Active Family Magazine | December 2020

DECEMBER 2020

Fight off the Winter Blues

by Practicing This Habit as a Family

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE

PERFECT

KIRKWOOD MOUNTAIN RESORT A Ski-Getaway Designed for Families

Volume 7 / Issue 82

Fighting the Good Fight: 5 Strategies to Curb Child Aggression

Kirkwood Mountain Resort — A Ski-Getaway Designed for Families

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Fight off the Winter Blues by Practicing This Habit as a Family

[ TRAVEL ]

GIRLS’ GETAWAY — Holiday Shopping at The Row

[ PARENTING ] You Don't Have To Be Perfect.

Let's Build On Your Strengths!

14 Boredomtunity: Ways Boredom Makes Kids and Ourselves More Extraordinary!

Hotel Spotlight — Rush Creek Lodge - Rustic Refinement + Kid-Friendly Charm

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before making a decision about braces.

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Local Life & Style for the East Bay Area

Publisher/Editor

Marketing Interns

Contributing Authors

Tracie Brown Vollgraf

Talia Dobrec

Advertising Sales Director

Fashion Editor

Whitney Ignacio Whitney@activefamilymag.com

Rachel Fawkes www.fawkeshunter.com

Travel Editor

Design/Production

Jeanne Huybrechts Dr. Meg Meeker Amy McCready Elizabeth Kang Dr. Laura Markham Stratford Schools

Elizabeth Kang ekang@activefamilymag.com

Teresa Agnew Craft

Active Family is published by TAG Marketing Group Mailing Address | P.O. Box 5158, Pleasanton, CA 94566

Advertising Inquiries | 925.789.0709 Email Address | info@activefamilymag.com

Editor’s Note While this season is like no other, we hope you are still able find the joy in the little things, enjoy your family time and rejoice in the season.

Our goal at Active Family is to make your life easier by providing helpful advice, share amazing travel destinations and activities, reveal our latest product finds and more! We are grateful for our readers and look forward to the new year ahead!

We hope you enjoy the December issue and wish you and yours a very happy holiday!

Tracie Brown Vollgraf Editor info@activefamilymag.com

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Step inside a four-story rainforest dome at the only aquarium-planetariumrainforest-living museum.

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[ PARENTING ]

You Don't Have To Be Perfect. Let's Build On Your Strengths!

by Dr. Laura Markham

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone.

You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where she offers a free daily inspiration email to parents.

"By taking the time to stop and appreciate who you are and what you've achieved - and perhaps learned through a few mistakes, stumbles and losses - you actually can enhance everything about you. Self-acknowledgment and appreciation are what give you the insights and awareness to move forward... - Jack Canfield What are your biggest strengths as a parent? Don’t worry about humility; just be honest. What would an impartial observer admire if she could watch your best moments with your child or children? Maybe you're a good listener.

Maybe you keep things organized at your house so everything runs smoothly.

Maybe you do lose it with your child sometimes, but you always apologize and reconnect. Maybe your child loves your family dance parties and laughs

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[ PARENTING ] till he drops. Everyone has some things they do really well as a parent. We're going to build on those strengths.

• What helps you be your personal best as a parent, even when your child isn't at his or her best?

• What support would help you to be that parent more

1. Make a list, in writing, of what you're most proud of about yourself as a parent.

Include all those things no one else ever even notices.

often?

• How can you give yourself that support every single day, until it becomes a habit?

Make sure to mention the things that might look simple from the outside, but take extra effort for you.

4. Support Yourself to Grow With the Three R's: Reflect, Repair, Responsibility.

And yes, include those moments when you don't

The times you don't feel so good about? Resist the urge

completely pull it off, but you're able to notice things

to beat up on yourself. Use them as motivation to do

going downhill in the middle of an interaction and turn

better. What do cheerleaders say when their teams miss

things around. Those moments are your growing edge,

a goal? "That's alright, that's okay, We're going to do it

where transformation happens.

anyway!"

• Repair with your child.

Keep adding to your list until you have at least ten things

• Reflect on what happened and replay in your mind

that you're proud of about yourself as a parent. (Better

how you wish you had handled things, to alert your

yet, 20 or 30!)

subconscious to your plan for next time.

• Take responsibility to give yourself the support you

2. Read through your list and give yourself appreciation

need so you can do better next time.

for everything on it.

You may find your inner critic offering a counterpoint of

Let those tough moments go, and move on to better

all the things you don't do as well. There will always be

interactions.

those things if you're human, because there's no way for humans to be perfect. Join the club. For right now, just

5. Be your own cheerleader.

let those things you're still working on go. Today, focus on

Give yourself an internal hug or a high five every time

all the things you do right as a parent. Give yourself total

you notice yourself acting toward your child in a way

appreciation and credit for all that hard work. Savor that

that makes you feel good about yourself. Yes, really. That

feeling.

doesn't mean you have a swelled head. It means you're working hard to be your best, and you're valuing that

Appreciating yourself lifts your mood and helps you feel

effort. Notice how that helps you be your best self more

more emotionally generous. But let's take this a step

often.

further. What can this list teach you to help you be your best self more often?

Not only will appreciating yourself make you happier with the way you parent, you'll find you enjoy parenting

3. Consider what helps you be at your best as a parent.

more. See how long it takes your child to comment on

I know, you're a better parent when your child behaves

the difference, or to begin cooperating more, or to

-- but you can count on children exhibiting childish

become more affectionate. You made that happen, by

behavior. Answer these three questions:

supporting yourself!

