NOVEMBER 2017
FAIRMONT KEA LANI Elegance, Island Style
Why You Should Give With Two Hands
TREEAround LIGHTINGS the Bay
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
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Rainforests are responsible for about one in eight of the breaths we take. Visit our ever-evolving indoor rainforest to learn how these vital ecosystems affect life globally. Plus, see all the colorful new species just added to the 1,600 plants and animals from around the world. Get tickets at calacademy.org The Osher Rainforest is generously supported by The Bernard Osher Foundation.
Volume 4 / Issue 46
[ PARENTING ] Mindful Parenting: The Most Important Thing
La Serena Villas, Palm Springs –History Restored in Romatic Oasis Setting
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ] Baby Products
22
8
30
What Middle School Girls Should Know About Friendship
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] November Calendar
[ EVENTS ]
16 The First Cell Phone: Rules for Responsibility
What is Your Phone Doing to Your Relationships?
20
26
[ SEASONAL FUN ] Bay Area Tree Lightings
36
Why You Should Give With Two Hands
32
29
[ TRAVEL ] Fairmont Kea Lani –Elegance, Island Style
12
10 4 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
12
22
See a Stanford pediatrician at Bayside Medical Group and LPSR Pediatrics
Access to Excellence.
Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area
Publisher/Editor
Marketing Assistant Interns
Contributing Authors
Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Jaida Sinclair
Advertising Sales Director
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Advertising Sales Managers
Design/Production
Shauna Shapiro Kari Kampakis Anastasia Gavalas Dr. Laura Markham Emma Seppälä Ph.D. Tracie Brown Vollgraf
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Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566
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Editor’s Note Although the holiday décor has been lining the store shelves since August, November seems like an appropriate time to start embracing the season. A time for giving thanks and leading with grace, author Anastasia Gavalas’ article on page 29 reminds us to navigate the season with love and peace and to consciously “give with two hands”. Keeping with the theme of staying thoughtful this time of year, turn to page 8 for reminders on how to remain mindful while parenting. As we operate on auto pilot during this busy time of year, don’t forget to stay present, stop and smell the roses, and remember that it’s not about the latest, must-have gift we have to obtain for our son, but rather the quality time spent with our loved ones that matters most. Enjoy the Holidays! Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com
6 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
[ PARENTING ]
Shauna Shapiro, PhD, is a professor, author, speaker, and internationally recognized expert in mindfulness. Dr. Shapiro has published over 150 journal articles and chapters, and coauthored the critically acclaimed texts, The Art and Science of Mindfulness, and Mindful Discipline. She was an invited TEDx speaker, her 2017 Talk has been rated one of the top 10 TED-talks on Mindfulness. With twenty years of meditation experience studying in Thailand, Nepal and in the West, Dr. Shapiro brings an embodied sense of mindfulness to her scientific work. Dr. Shapiro is the recipient of the American Council of Learned Societies teaching award, acknowledging her outstanding contributions to graduate education, as well as a Contemplative Practice Fellow of the Mind and Life Institute, co-founded by the Dalai Lama. Dr. Shapiro has been invited to present her work to the King of Thailand, the Danish government, and the Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness, and the World Council for Psychotherapy in Beijing, China as well as to Fortune 100 Companies including Cisco Systems, Genentech and Google. Her work has been featured in Wired magazine, USA Today, Shape, Dr. Oz, the Huffington Post, Yoga Journal, and the American Psychologist. www.drshaunashapiro.com
Mindful Parenting: The Most Important Thing
by Shauna Shapiro “The most important thing is to remember the most important thing.” — Suzuki Roshi We so easily forget what is most important. We’re often living our lives on autopilot, going through the motions, without truly knowing why we’re doing what we’re doing. Mindfulness reminds us of what we deeply care about, anchoring us in the present moment, calling our attention back to our intention, helping us reset the compass of our hearts over and over again. Recently, I was teaching in Europe and had been away from my 8-year-old son, Jackson, for 10 days. I missed him badly, and on the plane ride home, I began feeling guilty for being gone for so long. I made a clear intention to create a special day where he and I could reconnect. And then that special day was here, a beautiful Saturday morning: I decided we would spend the day together at Muir Beach. As I packed up our beach gear, I became caught up in the speed of my agenda. Jackson was in a much slower space, and it took quite a while to get him dressed, fed and out
8 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ PARENTING ] the door. Finally, we were off and on our way to have fun
possible. We can be relaxed, kind, spacious and have
and connect.
clear, laser-like attention. Mindfulness invites an exquisite balance between alertness and ease, precision and
As we walked through our front yard, Jackson paused
relaxation. Mindfulness is embodied and not simply
to look at a trail of ants. “Come on, sweetheart, it’s time
about mental training; it’s a way of being, of inhabiting
to go to the beach,” I said, with a hint of impatience
life fully, requiring us to connect with our emotions and
in my voice. However, he was already completely
bodies. It invites true presence and love, which is what
absorbed by the ants and without glancing up said,
our children want most from us. This is what life wants
“Mom, come over here — look!” I could feel a subtle but
most from us. All we have to do is relax into being.
growing contraction in my body. I paused a moment, noticing these uncomfortable sensations. Luckily, I had
Three Elements of Mindfulness
just returned from teaching mindfulness, so some of the lessons were still fresh in my being. As I scanned my
Mindfulness calls for attention but is so much more. It
body, I breathed and reflected: “What is my intention?
invites us to reflect on why we’re paying attention, our
Oh yeah, I want to have quality time with my son, let
intention and to notice how we’re paying attention, our
him know that I am here now and that I missed him.”
attitude.
We didn’t actually need to be anywhere at any specific time, not even the beach. Could I simply relax my
Intention, Attention, Attitude (IAA)
agenda and remember what was truly important — Jackson, here, now, in this moment, wanting to show me
Intention is simply knowing why we’re doing what we’re
the ants?
doing. Our intentions help motivate us, reminding us of what is truly important, as in my story above.
He continued to focus his full attention on the ants. I
Intentions ask, “What are my deepest hopes, desires
walked over to where he was squatting, sat down in the
and aspirations?” We listen for the answers with an
sunshine next to him and began to watch. He scooted
open heart, without striving to make anything happen
closer and leaned into me, the sun warm on my back.
or get anywhere. As Jack Kornfield says, “Intention is a
A tear came to my eye as I felt the preciousness of the
direction, not a destination,” and it simply allows us to set
moment and how close I had been to missing it. This was
the compass of our hearts.
the connection I wanted all along: my little boy, resting against my body, both of us present, sharing this moment
Attention is learning to pay attention in the present
of mindfulness together. This was the most important
moment, instead of being hijacked by fears about our
thing.
futures or regrets about our past. It’s incredibly healing to actually be where you are. You are sitting here
Mindfulness has been my saving grace as a parent,
reading this article; at least your body is... where is your
holding me in its loving arms, helping me find my way
mind? How many times has it wandered off, how many
back to my heart over and over again. It reminds me
sentences have you read and re-read? When our minds
moment by moment that the greatest gift I have to offer
wander aimlessly, those are a lot of precious moments
is my presence.
we miss, especially ones with our children! Mindfulness is about reclaiming our lives, waking up to each moment
Mindfulness is a loving presence. In fact, the word
and living it fully.
mindfulness could have just as easily been translated as heartfulness: the words for mind and heart are
Attitude refers to how we pay attention and the quality
interchangeable in Asian languages. Western thought
of our attention. It’s the decision to infuse our attention
has mistakenly led us to believe that we have to be
with kindness, openness, curiosity. It incorporates a deep
stressed or vigilant to focus our attention. However,
allowing of what is and a commitment to see clearly,
mindfulness teaches us that a “relaxed alertness” is
without judging or controlling. Mindfulness welcomes NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9
[ PARENTING ] all of our experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly.
trusting our own hearts.”
