Active Family Magazine - November/December 2018

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

9 Powerful Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Life

TRAVEL ISSUE

Fairmont Grand Del Mar Resort Honua Kai Resort & Spa L’Auberge de Sedona Resort and Spa

Volume 5 / Issue 58

Thanksgiving Doesn't Have to be [ TRAVEL ] Perfect to be Perfectly Wonderful. Fairmont Grand Del Mar

[ PARENTING ] 5 Ways To Support Rest & Renewal This Holiday

6 9 Powerful Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Life

12 9 Tips to Foster an Attitude of Gratitude in Your Kids –Without spoiling them this holiday season!

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Unhook Your Holidays

Romantic Weekend Getaway, Sedona, AZ

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Making the Holidays More Meaningful – And Less Materialistic

10 Reasons Why We Love Honua Kai Resort & Spa!

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You’re Going To Miss It

[ SEASONAL ]

36

Santana Row - Holiday Gift Guide

8

Does My Child Really Need Braces?

38

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WHEN STUDENTS EMBRACE A CHALLENGE

THE EXTRAORDINARY HAPPENS At Stratford, students accomplish extraordinary things. It all starts with an advanced yet balanced curriculum that propels students to excel both inside and outside the classroom — typically performing well-above grade level and matriculating to top high schools and beyond.

Discover a school that inspires children to become creative problem-solvers, imaginative innovators, and confident leaders.

We deliver the extraordinary.

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*Grades offered vary by location. Preschool State License Numbers: 073402482, 013417816, 013420588, 434404890, 434408056, 434407977, 434404336, 434406722, 434408877, 384001837, 434410807, 434410816, 073406680, 013420939, 414004014, 434413440. Copyright © 2018 Stratford Schools, Inc.

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor

Marketing Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Megan Shackley

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Kathy Brillheart kbrillheart@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Travel Editor

Design/Production

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Renee Trudeau Amy Morin Elizabeth Kang Amy McCready Dr. Laura Markham Carrie Contey, Ph.D. Christine Carter, Ph.D. Michelle Zunter Dr. Dante Gonzales

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note This time of year it’s easy to get lost in the craziness of holiday season; incessant planning, shopping, holiday parties, school performances and the never -ending to-do list can leave us felling exhausted, under -appreciated, resentful and downright cranky. That’s why we dedicated this issue to the true meaning of the holidays. We have included numerous articles from some of our favorite authors who all remind us to slow down, connect and appreciate the little moments.

Need some help finding the perfect gift for friends and family? Here’s a great idea…head to Santana Row in San Jose and sip, shop and dine your way around and find everything you need for each person on your list! We’ve made it even easier for you by featuring a few of our favorite items (and the stores you can find them) on page 8, all found at the Row! Of course the perfect vacation can always help to alleviate the holiday stress!

Check out our three travel features which cover Maui, Sedona and San Diego. All amazing locales, we highly recommend adding these destinations to your bucket list!

Enjoy the holidays and remember to breathe!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

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To reunite with their families, emperor penguins migrate up to 30 miles across the ice.

You just have to make it across the rink.

Now Open This holiday tradition packs a flurry of excitement you won’t find anywhere else. Experience the new outdoor ice rink, falling snow flurries, and more! Plus, explore the science behind the season and learn how polar bears survive in the Arctic. Open every day this holiday season.

Save $4 per ticket when you buy online now through January 6.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 5 Get tickets at calacademy.org

[ PARENTING ]

Transformational coach/author/ speaker Renée Peterson Trudeau is passionate about helping parents come into balance through the art/science of self-care. She’s been featured in The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Spirituality & Health and more, and thousands of women in ten countries are becoming RTA-Certified Facilitators and leading/joining self-renewal groups/retreats based on her award-winning curriculum. She is the author of several life balance books including The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal and Nurturing the Soul of Your Family: 10 Ways to Reconnect and Find Peace in Everyday Life. She lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband and 15 year-old son. Subscribe to her weekly, award-winning blog Live Inside Out here and check out her upcoming retreats at www.

ReneeTrudeau.com.

5 Ways To Support Rest & Renewal This Holiday

by Renee Trudeau Yesterday I spent an hour with my November/December calendar–not penciling things in, but cancelling pending events and making choices that supported a more open, spacious, restorative winter schedule.

Does the thought of hanging lights and attending holiday parties make you want to grab your sleeping bag and run for the nearest cave?

It would be an understatement to say this year has been intense. In addition to the chaos we’ve all been experiencing on a macro-level, most of us have felt over-scheduled, overworked and unable to unplug. Many of us have navigated big career and life challenges—and we’ve had little time to integrate these changes. Frankly, we’re exhausted. We’re ready for rest.

Not a relaxed evening by the fire, but a serious stretch of lazy days, long naps, walks in the woods, deep nourishing slumber and joyful, easy, simple connections with friends and family that feed us emotionally and spiritually.

What we most need in the coming weeks is not the latest iPhone or one last trip to the mall, but permission to rest, relax, unplug and do nothing.

But with all the expectations, activity and invitations that come with this

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[ PARENTING ] season knocking on our door—what are we to do? I

when we try and cram too much into our schedules

challenge you to take the road less traveled and take a

and then try to control everything we’re juggling. My

radical stand for what you most need this year. Consider

friend, author Joan Borysenko says, “Your to-do list is

the following five ideas to help you do less:

immortal; it will live on long after you’re dead.” How can you simplify your plans (do you really need to go

• Schedule down time now. Block out periods on your

chop down your own Christmas tree, make your mom’s

calendar during the holiday season for “dedicated

famous Cathedral stained glass cookies and host your

relaxation,” where your only job is to unplug from

husband’s department dinner)? Popcorn, hot cider

electronics and rest. Schedule half-days, full days,

and an evening of great conversation with people

weekends or an entire week if you can swing it. Maybe

who let you show up “warts and all,” is hard to beat.

you’ll feel like a nature hike when your period for

Do less, so you can experience more.

renewal rolls around or maybe you’re better served by staying in your pajamas, turning off your phone, sipping on hot tea and watching the leaves fall from the trees. Make downtime a priority and schedule this now so you can honor your commitment to deep tothe-bones self-renewal.

• Just say no. Decide what’s most important to you and let everything else go. If it’s not an “absolute yes,” then it’s a no. Don’t want to miss Aunt Tracy’s special Christmas Eve dinner but feel exhausted at the thought of attending your neighbor’s cookie exchange? Just say no and let it go. You’ll be glad you did. The opportunity will come back around next year. Our quality of life is always enhanced when we let go of things-not when we add them. Check out my popular 9 Ways to Say No list from my award-winning/ pioneering self-care primer, The Mother’s Guide to SelfRenewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life.

