OCTOBER 2019
Pumpkin Patch Guide
BEWARE OF HALLOWEEN!
FAMILY WEEKEND GETAWAY, MENDOCINO
Volume 6 / Issue 68
[ PARENTING ] 8 Things You Can Do When Your Child Is Belligerent
Does My Teen Have ADD, or Is He Just Too Lazy to Do His Homework?
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26
Why Social Media Is A Lot Like Driving: 5 Tips to Keep Kids Safe on Smartphones
3 Phrases That Will Strengthen Your Bond With Your Child Today
16
28
[ TRAVEL ] HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Sunriver Resort –A Roadtrip-Worthy Destination Resort
10 Family Weekend Getaway, Mendocino
18
Beware Of Halloween!
[ SEASONAL EVENTS ]
22
Pumpkin Patch Guide
24
16 2 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
Publisher/Editor
Marketing Interns
Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Talia Dobrec
Advertising Sales Director
Fashion Editor
Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com
Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com
Travel Editor
Design/Production
Dr. Laura Markham Amy McCready Betsy Brown Braun Susan Stiffelman Katie Hurley, LCSW Elizabeth Kang
Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com
Teresa Agnew Craft
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Editor’s Note Fall is amongst us, although it doesn’t quite feel that way with all the warm, summer -like weather. Nonetheless, it’s time to retrieve the Halloween décor, figure out costumes and prepare for the next holiday. Are you ready? There is much family fun to be found this time of year. Of course there are tons of Pumpkin Patches to visit around the Bay, but one of our all-time favorites is Joan’s Farm in Livermore. Pack a lunch, head on out and stay for the entire day, as there is plenty to do! As always, we are sharing a few incredibly special travel destinations in this issue. Flip to page 10 & 18 to check them out! Wishing you a Spooktacular month! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
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Explore the richness of the California Coast at the world’s only aquarium-planetariumrainforest-living museum. Buy ahead and save at calacademy.org
[ PARENTING ]
8 Things You Can Do When Your Child Is Belligerent by Dr. Laura Markham "My daughter was being so rude and belligerent. She was screaming at me about everything, so finally I just lost patience and yelled at her to go to her room. Then she burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed. Finally she recovered enough to say she was scared of first grade. I hadn't even realized…" –Tara When children are having a hard time, their feelings usually explode at the people with whom they feel safe -- Us! It's natural for us to get angry, reprimand, tell them to behave, or send them off to calm down. But when kids act rude and belligerent, they aren't trying to give us a hard time. They're trying to send us an SOS. If we respond by yelling, threatening, or sending them away to "calm down," we shut the door they've opened, and leave them to struggle on their own. Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
Of course, it's not unusual for a child's belligerence to look more like a mine field than an open door -- so this takes a lot of patience from a parent. But it's worth it, because your understanding disarms your child's anger and helps her find her way back to you. That deepens the connection and trust you're building with your child. It helps your child solve her problem. And it reduces future episodes of belligerence. Here's how to find your way through that minefield to re-connect with your child and stop the drama. 1. Calm yourself before you respond. Remind yourself that your child is sending you an SOS. Naturally, you get triggered when your child is rude to you. If you can take a deep breath and stay calm, you're modeling a critical skill for your child: self-regulation. Kids learn much more from what we do than from what we say. If your default tone is respectful, that will be your child's default tone as well. 2. Set your limit – respectfully and gently. Instead of a reprimand, point out very simply that his words hurt, acknowledge that he must be upset, and invite him to talk about it: "Ouch! You know we don't speak to each other that way in
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] this house. You must be angry or upset to use that tone.
we could finish that tonight. And now the time has gotten
What's going on?"
away from us. I am so sorry! How can we fix this?"
3. Be prepared for the dam to break. Your child's
7. Listen more, so your child can sort out solutions. Resist
response to your kind invitation to talk will probably be
the urge to tell your child how to solve the problem,
to unleash a torrent of upset in your direction. You'll
unless you helped create it. Instead, listen and ask
get an earful about all the reasons her life is terrible,
questions.
unfair, unbearable -- and maybe even that it's all your fault! Now's the time to use the time honored parenting
As your child vents, she'll begin to calm down. That's
mantra: Don't take it personally! We all say things we
when she may think of some solutions. They may be
don't mean when we're upset. The good news is, she's
terrific: "Can I walk to school with Emily on the first day of
showing you all that upset instead of holding it inside,
first grade?"
taking it out on her brother, or hitting someone. What she needs most right now is for you to understand how upset
Or her ideas may be not so terrific: "I don't need to go to
she is.
first grade ... I'll just stay home!" Your response? "Hmm... what might happen then? She might realize that her idea
4. Empathize. I know. He yells at you, and you're
isn't so great and redirect herself. Or you might have to
supposed to empathize? But that's what helps him feel
set a limit: "I hear you'd rather stay home .... first grade
safe to feel those emotions, which is what heals them.
feels scary to you right now ... Let's think of some other
"Oh, Sweetie...No wonder you're upset... I see..." Notice
ideas that might help … What else could we do?"
that you aren't reinforcing the anger, you're speaking to the upset that's driving the anger. The anger is just a
It's fine to offer ideas, but manage your own anxiety
defense.
so you don't steam-roll your child. This problem solving process is how she builds confidence and competence.
