NOVEMBER 2016
WHY SMALL MOMENTS MATTER
MUSEUMS ACROSS THE BAY 4 OUT-THE-DOOR
Breakfast Recipes
ENCOUNTER A
COLONY OF PENGUINS A SCHOOL OF FISH AND GALAXIES OF STARS all in one day
Daily Penguin Feedings Learn what’s on the menu and chat with a biologist.
Meet African penguins and nearly 40,000 other creatures at the only aquarium-planetariumrainforest-living museum. Get ticketsFAMIL at calacademy.org 2 ACTIVE Y | NOVEMBER 2016
60 Bay Area locations. Including Bayside Medical Group and Livermore Pleasanton San Ramon Pediatrics Group
Access to Excellence.
Volume 3 / Issue 34
[ PARENTING ] 5 Things You Need to Know About Saving For College With 529 Plans
15
Be A Mentor, Not A Minimizer: How Parents Can Raise Effective, Empowered Users Of Technology
28 [ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Mom Overwhelmed By Endless To Do List
10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs
16 Parents Need to Be Present When it Matters
8 Why Small Moments Matter
22
30
The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Got
[ RECIPES ]
26
12
[ EVENTS ] November Calendar
18 [ WOMEN’S HEALTH ] How to Get the Deepest Rest of All
20 [ SEASONAL FUN ] Museums Across the Bay
32
4 Out-the-Door Breakfast Recipes
20 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
18
30
Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area Publisher/Editor
Marketing Assistant Interns
Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Jaida Sinclair Alexis Faria
Dr. Travis Bradberry Susan Stiffelman Emma Seppälä Dawn Yanek Danille Sabrina Karin Volo Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. Mirador Capital Partners
Advertising Sales Director
Fashion Editor
Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com
Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com
Advertising Sales Managers April Gentry agentry@activefamilymag.com
Design/Production
Mary Oakes moakes@activefamilymag.com
Ad Design/Production
Teresa Agnew Craft Lara Mays
Janet Pasco jpasco@activefamilymag.com
Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566
Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com
Editor’s Note As we gear up for the holiday season we wanted the focus of the November issue to be about nurturing your well-being and keeping you sane during this busy time. Page 16 offers advice for the overwhelmed parent, reminding us all to keep it in perspective. Speaking of keeping it in perspective, flip to page 26 and read Dawn Yanek’s ‘The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Got’. Page 30 continues to remind us why the little moments matter and to always turn to gratitude. During this holiday time, remember to take care of YOU! Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
SPORTS MEDICINE CENTER FOR YOUNG ATHLETES Free 2016 Lectures & Hands-On Workshops
FREE AND OPEN TO:
RSVP:
• • • •
Walnut Creek 925-979-3420
Athletes age 9 to 25 and parents Youth sports coaches Athletic trainers Athletic directors
Oakland 510-428-3558
Walnut Creek Campus, 2401 Shadelands Dr., Walnut Creek Oakland Campus, 744 52nd St., Oakland
Attend in person or watch live online. Baseball
Nutrition
ACL Prevention
Dance Medicine
Swimming: Stretches & Exercises
Strength in the Young Athlete
Tuesday, June 28, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Tuesday, October 25, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Tuesday, January 26, 7-8 p.m. Oakland Campus
Tuesday, February 23, 7-8 p.m. Oakland Campus
Running Clinic
Tuesday, March 22, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Gymnastics
Tuesday, April 26, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Tuesday, May 24, 7-8 p.m. Oakland Campus
Tuesday, September 27, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Volleyball
Basketball
Tuesday, July 26, 7-8 p.m. Oakland Campus
Tuesday, November 15, 7-8 p.m. Oakland Campus
Concussion
Wrestling
Tuesday, August 23, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Tuesday, December 13, 7-8 p.m. Walnut Creek Campus
Attend in person or watch live online at bitly.com/sportslectures2016 Oakland 510-428-3558
San Francisco 415-353-2808
San Ramon 925-979-3450
744 52nd St. Oakland, CA 94609
1500 Owens Street San Francisco, CA 94158
2303 Camino Ramon, Suite 175 San Ramon, CA 94583
Walnut Creek Center: 925-979-3430 Motion Lab: 925-979-3420 2401 Shadelands Dr. Walnut Creek, CA 94598
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmart® the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry is a LinkedIn Influencer and a regular contributor to Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur, The World Economic Forum, and The Huffington Post. He has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Fast Company, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.
10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs by Dr. Travis Bradberry Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. As important as it is to learn how to deal with different kinds of people, truly toxic people will never be worth your time and energy—and they take a lot of each. Toxic people create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress. “People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen Recent research from Friedrich Schiller University in Germany shows just how serious toxic people are. They found that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions—the same kind of exposure you get when dealing with toxic people—caused subjects’ brains to have a massive stress response. Whether it’s negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just plain craziness, toxic people drive your brain into a stressed-out state that should be avoided at all costs. 8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus, an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to brain cells, and months of stress can permanently destroy them. Toxic people don’t just make you miserable—they’re really hard on your brain. The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. One of their greatest gifts is the ability to identify toxic people and keep them at bay. It’s often said that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. If you allow even one of those five people to be toxic, you’ll soon find out how capable he or she is of holding you back. You can’t hope to distance yourself from toxic people until you first know who they are. The trick is to separate those who are annoying or simply difficult from those who are truly toxic. What follows are ten types of toxic drainers that you should stay away from at all costs so that you don’t become one yourself. 1. The Gossip “Great minds discuss ideas, average ones discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt Gossipers derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. It might be fun to peer into somebody else’s personal or professional faux pas at first, but over time, it gets tiring, makes you feel gross, and hurts other people. There are too many positives out there and too much to learn from interesting people to waste your time talking about the misfortune of others. 2. The Temperamental Some people have absolutely no control over their emotions. They will lash out at you and project their feelings onto you, all the while thinking that you’re the one causing their malaise. Temperamental people are tough to dump from your life because their lack of control over their emotions makes you feel bad for them.