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HOTEL SPOTLIGHT: Rush Creek Lodge

Rustic Refinement + Kid-Friendly Charm

by Elizabeth Kang

If you think luxury and Yosemite are mutually exclusive terms, then you probably haven't yet heard of the area’s newest hotel, Rush Creel Lodge. Just thirty minutes from the Yosemite Valley, this gorgeous kid-friendly lodge is a welcoming retreat for exhausted day hikers and nature-starved urbanites.

Now that the Lodge has opened its beautiful, newly built spa, Rush Creek is everything an adult could want, and more than a kid could wish for. Read on to discover what makes Rush Creek such a dreamy place for children and adults, alike.

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Kid-Friendly Fun OUTDOOR PLAYGROUND — This isn’t just any playground. The outdoor playground on this 20-acre, wooded property is simply wondrous! Kids go crazy for the zippy 60-foot hillside slide, two daring ziplines (one for big kids and one for smaller kids,) and plenty of other equipment to climb, crawl under, and explore. There’s also ping-pong tables, a bocce ball court, corn hole, and more!

INDOOR GAME AREA — The indoor game room is just as impressive as the outdoor playground, with foosball, air hockey, pool, classic arcade games, and a wide selection of toys and board games to play with.

The amazing custom-designed tree house climbing structure is as cool-looking as it is fun.

S’MORES NIGHT, EVERY NIGHT! — Every kids dream come true; S’Mores on repeat. Rush Creek Lodge hosts a nightly S’Mores event around their cozy fire-pits, providing all the essentials for this classic camping treat.

KID-FRIENDLY GRUB — The culinary team at Rush Creek lodge didn’t overlook little one’s palates. They offer mouthwatering versions of children’s favorites such as burgers, macaroni & cheese, chicken tenders, and pizza, with a choice of veggies, fruit, or some of the best french fries for miles around.

ACTIVITIES GALORE — Those dreaded two words — “I’m Bored” — will never be uttered during a stay at Rush Creek Lodge. There are daily planned activities, kids’ crafts and nature presentations scheduled throughout the day. Children can learn about geodes and crystals, weave a reed basket, dissect owl pellets, or participate in a family painting lesson during any given week at the lodge.

HEATED POOL & HOT TUB — The 2,400-square-foot heated saltwater pool entertains children for hours, year-round, and there’s plenty of tables and lounge chairs nearby to accommodate watchful parents.

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Grown-up Delights SPECTACULAR SPA FACILITIES — The newly opened indoor/outdoor spa facility at Rush Creek is worth the drive alone. There’s no better place to get a relaxing massage, pampering facial or rejuvenating steam & sauna than at this gorgeous facility, surrounded by serene forested land. (The Spa is currently open and following all safety precautions regarding Covid-19 protocols.)

SPACIOUS ACCOMMODATIONS — There is a room or suite to comfortably accommodate any-sized family or group at Rush Creek Lodge. The stylish rooms, suites and villas have rustic, modern charm, with comfortable beds, sofa beds, private patios and cozy gas fireplaces. Most rooms have space so adults and children can be in separate spaces — a feature any adult will appreciate. (There are no TVs in the rooms, which won’t be missed with the gorgeous surroundings and views!)

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CREATIVE LIBATIONS — The Rush Creek Tavern serves up some of the most creative, refreshing cocktails in Cali, in addition to local craft brews and a distinctive wine list. The Tavern is the perfect spot to grab a drink at the bar to, or join in a late-nigh karaoke sing-a-long.

ON-SITE HIKING TRAILS — There are a few newly developed hiking and biking trails just opened at Rush Creek, which range from an easy 0.5-mile Nature Trail that even toddlers can manage, to a 2.7-mile Adventure Trail that will thrill active families. Bike rentals and hiking gear are offered right on the property.

GUIDED TOURS —Rush Creek offers an incredible Guided Recreation Program that matched guests to experienced and knowledgable guides, so visitors can get the most out for their Yosemite vacations. Partial and full-day guided tours are available, appropriate for all fitness levels and abilities.

GOURMET DINING — Just because you’re in the middle of a forest doesn’t mean you have to “rough it.” Rush Creek Lodge’s executive chef Anthony Lemens has created a menu of unexpected culinary delights as well as perfectly executed classics. Guests can order decadent challah french toast for breakfast, a refreshing tuna poke bowl for lunch and a perfectly cooked Cheeseburger on a brioche bun for dinner.

CONVENIENT GENERAL STORE — Guests love the wellstocked general store at the lodge, where a steaming latte and grab’n’go breakfast burrito can be picked up in just a few short minutes. The store also sells groceries, wine, and adorable souvenirs.

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RUSH CREEK LODGE AT YOSEMITE 34001 Highway 120 Groveland, California 95321 www.rushcreeklodge.com

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[ PARENTING ] Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician, who has practiced pediatric and adolescent medicine for 25 years. She is the author of six books including the best-selling Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: Ten Secrets Every Father Should Know; Boys Should Be Boys; Your Kids At Risk;, The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity; Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30 Day Challenge and Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men, (Ballantine) April 2014. She is a popular speaker on pediatric health issues and child-parent relationships.

Dr. Meeker is co-host and physicianin-residence of Dr. James Dobson’s Family Talk Radio. She is also Assistant Clinical Professor at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and currently teaches medical students and physicians in residency training.

She is board certified with the American Board of Pediatrics and is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Dr. Meeker serves on the National Advisory Board of the Medical Institute. She has been married to her husband, Walter for 32 years. They have shared a medical practice for over 20 years.

They have three grown daughters and a grown son. She lives in northern Michigan.