• Ask for help. Give yourself permission to ask for and receive help whether it’s cooking, gift giving,

• Unplug and spend time in nature. My friend Richard Louv author of the Nature Principle says, “Time spent in nature is the most cost-effective and powerful way to counteract the burnout and sort of depression that we feel when we sit in front of a computer all day.”

I call nature the ultimate antidepressant and re-set button. If anyone in my family is exhausted or out of sorts, off to the greenbelt we go. Typically during the holidays, my family unplugs completely and heads to the Davis Mountains in West Texas to enjoy some of the darkest night skies in the world. Being in nature offers us nourishment and renewal on all levels-physical, emotional, spiritual and mental. It is a powerful, restorative and healing force. Tap it!

There is an innate push and pull that many of us feel during the winter season. As the Dec. 21 winter solstice approaches–the longest night of the year–our natural rhythms are calling us to slow down, reflect, go inward and contemplate where we’ve been and where we want to go. (Think of our friends the bears, they’ve got

socializing or hosting family. Do it different. Be willing to

it right!) Counter this with the world around us that is

let go of tradition for the sake of enhanced emotional

swirling madly with activity and constantly telling us to

well-being. Step out of your comfort zone, reach out

do, eat, buy and be more. It can feel quite confusing,

to friends, neighbors and coworkers and ask for their

exhausting and overwhelming.

help during the holidays so you can create more space for yourself and your family to just “be.” What

I challenge you: do it differently this season. Pause and

are three things on your plate right now that you could

enter the holiday season mindfully and with a clear

delegate, outsource or ask for support around?

intention. If the call to making rest and renewal a priority resonates with you this holiday, make this #1 for yourself

• Do less to experience more. Positive psychology

and for your family. Then, you can bound—instead of

researchers say we’re happiest when we keep things

crawl–into 2019 fully present, refreshed and clear on how

simple and have fewer choices. We create stress

you want to use your energy in the New Year.

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[ SEASONAL FUN ]

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Santana Row HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

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LEFT - TEA COLLECTION www.teacollection.com Trees Please Graphic Tee ​$ 22.50 | Pattern Henley ​$ 35.50​ | ​Appaman Benji Hat ​$ 36.00 | Hoodie Dress ​$ 39.50 Sparkle Henley Dress ​$ 35.50 ​8W12307 ​2 – 8 | At the Same Moment Around the World ​$ 17.99 Moonlit Mountains Raglan Tee ​$ 29.50 | Pattern Trek Pants ​$ 35.50 NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 9

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

EVERYTHING BUT WATER www.everythingbutwater.com Fujifilm - Camera Instax Mini 9, Smokey White $69.95 | Roller Rabbit - Macrame Earrings, Coral $35 Mercedes Salazar - Bianca Constellation Tote, Natural $29 | Agua D’Mar - Tote Natural/Black $187 10 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

Santana Row HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

[ SEASONAL FUN ]

BALDWIN www.baldwin.com The Leonore Coat In Tawny | A collarless faux-fur coat designed to round out your cold-weather wardrobe. This on-trend style in tawny faux fur is mid-length and fully lined in satin for fuss-free layering over sweaters and jackets. $358.80 Regular price $598

100% PURE www.100percentpure.com Rose Gold & Red Gold Lipsticks - Pomegranate lipsticks x 2 (Holiday exclusive shades) Set Retail Value: $60 Promotional Price: $42 | Caffeine Buzz Bright Eyes - Coffee Bean Eye Cream, Bright Eyes Mask 5pack, 100% PURE Mug (Special Edition) Set Retail Value: $81 Promotional Price: $57 | Kelp-and-Mint - Mermaid Hair - Kelp & Mint Shampoo 8 fl oz, Kelp & Mint Conditioner 8 fl oz $28 NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 11

[ PARENTING ]

9 Powerful Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Life

by Amy Morin Although a lot of people are reminded of all the things they have to be thankful for during the holidays, gratitude shouldn’t be reserved for special occasions. Showing just a little appreciation for what you have could greatly improve your life yearround. Here are nine powerful ways gratitude can change your life: 1. People Will Like You More The simple act of saying, “Thank you,” inspires people to seek ongoing relationships, according to a 2014 study published in Emotion. Showing some appreciation is an easy way to start a conversation and over time, it can deepen your friendships.

2. You’ll Sleep Better Thinking about the things you’re grateful for improves your quality of sleep, according to a 2009 study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research.

Additionally, being thankful helps you sleep longer and you’ll feel better rested when you wake up.

3. Your Psychological Well-Being Will Improve Several studies have linked gratitude to lower levels of depression and less suicidal ideation, including a 2010 study published in the Clinical Psychology Review.

Gratitude has also been linked to fewer toxic emotions, like resentment and envy.

4. Your Physical Health Will Improve Being appreciative has powerful effects on your body. Researchers have linked gratitude to lower blood pressure, fewer aches and pains, and improved immunity.

A 2015 study published in Spirituality in Clinical Practice found grateful people even have healthier hearts.

5. You’ll Have More Energy to Work on Your Goals Taking note of what you’re grateful for could help you reach your goals. A 2003 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that college students who kept gratitude journals reported higher levels of alertness, Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, psychology instructor, and speaker. Her book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do is on sale now. She’s frequently quoted in national media outlets.

She also writes for Forbes and About.com. For more visit AmyMorinLCSW.com *This article originally appeared in forbes.com.

enthusiasm, determination, energy and attentiveness compared to their counterparts.

6. You’ll be a Better Leader Grateful leaders motivate their employees to be more productive, according to researchers at the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania. The study found that employees who were thanked by their managers made 50% more fundraising calls than their counterparts who hadn’t heard the same token of appreciation.

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[ PARENTING ] 7. You’ll Recover from Hardship Easier

Numerous studies, including a 2015 study published

Gratitude is pivotal in managing stress and fostering

in Personality and Individual Differences, have linked

mental strength, even during the most difficult times. A

gratitude with higher levels of self-esteem. Some studies

2006 study published in Behavior Research and Therapy

report gratitude reduces social comparisons. So rather

found that Vietnam War Veterans with high levels of

than feel envious of people who have more than you

gratitude experienced lower rates of Post-Traumatic

do, you may be better equipped to appreciate their

Stress Disorder.

accomplishments when you’re thankful for the things you have in your own life.

8. You’ll Feel Less Stressed A 2006 study published in Research on Aging found that

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

older people who were grateful experienced fewer

There are lots of ways to increase your gratitude. Whether

harmful effects from stress than other people. Even

you choose to count your blessings in a gratitude

those who lived in difficult circumstances, like poverty,

journal, or you decide to share your appreciation with

experienced stress-buffering properties of gratitude.

others, take a few minutes to cultivate gratitude. Feeling thankful can be the simplest, and fastest way to improve

9. You’ll Feel Better About Yourself

your life.

