacular Downtown Martinez 10:00am – 2:00pm www.mainstreetmartinez.org

Bedtime Theater Featuring: Not so Scary Halloween Songs & Tales Front Row Theater San Ramon 6:30pm – 7:30pm www.sanramonperformingarts.com

OCTOBER 4

OCTOBER 25 – 26

Zombie Brew Crawl Downtown Martinez 2:30pm – 5:30pm www.mainstreetmartinez.org

Trunk or Treat Pleasant Hill Teen Center 5:30pm – 7:30pm www.pleasanthillrec.com

Worth the Drive

Trick of Treat Street Mt. Diablo Blvd Lafayette 4:00pm – 6:00pm www.lafayettechamber.org

Goblin Jamboree Bay Area Discovery Museum Sausalito 10:00am – 4:00pm www.baykidsmuseum.org Half Moon Bay Art & Pumpkin Festival Main St. Half Moon Bay www.miramarevents.com

OCTOBER 29 Halloween Family Fun Fest: Santana Row San Jose 10:00am – 12:00pm www.santanarow.com

OCTOBER 31 Halloween Trick or Treat Todos Santos Plaza Concord 4:00pm – 6:00pm www.ci.concord.ca.us

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ FAMILY ]

Don’t Get Hijacked –Take the High Road!

by Dr. Laura Markham You know what the high road is. When you’re feeling really good, nothing fazes you. You respond to your child’s foibles with patience, understanding, and a sense of humor.

You know what the low road is, too. It’s when you’re stressed, exhausted, resentful. When you insist on being right or wringing an apology out of your child. When your fuse is so short that you feel justified in having your own little tantrum. When you’re in the grip of fight or flight emotions and your child looks like the enemy.

All those challenging emotions that flood us and wash us on to the low road can be traced, at core, to feelings of fear, powerlessness, grief, disappointment and disconnection from our child. Sure, we’re reacting to our child’s behavior. But we rage so we won’t have to feel those unbearable feelings. When kids act out, they’re being driven by these feelings, too, which is why connecting with them heals their emotions as well as their behavior.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t reasons to get upset. It means there are far fewer reasons than we think. It means that what upsets you might make another parent smile or shrug. It means that when we’re in a state of love, not much upsets us. By contrast, when we’re on the low road, everything upsets us.

Life is tough. Nobody takes the high road all the time. But you can find yourself on it more and more. How?

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

1. Practice mindfulness. You don’t have to meditate, although I highly recommend it. Just bringing awareness to your thoughts and emotions is enough to keep you from being in the grip of them. What does that mean?

Notice what’s happening NOW, in your body. Every time you take a deep breath and feel the sensations in your body, you’re practicing mindfulness.

You’re pressing the pause button so you aren’t just getting triggered. That gives you a choice about which road to choose.

2. Accept feelings and take loving action. What does that mean? We usually start sliding down onto the low road by tolerating behavior we don’t like without taking action, so we get increasingly annoyed and finally get hijacked by our anger. The high road is accepting feelings while we take loving action.

Here’s the difference: “I wish she wouldn’t call her sister names.” - This is tolerating the behavior that goes against our values, without accepting feelings or taking action. It doesn’t solve the problem because no limit is set and the child doesn’t get help with the feelings that are driving her to act unkindly. It makes us resentful of our child and more prone to snap later.

“Stop that name calling right this minute or you’ll get punished!” - This is reaction without accepting feelings. Although a limit is set, this response escalates the problem and reinforces it, because now the child blames her sister for the punishment, is angry at your unfairness so she doesn’t WANT to

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ FAMILY ] behave, and still gets no help with her feelings.

“The rule in this house is we speak to each other with respect, and no name calling.....I hear how angry you are at your sister....Sweetie, tell me what’s going on.... what’s making you so angry?” - This acceptance of feelings shifts the emotions all round. Loving action sets a clear limit on behavior AND helps the child with the emotions at the root of the behavior, so she doesn’t have to act on them.

3. Don’t get hijacked by the low road. Those emergency feelings of fight, flight and freeze tell you you’re on the low road. So when you notice that you’re shaking with anger, it’s NOT a sign that your child needs to be taught a lesson RIGHT NOW. It’s a red warning flag telling you to STOP. Notice you’re getting hijacked by your upset.

