OCTOBER 2015
Should You Discipline Someone Else’s Child?
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Volume 2 / Issue 21
[ PARENTING ] 7 Common Back to School Hassles and Simple Parenting Solutions
STRUCTURE: Why Kids Need Routine
Back to School = Back to You!
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[ COMMUNITY ]
8
[ SEASONAL FUN ] Trick or Treat Safety Guide
Super Franks is Moving... But Not Just Yet!
WANT TO STOP MEAN GIRLS? Raise Nice Girls, Instead
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Halloween Weekend Events
[ FOOD ]
12
Should You Discipline Someone Else’s Child?
5 Fall Recipes You’re About To Fall In Love With!
38
Pumpkin Patch Guide
18
20
Before You Let Your Child Fail, Read This
[ TRAVEL ] Kenwood Inn & Spa Review
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] 7 Ways People With Phenomenal Mental Toughness Fight Stress
26 Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert
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[ EVENTS ] October Calendar
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Sports Performance Lecture Series 2015 FREE AND OPEN TO: • Athletes age 9 to 25 and parents • Youth sports coaches • Athletic trainers • Athletic directors MORE INFO/RSVP: Walnut Creek (925) 979-3420 Oakland (510) 428-3558
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor
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Dr. Michele Borba Katie Hurley Betsy Brown Braun Amy Morin Rachel Simmons Anastasia Gavalas Tracie Brown Vollgraf Jennifer Segal The Growing Room Academy Dr. Laura Markham Dr. Patrick Flemingw
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Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566
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Editor’s Note It’s ghost and goblin time! Are you ready? I’m not even close! I do, however, know what is going on around the area and am happy to share with you! Turn to page 12 for the Halloween Happenings around the Bay. Plenty of fun to keep the family entertained during the spooky holiday season! Of course Halloween would not be complete without a visit to the pumpkin patch! Find all the amazing Farms listed in our guide on page 20. Our favorite, Joan’s Farm in Livermore, is celebrating their 25th year! With hay rides, gem panning, farm animals, Old West Town and more, your family will get their Halloween fix for the day! Do check out the Trick-or-Treat Safety Guide on page 11 and review with the kids. There is lots more in store for the month so be sure to check out the entire issue for ideas! Happy Halloween! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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[ PARENTING ] Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. She is an NBC contributor appearing over 100 times on the TODAY show and is the regular parenting expert on Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers. Her work has been featured on Dr. Phil, Dateline, The View, The Doctors, Fox News, The Early Show and CNN and well as in Newsweek,People, Good Housekeeping, Chicago Tribune, U.S. News & World Report, Washington Post, The New York Times and The Globe and Mail. She was an MSNBC contributor to two televised “Education Nation” specials. Dr. Borba is the awardwinning author of 22 parenting and educational books translated into 14 languages. Titles include: Don’t Give Me That Attitude!, Parents Do Make A Difference, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries, and Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me!, No More Misbehavin’, Building Moral Intelligence (cited by Publishers’ Weekly as “Among the most noteworthy of 2001”), and Esteem Builders used by 1.5 million students worldwide. She writes as the parenting expert for Dr. Oz’s website, as well a daily column for her blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check: www.micheleborba.com Twitter: @micheleborba
7 Common Back to School Hassles and Simple Parenting Solutions by Dr. Michele Borba Though back to school should be exciting, parents often describe frantic mornings, hectic evenings, and plain bad memories. Homework wars… lost library books…last-minute assignments…missed buses…sleepy heads… forgotten lunches…missed breakfasts…late starts are just a few of the common parenting concerns. The result: stressed parents…and stressed kids. But it doesn’t have to—nor should it–be that way. There are practical solutions to the most common back-to-school, and hot button parenting hassles. Not only will implementing those solutions help make the upcoming school year more positive and less stressful for all, but they’ll also help kids learns to be more responsible (which just happens to be a trait of successful students). You can start making these simple adjustments now so that back to school really is smoother and even a tad bit easier for both you and kids. The real secret: don’t take this challenge on by yourself. Get your kids involved in identifying last year’s reoccurring problem. Believe me, they’ll remember. Then together brainstorm one simple solution that you commit to turning into it into a lifelong family habit. Take on only one solution at a time. Keep
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ PARENTING ] implementing it until it becomes a permanent family routine. Here are the seven most common back-to-school parenting hassles and a few simple solutions to help create a smoother year. Hassle 1. SLEEPY HEADS (“Just let me sleep five more minutes!”) If you recall most of last year screaming “Wake Up!!” it’s time for your kids to take ownership. Buy simple-to-use alarm clocks, and teach kids how to set it so you don’t have to be their “Big Ben.” My favorite alarm for kids who are perpetually late is called Clocky. It gives your kid only one chance to get up, and if you snooze, he literally jumps off the nightstand and wheels around the room. I’m sure there are others but I shared this one on the TODAY show and both Hoda and Kathie Lee loved it. Also start getting your kid back onto the right “time zone” at least before school starts so he can “ease” into that schedule. And use that oven timer to remind procrastinators that of time constraints. When it dings, you’re in the car – whether the kid is dressed and ready
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or not. Seriously! That solution only takes one time! Do alert the principal and teacher of your plan. They’ll be happy to help to ensure your child is in his seat and ready to learn. Hassle 2. BREAKFAST MANIA (“I don’t have time to eat!”) If breakfast time is frantic and your kids seem to be missing the “most-important meal,” search for quick, healthy alternatives. Instant oatmeal in a cup, bananas, and juice boxes can be ready to grab-and-go. Extra protein bars can be stashed in backpacks for just-in-case hunger cravings. And put out those bowls and cereal the night before. If you’re really frantic stock your car with extra nutritious goodies. But don’t skip that breakfast! Hassle 3. MORNING FRANTICNESS (“Where’s my homework?”) Misplaced library books? “Dad, where’s my backpack?” Can’t find your keys? Identify last year’s one reoccurring nightmare that set off that morning panic attack and then institute one simple solution to cut morning frenzy. Put a box by the door to “catch” those library books,
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OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ PARENTING ] screw in big hooks for coats, make an extra set of car keys (for your).
and your younger child can practice spelling on the tray without the letters falling all over the car. Most cookie sheets are magnetic. Be sure the one you use has the
The key is to turn the new solution into a routine until everyone (even you) adopts the new sanity saver habit. If lost teacher notes, school notices, or conference schedules was a reoccurring problem, set a new family policy: “Walk in, open your backpack, and put any notes or graded papers in the basket.” Then put a basket near that door, and consistently check it nightly. Tend to those needing your signature, and put them ASAP inside your child’s backpack for next day delivery. Hassle 4. WHO’S ON FIRST? (“Is it library day, violin, or soccer?”) If your kids relied on you as their personal manager to recap their schedule, then it’s time to help them get organized. Buy a large white board and grease pens. Use a different colored pen per child for each child can mark his own weekly music lesson, soccer practice, field trip, sharing day, and spelling test under the date and time. Then put it in a central spot (such in the kitchen or on the fridge) so everyone instantly knows who goes where. Photographs or drawings of the event and family member help even the youngest family member keep track of who’s doing what and where. Hassle 5. WASTED TIME IN CAR POOLS (“Do we have to wait until his game is over?”) Did you feel more like a taxi cab driver than parent or spend hours waiting in your car for your kid’s lessons to be over? Did your kids resent waiting for the other sibling’s practice to be out? Then set up the inside of your car as a mini-office to utilize that lull time more productively. Hang a shoe sorter over seat back as a toy organizer, have spare books or tapes to listen to, provide a small ice chest to stock with juice boxes and water which turns into a spare desk and fill a bin with school supplies (pencils, pens, binder paper, flash cards, dictionary, calculator) For a child to study those spelling words or homework while waiting for a siblings game to be over, stock cookie sheets under the front seat to pull out as an instant desk or tray. The stack perfectly and also make instant desks for kids to do their homework on. P.S. You can also put magnetic letters on the cookie sheet 10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
feature. Hassle 6. MISSING TEACHER/COACH NOTES (“Did you sign the teacher’s note?”) If missing teacher notes, coach memos, scouting policies, school notices, or conference schedules was a reoccurring problem, set a new family policy: “Walk in, open your backpack, and put any notes or graded papers in the basket.” Then put a basket near that door, and consistently check it nightly. Tend to those items needing your signature, and put them ASAP inside your child’s backpack for next day delivery. Hassle 7. PARENT OVERLOAD (“Come on, Mom! We have to get going!”) Did you feel like a hamster on a wheel – running in circles, doing it all, and never getting anywhere? This year it may be time to back off just a bit. Here are ideas: Always rescuing? Then stop. Your kids need to take ownership and stop relying on you as their savior. After all, homework, sports gear, library books are your kid’s responsibility, not yours. Adopt your new mantra: “Never do for your kid what your kid can do for himself.” Then announce it to your kids and stick to it. Do everything? Delegate some of those chores to your kids. Research says kids who do chores are more successful students but also turn out to be more responsible. Say “yes” too easily? Write “No” on an index card and tape it to your phone. Anytime anyone asks you to take on one more thing, say you’ll have to think about it first and call back. The stall time gives you time to think whether you really want to take bake those cupcakes or drive one more place. Stressed out? Hang a “Do Not Disturb” sign for a few minutes at the same time each night with a strict rule: No one may disturb you until you remove that sign. Remember: A happier, less-stressed parent turns out happier, less stressed kids. So what’s your biggest reoccurring back-to-school hassle? Now is the time to come up with a solution. Happy back to school! Michele
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
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Trick-or-Treat Safety Guide by The Growing Room Academy
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Trick-or-Treat on well lit streets where possible or carry flashlights or glow sticks
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Always Trick or treats in groups with adult supervision
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Cross the street at corners, using crosswalks and traffic signals.