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[ TRAVEL ]

HOTEL SPOTLIGHT – FA I RMO NT GR AN D D E L M AR –

by Elizabeth Kang

An upscale hotel that wholeheartedly welcomes children is a much appreciated and all-too-rare thing, and the Fairmont Grand Del Mar is a shining example of everything we look for in a family friendly getaway.

This stunning five-star resort is nestled in a serene coastal canyon near San Diego, and is five miles from the Pacific Ocean – a quick drive to Del Mar Beach. The location makes for continually sunny, idyllic weather, as the coastal fog doesn’t typically reach the resort as often as it does beachside properties.

With year-round sunshine, four heated pools, a kids’ club, an acclaimed 18-hole golf course, a five-star spa, gourmet fine dining, access to miles of breathtaking hiking, biking, and horseback trails, and much more, the Fairmont Del Mar is a clear winner among resorts in the San Diego area.

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[ TRAVEL ]

OCEAN – a quick drive to Del Mar Beach. The location makes for continually sunny, idyllic weather, as the coastal fog doesn’t typically reach the resort as often as it does beachside properties.

With year-round sunshine, four heated pools, a kids’ club, an acclaimed 18-hole golf course, a five-star spa, gourmet fine dining, access to miles of breathtaking hiking, biking, and horseback trails, and much more, the Fairmont Del Mar is a clear winner among resorts in the San Diego area.

KIDS’ PLAY The Fairmont Grand Del Mar doesn’t simply allow or just tolerate children, like so many other five-star resorts. They genuinely encourage them, and do so by making just about every aspect of the resort kid-friendly. Read on to learn about all the amazing children activities and delights available at the resort: EXPLORER’S CLUB — Children ages 5-12 will have a blast in the supervised drop-off Explorer’s Club, where they can enjoy arts & crafts, play indoor and outdoor games, watch movies and more. (Children under 5 are welcome when accompanied by an adult.)

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[ TRAVEL ] CHILDREN’S POOL — Little ones will love splashing around in their own heated pool with shallow wading areas, white sand seating and play areas, and easy access to refreshments such as fresh fruit smoothies and kid-friendly snacks.

EXPLORER-IN-TRAINING DINING PROGRAM — Kids ages 5 and under eat free when ordering from the children’s menu of Amaya, one of the resort’s onsite restaurants.

They also eat for free at the buffet when accompanied by a paying adult.

GRAND EXPLORER DINING PROGRAM — Older kids (ages 6-12) can order from either the Amaya or The Clubhouse Grill menu and receive a 50% discount when accompanied by an adult guest.

JUNIOR GOLF — Kids are welcomed and encouraged to join in on the fun at the resort’s 18-hole golf course. In fact, children 12-yrs and under receive complimentary green fees when accompanied by an adult, and children ages 13-17 get half off. There’s also a junior golf clinic available every Friday, where young ones (5-12) learn basic golf skills, including golf etiquette ($50 per child.)

EQUESTRIAN CENTER — Fuel your child’s obsession with horses with a one-hour trail ride on one of the property’s beautiful and scenic trails. (Riders must be at least 7-years-old and at least 50 inches tall.) Pony rides and day camps for kids are also offered.

ADULT FUN There’s plenty for the adult’s to love at the Fairmont Grand Del Mar, and there are many areas of the hotel where grownups can get away for private time without children nearby. Read on to discover all of the amazing amenities and activities that make a family vacation at the Fairmont Del Mar a true getaway for the adults, as well.

ACCOMMODATIONS — Before even entering their room, adults will appreciate the resort’s stunning mediterranean architecture. It’s as if arriving at a 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

[ TRAVEL ] away the afternoon, with group or individual lessons available.

SPA — One of only 60 “Forbes Five-Star” spas in the world, The Spa at Fairmont Grand Del Mar is an experience you won’t want to miss. The menu of treatments to choose from is expansive, from wraps, massages, body scrubs,

nobleman’s grand estate, with old-world-style columns and fountains throughout, and stately oversized palms.

It’s the perfect combination of European luxe and California charm. Rooms at Fairmont Del Mar are equally luxurious, with plenty of space for families to spread out, elegant and cozy furnishings, and private balconies or terraces with amazing views of the Los Peñasquitos Canyon, or beautiful resort gardens and fairway.

facials, reflexology treatments, and many, many others.

Set in an opulent and lavish facility, you’ll want to spend an entire day soaking up all of the relaxing treatments and amenities.

DINING — With six restaurants on property, (in addition to poolside and in-room dining,) you won’t run out of delicious options at this posh resort. In addition to all of the family friendly options, couples or friends looking for a more sophisticated fine dining experience will want to make reservations at the resort’s signature restaurant, Addison. Featuring a seasonal menu and award-winning GOLFING & TENNIS — The Grand Golf Club is revered

wine list, Addison is a great reason to enroll the kids in the

for its Tom Fazio-designed course, and the views on the

Explorer’s Club for the evening.

fairway cannot be beaten. PGA-certified instructors are available for one-on-one lessons, and the grand

ADULT RELAXATION POOL — Guests of the spa can enjoy

Clubhouse is a wonderful place to unwind after a game

the added bonus of access to the adults-only relaxation

and perhaps enjoy a drink and a bite. The two pro-sized

pool. This heated pool is quiet and secluded, and it’s the

tennis courts are also a fun way to while-

perfect way to relax or swim after a spa treatment.

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[ PARENTING ]

Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS.

9 Tips to Foster an Attitude of Gratitude in Your Kids –Without spoiling them this holiday season!

by Amy McCready Earlier this week, we posted ideas submitted by our Positive Parenting Solutions Facebook Fans on how to foster an attitude of gratitude this holiday season.

Listed below are even more ideas on how to shift the focus from getting to giving over the holidays.

• Limit TV Time before the holidays! You can’t control advertisers from marketing to your kids – but you can control how much exposure your kids have to those advertisements. Limiting how much time they spend in front of the TV will limit (not eliminate) the exposure they have to all of the latest and greatest ads intended to woo our kids.

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[ PARENTING ] • Manage the gift expectations. Talk to your kids about their wish lists and have them force rank the gifts they love the most. Then – set a limit. If you’re celebrate

gifts for each child. The more gifts they receive, the less special each one becomes.

• Count your blessings as a family. Make counting

Hanukkah – one gift on each of the 8 nights makes it

blessings part of your mealtime ritual or bedtime ritual.

easy. If you celebrate Christmas – set a limit – either

As kids get older, encourage them to keep a daily

in the number of gifts for younger kids or a dollar

gratitude journal. Being intentional about gratitude is a

amount for older kids. Try to make an agreement with

daily reminder about how lucky we are.

extended family to purchase only one gift per child.