Resist the urge to talk him out of his feelings or minimize them. Of course, he's over-reacting. He's been storing up
8. Later, help him reflect on what happened. This
a lot of upsets. And maybe the real upset is something
develops emotional intelligence, by laying down neural
deeper, and he doesn't even know what it really is. Your
circuits in the brain that allow your child to better
compassion is what makes it safe enough for him to feel
manage his emotions. But stay away from shame and
those tangled emotions so he can move through them
blame, or your child will never want to talk with you. Kids
and let them go.
don't learn from lectures, either.
5. If your child meets your empathy with more anger,
And definitely don't make your hurt feelings her problem
stop talking. Usually when humans who are upset really
– that's giving her way too much power. Your goal is not
feel understood, they start to cry. But sometimes those
to get her to take care of your feelings -- that's your job.
feelings are unbearable and they verbally attack the
Your goal is to help her see her effect here, so she can
empathizer. In that case, just stop talking and feel all
learn how to work through conflicts with another person
that pain. It will show on your face. Take a deep breath.
constructively. You do that by helping her reflect on how
You don't have to say anything to communicate your
all that emotional drama unfolded.
empathy. So summon up your compassion and sense of humor, 6. Model taking responsibility by acknowledging any
and offer a gentle conversation opener: "I've been
part of the upset that you contributed to. "Oh, no wonder
working hard to stay calm lately … But it wasn't easy for
you're so upset, Honey. I completely forgot that I told you
me to stay calm when you were so upset today ... At first OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 7
[ PARENTING ] I felt attacked and hurt by your words and your tone ...
At that point, the two of you should be feeling very close.
Then I saw all those big feelings and I realized you were
It's fine to ask her whether there's anything she could
very upset, and that's why you spoke to me that way. I'm
do differently in expressing her upset, so she doesn't
so glad you told me about..."
hurt other people's feelings. But again, don't lecture or shame. Just be matter of fact. Whatever she says is fine
Notice that you haven't scolded or demanded an
–she is definitely going to be thinking about this, because
apology. That just creates defensiveness. If, instead, you state your own experience and help him explore his, he'll have the empowering opportunity to see how he affects others. And you may be surprised to see him offer a
you've resisted putting her on the defensive, and she feels your emotional generosity. Then give her a hug and change the subject to something that gets you both laughing, to dispel any lingering tension.
heartfelt apology, a thank you, or an "I love you!" What if she doesn't? That might mean she's still upset, or it might mean she has some old upsets stored away from the past, that are still making her push you away. Remind
Yes, this takes much more work than sending your child to her room. But as you repeat this process throughout her childhood, your child learns emotional intelligence,
her that you're always there to listen when she feels upset.
empathy and problem-solving skills. You deepen your
She never needs to yell to get her point across. Ask her
relationship with her.
what you could do to be helpful next time she's upset. Is there anything you could do differently to help her? If
Over time, your child realizes that she doesn't have to
you're sincere when you ask this, and really listen to the
yell to be heard and get her needs met. And the surprise
answer, you may be surprised by what you learn.
bonus? So do you!
Joan's Farm &
Pumpkin
Oct 1-31
Patch
www.joansfarm.com Since 1990
An Unforgettable Family Experience!
Weekdays: 9:00 am – 1:00 pm (School Tours Only)
Admission:
1:00 pm – 5:30 pm (Open for All Activities to Public)
M-F Free • Weekends $2.00 (children under 4 and military free) Paid entrants will receive a $1.00 redeemable token.
Weekends: 9:30 am – 5:30 pm (Open for All Activities to Public)
Activities: Inflatable Slide, Corn Maze, Fun House, Obstacle Course, Hay Ride, Kids Train, Gem Panning, Pumpkins and much more 4351 Mines Rd. Livermore
|
Call: 925-980-7772
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
Hours: Weekdays: 9 am to 1 pm (School Tours Only) 1 pm to 5:30 pm (Open for All Activities to Public) Weekends: 9:30 am to 5:30 pm (Open for All Activities to Public)
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
WHERE CURIOSITY TAKES YOU Step inside a tornado, turn upside down in a giant curved mirror, walk on a fog bridge, and explore more than 650 hands-on exhibits for visitors of all ages. You’ll find all of this plus unique programs; a café and restaurant; two stores; and more at our beautiful San Francisco bayside location. Now through September 3rd, don’t miss Inflatable: Expanding Works of Art—where gigantic, fantastical air-filled artworks reimagine what air can become. Inflatable is included with museum admission. Pier 15 on the Embarcadero •
exploratorium.edu/visit
Rated #1 Museum in San Francisco
OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ TRAVEL ]
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[ TRAVEL ]
HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Sunriver Resort A Roadtrip-Worthy Destination Resort
by Elizabeth Kang
Forget the crowds at Southern California beaches. Forgo the ridiculous prices at Disneyland. No need to deal with the hassle of flying to Hawaii. We’ve found a better family vacay option, and it’s just as gorgeous, just as fun, and just as family friendly as the usual destinations. Located in the stunning central Oregon area of Sunriver, Sunriver Resort is a breathtaking family-fun haven chock full of outdoor fun and adventure, pristine natural beauty, and delicious dining options.