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Don’t run across the street.
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Make eye contact with drivers before crossing in front of them.
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Always walk on sidewalks
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Choose face paint and makeup whenever possible instead of masks, which can obstruct a child’s vision.
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When selecting a costume, make sure it is the right size to prevent trips and falls.
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Drive slowly and be especially alert in residential neighborhoods. Children are excited on Halloween and may move in unpredictable ways.
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When driving, enter and exit driveways and alleys slowly and carefully.
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Popular trick-or-treating hours are 5:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. so be especially alert for kids during those hours. OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Halloween Weekend Events Alameda County OCT 30 Pirates of Emerson Alameda County Fairgrounds Pleasanton 7:05pm – 12:00am www.piratesofemerson.com
OCT 30
OCT 30-31
Trunk or Treat 147 Gregory Lane Pleasant Hill 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.pleasanthillrec.com
Halloween on Solano Solano Ave Berkeley 5:00pm – 6:00pm www.solanoavenueassn.org
Ghost House The Candle Lighters Fremont 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.candlelighters.com Halloween Twilight Hike Coyote Hills Regional Park Fremont 5:30pm – 8:30pm www.apm.activecommunities.com/ebparks
Contra Costa OCT 29 HOWL-OOO-WEEN Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 5:30pm – 8:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org
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Out of Area OCT 29 - 31 Goblyns Glen Oakmeadow Park Los Gatos 7:00pm www.goblynsglen.com/index.html
OCT 30 Monster Bash Rengstorff Park Mountain view 4:00pm – 8:00pm www.mountainview.gov Halloween Trick or Treat Downtown Willow Glen San Jose Times Vary www.willowglen.org
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Halloween Weekend Events OCT 30 - 31 Halloween Haunt Great America Santa Clara 7:00pm – 1:00am www.cagreatamerica.com Fright Fest Great America Vallejo 4:00pm – 1:00am www.sixflags.com/discoverykingdom Halloween Scary Boo! & Spooky Zoo Gilroy Gardens Gilroy Times Vary www.gilroygardens.org Halloween Hangar Haunt Hiller Aviation Museum San Mateo Times Vary www.hiller.org/halloween_2015.shtml
Spellcound: A Celebration of Books and Make-Believe Children’s Discovery Museum San Jose 10:00am – 4:00pm www.cdm.org Hands-on History Days: Haunt History Park History Park San Jose 11:00am – 3:00pm www.historysanjose.org
Munchkin Masquerade Jelly Belly Visitor Center Fairfield 10:30am www.historysanjose.org Halloween Hoopla Santa Cruz Ave Menlo Park 11:45am – 3:00pm www.menlopark.org Halloween Sausalito City Hall Game Room Sausalito 4:15pm – 6:30pm www.ci.sausalito.ca.us Halloween on the Santa Cruz Wharf Santa Cruz Wharf Santa Cruz 4:00pm – 6:00pm www.cityofsantacruz.com
OCT 31 Spooktacular Stonestown Family YMCA San Francisco 4:00pm – 6:30pm www.ymcasf.org
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[ PARENTING ]
Katie Hurley, LCSW, is a child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of The Happy Kid Handbook. Her work can be found on EverydayFamily, Momtastic, mom.me, Yahoo Parenting, PBS Parents and The Huffington Post. Katie writes the parenting blog, Practical Parenting. Katie splits her time between Los Angeles and the Connecticut coast with her rock and roll husband and their two happy children.
WANT TO STOP MEAN GIRLS? Raise Nice Girls, Instead by Katie Hurley Once upon a time, fourth grade was the year that young girls began to have difficulty navigating friendships. For many years, I worked in a school for kids with learning disabilities. It was always during fourth grade that previously established friendships began to hit turbulence. Names were called. Gossip was spread. Feelings were hurt. The teachers always had to deal with the worst of it, of course, because the tears, eye rolling, and barely audible sarcastic comments had a way of surfacing the very moment the teachers started teaching. Some days, the girls resolved their own issues and the previously ex-best friends were new best friends again by the time the school buses lined the driveway. Other days, the standoffs continued until every last student left the building. It was a complicated system of friending and unfriending long before social media brought such a concept to our fingertips. Desperate to put an end to the shifting alliances and crying girls hiding in bathrooms when they should be doing
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[ PARENTING ] math, some of the teachers asked me to intervene. So I did. I started a friendship club. That’s what we called it, anyway. A few of them rolled their eyes at the name, but the truth is they were bored of the usual lunch/ recess games and happy to join me in the library to talk about friendship once a week. We crafted and played games while we chatted, and I spent the better part of those meetings teaching the girls about empathy and kindness. Because even in the fourth grade, kids still need lessons in those two very important topics. A few weeks into the group, a wonderful thing happened. The girls started sharing their feelings with one another. They started talking about the things that bugged them and the things that made them happy. One girl taught another girl how to sew. Two girls who thought they had nothing in common became very close friends. When the girls stopped judging and started listening and empathizing, they felt empowered. And the mean girl stuff that once threatened their emotional and academic well being became a thing of the past. Imagine that? All of that progress occurred because someone took the time to help them learn to relate and empathize. Someone showed them a better way to establish and navigate friendships. It wasn’t perfect, and it didn’t happen in one week, but it happened. Sadly, the latest PEW research shows that things like empathy and kindness are low on the list of the traits that the majority of parents deem important for kids right now. Parents, it seems, are much more interested in raising “hard working” and “responsible” kids than raising kind and empathic kids. That’s a shame, really, because kids learn a lot about working hard and being responsible the moment they enter school, but things like empathy and kindness should begin at home. If we want to put an end to “mean girl” behavior, if we want to stop the covert bullying based on judgment, jealousy, and gossip, we have to teach girls how to relate. We have to show them how to establish healthy friendships, how to listen for the sake of listening (not for the sake of crafting a witty retort), and how to build each other up along the way. All children have their own individual strengths, and yet
our culture celebrates fitting in. We might tell them to get out there and be individuals, but we send them out into a world where identifying with one group or another is essential. Without a group, kids feel lost. But group dynamics can be tricky, and that can pose a problem for many. While it is perfectly normal for young girls to gravitate toward other girls with common interests, it’s also important to teach our girls to celebrate differences and look for the good in others. With consistent feedback on kindness and empathy, we can raise a generation of girls who reverse the trend of mean girl behavior that seems to grow in size with each passing year. We can make a difference. Empower them to help. Competitive parenting isn’t just toxic for the parents caught in the race to the finish line, you know, it also negatively impacts the children witnessing the competition. Stop competing. Your family is your family and it doesn’t matter what other families are doing. Your child might go to Harvard. She might go to a state college. She might become a dancer, an artist, or a teacher. Your job is not to shape her into some version of perfection, your job is to support her as she grows and establishes her own goals and dreams. Instead of focusing on the unknown, empower your daughter to help a friend in need. Empower her to be a change agent within her community, to think about the wellbeing of others instead of thinking about whether or not others are performing as well as, or better than, her in any given task. Kill the sarcasm. I hear a lot of sarcasm between parents and children. Parents rely on sarcasm when they’re tired, frustrated, or downright angry. It’s hurtful. It leaves children feeling confused, upset, and helpless. It’s bad for the soul. And yet, parents continue to use it, often in front of other children and adults. Stop using sarcasm as a form of communication with your daughter. She might not understand all of it right this very moment, but she will internalize it and she will repeat it. She will work it into her own vernacular, and she will use it to hurt other people down the line. Say what you mean. Be clear. Talk about feelings and model empathy. Rely on honest communication. If you OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ PARENTING ] do that, your daughter will learn to do the same.
Create a positive group for girls. You don’t have to coach your daughter’s basketball team to help your daughter and her friends establish positive and healthy friendships. Host a monthly knitting or book group. Start a
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Consistency is the key to helping young girls work on navigating the tumultuous feelings that can accompany making and keeping friends. Find something, or a few somethings, that sparks their interest and make that
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friendship group happen at least once a month. Within the safety of that group, your daughter and her peers will learn to listen and empathize, build each other up, and stick together no matter what obstacles might come their way.