Fight off the Winter Blues by Practicing This Habit as a Family

by Dr. Meg Meeker

One of the best things you can do to fight off depression and anxiety is to practice gratitude. Try this 14-day gratitude challenge with the whole family!

Start practicing this one habit with your family. You’ll be amazed at what happens.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, friends. The holidays are upon us. The seasons are changing. And while family gatherings will probably look different this year amid a pandemic, I think we are all breathing a sigh of relief to have a distraction from a very tough year.

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[ PARENTING ] While Christmas shopping, hot chocolate-drinking, and

revolves around them. Their needs are what they think

Thanksgiving planning are happy activities, for many,

of, not others’, so they don’t think to be grateful for what

this time of year can bring on unwanted feelings of

they have.

depression and anxiety.

A study done at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is estimated to affect

Hill found that gratitude is best instilled in kids as an

nearly 10 million Americans. SAD is a seasonal depression

experience in four parts:

that can be caused by a lack of sunlight in the winter months. In addition, family tensions can run high during

1. Noticing what we’re grateful for in our lives.

the holiday as well as pressure to create the picture-

2. Thinking about why we have been given those things.

perfect holiday season for your kids and loved ones.

All of this together can very understandably lead to depression during what is supposed to be a joyous

3. Expressing how we feel about the things we have been given.

4. Expressing gratitude in return.

season.

One of the best things you can do to fight off depression and anxiety is to focus on gratitude. This has been proven by multiple scientific studies. One study found that spending five minutes a day writing down what you are thankful for has been proven to increase happiness levels by 10%. Another study found a 35% decrease in depressive symptoms in people who practiced gratitude.

What better time to practice gratitude than the Thanksgiving season?

My Family Gratitude Challenge will allow you to engage in all four of these experiences with your kids. The goal is to form a daily habit and practice of gratitude. In addition to the mental health benefits, practicing gratitude as a family can strengthen your relationships with each other.

It is easy to focus on what we don’t have, but gratitude keeps us focused on what we do have: a family, love, connection, time to gather. When your children start to

Because of this, I’ve created “Dr. Meg’s 14 Day Family Gratitude Challenge.” This downloadable PDF provides 14 days of gratitude prompts that your entire family

realize that, and when you realize the same, the tone in your family will shift. You will appreciate each other rather than bicker with one another. You will be quicker

can do. Practicing gratitude as a family is incredibly

to serve and help each other. You will encourage one

important if you want your kids to be raised with

another more readily. I don’t know about you, but I can’t

gratitude as a value.

think of a greater gift to give and receive this season than a stronger family bond.

Gratitude doesn’t come naturally to our kids. This is why we have to teach our children to say thank you. They

Focus on gratitude as a family this season, sit back,

aren’t going to do it on their own.

and see what happens. I think you’ll be amazed by the results.

This isn’t your child’s fault. It’s simply how children develop. We are wired to be egocentric, especially

Click here to download “Dr. Meg’s 14 Day Family

when we’re young. To children, it feels like the world

Gratitude Challenge.”

DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 15

[ PARENTING ]

Stratford Schools

Boredomtunity:

Ways Boredom Makes Kids and Ourselves More Extraordinary!

by Jeanne Huybrechts

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” – Dorothy Parker Boredom Improves Creativity Before addressing questions about nurturing, navigating and/or mitigating boredom, I think it's important to identify the state of mind we're talking about. Too often we think of "boredom" as a passive deficit state – “nothing to do" or "not entertained" — when, in fact, we should fl ip that mindset and think of boredom as opportunity. Just as we look forward to weekends or 16 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2020

[ PARENTING ] holidays, when we don't have to work or go to school

weekends, are often tightly scheduled with a myriad of

and are more likely to have discretionary chunks of

activities and little unstructured time. Second, the onset

time, we should similarly see "boredom" as a respite, as

of boredom is nearly always uncomfortable. Before

free time for our minds. When presented with holiday or

one begins daydreaming, before that daydreaming

weekend "free time" we relax or pursue hobbies, which

leads to creative thinking, there is discomfort – and the

often revitalizes us for the next round of work or study. If

very human instinct is to fi ll the gap with entertainment.

we think of "boredom" as a break from the cognitive load

When a moment or hour of boredom presents itself, it is

of school or work and use the time for cognitive hobbies

too often replaced by a distraction – often an activity

– daydreaming, imagining, or other creative thinking – we are revitalized in much the same way.

that emanates from a screen. The Internet offers a nearly infinite number of distractions to fi ll any moment of boredom, and the challenge is to resist the temptation

Why are Cognitive Vacations Important?

Prominent writers, poets, and artists have described profound creative leaps that originated with a quiet

to fi ll the momentary discomfort of "boredom" with the quick fi xes to be found among YouTube and TikTok videos.

moment and nothing to do, epiphanies that emerged from extended periods of day-dreaming that began as "boredom." Highly creative types often speak of inspiration or revelation that surfaced in quiet moments while walking, riding or waiting – all activities that could be regarded as unproductive and "boring” yet were anything but. Numerous psychologist-researchers have established that boredom can trigger mind-wandering which leads to creativity. Moments of boredom should be cherished, or at least recognized as opportunity!