We invite it into a huge pot of awareness, that holds and embraces whatever is arising, be it fear, confusion,
Parenting is a calling: an opportunity where we can be
loneliness, doubt... and gently cooks it so it becomes
drawn through the power of love to continue stretching
more digestible.
and growing as people. When we practice mindfulness, it supports us in remembering who we truly are and what
For example, in the story with Jackson, when I noticed
is most important, as it did in the story above with me
my impatience arising, how I noticed it determined
and my son. This way of being shifts our brain circuits
what happened in the next moment. If my attitude had
toward empathy, resilience and a felt sense of our own
been judgmental and shaming or, “You are such a bad
wisdom, so we in turn can help raise happy, healthy,
mother, why are you always so impatient, you’re ruining
emotionally intelligent children.
your day with Jackson,” I could have become stuck in self-shame and criticism. This sort of self-condemnation
The miracle of mindfulness is that it’s always already here
requires a lot of energy and would likely prevent me from
within us. We don’t have to make it happen (or try really
seeing clearly what was truly needed in the moment: to
hard to be good or perfect) to access it. We simply need
simply pause and be with Jackson.
to relax more fully into the natural wisdom and presence that exists at the core of who we are. As parents, there’s
Mindfulness is one of our most helpful companions as
an innate wisdom we can trust that’s always here to
parents. When we feel overwhelmed and confused,
guide us. We are never alone: Mindfulness, itself, is a
mindfulness helps us find our way again. As Jon and Myla
benevolent parent that helps guide us back to our true
Kabat-Zinn remind us, “Ultimately, mindful parenting is
nature, so we can offer our best and wisest hearts to our
about seeing our children clearly and listening to and
own children.
10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]
JOIN SANTA’S CREW in Grand Court November 9 through December 24
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[ TRAVEL ]
FAIRMONT KEA LANI — Elegance, Island Style by Tracie Brown Vollgraf After weaving through the tropical, tree-lined streets of the charming Hawaiian town of Wailea and arriving at the long, elegant driveway of the Fairmont Kea Lani, Maui, one automatically anticipates greatness. And greatness is exactly what we found at this massively stunning beach resort. In true world-class Fairmont style, we were greeted by a courteous valet who welcomed us to the property just as an authentic, handmade lei was draped over our shoulders. The well-designed and expansive open-air lobby led us to a spectacular ocean view overlooking the entire property, as the warm Maui breeze reminded us we were in full-blown vacation mode. Once checked in and provided an overview of the resort and amenities, we headed to our room to discover additional delights at every turn. Having undergone a $70 million renovation in 2015 as the only all-suite hotel in Maui, the accommodations are perfection, offering 12 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
plenty of room to spread out and unwind while enjoying the stunning balcony views. The plush, comfortable bedding, tasteful dĂŠcor, high-end bath products and nightly turn-down service is everything you would expect to find in a first-class hotel. With 413 one-bedroom suites and 37 two and three-bedroom villas, the Fairmont Kea Lani can easily accommodate an entire family. With three massive pools to enjoy, including an adults-only pool and two sparkling activity pools connected by a massive 140-foot waterslide, the outdoor area is sure to exceed your expectations. Since this trip did not include the kiddos, we opted to lounge around the adult-only pool each day. The signature service in the cabana was exceptional and a wonderful treat. With the assistance of a dedicated and attentive staff member handling our every need, we stayed hydrated throughout the day with unlimited chilled water, tropical juices and soda, and, of course, a few freshly blended tropical cocktails. Also offered was
[ TRAVEL ]
a sampling of fresh fruit, ice cream mochi and Hawaiian trail mix, as well as the regular pool menu. The Kea Lani prides itself on their cultural seasonal activity schedules — developed to appeal to diverse interests. Try the Angels’ Share Mixology Class in the LUANA Lounge, join Night of Art, Culture and Chocolate with world renowned artist, Dale Zarrella. Mermaid University is an under-the-sea experience led by the “Mermaids of Maui,” where children enjoy one-on-one coaching from a mermaid, learning to swim with a monofin. Additional experiences include canoe lessons, cultural tours and hula and ukulele lessons, to name a few. If couple time is what you seek, be sure to check out the romantic Twilight Dinners. The little ones will get a kick out of following the torchlighter each night as tiki torches around the hotel are lit and the conch shell is blown sporadically.
found at the four restaurants located throughout the property. Award-winning Executive Chef, Tylun Pang, creates scrumptious fare at Kō Restaurant. The expansive menu features island family recipes that have been
A variety of delectable island-inspired cuisine can be
passed down for generations, including Hawaiian, NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 13
[ TRAVEL ]
Chinese, Filipino, Portuguese, Korean, and Japanese favorites. Utilizing the island’s fresh produce, meat and seafood, Chef Pang infuses a farm-fresh, contemporary twist. Kō’s ambience is dreamy, the perfect setting to sip and savor delicious cocktails and cuisine for hours on end. Children five and under eat free at Kō as part of the Keiki Dining Program. Breakfast was spent at the open-air Kea Lani Restaurant, which offers an impressive daily buffet featuring fresh fruit, pastries and breads, as well as an omelet station and a plethora of hot and cold items. Be sure to carve out some “me time,” and head to the state-of-the-art Willow Stream Spa. The luxury 9,000 square-foot spa features locally inspired experiences combining Maui-sourced products with ancient Hawaiian tradition and the latest in spa technology. Partake in their one-of-a-kind treatments such as the Hawaiian Pa‘akai, which includes a healing sea salt body massage to create hydrated and smooth skin. A rinse under the state-of-the-art vichy shower, with infrared light therapy and an application of rich Hawaiian coconut oil completes the treatment. With 13 luxurious treatment rooms, a 24-hour fitness center, and “Inspire Your Energy” fitness and wellness classes, The Willow Stream Spa is dedicated to finding innovative ways to help their guests reenergize. 14 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ TRAVEL ]
The Fairmont Kea Lani sits on 22 acres of pristine beachfront property, so there is plenty to explore and much to see and do. Wailea’s Polo Beach is a 600-foot white sand beach which offers a secluded playground for Fairmont Kea Lani guests. Snorkelers will enjoy discovering numerous tropical fish and turtles in Wailea Point Reef. Stand up paddle boards, kayaks, boogie boards and snorkels are available to rent from the beach hut. Complimentary beach umbrellas are offered to resort guests. The 1500 square foot Keiki Lani Kids Club, offers fun for children ages 5 -12. The club offers supervised activities by accredited, experienced staff. Access to Keiki Lani is included in the daily resort fee. The Kids’ Club features an elevated performance stage, dedicated craft area, two 37” flat screen monitors, individual cubbies and outdoor tables. The younger resort guests will enjoy creative time, storytelling, exciting games, and meeting new friends while being introduced to the beautiful Hawaiian culture. Daily programs include building erupting volcanoes, crafting sand castles, hula lessons, exploring tidepools, and learning Hawaiian words and phrases. No matter what kind of tropical getaway you seek, the Fairmont Kea Lani caters to every type of traveler; the romantic couple’s escape, a relaxing girl’s trip or a funfilled family vacation. NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15
[ PARENTING ]
What Middle School Girls Should Know About Friendship by Kari Kampakis A woman in teen ministry once shared with me a term that describes the state of female friendships in the middle school years.