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[ PARENTING ]
Betsy Brown Braun, best selling author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents (HarperCollins) and You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat proofing Your Four To Twelve Year Old (HarperCollins), is a child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant, and founder of Parenting Pathways®, Inc. Her parenting expertise has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Real Simple, American Baby, Cookie, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, In Style, Parenting, Parents, Pregnancy and Newborn, Twins, Woman’s Day, and, Working Mother, Colorado Parent Magazine, Ohio Valley Parent Magazine among other publications. She has shared her expertise on the Today Show multiple times. Other television appearances have included Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, The Early Show, Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, Fox & Friends, Hallmark’s Home and Family, KCBS, KNBC, and Fox News LA. She contributes to KNX news radio on child development, and has been a guest on countless radio programs nationwide, including NPR. www.betsybrownbraun.com
Should You Discipline Someone Else’s Child? by Betsy Brown Braun It’s hard enough to raise your own child—teaching him the rules of the road, guiding him as he learns how to “play nicely”—but what happens when a child who is not yours is in need of some pointed guidance (a swift kick in the pants!)? You’re having a playdate, and the guest grabs a toy (your child’s favorite Thomas car) out of your child’s hands. The grabber’s mom observes without reaction. You’re at the park, and a girl you don’t know throws sand at your child. The sand thrower’s mom is engrossed in a phone conversation. You’re walking toward the school parking lot, and out of nowhere a classmate gives your child a good push. The pusher’s mom says, “Oh, boys will be boys,” and keeps walking. Who could forget the mother in the movie, So This Is 40, when she blasts her son’s nemesis with a barrage of heated, directed, spicy language? If the desire to do this hasn’t happened already, believe me, your day will come. Controlling your own reaction and temper is critical to this whole question of dealing with other people’s kids. So, let me start by saying, it is never acceptable for a parent to IMPOSE her own mother lion rage on another child. Never. You are an adult, and you must get your own feelings under control, remembering that you are a model for your child.
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[ PARENTING ] Knowing when or if to discipline other people’s children is
what other children are permitted to do…or not. This is
tricky business. When you are the parent in charge and
what I call “ambient learning.” While the other parent
no other adult is supervising, the answer is easy: Step in
might shine-on her child’s misbehavior with “It’s just
and deal with it appropriately. But when the other child’s
what kids do,” it is your responsibility to teach your child,
parent is on the scene, it gets complicated.
directly and indirectly. That just might mean stopping or redirecting another child’s undesirable behavior. If your
Most parents will agree that it is usually crossing the
child has been told not to throw sand, he needs to hear
line to correct or discipline someone else’s child. After
you uphold that rule, perhaps telling the other child the
all, when were you appointed the behavior police?
same. It’s about your child.
And even though the word discipline derives from the Latin root word which means teach, it is not your job to
Consider the following in deciding to deal with the
reprimand or to teach other people’s children. While I
misbehavior of a child who is not yours:
do believe that raising a child “takes a village,” unless it is commonly practiced and understood that all the tribal elders participate in the child rearing (sometimes seen in close, extended families), in most cases your instruction will not be welcomed by the other present parent.
• If you are the adult in charge, be in charge, kindly but firmly. Your child is watching. • Your house, your rules. Everyone needs to abide by them. If you need to correct the child guest, you can explain to the guest mother, “I am helping [my
Each family has different values, different ideas about parenting, and a different tolerance for certain child behaviors. Not only might your and another’s parenting
daughter] Amanda to understand that our house rules are for everyone. I hope you understand.” • Delivery is everything. Speaking up and speaking
styles be light years apart, but your uninvited intervention
kindly is imperative, especially if the guest’s mom is
will likely sting; it may offend, embarrass, or give the
present “So much noise hurts my ears. [To the guest]
message of your negative judgment…even if you
Please help me by using your inside voice.” And then
are right. Look out for trouble then, as it’s no longer a
to the guest mom, “I am working on this very issue
problem just between the kids.
with Amanda. It helps when she knows it goes for everyone.”
Knowing whether to intervene with someone else’s
• Be gently encouraging. When the other parent is non-
child has everything to do with three things: 1) safety
reactive to her child’s misbehavior regardless of where
(everyone’s) 2) your relationship with the child and his
you are, try saying, “It looks like Jason needs a little
parent, and 2) your child. Safety needs no explanation; danger requires immediate action.
help, but I don’t want to overstep my bounds.” • Simply stating the rules can be enough. Saying, “There is no pushing. That’s the rule.” will stop be action and can be just enough intervention. No lecture needed,
Number two, your relationship with child and his parent is interesting and variable. Even if it is your own nephew
please. • Keep your own anger (and your bossiness) in check.
or the child of your best friend, the other parent may be
It will leak and cause problems beyond a child’s
highly sensitive. If however, you have historically been
misbehavior.
close and at ease enough with the other child and his
• Talk to your own child. When addressing the other child
family to have stepped in, it may be okay. You must
is iffy, talk to your own child, knowing that the aggressor
always keep in mind that this is not your child and you
is also hearing the message and knows that someone
must handle with care.
is looking out. “That boy has not learned that is it never okay to kick sand at someone.”
But number three, your child…he is your priority. He is the one whose teacher you are. He will learn from observing
And of course, keep that ol’ Golden Rule in mind: Do
everything you and everyone else does—how you react,
unto others…It’s still true OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Pumpkin Patch Guide ALAMEDA
CLAYTON
HERCULES
Speer Family Farms Alameda Point 2153 Ferry Point 510.705.2352 www.speerfamilyfarms.com -Petting Zoo -Inflatable Fun
Clayton Valley Pumpkin Patch 1060 Pine Lane 925.672.5198 www.cvpumpkinfarm.com -Petting Zoo -Train Ride -Barnyard
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 400 San Pablo Ave 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
ANTIOCH
CONCORD
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins Delta Fair Blvd @ Century Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House -Train Ride
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1096 Oak Grove Rd at Monument Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
G&M Farms 487 East Airway 925.447.FARM www.gmfarms.com -Corn Maze -Train
BRENTWOOD
J. E Perry’s Farms 34600 Ardenwood Blvd 510.793.6658 www.perryfarmsorganic.com
Smith Family Farm 4430 Sellers Ave 925.625.5966 www.smithfamilyfarm.com -Corn Maze -Petting Zoo -Hay Ride
CASTRO VALLEY Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 9711 Dublin Canyon Rd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House
FREMONT
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 4020 Fremont Hub 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Inflatable Fun
HAYWARD Pick of the Patch Pumpkins One Southland Mall Dr. 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
LIVERMORE
Joan’s Farm and Pumpkin Patch 4351 Mines Rd 925.447.0794 www.joansfarm.com -Farm Animals -Hay Ride -Corn Maze
MARTINEZ Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 5041 Blum Road 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Ponyland Pony Rides -Parachute Rocket Rides -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Pumpkin Patch Guide NEWARK Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 2086 NewPark Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
OAKLAND Piedmont Ave Pumpkin Patch 4414 Piedmont Ave 510.967.9363 www.pumpkinpatch.info -Corn Stalks -Straw Bales
SAN LEANDRO Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1555 East 14th St at the Bay Fair Center Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
SAN RAMON Forest Home Farms 19953 San Ramon Valley Blvd 925.973.3284 www.sanramon.ca.gov -Hay Ride -Train Ride Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 19901 San Ramon Valley Blvd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House
WORTH THE DRIVE
PETALUMA Great Peter Pumpkin Patch 4235 Spring Hill Rd 707.762.3446 www.springhillcheese.com/pumpkinpatch -Hay Ride
HALF MOON BAY Arata Pumpkin Farm 185 Verde Rd 650.726.7548 www.aratapumpkinfarm.com -Hay Maze -Petting Zoo -Train Ride
Peterson’s Farm 636 Gossage Ave 707.765.4582 www.petersonsfarm.com
Lemos Farm 12320 San Mateo Rd 620.726.2342 www.lemosfarm.com -Train Ride -Haunted House -Petting Zoo
Petaluma Pumpkin Patch and Amazing Corn Maze 450 Stony Point Rd 707.781.3132 www.petalumapumpkinpatch.com -Corn Maze
LATHROP Dell’Osso Family Farm 26 Stewart Rd 209.982.0833 www.pumpkinmaze.com -Corn Maze -Haunted House -Petting Zoo
SAN FRANCISCO Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch 1620 7th Ave 415.753.2689 www.clancystrees.com -Hay Maze
MARIN Nicasio Valley Farms Pumpkin Patch 5300 Nicasio Valley Rd 415. 662.9100 www.nicasiocheese.com -Hay Ride -Petting Zoo
Emerald Forest Great Pumpkin Patch 317 Sloat Blvd 415.566.8984
OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, psychology instructor, and speaker. Her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do is on sale now. She’s frequently quoted in national media outlets. She also writes for Forbes and About.com. For more visit AmyMorinLCSW.com
7 Ways People With Phenomenal Mental Toughness Fight Stress by Amy Morin While stress causes some people to crumble, mentally strong people continue to thrive in the midst of added tension. In fact, they view adversity as an opportunity for self-growth. Whether they’re dealing with financial setbacks, health problems, or workplace difficulties, mentally strong people don’t let stress drag them down. Here are seven ways mentally strong people handle stress effectively: 1. They accept that stress is part of life. While some people waste time and energy thinking things like, “I shouldn’t have to deal with this,” mentally strong people know that setbacks, problems, and hardships are inevitable. When stressful situations arise, they devote their efforts into
22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] doing what they can to move forward. Even when they
with their thoughts.
can’t change the circumstances, they know they can always take steps to improve their lives.
6. They acknowledge their choices. Stress can cause people to feel like a victim of bad
2. They keep problems in proper perspective.
circumstances. But mentally strong people acknowledge
Rather than think a flat tire has the power to ruin their
that everything they do, from the time they wake up until
whole day, mentally strong people keep inconveniences
the time they go to sleep, is a choice. They’re willing to
in proper perspective. When they’re tempted to
say no to things they don’t want to do and they accept
catastrophize a minor event–such as thinking one
responsibility for their behavior.
mistake could ruin their whole career–they respond by reframing the message they give themselves. They refuse to allow a pessimistic inner monologue to take hold.