Resist the urge to act on it. Breathe through it. You aren’t that emotion; you are observing that emotion. It will pass. Melt that rage away by letting yourself feel the fear, sadness and disappointment under the anger. If this happens often, you need to do some homework to heal your own issues. (And who doesn’t have issues?!)

4. The low road never leads to the destination you want.

From the low road, our child is so clearly wrong. But the wider view from the high road shows us our child’s perspective, and our compassion blooms.

Let’s say your child is objectively, totally, completely, off-track. That often happens to young humans with big feelings and immature brains. But your child can only join you on a better path if you’re reaching out from the high road. Blame, shame, anger, and criticism never help your child become a better person. (Do they help you be a better parent?) Your heart is your compass here; getting in touch with our love always gets us back on the high road.

5. Choose the high road. Children who feel ugly inside act ugly, which is a signal that they need our help. We always have a choice. Will you join him on the low road and escalate the upset, or will you embrace him with your love so he can get back onto the high road with you?

You can’t live on the high road all the time, if you’re human. But the more you get used to choosing it, the faster you’ll notice when you’re off-track. It’s hard, yes, but it isn’t complicated. The high road is love. The low road is fear. Choose love as often as you can.

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[ HEALTH ]

Growing Tall: The Emotional Benefits of Yoga for Kids

by Robin Stephens Are yoga classes actually beneficial and enjoyable for kids? When parents contemplate adding an extracurricular physical activity to a child’s schedule, yoga might not be the first consideration. We tend to think in terms of team sports and tutus, but the evidence is mounting – yoga is fantastic for kids!

Robin Stephens holds a bachelor’s degree in Human Development and Family Studies with a focus on early childhood/adolescent development, family systems, and socio-cultural perspectives of the family.

As a Certified Simplicity Parenting Coach©, Robin provides personal family coaching and facilitates parenting workshops for schools and parent organizations. She also is involved in youth advocacy organizations providing support for LGBTQ youth and their families.

Benefits Beyond the Mat The physical benefits of yoga are the same for children as they are for adults.

Yoga poses (asanas) provide increased strength, flexibility, energy, improved balance, and coordination, (not to mention the numerous benefits for circulatory, respiratory, and metabolic health). These physical attributes will serve your child well should they chose to participate in any sport or dance.

Participation in yoga practice actually leads to a higher level of performance and aids in injury prevention; however, the health benefits of yoga go far beyond strength and flexibility. Dedicated yoga practitioners can speak to the appreciable emotional and mental health benefits of the practice; yoga reduces stress and anxiety, increases self-acceptance and mind-body connection, and improves concentration. The mental and emotional benefits of yoga are readily acknowledged for adults, yet seem to be glossed over when it comes to choosing activities for children.

Yes, the therapeutic benefits of yoga extend well beyond the mat. Children are not exempt from stress and anxiety. Peer pressure, anxiety about school and relationships, and the desire to succeed can wreak the same emotional health stresses on children as it does parents. Our children are captive and active participants in our frenzied, lightning-paced, whirlwind schedules.

Yoga instills stillness – It is the eye in the center of the storm, and the results can be profound for children and teenagers. The following list of benefits is by no means exhaustive, but definitely noteworthy.

Stress Management – The Ability to Self-Sooth – Pranayama (Breath Control) Yoga practice equips children with the tools to manage stress. Sensory overload is as real for children as it is for adults. The ‘fight or flight’ response triggered by the sympathetic nervous system leads to heightened anxiety.

The ability to self-sooth during times of increased anxiety insulates a child from the effects of intense negative emotion. A mother reported watching her daughter who had forgotten some important paperwork for school.

She said she observed her 12-year-old turn from an over-wrought, frantic, panic-stricken child to a calm, collected, poised young woman as she instinctively applied her breathing techniques acquired in yoga. Mindful breathing exercises (pranayama) that slow down the heart rate and the related relaxation techniques taught in yoga practice are powerful tools for calming the mind and body. A calming heart rate signals the brain to activate the parasympathetic nervous system response; when the body’s system is in

34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ HEALTH ] balance it has a profound impact on the child’s mental perspective. Transferring this skill of breath is indispensible in handling stressful situations—a school test, for example. This practice can have a profound impact on an anxious or nervous child.