When push comes to shove though, temperamental people will use you as their emotional toilet and should be avoided at all costs. 3. The Victim Victims are tough to identify because you initially empathize with their problems. But as time passes, you begin to realize that their “time of need” is all the time. Victims actively push away any personal responsibility by making every speed bump they encounter into an uncrossable mountain. They don’t see tough times as opportunities to learn and grow from; instead, they see them as an out. There’s an old saying: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” It perfectly captures the toxicity of the victim, who chooses to suffer every time. 4. The Self-Absorbed Self-absorbed people bring you down through the impassionate distance they maintain from other people. You can usually tell when you’re hanging around selfabsorbed people because you start to feel completely alone. This happens because as far as they’re concerned, there’s no point in having a real connection between them and anyone else. You’re merely a tool used to build their self-esteem. 5. The Envious To envious people, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Even when something great happens to envious people, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. And let’s face it, there’s always someone out there who’s doing better if you look hard enough. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialize your own accomplishments. 6. The Manipulator Manipulators suck time and energy out of your life under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with because they treat you like a friend. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is that they use this information as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over. NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] 7. The Dementor
that arrogance is correlated with a slew of problems
In J. K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series, Dementors are evil
in the workplace. Arrogant people tend to be lower
creatures that suck people’s souls out of their bodies,
performers, more disagreeable, and have more
leaving them merely as shells of humans. Whenever a
cognitive problems than the average person.
Dementor enters the room, it goes dark, people get cold, and they begin to recall their worst memories. Rowling
How to Protect Yourself Once You Spot ’Em
said that she developed the concept for Dementors
Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior is
based on highly negative people—the kind of people
so irrational. Make no mistake about it—their behavior
who have the ability to walk into a room and instantly
truly goes against reason, so why do you allow yourself
suck the life out of it.
to respond to them emotionally and get sucked into the mix?
Dementors suck the life out of the room by imposing their negativity and pessimism upon everyone they encounter. Their viewpoints are always glass half empty, and they can inject fear and concern into even the most benign situations. A Notre Dame University study found that students assigned to roommates who thought negatively were far more likely to develop negative thinking and even depression themselves. 8. The Twisted There are certain toxic people who have bad intentions, deriving deep satisfaction from the pain and misery of others. They are either out to hurt you, to make you feel bad, or to get something from you; otherwise, they have no interest in you. The only good thing about this type is that you can spot their intentions quickly, which makes it that much faster to get them out of your life. 9. The Judgmental
The more irrational and off-base someone is, the easier it should be for you to remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally, and approach your interactions with them like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink if you prefer that analogy). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos—only the facts. Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in situations where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine, and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so. Most people feel as though because they work or live with someone, they have no way to control the chaos.
Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Once you’ve
and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re
identified a toxic person, you’ll begin to find their
most passionate about and making you feel terrible
behavior more predictable and easier to understand.
about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from
This will equip you to think rationally about when and
people who are different from them, judgmental people
where you have to put up with them and when and
look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your
where you don’t. You can establish boundaries, but
desire to be a passionate, expressive person, so you’re
you’ll have to do so consciously and proactively. If you
best off cutting them out and being yourself.
let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly embroiled in difficult conversations. If you set
10. The Arrogant
boundaries and decide when and where you’ll engage
Arrogant people are a waste of your time because
a difficult person, you can control much of the chaos.
they see everything you do as a personal challenge.
The only trick is to stick to your guns and keep boundaries
Arrogance is false confidence, and it always masks
in place when the person tries to cross them, which they
major insecurities. A University of Akron study found
will.
10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
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[ RECIPES ]
4 Out-the-Door
Breakfast Recipes CHEWY CHOCOLATE CHIP GRANOLA BARS
until the sugar dissolves and the mixture is slightly
Servings: 18 bars Cook Time: 10 Minutes Total Time: 2 Hours
thickened, about 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the
INGREDIENTS • 6 tablespoons unsalted butter • 1/3 cup dark brown sugar • 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons honey • 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract • Heaping 1/8 teaspoon salt • 2 cups quick-cooking/instant oats, such as Quaker Quick 1-Minute Oats (do not use regular old-fashioned oats) • 1-3/4 cups crispy rice cereal, such as Rice Krispies • 1/2 cup sliced almonds • 1/4 cup flax meal or wheat germ • 1/3 cup mini chocolate chips (or to taste) INSTRUCTIONS 1. Line a 9 x 13-inch baking pan with aluminum foil. Spray the foil lightly with nonstick cooking spray. 2. In a large pot, combine the butter, brown sugar and honey. Bring the mixture to a boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly. Lower the heat and simmer 12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
heat and stir in the vanilla and salt. 3. Add the oats, rice cereal, almonds and flax meal (or wheat germ) to the pan and fold with a rubber spatula until well combined. 4. Transfer the mixture to the prepared pan and press down lightly with a rubber spatula to even out. Sprinkle the miniature chocolate chips over top, adding more or less to suit your taste, and press down firmly with the spatula so the chips stick.The mixture should be tightly compacted in the pan. Place the pan in the refrigerator for 1-1/2 - 2 hours to cool. 5. Use the foil overhang to transfer the uncut bars to a cutting board. Using a sharp knife, cut into rectangles. Store the bars in an airtight container in the refrigerator. If you have to stack them, be sure to use parchment paper or foil in between the layers, otherwise they’ll stick together and fall apart. 6. Note: If you are substituting dried fruit for the chocolate chips, mix it in along with the other ingredients as opposed to sprinkling over top.