7. They look for the silver lining. Mentally strong people don’t necessarily see the world through rose-colored glasses–their outlook is a realistic
3. They take care of their physical health. Mentally strong people recognize the importance of keeping their bodies in smooth operating condition. They recognize they won’t be able to combat stress if they’re worn out and running on empty. They exercise, get plenty of sleep, and maintain a diet that keeps them healthy.
outlook–but they do look for the silver lining in tough circumstances. They recognize that good things can stem from stressful circumstances. Rather than allowing hardship to turn them into bitter people or helpless victims, they choose to use stressful circumstances to become stronger and better.
Free Admission
Joan’s Farm & Pumpkin Patch
4. They choose healthy coping skills. While some people turn to alcohol, junk food, or other unhealthy vices to help them escape stress, mentally strong people choose to cope with discomfort in a productive manner. They allow themselves to feel uncomfortable emotions, like anxiety, fear, and sadness, head-on. They use healthy activities, like going for a walk
Opens October 1st!
Open Daily 9am -6pm
Farm Animals Gem panning Pumpkins Old West Town
October 1st - 31st
Teepees Mazes Hay Ride Food
Children's train Game Area Sweets & Treats Covered Wagon
Weekend Events: Pony Rides & Face Painting
or participating in a hobby, to cope with emotional pain.
5. They balance social activity with solitude. Sometimes, in an attempt to avoid facing problems, people fill their schedules with social activities. Others deal with stress by withdrawing from their friends and family. Mentally strong people, however, strike a good balance. They maintain a healthy social life even when
4351 Mines Rd., Livermore (925) 447-0794 www.joansfarm.com
they’re stressed, but they also reserve time to be alone OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ EVENTS ]
October Alameda County OCTOBER 1, 8, 15, 22 & 29 Happy Hour at Café Art Dublin Café Art Dublin 11:00am – 5:00pm www.ceramic-cafeart.com Baby Laptime Pleasanton Public Library Pleasanton 1:00pm – 1:30pm www.cityofpleasantonca.gov
OCTOBER 2 Harvest Festival Valley Montessori School Livermore 3:00pm – 7:00pm www.valleymontessorischool.com Painted Halloween Pumpkin Sale Milfleur Pleasanton 7:00pm – 9:00pm www.paws-in-need.org
OCTOBER 3 Science Revealed Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 1:00pm – 2:00pm www.chabotspace.org
Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
OCTOBER 4 Free First Sunday Oakland Museum of California Oakland 10:00am – 6:00pm www.museumca.org Alameda Antiques Faire Alameda Point Alameda 6:00am – 3:00pm www.alamedapointantiquesfaire.com
OCTOBER 4, 11, 18, & 25 Open Jump Rockin’ Jump Dublin 11:00am – 8:00pm www.dublin.rockinjump.com
OCTOBER 7 - 11
OCTOBER 14 Rituals & Remembrance Oakland Museum of California Oakland 11:00am – 5:00pm www.museumca.org M.O.M.’s Reading Time Museum on Main Street Pleasanton 10:00am – 11:00am www.museumonmain.org
OCTOBER 7, 14, 21, & 28
OCTOBER 15
BINGO Night at Sauced Sauced BBQ & Spirits Livermore 6:00pm – 7:30pm www.saucedbbqandspirits.com
OCTOBER 9 Musical Sing Along Jack London Square Oakland 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.jacklondonsquare.com
OCTOBER 3, 10, 17, 24, &31
OCTOBER 10
24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
Halloween Click or Treat Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 12:00pm – 4:00pm www.chabotspace.org
Disney On Ice: Dare to Dream Oracle Arena Oakland 7:00pm – 9:00pm www.coliseum.com
Spooky Halloween Lost In Space Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 1:00pm – 2:00pm www.chabotspace.org Pleasanton Farmers’ Market Main Street Pleasanton 10:00am – 1:00pm www.pcfma.com
Growing Food in the Bay Area’s Secret Season University of California Botanical Garden at Berkeley Berkeley 10:00am – 12:00pm www.botanicalgarden.berkeley.edu
Harvest Festival Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 10:00am – 5:00pm www.ebparks.org
Eats, Beats, & Brews Downtown Berkeley Berkeley 6:00pm www.downtownberkeley.com
OCTOBER 16 Zoovie Night Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org
OCTOBER 16 – 24 Ghost Walk 2015 Museum on Main Street Pleasanton 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.coliseum.com
OCTOBER 20 Tyke Explorers Workshop Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 1:00pm www.chabotspace.org
[ EVENTS ]
October OCTOBER 23
OCTOBER 11
Night Hike Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 6:00pm www.chabotspace.org
Lindsay Wildlife’s 60th Birthday Bash and Festival Lindsay Wildlife Experience and Larkey Park Walnut Creek 10:00am – 5:00pm
OCTOBER 24 Danville Fall Crafts Festival Downtown Danville Danville 10:00am – 5:00pm www.danvilleareachamber.com
OCTOBER 31 HALLOWEEN
Contra Costa OCTOBER 1 Furry Fables Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:30am – 11:30am www.lindsaywildlife.org First Thursday shop Local Day and Night Downtown Hartz Ave Danville 10:00am – 7:00pm www.danville.ca.gov
OCTOBER 3 Tinsel and Treasures Folk Art Faire Danville Senior Center Danville 10:00am – 3:00pm www.discoverdanvilleca.com
OCTOBER 3, 10, 17, 24, &31 Danville Farmers’ Market Railroad Ave at W Prospect Ave Danville 10:00am – 1:00pm www.pcfma.com
OCTOBER 6, 13, 20 & 27 Off the Grid Walnut Creek Walnut Creek Downtown Danville 10:00am – 3:00pm www.walnutcreekdowntown.com
www.lindsaywildlife.org/open-house
OCTOBER 16 Free Friday! Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 5:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org
OCTOBER 16 – 18 Wizards & Witches Weekend Playland-Not-at-the-Beach El Cerrito 10:00am – 5:00pm www.playland-not-at-the-beach.org
OCTOBER 17 Fun on the Farm Forest Home Farms San Ramon 11:00am – 2:00pm www.ci.san-ramon.ca.us
OCTOBER 31 HALLOWEEN
Out of Area OCTOBER 9 - 11 San Francisco Fleet Week Marina Green San Francisco Times Vary www.fleetweeksf.org
OCTOBER 11 Exploratorium Founder’s Day Exploratorium San Francisco 10:00am – 5:00pm www.exploratorium.edu
OCTOBER 22 Veggitetales Live San Jose Civic San Jose 6:30pm – 8:30pm www.sanjosetheaters.org
OCTOBER 31 HALLOWEEN
OCTOBER 18 Mount Diablo’s Gentle Giant Mount Diablo Summit Museum Walnut creek 10:00am – 2:00pm www.mdia.org
OCTOBER 22 The Food Lab: Cooking With Science Lafayette Library and Learning Center Lafayette 6:30pm www.commonwealthclub.org
OCTOBER 23 - 25 Pirate Weekend Playland-Not-at-the-Beach El Cerrito 5:00pm – 10:00pm www.playland-not-at-the-beach.org
OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ PARENTING ]
Rachel Simmons is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls, and The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence. As an educator, Rachel works internationally to empower young women to be more authentic, assertive and self-aware. Rachel is a Vassar graduate and Rhodes Scholar from New York. The cofounder of the Girls Leadership Institute, she is an experienced curriculum writer and educator. She currently develops leadership programs for undergraduates at the Center for Work and Life at Smith College. She has previously worked as a classroom teacher in Massachusetts and South Africa. Rachel was the host of the PBS television special, “A Girl’s Life,” and her writing has appeared in the Washington Post, Atlantic, and Slate. Rachel serves on the board of the College Women’s Leadership Educators affiliate of the AAUW. Rachel has appeared on Oprah and the Today show, and appears regularly in the national media. Odd Girl Out was adapted into a highly acclaimed Lifetime television movie. Rachel lives in western Massachusetts with her daughter. For more information, please visit www. rachelsimmons.com.