• Let kids SEE how lucky they are. Ongoing lectures

(This can be tricky – but if the whole family is on board

about “you don’t know how good you have it” only

– they may be more likely to go along.)

makes their eyes roll. Get out into the community with

• Focus on the real meaning of the holiday. Gifts are

your kids and serve food in a soup kitchen, adopt

one part of the holiday experience – but teach your

a family during the holidays, or visit kids who are in

kids about WHY you celebrate that holiday. What

homeless shelters so they can SEE how fortunate they

does it mean to your faith? Why are gifts part of the

really are.

holiday and what do they represent? Then – shift the focus to giving. Spend the majority of your holiday preparations on the joy of giving to others. Encourage your kids to create gifts for family and friends – or give non-material gifts like coupons for breakfast in bed, a weekend of yard work, a back massage – what ever would be meaningful to that person. Adopt a family

• Model gratitude. Take time to show gratitude yourself.

Thank your kids and your spouse for their helpful and thoughtful acts. Show random acts of gratitude to the cashier, the person who makes your coffee at Starbucks, and the drycleaner. Modeling gratitude yourself will make your kids more likely to adopt an attitude of gratitude.

through your place of worship or school and get everyone involved in making the holiday more special for that family.

• Role-play HOW to show gratitude. Practice the words to use when someone gives them a gift or shows kindness. Help them practice showing gratitude for the thought or the effort behind the gift, not just the gift.

“That was so thoughtful of you to find something pink because you know that’s my favorite color.”

• Have them send handwritten thank you notes within 1 day of receiving a gift. (Sorry, but emails don’t cut it!)

Provide training on HOW to write thank you notes. Set a minimum number of sentences for their thank you notes…example – 2nd grade: at least 2 sentences. 3rd grade: 3 sentences.

• Limit gift giving throughout the year. Kids who have everything don’t appreciate gifts as much. Be very careful of overindulging your kids throughout the year.

We recommend that parents buy new toys/stuff only on holidays and birthdays. Other than that, kids over the age of 4 should have an allowance and pay for their own toys. During the holidays, limit the number of NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

[ PARENTING ]

Thanksgiving Doesn't Have to be Perfect to be Perfectly Wonderful.

by Dr. Laura Markham

"Thanksgiving involves an act of the will. It's not a question of pretending that everything is bright and beautiful when you know it's not. To give thanks is to stand up in the face of the storm and declare that life is worth living."

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

–Charles Henderson If you live in the US, you're gearing up for Thanksgiving soon. (If it isn't Thanksgiving where you live, I hope this post will start you thinking about your December holiday.)

This Thanksgiving, as you gather with your extended family to celebrate the abundance of life, there are three gifts I hope you'll give yourself and your loved ones.

1. Remember that the family members with whom you differ are doing the best they can.

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[ PARENTING ] It's easy to write others off when you disagree. But

Storybook holidays are limited to storybooks. Real

what if you just committed to curious compassion? To

parents get reality parenting, complete with cranky kids,

wondering what kind of suffering gave rise to this person's

messy kitchens, and store-bought pie. But extraordinary

assumptions about the world? To listen, asking "What is it

moments often masquerade as ordinary life. So maybe

like to be you?"

what's perfect about Thanksgiving is the opportunity to notice what makes our lives worth living.

That doesn't mean that you shrink from speaking your truth. And I am not suggesting that you need to "forgive"

As author Meg Cox says, "It's especially important during

past abuse or ever allow yourself to be subjected to

the holidays to remember that aiming for a PERFECT

abuse again.

holiday is actually a bad goal. Not only is perfection impossible and striving for it adds stress, but honestly,

Simply, we are all in this together and tolerance takes us one step closer to the world we want to live in. Just as with children, your empathy invites others to be their best selves.

2. Remember to model gratitude for your child. Even in difficult times, there is so much to be grateful for.

That does NOT mean we plaster on a smile. It means that we acknowledge the fear, the heartbreak, the

the holidays families remember most fondly are those when the dog ate the cake, or everybody got the flu on Thanksgiving. Play it loose, have a sense of humor..."

So look around the pandemonium and remind yourself to be grateful for every minute you get to spend with your children as they grow. For me, there's no gratitude deeper than that.

disappointment. And at the same time, we resist armoring ourselves with cynicism or hate. We see that life doesn't have to be anywhere near perfect to be perfectly wonderful. We draw strength from rejoicing in what's good. For more ideas to add meaning to your family's holiday.

3. Remember that perfection is not attainable, and striving for that magazine-spread holiday will only

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stress you out and make you yell at your kids. Luckily, perfection isn't necessary for you and your family to have a perfectly wonderful Thanksgiving.

You know those moments when pandemonium reigns, and your kids are spinning out of control, and your difficult relative is acting, well, difficult, and you have to choose between striving for a storybook Thanksgiving versus grabbing your kids and getting them outside for some old fashioned fresh air before everyone loses their mind? There's not really a choice. Give up on perfection

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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 21

[ TRAVEL ]

Romantic Weekend Getaway SEDONA, ARIZONA

by Elizabeth Kang I recently celebrated my ten-year anniversary in the most breathtaking, enchanting destination. It wasn’t Bali, or some other high-profile, exotic locale.

Nope, we had little ones at home, eagerly awaiting our return, and so we had to keep this celebration short, sweet, and fairly close to home. We chose Sedona, Arizona, where the otherworldly red-rock landscape had me absolutely swooning. If Sedona isn’t on your short list of must-travel locations, it should be.

22 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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– FRIDAY – 2 p.m. Phoenix airport to Sedona. Sedona is a twohour flight from the Bay Area, making it a doable weekend getaway option, (although you’ll ache to stay longer.) A rental car is a must, because the closet airport is in Phoenix, a two-hour drive away. Make the most of it and rent a fun jeep or convertible — all the better to admire the stunning scenery.

4 p.m. Check-in to your oasis. Nothing says romance like your own sweet little creekside cottage nestled in a forested oasis. L’Auberge de Sedona’s gorgeous, creekside location is bar none. Individual cottages have cozy fireplaces, contemporary decor, outdoor (and indoor) showers, and private patios. Whether you choose a room down by the creek or up higher on the property, overlooking jaw-dropping red-rock sunsets, you can’t go wrong booking a room at L’Auberge de Sedona, A Destination Hotel.

6 p.m. Dinner at Eloté Cafe. There’s really no avoiding a line at Eloté Cafe, but a Blood Orange Margarita and some complementary chili-spiced popcorn helps ease the wait for your table. This popular casual dining spot is a must-stop while visiting Sedona, and is located adjacent to an older mid-range hotel, (come for the food, not for the ambiance.) Don’t miss the restaurant’s namesake dish — their delicious and contemporary take on the street food staple.