Present Moment Awareness – Anxiety, Mood, and Impulse Control – Pratyahara (Control of senses) Yoga can reduce anxiety and negative emotions in children. While a future-oriented, goal-driven lifestyle has its benefits, there are negative effects as well.

Yoga philosophy emphasizes being in the present moment. Learning to be in the moment (mindfulness) helps alleviate anxiety regarding the future or the past: the two places where anxiety resides for parents and children alike. Mindfulness decreases negative emotions.

Present moment awareness provides a ‘center’ and ‘stillness’ for those whom practice it. Children who suffer from impulse control or hyperactivity benefit from mindfulness practice. Mindfulness leads to emotional stability in children, including those diagnosed with emotional or mental disorders. Meditation techniques are shown to ‘fire up’ the left frontal lobe (where happiness resides). The lower level of the stress hormone, cortisol, is associated with increased happiness levels and an improved quality of sleep. The concept of selfacceptance and nonjudgmental awareness leads to increased empathy and wellbeing. What this translates to for children is a heightened sense of self-mastery, peace, happiness, awareness, and compassion towards self and others.

Focused Practice – Increased Concentration, Mental Clarity, and Will Power (Dharana) Yoga practice improves focus in children. At the intersection of yoga poses, meditative exercises, and controlled senses, yoga practitioners experience an increased ability to concentrate. Once the mind is ‘stilled’, the ability to completely engage in concentrated effort on a single task is enhanced. For children, this increased ability to focus and concentrate reveals itself in improved academic achievement and test scores. This ability to be completely engrossed, regardless of the activity, means not only better results, but also a greater awareness in their capabilities and enhanced mental clarity.

Self Mastery – Self Confidence, Awareness, and Acceptance Yoga is the opportunity to participate or exercise without

the worry of being ‘wrong’. Children’s yoga classes are great for children who shy away from group activities due to a fear of failure: it is a great option for those children who may fear competition. Participating in yoga in a group setting fosters a sense of connectedness and community. Yoga teaches non-judgment toward oneself. This fosters a healthier body image and a sense of gratitude for the hard work the body can accomplish.

The willpower learned in yoga metamorphoses into selfconfidence. In a time when the term “increased selfesteem” is assigned to almost any youth endeavor, yoga truly hits the mark.

Childhood is an extraordinary period of physical, emotional, intellectual, and social growth. Yoga instills values such as self-care, moderation, gratitude, selfdiscipline, and non-harming—all of which combine to produce physically healthy children with an overall profound sense of wellbeing. Perhaps one the most compelling arguments for yoga practice for children is the set of lifelong tools it provides them for living and flourishing in our fast-paced society.

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[ FAMILY ]

Rachel Macy Stafford is a certified special education teacher with a Master’s Degree in education and ten years of experience working with parents and children. In December 2010, this life-long writer felt compelled to share her journey to let go of distraction and grasp what really matters by creating the blog “Hands Free Mama.” Using her skills as a writer, teacher, and encourager, Rachel provides readers with simple, non-intimidating, and motivating methods to let go of distraction and connect with their loved ones. Rachel’s work has been featured on CNN, Good Morning America, Global News, USA Today, TIME.com, MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and Reader’s Digest. Her blog currently averages one million visitors a month. Rachel’s new book, HANDS FREE MAMA, is a New York Times Bestseller.

The Bully Too Close to Home

by Rachel Stafford During the two years of my overly distracted life, I communicated more to a screen than to the people in my family. My schedule was so tightly packed that I constantly found myself saying, “We don’t have time for that.” And because there wasn’t a minute to spare, that meant no time to relax, be silly, or marvel at interesting wonders along our path. I was so focused on my “agenda” that I lost sight of what really mattered.

Calling all the shots was a mean voice in my head. My internal drill sergeant was continually pushing me to make everything sound better, look better, and taste better. My body, my house, and my achievements were never good enough.

Holding myself to such unattainable standards weighed heavily on my soul and my inner turmoil eventually spilled out at people I loved the most.

Sadly, there was one person in particular who bore the brunt of my discontent: my first-born daughter.