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[ TRAVEL ] And yes, Sunriver resort is definitely worth the eight-hour drive. Even with small children, the just under eight hours it took to get up to Sunriver, Oregon, was — dare I say — not at all unpleasant. Heading north on highway 5 is a completely different experience than driving south on 5, in a good way. With much more scenery (hello Mt Shasta!) and fewer cars on the road, the drive up to Sunriver resort may even become something to look forward to. Once at the resort, the drive will seem like a small price to pay for stunning, forested scenery and unparalleled recreation. Located 15 miles south of Bend in Central Oregon, Sunriver is a haven for families looking to soak in everything the great outdoors has to offer. The relaxed, friendly vibe makes you feel as though you’ve discovered the ultimate family Summer camp. Even in the Winter, families flock here for fun in the snow, and cozy cabin fires. Sunriver is truly a year-round, family-fun destination. Read on to discover the adventures awaiting during both seasons at Sunriver Resort.
Lodging Families will appreciate the spacious guest rooms and suites at Sunriver Resort, each with cozy fireplaces and connecting patios or decks. The rooms are elegant and comfortable, decorated in a tasteful, elegant and comfortable lodge-like decor, with warm brown, orange and cream earth tones, beautiful stone fireplaces, premium bedding. Suites boast a pullout couch, full bathroom and full kitchen downstairs, and an upstairs loft with additional beds and an additional bathroom. Views from the room’s patio or deck are breathtaking, with scenes of bucolic green meadows, or pristinely landscapes golf greens, the scenic Deschutes River (which 12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
[ TRAVEL ]
winds through the property,) and a backdrop of the majestic Mount Bachelor. Sitting on the porch at sunset with a cup of tea, watching a family of deer stroll by, is a peaceful and memorable experience. Another lodging option available to guests is a vacation rental, which guests can book through the Sunriver website. These rentals are also located on the Sunriver Resort property, which offers a wide selection of over 300 homes and condos to accommodate every size family and group. There are also pet-friendly rentals available, so no need to leave Fido behind.
Dining Dining at Sunriver Resort is a wonderful experience. Not only are there delicious onsite options, but just a five minute walk to The Village at Sunriver opens up a multitude of alternative eateries, from Italian and Mexican, to a gourmet bakery, and even a French restaurant. The Village at Sunriver is anchored by a gourmet grocery market, where you can pick up eggs and cereal for budget-friendly breakfasts inside your room, or made-to-order deli sandwiches and gourmet prepared food. On the resort property, there are over eight different restaurants, markets, and cafes, including a Starbucks. Carson’s American Kitchen is the perfect spot for a family OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ TRAVEL ] friendly meal, and The Grill at Crosswater offers a refined, white-tablecloth dining experience. The kids can get their pizza fix at Zeppa Bistro, and adults will want to find time to relax and sip on a craft beer or local wine at Twisted River Tavern. Be sure to set aside time to drive into nearby Bend (about a 15-minute drive) to explore the outstanding food scene there. The number of highly rated, delicious restaurants in Bend is staggering. There’s a slew of can’t-be-missed breweries, brunch spots, and farm-totable hot spots offering innovative and mouthwatering cuisine to discover in the beautiful Central Oregon city.
Outdoor Recreation Summer/Fall — The Summertime fun to be had at Sunriver Resort is limitless, where family biking, golfing and floating down the gorgeous Deschutes River fills long sun-soaked days. Biking — Biking is big at Sunriver Resort, where there are miles of paved biking trails weaving throughout the property. Rentals can be found at the resort, or at the nearby Sunriver Village. Families of all sizes can find baby trailers, tandem bikes, and other customized wheels to fit their needs. There are trails ranging from easy to difficult, with everything in between. It’s a ton of fun drifting by the sparkling Deschutes River, and winding through forests and meadows. Golfing — Golfers will be delighted with the pristine courses at Sunriver. The resort is a golfer's paradise, offering 63 holes on three separate courses. Sunriver Resort golfing has garnering numerous awards, including being named one of the Top 10 Destinations for Family Golf by Golf Digest, January 2016 and one of the Best Golf Resorts in The Pacific Northwest 2018. Swimming — There a few different swimming/pool options at and around the resort, including the main Cove Pool, which features a sprawling zero-entry pool and hot tub with views of meadows and mountains. The Cove Pool also features a fun waterslide, private cabanas to rent, and poolside cafe with service right at your lounge chair.
[ TRAVEL ] Horseback Riding — Sunriver Stables offers guided trail rides and horseback riding lessons for guests ages 7+, and short pony rides for young guests (ages 2-6.) River Activities — Head over the the Sunriver Resort Marina to rent a kayak, canoe, or SUP board, and spend a few hours floating down the beautiful Deschutes River. The Sunriver Resort staff takes care of setup, outfitting gear, and launching, making it an easy, carefree and fun way to spend a day.