Kari Kampakis is a blogger, author, speaker, and newspaper columnist from Birmingham, Alabama. Her two books for teen and tween girls, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know and Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For, have been used widely across the country by teen youth groups and small groups to empower girls through faith. Kari’s work has been featured on The Huffington Post, The TODAY Show, EWTN, Proverbs 31, Yahoo! News, The Eric Metaxas Show, Ann Voskamp’s blog, and other national outlets. She and her husband, Harry, have four daughters and a dog named Lola. Learn more by visiting www.karikampakis.com
Fluid. In other words, friendships can change a lot in this stage of life. They may ebb and flow as everyone makes new friends, explores new friendships, and sometimes grows apart. The growing apart may not be intentional; it’s often a matter of not having classes together or the same extra-curricular activities. We typically become close with the people we see the most, and as teenagers evolve in their passions, personalities, and circumstances, their relationships evolve too. This is a tricky thing to navigate for girls and their moms. While I’ve been really proud of the friend choices my daughters have made - and I feel certain that many friends, including old friends from elementary school, will be friends for life - it’s hard to see an old friendship slip away and wonder what ever happened to that cute girl you used to see all the time. Why don’t you have Isabella over anymore? I don’t hear much about her - is everything okay? The response is often something like, “Yeah, I love Isabella,
16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ SEASONAL FUN ] I just never see her.” Nothing specific happened; it’s just that life is busy, and there isn’t enough time in the day to spend time with everyone you like. Sometimes girls drift apart for a reason. Sometimes a falling out triggers sudden mistrust. A girl who your daughter thought was a friend (in my book I call them 50/50 friends) does something hurtful or mean. Or a group of girls may gang up on one girl because she made the leader mad. The scenarios are endless, and the lesson to be learned is that girls sometimes must learn the hard way what true friendship looks like. The overriding point is, friendships change. Friendships get put to the test, and only time will tell what the final shake-out will be. So what’s the solution? I don’t have that, but I do have some thoughts to share with your daughter if she feels insecure or worried about friendship fluctuations: 1. It’s normal for friendships to evolve and change. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It simply means you’re growing up. 2. Everything will be okay. In time your friendships will solidify, and you’ll know more clearly who is good for you and meant to be in your life. Be patient, pray for good friends, and pray to be a good friend. Remember that true friends are worth the wait. 3. Rather than focus on finding the right friends, concentrate on being the right friend. There’s a saying that “Water seeks its own level,” and this means that people are drawn to others who are like them. So when you treat people well, you’ll attract friends who treat you well too. By holding yourself to high standards, becoming the friend you wish to find, and choosing to be an encourager rather than a critic, you set yourself up for positive and long-lasting relationships. 4. Even when you find your “people”, always leave room at the table to invite someone new in. Recently we took my daughter and some friends to a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. A classmate was eating nearby with her family, and we invited her to join us. This girl was a delight, and I fell in love with her. I was thankful to meet her since my daughter had never been in her class or had the same activities.
[ PARENTING ] Monday at school, she gave me daughter a friendship bracelet that she’d made as a thank you. I was speechless, because what this girl didn’t realize what was a gift she was to us. This event reminded me of what can happen when you invite someone new to join you, and how many great opportunities we all let pass by when we’re hyper-focused on our friends. By reaching out beyond your circle, you open the door to receive unexpected blessings. 5. Love your friends well, but keep a loose grip. Give them space to explore new friendships and explore new friendships yourself. The great thing about middle school is that there are so many people to meet. As multiple elementary schools merge, it’s a prime opportunity to make new friends and get to know different people who bring out different sides of you. Stay loyal to your old friends and know who you count on, but keep yourself open to making fun new connections. 6. Remember that everyone is learning and gradually maturing. Just because you don’t click with someone now doesn’t mean you won’t click later. My husband and I met when we were 18. One night at a party, we talked outside for hours. While I liked our conversation, I kept waiting for it to go deeper. It never did, so the story ended there. Five years later when we started dating, I teased him and told him that I assumed he was shallow that night because all he talked about were his fraternity brothers, going out, and having fun. He laughed and replied, “I was an 18-year-old boy...I probably was shallow!” At age 18 we weren’t ready for each other, but five years later we were. He had grown up, and so had I. The same thing can happen with friendships, so keep a good rapport with everyone, even if you think you have nothing in common. 7. The biggest friendship killers are jealousy, comparison, insecurity, and fear - fear of rejection, fear of being left out, and fear of being alone. Acting on these emotions can turn you into someone you’re not. By being aware of your negative emotions (I’m jealous that my friend is so pretty....I’m freaking out that I wasn’t invited to that party) yet learning the self-control to not NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 17
[ PARENTING ] act on them (I’ll pray for help to overcome my jealousy... It’s okay that I wasn’t included because I can make other plans) you’ll join the rare breed of girls who are confident enough in themselves to not make friendship too hard or dramatic.
10. Be kind, and keep in mind that kindness is more
8. Form your own opinions about people, and don’t believe everything you hear. Just because your friend dislikes someone doesn’t mean you should too. Just because a rumor is flying around doesn’t mean it’s true. Treat everyone like a friend until they give you a good reason not to, and when possible, give people the benefit of the doubt.
The better option is make kindness your goal and treat
9. Know the difference between committed friends and casual friends. Committed friends are the kind you carry through life. They have your back and will stand in your corner even if they’re your last friends standing. Casual friends are the kind you have for a season of life, maybe a few seasons. You have fun together and your personalities click, but there isn’t a great deal of loyalty.
important than popularity. Can kind girls be popular? Of course! But making popularity your ultimate goal is a bad idea, because you’ll do anything to impress the “right” people, even compromise your values.
everyone with equal respect, from the custodian of your school to the principal. Kindness is contagious, and when you act kindly, you inspire others to be kind too. Change is hard - but change is also good. Change makes us stretch beyond our comfort zones and grow in new directions. And while the fluid nature of middle school - and trying to keep old friendships while exploring new ones - is an adjustment, it can strengthen your faith if you seek peace in God’s stability when your life seems so uncertain. By embracing change rather than fearing it, and trusting it will all work out, you can keep the right attitude and
Committed friends make up a small portion of your social network. Casual friends make up a large part.
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[ EVENTS ]
November Alameda County NOVEMBER 1 - 30 Public Open Skate Oakland Ice Center Oakland Times Vary www.oaklandice.com
NOVEMBER 2 Dia De Los Muertos Downtown Berkeley Berkeley 5:00pm – 10:00pm www.anotherbullwinkelshow.com/ day-of-dead
NOVEMBER 3 $5 First Friday Chabot Space & Science Center Oakland 6:00pm – 10:00pm www.chabotspace.org Luna Mexicana: A Day of the Dead Celebration Paramount Theatre Oakland 7:00pm – 8:00pm www.oaklandballet.org/wp/lunamexicana
NOVEMBER 4 Apple Cider Pressing Ardenwood Historic Farm Fremont 11:00am – 11:30am www.ebparks.org
NOVEMBER 5 People, Plants, Place Coyote Hills regional Park Fremont 11:00am – 12:00pm www.ebparks.org
Email info@activefamilymag.com to subscribe to our weekly email blast for more events!