[ RECIPES ]
MORNING GLORY MUFFINS Servings: 12 large muffins Total Time: 45 Minutes INGREDIENTS • 2/3 cup raisins • 2 cups King Arthur White Whole Wheat Flour (or Whole Wheat Flour), spooned and leveled • 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons light brown sugar, packed • 2 teaspoons baking soda • 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon • 1 teaspoon ground ginger • 1/2 teaspoon salt • 2 cups peeled and grated carrots (you’ll need 4-5 large carrots) • 1 large tart apple, such as Granny Smith, peeled, cored and grated • 1/2 cup shredded coconut, sweetened or unsweetened • 2/3 cup chopped walnuts • 1/3 cup wheat germ • 3 large eggs • 2/3 cup vegetable oil • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 1/4 cup orange juice
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Lightly grease a 12-cup muffin tin. 2. In a small bowl, cover the raisins with hot water. Set them aside to soak while you assemble the rest of the recipe. 3. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, brown sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger and salt. 4. Stir in the carrots, apple, coconut, walnuts, and wheat germ. 5. In a separate bowl, beat together the eggs, oil, vanilla, and orange juice. Add to the flour mixture, and stir until evenly moistened. 6. Drain the raisins, squeezing out any excess water with your hands, and stir them in. 7. Divide the batter among the wells of the prepared pan. They will be very full. 8. Bake the muffins for 25 to 28 minutes, until they’re nicely domed and a cake tester inserted in the center of one of the inner muffins comes out clean. 9. Remove the muffins from the oven and let cool in the pan on a rack for about 5 minutes. Turn the muffins out onto the rack to cool completely. Cover and store at room temperature for several days, or freeze for longer storage. NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ RECIPES ] PERFECTLY PLAIN BANANA BREAD Servings: Makes one 9 x 5 inch loaf Total Time: 1 Hour INGREDIENTS • 1-3/4 cups cups all purpose flour • 1 teaspoon baking soda • 1 teaspoon baking powder • 1/4 teaspoon salt • 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled • 3/4 cup sugar • 2 large eggs • 1 cup mashed very ripe bananas, from 2-3 large bananas • 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice • 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
DOUGHNUT MUFFINS Servings: 12 muffins Total Time: 45 Minutes INGREDIENTS For Muffin Batter • 1 cup milk (low-fat is fine) • 2 teaspoons lemon juice • 12 tablespoons (1-1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened but still cool • 1 cup granulated sugar • 2 large eggs • 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 3 cups all-purpose flour, spooned into measuring cup and leveled-off • 2-1/2 teaspoons baking powder • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda • 1 teaspoon salt • 2 teaspoons grated nutmeg For Muffin Topping • 3 tablespoons unsalted butter • 3 tablespoons granulated sugar • 2-1/4 teaspoons cinnamon INSTRUCTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray a standard-size muffin pan generously with nonstick cooking spray. 2. Combine milk and lemon juice in a measuring cup and 14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Butter and flour 9x5-inch metal loaf pan. 2. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt. 3. In the bowl of an electric mixer, mix the melted butter and sugar until blended. Add the eggs, mashed bananas, lemon juice and vanilla extract and mix well. 4. On low speed, stir in flour mixture until just incorporated. Do not over mix. Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan and bake until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 45 - 50 minutes. Let cool in the pan for about 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
set aside. 3. In a stand mixer or large bowl, beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, until just mixed in. Stir in the vanilla. 4. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and nutmeg. Stir with a whisk until well combined. 5. Using a rubber spatula, mix a quarter of the dry ingredients into the butter mixture. Then mix in a third of the milk mixture. Continue mixing in the remaining dry and wet ingredients alternately, ending with the dry. Mix until well combined and smooth, but don’t overmix. The batter will be very thick. 6. Scoop enough batter into each tin so that the top of the batter is even with the rim of the cup. (I like to use an ice cream scoop with a wire scraper for this.) Bake the muffins until firm to the touch, 25-30 minutes. Set pan on rack to cool for a few minutes. 7. In the meantime, prepare the topping: melt the butter in a small dish and combine the cinnamon and sugar in another small dish. 8. When the muffins are cool enough to handle, use a pastry brush to paint the top of each muffin with butter, then sprinkle generously with cinnamon-sugar. If you have cinnamon-sugar left over, sprinkle muffins again. Serve warm, or cool on a rack and wrap airtight. Store at room temperature. Reheat muffins briefly in microwave for that fresh out of the oven taste.
[ PARENTING ]
5 Things You Need to Know About Saving For College With 529 Plans by Mirador Capital Partners The cost of higher education has far surpassed inflation
based allocations or funds. These age-based selections
over the last 10 years, with four year college tuition rising
will manage how the plan is invested over time,
annually at 5%, 3.4% per year above inflation. The
automatically reducing the allocation to equities and
national average cost of attending a four-year public
increasing the allocation to bonds as the beneficiary
college is now over $28,000 per year and exceeds
approaches college-age.
$59,000 for private-colleges. Fortunately, establishing and funding a 529 plan early can set families and
4. Who owns the plan matters
students up for future success.
Distributions from grandparent-owned 529 plans may be
1. Benefits of a 529 plan 529 plans are tax-advantaged savings vehicles which allow families to put money away for college and allow the invested funds to grow tax-free until they are needed for qualified education expenses like tuition, room and board, computers and textbooks. The benefits go beyond tax-free growth, including parental control of the assets, the ability to transfer leftover plan funds to other family members, and certain estate planning benefits. 2. Choose plan providers carefully State-sponsored plans are readily available and many include additional matches and tax benefits for their residents. A Morningstar study found that, on average, 529 investors who received tax breaks reduced their state tax bill by $87 for every $1,000 they saved, that’s an equivalent of an 8.7% return. However, some state’s
counted as income to the student on their financial aid application and can actually reduce their eligibility. If grandparents have already established a 529 plan, those assets can be saved until senior year after the final year’s application has been filed. 529 plans held by parents are counted as assets of the parent and do not have the same effect on financial aid. 5. The power of “superfunding” Contributions to the plan are treated as gifts to the beneficiary, so $14,000 per individual or $28,000 from a married couple can be contributed without triggering a gift-tax. However, 529 plans have a unique feature which allows pre-funding of up to 5 years, amounting to $70,000 or $140,000 in a single year. This “superfunding” maximizes compounding over an 18-year time horizon, potentially resulting in an ending account balance
plans have high costs, poor investment options and few
nearly 50% higher at the end of 18 years compared to
tax incentives. Look for plans, state-sponsored or private,
equal annual contributions.
with quality investment options and low administration Superfunding provides an additional estate planning
fees.
benefit to grandparents or other family members 3. Choose the investments carefully
looking to reduce their taxable estate by providing a
In selecting the underlying investments of a plan, there
tax-free way to make a significant gift early on in the
will typically be a variety of options with a range of
beneficiary’s life and allowing assets to grow outside of
associated fees. Look for options with low-cost, age-
their estate.
Mirador Capital Partners is an investment management firm with a 30 year history providing innovative wealth management solutions to individuals, families and businesses. Our proprietary portfolios are internally managed with a disciplined due diligence process and commitment to research. We invest our own money in the same portfolios we recommend to clients. We also offer thoughtful and thorough financial planning to accompany your investments. Please visit our website for more info or email us at info@miradorcp.com
NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[[ PARENTING PARENTING ]]
Mom Overwhelmed By Endless To Do List by Susan Stiffelman Although my children see their father every other weekend, I am mostly a single parent. All I do is go to my job, come home, shop for food, cook, clean, help with homework, bathe the kids and so on. I am constantly overwhelmed. Sometimes I can’t believe that this is what my life is going to be for the next twelve years—getting things checked off the list and still never feeling I did enough. Susan Stiffelman, Huffington Post Parent’s weekly advice columnist (“Parent Coach”), is an engaging speaker whose presentations leave audiences upbeat, entertained and fortified with practical strategies that will make an immediate and significant difference in their day to day lives. Susan is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child therapist, a credentialed teacher, and a highly regarded parenting coach. Instead of offering standard, scripted advice to parents about how to control their children, Susan focuses on helping them be what she calls the Captain of the ship their children need and naturally want to cooperate with, confide in, and respect. Those who attend Susan’s presentations routinely email her office with thanks, and a request to come back again!