Creating a Boredomtunity Parents interested in building their children's creative capacities can start by ensuring time in each day and each week for unstructured play or structured activities that allow for simultaneous daydreaming. Walking, skating, bike-riding all come to mind. Arts and crafts, gardening, house chores all allow one to be physically busy, but with a reduced cognitive load that allows for daydreaming. I cannot tell you how many ideas I have

The Brain Benefi ts from Boredom

had or problems I have solved while ironing, cooking, or

Modern living presents a couple of impediments to

sweeping the garage! Parents can free up some time

boredom that makes space for creative daydreaming.

for their children to become bored and then reduce

First, we have come to value "busy-ness" as intrinsically

the number of "shiny objects" – again, often a screen

good, too often curating and scheduling activities to

image – that kids will instinctively reach for in those fi rst

fi ll every minute of every day. To be sure, busy kids are

uncomfortable moments of boredom. Make space for

happy kids, but our habit of overscheduling – for both

boredom, and then resist the temptation to fi ll it! Not only

children and adults – leaves little time for extended

is it good for you, but it just might be the best thing you

daydreaming. Children's daily schedules, even on

can do for your kids!

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KIRKWOOD MOUNTAIN RESORT — A Ski-Getaway Designed for Families

by Elizabeth Kang This could be the year the family (finally!) learns to ski.

relaxed vibes — Kirkwood is less known for its après ski

And why not? This winter may be one of the best ski

scene and more known for its actual skiing.

seasons yet.

The mountain gets a ton of beautiful fresh snow, thanks Sure, it’s going to feel a little different with Covid-19

to its high base elevation of 7,800 feet, and the ski slopes

precautions in full effect, but Kirkwood Mountain Resort

face north, which is said to keep the snow fresher and

has been preparing for these changes for months, and

more plentiful. Kirkwood is also closer in distance to

the process will be more streamlined and better than

the Bay Area than Tahoe resorts are, (which is always

ever. With fewer people on the mountain, contactless

appreciated when driving with impatient kids in the

transactions, and cozy condo-style suites equipped with

car.) The resort is secluded, cozy, and casual. It’s a great

full kitchens, Kirkwood is the perfect resort to plan a fun-

place to ski or snowboard with the family.

filled family ski getaway full of fresh, white powder and warm, lasting memories.

COVID-19 PRECAUTIONS Kirkwood management and staff have been working

What’s great about Kirkwood is its suitability for

tirelessly to comply with new Covid-19 safety standards

beginners, advanced skiers, and anyone in-between.

and to make sure their guests enjoy a seamless and safe

Beginners have access to one of the best ski schools

ski season. Here are some of the new rules they’ve put

around, and the “bunny” runs are totally separate from

into place to help ensure guest safety:

the more advanced ski runs, (so your four-year-old won’t be getting plowed over by a black-diamond daredevil.)

*Reservations are required to ski. (Pass holder will enjoy

Advanced skiers love it too for its steep, rowdy terrain and

priority access.) Reservations can be booked online at DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 19

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kirkwood.com. Tickets go on sale December 8th.

School. Here, children, teens and adults can choose to join a group lesson for a half or full day, or a private

*Face coverings will be required in all indoor areas, while

lesson for a half or full day. A family of up to six people

riding the courtesy shuttle, while in line for the chairlift

can enjoy the personalized attention of a private lesson

and gondola, and wherever social distancing is not

with one of Kirkwood’s friendly and competent ski or

possible.

snowboard instructors.

*All transactions will be cashless, including at the hotel, in

The world-class ski instructors at Kirkwood teach ski

the rental areas, in the restaurant, and at the Ski & Ride

basics and safety first. Once beginners are comfortable

School.

with the basics of riding down the small and private gentle slope of the ski school area, the instructors move

*Social Distancing will be maintained on the mountain,

on to learning to ride (and get off) chairlifts with ease

including on the chair lifts. (Single riders will ride just two

and comfort, as well as riding down the bunny slope.

at a time seated on opposite sides of a four-person lift.)

With just one full day lesson or two half-day lessons, *Relaxed cancellation policies have been put into

families can reasonably expect to be proficient enough

place so that guests are able to obtain a full refund if

skiers to be out enjoying the bunny slopes on their own.

cancelling reservations at least 48 hours before arrival.

(Ski lessons include mountain passes, so once a lesson is over skiers can still go out on their own to ski some more.)

SKI LESSONS

LODGING

Kirkwood offers a fantastic selection of ski and

Most of the lodging options at Kirkwood Mountain

snowboard lessons at its family friendly Ski and Ride

Resort comfortably accommodate both small and

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[ TRAVEL ] larger families, with spacious condo-style suites, luxury

bedroom condos just a short walk or shuttle ride to the

townhomes, and airy lodges that include all of the

ski lifts or Ski and Ride School. These budget-friendly

comforts of home. There is a surprisingly expansive

accommodations include full kitchens, an indoor hot tub,

variety of lodging options to choose from at Kirkwood,

wifi, and more.

from ski-in ski-out suites to large, three-bedroom townhomes.

DINING With most of the accommodations at Kirkwood

The Sentinels — These are 1,500-square-foot, two-

equipped with full kitchens, dining as a family is easy,

bedroom luxury townhomes with full kitchens, private

convenient and cost efficient. Head over to the nearby

1-car garages, and washer and dryers, just a quick walk

on-property general store to pick up groceries to whip

or shuttle-ride to the slopes. Great for medium to larger

up meals in your suite, or purchase easy grab’n’go items

families who enjoy privacy and plenty of space and

like breakfast burritos, slices of pizza and sandwiches.

comfort.

Don’t forget the craft beer and local wine!

Timber Ridge — These three-bedroom townhomes are

For delicious pizza and a family friendly atmosphere,

perfect for large families or groups, and are conveniently

head over to Cornice Pizza, or order a poke bowl and

located right in the middle of the action, walking

cocktail at Wall Bar. Craving something green? Monte

distance to the Village Center dining and shopping.