Sunday Movies @ The Library Fremont Main Library Fremont 2:00pm – 4:00pm www.aclibrary.org
20 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
NOVEMBER 7 - 30
NOVEMBER 24
Dublin Iceland Family Night Dublin Iceland Dublin 7:45pm – 9:00pm www.dubliniceland.com
Thanksgiving
NOVEMBER 10 Annie The Julia Morgan Theater Berkeley 1:00pm & 7:00pm www.berkeleyplayhouse.org Zoovie Night: The Angry Birds Movie Oakland Zoo Oakland 6:30pm – 9:00pm www.oaklandzoo.org
NOVEMBER 12 Shopkins Live! Shop It Up! Paramount Theatre Oakland 1:00pm www.shopkinslive.com/tour
NOVEMBER 18 Little Gardeners UC Botanical Garden Berkeley 10am – 11:30am www.events.berkeley.edu
NOVEMBER 19 Cal Sailing Open House Sal Sailing Club Berkeley 1pm – 4pm www.cal-sailing.org Baby Rave Bay Area Children’s Theatre Oakland 10am www.bactheatre.org/babyrave A Walk for Expectant Parents Shadow Cliffs Regional Recreation Area Pleasanton 10:00am – 12:00pm www.ebparks.org
Contra Costa County NOVEMBER 3 Preschool Performance Series Village Theatre Danville 10am www.villagetheatreshows.com
NOVEMBER 7 Free First Tuesday Bedford Galley Walnut Creek 12:00pm – 5:00pm www.bedfordgallery.org
NOVEMBER 8 - 30 Marin on Ice Northgate Mall San Rafael Times Vary www.onicerinks.com
NOVEMBER 9 Family Movie: Wonder Woman Walnut Creek Library Walnut Creek 4:00pm – 7:00pm www.ccclib.org
NOVEMBER 10 - 12 A Swingin’ Holiday & More Del Valle Theatre Walnut Creek 2:00pm & 8:00pm www.diabloballet.org
NOVEMBER 10 - 30 Walnut Creek On Ice Civic Park Walnut Creek Times Vary www.walnutcreekonice.com
NOVEMBER 11 Put a Cork in It Cedar Mountain Winery Livermore 12pm – 4pm www.cedarmountainwinery.com/ EventsCalendar.html
[ EVENTS ]
November NOVEMBER 13 Mini Mondays: Crunch and Munch Lindsay Wildlife Experience Walnut Creek 10:00am – 12:00pm www.lindsaywildlife.org
NOVEMBER 17 Teen Coloring Club Orinda Library Orinda 4:00pm – 5:00pm www.ccclib.org
NOVEMBER 17 – 18 Smuin Presents “The Christmas Ballet” Lesher Center for the Arts Walnut Creek 8:00pm – 10:00pm www.smuinballet.org
NOVEMBER 18 Public Art Walking Tours Bedford Gallery Walnut Creek 11:00am – 12:00pm www.publicartwalnutcreek.org
NOVEMBER 23 Turkey Trot Civic Park Walnut Creek 6:30am – 11:00am www.formaturkeytrot.com
NOVEMBER 24 Thanksgiving Parade of Lights and Winter Wonderland Downtown San Rafael San Rafael 12:00pm – 8:00pm www.downtownsanrafael.org
Out of Area NOVEMBER 1 - 5 SnowBomb Ski and Board Festival Pier 35 San Francisco 10:00am – 6:00pm www.snowpals.org/deals
NOVEMBER 1 – 30 Safeway Holiday Ice Rink Union Square San Francisco Times Vary www.unionsquareicerink.com
NOVEMBER 3 Animal Movie Night SPCA San Francisco 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.sfspca.org
NOVEMBER 5 Youth & Family Program Green Gulch San Francisco 9:45am – 11:45am www.sfzc.org
NOVEMBER 11 Family Night Hike & Campfire Nature Bridge Sausalito 5:30pm – 8:00pm www.naturebridge.org/goldengate/family-adventures
NOVEMBER 18 Paws to Read Children’s Library Palo Alto 2:30pm – 3:30pm www.cityofpaloalto.org
NOVEMBER 18 & 19 The Emperor’s New Clothes Palo Alto Children’s Theatre Palo Alto Times Vary www.cityofpaloalto.org
NOVEMBER 23 Turkey Trot Downtown San Jose San Jose 8:00am www.sanjose.org/events/2017applied-materials-silicon-valleyturkey-trot
NOVEMBER 26 Full- Spectrum Science Exploratorium San Francisco 1:00pm & 3:00pm www.exploratorium.edu
NOVEMBER 30 Madeline’s Christmas Palo Alto Children’s Theater Palo Alto www.cityofpaloalto.org
NOVEMBER 11 - 12 Penguins and Pajamas Sleepover California Academy of Sciences San Francisco 6:00pm – 8:00pm www.calacademy.org
NOVEMBER 14 Santana Row Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony Santana Row San Jose 3:00pm – 7:00pm www.santanarow.com/events/ annual-tree-lighting-ceremony
NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
WITH SO MANY BABY PRODUCTS ON THE MARKET TODAY, IT IS HARD TO DETERMINE WHAT YOU ACTUAL NEED! HERE ARE A FEW OF OUR FAVORITE MUST-HAVES, WHICH WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE MUCH EASIER AND ALLOW YOU EXTRA TIME TO ENJOY YOUR NEW ADDITION.
HATCH BABY | Meet Grow, the modern nursery innovation from Hatch Baby. Combining a traditional diaper changing pad with a built-in, wireless smart scale, Grow helps you to easily track your baby’s weight gain, feeding amounts, sleep and diaper changes. Soft, comfortable and wipeable. Effortlessly share data with doctors and caregivers. www.hatchbaby.com
ENTER TO WIN THESE PRODUCTS!
22 ACTIVE FAMIL | NOVEMBER 2017 Go to Ywww.activefamilymag.com or www.facebook.com/activefamilymag for more info!
INFANT OPTICS DXR-8 PORTABLE VIDEO BABY MONITOR The first baby monitor with interchangeable lens technology with total vision control of your baby’s room, or any room, is finally a reality. This camera is an investment that grows with your family. Use a close-up lens for intimate vision of your infant, and swap for a panoramic lens when your child becomes more mobile to provide a full view of your child’s activity. www.infantoptics.com
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
DREAM ON ME KARLEY BASSINET This charming cuddly Bassinet allows you to keep your newborn to 3-month– old baby close, secure and extremely cozy day and night. It’s the perfect accessory for busy moms and doting fathers who prefer a more mobile option than a traditional crib. www.dreamonme.com
KIINDE KOZII™ | Life is too busy for you to stand around waiting for a meal to be ready. Nor should you compromise your little one’s safety to save a few minutes. Enter Kozii™. Kozii™ uses patent-pending technology, specifically designed to eliminate the risk of hot spots, nutrient damage, and dangerous chemicals that can be released from plastic bottles at high temperatures. www. kiinde.com
MEDELA FREESTYLE BREAST PUMP DELUXE SET Freestyle double electric breast pump with 2-Phase Expression® Technology features a rechargeable battery and lightweight motor, providing a mobile pumping experience to keep up with your busy lifestyle. Everything you need for on-the-go pumping. www.medelabreastfeedingus.com
7A.M. ENFANT -BLANKET 212 EVOLUTION – HEATHER GREY STARS The sleek and contemporary blanket keeps little ones toasty from head to toe on mountain hikes, chilly city streets, and everywhere in between. The smart design allows you to size it up or down using zippered length and width extensions—so it can actually grow with your child! www.7amenfant.com
NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 23
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ]
ENTER TO WIN THESE PRODUCTS!
Go to www.activefamilymag.com or www.facebook.com/activefamilymag for more info!
[ PRODUCTS WE LOVE ] ORGANIC NICHE NURSING PILLOW The award-winning organic Niche Nursing Pillow is perfect for breastfeeding, bottle feeding, tummy time and more. The Niche Nursing Pillow is 100% organic, luxuriously soft, and breathable to keep you and your baby cool and cozy. www.nooksleep.com
BABY BREZZA 5 OZ BOTTLE TRIPLE PACK Breast-Like Nipple which promotes healthy oral development and eases transitions from breast to bottle and back, while limiting nipple confusion. Ergonomic Shape is super easy to hold. BPA Free. www.babybrezza.com
THE HAPPY MAT! The Happy Mat is an all-in-one placemat + plate that captures your kid’s mess. Another bonus? It suctions directly to the table, making it nearly impossible for tiny hands to tip over. The Happy Mat is made from 100% food-grade silicone that is BPA, BPS, PVC, latex and phthalate free. 6+ months. www. ezpzfun.com
BABY BREZZA ONE STEP BABY FOOD MAKER COMPLETE The Baby Brezza One Step Baby Food Maker Complete brings healthy, homemade baby food to your table in just minutes. Baby Brezza One Step Baby Food Maker Complete also comes with three reusable feeding and storage pouches, as well as an easy-to-use funnel that makes Baby Brezza baby food pouches the easiest to fill. www.babybrezza.com
SUPPORT SWADDLE Patented design promotes healthy hip growth by allowing the baby’s hips to stay relaxed and have natural leg movement. The Kepi Support Spoon is inserted into the back pocket of the swaddle to create the world’s first “Support Swaddle” that protects your newborns head, neck, and spine. www.shopkepi.com
FORMULA PRO BY BABY BREZZA The Formula Pro uses patented technology to measure, dispense and mix water and powdered formula to the perfect temperature and consistency. With the push of a button, you can prepare a bottle within seconds that has no air bubbles. The machine works with all bottle sizes and most major formula brands. www.babybrezza.com
NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Emma Seppälä, Ph.D is Science Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education and is the author of The Happiness Track (HarperOne, 2016). She is also Co-Director of the Yale College Emotional Intelligence Project at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and Scientific American Mind. She is the founder and editor-in-chief of Fulfillment Daily, a popular news site dedicated to the science of happiness. Her work and research have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, The Atlantic, VOGUE, ELLE, CBSNews, Oprah Magazine, Fast Company, U.S. World and News Report, Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Inc, Huffington Post, ABC News, Business Insider, SELF, GLAMOUR. She has appeared several times on Good Morning America. She was also interviewed for Huffington Post Live and TIME/MONEY and is featured in the documentary film The Altruism Revolution. She is the recipient of a number of research grants and service awards including the James W. Lyons Award from Stanford University for founding Stanford’s first academic class on the psychology of happiness and teaching many well-being programs for Stanford students. She graduated from Yale (BA), Columbia (MA), and Stanford (PhD). Originally from Paris, France, she is a native speaker of French, English, and German.