She could not make a mess without me shaking my head in disappointment.

She could not forget her homework, her jacket, or her lunchbox without me making a big deal about it.

She could not spill, stain, break, or misplace without being made to feel like she’d

36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

[ FAMILY ] made the worst mistake in the world.

Although it pains me to write this, I remember sighing heavily in annoyance when she fell down and hurt herself because it threw me off my “master schedule.” My daughter was not allowed to be a child who learned by trying and yes, sometimes failing.

The truth hurts, but the truth heals … and brings me closer to the person and parent I want to be.

Every time I came down hard on my daughter, I justified my behavior by telling myself I was doing it to help her— help her become more responsible, capable, efficient, and prepare for the real world.

I told myself I was building her up.

But in reality, I was tearing her down.

I vividly remember the day my mother was visiting from out-of-town. The children were playing alone in the basement. My younger daughter began crying hysterically. I ran downstairs fearing she was seriously hurt.

The first question out of my mouth was directed at my older daughter. “What did you do?” I asked angrily.

My child didn’t bother to explain that her little sister had slipped on the library book that was sitting on the bottom step. There really was no point. My beautiful child with humongous brown eyes that once held so much optimism looked defeated. Silent tears of a broken spirit slid down her face. My daughter knew it didn’t matter what she said, she’d still be wrong; it would still be her fault.

And there was my mother standing beside her, a silent witness to the whole ugly scene.

As my older daughter ran off to the sanctity of her bedroom, an unexpected question came out of my mouth. “You think I am too hard on her, don’t you?” I snapped.

My mom, who’d experienced her own difficult parenting moments and struggles, held no judgment in her eyes, only sadness. Her simple response of “yes” only confirmed what I knew in my heart.

I mustered up the courage to find the words that needed to be said. Apologizing didn’t come easily for someone who strived to make everything look perfect all the time, but I knew what needed to be said.

I found my child crumpled up like a dejected rag doll on top of her bed—her face puffy and red from crying.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

My daughter didn’t move.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and began saying things I’d never said to another human being—not even myself. “I feel mad inside a lot. I often speak badly about myself in my head. I bully myself. And when I bully myself, it makes me unhappy and then I treat others badly— especially you. It is not right, and I am going to stop. I am not sure how, but I will stop. I am so very sorry,” I vowed trying not to cry.

My daughter looked unsure as to what to do with this confession, this unusual offering from her mother who rarely admitted any wrongdoing. I didn’t blame her for the skeptical look she gave me. I understood why she didn’t say anything back, but somewhere in those eyes I saw hope—hope that things could be different.

I desperately wanted things to be different too. It was time to stop being so hard on my child; it was time to stop being so hard on myself. I prayed I could stand up to the inner bully. I knew I needed an easy first step. I decided to use one simple word: STOP. Within the hour, I had a chance to try it. The first critical thought that popped into my head arose as I was preparing to leave the house. I looked at my reflection and thought, “You look fat. You can’t go out looking like that.”

“Stop!” I assertively thought to myself, shutting down any further criticisms. Then I quickly turned away from the mirror and recited these words: “Only love today. Only love today.”

I used the same strategy when interacting with my child a few minutes later. Before any harsh words came out of my mouth about the way she was sloppily packing her bag of things, I cut off my inner critic by saying, “Stop!

Only love today.” Then I swallowed the hurtful words and relaxed my disapproving face.

Within mere days of using the “stop” technique, I noticed a change. With a more positive thought process, it was easier to let go of the need to control, dictate, and criticize. In response, my daughter began taking more chances and began revealing her true passions.

She started movie making and website design on the computer. She made doll furniture and clothing to sell OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37

[ FAMILY ] in the neighborhood. She began baking new recipes without any help. Nothing she did was perfect. Nor was it mess-free or mistake-free, but the moment I said something positive, I saw her blossom a little more. That is when I began to clearly see beyond the mistakes and messes to what was truly important.

I began noticing my child’s inner beauty rather than looking for perfection on the outside.

I began paying more attention to the person she was rather than the successes she achieved.

I began letting her be who she was meant to be instead of some idealistic version I had in my head.

When I stopped being a bully to my child and myself opportunities for growth and connection opened up.