When I was writing my book, Parenting With Presence, Eckhart Tolle—who was publishing the book under his Eckhart Tolle Editions imprint—offered to help me with the edits. As we were discussing one of the chapters, Eckhart spoke with me about the balance between doing and being, explaining that we are not meant to be constantly in motion—always doing— nor should we simply do nothing all the time—only being. We need stillness to reconnect to ourselves, and activity to develop our gifts. When it comes to parenting, our work is never done. Things shout at us from every direction, making it easy to get perpetually stuck in doing mode. Help Sammy with his spelling words! Take the splinter out of Shannon’s finger! Do the dishes...feed the dog...sign the permission slip...get the boys in their bath...! If we grade ourselves based on whether we got everything on our list accomplished, we’re going to feel like we’re failing because...drum roll
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ PARENTING ] please... The list never ends! Every time you check something off the list, a new task will appear. There simply is no way that you will ever be caught up. Therefore, until and unless you come to terms with the impossibility of doing everything well—whether you’re single or happily married—you will live in a state of doing, and lose the connection with yourself that transports you off that hamster wheel of endless motion. There is a reason that humans instituted rituals like resting on the Sabbath or going to church. We need to hit the Pause button on doing so we can just be. Whether it’s sitting on the back stoop and listening to the birds, taking a walk in nature, or listening to music that uplifts your heart, it is vital that you take a break to just be now and then! In The Joy Diet, Martha Beck says, “...perpetually doing, without ever tuning in to the center of our being, is the equivalent of fueling a mighty ship by tossing all its navigational equipment into the furnace.”
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In an interesting coincidence, just as I was finishing up this week’s article, the power in our home went out. At first I was concerned; I had much to do and it all required electricity. But as day moved into evening, we lit candles, had a quiet dinner, and then moved outdoors to breathe in the quiet and peace of the night. There were many things I had planned to accomplish, but because forces were outside of my control, I relaxed into the stillness. I literally felt my nervous system begin to unwind; by the time the power came back on, I felt like my mind had been bathed. Moving into just being delivered a perfectly timed pause in my busy state, helping me hit the Reset button. Life as a single parent is difficult—there’s no doubt about it. But see if you can look for small ways to bring a little more being into your days so you can catch your breath and stay connected with your spirit. Life is not just about getting things done. It is to be enjoyed—today, not just when your children are grown. They will benefit from watching you give yourself permission to recharge and replenish. And of course, you will, too.
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NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ EVENTS ]
November Alameda County NOVEMBER 1 Oakland Ballet – Luna Mexicana Paramount Theatre Oakland 7:00pm – 8:00pm www.oaklandballet.org/wp/lunamexicana
NOVEMBER 1 – 30 Family Skate Night Dublin Iceland Dublin 7:45pm – 9:00pm www.dubliniceland.com
NOVEMBER 1 – 6
NOVEMBER 5
NOVEMBER 12
Patchwork Show Jack London Square Oakland 11:00am – 5:00pm www.dearhandmadelife.com
ZooKids- Harvesters & Hibernators Oakland Zoo Oakland 9:30am – 12:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org
NOVEMBER 6
Family Fare: Spirit Boats Berkeley Art Museum Berkeley 11:30am – 2:30pm www.bampfa.org/event/spiritboats
Wild Wonders UC Berkeley Botanical Garden Berkeley 10:00am – 11:00am www.botanicalgarden.berkeley.edu Free Sailboat Rides Cal Sailing Club Berkeley 1:00pm – 4:00pm www.cal-sailing.org
Seussical TYA Freight & Savage Berkeley 10:30am & 1:30pm www.bactheatre.org
Free First Sunday OMCA Oakland 10:00am – 6:00pm www.museumca.org
NOVEMBER 4
NOVEMBER 7, 14, 21 & 28
$5 First Fridays Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.chabotspace.org/first-fridays. htm
NOVEMBER 4 & 5 Annual California Indian Market OMCA Oakland Times Vary www.museumca.org
NOVEMBER 5, 12, 19 & 26 Kids Club Craft Michaels Dublin 10:00am – 12:00pm www.michaels.com
18 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
Big Kids Wonder Workshop Livermore Public Library Livermore 4:00pm – 5:00pm www.cityoflivermore.net/citygov/ lib/default.htm
NOVEMBER 1, 8, 15, 22 & 29 Bilingual Baby Storytime Livermore Public Library Livermore 10:15am – 11:00am www.cityoflivermore.net/citygov/ lib/default.htm
NOVEMBER 10 - 30 Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Berkeley Playhouse Berkeley Times Vary ww.tickets.berkeleyplayhouse.org/ online
NOVEMBER 13 Wooly Turkeys Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 2:00pm – 3:00pm www.ebparks.org
NOVEMBER 14 Ed Fund Warriors Benefit Game Oracle Arena Oakland 9:00am – 5:00pm www.edfundwest.org
NOVEMBER 18 Zoovie Nights Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm – 9:30pm www.oaklandzoo.org/Zoovie_ Nights.php
NOVEMBER 20 Theatre for the Very Young: Splish Splash Children’s Fairyland Oakland 10:00am & 11:15am www.bactheatre.org/tvy/SplishSplash
[ EVENTS ]
November Family Day Fall 2016 Berkeley Art Museum and Pacific Film Archive Berkeley 11:00am – 4:00pm www.bampfa.org/event/familyday-fall-2016
NOVEMBER 24
NOVEMBER 11 – 19 Into the Woods El Cerrito High School Performing Arts Theater El Cerrito Times Vary www.app.arts-people.com/index. php?show=69132
Thanksgiving
NOVEMBER 11 – 30
NOVEMBER 26
Walnut Creek On Ice Civic Park Walnut Creek Times Vary www.walnutcreekonice.com
Fancy Nancy Splendiferous Christmas Bay Area Children’s Theatre Berkeley Times Vary www.bactheatre.org/shows/FancyNancyChristmas
Contra Costa County NOVEMBER 3 A Walk with Paul Bannick! Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 2:00pm – 4:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org
NOVEMBER 4 Preschool Performance Series Village Theatre Danville 10:00am www.villagetheatreshows.com Bedtime Theater San Ramon Community Center San Ramon 6:30pm www.sanramon.ca.gov
NOVEMBER 9 The Paper Airplane Guy Walnut Creek Library Walnut Creek 4:00pm – 5:00pm www.ccclib.org
NOVEMBER 12 Children’s Winter Festival Civic Park Walnut Creek 11:00am – 1:00pm www.walnutcreekonice.com
NOVEMBER 14 Mini Monday: Thankful for Wildlife Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 12:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org
NOVEMBER 16 STEM Pajama Storytime: Counting & Measuring Danville Library Danville 6:30pm – 7:15pm www.ccclib.org/locations/danville. html
NOVEMBER 17 The Music Man Jr. School Shows Village Theatre and Art Gallery Danville Times Vary www.villagetheatreshows.com/ children
Pixar Animation Arts & Science Discovery Center Lafayette 3:30pm – 4:30pm www.ccclib.org
NOVEMBER 18 & 19 The Christmas Ballet Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 2:00pm www.smuinballet.org
NOVEMBER 19 Public Art Walking Tour Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 11:00am – 12:00pm www.publicartwalnutcreek.org Family story Hour Danville Library Danville 11:15am – 12:00pm www.ccclib.org/locations/danville. html
NOVEMBER 24 Thanksgiving Walnut Creek Turkey Trot Lesher Center for the Arts Civic Park 6:30am – 11:00am www.formaturkeytrot.com
NOVEMBER 25 – 27 Contra Costa Ballet Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek Times Vary www.contracostaballet.org
Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19
[ WOMENS HEALTH ]
EMMA SEPPÄLÄ, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness. Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution. She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students. She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.