What is Your Phone Doing to Your Relationships? by Emma Seppälä Ph.D. New research is exploring how phubbing—ignoring someone in favor of our mobile phone—hurts our relationships, and what we can do about it. Phubbing is the practice of snubbing others in favor of our mobile phones. We’ve all been there, as either victim or perpetrator. We may no longer even notice when we’ve been phubbed (or are phubbing), it has become such a normal part of life. However, research studies are revealing the profound impact phubbing can have on our relationships and well-being. There’s an irony in phubbing. When we’re staring at our phones, we’re often connecting with someone on social media or through texting. Sometimes, we’re flipping through our pictures the way we once turned the pages of photo albums, remembering moments with people we love. Unfortunately, however, this can severely disrupt our actual, present-moment, in-person relationships, which also tend to be our most important ones. The research shows that phubbing isn’t harmless—but the studies to date also point the way to a healthier relationship with our phones and with each other.
26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] What phubbing does to us
sad? or excited and enthusiastic?).
In a study poignantly titled, “My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone,” Meredith David and James Roberts suggest that phubbing can lead to a decline in one of the most important relationships we can have as an adult: the one with our life partner.
No wonder phubbing harms relationships.
According to their study of 145 adults, phubbing decreases marital satisfaction, in part because it leads to conflict over phone use. The scientists found that phubbing, by lowering marital satisfaction, affected a partner’s depression and satisfaction with life. A followup study by Chinese scientists assessed 243 married adults with similar results: Partner phubbing, because it was associated with lower marital satisfaction, contributed to greater feelings of depression.
According to a study published in March of this year, they themselves start to turn to social media. Presumably, they do so to seek inclusion. They may turn to their cell phone to distract themselves from the very painful feelings of being socially neglected. We know from brain-imaging research that being excluded registers as actual physical pain in the brain. Phubbed people in turn become more likely to attach themselves to their phones in unhealthy ways, thereby increasing their own feelings of stress and depression.
Phubbing also shapes our casual friendships. Not surprisingly to anyone who has been phubbed, phone users are generally seen as less polite and attentive. Let’s not forget that we are extremely attuned to people. When someone’s eyes wander, we intuitively know what brain studies also show: The mind is wandering. We feel unheard, disrespected, disregarded.
A Facebook study shows that how we interact on Facebook affects whether it makes us feel good or bad. When we use social media just to passively view others’ posts, our happiness decreases. Another study showed that social media actually makes us more lonely.
A set of studies actually showed that just having a phone out and present during a conversation (say, on the table between you) interferes with your sense of connection to the other person, the feelings of closeness experienced, and the quality of the conversation. This phenomenon is especially the case during meaningful conversations—you lose the opportunity for true and authentic connection to another person, the core tenet of any friendship or relationship. In fact, many of the problems with mobile interaction relate to distraction from the physical presence of other people. According to these studies, conversations with no smartphones present are rated as significantly higherquality than those with smartphones around, regardless of people’s age, ethnicity, gender, or mood. We feel more empathy when smartphones are put away. This makes sense. When we are on our phones, we are not looking at other people and not reading their facial expressions (tears in their eyes, frowns, smiles). We don’t hear the nuances in their tone of voice (was it shaky with anxiety?), or notice their body posture (slumped and
The way of the phubbed What do “phubbed” people tend to do?
“It is ironic that cell phones, originally designed as a communication tool, may actually hinder rather than foster interpersonal connectedness,” write David and Roberts in their study “Phubbed and Alone.” Their results suggest the creation of a vicious circle: A phubbed individual turns to social media and their compulsive behavior presumably leads them to phub others— perpetuating and normalizing the practice and problem of “phubbing.”
“It is ironic that cell phones, originally designed as a communication tool, may actually hinder rather than foster interpersonal connectedness” –Meredith David and James Roberts Why do people get into the phubbing habit in the first place? Not surprisingly, fear of missing out and lack of self-control predict phubbing. However, the most important predictor is addiction—to social media, to the cell phone, and to the Internet. Internet addiction NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ] has similar brain correlates to physiological forms like addiction to heroine and other recreational drugs. The impact of this addiction is particularly worrisome for children whose brain and social skills are still under development.
Most importantly, they are at the root of empathy—the ability to sense what another person is feeling—which is so critical to authentic human connection. Research shows that altruism and compassion also make us happier and healthier, and can even lengthen our lives. True connection thrives on presence, openness,
Nicholas Kardaras, former Stony Brook Medicine clinical professor and author of Glow Kids, goes so far as to liken screen time to digital cocaine. Consider this: The urge to check social media is stronger than the urge for sex, according to research by Chicago University’s Wilhelm Hoffman. These findings come as no surprise—decades of research have shown that our greatest need after food and shelter is for positive social connections with other people. We are profoundly social people for whom connection and a sense of belonging are crucial for health and happiness. (In fact, lack thereof is worse for you than smoking, high blood pressure, and obesity.) So, we err sometimes. We look for connection on social media at the cost of face-to-face opportunities for true intimacy. How to stop phubbing people To prevent phubbing, awareness is the only solution. Know that what drives you and others is to connect and to belong. While you may not be able to control the behavior of others, you yourself have opportunities to model something different. Research by Barbara Fredrickson, beautifully described in her book Love 2.0, suggests that intimacy happens in micro-moments: talking over breakfast, the exchange with the UPS guy, the smile of a child. The key is to be present and mindful. A revealing study showed that we are happiest when we are present, no matter what we are doing. Can we be present with the person in front of us right now, no matter who it is?
observation, compassion, and, as Brené Brown has so beautifully shared in her TED talk and her bestselling book Daring Greatly, vulnerability. It takes courage to connect with another person authentically, yet it is also the key to fulfillment. What to do if you are phubbed What if you are phubbed? Patience and compassion are key here. Understand that the phubber is probably not doing it with malicious intent, but rather is following an impulse (sometimes irresistible) to connect. Just like you or I, their goal is not to exclude. To the contrary, they are looking for a feeling of inclusion. After all, a telling sociological study shows that loneliness is rising at an alarming rate in our society. What’s more, age and gender play a role in people’s reactions to phubbing. According to studies, older participants and women advocate for more restricted phone use in most social situations. Men differ from women in that they viewed phone calls as more appropriate in virtually all environments including— and this is quite shocking—intimate settings. Similarly, in classrooms, male students find phubbing far less disturbing than their female counterparts. Perhaps even worse than disconnecting from others, however, Internet addiction and phubbing disconnect us from ourselves. Plunged into a virtual world, we hunch over a screen, strain our eyes unnecessarily, and tune out completely from our own needs—for sleep, exercise, even food. A disturbing study indicates that for every minute we spend online for leisure, we’re not just compromising our relationships, we are also losing
Studies by Paula Niedenthal reveal that the most essential and intimate form of connection is eye contact. Yet social media is primarily verbal. Research conducted by scientists like the GGSC’s Dacher Keltner and others have shown that posture and the most minute facial expressions (the tightening of our lips, the crow’s feet of smiling eyes, upturned eyebrows in sympathy or apology) communicate more than our words. 28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
precious self-care time (e.g., sleep, household activities) and productivity. So, the next time you’re with another human and you feel tempted to pull out your phone—stop. Put it away. Look them in the eyes, and listen to what they have to say. Do it for them, do it for yourself, do it to make the world a better place.