Winter/Spring —Winter at Sunriver Resort is just as fun as Summer, with prime skiing and sledding, and cozy accommodations Skiing — With plenty of fresh, dry powder (averaging 370 inches per year) on nearby Mt. Bachelor, Sunriver Resort boasts pristine ski conditions, and was voted one of the “Top 50 Ski Resort Hotels in North America” by Conde Nast Traveler. Sledding & Tubing — There are three nearby snow-parks near the resort, each offering some of the best sledding and tubing around. (About a 15 to 20 minutes drive form the resort.) Spa —A relaxing massage is a must after a long day of skiing, and the Sunriver Resort Spa, Sage Springs Club & Spa, is an oasis. Book a massage, facial, or pedicure, or enjoy the soaking tub, rainforest shower and infrared sauna. Indoor Aquatic Center —Even during the cold of Winter, families can enjoy a day of water play and fun at the massive 30,000 square-foot Sunriver Fitness & Aquatics Center. The indoor oasis houses a swimming pool, saunas, hot tubs, kids’ wading pool, fitness center, rock climbing wall and an exciting indoor Surf Wave Machine.
SUNRIVER RESORT 17600 Center Drive Sunriver, OR 97707 (855) 420-8206 www.destinationhotels.com/sunriver-resort
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[ PARENTING ]
Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS.
Why Social Media Is A Lot Like Driving: 5 Tips to Keep Kids Safe on Smartphones by Amy McCready If you’re the parent of a tween or teen, you know how important smartphones have become to this generation. Like the newfound freedom of getting a driver’s license, getting a smartphone means fresh independence and more ways to connect with friends (and yes, possibly strangers). Like driving, there are many benefits to having a smartphone, however, the consequences for misuse can be high. So, how can we coach our kids to use this powerful device safely and positively? Let’s take a cue from Driver’s Ed. When it’s time for our kids to drive, they aren’t simply handed keys to a car
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[ PARENTING ] after a quick lecture about the importance of seat belts
tech basics. Together, we can walk through their device,
and speed limits. Instead, we buckle up alongside them
making sure the privacy settings are correct and that
and start down the road together. And we don’t start on
they understand how their device works and what is
a freeway during rush-hour. We begin in the driveway,
possible.
and then on back roads, and the progression continues as our kids show readiness.
3. Before leaving the driveway, agree on a route Sign a technology contract so that everyone is aware
Parents must do the same with social media, which is now one of the biggest drivers of a student’s social development.
When it comes to driving, parents and educators team up to empower the kids. And that’s exactly how it needs to be with social media. In our work with students, teachers, and parents, we created—with students and parents—a positive social media curriculum that empowers us to have these important conversations about social media and technology. We believe in huddling with—not helicoptering over—our kids when it comes to social media.
Here are five conversations you should have to keep kids safe on their smartphones:
of what’s expected of them and why when it comes to their smartphones, tablets, or computers. (Check out our Family Standards Agreement or create your own).
4. Before hitting the gas, know how to brake Knowing when to shut off our devices is just as important as knowing when to use them. Talk about striking a balance and knowing when it’s time to use that device, and when it’s time to park it (during meals, when doing homework, during family gatherings, at least an hour before bedtime, etc).
5. Before getting on the freeway, discuss the potential for road rage Things move fast at 65 miles per hour, including tempers. It’s true on social media as well. Kids need to learn and
1. Before getting a license, get a learner’s permit A child is ready for their own smartphone only after
role-play how they will handle the inevitable bumps in the road.
they’ve proven mature use of a family device. During this learning phase, parents should keep a close eye on their
How will they respond when a friend says something
tech use, and talk often about who they are engaging
mean about someone else on a group chat?
with, what kind of content they are consuming, and
What about getting asked for an inappropriate photo?
what is off limits.
How can they shut down cyberbullying?
2. Before starting the engine, talk about the car and
These are real scenarios that they are likely to encounter,
what it’s capable of
so coach them on how to handle these road hazards
Just like with driver’s ed, we need to teach personal
ahead of time. OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ TRAVEL ]
[ TRAVEL ]
FAMILY WEEKEND GETAWAY, MENDOCINO by Elizabeth Kang Last month, we featured an itinerary for a romantic couple’s weekend-getaway in charming Mendocino, but this month we’re bringing the kids along, because there’s just too much family-friendly fun to be had to leave them behind. Mendocino is peppered with plenty of cozy, quiet B&Bs that don’t exactly cater to children, but we found an exciting and completely kid-friendly “glamping” option that’s as fun for the adults as it is for the little ones. Along with the awesome lodging, there are exciting excursions to experience in the area, as well. So gas up the car, pack some snacks and head north for a fun-filled weekend getaway the whole family will enjoy.
3:00 p.m. Check In — Mendocino Grove Mendocino Grove is the ultimate “glamping” experience. This magical, forested oasis provides all of the fun of camping — sleeping in tents, cooking outdoors, bonfires & s’mores — without the hassles. The spacious, Instagram-worthy raised canvas tents are well equipped, with ultra-comfortable beds, wool blankets, warm down comforters, and cotton linens. Most of the tents sleep two people, but there are some that sleep four, and a couple that sleep up to six. Each site has its own fire pit and picnic table, and some sites are even dog-friendly.