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– SATURDAY – 9 a.m. Hiking the famous red rocks. Nothing beats a hike in the crisp desert morning air, and Sedona offers some of the best and most sought-after treks in the West. L’Auberge de Sedona features an extremely handy hiking guide on their blog, detailing different hikes in nearby Red Rock State Park, including their distance, time length, and elevations. Check out “The 10 Best Sedona Hikes” at www.lauberge.com/blog/ nature/our-picks-the-10-best-sedona-hikes/ 1 p.m. Check out the town. Although the town is small, it’s big on charm, and there are plenty of delicious, casual lunch spots to choose from, as well as dozens of eclectic art galleries, boutique shops, and other amusements to pass the afternoon. Head to Pump House Urban Eatery and Market for a memorable afternoon brunch, or take a seat on the patio at The Hudson and enjoy a great burger with a view of the red rock buttes.

3:30 p.m. Melt into bliss. Take advantage of the wonderful L’Apothecary Sedona Nature Spa back at your hotel with a soothing deep tissue body massage or signature Quiet Mind facial acupressure and deep breathing treatment. After their treatment, guests can choose to blend a customized body sugar scrub or bath salt soak from available ingredients such as dried rose buds, lavender oil, and more. This complimentary service, as well as other special details such as a French Macaron “cookie tree,” and prickly pear beverage station help to elevate your spa experience into something extraordinary.

6:30 p.m. An unforgettable creekside dinner. Dinner by candlelight next to a babbling creek at Cress on Oak Creek may be one of the most romantic meals I’ve ever experience.

Not only is the setting incredibly magical, the food is absolutely delicious. Located conveniently at L’Auberge de Sedona, Cress on Oak Creek features white tablecloth fine dining in an unparalleled setting, with a French-inspired American menu.

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– SUNDAY – 10 a.m. A Leisurely Breakfast. Be sure to save plenty of time for a slow, leisurely creekside Sunday Brunch at L’Auberge, where you can sip on coffee or a mimosa while enjoying the stunning scenery one last time. The delicious Sunday Brunch buffet includes a chilled seafood station, carving station, made-to-order omelets, as well as rotating specials and an indulgent dessert bar. Enjoying an al fresco breakfast next to shimmering water, under a canopy of trees, while birds chirp away is a delightful last memory of a weekend filled with romance, adventure and relaxation.

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[ PARENTING ]

Carrie Contey is an internationally recognized coach, author, speaker and educator. Her work offers a new perspective on human development, parenting and family life. She guides, supports and inspires her clients to live with wide open and courageous hearts so they can approach family life with skill, spaciousness and joy.

Carrie received her PhD in prenatal and perinatal psychology and is masterful at synthesizing and articulating the science, psychology, and spirituality of humanhood. She is the creator of “Evolve” a year-long “personal growth through parenting” program. She is also the cofounder of the Slow Family Living movement and the co-author of CALMS: A Guide To Soothing Your Baby. Carrie has appeared on NBC’s The Today Show, NPR, CBS radio and in many publications including Time, Parenting and The Boston Globe. Currently she lives, works and plays in Austin, TX but spends as much time as she can traveling, speaking, creating things that make family life more wonderful and living her very own extraordinary life to the fullest! To learn more, visit www.carriecontey.com

Unhook Your Holidays

by Carrie Contey, Ph.D. Cash. Money.

I know I don't have to tell you that life is costly.

Especially during the holidays, when it feels like a pressure cooker of surmounting costs.

Which means this time of year can be tricky for families. There's so much to do and so much emphasis on making it all special and magical... which can often feel like it takes a lot of money.

Money that you may not have.

Money that you may not want to spend on the things others (especially your kids) are wanting.

And having to focus on money when you really want to focus on something else.

26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

[ PARENTING ] So, what can you do to make the holidays feel special for

serve anyone in your life for you to feel stressed out.

others AND guilt-free for you?

No one's life is better when you are stressed out.

1. Slow down.

This is especially true around the gift-giving. Decide what Take a moment, and take a breath.

you are comfortable with and keep yourself within a budget. And then, get creative! There's thrift stores and

Now, take another moment and another breath.

second hand stores and ebay and all sorts of places you

(Seriously!)

can often find exactly the things your people want for less money. Be wide open to thinking out of the box.

Give yourself some space and time to slow way down and just be. Allow yourself space from the distractions

5. Manage expectations

of your kids, or relatives, or checking Facebook, or what

Give the people around you (extended family included)

the folks on TV are up to, etc. Get still and quiet enough

a heads up of what's possible. Everyone celebrates and

to listen to you and what your heart, not your head, is

loves in different ways, so be clear about what they can

communicating.

expect from you. Own what that this is your boundary and your expectation, and invite them to share what

2. Ask yourself, "How do I want to feel this season?"

theirs is. And if you feel comfortable, share your answer

What is the spirit of this season for you? Is it about giving

to #2 and ask them #3!

gifts? Great, find ways to give gifts that feels good to you.

Is it about having memorable experiences? Wonderful,

6. Dream with them

create that for you and yours. Is it about something

Even if you can't provide what your people want, it

completely different? Awesome, experiment with it!

doesn't mean they need to give up on their desires or

Whatever "it" is, it's valid. Give yourself a little love for your

dreams. I've seem amazing experiences when someone,

own wishes and desires. And be mindful of tuning into

even a young person, has a desire for something and the

yourself and how you want the season to flow before you

parent is clear that it's not an option. However, instead of

bring anyone else's desires and wishes into the mix.

shutting the desire down, the parent offers to help them find a way to create what they are wanting. Perhaps it's

3. Ask your people, "What would make this holiday

selling some toys they don't play with anymore or doing

season feel special?"

some chores for a neighbor or asking a relative who is

Do it! Go ahead and ask the folks around you this

going to get them a gift to give them money instead that

question. It's different than, "What do you want?" It's

will go toward something special. There are ways to help

drills a bit deeper and opens up room for a bigger

them get things without you having to pay for them. Be

conversation. Ask and listen. Even if at first they list

open minded to this idea. Dream big with your littles!

off a bunch of toys and goods they want as gifts.

Acknowledge that --"Ooh, I hear that you are really

7. Enough really is enough

wanting x, y and z." Then follow up with, "And, how

You're people will feel how they feel. Remind yourself

do you imagine that will make you feel?" See what

of #1 (slowwww dowwwwn) and listen and connect.

happens when you open up this discussion. You might be

I've seen parents assume their children will be massively

pleasantly surprised at what your people have to share.

disappointed, and that expectation absolutely colors

(And there's no age requirement for this question. ;)

the experience. And if the littles do get upset, you feeling guilty for their reaction is not going help either of you.

4. Decide how much you can spend, stick to it and get

Amp up your self care, then give them lots of love. You're

creative!

doing the best you can, so when you succeed -- cheer!