Over time, significant progress was made. In a little less than two years on my journey to let go of perfection and distraction, I received the confirmation I never thought I would receive.

My daughter was outside before school tending to a garden she created smack dab in the middle of the yard. I watched from the kitchen window as she lovingly tended to her miniature plot. I was captivated by the utter joy on her face. She was clearly at peace.

Since my dad loves to garden and had taught my daughter a few things, I took a picture and sent my parents. Nothing could have prepared me for the gift I would receive in return.

My parents wrote: “Thank for this precious picture of our beautiful granddaughter. Over the last two years, we have seen a tremendous change in her. We no longer see a scared look in her eyes; she is less fearful about you being upset or impatient with her. She is much happier and more relaxed. She is thriving and growing into a content, creative, and nurturing person. We know for a fact the changes we see in her coincide with the changes we have also seen in you.”

confident, or more successful, please reconsider.

Because the truth is this: It’s hard to love yourself with a bully breathing down your neck.

It’s hard to love yourself when the one person who’s supposed love you unconditionally doesn’t.

It’s hard to become the person you’re supposed to be when you aren’t allowed to fall down and get back up.

If we want our children to become who they’re meant to be, let’s ease up. “Nobody’s perfect” can be two of the most empowering, healing words when said to oneself or to another human being.

Let’s stop the ridicule. Let’s stop the relentless pressure.

Let’s stop the impossible pursuit of perfection.

Only love today, my friends. Only love today.

Because love is always a good place to start a new beginning.

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My friends, I have the following message to offer anyone who wants to believe today can be different than yesterday: If you think that criticizing, belittling, or critiquing yourself will make you smarter, fitter, or more valuable, please reconsider.

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[ FAMILY ] [ FAMILY ]

4 Ways to Find What Truly MOVES You

by Renee Loux It’s been said that passion breeds success, but how, exactly, do you zero in on what you love—and make a living at? Start here.

In theory, it’s good to do what makes you happy. But finding what spurs you—what you wake up thinking about, or what you would gladly do for free—may take some digging and distilling. Forging my own successful yet unconventional career as a chef, author, and entrepreneur took listening to my gut and, even tougher, trusting Renée Loux has been a trendsetter in the environmental and sustainable food movements for more than 17 years. As an author, chef, restaurateur, television personality, eco-consultant, monthly columnist for Women’s Health Magazine, and founder of the Food First Institute in collaboration with the University of Hawaii and the Maui Culinary Academy, she has been a leading expert in the field. She founded one of America’s first raw food restaurants, the Raw Experience, in 1996, was a founding partner of Mala Wailea and has published the Gourmand Award-winning The Balanced Plate, and Living Cuisine, The Whole Green Catalog, and Easy Green Living.

Loux has been teaching at the Natural Gourmet Institute in NYC since 1999 and has worked with and along side of some of the best and brightest figures in Hollywood and Culinary Arts. As the host of the TV show It’s Easy Being Green, she has appeared on the Food Network, HG TV and the Cooking Channel as well as a frequent green-expert and organic chef on various TV shows including the Today Show, Good Morning America, Extra, Insider Edition and Fox News. Visit Renée at www.reneeloux.com.

it. These four valuable tips can help speed up the process for you.

Put aside practical concerns.

What’s stirring in your soul can be blocked by thoughts about, say, what salary you can earn for the work. To unearth what you really want to do, quiet your mind and tune in to your heart. Pose queries such as “At the end of my life, what am I going to wish I’d done?” I moved to Maui, sight unseen, and lived there for 15 years because it was my answer to “If I could live anywhere, where would I live?”

Identify granular interests.

If it’s not realistic to give up a regular paycheck for a passion project right now, chances are there are aspects of your current job that intersect with what moves you. Figure out what you dig in your day-to-day and focus on that. For example, if you’re interested in social responsibility, scout a nonprofit that is related to your work and create a proposal for how an affiliation would benefit your company.

Figure out what you don’t love.

Be honest about where your true talents lie. One critical lesson I learned: As a restaurant owner, I was capable of sourcing competitively priced ingredients, but that wasn’t the best or most joyful use of my time. So I enlisted someone to handle that duty while I focused on what really inspired me—developing new recipes.

Be true to you.