Wolfes offers a nice selection of salads and grain bowls,

These 2,200-square-feet townhomes boast gourmet

as well as taqueria favorites and kid-friendly grub such as

kitchens, washers and dryers and private two-car

hot dogs, mac n cheese, and burgers.

garages. *Due to efforts to reduce crowds and adhere to new Snowcrest Lodge — The slope-side luxury condos at

capacity limits, dining on the mountain will be limited to

Snowcrest Lodge offer the upmost convenience and

pre-packaged food options (no hot food.) Guests are

comfort. Families can choose between one, two

encouraged to bring their own water and snacks while

or three-bedroom residences with full kitchens, gas

skiing or boarding to avoid waiting in lines for the quick-

fireplaces, and underground parking.

service restaurant.

The Mountain Club — The Mountain Club offers mountain

During this upcoming winter, there’s no better resort to

access at its best, with skiers able to ski right from their

learn (or re-learn!) to ski and board than at Kirkwood

door. The accommodations here range from hotel-style

Mountain Resort. In under a three-hour trip, families can

rooms with two queen beds to spacious one or two-

enjoy a winter wonderland of sparkling, fresh powder

bedroom condos with kitchens. Amenities here include

and luxurious accommodations where they can spread

an outdoor hot tub, a sauna and steam room, ski lockers.

out or cozy-up. While many trips have been put on hold this year, a memorable ski trip doesn't have to be one

The Meadows — Perhaps the most popular lodging,

of them. Hot chocolate, a cozy fireplace and plenty of

The Meadows are centrally located one or two-

downhill fun awaits at Kirkwood Mountain Resort.

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[ ACTIVE FAMILY ]

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GIRLS’ GETAWAY — Holiday Shopping at The Row

by Elizabeth Kang Craving a little getaway amidst all of this holiday hustle and bustle? How about a memorable mommy & me or girlfriend’s weekend where you can relax, get pampered and (bonus!) cross the Christmas shopping off your list?

Santana Row is just the answer, with charming boutique shopping, delicious, trendy restaurants, exciting holiday events, soothing upscale spas and a gorgeous hotel all in one place — under an hour’s drive from home.

STAY Hotel Valencia is an elegant four-star hotel centrally located right inside Santana Row with surprisingly affordable rates and a luxurious, European feel. Hotel Valencia offers convenient underground parking, a vibrant rooftop bar, a heated swimming pool and an upscale restaurant with beautiful rooms overlooking Santana Row and valley beyond.

Santana Row in San Jose, California, feels like a mini European getaway, with its open-air markets and upscale, luxurious vibe. We love the fact that you can park your car once and won’t need it all weekend because everything — shopping, dining, relaxing and lodging — is all in the same convenient, walkable area.

Hotel Valencia has arranged some incredible offers this holiday season, including a stay-two-nights, get-onenight free deal, valid through January 31st. Guests get a free night’s stay when they book two nights, perfect for making a long-weekend of it, and perhaps visiting a local attraction like the Winchester Mystery House.

The hotel is also offering 50% off a second room deal when guests book two rooms, valid on Sunday through Thursday bookings. So if a guest books two rooms under the same name on the same dates, they’ll get the second room at 50% off, which is the perfect deal for a group of friends or a large family.

Christmastime is an especially magical time to visit Santana Row, because it hosts a number of festive events during December, and the area is decked out with gorgeous seasonal decor, including a stunning 40-foot, lighted Christmas tree. It’s the perfect place to get the holiday shopping taken care of while you fit in some much needed “me time”, too.

(Don’t forget to pack your masks! Hotel Valencia is DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 25

[ TRAVEL ]

currently adhering to all recommended safety precautions in regards to the pandemic, and their top priority is ensuring the safety of their guests and staff members.)

SHOP Santana Row is a shopaholic’s delight, brimming with retail stores that cater to everyone on their list. There are name-brand favorites such as Anthropologie, Tommy Bahama, Lululemon, Ugg, H&M and Z Gallerie, as well as lesser-known boutiques, as well as a few big box stores like Best Buy and The Container Store. Edible gifts can also be found here, like the sweet and pretty candy-cube treats at Sugarfina, or the hand-selected and rare wines from Vintage Wine Merchants.

In addition to all of the wonderful shops found in Santana Row, holiday shoppers will be delighted to have walkable access to the Westfield Oakridge Mall, located right across the street. Here, shoppers can find dozens of luxury-brand shops and plenty of well-known retail shops, as well as casual eateries and large department stores.

DINE Dining at “The Row” is always a special event, and this year, restaurants have set up dozens of cozy outdoor tents to 26 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2020

accommodate Covid-19-regulations and ensure the safety of diners and staff. Both the full-service restaurants and fast-casual eateries at Santana Row feature innovative, fresh cuisine.

Some of the popular full-service eateries at Santana Row include the longstanding French brasserie Left Bank, serving the best french onion soup in town, the always popular Pizza Antica, serving delectable wood-fired pizzas, and the upscale LB Steak, offering perfectly seared steaks and outstanding service.

For more fast-casual cuisine, Mendocino Farms offers a vibrant menu of seasonal salads and sandwiches. Poke Bar serves up the freshest and tastiest poke bowls around, and Tacolicious is a must-stop for innovative tacos and creative libations.

“The Row” offers such a dazzling variety of cuisine, deciding where to eat may be the most difficult part of your stay!

PAMPER Santana Row is an ideal spot for a girls’ getaway because it’s home to a number of soothing, upscale spas and

[ TRAVEL ] professional, pampering salons.

Festive Events at The Row Holiday Makers Market — This special monthly event

A girl could spend the entire day at Burke Williams salon, with its gorgeous, luxe facilities. Here you can get a soothing facial or massage and spend the rest of the afternoon lounging in zen-like, Moroccan-inspired lounge, using the steam room, sauna, and spa bath. The spa has recently re-opened adhering to all health and safety protocols.