FRIDAY
The private, communal bathhouses at Mendocino Grove are not only perfectly functional but beautifully designed, with subway-tiled showers and sleek, modern countertops, along with fresh flower decor. There are wonderfully smelling organic bath products provided, as well as fluffy, clean towels, and hair dryers to use.
8 a.m. Hit the Road It’s about a four-hour drive to Mendocino from the Bay Area, and you’ll want to leave time for a lunch stop and bathroom breaks, so get on the road early and maximize your weekend-fun-time! 1 p.m. Glass Beach Famous for its sea-glass-dotted beach, Glass Beach is the perfect spot to stretch legs and dip toes after the long car ride. The eye-catching, smooth sea glass pebbles were created from years of glass (in garbage) dumped in the nearby coastline and polished by the ocean. Children and toddlers love scavenging the smooth, mermaid-hued glass pebbles, filling pockets with newfound treasures.
Owned by Chris Hougie and Teresa Raffo, founders of the celebrated Wine Country marketplace Cornerstone Sonoma, Mendocino Grove is located in Mendocino, conveniently located just off highway 1. It’s surrounded by majestic redwood forests, near stunning coastal bluffs, with miles of peaceful hiking and strolling paths nearby, along with coastal views, bocce ball courts, and hammocks for lounging. (Please note, Mendocino Grove closes during the Winter on November 1st, and reopen in Spring, but you can reserve your spot for next Spring or OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ TRAVEL ]
Summer now!) 6 p.m. Dinner Around the Camp Fire On Friday nights, Mendocino Grove hosts a dinner around the camp fire in the common area, (Meadow Commons.) It’s a great way to mingle with other guests and meet new friends, while also taking some of the stress away from making dinner as soon as you unpack. Dinner is typically a hearty soup, along with freshly made artisan breads, and house-baked desserts. (The meal is served around the campfire from 6pm - 9pm for an additional cost per person.)
your little one prefers dolls or puppies to trains, the onehour scenic ride is a magical experience they’ll not soon forget. The Skunk train runs throughout the year, and hosts special-event, holiday-themed rides such as the “Pumpkin Express” train, and the “Magical Christmas Train” (with a special appearance by Santa himself.) 12:30 Lunch at Harvest Market This upscale grocery market makes delicious custom deli sandwiches and is a great place to pick up some provisions for that night’s dinner too. They carry all of the basics, plus locally-grown fruits and vegetables, and gourmet prepared foods.
SATURDAY 9 a.m. Complimentary Breakfast Stroll over to the Meadow Commons area at Mendocino Grove, where guests gather to enjoy fresh morning coffee & hot cocoa with a complimentary light breakfast of fresh fruits, pastries and yogurt by a warming morning fire. The resort hosts Saturday-morning yoga to partake in, too. 11:00 p.m. All Aboard! Be sure to make a reservation on the historic Skunk Train in Fort Bragg for a fun and exciting train ride that weaves through meadows, canyons and redwood forests. If you have a train-obsessed child, this excursion is a must! Even if 20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
2 p.m. Catch a Canoe It’s just a quick walk from Mendocino Grove to Catch a Canoe and Bicycles Too, where outdoor-enthusiasts have been renting gear and seeking adventure since it opened in 1982. Here, guests can rent kayaks, family-friendly canoes, redwood outriggers, SUP boards, and bicycles. Rent a canoe and take the family out for a relaxing float down the breathtaking Big River. There are seven miles of river to explore, chock-full of lush scenery and wildlife, such as sea otters, seals, fish and birds. Don’t be surprised to see a goat float by, too! Catch a Canoe is extremely petfriendly, and it’s not unusual to see dogs, cats, and even goats floating by on canoes and kayaks, keeping their owners
[ TRAVEL ] company. 6 p.m. Dinner over a Crackling Fire. Be sure to purchase some firewood and a S’mores kit at the onsite market, and enjoy one of the best aspects of camping — dinner cooked on an open fire. Afterward, use one of the three convenient onsite wash stations with soap and sponges for quick and easy cleanup. Then head over to the complimentary 24-hour tea bar to make a mug to sip with your S’mores. SUNDAY 11 a.m. Check Out Time There’s no formal check-out service at Mendocino Grove, so just pack up and head out by 11 a.m. Depending on the family’s energy level, there are still lots of fun excursions to take in the area, if everyone is up for it. Some of the easier hikes in the area include the Mendocino Cliffs Trail, the Headlands Trail, or the Mendocino Headlands Trail. MacKerricher State Park offers exciting tide pools to explore, or simply grab a delicious al fresco lunch at the popular local hotspot Princess Seafood Market & Deli. MENDOCINO GROVE 9500, 9601 CA-1, Mendocino, CA 95460 (707) 880-7710 www.mendocinogrove.com
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[ PARENTING ]