Don’t let what others say override your inner counsel. At many points, I was told that there wasn’t enough interest in the things I wanted to pursue to make them successful. I opened one of the country’s first raw-food restaurants in Maui in 1996, which was way ahead of the curve. I also became deeply interested in environmentally responsible practices well before they became mainstream.

Trusting my instincts above anyone else’s enabled me to be a pioneer in the sustainable-food movement, proving that authenticity is the most valuable commodity of all.

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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Pumkin Patch Guide ANTIOCH

CONCORD

HERCULES

Pick of the Patch Pumpkins Delta Fair Blvd @ Century Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House -Train Ride

Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1096 Oak Grove Rd at Monument Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 400 San Pablo Ave 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

BRENTWOOD

EMERYVILLE

LIVERMORE

Speer Family Farms Bay Street Pumpkin Patch 5600 Christie Ave 510.705.2352 www.speerfamilyfarms.com -Petting Zoo -Inflatable Fun

G&M Farms 487 East Airway 925.447.FARM www.gmfarms.com -Corn Maze -Train

Enos Family Farms 23275 Marsh Creek Rd 925.437.9973 www.enosfamilyfarms.com Smith Family Farm 4430 Sellers Ave 925.625.5966 www.smithfamilyfarm.com -Corn Maze -Petting Zoo -Hay Ride

CASTRO VALLEY Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 9711 Dublin Canyon Rd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House

CLAYTON Clayton Valley Pumpkin Patch 1060 Pine Lane 925.672.5198 www.cvpumpkinfarm.com -Petting Zoo -Train Ride -Barnyard

FREMONT J. E Perry’s Farms 34600 Ardenwood Blvd 510.791.0340 www.perryfarmsorganic.com Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 4020 Fremont Hub 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Inflatable Fun

HAYWARD Pick of the Patch Pumpkins One Southland Mall Dr. 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2014

Joan’s Farm and Pumpkin Patch 4351 Mines Rd 925.447.0794 www.joansfarm.com -Farm Animals -Hay Ride -Corn Maze

MARTINEZ Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 5041 Blum Road 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Ponyland Pony Rides -Parachute Rocket Rides -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

Pumkin Patch Guide NEWARK

WORTH THE DIVE

PETALUMA

Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 2086 NewPark Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

Half Moon Bay Arata Pumpkin Farm 185 Verde Rd 650.726.7548 www.aratapumpkinfarm.com -Hay Maze -Petting Zoo -Train Ride

Great Peter Pumpkin Patch 4235 Spring Hill Rd 707.762.3446 www.springhillcheese.com/pumpkinpatch -Hay Ride

OAKLAND Piedmont Ave Pumpkin Patch 4414 Piedmont Ave 510.967.9363 www.fpe.cc -Corn Stalks -Straw Bales

SAN LEANDRO Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1555 East 14th St at the Bay Fair Center Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House

SAN RAMON Forest Home Farms 19953 San Ramon Valley Blvd 925.973.3284 www.sanramon.ca.gov -Hay Ride -Train Ride Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 19901 San Ramon Valley Blvd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House

Peterson’s Farm 636 Gossage Ave 707.765.4582 www.petersonsfarm.com

Lemos Farm 12320 San Mateo Rd 620.726.2342 www.lemosfarm.com -Train Ride -Haunted House -Petting Zoo

Petaluma Pumpkin Patch and Amazing Corn Maze 450 Stony Point Rd 707.781.3132 www.petalumapumpkinpatch.com -Corn Maze

LATHROP Dell’Osso Family Farm 501 S. Manthey Rd 209.982. 0833 www.pumpkinmaze.com -Corn Maze -Haunted House -Petting Zoo

SAN FRANCISCO Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch 1620 7th Ave 415.753.2689 www.clancystrees.com -Hay Maze

MARIN Nicasio Valley Farms Pumpkin Patch 5300 Nicasio Valley Rd 415. 662.9100 www.nicasiocheese.com -Hay Ride -Petting Zoo

Emerald Forest Great Pumpkin Patch 317 Sloat Blvd 415.566.8984 www.emeraldforesttrees.com

OCTOBER 2014 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43

[ FAMILY ]

Diane Gage Lofgren and Margaret Bhola are the authors of an upcoming book, Women I Want to Grow Old With, that sprang from Diane and Margaret’s mutual desire to foster their female friendships – and their friendship with each other.