Before You Let Your Child Fail, Read This by Rachel Simmons Your kid forgot his homework. Again. You spy it sitting on the table by the front door, where he neglected to slip it into his bookbag. You can easily stash it in your briefcase and drop it off on your way to work. Do you do it? No way, says middle school teacher and journalist Jessica Lahey. The author of this month’s hot new parenting book, The Gift of Failure, Lahey urges parents to let our kids learn and grow through the mess of their mistakes. Unlike so many books out there that shame parents into compliance, Lahey writes with humor and compassion about the ways we’ve helicoptered our kids into fragile, dependent, risk avoidant creatures. She also bravely counts herself among the people she’s calling out: “I had to stop equating the act of doing things for my children,” she writes, “with good parenting.” Lahey skillfully lays out strategies for change in families and schools. Left unexplained, though, is how we, as parents, can prepare ourselves psychologically for the experience of watching our kids screw up. And that, in and of itself, is a tall order. It’s not easy to let our kids be less than perfect. I became a parent three years ago, and I’ve been astonished at the fire hose of judgment directed at moms and dads by our culture. I’ve also noticed at least three unwritten rules of parenting
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ PARENTING ] (which are also total myths) that stand in our way. 1. You have complete control over your child’s development -- and if you don’t, you’re doing something wrong. Genetics? Bah. You’re the one with the power to make your child who she’ll become -- just read the right parenting books, hit some parenting talks, scour Pinterest and peruse the mommy blogs. Somewhere in that sea of content, you’ll find the answer to any problem your kid has -- and you better believe it’s on you to find it, try it, and make it work on the first try. This ridiculous myth is fueled by a cottage industry of parenting experts implying they have answers parents don’t, and it’s gutted parents of their innate confidence and authority along the way. I am guilty of being part of this industry, too. As Lahey writes, parenting has been transformed from an instinct every human has to “a skill to be studied and learned.” 2. You can never do enough, or be enough as a parent. Even as we’re told we have all the power, we’re constantly besieged, writes Lahey, by the fear that
we’re not good enough parents. Many of us live with a pervasive sense of inadequacy. The insecurity forces us to compete with others -- to see our peers’ shortcomings as quiet signs of our superiority, and vice versa. It also, Lahey writes, pushes us to be “ever-present, ever-helpful, ever-reminding, ever-rescuing.” 3. Your child’s success, or failure, defines you. You thought they cut the cord at birth? Turns out your kid is a reflection of your own intelligence and ability as a parent. As your child goes, so goes your worth as a parent and person. This myth firmly entrenches our egos in our kids’ everyday lives. It also, says Lahey, drives us to interpret the moments our children are safe, successful or happy as “tangible evidence of our parenting success.” So letting kids fail isn’t going to be a simple switch we throw. If I, as a parent, am still gripped by the belief that I’m not enough, or that I’m constantly failing, or that my worth is tied up in my kid’s potential -- well, Lahey may be leading me to the water, but she ain’t gonna make me drink. Here are some strategies parents can use to prepare themselves, cognitively and emotionally, to give their kids
925-866-3020 OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ PARENTING ] the gift of failure.
That’s particularly important when it comes to letting kids fail. If we don’t think we’re enough, our kids won’t
4. Self-regulation, or learning to control big or difficult feelings. We’ve got lots of big thoughts and feelings that bubble up in the face of a kid’s setback, and they typically inspire us to intervene in ways we might later regret.
either. And indeed, this mentality has trickled down
Picture the toddler about to spill a wobbling gallon of milk, the middle schooler’s uniform left behind after she’s gotten on the team bus, the high school junior who fails to submit an important form. What’s your first reaction? It’s usually anxiety about the consequences and the uncertainty that comes along with them: worry about the huge milky mess on your clean floor, the lower grade in the class, her inability to play in the game. Let’s be clear: we step in not just to fix the situation, but to soothe ourselves.
short, no matter what they do.
So if we’re going to let our kids suffer the consequences in a way that will teach them constructively, we have to learn to chill out first. One strategy I’ve used is to pause when I feel that anxiety welling up, and ask myself a single question: How would I parent right now if I weren’t afraid (or anxious)?
Lahey’s inspiring stories of how her own family changed
to our children. Many live in a persistent state of selfcriticism, beating themselves up for failing to achieve some mythical state of achievement. It is a toxic cycle that never ends, leaving kids feeling that they have fallen
To break the cycle of not-enoughness, try practicing some self-compassion. Right now -- yes, really -- tell yourself why you’re enough as a parent. Are you enough because you cooked a meal this week? Because you took a moment for a quality snuggle? Because he came to you and confided his feelings when you thought he never would?
will motivate her readers to give their kids the gift of failure. In order to do that well, we’ll need to give ourselves permission -- and compassion -- to do it, too.
We can also control ourselves by practicing mindfulness, or presence. As you feel the anxiety begin, focus on your breathing and count to five and back. Feel your feet on the ground, or your bottom in the chair. Become aware of the present moment, even for a few seconds, as a way to collect yourself before responding. Ann Klotz, head of the Emma Willard School for Girls, suggests parents ask themselves this question before intervening: Are the consequences of the mistake life threatening or permanent? If not, hang back. 5. Connect with why you are enough as a parent. In her research, therapist and bestselling author Brene Brown found that our 21st century culture of constant motion and achievement makes many adults feel “that an ordinary life is a meaningless life.” Many believe that if they are not extraordinary, no one will love, notice or include them. Brown has also said, “We can’t give our children what we don’t have.” And, she adds, we can’t hide what we don’t have, either. They figure it out eventually. 28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
Check out our Happy Hour and New Brunch menu!
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(925) 298-5372
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
OCTOBER 19-25
30
30
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birthday
sale
different 30% 30 product lines!
We continue to bring you the best of the best from farm to aisle to community, while staying true to our roots and true to the greater good. www.newleaf.com/30years
OFF
3550 Bernal Ave., Pleasanton (925) 621-7660 • Open Daily 8am-9pm
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your next purchase of $50 or more Not valid with any other discount. One coupon per customer. Coupon must be present at time of purchase. Not redeemable for cash value. Void if duplicated. Enter 12 digits Valid at Pleasanton location only. Expires 12/31/15.
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CULTIVATING IMAGINATIONS LET YOUR CHILD’S IMAGINATION SOAR WITH ACTIVITIES AND CAMPS THAT ALLOW THEIR PLAYFULNESS AND CREATIVITY TO FLOURISH.
Start with a Free 3-Day Family Pass* Pleasanton: Fremont: San Jose: Valley Vista: Walnut Creek:
925/271-5475 510/226-1210 408/571-6474 925/478-7339 925/478-7320
*Restrictions apply. Must be a local resident and first-time guest 21 years or older to receive a free family pass. One per household. ID is required. Expires 10/31/15.
OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] Adventures in Learning Early Childhood Center
PERSONALIZED INSTRUCTION FOR ADULTS, CHILDREN AND TODDLERS. SUMMER CAMPS & HORSEMANSHIP CLINICS
.............................................
Coaching for the beginner and competitive show rider. CALL NOW FOR MORE INFO:
925.960.9696
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Samantha Lazone & Barbara EnDean
Serving students 2 - 6 years Full and part time programs
•
5111 Dolan Rd, Livermore CA 94551
www.showstables.com
3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton web. www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123
An Environment for Discovery and Learning for Children For the love of learning since 1972
Come learn about Fountainhead's various programs at our Open Houses Danville Campus: 939 El Pintado Road Wednesday, January 28th 5:30pm-7:30pm Pleasant Hill Campus: 490 Golf Club Road Monday, January 12th 5:00pm-7:00pm Orinda Campus: 30 Santa Maria Way Friday, January 16th 5:00pm-7:00pm
Dublin Campus: 6665 Amador Plaza Road Wednesday, January 21st 6:00pm-8:00pm Pre-K/K Information Night Wednesday, February 4th 5:30pm Livermore Campus: 949 Central Avenue Saturday, January 31st 10:00am-12:00pm
Open Enrollment begins March 2015! Call us today 925-820-1343
Visit us on the web at www.fms.org
30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
For children ages 18 months – Kindergarten
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
Birthday Parties! For ages 1-6 years.
Choos e Your Theme !
Spanish Immersion Classes & Camps Engaging curriculum uses music, art & games
Experienced, dynamic teachers Ages toddlers to teens Small class sizes
No Clean Up!
r Join us fo g, in ll te s tor y mes a g , rt a , music UN F f & TONS o l! o ñ a sp - in e
Party Suppli es Availa ble!
Personalize your party with fun themes. A Gymboree Play Leader will guide all the fun. Enjoy absolutely no clean up and
Mention ACTIVE FAMILY and receive a FREE first time trial class!
receive a special gift for your child! gymboreeclasses.com
www.vivaelespanol.org • 925-962-9177 Lafayette • Pleasanton • And schools all over the Bay Area
Family Haunted House
October
23rd 6-9pm 24th 6-9pm
Cost $5 per person Only $3 when you bring a Non perishable food Item for the Contra Costa County Food Bank Activities for the Entire Family Children of All Ages Welcome
C O MI N G SO O N The Growing Room Academy An innovative class-based before and after school enrichment center in the heart of San Ramon. Offering specialized courses such as: w art w dance w technology w drama w music w foreign language w sports w tutoring w science
925.820.5808 | thegrowingroom.org
Transportation available to and from local elementary schools.
2340 San Ramon Valley Blvd (near In-n-Out Burger) OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
Anastasia is a parent coach, awardwinning author, internationally recognized speaker, Huffington Post blogger, and mother of five. With over two decades of real life experience, Anastasia’s proven success is based on balance and results. She teaches parents how to create healthier lives and find the happiness they desire. She shares innovative strategies and new perspectives that put an end to uncertainty and stress and, lead her clients to success. Her Wing It™ philosophy helps modern day families build strong foundations, rebalance their lives, and launch happy, independent children. Anastasia is the author of the award-winning book, Leadership Through the Eyes of Children, and WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent. She is the founder of the WING IT Project, a non-profit that funds educational opportunities for children locally and globally, and co-creator of Hamptons Wellness Week. She provides private parent coaching as well as speaking at small or large gatherings about making modern parenthood easier and rebalancing family life in today’s world. Anastasia has also been featured in multiple media outlets such as TLC Network, The New York Times, ABC Family Television, The Huffington Post, Well + Good, Hamptons Magazine, NBC Television, KIWI Magazine, Parenting, ZLiving Television, MSN.com, Sheknows, Parents Magazine, ivillage, Live It Up Show, News 12 Long Island, eHow, San Diego Family, Metro Family, and Everyday Family.