Betsy Brown Braun, best selling author of Just Tell Me What to Say: Sensible Tips and Scripts for Perplexed Parents (HarperCollins) and You’re Not The Boss Of Me: Brat proofing Your Four To Twelve Year Old (HarperCollins), is a child development and behavior specialist, parent educator, multiple birth parenting consultant, and founder of Parenting Pathways®, Inc. Her parenting expertise has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, U.S. News & World Report, Real Simple, American Baby, Cookie, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, In Style, Parenting, Parents, Pregnancy and Newborn, Twins, Woman’s Day, and, Working Mother, Colorado Parent Magazine, Ohio Valley Parent Magazine among other publications. She has shared her expertise on the Today Show multiple times. Other television appearances have included Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, The Early Show, Good Morning America, Entertainment Tonight, Fox & Friends, Hallmark’s Home and Family, KCBS, KNBC, and Fox News LA. She contributes to KNX news radio on child development, and has been a guest on countless radio programs nationwide, including NPR. www.betsybrownbraun.com
Beware Of Halloween! by Betsy Brown Braun One of the joys of being a parent is getting to do the fun kid stuff all over again. Stuff like sharing Easter baskets, making Valentines, and dressing up for Halloween. You can hardly wait to dress up your nine month old in that lion costume and parade her around the neighborhood, right? But you aren’t remembering Halloween from the perspective of a two or three or four year old. You remember it from when you were nine or ten years old, when it really was all fun and there wasn’t much that was scary to you. The bloodier and yuckier, the better. It was a holiday filled with abandon and doing all the things that a kid’s not supposed to do: Go out at night; knock on strangers’ doors; beg for candy…and eat candy…lots of it! What’s bad?! Halloween can be really scary for young children—the twos and threes and even some fours. In a parent’s excitement about her child getting to experience the holiday, she forgets to consider the child. It was so much fun for you, of course it will be fun for him. Maybe not. While preschoolers love to dress up—it doesn’t get much better than throwing on a cape or clomping around in your mommy’s heels— they are just getting a handle on the difference between what is make believe and what is real. And for young toddlers in particular, the line is clear: “It’s real and I am scared!” Halloween brings lots of challenges to the child’s growing awareness
22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] of what is pretend.
after. • If trick-or-treating is on your agenda, go with only
Think about all the parts of Halloween that really scare
one or two friends (an even number is best). Large
young children
groups on special occasions can make it even more overwhelming.
• The 11 year old in the bloody mask standing on your porch when your three year old answers the door.
• A half hour is plenty of time out. Be done before the evening falls apart.
• The big kids he meets on the street who are wearing scary costumes with yucky masks with gnarly teeth and knives coming out of their heads.
• Make it an early event. Young children are not accustomed to being out at night, especially when there are spooky things going on.
• The haunted houses, complete with spooky figures, recordings of screeching witches, and flying things that pop out and startle you.
• If candy is part of the event, have a plan for it and discuss it in advance (i.e. you may pick one for each hand to eat tonight; you may save 5 pieces, etc…) The
• The adults and teens dressed in costumes (still stuck in
older the child, the harder it will be for him to part with
their youth) who take pleasure in answering the door
his booty! Some people use the “Switch Witch” who
and scaring the little trick-or-treators.
brings a gift in exchange for the candy. Some simply buy-out their kids— pennies, nickels, or dimes for each
…just to name a few.
piece exchanged. Others send the candy to Mommy or Daddy’s office to share with the grown-ups who like
Here are some suggestions for making Halloween more
candy but don’t get to trick-or-treat.
fun than fear: • If at all possible, send your child out on a full stomach • Very young children do not “need” to participate in Halloween beyond pumpkins and decorations and
to avoid the “walk and snack.” (Often the excitement of the night takes an appetite away, however.)
seeing the kids and coming to the door. (Beware of what lurks behind it, however.) Whose needs are being met, yours or his?
• Beware of the food dyes in the brightly colored candies. There are those who believe that the synthetic food dyes are the most likely suspects when it comes
• Take your child’s fears seriously.
to triggering behavior issues in some children…and not the sugar.
• Answer the front door carefully, prescreening what is there on the other side. Interpret what you young child
• Consider “planting” the treat your child will get at the
will see. “Oh look, there is a boy wearing a mask with
houses you will visit. If you don’t want your young child
strange looking eyes. Do you want to take a peak?”
to have candy (and you can get away with it), you can plant small trinkets that cannot be swallowed or other
• Young children often do not like anything covering
such non candy things.
their own faces. And you don’t need to overdo it. A costume can be an extra large tee shirt!