It's not serving anyone in your life for you to feel stressed

And when you struggle, be gentle with yourself and let it

out by the holidays. Let me say that again -- it doesn't

go. You are enough. You do enough. You have enough.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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[ PARENTING ]

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Making the Holidays More Meaningful – And Less Materialistic

by Christine Carter, Ph.D. Last year about this time, an Instagram photo showing a mountain of shiny wrapped presents – nearly as large as the seven-foot Christmas tree behind it – went viral. I love Hanukkah and Christmas (we celebrate both in our family); at the same time, all the gift buying and present bragging at this time of year is cause for worry.

Kids who grow up to pursue wealth and material possessions tend to be less satisfied with their lives. They’re not as happy, and they experience fewer positive emotions each day. Research finds materialism in students is also associated with lower-quality relationships and feeling less connected to other people.

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

[ PARENTING ] THERE ARE TWO THINGS THAT TEND TO INFLUENCE HOW

feelings of insecurity.

MATERIALISTIC KIDS ARE. MATERIALISM IS WORTH COMBATING, ESPECIALLY OVER The first is obvious: Consciously or not, we adults socialize

THE HOLIDAYS WHEN IT SEEMS TO REACH A FEVER PITCH IN

kids to be materialistic. When parents – as well as

OUR CULTURE.

peers and celebrities – model materialism, kids care more about wealth and luxury. So when parents are

I think the best way to combat materialism over the

materialistic, kids are likely to follow suit. Same thing with

holidays is to prioritize connection with friends and family

advertising: The more exposure kids get to advertising,

and neighbors. My teens would rather be with their

the more likely they are to be materialistic.

friends than anyone else most of the time, but this is the time of the year when we insist on family first.

Materialism is worth combating, especially over the holidays.

For example, the weekend before Christmas, my cousins always fly in from Massachusetts and Washington and Florida for a big extended family Christmas party, complete with a funny “Yankee Swap” (aka “white

The less obvious factor behind materialism has to do

elephant” gift exchange). My mom makes spritz cookies

with the degree to which our needs are being fulfilled.

with the kids, a tradition started in Germany with her

When people feel insecure or unfulfilled – because of

mother. We light the candles of the menorah and say

poverty or because a basic psychological need like

prayers each night during Hanukkah, something my

safety, competence, connectedness or autonomy isn’t

husband’s Jewish family has been teaching us.

being met – they often to try to quell their insecurity by striving for wealth and a lot of fancy stuff. Because

All of this is about renewing our sense that we are a part

of this, relatively poor teenagers ironically tend to be

of something larger than ourselves. Let me not mince

more materialistic than wealthy ones. And less nurturing

words here: This sense that we are connected and part

and more emotionally cold mothers tend to have more

of a larger whole is the single strongest predictor of

materialistic children.

happiness that we have. It is true that the holidays have become depressingly commercial in our culture, with a

So materialism and the behaviors that go with it –

massive focus on what each individual will get and what

desiring and buying brand name clothes and luxury

kids want in terms of material gifts.

items – can be symptoms of insecurity and a coping strategy used to alleviate feelings of self-doubt or bolster

But we can choose to focus on relationships instead of

a poor self-image. But if what kids are really seeking

individual gift lists this holiday season. Not surprisingly,

is greater happiness and fulfillment, materialism is a

people who focus on family or religion during the

terrible coping method. At best, it will only provide short-

holidays report higher levels of happiness than those who

term relief; in the long-run it is likely to actually deepen

don’t.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

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10 Reasons Why We Love Honua Kai Resort & Spa!

by Elizabeth Kang Honua Kai Resort & Spa is a lovely, newly renovated

or grill a locally caught fish on the available outdoor

beachside resort located in the coveted West side of

BBQs. Spend some time working off last night’s dinner at

Maui. It’s upscale, but it won’t break the budget, and is

the complimentary resort gym, or sign up for one of the

ultra kid-friendly, safe and welcoming. We love that it’s

amazing excursions available through the concierge

a mid-size to smaller resort, and feels intimate and less

(zip-lines, helicopter tours, snorkeling, biking, hiking,

crowded, but still offers plenty of fun and excitement.

surfing, and more.)

Read on to find out the top ten reasons why Honua Kai should be your next resort pick for a fun-filled Maui

9. THE VIEWS!

family vacation.

Oversized, private Lanais furnished with comfortable lounge chairs and tables make for some of the best

10. ACTIVITIES AND EXTRAS GALORE.

sunset and whale watching we’ve experienced.

Honua Kai Resort offers plenty of fun activities to keep

Mountain views and ocean views are both incredibly

the whole family entertained — many for no additional

breathtaking from the resort. Watching the sun set with

charge. Guests can enjoy a complimentary one-hour

a tropical drink from the bar is what Hawaiian vacation

photography course, take advantage of the boogie

memories are made of. You won’t want to take your

boards and snorkel gear available to take to the beach,

eyes off the thirty-eight gorgeous acres of tropical

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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foliage and beachfront scenery.

and extremely affordable option for families.

8. INCREDIBLE SERVICE.

6. AHHH-MAZING SPA.

The warmth and hospitality we experienced at Honua

The Ho’ola Spa at Honua Kai Resort is a special

Kai Resort was beyond reproach. The friendly and

experience you won’t want to miss. The spa uses

genuine staff we encountered everywhere from the

products from Hawaii’s luxury beauty brand Malie

concierge and spa, to the pool and beach area, made

Organics, and focuses on the balance of earth and

us feel welcomed and relaxed. Honua Kai feels much

sea, blending local, indigenous ingredients from each

less congested and crowded than larger, “mega”

to create a memorable and blissful spa treatment

resorts in the area, allowing guests to experience a

like no other. Among the many treatments available

more personalized and intimate customer service.

are “warm stone rituals,” and various massages and facials, and also a “Himalayan Salt Room,” which was

7. UNBEATABLE VALUE.

designed with panels of crystal salt to release “negative

While many comparable resorts in the area charge

ions.”

a nightly rate of $500 or more, we found the price tag at Honua Kai extremely reasonable, especially

5. DELICIOUS DINING OPTIONS. Honua Kai’s onsite

considering the size of the rooms. Spacious studio suites

restaurant Duke’s Beach House offers something for

that sleep up to four people start at just around $230.

everyone. The restaurant serves local, sustainably

With such an amazing aquatic/pool area and full-sized

sourced seafood, fresh in-season produce, and juicy

kitchens to cook meals in, the resort is an exciting, fun

mouthwatering steaks, among other delicious options.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

[ TRAVEL ] Open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Duke offers special

2. LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION! You can’t pick a

“keiki” kid’s menus, and hosts an amazing Sunday Brunch.

better location in Maui than the stunning Kaanapali district

The extensive wine & cocktail menu offers plenty of great

on the West side, and Honua Kai is nestled right by Kahekili

options to sip on while enjoying live music, which plays

Beach Park (a gorgeous public beach) and plenty of

frequently at the popular restaurant. Other dining options

shopping and restaurants. The ever-popular make-your-

at the resort include the Aina Gourmet Market, where

own-pancake eatery Slappy Cakes is just a short jaunt

guests can order from a full coffee bar, made-to-order deli,

from Honua Kai, as well as Times Supermarket, where you

and pick up grab-n-go meals. Whaler’s General Store is

can pick up all the supplies you need to create gourmet

also a great place to grab snacks for the beach and food

meals in your full-sized chef’s kitchen back at the resort.

and drinks to take to your room, among other things.