Back to School = Back to You! by Anastasia Gavalas The rampage of “first day of school” photo-sharing on social media is inevitable these days and often teeters on the verge of nauseam. So, after everyone is done capturing their children’s picture-perfect, back-to-school moments and wiping away the tears consider all the benefits moms get when they send their children off to school. Sure summer is fun and notorious in helping parents loosen up and create lifestyles that are more unplanned and relaxed. But, after two plus months filled with screaming children, constant feedings, unceasing commotion, kids running in and out of the house, kitchen messes, sibling squabbles and multiple tumbles and scraps, most hands-on moms I know would give anything for a few hours of uninterrupted alone time. Not to forgo the whiny pangs from children who claim to be bored just moments after having been entertained from sunset to sundown. When your children return to school this year, and the house becomes a bit more tranquil, relish in the space that those initial days provide. It’s so easy for all the newfound time to get swallowed up by other family life “to-dos.” So, consider what you really want for your life and make a plan. Women, in particular, need to fiercely protect any time they acquire at the start of every school year long enough to have it become part of their daily routines. This not only promotes balance for individuals but also for entire families. Here are five other really awesome benefits moms get when kids go back to school.
32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] 1. Summer doesn’t have to end for moms. Savor that laidback, relaxed mode as long as possible by setting up a few “staycations” of your own. Enjoy the beauty and stillness of your own home, start a restorative morning routine, or pack a chair and a good book and go to the beach for the day. 2. Children grow more independent. Each year provides a chance to shorten the list of tasks moms naturally take on. 3. Regular sleep schedules for everyone. Sleep is critical for our well-being, especially growing little ones. More sleep makes everyone naturally happier. 4. The house stays clean for more than 10 minutes at a time... Need I say more?!? 5. New opportunities to meet other moms and make new friends. Summer is wonderful. But, the start of school for kids brings new beginnings for moms as well. It’s the perfect time for them to focus on their own wellbeing and have courageous conversations about what they need to feel inspired and fulfilled. And, once moms recognize these benefits, we’ll probably see more sharing of first-day-ofschool “happy mom” photos.
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[ TRAVEL ]
Kenwood Inn & Spa Review The minute you enter the grounds at the Kenwood Inn and Spa you are immediately transported to an Italian Village conveniently located in the heart of Sonoma Valley. The Kenwood Inn is the perfect destination for those looking to get away from it all. Greeted by name the instant we walked in the door, we knew we were in for a treat! With 29 rooms, this high-end wine country boutique hotel provides the intimacy and solace you look for in a parents-only getaway with your spouse or a girl’s winetasting weekend. Designed for adults over the age of 18, every detail at Kenwood is top-notch. Beginning with the magnificent Mediterranean architecture to the views of the pool and vineyards, to the personalized service you receive upon arrival. The spacious rooms are inviting and well-appointed with fireplaces, dreamy kingsize beds, luxury linens and balconies to sip a pre-dinner glass of wine. If romance is what you are seeking, Kenwood is your destination! Kenwood provides you with the perfect environment to reconnect, relax and unwind. Indulge in the award-winning Spa which offers a plethora of massage choices and relaxation therapy. Specializing in individual and couples treatments, The Spa, situated behind the heated pool, offers vino therapies and exclusive treatments and beauty products. The staff is accommodating, helpful and again extends to you the personalized service you expect to find at a 5-star hotel. During our special weekend, we immediately checked in and grabbed a glass of wine. When in Rome….! Or, in this case, the Sonoma Valley! We were most anxious to get to the Spa to indulge in the Wine Maker’s Massage where my therapist worked every last ounce of stress out of my body. Afterwards, a nap was in order! We eventually headed down to the restaurant and wine bar which are centered around the main courtyard where you will find plenty of heating lamps to keep you warm during cool nights. The glow from the fire and the open-air dining experience allows you to relax in a setting which beckons the ultimate food and wine experience. Just what every busy parent could use! The menu is Italianbased and includes the freshest ingredients sourced from local farms. As you can imagine, the hand-picked wine list is divine, highlighting several local wineries from the area. After a luxuriously long dinner enjoying every last morsel and sip, we had just enough room for a night cap in the wine bar and grabbed an extra bottle before heading over to the extra-large Jacuzzi for a late-night soak. The perfect way to end an exceptional day. Breakfast is also served in the courtyard with fresh juices, granola, yogurt and made-to-order meals, an essential start before all-day wine tasting. With a full itinerary and list of local wineries, courtesy of the knowledgeable concierge, we were off for the afternoon. You honestly do not need to leave the grounds of The Kenwood Inn and Spa to experience an incredible mini vacation. Not only do we highly recommend adding The Kenwood Inn and Spa to your must-visit list of locales, we insist that every parent partake in the experience! You deserve it! 34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ TRAVEL ]
BENZIGER FAMILY WINERY The Kenwood Inn concierge created a wonderfully customized wine-tasting experience by hand-picking some of the most interestesting local wineries. We thoroughly enjoyed our visit to Benzinger where we not only got to taste great wine, but also toured the amazing grounds while learning about the history of the winery and Benziger family. Benziger is one of very few Demetercertified Biodynamic vineyards in North America and goes to great lengths not only to care for the earth but also produce incredible wines. www.benziger.com KUNDE For over a century Kunde has been creating beautifully balanced, estate-grown, sustainable farmed wines. With over 1850 acres, the winery offers a lush sanctuary for wine tasting. Visit the main tasting room at Kunde or book a unique mountain-top tour. www.kunde.com
OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35
[ COMMUNITY ]
SUPER FRANKS IS MOVING… But Not Just Yet!!! by Frank Tate It’s weird to look back and realize that a huge chunk of
As we were driving home, I realized my attitude was
our family’s story was profoundly shaped by 7 little words,
off, so I looked at my wife and apologized for being in
but that’s how the journey of Super Franks began. It was
such a bad mood, telling her I was sorry and relaying
back in October of 2004 and the Red Sox were playing
how much I hated going to that particular fun center. In
the Yankees in game 6 of the MLB championship series.
my naive thinking, I assumed she would follow my lead
As a lifelong A’s fan, it was (of course) my duty to cheer
and apologize for making me go, but boy was I wrong.
against the Yankees; so, you can imagine my frustration
She simply stared straight ahead and said, “WELL, WHY
when my wife announced that our kids had been extra
DON’T YOU MAKE SOMETHING BETTER!” I was taken back
good, so we were going to celebrate with a night out at
by her response, so we just drove in silence for the next 5
the local family fun franchise.
miles and then it happened… I looked toward her and announced, “I WILL MAKE SOMETHING BETTER, AND I’M
Now I love my kids more than anything in the world, but I
GOING TO CALL IT SUPER FRANKS!” No sooner than the
was not happy about this “celebration” and even less so
words left my mouth, my kids started cheering from their
upon arrival at the chaotic “family fun center.” I never
car seats Super Franks, Super Franks, Super Franks… the
like to talk bad about a competitor, so I will simply paint
mood had changed and all was well (or so I thought!).
the scene by saying I missed watching game 6, spent $30 on a lame meal and $32 on tokens… all of which netted
Unfortunately (and as many of you have experienced)
my kids a colorful pencil, some plastic stickers, a cheap
kids have amazing memories and asked me the next
lollipop and a sugar high. Needless to say, I was not in
morning when we were going to get started on Super
the best of moods, which in actuality, proved the basis
Franks. Without even thinking, I replied that I was going
for how our lives were about to change.
to lunch with my friend Doug to discuss the timing for
36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ COMMUNITY ]
launching this new venture (which was supposed to be a
want the last 3 months of Super Franks Pleasanton to be
joke). That’s when the next surprise happened, as Doug
our biggest and best yet! So, in addition to our awesome
loved the idea and informed me that he was in…!!
birthday parties, we have planned amazing activities (for kids ages 7 and under) every day of the week. Our
Candidly, we used the Super Franks idea as an excuse to
goal is to go out with a bang and create some awesome
go to lunch several times a week for the next few months
family fun memories with all of you before we move.
and then after much discussion, decided to actually look
We’ve not finalized the new location yet, but love that
into some commercial real estate to see what leasing
the realtors are taking us serious this time... Please note,
a family fun center building might cost. Unfortunately, what we encountered was flat out rejection from every realtor we met, with each of them saying, “Restaurants have the highest failure rates, you have no industry experience, and at day’s end, are only undertaking a serious commercial endeavor to win a dare.” Well, as you can imagine, this set our competitive juices a boiling, so rather than doing the logical thing and simply letting the dare die, Doug, another partner named Sherm, and I ended up buying a 34,000 square foot building and set out to learn how to run a family fun center that parents would enjoy as much as kids.
nothing will change over the next three months in Pleasanton, so we would love to host your party or family fun day between now and the end of Christmas break. You can book a party or view our daily activity schedule at superfranks.com In closing, I would like to extend a very special thanks to all of our guests for making the last 9 years in Pleasanton an amazing adventure and to the three people most responsible for making Super Franks such a fun family destination, as honestly, we would have never made it without our outstanding kitchen managers Momma
Now, after 9 years in business and over 20,000 birthday
Sara and Luis, as well as our amazing general manager
parties later, my wife has finally admitted that I won the
“Super Tim”. If you feel the same, I invite each of you to
bet (or at least I think she’d admit as much!!). With that
stop by and give them a hearty “thank you” for all they
victory in hand and our kids getting older, it’s time for us
have done and will continue to do for the rest of the
to move onto another Super Franks Fun Adventure (but in
year. We have all enjoyed serving you as our customers
a smaller building).
these past nine years and look forward to wowing you again when we launch our new location!