Just because you loved Halloween doesn’t mean your young child will…right now, anyway. He will have lots of
• Halloween lasts longer than one night, because the best part of Halloween the costume. It is the holiday
years to celebrate. Let him grow into the holiday as his awareness of all that it is unfolds with age.
that keeps on giving, as your child will wear his costume for days before the holiday and for weeks
Happy Halloween, I hope. OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Pumpkin Patch Guide ALAMEDA
CLAYTON
LIVERMORE
Speer Family Farms Alameda Point 2153 Ferry Point 510.705.2352 www.speerfamilyfarms.com -Petting Zoo -Inflatable Fun
Clayton Valley Pumpkin Patch 1060 Pine Lane 925.672.5198 www.cvpumpkinfarm.com -Petting Zoo -Train Ride -Barnyard
G&M Farms 487 East Airway 925.447.FARM www.gmfarms.com -Corn Maze -Train
ANTIOCH
CONCORD
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins Delta Fair Blvd @ Century Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House -Train Ride
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1096 Oak Grove Rd at Monument Blvd 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
BRENTWOOD
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 4020 Fremont Hub 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Inflatable Fun
Smith Family Farm 4430 Sellers Ave 925.625.5966 www.smithfamilyfarm.com -Corn Maze -Petting Zoo -Hay Ride
CASTRO VALLEY Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 9711 Dublin Canyon Rd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House
FREMONT
HAYWARD Pick of the Patch Pumpkins One Southland Mall Dr. 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
HERCULES Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 400 San Pablo Ave 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
24 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
Joan’s Farm and Pumpkin Patch 4351 Mines Rd 925.447.0794 www.joansfarm.com -Farm Animals -Hay Ride -Corn Maze
MARTINEZ Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 5041 Blum Road 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Ponyland Pony Rides -Parachute Rocket Rides -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
NEWARK Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 2086 NewPark Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Pumpkin Patch Guide OAKLAND
LEMOS FARM
Piedmont Ave Pumpkin Patch 4414 Piedmont Ave 510.967.9363 www.pumpkinpatch.info -Corn Stalks -Straw Bales
12320 San Mateo Rd 620.726.2342 www.lemosfarm.com -Train Ride -Haunted House -Petting Zoo
SAN LEANDRO
LATHROP
Pick of the Patch Pumpkins 1555 East 14th St at the Bay Fair Center Mall 408.393.6303 www.abctreefarms.net -Petting Zoo -Haunted House
Dell’Osso Family Farm 26 Stewart Rd 209.982. 0833 www.pumpkinmaze.com -Corn Maze -Haunted House -Petting Zoo
SAN RAMON
MARIN
Moore’s Pumpkin Patch 19901 San Ramon Valley Blvd 510.886.6015 www.moorespumpkinpatch.com -Train Ride -Fun House WORTH THE DRIVE
Nicasio Valley Farms Pumpkin Patch 5300 Nicasio Valley Rd 415. 662.9100 www.nicasiocheese.com -Hay Ride -Petting Zoo
HALF MOON BAY
Great Peter Pumpkin Patch 4235 Spring Hill Rd 707.762.3446 www.springhillcheese.com/pumpkinpatch -Hay Ride
Arata Pumpkin Farm 185 Verde Rd 650.726.7548 www.aratapumpkinfarm.com -Hay Maze -Petting Zoo -Train Ride
Petaluma Pumpkin Patch and Amazing Corn Maze 450 Stony Point Rd 707.781.3132 www.petalumapumpkinpatch.com -Corn Maze
SAN FRANCISCO Clancy’s Pumpkin Patch 1620 7th Ave 415.753.2689 www.clancystrees.com -Hay Maze Emerald Forest Great Pumpkin Patch 317 Sloat Blvd 415.566.8984 **All farms subject to change. Please check website before visiting.
PETALUMA
Peterson’s Farm 636 Gossage Ave 707.765.4582 www.petersenfamilyfarm.com/pages/ pumpkin-patch
OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ PARENTING ]
Susan Stiffelman, Huffington Post Parent’s weekly advice columnist (“Parent Coach”), is an engaging speaker whose presentations leave audiences upbeat, entertained and fortified with practical strategies that will make an immediate and significant difference in their day to day lives. Susan is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child therapist, a credentialed teacher, and a highly regarded parenting coach. Instead of offering standard, scripted advice to parents about how to control their children, Susan focuses on helping them be what she calls the Captain of the ship their children need and naturally want to cooperate with, confide in, and respect. Those who attend Susan’s presentations routinely email her office with thanks, and a request to come back again!
Does My Teen Have ADD, or Is He Just Too Lazy to Do His Homework? by Susan Stiffelman My 14-year-old son is an intelligent young man who is failing school due to his inability to turn in his homework assignments. We have tried many avenues that have been unsuccessful, should I have him tested for ADD? It’s possible that your son has attention and organizational challenges, even if he doesn’t qualify for a diagnosis of ADD. Some kids do start poorly with schoolwork as they move into adolescence. Social distractions, hormones and stress can all play a role in causing a previously conscientious youngster to fall slightly behind in the academic realm. But it is also not uncommon for a youngster to be bright and do well in school up until 13 or 14 years old when the work becomes more demanding, at which point they might start demonstrating symptoms that could suggest ADD. Intelligent children can often get away with doing the bare minimum on their school work and still maintain good grades, if the work is easy enough. Once it gets more demanding, however, signs of ADD may become more apparent, which could warrant a formal evaluation.
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] Whether he does or doesn’t merit a formal diagnosis,
’til all hours of the night or racing out the door without
below are some recommendations that might help with
a good breakfast, it is much more likely that he’ll have
the homework problem. If these don’t make a difference,
problems keeping up with his schoolwork.
and there is a family history of attention problems, impulsivity issues, organizational challenges or addiction
Work with your youngster as his ally to help him develop
(often an offshoot of ADD), I suggest that you consider
the skills and strategies that will help him succeed. Don’t
having him tested.
ridicule or punish him; be perceived as his ally and supporter, rather than his adversary.