[ WOMEN & RELATIONSHIPS ]
Why You Should Give With Two Hands by Anastasia Gavalas I’ve been doing some major thinking recently about how to infuse more grace and awareness in my life especially during this time of the year. Repeatedly we push and battle our way through endless holiday to do lists, get lost in the hustle and bustle of gift buying, preparations, and parties. Tie all that together with a big fat dose of terrifying news stories, political babble, and irrational opinions of relatives and one can easily lose their stability. Anastasia is a parent coach, awardwinning author, internationally recognized speaker, Huffington Post blogger, and mother of five. With over two decades of real life experience, Anastasia’s proven success is based on balance and results. She teaches parents how to create healthier lives and find the happiness they desire. She shares innovative strategies and new perspectives that put an end to uncertainty and stress and, lead her clients to success. Her Wing It™ philosophy helps modern day families build strong foundations, rebalance their lives, and launch happy, independent children. Anastasia is the author of the award-winning book, Leadership Through the Eyes of Children, and WING IT: 6 Simple Steps to Succeed as a Modern Day Parent. She is the founder of the WING IT Project, a non-profit that funds educational opportunities for children locally and globally, and co-creator of Hamptons Wellness Week. She provides private parent coaching as well as speaking at small or large gatherings about making modern parenthood easier and rebalancing family life in today’s world. Anastasia has also been featured in multiple media outlets such as TLC Network, The New York Times, ABC Family Television, The Huffington Post, Well + Good, Hamptons Magazine, NBC Television, KIWI Magazine, Parenting, ZLiving Television, MSN.com, Sheknows, Parents Magazine, ivillage, Live It Up Show, News 12 Long Island, eHow, San Diego Family, Metro Family, and Everyday Family.
In an attempt to keep my sanity I made a conscious decision to switch up the way in which I navigate through this holiday season. Before any gift was thought of or event considered I set my intention to proceed throughout the month consciously. This meant I was to do things that I wanted to do, choose experiences that made me feel good, and proceed with purpose. My actions over the passed month have been influenced by the idea of giving with two hands. This simple objective meant that I gave my time, energy, and money wholeheartedly to where, when, and whom I wanted to. Giving with two hands evokes an energy that is contagious and rouses confidence knowing you are doing the right thing. Your intentions and actions are in alignment, which results in a responsive love from the inside out. This type of conscious giving does not allow room for feeling obligated or holding expectations of others. Instead of wishing experiences will produce happiness, giving with two hands changes things up so that an individual authentically feels joy as they exert their energy and experience life. This simple intention perpetuated feelings of freedom and gratitude that I’ve never experienced during this time of the year. It helped me sift through and release burdens and strenuous traditions and, magically brought forth new ideas and joyful circumstances. In the midst of not sending out yearly holiday cards of the kids and buying a beautiful candle for my sister-in-law I remained more of myself without reluctance or guilt. Pealing off layers of responsibilities along with surrounding myself with people who love without condition and stress-free experiences has been transformational. Holiday time can easily pummel people into oblivion and stifle their true intention to give and receive love. Whatever the situation, our power lies in the awareness of keeping our head and heart in what we do. Remaining grounded with practices that match personal beliefs provides the space necessary for your true self to emerge and help you vibrate in love. Regardless of what is happening in the world you have the choice to be loving and at peace. This holiday season make a conscious effort to experience life and give yourself the extraordinary gift of giving with two hands. NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29
[ TRAVEL ]
HISTORY RESTORED IN ROMANTIC OASIS SETTING – La Serena Villas, Palm Springs by Tracie Brown Vollgraf
Seasoned boutique hotel owners Lars and Kelly Viklund created perfection with this historic property. The attention to detail found in this desert oasis was an absolute treat and just what we needed during our memorable weekend escape. Nestled near the foothills of the San Jacinto Mountains, with rooftop views to die for, this intimate 18-room luxury hotel is full of life, color and endless discovery. Although the quaint, unassuming check-in area is tastefully decorated, inviting and welcoming, it does not hint to the stunning surprise awaiting once the doors are opened to the spacious and majestic pool area. One literally wants to drop their belongings at the pool’s edge and jump right in. Luckily, we pushed on to find ourselves weaving through the small pathway sprinkled with meticulous gardens connecting each unique bungalow. Arriving at No. 18, 30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
we unlocked the door to find heaven. A gorgeously decorated one-bedroom suite with rich Spanishinspired décor infused with funky modern twists, the accommodations are captivating, as well as downright luxurious. A separate living room with fireplace and full kitchen and dining area are an entertainer’s dream and the perfect spot to host a cozy, impromptu dinner party with friends. Perfect for a romantic getaway or girls’ weekend, one can sink into this hotel suite and never want to leave. The private bathroom features a large walk-in shower encased in interesting, eye-catching tile and a separate claw-footed tub with a double vanity. The spacious bedroom is all-encompassing and inviting with a divine four-post bed and luxurious linens. Sitting poolside with a drink in-hand was the most pressing task of the day. However, we somehow managed to tear ourselves away from the stunning pool and venture to the on-property Whispers Spa for a midday treatment, which was the perfect stress reliever. The spa offers an enticing array of facials, massages and body treatments. Be sure to book your appointment upon check in. We were delighted to wake up to a continental breakfast
Photos by Kelly Peak/Peak Photography
Occasionally, throughout our travel adventures, we are lucky to stumble upon a unique, unexpected gem. This time we found it in Palm Springs at the La Serena Villas. Taking more than five years to complete and meticulously restored from its 1930’s splendor, this property took our breath away.
[ TRAVEL ]
Photos by Kelly Peak/Peak Photography
delivered right to our door, presented in a rustic picnic basket and filled with samplings of fresh fruit, freshly baked goods and juices. For lunch and dinner, The Azucar Restaurant and Bar offers Mediterranean farm-totable small plates or full menus. Enjoy intimate restaurant seating, eat poolside, or venture upstairs to check out the rooftop for relaxing mountain-view dining. A full bar with craft cocktails are available day or night and served poolside. Hosting a group dinner for a special occasion? Secure the Mexican-inspired dining room, which began with a single portrait inspiration and has evolved into a colorful homage to Frida Kahlo. Whether you choose to partake in all the amenities La Serena Villas offers, or are up for taking the two-block stroll to the legendary restaurant-and-shop-laden Palm Canyon Drive, the hotel is perfectly situated. If you need additional restaurant reservations or recommendations for things to do around the city, La Serena’s staff is there to serve. No ask is off limits, and their philosophy is simple; they are available to make your stay as enjoyable as possible. In our opinion, they succeeded immensely.
WORTH THE WALK Truss & Twine 800 N. Palm Canyon Dr. Suite F www. trussandtwine.com Palm Springs newcomer Truss & Twine serves elevated desert cuisine and thoughtfully composed cocktails in a chic, industrial, social setting. From the team behind Workshop Kitchen + Bar, Truss & Twine is also located in the Historic El Paseo building, but offers a completely different dining experience. With happy hour to late night service, ample bar and banquet seating, and carefully curated playlists, DJs and live music performances, Truss & Twine fills void in the Palm Springs dining scene. NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31
[ PARENTING ]
The First Cell Phone: Rules for Responsibility
by Dr. Laura Markham “I can’t believe my daughter is old enough for a cell phone already. I’m scared. How do I keep her safe? Am I worrying too much?” Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.