Diane is the author of nine books and scores of magazine articles on personal and business relationships. She serves the Chief Communication Officer of Sharp Health Care, an integrated delivery health care organization.

Diane lives with her husband, Matt, in San Diego, California. They have a grown son and daughter.

Margaret has an extensive background in business, sales and marketing and human relations. She became a national marketing director for The Juice Plus Company, a global nutrition company, and is known for being an effective leader and team coach. Margaret and her husband, Ravi, live in San Diego, California.

They are the parents of two adult daughters and a son.

When Friends Avoid Tough Topics: Share a Story, Hear a Story

by Diane Gage Lofgren Have you noticed that life’s not always as it seems? On the surface, things can appear great but underneath is where real life happens -- the one that’s not picture-perfect. It’s here where we can benefit from friends who allow us to share our joy and pain.

Years ago when Amanda was going through a rough time in her marriage, she tried to broach the topic with a couple of close friends. She was going crazy inside wondering what was wrong with her and why she couldn’t seem to get things on track. She felt desperate to divulge her struggle and banish the sense of isolation that was dominating her days. But each time she went near the topic, she felt dear friends pulling away, changing the topic or glossing over it with a resolute declaration, “You’ll be fine.” Those responses left her wondering if she had any friends who would really allow her to go deep and not varnish over the tough stuff.

Hear a Story: What Your Friend Needs Many get riveted to train-wreck TV and dramatic news from afar, but when it hits closer to home, they head for the hills. Why do tough topics seem to be the third rail of some friendships?

We’d like to think that it’s because we just can’t bear the possibility of a

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[ FAMILY ] friend’s pain. More likely, our professional avoidance techniques stem from feeling so stretched that we don’t think we have the capacity even to hear about a friend’s struggle. Maybe we feel like we have to fix every problem we hear about. If the struggle involves a third party, we might be steering clear of what feels like gossip. Or, maybe it hits too close to home, and we just can’t summon the courage to listen to a reflection of our own mess. Whatever the reason, don’t miss out on connection by clamming up or shutting down.

Share a Story: What’s In It For You? Diane learned the life-giving repercussions of sharing openly years ago as she raised a son with ADD and oppositional defiance. When your child is not the winning athlete, star in the play or heading off to an Ivy League school, you can feel, well, like you missed a few key parenting classes. You know your child’s strengths and gifts that have yet to be actualized, but the rest of the world is blinded by the outward behavior that colors their opinion of you and your offspring.

Interesting how being real begets real. Diane found that others who bragged about their kids sometimes forgot a chapter -- the one about the other child in their life who was struggling. When Diane served up the unvarnished truth about the gut-wrenching decision to enroll her son in an emotional growth boarding school and the pain of his difficult teen years, others felt permission to share their life dilemmas. The realization that they were not alone in their struggles offered a sense of hope and freedom.

Perhaps they didn’t have to feel like a failure. It just could be that others, too, were facing the same kind of issues that are all part of life’s journey.

your friend know that all you need is someone to listen.

You’re also acknowledging the fact that while you’ve been consumed with your own issue, there might be a whole host of things going on with your friend that deserve some time as well.

• Skip the gossip. You may have a struggle with a spouse, child or another friend and you just need a sounding board. Make sure to keep it above board by respecting whoever is part of your story, even when they’re not there.

How to hear the tough stuff • Ask questions! Experts say to keep questions safe, but our experience tells us that people are dying for you to ask the tough questions. You don’t want to offend or challenge beyond reason, but ask, “What’s going on?” and “How are you feeling about that?” And don’t let an ambiguous statement go by without asking for clarification.

• Take the pressure off yourself! If you knew you didn’t have to fix a thing, would that make it easier to stay put when your friend brings up a tough topic? Phrases like, “I’m so sorry this is happening to you,” or “This really is a challenge,” can be just the thing your friend needs to feel like they’re not in it alone.