• Help him develop a system for managing his homework.You might have color-coded folders for
If the situation doesn’t improve after trying these ideas,
each class, or a special section in his binder where all
and especially if there is a family history of similar
completed homework is placed.
problems, consider having him tested. A thorough evaluation should also rule out any medical issues that
• Encourage your son to create a ritual, whereby he
could be contributing to the problem.
grabs his “Completed Assignments” folder as soon as he enters each classroom. Tell him to check that folder,
For more support with homework issues, register for my
even if he doesn’t recall having something to turn in for
class on Homework and the Self-Driven Child here!
that specific class. Memory and attention issues (not to mention hormones!) can fog up a youngster’s brain, making them believe they don’t have homework to give the teacher when they actually do.
• Stay in close contact with his teachers for a few weeks.
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it may seem your son is old enough to remember to hand in assignments without prodding, an attentiongrabbing announcement might be all it takes to help him get back into the habit of turning in his work. If he is ADDish, the distractions of the classrooms may derail his otherwise good intentions to turn in his assignments.
• Make sure he’s getting plenty of sleep and good food. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is for kids to
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be well rested and nourished. If your teen is staying up OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ PARENTING ]
Katie Hurley, LCSW, is a child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of The Happy Kid Handbook. Her work can be found on EverydayFamily, Momtastic, mom.me, Yahoo Parenting, PBS Parents and The Huffington Post. Katie writes the parenting blog, Practical Parenting. Katie splits her time between Los Angeles and the Connecticut coast with her rock and roll husband and their two happy children. For more stress reduction techniques and strategies to empower children to live happy lives, check out Katie’s new book, The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World.
3 Phrases That Will Strengthen Your Bond With Your Child Today by Katie Hurley, LCSW It’s easy to talk about and practice unconditional love when we are rested, happy and healthy but when times get tough – the act of unconditional can fade away. And that’s just it. We all talk about it often. Of course we feel huge love for our children. But do we show it? Do we make sure to communicate it? Unconditional love isn’t just a feeling in our hearts, after all, it’s an action we take to communicate that feeling. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion. A cold morphed into croup – the kind of croup that triggers the asthma and results in a desperate call for help in the dark of night. There were treatments and visits to the doctor and more treatments. There was little sleep. We were both overwhelmed and bone tired. Worry kept me awake, standing guard over her little lungs while she
28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
[ PARENTING ] finally slept. It seemed as though it might never end
ability to thrive while she’s away from you.
this time. Nothing worked. Until it did. Finally, the light emerged.
“I believe in you.”
But getting back to the daily grind was no easy task.
Many kids are pleasers by nature. They run to us with every little accomplishment because they want us to
That kind of illness, that inability to take a single breath
cheer for their success. They want us to know that they
– that leaves little ones scared and clingy. That triggers
can do it! The hard part is empowering your kids to
worries and sadness and difficulty sleeping. Although I
believe in themselves. We want them to carve their own
was running on empty and wanted to rush through the
paths – to find happiness by reaching their own goals.
process of reentering the world, I knew I couldn’t. I had to find the strength and patience to continue to practice
Not by pleasing us.
that unconditional love. I had to help her through the next steps – to wash the fears away. It wasn’t easy. I used a few strategies from the book. We did rainbow breathing together and practiced bossing back that pesky worry brain. When she was ready, we both tentatively let go. Our eyes met through the window of the classroom, both sets lined with tears. I watched and waited. She opened her book. Slowly, I walked away, placing my trust in unconditional love. Kids need to know that we are always there for them. They need to hear the words and feel our arms wrapped around them. When we build them up with love, they are better able to spread their wings and fly. There are countless things we can say and do to
“I believe in you” is a frequently used phrase around here. I use it when they struggle to make decisions, when they walk into their classrooms each morning, when they step onto the field or dance floor or when they question their own abilities. “I believe in you” puts your faith in them and empowers them to reach their own goals on their own timeline to make their own dreams come true. Powerful stuff. “I will always be here for you.” Growing up is hard work and sometimes letting go feels like jumping into the great unknown without a parachute. Kids need the parachute.
communicate unconditional love. Try these: You know you’ll always be there to love them through “I trust you.”
their successes and failures, but kids need to hear their parents communicate this to them.
We spend a fair amount of time guiding our kids, as we should. We teach them to play well with others. We show
“I will always be here for you.” Say it often. Set it on
them how to mediate conflict. We give them strategies
repeat. Make it happen.
to cope with the hard stuff. But at some point, we have to trust them. We have to believe that they can take it from
There will be ups and downs along this journey. There
here.
will be long days and longer nights and heartbreaking moments that bring you tears, but there will also be
Communicate that to your child. Trust that your child can
laughter, happiness and moments of pride that can’t be
make good decisions, stand up for what’s right and walk
put into words. Be there for all of them, both in words and
away from what isn’t. Build your child up by trusting in her
in spirit. OCTOBER 2019 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
5
30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | OCTOBER 2019
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