-Nadine You’re not worrying too much. Research shows that virtually all kids who are allowed to keep their cell phone in their room overnight will answer a late-night text, and most of them have spent at least some late nights sending texts. Only 4 percent of parents believe their teens have ever texted while driving, while 45% of teens admit that they routinely text while driving. Only 11 percent of parents suspect their teens have ever sent, received or forwarded a sexual text or photo, while 41% of teens admit they’ve done so. Studies show that the pressure to send “sexy” photos via phone (sexting) begins in the fifth grade, on average. The average age of first pornography exposure is around age 8.
32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017
[ PARENTING ] Half of all kids say they are addicted to their cell phones
How often does he lose things? Some parents give their
and worry that they use them too much. Their parents
younger child devices that are more limited than a smart
agree, and 36 percent of parents say they have daily
phone, that can’t be used to go online, or to call anyone
arguments with their children about their phones.
not authorized by the parent.
Our own experience tells us that it takes a fair amount of
2. Agree to rules, before that first cell phone.
self discipline to manage the responsibility of a mobile
Most parents think a “contract” with their child is
phone. Most kids are not ready for that responsibility
unnecessary and silly. But a written agreement is a great
before middle school, if then. In fact, since the prefrontal
way for your child to step into this new responsibility
cortex is not fully developed until the mid-20s, middle
without you “over-parenting.” When that first cell phone
schoolers are famous for not having as much impulse
comes with written rules and responsibilities in the form of
control as we’d like. Middle schoolers have a hard
a signed agreement, young people learn how to handle
enough time managing the temptations of social media,
them responsibly. If you ask your kids what they think the
sexting, and addictive games on computers. Handing
rules should be, and negotiate until you’re happy, they
them a phone that they can use constantly, without
will “own” those rules. For a starting place, check out the
your supervision, is like handing a child an addictive
suggested rules at the end of this article.
substance and then not monitoring them. 3. Use parental controls. So it’s natural to worry when your child is ready for
There are parental control apps available for all phones,
her first cell phone, even if you think he or she is
and iPhone have built-in parental controls that can be
generally responsible. Yes, this device is an instrument
enabled.
of connection, and it will allow you and your child to be more connected when you’re apart. But it’s also
4. Scaffold.
a symbol of separation, a reminder that your child is
You know how when a building goes up, there’s a
now spending enough time at a distance from you –
framework around it? Once the building is complete, the
and other supervising adults -- to need it. Worse, it’s a
scaffolding is unnecessary. Your job is to give your child
reminder of the dangers lurking in the outside world
support --like scaffolding -- as he learns each new skill.
that could menace your child, without you there to stop them.
So don’t just buy a cell phone, give a lecture, and hope for the best. Instead, see this as a year-long project. In the
The problem isn’t with kids today. In fact, the research
beginning, plan to talk with your child every single night
shows that teens today are more responsible than my
about his mobile use that day. Review with him what calls
generation was in driving, drinking, sexuality and drug
and texts came in and out, what apps he used. Ask how
use. No, the problem is that smart phones pose new risks.
it felt to him to use his phone. Did it change anything in
Luckily, communication and supervision can
his life to have those calls and texts come in? Were there
dramatically lessen the risks. How?
any challenges as he considered how to respond? When you see a mean text from one friend about another one,
1. Don’t give your child a phone too early.
you’ll have the perfect opportunity to ask him about
If your child is with a trusted adult, he shouldn’t need
social dynamics, listen to the dilemmas he’s facing,
a cell phone. It’s when kids start to walk to school by
and coach him about how to handle these challenges.
themselves, or otherwise are without supervision, that
Even once your kids have had a phone for awhile, I
they need a cell phone for safety reasons. The younger
recommend that parents reserve the right to spot check
your child when she gets the cell phone, the more you’re
their messages and texts occasionally without warning.
asking of her, because it will just be harder for her to
Erased messages should be checked on the bill. This
act responsibly with it. Can you trust that she’ll follow
gets kids in the habit of being responsible, because their
your rules about which apps to download, for instance?
phone use doesn’t feel so “invisible.”
[ PARENTING ] 5. Talk, and listen.
you wouldn’t want forwarded to everyone in your school,
At the dinner table, comment on news stories that involve
your principal and your parents.
cell phones, from sexting to dangerous apps to driving deaths. Ask questions about what your child thinks, and
Remember that everything you send can become public.
listen more. You might find, for instance that your teen thinks sending nude selfies via Snapchat is fine because
2. Always ask before you forward a text or photo.
the photo will self-destruct. But does your child realize that
Be respectful. How would you feel if someone forwarded
the receiver can take a screenshot, and that there are
an unflattering photo of you?
now apparently ways to subvert the auto-notification that should tell the sender a copy has been made? And does
3. Always ask before you take a photo or video.
your child know that having a photo of a naked underage
Even once someone has given you permission to take a
person on his cell phone is illegal?
photo, ask before you post it.
6. Role Play.
4. If someone asks you to send a sexy photo...
When a young person is faced with a new situation, how
...remember that even with Snapchat (which “evaporates”
will he know what to do? Roleplays may be hokey, but they
the photo), the picture can be copied and forwarded to
give your child a chance to think through the situation and
others. Anyone could see it -- every kid in the school, your
his options. By planting those seeds, your child has more
teachers, your parents. It happens all the time to great kids.
resources to act responsibly in the heat of the moment. I’ve
Just don’t send it. And talk to your parents about it.
often launched into parent-child roleplays about the topic of the day to help my child consider various responses, for
5. If you receive a sexy photo...
instance pretending to be a friend asking “Hey, send me
... immediately delete it from your phone, tell your parents,
that photo you took at the sleepover!”
and block the number so you can’t receive more. Possession or distribution of sexual pictures of people who
7. Porn-Proof your child.
are underage is illegal. If the person who sent it to you asks
All kids will eventually see porn; it is just a question of when.
why, just say “It’s illegal. Let’s talk instead.”
But smart phones give children access to porn, so before you give your child a cell phone, you need to educate him
6. Never post your cell phone number
about porn. Porn is almost always dehumanizing, because
...on Facebook, or broadcast it beyond your friends
it depicts sex without warmth, intimacy or love. Most porn
(because it leaves you open to stalking.)
today also includes verbal and/or physical aggression toward women. If you need help talking with your child
7. Never broadcast your location
about this difficult issue, check out the book Good Pictures,
...except in a direct text to friends (because it leaves you
Bad Pictures by Kristen Jenson, which you can read with
open to stalking.) Don’t use location apps that post your
children as young as seven.
location.
8. Know your child.
8. Never respond to numbers you don’t recognize.
The research shows that when kids have problems with technology of any kind, it’s because they’re having
9. If you receive an unsolicited text, that’s spam.
problems that go beyond technology, and those problems
Don’t click on it. Instead, tell your parents so they can
will show up in the rest of their life. So if your child is mostly
report the problem and have the caller blocked.
responsible, considerate and happy, he or she is probably responsible with technology, too.
10. Don’t download apps without your parents’ permission.
Cell Phone Rules
11. Don’t spend your baby-sitting money all in one place.
1. Never write or forward a photo, or anything in a text, that
You don’t need more ringtones. Get unlimited texts so you
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[ PARENTING ] don’t have to worry about budgeting. 12. Don’t wear your cell phone on your body ...and don’t use it if you can use a landline. Cell phones are always looking for a signal, and that means they’re sending out waves that you don’t want going through your body. Cancer? Maybe. We don’t know enough yet. So why not just be cautious? 13. Set up your charging station in the living room ...so your phone is not in your room at night. 14. No cell phones at the dining room table. 15. No cell phones out of your backpack while you’re in class. And of course turn the sound off. 16. Have a life.
Castile Room
Don’t feel obligated to respond to texts right away and don’t text until homework is done, during dinner, or after
Company get-togethers or social celebrations
9pm.