At Lavande Nail Spa, guests are treated like royalty, seated in cozy, plush chairs while they enjoy a pampering pedicure, manicure or express facial.

Lavande is the prefect choice for a soothing break from all that shopping and walking.

Need a quick blowout? Drybar is the answer, offering convenient blowout and styling services so guests look their best out on the town. Drybar also offers cute services for mini-me’s too, like pretty french braids or curled styles, giving a “mommy & me” weekend that extra-special, sweet touch.

gets a holiday twist during the month of December, on Saturday December 5th from 11 am to 6 pm. Come check out local artisans and merchants at this curated outdoor marketplace and score a unique, handcrafted gift while you enjoy live music and holiday cheer. (Don’t forget your mask.)

Holiday Scavenger Hunt — Running Nov 27 - Dec 23rd, the family friendly Holiday Scavenger Hunt is a fun event complete with a prize at the end! Pick up your scavenger hunt at the concierge and receive a special gift if you find all of the keywords. Participants will also be entered for a chance to win a $100 Gift Card.

Santana Row Snow Showers — Every Wednesday and Saturday evenings between 6 pm and 8 pm is snow night at Santana Row! Enjoy a wintery-fun snow shower complete with holiday tunes every 30 minutes in Park Valencia, in front of Maggiano’s.

DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 27

[ PARENTING ]

Parenting expert and “recovering yeller” Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling (Penguin, 2011.) Amy is a regular parenting contributor on The TODAY Show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Steve Harvey and elsewhere. In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage boys. Follow Amy on Twitter @AmyMcCreadyPPS. For more information on Postive Parenting, go to www.positiveparentingsolutions. com/course-details

Fighting the Good Fight:

5 Strategies to Curb Child Aggression

by Amy McCready You’re at the park with your 3-year-old son, watching as he cheerfully climbs up the jungle gym and glides down the big, twirly slide. It’s by far his favorite pastime, and you must admit, you love watching him play.

He’s had the playground to himself for most of the morning, but things are starting to get a bit crowded as the day wears on. When another little boy approaches the slide–your son’s slide–you tense. Something is about to happen.

As you guessed, an argument breaks out. And before you know it, push comes to shove–literally.

“Get away!” your son yells as he drives both hands into the other boy’s chest.

As parents, chances are we’ve all experienced something similar. From meltdowns in the toy aisle to fights between siblings, we know what it’s like to

28 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2020

[ PARENTING ] watch as our little angels act anything but angelic.

underlying problem.

And I think we can all agree…it isn’t fun.

When your child consistently exhibits aggressive But what do you do when those meltdowns and tantrums

behaviors, this is your cue that you need to address the

turn into aggressive outbursts? When a sibling squabble

underlying cause, rather than simply focus on the angry

turns physical or an argument between friends ends in a

slap your daughter just dealt her little brother.

knock-down drag-out fight?

By digging down to that underlying cause, you’ll be The topic of child aggression is a tricky subject, but

able to help your child be more successful in controlling

trust me when I say it’s one I’m very familiar with. In my

aggressive outbursts down the road. To start, let’s take a

years of experience as a parenting educator, I’ve had

look at what’s happening on a psychological level.

thousands of families come to me with this very same concern.

When it comes to children, there are two main buckets you should consider when evaluating the root cause of

If you happen to be one of those parents, you’ve come

their aggression.

to the right place. From my FREE parenting training to the 7-Step Parenting Success System, my desire is to help

I’m talking about Unmet Needs and Skill Deficit.

parents just like you. I’ll meet you right where you are and show you how to take your family from surviving to

UNMET NEEDS

thriving!

Once their physical needs like food and shelter are met, Address Unmet Needs and Skill Deficits

kids have an innate, subconscious need for a sense of belonging and a sense of significance.

Before we talk about strategies you can use to ease your child’s aggression, I want to be clear about one

They yearn to feel emotionally connected to members of

important fact:

their family unit through positive attention and need to know their presence is important. They also need to feel

Aggression is NOT the problem. It is a symptom of an

an age-appropriate sense of power and control over

underlying issue.

their own lives.

Now, you may be scratching your head thinking, What

However, if these needs for attention, power, and control

are you talking about, Amy? Of course, aggression is the

go unmet, that’s where problems can arise.

problem!

I’m talking about sass, tantrums, power struggles! And, Aggression is certainly a behavior we don’t like to see in

yes, sometimes even lashing out and aggression.

our kids. But instead of being an outright misbehavior, it’s actually a symptom of a bigger issue.

All of these misbehaviors, and many more, can happen because your child is using whatever means he must

Just imagine you walked into the doctor’s office with a

to get your attention or feel that sense of control or

fever. The doctor is clearly concerned about the fever,

significance that he’s missing.

but the doctor knows the fever isn’t the issue.

He may walk over and deliberately push his little Sure, they could try to give you medicine to bring your

brother to the ground or slam a door so hard it causes

temperature down and make you drink a cold drink or sit

your favorite family portrait to come crashing down,

in a walk-in freezer to bring your fever down. But you and

all because he knows these behaviors will get your

I both know the fever isn’t the issue! It’s a symptom of an

attention.

DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 29

[ PARENTING ] Simply put, when his needs aren’t met in proactive and

putting an end to the behavior early on. So how can you

positive ways, he may settle for getting them met by

do that?

any means necessary–even if that requires him to use negative behaviors to get your attention or exert his

KNOW your child!

power.