This is where you as our valued customers come in, as we
See you soon…! OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37
[ FOOD ]
5 Fall Recipes You’re About To Fall In Love With! by Jennifer Segal, www.onceuponachef.com • • • •
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract Generous pinch salt 2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream 3 cups coarsely chopped pecans
PREPARATION For the Crust Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cover a 9-inch square baking pan with heavy duty aluminum foil. Push foil neatly into corners and up sides of the pan, using two pieces if necessary to ensure it overlaps all edges (the overhang will help removal from pan). Spray foiled pan with nonstick cooking spray.
PECAN SHORTBREAD SQUARES If you’re a fan of pecan pie, you’ll love these over-the-top pecan squares with a buttery shortbread crust and rich caramel-pecan topping. They’re the perfect hostess gift, treat for your co-workers or potluck dessert this time of year. Servings: 16 2-inch squares INGREDIENTS For the Crust • 3/4 cup all-purpose flour, spooned into measuring cup and leveled-off • 1/4 cup corn starch • 1/2 cup Confectioners’ sugar • 1/2 teaspoon salt • 1/2 cup (1 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into 1-inch pieces For the Filling 12 tablespoons (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter • 3/4 cup light brown sugar • 3 tablespoons honey 38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
Place the flour, corn starch, confectioners sugar and salt in a bowl of a food processor fitted with the blade attachment. Pulse a few times to mix. Add the butter and pulse until the mixture resembles coarse meal with peasize clumps of butter within. Dump mixture into prepared pan and press firmly with your fingers into an even layer over the bottom. Refrigerate for 15 minutes, then bake until crust is set but not browned, about 17 minutes. Set on rack to cool. Leave oven on. For the Filling In a heavy medium saucepan over medium-low heat, combine butter, brown sugar, honey, vanilla and salt. Stir with a wooden spoon until sugar dissolves. Turn up the heat and boil gently for 3 minutes. Stir in heavy cream and chopped pecans. To Assemble and Bake Pour pecan mixture over crust (it’s fine if crust is still warm). Bake until filling is bubbling and caramel in color, about 20 minutes. Cool completely on rack. To cut, use the foil overhang to lift baked square out of pan and onto cutting board. Loosen the foil from the edges, then cut with a sharp knife into 2-inch squares. Store finished pecan squares in air-tight container and serve at room temperature.
SILKY BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP This is the easiest butternut squash soup you’ll ever make. You start with pre-cut squash from the supermarket, and
[ FOOD ] •
1 medium yellow onion, roughly chopped
•
3 cloves garlic, smashed and peeled
•
7 cups water
•
1 tablespoon salt
•
2 tablespoons sugar, plus more if necessary
•
1/2 cup heavy cream
•
Fresh thyme sprigs, for garnish (optional)
INSTRUCTIONS Combine all of the ingredients except for the heavy cream in a large soup pot. Bring to a boil, then cover and then you basically throw everything in a pot, simmer it, purée it and you’re done. But don’t worry, it’s still everything you expect a classic butternut squash soup to be: silky, slightly sweet and full of flavor. Just don’t be tempted to omit the heavy cream — it’s the only fat in the whole soup and, without it, the recipe won’t work. Servings: 6-8 INGREDIENTS • 2 20-ounce packages (2-1/2 pounds) pre-cut butternut squash (if using fresh squash, you’ll need one large squash or 7-8 cups cubed) • 1 red bell pepper, roughly chopped
simmer for 35 minutes. Using a hand-held immersion blender, purée the soup until silky smooth. (Alternatively, cool the soup slightly, then purée in a blender in batches, making sure to leave the hole in the lid open to allow the steam to escape.) Stir in the heavy cream and bring to a simmer. Taste and adjust seasoning (depending on the sweetness of the vegetables, you may need up to a tablespoon more sugar). Ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with fresh chopped thyme or thyme sprigs, if desired.
HOT BUTTERED APPLE CIDER WITH RUM
bowl. Use a plastic
This cozy cocktail combines ordinary spiked cider with
spatula to transfer the
hot buttered rum. I always make it on Halloween: it’s
butter mixture to the
keeps the grown-ups warm while the kids trick-or-treat.
middle of a 12” x 12”
Servings: 8
piece of plastic wrap. Fold the plastic wrap
INGREDIENTS
over the butter mixture
•
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, at room temperature
and shape into a log,
•
1/4 cup dark brown sugar, packed
twisting ends to seal
•
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
closed. Refrigerate until ready to use.
•
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
•
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
Bring the apple cider to a simmer over medium heat in
•
1/8 teaspoon salt
a large pot, then turn the heat down to low. Remove the
•
Half-gallon (64 ounces) all natural apple cider
spiced butter from the plastic wrap and cut into 1-inch
•
Rum (or apple brandy)
pieces. Add to the hot cider and stir continuously until all
•
Cinnamon sticks (optional)
the butter is melted.
INSTRUCTIONS
Ladle the buttered cider into mugs. Top off each drink
Make the spiced butter by combining the butter, brown
with a shot of rum and garnish with a cinnamon stick, if
sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and salt in a small
desired. Serve hot.
[ FOOD ]
MESCLUN SALAD WITH GOAT CHEESE, MAPLE-GLAZED PECANS AND MAPLE DIJON VINAIGRETTE
INSTRUCTIONS
If you’ve had dinner at my house, chances are you’ve
baking sheets with parchment paper. In a small bowl,
had this salad. It’s perfect for entertaining — the glazed pecans and goat cheese dress it up, and the vinaigrette is one of those salty-sweet-tangy flavor combinations that everyone loves. Servings: 6
For the Pecans Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil or line 2 combine the pecans and maple syrup and toss gently to combine. Spread the pecans in a single layer on one of the prepared baking sheets. Roast in the preheated oven, stirring once, until the syrup is bubbling vigorously, about 5 minutes. Immediately scrape the glazed pecans
INGREDIENTS
onto the other prepared baking sheet, spreading them in
For the Pecans
a single layer. Sprinkle with a pinch of salt and set aside
•
1 cup (4 ounces) pecan halves
•
2 tablespoons real maple syrup
to cool.
•
Pinch salt
•
For the Vinaigrette
•
1 small garlic clove, minced
•
1 tablespoon finely chopped shallots
pepper, maple syrup, mustard and vinegar. Whisking
•
1/4 teaspoon salt
constantly, slowly add the oil in a steady stream.
•
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
(Alternatively, add all your ingredients to a jar, cover with
•
1-1/2 tablespoons real maple syrup
lid, and shake vigorously to blend.) Set aside.
•
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
•
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
•
6 tablespoons vegetable oil
For the Salad
For the Vinaigrette In a small bowl, whisk together the garlic, shallots, salt,
For the Salad Place the greens in a large bowl, drizzle with about half of the vinaigrette and toss to combine. Add as much
10 cups mesclun greens (or favorite mixed greens such as
of the remaining vinaigrette as desired and toss again.
green or red leaf, boston, bibb, or romaine)
Divide among individual plates, sprinkle with the cheese
3 ounces goat cheese, crumbled
and reserved pecans and serve immediately.
40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ FOOD ]
SPICED PUMPKIN BREAD
INSTRUCTIONS
One of my strongest childhood memories is baking these
Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Lightly grease two 8 ½” x 4
pumpkin loaves with my mom, and then carting them
½” loaf pans.
off to every neighborhood potluck, school event and holiday party. Now, I bake them all the time with my own
Combine flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and
kids. The recipe is easy to make — just a bit of mixing and
spices in a bowl; use a whisk to mix well and set aside.
stirring, pop it in the oven, and, in about an hour, you’ll have a house smelling of sweet autumn spices and two
In large bowl of an electric mixer, at medium speed,
scrumptious, pumpkiny loaves.
beat butter and sugar until just blended. Add eggs one
Servings: Makes 2 loaves
at a time, beating well after each addition. Continue beating until very light and fluffy, a few minutes. Beat in
INGREDIENTS •
pumpkin.
2 cups all-purpose flour, spooned into measuring cup and leveled-off
At low speed, beat in flour mixture until combined.
•
1/2 teaspoon salt
•
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
Turn batter into prepared pans, dividing evenly, and
•
1 teaspoon baking soda
bake for about 65 – 75 minutes, or until cake tester
•
1 teaspoon ground cloves
inserted in center comes out clean. Let loaves cool in
•
1 teaspoon cinnamon
pan about 10 minutes, then turn out on wire rack to cool
•
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
completely.