How to Get the Deepest Rest of All Many of us are tired or burned out, here’s how to restore ourselves for good.
by Emma Seppälä I recently became a mother (a year and a half ago, to be exact). Before that, I was busy: writing a book and articles, working full-time at Stanford’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, volunteering up to 20 hours a week teaching yoga-based breathing to veterans with trauma, not to mention reading, yoga, and friends. I loved creating above everything else: letting inspiration alight and sitting down to bring my thoughts to life. And then little Michael came along. My heart was full of love and gratitude—I cried tears of joy nearly daily. Yet I also noticed something else. My productivity decreased by 95 percent. I was keeping a baby alive, warm, fed, and rested, of course, but nothing was getting accomplished. I was lucky if I got a shower and a short meditation. Hours upon hours were spent breast-feeding and taking care of an adorable and highly vulnerable little man. My heart felt full, but my mind was going crazy. I was so used to getting things done. I would have writing ideas come to my mind, things that I needed or wanted to do. I would long to complete them. Yet I simply, realistically could not do them. The experience of spending a whole day without any end product was unbearable.
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ WOMENS HEALTH ] At least at first.
Countless meditation teachers have told us to “be here now,” to “enter the state of no-thoughts,” and to “be
Slowly, as the months went by, I started to realize
present.” Yeah, well, that’s hard to do, as anyone who
something else: the countless hours spent sitting with
has tried meditation will tell you.
Michael, watching him play, and entertaining him were precious. Not only because they would never come
In my 20s, I lived in Shanghai for two years, renting
again and time was moving so fast, but also because
a room from an elderly Chinese gentleman. He was
they were an opportunity to rest deeply—and in so
extremely erudite, a well-known biochemistry professor
doing, take a vacation from my own mind.
and inventor. He was also the happiest man I’d ever met. Despite the tragedy of his personal history—including
My mother shared something very beautiful with me during my early motherhood. She said, “The greatest thing a mother can do for her child is to rest within herself.” I would argue that the greatest thing we can do for anyone, and most of all ourselves, is to learn to rest within ourselves. To disconnect from the franticness of trying to get things done, of the worries and the what ifs (which after all are only figments of our imagination). To disconnect from the need to do. So we can be. This is not a new idea, it’s one we’ve heard before, yet in our überproductive society, being has become harder than ever. When we think of taking a vacation, we think of heading to the beach or the countryside. There’s this idea that if
the death of his wife during the Chinese Cultural Revolution—he bubbled over with happiness, humor, and childlike joy. Not to mention a deep sense of peace. I was 22 and prone to stress stomachaches. During one of these episodes, he told me, “Why don’t you just sit there, on the sofa, and look outside at the bamboo. Just relax.” I realize now that he was teaching me to meditate, though it didn’t look like the formal meditation practice we think of today (sit with eyes closed, a straight spine, preferably in lotus). But what he was telling me was to rest within myself—as he seemed to be doing every blissful moment of his days.
we could just get away, then everything would be OK. And yet, as Jon Kabat-Zinn has put it so well, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You could be basking in the sun with nothing to do, yet be caught up in a stream of anxious or angry thoughts. As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar puts so
What I have found, through motherhood, is that simply being present without a goal is infinitely nourishing. By allowing my mind to rest without accomplishing, accepting that I could do nothing else, and in a state
simply, the state of our mind determines the state of our
of complete surrender, I started to feel a deep sense of
life—whether we’re in the middle of a traffic jam on the
peace. I also realized that this sense of peace, of letting
commute to work, or on a boat in the Mediterranean,
go, of just being, with no goal, was the state that my
if our mind is OK, everything is OK. The only “real”
meditation teachers had spoken about. It was the point
vacation is when your mind is at peace. There is a sense
of those weeklong meditation retreats I had attended.
of abundance and gratitude that naturally spills over into
It’s not so much meditation that is the goal, I realized, but
generosity and kindness to others. When our mind is in
the state of mind that emerges from it.
this place, we feel at our best. Ironically, perhaps, when I did start working again, I So how do we do we learn to vacation our mind?
found myself more productive. NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ PARENTING ] Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst with specialized clinical training in infant-parent, child, adolescent, and adult psychotherapy. She has been on the faculties of New York University and the Society for Psychoanalytic Study and Research, among others. She has written extensively on parenting for various publications, including the Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, The International Journal of Infant Observation, The Inner World of the Mother, Newsday’s Parents & Children Magazine, Long Island Parent. She also wrote her popular column, PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE, at Moms Magazine and has been a parenting expert for numerous publications such as Good Housekeeping. and Bustle Lifestyle. She currently writes for Active Family Magazine (San Francisco) and blogs for Huffington Post. Her new book is Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior. To learn more go to Dr. Hollman’s website at www.lauriehollmanphd.com.
Parents Need to Be Present When it Matters by Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.