• Focus on the feelings. Don’t worry about having the best advice. Just focus on how your friend is feeling: “It

Not having to pretend is so freeing. Being able to be who we really are with friends who have shown that they will not judge is a gift. Those who are supportive are probably the ones who understand that next time it could be them needing a shoulder -- someone to talk to who can remind them they are not alone. Whether you’re lending a listening ear, or need to share a struggle with a friend, take a deep breath and start with these tips.

seems like you’re feeling afraid,” or “I can imagine it feels

How to share the tough stuff • Give a gal a chance to show up! Don’t wind your way into a tough topic and essentially put your friend on the spot. Let her know ahead of time that you have a challenge you’d like to bounce off of her, and ask if there’s a good time to get together. By doing this, you’ve eliminated what can feel like a pop quiz--especially for us Fixers.

keys to friendship that we found in the research for our

• Ask if she has the capacity to be a listening ear. Let

combination!

overwhelming.” We may not have the same experiences, but we can connect over feelings. And that’s the most satisfying connection of all.

Remember: Discretion. Discretion. Discretion. When someone shares a difficult part of their life with you, they expect it to remain between the two of you. One of the book, Women I Want to Grow Old With, is that cone of silence must not to be violated. If it is, trust is broken, most likely forever. And those who hear a story about another’s misfortune from you will probably think that you will do the same with their difficulties. Friendships are sacred and so is what’s shared. Keeping your relationships means keeping confidences in the vault and throwing away the

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Is it Possible for Parents to Live a Balanced Life?

by Rona Renner, RN To be an effective parent, it’s important to balance caring for your children, working, and caring for yourself. How can you do that, and is it really possible?

Rona Renner is the author of the new book for parents called, “Is That Me Yelling?” She has been a Registered Nurse for 47 years, a Parent Educator for over 25 years, and was trained as a temperament counselor in 1991 at Kaiser Permanente in Richmond California. She was the founder of Interactive Parenting Media, a non-profit organization that produced radio shows and web sites in English and Spanish.

Nurse Rona was the host of the weekly talk show, Childhood Matters, for ten years, and a spokesperson for parents and children. She has appeared on numerous TV and Radio shows, and did a weekly podcast with Dr. Christine Carter called Happiness Matters, that you can find on her web site along with all of the Childhood Matters shows at www.nurserona.com. She has four grown children and two grandsons. She is available for individual temperament consultations, parent coaching, trainings, and presentations.

You can find out more about her at www.nurserona.com

Factors that may contribute to being out of balance: • You don’t feel you have the right to attend to your needs because your parents didn’t.

• You’re not working full-time or you’re a stay-at-home parent, so you feel you can’t spend money on a baby sitter or you don’t have extra money for things that aren’t necessary.

• If you’re working away from home, you feel guilty taking any time for yourself since you don’t see your family as much as you would like.

• You feel pressure from others or from your inner taskmaster to do more or to be perfect.

• It’s hard for you to set limits on your childrens’ demands, especially if you’re working and don’t want them to be angry with you.

• You don’t have enough support from family or friends. Perhaps you have trouble asking for help, or you don’t have any relatives living near you.

• If you’re a single parent, you don’t feel you have time or energy for romance.

If you have a partner or spouse, you may be out of practice being intimate.

Tips to balance the scales: • Understand your temperament, and look more objectively at your needs.

• If you’re slow-to-adapt or sensitive type of person, take time to transition from work to family. Reflect on your day for a few minutes before you go inside your home.

• If you’re a high energy or intense type of person, chances are you need more time for exercise. If you can’t go to a gym, figure out ways to incorporate activity into the time you spend with your kids. When you’re tired at the end of the day, take a walk, or dance. It just may help you feel better.

• Observe the way things work at your house. How do you spend your time?

What are the “time drains?” What’s missing?

• Keep a journal to clarify your needs. Note your likes, dislikes, and priorities.

• Visualize how you would like things to be. Maybe you would like to see your spouse feeling relaxed and spending time with you, or doing more of the housework or cooking.

• Say “no” to spending time with people you don’t enjoy, unless it’s absolutely necessary.

• Have family meetings to express your feelings, establish goals, and to listen to and tend to the needs of your family.

• Take time for self-care, even if it’s ten minutes a day. Turn the phone and computer off, take some deep breaths, and remember that for which you’re grateful.

Reach out to other parents for support. Building community is a gift for you and for your children, and a way to find balance in your life.

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Preschool

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