Two patios, stunning bar, private dining area
17. L8R – Later! If you’re driving, turn off your cell phone ...and put it in a bag where you can’t reach it in the back seat. (Make sure you have directions before you start
Lunch, dinner or cocktail party options Wine Spectator wine list and craft cocktails Top 10 certified sustainable restaurant in US
out.) Cars kill people. 18. Nothing replaces FtF. If a “friend” sends you a mean message, take a deep breath and turn off your phone. Talk to them the next day, Face to Face, about it. Never say anything via text that you wouldn’t say Face to Face. 19. Monitor your phone usage to prevent addiction. Our brains get a little rush of dopamine every time we interact with our phones, so every text you send or receive, every post or update, feels good. Why is that a problem? Because it can distract us from other things that are important but maybe not so immediately rewarding, like connecting with our families, doing our homework, and just thinking about life. To prevent addiction, make sure you block out time every day -like while you have dinner and do homework -- when
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your phone is off. If you feel like that’s too hard, talk to
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your parents about it and ask for their help. There are
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programs that prevent your phone from being used at
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times you designate.
NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 35
[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Tis theBAYSeason… AREA TREE LIGHTINGS Alameda County DECEMBER 1 Tree lighting Ceremony Jack London Square Oakland 5:00pm – 7:00pm www.jacklondonsquare.com/events/special-events Jack London Square rings in the holiday season with their annual tree lighting ceremony, on the Oakland waterfront. Free to attend, locals and visitors will enjoy an enchanting evening of festivities including a 55-ft. Mount Shasta fir tree brightly lit with 5,000 sparkling lights, holiday musical entertainment from local Oakland musicians and more.
Contra Costa County NOVEMBER 24 Parade of Lights and Winter Wonderland Downtown San Rafael San Rafael 12:00pm – 8:00pm www.downtownsanrafael.org Downtown San Rafael will once again host its annual Holiday Parade & Winter Wonderland. In its 38th year, the event features a Holiday Marketplace with arts and crafts, live entertainment, children’s activities, free snow sledding, a tree lighting and one of the largest Holiday Parades in the Bay Area.
Lighting of Old Oak Tree Diablo Road Danville 5:15pm – 8:30pm www.downtownsanrafael.org Make memories with your loved ones at Danville’s annual tree lighting ceremony. Watch as Father Christmas and the Snow Angel sprinkle a little magic dust on the old oak tree and bring it to light. Warm feelings will quickly quell the cool air as local choral groups provide musical accompaniment and neighborhood businesses pass out hot beverages. Stroll downtown and enjoy refreshments, entertainment, and holiday shopping through the festively decorated streets.
NOVEMBER 29 Light Up The Night Holiday Celebration Downtown Pleasanton Hill Pleasant Hill 5:00pm – 8:00pm www.ci.pleasant-hill.ca.us Santa will be arriving in Pleasant Hill this year as part of their 10th Annual Light up the Night Holiday Celebration. The festivities will include the lighting of a 25-foot decorated tree in the small Plaza in front of the Clock tower Building at 6:00 p.m. Local dance and choral groups will also be performing throughout the evening.
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[ SEASONAL FUN ]
NOVEMBER 30 Holiday Parade of Lights Broadway Plaza Walnut Creek 6:00pm – 9:00pm www.broadwayplaza.com/Events/ Details/453514 Music and festivity will fill Broadway Plaza with the return of a holiday tradition - The Parade of Lights, Retailer Open House & Community Tree Lighting! Join in on fun and entertainment the whole family will enjoy. Plus, following the parade down Broadway Plaza Street, Santa Claus will light the center’s promenade Christmas Tree!
DECEMBER 1 It’s a Wonderful Life Lafayette Plaza Lafayette 4:00pm – 6:30pm www.lafayettechamber.org/events/ holiday-celebration
Celebrate the holidays at “It’s a Wonderful Life in Lafayette”. Enjoy free admission, fun, a tree lighting, live music, community sing-a-long, crafts — and Santa’s “sleigh” as Lafayette’s historic fire truck, Old Betsy! Throughout the event there will be activities for the kids, light refreshments and lots of photo opportunities, including posing with Santa and Old Betsy.
DECEMBER 7 Holiday Tree Lighting Moraga Commons Park Moraga 6:30pm www.moraga.ca.us/dept/park-rec/ holidaytree Join Santa in the Moraga Commons Park for the lighting of the Holiday Tree! Enjoy music, cookies, and cocoa begin at 6:30 pm, and countdown to the tree lighting at 7:00 pm.
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[ SEASONAL FUN ]
Tis theBAYSeason… AREA TREE LIGHTINGS Out of Area NOVEMBER 14 Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony Santana Row San Jose 3:00pm www.santanarow.com/events/annualtree-lighting-ceremony Santana Row celebrates the holiday season with their Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony. The festivities begin with the Elf on The Shelf Scavenger Hunt at 3 p.m. Then at 5 p.m. Santana Row will transform into a holiday wonderland complete with photos with Santa Claus, live music with The Glow in Park Valencia, costumed characters, stilt walkers, holiday planting and carolers; making this one of the most exciting holiday events in Silicon Valley.
NOVEMBER 19 Tree Lighting Ceremony Pier 39 San Francisco www.pier39.com PIER 39 invites you to join their special friends from the Disneyland Resort at the annual PIER 39 Tree Lighting Celebration. Experience the magic — sing songs, see your Disney friends, and welcome the holiday season with a day of holly-jolly magic for the whole family. The fun culminates at 6pm as the Disneyland Resort helps illuminate PIER 39’s majestic 60-foot tree against a stunning backdrop of the San Francisco city skyline.
NOVEMBER 24 Macy’s Union Square Tree Lighting Union Square Park San Francisco 6:00pm www.unionsquareshop.com/ TreeLightingUnionSquare Macy’s gift to the City of San Francisco - Macy’s 27th Annual Tree Lighting will take place in Union Square Park between Sutter and Post and Geary and Stockton Streets, right across from the front of Macy’s. The beautiful and reusable tree will be decorated with more than 33,000 twinkling energy-efficient LED lights and 1,100 shining ornaments. Christmas in the Park- Tree Lighting Cesar Chavez Park San Jose 6:00pm www.christmasinthepark.com Join the City of San Jose for their annual Tree Lighting and official opening night for Christmas in the Park. Special guests including Santa himself will help kick things off for our 38th year in Downtown San Jose at Plaza de Cesar Chavez Park.
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DECEMBER 1 Tree Lighting Quinlan Community Center Cupertino 6:00pm www.cupertino.org Begin the holiday season with Cupertino’s Tree Lighting Ceremony. This event begins at 6 p.m. and takes place at Quinlan Community Center.
DECEMBER 4 Community Tree Lighting Celebration Civic Center Plaza Mountain View 5:30pm – 7:30pm www.mountainview.gov/depts/cs/ events/treelighting Celebrate the holidays with friends and family at the Mountain View Community Tree Lighting Celebration. Enjoy live holiday music, refreshments, lights and the arrival of Santa Claus. Children can visit and have their picture taken with Santa at this free event, please bring your own camera. In the spirit of the season, guests are encouraged to bring a can of food to benefit the Community Services Agency.
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Preschool
Education is a Lifelong Commitment
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Discover Quarry Lane
NOW ENROLLING Join our Open House every Wednesday! www.QuarryLane.org/Preschool
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PLEASANTON WEST CAMPUS Preschool and Pre-Kindergarten 4444B Black Ave., Pleasanton, CA
925.462.6300
Full and Half Day Schedules Computer, Spanish, Music, P.E., and Library Two Preschool Campuses in Pleasanton
PLEASANTON EAST CAMPUS Infant through Pre-Kindergarten 3750 Boulder St., Pleasanton, CA
925.846.9400
NOVEMBER 2017 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39 CA Licenses: 013411303, 013411304, 013411305, 013417681
Benefits of Opening a Child Support Case:
40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER 2017