•
2 cups sugar
•
1-1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) unsalted butter, softened
Fresh out of the oven, the loaves have a deliciously crisp
•
2 large eggs
crust. If they last beyond a day, you can toast individual
•
1 15-ounce can 100% pure pumpkin (I use Libby’s
slices to get the same fresh-baked effect. OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 41
[ PARENTING ]
Ask a UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital Expert by Dr. Patrick Fleming Q: Cold and flu season is coming and parents will be giving medications to their children. It seems simple enough, but you often hear about dosing errors when giving medicines to children. How can parents give the most accurate dose of medicine to their children? A: Most of the dosage errors involve inaccurate measuring of liquid medications. It’s important to note that sometimes measuring cups provided with the medications will have multiple markings on them. They have teaspoons on one side and mL’s on the other side. So it’s important when measuring you know what side of the cup you are measuring from. That’s also true of the oral syringes most pharmacies provide with the medications they are dispensing. They have teaspoons on one part and mLs or cc’s on the other part. Q: What if parents decide to use kitchen spoons to measure medications? A: If you are just using an average teaspoon from your kitchen there can be quite a bit of variability - about 8 to 12 percent. It may not seem a lot, but if your child takes that medication every 4 hours, 6 hours, or however often that medication is being prescribed or recommended, it can amount to more or less medication than what was originally intended. Q: And if it’s too much medication, what can happen? A: Depending on the medication, it can be quite serious. In particularly young children - below 1 year of age – too much acetaminophen or Tylenol can lead to toxic doses or overdoses of the medication. In addition, many combination coughand-cold products will often have some other Tylenol or acetaminophen in them, so a parent may unwittingly give a cough and cold medication to treat symptoms of congestion and give additional Tylenol for the fever, and the effect is that you’ve overdosed your child on the acetaminophen. Q: Are there a lot of emergency room visits as a result of this? A: We see a fair amount of emergency room visits from unintentional medication overdoses. I don’t have an exact number, but we do see overdoses from acetaminophen and Children’s Tylenol. Q: Are the instructions always clear? A: Not always. Sometimes it’s very difficult to read the small print on some overthe-counter products. Sometimes medications will come in different formulations or different tablet strengths, so it’s easy to confuse or forget what strength or formulation a child had when they took it previously. Parents should look for the active ingredient in the medication because a lot of these products have acetaminophen or Tylenol, so it’s very important to talk to your doctor or pharmacist when picking up one of these products from your grocery store or pharmacy. 42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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phone 925.550.6738 web collegenannies.com/danvilleca OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 43
[ PARENTING ]
STRUCTURE: Why Kids Need Routines by Dr. Laura Markham Why do kids need routines and structure? Because routines give them a sense of security and help them develop selfdiscipline.
Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
Humans are afraid of many things, but “the unknown” edges out everything except death and public speaking for most people. Children’s fear of the unknown includes everything from a suspicious new vegetable to a major change in their life. Unfortunately, children are confronted with change daily, which is a growth opportunity, but also stressful. The very definition of growing up is that their own bodies change on them constantly. Babies and toddlers give up pacifiers, bottles, breasts, cribs, and their standing as the baby of the house. New teachers and classmates come and go every year. They tackle and learn new skills and information at an astonishing pace, from reading and crossing the street to soccer and riding a bike. Few children live in the same house during their entire childhood; most
44 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
[ PARENTING ] move several times, often to new cities and certainly to new neighborhoods and schools. And few of these changes are within the child’s control. Children, like the rest of us, handle change best if it is expected and occurs in the context of a familiar routine. A predictable routine allows children to feel safe, and to develop a sense of mastery in handling their lives. As this sense of mastery is strengthened, they can tackle larger changes: walking to school by themselves, paying for a purchase at the store, going to sleepaway camp. Unpredictable changes – Mom called away on an unexpected business trip, a best friend moving, or more drastic, parents divorcing or a grandparent dying – erode this sense of safety and mastery and leave the child feeling anxious and less able to cope with the vicissitudes of life. Of course, many changes can’t be avoided. But that’s why we offer children a predictable routine as a foundation in their lives--so they can rise to the occasion to handle big changes when they need to. While helping children feel safe and ready to take on new challenges and developmental tasks would be reason enough to offer them structure, it has another important developmental role as well. Structure and routines teach kids how to constructively control themselves and their environments. Kids who come from chaotic homes where belongings aren’t put away never learn that life can run more smoothly if things are organized a little. In homes where there is no set time or space to do homework, kids never learn how to sit themselves down to accomplish an unpleasant task. Kids who don’t develop basic self-care routines, from grooming to food, may find it hard to take care of themselves as young adults. Structure allows us to internalize constructive habits. Won’t too much structure dull our sense of spontaneity and creativity? Sure, if it’s imposed without sensitivity. There are times when rules are made to be broken, like staying up late to see an eclipse, or leaving the dinner dishes in the sink to play charades. But even the most creative artists start by mastering the conventions of the past, and find the pinnacle of their expression in working within the confines of specific rules.
There’s no reason structure has to be oppressive. Think of it as your friend, offering the little routines and traditions that make life both easier and cozier. Not only will your kids will soak up the security, they’ll internalize the ability to structure their own lives. Does this mean infants should be put on routines as early as possible? NO! Infants tell us what they need. We feed them when they’re hungry, change them when they’re wet. Over time, they learn the first step of a routine: We sleep at night. But forcing an infant to accommodate to our routine is not responsive to your infant’s needs. She is not capable of adapting to yours yet. If her needs aren’t met, she will simply feel as if the world is a place where her needs don’t get met, so she has to resort to drama to try to meet them. As your infant moves into babyhood, she will establish her own routine, settling into a schedule of sorts. Most babies settle into a fairly predictable pattern. We can help them with this by structuring our day around their needs, so, for instance, we make sure conditions are appropriate for her nap at the time she usually sleeps. Gradually, over time, we can respond to her natural schedule of eating and sleeping by developing a routine that works for her and for the whole family. Seven Benefits of Using Routines with Your Kids 1. Routines eliminate power struggles. Routines eliminate power struggles because you aren’t bossing the child around. This activity (brushing teeth, napping, turning off the TV to come to dinner) is just what we do at this time of day. The parent stops being the bad guy, and nagging is greatly reduced. 2. Routines help kids cooperate. Routines help kids cooperate by reducing stress and anxiety for everyone. We all know what comes next, we get fair warning for transitions, and no one feels pushed around, or like parents are being arbitrary. 3. Routines help kids learn to take charge of their own activities. Over time, kids learn to brush their teeth, pack their backpacks, etc., without constant reminders. Kids love being in charge of themselves. This feeling increases their sense of mastery and competence. Kids who feel more independent and in charge of themselves have less OCTOBER 2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 45
[ PARENTING ] need to rebel and be oppositional. 4. Kids learn the concept of “looking forward” to things they enjoy... ...which is an important part of making a happy accommodation with the demands of a schedule. He may want to go to the playground now, but he can learn that we always go to the playground in the afternoon, and he can look forward to it then. 5. Regular routines help kids get on a schedule. Regular routines help kids get on a schedule, so that they fall asleep more easily at night. 6. Routines help parents build in those precious connection moments. We all know that we need to connect with our children every day, but when our focus is on moving kids through the schedule to get them to bed, we miss out on opportunities to connect. If we build little connection rituals into our routine, they become habit. Try a snuggle with each child when you first see them in the morning, or a “recognition” ritual when you’re first reunited:
Before and after School Care For students entering TK to 5th grade in PUSD
“I see you with those beautiful gray eyes that I love so much!” or a naming ritual as you dry him after the bath: “Let’s dry your toes...your calf...your knee...your thigh.... your penis....your belly ...” Rituals like these slow you down and connect you on a visceral level with your child, and if you do them as just “part of the routine” they build security as well as connection and cooperation. 7. Schedules help parents maintain consistency in expectations. If everything is a fight, parents end up settling: more TV, skip brushing teeth for tonight, etc. With a routine, parents are more likely to stick to healthy expectations for everyone in the family, because that’s just the way we do things in our household. The result: a family with healthy habits, where everything runs more smoothly! 46 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2015
Program includes: Meals and snacks Drop off and pick up from school Classes such as Karate, Spanish, SPARK PE, Art and Science Homework support Open teacher work days and most vacations Drop off and pick up from most schools
3200 Hopyard Road | Pleasanton | www.ailpleasanton.com tel. 925.462.7123
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
®
Preschool
Education is a Lifelong Commitment
®
Discover Quarry Lane
NOW ENROLLING Learn more at: www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool
Join Our Open House Every Wednesday 8:30 am - 12:00 pm Infant, Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Nurturing, Safe Learning Environment Passionate, Experienced Educators PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA
925.462.6300
Full and Half Day Schedules Handwriting Without Tears Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton
PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA
925.846.9400
OCTOBER CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681
2015 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 47
Comprehensive Brain Wellness Center
Comprehensive Brain Wellness Center
Full Spectrum Treatment For All Of Your Child’s Brain Wellness Needs Saad Shakir, M.D. D.F.A.P.A., F.A.C.I.P. Psychiatry
Jay Gunkelman, Q.E.E.G.D. qEEG Brain Mapping
Tammy Saah, M.D. Psychiatry
Gregory Alter, Ph.D. California Licensed Psychologist (PSY7422)
Jess Ghannam, Ph.D. QME, California Licensed Psychologist (PSY9261)
Erin Griffiths, M.D. DO, MA, Psychiatrist
Ali Hashemian, Ph.D. Neurofeedback
Meyer Proler, M.D. Neurology
Scientific based evaluation and full spectrum treatment for all of your child’s brain wellness needs, offering medication or non-medication based brain training using Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), neurofeedback, coaching and counseling. Comprehensive Brain Wellness Center
800.216.6410 www.brain123.com
Three locations to serve you: Los Gatos 14651 South Bascom Ave., Suite 230, Los Gatos, CA 95032 San Francisco 595 Buckingham Way, Suite 450, San Francisco, CA 94132 San Ramon 2410 San Ramon Valley Blvd., Suite 140, San Ramon, CA 94583
The State of California has determined that these treatments are alternative or supplemental to medications, and as such, providers are not doctors.