From their favorite food to the number of freckles on And that’s why aggression is not the problem in itself.

their cheeks, you know your child better than anyone

Instead, it’s a sign that your child might be seeking to

else in the world. Why not take that knowledge and use

achieve an unmet need.

it to help them be successful in potentially challenging situations?

And as difficult as it may be to deal with in the moment, I have wonderful news. Unmet needs can always be met!

For instance, if you know your child struggles with aggression, it’s up to you to remain vigilant in your

We’ll talk more on that later…

supervision. Watch carefully during their playdates and be keenly aware of what’s going on.

SKILL DEFICIT Should you sense things heading south–change it up!

On the flip side, aggression may be the outcome when

Interrupt the play and change the scenery–BEFORE the

children lack the appropriate skills to resolve conflict.

eruption.

This is not misbehavior. They simply don’t yet know how to handle their strong feelings and emotions or

Also, understand that with kids, not everything is visible

communicate them effectively.

on the surface. There may be additional underlying issues affecting their aggression.

Parents, this is a wonderful training opportunity!

Is your child hungry? Embarrassed? Sleep-deprived, Now is the time to really put in the effort and teach your

maybe?

child how to handle and calm her big emotions. Once she has the skills to manage those big feelings, you’ll find

Once you get a better understanding of what may be

her tendency to lash out when conflict arises decrease

driving the aggression, then you can put forth the work

significantly.

in helping them overcome those tendencies.

That said, here are 5 strategies you can use TODAY to

Helpful Hint: One thing parents often overlook when

help curb child aggression in your own home.

it comes to their child’s aggression is the importance of sleep. In addition to the following 5 strategies, be

5 STRATEGIES TO CURB CHILD AGGRESSION

sure your child is getting sufficient sleep–rich in both quality AND quantity. And if bedtime is an issue, Positive

Strategy #1: KNOW Your Child

Parenting Solutions Members can check out our Ultimate

When it comes to emotional and behavioral

Survival Guide: Curing the Bedtime Blues.

development, at one point or another, all children experiment with some act of aggression. Just ask any

Strategy #2: Maintain Your Composure

parent who has ever stared helplessly as their child

Imagine…

kicked or hit another kid after having their favorite toy stolen.

Your oldest just sucker-punched his little brother in the gut when he refused to share the TV remote…right in

But just because experimenting with aggression is

front of your visiting in-laws. Naturally, you’re upset over

normal doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be proactive in

his behavior, but having an audience made it so much

30 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2020

[ PARENTING ] worse.

After all, there’s very little that can’t be solved when the right words align with the proper emotions.

You’re angry, embarrassed, and, now, finding it very hard to keep your cool. But as difficult as it may be to remain

Notice that we’re not punishing, or even assigning

level headed, I promise you, now is not the time to lose

consequences, to the actual aggressive act. Many

control.

parents are surprised by this–understandably thinking, “Wait, my child doesn’t even get in trouble for hitting?”

Here are a few things you definitely DON’T want to do when your child’s aggression is on the rise.

Sure, your child may need some quiet time away from the action to calm his emotions, and afterward, might

DON’T make a scene. Adding anger, frustration, and

need to make amends. But the truth is, you’ll get much

hostility to an already heated environment will only raise

farther by focusing on solutions first, and decoding the

the chances of another harmful encounter, and it will

root causes of the aggression second, than by putting

make it harder for your child to regain his composure.

harsh penalties on your child.

DON’T spank, slap, or otherwise punish–no matter how upset you are–as it only models the behavior you’re

Strategy #3: Teach Them Conflict Resolution

trying to avoid.

Conflict costs!

DON’T force an insincere apology. I know this goes against every parent’s first instinct, but when you force a

Just ask any company–large or small–that invests a

child to apologize before he actually feels any remorse,

portion of its profits into conflict management. It costs

it doesn’t actually do any good. Instead, wait until he

money. It costs relationships.

calms down and explain how his actions made the other person feel.

And for families, it can cost even more…

DON’T take sides. Even if you saw the whole thing go down, it’s best to remain neutral. By assigning victim and

This is why it’s so important to combat aggressive

aggressor roles in the aftermath of a fight, you increase

behavior with learning opportunities. Teaching your child

the likelihood of a repeat performance.

how to resolve conflicts gives them plenty of positive alternatives to aggression.

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review Step 5 Lesson 43 “Put ‘Em All in the Same Boat” for insight

Start by helping them recognize and label their big

on how to encourage problem-solving and end any

emotions. Then follow up with how to control and calm

argument.

them. Perhaps you sing Elmo’s Belly Breathing song with your toddler or take a walk with your older child.

With so much to consider NOT doing, you may be wondering, What is it that I CAN do, Amy?

Then practice, practice, practice!

My answer is simple: Take a deep breath, calm yourself

For younger kids, you can role-play using stuffed animals

(and your child!), and talk it out.

or action figures to talk about feelings. “Watch how Mr. Puppy can ask for a turn on the slide from Stripey the

By controlling your own reaction to the situation, you

Tiger instead of pushing him out of the way.”

can quickly navigate your aggressive child into a much calmer mindset.

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review Step 5, Lesson 44 for conflict resolution for kids ages 1-4.

Take the opportunity to control the environment by stepping aside–away from the judgment of others–and

Try talking through various scenarios with your older

talk through the issue at hand.

kids and discuss different strategies they can use when DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 31

[ PARENTING ] conflict arises. That may be “I Feel” statements, problem-

You can try inviting them to meditate or practice some

solving, or simply knowing when to walk away.

deep breathing exercises. If your kids are young, make sure to explain what you’re doing in terms they will

When you take time for conflict resolution training–and

understand.

do it consistently–the change you’ll see is nothing short of spectacular. You’re gifting your child a skill that will

“Mommy is breathing to calm her big feelings. Want to

benefit them now AND when they’re grown and flown.

join me? Let’s pretend to smell a beautiful flower, then blow out a birthday candle! Doesn’t that feel great?”