The Available Parent Parents need to be present when it matters for their kids – crisis times such as down days, difficult exams, relationship breakdowns, changes in family dynamics and important transition times. How do you know what stresses them out? How do you make it clear that you are available anytime your child needs to talk. How Do You Recognize What is a Crisis for Your Child? • Notice mood changes. If you have a usually gregarious child who has been blocking everyone out, something is probably on his mind. • If you have a more reserved child, but they seem scattered and disorganized which is out of character, again pay attention. 22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ PARENTING ] • New experiences such as new school, new grade, new
times, not bad behavior.
camp, new extra-curricular activity may take a while to adjust to. Help your child be prepared for these
How Do You Make It Clear that You Are Available
changes in any way they feel helps. Be available and
Anytime to Listen and Talk?
see how they are adapting to the changes, even good
• Sometimes offering to talk is not the best way to let
ones. • Changes in friendships can be a big blow. It’s hard for some kids to bounce back from betrayals, disappointments, disilusionments and feeling they
your child know you are on their side. They may just need you to first just offer to listen as a sounding board without offering any fast or direct solutions. • Trust your child to work out their quandaries in their
don’t belong with a friend anymore. Maybe they can
own way and in their own time. Telling them you have
work it out with your help or you may be needed to
faith in their judgment goes a long way. It even helps
help them tolerate the change.
them open up because they feel validated.
• Parents’ dynamics affect kids maybe more than you
• Sometimes you need to change your plans and stop
think. When kids listen to arguments or see their parents
what you are doing because that’s the moment your
aren’t speaking as usual, they absorb the tension.
child is frustrated and tense enough to come to you.
While it’s hard when you’re under that stress, be
It’s worth upsetting your schedule to be available
mindful of your child’s reactions.
when your child is in a crisis or just stressed out. This makes a strong parent-child bond.
How Do You Know What Stresses Your Child Out? Every child is different not only due to their stage of development but due to their coping styles. Is your child super organized, generally a procrastinator, kind and empathic, highly charged and motivated, or laid back and easy going? If that general way of being seems to be changing for better or worse, they may be undergoing a stressful time.
• Keep in touch with your child in daily easy going conversation so they’re more apt to clue you in when stress is mounting. • Early intervention is the key before it spirals upward. Gently notice that your child seems out of sorts and ask if they want to share something with you. Then let it go if they are not immediately responsive. They may need to come to you when they’ve absorbed your offer in their own time. • If your child seems unusually irritated, arguing easily about small matters, crashing about aimlessly, easily angry and belligerent, consider this is a sign of stressful NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ] Adventures in Learning Early Childhood Center
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[ PARENTING ]
Dawn Yanek is the proud mother of two mind-bogglingly energetic children, as well as the mom behind Momsanity.com. Her mission? To let other moms know that no matter how crazy they feel, they’re not alone. In a former life, she was an on-air spokesperson who discussed entertainment news, fashion and pop culture on TV. These days, she talks about slightly less glamorous things but has a ton
The Best Parenting Advice I Ever Got by Dawn Yanek
of fun doing it. Her writing on parenting has also been featured in The Huffington Post, What the Flicka?, BonBon Break, Best of New Jersey and Scary Mommy. For more from Dawn, check out momsanity.com and join her on Facebook and Twitter.
My best friend Carrie would’ve been an awesome mom. Beyond awesome. She was loving, exuberant, brilliant and sassy, and she had just the right dose of crazy mixed in. Maybe a little extra crazy, but in the best ways possible. She would’ve been the type of mom to stay up late and eat the most decadent ice cream with her daughter while laughing over silly movies. The type of mom who would’ve ditched school to take her son on a really fun—yet somehow profound—field trip, just the two of them. And the type of mom who all the other kids in the neighborhood would have asked for advice when they couldn’t talk to their own parents. She was a social worker who specialized in therapy, and she absolutely loved what she did. She was also damn good at it. As I’m sure you’ve already guessed since I’m talking in the past tense, Carrie is no longer with us. She had a very aggressive form of breast cancer and passed away in 2009. But she’s with me every day in spirit, and I know she’d be thrilled to know that she taught me one of the most important lessons of motherhood—hell, of life. It wasn’t about how we need to live every moment to its fullest because we never know what could happen, though of course that’s something I learned
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ PARENTING ] through her as well.
good values and manners in him, of course, but past that? I try very hard to listen and to observe, to see what
No, it was this little gem: “Don’t should on me.”
excites him and keeps his attention. I can’t be married to a script of what I think he should be interested in or what
Say it quickly. What does “should” sound like now?
would make for a fun day. That’s like forcing a square
Exactly. Because that’s exactly what someone who’s on
peg into a circle on one of his shape-sorting toys.
the receiving end of a “should” feels like—like they’ve been pooped on.
WITH MY HUSBAND... I’ll admit, I need a little work with this one. My husband
Carrie believed that the world was a better place when
doesn’t parent like I do—and, of course, that drives
people were true to themselves. When they didn’t bully
me crazy sometimes. But as I constantly remind myself:
one another into believing what they believe. When they
He’s not me, and that’s OK. In fact, that’s more than
didn’t try to change to fit into a specific idea of what
OK. Because two of me would probably be a lot for my
other people thought they should be.
poor kid to handle. A different perspective is good, and different parenting is good. A little risk, a little throw-
That all makes life boring, but more important, it also
caution-to-the-wind attitude, a little everything—that’s
makes people feel guilty and like they aren’t enough.
what Dad is to him. And Dad is half of this parenting
One way is not the way, and if you think it is, well, she’d
team, so he gets a say in what happens. Telling my
have some choice words for you.
husband what he should do all the time undermines him. It also makes me feel like a nag, and that’s not who I
And you know what? She was right.
want to be as a mom or a wife.
Here’s how I apply that advice on a daily basis.
WITH MYSELF... This is also a tough one. I really do always feel like I should
WITH MY MOM FRIENDS...
be doing something—and doing it better. How anyone
Unless something is literally life- or limb-threatening, no
is supposed to fit in all of the responsibilities and insanity
mom should or shouldn’tdo anything. Using that word, in
of motherhood into just 24 hours each day—and sleep
fact, is a surefire way to alienate your mom friends, who
and have a little downtime—is beyond me. But I’m
are your salvation and sanity on a daily basis. If I have a
taking it day-by-day. And feeling like I’m falling short
suggestion that I think might help a friend, I suggest it’s
on some ideal of motherhood when I look at Pinterest,
something that she “might” be interested in or mention
Instagram, Facebook and whatever other mom-envy
that it’s something that worked for us. If she thinks it
site gets invented tomorrow? I’m doing my best to ignore
might work for her, she might try it. It’s wrong to force
the competition, because really, who the heck am I in
my opinions on her, because that’s what they are: one
competition with? Yeah, no one. Also, I’m really too tired
mom’s opinions, not the law of the parenting land.
to worry about any of that crap.
WITH MY SON...