Black Rock Beach is also a short distance away, where visitors love to snorkel, cliff dive, and marvel at the lava

4. THE POOL AREA! A definite highlight of Honua Kai Resort

promontory. The renowned historic town of Lahaini is only

is the expansive and exciting pool area, which spans three

a few minutes drive away, with plenty of shopping and

acres. Five hot tubs, various pools, a waterslide, waterfall,

eateries to occupy an entire day.

kids shallow pool, sandy play area and children’s play area with fountains are all included. The main pool area

1. ULTRA KID-FRIENDLY. From the shallow children’s pool

features hidden grottos and serene waterfalls where guests

and sandy play area to the generously sized suites, Honua

can easily laze around for hours. Rent a tube float for the

Kai Resort is among the most family friendly resorts in Maui.

big kids (or adults) and some water toys for little ones, and

Two kids stay free using existing bedding, and guests can

everyone will be entertained for hours. Babies and small

request a crib to rent for only $8 a day. Full-sized kitchens

children will love splashing around the shallow children’s

make it easy to cook meals your children are familiar with,

pool and playing in the sandy play area, as well as the

and every room is equipped with a washer and dryer, so

cute and safe kiddie fountain area.

messy, sandy clothes are not an issue during your stay. Selfserve parking makes it easy for families to get in and out of

3. ROOM TO SPREAD OUT. Among the best reasons to

the resort efficiently, and the convenient location makes

love this resort is the ample space it gives families in its

walking to the beach, shopping or restaurants a breeze

apartment-style rooms. Whether you book a Studio, One-

on little legs. The whole family will be begging to return to

Bedroom, Two-Bedroom, or Three-Bedroom Suite, you’ll find

Honua Kai Resort & Spa!

plenty of room in the open floor plans to sleep comfortably, spread out, and relax. Each room is equipped with a full gourmet kitchen (with a blender, toaster, coffee maker etc,) living area with sofa bed, washer & dryer, and much more. The decor is tastefully done in rich, warm wood and contemporary Hawaiian-themed decor.

34 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

before making a decision about braces.

Talk to your orthodontist about the benefits of choosing Invisalign Teen® clear aligners.

The truth about Invisalign® aligners.

With Invisalign Teen® clear aligners, you’ll enjoy peace of mind knowing that treatment can be just as effective and costs about the same as with metal braces. But more importantly, your teen can enjoy a boost of confidence from the very first day of treatment and every day after.

All things considered, the choice is clear.

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Dante Gonzales 4532 Dublin Boulevard Dublin, CA 94568

925.230.0099 www.drdantegonzales.com

[ PARENTING ]

Michelle Zunter is a perpetually curious human, artist, writer, podcaster, mom, stepmom, and married lady living in California. You can read Michelle’s lifestyle blogs about love, sex, relationships, marriage, divorce, parenting, step-parenting & much more at The Pondering Nook.

You can also listen to Michelle co-hosting at The Broad’s Way Podcast discussing similar topics.

More of Michelle’s featured work can be found at Scary Mommy, Stepparent Magazine, Thought Catalog, Role Reboot, Your Tango, The Natural Parent Magazine & Parent.co.

You’re Going To Miss It

by Michelle Zunter

One day you’re going to miss it. One day there will be a peaceful silence while you go to the bathroom instead of small hands busting through the door or someone wailing bloody murder outside with an owie until you jump off the toilet holding your pants in a panic.

One day you’ll miss the frantic desperation of never catching up because one day everything will catch up. Your children will grow up and you will get a decent break. One day.

So savor the good times now, right? Not so easy. But I tell myself all the time

36 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

[ SEASONAL FUN ] that one day you’re going to miss it.

[ PARENTING ] it does help to keep in mind that this day will pass and one day you are going to miss it.

This is the thing I tell myself day in and day out when I’m on the verge of losing my sh*t. This mantra keeps me

One day you’re going to miss dropping them off or

going because no matter how cliche it sounds, it’s true. I

picking them up from school. You’re going to miss their

need this running thought in my head especially now as

scrunched up, disgusted faces when they see what

summer break has peeked through the curtains, ready

you’ve made for dinner. You’re going to miss being

and waiting for the show (circus).

called into their room for the 10th time asking for a glass of water, another hug, a 3rd story, or to excitedly tell you

One day there won’t be baskets of laundry overflowing

the sudden revelation they just had.

with play clothes, gym clothes, or uniforms. One day there won’t be endless piles of dishes in the sink.

You’re going to miss all those endless questions because — guess what? — for a time they do think you know

And you’re going to miss it.

everything. This won’t last forever, of course.

You’re going to miss someone needing you all the time.

One day they won’t be asking you to look at everything

You’re going to miss being called out for maybe a

they do, every minute of the day. One day they won’t

hundred times a day for all things great and small.

be constantly seeking your approval. One day, they will hopefully have the confidence to do most things without

One day there won’t be anyone around to worry about

you.

entertaining on school breaks because they’ll have their own lives, friends, and passions.

So, the next time you feel like screaming, yelling, or running out the door because no one is listening to

That life you think you can’t wait for now — perhaps for

you about cleaning up, just tell yourself that there will

time alone with your spouse, time alone with yourself —

come a time when you will miss all of this maddening,

or just some time period — will come and then it will all

beautiful chaos. It might help a little to ease your sense

be done. All the irritation over mud on the floor, stains on

of hopelessness on those particularly hectic days that

the carpet or messy rooms never cleaned will be washed

are not kind to your sanity.

away with the tides of life.

While it may not be possible to fully enjoy all the So maybe you can’t muster the feelings of cherishing the

moments that come to you as a parent, it’s definitely

moment with your loud, messy, chatty children today, but

possible to know that one day you will miss this.

NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 37

[ PARENTING ]

Dr. Dante Gonzales has been creating beautiful, healthy smiles since 1998. He takes great pride in delivering the highest quality orthodontic treatment available. Dr. Gonzales takes an active role in meeting and exceeding the standards of his profession. He has taken the extra steps to become a board certified orthodontist in Dublin, CA. (Only 1 in 6 orthodontists is board certified.) In addition, he is a member of the American Association of Orthodontists, as well as other national, state, and local dental associations. In order to stay abreast of the most current developments in dentistry and orthodontics, Dr. Gonzales and his team attend many continuing education courses throughout the year. In addition, he served as an associate clinical professor in the orthodontics department at the University of the Pacific Dental School. Since 2010, Dr. Gonzales has served on the editorial advisory board of Dr. Oz’s website.

Does My Child Really Need Braces?

by Dr. Dante Gonzales Many parents want to know just how early we can tell if a child needs braces.

That’s a fair question and one that should not go unanswered. You need to feel comfortable and confident with the information you are receiving regarding whether or not your child needs braces.

According to the American Association of Orthodontics, all kids should have their first orthodontic check-up by the age of seven. I second that notion, and find that the age of 7 is the perfect age for an orthodontic visit. This is an important step in helping to ensure that your child’s teeth are off to a great start and that they will have a healthy and attractive smile that will last a lifetime.

38 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

[ PARENTING ] By taking the child to an orthodontist at the age of 7,

• Impacted teeth

we are able to see things that you may not be able

• Tongue habits

to see on your own. By this age, children’s teeth have developed to the point that we can see even small problems that may be associated with such things as

• Severe crowding, with teeth pushing through the

gum tissue • Cross bites

emerging teeth or jaw growth. For most 7 year olds, their visit with the orthodontist is nothing more than an exam.

As you can see, there is actually a lot that can go wrong,

However, there are a small number of children, around

even at an early age. The best way to provide yourself,

5 to 10 percent, who can benefit from what we refer

and your child, with a great smile and peace of mind is

to as “interceptive orthodontics.” There are potentially

to opt for an exam with the orthodontist by the age of 7.

dangerous problems that we find and address, including:

Most of the time, children don’t start getting necessary treatment at least until the age of 9, but it’s important

• Jaw alignment problems

to catch problems early, so they can be corrected and

• Impacted teeth

won’t lead to additional problems as time goes on.

• Chipped or fractured teeth • Gum tissue recession

Taking your child to the orthodontist by the age of

• Missing teeth

7 gives you the best head start on identifying and

• Teeth that are in crossbite

addressing any problems, so your child can have a healthy, beautiful smile!

By addressing these issues above, we also help to alleviate social issues, where children may be the victim

How many patients benefit from early treatment?

of teasing or bullying simply because of the appearance of their teeth. A child’s teeth and smile can have a major

At this point, you may be thinking that all children will

impact on their well being as they grow. With a beautiful

need to have orthodontic treatment early on. Relax,

smile, they are more likely to be confident and social, as

that’s simply not the case, so don’t spend your time

well as gain a host of health benefits.

worrying so much about all the “what ifs” associated with helping your child to get, and keep, a healthy and

What can go wrong at an early age?

beautiful smile.

As a parent, you may believe that you can look at

In our orthodontic experience, we have examined many

your child and see if there is a problem with their bite.

children and found that the number of them needing

Sometimes that can happen, but there is a lot that

early treatment is quite low. In fact, out of the roughly

cannot be seen, especially to the untrained eye. And it

12,000 orthodontic patients we have seen, only 8 to 10

is these issues that make it important for a child to see an

percent of them have required early treatment.

orthodontist for an exam.

Keep in mind that while it’s less than 10 percent for the Here are some of the possible problems that can go

number of children we see, this number can vary, as it is

wrong at an early age:

influenced by a variety of factors. These different factors can sometimes play a role and lead to a higher or lower

• Thumb-sucking

number of children who benefit from early orthodontic

• Difficulty with chewing or breathing

treatment.

• Loosing baby teeth too early or too late • Having teeth that are crowded, loose, or have

been blocked-out

Generally speaking, most children do not need early orthodontic treatment, but unless your child is screened,

• Upper and lower teeth that do not meet properly

you won’t know if you fall into that 10 percent or the 90

• Improper jaw alignment

percent. The key factor here is early detection, making NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 39

[ PARENTING ] it essential that children have their first visit with an

the ideal time is to continue with regular exams. Most

orthodontic specialist by the time they are 7 years old.

orthodontists will provide complimentary exams, so you don’t need to worry about incurring an orthodontic bill

Like most other health issues that can arise, being able

every 6-12 months.

to detect them early is the best way to address them.

The only way you can detect them early is with an

Not only is it in the best interest of your child to put braces

orthodontic examination. If your child has not yet seen

on at the “ideal time,” but it is for the orthodontist as well.

the orthodontist, now is the time!

When we can zero in on the ideal time, it will end up saving us valuable chair time, and it reduces the overall

What if my child really doesn’t need braces?

length of the treatment. This is an important benefit because less treatment time helps to minimize the

Perhaps your child has experienced some of the

decalcification, or white spots, gum disease, sore teeth,

conditions that have been mentioned. Or maybe

and all the other problems that can occur when braces

there have been things that have made you think that

are left on the teeth too long.

your child may need braces, yet you have taken your child to the orthodontist only to find out that they don’t

Is Orthodontic Treatment Really That Important?

need them. So where does this type of scenario leave you? Quite simply, it means you should work with an

Braces may not seem life changing when you are not the

orthodontist to monitor your child’s teeth! Treatment

one needing them, but I can assure you that for those

might be indicated later in life if the orthodontist detects

who need them, it’s an incredibly satisfying feeling when

any problems in future jaw growth or your child might

treatment has been completed, and they can look in the

simply be a candidate for retainers to maintain a healthy

mirror and love their smile. And that’s just the aesthetic

smile.

benefits. There are many health-related benefits as well, for those who work with an orthodontist to address

We always recommend that we continue to see your

dental issues early on.

child to continue growth monitoring. This will give us important information about any possible

When choosing an orthodontist to work with, opt for one

developmental problems that may arise, including

that has plenty of experience, has worked with many

tooth eruption, jaw growth, etc. Continuing regular

children, and one that your child feels comfortable

orthodontic check-ups is a part of a healthy lifestyle.

with. Depending on the treatment needed, your child may see the orthodontist regularly for several years. In

Ideally, your child should continue to have an exam with

addition, you may want to look for an orthodontist that

the orthodontist every 6-12 months, so we can conduct

is board certified. Only 1 in 6 orthodontists has gone

growth checks during the time that the teeth are

through the rigorous testing of the American Board of

erupting and the jaws are growing. The best practice,

Orthodontists. These orthodontists have proven to the

when it comes to putting braces on a child’s teeth, are

board that their finished cases have met the highest

to do it at the “ideal time.” The only way to pinpoint

standards in the world.

40 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018

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42 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2018