Strategy #4: Model Good Behavior Our children are watching us and paying close attention

There’s exceptional power that comes with the ability to

(even though it may not feel that way). So it makes sense

stay calm. And when you work on mastering your own

that the behavior we see in them is a direct reflection of

aggressive attitude, your child won’t be far behind.

the behavior they see in us as parents.

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review This is how children learn! They model the behavior

Lesson 13, “The Power of Calm,” in Step 2 for helpful tips

before them.

to help you remember to use your calm voice.

So how might you apply this knowledge to your child’s

Strategy #5: Give Plenty of Positive Power and Attention

aggression?

This may be a tough pill to swallow, but it must be said.

Parents have just as much to contribute to their child’s

Control your own aggressive attitude!

misbehavior as the child himself.

Again, we should never respond to a child’s aggression

Remember, earlier, when we talked about our children’s

with more aggression. When we choose to hit/spank/

Unmet Needs and how they can always be met?

slap your child as punishment for aggressive behavior, it

Well, here you have it! We now know that when those

sends a mixed message.

basic needs for belonging and significance go unmet, problems start to transpire.

Kids aren’t clueless to double standards–especially when they see them played out right before their eyes.

The only way to combat all of these negative emotions

They may wonder, Why can Dad do this but I can’t?

and behaviors is by pouring into those needs for positive power and attention. Here are three fantastic ways you

Additionally, being aggressive toward your child doesn’t

can do it!

put a damper on their own aggression. But it does increase the likelihood that they’ll lie in the future to

Tactic #1: Use Encouraging Phrases

avoid punishment.

Although this one may sound easy enough, the truth is many parents fall into a trap when it comes to

Of course, you’re human and staying calm can be just

encouraging their kids. They want to build their child up

as difficult for you as it is for your child. Perhaps work

and show their support, but what is supposed to sound

has been stressful, or the long days spent at home with

encouraging oftentimes comes out as shallow praise.

your kids have left you exasperated and desperate for a

You know how it goes. . .

retreat.

“I’m so proud of you!” or “You’re so smart!”

Whatever the case may be, in times of high anxiety and frustration, do your best to work on maintaining a calm

Of course, there’s no ill-intention when a parent says

demeanor. Then, go one step further and model it in

these things to their child–they do mean them after

front of your kids.

all! But praise may actually do more harm than good

32 ACTIVE FAMIL Y | DECEMBER 2020

[ PARENTING ] because it focuses on external motivation.

Solutions students refer to as Mind, Body, and Soul Time, and let me tell you–it works wonders!

This is the motivation that comes from anyone other than your child–whether it be praise, rewards, social

All you need is as little as 10-15 minutes, once or twice

media likes–whatever! Eventually, children who receive

a day, to spend one-on-one with your child doing

lots of praise end up needing–even craving–external

something they want to do. Simply ditch your own

affirmation.

distractions and get ready for some fun. Play a board game, try a new recipe, make a chalk art masterpiece–

Instead, try Encouragement.

the sky’s the limit!

Encouragement focuses on internal motivation. It doesn’t

Quality time is what’s important here. With Mind, Body,

matter that YOU think your child is smart. THEY need to know they can work hard and take specific actions to achieve the results they want. And so you encourage them…

“You worked so hard to receive that A. You must feel so proud!”

“Your sister really appreciated how patient you were today while you two were building the tower. I bet it felt good to be so kind!”

Encouragement helps foster good behavior because it’s personally rewarding. And when it comes to curbing aggressive attitudes, providing the right amount of encouragement–NOT praise–can make a world of difference.

For instance, when you see your child struggling to control her emotions, perhaps say, “I can tell you are working hard to stay calm.”

It can also help reinforce better choices. “I appreciate you not getting upset when your brother took your truck.

and Soul Time, you’ll give your child a heaping portion of what they need most: a sense of belonging and significance. In so doing, you’ll cut down on the negative behaviors they turn to in an effort to achieve these for themselves.

Tactic #3: Give Them Some Control You can cut back on child aggression by creating a Decision-Rich Environment in your household and handing off a little control.

As adults, we get agitated when things don’t go our way or according to our own timelines. And if it’s hard for us to lose control, just think how tough it must be for our little ones.

If your child is wrestling with aggression, consider her worldview. What areas of life does she have some–if any–control over? Then, consider where you can loosen the reins a bit.

Maybe that’s letting her choose which shoes she wants to wear each morning or what music you listen to on the car ride to school. Throughout the day, make sure you are giving her plenty of opportunities to exercise some

That must feel so good!”

(age-appropriate) control.

It may be hard to get into the habit, but give it some

Not only will this tell her, I trust you to do this!, but you’re

time. I promise, the more encouraging phrases you use

going to be giving her a huge boost of positive power.

with your child, the more naturally they will come.

Over time, you’ll find those aggressive outbursts starting to dwindle.

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members can check out Step 2 for a great list of ideas on how to help kids feel

Now doesn’t that sound nice?

more capable and significant.

Pro Tip: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, review Tactic #2: Daily Mind, Body, and Soul Time

Step 3 for more ways to hand off control and create a

There’s a power-packed tool our Positive Parenting

Decision-Rich Environment.

DECEMBER 2020 | ACTIVE FAMIL Y 33

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