So even though she never had the chance to be a mom,
I want him to be who he is. It’s my job to develop that
Carrie is mothering—and aunting and friending—in all
and to nurture that, not to turn him into my clone or mold
sorts of ways. She’d love that, and I am eternally grateful
him into a very specific idea of “son.” Yes, I want to instill
for it. NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ PARENTING ]
Danielle Sabrina is the founder of What Vibes Your Tribe Media, a digital marketing and publicity firm. Danielle is often featured in Forbes, Inc., Entrepreneur and other predominant media outlets for her expertise in media, fintech, and financial services. She’s well-known for her ability to turn an organization’s unique intellectual property, passion, and leadership philosophy into consumable digital content.
Be A Mentor, Not A Minimizer: How Parents Can Raise Effective, Empowered Users Of Technology by Danille Sabrina Parenting is a balancing act. We don’t want our children to think of us as tyrants, nor do we want to be so permissive that we allow them to get into trouble, like Regina George’s mom on Mean Girls. And there’s no balancing act more difficult and nuanced than knowing how to handle our children’s use of technology. As a mother of two teenagers, I deal with this struggle constantly. On one hand, movies like Cyberbully make me want to never let my kids touch a computer, and ceremoniously burn their smartphones. On the other hand, who am I to tell them how to use the internet? After all,
28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ PARENTING ] they grew up with it — I didn’t. In fact, sometimes they
use of phones and computers.
impress me so much with their tech savvy that I feel like they should be putting parental controls on me . . .
3. Mentors: A happy medium between enablers and limiters, mentors set limits on their children’s use of
I’m not the only parent who’s faced this dilemma.
technology, but with the goal of guiding, rather than
Technology writer and speaker (and mother of two)
minimizing. These parents try to work together with
Alexandra Samuel has faced the same battle with her
their children to help them become effective users of
kids.
technology.
Samuel noticed that her friends and peers seemed to
So: which is the best? “There are a range of indicators
have very different attitudes about their kids’ use of
— which kids get into more trouble, which kids end up
technology. Some were very restrictive, and others were
being more compulsive in their use of technology —
very lenient — but all of them were confident that their
which suggest that the mentorship approach seems to
way was the best.
work best,” Samuel reports.
So, determined to find out which way was truly the best,
She also notes that the mentorship approach is the
Samuel conducted a survey of over 10,000 parents about
most stable: whereas enablers tend to be parents of
their kids’ technology use. She’ll be giving a talk about
teenagers, and limiters tend to be parents of younger
her results during her presentation at INBOUND, hosted in
children, mentors maintain their role as providers of
Boston from November 8 - 11 by HubSpot, but here’s the
guidance throughout the entire trajectory of their
gist of what she found.
children’s growth.
When it comes to monitoring and patrolling their kids’
Ultimately, according to Samuel, mentoring our children’s
use of computers and smartphones, there are three main
use of technology is helpful in multiple ways. Not only
types of parents:
can we help them build hard, technical skills — children of mentors are more likely to have a blog and know how
1. Enablers: These parents take a laissez-faire attitude
to code — but we can also help them with “soft skills,”
towards their children’s use of technology. They take their
such as understanding what it means to be respectful
cues from how they see other families use technology,
online. (After all, nobody wants to raise a cyberbully!)
and don’t intervene much in what their kids do online.
And in the end, there’s a natural alignment between what’s good for our kids and what’s good for the internet.
2. Limiters: In contrast to enablers, limiters try to minimize
The more we can encourage parents and schools to
their kids’ use of technology. Worrying about the impact
guide kids to a healthy, empowered relationship with
of technology on their children’s brains and social
technology, the more we can make the internet a better
development, they try to minimize or even eliminate their
place — for all of its users. NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Karin Volo, an expert in engagement, career, personal and organizational development, is known as the Chief Joy Bringer. She is a co-author of the international best selling book, Engage! With 15+ years experience working with international Fortune 500 companies on two continents, she has insights on business building, cultural transformation, and high performance. Karin works with cultural development, employee engagement, leadership mentoring, professional inspirational speaking and writing. She uses her professional skills and draws from her personal experiences to help individuals and companies thrive. She is the best selling author of 1,352 Days: An Inspirational Journey From Jail To Joy, the Bringing Joy children’s series, a regular blogger on Huffington Post, a faculty member at the Institute for Inspired Organizational Cultures, and an expert judge on employee engagement in both the UK and the US. Karin’s passion is helping people better their lives through sharing all she has learned on her own journey. Her purpose is bringing joy to the workplace.
Why Small Moments Matter by Karin Volo Reading up on the latest future trends and technologies, I can sometimes geek out. I’m fascinated to know what might be coming. We have entered a phase of accelerated change—things are going to happen so quickly and I do believe that many of the new technologies will be able to transform our world. The big key to all of this is to find your own inner peace and joy. In all that I do, I have a core message that is simply choose love over fear. If you can live each day focusing on those small moments, looking for joy and all that is going well, you’ll find that at the end of the day, you can string these moments throughout the day (often bridging over the challenges and negativity) to realize that it was a pretty good day. And doing this every day means your weeks turn out pretty good, and in the end, chances are you’ll live
30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] a pretty darn good life!
conscious choice each and every day.
This is a way of practicing gratitude very consciously.
The last thing I’d like to share is how you can keep your own peace. Just imagine the eye of the storm. It’s always
A concept I share regularly with others is that you need
calm and lovely while there’s a raging storm going on
to watch closely what you “feed your brain.” It’s so
all around. Be that eye of the storm in your life. Make
easy these days to get bombarded with negativity. You really have to make an effort to counter balance all the negativity with a lot of positive information. One of my latest favorite tricks (especially on my Facebook feed) is looking at awe-inspiring images. I’ve liked several pages that just post amazing pictures so my newsfeed is filled with beautiful pictures. And it makes me feel joy!
that choice! Learn to not go into knee-jerk reactions but rather, put a pause in, a space, where you can choose exactly how you want to respond. You can do this through taking three deep breathes before saying anything, taking a walk, being very mindful and be aware of your emotions. Don’t let things get to you, keep that peace inside of you and you will be a positive force
Appreciation is one of the fastest ways to feel better too.
to be reckoned with that will help to calm others as well. I
Whether you are showing gratitude to others or for those
promise that!
small moments, it shifts your way of looking at the world. You see things from a more positive light. I’m not saying
You are welcome to download one of my favorite tools,
it’s always easy. It’s very similar to a muscle that needs to
the Joyometer, at www.KarinVolo.com to help you learn
be trained. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. So make that
to manage your emotions.
Dr. Ozzie Jafarnia
DDS, Board Certified
Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry
Dr. Noyan Aynechi DDS, Board Certified
Specialist in Pediatric Dentistry
Nothing is more beautiful than your child’s smile!
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NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Museums
Across the Bay Area
ALAMEDA COUNTY Pacific Pinball Museum 1510 Webster Street Alameda 510.769.1349 www.pacificpinball.org
Phoebe A. Hearst Museum of Antrhopology 103 Kroeber Hall Berkeley (510) 642-3682 www.hearstmuseum.berkeley.edu
Lawrence Hall of Science 1 Centennial Drive Berkeley 510.642.5132 www.lawrencehallofscience.org
Habitot Children’s Museum 2065 Kittredge Street Berkeley 510.647.1111 www.habitot.org
Berkeley Art Museum and Pacific Film Archive 2625 Durant Avenue Berkeley 510.643.0808 www.bampfa.berkeley.edu
The Niles Depot 37592 Niles Boulevard Fremont 510.797.4449 www.nilesdepot.org
UC Berkeley Museum of Paleontology 1101 Valley Life Science Building Berkeley 510.642.1821 www.ucmp.berkeley.edu The Magnes Collection of Jewish Art and Life 2121 Allston Way Berkeley 510.643.2526 www.magnes.org
Children’s Natural History Museum 4074 Eggers Drive Fremont 510.790.6284 www.cnhm.msnucleus.org Chabot Space & Science Center 10000 Skyline Boulevard Oakland 510.336.7300 www.chabotspace.org
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Oakland Aviation Museum Oakland International Airport Oakland 510.638.7100 www.oaklandaviationmuseum.org Junior Center of Art and Science 558 Bellevue Avenue Oakland 510.839.5777 www.juniorcenter.org Junior Center of Art and Science 558 Bellevue Avenue Oakland 510.839.5777 www.juniorcenter.org Junior Center of Art and Science 558 Bellevue Avenue Oakland 510.839.5777 www.juniorcenter.org Museum of Children’s Arts: MOCHA 1625 Clay Street #100 Oakland 510.465.8770 www.mocha.org
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Oakland Museum of California 1000 Oak Street Oakland 510.318.8400 www.museumca.org
CONTRA COSTA Blackhawk Automotive Museum Blackhawk Plaza 3700 Blackhawk Plaza Circle Danville 925.736.2277 www.blackhawkmuseum.org Richmond Art Center 2540 Barrett Avenue Richmond 510.620.6772 www.richmondartcenter.org Walnut Creek Model Railroad Society 2751 Buena Vista Avenue Walnut Creek 925.937.1888 www.wcmrs.org Bedford Gallery 1601 Civic Drive Walnut Creek 925.295.1417 www.bedfordgallery.org
OUT OF AREA Peninsula Museum of Art 1777 California Drive Burlingame 650.692.2101 www.peninsulamuseum.org Santa Cruz Children’s Museum of Discovery 1855 41st Avenue Capitola 888.424.8035 www.sccmod.org
De Anza Fujitsu Planetarium 21250 Stevens Creek Boulevard Cupertino 408.864.8814 www.planetarium.deanza.edu
Children’s Creativity Museum 221 4th Street San Francisco 415.820.3320 www.creativity.org
Japanese Gardens 22325 N 3rd Street Hayward 510.881.6715 www.haywardrec.org
Asian Art Museum 200 Larkin Street San Francisco 415.581.3500 www.asianart.org
NASA’s Ames Research Center Moffett field Mountain View 650.604.5000 www.nasa.gov/centers/ames/home
Cartoon Art Museum 655 Mission Street San Francisco 415.227.8666 www.cartoonart.org
Moffett Field Museum 126 Severyns Avenue Mountain View 650.964.4024 www.moffettfieldmuseum.org
De young Museum 50 Hagiwara Tea Garden Drive San Francisco 415.750.3600 www.deyoung.famsf.org
Junior Museum & Zoo 1451 Middlefield Road Palo Alto 650.329.2111 www.cityofpaloalto.org/gov/depts/csd/ jmz
International Art Museum of America 1025 Market Street San Francisco 415.376.6344 www.iamasf.org
Palo Alto Art center 1313 Newell Road Palo Alto 650.329.2366 www.cityofpaloalto.org/gov/depts/csd/ artcenter Hiller Aviation Museum 601 Skyway Road San Carlos 650.654.0200 www.hiller.org African American Art & Culture Complex 762 Fulton Street San Francisco 415.922.2049 www.aaacc.org Aquarium of the Bay Embarcadero & Beach St. San Francisco, CA 94133 415.623.5300 www.aquariumofthebay.org Contemporary Jewish Museum 736 Mission Street San Francisco 415.655.7800 www.thecjm.org
Museum of Craft and Design 2569 3rd Street San Francisco 415.773.0303 www.sfmcd.org Palace of the Legion of Honor 100 34th Avenue San Francisco 415.750.3600 www.legionofhonor.famsf.org San Francisco Center for the Book 375 Rhode Island Street San Francisco 415.565.0545 www.sfcb.org
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[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Museums
Across the Bay Area
San Francisco Children’s Art Center Fort Mason Center San Francisco 415.771.0292 www.childrensartcenter.org San Francisco Museum of Modern Art 151 3rd Street San Francisco 415.357.4000 www.sfmoma.org California Academy of Sciences 55 Music Concourse Drive San Francisco 415.379.8000 www.calacademy.org Exploratorium Pier 15, The Embarcadero San Francisco 415.528.4444 www.exploratorium.edu San Francisco Cable Car Museum 1201 Mason St San Francisco 415.474.1887 www.cablecarmuseum.org
San Jose Museum of Quilts and Textiles 520 S 1st Street San Jose 408.971.0323 www.sjquiltmuseum.org Children’s Discovery Museum 180 Woz Way San Jose 408.298.5437 www.cdm.org De Saisset Museum 500 El Camino Real Santa Clara 408.554.4528 www.scu.edu/deSaisset Triton Museum of Art 1505 Warburton Aveue Santa Clara 408.247.3754 www.tritonmuseum.org Santa Cruz Museum of Art and History 705 Front Street Santa Cruz 831.429.1964 www.santacruzmah.org
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Bay Area Discovery Museum 557 McReynolds Road Sausalito 415.339.3900 www.baykidsmuseum.org
®
Preschool
Education is a Lifelong Commitment
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NOW ENROLLING Join our Open House every Wednesday! www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool
Toddler, Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten Academic-Based Curriculum Passionate, Experienced Educators
PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA
925.462.6300
Full and Half Day Schedules Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton
PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA
925.846.9400
NOVEMBER 2016 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35 CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681
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36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2016